Your Angry Reactions To The Narcissist
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- čas přidán 16. 07. 2024
- It's no secret that the narcissist can struggle with anger. Likewise, when you have ongoing exposure to the narcissist it will draw anger from within yourself. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter explains how you can set relationship boundaries with the narcissist without letting your anger run away with you.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist in private practice in Southlake, Tx. He has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions.
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He would push my buttons until I react. Then he would say “ you’re such an angry person!” And made me believe maybe I was... while in reality I have a very kind personality.
THIIIS! Same here...thank you for sharing that.
Yes!! I experienced the same!
Yessss he said I was a mad lady 😥 but he loved to trigger me ...hes out of my life since may 👍 Im healing day by day after 17 years .
Rocio Zarco Congratulations for breaking free from him. You can now relax and live peacefully.. no more arguments! Just peace and quiet. So happy for you.
My mum did that to me and I finally pushed back, it only took 49 years but enough was enough. Three kids with s special needs and one very bullying grandmother, gone!
My angry responses and reactions make me look like I'm the one with NPD. I feel like I'm stuck in PTSD mode sometimes
The Spartan Life Coach, Richard Grannon, would say you are suffering from Complex-PTSR (Post Traumatic Stress Response)... people who are victims of narcissistic abuse ... Research "Covert Malignant Narcissistic" ... their best tool in their tool kit to make their target appear crazy
I am dealing with the exact same thing!!! Its so frustrating..
It's a game they play. They are trying to condition you downwards to NEVER stand up for yourself or defend yourself, or to get you to back down from your reality. Ususally when they are noticing that their gaslighting is failing is when the insults about your angry/crazy reactions start. "You're so NASTY right now see how you act, see how abusive you're treating me (yes, I have been told that for standing up for myself). They accuse you of "yelling" when you're not. It's all a game to silence you COMPLETELY against their narc tactics. Because of course, no self respecting woman wants to be accused of yelling or acting "nasty", right?
@@enmodelife You're totally right. Its disgusting how they try to control, and manipulative you into pretending its OK.
True :-( you stay nice and respectful but they have a way to “get you” happened the same to me with my bigger sister. She now shows to everyone how unstable I am and how narcissistic person I am. She even got me believed it was me the problem for years and I am just 30, she did this to me for 18 years long since I was a child. Is hard to come to realize what a puppet and “feeding” person I was to my narcissistic sister, something you lose it cause of all that gaslighting methods. Since I am free and no contact I started to heal, and notice that actually is not me. Thank god I’ve had some psychological therapy
They're professional crazy makers.
SO TRUE!!!
...absolutely, but only if you don't have the knowledge.
Thats what i call em..if i shake my head and say what just happened..here we go
You got that right
That's true. Best thing you can do once you have them figured out is either abuse and use them back or just get rid of 'em.
Never react to ANYTHING they say or do.
NO CONTACT!!
BE DONE and See how awesome your life will be!!
I tried but after 66 yrs I broke 22 days ago.I realize how some resort to murder
I was sooooo angry that I set about to break things that he brought to the relationship...He photographed the broken evidence and sent it to my sister...He broke a promise he made to me in front of a therapist while we were visiting my sister..Next day he couldn’t apologize and so he blamed my sister after he denied he drank more wine then he was allowed..( an alcoholic through and through).. I was there and watched it all with my own two eyes and still he denies it. Lies about it and won’t think of taking responsibilities for hurting me...That’s been the pattern for soooo long...I hate myself for letting him demean me and disrespect me...I’m stuck until I find a good lawyer who can tell me my rights to the family home, I bought...Florida law says he gets 50/50...he put up 40k for an old home we had but if he indeed he is able to reap 50/50, he has a tremendous return on his investment on this home we’ve lived in for 7 years....doesn’t he benefit because of me? cause he’ll get another 200k...yuck...see how I am soooo angry at him....
I know he’s waiting...
Yeah this is where i am at. No contact. I started to limit contact before I even knew what a narcissist was.
