Connection With People Is Easier When You Heal Childhood PTSD Symptoms
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- čas přidán 4. 11. 2023
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Many people who were abused or neglected in childhood feel socially awkward, but you may not have realized that past trauma and difficulty feeling connected and at ease with people is a trauma thing. In this "best of" compilation of my best videos on not fitting in, I teach the signs that trauma may have affected your ability to connect, and how you can heal symptoms and develop genuine, trusting relationships with the people in your life.
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God I love this woman. Knows us deeply.
Second that ❤️
I normally don’t even watch channels like this. I’m so grateful I decided to listen to that first video.
You’ll never regret listening to Anna!
@@heidimartin5070 She makes me feel safe, and even a little not-crazy. It’s all starting to make sense now.
She does! So much makes sense now. 😅🫠
I have no problems connecting with decent, kind, good people. Kind people are not turn off by awkwardness.
Oh, that's true. They're so generous and they overlook insecurities or 'awkwardness'!
They are easy-going, and we can sense it. Thank goodness for goodness!
That’s encouraging. Thank you for sharing that!
All of my close friends are like this: chill, forgiving, open minded, and yes, kind. I bring my weirdness and playtime and off kilter sense of humor, and they like it. I feel less awkward, even if I act the same around them as I do around others where I do feel awkward.
Noted, Thank you! ✏️
Potential Trustworthy Friends:
✔️Chill
✔️Forgiving
✔️Open-minded
✔️Kind
✔️I feel comfortable with my weirdness & social awkwardness around them.
In my 40’s, no family or friends and struggled to an extreme. I am just alone and I don’t even understand how to find opportunities.
( nomb/ u might like seth, the eternal Validity of the soul)¿} about creating our reality. Or Bruce Lipton, Joe Dispenza. Please don't give yourself a hard time ....( says she 😂) chilling dreaming dancing fave music ... all annoying suggestions " follow your passions" ...you know yourself best ..just sendin hugs n wishes / eff it/ this is your life / I didnt know I could organise my day around really bad mornings / Anything Anything that works for You .yo the Boss . Sorry about the overshare / telling myself too ❤
Anna is fab I reckon / personally taking me a while to sink in.)
All the best dude
Creative art therapy might be a way.
Get a hobby. If you can find other people that like that hobby or a group you can join based on the hobby it can be a good way to meet people with mutual interests.
how about meetup or eventbrite? there might be many events in your area to choose from. sometimes just showing up is the most difficult. wishing you well. @stephaniesinclair4175
I feel the sentiment. I wish you the best. It's about making a little progress one day at a time.
This is often overlooked even at church. You have the people hugging you and wanting to pray with you and yet there is an overwhelming feeling to flee right after the service is over.
I’ve met some of the worst narcissists at churches. It’s harder to recognize them because everyone is so friendly and welcoming and wants you to stay and join the church.
Exactly. I just want to hear the word and get out when it’s over.
@@Random.338Exactly 💯
@Random.338 Exactly. That overly friendly attempt to connect makes me want to run away. It's what keeps me away. I find t all so false and put-on. Even though it is mostly genuine.
So true, I do this and i have been told “you got out so fast after service. I can never say hi or talk with you. I never see you” and stuff like that by a lot of church members, I also can’t find myself staying in the youth group even though they’re really kind, respectful, and loving I just can’t, I feel left out and feel like I can’t connect to anyone and that I’ll be judged for the way I am.
Anna, your children must be so proud of you for turning your life around. 💛
When I'm outside my home, in a public place I always feel like I need to defend myself because of all the childhood bullying...I feel like I'm a monster among sheep. I always prefer my own company .
44:07. "Keep trying. Keep participating...and I know if feels hard because it IS hard, but keep trying, keep participating."
I really needed to hear this. My biggest challenge right now is to keep trying, keep participating.
Good luck on your healing journey! Glad you are here.
Nika@TeamFairy
After 68 years of trying, I stopped trying
don't, try again, certain things needs so many years of work on ourselves
@@donwade9905
Same.:) good luck to you too
@@donwade9905 so sad to read you 💕😢, won't blame you and wish you find a kind of peace in you 🙏🐛🦋
This video really hit home with me. I'm in my sixties and really struggling still with childhood trauma that involved being ridiculed, belittled, teased and then ignored by parents and much older siblings. I learned not to appreciate myself but to stuff my feelings, and wound up married (recently divorced) to a guy who didn't treat me well. A good therapist is helping me develop a sense of self and heal, but these videos are so essential and wonderful. I feel best socializing with one person or a few people at a time, and being in groups can be very triggering if others are insensitive and not thoughtful.
