Heartbreak and Loss
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- čas přidán 20. 01. 2023
- Loss of loved ones and heartache are a constant part of life. It’s often something that we think we will never get over, that it is a wound that we will bear for the rest of our life. But heartache is a reality that has been a part of mankind since the beginning. The first man died. His wife died. His children died. It will be like that until the end. But this can be an encouragement to us, when we realize we are not the only one that is going through this, and as others survive and move on, so can we.
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Heartbreak was what made me the man I am today. I dated a girl from the age of 19-23, and I thought she was the love of my life. Planned my whole world around her, and then she dumped me out of the blue.
It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me; I didn’t know who I even was without her. I thought about doing terrible things to myself.
But over time the pain lessened. I grew into myself. I graduated college, hit the gym, discovered new hobbies, found God and, one day out of the blue, found the woman I would end up marrying.
And *she* is the one I was meant to spend my life with. I didn’t look for her, I didn’t even try - all I did was focus on myself and becoming a good, solid man and then things fell into place.
All this to say: it gets better. I promise you. It. Gets. Better. You just have to persevere, as all humans have done before you.
Thank you for sharing this.
God bless you!
Thanks man, I don't mean to spill my own hard ships or take away from what you went through, but I find myself in a similar situation now. I dated a girl from age 18-21. She was a nice girl, but wasn't the type I wanted to settle down with and marry. I was young and immature and ungrateful for who I had. We broke things off after dealing with me getting cold feet countless times, and I've been alone since. It's been about a year and a half, I'm 23 now.
I try like people say and work on myself, I'm in an apprenticeship in a trade now. It doesn't pay the most but it's liveable. I don't really have dreams of a career or anything grand like that, and I find it hard to push myself. I just want a simple, blue collar life, and peace, but I often hear that such a thing is a turn off and I'll never be good enough to marry if that's what I "settle" for in life.
Do you have any advice? How long were you single for? Do you have any critiques of what I'm doing?
Sound advice
@@matthewjameson8809 Hey buddy, sorry it took a bit to respond. I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling but I want to reassure you that a quiet, peaceful life is more than okay. I’m 28, so a little bit older than you, and it took me a while to realize I wanted a life like that as well. And that’s more than okay - there are still good women out there who would love nothing more than to have a reliable man and live out a peaceful, stable life. It’s definitely possible to achieve that, and a life like that is an honorable thing.
I don’t have any critiques really, except to suggest attending Church in some way. You may not be religious, and that’s fine; I wasn’t until I was around 26ish and then something switched in me. And it was through finding God that I found my now wife, and I think they’re definitely related.
Sorry if this isn’t too helpful, and I’ll just end by encouraging you to keep at it. You seem like a good, honest man and that is so rare these days. You’ll make it, buddy. I’m here rooting for you
@@_Cato_ Thank you very much for the reply and the reassurance, it means alot. I am actually religious, but I haven't consistently attended a Church in many years. I am currently looking to find a Church where I fit in at.
I'm also looking at taking up martial arts. I started boxing months ago, but I don't think I was doing it for the right reasons, I was mainly doing it to impress my family instead of because I enjoyed it, so eventually I quit. But I'm in a better state of mind now and I plan on going back soon.
And thanks again for the kind words, I'm rooting for you too
Love is not about finding the right person, it’s about being the right person
Underrated comment right there.
Fax
Boom!
True
This hit me in places i didnt know existed
This Christmas I lost my Dog, my Girlfriend, my job, and my mother. Absolutely the worst time of my life. I got in my car and just headed west. Drove for 4 hours with just a blank stare forward. After 4 hours I realized I can't run from it. I turned around and went home. Everyday since has been a living hell facing it but I got to believe this is part of my journey. Gotta be better days ahead....
Have the days become better?
@Brother James Yes they have. The hurt and pain is always just temporary. Aslong as you keep in mind that Tomorrow is a new day. Everyday I wake up and are able to enjoy simple things like talking a walk is a gift. I'm lucky.
I Will pray for u , better days are coming to all of us
@@slaytanicx7633 I know it's cliche and cruel, but bad things we have to suffer for something better to come.
About losing loved ones...They didn't leave they just gone ahead of us.
Very similar situation here. Keep holding on. Sending you love.
“If you look hard enough you will convince yourself that you have found what your looking for”. Wow. Didnt know I needed to hear that. Thank you man
Heard it before but it's a seemingly little known but powerful piece of advice.
We love you BECAUSE you aren't a therapist. You're like America's dad. Your advice is so true and honest and it is so appreciated.
Exactly. ❤️
Yeah! Agreed :D Say Chicken, how ya doing? 🤠
Having a therapist has been a huge gift for me, helped me process through my divorce and other challenges. And also his perspective and videos have been really helpful to me. I think there’s a lot of value in both therapy and this!
@@HFBeal that’s a really awesome way to incorporate two healthy therapies! 😍🥰 I hope your healing continues in the path you need :)
Bill Cosby is America’s dad!!
When my son drowned at 17 a woman whose son had drowned told me : Time won't heal the pain of loss but in time the pain won't be as sharp as it is right now.
After 22 years I've found this to be true.
God Bless
man, the horrors that life gives some people. i am at a loss of words for you, my dude.
I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your son.
deeply sorry for the loss
Sending loving energy from a far
My Condolences.
The hardest part for me is the dreams. It's been over two years and I still dream about her. Wish that would stop.
You got this bro
If you're still experiencing this, writing, drawing or painting your dreams might help. I find when I'm having dreams and nightmares it's usually the subconscious trying to process something or make me aware of something. Expressing it creatively can help us bring it into the conscious, understand and heal it.
Been about 4 years for me. Just as Dewayne says, this too shall pass. Now, I only look back and am happy for the lessons learned. Good luck brother
9 years here brother.
It's absolute hell.
It's like we have a soul tie and we both know there wasn't a healthy goodbye.
Zero fucking closure and my subconscious is still trying to process it.
I still love the harlot and she's married now with a kid...
@@DystopianApocalypseplease don’t say this is true my soul is tied. How do I break it. My girlfriend and high school sweetheart left me for a fucking homeless bum.
