"I Can’t Get Over My Ex...Please Help Me Move On!”

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  • čas přidán 2. 07. 2024
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Komentáře • 219

  • @krishna335
    @krishna335 Před 27 dny +293

    Stop pedestalizing the person, look at the situation objectively for what it is, follow strict no-contact, and invest heavily in your overall growth. This, too, shall pass.

    • @Justgirliethings6
      @Justgirliethings6 Před 27 dny +3

      AMEN

    • @ItSpooling_
      @ItSpooling_ Před 27 dny +5

      So robotic, whatever happened to having mother natures way and just feeling and healing.
      No wonder most of yall are single

    • @shatakshipandey8014
      @shatakshipandey8014 Před 27 dny +7

      ​@@ItSpooling_yeah , I agree. If you want him, and actually genuinely love him, try working it out. But if it's going nowhere, the best thing is to walk away.

    • @ItSpooling_
      @ItSpooling_ Před 27 dny

      @@shatakshipandey8014 while I do agree, some effort goes a long way.
      I do like some of the advice this guys puts out, but I’ve dated a few women who follow him and they just act so robotic, it’s so weird interacting with a woman who’s following rules and acting against her nature.
      Either way best of luck to y’all

    • @priyankav9792
      @priyankav9792 Před 26 dny +8

      Yes just maintain no contact at any cost and eventually you will get over and your self growth will boost your confidence.

  • @msl2796
    @msl2796 Před 22 dny +29

    Its been almost 4 months. I can’t stop thinking about this person on a daily basis, it feels overwhelming, exhausting and repetitive. The gut dropping feeling just won’t go

    • @jaimexcas
      @jaimexcas Před 7 dny +3

      Ill tell you a hard truth, you will never stop thinking about that person for a while. The thing is it will mean bit less everyday until you realize that you actually remember the situation not the person, and eventually you will stop thinking about that person. However, in the future you still think about that person but you ll be ok.

    • @doglover5519
      @doglover5519 Před 4 dny

      It's so hard!! I love him and want to be with him but he's ignoring me. He lost his job 7 weeks ago and I think he's really depressed.

  • @the.toxic.phoenix
    @the.toxic.phoenix Před 27 dny +170

    I hate the whole "if you weren't hurt by this person you wouldn't have gone through this excellent growth" - growth can happen in loving supportive relationships. Yes, look at the positive if you've been through crap, but don't attribute the good things to the crap things. We shouldn't have to go through the hurt.

    • @yommatarin1474
      @yommatarin1474 Před 27 dny +3

      Not as much we learn from getting hurt

    • @lunarose9042
      @lunarose9042 Před 27 dny

      ​@@yommatarin1474 This is false in response to interpersonal relationships and we have data in many spaces showing this. We developed better interpersonally via healthy relationships.

    • @lmbgemini
      @lmbgemini Před 26 dny +3

      The crap thing about my ex was that he broke up with me and broke my heart. I mostly had no problems in our relationship.

    • @jenninemorel7693
      @jenninemorel7693 Před 26 dny +11

      We shouldn't have to go through hurt to learn but if you never were hurt or in a situation where you got hurt would you truly learn?
      I think not.
      True learning comes from experience not theory.
      It's like the difference between getting an education in school and then actually having the job or fantasizing about something like owning a home and then actually owning one.
      There is real value to actually experiences.

    • @percyb8268
      @percyb8268 Před 26 dny +3

      Hmmm.. that's a very cynical and narrow perspective but I can respect that. I don't think we're attributing good things to crappy things here; You're generalising and that's not the point. But I think they're simply saying good things CAN come from crappy experiences. That's all.

  • @bexsolo369
    @bexsolo369 Před 24 dny +16

    I was addicted to alcohol for many years, which oddly seems very relevant to this conversation. Many times I asked, why me? Why did this happen to me? But now, 9 yrs later, I am so thankful. Those years of being a slave to a substance (somewhat like being a slave to your feelings for an ex) taught me unparalleled empathy for others. I care so much for the well-being of others now, I'm so much less judgemental and so much more accepting and loving. I wouldn't change any of it. I actually really really like who I am, I like that I have a new way to connect with others❤

  • @NakedTruthbyDrMelanie
    @NakedTruthbyDrMelanie Před 27 dny +28

    17:30... if we can just connect the dots and see that person not as a"negative trigger" but as the one you can (secretly) thank for "triggering" your growth, it's actually liberating. You are empowered into the higher self-worth you deserve. 💗

  • @carmeniagar167
    @carmeniagar167 Před 27 dny +30

    years later i’m so sad 🤦🏻‍♀️😕i’m trying to change the story and let go but something somehow draws me back and i’m so annoyed with myself to the point of hating myself for checking on them

    • @al5068
      @al5068 Před 27 dny +8

      I’m sorry to say that it doesn’t ever feel right to do so, but you’ll have to discipline yourself to stop looking them up. I used to record a star for everyday I didn’t look them up and soon those stars added up and before I knew it it was second nature to forget them and get on with my day. ☮️

