Withholding Sex Because of Weight Gain
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- čas přidán 6. 09. 2024
- In this episode of #HowMarriedAreYou, we share an #Instagram post that has been circling around the internet about a #husband who's withholding #sex because his wife gained #weight. #weightgain #marriage #fitness #health
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I with glen im okay with braids and twist. But i prefer my woman to wear her natural hair. I love our women in their natural state despite what society says or standards 💯
Ultimately, she isn't working to lose weight because she does not want to. She does not desire weight-loss enough for it to actually happen. He can try all he wants, but the impetus has to be in her. As a husband, he should "love your wife as Christ loves the church" (Eph 5:25) he ought to care enough for her heart and well-being enough to stop looking at the symptom (her weight gain) and not actually treating the heart issue. And the fact that all he's doing is looking at the outside, not caring about her health (emotional, spiritual, or physical), selfishly desiring sexual titillation ONLY, and sending message after message that says "you're not good enough for me anymore" , shows that his heart is only for himself. He's not stewarding her heart or her body well through these interactions.
I also wonder how much this man weighs. If he's not a perfectly proportioned GQ model 5 years into a marriage, then he's got a lot of exercising to do.
And the whole idea of men "not being able to control what they're attracted to" is not completely true. We are all conditioned from birth through media, social interactions, and parental guidance to find certain things attractive. If you look at beauty trends all over the world, our ideas of beauty are not innate (except for facial symmetry). They are learned. We've all been brainwashed to some extent there, but if someone really wants to change their views, and cultivate their tastes, then they can. It takes hard work for a man who once saw "light skinned, big booty, 36DD bra size, and 120 lbs" as the epitome of beauty to see the beauty in every woman, but it is possible. You have to look at the whole person, not just the packaging.
I desperately desire to see what this man looks like... That will be telling
There is zero beauty in a 200+ lb woman
If something like that makes you want to cheat, you're just a cheater and don't need to be married. If every woman wanted to cheat or divorce her balding, pot bellied, shrinking testicles husband, nobody would be married! Yes, he has a point and it's right on the top of his head!
He needs to have a candid and clear conversation with his wife and not just drop hints. And they should work together to unoack whats happening and he should respectfully and lovingly support her in her journey. I know my bf has gained weight and I mention it clearly but always highlight that it does not change my love and attraction for him.
I partially agree with the guy point of view. Men can have self control however it is up to both parties to put 100 percent into the relationship. If both aren’t contributing it can fell.
I had to get off of the pill during our first year of marriage because I started gaining weight and I've always struggled with weight. I just had my third kid 3 months ago and I've joined my boot camp class again because I am determined to get in shape! My hubby always says he loves me no matter what my weight is and that's great but I don't love myself because of my weight. It definitely has to click in her head to change, but I think her husband just needs to back off a little. Y'all pinpointed his selfishness and I hope he listened and took it to heart!
My husband is very visuall so I think we should try very hard for our spouse. But I want to be comfortable. This sounds like that Madea a movie with Jill Scott... 🤣😂
I wonder what the comments would be if the situation is reverse.
Gaining weight is controllable. Losing limbs in an accident is not. There wasn't an indication that the weight gain was from a health condition, from a car accident, from anything uncontrollable. There's also no indication he's emotionally abusive to her because she gained weight. Gaining weight does change your sexual appetite in the same way diabetes can impact a man's ability to become erect. It's understandable that it changes your partners desires. I don't fault the guy. Im not condoning cheating or divorce because of weight gain. Cheating is a selfish choice. Period. But I can understand losing attraction or a sexual libido over weight gain. It's a hard conversation to have but you should have the type of relationship where your partner can say those things in love and you'd want to better yourself for you and them.
Overeating is also a choice too that they don’t seem to understand. But yet only the men was being labeled selfish
More than likely he is reaching out because he is thinking of divorce. And regardless of his intentions once sex goes out of the marriage, there will be cheating and then divorce is next. I think he is already at his breaking point.
He should divorce her and find a woman he can love unconditionally and allow her to find a man who loves her unconditionally.
20:07 LMFAO the tension in the air lmfao y’all are so funny lmfaooooooooooooo
the "hey babe" banter at about 14 mins is too funny
Funny how he said men can control themselves. Then he says he can't control not being attracted to women with weaves. Which proves the writers point. I know this is late.
