The Valley: Choosing Between A Lover Or Spouse - Dr. Joe Beam & Kimberly Holmes - Relationship Radio
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- čas přidán 8. 07. 2024
- People often ask us..
"My spouse is involved with another person, but is ALSO involved with me.
I don't know what to do. Is this something other people face?"
Yes, it is. As a matter of fact, we have a name for it.
We call it... THE VALLEY.
On this episode of Relationship Radio, Dr. Joe Beam & Kimberly Holmes explain what it IS, what it ISN'T, and then answer your questions about it.
VIDEO CHAPTERS
0:00 Welcome To Relationship Radio
1:17 What is The Valley?
7:55 Caller #1
26:53 Caller #2
37:52 Caller #3
46:06 Caller #4
51:58 Therapist Reviews Marriage Helpers Weekend Workshop for Couples
QUESTION #1:
"My husband is having an affair with a person from China. We've been married for 32 years. We were both young, 17, 19. He had numerous affairs before. He left home in October to be with her but he had a panic attack on that weekend he left. The whole time he was texting me, phoning me, just keeping me in his life. He came home in November and from day one he just seemed to be very distant. Even I tried to kiss him. He didn't want me to, he didn't want to return it. He said something couldn't make him love me again, but yet he's always texting me saying that he loves me. We spent his birthday November and my 50th birthday. We went for a getaway group surprise party. On the last day or seven days I caught him texting her. He said yes, that he still feels feelings for her and that when he's with me, he's thinking of her and wants to be with her all the time. So, he left when we came back from the trip. Spent Christmas with her, New Year, but the whole time he was texting me, bought me a gift for Christmas, kept saying that I'm his soulmate, that he loves me very much, and that he wants come back to me and he'll break the chains with her. I really thought this was it. He gave up his rental, he sold a few things, just a few things, but now it stopped and now we are in that same thing is when he got home."
QUESTION #2:
"I know that there are many benefits of having sex as a married couple, but I feel like if that boundary is not in place, then he feels that he can just continue to use me as a doormat and have sex with me, his wife, and sex with his girlfriend. The other part of me also knows that if we do have sex, that it could bring us closer and then if I do cut off the sex, that that's another reason that he's going to find something in this other woman that he's not finding in his own marriage. I'm just wondering, I mean, I did tell him last week that we could only ever have sex again if it was really just he and I, and I feel like it's important to stick to that boundary, but now I'm also wondering if maybe we should have a conversation about it. I don't know."
QUESTION #3:
"My husband left in May of last year. He moved in with another woman and for the few months following May, he really didn't want to have anything to do with me. Now it's to the point where he asks if it's too late for him to come back home. He'll come over, we'll have sex, and it seems as if he wants to come back, but then he ends up going back with this other woman and this cycle has continued probably three, maybe three or four times. So, I was trying to see if it's anything that I'm doing, that's encouraging this behavior by allowing, or basically allowing him to come and go as he please. I want to know if that's something that I should stop doing."
QUESTION #4:
"Me and my husband have been married for 15 years. We have two young children and we have had a lot of stress lately because of the deaths of both of my parents and the mother of my husband in the past two years. Since the death of his mother, my husband has changed a lot. He has been in therapy for a year. I thought he was having depression, but as a matter of fact, he was having an affair with a 10-year younger colleague at work. I discovered this six weeks ago. My husband has decided to move out our family home but he cannot decide whether he wants to have a divorce or whether he wants to go for the affair partner. My question is, what can I do? What is a good action to do?"
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We hope it helps!
Blessings,
Marriage Helper
Very informative.I tune daily to these precious teachings
Thank you!!
I want to save my marriage my wife in the valley and it hurt me emotionally and i cnt sleep i cnt eat i dnt now what to do
Good! ..
Can the valley be between spouse and family?. My wife chose her family before me since the beginning. Or maybe just plain neglect. neglected physically emotionally spiritually and even verbally. Months into marrige
What if he’s not living at home, living at a hotel and you only see each other at marriage counseling He barely texts me and has basically friend zoned me. How will I be able to show him, for lack of better words, I’ve been working on my PIES when we barely see each other now?
Really need your help
How do o find the relationship radio show
You can find all of our video episodes by following this link to the playlist:
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You can also find more of our podcasts by following this link!
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We hope this helps!
Is limerence & the valley the same or different?
Hey joann guzzo, thanks for your comment.
Limerence is when someone has feelings of being madly in love with another person.
The Valley is when a person is conflicted about choosing their lover over their spouse, or vice versa. They are trying to choose and figure things out while going through a flood of emotions. Another illustration could be a roller coaster. 1 minute they are madly in love with this person, the next minute they regret everything and want to come back to the marriage.
Does that make sense?
@@MarriageHelper thnks...so I am confused as if my partner is in the valley or experiencing limerence....
Of course! The could be experiences both at the same time. We hope this helps!
If he stays in house, until our son gets 18...and says nothing about love.....but he's atracted sexually by me?
Why accepting that, just divorce and move on
Hey Thomas Williams, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,
How does your feel about you making money off of your affair does she get fifty percent
The lover has to be better than the spouse, screw em. Unsubscribed.
Je sais que c'est très très important quand vous vous trouvez la femme ou l'homme de la situation sans ce lamenter
Pareillement pour moi envers vous je vous en pris avec toute idéologie humaines