German parents are FEARLESS
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- čas přidán 9. 01. 2023
- Thank you for watching me, a humble American, react to 5 SIGNS YOU'RE RAISING YOUR KIDS IN GERMANY 🇩🇪
Original video: • 5 SIGNS YOU'RE RAISING...
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Teaching kids to decide if they want to give something to someone else is actually the only way it's making sense because otherwise they don't learn to share but just that everyone is allowed to use their stuff. If it's not voluntarily given, it's not sharing by definition.
Exacly! You also try to teach your kids to ask before taking the toys. You shouldn't just grab others stuff.
Well said.
Yeah, if both want to play with it, I ask the other kid to wait a little and tell my kid to hand it over once he's done. And this he does. He's sharing quite willingly, because I never forced him.
@@viomouse How is telling your kid to share after it’s done not forcing your kid?
This! I would not share my smartphone with some stranger why should share my kids if they don't want to
US in a nutshell: Violence and guns are okay... But nudity and swear words are EVIL!
So it would be legal there if I punched you in the stomach? Thank you that explains a lot :)
@@Nick_Feger its true
welcome to a family friendly evening of good old fashioned violence ;)
@@Nick_Feger it's not edgy if it's true.
@@Nick_Feger tell me you are Amarican without telling me you are Amarican:
As a German mother I'd like to add that we don't just let our kids roam the streets or walk high walls and just take the risk. We teach our children young how to be safe around cars, basic safety road rules and how to read a watch so they know when to be back. We let them start climbing young on playgrounds, always behind their back, and everytime we go somewhere new I asses whether or not I KNOW my child is capable and safe enough to be on its on on that wall or weather I might walk next to them, hold their hand or help them climb up, depending on the age and developmental state of my child. I try to give them time and space to figure themselves out but I'm always there to catch them in case. If they managed to do it safely on their own a handful of times and I see they are not wobbly anymore, I take a few steps back until eventually the next time I can sit on the bench and hear their proud little voice yelling look mommy, I made it all on my own 😍❤️🥰
All in all we don't just throw them in the cold water and hope for the best lol. We tach them to swim, to be safe in the pool or lake and when they can do it safely on their own, we watch from a safe close distance and be there immediately if our help is needed. Also I've made the experience that if anything happens and I'm not close enough, other parents will jump in, comfort my child until I've arrived. And frankly I do the same, if I see a child crying because it hurt a little, I go to comfort it and calm down until mom arrives, sometimes it's just a few seconds, sometimes I go help them find their mom (who's always been right there but little kids sometimes loos sight of their mom when there are so many people and feel a little lost) . Parents if it really counts, have each other's back.
Yes.
Also, we do watch our kids, but pretend not to. So that they feel even more adventurous, self-reliant. At least I did.
I did the same in the bus or subway... First I told my son that it is his turn to find our way home. He was holding my hand and was guiding me. (you can't imagine how often we got out of a bus in the middle of nowhere 😅)
Next step, without holding my hand... Then with more distance between us... And so on.
So his self confidence had time to grow and my fear had time to disappear.
The general direction of German parenting really boils down to "I´m here and let them know that I´m always here if they need help" and it doesn´t matter if the parents are holding their hands when they go do stuff or if its just the "Mum and Dad will always help me" Thought. My parents never really stopped me from doing something because they knew that I was old and intelligent enough to make my own decisions and if they didn´t work out then I´d know because I usually learned my lesson from that experience.
And still to this day I know that it doesn't matter what´s bothering me, my parents are in fact there for me if I need them. I´m 25 and I´m glad that they raised me like that. And when my cousin became a first time dad 2 years ago my family had the talk about how they raised us and they all said "let them do stuff, explore and learn" but they are always there watching and backing us up even if we think that they aren´t - they are, always - and thats great to have in the back of your mind if something is bothering you.
TL:DR My parents did something right even if I at the time didn´t even realise
@@funkejosh4850 Before I could even read a clock,(I was 6, close to 7) my mom bought me one, put it on my wrist and said: "Go whereever you want. there is a forest nearby, a few playgrounds in the area and a windmill. go and explore. But if the small hand of this clock is on number 6 and the large one on 12, you're home!"
And I did. had a marvelous day. didn't find the forest she was telling me of. prolly because you needed some more advanced knowledge of the area. also, I never went far away enough to become lost. I knew my limits and slowly extented them. This was before smartphones, in the 80's.
One day she even said: "come back before dusk." It was summer. I came back sandy and muddy. She didn't like that. But I found the forest. and the attached lake. So yeah.
@@winterlinde5395 Yes, age 3 to 5 my kid was really easily scared, so I had to become really good in pretending I am not worried at all even if he did something moderately dangerous. With him it was, if I only showed a little bit of worry, he would become scared and would stop what he was doing. That culminated in me teaching him to jump off the playground structure, something an American Parent probably would never do.
My parents always said “Es gibt kein schlechtes Wetter. Es gibt nur falsche Kleidung”
It means “There is no bad weather. There is only wrong clothes” 😂
I think every german parent as at one point said that 😂
Facts! 😄
Yep
In my case, grandpa said it.
No need to worry about the weather if you have the all mighty Allwetterjacke!
In Germany Kindergarten kids go outside to play every single day no matter what the weather is like, so kids need protecting gear in order to not get sick : rubber boots and rain suit in spring and fall, snow boots and snow suit in winter , house shoes all year long so they don't carry dirt inside the house but still keep their feet warm. Jacket or coat according to season.
One pair of shoes isn't much, Ryan ( I guess you are not a fashionista), but you probably don't go outside to play in the mud or snow, do you ?
About the "German stare" : Don't over estimate that. The "stare" is never judgemental, it's just a habit of looking at random people when you have nothing else to do ( e.g. at a bus stop or in a cafe) . When I catch myself staring I always realise I wasn't thinking anything, my eyes just stopped somewhere.
watching people is a hobby in every country, it's just that we germans don't look away when we get caught 😅
There has to be a hailstorm for kids to be kept inside. ;)
In my old home town in Germany (I moved to Cyprus some years ago) there are even 2 Forest-Kindergartens, basicly construction trailer in the forest and they do most things ourside in the nature, only with the city hall as fallback, if it's storming or stuff.
About the stare: as a german I never knew before watching these kinds if videos that the german stare was a thing. And I started paying attention to myself and others and it's true! I do "look" at other people a lot, but not because I have anything bad in mind. Actually if I find someone I have bad feelings about I actually DON'T look because I'm like "what if they catch me looking and think I am making fun of them", whereas at all other times I subconsciously look at people and don't even notice. So dear foreigners, me NOT looking at you might be a bad sign, not me looking at you lol
In my kindergarten there was a slide as emergency Exit so we did slid it down sometimes I moved away from there but I would love to even just see it for one more time
In regards of taking risks there are two German proverbs which I think describe it quiet well:
1. Kids who aren't allowed to take risks become adults without skills. ("Aus Kindern, die nichts dürfen, werden Erwachsene die nichts können.")
2. Nothing happens to small children and drunk people ("Kleinen Kindern und Besoffenen passiert nichts.")
Without taking a risk you will never fail and you will never learn - so, let them make their way ;)
No. one is absoluely true My Canadian nephew was driven by his parents everywhere until he got his driving licence. Nothing with riding his bike or something like that. Or taking the bus. I personally went to every fckn. corner of Vancouver on my brother's bike, by bus or on foot.
So when he finally got his driving licence and drove on his own for the first time, he got lost for 6 hours and couldn't find his way home in his own city!
German here, can confirm.
As a kid, we did the most dangerous stuff, fell multiple times, had branches from trees fall on our head, nothing ever happened. A little bruise here, scratch there, but nothing major.
I'm 28 now and last year i literally tripped and fell, tried to break the fall with my hand (because am stupid) and dislocated my elbow. Ripped apart every bit of soft tissue in there. Muscles, tendons, everything. Needed surgery obviously and I'm still on rehab because I fucked my elbow up that badly.
If i did any of the stuff i did as a child right now i would probably be in a wheelchair
@LisaGM , das gilt nur für Besoffene ODER Kinder, nicht für besoffene Kinder, da kann ein einzelner Schutzengel nichts mehr reißen.
Alcohol is poison, no one should ever drink that.
Both of those two proverbs sound very low IQ and the most ignorant stuff I ever read.
Not wearing a swimsuit or bikini, because you're pregnant? I don't get it.
I'm overweighted and usually I'm quite OK with it, but a bit insecure when wearing a bikini.
But when I was pregnant I had absolutely no problem with it. I carried my womb with pride. Nobody looked at me like "omg she is fat". Quite the opposite way... Most people smiled at me, the looks were friendly, not judging.
When I see overweight people in a gym, I appreciate them. It's harder for them, both physically and mentally. And they do exactly that to gain fitness and get out of the vicious circle. Big thumbs up!