Ive started applying the no contact rule, and they reached out twice and I have not engaged. The more I watch these videos, the more grateful I am that they're not in my life to cause unnecessary freakin drama. Never in my life has anyone made me feel so bad about my self and pysche.
Are you o.k?The one who realized they will murder! I so know this.Im hoping your o.k
I'm interested in hearing a video on how to not allow a narcissist to make us look like we are the narcissist when we are just standing up for ourselves to a narcissist.
Abigail D. Engel
This is what I need to know as well. That’s the point where I’m at in my relationship
Search for videos on how to defeat the narcissist or how to argue not fight with the narcissist. There are numerous of them here on CZcams.
The thing is, they know you are right but they don’t want you to have the satisfaction of knowing that they know this. They can not be wrong because they are special and believe they are above everyone else. The narcissist feeds of your frustration and angry and their goal is to make you feel small and worthless with a never ending rat race to try proving yourself as worthy. You will never win at this game if you are a normal, caring human being. They hate you because deep down they know it’s the opposite of what they portray as you are below them...they’re jealous of you. They see how people are drawn to you when you first start being around them and they can’t have someone else taking your attention away from them. After all, you belong to them now and they actually need you and your energy. They’re empty soulless creatures. It’s best to just walk away and say nothing . That alone will drive them insane. It’s saying, you are not smarter then me and you are not going to control me by getting my anger..
Exactly! I feel like I am turning into a narcissist by being around one. It is because the narcissist has low self esteem and she causes me to have low self esteem. I am at the fuck it phase. I disagree with her a lot and we get into big fights and I no longer care. The bigger the fight the better, give me a reason to leave forever.
I defended myself while being discarded. He tried to turn the tables on me. I told him SORRY, I'm way to intelligent for his games. I jumped thru hoops. Exhausted! He will be a lonely old man
When you finally blow up from their constant provoking...the narcissist will play the victim and call you the crazy one everytime! You are 100% right ...thank you ✨
What I can't stand is such a waste of good love ... when you realise all that wasted time, that wasted life and what destruction they leave behind....
How do you even begin to heal and recover from it all when you gave your all and always had your heart in it from the beginning. Half of your life waisted and the years can't be retrieved. You completely loose yourself and will never be the person you were before. They take every ounce of your very being and you feel so stupid for trusting them.. The man I married he accomplished what he planed and that was to destroy me. He even got my family friends church members and pastors to help him in his cruel evil mind games.
@@stacyramirez5302 I feel like that. So...much time gone.
Well God showed me by the Holy Spirit they have demons they want to aggravate you so they can transfer those demons on you and get them off of themselves!
I remember when I experienced this and I need to remember it! Just tried to talk to my narc husband, he stormed at me some mean criticism. I felt a black clouds lift off of him and land on my head drowning me in this black feeling of despair. Then he was fine and I felt drained and like I've been slapped across the face when I was just innocently and sweetly trying to make a conversation. This was years ago I had no idea what I was dealing with and it was incredibly painful
@@stacyramirez5302 I wish I could reach you and pull up from that wasteland he created for you. I wish I could speak to you directly, hear your voice, tell you some things that would begin the healing - you have suffered the most heart-wrenching betrayal and have been stripped bare of an existence you thought you had that wasn't even real and then you are further robbed of a place to land after its all been taken; not a place to lay your head down but on a bed of sorrows.
My friend is extremely ill and crumpling up and dying at a young age; her ex totally destroyed her life, turned her children against her with his incredible charm and wit, and she is now diseased and crippled, physically. I've never seen anything like it in my life. While her body dies, her spirit leans to all good things, and she is loving and kind and hopeful; pretty much an angel person. It will be made up to her; at some later time, much later when we are all past believing that later will ever come.
