Surviving purity culture: How I healed a lifetime of sexual shame | Linda Kay Klein | TEDxMileHigh
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- čas přidán 29. 06. 2024
- In the 1990s, a movement born out of the white, American, evangelical Christian church swept the globe: purity culture. They weren't the first or only fundamentalist religion to sexually shame women & girls. But this time, the message was mainstream, almost cool: women and girls are either pure or impure, depending on their sexuality. Decades later, we're just starting to grapple with the long-term effects of these teachings. In this deeply intimate talk, Linda Kay Klein shares how she recovered from purity culture's toxic teaching -- and how she helps others do the same.
Linda Kay Klein is the award-winning author of "Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement that Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free." She is a purity culture recovery coach and the founder and president of Break Free Together, a nonprofit serving individuals recovering from gender- and sexuality-based religious trauma. She has an interdisciplinary Master's degree in gender, sexuality, and religion from New York University and is a trained Our Whole Lives (OWL) sexuality education facilitator. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Dear God, I'm not alone 😭
MANY women need to watch this one!
I'm absolutely livid about the brownie story and the inability to express yourself and be heard about your health is disheartening
Affects men raised in that culture too, myself and a friend of mine were both affected, and it’s taken 18 years for me to finally move past it.
Only I can claim my identity.
You mean when you were 36? I've been through the same
@@zackcash4941 I’m 36 now. Lol
Thank you for your dedication to healing and changing this horrific traumatizing religious fanaticism. Very much needed.
Purity culture has tormented me even though I've been an atheist for over ten years. I think I didn't want to confront it sooner because of the rage and grief I have about that part of my life being completely obliterated by how I was raised.
I totally relate to the inability to express self --> stomach pain and bleeding, then taking advil to get through the day --> leading to Crohn's. That's exactly how my diagnosis went as well. I went to doctor after doctor before I got a diagnosis. Would love to hear more about this topic from this speaker.
I start writing my first book on this topic just last week. It’s been so moving and emotional to reflect on my experiences and I can’t wait to share it with the world. We are not alone and there is freedom love and restoration for us all. No matter what your history 🙏🏽🙌🏽 bless you all
Yes, you. You're probably scrolling through the comments, like I am, reading all these motivational comments. If you are reading this at night, you should get some sleep, and don't stress about everything going on in the world, or what you are going through. Don't dwell on things from the past, don't stress thinking about your future. Just live your life, because you only get one. Do whatever makes you happy, not what other people want from you. I hope you do the same and have an amazing day as well!
😭😭😭 I needed this omg ❤
Thank you for this ❤
I'm an atheist myself, but grew up in Utah surrounded by Mormons. All of my friends are Mormons, including my best friend. I love them so much and really wish I could do something to help them with this, as I can tell just from the way they talk they're pretty greatly affected. It really makes me sad, because I worry about them, but also because I worry that they find me immoral because I'm more open and comfortable about these things.
Trust me Buddhists have it too in Sri Lanka. The word is pathivatha. Purity based on the life of a Hindu god, heavily supported by victorian mindsets of our colonial past.
This woman is me, I am this woman. I need to go to her organization some day, I need to be free from the PTSD of religious fanaticism and purity culture.
Right on Linda! I loved your,freedom of choice statement! I’m glad that you are somewhat more free. Some conditioning is taken in so deep that even when we realize that it’s a lie,it still can guilt us.
I never grew up in purity culture and never had any of these issues...I am now in my 30s and am starting to be affected now by purity culture when they talk about body count and how "women" (they see to miss the mens talk) loose value every time they sleep with someone.
So many misogynists in the comments.
Yes, men that benefit from women being victims of purity culture. They do not want to give up the power play
Very powerful talk. The ideas and the presentation. I loved the ending part about choice at the end.
