Husband Cheated With My Best Friend (Now They’re Getting Married!)
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- čas přidán 25. 05. 2022
- Husband Cheated With My Best Friend (Now They’re Getting Married!)
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I just found out my wife has been having an affair with my best friend for nearly a year. It is literally the worst feeling I’ve ever felt. A double betrayal.
You mean, former best friend
@@Ryan-wx1bi Absolutely.
Absolutely HORRIBLE! So sorry 😞
So sorry you're going through such painful stuff.
You are worth so much more than liars 💔 How discussing massive person be to keep that low. Thank your lucky stars that you have been able to see what they were doing and you can leave that hell hole they are creating for each other
“The woman you would’ve called to tell her that your husband was cheating on you WAS the other woman”… this whole situation is terrible…
Yes, I had a " friend " like that. It's very traumatizing.
@Raminakai the woman wanted her to know to get her out because she knew her husband wouldn't
This comment is exactly what I was going to say
One of my childhood bestfriends made a new bestfriend and we eventually became a thrupple. Fast forward to adulthood, I’m a bit distanced for a few reasons. She made a move on her best fiend’s man. I never would have expected it from her. Makes you wonder.
Thats the thing @@aprilchow-chee5281
I love how John normalizes grief and loss instead of pushing toxic positivity.
My new fav word toxic positivity
The term "toxic" is way too overused.
@@annberlin5811it’s a lame justification used by bitter people who cant appreciate what they do have.
@@14534 its about not pretending. I dont pretent the worst thing ever is cool. Ms. Holier than though. People like you put your head in the sand and dont improve
@@annberlin5811 you don’t know me. I think it’s legitimate to have a need to grieve after what happened to her. Grieve, and then move on to create something beautiful anew. People like you live your whole lives bitter and angry about the ‘injustices’ in your life, and entitled about what other people have that you don’t. If you want to use the term ‘toxic positivity’ to not take ownership over that, it’s not my problem. I’m not living my life as the bitter, angry little person. I’m loving life and trying to live every moment appreciating what I have.
Sometimes I read the titles to these videos and think “Wow I need to stop complaining about my life” absolutely awful. What a strong woman to pick the pieces up and keep going
i know father does not deserve to have any say in his ex family.
Amen
Amen
Amen
💯
That's not a best friend. That's a snake in the grass
..I would be angry too.
They're Christians explained everything
@@isay207im a Pagan, i dont hate all Christians, thats ridiculous. These creeps exist regardless of most religions.
exactly!!
most women are like this. women are the worst
Her best friend used to work at the church and was heavily involved in the church? Why do we assume everyone that goes to church is a perfect angel? Seems to me this stuff happens in the churches just as much as the bars and nightclubs.
Peach!!! That's why I just let labels be labels. Labels don't guarantee anything.
The more a person goes to church the more sins they have (and they hope to get help). Similar to a person who goes to a hospital, they don't go there because they are healthy but because they are sick.
Lol I’ve been betrayed and mistreated by more “ Christian’s” than I have from people of the world.
Because people who assume that everybody who goes to church are perfect angels are people who have a negative view of the church to begin with to have such a silly expectation. That’s not a reasonable expectation nor one that’s honest but just something that’s easy to use as a weapon against something that a person dislikes and wants to discredit. Reasonable people know that all people are imperfect including people who go to church and acting like this is some check mate is silly. Reasonable people recognize that what other people who go to church do has no real meaning on what the goals of faith are and that being focusing on yourself. Humans are imperfect and that applies to every group. I don’t go to church but I will never find this attempted rationale anything but intellectual dishonesty aimed as a weapon.
No one is a perfect angel. People who go to church are no different from everyone else.
She's trying so hard to hear what John is saying, but goodness, when you've been betrayed like that, taking in the help and really hearing is hard. She definitely sounds like she's still reeling from this.
She always will. This is beyond betrayal. This is the theft of her husband, half her time with her kids, half her income....it is criminal and I wouldn't blame her one bit if she murdered both of them.
yeah she needs a long time to heal from this
Yes absolutely she doesn’t have it all together as she may think she does and that’s ok he was trying to tell
Her she just didn’t listen and heard what she wanted to
She seems lazy. Easy way types 🤷🏼♀️
Reminds me of someone in shock-! 😮
Anyone who has an affair with your spouse is not a friend.
that is pretty obvious
I've heard so many of these so called 'best friends' having affairs with spouses...just no...
My wife’s a therapist - and she sees this happen ALL THE TIME! It’s like 1/3 of her patients. Insane
It's insane, but it doesn't surprise me. Throughout my life I've observed more people who only think about themselves and have no issue destroying lives or causing stress, than people of character, integrity, etc. But I do think these people thrive because there are too many codependent people, enablers, people who stay silent or turn the other way, doormats, people with low inner worth, people with poor priorities and generally unaware/uncritical people (those who don't analyze situations/actions/habits/words, don't look out for lies/manipulation, etc).
