man vs. bear: are all men trash or just your taste in men?
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- čas přidán 28. 06. 2024
- the whole “man vs the bear” debate got me thinking… what a sad society we live in ;-; in this video i talk about harmful gender stereotypes, the “all men are trash” saying, societal expectations, toxic masculinity, and how they shape our views on men and relationships. in order to embrace healthy love, we’ve gotta reframe our mindset
p.s. i asked my dad what his thoughts were on the man vs bear debate. his answer: 🐻
s o c i a l s
instagram: texirra?igs...
c h a p t e r s
0:00 intro
1:25 toxic masculinity and gender norms
2:48 media examples
5:00 choosing the bear makes sense, but…
5:48 reframe your mindset
8:58 final thoughts
10:55 outro
m u s i c
it might have been yellow - ludvig moulin
liljeholmsviken - vendla
guess i shouldn’t - magnus ludvigsson
Q & A
how old are you? 22
what camera/mic do you use? sony zv1f
what editor do you use? final cut pro
t a g s
relationships, toxic masculinity, positive masculinity, man or the bear, man vs the bear, gender stereotypes, love, critical thinking, healthy relationships, mental health awareness, men’s mental health month, societal norms, Andrew Tate, boys will be boys, debunking myths, challenging stereotypes
sub-count: 310 ☻
𝑩𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝑰𝒏𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔:
texirra@gmail.com
hihi! i noticed this video is reaching a broader audience, and i appreciate all the engagement, even when we don't all agree. my channel focuses on self-growth, mindset, and relationship content, particularly for those with an anxious attachment style and/or low self-worth. this video explores how societal norms and stereotypes impact these areas.
i understand topics like gender stereotypes, toxic masculinity, and the "man vs. bear" analogy can be controversial. my goal is to talk about these topics respectfully and share different perspectives. everyone brings unique viewpoints to the table, and i appreciate all feedback, whether or not i'm able to respond to each comment. thanks for watching! see you next week for a more light-hearted video xoxo
The only good thing that came out of 'Blurred Lines' is the resulting Weird Al Parody 'Word Crimes'
lmaooo so true!
Kid me heard Word Crimes first, for the longest time I didn't even realise it was a parody.
Critical thinking, I like how you think.
As a woman I'd choose a bear over some random man, but yeah, i agree that not all men are trash, duh, and i doubt that a lot of women that are choosing the bear think that all men are trash.
i feel like the past couple of years i've heard a lot of women irl and online casually throw out words like 'men suck' or 'men are trash' and it does make me wonder what those women would say after getting asked the man vs bear question. but i agree, a lot of women probably don't think *all* men are trash. i do enjoy hearing different perspectives like yours on the topic though (:
Every woman choosing a bear over a man in the woods is delusional.. A bear is basically and statistically far more dangerous than 95 % of men.
How many men out of 100 do you think (not feel) would do something horrible to you if you met them while hiking alone and how many bears out of 100 do you think would do that? That's how you should think about this question before giving a proper answer.
I see the bear as a metaphorical answer that's meant to raise an alarm on the fact that there are some men out there who are horrible human beings and did not take personal offence in it. However, it is still the type of answer that feeds into this fabricated women vs men discourse/divide that is doing a lot of harm to our current society.
Here’s a fun one: would you rather be alone with a bear in the woods or encounter a bear in the woods with a man you trust?
Everyone would say option 2, and if you add up all of the men people trust, it will make up the majority of men. Your “random man” is almost always a man someone else trusts.
Unfortunately due to testosterone differences, the vast majority of the very small percentage of the population who commit violent crimes will be men, but seeing the majority of men for what they are is important perspective. As the video hints at: Show some love to the good men in your life for not buying into the toxicity and ignore those who do, and things will get better for you and for society as a whole.
Maybe “ignore” is the wrong word choice in that last point, but you get the idea. Reject, cast out, however you want to phrase it. Get them out of your life
Yeah but the random men who are trustworthy and the random men who are more dangerous than bears (psychologically or otherwise) are mutually exclusive, but it's a good analogy nonetheless.