Omg... the knife story is the worst version of a purity metaphor I've ever heard 😱
She's so brave to even be able to speak these things out loud...I love how she reached back out to her community and is trying to help others heal. My entire family, friends & best friend of 25 years ghosted my husband and I when we finally stopped deluding ourselves that Christianity was true. Christianity is itself a vicious cult, just as much as Mormonism or Jehovah's Witnesses, which Evangelical Christians are very fond of mocking and dismissing as cults!
I can relate. Christianity was brought to my country through colonialism and they hunted anyone who opposed it, and then did cultural cleansing and destroyed our cultural identity, language and names and YET people here don’t accept that Christianity is a vicious cult. We see the consequences of the brainwashing by the Catholic Church everyday but even then people are so brainwashed they rather demonize our ancestors religion and worship the white man. Truly tragic.
Awesome message, thank you.
Oh how I wish I could communicate with you. You hit the nail right on the head with me. I am male I’m 67. I wish we had something like that here so I got someone to talk to you I live alone. My family is all gone so being alone is very tough on top of what I’m dealing with . Thank you for your video.
Great important talk!!
I needed to hear this. Thank you so much.
Yes It had an huge Impact in my life and still has :-(
Thank you for this video!
Wonderful message. Sorry you had to go through this.
Real change is built upon gratitude. An improved body does not mean you are throwing this one away. It means you are taking care of it. Lauren Hutton said, “We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be.“
There is no disdain in the world of Fabulous. As you transform, remember that it is this person who has marched through the world. You can change something about yourself, but you do not need to hate yourself for it. Quite the opposite.
This was life-changing, thank you
Wow, thanks so much
❤Thank you❤
The old saying you do you boo. Fork what anyone else thinks. As long as you respect yourself and others
Thank you❤
Sonho um dia escrever um livro❤
❤❤❤❤❤well
Interesting.
Pat yourselves on the back women, youve made it congrats
Oh my goodness I love your videos
Hi baby 😚😚😚❤
Modernity
@milonroydipto ew literally a baby. Don't say that to profile that had a child on it fuxking weirdo.
Lol does this apply to you?
Stop saying "purity culture" and just say cult.
Our conscience sometimes knows things that our conscious minds don't. And self-discipline is highly correlated with success in life. I'm not sure why anyone would prefer to live with anger or lust or greed or other unworthy emotions. But, regardless of our worthiness, our worth is infinite. And we all enjoy free will that must be respected.
Y'all remember who the victim is here and always will be!!!
😭😭😭😭
Parents that do this to their children should be thrown in prison.
What you don't need to do in your life is "answer to God"
When you die you will
Now do a talk on overcoming promiscuity
It's a balance.
Please talk in Hindi
If there were a God, which religion would he be? There have been thousands of gods, we only need to get rid one more.
Most gods are in incarnations of the same few ideas.
If you eliminate the name the concept will remain.
Which is why people who “don’t believe in God” will talk about “the universe”, “reality” or “destiny”.
People believe that there is some force, it’s usually only the specifics that change.
That was an awful waste of brownies.
What??
Kitap İbranice yanlış Bir şekilde yazarsanız sizin sonunuzu getirebilir o yüzden en az 10 kere düşünüp alın
What i see the main issue of what happened here is that the way she was taught these values was too forceful and as human beings 7 out of 10 times we gonna rebel ,especially when we ain't taught the foundational mental,spiritual and physical reasoning in logic and the concept of cause and effect ,i totally see why she chose her path ,shaming people into embodying virtue WILL NEVER WORK ,the creator never wanted us to do so,the creator wanted us to embody an example of the virtue principles to inspire others to follow, this womans life is the effect of leaders not embodying what they were teaching, just talking ,this is an example of how not fully living what we preach can go south for us and others, i wish everyone well along their journey, on the many paths to the creator, just be mindful of the causes and effects we each have and we will be well
The other problem is that the “virtue” itself if flawed.
Chastity is not a good deed, virginity is not a virtue.
Teaching the rejection of normal and healthy things as necessary for moral health is inherently damaging.