Don't feel stupid...no - that's a waste of time and not in keeping with who you are...you were a trusting soul who took a chance on love and it wasn't what you thought. You lived in the mind of a kind, trusting person who was going to give her utmost best; you had true intentions; so now were you supposed to somehow be suspicious and cautious and guarded the whole way and poisoning your relationships - and were you supposed to be all knowing and foretell the impending doom all while you didn't even have the understanding that humans can exist that are so deeply sick and vacant and soul sucking that they can draw you into their deep hole like a powerful vacuum? You learn and its an awful lesson you probably feel you didn't need or deserve but life has no concern for difficulty or hard lessons or who deserves what or why...its fruitless going to battle with the 'why'; and don't berate yourself for giving love and trust; its what makes you beautiful. You aren't a vampire, he was. And you were a victim, but you don't have to stay one, and you can get better a little at a time, a minute, a day, a step forward, a step back, up and down, crawling along, scratching at the surface at times, and you will make progress just the same and then slowly, painfully, let yourself mourn this terrific and catastrophic loss. And in time, you will move on, and you will be led to books, and resources etc and people will come and go into your life to help you on that way and who will help you find yourself. And you won't get back the years (none of us do no matter what happened in our lives in the many hardships we have about many things because we age along with that experience) and maybe you won't get back the people who abandoned you; but maybe you will find others to love - but you will not give HIM or THEM anymore of yourself by staying in that place with them in your struggle to overcome the hurt; try not to let them have a space in your thoughts, and reserve it for healing, its yours, its your mind, and your heart, keep it for good people, and do this with all the energy that made you try so hard in the first place and do this from this day forward. You create your own world to the best of your ability and make it beautiful for those that want to lift you and make it beautiful for the God who created you and one day, some day, perhaps sooner than later, you will be compensated for all of your losses, all of them, and so much more.
When you get angry, cry, get depressed, get frustrated, or show any kind of emotion it gives the narc a narcgasm.... go gray rock. It cuts the circuit..
Narcgasm
Yup. As little interaction as possible. One word answers to them. Write notes or text them if possible so you don’t have to talk to them directly. Start to get on with your life. I am bedridden because if extreme adrenal fatigue because of constant stress. I finally realized I cannot change the narc so I will change me. Even though I have no energy, I am making a point of eating better, Excercising in bed to build my body back. Watching and reading things that I enjoy. Only interacting when absolutely necessary. I have so much more peace.
I feel stuck i need to save and move
Nargasm lol exactly. I give them NOTHING in response
Nope.. (they/he/she) can become also angry sometimes cause they didn´t get WHY you decide to less interact with that person. Playing the mirroring game and saying you are this or that person. Though you have contact with other persons on a regular basis.
narcissists are insane, its impossible to reason with one they constantly change reality, blame others, ignore you etc.
@MsBizzyGurl lol
Mark T - problem is they do not appear to be insane but we do🤷🏽♀️
MsBizzyGurl good advice😊
@MsBizzyGurl Good one! What else would you suggest if someone has no choice but to live with a Narcissist?
YESSS! Absolutely delusional there is no way to reason with them bc I don't think they can comprehend reality or think logically. In the end, I think you just have to give up! I don't think they will ever realize they are a narcissist.
They push your buttons for their entertainment.
Odd yet true. Dr. C
Oh they LOVE to push buttons. Masters at it.
my father would have a sick smile on his face when he knew he pushed your buttons
It was not that long ago that my Narc vain little sister had to
tell me that my Narc mother loved to push my buttons. She let me
in on this when i was out raged by something she did to me in front of the
Narc sister. I hate to be SO naive but i did not know that ! I mean i expected that my family would be coming from an honest place and when she told me that, it really struck me sort of like ... What's going on ! i thought that she cared for me. I have learned to be hard like them and i hate being that way.
@@OceanSound100 You probably only need to be hard with them & learn all you can on how to deal with a narcassist. They can definitely turn an honest person with a normal view untrusting & hard. Leave you very confused & hurt. Learning how to deal with them & how to keep the control in times when you have to deal with them may be what you need to do. For your own sanity if nothing else. Wishing you the best & I'm sorry you have to deal with a narcassist.
