You are so right toxic people hate it when you make boundaries they want to be able to control every aspect of your life when they finally realise you wont take their crap anymore they shy away as their egos cannot handle the strength they are being showed
Just broke up with my bestfriend yesterday. I could relate to every point, even the apology part. I apologized too (even though I knew I was not wrong on my part), like you did to calm things down. But it was like a pattern. It kept repeating itself. Also, I started sharing less about my achievements because I could sense in her behavior that she didn't like it. Like you said, the passion killers! And it's so sad that they will never ever realize the damage they did to you. For them, in your friendship breakup story, you will be the bad guy.
So true. Passion killers do not deserve to be our friends/special someones/family. The only way to deal with them is to chuck them out and stop being their 'supply'.
I'm going through something similar. That's why I checked out this video. I'm so sorry. Its such a disappointing and disheartening experience. But peace of mind is not optional. Thankfully, peace of mind came back quickly once ties were cut, from my experience.
*** Constant drama *** Almost everything has to be about them *** Blame you for every conflict and demand explanation, apology *** They do not take responsibility, but if they do (don't faint yet!) they will attempt to justify their actions *** They drag up your past and throw it in your face at any given opportunity *** They project their negative traits onto you *** They are the victim boo hoo (this does not include when someone actually is a victim!) *** They are the hero in their own stories and they devalue others in their stories *** Passion killers - if you love it they'll point out the flaws *** Toxic "friends" are not willing to change their behavior *** These are their patterns of behavior, their 'normal' behavior, not occasional or incidental. *** When you set a boundary with a toxic person, they become angry! Notice their reaction. ***
Passive aggressive stuff is what I watch out for. When I notice pushiness, and or passive aggressive behavior, I am done. Like, when they ask a question via text, out of the blue, and want an answer, but you aren't able to answer immediatly, (because they want something) so they call 25 times until you gotta take the phone off the hook. And, then when you CAN call back later that day, and you tell them you'll have an answer by evening time, but instead of him or her saying, "okay", they show up at your door 30 mins later demanding a full commitment when you haven't even had a chance to think yet. Watch out if they have poor listening skills (like when you say things, and they act like they didn't understand, like for example, if you say, "I can do early afternoon, maybe 1:00ish", because you're trying to commit to a time to be courteous, but can't say 100% for sure you can be there at that exact time, (they gave you short notice),and they say, "okay, see you at 1:00!", and act like they didn't hear you. So then, you show up, and people think you're late, (not knowing the conversation you actually had).May seem small, but when you look bad because of miscommunication (not on your end), it gets frustrating. Especially when it is important things. It means they only care about their agenda, with no regard for what you need, are able to actually do, your time, or about playing in a fair way. Listen to your instincts.
I've been in such a relationship for 35 years... Every few years, something comes up that causes conflict - and it's usually me who addresses the issue as I find my friend is happy to sit in the tension and not find resolution. If it is in any way her 'behaviour' that comes into question, she deflects and brings up so many of my past faults. The most recent conflict, she totally went off topic (which she usually does, so not unexpected), but brought up a discussion we had had about 15 years ago, when raising small children! Nothing to do with her current behaviour, but totally blame-shifting. This is the first time (in my recovery journey as a co-dependent), that I could observe her behaviour and not fall into the trap of perpetuating the drama. I have completely withdrawn. It's been 3 weeks and every day, I see clearer. It's sad to let a friendship go, but the only way to resolve this is if I completely ignore her behaviour, go crawling back to her with an apologetic demeanour and take the full blame for this conflict. For the first time, I'm not prepared to do that. I feel lighter in my spirit with each day of no-contact.
Journey to Joy I totally understand you, you're not alone! I've had a long time friendship with a narcissist as well, she destroyed me in every single way! The best thing you can do to protect your sanity is go no contact!
When you said its been 3 weeks and a day, did you mean that you have gone no contact for that time? If so, great. You also said its sad to let a friendship go. When you know a narc, its not a friendship, its a dictatorship. And that is not sad at all to let go.
Just experienced #7 with a frenemy because now that I look back she never was a friend. All about her, always the victim and lastly too arrogant to admit that she was wrong when I repeatedly apologized for my reaction to her behavior. I'm relieved that it was revealed to me and that I never have to deal with this situation again. Grateful to divine that I was removed.
Thank you, Petra. I am going through such a situation with my best friend right now, and this really opened my eyes. What resonated most with me was your point about setting boundaries and watching the other person's reaction. Just this evening, I told him, "please stop criticising me like this," and his response was, "okay, then I shall not say anything about you anymore." Thank you once again, it all makes sense to me now.
It took me ages to find a channel that pulled apart narcissistic friendships as most seem to be narcissistic spouses/partners/parents/kids even. I recommended this channel to a few friends of mine and they said the same. I think I've watched most of them several times as I find her relaxing to listen to and grounding, especially when I was going through it all and had no idea what was going on just that something felt "off". This person hit every point she made. EVERY ONE. I tried to gently pull away but I think this friend picked up on it and would create an emotional drama she needed my support with everytime to pull me back in. I realised phasing myself out was not an option and so said "good bye". No regrets.
Thank you for sharing the video's! If someone (a friend or otherwise) has a pattern of disturbing your peace, happiness and vulnerability, it is a loving gesture towards yourself to simply disengage. Allow the disruptive energy to fade out of your life.
@@PetraVanDeijl As you're a busy person I appreciate you making these videos for free just to help others. I'd have had no idea what was happening otherwise. I also appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. It's important to share your knowledge. It spreads hope, strength and courage. Keep it up xxx
I was having a conversation with my narcissistic mother. She used a very bigoted, and hurtful term. I had bitten the bullet so many times with her fowl offensive language that I had just had enough, and told her I didnt like her using that term. She kept on trying to justify herself. Saying "everyone" uses that term, "ppl used to use that term back in my day and it didnt mean anything", all these excuses. I left the room and didnt talk to her for the rest of the night. The next day she acted as if nothing happened. Every time I come to visit her, I'm left feeling drained, I've lost almost all motivation and it can be hard to transition back to my normal life again. It's like a psychic attack. The devastation that comes with realizing a parent is a narc can feel soul crushing at times. Some days I dont know how to cope except tell myself that there will be a day when I will heal from all the abuse and find inner peace...
I'm having such a hard time right now. My experiences are blurring my ability to detect emotional abuse and I'm getting to a point where I feel the need to shut everyone out. That can't be healthy.
Thanks Petra for confirming the narc's act of "killing your passion". You're the first to put that into perspective for me. I needed to hear it. Thanks again. 💛
Exactly Tina. I was so crazy passionate in my art class where I met her & steadily getting better Until I foolishly sat next to her... I was Constantly drained. I went towards her As she doesn't speak English- Victim- rescuer dynamic no 1 2- I noticed red flag: her saying "I Don't care!" 3- she's had NO friends in the 10 yrs she's been in the UK!! 4- she's broken bones (several + her hip) & hence cannot walk. It still affects her To this day!" (I'm ex RN So I felt a pull of pity towards her 5- incredible RUDENESS: I introduced her to a friend & she took her phone out as I was telling a story!! 6- the Final aha Was me setting a boundary & Her moving away from me to sit by my friend...thereby very childishly Excluding me As I had set a boundary! & Also it ramped up when she; just yesterday; hit her head JUST @ END OF THE CLASS!! The timing was incredible! This then got her Massive attention & Distresses my adorable art teacher Who said :"it would happen just at the End of class!" She then came onto our shared Wattsapp group (Mass attention) To say Sorry to all for "worrying them". I left the Wattsapp group. & Am now just barely hanging onto going to the art class I once so loved. My part- I felt sorry for her As she was all alone & Fell for her flattery & how she'd described me to her husband The nudge & red flag I sadly ignored was: "Hang on...she doesn't really know me well enough to be moving on ne so fast & describing me. She love bombed me With flattery & I felt needed. What a bad experience. Oh I forgot "I've got long Covid & will need heart checks & My coughing never stops!" Again...I felt pity for her.
