A Crap Guide to Magic the Gathering [Sponsored]
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- čas přidán 1. 07. 2019
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This video is a paid promotion by Wizards of the Coast for Magic the Gathering.
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Other music courtesy of Epidemic Sound: player.epidemicsound.com/ - Hry
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That was the best $1.98 Wizards of the Coast has spent in a long time. Great video!
so it cost more that some of the printing of there cards wow big spenders
Still, I wish this had been its own Crap Guide series.
@@adrianjamesdelfin7414crap guide to dimir
@@Jc27uhh4h4h4 Crap guide to Orzhov, Abzan, Esper
"give it about 2 years, they are bound to print that card some time"
How about like 15 days? Because we had a cookie monster announcement for Throne of Eldraine. And I'll be damned if that shit doesn't have a sacrifice clause on it.
A trailer featuring the cookie card dropped today and I’ve been watching it nonstop, someone help, my family is concerned.
@@CCAndPinkie I'll help watch it with you
Brett Garcia
Thanks brah
We wanted a cookie plainswalker, we got a gingerbrute
And I thought the squirrel dealer was the best card in the game
_Just fireball._
*Just. Fireball.*
*_JUST. FIREBALL._*
Yup... he's a Red Magic guy.
just monica
Except unlike D&D, MTG fireball costs 1 to play so you can use it whenever you want, and if you run out of fireball just switch to blue and dig through your graveyard for more fireballs. Wait didn't draw fireball on your first turn, well that's ok because blue also allows you to search through library to find more fireballs. So just choose all the fireballs you can then more cards that let you get more fireballs. If blue isn't good enough yet it also lets you make copies of fireball so you can cast 2, no 3, no 4, no 6 fireballs at the same time! Wait still can't spam fireball fast enough? Well that's ok too, because green lets you hoard land like the roman empire, meaning you can spam fireball like your enemies wish they were dead 10 turns ago. Wait are you spaming fireball so fast that you're runing out of cards in your library now? Well that's ok because black lets you put your graveyard back into your library and start over again with more fireballs! Still not enough? Well white lets you grow stronger every-time you dish out a fireball to your enemies, meaning that as your enemies burn in the terrible onslaught of your awesome, enormous, dangling fireballs you're getting bigger and beefier like a fireball wizard on steroids. So have fun and fireball, Fireball. FIREBALL!
@@CatFish21sm weird flex but ok
@@CatFish21sm Or, hear me out, you can get 20+ mana by turn 4 with green and wipe them out with EXPROSIOON!
Or a better card at that then explosion.
@@CatFish21sm ah yes, izzet, the best dual color combo.
Blue: I draw my entire deck!
Red: Now that's a lot of damage!
Green: Let me just play 5 more lands.
Black: My graveyard is my hand!
White: I hit you for 5, so I gained 5 life.
Green: its turn 3 and i have 6 mana
@@matthewarnold4557 That's actually pretty slow.
@@rowantatun5473 Personally I prefer:
It's turn 3 so I play Karn.
@@stevenwang5148 My brother's preferred pure green deck is: "It's turn 3. I play Emrakul".
White-Black: So, I hit your guys for 10 this turn, so I gain 10, and now I'm going to sacrifice 2 of them to make the other two stronger and also heal for more, and eventually I'll stomp you with Wall of Limbs or Ajani's Pridemate.
"I cast a spell to destroy your minion!"
*"NO YOU DON'T"*
I relate to this on a personal level.
Excuse me, what kind of blue scrub plays *creatures?*
@@hi123452008 Mono-Blue Tempo....?
@@DaniszAstronauta Counterspell Tribal or GTFO!
Except when your opponent is also blue. I counterspell your counterspell
@@duckwizardd and then I counter spell that counter spell of my counter spell
You know what really _pickles_ my _tickle?_ *A new Jocat Video.*
Alyssa Grace you know what pickles my my tickles, mono blue
@@AlbireoTheLion You know what pickles my tickles: *Tableflip!!!!*
This
No
So true
"Give it two years, they're bound to print an explosive cookie card"
Fast forward two months...
"Throne of Eldraine has a gingerbread couple, the gingerbread man gets eaten by Garruk and the gingerbread lady stabs him in the eye with an olive fork. Oh, and there are food tokens now."