Obviously as a guy when women are nervous around me it's super humiliating and embarrassing and makes me feel like a complete freak, but obviously I can't give every woman I bump into a play by play of my life story until they know me enough to not think I'm a potential r4pist, so what else can I do other than go on about my day and not take it personally lol, I just have to remind myself that there are people out there who trust me enough to not toss me at a bear.
I think I have trash taste in men.
my other videos can help with that (shameless plug lol)
I love seeing deep talk videos about important topics tbh, thank you for sharing :^)
thanks for watching! (:
really dope video, took a lot away from this. earned a sub.
thank you sm!! (:
something that bothers me in discussions like this is that people never talk about how men can be victims and women can be perpetrators. i know the statistics are definitely skewed the other way, but this is a problem that needs to be seriously adressed by EVERYONE, and can't be fixed with hate. (and whenever it is brought up, its used to make the other side seem not valid)
that's totally fair and valid! this is something we actually talked about in my criminological theory class while i was in college (my focus was communications and sociology). it's one of the reasons why i wanted to address toxic masculinity, gender norms, and societal stereotypes in my video. i agree that the statistics definitely favor one side, and recognizing that men can also be victims and women can be perpetrators should be talked about more. one of the factors for this though is because of the topics i mentioned. women aren't expected to be violent because it doesn't align with the gender, which could help explain why the data isn't focused on women being perpetrators. i feel like that could be an entirely new video in itself
If you try a new schampo and it is not good for your hair, you dont assume all schampo is bad for your hair.
Thanks for the good quality content, I am happy to see an objective view of the story👌
Do you think that this bear story is a self fulfilling prophecy ? Like "We can't trust a man so we choose a bear" and the emotionally immature men say "Your argument is stupid" so they respond "See their violent reaction ? They aren't safe and can't be trusted"🤔
I don't think women who say "all men are trash" are purposely mean. My hypothesis is that they were hurt even though they had good intentions
I have so much questions to ask but I wrote too much. Thanks for sharing your wisdom🙌
so glad you liked it (: i definitely think it is a self fulfilling prophecy for many people who choose the bear. and when bad things happen that were done by a man, it’s almost like the self-fulfilling prophecy has been fulfilled or that limiting belief has been “proven.” just like the example you gave!
it also explains why some women (or people in general who like men) who say “there are no good men left, all men are trash” sometimes give up on dating entirely because they’ve convinced themselves there’s no point in trying. it’s the belief that leads to that undesirable outcome. OR they sometimes date a pattern of unhealthy men because they don’t think they can do better. there are so many possibilities!
i also don’t think the majority of women say “all men are trash” to be mean on purpose. a lot of the time it’s for the reason you mentioned, or other reasons entirely. everyone’s experience is different ofc. i’m so down to answer any other questions you have! i honestly love talking about this stuff lol
It's a provocation supported with confirmation bias. Because why would they listen when they get civilly criticized when they can just play victim about the dickheads?
Besides, if there wasn't enough proof that this whole deal is emotional, lemme ask you this: why is the fact some guys sent images of bear violence taken as proof that men are violent? How does that track, logically?
@chukyuniqul i don't think it's necessarily driven entirely by emotion. if a man sends a picture of bear violence in response, a woman might take it as disregarding her answer. almost as if saying "but hey, look at this! this LOGIC proves you are WRONG." i'm sure anyone might get frustrated by this and say "see what i mean?! this just proves that I'M RIGHT." it's more about acknowledging how dismissive these responses can feel, making women feel invalidated and frustrated.
i think a lot of people are seeing the issue as a "man vs woman" situation, but really, neither "side" is wrong (technically). sure, maybe a bear is more likely to attack if you run into one in the woods instead of a random man. sure, maybe statistics and data could prove this. but if a woman knows this and is still willing to choose the bear, she probably has fears/concerns explaining her reason. maybe that feels logical to her because that's how she's had to navigate the world to feel safe. everyone's experience is different for sure
@@texirratalks Ma'am, no offense but you're saying it's not about feelings and you go "making women FEEL invalidated and frustrated".
@@texirratalksThank you for your response ! So I have another strange question.