You are right Petra. People tend to only thing about romantic relationships when it comes to narcissism. But I find that there can be so toxic when you encounter them at work or in your circle of friends. I believe one of my co workers might be a narcissist. But he usually gets away with the pity he manages to gather from the people who don't know him like I do. He has a hard time understanding personal boundaries. I have had to send him an email explaining clearly that I do not want him to touch me and that we are not friends.
You've completely nailed it! I've just come out of a toxic friendship with my ex best friend who I fell in love with. This has really opened my eyes no everything makes sense now, thank you so much ❤️
Thank you for this video! I have been struggling with having a friend group that would say I was too fat, too awkward, too ugly and that they were embarrest of hanging out with me, and every time I would try getting other friends they would just bully me from afar and make me feel like I was too much of a loser to ever get into some other friendships, I'm moving away from them in half a year and I really can't wait!
Dear sister black, be proud of your strength 💪 these nasty friends will 😮 will only drain your precious 💞 energy.. God bless you 💝 You will be envied for figuring them out😅
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I had a toxic "friendship" for about 9 years. As time went on I began to realize more and more things about them, in particular how negative they were, and downplaying my own pursuits. And as well, subtle hints they were spying on me and my private conversations, effectively using my phone as a microphone. And later repeating back to me certain phrases that I had used in conversation with a completely different person, and not over the phone. And it wasn't until I was listening to another, true friend of mine, who was explaining to me that his mother was a narcissist. (He had no idea what I was dealing with) As he began to describe her traits, I suddenly realized he was also explaining what this other friend was like, in my life. With this new-found revelation, I had a clearer understanding as well as clearer expectations of my interactions with this person. The more positive things happened to me, the more evident their narcissism showed - marriage, cars, a published fictional novel, and a new house. The more I succeeded and the less attention I showed them, the more irritated they became, until finally I eliminated all communication and went "no-contact". It was painful, as I tried to hide was going on for months - they were a family friend and still trying to lurk on my social peripheries. I finally had to explain to my family that this person was not what they seemed and I was staunchly against being near or around them. Fortunately for me, I've had strong familial support. Again, I greatly value you your insight. Thank you.
It’s like when a friend constantly says “oh you’re so lucky…” in a whingey voice when something nice happens, or even when it hasn’t! My friend seems to think I live a charmed life, she doesn’t like it when I point out I don’t. It’s very draining. She also criticises me for standing or engaging with people, “oh you’re so funny the way you were standing there…” or “oh you’re so funny the way you were asking that guy when we could go in” How do I deal with her?
I had a guy friend that would bring up my flaws or past faults. I felt that sometimes he'd take my questions or comments as judgement and then attack in retaliation.
Omg thank you ive never had a check list ticked off so accurately in my life, I just got rid of 12 years of abuse and only wish I could show them this video. My friend and her entire family sat in the car screaming at me saying I ruined thier entire night because I forgot to eat before drinking, and her father was a stunned chicken asking me "Why are you yelling back?!" Because for the first time ever I defended myself since they were nurses abusing someone and blaming me for them having to take care of me. I dont remember the entire night and I got threatened, punished, insulted and then dropped off and got told to compose myself so my mum didn't have to see my tears. My friend is the abuser and victim from her mother, I cant believe I only realised this now.
My best friend doesn't often blame ME for problems in her life, but she does blame others, (her sister, parents, past/current relationships/friendships etc). If she does admit to fault, she either justifies it as there is something wrong with her, or the situation left her no other choice than to take the action that she did. But when I give her suggestions that could lead to a more positive outcome, she rarely takes the advice and will continue to complain over and over for weeks/months/years later. And when I try to voice my opinions that I believe to be credible and valuable to her, if she doesn't agree, she doesn't get verbally/physically abusive, but she'll become defensive and comes up with reasons for why the advice won't work, or acts like she knows more on the subject than I do, Or she'll become quiet and although she doesn't speak, I can tell that she is fuming on the inside. But I find this constant devaluing of my opinions and advice degrading and often leaves me feeling like "Why do I bother at all?" Only to suck it up and do it again. Is there any way for me to gently point out my observations of her being narcissistic to try and make her aware of it so that maybe she could attempt to change herself, or do I just take the steps I need to exit the friendship? We've been friends for 4 years, and she's always been drama-oriented and I've witnessed her go through a number of friendships and a toxic relationship with a guy who was emotionally unavailable and landed her in prison because she couldn't handle the turbulence of the relationship. It scares me because I don't know what lengths she will go to in order to keep me close. She's possessive when it comes to me trying to have other female friends, she's constantly critical of them and I can sense the jealousy or betrayal when I talk about the time spent with them. She'll even try and insert herself in the plans I make with them, especially with the one for whom we have a mutual connection. It's very confusing and draining and I just feel trapped, because I don't want to hurt her, because I can't tell if she MEANS to do what she does or not, all I know is that I'm enjoying my time with her less and less all the time, and know I can't do it forever. :(
I can exactly relate to this rn... i also never have time to be myself and do my own thing because she insists on taking up every aspect of my freedom and time.
No contact is the answer. You only have this one life and you deserve better treatment. You deserve real love. You have the power and the right to lock the drama out of your life. :)
UPDATE: Since I posted this 2 years ago, we went "ON A BREAK" for almost a year. When I saw a post that she was pregnant I reached out to her and have resumed our friendship. Things are so much better than they were! Both of us matured a whole lot and she became a mom and it seems to have mellowed her and given her a new outlook. I did cut her out though for a while, and I think it helped by giving us a chance to restart our friendship. 🤗 Thanks for the support, everyone!
I would love to hear you talking about this topic again. I'm graving a friendship, I recognize every single point of your video, bc it's not easy to let it go....
Thank you so much for making this! You explain everything in such a structured and understandable way and your voice is very soothing to listen to. ^-^ It has been so difficult to find information about these things with the overwhelming focus on sexual and physical abuse in romantic relationships or parent-child relationships.
I had a friend or i thought she was ,i been studying her behavior and now i"m hearing you talking all these points that you just mentioned it"s exactly how she is ,you see i"m always going back to her taking the blame after every argument with her telling her i"m sorry ,then she says ,shes sorry too so we can be friends again ,well lately it happened again but this time i"ll wait for her excuse if not i think our friendship is finished ,i have to do this it"s not good for my health.Thanks very much you really helped me.