@@alidemirbas6566 Maybe it's just me, but I think there are different kinds of starring.
When somebody says that your belly is gigantic it is OK, when you're pregnant... It's terrible, when you are not. 😅
One day I was sitting in the bus (2 weeks before my sons birth), 2 ladies opposite of me... My sons started kicking and rolling around and my belly was totally "out of control". The 2 ladies freaked out, as if they expected an incoming alien-birth. They screamed so loud, that the whole bus was starring at me. I didn't need a bikini to be embarrassed
(no not really... I had to laugh so hard, I nearly piss*d myself) 🤣🤣
@ Ali Demitbas I don't think those girls were thinking about their future ect, they were just curious. Pregnancy is a pretty amazing thing, especially for kids. The concept of another person growing in there is fascinating to children. At least that were always my experiences during my pregnancies.
Swimming is such a nice treat for the body. Let nobody tell you you can not do it because of your look! Never!
@alidemirbas6566 - even ne (mother/grandmother) have to „stare“ at a baby-belly - it‘s the most wonderful thing…. 😍
And breast-feeding is also normalized in germany. I often did in public 22 years ago and so does my daughter nowadays 😏🥰
I noticed that kids share their toys more voluntarily, if they are allowed to refuse the request. I think that they don't feel like something is taken away from them and sometimes they share without the other kid is asking. As long as they learn how to share, it is not a bad way of teaching them
I think even for us as society...
The perspective at kids changed!!!
Probably our parents (and grandparents) wanted children just to listen and to follow the elderly rules.
But me now as a mom (and other parents) see their kids as a thinking stand-alone person.
Therefore kids can make their own decisions (sharing their toys)
Yes, I didn't run a daycare, but I have three kids and would often babysit my nieces, nephews, neighbour child, friend's kids, so I got to see a variety.
The children who are forced to share start out pretty greedy/nervous over the toys they're playing with. But after a few times of me protecting the child with the toy (even as the grabber, but especially as the one who is in charge of deciding how long to play with the toy), they'd settle down and actually start playing instead of guarding all the time.
I'd just say, "right now A has the toy. B would like to play with it. B, right now A is playing with it. You can have it when A is finished. You can sit here and wait, or you can play with this toy while you're waiting. A, you keep playing, and when you're done with the toy, please bring it to B so that it can be Bs turn." And then I would make sure that it happened, either I'd remind A to bring it to B instead of just dropping it on the ground, or if A felt shy I'd do it while A watched. "A is done with this now and it's your turn."
Many times it turned into both of them playing together, but not always and that's okay!
@@er6730 Hehe, let them develop the distinction between sharing and taking away.
@@er6730 I think autonomy plays into it. Children have (mostly for good reason) very little autonomy and what they have can be stripped away by teachers, parents, other adults at any moment. But their toys are supposed to be really _theirs_ , so being forced to share that is .. a bit like being forced to hug somebody: it's a violation of autonomy.
I can easily believe that it makes children clingy towards their possessions; I'd be the same if I thought whatever I have could be 'shared' out to others, and in what state I get my possessions back is up in the air.
My cousin said he almost didn't have to buy children's clothes and children's shoes for his son. His co-workers brought him tons of their outgrown children.
Yes that's right,
A it's cheaper for you to get stuff
And b nothing gets thrown away
That also gets done here under famaly and friends all the time
@@driderv53 To be fair. For an immigrant it's really hard to participate in these cultural shortcuts without friends and family already established.
And yet it's not good for the development of childrens feet. Every person (even children) has his own unique footprint. Wearing second hand shoes can (!) not just be uncomfortable but also harming.
I'm not saying one should throw away shoes in (VERY) good condition, but you think twice before you let a kid wear some shoes which were worn by someone before (and thus imprinted by their foots).
Yup, thats a big thing as well, there are always people around who can pass on children's clothing, and you pass them along after your kid outgrows them.
And for shoes, for many the option is to buy second hand shoes or don't buy shoes and let the kid keep the ones they've outgrown.
So? Whats the problem?
Hi, I'm a German father with a 2 year old, it's still scary after two years when my son climbs up somewhere, but how will he learn if I don't let him try it?
If my son falls down now, I first look to see if he really hurt himself before I even react. I then ask him "did you hurt yourself?" and he answers at the moment then either "yes", then I immediately go and comfort him, but mostly he answers with "no" or "a little, but it's not bad".
Of course I don't want him to hurt himself, but this way he has learned a lot and very quickly. It's up to us parents to assess the risk and then let him do it or let him do it and stand by to catch him. My son should try as much as possible and my job is to protect him from serious injuries, but not from everything.
My father once said to my mother "Let him climb the tree, if he falls down and breaks his arm that's just the way it is". Don't misunderstand, my father was always my protector and would have done anything to protect me, but he knew that he can't protect me from everything and I have to make my own experiences.
And about the sharing his toys thing.... yes he decides and if he doesn't want to share it then so be it. I think that is a very important lesson that he learns to say no.
Imagine someone coming into your home, taking your phone, trying on your clothes, and using your car for a joyride. Then you say that these are your things and you don't want to share them. And when you try to protect your stuff, an authority figure you trust comes along, gets in your back and forces you to share your stuff. I don't think a child learns anything from being forced to share their things. Especially since young children can't understand the principle yet, they only see "someone is taking sth. from me".
Also I am pretty sure (not checking though) it is a natural transitional behavior for kids at a certain age that they want to have their own stuff which is completely theirs.
So true👍
@@Simon-sw4ov I also want to have my own stuff^^
𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕪'𝕝𝕝 𝕓𝕖𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕖
That's a good mentality to have and teach your child. Personal opinion, of course. My generation tested ourselves out like that of course too. Heck, I even remember times were it was quickly decided who was the fastest runner to go and get an adult when things went wrong for anyone of us and no one made a big deal out of it. But mostly, kids learn to evaluate situations for themselves, know themselves and build confidence upon that. And not "cry" about every little bit. I guess that is mostly the reason why I have problems understanding this "generation snowflake", that came afterwards ;)
Kindergarten teacher here to adress some topics:
If you bring your kid to the kindergarten, the teachers are (at least so some degree) accountable for the kids safety. So the kids are insured for the time they spend in the kindergarten. If a injury happens the inssurance company MAY look into it and if the kid wasn't properly dressed (wrong shoes, necklace, wristlet) it MAY count as a violation of the teachers obligatory supervision, in particular when their are in the sports/gymnastics room/area.
For the winter/rain season it's the same for the entire outdoor clothing. Most teachers won't allow the participation of activities, when the kid has no proper clothing. Plus to the whole legal stuff:
We want your kids to have a good time (so they are acutally able to learn stuff during their time) and we want them to be halthy as well!
Bottom line: If you explain why some "rules" confuse you (it might won't cross our minds that it can be handled in other "western" countries differently ;) ), you should get a proper explanation.
As always: Thanks for the video!
Also, you can get most of your kids' clothing for cheap second hand - all those shoes they grow out of in the blink of an eye should just be hand-me-downs down the usage chain, until they fall apart on the last kid's feet. My little sister was the last to procreate in her friend group, and I don't think she's had to buy a single item of clothing so far, and he's turning one this month. If you don't have a friend group to lend you stuff, Kinder-Basare is the way to go.
I think it is easier for German parents to be a bit laid back when it comes to their kids taking risks. Due to universal health care, a broken arm is still painful - but it will not obliterate your family budget.
Common answer:don't worry,we have insurance. I actually heard this!(half jokingly,I think)
In the US, just calling an ambulance can obliterate your family's budget, let alone getting an x-ray and treatment.
In Germany, not only does everyone have health insurance. The health insurance for kids is literally free. Kids are automatically covered by the parents insurance at no extra cost.
@@emiliajojo5703 That is at least a very common joke if you work in insurance.
Not true, no-one wants their kid to be hurt. Wether you have to pay yourself or not. It is a cultural thing, you want your kid to learn to use their body correctly. Allthough i always used to say to my kids: don't worry, your skin will grow again. That was at least partly a joke..
Blutet es? "OK bekommst ein Pflaster" Einmal pusten, Küsschen geben und die Kinder spielen weiter.
Wenn es schlimmer ist schaut man ob was gebrochen ist, wenn nicht fragt man ob man es abschneiden soll, dann höre es auf weh zu tun. Meistens wirkt das und die Kinder vergessen es ganz schnell. Wenn sie jedoch sagen das abschneiden besser wäre, geht man zum Arzt, dann ist es meist etwas schmerzhaftes 😂
Trotz meiner etwas rabiaten Art kommen die Kinder immer zu mir wenn sie etwas haben, evtl wirken meine "Puster" und knuddler besser als die der Mutter 😂😂
Das einzige was ich den Kindern vorschreiben ist, Finger weg von meinen Äxten und Sägen, und ein Fahrradhelm, ob sie jetzt skaten, biken oder auf einen Baum klettern, der Helm muss sein. Vor allem sieht man die dann besser im Baum wenn da ein Helm bunt leuchtet.