For the context, I am a man who study computer sciences and watch video game content on youtube from time to time, so youtube decided to throw at me red pill/manosphere content (it was really hard to diversify the content I get to have all the perspectives and found your channel).
What does the red pill movement get wrong from a woman perspective, and what should men do to better relationships ?
I am a true beliver that a relationship is a place where th needs of both sides should be met. For instance, emotional/interpersonal intelligence is really important for a man's growth
I mess with this video heavy
thank you!
if prefer talking about less absolute statements like "most", instead of absolute statements like "all". because someone will inevitably bring up "not all", which can confusingly refer to both "most" and a "few". 2 very different realities
Yo. Whatever you're doing. Keep it up. I just saw the video. The thumbnail, the title, that like that with a friend vibe. The amount of research and editing I'm assuming goes into your videos. Keep it up. I would recommend a channel like olivisun. I don't know if you've ever seen her channel. This is dope. Honestly, just be consistent, and you will much more successful fd signifier or like Needle drop. Interesting perspective. I'm glad yourbe recommend this video. The algorithm kille dit this one
Also, sorry, most crimes are committed, but to other men. Yes, of course, women's issues shouldn't be discounted or undervalued or whatever else. But for a lot of men, we are just as scared of women and the world. I remember one time I was walking behind a woman from Walmart to the train station. And we take all the same turns for like 5-10 mins. I was so worried this woman thought I was rapist or whatever, I literally yelled out, thank God. Plus, when I talk to other neurodiverhent people, men and women, we've accidentally stalked someone because we were in our heads and didn't want to person think we were bad people. Not realizing how we come off in that situation. And how intimidating I was to the womans perspective
Plus, I think this is a generational divide. When I talk to men today, they argee with you. And I know andrew tare and the red pill is cringed. But as someone who used to be part of the movement. I was deeply hurt thst I was never chosen. I wanted sex but as a proxy to intimacy. Even red pill are fascinating because they shit on women for two hours buy still the of get like 100k after each pod
Also I hate the sandwich argument. Because know woman don't how to cook or clean. And those are badic human skills. Sorry for splurging. Honestly great video. I enjoyed your perspective, even I disagree with it. Keep it up
The world just needs more mister Roger's or try guys and less Andre tates.
Just remember it's why there's so many charismatic charlatans and hurt people. It's why fad diets, mega churches, movements like trad conn or nick fuentes exist
speaking as a man here
not all men are trash but there is a large quantity of men that are trash. when women point out that there are a lot of toxic behaviors identified as inherent to masculinity, some men will definitely affirm womens concerns regarding men. when some men logically reason with the bear question and provide constructive solutions to mens behavior, some other men will continue to affirm womens concern by attacking.
if you get offended that a woman would pick the bear over you, its really time for YOU to introspect and figure out a way to be a safer option over a bear. its really sad that our species is so divided that we cant even trust eachother alone in the woods, let alone on a busy street in the city.
this was really well said!
Since when in the english world the phrase "boys will be boys" begun to be used as an excuse for a behaviour ranging from disrespectful up to discusting?? In my country we also use that phrase, but we use it when grown men extrude childlike behaviour. Mind you, not when a man throws a temper tantrum like a kid, we use it when adult men have a playfull behavior or when they get fascinated and excited over something simple and small, you know, like little boys.
Are there really people out there who actually use it to remove responsibility for bad behaviour or did someone just decided that that's how this phrase has been used all along? I am genuinely curious.
that’s interesting that it means something different in your country! in the U.S. it’s common for people to use “boys will be boys” to excuse boys’ bad behavior. i read a lot about it at my university, but there are plenty of articles online if you look up “boys will be boys harmful” or “boys will be boys stereotype.” the saying can suggest it’s “natural” for boys to act a certain way. for example, in many U.S. public schools, strict dress codes are enforced for girls, sometimes not allowing them to wear spaghetti straps or “show too much skin” because it would be distracting for boys, justifying that “boys will be boys.” the phrase downplays how important it is to teach boys, and people of all genders, responsibility and respect for others. and it can imply that a boy can’t control the way he acts, so the bad behavior is tolerated as a result
underrated
you're the best!!
