Do Lesbians Model Their Relationships After Heterosexual Couples? (Ep. 02)
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- čas přidán 28. 03. 2024
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Thanks for exchanging energy with us!
#podcast - Zábava
Thanks for the energy exchange! You guys are amazing!
Do one on masc presenting women messing with married women
Being a feminine woman, I want a masculine woman to balance out my feminine energy. When we look at it from a male/female perspective that’s how the limitations come in. It’s all about energy and balance. I think the younger generation is breaking down all of those “stereotypical” expectations in relationships. I gotta have that MASCULINE ENERGY… all caps lol.
What if you find a fem that’s masculine? Would that work for you as well.
Great question @@Unbound_Soul7
I will say this as far as the “roles” with lesbian relationships, you gotta have that talk. I know my ex came out straightforward. She was masculine presenting and told me that she like doing “girly things” me I was cool with it. I liked taking control as a feminine presenting and woman.. It was fun and easy going. If you are masculine stop being so scared to say what tf you want!!! It’s bisexual women or feminine women who will support you in that. Because it’s unfair to not let you be feminine or experience your feminine side. You want ya nails done… let’s go. You want me to take control, give me that eye, you want to take a break and be taken care of where you don’t have the world on your shoulders, let do it! But YALL GOTTA SAY IT! We dont read minds❤️💜❤️💜
I agree with this. I love this.
And we do! If a masculine woman its comfortable showing that feminine side you are IN THERE.
Love!
I LOVE masc presenting women with soft energy and voices. Masc presenting/soft energy/voice opened me up to my sexuality.
in order to get away from it, you simply have to NOT care.
I agree!!
Agreed!
💯
We live in a patriarchal society. There should be no roles in relationships. People are scared to be themselves and stop living off of what society expects us to act like or be. That goes for straight, gay, or lesbian.
This conversation was so needed. Let's do away with this "heteronormative" construct. It doesn't serve the lesbian community.
Agreed!
We break that cycle by deciding for ourselves what works and what doesn’t and become the representatives we didn’t have b4
Agreed!
I tend to steer clear of energies that are on the "hyper" end of expression. I have found that that this lack of balance results in people relating from their own energetic imbalances. For example, the hyper feminine that chooses not to integrate her own masculine energy will seek it externally in a distorted manner. Similar, with the hyper masculine. As someone who is a feminine presenting lesbian with balanced masculine and feminine expression, this imbalance in others does not work for me. In my experience, the hyper feminine will want me to take on the "male" role...which I am not going to do because I am not a man. Likewise, the hypermasculine will feel threatened by my own integrated masculine energy which has resulted in the masculine-identified women I have partnered with being threatened and at times upset that I refuse to be a "damsel in distress" This is quite a shame as masculine identified women are my preference. Sorry...but I'm not a princess that needs saving...I'm a whole, energetically integrated woman. Balance is key.
That’s understandable!
knuck if you buck!!!! lmaoooo
😂😂
Wheew this topic. I think that some of us subconsciously try to mimic heterosexual relationships. Like there has to be a masculine and feminine physical appearance. I guess that makes us feel like it's more acceptable and real if it's like that but the thing is we're both women. I also feel like us black lesbians do this a lot more. That also makes me feel like I'm kind of forced to date outside my race because of this. I was just discussing this with a friend of mine 🧡. Exactly, that's why I have a hard time dating masc lesbian women because a lot of them act so hard, that's a turn off for me. I like you becuase underneath everything you're a woman😍. * As a lesbian feminine woman , who don't like men, we don't want to deal with masc lesbians who act like men*. This🧡
Damn 🤔
I don't like being boxed-in in any way, even with my friends (male and female). How I interact with people is based off of their energy and that's how I feel we should be interacting as humanity. No labels.
That intense love is the love that hurts the most. Im a leo so i understand it and want it.
definitely agree, if it's not intense love.. deep love -I don't want it.
Nothing is wrong with having masculine/feminine dynamic energies in our relationship. The problem exists when we take on the toxic characteristics of those categories. In terms of rising above it, that kicks in when we can lead with humility, cooperation, healthy communication, and understanding.
I like this format of the podcast much better. We mimic what we know or the images we grew up with. It would take an extrodinary person to not mimic the heterosexual roles they've been accustom to seeing all their lives. There's nothing wrong with gender roles so long as you communicate with your partner & make your expectations clear very early in the relationship.
We appreciate you tuning in!
As lesbians we have the best of all worlds. With the right partner we,at times, give a little more energy to how we feel in the moment. Depending on your partner as well. Sometimes a little more feminine or masculine. You need to really know your partner. Be good at communicating. Learning to get out of your mind and enjoy the experience.