Sometimes groups don't have healthy dynamics, though. I went on a number of backpacking trips with a Meetup group in which the leader, out of the blue, started making demeaning comments about older women, saying they are screwed up, that older divorced women seem to take up hiking, and that they complain about knee pain, etc, on his hikes. I hadn't had any problems on his trips, but since I was the only older woman there, it felt as if he was targeting me. Another group member, a man around fifty, started making really off-color comments involving older women. Both these guys smoked a lot of pot and drank. I politely confronted the trip leader about his comments and he blasted me, saying that I had bad hearing and was way too sensitive. I quit that group, because I'm not going to stand by and put up with insults. I'll find other people to explore the outdoors with.
"Your sense of self has been late in arriving. That is why you borrow other people' s selves!!" 😮😮 Yes, thank you so much!!😢 You didn' t have the chance to clarify your own being to yourself. People feel you. They feel desperation. They feel resentment. No matter what you are saying or acting, your vibe communicates where they are coming from.
Thanks for articulating
So true 😮
The vibes part is what I need too work on 🍀
Thank you so much ❤❤❤
Wow, all the answers I was starving for I find Here.
I feel so much lighter.
Must ad that the daily practice changed my life 🎉 Amazing, it rocks🎉🎉 I can breath Again, what a releaf ❤❤
I talk more about ideas than I do about myself, and I still feel awkward around others - mainly because I feel the ideas I'm interested in are not the ones others are interested in. I feel excited about telling others what I'm studying, especially if our conversation is on the same general subject matter. But I still end up feeling like my input is "too much" or "too deep" for others to appreciate.
Me too!
Thank you for watching. Connection Bootcamp -- a course Anna developed -- provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
Same
How wonderful we can find each other thanks to a letter of a stranger, yet still feel like nobody understands us in real life 😕
It's so helpful to know the conversation stoppers, thank you!
Sometimes I realize that I don't really steer conversations and I end up talking about things I didn't really want to talk about. It's a really unintelligent way to have conversations. Not to have a plan what to talk about and what *not* to talk about. I end up either giving my power away or addressing things that are painful.
I didn't know I could work on that and be more mindful, thanks Anna!
Thats sooo true! Thanks for sharing, I often feel the same.
I didn’t either and I’m 42 ☠️
Looking back I realize that I felt this way as a child even, thanks for helping us all with this, I'm tired of being "in exile."
🌟A CCF Comments Section Experiment : “Like” if you were always the “weird kid” in your childhood/teen years.
(*note - I’m fully grown now and STILL “that weird chick”. No idea why until I watched this video.
Crappy Childhood Fairy is legit changing my life 🙏🏼🌹
I'm a weirdo too. 62 years old and diagnosed autism 15 years ago. Explained alot...
I'm going out. I'm out and I still feel isolated...
I scrolled through all the videos and realized I need to watch every single one of them it hit me.. my healing is so not over and it’s pretty bad … 😩
I applaud you and your direction. I find there is no need to focus on whether or not the healing is over or complete. You ARE healing and the results of your self investment may not be recognizable right away. Others may even recognize it before you do. But give yourself some credit and permission to be human through this process. Sending you lots of good energy!
@@BebeZaharasBeignetsthis was such a sweet message and made my day, even though it’s not directed to me. Best wishes ❤
you are exactly where you need to be. just go forward as you are moved to do so.
00:00 🤖 Childhood PTSD can lead to social awkwardness due to lack of early role modeling and structure for social interactions.
01:09 🛡 Shame in awkward social situations can lead to isolation and withdrawal from connections and relationships.
03:14 💼 Childhood trauma can result in a lack of confidence in handling challenging social situations, leading to a tendency to isolate.
06:16 🛠 Guiding principles for social grace include being gentle, trustworthy, and humble, which can foster positive connections with others.
09:14 ⚖ Codependent behavior involves investing excessive energy into others to fulfill one's own emotional needs, potentially leading to imbalances in relationships.
14:34 🔄 Chloe struggles with a pattern of turning potential romantic partners into friends, possibly stemming from childhood experiences with emotionally unavailable parents.
21:32 🗣 When trying to connect with people, avoid putting them on a pedestal and focus on being yourself. Don't feel the need to constantly please them.
22:41 💔 Fantasizing and desperately waiting for someone can lead to unhealthy patterns in relationships. It's important to have fun and fulfill yourself independently of a romantic interest.
23:50 🍲 Overdoing things, like cooking for someone you're not genuinely interested in, can be a sign of codependency. It's important to set healthy boundaries and not engage in behaviors that feel inauthentic.
25:16 🛑 Rushing into a relationship and bombarding someone with questions can be off-putting. It's important to pace yourself and allow the connection to develop naturally.