Got into a petty arguments over nothing we did exchange words and my bestie walks out my house and keys my car she has no remorse and feels it was justified I’m so hurt most of all she never apologized nor had an empathy
Exactly the facts you talk on my friend can never say sorry for her parts in the disagreement. 9.10 times it's her fault bc of her nasty tirades against me. Throwing up my past is a weapon of hers undermining me be it amongst people I've just met or belittling me when we are alone. Nice one minute disrespectful towards me the next. She has pushed me away many times Petra. The only reason we got talking again was bc of her out of town friend. Who would ring me to persuade me that the number of years we have known each other... ... I relented now I regret this. Her latest attack was out of the blue. Other morning she rang my phone. After her knowing I had phone issues for weeks. I didn't recognise her number or voice. She started on me first thing in the morning. Her tirade of abuse continued when she hung up the phone and texted me to pull me down further by exclaiming how I owe the state money for years of dependency. Lies bc I have worked the majority of the time I feel she was feeling anger and bitterness at her own situation. As she had recently been sent a large fine for not complying with traffic rules. I calmly texted to say I am busy getting ready to travel to visit family soon and how I am not impressed by her critical wrong statements. I left it at that. I have heard nothing since. Which suits me just fine. Except now she will more than likely twist the story around that she's the victim. Her story will totally contrast mine when she if she tells her friend how we are now not talking. This has gone on for years and just like Petra I have been the humble one the one who most of the time would apologise even with knowing I'm not wrong! It's terrible and she is Narcissistic personality disorder. Toxic the lot. Apart from being a successful social worker. Yes you heard right a social worker 🤔😐 there is nothing going for her behaviours are very imbalanced. Negative and full of fantasy she is not happy she has a salary yes but she is not happy with her love life her family life her friendships which are quite minimal unless she is in fantasy fantasising egzagerrating her amazing life of holidays alone. Her man left her and has had an addiction problem. She felt no remorse for his situation will not recognise that her personality attracted his negative. While this behaviour of hers exasperated his issues aswell. She is now onto her next victim she met through speed dating. She wasted no time in phoning me a taxi while I was flat sitting hers. Her flirtatious mode in full display as she walked into the living room in only her underwear. Insulting me when I said why are you doing!? Her response well why you got my shit on?! I had her robe on it was cold. This dude she only just met. That's not the only guy she is trying to use and manipulate. As far as she's concerned she's in high demand a career woman. Now she is ill bc of narcotic abuse to her it was a bit of coke hear and there some Molly when she was studying student days. But it continued the series way after her degree. Now she has gut issues. Under doctors clinics. But won't listen to advice still she got some coke the night she went to meet the guy at speed dating. After I advised her against it. One day she said how boring I am bc I wouldn't do her foolish behaviour also. She got her party friend to verbally correct me for saying how she needs to calm down on the drugs. I was the worse friend I was dictating it didn't get received well. Now this friend is no longer in her circle in fact she has no circle of friends really only the odd one miles away I live near by . It's me who has tried to be there. But I don't have the excitement her other friends had I'm slightly older a mother of older young men. And she regards me as boring. Her abusive texts were the last straw for me. I do not deserve to be spoken to in that way. I know that lately I will have been called behind my back. My confiding in her. I doubt it would be kept to herself. All the videos I've watched on narcissism she has ticked nearly every single box on the list. Can these people be helped? Is my question bc to go through life in that way must be horrible she is pretty but ugly inside. Is it bc of a bad childhood as she always talks about that especially when she's had a drink or drugs. ?? She needs help
Even though no one said I’m ugly I tend to have low self esteem and think I’m not good enough bc of how they treated me , I can’t believe after all the things she said I hung in there and kept the friendship going on . She literally looked down with disrespect laughing that I’d never get a boyfriend, she literally. was like “hahahaha you? Having a boyfriend? ! Hahaha Nonsense” I would never forget such evilness , that exist Inside humans.
It's envy and jealousy on her part. Own your truth and be indifferent to her opinions. Get a self-care plan in place. Create rituals of rest, meditation and fun time. ❤
Time for you to get a pen and paper and write down all your good points. And once you get started the list will be long. Then regarding your physical appearance do the same and the list will be long. Read it everyday and your self esteem will go up.
I can't believe how many times I've given the apology when I had no reason to be sorry but I was the one who was deeply hurt. It's happened to me over and over with the same person. I know there's no way now that we can be friends anymore but it's hard because it's someone I've grown up with from childhood. Still there's no way it can work for example anymore even tough I don't want to go hurting them. I can't be friends now with the whole group of people associated with them because they've also shown me to be more their friend than mine. I'm not going to be the only one reaching out saying hello..and I've heard about gossip behind my back and I could feel it happening anyway.
I hear you Debbie! Setting healthy boundaries will allow you to protect your peace of mind, your emotional needs and your heart. Those who do not respect your boundaries have no place in your life.
girl im in the same exact spot. had a childhood friend who i recently had to let go bc i think she was narcissistic. i cant talk to our whole friend group now b/c they're all following her charade. its so hard being alone.
@@noorabbas706 awww I'm so sorry you're going through it too. Thank you for sharing with me. Yes I feel like that is what's going on in my situation too. I know it is hard being alone. But freeing ourselves is the only way to meet genuine people.
THIS. Everything here is what I’ve been experiencing for 2 years with my best friend... he even lived with me as my roommate and I had to tell him to leave today which absolutely broke my heart but We’ve literally been on this cycle for so long I had to do it
My friend is all of these i think she is so mean as a friend an I see she has a jealous problem as well, I'm 37 yrs old we been friends since we were 12 yrs old. Its starting to feel very miserable being her friend she was everything you said 😔 💔
We love you dear Petra. When I'm struggling being around yet another such unevolved being; you help me & I wanted to THANK YOU as you are trully wonderful. I guess when all alone(yet again!!)& bouncing back Yet again (I'm an adult child of narc mother); YOU help me to get back up again. Keep on with your so wonderful videos dearest teacher. 💖love you So so much.
So sweet of you, thank you so much. Being raised by a narcissistic mother is devastating for a child. These wounds are carried around into your adult life and will continue to bleed if you don't address and heal them. Wishing you continued strength, courage and love on your journey of healing. With love, Petra
Mine was a neighbour who became a friend because she was wrongly being threatened with eviction, by an aggressive other neighbour! My son and I stepped up to help her legally, I worked part time so had time to research etc, she worked full time. We all ended up in a tribunal which she won! We then became friends. Every time she had a maintenance issue in her flat I’d help her get it fixed, I am the contact person for tradesmen etc. when she had a problem recently with electricity I asked the usual questions so I could advise the electrician. She text me and Said I ask too many questions always! And that she was “done” with me! Wow! That was it! Out of the blue, attacked!
My narcissistic friend would brag about sleeping with married men, not feeling ashamed and making it clear. She also used my past against me in sneaky ways she's the worst kind of person. She sold her body for sex, left her son for money and would be highly critical of others yet take no responsibility..good riddens
with my narc friend it was very hard to try and say anything about observing them becoming angry. if you mentioned it they would say you were the angry one. you can replace the word angry with upset in that example and it would be the same too. forget noticing verbally they were hurt by something either. the defensiveness would come out almost comically. explaining you were uncomfortable with anything they did would produce skepticism with wild facial expressions with the whole vibe that you "were being too soft". they also used wanting to end themselves as a way to keep a past friendship alive that was inevitably ending due to obvious reasons, when it was used more than once they even confessed to me that it was the only way they would get a response from this person and something about that twisted my stomach.... with this same friend i would be very excited about something new and scientific that i would find out online and the moment they realized they couldn't understand it or it had no meaning for them personally they would scoff toward the end and start talking about something basic and simple and lifestyle-like they could deflate me with.