They love when you give them emotional responses...they LOVE it - watch the smirk on their face when they are standing in front of you and raging/fuming...they think we can't see them smiling at us secretly but I saw it many times. I remember when I realized this person has no empathy and he certainly has no vulnerability - I should have RAN back then...took me another 2 years to leave! It doesn't matter how much you try to explain - they are intent on misunderstanding you -ALWAYS. It's a lost cause...prepare, protect and LEAVE. THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF LOVE!
This is so on point!
It's like in Star Wars when the Sith Lord smiles as the young innocent man started TURNING to the dark side by getting angry.
When I saw my narc look at me like that and I remembered that movie scene... I KNEW I had to get out and heal to prevent me from turning into him.
This explanation truly encapsulates my experience with the NARC.
UGH! Takes every ounce of my strength not to wipe that smirk right off his face.
I totally agree. mind did the same to me. she tried to upset me in a restuarant, but I caught what she is trying to do. and informed her that we're not going to talk about it here. and she said, why not. she was trying to set me up in front of people.
There is no way to deal with a narcissist… The only thing to do is leave… Run!… 😳⚡️👍🏻
If you can afford to !!
I cant afford to right now. I'm dependent on them...right now I'm going to have to endure it until finances improve.
They love to play gotcha when you are stuck in a car with them.
😂😂😂 so mad at how true that is I laughed. Had no idea this shit is that common, like wtf??!!
I had horrific vacations with my parents where mom got to be crazy as hell on long week long drives. She tortured me and dad. He never once opened his mouth to her. Just allowed her to torture us. Every vacation was a nightmare. Then there were the times she had me in her car and drove crazy at 100 miles per hour like she wanted to wreck and kill us both.
My Narc did that as well, his excuse was that I couldn’t be trusted in our apartment.
I never knew what he meant by that However I think it’s because he didn’t want neighbors to hear him yelling and hitting me.
Yes! It's the one place you are trapped and can't walk away. That is, it's the only place if you aren't physically prevented from moving away from them at home and other scenarios. I was. I went out of my mind once, okay, more than once, and could not take it anymore so I got out of the car in the middle of a very busy street in front of major shopping and restaurants. I went into the nearest restaurant and about ten minutes later saw him driving around trying to figure out where exactly I had disappeared. There were a ton of options with major restaurant chains in abundance in that area and the mall across the street. I really enjoyed that meal after I stopped shaking. It wasn't thrilling that he had my car, or that I stranded myself 20 minutes from home which was mostly semi-rural terrain most of the way by the freeway. A friend did collect me later. It was so gratifying to disappear like that with the shock of getting out in the middle of crazy busy traffic. The three nights at my friend's house added more insult to his injury. This was narc #2 and after seven years of getting my head on straight, I wasn't dealing with that again. It broke my heart and didn't help my repaired psyche (we never forget sadists, though) and self-esteem which was set back. Aren't they just a fairy tale come true until they're you're worst nightmare ever?
Yes!!
Funny how I can go ten goddamn years in total confusion and misery and then stumble upon a 10 minute video that makes it all crystal clear. Very good perspective and advice on this one, thanks!
So Cal: Amazing its a freaking abusive psycho all this time!!! Absolutely mindbending !!! So full of poison. I hate them!!!
Don't feel bad, it took me 45 years. No info and no internet back in in the day on this subject.
@@dinahsoar6982 37 for me. I know now though. 😆😆😆
So Cal Bee Guy don’t feel bad me to and boy did I let him know it and yep action Of he call my sister and aunt to twist that.10 years I’m calling him out on all of it
@@cherylthomas2209 GREAT for you...be free my friend. I thought I was crazy...
A narcissist will bully you and poke at you till you break. Talking calmy & respectfully doesn't work with a narcissist. It fuels them to antagonize you even more. Then when you get angry they call you a psycho. It's a lose lose game.
True!
Going through this now I had to remind her it’s not a war it’s a discussion and this is a recap. Why do they turn every discussion into a war ??