26:28 🪔 Take time for personal development and self-discovery. Engage in activities you love, read challenging books, and consider meditation to deepen your sense of self.
28:33 💑 It's normal to desire a relationship, but don't let it consume your thoughts entirely. Focus on developing your own interests, growth, and confidence independently of romantic connections.
30:52 📚 Engaging in conversations about ideas, goals, and challenging topics can make interactions more meaningful and help build deeper connections with others.
32:57 🧘 Meditation and practices like The Daily Practice can help you become more grounded and emotionally available in social interactions, especially if you have experienced childhood trauma.
35:14 🤝 Finding a balance between being part of a group and maintaining your own boundaries is important. It's okay to start on the periphery and gradually engage more deeply over time.
39:08 🌱 Taking risks in social interactions and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is essential for personal growth and developing meaningful connections with others. Avoiding people for too long can lead to isolation and self-centeredness.
42:22 🤝 Being included and connected with others is primal and crucial for personal growth, development, and well-being.
43:15 🧠 Inclusion in human relationships is essential for brain health and can ward off dementia. It also provides a support system in times of need.
44:10 🔄 Connecting with both individuals and groups is important, especially for those with childhood PTSD. It may be challenging but persistence is key.
45:47 🗣 Learning effective conversational strategies, such as open-ended questions and active listening, is fundamental for building meaningful connections.
46:42 🎈 Avoid conversation stoppers like giving one-word answers or bringing up negative topics too early. Instead, show curiosity and engage actively.
50:11 💡 Bonding around personal growth and healing is more beneficial than bonding solely around shared trauma.
55:25 🤔 Wait until you fully understand before responding. Misunderstandings can lead to conversational malpractice or misrepresentation.
57:57 🙅♂ Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Respect boundaries and only offer advice when specifically asked.
01:03:39 🚗 When someone shares something about their life, avoid contradicting or correcting them, especially with unsolicited advice. Instead, ask questions to understand their point of view and open up the conversation.
01:05:59 🗣 Correcting and contradicting someone can be embarrassing and alienating. It's important to be sensitive and avoid embarrassing others, especially in group conversations.
01:06:11 🤐 Leaving no room for the other person to talk can hinder the flow of conversation. Pay attention to pauses, and if you've been talking too much, apologize and ask for their opinion.
01:07:08 👂 Actively show that you're listening and interested in what the other person is saying. Validate their thoughts with eye contact, nods, and friendly affirmations, even if it feels unnatural at first.
I appreciate this so much when generous people do a time stamped table of contents! Thank you so much!❤
It takes real skill to break down all that info into succinct table of contents.
@@mollyfarrell. exactly what I thought!💥
This was so helpful, thank you!!
Thank you so much for these markers and notes - it's so helpful for us to be able to go back and review 😊❤
I feel she has this REJECT / SABOTAGE mechanism of defense that I also have, by placing people in a friend zone/ blocking zone when seeing they come closer.
This is relatable, grew up with poor social skills due to some form of emotional neglect in my early years. Struggled in school and my internship. Developed major anxiety and self esteem issues when dealing with people. Did not had positive experience in areas like work, school and relationships. I begin to see how the effects of emotional neglect affects my adulthood. Its really damaging. I had to deal with a mentally ill parent at a young age, which further adds on to the damage of emotional neglect.
You see, when you are the child of someone who is mentally unwell-be it due to a substance, illness, or other cause-there is a lot of sadness, guilt, and shame. You don't know what to do or where to turn, and it is very lonely. I grew up isolated, scared, and alone. When you are the child of someone who is mentally unwell, there is anger. I was mad at my mother for neglecting and abandoning me. I was disappointed in myself. When you are the child of someone who is mentally unwell, there is fear-for and of the future
That sounds hard. Thank you for sharing your experience. If you're interested, Daily Practice is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
I grew up with a schizophrenic mother and alcoholic father.
same... it is hard.
Some days, i just tell myself, One day at a time. One step at a time. one Lesson at a time.
Your timing couldn't be better! I just got back from a party. I feel like I manage to offend people just by saying hello. I've spent a lot of time trying to learn how to act normal but it seems that no matter how much effort I put into this endeavor, I cant seem to make progress.
Kudos for putting yourself out there!! 🏆
You demonstrate healthy attitudes & behaviors that empower me to do the same:
(1) You demonstrate the necessary confidence to apply yourself & make progress in enhancing your social experiences.
(2) You introduced yourself to a group of people and initially got to know each other.
(3) You were able to get invited to a party.
(4) You actually went to the party & emersed yourself in conversations.
(5) Then you came here afterward to reflect constructively to continue enhancing yourself.
