My grandfather was supposed to be head of the family. We even lived in his house, where the majority of the abuse happened. Often times in front of him. One of my earliest memories was looking at him, silently begging for help. He saw me looking and physically *turned away*. Years later, he still denies knowing these things happened. He is a coward in my eyes. He could have taken us kids from his abusive daughter, and he deliberately chose not to. Part of me loves him, but my eyes have been opened to his refusal to act on behalf of us who desperately needed him. It hurts, but he's as guilty as they are.
My father was my mother's life long willing enabler. And yes, he was conditioned to be that way by his mother. He went from one domineering controlling woman to another. When I started coming out of the toxic trance he didn't like it, and wanted it to stop. But once I began to wake up I could never go back. Neither one of my parents owned up to their mistakes. No way.
My father has the same relationship with his mother and his wife (my mother). Throughout my life, he has always been the "safer" parent and has maintained a posture that makes it feel wrong to expect more of him, that he is the dutiful good person in the dynamic and is the victim of their mistreatment. Now that I am in recovery, I realize that he was a willing participant just as much as them.
This is a generational sickness. And those in the family that enjoy being a participant of the sickness of this cruel behavior are the ones in DENIAL Then they become destruction to the next generation. WE HAVE TO WAKE UP AND CALL IT LIKE IT IS. Or you will forever be Crazy in this rollercoaster ride. Our parents needed help being parents way before we came along. It’s there mess not ours. Because there parents were dysfunctional with this same SICKNESS. Do not pass wrong parenting skills down to the next generation. It’s not acceptable let’s keep this entity out of the families and being in DENIEL IS NOT AN OPTION!!!! Stay Well☮️❤️😇
This is my father. One abusive nutjob to the next. Always making excuses for her and Grandma when he was a kid. It makes me wonder if he acted this way towards his scapegoard brother too, when his brother and grandma would fight, as dad would always say.` My dad never acknowledges it, and I hope to be free soon!
`@byHiggensworth Yup, exactly. You see them as the victim, but they allow it to happen. Even moreso, when I will defend my father from my Mother, he will tell me to stop.. IF mom attacks me and I defend myself? Stop. It's SICK. They are pathetic losers who cannot stick up for themselves, and it breaks my heart that this is my father. Maybe they even like the abuse like a masochist or something. I know my father is a deviant when it comes to sexual stuff/pr0`n/etc. I used to work for him and we would skype and he would show me his work so I can help him, and sometimes he would alt tab and there would be a pr0n site or some naked woman` in an image viewer, and I would have to pretend to not see it and pretend I was checking over work. fking embarassing.` Mom doesn't put out either.... I couldn't imagine being married to a woman who doesn't put out, and have to watch pr0n.` It's so fking pathetic, I don't get how people allow themselves to get to that point.
My mother enabled my father and I've only just realised she was loading his gun with gossip to fire at me. You are absolutely right I've experienced that all my life.
Such evil… it seems it’s usually mothers, stepmothers, sisters, grandmothers, aunts, female cousins, daughter-in-laws & mother-in-laws who take part in this evil.
Me too. I’m flabbergasted at how someone will accept what my NPD parent says-most don’t know exactly what it is, but they can tell she’s mentally & behaviorally “off”- and yet they’ll believe her over me: Me !! A dude with no history of lying at all !! Much of the smear campaign is kinda hidden from my eyes, for me to never know about it nowadays. But sometimes ppl accidentally divulge.
~Yeah, my father would tell my mother things behind my back that I specifically told him not to talk about and keep as a secret. He's a piece of sht for it. I remember he even told one of our old neighbors/family-friends all this crap about me working for him and how he's trying to find me a job and then he tells the friend how I wanted a $1200 Herman Miller chair because I'm a software dev/computer guy who sits at my computer at 12+ hours a day and I want a good chair to sit in to not mess up my posture, and they were just making fun of it. Then I meet the guy for lunch once, and he starts talking all this trash about me working and shit... Fking embarassing and pathetic I had to deal with this shit, especially since he picked me up and was driving me to and from the establishment. He wanted to eat together again the week after and told me to call him.... I never called him again.` I also told him we should go skiing and the entire time he kept telling me I should go on my own, basically saying he didn't want me... Sad. We used to go to six flags 1.5 hours away and chat in the car rides and have a fantastic time... Idk what happened, but I blame my father for talking trash and basically making the other guy look at me poorly. The worst part? The family friend doesn't work... He inherited a bunch of money from his father's junkyard that he sold off, so he probably made a few million or so and split it with his 2 brothers and he's living on that... Oh his wife is a school teacher so he's the "Stay at home dad" while wife busts her butt, and she's not happy about it and was talking trash about him the last time my family was over.. fking mess. I also just recalled, I think he might have also had an attitude with me with the job sht, because I had removed his wife from Fbook and blocked her, so she wouldn't see that I removed her, because she is a nutjob with fbook... The guy who cut my hair as a child went to HS with her and she wanted t oadd him, he didn't want to and she was all angry at him and he told us he doesn't have any relationship with he so what's the point? Idk if she sent a message to him or w/e... but yeah. Apparently instead of making me disappear it just showed the `blank profile `while still showing her my messages.... Showing that I had blocked her.. NICE JOB FB! I thought Blocking just made it so she couldn't see me at all.. I felt bad, I just moved out of the area and didn't have any reason to talk to her anymore... It's my fault, and I haven't used Fb in probably 10 years now, but I didn't mean to upset her and cause issues.. I just wanted to remove her without issues(she's crazy lol). So idk if that added to the husband's attidue but yeah, fking mess.