Love isn’t something you find, it’s something you build. Through action, and equal effort with someone else who also wants to love.
This is so true for me. I have to say, I've learned a lot through my platonic relationships. I found that I've never been put in the position to look for platonic love and I never had a tight grip on it. Today, I have a community of people who love me just as much as I love them and who have been around me for decades. I don't remember when I started to love them or even when these relationships began. It seems like they've always been there. Of course, all relationships take nourishment but even that felt effortless for the most part. I think if people approach romantic relationships in a similar fashion it may not seem so tough. The chasing of anything makes it feel like it's so far away and unattainable.
This hit close to home beacuse i built 8 years of Love and she coudnt keep building Whit me but i feel good because It wasnt the one Who give up
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Jesus Christ loves you so much that He died for your sins and rose from the dead. If you repent from evil ways, believe that Jesus has paid the fine for your sins on the cross and confess Him as your Lord, you will be saved. You see, we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, that's why Jesus Christ, fullness of Godhead bodily, lived a perfect life, fulfilled the prophecies and law, shed His Blood at the cross just so you could be forgiven, reconciled back to the Father, receive God's love, be made a new creation, whole, sanctified. It's not about religion and what good works you can do to earn salvation, it's only by grace through faith in the finished works of Jesus Christ. Read God's Word, preferably start with Gospel of John, pray for the Holy Spirit to fill you, give you wisdom and revelation that way you're born again and see your life changed by the Spirit of the Most High. Much love and God bless you!
I wish the best on you god bless
say it louder! :)
Heartbreak was the best thing that could have happened to me. At the beginning it hurts and you try to persuade the person somehow to continue. Until time heals your wounds and you start to focus on yourself. For me the process took a long time but in the end I have never felt better than I do now because of the development I have taken through it.
thats the thing. heartbreak and life crisis is always a rare great chance for total change. usually your life is like a train and at one point, the ride is decided, you will be on that train until you reach final stop. a life crisis can act like an emergency break. you can step off, re evaluate your route and get on a new train.
That’s what I went through. The Lord used that to lead me to Christ.
Yes! My boyfriend left me for another woman, I was 25 (30 now and still single). It was absolute agony, after a 3 year relationship. I fought like heck to get him back. Compared myself to the new girl 24/7. But, I wouldn’t change it. I’ve learned never to trust, to focus on yourself and your mental health, et cetera. Definitely 100% learn to be alone and take care of yourself only. I won’t ever let someone affect me like that ever again. Now I absolutely love being alone and can hardly believe it. Learn to love yourself and you don’t “need” that other person you thought you did.
EDIT* Of course you can meet someone new and start a life with them, I didn’t mean “be alone” forever. Just be okay with it, if it happens. And I’ll always keep a wall up no matter what, just in case.
“'Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
I'm going through it right now
My girlfriend (now wife) quite literally walked into my life, met her at a friends house, and I was just drawn to her, been married for 6 years, together for 8 years, and are expecting our first baby here in 6 weeks, your comment about stop looking, couldn’t be any more true. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me, great things happen when you least expect it.
Thank God a positive comment, this comment section is nothing but depressing.
DCWS has become an echo chamber for sadness
@@caffeinateddecisions6923 And? People can't vent their frustrations now? Sometimes people want to vent their sadness and this man is giving us general advice and wisdom from his experience. There are tons of people who've suffered from heartbreak and loss and and want to comment their own experiences and give thanks. I hope you understand that or don't come giving that here.
Beautiful comment! Thank you for sharing 🤩
Congratulations on your relationship. There's nothing greater than a good marriage. 👍
🎉 salute to you my friend that gave me hope and I'm happy your in a good place thanks for sharing that it brought a smile to my face
They say love is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it runs away. But the moment you stop chasing it and regain your stillness, it'll perch on you.
I heard another one too, like you must protect the butterfly from the wind with your hand but not to squeeze the delicate butterfly (or love) or it will die, basically protecting but also giving freedom was my understanding
The minute you care about something, it dies
"Until you find peace in who you are... you can't get that peace from somebody else."
Came with questions about life. Left with a desire to smoke that cigar and a Senior moment.
Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you.
🧢
Love is just a word to get what you want
Love is an action
'Love' is overrated.
Someone has to do the finding
About a year ago, my fiancé, and I had fallen on hard times. I'd known her since High school and we had been dating for 4 years. I moved out and tried to move on, but despite our grievances, our connection was still strong. In June my father passed away suddenly and I didn't handle it well. His death and my searching for a new place lead to me taking a 2nd job and working every day. My ex and I continued talking, sporadically, and things seemed like they could be mending. One evening in late September she had invited me back over to spend some time together, but I found myself too tired to get out of the house. She passed away early the next morning.
I have become intimately familiar with loss and heartbreak and guilt and regret. If you've lost someone or some connection you've had with someone, I can certainly relate to the pains, and sorrows you feel. And I've heard all the advice you're likely to hear. But no matter your loss, the most important thing is that you keep moving. I won't say "move on". Eventually you must, and one day you will, but that's something that evolves over time. Time does heal and the pain isn't infinite, but if someone had told me to just move on back in October, I'd probably need to be physically restrained. For most people, moving on is a process. But for now, just keep moving. Get up. Get out of bed. Keep working. Work harder. Start working out. Try new things. Do not fall into the traps of depression and self pity. It's okay to be sad and sullen. Especially with death, give yourself some room to mourn. But don't dwell there too long. Misery will sit with you forever if you let it. But if you keep moving, one day you'll find that you have moved on, and you'll find that you're in a new place, and you'll find new opportunities there.
I was breaking down into a mess every day in October and November. These days, maybe once a week, something strikes me and I can't hold back the tears. It still hurts, but it doesn't hurt all the time now. That's progress. And if you can progress, you can heal.
Funny I found this video today. I was feeling kinda down, because today is her birthday, so she's been on my mind. Thanks for the talk Duane.
Wauw you are brave. Wishing you peace.!
There’s a really good short book I’d recommend to most men, especially after a tough loss. It’s written by a therapist who has discovered a difference between men and women and healing. It’s called “The Way Men Heal” by Tom Golden, LCSW
It’s a good overview that can provide direction and understanding on how healing happens for men.