I know i have my mistakes im far from perfect...but i feel like everytime i have it bad im told ''stop dwelling'', ''stop pity yourself'' ect...and then i hear them do the same as me like they think its ok to complain about their problems, but when i have problems its like nothing. i feel like im in hell, while others can complain. I suffer from depression and psychosis it is hell u know...sometimes people can make you ill. I dont blame others, yet i kind of do. Because i always been the scapegoat who has been treated like shit...i somehow wish i got cancer and died.
My issue is that I had a best friend she was my best friend for about almost 5 years I'm 14 so that's a good portion of my life and my so-called friend was 100% toxic person towards me she did take drama class but that's not where the drama ended she would tell me everything even those thing that happened in her life even though I was trying to deal with my own problems eventually my problems in my personal life got to the point where I needed to go to therapy for it and I told her this because you know I thought I could tell my friend this and kind of information and she got so defensive and she told me that she could help me more than a therapist could ever help me it's at this point I finally stop being friends with her that was several weeks ago and up to just as recently as today trying to convince me to go back to her and to forgive her for all the things she's done to me in the past she hurt me but I would always say that she didn't hit me hard and that's why I didn't tell anybody but in reality I just got so used to the pain that I didn't even flinch anymore I stopped giving my opinion on some stuff and I would just agree with whatever they said they what do whatever and their power to make me think that I needed them to be successful in school I have a bit of a reading disability and that might be why my writing in this might not be the best and I am terribly sorry for that but she always convinced me that if it wasn't for her I would be failing my classes I used to stay after 4 for her to help me when I should have just been telling the teacher I didn't understand the material and I could have gotten some help from the teacher instead thankfully in time a friend that I almost completely ignored for a year because my toxic friends hated this other person but this other person that actually tried to tell me that my toxic friend was no good for me and she was just making my life more miserable I wish I listen to her sooner because if I did maybe I wouldn't be so hurt right now maybe I wouldn't be having to look up these kind of CZcams videos to convince myself that I did the right thing because there's so many people telling me that I should tell my toxic friend that I'm sorry and not everything in life is going to be easy and not everything in life is going to be over rainbows and everything I understand that but I want to still be treated like a human being
Those people asking you to go back are gaslighting you to go back to the sick toxic friendship or relationship ignore it and move on you deserve better
@@laughoncomedy2923 thank you very much and now I'm 16 years old and I've truly improved and bettered myself I took all the toxic people out of my life and some of them still try to get back into my life but I don't want them anyways thank you for replying and thank you for being such a kind person
Artist140 Thank God You’re happy now life is meant to be enjoyed not to be endured Wait faithfully for empathetic and emotionally Godly people who will love ❤️ and respect you forever. Keep those wicked jealous soul away they want to torture you for nothing. Thank God for you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏👍
My friend sends Good morning message to me daily. I too used to send her message. I suggested her, one day not to send GM msg daily, instead of that spare time to talk once in while. She never listens. I regularly call her once in a month.. One day as usual i called her, she didn't take the call, but called after one week, when i confronted her for taking one week to call back... she literally got angry on me... saying " so what happened" and immediately hung up the phone saying you just want to pick fights.. with me My point is when she doesn't want to talk to me....why she is sending me Good morning msg daily.. 😮
guys i’m begging of you, help me. i feel like i’m being emotionally abused by my friend. she checks my messages to see who i’ve been texting. i have to constantly deny being close or friendly with other people. i can’t have another bestfriend or she gets very jealous or upset. she picks fights with me over the stupidest things and yet its always me to have to apologise and take the blame. she’s never once admitted to her mistakes and she’s been replacing me with everyone recently. i’m scared to leave but i don’t know if this emotional abuse. help me, i beg.
You deserve to be treated like a human being I believe that you should distance yourself between any obstacle that prevents you from being treated normally because I feel like you deserve to be treated hundred percent like the person that you are giving me attention to I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm kind of bad at wording things but I'm truly trying to put my words out so I can help you as much as I possibly can
During Covid I was very blessed to not only work with a company I loved and doing something I was passionate about but also I was being blessed with hazard payments and our store having alot of Covid restrictions. I personally felt very grateful I was getting that extra income and having a lot of downtime working front lines but with Covid restrictions for my very small store I didn’t have to interact with a lot of customers. With all those new features I was adapting to well but partner would question whether I was happy or whether I was getting what I deserved. I would end up second guessing the well needed downtime and I blame myself for not boggling down and ignoring the negativity however supportive is what they thought they where being but they weren’t hearing me when I said I was ok and that I was enjoying this time. They just heard “ I’m complacent, I’m settling “ and put pressure on that. All the way to the point that when I took up extra responsibilities in the job and enjoyed that position, they would question once again if I was being treated properly. And I understood where they were coming from however the pressure and the abuse in my eyes came from when they would get upset with me for feeling that pressure about my career and not allowing me t feel it out and explore my passion. He would subtly down play how exciting this should be for me simple cause I was still working for “ the man” and I wasn’t starting my own business like I had wanted to. ( I want to start a business but I wanted to have more experience seeing how companies ran their businesses so I wanted to explore) I did what I could but it’s still fresh and still sad but I am very much understanding what went wrong and I am not fully blaming them. But I seem to be the only person who did the right thing for themselves and the break up ended with me feeling reassured in my boundaries and my feelings. They flew into not only rage, but they also have been texting me long statement a once a day and also telling me that I was just a manipulator who wasted years of their life. While also telling me their health is declining and they need me by their side and they flip flopping back between I’m everything they needed to I’m everything they should have never put their time into. It’s very confusing and frustrating to me that this can’t happen in a better way. So many more things has happened but the base of it is that I need to get to know myself outside of this relationship and they want me to sit and explain what went wrong. And I’ve done that one way or another but abuse has happened beyond what I’ve explained (or haven’t) and I can’t sit and explain that any further. At this point what went wrong? We did. I did. Idk ..
You are so right toxic people hate it when you make boundaries they want to be able to control every aspect of your life when they finally realise you wont take their crap anymore they shy away as their egos cannot handle the strength they are being showed
Love this comment. I have experienced this recently.
lainy nicks - I lost a woman who I thought was the love of my life because of this...glad I lost her!
Right ugh
Just broke up with my bestfriend yesterday. I could relate to every point, even the apology part. I apologized too (even though I knew I was not wrong on my part), like you did to calm things down. But it was like a pattern. It kept repeating itself. Also, I started sharing less about my achievements because I could sense in her behavior that she didn't like it. Like you said, the passion killers!
And it's so sad that they will never ever realize the damage they did to you. For them, in your friendship breakup story, you will be the bad guy.
So true. Passion killers do not deserve to be our friends/special someones/family. The only way to deal with them is to chuck them out and stop being their 'supply'.
I'm going through something similar. That's why I checked out this video. I'm so sorry. Its such a disappointing and disheartening experience. But peace of mind is not optional. Thankfully, peace of mind came back quickly once ties were cut, from my experience.
"I am sorry I offended you". -Which we all know means - it is your responsibility for how you feel so...not so sorry.