You demonstrate a strong positive example of what I need to do too. Thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing your learning experience!
Thanks for your encouragement but without meaning to I managed to offend a number of people at this gathering just by asking mundane questions. It seems I have a gift for causing offense no matter what I do.
@@KL-ni9ju I work with this Cardiologist in the hospital who inadvertently says things that feel abrupt and offends some nurses who don’t know him or understand him well. Those of us who understand and appreciate the goodness within his intent vouge for him to inform offended nurses that he was not being mean or malicious. He’s actually a very kind hearted man in addition to being an excellent Cardiologist.
Maybe we can also find friends who will get to know and appreciate the goodness within us and even vouge for us.
I tell my friends never to talk to me about new projects and ideas that’s new and important to them. Because I will always bring up everything they need to consider and what can go wrong. I don’t mean to bring anyone down but my brain never stops analyzing and correcting fact errors or drown them in facts and thoughts. And my mouth can’t shut up. So I tell them, don’t tell me anything while it’s in a vulnerable state. :-)
Socially awkward female, here.. & I feel like it's a bigger deal for women to be saddled with it. Maybe that's sexist, but it seems like males without social skills can still function in society, but women without that skill set are just effing screwed, tbh!
I agree. Socially awkward males can just get with a social butterfly female and he is good.
I wish I could agree with that 100% but I have found that to not be true for me all the time. I have found most women from my experience can be pretty harsh at times and critical of others that presents a pretty unfriendly demeanor. I haven't had many interactions lately outside of work besides my family so the women I work with can be pretty aggressive and domineering some times because they are in an environment with a lot of men. These type of women tend to come off as not always friendly so it's easier for me to find guys that I am more comfortable with and those guys usually aren't social with everyone else but their little click. I guess it also depends on how I am feeling but hopefully this helps you to understand that it's not been easy for me to function in society and the easier thing has been to isolate.
You're a female. You could easily find someone to connect with if you truly wanted to. Men do not always have that luxury.
Cloe is young. Being young without an older person to guide you, which most people with CPTSD never had, is a tough road, especially in this world that works hard on making us insecure (especially girls cause they can sell them more crap). There are so many lies designed to hide the truth, without any sense of self, which ever the way the wind is currently blowing is where you go.
The first mistake we make is showing our vulnerability that we have no sense of self. Things which balanced people with solid childhoods will immediately understand, we just have no clue about and they recognize that straight away something is off. She gave herself too soon, as there is pressure to do that, that is a huge mistake unless that is all you want cause that won't last, sometimes it may, but generally no.
very true
Wow perfect timing with this vid . 😮 I have been tortured by my social awkwardness for years.
Anna The CCF: Your videos are extremely helpful and needed! They are helping me to up-level my life. I share your videos with others. What I got from the isolation part is setting boundaries are needed. I had people in my life that like to talk on the phone for 3 to 6 hours vs a few minutes to 30 minutes and sending a text here and there. 30 minutes seems to be too much depending upon the person and what they need to share. I've found being on the phone long periods of time you begin to repeat things and can get irritated/annoyed especially when the person you're chatting with is busy doing many things. I hear everything gum chewing, burping, using the bathroom, eating, etc ugh. It's overwhelming and sensory overload for me. Another way to ease out of self-isolating is when you take out your garbage; walk around your home, apartment building, neighborhood etc., before going back inside. if you have a balcony/patio/yard go out there for a bit feel the air on your skin enjoy it, listen for any birds chirping. say thank you for the ability to walk, go out and be present in the gift of the day. give yourself a hug and if you follow Mel Robbins as well, when you brush your teeth or first look in the mirror...give yourself a high five before you leave the bathroom, tell yourself you are enough. Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything and in between the two is where my life moves. (quote from change your thoughts to change your life a book by Wayne Dyer)
www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLkb4Lct/
...gentle, trustworthy and humble...- sounds good !
Coming from neglect, though, I have been too accomodating - ( only just to be with someone ) - always kind and too humble so that a total imbalance showed up in these connections : people just taking everything from me ( time, energy...) and feeling fully entiteled to do so and at the same time not even respecting me the least - This then felt so off after a while (and always only got worse with time) until a point was reached when a hard cut became necessary...and they always took it very badly..
If I' d been " healthier " I would have stayed away from those people in the first place - so sometimes it is yourself you need to be gentle and trustworthy with before everything else.
Thanks for putting this is in words.
@@naomimartis9148🙏🌼
I’ve definitely experienced this and it was made worse by being overweight and extremely self conscious.
Wow. This was extremely helpful. (I think I am guilty of almost every point.) Thank you so much for making this video.
