Why it's hard to make writer friends and how to do it anyway
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- čas přidán 25. 05. 2024
- I've had a few requests for a video on how to make writing friends and critique partners! Let's chat about how to make friends, how to find critique partners, and why I'm terrified of being overly famous.
Patreon: patreon.com/user/about?u=34222724
Substack: lidiyafoxglove.substack.com/
Instagram: / lidiyafoxglove
The Hidden Lands books:
The Sorcerer's Concubine: books2read.com/u/4EKz8z
Doll Girl Meets Dead Guy: books2read.com/u/bPNRBr
The Broken Queen: www.amazon.com/dp/B0CTQY7XGM
Inquiries: fabulousfrock@mac.com - Zábava
11:41 "An ideal critique should make you feel excited to get back to work. It should resonate with you." 🤯
So a few videos back you casually said as a joke (probably lol) how life is just figuring time management and then you die. Well, I thought that was funny so I shared it with a friend of mine. This apparently caused them to reevaluate their career so far and immediately led to them resigning from their work. Which is good since they've been waffling about it for so long. Now they're planning to move on to greener-and better paying-pastures and it's all somehow thanks to that one joke. So yeah, thank you for that!
Wow...the power of a joke! I hope it goes really well for them!!
I’m not one to comment on anything, but I just want to say that I find myself looking forward to your videos every week. Once I finish one video and I realize there are no more, I scroll through my feed unenthused by everything else. Your videos are cozy, informative, and pleasant. I feel like I’m sitting down with a writer friend, which is nice because I have none. You are a lovely person and very personable.
Same really, I found this channel and then I was browsing videos from other people about the same topic and then I was like "wait, actually, I want to watch all the videos of the cozy creative" x) it's a very inspiring rabbit hole
I've been sitting in front of my computer for five minutes, trying to think of something helpful to say. It's time to let go of the notion that I'll think of something and just write a comment to give you a boost with the algorithm.
Critique must be fair, truthful, and accurate. It must ask "what is the writer trying to do" rather than "what do I wish the writer would do." If it can't do those things, it's low-quality critique at best, and bullying at worst.
I actually found a writer friend in your comment section! 😊 We get along really well and I’m excited for what the future holds! So thank you a lot for your channel and your videos!
Aw!!!
I’m usually a lurker and I don’t often comment on videos, but I’ve really been loving your videos!! Thank you for this little bit on how to make writer friends ! I’d love to someday hear more about how you decided to get serious about your writing, and the steps you took to actually self-discipline yourself into taking the craft seriously ! ❤
My video on productivity tips covers some of the discipline part of that question: czcams.com/video/zBRxvUID8FU/video.html
There will certainly be more though!
Oh man
These videos.
It's like I'm in the room with you, and we're just chilling. Very soothing, and good content, too!
I always thought you should get a critique Partner who is a better READER.
Honestly, this is why I've made a Discord server with a lot of my writing friends. While almost all of them don't feel their writing is strong enough to publish yet (I disagree. I think they're good, but I understand why they don't since they have retail jobs with inconsistent schedules), they do enjoy beta reading my stuff, commission me to help support me, or share videos. In fact, that's how I found your channel! One of them dropped one of your videos in our "Writer Inspiration" channel and said, "Hey, here's a video I think you guys would like."
But making writing friends IS hard to do, I admit. I've been trying to connect and Network on Twitter, but not finding much success.
Excited for the “how to critique well” video!
I love my critique partner, but god knows sometimes I want to pluck his eyes out when he starts critiquing live while I'm drafting (we share a google doc).
Unrelated: I'm going through The Broken Queen rn and I'm enjoying it a lot! Congrats on the publication!
Oh man I couldn't handle that! And thank you!! I'm so glad you're enjoying it and thanks for the support!!
The best advice that I have to gain more and better friends is to become the kind of person that attracts people to you. Work on yourself, better yourself, raise your vibrations, become the person you want to be, and others will flock to you.
10:10 Such a good observation!! It's better to ask for a critique from someone well-versed in the genre you're writing for than an experienced writer!! ✍️😲💭
This is fascinating. Literally all my friends are writers of one sort or another/involved with writing in some way and it never occurred to me that people would have trouble finding other writers to be friends with!
