To Date or Not to Date, That is the Question
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- čas přidán 1. 06. 2024
- This is just a simple video responding to the many questions I get from young people today regarding the problems with dating.
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As a young man I can listen to this guy forever. Nobody is speaking like this to us no more.
I swear, dwayne's that guy that your dad is buddies with and he just drops random balls of knowledge
If you guys like Dwayne, you'll probably also like 2BeBetter. They do roughly the same kind of content. Love both channels.
Stoic wisdom. He's giving us a chance to be better. Everyday we are blessed with life. We have choices. Max to mini ones. Always consider the golden rule saying before making any decisions.
exactly how i feel
Because nobody is listening. PRIDE.
The first step to maturity is realizing that you aren't mature yet! if you've come to that realization, you're already on the right path.
But one of the problems of being young is that feeling that you 'know it all',,,,,life got me humbled after 40 when it is already too late.
@@asafkomemy40 ain't too late to get on the right track! In fact, you have more experience to make better decisions.
@@nathanielriesterer9103 You right/ but i think after 40 it's a bit to late for kids
Very wise words DingusMingus69, very wise words indeed.
@@asafkomemy Nah
Currently 24 years old, have not had the chance to be in a relationship. This video reaffirmed me that it is still ok to still be single.
Sure thing , buddy
Better be safe than sorry
There s always tomorrow and at the end of the day , not everybody is relationship material anyway
Bad relationships can destroy you so just take the time it takes
If it s meant to happen , it will
Be cool about it all
Cheers from France 🙂
Same here man. About to turn 25. Mostly from being very isolated and homeschooled, though I do feel God has protected me from making any stupid decisions. Looking around at the horrendous culture today though, I think unless I can find a religious woman (and I question whether I'm really in any position to be thinking about relationships at all), I'll end up choosing some kind of celibacy and pseudo-monasticism in ten years time.
Anything can happen though, so keep your options open because things often come from the strangest and most unexpected of places.
@@Skin_Man
👍👍👍
@@poireauer6517 Pas mon post mais merci pour ta réponse, c'est sympa et moi, j'ai besoin de ce conseil - mais honnêtement c'est un peu suprenant qu'il y a les français sur cette chaîne !
I'm 24 too(25 on mothers day), on the reverse side of the field where I've had 4 relationships[3 years;8 months;4 years; currently a separate 8 months] since I was 15 with hardly anytime separated from relationships/dating eras, and while throughout I was clearly serious about my endgoals(Life-partner) and they didn't get in the way of my own self-development, this video not only personally reinforced my own thoughts but I hope in watching this video as it shed some information that , maybe I subconsciously knew, I wasn't acknowledging - that when you find someone you want to pursue and maintain a relationship with that you assure yourself they have done the deeds required to obtain emotional maturity and firm decision/commitment to stay when the rough gets going, alongside not ignoring red-flags without addressing them before you yourself decide to entirely commit. I personally haven't gone jumping from person to person but in the few transitions that I've experienced, besides the lessons and experiences brought alongside them, I could've saved myself a lot of precious irreversible time.
The reality is, if you love yourself whole for what you are and what you can become, the only reason to long for a relationship is for the mutually beneficial companionship and a life teammate, and like all things in life, if they don't add to you, they most likely will only subtract from you.
Sage advice! I recently heard someone say, "Make a list of all things you find desirable in a mate. Then you, yourself, become that list.
A better take would be to look at the qualities that would appeal and complement the type of person you would like to marry, and embody them wholeheartedly.
Big boobs
That's awful advice. By and large men are unattracted to with women who have the qualities women find attractive in a man and women are unattracted to men who have the qualities men find attractive in a woman. As R_L said, look for what would complement that list, don't become it (Kevin Samuels used to tell women who would complain about not being able to find a man despite having a career, house and car "Congratulations, you became the husband you always wanted").
@deanchur Points taken. I was thinking more along the lines of shared core values, like kindness, work ethic, and financial responsibility.
5:40 here’s why I shouldn’t date
As a 20 year old who grew up without a dad, your video sir helps me a lot, thank you and always take care sir
I’m 20 too, and although I love my dad to pieces, I’ve found thd advice in these videos to hit home as though it comes from a fatherly figure
Same
It appears that growing up without a father figure hasn't prevented you from becoming a sincere, polite and charming young man. Well done
So respectful. Listen to this guy and Jordan Peterson.
@@willjordan3121 the reason why you listen to this guy over your dad is because the simple fact that you dont respect your dad enough to listen to his advice and not want to seek it otherwise you wouldn't watch this and think it comes from "fatherly figure" more than your own fucking father smh
10:20-“Stop focusing on drawing your strength, drawing your personal identity, drawing your emotional stability from someone who’s no more mature than you are.”