I do all of these things and people still don't seem to want to be my friend. So I don't know...maybe I have the wrong people in my life?
Edit: Oh okay, I can relate to this woman. I can't even keep up with normal conversations though because I have a soft voice and every time I have something I want to say nobody hears me. So I gave up. Everyone just talks and laughs around me and then I start to feel left out. As far as one on one, sometimes I do let others talk about themselves too much and then other times I'm not sure what to ask and it gets awkward. I was taught to not talk about myself because that was "self-centered." I tend to put people on pedestals, which has wrecked my self confidence. Ah, social struggles. I'm beginning to hate the holidays.
I have found that I make the mistake of inappropriately responding to someone’s good or bad news with a story of my own, when I don’t regularly write. I haven’t done the daily practice before but I do something like a brain dump on paper. It helps me not brain dump on people, which I have done before but stop when I see they’re getting overwhelmed.
You are exactly right: reading brings out creativity. I painted my first 4 ft wide acrylic painting in 20 years just from reading a novel. It unlocks something in my mind.
That's wonderful! -Calista@TeamFairy
I am socially awkward and introverted yet work in medical sales. I work by myself mostly and visit doctor's offices throughout the day. It is a blessing to have that flexibility for me to self-care. As for company meetings and having my boss work with me it is anxiety producing. However, I found a hack helps me. I tell myself it is only 6 hours I need to work with my boss. I can do it! That helps me so much.
Very valuable material and not only for “like us” people. I think everyone on earth especially on those modern countries could profit immensely from applying those hints. After they get settled in my brain, I am going to listen again.
Your mission is to become more fully yourself. Your sense of self has been late in arriving. That is why you borrow other people' s selves!! You didn' t have the chance to clarify your own being to yourself. People feel you. They feel desperation. They feel resentment. No matter what you are saying or acting, your vibe communicates where they are coming from.
Its really bad karma to hurry other people. Shallow connections take a toll. Reading good books makes you interesting. A conversation is not only about you. Its about an idea. Bonding over things you are really really interested about, or that you feel excited and good about. Or ideas that you are reading about and investigating. That will completely change the character of the conversations that you have. The second thing is, its really good if you meditate.
I'm 62. Late diagnosis autism. There is SOOO much overlap here. cptsd kind of comes with the autism territory. Except being bullied, laughed at, date raped, robbed and your adopted mother is embarrassed by you, because you're a weirdo, even to this day, there is much symptom/issues overlap. The only difference with me is that the world took over where my mother and school kids left off and continues to this day. I found a niche of senior living communities to play piano at. I have a gift. Started playing when I was 3, majored in it in college. The staff is very tolerant, they have to deal with demanding difficult people all day. It's my only respite. Thank goodness!
I had been wondering how I had been making friends that were negative, and now I know how. It's elementary when you hear the rules and are given the guidelines to carry out a conversation!!! I can try this on my counselor this morning 😊
You have a lot of useful tips on how to improve yourself, too!! I feel like I am still healing, but at a higher level. You see, my father was violent, and my mother dealt with it. She ran away a few times, but he found her every time and moved himself back in uninvited after beating her.
It was easy to choose violence to handle people, but when I was about 11, I realized I didn't like myself that way. So, I tried to make myself a better person. It worked out, but I needed lots of guidance.
Now, I'm getting the meat and potatoes with my milk, and I'm quite thrilled about it!!! I'm still growing, which is exciting, and it makes me feel like I will achieve one day a deep connection with another person that's platonic, healthy, and true from watching this video. It's easy to understand and enough information to utilize the moment one receives it!!
It's always a pleasure to watch the videos you post. It's so nice to get content that's free for the world to glean from whenever they get the bug in their pants to stop being a victim and become a productive member of society.
More than a million thanks, and God bless you for being genuine and a great teacher❤
I'm glad you had improved the quality of your life. It must've been learned from the best!!!
When you get a chance, will you come up with a technique for re-regulation that isn't writing??? My boyfriend is struggling with life but isn't interested in writing anything but his lists of to do-s. I witnessed him chain smoke so often, and he feels like no one has given him any tools that he can use. He feels like he has no purpose or direction in life. He has me and his mother in his life, but that's all. We have cats, but we really need people!!!
I hope you read this, Crappy Childhood Fairy!! It's probably easier to message through email, but you must get way too many emails.
Take care and thank you again
Thank you for being a part of our community here! Anna recommends the writing method that she practices and knows very well because it is the technique that led to her own healing, and she uses it to this day. Additionally, if you and your boyfriend are interested, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people, Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
My counsellor recommended recording myself on an app on my phone, just talking out loud. I have found that v helpful when I felt unable to write. You never have to listen back to the recording but for some reason just saying what you're thinking out loud helps to organise my thoughts enough to calm myself.