I don't believe in the toxic masculity. I don't think anything about masculityity is toxic. I believe in toxic behavior. Toxic behavior is displayed in both women and men. I have seen women grab at men and objectify men in the same way men have been seen to objectify women. Both men and women display aggression. Men just tend to do it more physically while women tend to attack with vitriol. Different choice in weapons if you will.
Lets set that though and continue man vs bear analogy. Differnt types of bears are more dangerous than others and they live in different places. Is it safer to hike around grizzlies or pandas? The answer is obvious, so why don't women choose to hike with pandas more often. Good men don't hang out in bad places and with bad men.
If your want to party that is your progative, but remember it was your choice to walk amonst grizzlies not expecting to get attacked.
Two things can be true at once. Men should be able to control themselves, but a woman should not put themselves into a situation where an attack is more likely. I see too many women looking for wonderful kind generous men who are emotionally mature, but are not that in turn. They want to party but don't want the kind of men that likes do the same.
As a dude, I honestly feel like most of the men I have known personally are kind to most people around them, and I have never personally met a man who would remotely want to associate themselves with Andrew Tate or call themselves an "alpha male". Maybe I'm just delusional or live in a bubble, I personally have never been friends with a man who I would choose a bear over in a forest if I was a woman. Though I did never realize how harmful the phrase "boys will be boys" is. Very nice video!
I grew up in a "Boys be Boys" culture where I eavesdropped on so many teens complaining about breaking up with the girlfriend because she was mean for like telling him to help her clean or cook or do something that isn't watching sports.
There are good ones but few and far between
@narthat7113 i think it's amazing that most of the men you know personally are kind individuals. i don't think it makes you delusional at all to have never met an alpha male lol. i feel like the people we choose to have in our lives are a reflection of our values, beliefs, and mindset, etc. because there's that aspect of compatibility. so by associating yourself with kind men (who i assume probably display positive masculinity), it says a lot about you and your character! (: and yesss, 'boys will be boys' excuses bad behavior, so challenging the phrase is super important. i'm glad you liked the video and you were able to take something from it, thank you so much!
@@rac1equalsbestgame853 That sounds horrible. I honestly haven't heard something like that before in real life, maybe I just don't put myself in the kinds of social situations to encounter people like that.
@@narthar7113 Welcome to Latam, the land of "boys be boys"
@rac1equalsbestgame853 i know people personally who have also had this experience. it's so frustrating to hear honestly. i know it varies across different cultures as well, so sometimes it can feel impossible to challenge :/
Haven’t watched the video yet (I’m gonna) but I gotta say I don’t agree with the title. It doesn’t have to be, all men suck or I suck at choosing men. Could be both or neither
i agree! the title was inspired by a post i saw on twitter one day lol. the discourse behind it all is super interesting though
The good men exist but you have to wade theough so mucj to get to them. Qnd tbh I am dysfunctional myself woukd not wish me upon anyone haha!!!! So no no man no bear for me. I wil watch and enjoy from the sideline though whenever people pull it off qnd hav3 a great and good match ❤❤❤
The problem with this is that if I as a man act unmasculine and weak, then i can't get a girlfriend because they reject soft weak men, because the basis of human attraction is very specific. The same applies in reverse, if a vvoman acts too rough, hard, aggressive, confrontational, she will have a very hard time attracting a good man. In the modern age, everybody seems to dislike traditional gender norms, but in reality they existed for a reason. The bear meme is interesting because there is a very clear solution to solve vvomen being scared of random men, and that solution is traditionalism. If in the woods with her father, brother, and husband, then she will feel safe and protected and doesn't need to fear some random man. Choosing the bear is a sign that progressivism has failed, and there is both a dissatisfaction with the weakness of modern men, and the individualization of modern vvomen.
The thing is: those that reject you don't actually want the real you, all they want is an ideal version of you. So you should do what makes you feel best, not what you feel pressured into doing.