Is it just with the men? Or do the women cheat with husband’s best friends as well?
Try not to mix friends. Let his friends be his friends and your friends be your friends. They can't have each other's numbers. What for?
@@jordanferguson2254all of this 💯
😭😭😭
Sooooo thankful my ex-husband and I didn't have children.... He left our relationship of 4+ years for a girl who was in my life and my friend for 10+ years and she'd just returned to my life months before she and my husband secretly connected. He left, filed for divorce, moved in with her. They lasted 9 months.... It's super icky. She messaged me after I found out to try to "comfort" me... tell me that they didn't mean for it to happen.... Hurt super bad. But now I'm so relieved to have them both out of my life.
She lost him just like she got him
My coworker Lilly went through that. Her ex-husband married his side piece. Lilly only has a daughter 14. Lilly sold the family home she got in the divorce and bought another home. She and her ex had their co-parenting conversation as well. Lilly had a stipulation that his side piece was not allow on her property not even in the driveway. She told her ex that his chick can stand in the street and wait since that area is public use. She doesn't have a side walk. She said her ex tried to argue but she told him if he doesn't like it he can leave the chick at his house. She doesn't have any communication with her ex unless it concerns their daughter. Also she doesn't allow her ex's new wife to pickup her daughter from school, soccer or during visitations only her ex can pickup their child.
Smart woman. You don't want overlap. Keep to yourselves please.
Good on her
And the only one that will be hurt is the 14yo. Adults put their baggage away for their kids and coparent.
@@SOLO-bi7ud the side chick not being allowed at her home as nothing to do with her child's father seeing his daughter. What her father can't drag himself to the house and pickup his daughter and take her out or to his house. The side chick doesn't need to be involved it's not her child.
@@michellealjunaidi8471Sitting in the car during a pickup is not unreasonable. She really is only punishing the daughter.
I want this woman to know that sometime in the future that she's going to realize her husband did her a huge favor by leaving her life. He's an AH. And when that time comes, and it will, she will be able to smile big about it. Everything will work out for the best. You wait and see. Good luck to you and your kids.
Hard to imagine in the moment but one day she will realise (but truthfully, it will still hurt)
Karma will get them both. Always honeymoon at first but it will end in a trainwreck
@@breeeque they are relationships that thrive in secrecy and "getting away with it". Once they are actually IN the relationship, it implodes over 90% of the time because they then have to do the "boring" relationship thing they had with their spouse...
@@ellencox8415 exactly. this situation is gross & shes lucky hes gone.
Everything my ex did to me when he left and married his mistress is coming back 12 years later. I thought that day would never come
This hits so close to home for me😪 Six month’s ago on a normal everyday evening I picked up my sleeping husbands phone to plug it for him and noticed he had been in his photo app and down the rabbit hole… I discovered that night that he’d had an affair with my younger sister who had lived with us… for the last 5 years. It’s been a rollercoaster since. 25 years of marriage, 9 beautiful children, grandchildren on the way, and entire life that was not what I thought it was. A life of lies.
I'm so sorry 😞
Hope you are in a better place now.
This is horrendous
reasons to not get married
Oh my gosh 😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨
She is in COMPLETE shock. Her brain and body gave her some numbing chemicals. Most people would be in utter rage.
Yes she’s definitely numb. Sometimes numb people end up on snapped. I hope she stays strong and allows herself to cry.
Her concern are her kids.
Not always true. Some people instead of going into a rage go into cold, calculating, and logical responses. It's actually the better response overall, gets better outcomes and also generally makes the offending party very off balance. They expect and want an anger response, you give them a cold detatched robot.
Essentially people's responses can vary widely. Just because someone isn't raging doesn't mean they are numb.
What’s keeping her together is the thought of getting with his brother or best friend…if not it needs to be!
@@gooserich3970 Because eye for an eye doesn't make the whole world blind...
I can’t imaging what she is going through. The worse part is sharing custody with the ex husband and having to see the other woman over and over and getting reminder about the pain and betrayal. Hang in there. She will definitely gets her karma.
That is so disgusting and sad
EXACTLY...as if she hasn't paid a big enough price. I wouldn't blame her if she got revenge.
And knowing that your children will be around her and the narcissist ex-husband!! The other woman will be sooorrryyy. Terrible.