This was a really good video. I got a lot from this one.
I do have to say though, that I feel like most people who I start up conversations with lately are similar to the people that you and your husband encountered at that party. People will literally talk for 40 minutes and not once ask anything about me. I've moved on from being hurt by this phenomena to being astounded! And I do feel that it's particularly worse after isolation from covid.
I've been isolating since.... as long as I can remember. I was taught manners, trust me. Being abused at home and bullied at school made me retreat as much as possible. I had friends growing up, but I preferred being alone in my room reading. It took me decades to learn, on my own, how to interact with people. I used to have social anxiety, but that went away at some point, not sure when. These days it's more an issue of over-stimulation; too many people, noise, bright colors, movement,etc. But when I start to feel anxious, I use the same method I use when I get anxious waking up: internally (or out loud at home), "STOP! Think about something else!" I say this out loud or inside til my mind gets bored and wanders off. Works every time. But I still isolate too much.
Isolation is really hard, and it’s often a CPTSD symptom. If you’re interested, Anna has a course that focuses on healing isolation called ‘Connection Bootcamp’. Here’s a link if you’d like to give it a try: bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
This is such a good example of how difficult it is to tease apart behavior that’s from trauma vs behavior that is natural. Constantly questioning and analyzing ..is exhausting for sure. It’s so helpful to have an outside prospective. Understanding healthy dating behavior or men and women was so helpful for me. Like Anna said, it is not always a trauma response to loose attraction to a man that is open and vulnerable because it is a fact that women are attracted to men who’s feelings are unclear. Learned that from relationship coach Corey Wayne.
Listening to this was time well spent. ❤
Hi Anna, I immediately had to watch this - I really appreciate that you combined these videos to the greater topic of how to have a conversation or build a connection to others. I was neglected as a child and I have seen so many ways that I do even now or have acted in the past.. to drive people towards me but also to drive people away. For some time now I am really making a conscious effort not to do certain things anymore like sharing negative information too early or give just pragmatical/one-word answers or not bombarding with questions while not sharing my own stories. All these little unspoken rules and nuances, while also being nervous or getting triggered... is just soooooo hard sometimes. I never realized that I have some of these patterns even around people that I basically know my whole life and my best friend. Still, I am embracing the effort that I put in and celebrate my small victories that I finally confronted someone dear to me with a behaviour that was not okay for me to be around or that I was asking explicitely for help and all these other small actions that so many can do on a daily basis without noticing. Haha. Have been a bit over-sharing, but to make my point end - I am really grateful to you for making these videos, because they very certainly have an impact on people (like me) to actually being able to tackle lifes challenges. 🥰
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Glad you are here.
Nika@TeamFairy
Love hearing you call your rotten cat "Baby". We know you love him!💐🐈⬛❤. (Watching CZcams replay from Sonoma County CA)
Thank you so much! The 10 tips at the end are really helpful ❤🙏
You give such thoughtful and insightful advice ❤
Thank you Anna❤ this made me aware of some things I nede to change 🥰👍
I feel like the letter was about me … thanks fairy you’re amazing
I think I need to listen to this video at least once a month to remind myself of the conversation stoppers and to be more mindful. Thank you Anna.
Yikes I can hide this at times but it sure comes out sometimes! No one has ever suggested it’s trauma although I have enormous trauma. Thanks for your amazing work!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom! Your videos are helpful.
I'm so glad :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Oh my goodness - the bit around the 8 minute mark where you describe codependency was a major light bulb moment for me!! I was wondering why I get so drained in certain relationships and was feeling like I was the victim and the other person was the perpetrator…Now I’see’ my role in these type of situations and I feel empowered to change /work on myself. I can’t wait to see what happens in my life now that I have received this revelation 🥰. Thank you Anna!
Glad the video was eye opening! Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment!
Nika@TeamFairy
Ive done this exact thing-brought someone somethung i cooked in a takeout box,talk only about them.i didnt know it felt icky. they werent v nice or considerate either they were passive aggressive and openly dosdainful toward me but then tried to pull me back in when i went away. it took me a while to heal a wee bit and this is where i remember the daily practice really helping me totally just 'drop' unhelpful thoughts. i cry watchibg these videos a lot sometimes but seeing thibgs for what they are comes with a soberibg,clarifyibg thud that raises instead of falling.thanks. i also believed me leaving couldnt ever hurrt anyone,i feel bad it felt like that to someone :( i just ran away from a group activity yday v awkwardly and abruptly,will be more mindful
Hi Anna, I love watching your videos as I'm sure others do too.
