Honestly guys, after watching this video literally I apologised to myself, apologised to my inner child that I have been damaging with a lot of criticism and self doubts I didn't realise that I was actually hurting my inner child and I apologised, cried and accepted my faults and I told my inner child that no, we're going to get through this. The reassurance I wanted from that other person, I gave it to my inner child that I will fix everything I have been very bad with you I have been very toxic with you but not anymore I am going to make everything right and I love my self. Become a parent to your inner child they always needed. This video gave me a major breakthrough. Can't thank enough 🙏🏻
Working on other areas of your life when you realised you’re getting too obsessed over a crush has to be one of the best practical advice so far (as obvious as it may sound)
1. Yes i had a lot of free time. 2. I am influenced by Bollywood love stories. 3. I love arguing with my boyfriend, seeking love, waiting for texts, i follow those unwritten rules! God, I'm so stupid!
I'm currently trying to prevent myself from obsessing over someone I can't be with. You are spot on when it comes to trying to focus on other things that are happening in my life. It can be difficult at times but I will have to try harder. This will be something I will have to talk with my therapist. What the other person has given me was support and a friend I never had growing up. Supportive, has similarities with me and trustworthy. I've been there before and I can surely get pass this as well.
@mintandpineapples Things are going well as they should. Unfortunately, the person I was trying to not obsess over turned out to show their true colors. It hurts to know the truth and learn about their reality, but grateful to be free. I can continue carrying on and hope I find someone better and worth my time.
@@diegomendoza1975 Maybe you can find useful knowing more about limerance and the root of it and how we use it to avoid dealing with our unresolved issues. Limerance and crushes are related in my opinion.
1. It's very logical, but I think limerance results from unresolved trauma. Obsession is projection, right. Having free time or working full time, if you are in stuck in limerance, temporality isn't going to change much of your internal fantasy. You'll just be exhausted, and obsessed, I'm sorry to say. But your idea of a brainstorm of other areas of life is wonderful and helps the subject to visualise alternatives. Exactly. 2. Media and marketing has a vested interest in creating an ideology of Romanticism, yeah? Maintain status anxiety and relative positioning (especially among the bourgeois). People go for unavailable people because again of unresolved (usually childhood) trauma. It's much easier to have a parasocial relationship of pure fantasy than the practical reality of negotiating an honest intimacy. But this fantasy is a trauma response because of neglectful or absent parents, so you as a kid go into a fantasy world of love and hugs etc in order to survive the emotional deficiency of parents, no. Further, I think also being expectant of rules in relationships, is simply a projection of one's own lack of self love. Because isn't it, strangely, easier to love the Other person than to love yourself. That doesn't mean though that you are saved from insecurities, in fact, it hyperfocalizes them often, because unlike your interior self, you cannot control your external lover. No matter how hard you try (or delude yourself into thinking you can). 3. Conditional trauma of parental drama. (i.e. you like drama because as a kid you saw your parents in drama, and as such that is your perception of normal, hence its your expectation going into both relationships but more broadly, life.) This is, as you say, a trauma response. Shadow work, then inner child work, is primarily just feeling it, not thinking it. Hence why these forms of self awareness are so potent and productive. All the answers to the questions are just below the surface. I think, as with almost everything both in psychology and in life, you simply have to be: Honest.
5:10 she nails the issue right on the head. Scary how relatable this advice was because I have never met you, talked about my life, and yet it feels like you know me better than I know myself.
Here's my thing. My obsession hasn't gotten to a point where I would think for a second I had a chance with them nor do I think they care about me. Yet, I'm still obsessed. I'm obsessed with the joy that watching their content and following what their share on SM. I'm obsessed with the years of virtual memories I made with strangers online over this person. I was a child when I first discovered them, and I didn't realize it would get this bad. Your brutal words about me having no life and too much free time is so true. I'm just struggling to fill in that free time because I'm so lonely and don't know how to make friends. It's so so hard ):
Thank you so much for sharing ur story. It is hard to see ourselves from an outer perspective. We live in our emotions. Don't be to hard on yourself and I recommend all her videos so good. I've been totally broken and have came so far I sometimes don't recognize myself. Keep up the great work and I'm wishing for you the best!