I really feel for the man that wrote that email. Cause I feel that everyone is looking at it from his wife's point of view but what about his? I mean this is a man who is trying his best to arrest the situation, a situation which is resulting in him not able to perform sexually and consequently his wife feeling the absence of her marital benefit. I feel such issues really need to be looked at from all angles cause it is from situations such as this where a mans concerns are basically rubbished that men end up feeling like they will never be heard or understood in this world
Yvette, you're beating around the bush. Hey Babe, let's work out together? No. Weight loss needs to be a whole strategy, something that needs to be planned and executed. Making lil suggestions here and there isn't going to work. Like Glen was trying to say, with these little strategies, you risk getting lots of no's and annoyance at your persistence. If I'm in a relationship and I can't sit you down to say that you're overweight and we need to do something about it for the sake of your health, your looks, and our sex life, then we don't have the relationship I want us to have.
💯
All Beleaf’s “How married are you”’s are food related
I’m actually going through this now. The weight is a big issue. A complete turn off and it’s difficult to perform. I’ve tried to implement a diet and activities for the both of us but nothing.
I feel sorry for this guy. He may be saying some of what he said poorly (and yes, he needs to adjust that) but based on what he wrote, he seems desperate to fix the situation. He didn't say he's withholding sex from his wife - he said he doesn't find how she looks attractive, which may be as serious as him not being able to have a erection to allow for them to actually have sex. He is trying to help his wife in various ways and has reached out for further advice, that's all. He may need to communicate better/differently to get the desired result but I don't think him wanting her to lose weight is wrong. I do think it important for spouses to care for their bodies and maintain them for the sake of maximising the enjoyment of one another. I also think that even before people get married, they have to learn and be committed to hearing that changes are needed so that when they hear it in marriage, they don't end up being bitter/angry/oversensitive about it.
U haven't seen good wigs my friend!... and I'm going to leave it right there
Loving the podcasts😉
60 lbs. changes the way you look...truth!
But it doesn’t change her heart soul and personality. He is shallow. There is no way a man can expect a woman to maintain the same weight her entire life especially when she goes through childbirth and menopause
6 months later... you're in your new house! 💕 + 1 👶🏿💕 2020, year for the nanny? 😁
-🇿🇦
Here's the thing that pisses me off when men say something about women's weight... ok as most men age either their head continue to grow or they lose their hair. When we meet them they have a head full of healthy hair and then they become bald. Well I can lose the weight whereas you can't grow anymore hair and just because you grow a mustache and beard... that ain't the same. Suppose I'm not attracted to a bald headed tootsies roll looking pop!?!? Or suppose as you age there's a physical disability with let's say your back... am I suppose to fall out of love just because!?!? What about your marriage vows... through thickness and in thin. Man get over it, as women mature so do our bodies... and sometimes that involves weight. 🤦🏾♀️
Let a man have a couple babies and then go through menopause. It’s ridiculous that they expect a woman to maintain her same weight her entire life. These type of men are only attracted to physical Ness and are very shallow
What was the name of that married couple show?
I understand partially but is he helping her get the weight off? Is he exercising with her? Is he cooking nutritional meals for her? Is he being lazy and not helping around the house? Is he getting to the root, like grief or depression or being overwhelmed with the home? So many men dont help with managing the home, THEIR home too, and do not understand a womans cycle and hormones especially with kids. He needs to be damn sure he aint part of the reason she gained weight by letting her become a live in house slave and he just sitting on the couch or out the house all day. And he better look like a model himself. And he honestly sounds selfish and shallow. I bet alot of money he is contributing to her neglect. Neglect from the husband is the #1 reason today women are getting divorced according to divorce attorneys.
But if he is trying to help her and she is just being complacent then its also on her. A lot of men and women do not take seriously the importance of taking care of your appearance and your temple for marriage and physical and spiritual health and sweep it under the rug for other excuses and refuse self discipline. Marriage frumpiness is not a good excuse.
I absolutely agree that a man should withhold sex, affection and all for.s of attention and love if a wife becomes overweight. When my wife started seriously slacking after our second child, she started eating garbage junk food, and not working out, she claimed because she was breast feeding that she needed to eat more. She qas a nice slim 130 pounds when we got married and got up to 18p at her heaviest. You're damn right I told her right to her face I would not ha e sex with her until she got back to 130, actually 125 pounds
He is selfish and corny for wanting his wife to lose some of the sixty pounds she has gained? Men definitely can’t win, plus this brother compares her weight gain to losing her legs in a car accident?! Come on bruh??? Not exercising and over eating does not compare to being in a horrific car accident. However with all that being said, she is your wife and you need to find a way to figure it out. Keep trying your best and please don’t give up on her if you can help it.
I can see his problem. I dont blame the husband. She is fat now and has let herself go. He is no longer attracted to her.
Come on now, inside beauty does not stimulate sexually.
He is shallow and is only attracted to her looks
Oh yes it can
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