I'm struggling with friendships right now and hoping that what you are teaching us will help me. I've no idea where my childhood PTSD comes from, I grew up with parents who were only as good as their parents taught them. No alcohol, drug issues as I'm in the UK - my therapy is helping me as you are too. I just feel so cut off from people and it's not a good place to be
Not everyone has PTSD. You may just have share some unhealthy characteristics, or have insecurities that lead this to be helpful
@@mel3256 you have a point here. Something I will share with my therapist next week
Thanks!
This is more helpful than you will ever know. Thanks. ❤
Glad it was helpful!
Nika@TramFairy
Just started listening to your channel and I fell in LOVE! Haha. It’s embarrassing pointing out my toxic traits but I found this very helpful! Thank you!!!
Welcome to the channel! We're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Much here is very helpful, thank you!! Now to start consistently applying your❤ advise!!~*
You got this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
51:25 I really enjoyed your metaphor about conversations that are like a balloon.The example of what negativity does to that balloon is sooo funny. I had stop the video to finish laughing so I could continue watching and learning after that. So funny. Thank you.
Thank you
This is certainly an encouraging and validating video. Personally, though, advice on socializing and connecting always falls flat for me, including the advice in this video.
I already KNOW all the rules about not giving one-word answers and trying not to cross your arms, and asking open-ended questions, etc etc. That’s not the problem.
I don’t know if I’m just stupid or what, but when I’m in a social situation my brain stops. It cannot process the best question, or recall what I did that weekend. I’m lucky if I can remember monosyllabic words at all in that moment.
I’m forced to avoid attempts at connection because otherwise I just stand there, my body primed to flee, in a painfully awkward silence and a brain full of static.
I am the most isolated wright now. I cut off every connections. But I am listening you and trying get better.
We're rooting for you! If you're interested, try Connection Bootcamp -- a course Anna developed -- that provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
22:33
I'm coming back to this bit!
Lol man number 9 is a sure fire way to lose me almost all the time. One of my pet peeves is always interrupting me and so when I am always interrupted it makes me not want to reach out to that person much.
Yep I feel it’s the same thing
Wow, that's very close too who I ame 🙏💕
Thank you for your lettre and thank you Fairy 🧚 so so much 🍀
You are so welcome!
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you 💖😊🧚😙
I feel so drained, embarrassed? and get in a really bad mood the day after socializing. I overthink every movement and thing I said
Omg yes!
Yes, me too! Even if everything “went ok”- I still spend hours, or days, afterward feeling so painfully embarrassed as if I cracked an egg on my head or something- but I can’t figure out what I did or said, specifically, that was embarrassing! I just have this awful sense that I have done or said something so socially inappropriate that I’ll never be able to come back from it with that particular group of people- but I can’t ever figure out what I have done, so I also cannot correct it. Awful!
I seldom have anything to say, so I don't talk much, much less dominate conversation. Why? No one listened to me growing up. I was told to stop talking; I was 'exaggerating' the abuse from my mom classmates, I was' making' up the abuse from my mom and classmates. So I stopped talking.
yep. I feel like I’m more awkward now than were
You and everyone else with CPTSD.
Very helpful
I'm so glad! -Calista@TeamFairy
"We get weird." 😂💯
Here is another aspect to the 1000 and 1 questions: autism + trauma. We have to know every detail and remember every story because we love those people and we want them to know that we care by knowing. Drove my husband nuts for years. I learned how to regulate it mostly.
I have been in situations where I thought i responded out loud but it was just in my head. To me sometimes i swear I respond but I dont, frustrates folks. Im working on it, I have a few close friends who will let me know when I am ot responding appropriately.
Thanks for this video. It is very helpful. I understand that there must and will be ads but an ad every other minute is too much for me.
I would recommend joining CZcams Premium. It's about £12 a month but I think it's been worth every penny to have no ads! My first month was free, as they had a special offer.
GREAT CONTENT!!
I really love the term "social grace", it's very fitting! 😊
By the way, what's the first video's title? It wasn't included in the video. :)
I took some time to get to know myself and that is where I met Jesus and came to understand the word of God for the first time. Best life changing months of my life, where I was also pulled apart from the narcissist. That was 3 years ago and I think I will be single until Jesus takes me, and I am content with that but still need a sense of belonging. I didn't fit it before and I definitely don't fit in now, but I think that is the point 😂.
👍🏻😊
55:13 AAAHG!
I do this! I hate doing this. And I usually notice that I've done it when it's too late.
I want to change that.
When I'm in the mood I ask people questions because of self help books I've read, how to talk to anybody and you're not listening but most of the time people annoy me and I just isolate so going to work on that.