I was loved and cared for as a child, unconditionally. However after ending my relationship of 23 years which was devoid of any validation, love or care due to chronic cheating behavior of partner, I feel a vacuum. I am developing other aspects of my life like going for a Professional course, spending time with family and trying to seek a job. I still do feel the need to engage with someone but avoid it as I can sense it will not be good for me. When do we feel we are enough and how? I have not engaged in any addictive behavior but still feel a void that must be filled.
Tysm for making these videos on obsessing over someone. I’ve been in therapy about this issue but never received the answers as to why this happens. Your videos have really opened my eyes to what is actually going on. It’s made such a difference and shift in my perspective. I didn’t realise how much unhealed childhood trauma I still carry in my adulthood. It’s the reason why I struggle so much in relationships.
What a timing. I needed this so much. Part one was helping me, fell into a small hole tonight and then your video showed up. You’re amazing! Thank you!!
I have this toxic pattern where i imagine myself into a scenario with someone who is fictional or impossible to get(k drama characters) i imagine myself talking to them being loved by them etc...what is the solution for this as this habit is literally ruining my life!
Francesca, I will be honest. Few months ago when one oh your shorts appeared on my feed, I clicked it despite the fact I qualified you as "discoteque girl". In my vocabulary, especially in this context it was not a compliment. Then I was surprised. Clicked subscribe. And today, despite my interest in psychology, I got to know something new. I heard about dopamime. I heard about obsessive personalities, but I never combined these two in the way, or in the context that was presented here. Thank you.
Thank you for making this video. I wished I have seen it sooner and let myself fall for unavailable guy who just strung me along until I caught feelings and get hurt because I let him be the centre
Richard Cooper has said something very similar to that first minute of ur video. Yes we do indeed need to diversify our lives to other areas! Brilliant Francesca! The partner is not the focus, we need to make our lives more interesting for our own overall health 😁
Seriously it’s so so true n exactly it’s like just my situation rn it was very helpful indeed pls continue ur videos they’re so relatable 🙌🏻n all the best 😊
Yes these is what I am doing😱😱😱😱😱😱 thanks for waking up to reality lady u r great these is what I exactly wanted to change but my mind don't want to escape.
This is such a fact about the inner child the strange part being unavailable or unattainable is that being the most precious part of the quality and self well-being of someone is how is it biligerent spite becomes issued from our most endearing special friends lover family whomever in form to burn people out and relationships become harmful fires without resources to put them out. Really it's such a problem the we lose the elertness of respect sometimes; excellent video MY FRIEND!
I hope if you can make a video of making ourself, self-sufficient Or a mindset that we need to adapt to make it possible I feel like 90% of such problems can be solved with this
Thank you. I made notes whilst watching the last and this video- I did do the exercise you suggested about writing what I like about him , and islands etc I appreciate your help and input
im clingy because i hate being by myself. i have spent past decade alone a lot the moment i get opportunity just to be present with another human i take it.
Smile, walk with your attitude (not gangster for example, but like Buddha maybe?), Open yourself to others, ask them: what's your name (then remember it like a prayer), look them in the eyes (gentle, not intense stare) and ask simply - "tell me the story of your life". Practice this. Relax your body as you talk, and especially as you listen to them. Also, wear red or a bright yellow, and it will make people look at you and soon you will see that you have no need to be shy. People are usually just as shy as you, they are just faking not being shy, in order to get through the day. Finally, never desire to be anyone's equal. Learn to be yourself: go into yourself and ask if there was no praise and no blame from others to me, who then would I be? And then, be whoever that is every day until you create your own self, your own style. Just be. You're already worthy, you're already perfect. Good luck 😊
You can have hobbies, interesting life, friends but deep down you know and feel something is missing. Humans, souls are split to man and woman, energy. Rare people could and would choose solitude and live that way, especially women. Most people want to find their other half, soul of their group. Obsession is not healthy for that person spiritually but it is sign that it wants desperately relationship or there was maybe past life connection, it depends on situation.