    • @Mon1969
      @Mon1969 Před 27 dny

      @@al5068Thank you for the great idea. Mine is only 10 weeks ago, he’d already moved on when we met in person, he’s now got engaged to the other woman. The worse part is the lies I believed

    • @talesfromtheroad9530
      @talesfromtheroad9530 Před 26 dny +8

      We all do it girl lol don't blame yourself.
      I do love the star idea tho!!
      We're all out here trying to adjust and move forward and it takes time

    • @ItSpooling_
      @ItSpooling_ Před 26 dny +1

      Because that’s Mother Nature. Go for it and give it another try.
      We are human, and won’t be here for long. Or you can follow the advice from all the robots in the comments

    • @silvermine2033
      @silvermine2033 Před 25 dny +1

      You're not alone.

  • @julitaserrano5550
    @julitaserrano5550 Před 27 dny +11

    Or, he shows up in your dream, and that disturbs your day, and bothers you as to why he was there when you're not doing too bad.

    • @akrico1
      @akrico1 Před 26 dny +1

      Ugh, exactly what I woke up to this morning. Ex wife was in my dream. Crazy vivid, in color.

  • @Oohthehumanity
    @Oohthehumanity Před 27 dny +51

    Loved Audrey's point about the physical & even neurological aspects of love and breakups - that our body has 'recorded' the relationship and it's part of our brain's stimuli-emotion experience. Those first days of knee-jerk 'Oh, I can't wait to tell them..' and then UGH..that sick feeling or even sensation of physical pain.
    Thinking back to early days after a breakup, it felt like my brain's wiring & associations with him was like a knotted up wad of Christmas lights in my head. ALL the wires and bulbs are so tightly intertwined and it feels like untangling is impossible. But slowly, slowly....and relief does come. Matthew would say 'growth'.. ;)

  • @anneliesewright662
    @anneliesewright662 Před 26 dny +1

    I dove deeper into self-development & blossomed as a result of this pain. I have a new standard now to never settle again for less dignity & respect than I deserve. You're right! What's going to come from this is amazing, profound & beautiful. Thank you so much!

  • @BooklerNatsu
    @BooklerNatsu Před 26 dny +4

    Love all of Audrey’s points in this episode. Really needed to hear they. I think we all need to remember to not be so harsh on ourselves when trying to get over our exes. Thank you so much for making an episode on this topic.

  • @susanlodzsun3249
    @susanlodzsun3249 Před 27 dny +18

    I'm having a hard time finding the positive in the pain.
    I'm not sure anything amazing can come out of this for me.
    Those words are comforting, but I don't feel realistic for me at this phase so early in the break up.

    • @amandayorke481
      @amandayorke481 Před 26 dny

      I think this is for when you are further down the road, that's all. Of course when you have just got out of what turned out to be a horribly painful episode of your life, no way you are going to say "Wow! I've learned so much from that. Isn't that great!"

    • @stephen12holbrook
      @stephen12holbrook Před 25 dny +3

      @@amandayorke481 Spot on. Right now, Susan, you are in survival mode, so for the next few weeks or months (however long it takes, dont set a timeline expectation for yourself), you just need to focus on allowing yourself to grieve, while also being kind to yourself, taking care of yourself. The growth comes later, but you have to choose it. Im sorry for your pain, I also once said to my friends that I dont know how Im going to get through this, but I can now promise you, it does get easier, and I am grateful for the growth I have chosen to pursue (Not thankful for the pain! But we dont have control of that).

    • @rik4673
      @rik4673 Před 22 dny +3

      ​@stephen12holbrook, I like what you wrote - " Don't set a timeline expectation for yourself ". I am going to do just that , let the pain and hurt come and go and eventually hope that it will finally go away .
      I am trying to get back the kind , lively , funny , positive and adventurous spirit I used to be.

    • @jirinafrankova166
      @jirinafrankova166 Před 3 dny

      Thats what I feel as well. I lost health because of bad psychosomatics, lack of sleep and clinical deppresion. During breakup I was so overwhelmed by the negative from the other person that I crashed my car and caused a serious accident. I dont see anything good even after years from the breakup.

  • @puseletsoish
    @puseletsoish Před 13 dny +4

    At this moment, I personally don't think/believe anything will help me and if things will get better honestly. I'm so tired of everything. Waking up, the first thing I experience is so much pain in my heart and brokenness feeling I can't even explain.

  • @iconoclastic-fantastic
    @iconoclastic-fantastic Před 27 dny +21

    It's funny, I watched this to aid in fully letting go of my situationship. But what I needed to hear most was that quote from the boxing coach and that whole story...in addition to the "break up" (can you even call it a break up in a situationship? no matter-), literally every major area of my life has fallen apart dramatically and I feel like I'm trying to climb out of the deepest pit of hell every day. Hearing that quote & story literally made me cry and gave me some hope, so thank you

    • @lmiller1413
      @lmiller1413 Před 25 dny

      Right? A tsunami hut along with the break up.