@Grokford ahh but have you studied the logical framework as to why they chose to first implement such? It's because our bodies have memory that cannot be erased,and it effects the energies of the human being and their capability of spiritually remaining balanced their whole life long, it goes deeper as well ,things like this we aren't directly told many times because so few are capable of being responsible enough to know such knowledge and implement it,it's basically set in place to keep people from spiritually destroying themselves which in turn corrupts many others and so on until the cycle is broken,it seems we're in an age where people are ready to hear the full truth responsible or not it needs to be broadcasted
Still not as bad as Thot culture.
As Muslim I can say that purity culture is important and it’s part of my religion but we should convey it to our kids smoothly to not traumatize them.
There is no harmless way to teach people that there is something they must repress about themselves.
Lot of people struggle even within marriage after teached that certain body parts or things are sinful.
That If something is done to you, it ruins your life or your 'inherent' worth forever.
"Respecting your body turns" takes more sinister meaning filled with shame
Purity culture sucks
No. Hope that helps.
How I find a Girlfriend?. I need a gf❤,single life is... 😢😢
You say NEED BUT REALLY MEAN WANT. you are not even willing to admit your faults so
you are not even close to being ready
@@SOCALBORN I understand. But I'm very lonely. I don't have any friends. I lost all my friends while focusing on studies. Now where can I find friends?
Bro you need/want a past-time, travel, Art, Photography or a strong cause 2 B involved in/with.......
strengthen your life!🕊🕊💃🏼.............🚶♂✍🏼
Leaving your happiness in someone else's hands is a losing game.
Hey friend. With all due respect to everyone here, I think another answer you'd benefit from is this:
There is absolutely no shame in wanting to have an intimate relationship and a wholesome relationship with a very special person, in both of our cases a woman/girlfriend. It's only human to desire and crave intimacy and connection. Don't discard that. Feel it and embrace it.
I (21-yr old male) have been struggling; I'd love to have a girlfriend as well. It's really emotional intimacy I crave and desire. Physical intimacy is something I desire too, but it's really mental, emotional and spiritual intimacy and stimulation that's at the core of my desire.
Now to directly answer your question. How you find a girlfriend is by finding and embracing your authentic self first. I know it's easier said than done, but what's made it easier for me is surrendering to the process, surrendering to the Universe, embracing my single life. In doing so, we're actually proving to ourselves that we're readying ourselves for our special person and in being ready, the relationship will just be that much better!
By realizing that you have been given this life and by recognizing what you yourself have been put here for is the fabric of your very being because you are energy, you're more than the flesh and blood you see. Once you develop that intimate relationship with yourself, you naturally start attracting all the right people into your life, including the person that's meant to be your beloved girlfriend. In healing yourself, you're healing your relationship with existence and the souls that are meant to be with you.
Even if you're not spiritual, it doesn't matter. At the very least, be thankful for the lessons you've learned and are learning. Once you start to feel love for yourself, celebrate that by being a light for others. What you give out will come back to you. You are love and you were made from love. Therefore, be love, feel love, give love and receive love. You're worthy, my friend. Sending love and healing vibes.
You and I will find our girlfriends/partners. My name is Tristan. All the best! ❤😊
My foot
"Are you off your f'n meds"
A lot of the underpriveleged people of racial minorities grew up in cultures that unfortunately, did not have a purity culture. So as a result, most of the minorities who are religious tend to be more conservative. But that rebellion that you embrace now is a slap in the face to those people who would have given anything to have grown up in a purity culture. All you can do is thumb your nose at it.
People shouldn't be harshly judge by their s3x lives or secular activities.
Broad brush
TED ratio'd again!😂
ad populum fallacy again! 😂
@@Nameorsmth Guess what? Don't give a hoot😄 plus this isn't a debate, it's opinion and most people don't agree.
i'd rather date a conservative, decent woman than a woman that's been passed around
Same. Got a conservative tradwife and have never been happier.