So you are some kind of prophet xD
I mean, we have acorn catapult too
Gingerbrute...
Gingerbrute+Wings of Hubris
Useless, but thematically spot on.
Edit: No wait, Fling is a better match!
Cat Familiar and Witch's Oven. I rest my case. Exploding cats for everyone.
Despite the artwork, these food tokens taste terrible
"You and an opponent have some numbers. You put other numbers on the board and hit each other's numbers and whoever can make the other numbers go away first wins." This... is one of the best summaries of Magic I've ever seen. (At least in newer formats.)
Paid promotion videos in the same style as the CZcamsr's content is the best monetization. Keep doing these if it pays the bills!
THIS
agreed
totally agreed!
even if he makes fun of the games, everyone knows it and they may still try those games.
Hell yeah, the last Veritasium video had such a creepy vibe in it, it was awful.
I'm glad some people offering good content don't sell their souls and manage to get some good deals at the same time.
Friend of mine had a deck devoted to churning out squirrels. Nothing but squirrels. Like, myr output level of squirrels.
Dylan Mortensen omg yes
You mean the expensive earthcraft+ squirrel nest combo? xD
@@alledzebu1975 I love that deck
@@micahjohnson817 earthcraft is quite expensive tho :(
@@alledzebu1975 Of course, the big question is if fifteen squirrels can stop Emrakul
"Give it two years, they're bound to print an explosive cookie card"
>Throne of Eldraine food tokens.....
add a mayhem devil, an you can blow up your cookies
Plus makeshift munitions
Gingerbrute.
What about toggo?
Ginger bread men an make them explosive.
😅😂
Someone make it please
"Give them 2 years, they're bound to print an explosive cookie"
*Gingerbrute gets printed*
This was everything I wanted out of a MTG video from you
I have been eagerly awaiting the day this month when my tween cousins will travel to my place during vacation, so that way I can show off my Magic card collection while they still think it's cool.
@@DJcystrom when does magic stop being cool....
@@tenatin9627 ... Fair point. It depends on the person.
@@DJcystrom it stops being cool when you fight that one person who has way to much money and spends it all on a overpowered blue or blue splash anything deck one to many times
@@Draco9909 It also stops being cool when you have responsibilities and can no longer play with friends or spend money on new cards so on the rare occasions you can play everyone has all these new decks and you can't do anything because so many of the new cards are insanely powerful and almost outright busted. For me though it's when you go to deck tech and you open your binder only to find that 400+ dollars worth of cards have been stolen and now if you want to run the deck you were planning to play this week you have to buy the same cards you already had at 20x the price you originally paid because they are on the reserve list.
How'd he know that throwing cards at my friends consistently while they throw cards at me was my favorite pastime?
Chaos confetti
selection bias and demographics
MtG is a gambling\lootbox game that's run by Wizards of the Coast.
The cards you need are spread out over 10's of thousands you'd need to go through and you're guaranteed to lose because your opponent can get a deck that auto-win's before you play.
They have an incredibly big problem where their MtG tournament judges are convicted pedophiles and Wizards doesn't care, they push SJW\Progressive\Socialist propaganda in their DnD line, and they will ban you and steal all the cards you paid for from your online account if you do something like calling out a Twitch THOT.
Never buy Magic The Gathering or anything related to it whatsoever.
I gotta admit, I like the fact that the Pokémon TCG was drawn as a “pocket monster”.
Cool, I hadn't noticed that, actually I thought that the monster in the pocket represented Hearthstone's business model that eats all your money away
"Give it two years, they are bound to print an Explosive Cookie card"
Come on, admit it, Throne of Eldraine was YOUR idea.
I can definitely see a mono-red player giving Embercleave the okay...
Blue mana: For when you don’t want anyone else to play Magic
Just blue decks in a nut shell the h we in the magic community call it the cuck deck
Blue and white are a very good combination for that. Prisons, denials and taxes for days
Or if you just want to slap your opponents hands until they hurt
Fun is a limited resource: you get it by taking it from your opponent. Can you tell I play Blue-Black alot?