I’ll preface this by saying I got lucky with critique groups. I met my partners through the PNWA. Met some in-person at the conference, but the PNWA does a monthly open critique group via zoom. They do break out groups by genre and you’ll go to the breakout room and read a 3 page section of your WIP out loud for critique. If you gel with the other participants, you can exchange contact info and meet up on your own time. Now I have three solid groups with different vibes for weekly zoom calls. One of the groups does a quarterly retreat to write and bond. Maybe if you’re looking to grow a community, consider offering a monthly zoom meet-up with random partners?
This is a really good idea, saving this comment
(that last bit made it a good moment to say: your wardrobe is ace, i'm an envious middle-aged lady here).
I agree about the cats ultimately saving money because they lower my stress (which surely saves healthcare costs and possibly psychological counseling) and they serve as a permanent vacation, greatly reducing travel and lodging expenses.
This was too relatable! Finding friends online today is soooo different nowadays! Some of my closest online friends are from random game forums and Livejournal. I'm glad you mentioned not hiding from critiques... it brings me such anxiety so I start with my husband because I know he won't be cruel lol
I also start there...he's my biggest fan & he also sometimes gives me a perfect idea. It certainly helps to have a supportive partner!
I think this might be my first time dropping a comment, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate your channel. Thank you for bringing us these videos and sharing your work and experiences with us. I’m surprised by the number of videos you’ve been dropping, and I AM NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT IT. 😂 It feels so much like hanging out with a friend. I loved the bit a few videos back where you offered us a snack and a kombucha cola. I ended up trying that hippie root beer because of you; it’s pretty damn good.
I’m almost 30 and I just went back to finish up my bachelor’s. I know college isn’t essential to the craft, but I finally bit the bullet on pursuing something in the writing sphere. Your insight, truthfulness, and humor has been entertaining and informative. :)
I'm sure I won't be uploading this much forever...but the channel has been doing so well, and I've had so many ideas and suggestions for videos, that I guess this is my boom year. I'm glad you've been enjoying the channel and the hippie root beer and hopefully college as well!!
Love your videos Lidiya, full of important advice and love your humor. I never want to leave my house either, I just want to create art!❤❤❤
Great video, I love the talking to a friend vibe.
I've always struggled to find writing groups/critique partners! It's so hard to find someone who is reliable and works at the same pace as you. I write thrillers and a would love to trade work weekly with someone who writes thrillers, suspense/mystery or romance. If anyone is scrolling through comments and interested in chatting, let me know!
What you talked about resonated me with potters and pottery. How to find someone who will give you honest critiques, how to help someone else and so forth. I guess the reason I go to as many of our clay club meetings as I can is because it’s where I’ve been making friends. Otherwise, I’m holed up in my studio making, kind of like you writing. But I do get to interact with our customers,which you don’t get to do with your books unless you go on a tour. My first times doing a pottery show I was so uptight and anxious about them … I can relate to your feelings about book tours. It would be interesting to see if your mother and sister have some of the same thoughts about finding critique partners and putting themselves out there.
I live on the opposite side of NC and I absolutely aspire to move to the Ashville area. The first time I visited, I felt so at home with the artsy weirdos 😂
That's where context comes in... when someone just gets the cadence of your context. New old writer here can't believe I'm trying....
I've had several experiences with 2 "famous" authors (famous as in they have a following and it's their full-time job.) I've met them both multiple times as fellow vendors at a few conventions (I do art full time). They treat me like a complete newbie ONLY because I have no published books (I have published short stories and they know nothing about me other than "I'd like to switch from art to writing"). They've never asked if I'm actually a good writer (which I am-- have always had good reactions from peers who read my work.) They NEVER remember/recognize me (even when I was the head organizer for a small conference and listened to one of them talk about herself 1-on-1 for easily 1 hr over the course of 3 days.) While I will admit that artist friends have a different kind of drama, I've had a LOT harder time making writer friends, lol. My longest friend was a "writer friend" in college but neither of us do it full-time as our careers. I've met a few others who are very sweet, but we're not close. It totally relate to 'wanting to read a friend's book but just haven't yet.' I feel so bad!