*** Constant drama *** Almost everything has to be about them *** Blame you for every conflict and demand explanation, apology *** They do not take responsibility, but if they do (don't faint yet!) they will attempt to justify their actions *** They drag up your past and throw it in your face at any given opportunity *** They project their negative traits onto you *** They are the victim boo hoo (this does not include when someone actually is a victim!) *** They are the hero in their own stories and they devalue others in their stories *** Passion killers - if you love it they'll point out the flaws *** Toxic "friends" are not willing to change their behavior *** These are their patterns of behavior, their 'normal' behavior, not occasional or incidental. *** When you set a boundary with a toxic person, they become angry! Notice their reaction. ***
"they drag up your past" YESSSSS
Passive aggressive stuff is what I watch out for. When I notice pushiness, and or passive aggressive behavior, I am done. Like, when they ask a question via text, out of the blue, and want an answer, but you aren't able to answer immediatly, (because they want something) so they call 25 times until you gotta take the phone off the hook. And, then when you CAN call back later that day, and you tell them you'll have an answer by evening time, but instead of him or her saying, "okay", they show up at your door 30 mins later demanding a full commitment when you haven't even had a chance to think yet. Watch out if they have poor listening skills (like when you say things, and they act like they didn't understand, like for example, if you say, "I can do early afternoon, maybe 1:00ish", because you're trying to commit to a time to be courteous, but can't say 100% for sure you can be there at that exact time, (they gave you short notice),and they say, "okay, see you at 1:00!", and act like they didn't hear you. So then, you show up, and people think you're late, (not knowing the conversation you actually had).May seem small, but when you look bad because of miscommunication (not on your end), it gets frustrating. Especially when it is important things. It means they only care about their agenda, with no regard for what you need, are able to actually do, your time, or about playing in a fair way. Listen to your instincts.
I've been in such a relationship for 35 years... Every few years, something comes up that causes conflict - and it's usually me who addresses the issue as I find my friend is happy to sit in the tension and not find resolution. If it is in any way her 'behaviour' that comes into question, she deflects and brings up so many of my past faults. The most recent conflict, she totally went off topic (which she usually does, so not unexpected), but brought up a discussion we had had about 15 years ago, when raising small children! Nothing to do with her current behaviour, but totally blame-shifting. This is the first time (in my recovery journey as a co-dependent), that I could observe her behaviour and not fall into the trap of perpetuating the drama. I have completely withdrawn. It's been 3 weeks and every day, I see clearer. It's sad to let a friendship go, but the only way to resolve this is if I completely ignore her behaviour, go crawling back to her with an apologetic demeanour and take the full blame for this conflict. For the first time, I'm not prepared to do that. I feel lighter in my spirit with each day of no-contact.
Journey to Joy I totally understand you, you're not alone! I've had a long time friendship with a narcissist as well, she destroyed me in every single way! The best thing you can do to protect your sanity is go no contact!
When you said its been 3 weeks and a day, did you mean that you have gone no contact for that time? If so, great. You also said its sad to let a friendship go. When you know a narc, its not a friendship, its a dictatorship. And that is not sad at all to let go.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the toxic friend because I have high requirement in honesty.
Just experienced #7 with a frenemy because now that I look back she never was a friend. All about her, always the victim and lastly too arrogant to admit that she was wrong when I repeatedly apologized for my reaction to her behavior. I'm relieved that it was revealed to me and that I never have to deal with this situation again. Grateful to divine that I was removed.
Thank you, Petra. I am going through such a situation with my best friend right now, and this really opened my eyes. What resonated most with me was your point about setting boundaries and watching the other person's reaction. Just this evening, I told him, "please stop criticising me like this," and his response was, "okay, then I shall not say anything about you anymore." Thank you once again, it all makes sense to me now.
It took me ages to find a channel that pulled apart narcissistic friendships as most seem to be narcissistic spouses/partners/parents/kids even. I recommended this channel to a few friends of mine and they said the same. I think I've watched most of them several times as I find her relaxing to listen to and grounding, especially when I was going through it all and had no idea what was going on just that something felt "off". This person hit every point she made. EVERY ONE. I tried to gently pull away but I think this friend picked up on it and would create an emotional drama she needed my support with everytime to pull me back in. I realised phasing myself out was not an option and so said "good bye". No regrets.
Thank you for sharing the video's! If someone (a friend or otherwise) has a pattern of disturbing your peace, happiness and vulnerability, it is a loving gesture towards yourself to simply disengage. Allow the disruptive energy to fade out of your life.
@@PetraVanDeijl As you're a busy person I appreciate you making these videos for free just to help others. I'd have had no idea what was happening otherwise. I also appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. It's important to share your knowledge. It spreads hope, strength and courage. Keep it up xxx
How can someone be toxic in certain ways but genuinely loving and supportive in other contexts?
It's all an illusion. They are only "loving" when everything is on THEIR terms and they're getting amazing supply from you.
@@PetraVanDeijl i guess i was always looking for an explanation, but you described my ex-best friend spot on.
I was having a conversation with my narcissistic mother. She used a very bigoted, and hurtful term. I had bitten the bullet so many times with her fowl offensive language that I had just had enough, and told her I didnt like her using that term. She kept on trying to justify herself. Saying "everyone" uses that term, "ppl used to use that term back in my day and it didnt mean anything", all these excuses. I left the room and didnt talk to her for the rest of the night. The next day she acted as if nothing happened. Every time I come to visit her, I'm left feeling drained, I've lost almost all motivation and it can be hard to transition back to my normal life again. It's like a psychic attack. The devastation that comes with realizing a parent is a narc can feel soul crushing at times. Some days I dont know how to cope except tell myself that there will be a day when I will heal from all the abuse and find inner peace...
Thank you very much. This topic never really gets talked about... People seem to forget that abusiv friendships can be physical too through
I'm having such a hard time right now. My experiences are blurring my ability to detect emotional abuse and I'm getting to a point where I feel the need to shut everyone out. That can't be healthy.
Another great video. It is true that there is not a lot out there concerning toxic friendships and I appreciate you addressing the subject,
Several of my experiences were through friendships Mary. Thank you for your support x
Thanks Petra for confirming the narc's act of "killing your passion". You're the first to put that into perspective for me. I needed to hear it. Thanks again. 💛
Exactly Tina. I was so crazy passionate in my art class where I met her & steadily getting better
Until I foolishly sat next to her...
I was Constantly drained. I went towards her As she doesn't speak English-
Victim- rescuer dynamic no 1
2- I noticed red flag: her saying
"I Don't care!"
3- she's had NO friends in the 10 yrs she's been in the UK!!
4- she's broken bones (several + her hip) & hence cannot walk. It still affects her To this day!" (I'm ex RN
So I felt a pull of pity towards her
5- incredible RUDENESS:
I introduced her to a friend & she took her phone out as I was telling a story!!
6- the Final aha
Was me setting a boundary &
Her moving away from me to sit by my friend...thereby very childishly Excluding me
As I had set a boundary!
&
Also it ramped up when she; just yesterday; hit her head JUST @ END OF THE CLASS!! The timing was incredible!
This then got her Massive attention
&
Distresses my adorable art teacher
Who said
:"it would happen just at the End of class!"
She then came onto our shared
Wattsapp group
(Mass attention)
To say Sorry to all for "worrying them".
I left the Wattsapp group.
& Am now just barely hanging onto going to the art class I once so loved.
My part-
I felt sorry for her
As she was all alone
&
Fell for her flattery
& how she'd described me to her husband
The nudge & red flag I sadly ignored was:
"Hang on...she doesn't really know me well enough to be moving on ne so fast
& describing me.
She love bombed me
With flattery & I felt needed.
What a bad experience.
Oh I forgot
"I've got long Covid
& will need heart checks &
My coughing never stops!"
Again...I felt pity for her.
You nailed it again.