I have a blue deck in arena that I take out when I have a bad day and want everyone else to feel miserable as well. You basically muslligan till you have a unblocakble mermaid and curious obsession forbcard draw and after that its pure counter. If the enemy doesnt have any uncounterable spells and doesnt already have something on the field to defeat you with at turn 3 then he can just wait till its over.
"There are five colors, each one based around a general style of playing"
Blue - Stop.
xD
Green - Hammer time
Or
White - Collaborate and listen
Well the mana were playing music at the time and it is where MY mind went instantly.
@LastTourniquet
In my personal experience, red should say ‘fuk you, your monster is going to be destroyed the next turn it’s played’
@@maomao6023 No, that's black.
@chaosmastermind
I said personal experience
Not your experience
@Ethan Johnson I loved running a darksteel colossus "march of the machines" deck a while back...
Three words. Say it and I'm yours.
"I have lethal"
"I am Groot"
*"No you don't"*
What is “Lethal?”
...nevermind
Pot of Greed… Wait wrong game
Hilariously, this video was released 2 months before Throne of Eldraine made Food tokens a thing.
Now you CAN throw explosive cookies at your opponent!
Looks at title
... Guide to Magic: the Gathering
*LESS THAN 30 MINUTES LONG*
Is it like Yu Gi Oh?
its nothing like yu gi oh
It's a *crap* guide. He never claimed it would be a good guide.
@@noban2603 I think the core concept is similar, though. You summon creatures too kill your opponent. Just saying.
@@burningadri6775 I mean not always. I play control, where i counter their spells until they concede, or eventually mill out
Holy shit, actual WoTC sponsored our boy?! From those monster hunter videos to this Jo sure has come a long way.
Congrats!
Missed opportunity: "Welcome to a crap guide to MTG"
2:55 it's been 2 years, no explosive cookie card yet, thank you for hearing me
"No, you don´t" is everything one needs to know about the color blue in magic......also card draw
Also flying.
Also mill.
Also quasi shifting things in and out of existence.
Also driving your enemies insane, then making them forget they were even your enemy in the first place, as well as how to perform basic bodily functions and also just plain everything.
Hence the saying "When in doubt, don't give it to blue."
@@Tezrak0 Fucking mill decks
@@aeaea2825 as a blue player, i hate mill decks. To me they take away everything being a blue player is about.
@@Tezrak0 Wait this game is about summoning creatures?
@@Abornarazine What's a mill deck? I only recently began playing blue (made a custom deck out of the latest Jace deck, based around Proliferate and amass).
(Btw, if you could like the comment so I know you replied, not looking for like handouts, but CZcams doesn't show when people reply to me)
Blue/Red is my favourite color combo.
"I would like to-"
"Nope, also thinking hurt you so lose some life"
"Wow! An unstoppable play undone with a SINGLE CARD! Only in a 'children's card ga-' ... Ya know what? I play red-blue. I am not allowed to criticize."
-Magnus the Red
@@tanall5959 well i mean, sure red blue is kinda cheap but still better than paradox-billiards-vostroyan-roulette-fourth-dimensional-hypercube-chess-strip-poker. Don't tell the emperor i said that though.
Red/blue is mean, especially in commander with Mizzix. “I go infinite and burn you to death at instant speed”
Ah the Izzet I just LOVE playing red/blueyou are aggro and control at the same time what could be more annoying?
“It’d be a shame if I enchanted my Nov-Mizzet with Curiosity, wouldn’t it?”
"biggy mc largehuge" yeh, id say that describes green decks well
For me it's more about watching my opponent face as I point out that the 1/1 scute mob is now a 100/100 because they ignored it for 12 turns with me having 5+ lands and doubled the +1+1 counters on it and than give it on average for me +50+50 and trample. Pretty much at the time I attack it's block or take nearly 200 damage. I have an army of 1/2 plants.
@@ignisshadowflame1027 I like it, I do an infinite Siona combo where the opponents face an infinitely big Siona or an infinite amount of 1/1 soldiers
@@FecalPirate I play it with support of 2/2 zombies from Liliana and 0/1 plants from Nissa. I do both at the same time.