You don't have to see step-mom. You don't have to sit near them at school events. You only exchange the kiddos with bio-dad. And you don't go in the house. The kids come out to the car when you pick them up. The only thing stepmom can do is lose custody for bio-dad if she's obnoxious during custody exchanges. She should remain unseen. If she wants to come outside and glare when mom picks up the kids, tell the court and she'll be gone real quick. If she hits the kids, she'll be gone. Stepmoms can only cause trouble for bio-dads. They cannot help his custody case. If bio dad can't watch the kiddos, bio mom gets to watch them. Stepmom doesn't get to watch the kids unless bio dad is there. Generally you get 4 hours of absence before right of first refusal kicks in.
As the saying goes, if she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you.
I watch these just to remind myself of why I will never do this to my wife and kids. Father of 3 and my wife stays at home. Its hard but this is the life I want and I will never destroy that
Lucky wife..GodBless you
Why is it difficult?
I don’t have best friends because of this. My ex managed to cheat on me with nearly every female friend that were close to us and so many others that I had never met. It went on for years and I tried very, very hard to save our marriage. But then I realized that I was married by myself; I was a wife without a husband. So, I gave him his freedom legally and freed myself from that bondage from hell. It was hard at first, but I was ready to go, and let go of him and almost everyone in our circle. I’m doing really well now…. Lots of family support, A LOT. Thank God, we never had children together.
I had a “best friend” since grade school. She was always the one dating and I never had a bf which was fine with me. When we both grew up and were in our early 20s, I had my first bf. My “best friend” started acting really strange. All of a sudden she started being cold and randomly lashing out at me trying to act like I was her girlfriend. Turns out she was very very jealous that me and my boyfriend were happy. Come to find out she messaged my boyfriend online and called him “boo” behind my back-trying to get a feel if he’d be willing to mess around with her. He came and told me what she was doing. She is the type of “friend” who will try to sleep with your man and try to take over your life. I got rid of her and never looked back. To this day she still tries to stalk both of our social media and creates fake pages. We haven’t been friends for 8 yrs and she does this which is scary. My boyfriend and I are now married and are still very happy. You really can’t trust people especially not women. My only friends are God, my parents, and my dogs. Btw I’m so happy you didn’t have children with him! A nice clean break 👍
Thank god you realized, never had kids tethering you together and got free. What a pos
I'm so happy for you that was God protecting you and you listen
You would think that the “friends” would have turned him down flat!
I think she obsessed with u@@dinajones2761
I can't believe that there are so many people in this world that are capable and willing to cause so much pain to each other.
Some
People just don’t care , sad truth
Thats why there are rules to control so called humans 😅
the majority of people
Seriously
this is so heart breaking. the decline in our culture is a direct reflection in the decline of the family. this guy is so selfish and hes destroyed something so valuable. such a shame.
Exactly, really sad how people don’t value commitment
Sure but don't act like a husband cheating is new.
@@snoozyq9576 yea but damn that close to home wtf
And these are church people doing all the destroying. So don't fall into the trap of thinking more church is the answer.
@@snoozyq9576True it is not new, but that doesn’t make it hurt less.
There should be a video following up with past callers like this. What they did afterwards,what’s their goal for the future , what they are still sorting out.
Yes! I would love that too
Absolutely
Why ? I think that’s just your curiosity.
@@straight.no.chaser1708 nah man. John himself asks for updates. And for the callers it’s nice to have a second time just as a way to keep up the good work and check in
She's probably slumped over the fuckin toilet
She's trying so hard to stay strong for her kids and that's all that matters to her. She's a good mom but I think John is right, this hasn't hit her on a wife level yet.
From her voice I can see myself 3yrs ago, only my husband passed away. The way she talks and she is reacting reminds me so much of myself before therapy. I will pray for this young woman and for her healing.
Betrayal is very much grief but with an added bonus of intentional hurt piled on and no one sends a card or casserole. Dang. So sorry for your loss too. I hope he was a good husband and blessing so there are happy memories to cherish.
This is despicable, I can't believe someone's best friend would sleep with their spouse. What a terrible thing to do. God bless this woman, she's clearly not processing it fully but you can tell she's a warrior who puts her kids before herself.
I’ve got bad news for this lady. This was me, husband had an affair with my best friend and married her before the ink on our divorce papers was dry. This was over a decade ago. It doesn’t get any easier, it’s a constant pain and torture, and even unbearable at times. :(
Just horrible behavior on these people's parts.
💔😢
Yep. That’s why you never introduce your friends to your man. Things like this will happen.
@@leapheap6837 yup i literally have no close girlfriends. Honestly makes everything easier.
@@leapheap6837 at least not allow her to hang and get familiar. Or telling her about him. Especially if she is single
So her 8 year old tries to console her, and she says, “no, we have to live with this forever!”. She needs therapy and help more than the kids.
Yes I was thinking the same
Well, the divorce is forever, until a miracle happens and they decide to reconcile. The legal part is done, the rest is for life.
For real. Now that you mention it.
It DOES ( in many ways ) Last forever. Every graduation, every wedding of your kids etc..
there is the other woman “ there” .