Both kinds of women end the same way in the real world. Most of these conservative gooses get a divorce after a few years of marriage, start the life of single mothers and become bitter. Which is the same fate that "a woman that's been passed around" has. Also decent liberal women exist too, lol.
That’s fine as long as you’re not passed around either. A lot of us virgins don’t want non virgins
Same. I would never settle for a wh0re and I'm pretty liberal. lol
I think you missed the point of this whole talk.
Weird logic. Flawed conclusions. Lies and lies
Now purity is a bad thing. 😂 The attack on Christianity continues.
1. It’s not attack. It’s self defense.
W. Do you think survivors of purity culture are only Christian? Think again. (Spoiler alert! She doesn’t say that).
@@gabitamiravideos Survivors of purity? 🤣
@@gabitamiravideos self defense.... It is well o. Just say you don't believe in accountability and consequences.
@@gabitamiravideos self defense.... It is well o. Just say you don't believe in accountability and consequences.
You miss the point
yeah women should all live like the kardashians lol
Most of them do girls nowadays just wanna try everything at least 56 times I know girls in their mid 20s that I have already slept with 100+ people in their college girls from rich wealthy families
No, people should be atheists - rational. Doing what is right, because facts and experience says so. The Kardashians are religious 🖕
It really is an obvious agenda and narrative being pushed here
You’ve missed the point.
Yes, look at how purity is ruining society 🙄
I’m sorry that you consider PTSD to be trivial.
@@Grokford 🤣🤣🤣🤣 promoting purity is ptsd, please get a life
So why do peoples "taking back your gift of choice" have to be exercised against God, and what is right in Truth? ...He gave you that gift of choice so you can choose Him and insist on His ways; and so that your relationship with Him would be based upon your choice, and not be that He forced it on you.
Because people can't see beyond that...
So he created us as his playthings, gave us free will, and abandons us to torture if we choose wrong?
No thanks, I don't wanna know your sadist.
@@PablumMcDump who creates you as "playthings" and "abandons" you? That's not the God I know
The church hurt people, it’s not remotely surprising that people don’t trust the church about God when they were wrong about so much.
Oh so purity is bad.
This lecture should be named " how I became a hoe"
yikes
3:17. She swallowed whole bottles of something indeed
Get a life.
The reality is this men like younger, pure, more fertile women. End of.
what men like doesn't matter when it comes to women's quality of life
@@r0segardens - It matters of a women wants to be with a man or have a husband
@@jameshumphries5059this woman has a husband and kids lol
Speak for yourself ya weirdo
Currently most women opt out. @@jameshumphries5059
Thanks for your lecture. There is nothing called purity culture. You experience won't be a fact or apply to everyone. U have spent a year to find out the feelings of woman what about boys feeling.
Evangelicals say about self control. It is essential for everyone.
We need to be holy beause god is holy. It is not purity culture. we are discriminating pure or impure about woman that is your definition . It can't be apply.
Only word repent.....Jesus said to the woman. Why read. First you must know what is in the bible don't go with purity move.ent and attack Christianity. Don't slap others without knowing them. Christianity is not a religion it is a relationship.
hehe shut up
Its not that deep...
It is though. This has long term consequences.
"purity culture survivors" lol
I’m sorry that you think that long-term psychological distress is something trivial.
@@Grokford im sorry for you that you find navigating life difficult.
@@Zefram0911
Are you?
Because you seem rather dismissive of it.
And I'm not even talking about me, I'm talking about millions of people here. Even if all of them were cured tomorrow the social ramifications are unending.
😂 really this topic is important for Tedx!? 😅 what the added value !
It’s not?!!!!!!
trauma and abuse are no laughing matter, you brainwashed muslim
Speak for yourself bud, I came looking for this exactly.
This is really weird. I wonder if she didn't just make at least some of this up.
Oh I’ve seen worse, you’d be surprised what goes on.
That's a myth.