With CPTSD, people can be triggering! Anna’s course Connection Bootcamp shows how to work on that. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Give it a try!
Nika@TeamFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy wish I could afford it right now. Started going to Al-anon thanks to the videos. I started doing the daily practice, then my routine changed but I'm going to organise my time better and get committed to that first.
16:45 you see someone in touch with themselves and you like it because you don’t have that for yourself.
42:15 for today, take a shower…
46:19 conversation stoppers.
yep. I feel like I’m more awkward now than ever
We understand as few others can. You're in the right place! -Calista@TeamFairy
Oh My Gosh! Dr. Actually! What a perfect name for this phenomena. It's my pet peeve too, probably because it was once considered extremely rude to flat out contradict people, so this is probably in part a generational or autistic thing, more common among young people. Not saying it's a problem to disagree, just saying people need to be a little diplomatic instead of just flat out gainsaying other people. I guess in my head I just hear a snotty little kid saying nuh-uh. A lousy way to keep a conversation going, but great way to start an argument. Anyway thanks Anna.
Thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts.
Nika@TeamFairy
I am ready to try out some of what I've learned today. But i am left with one question, where do i go to meet with positive people?
Ok 4:52 I was not expecting to get read that thoroughly..
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you. It's good (albeit very painful) to be healing. @@CrappyChildhoodFairy
How do you suggest one gets to the place of being “emotionally available” for a relationship?? Re: letter from Chloe(?). Should you do casual dating to do this?? Appreciate you and your straightforward talk!! Yes, use the jagged words like “weird” because I want to SEE it! ✊
Thank you for watching. If you'd like to ask Anna a question, here's how to write a letter to the Fairy: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
What were the names of the books she mentioned around minute 30:20? It got me curious
Some ppl just want to talk and talk and don't let u talk. If u try to talk and they cut u off u get upset. If u let them talk and talk its only manipulating a situation where u won't be hurt and shut off. At the end ironically they want to get together. They don't even notice u said nothing. I've had this happen numerous times. Today I run sway rather than be the listener. Can't do it any more
"To feed them that energy that their codependent tendencies crave." That statement about drawing energy from other people reminds me of narcissists - usually said to be the polar opposite of the codependent, who is often described as the heroic "empath." While that dynamic can certainly exist, there is a man on CZcams who gives it to you straight up: "Empaths" are also narcissists! Just a different style of sucking energy from others. It's something to consider.
I find small talk very difficult, what do people talk about at work and stuff. It's so awkward
Thank you for watching. If you’re interested, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people, Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
I'll take healing the syptoms. I dont think theres a cure for what i have😢. ❤faithful viewer, G😎
I think I have this I work on a team and I feel I don’t belong and feel out of place
What's team about? Are you confident with the topic? Do you have ideas you share or are apprehensive to share? Do you feel you're not knowledgeable about the topic? If so, what steps have you taken to learn more about the topic? It may not be the team it could be the job you may not like it or feel it may not be for you anymore. (If the team is at work)
I hear you. CPTSD can make a person feel like an outsider. One way to work on this is with Anna’s course Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
I'm socially awkward so I'm trying to bury myself into model cars,but it's not working anymore.. sad 😢..
Our skills change with maturity, don't dwell on the negatives!
@@katiekane5247 easier said than done....
I have social awkward connection
What do you do if you want to make connections with others but you dont care too much for/somewhat dislike people in general? It's beneficial to learn how to be less awkward, but at the same time, the idea of socially bonding isn't appealing.
😔
❤😊
I feel I’m not good enough at work a d around coworkers I have really ad social anxiety at work
If you'd like to change it, Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
Did you make a video about women finding it hard to get close to other women?? I really really want a girl-friend (not romantically, i am heterosexual) but everytime I find one it breaks apart. Last one I thought wow we will be friends forever but she was that mom-type woman who cared for everyone equally and she made me feel special even though for her I was just an acquaintance. Our friendship ended with abandonment melange from my side and her probably being annoyed by that. She was abused as a child, mother having many changing partners, brothers not wanting anything to do with her mother and one with drug addiction. She lived alone since 15. She must have been emotionally unavailable for me but not for men as she has many guy-friends (kind of like me except I am able to open up to women but it's never a deep connection that I feel)... Does anybody know what I am talking about? Maybe I want a friendship that is too close for most people... a true best-friend I see once a week or maybe every second week. Is there a special name for this so I can look it up?
I think I see what's going on. Consider writing a letter to me about it?
Can it be that some people are bad for you? As someone who doesn't drink, doesn't like to talk about other people, but rather concepts or ideas, connecting is pretty hard.
Yes, and we don't want to fit in with all kinds of people. Anna's course -- Connection Bootcamp -- provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy