INFJ PERSONALITY TYPE SECRET | INFJ Charisma - Gift or Burden?
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Today we're talking about the INFJ charisma, and there's definitely such a thing because we see it over and over again, that people are drawn to INFJs. And then the question comes up. Is this something that is a gift or a burden? How could it be a burden? Well, in many cases, one of the main ingredients to that charisma is us omiting who we are. We understand others so well due to our second function, extraverted feeling and in combination with our first function, introvert intuition, we allow others to project onto us whatever they need. This might sound like manipulating people, but that's the last thing on our mind. Most of the time, we just see that people want something that we can make them happy. And very often we're omitting just parts of ourselves so the other person can shine. That's our way of being a counselor. It's our way of making other people feel seen. Remember, if you omit parts of yourself, you give others room to shine. And very often this is what most people are missing. But on the flip side, you get addicted to this. You get addicted to always doing the things that are better for others than for yourself. And that can be a huge burden. So today we're gonna to talk about how you find the balance in this so you create an amazing life where you can use your charisma and that benefits you and others.
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Have you experienced your INFJ Charisma to be a burden?
I very much like to say that you don't have to repress your dark side. Your dark side, your flaws, your unwilling to give up on your values, are part of who you are so don't repress them in order to be someone or something you don't, because of someone's inability or imaturity to see you as a human who make mistakes.
It’s only a burden because people don’t believe you may have positive or benign intentions because they themselves don’t have it lol
There are certain things you’ve talk about that I didn’t know that they’re related to being an INFJ, like the feeling of being someone else but not me for the sake of figuring others out !! + I didn’t realize that this is my charisma 😂 it’s so cool to know that. But lately I felt like I’m so done with being someone who’s not me for others, I don’t care anymore about understanding anyone else, but I do care about being my true self and let others know me and love me for the real me.
Wenzes,
I have so many times in so many ways but never realized it was even happening this way, I am learning the truth and I am thankful for it! When you’re coming from the bottom the only way to go is 🆙.
Best regards and god bless,
Angel
Yes. Everyone think I’m being fake but I actually am being myself
I have experienced this as well. But I've found that I'm much happier if I'm me, and if someone else doesn't like it, they can move on. You have to learn to accept yourself for who you TRULY are, and the right people will come into your life. Example, I have a fairly intense personality, and it tends to run shallow or unintelligent/non-intellecutal people off. I'm definitely not for everyone, and that's ok. It took me a lifetime to learn and accept that. Once you do, you'll be MUCH happier.
"but on the flip side, you get addicted to this" color flips from warm golden filter to cold blue 🤣
Have I experienced my INFJ Charisma to be a burden ? Yes. More so with members of my family than coworkers, neighbors, friends, etc. They will ask me what I do to deal with a particular problem or difficult task. I will inform them and let them know the "method to my madness", only to receive either criticism, or just simply disagreeing with me without giving me any better idea of how to do it. Later on, they most likely call me up to help them with something, therefore having a chance to see what I'm talking about. You see, I am the only single person in my family. I have some more time to think things through, experiment, test, plan, and such. Everyone else is married with either children and/or pets with different concerns in life. Me, myself , and I get along pretty good.
I'm definitely familiar with this phenomenon. My only quibbles are:
1) I'm not reserved about who I am because I want others to like me. Being reserved with acquaintences is just part of being an introvert. It takes a lot of energy for an introvert to share their thoughts and feelings with someone else, so I only spend the energy if I think the relationship has potential to move beyond acquaintanceship into something deeper. This is one reason why it hurts when the other person steps back.
2) I don't know if this is true of INFJs in general, but for me, I don't need the other person to be my twin in order to care about them. When someone shares their thoughts and feelings with me, they might be different than my thoughts and feelings, but I can still want to grow our relationship. But when they find out I'm not their twin, other people seem to like me less. Which seems sort of narcissistic to me. (Narcissistic as in vain; not as in having a personality disorder.)
Thanks for your channel; I'm really enjoying the videos.
Ugh, both your points resonated with me....but that second one is the "worm in the apple" of too many of my experiences with people (both well-loved & barely known)....I spend my life making ample room for others to stretch out & be heard.... meanwhile, I feel I walk a knife edge, sometimes to the point of feeling that I must coddle some that I love in order to keep down the conflict....because the conflict is exhausting, but walking the knife edge is also exhausting! I feel at a loss to explain this to them, because the times where I have (and I only try with the people who have my heart) I was met by either wide-eyed astonishment at the very notion of their lack of acceptance OR *conflict!*
I have often considered it vain or bordering on narcissistic too, but as I've "studied" people more & more, I think some people have an almost disabling lack of self awareness.... whatever the case may be, I want to pull out my hair sometimes.
_and people wonder why I need so much alone time...._
This was my experience for so many years, especially on committees I was on. When I started speaking up to correct errors or point out misbehavior half the members would thank me afterwards and the other half would verablly attack me publicly or privately. For a long time I carried the label of troublemaker, though deep inside I knew it wasn't true.
I've grown more comfortable with speaking the truth and caring less what others think (as long as I know I'm being kind). I find it still offends just as many people, but I spend less time overthinking afterwards and I sleep better. Still growing that self worth muscle.
I found that charisma came with getting in touch with my authentic self. Being able to differentiate between my own feelings and others. Not people pleasing as the automatic go to. Trusting my gut on decision making and building a healthy relationship with my gut. Learning to cultivate my own quirks instead of shaming myself for being different. I've since lost the charisma due to being forced to take medication and I'm trying to get it back, but this is the basis of how I found it.
This is literally the downfall of my life. And even when I get close with people and I tell them how I'm worried they'll leave me if I opened up fully and honestly, they say they won't, but as soon as there's confrontation, they leave me because I stopped being exactly who they needed me to be.
These personal development videos are amazing and you're such a passionate and wise INFJ! It must be said. 💜You better be proud of yourself going down this path, because you are saving lifes.
It's hard for me to let go off the individualistic mindset. I really want to create these comfortable environments for others as well, but I still feel like I'm a pray to this narcissistic culture. I fear It's not wanted for men to have feelings and acknowledge their weakness and therefore I isolate myself. I find destroying my masks to painful.
I hear you thinking: Who don't wants to listen, must feel it.. But this survival instinct is so intense and the pain I hide goes through the marrow and bone. The longer I stay in this unhealthy environment, the more I glorify myself and receive these painful thoughts. The idea of having this hamster in my head, reading people (with their judgements) aloud, certainly doesn't help either. I know there is never the need to present myself arrogant and you are so right to say, finding a balance between expressing yourself and being altruistic, is key to achieve this epic life. Still, my authenticity has never got attention at all. The love that's been given to me by my parents existed all out of projections and harsh findings, how sick it may sound. It never felt real. So which feeling is going to protect me, when I've never had self-confidence. Why would I collect the courage to get neglected anyway. It would break me. And I already have this toxic urge to prove my worth.
hold on to the fact that you are going to fight for yourself - that is the feeling that is going to prevail....that no matter what you will fight for a better future...because you take responsibility for your life. Everything else falls into place
Alright, thank you again. I've been in a self-quarantine for two years now and life is a mental horror nowadays, especially for INFJ's. I've been in a tormenting Ni-Ti loop since then. One of idealizing myself, treating myself like a piece of art and suppressing my true needs. Often these bad thoughts about rejection prevail and then I start seeing external senses (especially the theatrical and dominating ones) as a threat. I think, as for most INFJ's - we find it hard to see the bigger picture. This has withheld me to form my own interpretation of the essence of life: taking care of myself and balancing my emotions, so I can be there for others too. I've become a workaholic with no boundaries, all to overcompensate my missing feeling of confidence and being beloved. I should have known It doesn't help to get sensation out of this ugly inner experience, while it was a rational thing to love myself all along. Not for how pathetic I am that I won't be fully accepted, but because I deserve to be authentic, like any other human being. Although the insights and morals don't help me either, It's still good to be aware of them.
I find our personality type a curse, because the loops will never stop - and every rationalized thought will be on it's turn, rationalized as well. Idealism is our passion, but we must also realize perfection is undefinable. Our higher power is meant to create these insights, but we are too good at walking circles around them and speculating them. Just as long until we lose the essence for the sake of ourselves, so we can repeat the process all over again - I found at least. It's enough to get you overconfident about it, but it doesn't make you egocentric (in the sense it applies to everyone). All it makes you do is be peculiar and the worst of it all: you can't pull yourself out because it's a loop, so you need external interference. I've got PDD-NOS (which makes the obsessive thinking patterns worse) and I'm 88% intuitive, so the obsessive mindsets produce thoughts that could trigger my intuition from ending up in such a loop (starting with a loop that causes similar less abstract loops). I must experience the essence in order to take actual steps and have at least some kind of life quality. As earlier mentioned: being aware of reality in relation to my presence, would be a thing I should do a little more often. However, taking yourself through these dire days and taking the steps, takes a lot of discipline, so thank you for being my muse.
You guys have charisma? I'm so shy and socially awkward, I can't express anything right. I'm even overwhelmed with normal conversations.
It comes with age the confidence can be nurtured and grow
Let’s see how long your attractiveness can keep me watching
Thank you 🙏🏻
I couldn't have heard your words at a better time, thank you so much. I've been doing this 'charisma thing' for years and I feel like a number of people just leave once I step out of that, but it's just that I'm revealing my true self, and I should continue to do so. I love your comment about the people that like the real you will stay. Incredibly helpful.
I think this is the "social chameleon" phenomenon that we often get tagged with and I definitely got addicted to it. It is literally so thrilling to me that I can intimately know people from such a diverse range of age groups, ethnic backgrounds, cultures and faiths. I've always found that to be powerful; the ability to connect to almost anybody in the world and to leave an impression. What I now realise is that though that charisma is indeed powerful (for instance in a business/sales setting), we can not hide our true selves from everybody just so they feel good. We need fulfilling connections and relationships in life that nurture us as well. Thank you for this video. You've reminded me of the importance of developing relationships with people that want to give back to me, not just take. And when I've done this in the past, I've certainly had to "door slam" a few people and tolerate not being liked because loving myself is more important.
I'm starting to have a lot of fun with allowing people to project onto me in a controlled environment, on my terms, and seeing what happens. It's a very fun experiment. It feels like I'm learning a new game and gaining very important skills.
I needed to hear this.
Nice one 🍻
Thank you so much!
What a great topic to cover. I really needed to hear this. Life changing advice!!
Congratulations 🥇
You earned it!
You are glowing in this video! 🤗 And speaking such truth its 🔥
thank you this is so true. Since my change I see myself having to distance from some historical friendships due to them seeing my change or actuality after many years.
I like this approach. When I moved into my own place (pre-Myers-Briggs) I had to work my own way of relating to people without the input of my family. In retrospect I began to adopt ways that resembled what you share in this video, but you communicate it in an orderly and well-planned out way.
For me it's now like an inward emotional dance where I focus on the other person,but do enough self-disclosure so:
(1) I can communicate likes, dislikes and boundaries - more by showing rather than telling.
(2)They then know who they're dealing with.
(3) And best if all, it's done in a civil way.
In the matter of feeling like the charisma was a gift or a burden - well, I found I had to use this way to deal with people's too-high expectations.
This was very good. never knew it had a label. But I have experience this in every single relationship I’ve ever been in. Anytime start to express or reveal myself like you said the problems start to occur. My focus over the past several years is living my most authenticate life which has created a better relationship with myself. Love your work and Great content!👍🏿
These are great videos.
I'm impressed by how thoroughly you explain the subtleties of subjectivity of personality.
You are so pretty. And i can relate dear. Thank you for the informative video.
You really help me maam Wenz❤ i'am an INFJ
And i don't really understand myself until i discover you🙏♥️ Bless you🥰
Very wise, as always. I think my experience & fear causes imaginings and anticipation of rejection. There is one who may appreciate me, like the 1% you have mentioned in a prior video, but I worry misunderstandings may arise because I don't always know what I want and can be too vague. I wonder if they are willing to put in the time & effort to understand me as much as or similar to how much I strive to persist in understanding them. I can be driven but I also easily feel discouraged as I am concerned that others may find me too burdensome, intense, and complicated. :/
Wenzes Good day thank you very much for this...
How are you?
That's a cure...for ADHD..plus lots more
Is we have an amazing learning power and a great way of understanding logic and reasoning and mathematics than other types?
i'd say it's a Burden of a Gift n a Gift of Burden...lol
Cheers!!!...RAL...
We are both gifted and burdened.
definetly a burden for me atm
🎁
444 likes 😇
O...M....G🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽 This FE function! 😣😣