I can't blame anyone for not recognizing people, I'm quite face blind and once had trouble recognizing THE FRIEND I WAS STAYING WITH once we arrived at a convention and separated...like I'd been hanging out with her for hours one-on-one and immediately confused someone else for her. Luckily I caught it via conversational context before the other person realized...that was not the first time similar incidents happened to me either...
I have so many amazing author friends who are basically just my friends now lol it's way easier to mostly hang with other writers because they GET IT in a way that non-writers just don't. That said, I am definitely always in the 'other people are too cool to reach out to' camp. I can't seem to get past the 'I'm a nobody' voice in my head, even though I know that most authors are actually just cool people who love talking about craft and business etc!
I met my writing group through a free writing workshop at my local library. I didn't want the group to end, and noticed the group was really quite diverse and respectful, this was enough for me. Our group now meets once a week. Luckily one of the members is a good organizer of things. I would suggest offering a free met up with others just interested in writing, and see if there is any chemistry.
I'm always so happy when I see you've posted a new video! It gives me a chance to feel connected to another writer and your topics usually resonate with me. I've lived in a lot of different states and have never had a hard time finding a romance writer's crit group, except here just outside Las Vegas. I've tried 2 of the local general-writing crit groups but no one else writes romance or seems to "get it." Online groups have not worked either; I find them too one-sided, i.e.: I give a thoughtful complete critique and receive 1 or 2 comments like: 'I liked this a lot. Good job.' I love this area and do not want to move again. Thank you for making me smile and laugh so often. 😁🥰🤓
I don't think Asheville actually has a romance writer's group either...? and it is SO much better to have a genre specific group, truly.
Hi, just found your channel. As someone who has watched many authortube videos and seeing other writers working on their projects and talking about beta readers and critique partner - I've always wondered how they found theirs. So thanks for sharing your thoughts about this, I have enjoyed this video it was interesting and I learned a lot from it
Wow! This is the best vid I've seen on this subject!! Thank you so much for the insight!!
I so look forward to your videos! My new favorite author channel. :)
I am moving to a very rural area soon where, as an artist and writer, resources are limited. It’s definitely hard to find your people in places like that, so I joined the local farmer’s market for 2 years to sell my paintings and jewelry. It was such an amazing way to meet a lot of people in my new community but to also find like-minded people. I met several other writers, some of whom write the same genre I do. Anyway, it was an experiment to put myself out there, open myself to critiques of my art (most people were incredibly kind and a few offered very helpful advice as they were artists/teachers themselves), and to basically introduce myself to the community.
That is a great idea, farmer's markets are so fun!
You have EXCELLENT editing skills, as your own writing shows, so WTF?
Well I should clarify, I am a bad big picture editor for other people. I think much like how I am bad at writing to trends and could never do ghostwriting, my deep focus on certain personal themes and elements in my own work makes me have a hard time getting out of my head and into someone else's. I'm not good at plot fixing and sometimes I'm not very good at clarifying why a book isn't working.
This video was a very encouraging and helpful starting point, thanks! Glad to hear that monetisation got cleared up!
I have so many friends and acquaintances who are writers. I just googled for writers groups in my region and just about every other county seems to have one. And then there are the NaNoWriMo gatherings and whatnot. Regional literary journals. Genre groups. Finding people is so easy. And connections lead to connections.
Some regions are much harder than others! NaNo gatherings are a good tip, though, they're kind of like pop-up writer groups that sometimes appear where groups don't otherwise exist.
Reinhard von Lohengramm statue in the bg-- instant subscribe haha. Not a ton of LOGH fans out there!
Don't I know it!! It's my favorite anime (the original, never seen the newer version though I've heard it's good) and not only do you rarely meet anyone who has seen it, but it's hard to even recommend it since it's never gotten a release. I have the Yang Wen-li statue as well, hiding just behind my chair. Yang is my favorite anime character, but obviously I love Reinhard too (my cat is named after him).
For half a year I go outside to juggle. As a result many people want to talk to me.
I made my first writing friends on Livejournal. It was an excellent place for that. We were all so young and some got published and some did not. 20+ years later we have really lost touch except to like each other's kids' pictures on Facebook. Lots of high school graduation photos. 💔 It's hard to start back over finding writing friends after such a long break, esp knowing how the cycle can go.