My ex narc husband started an argument with me which eventually got me agitated. When I got to the point where I was arguing back, He immediately called my friend (who's a pastor) so my friend can hear me cussing him out. He's on the phone saying "don't you hear how she talks to me?" Trying to make people think I'm crazy. My friend said "nobody just cuss you out for no reason. What did you do to her?" His reply "nothing, she's always like this." I left him 1 1/2 years ago, moved 2000miles away, went no contact and I love it
lol carp. ☺
good for you.
36 hours after giving birth to our daughter, we were at home (he made me leave the hospital early)... he kept hitting me in the head, kicking me in the back while I cradled (trying to safely 'cage' our new born daughter in my arms to protect her)...he then grabbed her tiny leg and started to pull on it and yelled, "let go...you're going to hurt her!". He took her in his arms, then turned a video camera on me, recording me sobbing uncontrollably, screaming that he give her back to me...and he was saying for the camera "she was trying to hurt the baby! Look at her, shes crazy!!!"
@@LynnCooks that is fucked up on so many levels. Please say that you and the baby left him. If not, get out NOW!!!
Honey , hug this friend of yours from me ❤️❤️❤️
My experience is that spending time with a narcissist can cause one to start manifesting narcissistic behaviors
I am at that stage right now...
Very true but never forget who YOU ARE. I also mirrored his behaviours back to him and made sure it was only with the Narc and kept who I’AM with every other human 🙏🏼
Being exposed to narcissists makes you more narcissistic but not necessarily someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
You know you're not a true narc when you can have normal conversations with non-narcissists and everything goes fine with no hassle or confusion.
Narcissists make you hate yourself and love/hate/obsess over them after every conversation. Normal people don't provoke you like that.
If you're a narc you want to make everyone feel disturbed and violated in some way after every interaction with you.
Sometimes you start picking up the accent or slang of people around you when you are around them long enough. But it fades when you stop hanging out with them. So you know it's not really you.
They violate your boundaries, steal from you, Gaslight your belongings, clothes etc, backstab you viciously with lies to deflect their own cruelty.......then they play the victim. Sick is the only word to describe them. Sick and twisted.
Emily Liberty
This is my mother they are demonic beings
Yep,. My mother too. I feel your pain...
That's so truth, and I'm so tired and feeling so desperate that all I can imagine them is dead, literally, spiritually, figuratively. That's the only way that I'm gonna be free, I just can't take it no more. 😡😢
There sick jealous fake bitter people God bless and protect and guide any of us who have had to deal with such evil people!
My parents did this to me and then said that I was a disrespectful child when I became angry in defending myself.
im so sorry u had to go through this, its the same with my parents so i totally feel u *hug*
So did mine. They purposefully pushed me over the edge and they never took accountability and blamed everything on me and now they say I have anger issues and need meds. They would rather drug me to silence me into submission than take ownership of their abuse. Sadist.
@@PassionateFlower projection. A classic.
I’m at the point that I can’t even have a phone conversation with them without exploding into yelling. She then says “this is why I don’t like to call you on the phone” as if I’m angry for no reason. It’s incredible that my experience is so textbook.
Going through this now every convo feels like a fkn war I have to remind her it’s a discussion not a war. Why do cause chaos even when it doesn’t call for it ?
Yep. It's impossible to have any type of normal conversation with them. I'm totally burned out.
Exactly
I feel you bro!!
I tried the assertiveness & boundary stuff . He just kicked his stuff up a notch or two. There's no happiness in a relationship with a narc. Constant draining on you.
I tried to set boundaries, very simple ones like "stop calling me names", and "stop hitting me". The response I got was, "You deserve it." She refused to recognize my boundaries, all the while demanding that I recognize hers.
@@knarf_on_a_bike My husband calls names and hits. When I tell him to just stop these behaviors, he claims they are not a choice. Translation: I made him do it.
@@Nancy-yw1rr please plan your exit wisely. A physically abusive narc is dangerous. It might take time for this plan to develop and I know you probably walk on eggshells but you really need to plan ahead.