It IS hard. For me- just admitting that its hard and will Always be hard in those situations helped. i did therapy and such to help to control whT I can control..
But it does hurt the kids and pretending it doesnt doent help
Yeah I didn't care for that response. Seemed like she was shutting the kid down.
God has removed them both from your life. You are worthy of so much more. You are a beautiful woman with an amazing heart. Do not allow this toxic and dysfunctional perverts to send you into depression or sabotage your present and future. Lots of work but this too shall pass.
God is not responsible for this affair. How disgusting…
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 God sure can use evil for good.... God's ways are not our ways.... the husband was not honouring his wife or God..
(Just to be clear God didn't cause the affair but He can use this for good...like grow her faith in Him and let the caller start a new and healthy life)
That would have been true without children, but she's trapped in a horrifying situation of co-parenting with this awful man and soon with his affair partner and former best friend as well.
God didn't remove them and God didn't cause the affair. Stop your nonsense. The people involved were responsible. Period.
Poor woman is in pure denial that this will impact her down the line.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt...
@@sconnell1791 Hhhhh
She is not in denial, she is trying to be strong for her children, that is how she is handling it.
She might be over that loser honestly, just trying her best to avoid all drama
She really thinks she’s good
Its nearly impossible to co parent with a narcissist. I know from personal experience.
She sounds like a great mom. Focusing on the kids first. With work on her pain and nurturing them, hopefully she can help them get through this.
She is a great mom but you have to deal with your reckoning before you can truly help your kids. I see too many men and women sacrificing their healing for the sake of their kids. It backfires and causes huge rifts between the kids and cheated on parent. Kids need to see you be messy. The kids will have to deal with the aftermath for life, show then how. Hard knuckling is not strength it's survival. You have to be messy to be an example for thriving.
They deserve each other. The real downside is that these children have to be around her and him😢
My ex-best friend did this to her best friend and now they are getting married. I cut her off because of how foul that was.
I would love to see an interview with people who cheated with a close family friend. Why?
Everyone in the comments is wrong, she is tying to take his advice, she’s just a woman who been on her guard and strong for so long. You Can hear it in her voice.
Agreed… she is on autopilot and said she didn’t want to grieve this.. because she knows how bad it will hurt…
I’m praying for you and everyone else out there going through this… my heart breaks.. she will have a meltdown… when the kids go to their dads next … sit alone and cry it out girl ❤
You can feel she definitely has heat in her. Sigh. Poor woman trying so hard to keep her composure. Hope she finds relief and comfort
I understand her because shutting down emotion after trauma is how I roll in order to stay functional. It's not healthy, but it's effective.
I went through the same thing years ago…
Ex husband cheated with a family friend. Found out she was expecting while I was also pregnant. I was in so much pain, but didn’t wanna deal with it. So I decided to file for divorce and let them continue their romance together. while on the other hand, I went ahead and got an abortion just so that I won’t have to deal with those two ever again in my life.
Fast forward to 4 years after my Divorce, I got into a new relationship and got cheated on again; with the other woman pregnant as well. I broke things off and Never dated again.
Amy, start studying the Law of Assumption and The Law of Attraction. Agnes Vivarelli has great videos and offers coaching. You’ll understand why once you delve into it and your POV of will change for the better.
So sorry.. that’s really tough 😔
I’m sorry you went through that. It is absolutely horrible. Along with many other reasons, this thing is another reason I chose not to have kids. I am not naive to assume that no one ever back stabs someone they loved. Almost every person that got cheater on said they never thought their loved one was capable of doing it. As much as I love my boyfriend and trust him, nothing is guaranteed down the line. People change, circumstances change. If it ever happens, I absolutely do not want to be attached to that person. Once i leave I want to be done with them
Sounds like you might be attracted to men with Dark Tried Traits, bad boy types.
@@paulchakola7372 I was thinking the same thing.
She’s still so blocked up with her grief and her pain. She’s trying to fix what she can and control what she can-but that kind of hurt haunts you until you finally let it have its moment.
That's the affect of narcissim
People who cheat have a special place in hell.
Wages of sin is death
Seriously, who thinks partners of friends are on the menu? Or even EX-partners? My BFF and I have ALWAYS had the rule of absolutely hands off to exes (hands off current partners should go without saying). Even when permission was given that all feelings have been laid to rest for an ex, the risk of dating an ex of my friend to turn weird is not even remotely worth the risk. That said, it takes a special kind of sleaze-bag to have an affair with the current partner of a friend!!! And same for the husband; if it isn't bad enough to cheat and destroy his wife with that alone, the chuck-wang made the decision to hurt his wife exponentially more in choosing his wife's best friend. The husband and BFF deserve each other in their journey to hell.