I agree! We definitely subconsciously mimic heterosexual relationships
As a masculine presenting woman who is also feminine or soft stud as we call it, I feel like we do take the roles of heterosexual relationships. There’s fems out here that treat masc women like a man and masc women who want to be treated like a man. Honestly you just have to communicate to your partner on your boundaries.
I feel like some studs take their role a bit too seriously to the point where they are actively sexist against women. Personally I dont care how a person presents but if you're toxic, thats a no.
I would love to hear y'all opinion on S4S relationships because there's a hate for us in the community and it comes from patriarchal beliefs. To be accused of being two gay men together and that it's nasty is crazy to me. Me and my boo are two women, we are not males. We just dress in male clothing and we get hated by the black lesbian community the most.
10:42 yasssssss
For me, it’s existing. I do what I feel good about, and what I’m confident in, so sometimes I want to polish my nails, other times, I couldn’t bring myself to do so, sometimes I wear booty shorts and a tank top when it’s hot, and other times I don’t care what the temperature is, I will not wear shorts unless they’re basketball shorts, I say the best policy is do what feels good to you as long as no harm comes to another! If we’re women that like women, we have to attract and entertain who we like/love and simply, EXIST. The second we give in to “norms” we sell ourselves short. We have to be open to be perceived by others, but nurture the opinions of where it counts, the ppl we are paired with. Honest convos about what we want and walking in that attracts the partners that are aligned with that.
I really enjoyed this conversation, and i agree that i wish we could elevate this social construct because, truthfully, that's all that it is. I just want to do my best to allow someone to express to me who they are without them feeling like they gotta do certain things. However, i would love it if my partner could do car shit cause i dislike it, frfr lol.
It’s a deep interesting conversation. I don’t see myself as a lesbian i feel masculine energy its the olny thing i want ! There is some woman who got this naturally more than a réal man !
The thing is most men that we know of is not in tune with their feminine side so they act too masculine (Don’t show no soft side) . And that’s when some fems think we supposed to act like that too. I’m in tune with my masculine and feminine side. But I’m masculine presenting because that’s just who I am. I am that I am. 💯🥰💕🦋
“I am that I am” ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Nice conversation ❤
I’m still learning and discovering myself. In my first relationship with a women and trying to figure this very topic out. I guess I’m trying to find the balance between masc and fem energy
I enjoyed this! It was a pretty comprehensive, layered convo. I don’t think I’ve ever been a fan of labels, because it feels limiting to me. But I do understand the importance of clarity around “roles” or expectations within a relationship. Talking about these topics will always keep the evolution going. Thanks so much for this!👍🏾🙏🏾
Glad you enjoyed it! We appreciate you watching!
Topic: finding your swag/style and confidence
This would be a good discussion 💪🏾 We will put it on the list. Thanks
Yesss always been a gentle gangsta 🥰 I completely understand what you meant by operating in this world without being of it. Alot of us have been so conditioned to routine so breaking the mold involves alot of intentional self awareness! I think the community really needs more conversations like this. I would only recommend this lifestyle for those with alot of mental fortitude, it’ll really push you beyond your limits and make you grow 💯💯 Thank you both for sharing your perspective & insights 🫶🏽 ✨😂
We appreciate you tuning in!
It's been my experience that we should be who we are. As opposed to how we present. As part of a couple we will fall into what our partner needs us to be at any given time. Sometimes feminine and sometimes more masculine. I'm not sure if I'm making sense but I hope you are getting what I am trying to say. That's the great thing about being a lesbian. Despite presentation we can fulfill the needs and wants of our partner at any given time.
A documentary styled movie with your commentary on the times and significant moments, changes in society, with your pics and videos from y’all’s upbringing, also talking about the evolution of lesbianism throughout the decades, almost like a Netflix vibe is what I’m seeing just off of that outro! I got Art eyes so hear me out now ! 😂 it wouldn’t be too far off from what y’all do now, but a documentary style with people talking in an interview fashion regarding the fashion, the culture, pop culture references, the music, the city history moments that shaped y’all as souls, women, black women, as lesbians…the intersectionality of it all, it could be shown in gender studies , women’s studies, on a university level type sh.t . I’m just saying! I’m shaking so I KNOW I’m channeling 😂❤ you could have interviews from older lesbians, with lesbians in different professions. It’s the way y’all put your photos in videos in that outro it’s GIVING “The L in LGBTQ+ Our Life Stories”. You can feature lesbian music, art, all that!
Nelcia is hilarious 😂 the fact that she can keep a straight face.
Good points from the both of ya'll.
Thanks for tuning in!
lol you get my humor 😩😂😂 Thanks for tuning in 💪🏾😊
@cohostofTheShellaspherePodcast yes, definitely. My girlfriend and I talk about it all the time. In a good way, though 😌
It was cool seeing ya’ll talk about how female relationships are evolving to a perspective where the masculine & feminine energies are being balanced. In my experience it’s been difficult when others are in their heads and putting you in a box. I prefer to be accepted for who I am, not for what I’m wearing.
Suggestion for your label 🏷️:
Alpha energy
Alpha presenting
I agree thought I don’t think that the word « masculinity » should particularly be associated with men.
This was so good. Great topic!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Man this is great conversation.
Thanks for tuning in!
I get the apprehension to begin with we had to model ourselves off of the hetero norm because that’s the only representation that we had but now with people like the two of you the representation is more then just typical man and typical woman. The great thing about being in a dame sex relationship is it’s already unconventional we can decide for ourselves what works and what doesn’t
Princilla the Queen maker would be a great guest for the show!
This is a dope conversation y’all having! I’m learning a lot
More to come! Thanks for tuning in!
Must watch to the end, as the last 10 minutes summed it up beautifully! Glad to see you all back at it. 🙏🏽
Glad you enjoyed it!
19:24 bruh dats a meme PLEASE CLIP DAT LIL PIECE AND MAKE IT PUBLIC DOMAIN BY PUTTING IT ON ONE OF THOSE GIF SITES…I NEED IT…WE THE PEOPLE NEED IT
I’m 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀
😂😂😂
This was a great episode I found myself saying yesterday like damn I can’t believe I’m still single… but I’m with you on this our love is intense and I felt y’all on a lot of this. Keep at it shellas!! Greats space for us💙
Thanks for tuning in!
I'm SO glad to see y'all back. Great topic and conversation.
Thanks for tuning in!
@@TheShellaSpherePodcast Any time.
Yall are great!
Thank you ☺️
I love the podcast and the topic. I'm subscribing, so I won't miss anymore..😂😂
lol we appreciate that!
Yall are magic together ‼️ Love the vibe ✨️
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Dope!! Thank you!
😂BTBE (Buy The Bacon Energy)! Shidd... I'll buy the bacon baby if you cook it! And I'll appreciate you too! Not required, but much appreciated! Naw seriously It's crazy where the term " Stud" actually came from... crazy... we been here from jump!
Good episode shellas! 🥰 I don’t think there is need for labels at all especially if you are trying to get away from another “label” like “stud” I don’t think there is any need for “MPDUB” 😅 it is kinda long! 😂 Can we just be women with different personalities and pulls in different energy directions? I think we just have to be more comfortable having those conversations, being ourselves, and showing up how we are. I feel like that’s enough. Let’s just BE.
We agree! The labels are only used to help identify what we are experiencing on this physical plane while we are here.
The last part for me love it women have a powerful connection ❤❤thanks for sharing 😊
Glad you enjoyed it
Thanks for tuning in!
@@NelciaofTheShellaspherePodcast yo so welcome
that and i always find myself listening to content motivating men and it feels like setting myself for failure because of the hormonal and scientific differences when i KNOW it’s some of the only content i can relate to . i would love to see yall bring a fem perspective on here
Tune in next Friday! We got you!
We are our own entities. I don’t take on or identify as a man and I am happy to be a woman. I carry masculine energy in various ways just as I am feminine. I have no time to pretend or emulate- I just am. Dressing and acting “like a man” shouldn’t be a pick- we just be and embrace who we are. We need to step out of these boxes society attempts to put us in. I am myself I am nurturing and a protector and so much more. The moment I embraced who I was to the core my ENERGY just was what it was.
They are having different conversations. I feel ppl are fem cause they saw fem and connected to fem aesthetic (the look). Ppl are masc cause they seen men presenting masc. connected to the certain aesthetics of a man (the look). The Blk community absolutely models after the heteronormative world. In the blk community, two studs are seen as a taboo. But in non black lgbtq community you more likely see two masculine women and not know what role each person plays.
The answer is yes, absolutely. I've been watching Pricnella Clark and she shows how patriarchy has had an extremely negative effect on the world. Due to a lot of these beliefs all women and men feel like toxic masculinity is a good thing. Us lesbians forget we are women and we are dealing in relationships with other women. Heterosexual relationships are in the dumps with Heterosexual men not appreciating or loving women and a lot of lesbians are thinking it's okay to be the same way. We need to unlearn what patriarchy has taught us.
We appreciate this insight!
Great topic but i dont belive we should have labels but i agree with yall some of us resemble hedrosexual couples i love you guys & hope you both have a great easter holiday ❤
Happy Easter! Thanks for tuning in!
I prefer the rerm fluid now. We can operate in both energies.
Sometimes I wish we were all blind or living as grey blobs so we could just be more authentic. We put too much emphasis on the outside/phsyical/presence. Couple years ago I was even talking in a deeper voice because apparently my natural voice is too girly. Like be for real, I’m a girl 🙄. Or my face too soft looking 🤦🏽♂️. It got exhausting, it’s like I have to wear multiple mask. And let’s be for real, some of these damaged women want a man so badly that they’ll want studs to play that role.
I appreciate yal
We appreciate you!! 🙏🏾💪🏾
We appreciate you!
I completely agree with this discussion. I always tell my gf that as masculine as she might be to the public, please bring home the soft side.
🎯: Y’all hit that on the nose at 31:40-32:50
When you try to “break” NATURAL LAW, you suffer.
For me personally, I am not traditional or into traditional roles in a relationship. I am unboxed in a lot of ways. For example when yall mentioned masculine presenting women as a new word for "stud" you lost me. Because that is an outer body description in my mind that means she wears men clothing. But it doesn't represent her energy that she brings to the table because I know women that are very feminine that wear mens clothing and they just don't fit into the box. For me I can wear mens clothing all day but with how my body is set up no man has ever accused me of trying to be a man or take his role. I also can show up very aggressive depending on the situation but on a soul level the majority of my energy is feminine. I think to have a better dialogue across the board we have to define what is feminine energy and masculine energy is on a soul level. I can honestly say I have never been in a heteronormative relationship in my life. I had someone try to force that on me before a couple times but it didn't work out. Instead I have common decency expectations and high standards and boundaries, not role requirements.
Get out of the label mind frame and be you.. why do you need to be labeled.. ??
true
That’s the real question huh?
I am going to offer a perspective that I hope doesn't offend anyone as to why some don't mind the labels or may even desire them. Ironically, I am going to use labels to start off. I am a feminine black lesbian in my 40s. I came of age in the 90s/2000s. Very different time when compared to now. I was explaining to my younger cousins (twenty-somethings) that the labels that they reject are the ones that protected me. Even today, they still protect me. As someone who travels extensively, I live in the reality that not every place is for me...and I do consider those labels when I travel. Those labels also afforded me the opportunity to meet people like me because things weren't so "free" back then. Similarly, when I speak to LGBT elders, those labels allowed them to find camaraderie at a time when there was none in the mainstream. Times have definitely changed where energetically people are able to be themselves as society has made space for such. However, I do think it is important to remember there was a time when this was not the case. Ironically, I am also finding that the very people who say "release the labels" are the ones who will turn around and offer "fiftyeleven" labels in the spirit of "inclusivity" that I have never heard of in all my gay life! 🤣😂 In some ways, it is a paradox. Just some food for thought.
Your BIOLOGY & EXPERIENCE help shape your choices later on. The NATURAL WORLD is Male/Female.
The “NATURAL” world seems to still be suffering. It’s way deeper than male/female, apparently, but go off.
Two tops is equivalent to two touch me not. I really don’t understand why people have to label everything and everyone. It’s just two people who are attracted or love each other trying to make it work. I’m a touch me not and my ex was a stud. We tried, but 21:17 she always felt she was with a stud and was always bothered by the look of things. That’s what causes a problem. Trying to be heterosexual in a homosexual relationship. Not all lesbians feel this way, but have met plenty who do; both feminine and masculine lesbians.
Deep waters are very very true. The lesbian dynamic has to be a conscious choice ... once play dates turn into synchonized swimming sessions 😂😂😂 its a wrap 🫡.
That’s why I start leaning more towards white girls. It’s just easier and less bullshit with all the labels and pretense.
❤❤❤❤❤
❤
How do we break the norm? Gender expression. Put it like this, we're in 3d so we would express our flow via the physical. Mind you, the expression is for the general population who aren't fluent in the language of energy and how it can fluctuate, based on comfortability within environmental factors. Whether one is still in survival mode, hasn't explored their own gender expression (spectrum/scale ime law of Gender such that of Feminine to Masculine) in depth beyond what's been displayed. Heteronormative isn't the standard anymore but since the beginning of OUR time, it has been. Long story short, how do we shift it? We Pioneer Shellas. It starts as a thought, idea or concept right? That's the Feminine/subconscious/darkness, and once it's decided that the energy is free to come to life in whatever way it chooses to look, we birth it into being 3D/Consciousness/Masculine.