Excellent counsel! Even in marriage! Human nature is so prone to idolize, then pulverize.
Saving this
Damn idolize then pulverize, I felt that
@@ButtersDaBaller that's narcissism, not human nature
@@zj871023 human nature is to be narcissistic if you ask me, it just so happens working in tribes and towns and groups benefits us all. Then of course there’s God and logic and empathy which have since bound us into a society which we now grow up learning not to rely solely on our instincts
I needed this 30 years ago. Better late than never!
me too brother, me too !
32 haven't had a long term relationship yet.
I am glad I didn't because now I am bringing my life in a direction I actually like.
Same
Yes. 47 now and where am I?
Yes, indeed both for my own self and my children.
As a 22 year old single man still living at home with his folks, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you sir!
Same but 23
same but 24 soon 25. No need to rush things, but sometimes i feel like i'm falling behind
It used to be affordable to in the US! Everything is way overpriced now. Don’t beat yourself up. 1 wage used to be able to support 2 people/a family & minimum wage actually meant something and you’d still be able to get by with that. F the boomers they left us this shttttt n then call us lazy when we’re working multiple jobs, over 80 hours a week and STILL can’t afford to move out of our parents houses. Whether you went to college or not that’s unacceptable and SO disheartening. Then they call us soft when we complain about it. I’m sure I’ll get crap for my comment here as well talking bout “oh boo boo suck it up buttercup” or something of the sort. You’re meant to work to live not live to work. I got 99 problems at 90 of em can be solved with money. Look at the influx of onlyf@#s models. Women don’t know what else to do but sell their bodies to get by. Yes I’m angry. Society has failed us. They don’t know shtt. It’s a bigger issue.
@@zapataboy9377 moving out at 18 is such a US issue, I call it an issue because nowadays it's suicide by debt if you move out by 18 at minimum wages to start living on your own.
@@zapataboy9377you aren’t falling behind society is. This generation has been led astray and with the economy and housing market the way it is it’s no longer reasonable to simply move out any time in your 20s unless you go into so much debt you essentially commit financial suicide before you even own anything.
The sky in the background is unbelievable beautiful.
Thanks for the video.
I was about to make the same comment. Nice to see real clouds.... I live in Spain and the blue sky is crisscrossed daily with with lines from jet aeroplanes
It's even better in person, the video doesn't even do it justice. A road trip through that whole region is worth putting on anyone's bucket list. Even if it's a simple pass through I-80.
That's Montana for you. The state's nickname is "Big Sky Country" for a reason.
Dating and courtship are different. No child can intelligently court another child. And I've yet to find a grown adult now who even knows what courtship is.
Nobody cares anymore. Its combat dating. Its deception from the first sentence and worse, you dont have to be interested beyond friendship. Its a liars society
Could you explain more on courtship then?
It's the same thing as dating. You can mess up both.
People just like to use the word courtship instead.
The only thing that matters is the intent with which your doing either.
But you just said there not the same, so what then is the difference?
@@willjordan3121 Different people.
Hearing "No" builds character, forces self-reexamination/self-reflection, tests resolve/commitment, etc. Parents and other adult authorities who don't say "No" are depriving children and youth of opportunities for growth. Kids who never have to really deal with "No" never really become adults.
With this economy I doubt I'll be able to date till I'm 40.
As a turkish guy who lives in turkey at his 20s, I absolutely guarantee that
Why let the economy stop you? Go forth, young man.
You don't need much money at all to spend quality time with another person.
@@angelatrinh1156 but you need "much money" to raise a family
@angelatrinh1156 not true. All women need to be paid in some way or form.
GODS ALWAYS ON TIME and I appreciate you Dwayne
Haha yes I thought the same thing
Apostrophes less so, apparently.
@@halfsourlizard9319Your really good for this grammar lesson. I think their should always be apostrophes. This is coming from an English teachers perspective.
@@halfsourlizard9319 So actually help me out then I was in english honors and I was in a hurry but go ahead and show me where I can be corrected We're going to be a whole lot better if we actually help each other instead of just being a salty m effort
@@c.t.6314there lol
What I really appreciate about this man is that, unlike other influencers, he frequently gives disclaimers that he’s just giving his perspective and is not an authority like a psychologist. That, and his speech is unscripted, and his videos emphasize the actual speech and not flashy video editing. Real, humble, and honest. No gimmicks. We need more of this, badly.
In an increasingly dogmatic world it’s important to remember a majority of the manosphere and that type of content is literally all preference and from the perspective of insecurity.