  • @heather3358
    @heather3358 Před 26 dny +7

    I find your tips work with friends too, they can also leave you after years of being a friend.

  • @CatalinaFOIA
    @CatalinaFOIA Před 27 dny +21

    Thank you! Please create more content like this 🙏I have an ex (1st love) of 27 yrs and I still have love for him. We are distant friends. At one point he wanted to meet up with me; yet I couldn't bring myself to see him because he wants much more from me. He broke my heart💔 back in 1997 and he says he has been heartbroken ever since. He says he keeps looking for me in other women and he can't find another me 😢 I live 6 hrs away and have ran into him twice for about 5 minutes. He is now a severe drug addict and that breaks my heart 💔 The first time I saw him I was so shocked that I could barely speak. I was so angry at myself that I didnt give him a hug, so when I saw him 18 months later that is the 1st thing I did. I wish I could be his friend, a real friend 😢 but I know he wants more and I don't want to hurt him. I've had a life partner for18 years and I'm not about to hurt him; he's the one I'm in love with. My life partner is aware of this situation, I don't hide anything from him. He was there when I hugged my ex. My ex looks like a walking skeleton😢 Thank you for this topic.

    • @TeresaJeanna
      @TeresaJeanna Před 27 dny +1

      How did he break your heart in 1997? What happened?

    • @amandayorke481
      @amandayorke481 Před 26 dny +4

      Why on earth would you be angry with yourself for leaving someone who was not faithful either to you or even to themselves? You are with someone who has chosen you and stuck by you. Celebrate it! I still pray for my last partner of 15 years ago, but he is CHOOSING to destroy himself in a horribly self-indulgent way with drugs and alcohol and I have no regrets about leaving. I didn't do any of that to him.

  • @christinamarti4441
    @christinamarti4441 Před 27 dny +27

    Clementine story was precious Audrey is sweet and so on point

  • @kimmercieca4972
    @kimmercieca4972 Před 24 dny +4

    Im kind of listening to the podcast but Im mostly watching and admiring the beautiful connection between you two. Absolutely gorgeous 🥰

  • @elenakraykova1541
    @elenakraykova1541 Před 27 dny +9

    I like listening to Matt and some of the things he says make a lot of sense. Still, they make sense mostly for 20-somethings getting over a breakup. How can you block your ex when you need to co-parent? When they have a new family and your kids need to fit in somehow? All the logistics? You cannot block this person for at least 18 years, if you want your kids to have their other parent. You have to be civil with the person who has hurt you the most, for 18 years. There is no forgetting. No moving on. It's in your face every day. Blocking someone on the internet is easy. Blocking them from your life when you need to communicate effectively with them every single day is not.

    • @anastasiaz.4977
      @anastasiaz.4977 Před 26 dny

      THIS!!

    • @acaudill06
      @acaudill06 Před 12 dny

      Yep. This is exactly where I am.

    • @MarianneMcPherson
      @MarianneMcPherson Před 7 dny

      Agree

    • @MarianneMcPherson
      @MarianneMcPherson Před 7 dny

      That is my situation

    • @MikeGainsM
      @MikeGainsM Před 6 dny +2

      Block them on all social media channels so you’re not seeing their life/pictures. If need be, tell them you’re doing this so you can heal and move on from them and not to be malicious. Keep communication limited to only phone calls and texts about necessary logistics. After time and when you find someone else, those feelings become a lot less intense as you’re focused on your life and growth. You’ve got it!

  • @neelfamilyfarm4677
    @neelfamilyfarm4677 Před 2 dny

    I love the back and forth with both of your personalities. Audrey is such a great addition, she always makes me laugh.

  • @traceykemple2768
    @traceykemple2768 Před 26 dny +10

    Absolutely sabotaged by a clementine. Brutal....

  • @talesfromtheroad9530
    @talesfromtheroad9530 Před 26 dny +8

    OMGSH thank you! Audrey, it soothed my soul and made me exhale all blame when you explained the untangling of neuro pathways and how that's a process and a beautiful sign of our ability to bond. And Matthew, thanks for saying healing is not one and done or a binary...helps me release guilt and annoyance with myself when I have moments of missing him and our past life. What an awesome idea to change the name. I paused the video and changed it to a (maybe ridiculously long-winded) 'You deserve someone who wants you strongly, clearly, warmly, daily, forever. This person is no longer a romantic option.' 😂 My brain knows that, but you're right, my brain also still gets warm fuzzies at the shape of the letters of his name. I WILL integrate, I WILL move on. I've done it before and I can again 💪 But thanks for reminding me to be gentle. I might have slowed my own detachment process bc I saw my ex as friend in our friend group for over a year, regularly. A few months ago he asked to take space and have no contact for at least 6 months. I was grief stricken at first (bc it meant losing some interactions with the group and losing an activity with them I did regularly), but I'm adjusting and finding new ways to see our mutual friends, and realizing he's prob right and this will be good for me too. But darn it my brain goes haywire when someone disappears - it feels like a second rejection and I've re-set the clock a little on healing. I'm struggling bc I love his family too (lived with them) and it's hard to, say, not be invited to their Fourth of July party today. We didn't end angrily, he just didn't love me enough to move towards engagement, and it's a loss I'm working through. But this will be better and I will get there ❤ And as much as it hurts, grieving a life I lived with him, his family, and his friends, it means I'm capable of bonding and can do it again. (And just so no one feels too badly for me lol, I do have my own friend group and am seeing them today. 🎆) Love to all you brave strong people out there in this world trying to find your forever partners, and who need to start over (I'm almost 36) ❤ We will be okay and we will tell a story of our resilience decades hence