You are right Petra. People tend to only thing about romantic relationships when it comes to narcissism. But I find that there can be so toxic when you encounter them at work or in your circle of friends. I believe one of my co workers might be a narcissist. But he usually gets away with the pity he manages to gather from the people who don't know him like I do. He has a hard time understanding personal boundaries. I have had to send him an email explaining clearly that I do not want him to touch me and that we are not friends.
Yes, you did the right thing Nemi. State and enforce your boundaries!
You've completely nailed it! I've just come out of a toxic friendship with my ex best friend who I fell in love with. This has really opened my eyes no everything makes sense now, thank you so much ❤️
We are two here :) thanks God we escaped, these people drain you like hell. They don't deserve our love.
Thank you for this video! I have been struggling with having a friend group that would say I was too fat, too awkward, too ugly and that they were embarrest of hanging out with me, and every time I would try getting other friends they would just bully me from afar and make me feel like I was too much of a loser to ever get into some other friendships, I'm moving away from them in half a year and I really can't wait!
These people are NOT friends. You are worth so much more!
@@PetraVanDeijl thank you
💞💞💞💞- sending Huge Love.
Dear sister black, be proud of your strength 💪 these nasty friends will 😮 will only drain your precious 💞 energy.. God bless you 💝 You will be envied for figuring them out😅
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I had a toxic "friendship" for about 9 years. As time went on I began to realize more and more things about them, in particular how negative they were, and downplaying my own pursuits. And as well, subtle hints they were spying on me and my private conversations, effectively using my phone as a microphone. And later repeating back to me certain phrases that I had used in conversation with a completely different person, and not over the phone.
And it wasn't until I was listening to another, true friend of mine, who was explaining to me that his mother was a narcissist. (He had no idea what I was dealing with) As he began to describe her traits, I suddenly realized he was also explaining what this other friend was like, in my life. With this new-found revelation, I had a clearer understanding as well as clearer expectations of my interactions with this person.
The more positive things happened to me, the more evident their narcissism showed - marriage, cars, a published fictional novel, and a new house. The more I succeeded and the less attention I showed them, the more irritated they became, until finally I eliminated all communication and went "no-contact". It was painful, as I tried to hide was going on for months - they were a family friend and still trying to lurk on my social peripheries. I finally had to explain to my family that this person was not what they seemed and I was staunchly against being near or around them. Fortunately for me, I've had strong familial support.
Again, I greatly value you your insight. Thank you.
It’s like when a friend constantly says “oh you’re so lucky…” in a whingey voice when something nice happens, or even when it hasn’t! My friend seems to think I live a charmed life, she doesn’t like it when I point out I don’t. It’s very draining. She also criticises me for standing or engaging with people, “oh you’re so funny the way you were standing there…” or “oh you’re so funny the way you were asking that guy when we could go in”
How do I deal with her?
Thank you for this video! There definitely isn’t enough info on narcissistic friendships and family.
I had a guy friend that would bring up my flaws or past faults. I felt that sometimes he'd take my questions or comments as judgement and then attack in retaliation.
This is the worst like "girl/dude, that was 7 years ago, how can you even remember that?" 🙄 hope your situation has improved x
Omg thank you ive never had a check list ticked off so accurately in my life, I just got rid of 12 years of abuse and only wish I could show them this video. My friend and her entire family sat in the car screaming at me saying I ruined thier entire night because I forgot to eat before drinking, and her father was a stunned chicken asking me "Why are you yelling back?!" Because for the first time ever I defended myself since they were nurses abusing someone and blaming me for them having to take care of me. I dont remember the entire night and I got threatened, punished, insulted and then dropped off and got told to compose myself so my mum didn't have to see my tears. My friend is the abuser and victim from her mother, I cant believe I only realised this now.
My best friend doesn't often blame ME for problems in her life, but she does blame others, (her sister, parents, past/current relationships/friendships etc). If she does admit to fault, she either justifies it as there is something wrong with her, or the situation left her no other choice than to take the action that she did. But when I give her suggestions that could lead to a more positive outcome, she rarely takes the advice and will continue to complain over and over for weeks/months/years later. And when I try to voice my opinions that I believe to be credible and valuable to her, if she doesn't agree, she doesn't get verbally/physically abusive, but she'll become defensive and comes up with reasons for why the advice won't work, or acts like she knows more on the subject than I do, Or she'll become quiet and although she doesn't speak, I can tell that she is fuming on the inside. But I find this constant devaluing of my opinions and advice degrading and often leaves me feeling like "Why do I bother at all?" Only to suck it up and do it again. Is there any way for me to gently point out my observations of her being narcissistic to try and make her aware of it so that maybe she could attempt to change herself, or do I just take the steps I need to exit the friendship? We've been friends for 4 years, and she's always been drama-oriented and I've witnessed her go through a number of friendships and a toxic relationship with a guy who was emotionally unavailable and landed her in prison because she couldn't handle the turbulence of the relationship. It scares me because I don't know what lengths she will go to in order to keep me close. She's possessive when it comes to me trying to have other female friends, she's constantly critical of them and I can sense the jealousy or betrayal when I talk about the time spent with them. She'll even try and insert herself in the plans I make with them, especially with the one for whom we have a mutual connection. It's very confusing and draining and I just feel trapped, because I don't want to hurt her, because I can't tell if she MEANS to do what she does or not, all I know is that I'm enjoying my time with her less and less all the time, and know I can't do it forever. :(
J.J. Day, cut the friendship, go no contact, start healing.
I can exactly relate to this rn... i also never have time to be myself and do my own thing because she insists on taking up every aspect of my freedom and time.
No contact is the answer. You only have this one life and you deserve better treatment. You deserve real love. You have the power and the right to lock the drama out of your life. :)
UPDATE: Since I posted this 2 years ago, we went "ON A BREAK" for almost a year. When I saw a post that she was pregnant I reached out to her and have resumed our friendship. Things are so much better than they were! Both of us matured a whole lot and she became a mom and it seems to have mellowed her and given her a new outlook. I did cut her out though for a while, and I think it helped by giving us a chance to restart our friendship. 🤗 Thanks for the support, everyone!
@@JJDay88 Good!!!!!!
I would love to hear you talking about this topic again. I'm graving a friendship, I recognize every single point of your video, bc it's not easy to let it go....
No it is a true challenge but one that is absolutely possible. Trust yourself and choose abundance above crumbs xx
@@PetraVanDeijl Thank you so much, Petra, I found your other videos and I cannot express my gratitude in words. You're helping me a lot. ❤️
Thank you so much for making this! You explain everything in such a structured and understandable way and your voice is very soothing to listen to. ^-^ It has been so difficult to find information about these things with the overwhelming focus on sexual and physical abuse in romantic relationships or parent-child relationships.
I had a friend or i thought she was ,i been studying her behavior and now i"m hearing you talking all these points that you just mentioned it"s exactly how she is ,you see i"m always going back to her taking the blame after every argument with her telling her i"m sorry ,then she says ,shes sorry too so we can be friends again ,well lately it happened again but this time i"ll wait for her excuse if not i think our friendship is finished ,i have to do this it"s not good for my health.Thanks very much you really helped me.
Got into a petty arguments over nothing we did exchange words and my bestie walks out my house and keys my car she has no remorse and feels it was justified I’m so hurt most of all she never apologized nor had an empathy
Jamie Lynn I would have pressed charges how dare she!!