I mean technically the women screeching about this are right that (statistically speaking) bears are safer than men, but they're saying it to foment hatred of the average non-attractive male. I have heard survivalists talk about how yeah it is safer to run into a bear than a random guy in the woods, but once again, because in the middle of the woods there are no witnesses. A woman with a gun could easily unalive you in the woods and get away with it because she could supposedly mistake you for a bear, like Mary Beth Harshbarger. Of course there are also many other factors that these ladies refuse to factor into this question as well, like the frequency of running into bears vs men, as well as the fact that in one breath they'll say "Strange men are more dangerous than bears!" then five seconds later will say that most women who are SA'd are SA'd by men they already know.
Thats false. Bears are not statistically safer than men. Its just that bears are much less likely to be encountered. If you sort it by number of encounters/number of attacks and compare it to the fact that women come across hundreds of men wvery time they go outsode you'll see that you're much more like to be attacked by a beat
@harpsdesire4200 you bring up some fair points. i feel like the issue is so complex and it can be easy to use a generalized question like "would you rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a man" to unfairly criticize men. that's why it's so important to have discussions like this to better understand the underlying issue. because i think it's clear the issue isn't literally about running into a bear or man in the woods (since the majority of people probably aren't going into the woods alone lol); it's more about women feeling unsafe. but the question does overlook factors, which is why my goal with the video was to talk about how some of those factors include societal stereotypes and how they can affect how we view people, safety, relationships, etc.
Are you serious? Did you even read about how many death in Japanese mountains by bears over the years? They are predatory animals and when it's hungry, not even you're able to escape, they can smell you from miles away and you won't escape if it's determined
Why are you framing this as a question about dating and the men women choose? The whole point of the thought experiment is that it's a stranger vs a bear. Like no shit, if you got to choose the guy, I'd just pick my dad or someone I already trust and we'd hang out in the woods. The point is would you be killed by a bear or risk meeting some rapist axe murderer
i hear you! i framed it around dating and the men women choose because that's what my channel focuses on: self-growth, mindset, and relationships (for the most part). a lot of the classes i took in college talked about how societal norms shape our views on trust, safety, and relationships. the real issue is about the fear women have of being in potentially dangerous situations with men. but like i said in the beginning, i saw a comment on twitter that said "not all men are trash, you just have trash taste in men" and i've heard many women casually say 'men are trash/boys will be boys.' i wanted to use my video to encourage people to rethink how they approach relationships in general. you're right-in the man vs. bear scenario, you can't choose the man. but i just find it interesting how our minds react with "danger!" as soon as we think of the man. this isn't necessarily negative (because caution is important), but talking about these perceptions is super important in my opinion, given how deeply rooted these fears are in society and history
Grape culture. That's what Blurred lines promotes.
If i were in a survival situation id still choose the bear because id rather have a high risk high reward food source that comes with a free coat than a guy who... Even if he is a decent fellow... Is an extra mouth to feed. And weaponized incompetence could get you killed in a survival situation so im picking the bear.
that's an interesting perspective! your comment reminds me of another i saw on a different video-the person compared the analogy to a zombie apocalypse; they said they'd rather risk being alone than with people because people can be unpredictable, there's more responsibility, they might slow you down, etc.
@@texirratalks I'm also not fond of the idea of cannibalism lol... Because if he were a creep and I'm starving in a survival situation? Girl's gotta do what she's gotta do. And cannibalism is icky lol
that’s true lmao!!
I replaced every 'man' with 'woman' and almost everything applies to it to. Good vid
This well made vid was strangely reccomended to me but while I'm not the demographic (religious hermit) as a dude I will say forget the daughter in the question. I WOULD rather be with a bear than a stranger man. The vast majority of the global population are dangerous, unpredictable, tribal, illiterate, and uneducated, and should be avoided at all costs not because they are men, but because they have nothing to lose and just happen to be surging with testosterone. Pick 3 random people from earth and you will have 3 beasts in human skin.
HOWEVER. I work a decent job, I am educated and passionate and have overcome my laziness to do something to benefit others, I love my mother and sister, I want to see my community flourish financially and physically, I want to see others smile for no other reason than I like walking outside and not seeing frowns. What I'm trying to say is while I 100% get and completely agree with the question, when that hatred is aimed at me when I'm working at the hospital by the doctor who's supposed to be teaching me and not discriminating, it's extremely humiliating. I get it, but wow that sent me into a spiral.