    • @karenking5910
      @karenking5910 Před 24 dny +1

      I can relate to your story, I’m going through the same thing right now. My ex no longer wants to be friends even though we have been since our break up 4 years ago yet we were together for 18 years…
      It is heartbreaking 💔

    • @alesik07
      @alesik07 Před 22 dny +1

      If you want to learn more about rewiring the neural pathways in the brain within the grieving process (what Audrey was speaking about), listen to the episode of Andrew Huberman here on CZcams about grief.

  • @sihr07
    @sihr07 Před 27 dny +15

    A month since I cut it off with my ex from 4 years ago. So proud of myself for finally doing so, and so disappointed at myself for letting it go on for so long and let it rob me of my peace of mind.

  • @aureozakky
    @aureozakky Před 23 dny

    Thank you guys, as i am actually going into a separation from a long period relationship and watching you guys is being like therapy and it is helping me look the process on a different perspective...you are contributing so much during this grieving journey of mine. Thank you so much...

  • @melinazarate2798
    @melinazarate2798 Před 27 dny

    SUCH strong words from Martin! Very good video, thank you very much! ❤

  • @user-bl4kj6gv9v
    @user-bl4kj6gv9v Před 27 dny +7

    אני מיואש. הלב שלי שבור. אני לא מדבר ומבין אנגלית כל כך אבל מהקצת שמצליח בכל זאת להבין מתנחם... זה עוזר ומחזק לדעת שהרבה אנשים מרגישים את אותו כאב שאתה נמצא בו

  • @user-qd2hg1yy1o
    @user-qd2hg1yy1o Před 27 dny

    Thank you both i love watching listen and take note of your lovely amazing conversations that changes so many lives out there. 🌹🤗❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • @haileynichelle8343
    @haileynichelle8343 Před 27 dny +3

    Love the clementine story!

  • @briangong007
    @briangong007 Před 25 dny

    Great subject and great timing for me, as I am navigating through the ending of a relationship.

  • @sihr07
    @sihr07 Před 27 dny +2

    We’re so lucky for Matthew sharing this content. And Martin Snow is the coach we all want in our lives 🥹

  • @user-tw7bp3nr4d
    @user-tw7bp3nr4d Před 12 dny +2

    I’d ask the universe to cut the energetic cord between you both and to prevent it from reattaching. Done. No more ex! xx

  • @ashtynrose1906
    @ashtynrose1906 Před 19 dny +2

    "..and Audrey Hussey". How cute! Congratulations!

  • @adelineteo6921
    @adelineteo6921 Před 26 dny +3

    I changed his name to “Cad” and then “Scoundrel”. He fancied himself a Mr Darcy, I consider him a Mr Wickham, so this was apt.

  • @jenc6965
    @jenc6965 Před 25 dny

    That was exactly what I needed to hear right now !

  • @yolenda_loves_to_sing
    @yolenda_loves_to_sing Před 27 dny +11

    I have a question - Is there anyone who did say "no" to their ex who came back, but actually REGRETs for it later in their life, and still wondering the "what if", and is missing them, and secretly want to contact them again, but ego is in the way, and don't know what to do now? Just curious, anyone? Or do I have a special case?? :(

    • @romyxx71
      @romyxx71 Před 27 dny +8

      I had no regrets, but subconsciously I was waiting for him to mature (read: change). He never did, I married someone else, he married someone else, had children, and in 2022 I just broke off all contact. I realised that I was unconsciously waiting and that I was actually holding on to my fantasy of the relationship I wanted with him. Not the real relationship we had or the real him as I had known him. No, I did not want that relationship or him as he was, but I did want MY fantasy relationship and the mature version of him that I was holding on to. And I also realised that he was doing the same. Life is not a fantasy. It is what happens between the time you wake up and the time you go to bed.

    • @unicornsarereal8484
      @unicornsarereal8484 Před 27 dny +3

      I did but after the regrets of saying “no”, I sat with myself and made a list of all my reasons for saying “no”. ( like the disrespect, broken promises, me putting my life on hold etc…) This was an eye opener. Then I made a list of all the things I achieved. They are not necessarily big achievements but taking care of myself, reading on personal development, learning new things like putting boundaries and respecting them, having me time , all of these made me realise that I should have no regrets. And now, I don’t 😊

    • @heyu123
      @heyu123 Před 27 dny +1

      That usually wouldn’t work anyway. Unless the both of you completely changed as people. And there was a reason u said no, maybe because deep down inside you knew this person wasn’t good for u. Sorry 😞

    • @_Diaryofwealth
      @_Diaryofwealth Před 27 dny

      Yes it happens dont let ego ruin something beautiful some relationships can be worked through

    • @zacpdx
      @zacpdx Před 26 dny

      It can go both ways but the only way for it to work again is to both have grown and want to work out the things that caused the breakup initially…which rarely happens…because of ego, ignorance, narcissism, lack of awareness, to name a few. Anything is possible in this world. How bad do you want it?

  • @SuperBari2009
    @SuperBari2009 Před 26 dny +1

    Love this. I use IGNORE for the contact change.

  • @nachobeti67
    @nachobeti67 Před 9 dny

    My ex just text me on my phone and facebook account when i thought i was finally healed. The emotions, thoughts, rumination that came straight away was a surprise for me coz he hurt me a lot and i thought i was over. I even started to make stories in my mind and couldn t stop thinking about him. I was so low but then i found this video and the one of the 7 signs of narcissist. My ex had all the signs and straight away i felt relieved, went back on my feet and happy i put a stop to him. Thank you so much for your help. Hanna from France!

  • @mirnatutnjevic6714
    @mirnatutnjevic6714 Před 4 dny

    Love listening to both of you amazing lovely people. Audrey is fantastic. Thank you both for everything you do. You truly make a difference. Lots of love from Sweden❤

  • @kc17131
    @kc17131 Před 27 dny

    Thanks Audrey and Matthew🦋

  • @dfateekh
    @dfateekh Před 26 dny

    Super! Thank you so much to both of you 🙏🏽

  • @bodhi9464
    @bodhi9464 Před 26 dny

    just rewatched the Wim Hof adventure you had with the lads ~ someone that “sounds intelligent” ~
    This has come up in my feed now.
    🇦🇺☀️🏄‍♂️💦🙏🏼🧘‍♂️🎶🥶🌟

  • @sani_i
    @sani_i Před 22 dny

    I really needed this. Thank you ❤

  • @imarinacz
    @imarinacz Před 27 dny +1

    going to buy a clementine just to verify if its segment is actually going to “like” a post by dropping it on my phones screen🏃🏼‍♀️💕

  • @MichaelWhite-g8n
    @MichaelWhite-g8n Před 3 dny +1

    Nice video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her...

    • @BrandonLong11
      @BrandonLong11 Před 3 dny

      It's difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.

    • @MichaelWhite-g8n
      @MichaelWhite-g8n Před 3 dny

      Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do I reach her.?

    • @BrandonLong11
      @BrandonLong11 Před 3 dny

      Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...

    • @Kurt5Dobson
      @Kurt5Dobson Před 3 dny

      Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.

  • @pixxie__
    @pixxie__ Před 6 dny +1

    I understand where Matthew is coming from with the whole “this was a catalyst for your growth”, but what if it’s been years later and you haven’t had growth from it, what if you’re still suffering and in pain from it and you’re in the same place emotionally and mentally you were when they broke up with you?

  • @dorothykrzyzak1180
    @dorothykrzyzak1180 Před 26 dny +1

    You guys are Brilliant Thank you 😊

  • @racheldabney8787
    @racheldabney8787 Před 27 dny

    I really need some help talking about addiction in relationships. I recently found someone I was pretty compatible with and he had a loss in the family and relapsed. He’s in rehab now but it’s been more time in recovery than in the relationship. How do I know when to move on or what to do as far as boundaries with drug use in a relationship minor or major? I know that most relationships go through this at one point or another and most people please and thank you for your help. You guys are amazing to watch. You’ve changed my life. You help me find the love of my life and now I don’t know what to do if I should let go

  • @milaalt1141
    @milaalt1141 Před 26 dny

    What I did in my situationship....it wasn't even a relationship, is think about what is it about this person that I loved soo much.
    I wrote down characteristics like being confifent to go for what they want or funny.
    Then I started asking myself if anu of those characteristics I was not giving to myself.
    I apparanytly was not letting myself live a life that was phenominal for my inner child .
    Also, it is okay to let yourself feel out all the ways you loved them and then all the pain of thr relationship you never got. Suppressing emotion stops you from truelly healing.
    Pick something you always wanted to do that you can make steps to and do it to start your new life.

  • @LifeVabo
    @LifeVabo Před 27 dny +15

    Say to yourself: "It sucks that I ever met somebody like that but thankfully the experience is over." Remove exposure to the person. Focus on other interests and let time fade your feelings and thoughts of them. Remind yourself of who you were before you ever even met them and choose a better path this time around. A quality life experience over a crap one.