@@MaricaIvica Thank you.
@@Savvynomad225 Thanks for the recommendation, my friend.
Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you guys werent willing to give up then. Dont give up now. Always here for a talk.
In my humble opinion at 34 years old, if you make it to my age and haven't had any heartbreaks or some form of trauma, you haven't really lived what we call "life". Its the hardships that you struggle through that makes you stronger, smarter, and wiser. Just don't let your hardships get the best of you like they almost did to me. Give it time for the wisdom that life is trying to teach you to set in.
Guess I haven't lived life then. The relationships I tried to have lasted less than a week. I've long given up. Why bother trying when the result is always the same. At 32 the only thing I learned was it was stupidly delusional of me to ever think there was a girl who would want me and love me.
@@BansheeKing22 its not delusional to think the way you're thinking. And you're not stupid for wanting to find love. I've seen the people that 'try too hard' and end up destroying their chances with the girl. What's most important is that you focus on yourself first. Be happy as yourself, by yourself, and the rest will come when you least expect it. But if you beat yourself up all the time, you're already mentally defeated to everyone you meet. I hope the best for you, and im sure you have a lot of love to give to some lucky woman in the future. Be strong 💪 peace ✌
@@kevinmoyer6224 I get what you're doing but it doesn't matter. Ive been alone for too long and it's too late. I dont believe in the whole "when you least expect it" nonsense because that's not reality. I've long given up because its pointless to try when the result is always the same and I refuse to stupidly delude myself into thinking some girl will want me and love me. God is always silent when I've asked him about it so I can only logically conclude that his answer is a permanent no. Nothing I can do about it.
@@BansheeKing22 ok, you're 32, im about to turn 35. We're not even half way through this journey. Don't give up man. Personally, I got divorced 4 years ago and fell into a deep depression. I had to learn how to be happy alone again. Learn to love yourself like a mate. Theres nothing wrong with that. Once I learned that, I started having fun again just being alive and being me. It is essential. Even if we never find a compatible woman, atleast our lives won't be miserable
Reading ur guys things touched me in a way, I was with this girl for almost 5 years and we split half a year ago and I feel like I will end up feeling in the long run. I’m 20 btw and if I’ve talked to girls but I want to just be alone now.
You're born in this world by yourself, you'll experience death by yourself; we must learn how to be happy and find peace by ourselves in the middle. Great wise advice you offer in this video. Thank you
Believe me I can tell you about heartbreak. My Wife of 37 years, who I have known since grammar school (she was 70, I am 72), so we have known each other all our lives, passed away on 22 December, one month ago tomorrow. My life is shattered into a million pieces. I was not ready to lose her, not sure I ever will be, frankly I don’t want to be over it. My love for my Wife, my Lover, and my Best Friend will never be over. It’s so recent, I don’t know that I will ever find my way without her. I’m sure God will show me the way someday to be without her, but not yet, the pain is so intense, I can’t begin to explain it, but I Pray it never happens to you.
Bless you
I wish I can give you some words to console you. But keep doing your best Danny. Stay strong and keep going forward. Your love will be forever.
Bless you x
It hurts, all we can do now is carry the pain with us. Still see the beauty all around.
I love how you wrote, really describes well and is heartfelt.
Peace be with you. I’m glad you adored her, to bits. It’s beautiful.
I think it’s ok to never be over a relationship so precious, part of your soul has gone and the things people say during the pain doesn’t always help. Only if you have experienced such great loss does one understand and thus I find comfort in those people. You don’t have to say anything, you’re both just being and that in itself brings comfort and some form of healing. At least for me.
The hardest thing for me to find is honesty in another person.
Are you thinking about 'white lies', that most of us have said now and then, not wanting to hurt someone else, like 'your're looking good for your age', or strait forward lies like 'I'm not married' (is married for 10 years) If meeting only dishonest persons, one might ask oneself 'why do I attract dishonest persons?', and/or one maybe look in the wrong places/enviroments.
AMEN TO THAT!!!
Do your part and be honest. If they can’t be honest then that’s their flaw they’re going to wake up to one day.
@@PostalDude97 Yeah, might be
The stop "Stop looking" lesson was brilliantly put. Having just come out of a relationship and in the heartbreak phase (idolising the person, thinking of the memories and plans that never were...) I realised that I had been some desperate for her to be the one that I projected a lot onto her and checked all my boxes without checking the ones I didn't want to be checked.
Glad I came across this video. 7 year relationship ended on Sunday. The pain is pretty strong right now. I hope to look back at this comment a year from now, and be bigger better and stronger.
I pray that for all of you struggling with loss and heartache right now, too 🙏
I'm right next to you mate ❤ mine left of 10 years on Friday last week hope I see you back here happy to update us I'll do the same focuse on yourself we can do this ❤ I'm 27 years old
@@nebraskagains967 we'll survive. In this together brother. See you in a year, stronger than ever 🤝
This happened to me about 10 days ago too
@@lhabia_ how are you holding up? have you been in 'no-contact' ?
@@SpyOnDeck I ve been trying to distract myself, Very difficult and I break down Sometimes, and have realized I don’t really have many friends, and the friends I do have have lives and are busy. We haven’t been No contact, and in fact he’s dropping off my shorts later today, He has me blocked on everything though except gmail because He had my things and I had his, but I know once he gives me my stuff hell likely never speak to me again.
"I'm just a dude"
You do enough on youtube to give some folks a foundation for better livin'. You're just a good dude.
Adversity builds us gentlemen, it does not feel good at the time but the results pay off in spades. In the meantime pray your way through.
Dry Creek Wrangler thank you! 🙏🏿
Cheers to the that.
Yup!
word.
Pray, and praise God for what you do have in the meantime. When you praise Him it takes the focus off the negative things you are feeling at the moment and it allows Him to fill you with the peace that passes all understanding.
Im a regular hood dude doing food reviews on my CZcams channel slime
If every boy had a dad like you, we would have a much better world. Thanks for giving all this great wisdom and insight and for changing lots of lives. I know your podcast will be a hit!
She left me 2 months ago, it was my fault and it’s still hurting, thanks for the kind words.
It wasn't your fault!