Good luck
I think boundaries should be nonverbal. Any actions you dont approve of, you withhold your attention or energy. Anything you do approve of, you give energy or attention to. Pavlov's conditioning.
@@easyeastallstar Yes, but some narcissists are very crafty and know how to find a hole in any boundary you set up. The very reason they attack you in the first place is because they can...Like others have said, I think the only real solution is to get away from this person if you can.
“They don’t take input well.” So accurate.
What a great and insightful video. Thank you.
I would always say you "you are only comfortable "handing down info or implementing" not a very good receiver.
Why my ex misses her NY job so much. She had a high enough position, plus banging her 20+year older partner at the time who was her boss, it gave her a sense of satisfaction. Now, under people not wrapped under her finger, she just did nothing but completely and utterly complain. She blames me for everything bad at her job. Even if we were doing good, i always made her work day bad. Nope. It is just her and her alone. Sorry we didn't resolve the issue last night, i tried but now you are at work and going to belittle me to tell me i am messing up your work day that was already terrible. Just needed to beat it into me i affect her for days but yet, i never wanted to sleep mad. There was never any issues being resolved. Just held onto until the ending. Oh well.
They're all hopeless at receiving lightly from others what they're so glad to dish out in contempt
Infact, they never want to take any input in right sense ......
It's like they're all controlled by the same demon. The similarities are eerily similar. Legion.
Yep......legions
I agree. They are Wicked & truly Evil...which is why No Contact is the best way to get those Toxic People out of your life.
jezebel spirit
For sure!!!
What is yo name? Legion, 4 we are MANY! So, very true... I'm not playing anymore... 😔
I always told him “ you make be someone I don’t want to be!” A person can only take so much... then if I did he’d stonewall me and not talk to me... until I apologized. I divorced him after 35 years.
I have so much peace now... so much
THIRTY FIVE YEARS?!!! WOW BLESS YOU BECAUSE HOW TF DID U SURVIVE THAT LONG 😩
I said that he wanted me to make me batshot crazy as his exes..
And that i was not like that. He pushed me into rage and weird behaviour.
Now wondering. Where his exes realy crazy like he said ir did he create monsters?
Was my reason to go no contact.
I didn t want to become a monster
Option number 6= you unceremoniously disappear from their life. Having any type of communication with such people can induce stress even in the most easy going person.
I guess I ran out of time so I only got to 5 options. Your option 6 makes sense too. Dr. C
I had a nervous breakdown 12 days ago ,66 yrs.
Disappearing from them and ceasing ALL communication is a clean extrication from these mental blockheads. The faster you forget them the quicker you’ll be HAPPY.
it is the last resort. It's not easy getting there and the opportunity does not just present itself for you to jump into. I envy how bless people can be, to be able to just break up or divorce the narcs in their lives. Unfortunately that option isn't available to me.
@@denisekinzle1672 Denise, I'm sorry to hear yoi had a nervous breakdown. Please focus on your healing & self-love, as sadly, having a close relationship with a narc can lead to severe emotional distress as they try to twist our words & sense of reality. You're not damaged! You're hurt & traumatized by the actions of the narcs in your life but you have the ability to heal & overcome the damage they've inflicted on you!! The way you do this is by 1st seeing yourself as a SURVIVOR not a VICTIM. When we see ourselves as victims, we give our POWER away to our abusers & lose ours!! So that's why you want to change your perspective on how you see yourself. See yourself as COURAGEOUS, STRONG, LOVABLE, SMART, HAPPY, & More!!
By seeing yourself in a positive light, you're empowering yourself to grow , heal, & become the best version of yourself! You can do it, as countless people like me are hoosing daily to heal & live our best lives away from the narcs who stole our sanity. However, we are choosing to be happy & heal, as doing anything less is letting the narcs win. They do not deserve anymore of our lives!!. Thus, take your life, happiness, & success back & move fwd knowing that you're DESERVING of everything good that life has in store for you which involves happiness, success,, healthy & loving relationships! Wishing you peace, love, & light!🙏💥
There comes a point where there are no feelings left for that person. You can then live your life and retain your sense of self worth when it's not in any way affected by their issues.