Exactly the facts you talk on my friend can never say sorry for her parts in the disagreement. 9.10 times it's her fault bc of her nasty tirades against me. Throwing up my past is a weapon of hers undermining me be it amongst people I've just met or belittling me when we are alone. Nice one minute disrespectful towards me the next. She has pushed me away many times Petra. The only reason we got talking again was bc of her out of town friend. Who would ring me to persuade me that the number of years we have known each other... ... I relented now I regret this. Her latest attack was out of the blue. Other morning she rang my phone. After her knowing I had phone issues for weeks. I didn't recognise her number or voice. She started on me first thing in the morning. Her tirade of abuse continued when she hung up the phone and texted me to pull me down further by exclaiming how I owe the state money for years of dependency. Lies bc I have worked the majority of the time I feel she was feeling anger and bitterness at her own situation. As she had recently been sent a large fine for not complying with traffic rules. I calmly texted to say I am busy getting ready to travel to visit family soon and how I am not impressed by her critical wrong statements. I left it at that. I have heard nothing since. Which suits me just fine. Except now she will more than likely twist the story around that she's the victim. Her story will totally contrast mine when she if she tells her friend how we are now not talking. This has gone on for years and just like Petra I have been the humble one the one who most of the time would apologise even with knowing I'm not wrong! It's terrible and she is Narcissistic personality disorder. Toxic the lot. Apart from being a successful social worker. Yes you heard right a social worker 🤔😐 there is nothing going for her behaviours are very imbalanced. Negative and full of fantasy she is not happy she has a salary yes but she is not happy with her love life her family life her friendships which are quite minimal unless she is in fantasy fantasising egzagerrating her amazing life of holidays alone. Her man left her and has had an addiction problem. She felt no remorse for his situation will not recognise that her personality attracted his negative. While this behaviour of hers exasperated his issues aswell. She is now onto her next victim she met through speed dating. She wasted no time in phoning me a taxi while I was flat sitting hers. Her flirtatious mode in full display as she walked into the living room in only her underwear. Insulting me when I said why are you doing!? Her response well why you got my shit on?! I had her robe on it was cold. This dude she only just met. That's not the only guy she is trying to use and manipulate. As far as she's concerned she's in high demand a career woman. Now she is ill bc of narcotic abuse to her it was a bit of coke hear and there some Molly when she was studying student days. But it continued the series way after her degree. Now she has gut issues. Under doctors clinics. But won't listen to advice still she got some coke the night she went to meet the guy at speed dating. After I advised her against it. One day she said how boring I am bc I wouldn't do her foolish behaviour also. She got her party friend to verbally correct me for saying how she needs to calm down on the drugs. I was the worse friend I was dictating it didn't get received well. Now this friend is no longer in her circle in fact she has no circle of friends really only the odd one miles away I live near by . It's me who has tried to be there. But I don't have the excitement her other friends had I'm slightly older a mother of older young men. And she regards me as boring. Her abusive texts were the last straw for me. I do not deserve to be spoken to in that way. I know that lately I will have been called behind my back. My confiding in her. I doubt it would be kept to herself. All the videos I've watched on narcissism she has ticked nearly every single box on the list. Can these people be helped? Is my question bc to go through life in that way must be horrible she is pretty but ugly inside. Is it bc of a bad childhood as she always talks about that especially when she's had a drink or drugs. ?? She needs help
Even though no one said I’m ugly I tend to have low self esteem and think I’m not good enough bc of how they treated me , I can’t believe after all the things she said I hung in there and kept the friendship going on . She literally looked down with disrespect laughing that I’d never get a boyfriend, she literally. was like “hahahaha you? Having a boyfriend? ! Hahaha Nonsense” I would never forget such evilness , that exist Inside humans.
It's envy and jealousy on her part. Own your truth and be indifferent to her opinions.
Get a self-care plan in place. Create rituals of rest, meditation and fun time. ❤
Petra Van Deijl Thank you I’m in my healing process 🙏
Same, rn I have no friends
Time for you to get a pen and paper and write down all your good points. And once you get started the list will be long. Then regarding your physical appearance do the same and the list will be long. Read it everyday and your self esteem will go up.
I'm sorry anyone EVER treated you like this xxxx
You have changed my life Petra. Bless you.
This is great. Very confirming. Thank you!
Yes this is what happens with me and my best friend lately. Hurts
How is it going now?
I can't believe how many times I've given the apology when I had no reason to be sorry but I was the one who was deeply hurt. It's happened to me over and over with the same person. I know there's no way now that we can be friends anymore but it's hard because it's someone I've grown up with from childhood. Still there's no way it can work for example anymore even tough I don't want to go hurting them. I can't be friends now with the whole group of people associated with them because they've also shown me to be more their friend than mine. I'm not going to be the only one reaching out saying hello..and I've heard about gossip behind my back and I could feel it happening anyway.
I hear you Debbie! Setting healthy boundaries will allow you to protect your peace of mind, your emotional needs and your heart. Those who do not respect your boundaries have no place in your life.
@@PetraVanDeijl thank you yes!!
girl im in the same exact spot. had a childhood friend who i recently had to let go bc i think she was narcissistic. i cant talk to our whole friend group now b/c they're all following her charade. its so hard being alone.
@@noorabbas706 awww I'm so sorry you're going through it too. Thank you for sharing with me. Yes I feel like that is what's going on in my situation too. I know it is hard being alone. But freeing ourselves is the only way to meet genuine people.
THIS. Everything here is what I’ve been experiencing for 2 years with my best friend... he even lived with me as my roommate and I had to tell him to leave today which absolutely broke my heart but We’ve literally been on this cycle for so long I had to do it
Extremely helpful video. Thank you for sharing. I picked up a lot of good points while listening.
Right on Petra!!
My friend is all of these i think she is so mean as a friend an I see she has a jealous problem as well, I'm 37 yrs old we been friends since we were 12 yrs old. Its starting to feel very miserable being her friend she was everything you said 😔 💔
you make me feel safe here
Omg Petra....so true...thank you...have s great day.X
We love you dear Petra. When I'm struggling being around yet another such unevolved being; you help me & I wanted to THANK YOU as you are trully wonderful. I guess when all alone(yet again!!)& bouncing back Yet again (I'm an adult child of narc mother); YOU help me to get back up again. Keep on with your so wonderful videos dearest teacher. 💖love you So so much.
So sweet of you, thank you so much. Being raised by a narcissistic mother is devastating for a child. These wounds are carried around into your adult life and will continue to bleed if you don't address and heal them. Wishing you continued strength, courage and love on your journey of healing. With love, Petra
I am so glad i found you and your videos.
I hope they provide you with answers.
This video has helped so much 👌
Passion-killer is exactly right for my narc mom.
Thanks for bringing this topic..
You have been so much help to me
I think we all have hearing loss! You are so soft spoken we aren't used to this!! Plus an elbow to the head four times don't help.🙂
Mine was a neighbour who became a friend because she was wrongly being threatened with eviction, by an aggressive other neighbour! My son and I stepped up to help her legally, I worked part time so had time to research etc, she worked full time. We all ended up in a tribunal which she won! We then became friends.
Every time she had a maintenance issue in her flat I’d help her get it fixed, I am the contact person for tradesmen etc. when she had a problem recently with electricity I asked the usual questions so I could advise the electrician.
She text me and Said I ask too many questions always! And that she was “done” with me!
Wow! That was it! Out of the blue, attacked!