  • @bhagya934
    @bhagya934 Před 27 dny +2

    Needed one❤

  • @charliefox9573
    @charliefox9573 Před 26 dny +2

    I feel like it would have been easier to move on in my situation if there had been cheating. But it was just a prolonged and sad situation, with both us needing to heal or deal with the past. Me dealing with being such a late bloomer and needing to prove something to myself around confidence with women (too much time dwelling on grass is greener thoughts and missed dating opportunities instead of being fully present). And her dealing with an abusive past, which led to extreme behaviour (shut down or hysterical reactions etc).
    We took too long to let each other go. Was dealing with things ok for several years, but running into her randomly a few times triggered some sort of PTSD in me. I was also irrationally jealous she was with someone else. She eventually broke up with the guy, and one day messaged wanting no strings attached sex. Part of me wanted to, but knew it would be harmful to both of us, so said no. We live in the same city, so every blue moon we cross paths and I get triggered again (am now 52). I don't know whether to move cities or just grow up about it all, and she's in my thoughts almost daily. When you've been so close to someone, I don't know how you can just block it out, even after years have passed.

  • @akshatjain8303
    @akshatjain8303 Před 20 dny +1

    1. Do not tell yourself a hypothetical story of how you can’t get out of your ex
    2. When trigger happens turn it into a positive by connecting with good things happened bcz of that break up
    3. Don’t follow to thought by stoping to go with flow of your mind

  • @JulesAlMighty74
    @JulesAlMighty74 Před 2 dny

    I used to change the name to Nope, but at this point I’m more likely to simply block and delete contact info/ social media.
    I don’t mind some hard earned growth, but nobody is popping back up to disturb my peace.

  • @artofwinemaking
    @artofwinemaking Před 27 dny +8

    I changed it’s name to Gaslighter

    • @pegbuckner5074
      @pegbuckner5074 Před 26 dny +1

      Mine is Breadcrumbs

    • @rkk2606
      @rkk2606 Před 25 dny +1

      “(His initials) the Monkeybrancher”

  • @temialonge1689
    @temialonge1689 Před 27 dny +12

    Broke up with my ex of 20years last March..he got a child with another woman he met less than a year ago!! I am hurt but it gets better. I sent him packing. A few days ago he knocked on my door and I looked at him with no emotions through the glass....I didn't feel any emotions...my daughter started crying but it is what it is...I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT HE WANTED!!!! I wish I could read his mind...the super NARC!!

  • @shadwabarghash8734
    @shadwabarghash8734 Před 26 dny

    think of "i did/do like him, but ...", makes it more acceptable feeling & easier to pass the thought off

  • @whiggygirl
    @whiggygirl Před 27 dny +2

    Absolutely excellent video. I needed this so much. Thank you! ❤

  • @user-yy9zs7ff6r
    @user-yy9zs7ff6r Před 27 dny +4

    Don't worry you got this ❤

  • @CNProductionsMusic
    @CNProductionsMusic Před 26 dny

    See, my situation was a little different. We had been dating for 3 months, and I told her I needed to work on myself. (I genuinely did, and still am.) I then realized, that she never really cared about me after all. Which really really sucks because I truly “loved” her. Whenever I told her I was leaving, I starting bawling because I didn’t want to. But, I was in such a bad mental place and it was honestly do or die. That’s how bad it got. So, now it just feels like I lost apart of me and she didn’t even care.

  • @solangecampos9492
    @solangecampos9492 Před 27 dny +1

    This is going to be good

  • @anastazjamalczyk7683
    @anastazjamalczyk7683 Před 21 dnem

    The clementine story cracked me up in the midst of crying 😂

  • @mika.mirjana
    @mika.mirjana Před 15 dny

    Hahahahahaha bloody little clementine 😂 I remember when my cat made a call on Instagram profile of a person that used to be a friend of mine but we lost connection, and she answered! That was so awkward, insane, and embarrassing at the same time. I actually tried to explain that my cat called her and it was ridiculous when I heard myself what I said!! 😅

  • @AM-ut7dg
    @AM-ut7dg Před 25 dny

    Almost 3 years out from the breakup and I still get sad sometimes but I guess it’s part of the process

  • @annaalm18
    @annaalm18 Před 27 dny +1

    I have experienced massive transformation after my last breakup and I know that this would not have happend without the pain and suffering I had experienced in the relationship. So the next question is how gratefuI should feel towards my (avoidant) ex? I am grateful of the experience but it seems inadequate to me feeling grateful towards him having treated me badly. Where is the line between the person and the experience? This is truly a question that I am asking myself.

  • @mollymoe6712
    @mollymoe6712 Před 27 dny

    So so true....
    Everything!

  • @bobporter9292
    @bobporter9292 Před 27 dny +2

    Firstly I have to say that I absolutely appreciate your content immensely. I was just wondering if the advice that you give applicable to both male and females. The reason I ask is that I’ve seen lots of your work with women online so I was just wondering.
    Watching to your videos is really been helping me deal with a very painful break up that I’ve just had.
    Thank you so much for your channel and its content.