Hello Ma'am, I am really thankful to you for sharing such info ☺️☺️ I was obsessing over an online person whom I never met in real life and was ignoring my day to day activities and things which I actually liked to do like drawing, reading, singing etc . Your video made me realise that I have more power over my emotions and actions as an adult and these days I am trying to learn more about my inner child and identify any negative memories that are holding me back 😁🤓.
This is very practical, as well as the part 1. I'm taking from here the exercise of writing in a page about what realms I have in my life and what do I want to focus more. From the 1st part I'm going to write down what that guy has that I want to have in myself and I'll start working on it. I have a clear list of it, I literally want to be HIM and to have HIS life since I don't have it. Just the acknowledgment of these things makes a big difference! Thank you! I'd like to know more about how to connect the inner child, and how to solve these problems or at least acknowledge them and start working on a change :) Again, thank you very much! And by the way, I've just subscribed to your Instagram channel!
I found the concept of limerance confusing at first but now I know it's a way to distract myself in order to not deal with my own issues. Of course it's more complex than idealizating someone you don't know and who is unavailable and unattainable but in a way, obsessing about someone you don't know well it's another way to avoid yourself and it has a lot to do with childhood fantasies that helped you to dissociate of a harsh past reality.
What if one has no passions? How can she find out what she wants to do with her life without passions? And what if one can't get into a relationship with that person because they live in a different country?
@@jennifermartin4505 bravo for an actual helpful comment. Not like the one above. And yes, I agree with you. Getting out of one's comfort zone can bring discovery and passions
Honestly guys, after watching this video literally I apologised to myself, apologised to my inner child that I have been damaging with a lot of criticism and self doubts I didn't realise that I was actually hurting my inner child and I apologised, cried and accepted my faults and I told my inner child that no, we're going to get through this. The reassurance I wanted from that other person, I gave it to my inner child that I will fix everything I have been very bad with you I have been very toxic with you but not anymore I am going to make everything right and I love my self. Become a parent to your inner child they always needed. This video gave me a major breakthrough. Can't thank enough 🙏🏻
Ur cmnt is save me thankewww
Working on other areas of your life when you realised you’re getting too obsessed over a crush has to be one of the best practical advice so far (as obvious as it may sound)
1. Yes i had a lot of free time.
2. I am influenced by Bollywood love stories.
3. I love arguing with my boyfriend, seeking love, waiting for texts, i follow those unwritten rules!
God, I'm so stupid!
Same here im obsessed with bollywood movies and ofc srk🤣
I'm currently trying to prevent myself from obsessing over someone I can't be with. You are spot on when it comes to trying to focus on other things that are happening in my life. It can be difficult at times but I will have to try harder. This will be something I will have to talk with my therapist. What the other person has given me was support and a friend I never had growing up. Supportive, has similarities with me and trustworthy. I've been there before and I can surely get pass this as well.
How is it going, may i ask?
@mintandpineapples Things are going well as they should. Unfortunately, the person I was trying to not obsess over turned out to show their true colors. It hurts to know the truth and learn about their reality, but grateful to be free. I can continue carrying on and hope I find someone better and worth my time.
@@diegomendoza1975
Maybe you can find useful knowing more about limerance and the root of it and how we use it to avoid dealing with our unresolved issues. Limerance and crushes are related in my opinion.
1. It's very logical, but I think limerance results from unresolved trauma. Obsession is projection, right. Having free time or working full time, if you are in stuck in limerance, temporality isn't going to change much of your internal fantasy. You'll just be exhausted, and obsessed, I'm sorry to say. But your idea of a brainstorm of other areas of life is wonderful and helps the subject to visualise alternatives. Exactly.
2. Media and marketing has a vested interest in creating an ideology of Romanticism, yeah? Maintain status anxiety and relative positioning (especially among the bourgeois). People go for unavailable people because again of unresolved (usually childhood) trauma. It's much easier to have a parasocial relationship of pure fantasy than the practical reality of negotiating an honest intimacy. But this fantasy is a trauma response because of neglectful or absent parents, so you as a kid go into a fantasy world of love and hugs etc in order to survive the emotional deficiency of parents, no. Further, I think also being expectant of rules in relationships, is simply a projection of one's own lack of self love. Because isn't it, strangely, easier to love the Other person than to love yourself. That doesn't mean though that you are saved from insecurities, in fact, it hyperfocalizes them often, because unlike your interior self, you cannot control your external lover. No matter how hard you try (or delude yourself into thinking you can).