I just realized that yesterday. It's called emotional detachment. In practice it feels much better than being sucked in.
When I complained to older and wiser friends about my narc sister, they told me about "detaching with love." I did the detaching but "hell no" to the love. The distancing stopped new abuse, and I spent a lot of time emotionally free from her. But now and then someone mentioned her name, and the old bad memories would pop off my memory stack, making me angry all over again. Then an even older and wiser friend told me how she got completely free: 1) She stopped fighting how her sister was. 2) She started treating her sister as if she were the person that my friend wanted her to be - which also meant that my friend could behave like the person SHE wanted to be. 3) She focused on her own emotional growth. No more dredging up her sister's faults and misdeeds. The result: Her days got happier, peaceful. Good interactions with her sister accumulated. The old bad ones lost power. And unexpectedly, love for her sister snuck in. When I switched to her approach, it worked for me too. My narc sister died 2 months ago. I'm sad but grateful to have made good memories of her and to feel love for her. (Love for her, not for her behavior.) If I hadn't turned things around, I'd be singing, "Ding dong, the witch is dead". Years before, I did that re another narc. It felt good for a minute, and then left an icky slime in my self opinion. Creating room to love my narc sister is still giving me peace with myself.
Btw, I came to these videos out of curiosity, and found a safe place to deal further with my sister's death. A lot of experience and perspective given here generously by Dr C - and by all the commenters. Thank you. 😊
Lee Alexander You are absolutely right Lee they destroy every feeling you ever had for them it's crazy
@Alaina Marcel True! Emotional detachment to save our sanity and for peace
@Lee Alexander But after Emotional Detachment , how do you go about living with this person and how does one act around the on daily basis?
I held in my anger for so long I blow quick now. Being under a narc mother and narc ex I have zero patience left. This is the hardest thing to heal.
Yes right. But you can work on your patience even if it is a though job. Hope you can find a way back to yourself and figure out how to establish a better way of handle such an nasty situation.
I now know what intense hatred feels like. The worst part is when they drive you crazy and then five minutes later they come back and smile at you looking very happy blowing you kisses. That is when you feel the extreme hatred for the monster!
Been there .. so many times.
Not to forget when they try to blame you for still being mad when they show this wicked smile
Like nothing happened 🤦 WTF 😐
It’s extremely confusing because you love them but at the same time you are aware of how much they hurt you
If you take the high road and utilize patience and kindness- you’ve lost - they see that as weakness and use it to abuse and turn the screws
It's not about what they see in me. The N is predictably critical and condescending. It's all about me being what I deem wisest. Utilizing patience and kindness does not preclude firm boundaries. Nice people can also be determined, self-respecting people. They are not required to be wimps. Dr. C
AriesSun LeoRising, then being kind to yourself has your realize you’ve worth as a human being too. Setting boundaries and simply leaving is one of the hardest but most necessary things for a kind person to do.
The N also seems to very easily confuse kindness with weakness. If you're being kind to them while blissfully unaware you're being manipulated to do their bidding they see you as weak and only gives them more game to push you further!
Amen
@@SurvivingNarcissism Amen 🙏
Many of us don’t even realize that we were with a narcissist until we are discarded. I didn’t until the divorce/discard and I started watching these videos and finally put it all together. The frustration during the marriage was tremendous for me. Not being able to reason out problems-and there were huge ones, infidelity, lying, sneaky behavior to name a few, could never be resolved. You cannot reason with someone who is never wrong and that in itself is mind numbing. Good riddance! Thank God I’m out and recovering from this.