  • @catboxcleaner3532
    @catboxcleaner3532 Před 27 dny +2

    But, Matthew, some of us are unable to develop and grow and build success into our lives. Some of us continue to struggle, despite therapy, and wish we could return to the loving state we shared with this person, who still reaches out from time to time, sprinkling hope with shallow promises, but no real intention or follow-up. It has happened three times after the original break-up; the third time, though, I could clearly see he is using me, and thought, how is this ok? To borrow a phrase from you, Matthew, the behavior “is not interesting to me”, and dims my desire to pine for reconciliation when he clearly doesn’t wish it, because what he says doesn’t match his actions. I’m trying (again) to go back to school to better my life, but struggling to find my path, and there remains the faintest glimmer in one of his statements: that if we are both single in ten years, we could be together. But, what about all the time in between? What about all the loving we’ll miss? And, do I really want to be someone’s absolute last choice? No.

    • @akrico1
      @akrico1 Před 26 dny +1

      So interesting how close this is to my story. Ex wife can’t seem to let go of me even 2 yrs later. And I’m not as strong as I should be.
      We get micro-dosed by them “sprinkling hope” you called it.
      “Who knows where we’ll be in a few years” she even said and “never say never”
      Ugh…..
      I know I need to move on, move forward.
      I’m meeting some quality women in public. Most recently a nurse who seems lovely. How will you know you’re ready unless you test the water? Jay Shetty reference there. And to Matthew’s point in other video. We don’t have to be completely healed, just healed enough. I’m not waiting around for someone who doesn’t seem to want me any longer.

    • @catboxcleaner3532
      @catboxcleaner3532 Před 25 dny

      ⁠​⁠@@akrico1Thank you for sharing your experience. I would like to train my brain for peace and purpose. I wish you peace and joy on your journey. Take care.

  • @DarylSimpson58
    @DarylSimpson58 Před 5 dny

    Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

    • @peterwilliams6361
      @peterwilliams6361 Před 5 dny

      its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

    • @DarylSimpson58
      @DarylSimpson58 Před 5 dny

      Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

    • @peterwilliams6361
      @peterwilliams6361 Před 5 dny

      Her name is chamani White, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

    • @DarylSimpson58
      @DarylSimpson58 Před 5 dny

      Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

  • @bolt9110
    @bolt9110 Před 26 dny

    is your subsequent behaviour to your advantage or disadvantage upon the "trigger" is what matters.
    Not how you feel about it.

  • @ishadhanda1790
    @ishadhanda1790 Před 5 dny

    Thank you :)

  • @OzYil47
    @OzYil47 Před 26 dny

    Why would you even keep their phone number? It's done. Delete the number and move on. If you still have their number then you're still hoping to get back together. It doesn't help you move on.

  • @lorrainestyles1287
    @lorrainestyles1287 Před 27 dny +2

    Mine would be narcissistic, but I have to still work for him so I’ll have to leave his name as is

    • @tanyaalota
      @tanyaalota Před 26 dny

      I have to work with mine. Not looking forward to that.

  • @lmbgemini
    @lmbgemini Před 26 dny

    I am in a relationship and I still get triggered by my ex when I see a group photo with him inside or IG keeps recommending me to follow him. I did follow him before IG, but he removed me! Anyways it's not like I still want to be with him because I have moved on with someone else. But it was just someone who meant something to me at the time because what we had was good I thought.

  • @susanparkes5096
    @susanparkes5096 Před 27 dny +2

    What if you can't see any growth/good past, present or future.to come from the situation? What is 'growth' anyway? What if nothing comes into your life to take that place, nothing 'amazing' happens?

    • @egbertgroot2737
      @egbertgroot2737 Před 26 dny +1

      Exactly ......it is hardly like for me as well that i will ever get better than i experienced! All i can hope is i can forget how wonderful it was

  • @julitaserrano5550
    @julitaserrano5550 Před 26 dny +2

    Hit home when you said that maybe it's been 3 years since your breakup... it has been, and was just triggered again yesterday and been wondering about it. Will start a list of all the + things that have come out of the 💔 including my soon to be fiancé.

  • @biljam972
    @biljam972 Před 27 dny

    As asocial person I have a lot of problems to find a partner. I might even be on spectrum, not sure. So when I finally found the person I could talk to for hours and hours and have great conversations and connection which is super rare for me, I couldn't let go. He wasn't ready for relationship, never will be, but I just kept on pursuing. Finally, after almomst 15 years of my lost youth and possibilities in life, he literally ghosted me and I still suffer. I do try with other people but it's hard when I see that he can be close to others but not to me. I am living the best life I can alone, I take care of stray cats, I have hobbies, job, I date sometimes, but there are times when something reminds me of him and it's still not easy.

    • @perlovgren919
      @perlovgren919 Před 27 dny +1

      Taking care of stray cats is awesome, you sound like a great person, not unlikely you will find someone else like that. good luck!

    • @biljam972
      @biljam972 Před 27 dny

      @@perlovgren919 i love my kitties! I am just sad I don't have enough money to help them more than I can. I don't meet men feeding kitties butI don't care. If it happens happens. If not it's not that bad being single.

  • @irmamakrevski5652
    @irmamakrevski5652 Před 5 dny

    17:30 reminder to all great things about personal progress made in self developmemt; no elimination of trigger but thought redesign
    29:26 scroll past instead of ruminating

  • @vp205.
    @vp205. Před 27 dny +10

    Just see no point in not blocking a ex. We shouldnt allow the triggers at all. They are a ex for a reason. Only exception to not blocking is if you share children.

  • @HaloHuntress
    @HaloHuntress Před 4 hodinami

    Ok, even if he's with someone else, I would like to remind myself why he's awful for me.
    Addict, alcoholic, shuts down, gaslights, broke, bad driver, financially irresponsible, cringey, unattractive, stinks, rotting teeth, his family and mine tell me I deserve better. Ok. It helps to write and say it out loud.

  • @theresas.3808
    @theresas.3808 Před 25 dny

    Absolutely nothing good is coming from my pain.

  • @sunshinebeauty2865
    @sunshinebeauty2865 Před 23 dny

    I am having difficulty signing up for your retreat. The confirm button is not working. Any help with this would be great. Thank you.

    • @bianca-mhteam6237
      @bianca-mhteam6237 Před 22 dny

      Hey there 🧡 Please email our support team at support@matthewhussey.com and they'll have our Retreats team contact you directly! -Bianca, MH team

  • @Myover40sglowtips
    @Myover40sglowtips Před 27 dny +1

    So, so, so true precious Audrey and Matthew.

  • @sarah_9501
    @sarah_9501 Před 19 dny

    You need to make a choice. You either continue to let yourself be hurt by this person constantly or you find someone else.

  • @lindalastovickova3335

    Guys, you just left me in laughter spasm caused by The clementine story. I didn't need to hear more of the video:) Btw, my ex dropped his phone by mistake on his head when he was reading it while laying on the bed and when he looked back on the display, it said "auuuu". So, mysterious world of mobile phones, never to be fully revealed...

  • @pinkpiano1160
    @pinkpiano1160 Před 25 dny

    I tried signing up to the newsletter on that website twice but never received them, not even in my spam folder🤔

    • @bianca-mhteam6237
      @bianca-mhteam6237 Před 25 dny

      Hey there! Please email our support team at support@matthewhussey.com and they’ll help you out 😊 -Bianca, MH team

  • @hawaiiansmith15
    @hawaiiansmith15 Před 26 dny +1

    I am reading the comments below I don’t get how people can get over someone been together for 10 years my bf and I have been together after he asked me to marry him on and off and then ghosts me and then idk why he ups and down like that wtf I don’t understand after everything we been through

  • @soudehayanifard9576
    @soudehayanifard9576 Před 7 dny

    WHY DON'T WE JUST BLOCK THEM ALL OVER AND NOT WORRY ABOUT THEM POPPING UP ON OUR PHONE?

  • @jirinafrankova166
    @jirinafrankova166 Před 3 dny +1

    Bullshit. "You realize all the posivite that happened to you after you lost this person"... Because of the pain I lost health, job, I crashed my car because I was overwhelmed by negative emotions when breaking up. What positive should represent my life after the break up? Impossible

  • @Ingrafre
    @Ingrafre Před 27 dny +10

    Best story ever (clementine), Audrey!

  • @christinebrooks5258
    @christinebrooks5258 Před 27 dny +1

    Undoubtedly one of the greatest actors of our time!

  • @silentvoice4970
    @silentvoice4970 Před 24 dny +1

    You two need someone to push back on some concepts such as 'bad things always have silver linings' and are for the lesson they provide. Domestic Violence is NOT for the good of tge one being beat. Car accidents that leave a person paralysed are not 'good learning curves'. A child dying from cancer didn't teach mum n dad how to love.
    When nasty things happen in our lives, we want to find a reason. We want to discover some silver lining. This is a very human urge. The point is to settle the psche and find acceptance that allows us to move into a beautiful experience.

  • @Justgirliethings6
    @Justgirliethings6 Před 27 dny +1

    DONT FOLLOW THE THOUGHT

  • @ctxavier1978
    @ctxavier1978 Před 26 dny

    I changed to MPI!! Can you guess?? 😎

  • @michelleloader5560
    @michelleloader5560 Před 27 dny +1

    Hi

  • @rominanovaro8349
    @rominanovaro8349 Před 11 dny

    Gracias ❤

  • @Chris-hp2gg
    @Chris-hp2gg Před 21 dnem +1

    Out of sight, out of mind.😂

  • @KaiM91
    @KaiM91 Před 27 dny

    1. You've made progress even tho you're trigerred in the moment, cause we used to be wired to that person and there is no binary nature to this, it's all your gradient; 2. Turn your trigger to something positive. Without that pain, you won't be you today! 3. Don't follow your thought, the negative thought.

  • @EDP1
    @EDP1 Před 26 dny +1

    why do you still have your ex phone number ?

  • @alelideasis9619
    @alelideasis9619 Před 27 dny +3

    This is why I block the ex I block his phone number, all of the social media that he can find me in he gets blocked.

  • @lexibanana
    @lexibanana Před 27 dny +6

    I just LOVE Audrey! 💖

  • @elijahrector2168
    @elijahrector2168 Před 12 dny

    I love this advice from Harry Potter