You know. As a magic player I'm so happy you did this. Especially because it's so true. I have flash backs to my friend's baral commander deck he used to have when you brought up the blue way of playing. Because it was so true. "Oh you dont have anything major on board by turn 2. Welp. Good luck getting anything on the board at all."
*"Its not your turn yet"*
*Me:* _* Heavy Breathing Intensifies *_
*Vedalken orrery*
Now it's always my turn, BITCH!
Flamey josh? Is that you?
unless u playing blue, then every turn is your turn
My friend straight up had a five minute turn in commander. He had to break out a calculator at one point.
@@collinclohessy5173 5 minuites? Amature. Our resident combo player went off while noone had an answer so we went out, got McDonald's, came back and he was still going at it. He got his storm count up to about 337, with 3 different storm cards being copied 7 different times (we destroyed his thousand year storm earlier, thank goodness). I've still got a photo of the board state with a bunch of instants with counters on them.
*sees 3 headed wyvern*
“Oh well that could be anyon-“
*left head is a lovable goofball*
“Oh wait yeah, that’s King Ghidorah!”
I noticed that, too! Good to know he's a G-fan.
Who?
@@drakeconsumerofsoulsandche5761 A giant golden three-headed space dragon, arch nemesis of Godzilla. In the new movie, the left head is a bit of a doofus.
Logan Earnest Left head’s name is Kevin and we all love him.
@@Brutzkrieg I need to get round to watching it
This summer I found a box of ancient Magic the Gathering cards which my Mom played in 90's. Didn't have an idea what these things are. Thank you, JoCrap!
I don't actually even care about this game, just wanted to support your ability to eat food and produce content that is still enjoyable.
That was fantastic! Always happy when you put out new stuff!
Welcome to the gang.
Those slippers... I need them...
Technically, the "Food" cards could be counted as cookies, and they're artifacts, there's plenty of cards that can make them explode.
I can only imagine the joy of being sponsored by something you genuinely love doing. And if it gives me videos like this, this needs to happen more often.
Oh boy I've been avoiding this game like the plague and now I can't anymore.
I advoided it too. Now im 20. Me and my older bro got hooked this year by a friend of mine. Its better than Yugioh.
*J O I N U S*
"I am inevetable"
-Magic the gathering
Pat pat
Why avoid it? The game ie awesome. I still have a deck a made around 15 years ago.
Me:This game seems boring
JoCat: There is an İnspiring Unicorn
Me : Best game ever
So what your saying is... That there is a unicorn bard?
All shall fall to my pony army!
I’m literally working on a deck that is All Pony, All the Time
@@pinkwings8036 then i can proudly say that you're a man of utmost culture
What is wrong with the i at the start of inspiring
2:03 That is a Pelakka Wurm. ily JoCat.
No it’s Xol, will of the thousands, from destiny 2
Makeshift Munitions could technically turn food tokens into explosions. If you get the cookie food tokens you have an exploding cookie deck. You even fling the cookies.
15 Seconds of sponsorship in the beginning of a Video: Skip!
A whole Video about the Sponsor: yes, i Like it!
Well done :D
Difference is the sponsorship is put upfront instead of being shoved down your throat randomly
this one have draws i like it
>The game is simple
I've been playing MTG for 2 decades and I've literally never heard a bigger lie in my entire life
Almost as if this is a crap guide
It is prettt simple to learn. Eapecially now. Play teferi then play other teferi and then durdle until you find a win con 20 minutes later.
Dude, the game is not complex at all. The only complexity is learning all the cards, which is a problem with any card games really! But the game itself is, indeed, simple.
I feel like it really depends on your deck. I have a few white green I could pass to any chump to learn the game, my esper deck though I'm still learning to play, and I built the thing.
@@christopherwoodbury7520 Pffft, scrub, you don't *need* a wincon, just deck your opponent out
Thank you for helping me learn about myself through red blasty cards!
Watching JoCrap squeak the slippers over and over again is oddly satisfying
"i cast a spell to destroy your minion"
*_"NO YOU DON'T."_*
"You win this round blocking sheep"
Sheep:Baaa
Jocat: Flips table
that fucking sheep
Blocking sheep doesn't work vs flying. Go angel, dude, you'll never go baaaahk.
Nyx-fleece ram in a nutshell
@@solidbison687 dayum boi she *THICCC*
that feeling when your 10/10 doesn’t have trample and a sheep chumpblocks it
Fantastic video!
Just what I was looking for the get my friend into MTG.
I think this might actually be the best video I've seen from this channel yet.
I wish adds on youtube were all this fun, truly enjoyable.
Nariah Lisboa insert LOL add
If they were I would spend my time watching ads.
Adver-tainment!
The only other ads I like on CZcams are the LucidChart ads.
@@Blossemfall And don't forget Flex products ads (ex:Flex Tape)
Explosive cookies... don't give Maro ideas.
Actually, scratch that, I'd see it in an Un- set
I mean, we already have explosive pies. That deal π damage.
Explosive Cookies ... WotC will add that in next year. 🍪💥👍
I can see that in an Un-set. Maro loves that shit.
[BSC] guttersnipe might just be an excellent baker, we don’t know
Well there is Eggs and Cheerios.
This video is initially what got me interested in magic the gathering and now I play arena on a daily bases, so thanks for introducing me to this game!
This was my introduction to your channel.
Condragulations, you have won me as a subscriber. Shontay, you stay.
"White takes over the world and bans mill decks forever" *cries in Dimir*
You will pay for your sins.
@@Kmn483 Not if we counter you
Now cover guildmasters guide to ravnica and then it will be complete
JoCat is the only person I actively seek out advertisement videos from.
As of Throne of Eldraine, you can cast shrapnel blast by sacrificing a food token. So yes, you can build a deck around exploding food.
Magic content from Jocat? And he is getting paid for it? I like this
1:54
Guess Goofy's weight! *WIN A PRIZE*
"120 pounds?"
*...no. that's too low*
I thought the same thing! I also like the "Spoiler Owl" reference at 2:22
Thank you Jocat this video really helped me I’ve just recently gotten into Magic and D&D and your videos are hilarious way for me to learn the basics. I know you’ll probably never read this comment but thank you and keep making these great videos
This was like a cross between Asdfmovie and History Of The Entire World, I Guess, but with MAGIC. In other words, one of the best things ever in the history of CZcams.
Red is all about blitzing your opponent with quick, cheap damage by hurling fireballs, lightning, and exploding goblins, and that's how I like it!
I too enjoy Flinging Lighting Coursers.
what about book burn
Don't forget direct damage. I used to have a blue /red freezerburn deck.
@@Sinyao direct damage such as fireballs, lightning and exploding goblins?
Mono red arclight phoenix best deck in the modern format. Prove me wrong.
When you add the exploding cookie, so that the jocat fans will buy it.
Stonks
Maybe next unset we'll get it.
Great, now I am thinking of that episode of TheRussianBadger.
I could totally see something like a Goblin Baker card that make tokens that explode.
ik everybody already mentioned food tokens and gingerbread people exist now, so there are cookies in the game, but there's also lots of red creatures and spells like Shrapnel Blast, Bosh the Iron Golem, and Makeshift Munitions where you throw artifacts at stuff, and food is an artifact. you can literally make your deck a cookie throwing machine
Throne of Eldraine: releases
Jocat: NO EXPLOSIVE COOKIE?!
2:23 spoiler owl strikes again, love you JoCat keep up the amazing work
*SQUALK* Snape kills Dumbedore!
When is wizards gonna have you do a crap guide to whatever their next DND module is
He should do a series of all their modules ... starting with the lost mines.
I would love to see you do a crap guide on all the Guilds of Ravnica, the three-color decks, etc. 😂😂😂
JetBlackXtreme oh my GOD yes that needs to happen i wouldnt even mind if he roasted simic
This explained what I’ve been trying to explain for 3 years
We may not have explosive cookies, but we sure as hell have explosive grapes!
[[Grapeshot]]
Explosive wine..
Explosive veggies?
And hot soup!
But only assholes use explode grapes
Just watch, there will eventually be an Explosive Cookie Un-card.
Nope. It's gonna be a Mythic in a standard set. Calling it right here.
I can see it now Goblin Baker RR T: put a 0/1 cookie token with detonate on the field.
Sacrifice goblin Baker it deals X damage to Target permanent, where X equals the number of cookie tokens you control.
