Why I'm angry about my recovery
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- čas přidán 18. 11. 2020
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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional or psychologist. These videos were created purely to share advice from my own experience as a survivor and eating disorder recovery coach and to encourage eating disorder sufferers to discuss their struggle openly. - Krátké a kreslené filmy
At first I was really confused and didn't know why. Then I realized that you're not wearing an off shoulder top. Hahaha
I’m 38 years of age & was diagnosed with Anorexia at the age of 12. While I am weight restored I am still very much in Quasi recovery as I suffer from daily mind fucking battles & behaviours that I thought until recently would always be with me. I was told multiple times throughout my journey from specialists that for myself; due to suffering for so long this was as good as I could expect it to get. I wish I knew 10 years ago that full recovery was possible. I’m in the process of trying to fully recover now but it’s exhausting & to be quite honest I’m not sure if I have it in me. Can anyone relate?
35 and in thid cycle since13 so deff relate. I still believe its possible to fully recover. Not sure if i am crazy optimisic or just crazy but i strongy believe that everyone has it in them. We just need to commit to it every day and keep pushing :) you can do it!!
So very much Kate (the relating)...still 'fighting the good fight' despite the exhaustion component after fifteen years...Had a bout early whilst at uni...and, unfortunately had a relapse in my early forties...with the quasi-state still firmly in place mentally. We can beat this definitively...Mia is so very correct. It indeed CAN be done!
Yes.I can relate.
36 and 12 (should that matter so much? That validation from long-term illness probably needs unpicking...) and YES. Rewiring and change is exhausting, yet feels like it shouldn't be as it's positive actions. I believe it's worth the fight as a life sentence of an ed is a dire prospect. But jeeez, it's FRUSTRATINGLY slow.
I think I also find some security, though in that concept of having the "recovery battle" (a form if quasi?) forever...is it just a way to cling on? You're never entirely letting go. Remission isn't release so the concept leaves a little seat on one's shoulder for the ed to sit on.
Comment has probably deteriorated into nonsense but I've given myself something to think on anyway!
But ALWAYS. SO. MUCH. THINKING.
Yup, exhausting.
A long time. I'm 54 and still dealing since 14 years of age. It sure is exhausting and pretty much wondering if recovery will ever be a thing for me as you've pondered as well. I'm light years from where I have been at - hospitalized two times and have been through OP program as well. I'm still having to go to medical every two-three weeks (EDC) and am not 'allowed' to work. Day by day for me...and hoping your day, Kate, is ok today💗
Mia, I want to thank you so much. I am 16 years old and I've struggled with anorexia since the age of 9. Throughout my teen years, my ED has gotten progressively worse. That is, until about 2 months ago. In September, I was taken to a doctor's office and they suspected endometriosis. After hearing that, I decided it was time for me to start taking care of myself. I began to listen to my hunger cues and eat more intuitively. I still have to fight off my ED thoughts every day, and this journey has been scary. But every day, I have been getting better and I worry less and less about food. Your videos help me so much. Thank you for doing what you do!
I thought I was recovered. I was not happy with my weight but I thought I could live with it. Because I knew when I give into these thoughts it's gonna get bad. But then I started training in the gym a few years ago and I got really addicted to it. And yeah my ED kicked in like "hello there I'm back and I never really left" and I relapsed. I always heard this 1/3 can fully recover, 1/3 kind of manage to live with it and the rest never get out. I am in the middle part. I am not as bad as I was but it's still exhausting. I never met a single person who was fully recovered so I never saw that as an option. It's still hard to imagine that this is possible for me. Thank you for your work Mia and for sharing your story. 😘
your videos seriously help me so much,, i'm not diagnosed w anything but i'm dealing with horrible issues with restriction and obsessing over calories and such, i come to your channel because it's a safe space for me, i listen to your advice and i've been trying to loosen up a little bit and deal with my emotions better, seriously thank you so so so much!! i wish there was more channels like yours, i can tell you're so genuine and not afraid to talk about your own issues with EDs, thank you please never change!!!! 🥺
sending love to you!💓💓💓 you deserve to feel free & safe in your body and i believe you will get there!