Exactly! Well said! 👏🏻
It’s so brutal when the cheating happens with a friend. You lose both relationships. That’s brutal
1. What an incredible, strong woman.
2. What great advice and clarity from John. He knew EXACTLY where she was and how to help guide her.
My parents divorced when I was 7, after my father cheated on my mom & abused her for years. I never got therapy or anything from it (cuz my mom couldn't afford to), so it was very hard trying to understand the situation all the while my mom is grieving & even had psychological episodes (that I never seen or knew about). I can say as a child that grew up in a broken household, it's very very hard & even lonesome. I was blaming myself, angry all the time, & just very difficult to deal with at times (along with my brother).
I just hope that the lady & her kids get through this. 🙏🏾 My heart goes out to them.
This hurts to read because when I found out about my husband cheating, I completely lost it and became a broken person. I stayed in the marriage thinking I could pretend it didn’t happen so our kids have a complete family but sometimes I think I made the wrong choice because things are not what they used to be! I just want my kids to be happy and I think I may have done the wrong thing.
@@rachelwyatt6030 🥺❤
Okay I am in this position. As the son, can you please advise me on what would have helped you personally as a young boy during this time. I just want to ease the pain as much as I can but I can't even imagine what would help.
Chris Rock does a great bit about how a man can date a great girl, introduce her to his best friend and his friend will say, ' wow she is great, I wish I could meet a girl like her'. A woman will introduce her boyfriend to her best friend and the friend will say, ' I want HIM'.
😭😭😭
Funny, but we all know that there's potential for betrayal by both genders.
Pretty much!
Well my ex husband’s had a best friend that came on to me when he wasn’t around. Tried showing up at our house when he was at work, asked if I was happy etc. Men do this too
@@LisaLisaCJ What an @$$#0!3
I do not get how people do this not just to their spouse, but to their children!😠
After years of in depth study I can say cheaters do NOT think of their children during the affair.
They do, however, craft lies to tell to their kids face just like they do to their Mother.
They are selfish, it’s ALL about them, their ‘needs’ / wants / lust and they think they will never get caught.
PERIOD.
I was double betrayed by my ex wife and super super close friend. Their affair went on for over 6 years until it all unfolded. I can tell she has her foot on the gas trying to just get past it as fast as she can. In a lot of ways I felt the same way. I think she might want to slow it all down and get some help. The pride of the family is really injured and those kids need this change to happen at a pace they can handle it. My kids lost friends because of it, sleeping in different houses, bouncing back and forth and it takes a huge toll on them. She has to lower her facade of tough girl and slow down. She’s got a lot to unpack and she’s trying to just throw it in the closet and kick the can down the road.
That’s awful. I hope your life is better now.
I hope you have some peace now.
I'm sorry
This.
Cheaters often live in denial.
Denial only goes into the basement to lift weights and comes out stronger later.
‘Kicking the can down the road’ is NOT going to make the problem go away.
It will resurface later if this isn’t handled.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
She needs to own her stuff, take responsibility and get therapy.
She also owes you some MAJOR recompense.
And she needs to get those kids in counseling to protect them from the damage she did with her selfish actions.
Cheaters SUCK.
💕
I know that tone. She is angry as hell but trying to keep it together for her kids. She has a wall up and hasn’t actually dealt with the anger and grief. She needs to rage out away from her kids, like when they’re in school. Cry, scream, whatever she needs to do to get all that out. Go to a therapist and release that anger. You can’t move on until you get it out.
So true what John said; her husband is taking Himself into his new relationship with this new woman.
And he has already shown that he cheats/ she has also- How can they ( her ex with the other woman) ever trust each other .
I know right?! There was a previous call where the “other guy” called in and John said as much. What is the fairy tale ending to that? Or another call where the “other guy” called in and WAS left by the married lady in the same manner she left her husband for him. Vicious cycle.
One cannot trust someone else who would break that trust. No one is the exception to the rule no matter how much we believe it. A person of character is one through and through, with some mistakes. But a person of poor character will fail you almost every time. The few / fleeting time they don’t fail you is broken clock syndrome. And/or manipulative.
I can’t even imagine the pain 😢 I think therapy for her and her children will be so helpful, to process this trauma. 🙏🏼💗
This poor woman. Her husband cheats on her and she can't even commiserate with her bestie about it. I hope she heals from this and marries HIS bestie.
I was heartbroken when my husband of 35 years told me he had been having a 17 year+ affair with my best friend. Double betrayal. He blamed me, saying I had more than 100 things wrong with me, & that he didn't love me anymore. He said his feelings changed for me after 2 years of marriage. He was a porn addict, liar, bisexuality, who also molested his very young sister while he lived at home. It has taken me 4 years to move on & be happy again. Thank God, I'm an RN & can support myself. I simply can't trust anyone again. My ex husband was a churchgoing man, who volunteered there, but led a secret double life. Now, he's traveling about the country with another new girlfriend, & I couldn't care less. None of our grown kids will have anything to do with him. He's earned it. They were treated badly too.