As a kid I have learned the rule: If you can climb up, you can also climb down. You just have to remember the steps you took to climb up.
My daughter just learned to walk and is already starting to climb. She is already courageous and careful. Soon she will be able to climb the highest trees 🥰
The kids grow so fast. A good solution for shoes and jackets are second-hand items from friends and relatives.
yeah or online flea markets cause mostly the kids grow out of clothes that are still just fine so second hand is good for both sides
Clothes yes, definitely! Shoes not so much. It's bad for the feet, at least according to my daughter's orthopedic doctor.
@@koppsr I know what you mean! So I only bought shoes second hand for sports... Like those gymnastic ones and Gummistiefel for Kindergarten, which don't imprint, bc of its nature and who are used so seldom that they are basically new, when the toddler grew out. And of course the shoe soles needs to be even!
Speaking of breastfeeding: Pope Francis baptized 12 kids in the Sixtine Chapel a few days ago, and he said its ok when a kid would start to cry and get hungry, the mother should not hesitate to breastfeed it - in the Sixtine Chapel! During worship! In front of the Pope! Respect!
Personally I don't care, just turn around or something if possible. It is quite awkward to see it as an adult even if it is a natural thing
@@alihorda well, if it's natural but ur still uncomfortable, then it's on you to deal with that. Don't ask other people to turn around or compensate for your shortcomings.
@@alihorda why does the mother who's feeding her baby have to turn around? You can turn around or look somewhere else?
Also I don't understand what's awkward about it. You can't see the breast anyways, because it's covered by the head of the baby.
I think somehow it's more the phantasy of people than what's really happening what is awkward.
hajas ádám Or you know.. don't stare? It's not the mom's problem that you never grew up and have to stare at every exposed tit you get to come across. That poor woman is already uncomfortable and you expect her to restrict her comfort further by turning around in a way nobody sees? She's probably more uncomfortable with you being a creep who stares at her than you with being exposed to the sight of a boob for the second it'll take you to avert your gaze.
It’s a very European thing. That’s why
I know some parents who try to use positiv language with their kids. They say: 'stay on the path' instead of 'don't go on the lawn'.
This has also to do with letting the kids take risks. You can support them by saying: 'hold tight' instead of 'don't fall'. That helps them to focus and concentrate while exploring.
This.
This makes sense, because the word don't can easily be lost or ends up being overheard or something. It is better to tell the child what to do instead of what NOT to do. If you tell the kid to NOT run onto the lawn of the neighbor, it will not know what else it could do, sorta-kinda.
@@sophiesantosE It is like saying "Don't think of a pink elephant!" You will automatically focus on the thing being described. That is also the reason why skiing instructors tell you to "focus on the path" instead of "avoid the trees". A mindset focused on the negative side will influence you in that direction.
Saying "stay on the path" or "Don't go on the lawn" doesn't make a lot of sense since children will ask you why they shouldn't go on the lawn, which is usually followed up by a proper explanation. The last one also doesn't make a lot of sense either since hold tight or don't fall amount to the same, you can hyperfocus on holding tight or on not falling.
It's really a matter of your own emotions then anything. If you act nonchalantly, you're child will too.
I was raised like this: "If you end up hurting yourself, better not come back crying to me". Works out well, because you it makes you judge the consequences of your behavior first and then decide whether it's worth the risks or not, and in case things do go bad you always have no one but yourself to blame and so you learn to learn from your own mistakes and experiences while still taking the advice of other in mind.
I don't understand why this is such a big deal in other countries.
As children in Germany, for example, we get out of the house after breakfast during the holidays and have fun. No matter where, across town, in the woods or to the next City, we were there to play and to discover.
The condition was that we had to be at home for lunch and dinner, in between it didn't really matter. It was also no problem for us as small children to cycle many kilometers on the street to get to our grandparents a few cities away.
If we got there late in the evening, we would call home to sleep with our grandparents or other friends and it wasn't a problem.
When school was over and after homework, we were always alone outside.
In winter for skating on the ice, or in summer alone to the lake to swim or fishing.
Where do other countries start to trust their children and leave certain decisions to them?
We did all that before when we were under 10 years old. Already at the age of 5 in kindergarten we learned to write and knew our address by heart if we got lost and had to ask someone for help, but that was never the case.
Not others countries, mostly USA👍😉
@@lillm6874 Most likely it's just the ever-present suburb culture coming from the living conditions in these places. I have the feeling the parenting style in bigger US cities and especially on the countryside may be more similar to that of other countries.
I grew up in Germany in the 90s and I spend all day (especially in summer) outside after school and played in the woods. I think I knew the surrounding city and countryside up to 30 Km by foot, just by exploring
@@brotchenkorner3944 basically still the same when being a child in the early 2000s (like 2000 to 2005). We went literally everywhere either by foot or using bikes or little scooters for kids. We randomly found our way to the next few villages, towns and ofc into the woods and open fields somewhere in the middle of nowhere. We were taught in school how to safely navigate new areas (best to be with two friends in case something goes wrong and one has to run to go find help or to be able to carry a hurt friend together). I'm pretty sure it is still the same, even if Social Media and extended screen time starts to creep into the daily routine of children nowadays. But up until the age of 11 or 12 they are not yet that interested in screens anyway if they get the chance to roam around outside :)
I'm in the U. S. This is how I grew up, the only time we knew we had better be in the house was when the street lights came on. Otherwise we were outside playing. I walked to school including K-garden. My kids played outside and had their own work shop. They would build birdhouses and other little things and their older sister would take them to work with her and sell them and bring them the money. Today for the most part my grandkids go out to play. Yes, my kids liked video games but I limited the time they were allowed to play on them.
- Being told you have to share, isn't teaching a child that they should share.
Being told you have to share, teaches a child that someone with authority has the right to override their own wants and opinions.
being shown you don't have to share but should, teaches a child that giving positivity to a social group or community is the seed that benefits them in the long run, through acceptance and respect.
The end results is two wildly different people.
One person feels victimised, but also knows that if they want something that the other person has, they ned only find a person with the authority to take it from someone else and give it to them.
The other asks, can socialise and knows their self worth and what they are willing and NOT willing to do, to receive a desired result from someone else.
I think there is also another aspect to teaching your children to say "NO" that has evolved over the last couple of decades: The numerous cases of sexual abuse and victimization of children. If you teach a child that they are not allowed to say no - "come one, give grandpa a kiss, even if you think it's gross and don't want to" - you prime them for abuse, because they grow up with the belief that they have no bodily autonomy, and other people can just do whatever they want to them. By allowing them to say "NO" and respecting it, and allowing them autonomy over their body and their belongings, you teach them that nobody (outside of medical personnel) has the right to touch them, which puts them in a far better position to recognize abuse, refuse to go along, and tell a trusted adult about it.
@lenka cfk thanks for that addition. Overlooked but clearly very relevant example as to why teaching a child that their autonomy TO BE RESPECTED, is so important.
You put into words what I'm trying to teach my own daughter.
My father used to say when I hurt myself: "Don't worry, it'll be healed by the time you get married."
He was right, cause I'm still not married xD
when I looked at the coblestone wall in the picture, as a person raised in Austria, I didn't feel like it was high or dangerous at all 😅😂 interesting to see the cultural differences
i'm 37 and when i'm out with kids i always go climb on walls and trees with them to have fun together, encourage them to do it or help them when necessary
hahah yes me too. I am from Germany and I immediatly said " This isn't even high"
Ja eh😄 hier in Tirol klettern unsere Kinder meistens auf Felsbrocken,und wenn sie oben jammern: "Papa hilf mir"fragt er gelassen:"wie bisst den aufi kommen?"
Same here. I thought she is talking about a wall that is 4m or higher xD
Yes, it is a wall where you can easily jump down.
My Dad used to say "Wenn sich das Kind wehtun und weint ist alles in Ordnung, nur wenn es nicht weinen muss man sich sorgen machen"
It means: "If the child hurts himself and cries everything is fine, only if they do not cry you have to worry"
Letting the children decide if they want to share their toys in my opinion doesnt cause them to never want to share because they wouldnt develope the devensive need to protect their toys from others so much in the first place. If the child always had the choice to say yes or no they and that decision is being treated with respect (and the other child doesnt end up stealing the toy) then why wouldnt the child want to share? Its no "danger situation" anymore where they have to be on guard.
My kid was so protective of his toys when his friends where over to play the first time. He thought they will take them home. We talked about it and than he happily shared, cause he knew his toys are safe and will not be taken home by his friends.
You mentioned the „German stare“ again. I thought a little about it and would like to make a try of explaining it to you. So in Germany, there is a huge difference between staring „at“ someone and staring „through“ someone and I think that is what causes the irritation for foreigners. We rarely stare directly at someone, this would also be considered as rude and irritating. What you might experience quite often, for example in public transport, is the other kind of stare. It is a „zoomed out lost in thoughts“ stare, because everybody is mostly just minding their own business. Thinking about what they are doing when they are home, just concentrating on their music or whatever. If you spend at least a little bit of time here, it will be easy for you to notice the difference. You can see it in their eyes and mostly it’s like they are just staring in one direction without really noticing where or what they are looking at and whether there is someone in their field of vision or not. This happens to me all the time. I get so lost in thoughts that I forget to control where my eyes are pointing at. Definitely nobody is judging anyone. That’s why we are all so chill about it. We know and see that the „staring“ person is just zoomed out and daydreaming in an other dimension 😂
This is my personal experience as a German. Hope this helped ☺️
Also called "staring holes into the air" (Löcher in die Luft gucken).
a very precise description - thank you !
I have a few things to add. When it comes to letting kids take risks, a huge part is letting them learn to do risk assesment on their own. If you take away the chance of them getting hurt, they learn "everything my parents don't tell me not to do is safe". By that you create a child that is constantly dependent on you being vigilant enough to warn from danger in time. In germany its more: Play around, find out! Parents put more focus on preventing only real danger. This has also the added bonuns, that if you warn your kid that they should not do something, because it is dangerus, they take it serious. If the kid hears don't do that thats dangerous 10 times a day, and then when they do it anyways it never really was dangerous. How will that kid react if you tell them to newer swim at that particular riverbank, because its dangerus? They ignore your warning, and they drown, because the undercurrent at that particular place was really dangerous. Its a bit like the parent that cried wolf.
When it comes to "body positivity" its more "body neutrality" in Germany. This is a much more archivable stance, especially for people who see themselves as ugly. It may be hard to love your own "ugly" body, but its easier telling yourself: "Eh it is what it is, also there are no mirrors at the beach, so it is pretty much everybody elses problem and not mine."
There's also another aspect to the risk taking part: We never pushed our children to do things, they feared. We never say "Don't be chicken!" or so. Of course, we say: "We can do it together" or "I'll be there to catch you if you fall", but also "if you don't feel like it, just try it another day or never". That worked perfectly. Curiosity eventually prevails. So, they are excellent rock and tree climbers and swimmers (all essential skills, here in Switzerland).
To the German stare: it is not a judgemental stare. It shows interest when you look into somebody's eyes, while talking. And it looks distracted and thus impolite when you don't. But you are not supposed to literally stare, that would be considered impolite, too. Just look with interest, look shortly in another direction, look again, but openly, do not stare. That's it. 🤣
German stare means looking directly at strangers on the street. It doesn’t mean eye contact during a conversation
@@Simon-sw4ov Right, and if you avert your eyes and don't lock back you are considered suspicious. Averting your eyes means you have something to hide. At least what my older relatives taught me when I was a kid. Going as far has having staring contests with my grandma.
@@Simon-sw4ov Thank you. Do German people really do that? I am German and wouldn't stare at strangers, that sounds a weird thing to do to me.
@giselahilgers4250 If your head is level, and everyone around you is adult and so of approximately the same height, how do you NOT look at other people when walking down the sidewalk? I mean, you have to make sure not to run into anything, and people, unlike trees or such, move.
Never even heard of it, I admit.
Another cliches to add to the pile I suppose 😂😂
In Germany, if your Kid is 6 years old and can't manage to walk home from school from 12 Miles trough the forest and mountains and be home alive, it wasn't worth keeping.
Survival of the fittest
🤣 yeah and within daylight so it won't be late for dinner
the brats shall be happy we don’t beat the shit out of em any more 😂
we usually book a trip to greece then and throw it of the same cliff the spartans threw theirs, can't have that kid bring shame to family and fatherland, we already have berlin for that
LOL
@@DisturbedFox137 Yeah, and they would have to bring dinner with em - hunt down a deer with their hands only or something. Otherwise, there is no dinner =D
"Lernen durch Schmerzen", "learning through pain" is something that isn't discouraged as much in Germany.
Little tipp: if your kid is doing something dangerous, don't try to stop it, but try to find a way to catch it if it falls.
Schlauer durch aua😅
@@Auxallie Das hat jetzt auch geschmerzt. 🤪
Or just don't catch it. Just say: "if you hurt yourself im going to call the ambulance and they take you to the hospital without me" that usually does the job.
@@akteno2796 That's heartless. You're threatening your child to leave it on it's own in a terrifying und (physically) painful situation. That doesn't do any job than doing emotional harm to your child and your relationship.
I hope, you were joking and I just didn't get it.
@@felixb.3420 worldproof your child, not childproof the world.
Then, you teach your child first that an clinic is not an scary place.
That's the core of German parenting: let them do their stuff and keep ready to dive in just outside their sight. So they don't get anxious over your anxiety, but you're there when something goes awry.
I'm a mother of two, from Germany.
The mother at the playground saying to her child, that the truck belonged to the other boy and that he has to decide whether to share or not, is completely normal. It teaches the boy with the truck self-esteem, as well as the other kid , that they can't always get what they want.
As for shoes in kindergarten: You need the gumboots for outside activities during rainy days, Winterboots are a given, but not just for kindergarten (??), and shoes for running around inside the kindergarten, so they don't slip and fall. Nine pairs?? Never had that.
You need clothes for bad weather, and a set for changing, in case they got wet ect.
Personally I'd never by second hand shoes for kids. It's not good for the feet. But I don't buy super costly shoes since my youngest got 4 years old.
Breath feeding in public? Not a thing I ever heard of, you can do that, but normally put a thin cloth ect over your shoulder, you don't just pull it out and plop it in 😉. Other than that, were pretty chill about that.
As for the risk taking, I think we know our kids and what they can handle. Outdoors, sport and training your motoric skills via playing is kind of a cornerstone of raising your kids in Germany.
And for the public pool thing, I never ever gave a 🍩 about my appearance during pregnancy or after, if I wanted to have fun with my daughter in the pool, I went in. Who cares about appearance with that??? Sounds horrible, to think like that!!
Great video, and a super cute Christmas-Baby 😉👍👍
One question: German stare??? What's that supposed to mean?? 😎
I'm german too, grew up in the Middle East, School in German, University in the UK and France, moved for Jobs to the US, Russia, Hong Kong and now the UK and so I see things quite a bit of a different perspective. 8 still grew up being told that I have to look after others, that we all have to share, that I have to be kind while living with others in a society as I'm not alone in the world - and yet: if there is something I don't lack it's self-esteem!
I noticed the difference in the education in the last yrs and consider it as extremely rude, egoistic and selfish. And on the other side on social media constantly see people complaining about the "selfishness and egoism nowadays" - that's homemade!
Self-esteem doesn't grow by being selfish, it follows things you managed to do even when you had to do something you didn't like and still managed it. Many nowadays mix up self-esteem with selfishness
The german stare is: we look at other people, check them out, their style or just look through them. In many other countries its intimidating and might lead to a fight
Hi Ryan,
don‘t think of the german stare as a necessarily negative thing. It most times is not. Germans learn to look into each others eyes (lock eyes) while in conversation. Its symbolises that you pay attention to your conversation partner and is seen as a sign of respect.
Additionally we just like to hold eye contact a bit longer than people from other countries, I guess 😂
We're just curious. The same reason the comment section of videos with "german" in the title is full of germans.
Yeah, I had an American English teacher in my school and when we discussed the marks he constantly tried to avoid eye contact, it was strange.
I think so, too.:) I guess I can catch myself "staring" sometimes but it's not a creepy stare tho. I don't judge the person I look at and most often I smile politely/nicly when the other person notices it. Or maybe nod for greetings, or give a compliment. Also I just drift away with my thoughts and look in once direction, not by intend. I look at people if i like their outift or style or anything. Also it's not a 10 minute stare, just my eyes stop for a few seconds on someone. Also when I talk to someone, I tend to look them in the eyes or at least in the face.
It's also bc it's a way safer country... Americans often think of getting checked out for "a reason"... have been told already in the 90s in New York City "don't look at people, they'll get attitudes I'd you do"
German here and I don't look into one's eyes when talking. And I noticed that also among other Germans, not many, but quiet a few.
Also I don't think the "German stare" is meant by that. I think it is watching unknown people. And sometimes I don't like it either, I notice it especially from people in their 50s and 60s.
There are 7 types of shoes you _definitely_ need in Germany:
1. Normal everyday shoes (self-explanatory)
2. sport shoes (for school and Kindergarten, you'll need a pair with white soles, so they won't leave marks on the floor. We also wore them outside, so we didn't have to buy another pair, but teachers carefully checked them for dirt next time we had sport indoors again.)
3. Gummy rain boots (for garden work and your kid's feet when the Kindergarten goes for a play in the rain)
4. House shoes (In elementary schools and Kindergartens you are only allowed to wear house shoes inside, and obviously you will have a pair for yourself at home as well as several pairs to give to guests)
5. Winterboots (neither you nor your kid wanna have cold feet in the snow)
6. flip-flops or something like that (you'll need them for all public pools and saunas etc.)
7. shoes for going out (black leather shoes or high heels for example, but really anything chic)
Everything that might get added to that:
- Trekking shoes
- Gymnastik shoes
- house shoes for garden/basement
- special sports shoes like soccer schoes or ice skates, inline skates, roller skates, whatever you're into.
You forgot the hand shoes ;)
And sandals, as a woman I love to wear sandals in the summer. But basically it's everyday shoes, sesonal shoes(fall, winter & light shoes for summer), house shoes, and sport shoes for whatever type of sport your are doing. As a adult I never wear gum boots, I don't even have a pair. But I don't have a garden so that may be why. And the same goes for kids. I think all these type of shoes are necessary more in gemrnay than in other country's is because we got all four seasons and all kinds of cold wet or hot weather. And because we like to spend time outdoors lol
I didn't have house shoes in elementary school, and many people don't use house shoes at home.
About the gummy rain boots, it really depends on your life. Often the kids have some, and there's one pair for the adults if you actually have to do garden work or similar while it's raining.
The rest of shoes most people will have (kids don't have formal shoes usually, but that doesn't count), but you have them stashed away somewhere most of the time
@@jan-lukas I have never owned a pair of house shoes. I am either barefoot or put on some socks at home but I suppose there are regional differences. Also I am a dog owner and don't need any wellies. I wear classic Converse most of the time, a pair of boots if it's super muddy which I also put on for gardening purposes. And yes I am born and bred northern german with swedish ancestry from 150 years ago which most probably didn't effect my choice of footwear 😅
i ( an adult) live in germany and only have 1 pair of shoes. Nike sport shoes. I wouldn't even have enough space to STORE more shoes in the first place.
i never heard of germany owning that many shoes... it's ridiculously decadant imo.
I think a big difference with the sharing is, that if the other kid would ask, the other kids mom wouldn’t have been this „harsh“. I think the mother reacted like this because the other kid just took the toy. You don’t just take stuff that doesn’t belong to you. That’s the real massage. You have to ask to share and respect the no.
„Next time - don’t fall“ 😂😂
As 11 year old, I can´t forget this moment until this day.., my father and me swam so far into the north sea that the tide became a real thing. The moment we fully realised it we swom back towards the shore. Calm but steady. After we made it you already could clearly see the waterlevel going down. It´s a good thing I can´t forget that, because at that day my dad went too far.
@@alidemirbas6566 wow that's a really scary story, the could have gone completely wrong.
Im glad you found back home and learned your lesson, also I guess over time you learn the weather too, and to interpret it early so you know when not to go skiing because the weather will change soon
You need as many shoes in Germany as they are mandatory for participation. A minimum of 3 pairs can be calculated for the kindergarten alone. Slippers (for indoors), high rubber boots (for rain), street shoes and possibly warm winter boots. They are needed for the regular excursions. (They visit playgrounds and forests). If the child does an indoor sport, shoes with light-colored soles are also mandatory. Otherwise they are not allowed to use the gym.
However, there is a tradition of passing things on from one generation to the next or from relatives. This actually saves thousands of euros. There is also a very large second hand market in Germany and a lot of things are given away. You don't have to buy everything new for your children. I myself as the oldest child had the luxury to get many things new, but my sibling and younger cousins have the things passed on. I myself have had a lot of toys, educational materials, books, ... from family, friends and neighborhood.
And if you have kids that grew out of their stuff and have no one to give them to, you could also get them to social/welfare services that provide shops with those donated clothes for very little money (a couple euros or less). So financially challenged families can still get usable clothing for their kids.
I grew up in Germany. Now I live in Australia. What a huge difference in parenting! German kids learn to be independent and self reliant from a very young age (house chores, going shopping, navigating traffic and public transport, physical skills such as tree climbing etc.). However, they learn this step by step in a somewhat challenging but still safe way. E.g. when I was 4 I learned to go shopping by myself to a small shop 3 corners down the road. My mum trained the way with me (traffic lights and all) and when I went on my own the first time she called the shop to tell them that I was leaving and asked them to watch out that I arrived in a few minutes time. It was very exciting for me to go on my own and return with milk and bread! This really boosts children's confidence. I am always a bit astonished when I see how dependent Aussie children are even at ages 10 or older.
Gosh yeah! I still remember how proud I was when I was first allowed to go buy rolls for Sunday breakfast at that age. The bakery was so close, my mom could watch me the whole time. But for four year old me, it was half across the world and I absolutely felt like "one of the big kids". My breakfast never tasted any better 😉
If you are in cities it isn't the case anymore... it was GenX who was growing up like that
@@sandraankenbrand It's not quite how it used to be but kids in Germany are still more independant. Many still go to school on their own and you see kids by themselves in supermarkets. Unthinkable in Australia where you are not even allowed to leave a child under 12 unattended at home.
@Jungleangie not in cities... just been 5 months near Munich - not once I've seen a kid alone on a playground, not even that behind our appartement yet in a supermarket... I live in London and see more kids using the tube than in that 5 months back home caring for my mother
@@sandraankenbrand Maybe it's different in Munich. I can report first hand from Nuremberg and do see kids on their own.
There are a LOT of second hand flea markets and sharing platforms for baby and kids clothing, shoes, etc. here in Germany and most baby/kids clothes and shoes are worn by multiple babys/kids over time, some (high quality ones) even over generations.
I remember my mother always being super- protective (speaking from a German perspective) when it came to anything that could probably hurt me. E.g. "No, don't climb that climbing frame, you might fall and hurt yourself!" So, as I was always a little insecure and wobbly, I didn't do it. That way, compared to other children at my age, I would always be more sceptical about trying new things and taking risks, which didn't help me find friends at all...
On the other hand, my cousin's wife was the complete opposite when it came to raising her two sons. She would let them take many more risks and if they hurt themselves, they would learn from it.
Every time my mum saw them running up the slide or climb up somewhere, she would panicky tell her "What if they hurt themselves!?" And their mum would just reply "Da muss er durch." (He has to go through that./ He has to make this experience on his own.)
Now I'm pregnant myself and Idk how I will act towards my kids in "risky" situations...
Try not to be overprotective - my best friend was an only child, and her mother was constantly worried about her - so my friend learnt to be sneaky and and just didn't tell her when we were about to do dangerous things. If you're too smothering, your child's only goal will be to get away from you and not share his experiences with you.
Very nice to see the cultural differences...
For me as a German it whas normal to go out to play everyday having adventures in the woods with my friends from my neighborhood
You learn to be independent and keeping yourself busy and so on that way you also learn yourself to judge dangerous situations much better, the higher you climb the harder you fall...
Basically you as a kid fuck around and find out yourself and if you hurt yourself you leaned a lesson
If you disassemble a toy and you can't put it back together because it's to complicated or you lost some parts of it, lesson learned
If you treat someone badly and they hit you, lesson learned
If you are nice to someone and share something and you get something in return, lesson learned
Easy
And that is what kindergarten is for
The other stuff is also true everyone here gets treated like a individual you learn to share by yourself and are not forced to "give away your stuff" and learn that sharing can be fun or you trade your stuff for something else
Yes we have strict rules but much freedom as individuals because we where outside and learned to judge how much we can risk and or know what to do and if you think about most rules here they just make sense
And by the way all of this is is also the reason why we don't need all of these warnings and absurd stuff in manuals everywhere
Like "Careful! Hot drink inside!" On a Coffee to go cup 😂🍵
My brothers and I used to play in the woods, building huts and so on. Couldn't imagine not allowing my daughters to do the same!
' Don't place a cat in a microwave ' - only possible in the US !!!
Different generation... only in villages nowadays
740 there is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing (German saying translated)
You cannot always control everything so it's good to let your kids test themselves out and if they get hurt, you're there for them. But that way they can learn what their body is capable of. You cannot shield them forever from everything so it's better to let them learn early
0:16 what an absolute cutie! 😍 He's the definition of what you'd call a "Wonneproppen" in German!
Ich hab das noch nie jemanden sagen hören
@@Pitt0212 It's a really old term.
I last heard my great grandma say that.
My mother-in-law uses this term.
@@Pitt0212 Oh was, echt nicht? Ist ja interessant :D hier sagt man das ja doch schon öfter mal
Maybe it is a term in northern und middle Germany. Wonneproppen is a really common word here. Everybody knows it.
Theo crying in the perspective of the child (that´s crying), and being told to share it, because maybe they can play together would for me personally feel a bit like betrayal, because the child took my truck without asking first, and the willful ignorance on the part of my parent, that just watched a theft happen and is unwilling to do anything about it, would enrage me personally. So, I would be glad the other adult in the room would be willing to reassure me, that I am within my rights would feel incredibly reassuring. Other way to expresss it would be, that I would loose faith in my mothers ability to correctly identify the problem, but gain faith in the ability of other adults to enforce my rights. Because to me it seems, like the mother thought the problem would be me crying and not the other boy stealing my or another kids toys. Of course I woudn´t be able to form the sentences as eloquently, but I think that´s the gist of what I would be trying to tell my mother in that specific situation.
I have my own experience with my children when it coems to walls (fences). I told them: When you can get up by yourself you may walk there, but I won't help you getting there.
I remember one of her first videos, where she was very thankful that German houses and apartments were so well heated and how she was happy about thermal underwear, because she was always freezing at her home in New Zealand in the winter.
What else are children allowed in Germany, they are allowed to go out on their own to play or to make small purchases, as with me in the post office, where I often have small children, to send the letters of their parents. They are very proud that they can and are allowed to do so.
I remember a colleague talking about an arguement he had with his brother in law about letting his wife run around in a swim suit or crop top and shorts shortly after giving birth. He told him: "My wife just poped out this thing (his son) after nine months, who am I to tell her what to wear just because her body isn't as trim as it once was? Heck, I don't want to know what I would look like if I had to carry a baby to term. So, I just keep my mouth shut and enjoy the view."
"letting his wife run around" ? I wonder whether the brother in law is married. Yikes.
Mad respect to your colleague. Oh, and on the question what he would look like if his belly had been stretched to accomodate some little stow-away and his private swimming pool: a lot worse than his wife, because women have softer, stretchier skin than men exactly for this sort of situation. So his skin probably wouldn't have stretch marks, it'd have scars. Big ones.
As a kindergarten teacher in our Kita we allow the children everything they might want to try as long as they themselves think they can do it. Of course the whole building is build with "safe risks" in mind. There will be high places to climb but if they fall there will be either a soft mattress, grass, or other impact absorbent material to break the fall. It is also important to teach them their limits. if they are afraid in the middle of a climb, they are always free to stop! Nobody is allowed to make fun of somebody for trying and failing or for stopping. Managing fear is an important life skill and german parents rely on it. We never help a child to climb somewhere up by lifting or dragging it, like on a slide or ladder, because if the child is too afraid of that degree of height, i obviously is too early for it. ignoring one's fear and getting stuck on top is not something that should happen. of course there are always some who need verbal encouragement and we will be ready to catch the child, but they HAVE TO get down with their own abilities. otherwise they will climb wherever, demand to be helped and never learn to assess danger, their abilities and overcome their own limits.
In Germany there is no bad weather, just wrong clothing 👍🏽😀
4:10 "Some little kids are gross" - Ryan Wass - 2023
clipped & shipped :D
All little kids are. Except your own.
@@winterlinde5395 Till Lindemann "Ich hasse Kinder" 🤣
the point with not having to share is mostly that they have to ask before they take something. so if you wanna play with someones toy you ask them, maybe offer o e of your toys and if they say no you have to accept it and if they say yes you thank them and not just take it for granted
Baby Santa Claus is so lovely! What a sweet smile! Thanks for sharing.
The shoe situation definitely clears up after kindergarten. You normally have 2-4 pairs of shoes:
1 pair of general shoes
1 pair of sports shoes
Optional 1 pair of indoor sports shoes
Optional 1 pair of house shoes.
Personally I have only the first 2. We walk on socks at home.
I call BS on the amount of shoes. In most Kindergarten you need house shoes for inside and rain boots for outside. In the winter obviously a warmer boot for outside. That's it.
If they visit some place together they just put on the shoes the kids came with anyway.
She probably sent her kids to a private Kindergarten and they can be a bit special...
i was in a public Kindergarten and needed 3 types of shoes as there was a sports hall for children to play soccer or whatever you call little kids pushing balls around xD
1 were indoor Shoes 1 Outdoor Shoes and 1 were sports shoes for the sports hall
I think you need to think this through again because this is indeed very normal. Though it's not 8 pairs. I'll do it in German for you.
Schlapfen, Freizeitschuhe, Sportschuhe für draußen, Hallensportschuhe, Winterstiefel, Regenstiefel.
That is indeed what you will need your kid to have in Kindergarten. Very clearly remember that from 20 years ago even.
It's not even like that's a lot. It's just seasonal wear and sportswear.
@@Solidefex Yep, It circles arround 4-5 pairs you really have to bring. 8 is really over the top, but 4 is the minimum you have to bring if you dont want to clash with the cargeivers of the kindergarden.
Hallenschuhe depending if the kindergarden has such a thing. Mine didnt, so we didnt need such shoes.
Agree. In summer, they will do most activities outside, so you might just need rubber boots to stay in the kindergarten.
i agree,
at most there are 3 pairs of shoes in kindergarten: house shoes, boots and maybe gym shoes.
and then the pair they come with. which can be boots, sandals, normal shoes... depending on season/weather
Greetings from 🇩🇪!
Your question about the children's shoes.
Kindergarten in Germany takes place largely outside. If it rains, the children still go outside, so they need rain boots. When it's cold and/or snowing, the kids go out anyway, so they need winter boots. When it's dry, they need sturdy shoes to be able to move safely and comfortably outside.
In the building the children wear slippers. You don't slip so easily and wearing socks in the toilet isn't nice.🥴
Toys lie on the floor and people slide and crawl on the floor. If the shoes are constantly left on from outside, everything becomes sandy, dirty, sticky, disgusting.
When you grow up you tend to forget that kids aren't stupid. Kids can very well assess the risk. I would say even better than the parents because they know what they are capable of and not. So if the wanna climb up a tree, walk on a wall, explore an abandoned building, be outside all day with their friends, walk in streams trying to catch fishes and frogs and so on just let them. We all did things like that when we were kids.
The situation with shoes is actually very smart. To be fair, 8 pairs of shoes for a kindergardener seems a bit off, but back in the day when I went to kindergarden (chances are I am older than 70% of this comment section). I needed at least 4 pairs.
Regular shoes for just everyday outside.
Slippers/Indoor shoes (these were actually not necessary, as you could just run arround with socks, but you started to prefere slippers even as a kid if you stepped on some edgy toy once or trwice)
These are the two pairs, which just come naturally, they are not exclusively for kindergarden.
Now on to the shoes, which are demanded in kindergarden (and school later on)
Bad weather boots, the cargivers and sitters in the kindergarden would not take the child outside in bad weather, if they did not have some sort of boots, because the caregivers wont deal with soked socks and pants afterwards, and they communicate this very clearly with mothers.
Outdoor sport shoes, so a lot of kindergardens have a dedicated sportsarea outdoors. Most just share it with schools. And trust me, you wouldnt take your regular shoes onto that place, because chances are, they get somewhat ruined.
Indoor sports shoes, You are just not allowed to take any outdoor shoes to do sports in indoor halls for sports in Germany. The reason is, because the material of shoes for outdoor is kinda hard to last a long time. That comes with the condition, that the hardened material will eventually damage the soft floor material on indoor sport facilities. You could do with just socks, but again, if another child stecps on your toes with shoes, you will happily put on shoes next time.
generally, in Germany, there are several different types of shoes for many different activities. Most people make fun of Germans for this, because sometimes it seems completely unnecessary. But then again, I have seen people hiking in sandals and trying to play football in flippers. And those people were the onse that complaint about having serious problems with bruices on the feet and hurting muscels.
Hi, german Kindergartenteacher and mom of 2 boys here. Regarding the shoes: yes, we have a full blast of all seasons here and we love to be able to go outside with our kids as long as it is safe. When I see kids in my class without appropiate clothing, I surely will have a friendly but encouraging comversation with their parents. During the last 6 weeks for example we had heavy snow, rain, sun, minus 12 and plus 17 degrees Celsius, so the kids need to have something good to wear for all weather options. But you don't have to spend a Fortune on shoes and outdoor clothes. You can get quite decent ones (thanks to EU regulations on the quality) even at Aldi and Lidl. In fact, every time I know, thers is a sale for kids house Slippers at our local Aldi, I absolutely have my Sharpie ready to write the kids' names on them the next morning, because I know for sure, we will see at least 10 new pairs of the same kind of slippers in our class. Same goes for snowsuits, rain gear, outdoor shoes and such. All of them are on sale at the local Discounters regularly and at least our parents here (myself included) tend to buy these. You can see lines of waiting parents shortly before opening time at our local Aldi, if there is something for the little ones on sale.