3. Conditional trauma of parental drama. (i.e. you like drama because as a kid you saw your parents in drama, and as such that is your perception of normal, hence its your expectation going into both relationships but more broadly, life.) This is, as you say, a trauma response. Shadow work, then inner child work, is primarily just feeling it, not thinking it. Hence why these forms of self awareness are so potent and productive. All the answers to the questions are just below the surface. I think, as with almost everything both in psychology and in life, you simply have to be: Honest.
Whew!!! That “going for people who are unavailable” statement was spot on! Everything else too but that one hit home!
ive only watched 3 videos of this woman AND OMFG!!! explained in such simple terms yet hits right to the core. BRILLIANT!!!
5:10 she nails the issue right on the head. Scary how relatable this advice was because I have never met you, talked about my life, and yet it feels like you know me better than I know myself.
Here's my thing. My obsession hasn't gotten to a point where I would think for a second I had a chance with them nor do I think they care about me. Yet, I'm still obsessed. I'm obsessed with the joy that watching their content and following what their share on SM. I'm obsessed with the years of virtual memories I made with strangers online over this person. I was a child when I first discovered them, and I didn't realize it would get this bad. Your brutal words about me having no life and too much free time is so true. I'm just struggling to fill in that free time because I'm so lonely and don't know how to make friends. It's so so hard ):
Thank you so much for sharing ur story. It is hard to see ourselves from an outer perspective. We live in our emotions. Don't be to hard on yourself and I recommend all her videos so good. I've been totally broken and have came so far I sometimes don't recognize myself. Keep up the great work and I'm wishing for you the best!
I agree with everything just not sure how it will destroy the idealism just by been with the person Ur obsessed with ?
I was loved and cared for as a child, unconditionally. However after ending my relationship of 23 years which was devoid of any validation, love or care due to chronic cheating behavior of partner, I feel a vacuum. I am developing other aspects of my life like going for a Professional course, spending time with family and trying to seek a job. I still do feel the need to engage with someone but avoid it as I can sense it will not be good for me. When do we feel we are enough and how? I have not engaged in any addictive behavior but still feel a void that must be filled.
Tysm for making these videos on obsessing over someone. I’ve been in therapy about this issue but never received the answers as to why this happens. Your videos have really opened my eyes to what is actually going on. It’s made such a difference and shift in my perspective. I didn’t realise how much unhealed childhood trauma I still carry in my adulthood. It’s the reason why I struggle so much in relationships.
Thank You Francesca. To realize that people are now expressing the dramatic need toward our mental well being is an encouragement to strive ahead.
This is exactly what I needed to hear , when I needed to hear it. Thank you ❤
I needed to hear this! Thank you, Francesca you are sooo right.
What a timing. I needed this so much. Part one was helping me, fell into a small hole tonight and then your video showed up. You’re amazing! Thank you!!
I have this toxic pattern where i imagine myself into a scenario with someone who is fictional or impossible to get(k drama characters) i imagine myself talking to them being loved by them etc...what is the solution for this as this habit is literally ruining my life!
Learn about limerance and of course, inner child work is essential.
This was so relatable. Every word makes sense
Francesca, you are amazing and sorted in your diagnosis, and easy with your explanation and approach. Keep up the good work!
Francesca, I will be honest. Few months ago when one oh your shorts appeared on my feed, I clicked it despite the fact I qualified you as "discoteque girl". In my vocabulary, especially in this context it was not a compliment. Then I was surprised. Clicked subscribe. And today, despite my interest in psychology, I got to know something new. I heard about dopamime. I heard about obsessive personalities, but I never combined these two in the way, or in the context that was presented here. Thank you.
This is sooo 100% true! Thank u again Francesca! Once again, so educational & eye-opening!!
You are awesome!!! Thank you for your work!