Wow - I’ve heard of cheaters magnifying their Wife’s flaws but this guy takes the cake - 100???
He must have sat down and pulled those out of thin air while the enemy was whispering in his ear -
giving him justification to steal, kill and destroy.
This guy has set a new low by molesting his own young SISTER??! 🤯
And to top it off he wrecked his own relationship with his kids.
What a horrible person he is and thank God you aren’t married any more to that LOSER!!!
💕
These don’t ever work out. Cause deep down the ex is thinking “what kind of woman does this do her best friend?” No man what’s that.
Naw, he ain't thinking that. But subconsciously that man will never have peace and he won't know why. Paranoia will be his constant mode. Watched it happen to someone close to me. Once you go down that road. It's a mind f.
Sometimes the couple stays married, but the key is to move forward with your life, rebuilding it brick by brick.🌻
Here's the deal if you have kids. If your ex doesn't personally come to pick them up, you don't have to send them with his new wife. You and your ex-friend are not co-parents. If bio-dad doesn't take responsibility for the kids, you won't have much trouble getting sole custody. Get right of first refusal. If bio-dad can't watch the kids, you get the first opportunity to say you can't watch them. Step-mom does not get to watch the kids for bio-dad if you're available and he's not.
Step mom is a non-entity.
Hire a good lawyer. Don't let your emotions rule you. Don't argue with your ex. Your job is to make the judge like you and your ideas for the divorce and custody. That's it. Your lawyer doesn't talk to your ex unless there's something he's willing to sign.
Bio dad?
That's not true in Texas
THANK YOU for bringing up the "diagnostics"! I'm done with people throwing clinical labels around when they are angry with people. Yes, we can tell as non-pros that someone has traits of a type, but 99% are not qualified to diagnose people, not to mention the people who do often have the same traits themselves and use them to paint themselves as victims.
you sound like a victim
Amen
One of the WORST things to happen to a person.
I'd have a serious problem supporting my kids relationship with their new stepmom, if she ever came to be, that was my former friend. Yikes.. I'd want to teach my kids values and morals and to be the kind of friend that SHE clearly was NOT. Yet, you have to support that relationship for your kid's sake?!? Hell nah. What a messed up situation that those two selfish people put her and their children through. I see a long road of healing ahead of this woman.
This happened to a friend of mine. Her husband cheated on her with a lady in their friend group. The kids didn't appreciate it (they were in their upper teens when it happened - so they have minds of their own). He ended up marrying the lady. It's been about 8 years since all this happened - and the kids still struggle with dad's choices. They really don't like the situation - can you blame them?
Never marry a cheater. One of those two will cheat on each other. Idk who would ever want to marry someone like that. So sad!
John is right, grieving is essential and necessary. Children will definitely need help from both parents. New identities will need to be built.
The best thing to do is move on. Take care of yourself first. Do things you enjoy doing, eat healthy and prioritize mental health. Look at the situation as if it were their loss.
My ex was caught cheating with one of her subordinates and moved in with him after I threw her out. I got custody of our daughter but she still visits her mom (and now the side piece) every other weekend. I simply told my daughter that what her mom and the side piece did was horrible and wrong but that her mom still loves her. Her mom lies to her about what happened and what the side piece is to her (she says he's her father figure) but I think that's just pure derangement on her part. My daughter heard the truth from me at an early age and she just rolls with it now. My ex and I don't communicate because you can't come to an understanding with someone who is committed to nothing other than making you look bad. Surround yourself and your kids with good people (we found them in our church and extended family) who will support what's right and they'll be okay.
Keep the kid out of it. That’s grown folks business
@@Thats_MarieHoney She asked the questions. I answered them honestly.
@@Thats_MarieHoneysome kids pick up on stuff, I don’t treat my thirteen year old like he’s not intelligent enough to know the situation especially when he already knows somethings going on
I feel like people are saying this lady is not open to advice, and you’re right. Delony was definitely solutions focused at the beginning, but I love that he tackled her feelings and emotional well-being in the second half. However, there is much more work to be done on her end. She’s still in shock and is trying to stay strong for the kids. She needs to get therapy and healing ASAP. I hope the kids are in therapy too.
God can never bless a relationship that was born from adultery… The will live with that nasty betrayal forever… very sad
Most people in this situation just stay together to absolve themselves of the guilt of betraying someone so close to them. They won't last and if they do they won't be happy.
Friendly fire is the worst - keep good boundaries with friends. Do not tell them intimate details. It’s just too easy to cross lines. It’s the grass is greener thing - it will fail
Cases like these are the reason why jails will always be full
What?