This is the kind of talk that helps, an experienced man with his own method that worked and saying you can try too if you’d like
It's crazy how you feel so grown up at 16 but now I'm 30 and I look back and think wow... I was so young and vulnerable! Thank you for protecting your daughters.
Even when I was 27/28, I felt so grown and “mature”..I’m almost 34 and reflect back on that younger version of myself and think “I didn’t know shit”. I’m sure I’ll think the same about my 34 year old self when I’m 40
I'm a young man in my 20s thats unsatisfied with dating. Sir you are correct.
Take a long break and enjoy life for a bit… you’ll be ready later.😊
You mean you're actually going to believe somebody with a long beard who looks like he's from Amish land
You mean you're not going to believe him because he has a long beard and looks like he's from "Amish land"? Sounds like much sounder judgment. Glad you got it sorted out.
I became a monk because of the terrible hook up culture of our time. No one wants authentic relationships anymore. It's a sad but very real reality.
@@ZenPepperClubso what's the problem? 😅
I'm 150 years old from planet Nibaru, and he's right.
What part of Nibaro? You may be one of my offspring 😅
Given that Nibaru is going to be moving into our solar system soon, getting a date on Earth will be a lot easier for you 🤣
Having the older generation speak to the younger generation like this is more needed that ever. Thank you for your kind words and wisdom.
The universe is so incredible. 23 YO, everyone around me has a relationship, and I was wondering if I should get to dating, YESTERDAY night, I downloaded Tinder and saw this morning my account immediately got banned for some reason. And THEN this video got released. I’m speechless. Thanks Dwayne!
Don't fish in the dumpster!
@@janelleg597where do you recommend to fish
@@janelleg597🎯
Dating apps are useless, especially for men.
They are designed to make you spend as much money on them as possible by dangling different offers in your face and breaking down your self-confidence.
My personal experience…buy a house, buy things you need. Get your life set up before you consider dating. Because trust me it will get in the way of that stuff especially in your 20s. Dating in 30s is the best dating pool. Mature enough. Settled down.
I am about to be 32. I’ve found the faith a couple of months ago and now I look back at my life and realize: no more dating. It’s time for courtship to come back to society.
Had to reply because I’m in the exact same boat/age. Glad you found faith and hope you are doing well. I learned a lot from my last relationship and shoulder a lot of blame for my actions or lack thereof.
Amen brother 🙏🏽
"It's inevitable because it's not natural" wow this man has some wise quotes
There are occasions that you can meet the love of your life at a young age. Met mine when we were 12, we sat across from each other in grade school, she kissed me first, and here we are 32 years later just as crazy for each other when we first met. If we hadn't pursued each other at the time when we met who knows how our life would have turned out. We built a solid foundation with each other when we were kids through our friendship and relationship, which is built on respect for one another. So I can't say your personal opinion on this subject right nor is mine, I think it comes down to the situation itself. I know me and my girl would never change anything, because to change one thing about our younger years would mean we missed out on what made our relationship what it is today.
He did say the two young men continued to pursue his daughters from their youth.
Just a question brother. My story with my ex was kinda the same I'm almost 20 now and broke up with her 7 months ago because she did some things that really hurt me and I didn't see any progress of her trying to fix it. Have you ever broken up with her or did you have issues of that kind (pauses?)? I think I still love her but don't want to do the move since she doesn't really understand or doesn't want to understand the mistakes. But yeah life will show us what will happen.
@@bledizuta8963move on brother... You can have a better life and partner moving ahead with higher self confidence and experience🥂💯
@bledizuta8963 you're young and free. Handle the suffering and grow through it. You'll find love again.
@@bledizuta8963this is directly from Tristan Tate
"if you've broken up or are on a pause, you can only take her back under one condition: that she hasn't ran off to cry to another man or fucked about."
I feel that the condition is actually reasonable. Otherwise it's best to move on, build yourself up, and maybe, if you meet her in the future, just politely greet her and carry on with your life.
Because the truth is if she's the one, she'll wait and guard her self-respect.
If she went off to another man, well, she was never the one to begin with, because you're obviously replaceable and she's not emotionally mature enough yet to understand the value of her purity.
As a 19 year old male who just got rejected by a girl, this helps a lot. Sometimes you have to be kicked in the balls to realize the cracks within yourself. This experience and video has helped me see what I must become to be a man worthy of a relationship. Through faith and discipline, I shall become that man. Thank you!
Its kind of funny, I had all these thoughts kicking around in my head for a long time and was wondering if I waited too long to start dating. I kept putting it off; I need my own place, I need a more stable job, I want to be in a place that I'm comfortable with in my life before I decide to rope someone else into it with me, etc. So I finally ran out of excuses two years ago, and I actually did pull the trigger and start dating with the intent to marry. Its spot on, with how he mentions the "disposable" aspect of it, it feels like everyone is just looking for that one tiny reason to dump, ghost or cut contact with a potential partner, no one wants to budge on their list of requirements for a partner, and sure I can understand that. But I think you got to compromise at some point, no one will satisfy every need that you have. I'm actually glad I waited until 28 to start dating, for a while I felt like I was way behind the curve compared to everyone else. But that's just my path. Appreciate your time Dwayne and Momma!
Thank you for your posted comment. Today, you've been a blessing to me making me feel less alone in my own sense of "being behind the curve on relationship-forming and how waiting to become a well-formed think-for-yourself, decide-for-yourself kind of person is so necessary to making a good-enough choice when it comes to choosing what I believe is supposed to be a "LIFE-partner."
I think this is applicable to friendships as well. Everyone is so quick to cut people off when they don't align their goals or have their own opinions or can't be used. I think it's worth developing a mindset where you approach people to be ready to invest in their lives and work on friendships, thinking it's a forever friendship.
Seriously, as a 69 year old widow of four years, this is good advice for me, too. I've been considering getting back in the game, so to speak, but after nearly 40 years of marriage, I still need to see who I am NOW. So thanks for that. I think I will just not.
I'm in my mid-60s. And feel the same way.
I think it’s a little different for you old gals, there isn’t much time like the youth he’s talking to so I would suggest just putting yourself out there. Davie you already know who you are there’s no need to repackage yourself, just work on the areas where there may be baggage & put your best self forward. Grieve but don’t stay in it. Move on. Wishing you all the best.
❤ Recently widowed too. It’s going to take some time. ❤
Even for those of us 60 and older, the advice Dwayne is giving is excellent and should be taken to heart. It doesn’t necessarily get easier as one gets older, except that hopefully we learn from past experiences.
A widow is a widow, and isnt meant to date, if your husband was your soulmate, why would you need to go find someone else? It only shows your relationship was only based off your own needs because you cant stand being alone/single, sounds alot like the problem this man was explaining
My wife has been a domestic attorney for 35 years. She does 3 times the divorces now than then it's unbelievable!! If you sit down with her, she can tell right off what you are going to say. You sir are so right now if only they will listen!
I’ve been married 30years. We ‘courted’ or got to know each other for a year and married at 23. We’ve had ups and downs but it’s built on a solid foundation. Very, very wise counsel for young folks. Thanks.
My father said something like that but never elaborated like this. "If you are not ready to be in a marriage, he is not your boyfriend" and he laughed at me, so I got offended and never thought seriously about it.
I got it now, and it would've really helped me back then, if it was said to me this patiently and so perfectly explained.
Thank you, sir. You just helped me see the light, I think I'll be grateful forever. Take good care.
At 17 years old, I broke my girlfriend's heart as well as my own when I realized this too late and had to end things. A lot of unnecessary suffering... Before even dating my wife (at 20) I made sure she fully understood I had full intentions of marrying her if we were gonna date. I think it was maybe 5 months later that I bought the ring. Ive been blessed with a rock solid marriage. This is really hard to hear also, but the less physically you get involved with each other, the better. (Speaking objectively, I'm not projecting some religious prudence here) Physical contact creates an emotional bond that sets the stage for an intimate union. It's the tearing apart of that emotional bond that makes a breakup so traumatic and reconnecting with someone else so difficult. This one hits a little close to my heart and I like to give big brother advice as much as Dewayne likes to give dad advice. Best wishes for everyone ❤️
Thank you so much for this. I agree with you 100% on the physical side. We are way to physical these days way to fast.
These words are 100% accurate.
I’m 39 years old and was single (absolutely no dating) for 2.5 years prior to now.
Wow I learned so much in that time, working on myself, discovering my own vocation.
In August 2023 I started seeing a Lady that I’ve known for many years and things are going great (marriage great).
I'm grateful that I never dated as a young man. Now, as a 27 year old with a good career, I can search for a suitable wife. So far, I got rejected twice, and I rejected four. I'm still searching. We'll see where things go from here.
Don't search, just keep your eyes open - and prenup!!! Good luck
Don’t Be scared of rejection be very thankful and thank the universe for having your back
You'll keep getting rejected money means nothing to a woman
Yeah I'm 27 and still working on that good career qeh
And a million pound lawyer and legal team 😂
Totally agree 100%. Young men, court a lady. Young ladies, get courted by a gentleman. Find out who you are before committing to someone else. Thanks for sharing the wisdom Dewayne. That Savinelli looks beautiful! I am currently smoking Louisiana Perique from Sutliff out of my Rossi Notte straight pipe. Hope all is well! God bless!
I really needed a Dad video this week as a young man, 4 years learning to be happy as a single guy has changed me for the better in ways no girl ever could. I appreciate it so much and thank you for your wisdom as always!!
Wise young man.. save yourself from the uncertainty.. try and travel aboard a few times
@@modocroughstock5700 I appreciate the comment! I actually have been overseas quite a few times in my life and even once to South/Central America. But have yet to fully explore this great country, so I took a trip to the mountains of Colorado during this past Winter and I plan to visit Wyoming next to get a chance to see the beautiful country men like Dewayne were born and raised in. I look forward to the future more than I ever have before now. Take care! :)
I think the method is to go through the uncertainty to ne certain. You dont want to spend life avoiding uncertainty.
I'm 30 years old and I just got out of a 6 year relationship I did what everyone around me did my whole childhood and dated many girls I wish I heard your advice sooner but thank you Dwayne for teaching us what our fathers never did I appreciate your words of wisdom thank you
Yes sir, very sound wisdom. As a 70 year old I find myself too soon old and too late smart. You are 100 percent correct 🙏😊
I'm 35 and just got out of a relationship of four years. Exhausting to say the least. I also wish I had heard Dwayne's wisdom many years ago.
@kyle
Spot on , buddy !
I’m a young man in my early 20s. Never dated before and never asked anyone out. I’ve always felt really weird and awkward these days, but thank you so much for this video!
I needed this im 25 been out in the Rain all day work at Walmart saving money for a trip to Idaho never been cant wait to see some mountains i Just want a small ranch with some land
Buckle up
@@janelleg597.....lol 🎼
The disposable relationship thing is ALL too accurate
That’s what I did and my daughter is happily married to the person who was courting her back then. I would not acknowledge any person until she was done with Grad school. My family thought differently but I was adamant that she needed to think of herself first. This allowed the establishment of self before she formulated another to become One. There really is no precise or clear answer but clarity of heart and mind will be the best tools for lifelong success. Cheers to you for guiding the youth to become mature responsible adults.
I think you did perfectly in that respect. You can’t pour from an empty glass so to speak. Being her own woman first matters. Just as being your own man. Good call there
Dwayne will never know my name, will never know my life, may not even see this comment.
But when this man speaks, I feel like his speaking directly to me. Thanks for the vid Dwayne
I think the problem is that younger generations are taught and encouraged to rush everything, people now are basically (and sometimes literally) rushing through life, and that just doesn't allow for any meaningful connections...
People now have to get up at 5 or 6 to start going to work, they get only 30 minute breaks in between, they have to go back home or wherever they unwind but they have to go get ready for the next day. Back then it was more common for jobs to be 8 hours and were given plenty of time for festive celebrations, nowadays you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone that doesn't have a 12hrs/day job or even has a job that gives them weekends off; inflation has even forced some to take more than one job...
edit: The reason why nuclear families are becoming more common is because the modern housing market is simply not feasible for many...
one of the problems of being young is that feeling that you 'know it all',,,,,life got me humbled after 40 when it is already too late.
A lot of truth to this. 40 is still young enough!
Some of us didn’t have an active dad figure, or even dad wasn’t present, so we need someone to talk to us like this. I know you will never substitute that figure, and we should never expect that, but a fatherly advise or point of view can make a difference. Thank you for that.
I learned so much from those heartbreaks from 16-26. I took several years away from the dating game. She found me but it was with alone time in prayer that helped. I now tell my children to wait until they’re 28 to get married.
Im 31 and I dated for a loong time. And I have absolutely no luck with the ladies. Either we’re not compatible with each other which was mostly the case, or the ladies themselves are not as mature as I’d like em to be. It’s a struggle but someone will come around I’m sure of it. I’m just focusing on myself and being the best man I can be for the time being.
I learned it's not about luck. It's about preparation. When you are prepared and ready, it will happen naturally.
@@chickbowdrie4750 Gotchya! 👍
i don’t have a dad, i come to your videos whenever i don’t have anyone or anything to turn too. thank you for the work you do.
I love this man. He is just so... polite. Rarely nowadays do you see someone who is so polite in sharing his opinions.
Love the videos Dwayne, always there to give some cowboy and fatherly wisdom’s
Dwayne you remind me of my grandpa. He passed away in 2018. Thank you for sharing your videos with us, they mean a lot.
You have helped me in so many ways in one video thank you so much.
I already know its gonna be a good one...thanks Dewayne 💯
I swear to god. Every single time my life has a predicament of some kind, you upload and it’s always relevant. God bless my man 🙌🙌
I’m 17 and I was debating on asking out a girl, thanks I needed the reality check ✝️❤️
No, I think you should mate, don't use this video as an excuse not to
This man has so much wisdom that he can articulate for us to understand! Thank you!
You have shed clarity on problems I've had in the past. Thank you, sir.
Thank you Dewayne, this video came at the perfect time. I’m an 18 year old fan of yours and I will never get tired of your videos and insight.
I started dating at 28. Had my first relationship at 28. Led to a heart break that made me realize so much. Haven’t dated since and am ok with staying single the rest of my life. Next man if he comes along will be my husband. I am too intelligent and gorgeous to be disposable. No thank you.
Believe in Jesus for peace and true love
@@casillasangel I believe in God and his timing. He knows what’s best for me and being patient. I’m at peace. Took a whole yr of healing, but finally at peace.
@@leslielez amen good to hear God bless keep fighting the good fight
Amen sista. This is why I don’t date. Dating these days just equates to hooking up and I don’t do hook ups.
You're so strong! and it sucks we have to be, but I can relate.
Been watching for almost two years now and always appreciated the valuable insight. Had to have a finger amputated last week and rewatching these vids helps ease the pain. Thank you
Thank you Mr DeWayne. Whenever I go through things, I listen to you and the overthinking and sadness go away like magic!
Great advice.
Since Drwayne isnt dating in today's world I also offer this piece of advice for younger guys: If a person filters every picture of themselves stay away, they're often hiding a lot more of who they are.
bro got catfished🤣
@@lucasgallen6726 No, I'm talking about something deeper than physical appearance.
So true!
@@lucasgallen6726They’re telling the truth. Not sure what you thought you did with that comment
Wonder if he was young and single would those statements work for him? I mean this isn’t the 99’s and 2000’s and more women have more options for men like searching for things on eBay, you cannot find it Walmart.
Congrats on 1M subscribers, Dewayne! Been here almost since the beginning. Always appreciate your videos.
Thanks so much, Dwayne. You're so wise and I hope these young folks take your advice. God bless ❤
I wish all young men had a wise man like you in their lives. Someone to listen to them and gently offer wisdom with patients and a sense of humor.
Whenever I have questions this man has answers.
I had a highschool sweetheart, we were together just over 6 years and we thought we would be together forever. over time life got more complicated, we both changed in our own ways and just started drifting. Eventually things got to a point we had to talk about it. Things just weren't how we thought it was and we both had a reality check of some sort. Even though we handled it pretty well it still shook us to our cores, and even years later there's still a lot of memories, what-ifs, and what now moments. Havn't dated since, havn't wanted to. But I'm very grateful for that relationship, as it showed me so much about myself and what it means to share your life with someone. It showed me what I need to work on with myself, although sometimes there still is a crushing weight of a vague idea of somebody I thought was the one. Having a partner is just the way our brains are wired, it is the way we have survived for all of time. Don't resist or hide from those thoughts and feelings cause they will get you, work through them and ask yourself questions. Jump into a relationship if the cards fit, but don't put yourself through more hurt than you need in order to grow and figure things out.
I have been praying about this so for long. I’m thankful for a man to speak love and wisdom as a father to the younger generation. Thank you
From one “seasoned guy” to another this is solid, seasoned advice. It’s not a “joy-kill” it’s experience and great advice, paid forward. It’s free advice and you have free will to take it or leave it. I recommend you take it. Also, reading some of the comments here, it’s a scenario that I’ve been speaking about for a number of years. Sometimes kids, young adults or whatever will listen to friends of their parents or people they seem to relate to, an older coworker, etc. You’ve got a great platform here Dewayne to do exactly that.
My senior prom is tomorrow and I saw this upload just in time to be a nice reminder to worry less about my not wanting a date to the dance and thinking that makes me weird or wrong in some way
This video came at the perfect time for me. I’m 18 and never really dated anyone and have been torn between what you were saying and just going wild. I appreciate you man God bless.
I love that you started this video by saying that it was going to be a dad video. I recently went through a breakup myself and this speaks so much to why it happened. Thank you for the clearer conscious Dwayne.
At church we couldn’t date until 16, and now I’m 27, haven’t even held a girl’s hand since high school. Totally fucked up my confidence, self-image, probably contributed to depression.
Sorry to hear that brother. What happened in between?
@@kelvinaheebwa2962 none of the girls around me in school seemed attracted to me, not getting to even try dating them reinforced my inferiority complex, my hobbies and career I almost never see women, and the ones I do see are either in relationships or there’s a big reason they aren’t, even the several girls I’ve been on dates with and fumbled hard… turns out they are either cheaters, liars, or just turned out to be crappy people in general. No one I’ve dated has been a better more quality human being my “first love” in middle school I still keep tabs on.
I’m pretty damn successful in my career but I am really self-critical and get discouraged easily. There are other things. Internalized shame from church I will absolutely never go back to, which is a shame because all the best women I’ve met are from there.
I’ve been on a few dates somewhat recently but there’s always something circumstance that gets in the way, and when things don’t work out I always later learn I dodged a bullet.
Yea I disagree with dewayne. It's natural to get together with someone you're attracted to, and pursue a relationship with them. As someone who didn't yet and is 20, it definitely hindered my ability to handle romance, attraction and social cues.
@@kelvinaheebwa2962 my original response never posted; Got publically shamed at said church for being honest about something everybody does… got strung along by a girl for almost all of high school because I was so clueless, stayed with grandparents during college and they along with another relative who moved in all ended up dying during my stay at their house, depriving myself of spending time with people my age, basically failed out of college due to the stress and total lack of control I had, constant fear of being lazy/not shaping up at work so I’d never take time to relax a bit and get to know people, ended up being constantly belittled and treated like shit at a job I had to take in order to start my career without any debt which intentionally hired pedophiles to save money, ended up crying myself to sleep like three different times… ofc somewhere with no female employees.
I have to be honest with you brother, that of confidence and self image issues IS NOT from not dating in high school.
That is a common mentality in the incel community (i don't mean this as an insult, is just a characteristic of the community) that only cultivates toxicity.
I can guarantee you, if you dedicate the following years to slowly fixing your problems (i bet all my money you got lots of issues to solve), your depression will disappear, your confidence will increase, and you will love yourself WITHOUT women in the mix. Then when most of that is fixed, you can go with women. Good luck brother
the best time to love someone else is when you have learned to love yourself first.
This gentleman is the biggest breath of fresh air. I've wished so many things! I am a 56 yr old mother and grandmother and who made many mistakes in the first and better half of my life, and with those mistakes there were regrets. I shared these with my daughter in the hopes that she wouldn't make the mistakes I made and the mistakes that I told her about my mother making (who died before she ever came along). But alas, it didn't do what I'd hoped it would do. Instead she followed exactly in my mother's footsteps.
When your child gets married, whether you like it or not they are marrying you into that marriage. Here lately I've given it some serious thought......I think I can understand how and why arranged marriages came to be. Parents choose based on their wisdom and don't suffer the rest of their lives because of their childs immaturity that led them into a detrimental and toxic snare that took their parents down too.
I love wisdom, its too bad their aren't more old souls who seek it out. Wisdom is fading away with the generations; that saddens and scares me at the same time.
We will always start up where we left off, so at least I know in my next life I will not make the same bad choices I have made in this life.
Sounds very reasonnable to me.
I learned it the hard way. Dating immature women because I was immature myself. I may add my 2 cents : aim at making friends and at being a good friend first. It is a long term relationship. Healthy ( obviously you gonna practice your judgement here ). Requires social skills that will developp. Managing frustration, anger. Being honest and kind. Provide support and learn to receive it. You will face challenges, learn to overcome them. Grow and mature and help your friend do the same.
And that will stick with you and you will have this set of skills with a romantic partner.
Because you don't seek instant gratification in friendship and it is a form of genuine love, with the good and bad.
We have a saying in French " A friend is someone you know very well, and still love ".
I respect your approach on young dating. I wish I had never tried at a young age, because it left me emotionally scared. Cant let go.
You are such a blessing to the internet. Thank you for your advice.
Thanks Dwayne! Been struggling with this issue and you’ve given me some clarity on the subject and it’s helping me put these pieces together. Thanks for all you do!
This man is so rare. He is truly a natural treasure.
Learning by doing. I'd argue that exploring love and relationships is a path to becoming emotionally mature and understanding who you are and how you function.
Exploring with no intent for commitment is emotionally risky and selfish because you end up using others
The voice of reason. After I went through one really bad break up a few years back. I decided I needed to stop, get my self together, my emotions, and just let my self heal. I focus hard on my career, getting out of debt, and well wouldn’t you know it, im 10 months into running my own business. Really appreciate you Dwayne and sharing your wisdom. Lots of young people need to hear you
This man is so wise and helping me with my personal problems and having me look at things into a different perspective. I know I’m a stranger but I love yall and god loves u❤️
Well said. The only thing I'd point out is - it's not just a Dad video. I'm your age & some of the most disposable behaviours are those in their 50s & 60s on dating apps (that encourage this churning behaviour for profit). So yes, definitely wait till you're mature enough to date, but also realize that a large segment of the population will not mature enough or develop a good moral character.
It's good that you warn young people early, to build a healthy relationship & be aware, that dating is not a game (at any age) & to open their heart to the right person.
Much the same down here in Italy, marriage has really been going through a process of erosion, it doesn't mean anything anymore.
And children pay the harsher price, as always.
Totally agree, be a grown up first, then do grown up things.
Be safe guys, bolster yourself up first!
Purtroppo -- Dwayne e' niente piu' che un grande uomo fra gli bambini d'un umanita' profundamente perso.
Sono americano. Chiedermi perche dico tale -- e lei dimostrero'.
A real man is able to handle criticism. Dwayne is unable.
Life changing advice Dewayne. Thank you sir.
This speaks volumes, thank you for this little bit of advice, I appreciate it greatly
Thank you, and bless you Dewayne 🙏 Your stoic wisdom mind and beard are a rare but needed sight for young people. sometimes older folks, too lol
So should I not have any friends either until I'm an adult, because friendships also require emotional maturity, sacrifice, and a non-disposable mindset?
I appreciate your work and patience immensely blessings to you and yours
I appreciate this video. That was very good advice you gave the young folks. I’m a 62 year old man from Texas and I agree with what was said here and strongly endorse the wisdom you have dispensed.
Young people today have largely been cast adrift in our deteriorating “culture.” It is truly a blessing that well-grounded folks with some experience under their belt are willing to make videos like this one on CZcams to help out those who otherwise might have nowhere else to go for good advice grounded in common sense. I tip my hat to you, sir. Keep up the good work.
Am 45 and will still need to ponder Dwayne's words. An expensive microphone foam cover isn't needed to remove that wind noise. I once cut a 2"x2" piece of foam from the inside of an old couch cushion and put it on top of a microphone to successfully remove that noise.
The advice here is wonderful. And I believe that if society would adopt this type of mindset again, that society would be a lot better off because of it.
The problem is with the current hook-up culture that we are currently living in, to approach dating with the mindset of marriage in mind, that concept is so foreign to most people, especially in the Millenial and Gen Z generations, that they look at anyone with that mindset like there is something wrong with them, unfortunately.
However, I do feel that to have that mindset is very reasonable and proper, and the best part is that mindset will help you cut people out, from that perspective if need be, who will ultimately just waste your time, and who will in short use you for what they can get, and then spit you out when they're done with you.
Essentially, with that mindset, you're saying: "If you're not serious, showing it by ultimately your actions or lack thereof, and that's okay, that's your choice to make, but then in that case I need to move on with my life, for my own sake, and find someone who is and who shares the same goals and values that I have."
Thank you, sir. I think I can speak for many when I say this was a much needed message.
Thank you Sir Dwayne for speaking to my teenage kids through me…I agree with every word you said, as a single mother I wasn’t able to reinforce my rules but it’s not too late for them at 18 and 20 years old to hear these WISE and REAL words from a man so many respect, including me … thank you - thank you - thank you 🙏🏻 🙏🏻🙏🏻
I never though of the idea of forming bad habits by dating young. This sounds like good advice.
Wish I heard this 15 years ago. Thank you.
I live in across the globe and completely love this guy! Thank you sir so much!
As a mom of teenagers I appreciate the way he framed this message. I wish I could have had this convo with my dad. You always find a way to calmly and with encouragement set out some important life lessons. Grateful for you and momma and the example that you show to people of all ages.
I’m 52 and going through it. The song remains the same. 😊
I'm 43 and had just started dating again about 3 years ago after the ending of a 20 year relationship.
And I think I'm going to take his advice too. I don't want to be married again, so maybe I should not date at all. I just want community and friends.
I would never wish away my kids, but a lot of misery would have been avoided if I spent my 20s learning myself, rather then trying to build a relationship with someone who also had no clue.
Your right on a lot but the one thing i really dont agree with is that the divorce rate has an impact on the date market. Modern woman or younger woman developed a mindset that they think its ok to go through guy after guy and dispose of us. On top of that just have kids and now that guy leaves. Now, you got plenty of single mothers of 2 or 3 kids with 2 or 3 different guys. Even if we do have our life together. The body count on a woman is a complete turn off for most of us. But what i do agree with is that the traditional ways to raise children to develop a healthy life style and lasting relationships are still real. But, now days they are few and far between. Young men like my self has gone through 3 relationships and they all resulted on me getting cheated on. Because its such a common thing. The life style of woman now are out of control. And its not gonna get better.
I discovered your videos at a stage in which I have been working to develop myself and this information is very accurate for me, I really thank you.