Thank you so much for explaining the levels of our thoughts so deeply....this might help me get rid of my problems...
You earned yourself a new follower. Your energy, your rational and professionalism are just exemplary. 😍
Thank you for these gems. And for giving me back what I lost as a child. 🙏♥️
Best video! Really addressed all my issues!
One of the most important video I've ever seen. Thank u
This video is amazing. So much to think about. I have it saved to come back to if I need. Thank you so much!
Absolutely brilliant. Thank you Francesca🤩
this was incredibly insightful & i definitely did rewind a few times 😂 i appreciate the simplistic ways you have of summing up complicated topics 🧡
This was so on point!!!!!!
Thank you.. It was much needed 💜
Thank you for making this video. I wished I have seen it sooner and let myself fall for unavailable guy who just strung me along until I caught feelings and get hurt because I let him be the centre
Honestly saw your beautiful and meaningful video for the first time and I’m obsessed!!!
Hahaha so true 😅 I thought the same
😂
This was absolutely perfect thank you for this …
This is great! I'd love a part 3!
You definitely read my mind. Everything you pointed out is what ive been experiencing. Your video has helped me to rewire my brain
Thank you so much for the advice and the tips 😊❤
You are so knowledgable in psychology! Thanks for your video
This was a fire video. More of these please.
So trueee 🤧😭😭😭..gurl so happy I found your channel
This was really really helpful!!
Richard Cooper has said something very similar to that first minute of ur video. Yes we do indeed need to diversify our lives to other areas! Brilliant Francesca! The partner is not the focus, we need to make our lives more interesting for our own overall health 😁
Great video. We’ll explained & I never thought about these
Right on, I like your content !
Seriously it’s so so true n exactly it’s like just my situation rn it was very helpful indeed pls continue ur videos they’re so relatable 🙌🏻n all the best 😊
Yes these is what I am doing😱😱😱😱😱😱 thanks for waking up to reality lady u r great these is what I exactly wanted to change but my mind don't want to escape.
This is such a fact about the inner child the strange part being unavailable or unattainable is that being the most precious part of the quality and self well-being of someone is how is it biligerent spite becomes issued from our most endearing special friends lover family whomever in form to burn people out and relationships become harmful fires without resources to put them out. Really it's such a problem the we lose the elertness of respect sometimes; excellent video MY FRIEND!
My god i love you, i needed this so much. You're truly an angel. Keep shining and growing
I hope if you can make a video of making ourself, self-sufficient Or a mindset that we need to adapt to make it possible I feel like 90% of such problems can be solved with this
And Just like that, after watching this video, am now even more obsessed with this Channel.
We definitely need videos on making new friends getting out of zone of traumas relating to friendships
Thank you soo much. This was really helpful😊
Amazing insight ❤ thank you
I'm obsessed with your beauty and your incredible voice 😅... But seriously your content is amazing!
Thank you. I made notes whilst watching the last and this video- I did do the exercise you suggested about writing what I like about him , and islands etc
I appreciate your help and input
👍🏻 .. On point.. Thank you 😇😇
What a great sharing ✨✨✨, really help overcome my obsession 👍, looking forward more of your content in future.✨
This was amazing ❤
How to make inner child more safe when you really don't know where to start and what to do. Need the safety aspect in more detail ❤️❤️
I'm so obsessed with you.... Such a great learning experience in your videos.... ❤❤
I wanna just say you thank you so much ❤️Now I understood why this happens to me .lots of love 💕
Your content is so helpful and provides clarity without judgement🫶😘✨thank you for sharing
I’m enjoying all of your videos.
Ilyyy frrr don't ever stop posting
I really love your videos 💗
The best advise for it. Thanks a lot I will try it. ❤️
You are so adorable! Very helpful insights and psychological info! You know your stuff!😎
im clingy because i hate being by myself. i have spent past decade alone a lot the moment i get opportunity just to be present with another human i take it.
This is sooooo good.
Thank you. This is helpful.