Breaking News: Unstable Set gains its own tournament format
*laughs in literal gingerbread people cards in the new set*
It’s a common in a standard legal set
Just now on this rewatch I've noticed the game grumps reference with the spoiler owl card...
Nice!
Wow, idk why I've never seen any of your vids before but you've earned a subscriber. Your channel looks sweet, the content is super relevant to my interests, and I applaud your Wiggler good sir.
This was amusing and I'm glad I had the option of voluntarily clicking on it rather than being forced to watch it in front of some other video
If i ever get a random ad before a video and its jocat. I would watch the ad
And I would have gotten away with it too, if it were not for THAT MEDDLING SHEEP!
1:15 I'm sorry but that image is *_adorable_*
This is actually really helpful for someone(me) who is trying to learn MTG
JoCat where can I buy those squeaky fluff slippers?
You can't. You can only get them by defeating Jo in a battle to the death.
@@FirstLast-cg2nk but wut about da muns?
JoCat revealed to be a mono red player
*JOCAT'S SUBSCRIBER COUNT PLUMMET AT INCREDIBLE SPEED*
At least he isnt running teferi tribal
At least it isn’t a mill deck
The fact that you defy the physics and it screamed with a stitched mouth is a very powerful thing
It's been 2 years. WHERE'S MY EXPLOSIVE COOKIE!?
In white and green you can play a card and then end your turn. In blue and red you can play a card and then wait 5 more minutes as your opponent decides how to kill it.
Gutter snipe is not that dangerous.
excellent work. Your quality is top notch here and you can tell you put your best into this piece.
Humor was solid and the witty attitude was charming.
I hope to see more amazing pieces such as this in the future!
Get that paper!!! Glad to see your hard work is literally paying off
1:15 sir demogorgon looking fancy over there
Hold up. “Biggy McLarge Huge.” Is that a Mystery Science Theatre reference?
Chad Mchugestrong
Squat Stabthrust
The blocking sheep (Nyx-Fleece Ram) is actually my favorite card.
Well, we don't have explosive cookies yet but we have a black mana witch capable of sacrificing food cards to deal damage to opponents and there also is a gingerbread man creature who counts as food.
My favorite bit is the tiny goblin on his back holding up a tiny sword against the gargantuan king-emperor-god worm, like "Come at me, bro!"
2:03
Totes screenshotting that 5 mana symbol still and using it as a playmat.
Fool. No one can kill blocking sheep. For it lives forever in our hearts
"If blocking sheep is sent to the graveyard or exile, create a 1/1 green sheep token, then return blocking sheep to the battlefield untapped. It gains haste for one turn.
One of the best ads I have watched
2:55
Wilds of Eldraine is coming, and it indeed had explosive cookies.
I love how blue's icon was just replaced with "Stop"
I remember when I would play Magic the gathering every lunch at school, good times
It’s been two years, I’ve been waiting for that damn cookie explosion card.
About the explosion cookies, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a card like that in Throne of Eldraine. Kind of like Totally Normal Armchair, but Totally Normal Cookies maybe somewhat relating to Hansel and Gretel.
good job grabbing a sponsorship, may your youtube career live forever
I got a text at the EXACT moment you said "board" at like 1:05.
That my sound mundane but my text tone is the sound Joffrey makes when slapped by Tyrion in GoT season 2
you mean 'bored.' stay in school, fucktard.
@@revolutionarycomrade when jocrap said it he said, & I QUOTE: "board" as in, the material!
B-O-A-R-D
Nothing about mood you zero IQ hippo who ate 10 to many burgers at midnight right after McDonald kicked you out for staying in after closing & wasting product, AKA you throwing out PERFECTLY GOOD food because "I wAsNT hUngrY AnyMorE"
Not so revolutionary now, you piece o' twat
@@BjornIdiottsonn imagine getting triggered over a grammatical correction... 2020.
@@revolutionarycomrade shut the fuck up you slobbering pig
@@revolutionarycomrade dude, you called him a "Fucktard".
i never knew that i wanted to see a dragon explain my favorite card game in the best way possible, and yet here i am
You can do an explosive cookie build with a white and red deck built around Gingerbrute, All That Glitters, and Kazuul's Fury.