I laughed so hard over the Shoes situation i am a german father and its normal for us 🤣
there is a saying: dirty kids, are happy kids (dirty from playing outside)
Reminds me of some doorsign : this house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy (roughly translated from german)
„The average woman in Niger, for example, still has 7.2 children“ That’s dirty
The fourth point she brought up actualy lines up with the proverb my grandpa used to throw around. He used to say "if you go and break your neck its important to do it early in your life" essentially saying if you want to screw up do it early where you both easily recover and society accepts it as learning experiences.
Helicopter Parents is the Endboss
Talking as a german and a german teacher: When it comes to shoes she's exaggerating. You definitely don't need that much for your kid. In school: You got your outdoor/normal and sport shoes and thats it. In preschool or kindergarden its espected that you got some indoor shoes too. Thats all! not 7, not 8 - thats not germany ... and I always loved the shoemaker.
I was riding around town on my bike since I could ride the bike. As long as I was with a friend and home before it was dark, I was fine. I knew some places I wasn’t allowed to go, I still did but I was aware of the risks. Couldn’t have been older than 6 at that point. We lived near some fields and a forest so we had the best time (we thought the run down soccer field was haunted and played ghost hunters)
About the toy sharing: It's actually pretty fine. I remember sharing toys as a kid (reluctantly) and other kids would break them. To my parents it was just like ok the other kid broke the toy, that's not the end of the world. But to a kid that's like: You're forced to share your favorite toy and it gets broken and you are left to accept all this without a say in it.
I think it's kind of important to teach your kids that you don't have to accept every request to be a "good kid" and that you have a right to decide about your belongings.
It's a bit of a stretch by this one situation but I'd say having decisions made over my head as a kid was one influence on why I'm having difficulties saying no and setting up borders as an adult.
It's a pity how as adults we seem to forget how different childhood is, and how rare and fought-for any moment and object of autonomy is - what toy to buy (the sensible, well-made one your parents want or the cheap, colorful plastic one you want?), what food to eat, when and where to eat it ...
And just imagine how any adult, or for that matter any of your parents, would react if someone just decided : _that new extra-large plasma-tv of yours, or the extra-flat laptop. or the favorite pair of shoes? Yeah, I just allowed a friend of mine to borrow that. Don't worry, they'll bring it back at some point. Probably. Maybe even in the state that they got it. NOW, don't you make a fuss!'_
Yep. These seemingly tiny injuries sting, and somehow having them treated as nothing worth being upset about just makes it worse.
@@Julia-lk8jn Good summary.
The worst part is it really does carry over to adulthood. I'm learning to say no but I still feel like I'm an asshole almost every single time, or at least if the other person is visibly upset.
I can't remember because I was to little but my mom tells the story that I always shared everything (without being told) without even thinking but at some point I always sat there with nothing left and started to cry because the other kids didn't share with me (I'm German and it happened in the late 60s). Of course my mom collected my things and brought them back to me. Now in my 50s I do still share but only if I really want to and if it's someone I like.
The rule about walking on the wall is you have to get up on your own and down on your own. Than you can walk on it
I'm from left under Germany, little thing called Austria.. our (1f, 2 brothers) adventures had been awesome (not so responsible, but we were children) We lived in an ancient house with a huge garden. Man, what did we do.. (for the better, mum doesn't know everything) it has been great.
about the risk taking parents: sometime, as a kid, you have to experience bad things to understand that (and why) they are bad.
If you only get told that you can' climb high because it will hurt if you fell down, you will never have an idea of how falling and hurting are related, and onto which extend and so on.
Or as I like to say: kids have to touch the stove to understand that it is hot.
I was always treated like a „mini adult“ growing up. I think a lot of people are because It teaches you to take responsibility for your own actions and decisions.
I am enjoying your videos sooo much. Too see how we germans are and how others are seeing us is very interesting. Thank you so much for your work!
That's the whole point about teaching to share! If you as a mother/parent give your child the impression that you prefer other children/care more for their needs (just bc. of "what others think" or "bc. that's the polite way to do it"), then the _child will learn the opposite,_ which is *to hold onto their own stuff even more* (bc.they always *had to* share)!
If you have experienced that your needs/boundaries were always respected from your parents, then you will not feel the need to fight so hard for them, if that makes sense..
I remember as a kid doing "wrestling" on a high beam in the playground in year 4-6. It wasn't exactly that high, but at least head height at the time. Basically it was that American Gladiator thing where they fight with the "oversized cotton swabs" but only hands allowed. You quickly learned yours and others limits because no one wanted to get hurt or hurt anyone else. I feel it's important to have those opportunities when growing up. I think sadly they've started to remove a lot of those equipment, both from disuse but also likely from "safety perspective" sadly. At least I see the school spirit isn't fully gone, and a warning went out to current parents at my old school that the kids were playing games from Squid Game.
number 4 reminds me of the time when i was maybe 10 or 11 and we where scavenging a nearby military training ground in the woods, finding blanks and firing them of by laying them on a candel. Fun times.
I am a German mom snd I always taught my son to share things. When he used to play with other kids, they also used to share things. Maybe today it's different...
In Germany (Switzerland and Austria too), parents always say "there is no bad weather, only bad equipment".
It´s not true that kids in Germany need 8 pairs of shoes for kindergarten, not in my experience. My grandchild attends kindergarten and they just need 2 extra pairs, house shoes and rubber boots. In what sophisticated kindergarten does she send her kids to?
We are not fearless but we are no idiots. The most i guess 😆
I wouldn’t call all other parents idiots
6:00 if you’re an adult, here in Germany, who doesn’t go to the gym and doesn’t need indoor shoes at their workplace (not many companies require that, depending on your field, but some do), then basically 2 pairs are enough too. Sneakers and winter/rainproof shoes.
Also most people walk with socks or barefoot in their homes, so house shoes aren’t always needed. But if you prefer, then yea, you’d have 3 pairs of shoes.
for the shoes i wanna list some examples we have in germany :
-Regenschuhe (rain boots),for rainy weather
-Wanderschuhe (walking boots),for stuff like hicking or long walks(2-3 hours)
-Turnschuhe (sneakers),for outside or for P.E (atleast that was at our school)
-Sandalen (sandals),for hot weather or to go to the beach/swimminghall
-Schlappen (couldn't find an englisch word), for the swimmminghall (again) and for a quick slip on to get idk drinks out of the garage
-Hausschuhe (slippers),shoes for well when your in the house (i never wear them)
-Winterstiefel (winter boots),for the winter when its cold/really cold
-Herbststiefel (autumn boots),for the autumm when its a littel bit colder
-Übergangsschuhe (couldn't find an englisch word unless you count transition shoes,but it just doesn't sound that good),just shoes for when the seasons change like from spring-summer,winter-spring,autumm-winter and summer-autumm you get the idea
If i missed anything or wrote something wrong feel free to correct me in the comments since english isn't my first language(i am german)
Thanks for reading my stupid long comment and i hope you have a wonderful day/night and remember your beautiful Bye :)
playground(equipment) is part of german worksafety with its rules or at least recommendations about fall heights in combination with ground types etc
though ofc that doesnt mean that every place is (already) up to code
mfg
Olli
Regarding point 5. (15:00+) Many men you see on the beach or pool have bigger bellies than any women in the most advanced stages of pregnancy and it doesn't seem to bother anyone. So why should a pregnant woman cause surprise (or shame, or even horror?!). It's not a shark or a kraken! Does pregnancy have to be hidden? Besides, today's kids know very well where babies come from. So what's the problem?
I like how you say Hello! And your Reyctions are very interesting for me. I´m learning a lot about my country, which i don't even think about anymore. Thx!
It's true. Kids are made different. I climbed so many trees, quite high ones too, so many playgrounds where I climbed on the top. At 6 I crashed my bike into a fence and lost a tooth. Occasionally I fell. But I never broke anything.
I had plenty of bruises. It hurt. But in the end it always healed so fast. All that gave me an awesome feel for my body as a kid and tons of confidence in myself.
Some of them really are that fearless, my parents, especially my beloved mom, was EXTREMELY FEARLESS and the kindest person you'll ever meet!! 💜💜💜 She teached me a lot, so I can "live on my own" later and I'm so grateful for all the things she had done for me! I won't forget that! Unfortunately, we can't do anything together anymore, she's gone forever and I still miss her so much... 😢 But I will keep going and try to make her proud! Many greetings from Germany/Bavaria!