Success is difficult also because everyone imagines they’re the one person asking a favor when, in reality, they are often the tenth or twentieth that month. It is hard to say no that many times.
Would participare in nanowrimo be an opportunity to know other writers?
I joined Matt Wall's writing community for about 9 months. What made it work was a he would have weekly writing zoom calls where he'd send an email with the zoom link 5-10 mins beforehand and we'd all join. We might chat for a few moments, we'd have writing prompts, people would share stuff they wrote. It was a good time. We got to know each other and each other's work. I dunno. Yours would be different obviously, but i dunno. Just trying to spark an idea.
That is a little like what my friend Fox does, and it does sound like something worth trying to replicate.
👍 👍
Oh man, I crossed paths with a critique partner (my first ever, in fact) who was unnecessarily mean. Maybe my manuscript rubbed her the wrong way or maybe she was about 20 years older and thought I was too immature to write YA🤣 (I was about 27 at the time). But all through her critiques, I got the sense that she had an ax to grind. Long story short, around the time when I finally signed with an agent, this CP and I were having a twitter convo in which I had a typo and she @ this typo to my agent! The irony was that she got agented months before I did so she was already more successful.
In any event, after that relationship failed, I met two very lovely critique partners via Pitch Wars and my agent. But because of that first CP, I developed major trust issues 😭so this just goes to show, if a relationship feels off, it's okay to break up.
Wow. Yikes! What a terrible way to start with critique partners! I've had a few rough ones in my day too, like one who made this whole blog post about "people who don't listen to critiques" after I didn't rewrite my entire book per her suggestions, but actually bringing drama to your brand new agent really takes the cake...
But yes, that is very very true with every sort of relationship!!
@@lidiyafoxgloveauthor Fortunately my agent didn't mention anything or didn't care to read it. And I didn't mention anything to the CP (but I saw what she did there). I just slowly went about backing away from there.
Lol, the passive aggressive 'calling out' blog post. Finding the right CP really is like finding a needle in a haystack.
@@teresachaotic.corner I'm sure agents see it all with the crazy writers at least!!
I got 3 cats, and I dont save any money on them since I still need to travel to see my family! 😂 one of them got bit by a snake this year and that got expensive! She is fine tho, and they are worth it ❤
23:10 You could have a watch party once a month. Stream a funny/underrated movie/TV show/anime and let the live chat make jokes! 📽🎞🍿😁
Or a JRPG. Those are also good
I'm trying to imagine having five friends. Too esoteric.
I write fantasy comedy, and I’m struggling to find a critique partner. Anyone in the same boat?
I write fantasy romance and I'm working on incorporating more comedy into my work. Willing to swap a few chapters and see if we are a good match.
@@graphicdiviner1497 sounds good, let me know where’s best to reach you
Wait. There’s a discord server?
Sorry if this comment posts twice, CZcams was being weird the other day when I tried, but yes! The Discord server is available via the Patreon, which is here: patreon.com/user/about?u=34222724
"And you find out your new friend is really an AI that Google is testing." LOL! Not the point of your video, but you touch on a topic that concerns me. It goes back to the old chestnut: 'we are what we eat'. As a writer, to some extent, I have always been what I read. I never consciously imitate another writer's style, but I find I subconsciously begin to write a bit in the style of whichever author I happen to be reading for pleasure. The recent proliferation of AI generated text, particularly news articles, and the inability to know in advance what you are reading was generated by artificial intelligence - that has me concerned. I read a lot online. I do not want my personal writing style to be influenced by machines (AI). But it seems like that may be unavoidable, unless I start limiting my reading to only physical books published prior to 2023. Am I nuts to be concerned about this?
Can anyone NOT pet a cat when they walk by? 🥹
I can't. My calico "Moose" is always in the mix.
@@webbsamples I can’t, either. I’m not sure I want to meet the person who successfully resists.
I mean, why would you resist anyway!? (Unless you're terribly allergic I guess)
Yes! Via my Patreon there is a Discord server. (In theory my paid Substack users can also join but so far no one has taken me up on it so I can test out how to connect the two...)
@@Jerri.Blank.9674 Same here. I watch animals' reactions to people as well--it helps get to the heart of who someone really is.