And murder will continue to exist
@@elainenilsson5472 technicality manslaughter… thats why they made this law lol 😂
@@deemanzueta2633 If I'm ever in that position, the technicality of it won't matter.
Nah. US jails are not filled with people who've killed others out of jealousy and a thirst for vengeance. Those types make a small segment of the prison population.
It's like a 90s late night call in I'm living my sleepless in Seattle dream finding this channel 😂
Love this comment 😂😂
I feel so sad about this. I don’t know why friends would do that to each other. I would never allow a friends husband to talk or message me privately. And I would never message or talk to my friends’ husbands without my friend knowing. 😔
Because people have plastic friends, and plastic friendships.
Absolutely terrible. Feel so bad for this lady, it's just so unfair.
go down to the animal shelter and get a new best friend who will be loyal
She’s laughing but she’s dying inside
Lol I love listening to this lady. She is so forward and you can tell she is going 100 miles an hour but I love her. I hope everything works out well for her and her kids ❤️
Parents are so concerned about protecting their kids they fail to realize the kids are more capable than they realize.
Definitely a situation of "put on your air mask first"
Her kids are 8 and 11 -
They may be ‘capable‘ with crayons and riding a bicycle, but that’s about it.
They aren’t little adults!
Kids should not be left hanging out to dry alone with the fallout of their parents destructive choices that WILL change them for life.
They need protection and great care in this type of situation.
My girlfriend got a Child Psychologist to help her kid through her messy divorce because she wanted to help him as much as possible.
This comment sounds like ‘Kids are resilient’ which is another load of bull crud.
- Signed,
Someone who was sexually, physically and emotionally abused from ages
2 1/2 - 13.
And someone who is a child of infidelity and whose parents also believed in not putting much effort into helping their own children recover from their destructive behavior.
My ex husband cheated with a friend and married her a month after our divorce was final. I can’t imagine it being with my best friend. The caller’s situation is so big. I hope she and her children find complete healing. Dr John’s feedback is excellent. Some of her “okay” responses could be translated to “whatever.” She’s not hearing him some of the time, and he’s spot on.
This is why woman have to stop treating their husbands so bad and thinking no consequences will come of it.
@@jilogarcia5979 you sound like a 🤡
@@jilogarcia5979 and what do you have to say about husbands who get cheated on with their best friends? Are they also treating the wives bad thinking nothing will come out of it?
I never understand people who are quick to blame the victim to justify the abuser. You're impressive!
@@dearbrave4183 A lot of these women are mentally abusive to the husbands. People like you always miss that part.
@@dearbrave4183 If a man is dumb enough to let other men around his wife like that he deserves to get cheated on.
My friend’s ex-fiancé was caught cheating with a plus size look a like of her... literally a doppelgänger but larger. It still haunts her but at least they were not married yet. 😃
It’s like she called in to get John’s help, then was annoyed that John was trying to help her.
She just wants a pity party. If I had the listen to her squeaky voice everyday, I'd leave as well
Honestly! She just wants to feel miserable
💯💯💯
She’s still in shock of the betrayal, it doesn’t seem like she has processed it. 😥
John understands it very well and he isn't judging her for it; it's expected. At least she called in either way.
My husband was in construction. He left us in VA and went to work in Texas. He called over 1000 miles away and told me (He loved me, but he wanted me to file for a divorce) I was blindsided. He had found another younger woman. He had her pregnant. I was left with a 4- and 6-year-old with no child support. It was a nightmare.
Oh my gosh 🙈🙊😢 Kathy so sorry about your situation. Do you have any support???
My kids are now 50 and 48 years old. That was years ago. I made it working two min. wage jobs back in the late 70's and early 80's. God is good. I made it @@mb8219
💔😢❤
There is nothing more vile and disgusting than a man who abandons his Wife and young children (including if the Wife is pregnant with his child.)
There are consequences for these people -
they WON’T get away with it!
‘Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord.’
- Bible
Man....that best friend and ex-husband are so cruel. Good riddance. It's going to take years for her to get over this.
Betrayal from the two most closest people is really deep. Very hurtful.
She doesn't understand that because they have kids together, she will have to deal with this past them being 18. There will be graduations, weddings, births, etc.
I've been there. It took me about five years to stop being angry. It took so much effort to not say bad things about the father because the kids aren't at fault. (Kids having a father that love them and them loving their gather back is very important.)
Once I found peace, created new goals for the future, things started happening for me. And my kids.
I hope she finds peace. Because really....it's all she can control.
You never ‘get over’ cheating.
Much like a cancer that strikes the family, you learn to live with the devastation that can affect MANY loved ones.
And even if there is ‘healing’ there will ALWAYS be a scar that hurts when it’s touched.