All in all, as children we model our behavior based on observation. Be it negative or positive outcomes, we modeled until life teaches us otherwise that hey, you're in a Karmic loop. And quite frankly, some of our forefathers probably didn't care for taking out the trash either but because it wasn't accepted they succumb to the pressure to perform Gender roles as well.
Long story short, we're only as free as we do/don't express ourselves. And if we don't feel safe to explore our fluidity be it solo or Partnered, then we don't really have space to complain about representation. Cliche as it sounds, we legit gotta BE the change. We're in the incubation stage right now. Something's gonna be birthed big & beautiful in the near future. For now, just let it cook. Plant the seed (masculine) and let the mind/womb nurture into fruition. You're attracting your people. Keep diving deep. You're almost there. Peace
My bad if I lost anyone lol I was listening and typing at the same time 😅
Absolutely LOVE this response!
The seed is planted! I love the explanation to breaking the norm. Thank you 🙏🏾
Did I miss an announcement or something?! What happened to A Space for Us? Ive been looking for videos and cant find them🥺🥺
Yes unfortunately you missed the announcement. Welcome to The Shellasphere 🙏🏾
Hopefully you choose to stick around!
I’m too big for these labels. Someone on the surface would say I am feminine, but I am both energies. When I’ve dated MascPresentingWomen or BDEs (did y’all actually agree on the name?😂) it can pose a problem or a surprise. I have had women tell me they did not like that it felt I was trying to dominate. I would like a relationship with someone who can just be. And communicate what that means for them. Someone who is willing to ebb and flow. That understands we don’t have to mimic the “hetero” norms in relationships. Anyone apart of the rainbow gang gang shouldn’t try. All I’m saying is Don’t put Baby in a corner.
This was a great convo.
We haven’t agreed on BDE yet 🤣. Thanks for tuning in and sharing your thoughts!
They just wasn’t ready (maturity) for you, love.
We need to keep the name as studs n stems, because the world just got used to those names. Studs stems need to go down as a new gender. We cant keep confusing people, because its making us seem confused. Stick to what we got and build an understanding of that under studs and stems. Define that shit fr.
Chicken head, you a female; there's no such thing as stud/stem:plant, lmfao
A " Stud " is a male dog that's used for breeding.
U shallas funny as shit😂I bet y'all are a whole vibe to hangout with lol anyways, my woman is masculin energy presenting woman. She is always treated as a kween because she is a gentlwoman I call her lol she's a female and I would never call her daddy or king. That stuff is weird. We 2 females and it's sad the people look at masculine energy presenting women as men but I also feel like masculine energy presenting women act like men and they need to stop doing that in our community. I luv when my woman's soft side come out, sexy as hell. Masculine energy presenting women, u do not always have to be tough and hard all the time. Enjoyed the laughs, thanks for the episode
Thank you for your support!! Gentlewomen is something we’ve always referred to ourselves as 😂
Does anyone think we present as masculine for protection...i thought i was doing this because i like feminine women but also i dont want to be hard or aggressive but feel i have to so i am not soft/weak or emotional.
That’s a great question! We can only speak ourselves and we’ll do so in another episode.
We both women the garbage can ain't gone say it'll take itself out just bc we got nails long or short ijs 😂
Nelcia!! 🤣
😂😂 What did I do?? 😩🤦🏾♀️😂
I was about 7mins in and yall were basically saying the same thing 🤣
Gotcha
i wanna give a topic soooooo badddddd 🥴
Drop it on us
I know I’m late but what happened to a space for us ??
We can’t say if they’ll return or not, but if they choose to, we’ll be sure to announce it and share the link.
BDE 😂 big dileo's 💀😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The english language is way too limiting. The heart has its own language like Whales & Sonar right? Like, why would you even want to translate that into words? Lol You gotta feel to hear and articulate that shit. Thats why Artistry exists. Matter of fact, look at Gender Expression as artistry, or cosplaying the spectrum of Feminine to Masculine solo or partnered, the essence of the Feminine/Masculine can present based on the brush stroke/notes played by the artist -"Being a creative comment" aite let me finish watching 🤐
We are socialized in the male female dynamic and expectations and I think as a way to normalize lesbian relationships we emulated heterosexual relationships to be accepted in society as well as just emulating what we seen in our environments. Thankfully labels and heteronormative patriarchy are being torn down and we’re now in an era of multi-gender and unlimited sexual identities because of increasing acceptance. We have a long way to go but it’s amazing to see 🫶🏾
i was jus telling my girl how little to no content dives deep into the lesbian dynamic so this was good 🤌🏽
We appreciate you tuning in!