You are so on the right track...after a diagnosis and SO many years of pain with suffering, I’ve learned at least about myself that “loosening up” is so key. I’ve finally lost an edge that I never even knew I had so you being able to recognize that is a really great thing. Awareness seems to be the largest component in my opinionI so keep sitting with the discomfort of your emotions that are hard. I hope you can save yourself hours, days and maybe years of turmoil and suffering. 🌻
Non-ED related, but in working through trauma, ptsd, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, addiction...we are also told that this is who we are, that we will deal with this every waking moment. and I agree, it sets a ceiling above us, 4 walls without a door, a locked window to see out of, but we can never leave. Our disorders are PART of us, they do not define us. The idea of full recovery is not an option or even spoken of. We’re taught that we’ve been wired incorrectly and exhausting management and vigilance is required each and every day, not to rewire or open healthier neural pathways, but to subdue the symptoms. This sentiment is inherently dangerous to anyone with any mental illness. This was enlightening for me.
I feel this so much. Really appreciate your voice on this. Also.. Ive found that not all therapists are spouting the same narrow view. Over 15 years of therapy sessions, I finally have an incredible one who sees things differently and tells me full recovery is possible. It’s such an incredible breath of fresh air. Good practitioners are out there and thank goddess for them!
@@ScoutBLoved I hope to find the same. For a mental health practitioner to tell me that my racing thoughts and obsessions could someday be subdued or gone would be much more helpful and I’d be way more motivated than if I were to hear the same tired “we can help you manage your symptoms but this will plague you forever” type of rhetoric that leaves me feeling more hopeless and avoidant of help. it all feels very “once an addict, always an addict” ..and in recovery from addiction this phrase haunts me. I surely don’t FEEL like an addict anymore. I’m not only thinking about my next score. I’m not doctor shopping. I am no longer an addict. But the phrase still plagues me.
Thank you for this video. I just passed my two year anniversary for starting recovery and I have been sliding into a relapse the last few months. I have felt so much shame and guilt because I "know" better. I do know full recovery is possible and was lucky enough to work with a coach that had that approach the first few months of my recovery. But although I know that and I have all the tools I am still struggling to fully "get" there. And I have been feeling so much shame and guilt over not "getting" there by now. I want nothing more than to fully recover but right now it seems like such a big mountain to climb to get there. Even with all the work that I have done changing my thoughts and beliefs.
When I was in treatment, intuitive eating was barely mentioned, and when it was, it was talked about as this really extreme thing that *some* people may choose to do, *years* down the line. I really wish they'd talked about it at least a little bit more, and more accurately, because there were people discharged from that program who literally thought they had to follow their meal plan forever.
I relapsed after 7 yrs. Its been extremely bad for the last year & a half. Just started at the ED clinic & one of my biggest anxiety’s is how long is this going to take to get better? The ED doctor told me with all the underlying issues as well as the eating disorder it’s going to be a long haul. So disheartening. I’m not working right now because things are so bad. How long am I supposed to dedicate to this while not being able to work??? Sooo frustrating. Makes me want to just give up some days. I’m terrified of putting in all this work to get better just to relapse again. This is such a bullshit way of living. So sick of it. Sick of myself.
I was also told by a therapist that it was something I'd deal with my whole life. She said, "You'll just find different ways to handle it." I actually kind of told her off. I said, "No, there are fully recovered people! And I'm going to do that!" :)
I can relate so much. I've been recovered for three years and a lot happened this year and I fell very weak and sometimes thoughts are just overwhelming and I'm like "what's the point of all of that if it's still a struggle to LIVE ?"
Thanks for you testimony. It gives hope for the best
What I wish I knew was that little lapses or slips don’t equal a relapse, and they didn’t mean that you were failing.
Disclaimer: I’m not recovered yet, I’m two years in and my god it’s harder than it was at the start!!! That initial excitement and motivation and those proud wins...it’s harder now.