If you are cheating and reading this, you need to STOP before you do unimaginable damage when you finally get caught.
And most cheaters DO eventually get caught.
Stop lying to yourself!
💕
I wish I would’ve handled my scorched earth like she is instead of crying every day for a year. I admire her!
“scorched earth” Luv it..!! LoL!
I’m so sorry 😢
Read the body keeps score, and when the body says no, Gabor mate… repressing emotions causes autoimmune problems and even cancer…. you have grieved well, which helps you move on. No shame at all in that!
Wish people would see crying is not weak, it is a natural healthy response to grief.
@@Dalabombana wow thanks. I was also pregnant too, so that didn’t help. Never married again.
I admire the strength of this woman and how much she cares for her kids feelings over hers ❤
Not all cheaters are narcissists, but all narcissists are cheaters!
This happened to me 3 times in a row, with separate "friends". Two of those are now married. Despair, rejection, loss of hope are all inadequate descriptions. Now I'm too scared to be close to anyone as my judgement is so bad I just don't trust myself to stay safe 😢
Get counseling, you're attracting the same kind of people, over and over
@@dawnpence3248 Thanks Dawn, yes, I am recieving therapy. For a while now I really haven't felt any level of attraction to anyone, which is kind of sad. I think my mind has simply decided "enough."
💔😢❤
She's on autopilot, not ready to deal yet. May take a few years to a decade for her
The two people that were supposed to have your back.
I don’t trust anyone! I was taught to trust my husband as far as l can see him, meaning, l don’t trust him. I just make sure l have a life outside of him.
Best Gift we can give and model for our children is our full humanity and vulnerability. You are doing great! 💕🌻
What a great convo! She was sooo open to advice and the advice was pretty damn good!! She’s a badass for sure and her kids are gonna be great BECAUSE of her strength. Awesomeness!
THE BEST WAY TO CARE ABOUT THEM IS TO CARE ABOUT YOU 🗣️🗣️🔥
this is why I got rid of friends once I married. I got married to be with my spouse, not others.
Yes! The kids do feel powerless. I love these suggestions! I felt like my parents started a second life and left me behind when they divorced. Really good!!
I feel so sad for this woman. Praying for you. ❤️
I can't imagine how tough this situation is. You are a strong woman, have to deal with that and protecting your children from this disgusting situation.
Years ago I married my high school sweetheart. 16 months later we had our first child. That year I caught him having an affair with our babysitter. It took a lot of work, but we mended our marriage (or so I thought). Three years later when I was carrying our second child, he began an affair with my brother’s wife. She and my brother had been high school sweethearts too. When our second baby was two months old, he left us, and we were divorced. My sister-in-law divorced my brother. One month after the divorces were final, they had a big church wedding. I was young, very poor, and heartbroken. But I struggled to be ok because I didn’t want to lose my children. I took counseling and continued to work hard at my job. It’s 45 years later and life hasn’t been a bowl of cherries. But it goes on. I’m happy now. My ex was married to my sister-in-law for almost 30 years. At some point he began an affair with his assistant. Of course he left the wife and is now married to this other woman.
Wow! I don't know what to say.
💔😢❤
These tips on how to make the kids feel valued are so helpful. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏 My son says the same words of not being wanted or not being accoeted and it hurts so much that i cant make him feel more accepted. The activities will really help a lot.
I cannot imagine ruining my friendship with my best over a man. No way on earth! This woman was never a friend to begin with (fake like my cooking skills).
I have 3 best friends, me, myself and i. Thats who i trust the most and depend on the most.
This callers voice sounds like she is above feeling hurt or is in denial. Love how John is dealing with her
her ex husband doesn't care about his family enough, to sleep with especially its his wife best friend. I will keep him out the picture/get full custody completely, and will put him on child support if I really needed it only to make sure they get fed. Not only he did was immoral, but hurt her children as well. What a backstabber!
Lol. That's called parental alienation.
So take away the father from their kids because he cheated on you and hurt your feelings? Terrible advice - cheating happens, but that shouldn't take away a needed parent from their kid.
@@bulls-nation5783 nope don’t care 🤷♀️ I’m not going to teach them that’s ok
Exactly. He is a criminal.
@@bulls-nation5783 It takes a disgustingly selfish person to do what he did. YES, take him away from the kids
I feel like she's still too angry to listen, but it will come in time.
They say betrayal never comes from an enemy…….. you’re better off without either of them…… if they can do that to you, they ll do it to each other
I have a small small group of friends i can count on 1 hand. Theres also a handful of people that call me their friend but they are not mine.... because these types of people would absolutely do what this lady's "friend" did to her.... the ones who only look out for themselves, the selfish, self-absorbed people that have no problem hurting others but play victim when its done to them.
Best friend will get cheated on asap