@@AlvinKazu so sorry to read that you've had all this, it cuts deep and can hurt a lot especially when other relationships are sabotaged. This channel really does help I find, ♥
As a coach/counsellor/speaker I work with people all the time to find their self worth, self advocacy. This programming can be changed. One can take back their power, thrive and flourish. Don't give up on yourself, even if your family did. Life can improve.
I think my parents enabled each other. Mom was the covert narc. Dad was the codependent bully of me. Whenever gave me any privacy, until I started locking my bedroom door. As a teenager had to put on my bra in a hurry before he barged in!.
Yup. I loved my mother to death, but this was her... "just keep the peace" while cowering in fear to my dad's anger. I later found out how evil and narcissistic her mother also was. She didn't have the knowledge or power to get out of these situations and unfortunately passed at 49 to a sudden brain tumor. My dad and her parents could have cared less. I don't want anything to do with these kind of people who treat a person like everyone treated my mother. It hurts that she didn't fight my dad back, but I honestly don't think she thought she could, and is estatic that my brother and I are.
Yes… my paternal grandma told me I would “just have to be the bigger person” regarding my dad’s abusive wife, their daughter (half sister) and my dad not long before she died. No, Granny! I don’t have to tolerate this treatment… AND I WILL rock the apple cart if I need to! My whole family… including Granny herself are/were narcissistic, scapegoating and abusive. They take absolutely no responsibility for the toxic family dysfunction.
YES!!! 😢😢😢👍👏 When I told this to my therapist (when I finally got some therapy, what I can manage to financially get) I told her this. She was very young, just out of school. And was completely befuddled that parents would say that to a child or act that way.
My sicko parents when going through their separation would share their intimate things about new sexual escapades. Like tell your pervert mates, not your scapegoat daughter 🤮
Thank you for letting me see more clearly. There was no acknowledgement, still isn't. Now my enabler is 86 and with dementia, so no go. The narcissist is still the same, and only one in the family still completely healthy and playing those games. Great!
Another helpful discussion, this is another big barrier to get over, a complicit spouse is baffling before you start to see it for what it is. It's hard to stomach that a parent who you thought was the better parent yields to the narcissist or makes excuses for the narcissist. It's a bit like listening to the serial killer who said he felt invited in if the front door was open so it wasn't his fault it was the victims fault, and then to add insult to your frayed nervous system having your most trusted person in the world noding and agreeing with him ! Many videos on this subject point to a spirit of narcissism taking a person as their appears to be a dark nature to narcissists that is not simply explained away by psychotic behaviour or sociopathic tendency, a clue to this is in the out of place behaviour or conversation wholely unbefitting the occasion or company in the form of shocking or crude talk or even an unusual viciousness. It may be that the enabling person / parent has been spiritually affected by the narcissist or it may be a means to try and make it all seem not so bad as the truth might be more than the enabling parent could cope with if they truthfully faced up to it. There is also the theory that when a person acts against their conscience and does wrong that a form of madness affects them and then there is the romantic element which is a bond not easily broken regardless of how bad a spouse can be, the worst of the bunch is the spirit of narcissism like the one Ahab was taken by which not only placed him in servitude to the wicked Jezebel but made him a whole lot worse. If this parent has become unevenly yoked to a narcissist the best thing anyone can do is to unviel the truth to help them and if they are a narcissist themselves they will reveal it by not listening to a word you say. This whole subject crosses the divide between the supernatural & material view of life, whatever your view is I hope this video has helped.
Great response as to why. Issues I had not thought about as to servitude, romanticized, supernatural, spiritually damaged. Very possible any and all. Why does a mother put her children in harms way? I liked your comment about narcissist crude and out of place behavior as an indicator to be wary of. So true. I know as an older person if someone is inappropriate get the hell out. As children we didn't have that option.
After I started doing my self-improvement work, I began remembering how my dad used to belittle me when I was a kid and connected it to how my life coach was mocking me. My mom said “one of my biggest regrets was not stepping in and saying something when your father would be negative and critical towards you” (paraphrasing) I later realized that my mom was co-dependent on my father for her own safety and security.
My mom at one point said “I know dad is an asshole, but he loves you”. I found that really messed up…like allowing bad behavior just because someone “loves” you.
Very informative. Thank you for the short clip. Your videos help me learn about narcissism so that I can better understand my father and why he treats me the way he does and has been doing so my whole life. I'm an adult survivor of narcissistic parenting. I am just now learning about this topic in my mid-30's.
You are so right. Once you start recovery , your eyes are opening to all that nonsense and you can call it what it truly is. The narcissist’s significance and impact is diminishing almost immediately and you can feel the truth setting you free.
They have a hot head, and a cold heart. This is my mother and her husband. My sister and her kids are brainwashed. But, thanks to therapy, I remember what really happened. Your videos are awesome, Jerry
"Yes, your dad is wrong, but he loves you." The version I got was, "Yes, your dad is wrong, but he had a difficult childhood." My mother made sure I knew about the difficult childhood and left me to connect the dots. When I was an adult, the version I got, out loud, was, "You can't be angry with [insert person who has hurt you] , because they [insert bad thing that they went through or were going through at the time]." NO.
My parents are literally going to die on this hill and it breaks my heart. My perspective of events is THAT threatening to their personhood. Every day I mourn the relationship I could be having with them right now
I feel the same way about my narc sister. But she has died claiming to have lived a perfect life. I worshipped her, but knew something was radically wrong.
@@Dontnegotiatewithterrorist yeah i have, because i can promise you ill die a hell of a lot later on this hill than I would if I chose to keep flooding my system with cortisol, which is what happens every second of every day that I keep people in my life who basically view me as their defective emotional support animal. But hey thanks for asking
Yesssss. My enabler father broke my heart. My narc mother I always hated deep down inside so it was easier to walk away but my father broke my Heart. He says he will always support his wife over his children. No matter what. What can you even say to that? Good bye then dad 😢
I heard that so many times growing up from my mom , “but he loves you”. I always felt very surprised when she said it, thinking if he loves me then why is he so mean to me. It took me nearly 50 years to understand the relationship my parents had and that it wasn’t something wrong with me that put me on edge being around them.
My mother is far worse than “I may be wrong in not protecting you…”. My mother’s m.o. is “I am not protecting you, that is not my problem. You must protect me, and make ME look good and feel good. “
I grew up with both parents being malignant narcissists, I always felt like a ping Pong ball between both, I am the scapegoat , still in recovery. Thanks for your videos.
After a lifetime of Mom's abuse, I confronted Dad with "I can't tell if you're the world's greatest saint or the world's biggest wimp! If I were you, I'd give her a check for $1 million to go away, or I'd put her in a hole somewhere and make her disappear! Whatever is wrong with her, humans cannot fix!" He then started telling me stories about the how' and the why's and, suddenly, I realized that she never loved me, but I also realized Dad never had my back. He remained her enabler to his last day.
My father is my narc mothers biggest enabler. He is an absolute coward and has let her run roughshod over his whole family and his friends letting her start rift after rift. He’s done absolutely nothing other than be her biggest cheerleader. Completely balless man. He told me one time if I stand up to her she will Ignore me for weeks and make my life hell 😅😅 The scene in the lord of the rings with worm tongue and his possession of the king of Rohan I always thought is a great example of the narc and the enabler. Like they’re under some spell because no rational or mentally healthy human could ever defend a narcs behaviour but they do! They go to great lengths to invent a narrative to defend their behaviour and it’s so utterly ridiculous all ya can do is laugh 😂😂😂
But, can't you see how men today are ball-less? Sadly, women have used their vajayjay over mens heads since the beginning. So, is it the women that are the narcs? 🤔
This sounds like my late father. Always my mom’s greatest enabler. After I had left, he took over my role of a home scapegoat. What makes me relieved a little bit is that he tasted the taste of being a scapegoat himself before he died manipulated, brainwashed, ridiculed and demented. Life is being fair.
Usually I was sent the first one. Nothing we can do about it. Then down the line when I was pushing back it was like well if you’d just comply and be more agreeable etc. Like give up and don’t even try. And when you DO finally try, you’re wrong. I did something about it tho. Finally. Lol. Finally when she would say “that’s just how he is” I would say “well this is just how I am too.” And also “I don’t have to stick around for a front row seat anymore.” Sad fact tho is that he was just her tool against me anyways. When I finally broke her fave tool, she started getting her own hands dirty with it. That’s when you start asking yourself if the chicken or the egg came first. And then after that you realize both of them are too toxic to be around too much anymore.
This rampant and ubiquitous diagnosis of “Narcissism” of parents that the Tick-tock venue therapist community, who have never met or even spoken to over the phone seems just a little overblown at best and malpractice in real-time at worse.
My mom was unfortunately forced to deal with my narcissistic father 😢she wanted to leave but she was scared😢she had to endure and deal with his behavior unfortunately 😢
My dad used to tell me those things about my mom. I feel bad for him because it has to be hard for him to still be stuck there. I used to try to take the pressure off of him when I was still in contact with the family. Like my mom would get pissed at him if he wanted to have a beer at dinner. I would grab a beer, too, so she'd focus that anger on me and let him have a beer in peace. (Don't worry, this was when I was legal drinking age.) I was used to being blamed for everything, so it was no big deal to redirect the anger to keep someone else from suffering. I got out and I can only hope that my mom and sister haven't tried to turn him into the scapegoat now that I'm not there. I sincerely hope that they just continue to blame me for everything in my absence because I don't want anyone else to go through that. Their opinions don't hurt me and I'm not there for them to get physical anymore. While I wish that my dad would have done more to protect me as a child, I know how hard it is to stand up and call out the behavior. I don't think he ever saw divorce as an option. His dad left his mom to raise him and his 3 brothers on her own. I think that plays a large part in why he stays. Frankly, even if he had divorced her, she probably would have gotten full custody because his work had him gone for long stretches sometimes. So I don't think my situation would have been improved by divorce. I truly think he thought he was helping teach me to survive by telling me to keep my head down and not upset her. I think he did the best he could given his background. He may have also been afraid that if he intervened more when he was home, it would be even worse when he was gone. I don't blame him, I just feel sorry for him. While I realize it's not the healthiest dynamic, I wish I could help him find the freedom and happiness I have found. After everything he sacrificed for the family, he deserves more than just survival, but he has to want it too. I stayed in contact longer than I probably should have because I was worried about what they would do to him when I was gone. He was an enabler, but he was a victim, too, and he deserves the chance to heal.
Maybe teach your dad about ‘narcissistic abuse and codependency’. You could send him youtube videos,etc. knowledge and understanding this whole topic is the most important part in this whole process.
@Kinghassz he's very stuck in the "no matter what they do, they're family" camp. He fully realizes they are a problem, but he's not willing to leave because he feels like he'd be abandoning his family like his dad did. I also think he would feel guilty because he's told me he doesn't think they can support themselves. My mom hasn't worked since 2000, and my sister is divorced with 3 kids. She and her kids live in my parent's house because she can't get her life together. He told me that without his support, they would end up homeless, and he's worried about what would happen to the kids. I asked him what he thought would happen to the kids if they grew up in the toxic situation I did. He decided to end the call by saying that he loved me and we could talk later. My sister's oldest son is already engaging in self-harming behaviors, and her daughter seems to be following in her mom's footsteps to become a little narcissist herself. The youngest boy is a possible target for a scapegoat. The kids are all in therapy, but they're so afraid of their mom that I don't think they are being completely honest with the therapist. If they were, I don't see how CPS hasn't gotten involved. But I get it, I was afraid to tell authority figures about what was happening to me as a kid. I hope CPS has gotten better, but when I was a kid, you had a chance of being put in an even worse home in foster care. And if they decided to leave you with your family, you were in deep shit. Unfortunately, my mom puts on a good show for the outside world, so it's not like the authorities are going to listen to me. My sister, on the other hand, just falls back on playing the victim when things don't go her way because she's not as good at manipulating people as my mom is. I tried talking to my friends parents as a kid, and almost nobody believed me because my mom would put on a show in public. If I acted surprised that she hugged me because she never showed any affection at home or if I flinched because I thought she was going to hit me, she would just laugh and tell people that I was standoff-ish or shy. Otherwise, people might have thought it weird that a child wasn't comfortable hugging their mother. So people thought that I was a smart kid who liked to read and self-isolated. I read books because it was my way of escaping my reality. So unless my dad has a change of heart and backs me up, those kids are going to grow up with my sister as their primary parent. Since she can't be bothered with her own children, that means my mom is the one actually raising them. My only hope for those kids is that their dad is fighting for custody. He only gets 4 weeks a year right now, but he's trying to get more. He's their best hope right now
@@tiffanyt3169 Goodluck, you cant force your dad to see the truth, he has to be courageous enough to morally object to the narcissists, and to accept the seemingly harsh and ugly truth. Also help and strengthen yourself first, because when you become your true self then you will be way stronger and in a better position to help others. I thought you were a guy but I just saw your name, your childhood reminded me abit of mine, I am very introverted and I was the oldest and the golden child in my family. Good luck and dont forget that we cant do this stuff by ourselves, the Creator/God is always around when you need help and protection.
@Kinghassz Thank you for the kind wishes. Yeah, I have definitely leaned into prayer more in recent years. Yeah, no problem. I've been told I have a masculine attitude, lol. My parents didn't have any boys, and that frustrated my mom in a couple of ways. I had the audacity to be born a girl when she wanted a boy, and then to add insult to injury, I wasn't "feminine" enough for her because I liked working on cars and playing music instead of painting nails and braiding hair. Definitely grew up closer to my dad because I realized early on that she would never approve of me
I think there are a lot of reasons why.. the family courts have made difficult for men and for some woman. The financial burden or being accused of some type of abuse and being arrested with no evidence.. that alone can scare a lot of people into yielding. A lot of people with a cluster b disorder can have secondary psychosis a freak out at the drop of a hat.. then if you add in some grandparents who might be similar it can then be a gang up on one person to run a con job and manipulate children. A lot of anti nark CZcams channels only seem to add immediate parents without considering grandparents or other family involved so then the math may not add up so to speak..
Also I know an enabler who is very easily manipulated because they are on the autistic spectrum ☹️ doesn't excuse the unloving behavior but helps to understand.
My response to the enabler; "Not good enough. You are a coward."
I completely agree.
My grandfather was supposed to be head of the family. We even lived in his house, where the majority of the abuse happened. Often times in front of him.
One of my earliest memories was looking at him, silently begging for help.
He saw me looking and physically *turned away*. Years later, he still denies knowing these things happened.
He is a coward in my eyes. He could have taken us kids from his abusive daughter, and he deliberately chose not to. Part of me loves him, but my eyes have been opened to his refusal to act on behalf of us who desperately needed him.
It hurts, but he's as guilty as they are.
These parents have no capacity to love us.....the scapegoats
My father was my mother's life long willing enabler. And yes, he was conditioned to be that way by his mother. He went from one domineering controlling woman to another.
When I started coming out of the toxic trance he didn't like it, and wanted it to stop. But once I began to wake up I could never go back. Neither one of my parents owned up to their mistakes. No way.
My father has the same relationship with his mother and his wife (my mother). Throughout my life, he has always been the "safer" parent and has maintained a posture that makes it feel wrong to expect more of him, that he is the dutiful good person in the dynamic and is the victim of their mistreatment. Now that I am in recovery, I realize that he was a willing participant just as much as them.
This is a generational sickness. And those in the family that enjoy being a participant of the sickness of this cruel behavior are the ones in DENIAL Then they become destruction to the next generation. WE HAVE TO WAKE UP AND CALL IT LIKE IT IS. Or you will forever be Crazy in this rollercoaster ride. Our parents needed help being parents way before we came along. It’s there mess not ours. Because there parents were dysfunctional with this same SICKNESS. Do not pass wrong parenting skills down to the next generation. It’s not acceptable let’s keep this entity out of the families and being in DENIEL IS NOT AN OPTION!!!! Stay Well☮️❤️😇
I'm sorry isn't in their vocabulary!!!!
This is my father.
One abusive nutjob to the next. Always making excuses for her and Grandma when he
was a kid.
It makes me wonder if he acted this way towards his scapegoard brother too, when his brother and grandma would fight, as dad would always say.`
My dad never acknowledges it, and I hope to be free soon!
`@byHiggensworth Yup, exactly. You see them as the victim, but they allow it to happen.
Even moreso, when I will defend my father from my Mother, he will tell me to stop.. IF mom attacks me and I defend myself? Stop.
It's SICK.
They are pathetic losers who cannot stick up for themselves, and it breaks my heart that this is my father.
Maybe they even like the abuse like a masochist or something. I know my father is a deviant when it comes to sexual stuff/pr0`n/etc.
I used to work for him and we would skype and he would show me his work so I can help him, and sometimes he would alt tab and there would be a pr0n site or some naked woman` in an image viewer, and I would have to pretend to not see it and pretend I was checking over work.
fking embarassing.`
Mom doesn't put out either....
I couldn't imagine being married to a woman who doesn't put out, and have to watch pr0n.`
It's so fking pathetic, I don't get how people allow themselves to get to that point.
I think the lack of acknowledgment is the most hurtful for me.
Ditto. So sorry.
@@Samantha-nx6sz - So sorry for you as well.💕
same. it's literally all I want. it's so simple yet it's somehow completely incomprehensible to them.
For me too. My Dad took it to his grave and so will my Mum. A "sorry" could possibly make a huge difference to my life but it just won't happen.
My mother enabled my father and I've only just realised she was loading his gun with gossip to fire at me. You are absolutely right I've experienced that all my life.
Such evil… it seems it’s usually mothers, stepmothers, sisters, grandmothers, aunts, female cousins, daughter-in-laws & mother-in-laws who take part in this evil.
Me too. I’m flabbergasted at how someone will accept what my NPD parent says-most don’t know exactly what it is, but they can tell she’s mentally & behaviorally “off”- and yet they’ll believe her over me: Me !! A dude with no history of lying at all !! Much of the smear campaign is kinda hidden from my eyes, for me to never know about it nowadays. But sometimes ppl accidentally divulge.
~Yeah, my father would tell my mother things behind my back that I specifically told him not to talk about and keep as a secret. He's a piece of sht for it.
I remember he even told one of our old neighbors/family-friends all this crap about me working for him and how he's trying to find me a job and then he tells the friend how I wanted a $1200 Herman Miller chair because I'm a software dev/computer guy who sits at my computer at 12+ hours a day and I want a good chair to sit in to not mess up my posture, and they were just making fun of it.
Then I meet the guy for lunch once, and he starts talking all this trash about me working and shit... Fking embarassing and pathetic I had to deal with this shit, especially since he picked me up and was driving me to and from the establishment. He wanted to eat together again the week after and told me to call him.... I never called him again.` I also told him we should go skiing and the entire time he kept telling me I should go on my own, basically saying he didn't want me... Sad.
We used to go to six flags 1.5 hours away and chat in the car rides and have a fantastic time... Idk what happened, but I blame my father for talking trash and basically making the other guy look at me poorly.
The worst part? The family friend doesn't work... He inherited a bunch of money from his father's junkyard that he sold off, so he probably made a few million or so and split it with his 2 brothers and he's living on that...
Oh his wife is a school teacher so he's the "Stay at home dad" while wife busts her butt, and she's not happy about it and was talking trash about him the last time my family was over..
fking mess.
I also just recalled, I think he might have also had an attitude with me with the job sht, because I had removed his wife from Fbook and blocked her, so she wouldn't see that I removed her, because she is a nutjob with fbook... The guy who cut my hair as a child went to HS with her and she wanted t oadd him, he didn't want to and she was all angry at him and he told us he doesn't have any relationship with he so what's the point? Idk if she sent a message to him or w/e... but yeah.
Apparently instead of making me disappear it just showed the `blank profile `while still showing her my messages.... Showing that I had blocked her.. NICE JOB FB! I thought Blocking just made it so she couldn't see me at all.. I felt bad, I just moved out of the area and didn't have any reason to talk to her anymore... It's my fault, and I haven't used Fb in probably 10 years now, but I didn't mean to upset her and cause issues.. I just wanted to remove her without issues(she's crazy lol).
So idk if that added to the husband's attidue but yeah, fking mess.
@@AlvinKazu so sorry to read that you've had all this, it cuts deep and can hurt a lot especially when other relationships are sabotaged. This channel really does help I find, ♥
@@miahconnell23 these people are good at what they do 🥰♥
As a coach/counsellor/speaker I work with people all the time to find their self worth, self advocacy. This programming can be changed. One can take back their power, thrive and flourish. Don't give up on yourself, even if your family did. Life can improve.
My mother enabled my father and would NEVER admit anything or apologise.
I think my parents enabled each other. Mom was the covert narc. Dad was the codependent bully of me. Whenever gave me any privacy, until I started locking my bedroom door. As a teenager had to put on my bra in a hurry before he barged in!.
Yup. I loved my mother to death, but this was her... "just keep the peace" while cowering in fear to my dad's anger. I later found out how evil and narcissistic her mother also was. She didn't have the knowledge or power to get out of these situations and unfortunately passed at 49 to a sudden brain tumor. My dad and her parents could have cared less. I don't want anything to do with these kind of people who treat a person like everyone treated my mother. It hurts that she didn't fight my dad back, but I honestly don't think she thought she could, and is estatic that my brother and I are.
Yes… my paternal grandma told me I would “just have to be the bigger person” regarding my dad’s abusive wife, their daughter (half sister) and my dad not long before she died. No, Granny! I don’t have to tolerate this treatment… AND I WILL rock the apple cart if I need to!
My whole family… including Granny herself are/were narcissistic, scapegoating and abusive. They take absolutely no responsibility for the toxic family dysfunction.
@@fifilafleur5555 Yay for you. Wishing you a successful journey.
I'm glad I found your videos, Jerry. I really needed them right when I found them. Thank you.
YES!!! 😢😢😢👍👏
When I told this to my therapist (when I finally got some therapy, what I can manage to financially get) I told her this. She was very young, just out of school. And was completely befuddled that parents would say that to a child or act that way.
So many therapists have no understanding of narcissism within families. Or even narcissism at all. Jerry gets it.
My sicko parents when going through their separation would share their intimate things about new sexual escapades. Like tell your pervert mates, not your scapegoat daughter 🤮
Thank you for letting me see more clearly. There was no acknowledgement, still isn't. Now my enabler is 86 and with dementia, so no go. The narcissist is still the same, and only one in the family still completely healthy and playing those games. Great!
Another helpful discussion, this is another big barrier to get over, a complicit spouse is baffling before you start to see it for what it is.
It's hard to stomach that a parent who you thought was the better parent yields to the narcissist or makes excuses for the narcissist.
It's a bit like listening to the serial killer who said he felt invited in if the front door was open so it wasn't his fault it was the victims fault, and then to add insult to your frayed nervous system having your most trusted person in the world noding and agreeing with him !
Many videos on this subject point to a spirit of narcissism taking a person as their appears to be a dark nature to narcissists that is not simply explained away by psychotic behaviour or sociopathic tendency, a clue to this is in the out of place behaviour or conversation wholely unbefitting the occasion or company in the form of shocking or crude talk or even an unusual viciousness.
It may be that the enabling person / parent has been spiritually affected by the narcissist or it may be a means to try and make it all seem not so bad as the truth might be more than the enabling parent could cope with if they truthfully faced up to it.
There is also the theory that when a person acts against their conscience and does wrong that a form of madness affects them and then there is the romantic element which is a bond not easily broken regardless of how bad a spouse can be, the worst of the bunch is the spirit of narcissism like the one Ahab was taken by which not only placed him in servitude to the wicked Jezebel but made him a whole lot worse.
If this parent has become unevenly yoked to a narcissist the best thing anyone can do is to unviel the truth to help them and if they are a narcissist themselves they will reveal it by not listening to a word you say.
This whole subject crosses the divide between the supernatural & material view of life, whatever your view is I hope this video has helped.
Great response as to why. Issues I had not thought about as to servitude, romanticized, supernatural, spiritually damaged. Very possible any and all. Why does a mother put her children in harms way? I liked your comment about narcissist crude and out of place behavior as an indicator to be wary of. So true. I know as an older person if someone is inappropriate get the hell out. As children we didn't have that option.
After I started doing my self-improvement work, I began remembering how my dad used to belittle me when I was a kid and connected it to how my life coach was mocking me. My mom said “one of my biggest regrets was not stepping in and saying something when your father would be negative and critical towards you” (paraphrasing)
I later realized that my mom was co-dependent on my father for her own safety and security.
My mom at one point said “I know dad is an asshole, but he loves you”. I found that really messed up…like allowing bad behavior just because someone “loves” you.
Very informative. Thank you for the short clip. Your videos help me learn about narcissism so that I can better understand my father and why he treats me the way he does and has been doing so my whole life. I'm an adult survivor of narcissistic parenting. I am just now learning about this topic in my mid-30's.
I'm learning in my early 70's. I say better late than never.
You are so right. Once you start recovery , your eyes are opening to all that nonsense and you can call it what it truly is. The narcissist’s significance and impact is diminishing almost immediately and you can feel the truth setting you free.
They have a hot head, and a cold heart. This is my mother and her husband. My sister and her kids are brainwashed. But, thanks to therapy, I remember what really happened. Your videos are awesome, Jerry
You've been a fantastic help for me. Thank you. 57 years old and finally free.
Exactly. We can be in recovery and just shake our heads at this nonsense. I hope all scapegoats get the support they need. Thank you Jerry. ❤
Is there a longer video on this subject?
I will be publishing videos on this topic in the upcoming weeks
Thanks @jerrywise, I love your channel.
Thank you. GOD BLESS YOU. ❤❤❤
"Yes, your dad is wrong, but he loves you." The version I got was, "Yes, your dad is wrong, but he had a difficult childhood." My mother made sure I knew about the difficult childhood and left me to connect the dots. When I was an adult, the version I got, out loud, was, "You can't be angry with [insert person who has hurt you] , because they [insert bad thing that they went through or were going through at the time]." NO.
OMG, you are checking off all the boxes!!!