I completely agree! “Relapse” suggests such a large fall when it mostly matters that we just stay the course in the long run. Keep it up sister 🌻
I’m the worst I’ve ever been and watching you makes me feel like there might be hope ❤️ Thankyou ❤️
I believe in you...keep seeking out positive role models. Get your power back girl! 🌻
You explained what I'm going through right now in recovery. Thank you Mia.
I been anorexic and bulimic since 22 and now 47. I now find no reason to get normal. but I hate myself every minute of the day. I seem perfectly ok outside and no one knows anything abt this. I don't know what to do with the rest of my wretched life and stuck.. I post this without coherent thinking. pls forgive .....
The hardest part is going though it alone. But now you’re not and so many people who have seen your comment are rooting for you ❤️
I have hope that you can live your silver years in recovery and obtain good health. And I truly think you can do it. Good luck, Auntie Mingkwaner. I'm rooting for you.
thx for the support, things are difficult when I am used to this self inflicted torture for 2 decades
I remember when this happened and I remember not long after you changing your language from recovering to recovered and I wondered what had changed to make you confident in the change of language. Thank you for sharing and know that I'm proud of you for how far you've come in the 4ish years I've been watching your videos.
I was just in an ED clinic and the psychiatrist did a group where he talked about a study.
In the study, 30 people with chronic EDs had recovered after 9-44 years each.
It gave me hope, because I'm at about 15 years. Meaning I'm just at the start of that; it'll be easier than at 44 years with ED.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. My therapist tells me that I will never have a normal relationship with food and that thought exhausts me. Thank you for this video
There was a me before an ED, so there can be a me after it. Thanks for showing that full recovery is possible xx
I came here for the ED content - in recovery too - but it also made me think of IBS… the doctors told me I would just have to live with it and it takes sooo much energy on a daily basis, which food can I eat, what will give me bloating, what will give me cramps, etc... And a few months ago I discovered that my wonderful naturopath (if you speak French, it is Melanie of Chaudron Pastel) was fully recovered from anorexia and IBS. It gave me hope.
I think knowing that recovery is about building distress tolerance rather than feeling less distressed would have been helpful. I feel like I’m learning that now 10 years later...
I would have liked to have more information about the process in itself. Not only the physical symptoms but also mental issues. Like hey once you start recovering and start eating and stop behaviors your body will react like this, and your mind...you'll probably feel more vulnerable/depressed because you are actually going to deal with it. It would have made the process much smoother and I think I wouldn't have engaged in different and new behaviors.At first I was also told this was forever and that was challenging, but found through time that it wasn't. I would have liked also more information about the feelings when you are finally recovered and how to know when it is a "relapse" or just a slip up. Overall a better and more complete treatment approach. Back then it was basically non existant. Hope now a days this has improved.
I needed to hear this right now
Mia..this was just brilliant. We all glean so much from your informative vids from your inquisitive brain and compassionate heart...Your comedic acumen just ties it all together so beautifully. I wonder if you could address the frustration that many of us feel having had a relapse (or first experience) with anorexia late in life..Doctors and eating disorder 'team' professionals often seem to 'lump' recovery times as being the same, across the board, whether one is recovering in their late teens/twenties to someone in a more advanced age bracket. I've been told full recovery (including over-shoot) can be the 'expected time'* one needs to recover...but does this pertain to only a young body with shorter duration of illness? Very confusing!?
* 'expected time' being one calendar year...(meant to put that in there!)
What a great video. So helpful. I too wish I had help back when. Was through so much You have helped me so much. Your an amazing ❤️. Thanks
I wish so much someone could have told me (or even known because it wasn't known when I first got ill (nearly 20 years ago) about the biological aspects to an ED, I was told about the Minnesota starvation study but the concept of set point, extreme hunger, binging in recovery, how your body regains what it needs to, what that is like, how to refeed etc. none of this was explained even as recently as 4 years ago when I was last in treatment. I wish so much that could have been explained.
This. Ive been told over and over that for the rest of my life I Will HAVE to monitor me. And It’s exausthing.