My narcissistic friend would brag about sleeping with married men, not feeling ashamed and making it clear. She also used my past against me in sneaky ways she's the worst kind of person. She sold her body for sex, left her son for money and would be highly critical of others yet take no responsibility..good riddens
with my narc friend it was very hard to try and say anything about observing them becoming angry. if you mentioned it they would say you were the angry one. you can replace the word angry with upset in that example and it would be the same too. forget noticing verbally they were hurt by something either. the defensiveness would come out almost comically. explaining you were uncomfortable with anything they did would produce skepticism with wild facial expressions with the whole vibe that you "were being too soft". they also used wanting to end themselves as a way to keep a past friendship alive that was inevitably ending due to obvious reasons, when it was used more than once they even confessed to me that it was the only way they would get a response from this person and something about that twisted my stomach.... with this same friend i would be very excited about something new and scientific that i would find out online and the moment they realized they couldn't understand it or it had no meaning for them personally they would scoff toward the end and start talking about something basic and simple and lifestyle-like they could deflate me with.
Wow! Nailed it!
I know i have my mistakes im far from perfect...but i feel like everytime i have it bad im told ''stop dwelling'', ''stop pity yourself'' ect...and then i hear them do the same as me like they think its ok to complain about their problems, but when i have problems its like nothing. i feel like im in hell, while others can complain. I suffer from depression and psychosis it is hell u know...sometimes people can make you ill. I dont blame others, yet i kind of do. Because i always been the scapegoat who has been treated like shit...i somehow wish i got cancer and died.
Hope you're feeling better Lucy
Same, I can’t have bad moments in my life but when they have it oh no the whole world must stop
My issue is that I had a best friend she was my best friend for about almost 5 years I'm 14 so that's a good portion of my life and my so-called friend was 100% toxic person towards me she did take drama class but that's not where the drama ended she would tell me everything even those thing that happened in her life even though I was trying to deal with my own problems eventually my problems in my personal life got to the point where I needed to go to therapy for it and I told her this because you know I thought I could tell my friend this and kind of information and she got so defensive and she told me that she could help me more than a therapist could ever help me it's at this point I finally stop being friends with her that was several weeks ago and up to just as recently as today trying to convince me to go back to her and to forgive her for all the things she's done to me in the past she hurt me but I would always say that she didn't hit me hard and that's why I didn't tell anybody but in reality I just got so used to the pain that I didn't even flinch anymore I stopped giving my opinion on some stuff and I would just agree with whatever they said they what do whatever and their power to make me think that I needed them to be successful in school I have a bit of a reading disability and that might be why my writing in this might not be the best and I am terribly sorry for that but she always convinced me that if it wasn't for her I would be failing my classes I used to stay after 4 for her to help me when I should have just been telling the teacher I didn't understand the material and I could have gotten some help from the teacher instead thankfully in time a friend that I almost completely ignored for a year because my toxic friends hated this other person but this other person that actually tried to tell me that my toxic friend was no good for me and she was just making my life more miserable I wish I listen to her sooner because if I did maybe I wouldn't be so hurt right now maybe I wouldn't be having to look up these kind of CZcams videos to convince myself that I did the right thing because there's so many people telling me that I should tell my toxic friend that I'm sorry and not everything in life is going to be easy and not everything in life is going to be over rainbows and everything I understand that but I want to still be treated like a human being
Those people asking you to go back are gaslighting you to go back to the sick toxic friendship or relationship ignore it and move on you deserve better
@@laughoncomedy2923 thank you very much and now I'm 16 years old and I've truly improved and bettered myself I took all the toxic people out of my life and some of them still try to get back into my life but I don't want them anyways thank you for replying and thank you for being such a kind person
Artist140 Thank God You’re happy now life is meant to be enjoyed not to be endured Wait faithfully for empathetic and emotionally Godly people who will love ❤️ and respect you forever. Keep those wicked jealous soul away they want to torture you for nothing. Thank God for you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏👍
Omg.....they are all the same !!!! So predictable......is there a narc handbook...?? Lol..thanks Petra xox
My friend sends Good morning message to me daily. I too used to send her message. I suggested her, one day not to send GM msg daily, instead of that spare time to talk once in while. She never listens. I regularly call her once in a month..
One day as usual i called her, she didn't take the call, but called after one week, when i confronted her for taking one week to call back... she literally got angry on me... saying " so what happened" and immediately hung up the phone saying you just want to pick fights.. with me
My point is when she doesn't want to talk to me....why she is sending me Good morning msg daily.. 😮
My Ex Narcs will always say it's your fault I got all the abuse from him
Thank you!! New sub
Thank you for your support!
wow.. except that it doesn't seem like drama but reminds me of my parents.
guys i’m begging of you, help me.
i feel like i’m being emotionally abused by my friend.
she checks my messages to see who i’ve been texting. i have to constantly deny being close or friendly with other people. i can’t have another bestfriend or she gets very jealous or upset. she picks fights with me over the stupidest things and yet its always me to have to apologise and take the blame. she’s never once admitted to her mistakes and she’s been replacing me with everyone recently. i’m scared to leave but i don’t know if this emotional abuse. help me, i beg.
This person is not your friend. Distance yourself from her/him
You deserve to be treated like a human being I believe that you should distance yourself between any obstacle that prevents you from being treated normally because I feel like you deserve to be treated hundred percent like the person that you are giving me attention to I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm kind of bad at wording things but I'm truly trying to put my words out so I can help you as much as I possibly can
It can be physical too
HonkYourChomp yeah it was
Hi. are you there?
During Covid I was very blessed to not only work with a company I loved and doing something I was passionate about but also I was being blessed with hazard payments and our store having alot of Covid restrictions. I personally felt very grateful I was getting that extra income and having a lot of downtime working front lines but with Covid restrictions for my very small store I didn’t have to interact with a lot of customers. With all those new features I was adapting to well but partner would question whether I was happy or whether I was getting what I deserved. I would end up second guessing the well needed downtime and I blame myself for not boggling down and ignoring the negativity however supportive is what they thought they where being but they weren’t hearing me when I said I was ok and that I was enjoying this time. They just heard “ I’m complacent, I’m settling “ and put pressure on that. All the way to the point that when I took up extra responsibilities in the job and enjoyed that position, they would question once again if I was being treated properly. And I understood where they were coming from however the pressure and the abuse in my eyes came from when they would get upset with me for feeling that pressure about my career and not allowing me t feel it out and explore my passion. He would subtly down play how exciting this should be for me simple cause I was still working for “ the man” and I wasn’t starting my own business like I had wanted to. ( I want to start a business but I wanted to have more experience seeing how companies ran their businesses so I wanted to explore) I did what I could but it’s still fresh and still sad but I am very much understanding what went wrong and I am not fully blaming them. But I seem to be the only person who did the right thing for themselves and the break up ended with me feeling reassured in my boundaries and my feelings. They flew into not only rage, but they also have been texting me long statement a once a day and also telling me that I was just a manipulator who wasted years of their life. While also telling me their health is declining and they need me by their side and they flip flopping back between I’m everything they needed to I’m everything they should have never put their time into. It’s very confusing and frustrating to me that this can’t happen in a better way. So many more things has happened but the base of it is that I need to get to know myself outside of this relationship and they want me to sit and explain what went wrong. And I’ve done that one way or another but abuse has happened beyond what I’ve explained (or haven’t) and I can’t sit and explain that any further. At this point what went wrong? We did. I did. Idk ..