Everything this man has said is true I'm 27 and I've been through break ups, disappointments, jail time, job loss, all kinds of things since 17... in ten years ive learned what most don't experience in their life but it's true to work on your self and get where you need to in life regardless if your spouse leaves and doesn't return... anyone who gives up on you during your worst times doesn't earn to be with you during your best ones 👍
That's not true those of you who give up on people in there worst times are showing self worth.
Amen
In all seriousness, how do you pronounce your name?
Just tried to pronounce your name and my furniture started floating
His name is a dinosaur
At 24 years old I experienced my first relationship. She ended it and it broke my heart, the most real pain I’ve felt in a long time. But I’m grateful, because I almost settled for a life and a career that was below my potential. This heartbreak serves as a catalyst for me to grow and have a sense of urgency.
I hope you have a long a prosperous journey 💪
Hey King, go out there and make her regret dumping you. Flip the script 👌
@@defectdetectorrailvideos3186 Hello fellow railfan and Dry Creek enthusiast!
Oh I feel you bro. 25-30 is possibly the worst time of your life (if you live in the beginning of the 21st century), so brace for it and consider this a character-building experience.
Most of your grandparents will die in this age range. Your parents will start getting their first illnesses and start visibly aging. Everyone expects you to perform better than you're doing. Partying is no longer as fun as it was, and relationships become a much more serious thing. It does get better after your 30's, but brace for impact now. Again, hang in there - by the time you're 35, you'll have left all the bad stuff behind.
@@DudeWatIsThis why do you say 25-30 is bad beyond the reasons you stated? Give me more examples, I just turned 25. But the example you already pointed out are correct!
As someone who spent 20+ years not even trying to find a woman. Don't go out and try to force a relationship.. but it is still important to make some kind of communication if you are interested in someone. If you close yourself off to everyone your chances of meeting the one is very small. Also be yourself
Man, I’m 42 and all my life has been is heartbreak and loss. My first funeral was when I was 5 (in 1985). It was my grandpa (Dad’s side) and I remember being just tall enough to see him in his coffin wearing his medals and ribbons on his WWII Class A’s. That was the first time I remember contemplating what it meant to be “dead”. I also remember my dad as he dealt with the loss. My dad, nicknamed “Pie”, was always a stoic man. He didn’t say much until he thought deeply about it. He was measured and was also a walking encyclopedia 😂. But, I remember him as he dealt with grief and loss. He and his father weren’t close, the war will do that to a person. I recall feeling his grief (I’m kind of what they call an “empath”…..so is my mom). By the time I was 17 I had been to over a dozen funerals. My family went through a bad time filled with deadly accidents, suicides, and loss of loved ones through health issues. At the same time I even had close friends that passed away. I lost friends that were my age at the time. It’s a very difficult thing to attend the funeral of peers when you are still a kid. It hits harder in its own way. I got to the point where I refuse to attend funerals anymore. Not out of anything negative…..it’s just that I can’t handle it anymore. The departed just don’t look real. Their souls aren’t there. It’s just feels off on top of the grief that not only I have felt at those times……but also feeling the grief all around me. It’s rough.
The hardest one that hit me ever was in 2015. I lost my dad. Pie was my greatest friend, my biggest fan, my most cherished inspiration, my anchor to this plane of existence and most importantly he was my rudder that always steered via trust and wisdom. I was 35. I’m still not over it. There are lots of times where something happens in my life and my reaction will be to call my dad to tell him. One of my Sons does something great? Call dad. I got a new truck? Call dad. I heard a great joke? Call dad. You get the picture. It’s torture. The night before he passed he was coming down with a head cold and was about to go to bed, we were talking on the phone. He was telling me “Yeah, I’m getting sick Jim….I need to go to bed.” to which I replied “Ok man, I’ll chat with you later….get some rest and feel better….I love you” to which he replied in a way that looking back makes me feel like he knew it was his end. He emphasized “I love YOU”. He had never said it that way before ever. It was always said in a way that intended to talk again. When I found out he passed (his neighbor friend found him, he passed in his sleep and she called me after she called the coroner) I collapsed. My brain just froze into overload. This is hard even reliving this in my mind now. I then got back up and walked to the stairs and just sobbed and fell apart. My wife tried consoling me to no avail. I was undone. He was my hero. He always will be. The whole world has gone even more crazy since then and a part of me feels as though it’s in part because he (and folks like him) left this realm. Love, patience, acceptance, compassion, true wisdom left this Earth when he left. The world is worse for it.
I still have my mom, and we get along but my mom has always had baggage. She cheated and left my dad when I was 17. I’m almost thankful for her leaving because she took her needless drama with her. I got 4 years (before I left for the Army) to be with Pie without any BS. I learned so much from him. I feel that we bonded more in those 4 years than we ever did before. My only good takeaway from him passing is he isn’t dealing with his bad back, his high blood pressure, and his emphysema anymore. He’s free from the burden of pain. For that I’m thankful. I still miss him.
As far as love goes, I agree. Don’t look for it, it WILL find you. My dad always told me “Jim, be friends with them all” (talking about women). I became friends with a great girl back in 1996 and through that friendship we became best friends. Our lives took differing paths as time slowly churned on, but, eventually everything aligned with no effort and we started dating based on the foundation of our friendship and the fact that a not so secret love started forming for each other. We’ve been married and going strong since 2004. We took the review mirror and ripped it off, threw it out the window. We just keep racing into the future together, always. Thick as thieves, stronger than all. My advice to young folks would be mixed with some of Pie’s advice. Be friends with them all, build a friendship that can last. Base a true love on heart because heart (and guts) are what matters the most in trying times. Intertwine with someone that can lean on you as you lean on them. Don’t be afraid to be wrong, and learn from mistakes. Learn together, grow together, keep your eyes on the prize…..and finally do NOT, whatever you do do, let the world in all of it’s fading glory poison the well in your hearts. This life is yours, it doesn’t belong to the latest cultural fad. Be a rock, be an anchor…..be steadfast. When you are old and gray and fading from this life you will do so with a smile. Peace.
Beautifully written young man....all of it from the ❤️ heart.
Great way to remember all the father's in today's world. Not many of us father's get the respect....but Thankfully my children are beautiful human beings. Love sharing all l can with them and you seem to have done that with your father.
Stay strong
Love and respect to you...... 😊 from this old man.
Your father “Pie” sounds sweet as “Pie” ! I am truly sorry for your loss. You were both very blessed to have had each other. XX
Im glad you had such a great relationship with your dad. Cherish those memories because those are yours and yours only. Sorry for your loss, but the lessons he taught you in life will be brought back in your future to help you make the right decisions.
Same here brother… my old man died 3 days after thanksgiving turkey suddenly unexpected when I was 15 years old. One of the most wisest, giving, and sharped eye Man I knew. Sister called me and broke the news I just went blank in the mind and got on my knees leaning on the bed. Thinking about it hurts still and 2015 it was as well when it happened.
“A Father’s death is the most important event. The more heartbreaking and poignant loss in a man’s life”- Sigmund Freud
Thanks for this man
My dad saw some horrific stuff in WWII and he and I were never very close or spoke freely to each other. It was amazing to hear you say it because to this day at age 60 the only piece of wisdom I can remember from my dad was "this too shall pass".
I’m 25, about to turn 26 in 34 days, not much experienced in life but I can confirm (and agree) that your dad was 100% right. Everything we pass through may hurt when we are living that moment but it will get better.
@@synthozy it's true. So many people don't think about this when they are experiencing the pain.
Amazing. "This, too, will pass." (including the pauses at the commas) is also my personal "mental catchphrase" for life as well. Whenever I'm in a horrible moment, I tell it to myself and it gives me a lot of strength. Likewise, when I'm in a great moment, I tell it to myself so I make sure I savor the happiness of that day.
Understood. My dad was in the European theater. His advice was “Never loose your sense of humor.” And “5 years from now those people won’t even remember you.”
He was a good dad.
I thank you for your service. King Solomon had that maxim on his Ring. This Too Shall Pass. Stay strong.
My mom who was 62 years old, she passed away unexpectedly in September after a 5 year struggle with cancer. I thought I knew what pain was, I had no idea.
It took me 8 years to get over my mother's death. Now i can look back and smile, and say "thank you". I can laugh at my mistakes that she told me not to make. I can smell something, hear something, see something..she comes to mind.
Sometimes i even hear her words coming out of my mouth.
I would still cut off my left pinky for 5 more minutes with her.
Time DOES heal heart wounds.
Sometimes, though, time can only deaden the pain, but it will never heal.
Be gentle with yourself on the second one.
I am so sorry for your loss 😔.
Hey. I am so sorry for your loss.
@@carlh-thehermitwithwi-fi679 what does be gentle with your self mean? You aren’t the first to advise that.
@@imissyoumom7644 it means "don't beat yourself up when there is an error. Learn how to dispassionately look at it, see your errors, make corrections, and don't hate yourserlf."
One of the best advice for heartbreak that I ever heard of was for a son who told his dad about how he got dumped and how bad it hurts and it was like
"Son I know you're hurting now, and nothing will fix that quick. But I promise you, that in a few years, you'll look back on this moment and you'll be ashamed that you let someone
who cares for you so little hurt you so bad."
and it hit me, because at the end of the day, that father was so right.
Wise words. Thank you. :)
Word
True! It’s so hard to get through the process because that’s the painful journey. Every day bearing a pain while trying to live a normal life. But I’ve finally realized we are forged in fire, we have to accept and move on from our pain and painful experiences in order to grow into who were meant to be, and from what I’ve heard and seen that person who comes out the other side is almost always happier with life!
This video really resonates with me. Got broken up with by a woman I could've swore was it. Just like you said, I found ways to make sure she checked every box. Not only that, but I ignored red flags along the way too. When she left, it shattered every illusion I've ever had about love. Rather than lashing out I looked inward. I came to terms with what really went on, who she really was, how I contributed to things going sideways, and the faulty lenses I looked at relationships through. I worked on myself, took up new hobbies and interests, got a better job, and came up with a more realistic way of looking at the world. I haven't found my partner yet, but I've never felt like more of a man.
I’m going through this rn man I’m 26, I wish I could get better like you did
@@raphalmeida746you will bratha I’m sure you’re feeling a bit better
Hey man im going through the same thing you are thank you for sharing. Did the pain ever come back and did you find that partner?
I’m 55 1/2. 21 was yesterday. That’s almost 35 yrs ago. In another 35 yrs, I’ll be over 90. Time truly does fly and it becomes very apparent as we age. My point: focus on helping others and not your own happiness. In the end, it will be the most fulfilling and will be something you can actually take with you when you die. The only things you can take with you are the things you gave away and the people you helped.
God Bless, your advice was a confirmation for me! altruism is the key brother.
I always remember the good men and the way they treated me. The way they took time for me. No amount of money could ever replace that. Bc now I want to be that guy
Thanks man
I could write paragraphs right now (and have on previous videos). But I feel all I NEED to say, is thank you, Duane. You're a real stand up guy, and helping a lot of people.
I agree with you ! 100%
My 81 yr old husband passed away two weeks ago. He had been ill for years and suffered terribly. His passing was a blessing. I miss him, but i don't miss him being sick. We were married for 13 years. My life is now different and each day i know that i have things to do. I'm reinventing my life. Life goes on. I'm grateful for the time we had and the memories we made.
Relationships come and go: no matter what you are going thru regarding love, friendships, family; remember that you will get thru this! As a Vietnam Era veteran and homeless off and on the last 10 years, I can tell you this: You will get thru your present situation... You will be STRONGER... You will be WISER... it's all about learning and getting to know YOU! Make YOU be the one in the "drivers seat" of YOUR life and not others!!
Thank you
@@BullMarketBandit Namaste! Be Strong and kind to yourself. Thank you.
@@BullMarketBandit I hope you are doing well and staying strong and positive! Let your "Light" shine brightly. From a Vietnam Era Marine Corps veteran.
@@charlesmiddleton3247 Thank you brother, the same to you. May the father with with you
I needed the heartbreak in my life. I could not be alone. My boyfriend left me for another woman, I was 25 (30 now and still single). It was absolute agony, after a 3 year relationship. I couldn’t eat and lost 20 pounds. Mind you, I started at 120. I fought like heck to get him back. Compared myself to the new girl 24/7. But, I wouldn’t change it. I’ve learned never to trust, to focus on yourself and your mental health, et cetera. Definitely 100% learn to be alone and take care of yourself only. I won’t ever let someone affect me like that ever again. Now I absolutely love being alone and can hardly believe it. Learn to love yourself and you don’t “need” that other person you thought you did.
Are'nt you being a bit rough on yourself saying 'never ever again' because of a relationship going bad at age 25? Would understood better if someone being 40, going through 3 long term relations that end with a bad heart break, said 'okay, I'm done here'. Having in mind at 20-25 most people are still in development towards the 'grown up version' of themselves. 30 years is still very young, looking back on it later in life. Hey, many people can, and do, have a fine life as single, having good friends and hobbies and so on. But at your yong age, maybe have the door a little bit open for someone suddenly passing by, one just never know)
@@Rimrock300Yes thank you. I do hope to meet someone of course, I just know 100% trust will never be possible for me again. Thanks! And i do not have any friends, but a sister I love dearly and many outdoor hobbies. THanks for writing.
I'm 30 too and single
It's tough out there I was rejected a few weeks ago by a guy who I was convinced he liked me...anyway years go by and the window I have of finding the right guy and one day having a family gets smaller and smaller... it's rough but we will make it eventually
Sending you love and light 💙 you are not alone
When I stopped looking, surprisingly, things were there. Right in front of me...
Stay in the present. You'll be surprised where you are when you do.
You can't work on a better future if you don't know where you are today, for tomorrow.
Great message Dwayne!
Just when I was getting dragged back into a slump of self-pity for messing up a relationship with someone I didn't learn to appreciate until it was too late, this video gets uploaded. Can't thank you and your infinite wisdom enough, Mr. Noel.
Same here
Same here man, was going through depression didn’t have energy to be the man I needed for her and lost her, but realized she’s not as perfect as I thought because she left at my worst moment, and 3 years of “love” she moved within 3 months after the break up, with a guy she always talked about as a childhood friend she’d look at like a brother haha
@@raphalmeida746same happened to me bro. im so lost:(
Literally in the same boat
Facts. I lost a 7 year relationship. The night it ended I committed to being the man I was meant to be.
Lost 45 pounds, got myself disciplined, got a small promotion at work, cleared some debt, and radically improved my diet.
I am still working on myself to be the man that can earn the traditional woman I am after.
I know my own worth and will not compromise.
Better to be single than to settle for less. I am done, so done settling for less.
So you did this afterwards? Ill never understand why people wait to improve themselves.
I have been married 16 years and together almost 18. We work hard to improve each other. We aren't the same people we were back then. We grew together. Sometimes you need patience. People are so quick to give up.
@azzystyle94 how's it going now mate?
@jrmckim8980 Some people have wake up calls. Instead of being negative, applaud him.
Just got out of a 7 year relationship myself. It's been really hard, but gotta keep moving forward and focus on ourselves
Work on yourself. Work on your grind, whatever it might be. A mate will just show up. When a mate does show up, don't hold on too tightly.
If you decide to try therapy, be very selective. Don't be afraid to move on & try someone else.
now THIS is wisdom!
Thank you Dewayne. I have been struggling to get over a girlfriend, we’ve been separated 4 months and it’s been super hard to move on. Your words help a lot. This too shall pass. Take care.
Right in there with you brother
same here, man. But stay strong, keep your head up and keep working on yourself. Happiness is made by you, not found. Best of luck soldier
I’ll throw my hat in the ring also boys. Been on a break for 2 months that she wanted out of the blue. This hit just about as hard as my mom dying of cancer senior year of high school just in a different way.
I am curious, how are you doing nowadays? Has the pain passed? It’s been 1 month since she left me.
i lost a child forty years ago. Just today I told someone about my lost and even after all these years tears came to my eyes. But the tears that are shead waters the memories that remain...
"This, too, shall pass" has been powerful for me since I was a young teen first experiencing debilitating mental illness.
Time doesn’t heal, you just get used to the pain, the pain stays forever.
100%....but at least Uncle Dewayne tried here.
Find professional help. You deserve to be happy.
Time definitely heals you just gotta focus and really just do you
NO. Maybe if you choose not to heal. There is a guy who hurt me terribly a few years back. I got over him and the heartbreak to the point that I remember him maybe once in every 6 months.
This is only true if you never learned how to move on.
I enjoy your talks. I find it ironic that my wife and I are in the mist of a 1910 farmhouse renovation located on Dry Creek Road. Thank you for your sincerity. Every time I get frustrated by my wife, I am reminded that I too create frustration. More often than not, my wife puts up with a lot more from me than I do from her. I love her dearly for this quality and I am humbled by her tolerance.
I went through my first heartbreak two years ago and it still hurts. All you can do is keep living and not dwell on the pain. It gets easier slowly but surely
For the record I think your probably way more qualified in the advice you give then alot of so called professionals with a degree. Your thoughtful perspective on life through experience is hard to come by and much appreciated ♥️
Spot on
Yeah but believe a cowboy sitting in a rocking chair smoking a pipe way more then I do someone in an office with a clipboard and pen. He speaks in a more human relatable way from experience, not so clinical and text booky. I get what your saying for the record though 😉
@@marab4391 Cowboy guy tells you a story, sometimes from all that smoking, it actually makes sense.
I’ve been through some tough things but loosing a child is the worst by far. There are no words
The most important sentence here was "find peace and fulfillment in yourself"!
As long as you're not happy and enjoying your own company, nobody on earth will fill this gap.
The loss of loved ones is a different story. My father died 7 years ago, I still miss him every day.
I just have to accept the fact that this is just the way nature goes, - we all have to leave some day.
It hurts bad, but you have to go another day, another week, another month ...
Some day you can look back with loving thoughts and the pain will be manageable.
Thank you for the video!
Thank you, I need to hear this. I refused to grieve and rushed into another relationship (desperately checking off all the boxes) and about 6 months later I got hit hard with my heartbreak and am now single again. I really need to fix this heart, and I guess focus on myself. I hate that I have this burning desire for a woman and family when clearly that’s just not how things are right now😕
My Mom's dying of cancer and we're at the final few days. The sense of devastation is something I don't even know how to describe. I already feel the hole that is going to be left in my heart and in my soul. Two mini-strokes have made communicating with her so very sad and hard. I'm 46 years old and cannot believe the sense of devastation I am feeling. I remember my childhood with Mom like it was yesterday and it's crushing to think about life without her. I related to when you said honor them because that is what I am going to do. Thank you Dwayne.
Hey man, I’m 22 and lost my mom last September, just know you ain’t alone brother
Going through a breakup myself right now. From 20-23 I’d been with this girl and it hurts. I know I’ll be okay, but it’s so hard. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one, because at times it does feel like that. But yeah, my heart hurts for now and it will for a little while after this.
At 11:20 Dwayne sums it up. “Yesterday’s gone. PURGE it and MOVE ON.” I’m going to listen to the rest of it anyway bc I really enjoy the man. But that’s all I needed to hear. Thank you, Dwayne.
Praying is everything, everyone will discover that in the end😌
This type of content is why CZcams is great
It’s crazy to me that people have such a lack of self awareness that they expect you to be their personal therapist. You handled this with grace. Congrats on your podcast! I think it’s a great idea to help spread the wisdom you’ve so generously shared with us. Thank you.
i recently lost my girl. We were together for 4.5 years. I've devasted and I cant stop things of things i could have changed, done better and regret. Regrets man.... biggest fucker out of them all..
So many sleepless nights but i am aware of the fact that our mind is our own worst enemy. I have faith that time will heal all wounds and i'll come back stronger. I hope the same for all of you.
How are you doing now brother
Khs
Hope you've been doing better brother
Update: You slowly start to care less. It takes time but every day you care a little less everyday. Don't follow them, don't look at their social media and DO NOT message them lol
Now I'm at the point where i think about it around 10% of what i used to. Women move on quicker for obvious reasons. guys have to find purposes. Find your purpose and control your mind. Its tough af but you'll look back and be proud of what you've learned. Be happy that this has happened and you learn how to deal with it. it could be worse when you have a wife & kids and you don't know how to deal with the emotional stress. This is better. It will get better, trust me
This channel and these kind of comments are just the medicine I need right now. I appreciate your advice Dwayne, I have the feeling that you are a great person that has a lot teach, I will listen to your advice. Thank you Dwayne ❤
This could not have come at a better time. Thank you for the wise words, you are always so eloquent and say exactly what I need to hear. Much love!
I'm 62. When I was 57, love happened. I had never in my imagination described or pictured this fine woman... but here she was. She was 11 years younger. Almost two years ago now, I lost here. We were in a motorcycle accident where her leg was severely injured. On the sixth week of her recovery, she succumbed to a blood clot. It was devastating. We had plans to be married and had a date picked out.
Without disagreeing with anything you've said, I will confirm that time does make a difference... but it does not heal. It hardens, like a scar. Loss is like the crushing waves of a storm, they eventually subside. The waves become smaller and farther apart. You can breathe, exist, think and do again. But there will always be another wave.
Thank you for what you do here.
This couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you for the advice. I haven't ever really been the religious sort, but I'll say a prayer for you.
Losing someone you love is the worst pain and it’s also where you learn the most about what matters in life, stay strong and remember that the best medicine is laughter☀️ peace and love!
3 years ago, I lost 5 close friends. Last year almost to the day, I lost my father. It was devastating. People couldn't believe the next day I went to work. I simply said that life doesn't stop because someone else's did. Process your grief and keep moving. Life has to happen
This man could talk about anything and it just puts me in the most peaceful mood. I hope to be the type of man like this someday
Thank you for atmosphere you're creating. Your calm, slow nice and warm speech, your heart and the will to try to help people ❤
Hoping y’all will keep me in your prayers this week. My wife told me earlier this week she wants a divorce. I’m heartbroken. Thank you to this video.
Sorry brother.
How’s it going bro. Hope you’re well
Welcome to the club brother… it gets worse before it gets better.. hang in there cat u ain’t alone….
How are you doing now?
My life has totally changed in the last 5 months. It was hard but maybe the best learning experience I’ve ever had. I’m proud to say that I can sit here and tell the world that I am happy. I never thought I would ever be able to again. Keep your head up guys, put your self out there, take a risk, and don’t give up. There’s always hope even when you don’t see it.
"Stop looking" Amen! When I focus on being my true self... my best self... I am blessed with love from others. Whether it be friendship, family, neighbors, colleagues, a romantic partnership, whatever... these have been my most fulfilling blessings. ❤🙏❤ ~Carolyn (Texas gal)
Amen- Find peace first, peace that surpasses all understanding , that guards your heart and minds in Christ Jesus. Not easy, but it's the only way. I've been with my wife almost 40 years now, and still struggle at times. Don't give up- 🙏🙏
The hard truth is that for some, you may always love someone who abandons and rejects you or who dies - as you say cherish and move forward. It doesn’t always ease and I speak from experience. You learn to live with the pain.
Wow! You are a rare one indeed to not have lost your parents at your age! You are truly blessed. 😊
Never ask the Lord why he takes our loved ones, Just Thank him for the time he gave us with them...
Yep, you are correct. In time your genuine smile and love of life will return.
No, that´s a thing I will never forgive him, for putting me here with this misery, f him
The only thing I have found from rushing into relationships looking for love is that falling for the first person who appears to love you and want to be with you can sometimes be because the other person has so many issues and red flags. Met a woman after my Mom had passed and she treated me well, but she would casually mention shooting her ex-husband and harming people who disagreed with her. No amount of wanting love could make her worth settling down with.
I did same after my died. I know for sure when a parent dies, we get confused. Your vision is blurry. So it is possible that you want love so bad . Because you do not want to be alone. You ignore the things you do not want. That what he means. When you want it to bad, you see you check what you want. But you ignore what you do not want.
Cold hard truth right here. Thank you Mr Creek. The remote control analogy is what I needed to hear.
The podcast will be a strong move but I will say this format that you already do is gold. There's something real peaceful about tuning into these being a city slicker. This was a solid message delivered in such a humbled way. 🤙
This advise is right on. It took a long time for me to accept that you can't try and find love. When you have good boundaries and you enforce them and know what you will or won't accept it will also weed out certain types that aren't good. A good test is simply say no to them and see how they react. Say no to going out just cause you want to chill out and be by yourself, see how they respond. I'm single and am really enjoying learning all I can about different topics to gain wisdom. If you have The Lord in your life (not religion) you can also entrust he will bring you both together at the right time, in the mean time, learn to really enjoy your own company doing what makes you happy.
I went through a break up 4 and 1/2 months ago and this video will help a lot. Thank you.
I love this, every bit of it.
I've been recovering from a toxic relationship and motorcycle accident from 2 years ago. I loved her to death, but she was a prime example of someone who just didn't love herself and placed her self worth & validation onto relationship partners. Low self esteem, compared herself to others constantly (even me), physical abuse at one point, and much more. This eventually eroded my own self esteem and I was convinced I was the problem and that everything that happened was my fault. Been going to therapy since January, traveling more to places I've put off, picking up new hobbies, rediscovering my old hobbies, finding new friends who challenge me and don't fuel bad behaviors I picked up, and life has been improving for me since.
It can be hard still on some days, but I've learned to recognize those negative thoughts and acknowledge them. I'm staying single to focus on myself again and finding that self love so I can be the best man for the next one.
Just got out of a two and a half year relationship about a week ago. This was excellent timing man
You’re the friend that nobody has- your the father, grandfather etc that we all need. Truly appreciate the time, wisdom, and honesty especially at this time in life. Lost my go to buddy a few years ago and same with grandparents and the hole is tough to fill. Thank you
All I can say is well spoken and you said the right thing. It's not easy getting so many folk asking for help. Just keep on doing what your doing. :)
God bless you and your kind heart, Sir - thank you for this nugget of advice
The best advice on not looking for love and focusing on yourself until love finds you! Heartbreak is just a lesson that we have to learn from and ultimately learn to love ourselves enough to move on. Thanks for the wisdom!
Not look for love, but look for new people to talk to, new places to go, new hobbies, and so on. If people hide away at home, love will have a hard time finding them)
@@Rimrock300 Love this! Agree!
Not sure the correct spelling of your name, D; but the genuine temperament of your words, thoughts and advice on life are sincere and pleasant to listen to; and the topics and things you cover are nice to hear, when there is so much brain rotting crap on this platform. You are certainly appreciated for your wisdom and insight on life; thank you!
On his profile he spells his name DEWAYNE. Hope that helps. Have a good Sunday.
@@jillcampbell8019 Thank you Jill; I appreciate your help and have a good day too!
That remote control analogy got me. Totally true. Coming out from another break-up. 41 years old, third girl that lived together with and couldn't make it work (3 years of relationship) so I'm not feeling great about myself honestly. Thanks for this kind of videos, you are literally helping folks from the other side of the World. I wish you all the best for you and your family.
This wisdom resonates so well. Thanks for sharing. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi.
Stay Based
I’m moving out of state in three months and randomly met a girl that I really thought could be the one. But I had to let her go because I’m only doing a disservice to both of us due to the expiration date set when I move across the country…
Wise man. Your choice of wording accompanied by your knowledge of human nature and the way life works… is truly refreshing and reassuring to listen to. Thanks, friend. Glad I found your videos.
It's the hardest thing everyone deals with, broken hearts. And it happens so much to so many of us. And we just feel so helpless and powerless and lost. U & ur wife are an inspiration, ppl want what y'all have. We want the blueprint lol! Thanks internet Dad
I appreciate the heartbreak and loss that I've experienced in my life. Without it, I would not be who I am today.
I appreciate your channel so much. My best friend showed me your video about not feeling like I would ever have it all together. I’m going through a break up after a 10 year relationship. She is in fact the love of my life. So seeing you upload this today really seemed right. Thanks for all of your videos I watch them all the time and it has really been helpful in trying to better myself regardless of what I’m going through. I just turned 28 in December. I am in a bad place and don’t see myself getting out of it tomorrow but I’m starting to see myself get out of it one day. I’m an alcoholic who’s been trying to get sober since I was 15. I’m 5 days no drinking now and it’s such an achievement to do it without a rehab (I’ve been 8 times) I’m doing it because I genuinely want to get sober for the first time. I’m not doing it for my mother or my now ex. I’m doing it for me. Anyway I’m ranting now. Thanks a lot.
To me this is the most meaningful video you've ever made. It's as if you've answered the most pertinent question that has just been eating away at me. I hope that time does heal all wounds as I really can't seem to move no matter what I try. Thank you, Dewayne.
What a savior I really needed this just got out of a 3 almost 4 year relationship and things have been rough not as rough as it was when it initially happened but still it really does get hard at times when I get caught up in those bitter sweet memories but ultimately I hope I can move forward from this naturally because I find myself trying to do anything to numb the pain and I’m just trying to move on so hastily when I just need to go along with it.
thank you so much for this!
I appreciate this so much, acknowledging the potential dangers of giving advice & causing more harm! I am a licensed counselor and I don’t give advice. We are trained to be an objective helper but it’s so much about the client/counselor relationship that helps the individual find the answers within themselves because the majority of counseling happens outside of the session in daily life (when using coping skills in your daily life).
Thank God Almighty your not one of the therapists we’re tired of them and politicians. God bless you and your wife 🙏🏻
Thank you for all of your deep wisdom, brother. You are a gem in a world of (what can feel like) ubiquitous darkness.
SO much wisdom from this man.
Kudes Brother, well spoken and Wellbeing, wisdom and life's KEY 🌹.. Guidance within is No Doubt a Beautiful, simplicity Way, why so many our LOST do too Co dependency 😢,We ONLY get One Life period Point Blank... Thank you for being U, God Bless❤
i have lost so many people including my parents since 2000. You never get over it. However it has motivated me to NOT waste time in my life. And since I will see those people again, WHEN is not even a worry. It will happen when it happens. I have a saying.....I came into this World at the right time for me and I will depart in the same manner as well.
Doug
Belen, New Mexico U.S.A.
New Mexico - the last frontier in the lower 48.