I'm german too and my mother took it also always serious with shoes. But second hand shoes aren't very good for you child's foot growth. 😱 Cause shoes get worn by the individual shape of everyone's foot. 🤦🏻
So my shoes:
1. Slippers (I do not use)
2. Warm weather outdoor shoes
3. Cold weather outdoor shoes
4. Garden shoes
5. Sneakers indoors
6. Sneakers outside
7. Formal shoes
8. Work shoes (extra protection)
9. Bathing shoes (slippers for swimming halls)
10. Outdoor shoes for wet weather
I think if I think about it further, there would be more.😂
it's really important for children at a young age to learn self-responsibility and also judging risks and dangers. no one is putting children in life threatening situations (considering that life threatening situations can also arise out of nowhere regardless if you as a parent are present or not). but leaving your kid some freedom to explore the world and make their own experiences which may come with pains (physical or psychological) can help fortify a character. if a kid wants to jump down a tree from 5-6 feet ... it better does that purposefully than on accident because it was never prepared. many parents nowadays wouldnt even let their children climb trees anymore ... when i look back that was one of the main things we did in childhood time from lets say age 6 to 10. jumping down from low height roofs. etc. but all this is of course not only a contrast between certain countries. but also a contrast between countryside children/parents and urban/city ones.
When i was a small child, i would regularly climb up a certain tree in our garden till i could look down on the roof of the house we live in.
It was fun and i was perfectly safe, because my focus and balance were miles better then than they are now and my father told me how to climb correctly, but looking back, i imagine what the neighbors must have felt.
Our house has three stories. It was not a small tree.
My parents allowed me to climb up most things that I wanted to climb on, but they refused to help me climb up somewhere I didn't reach myself because I can't expect to be able to safely climb down somewhere, when I wasn't able to climb up on my own.
wait... why is FEEDING YOUR BABY frowned upon in other countries???
I fell off one of those walls in German kindergarten and broke my arm. Then the kindergarten built a fence. But that's life. It can't always be safe.
Best way to buy kid‘s shoes is buy them second-hand. Kids outgrow them so fast, so you can get them in really good condition for a fraction of the original price.
My problem with this woman is.
She lives here so many years and still seams to not having arived
Shebstill has an echoimy room despite lots of comments telling her to hang sonething on the wall to counter that problem
Language whise she still draws a line between her and germans and speaking of language ubwould think having two bilingual kids would force her to have better german skills but nope she does not improved at all ince she reached a certain level
Im not sure if its a good channel to get valid information from
got a point there... ryan´s german is by now better than antoinette´s....
If you are judging from this video, it’s old. And she has probably a lot of things to do as a mum.
Bilingual children become bilingual by the parents sticking to their native languages talking to the children. And when that was successful you have a little translator with you. That said, Antoinette’s German is good. Again: having an adult life is not going well with intense language courses.
Not having arrived? But the channel is about comparing the two countries. So that’s what she is talking about.
I don't share your opinion at all!
I have followed Antoinette Emily's channel loosely for several years and I always felt like she was very reflective of her own culture and the one that surrounds her.
Also how do you know that her German skills are poor? I have not seen her do a vlog in German or do a video on her German skills in a while, that may be because she is not comfortable with talking in a second language or any other reason. I have lived abroad myself and learning and communicating in a foreign language is challenging. I have the utmost respect for anyone learning German because 1. it is a difficult language to learn and 2. especially in the case of native English speakers, many of us love to jump on any opportunity to talk English and therefore switch to English with people like Antoinette where we hear an English-native accent which decreases the opportunities for her to practice her German.
search for german playground videos - you will be surprised
I‘m German and I was. Thanks haha
In Germany, (we) kids are taught to share but it is something that has to be done voluntarily. The aim is to teach them that it is more fun to play together that playing alone and that it feels good to share your chocolate with others.
Gear and foot wear: in German families and circles of friends children's clothing is handed around as long as it is not to worn or has unremovable stains. The exception being shoes, once a certain shoe size is reached. The reason for this is that orthopedic health is taken very seriously. Kindergarten personnel and primary school p.e. teachers are taught to look out for irregular walking and postures. Ballet type of house shoes can be passed on but shoes with foam that over time take on the shape of the foot can not always be handed to the next child. There are also advantages to certain types of shoes e.g. keep your feet dry in heavy rain and while jumping into puddles, anti slip sole for indoor sport reduces the risk of injuries, keeping feet warm in snow...
Day care centers in Germany try to get the children out as often as they can. A vitamin D deficiency can be very dangerous. Children also need a chance to go wild once in a while without being reprimanded for it. So taking them our on the playground on a daily basis is a good and easy way to accomplish that.
Any mother who has just given birth is usually also set up with a "care program for mothers who have just given birth". It has been known for a while now that regular moderate exercise can help prevent depression. Postpartum depression is not to be underestimated. Moderate exercise like baby yoga also helps the mother to regain the lost control over their body by strengthening and building up muscles, or loosing excess weight, helping them to regain balance..
Admittedly, some of the reasons stem from our somewhat problematic history. While it has been a while the WW II the war crimes committed has effected German society deeply. Splitting the country into East and West Germany for 40 years hasn't helped. It has instead created two different sets of values. Only since 1990 have we been given the chance to heal and if my memory (I was born in 1988) serves me correctly it took several years before both sides were willing to consider the value of the other side of the inner German border as valid option. As much as the people wanted Germany to be reunited the way my parents were raised is visibly different than my sister raises my nices. BTW they probably not be allowed to climb walls but they will be allowed to climb any mountain trail as long as they wear the proper gear and if that includes a helmet, special hiking/climbing boots, a harness, ropes, and maybe the odd carabiner... Well, savety first. 🙃
From what I remember in preschool and elementary school ….you’d need indoor shoes, outdoor shoes and gym shoes for like special sports days
2.
She says "I don't want to generalize too much" which is really good, because many of those videos about cultural differences make it look like the majority would do what only a minority does. For example "Adventszeit" (from an older video). I don't know any German who celebrates the 4 sundays before Christmas. I'm sure it's a catholic thing and even then "celebrating" is a strong word.
I hardly know anyone who doesn't celebrate Advent in one way or another. Everyone has a wreath and candles and lights them every sunday. Nothing to do with protestant or catholic.
Well there is church service. Equally for protestant and catholic church at every of the 4 Sundays.
Private celebration is private. We do not do that in our family outside of attending church and that only if we feel like it.
Celebrating does not always mean throwing a big party, it can also mean just doing a little ritual related to whatever you are celebrating, like lighting a new candle on your Adventskranz.
it's not a catholic only thing, but yes, it is a more religious (originated) thing.
I mean as your Austrian neighbour... don't you have Adventkränze?
Or rather do people outside of Bavaria not have them?
Because if you have an Adventkranz and have dinner with ppl on Sunday while lighting a candle then I'd say that counts as celebration.
Yeah you wish people a happy advent and that’s the whole extent of ‘celebration’
Second hand clothes and other children's things for babies and children are normal in Germany. Even shoes, since they will only be walked on a little. Friends, relatives, work colleagues, everyone asks what else you can need for the child. Bottles, bottle warmers, bedding, furniture ... you can buy everything second hand for your child. There are shops for that and weekly flea markets. I even put cloth diapers on my daughter when we were at home and didn't go out because of all the diaper waste. And what can I say, it worked perfectly. These diapers are so sturdy that I am using them in my household even 20 years later and they show almost no signs of wear and tear. I still have baby stuff in the basement. So if anyone needs something - I can dress up several babies at the same time. And yes, I let my daughter make her own decisions from a pretty young age. Only important things like doctor's appointments and stuff like that were only mom's decision. My American friend told her child everything and always complained that I gave my child so much freedom of choice. What can I say, both girls developed differently and soon had nothing in common. :(
The thing about the shoes in kindergarten is not true, far exaggerated. America doesn't have problems with people shooting around, but it does have problems with a little nudity. Breast feeding is THE most natural thing in the world. Every animal with teats does it. Every natural indigenous nations does it. For years in places, not just a few months. Why does "modern" human beings have so many problems with it? How do people think babies used to be fed? I can't imagine the first Homo Sapien Sapien with a milk bottle from the drugstore.
How am I supposed to determine my own powers and abilities if I can't/may not try it out. So the motto is: learning by doing. If it hurted or didn't turn out the way I imagined, I've learned something again: that it doesn't work that way. Your job as a parent is to bring the child safely through childhood and teach them something, but not with permanent restrictions. Childhood is learning time. And you have to approach your own childhood like a scientist and they're trying something out all the time.
Yes, always these gossips because of "after-baby body. Women be proud of it. You just brought a new life to earth. That's what your body did. Fuck it, whether the stretch marks are visible or the after-strength from the pregnancy. You have experienced the greatest thing a human being can experience, brought a child into the world. It's just sheer envy when someone comes at you because of your pregnancy-marked body.
@ 7:01
I work in a German kindergarten. There the kids need 4 pairs of different shoes.
- Normal / outdoor shoes
- Indoor shoes
- Gumboots
- Winter shoes
Apart from the shoes, the children there need just one special suit ... the "Matschhose" or "Matschklamotten" 😁... basically clothes that protect from mud and humidity. Outside activities are usually canceled/forbidden when there's too much rain or too much wind.