I think they don't mention that full recovery is a possibility because of the perfectionism side of people with eating disorders, anorexia nervosa at least. My therapist always tells me when we set any new recovery goals that "it doesn't have to be perfect. the goal isn't to be perfect, the goal is to live happy and healthy. so, just do your best & that is good enough." Being told that really helps, but also if I was fixated on a "full recovery" goal, I think it would be 1. too overwhelming & 2. a drive for further perfectionism. But then again, I am in the early stages/pathway to recovery & have too many disordered behaviors that I have yet to address let alone battle, so don't take my word for it. Just my thoughts on the topic, haha.
@Emily Yes this! For such a long time I thought perfectionism was an embedded part of me, like I was born with it. In fact, perfectionism is often developed as a way of coping and is neither helpful or sustainable. I've been seeing a therapist that has been helping me rewire/reframe some of these perfectionist thinking patterns. I can totally see now how this was playing a big role on preventing me from recovering.
@Emily i literally can’t give it up, so props to u queen! 😭😭😭
@Emily yess!! positivity all the way! we are better & stronger than our disorders! 🧘🏻♀️💕
my perfection is sating my appetite, feeling energetic, and meeting my developmental milestones. this is how I'm able to channel my autistic perfectionism away from the twinges of an ED I've noticed I have.
@@ellenorbjornsdottir1166 i’m glad that works for you!! Sadly i’ve fallin into having this ed due to, according to my therapist, the lack of control of external factors with parents divorce & family issues that followed. I wish i could’ve had a similar mindset/approach to it as you speak of. Keep going!
I wish I'd known that the patriarchal/dictated/formulaic/inflexible 'rules' for recovery that were given to me by the ED services as being the only correct way and the only real way to recover were utterly utterly wrong. They led to me being stuck for years thinking I was the problem because I couldn't jibe at all with these golden laws of how to recover, which were so jarring and clashed so badly with my personality, my particular disorder, my other MH difficulties and my life/lifestyle. Its taken me so much independent research, work on my own emotions and bloody stubbornness to realise that actually I have had to completely remove myself from formal help and design my own path through recovery since that is the only way it will work for me because everything is so individual for each ED sufferer how can 'one size fits all' in terms of an approach ever be effective for everyone? Just as each person, each ED, each life and each personality is different so therefore will each route through this be, which is to be supported and celebrated wherever the intent to recover is strong and genuine. Thats what I wish I knew xx
Hi Mia. Have you seen The Crown yet or done a video regarding Princess Diana's struggle with ED? I've just watched and there is a trigger warning to those affected but wondered if you had seen it yet xx
I wish I could see a full recovery for my self 😔
How do you get out of quasi recovery? I think I’m stuck there as I am at my heaviest and don’t want to risk any further weight gain
I’m in the same boat
well, you are in the best place of anyone to go into full recovery, because your brain has the nutrients it needs to break the eating disordered nerve connections, but also the worst because the ED has the nutrients to build its nerve connections even stronger. I don't know who will win, but I hope that it's you. (I hope i'm making sense)
This video offers a very helpful perspective for mental health issues in general. It may be helpful or necessary to spend some amount of time in active recovery, even years, but at some point it will hopefully be possible to turn the corner and be "recovered" and stay there, without falling back into harmful behaviors and substances, but also without the ongoing hypervigilance and restricted focus and second-guessing of self. Allowing more time and freedom to do what we really want with our time and lives, instead of living in the constant reality of sickness and recovery every day, forever. (I'm guessing that's your genuine given first name, but it's probably part of why you continually get demonetized! Unfortunate, for such constructive content.)
What I wish I learnt: anorexia recovery is more than just eating. Now recovered from that and I have a serious binge eating issue and constant extreme hunger which I cannot subside, this has led to me going from very underweight to overweight and my self esteem is more in the toilet than it was when I had the first ED. I’m so miserable and it really has me missing the old days of being super skinny, despite the health issues
i have no idea how I got over my eating disorder on my own, but have Body dysmorphia..