This girl is so wise ❤
Sooooooooooooo good francesca so relatable n simple n on point
How to be bold and stop being shy .courage in everything and any situation is crucial for living happy
Smile, walk with your attitude (not gangster for example, but like Buddha maybe?), Open yourself to others, ask them: what's your name (then remember it like a prayer), look them in the eyes (gentle, not intense stare) and ask simply - "tell me the story of your life". Practice this. Relax your body as you talk, and especially as you listen to them.
Also, wear red or a bright yellow, and it will make people look at you and soon you will see that you have no need to be shy. People are usually just as shy as you, they are just faking not being shy, in order to get through the day. Finally, never desire to be anyone's equal. Learn to be yourself: go into yourself and ask if there was no praise and no blame from others to me, who then would I be? And then, be whoever that is every day until you create your own self, your own style. Just be. You're already worthy, you're already perfect. Good luck 😊
@@thekajalflaneur well said...
@@thekajalflaneur thanx but it is ego .thats not as easy as you say. Its so much deeper. And in men is so much harder .
I needed this the most ❤❤❤❤ thanks a lot but I can't express how dramatic things were going but now I am so relief
i really needed this thank u it really help
Smart advice and charming. Keep it up!
Such a great video, it was really insightful 😮
Thank you...i can understand myself better now,🥰
You re the best!!!🥰
It was way helpful than you can ever imagine ❤
Great work n brilliantly explained in simple words... many thanks.
You can have hobbies, interesting life, friends but deep down you know and feel something is missing. Humans, souls are split to man and woman, energy. Rare people could and would choose solitude and live that way, especially women. Most people want to find their other half, soul of their group. Obsession is not healthy for that person spiritually but it is sign that it wants desperately relationship or there was maybe past life connection, it depends on situation.
Hey dear.. your videos are really good and helpful. Thank you so much for these insightful messages that you are giving to this world ❣️
More seriously, I am living this exact situation right now. Very hard... I will try to use your advice. Thanks.
Wow this is great info.
Hello Ma'am, I am really thankful to you for sharing such info ☺️☺️ I was obsessing over an online person whom I never met in real life and was ignoring my day to day activities and things which I actually liked to do like drawing, reading, singing etc . Your video made me realise that I have more power over my emotions and actions as an adult and these days I am trying to learn more about my inner child and identify any negative memories that are holding me back 😁🤓.
I am in the same position right now 😔
very helpful information. thank you! i must heal my inner child.
I think I'm obsessed with your content.
Wow..well articulated excellent video
This is very practical, as well as the part 1. I'm taking from here the exercise of writing in a page about what realms I have in my life and what do I want to focus more. From the 1st part I'm going to write down what that guy has that I want to have in myself and I'll start working on it. I have a clear list of it, I literally want to be HIM and to have HIS life since I don't have it. Just the acknowledgment of these things makes a big difference! Thank you!
I'd like to know more about how to connect the inner child, and how to solve these problems or at least acknowledge them and start working on a change :)
Again, thank you very much!
And by the way, I've just subscribed to your Instagram channel!
Thank you so much I learned from you...❣️❣️❣️
I found the concept of limerance confusing at first but now I know it's a way to distract myself in order to not deal with my own issues. Of course it's more complex than idealizating someone you don't know and who is unavailable and unattainable but in a way, obsessing about someone you don't know well it's another way to avoid yourself and it has a lot to do with childhood fantasies that helped you to dissociate of a harsh past reality.
I love your videos, your voice is so soft and pleasant♥️♥️♥️🌹
Great wisdom here
With friends: this is my army! LOL
Thank you for the video! ♥
Wonderful and inspiring
I'm addicted to ur videos ♡
Tnx for great informations
U are really good...thank u very helpful
What if one has no passions? How can she find out what she wants to do with her life without passions? And what if one can't get into a relationship with that person because they live in a different country?
Why on earth would you ever want a relationship with someone in another country?
Trying new things is a great way to figure out what you like and finding passion.
@@jennifermartin4505 bravo for an actual helpful comment. Not like the one above. And yes, I agree with you. Getting out of one's comfort zone can bring discovery and passions
@@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788 thank you ☺️
@@Infoseek777 he/she might meant long distance relationship.. their lover/ partner lives in another country for work, study maybe
So true and pure❤❤