Whar happens when your mother is not only an enablwr, but a bipolar narcissist herself
My parents are literally going to die on this hill and it breaks my heart. My perspective of events is THAT threatening to their personhood. Every day I mourn the relationship I could be having with them right now
I feel the same way about my narc sister. But she has died claiming to have lived a perfect life. I worshipped her, but knew something was radically wrong.
Just curious but have you considered that you also are willing to die on this hill?
Kettle meet Pot, Pot meet Kettle.
@@Dontnegotiatewithterrorist yeah i have, because i can promise you ill die a hell of a lot later on this hill than I would if I chose to keep flooding my system with cortisol, which is what happens every second of every day that I keep people in my life who basically view me as their defective emotional support animal. But hey thanks for asking
Yesssss. My enabler father broke my heart. My narc mother I always hated deep down inside so it was easier to walk away but my father broke my
Heart. He says he will always support his wife over his children. No matter what. What can you even say to that? Good bye then dad 😢
She loved to watch me suffer. Very cruel to my pets.
Can this be that both my mother & father enabled each other's toxic personalities? Looking back this is what I think happened in my life.
Such an important part of the dysfunctional narcissistiv family! TY Mr Wise.
I'm doing this to you for your own good . . .
I heard that so many times growing up from my mom , “but he loves you”. I always felt very surprised when she said it, thinking if he loves me then why is he so mean to me. It took me nearly 50 years to understand the relationship my parents had and that it wasn’t something wrong with me that put me on edge being around them.
Mr Jerry, I have lost self trust after all these years of narcissistic mistreatment. Is there anything I can do?😢
"What is this nonsense?", indeed! It's like living in bizarro world
My mother is far worse than “I may be wrong in not protecting you…”. My mother’s m.o. is “I am not protecting you, that is not my problem. You must protect me, and make ME look good and feel good. “
I grew up with both parents being malignant narcissists, I always felt like a ping Pong ball between both, I am the scapegoat , still in recovery. Thanks for your videos.
You’re welcome!
Neither Narc parent nor sibling have ever apologized for abuse of me.
After a lifetime of Mom's abuse, I confronted Dad with "I can't tell if you're the world's greatest saint or the world's biggest wimp! If I were you, I'd give her a check for $1 million to go away, or I'd put her in a hole somewhere and make her disappear! Whatever is wrong with her, humans cannot fix!"
He then started telling me stories about the how' and the why's and, suddenly, I realized that she never loved me, but I also realized Dad never had my back. He remained her enabler to his last day.
wow, every one of those phrases. it's the exact words.
I was the eighth child by the time I came along. My dad was just too tired to fight back with my mom. He would just sit there and let her do it
My father is my narc mothers biggest enabler. He is an absolute coward and has let her run roughshod over his whole family and his friends letting her start rift after rift. He’s done absolutely nothing other than be her biggest cheerleader. Completely balless man. He told me one time if I stand up to her she will
Ignore me for weeks and make my life hell 😅😅 The scene in the lord of the rings with worm tongue and his possession of the king of Rohan I always thought is a great example of the narc and the enabler. Like they’re under some spell because no rational or mentally healthy human could ever defend a narcs behaviour but they do! They go to great lengths to invent a narrative to defend their behaviour and it’s so utterly ridiculous all ya can do is laugh 😂😂😂
But, can't you see how men today are ball-less? Sadly, women have used their vajayjay over mens heads since the beginning. So, is it the women that are the narcs? 🤔
This sounds like my late father. Always my mom’s greatest enabler. After I had left, he took over my role of a home scapegoat. What makes me relieved a little bit is that he tasted the taste of being a scapegoat himself before he died manipulated, brainwashed, ridiculed and demented. Life is being fair.
Usually I was sent the first one. Nothing we can do about it. Then down the line when I was pushing back it was like well if you’d just comply and be more agreeable etc. Like give up and don’t even try. And when you DO finally try, you’re wrong. I did something about it tho. Finally. Lol.
Finally when she would say “that’s just how he is” I would say “well this is just how I am too.” And also “I don’t have to stick around for a front row seat anymore.” Sad fact tho is that he was just her tool against me anyways. When I finally broke her fave tool, she started getting her own hands dirty with it. That’s when you start asking yourself if the chicken or the egg came first. And then after that you realize both of them are too toxic to be around too much anymore.
My mother: “what do you want me to do?” “You’re being too sensitive, you know how they are!”
Me: THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!! YOU ARE A COWARD!!
This rampant and ubiquitous diagnosis of “Narcissism” of parents that the Tick-tock venue therapist community, who have never met or even spoken to over the phone seems just a little overblown at best and malpractice in real-time at worse.
My mom was unfortunately forced to deal with my narcissistic father 😢she wanted to leave but she was scared😢she had to endure and deal with his behavior unfortunately 😢
I've heard it all.
My parent's bigger enabler was my therapist 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Oh wow! So sorry.
Oh you can’t leave the story like that. Cough up some details.
Your videos are so validating ✨
Glad you think so!
My dad used to tell me those things about my mom. I feel bad for him because it has to be hard for him to still be stuck there. I used to try to take the pressure off of him when I was still in contact with the family. Like my mom would get pissed at him if he wanted to have a beer at dinner. I would grab a beer, too, so she'd focus that anger on me and let him have a beer in peace. (Don't worry, this was when I was legal drinking age.) I was used to being blamed for everything, so it was no big deal to redirect the anger to keep someone else from suffering. I got out and I can only hope that my mom and sister haven't tried to turn him into the scapegoat now that I'm not there. I sincerely hope that they just continue to blame me for everything in my absence because I don't want anyone else to go through that. Their opinions don't hurt me and I'm not there for them to get physical anymore.
While I wish that my dad would have done more to protect me as a child, I know how hard it is to stand up and call out the behavior. I don't think he ever saw divorce as an option. His dad left his mom to raise him and his 3 brothers on her own. I think that plays a large part in why he stays. Frankly, even if he had divorced her, she probably would have gotten full custody because his work had him gone for long stretches sometimes. So I don't think my situation would have been improved by divorce. I truly think he thought he was helping teach me to survive by telling me to keep my head down and not upset her. I think he did the best he could given his background. He may have also been afraid that if he intervened more when he was home, it would be even worse when he was gone. I don't blame him, I just feel sorry for him.
While I realize it's not the healthiest dynamic, I wish I could help him find the freedom and happiness I have found. After everything he sacrificed for the family, he deserves more than just survival, but he has to want it too. I stayed in contact longer than I probably should have because I was worried about what they would do to him when I was gone. He was an enabler, but he was a victim, too, and he deserves the chance to heal.
Maybe teach your dad about ‘narcissistic abuse and codependency’. You could send him youtube videos,etc. knowledge and understanding this whole topic is the most important part in this whole process.
@Kinghassz he's very stuck in the "no matter what they do, they're family" camp. He fully realizes they are a problem, but he's not willing to leave because he feels like he'd be abandoning his family like his dad did. I also think he would feel guilty because he's told me he doesn't think they can support themselves. My mom hasn't worked since 2000, and my sister is divorced with 3 kids. She and her kids live in my parent's house because she can't get her life together. He told me that without his support, they would end up homeless, and he's worried about what would happen to the kids. I asked him what he thought would happen to the kids if they grew up in the toxic situation I did. He decided to end the call by saying that he loved me and we could talk later.
My sister's oldest son is already engaging in self-harming behaviors, and her daughter seems to be following in her mom's footsteps to become a little narcissist herself. The youngest boy is a possible target for a scapegoat. The kids are all in therapy, but they're so afraid of their mom that I don't think they are being completely honest with the therapist. If they were, I don't see how CPS hasn't gotten involved. But I get it, I was afraid to tell authority figures about what was happening to me as a kid. I hope CPS has gotten better, but when I was a kid, you had a chance of being put in an even worse home in foster care. And if they decided to leave you with your family, you were in deep shit. Unfortunately, my mom puts on a good show for the outside world, so it's not like the authorities are going to listen to me. My sister, on the other hand, just falls back on playing the victim when things don't go her way because she's not as good at manipulating people as my mom is. I tried talking to my friends parents as a kid, and almost nobody believed me because my mom would put on a show in public. If I acted surprised that she hugged me because she never showed any affection at home or if I flinched because I thought she was going to hit me, she would just laugh and tell people that I was standoff-ish or shy. Otherwise, people might have thought it weird that a child wasn't comfortable hugging their mother. So people thought that I was a smart kid who liked to read and self-isolated. I read books because it was my way of escaping my reality. So unless my dad has a change of heart and backs me up, those kids are going to grow up with my sister as their primary parent. Since she can't be bothered with her own children, that means my mom is the one actually raising them. My only hope for those kids is that their dad is fighting for custody. He only gets 4 weeks a year right now, but he's trying to get more. He's their best hope right now
@@tiffanyt3169 Goodluck, you cant force your dad to see the truth, he has to be courageous enough to morally object to the narcissists, and to accept the seemingly harsh and ugly truth. Also help and strengthen yourself first, because when you become your true self then you will be way stronger and in a better position to help others. I thought you were a guy but I just saw your name, your childhood reminded me abit of mine, I am very introverted and I was the oldest and the golden child in my family. Good luck and dont forget that we cant do this stuff by ourselves, the Creator/God is always around when you need help and protection.
@Kinghassz Thank you for the kind wishes. Yeah, I have definitely leaned into prayer more in recent years.
Yeah, no problem. I've been told I have a masculine attitude, lol. My parents didn't have any boys, and that frustrated my mom in a couple of ways. I had the audacity to be born a girl when she wanted a boy, and then to add insult to injury, I wasn't "feminine" enough for her because I liked working on cars and playing music instead of painting nails and braiding hair. Definitely grew up closer to my dad because I realized early on that she would never approve of me
Thank you for stating this ❤❤❤-Xclusyph Icon
Do you think autism spectrum disorders could cause someone to act as an enabler?
That (background) music sounds real creepy 🫣🙂
@JerryWise what is the REAL REASON? can you be more clear?
I think there are a lot of reasons why.. the family courts have made difficult for men and for some woman. The financial burden or being accused of some type of abuse and being arrested with no evidence.. that alone can scare a lot of people into yielding.
A lot of people with a cluster b disorder can have secondary psychosis a freak out at the drop of a hat.. then if you add in some grandparents who might be similar it can then be a gang up on one person to run a con job and manipulate children. A lot of anti nark CZcams channels only seem to add immediate parents without considering grandparents or other family involved so then the math may not add up so to speak..
Also I know an enabler who is very easily manipulated because they are on the autistic spectrum ☹️ doesn't excuse the unloving behavior but helps to understand.
How does being autistic make you more easier to manipulate?
It's Poverty Doctor 😅