Crisis reveals character. LC
Thanks so much for revealing the difficulty of what I was married to for eighteen years, in your videos. I'm learning so much, and I believe in my values, goals, beliefs, morals.... thanks
Jerry S
Join my team. I’m happy to be free from this sick controlling monster. In the beginning I thought he was good for me. Oh how wrong I was, and think my supposedly best friend introduced him to me. She said , “she didn’t know he was like that,” liar. So sick of ass. Constantly attempting to pursue me, No Way ! This was a game to him from the beginning ! Sorry piece of ..... ! I can definitely relate !!! I’m still angry, this man walking into my life along with so many others playing a game !!! I never let him know when I was angry. In the beginning I thought he would change, if I walked away from him . Didn’t work !!! That’s when I knew. I’m a great catch & A good person !!!! Well so happy I’m alone & I am happy. !!
Jerry S
I’m happy you are out JERRY ! Take care & GOD bless you !!!
Jerry S, my story is the same as yours, I had no idea what I was dealing with until going through a difficult, ugly divorce (in which my ex revelled). Free now though, so happy days! Good luck with your recovery.
I can’t remember how many times I fell into this trap.. I lost count.
Just to explain what it feels like when you get trapped in this game.
You become mentally scattered or deeply confused, words don’t come out right about whatever it is you want to convey. The anger you get is not like any other you’ve experienced it pushes you out of character, it’s scary because when you get flashbacks you wonder how did this happen.
Emotional breakdown, completely drained and exhausted on every level.
Severe Headache maybe even Migraine.
You just want sleep to recuperate.
Pain all throughout your body. Loss of energy.
Your memory is shot. Seriously, you forget things often than usual.
After being overwhelmed by the Narc
your left in a mental fog because of the roller coaster they took you through, you don’t remember parts of the argument. And because of that the Narc (knows what they are doing) turns everything onto you presenting a plausible story of their version of what transpired. Not the reality. And bizarrely it seems sound and you accepting is to avoid further argument, even though you know in your gut something is wrong here.
yep!
I can truly relate to this. Had minimal arguments before in previous relationships but they were more rational. This relationship with dozens/scores of heated arguments dwarf anything I’ve had in previous relationships and they are all completely irrational. It’s mind boggling.
BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE EXHALE AND REPEAT. lplus some choice words that remain in the Brain. 😂😜😉💞
My daughter is in this boat right now and preparing to ABANDON SHIP!
Omg! You nailed every word to the T !
This channels comment section is great! We live these very private lives being abused, and we don't even understand til it's too late, and its embarrassing, but this comment section is like group therapy. I'm sorry I can't tell each person that, but thank you for being here, and sharing, because I thought I was alone and insane; I any neither. 🤗 I think we're going to be alright. 🤗
Yes! That's why I say we are all in this together. Dr. C
Thank you Claudette. The comments have helped me.too.
We ARE alright 👍🏽💃🏽🕺
Your so not alone❣️ we all know that now thanks to information like this🙏🏼
I played a gotcha prank for fun on a narcissist once and was stone-walled for weeks. I don't think they ever got over it - they never truly forgive, chronic resentment is part of their toxic personality makeup.
They can play Gotcha with you all day long if they are on the control side of the ledger. But, boy, if the tables are turned, watch out! LC
Secure Connection I played a prank on the ex narc when out to dinner 1 evening. Little did he know...the bartender was in on it and he was apologizing for "my poor" behavior....she and I snickered each time he apologized. He is an alcoholic and embarrassed us all the time and yet....I was told what an embarrassment I was to him that evening ( I drink very little, but that night...I had 5 VIRGIN COMO'S....just a little of his own medicine). Always amazed me....the disrespect behind closed doors from him was ok.....WELL....I GOT HIM IN PUBLIC!
Susan Mc Cann, narcs also project their own flaws onto others, so they don't have to deal with and take responsibility for their actions and behaviors. As long as you're secure in your own being and know who you are, no narc can ever plant doubt in you. I really believe the best way to repel them is to know yourself and by living your truth without fear.
@Secure Connection So very true. And your last sentence certainly works. My life is less confusing and stressful once I learned that. I no longer worry about pleasing him with this or that...I just do my best and get on with life and never leave myself out of my own agenda. He is no longer the center of MY universe...just a part of it.
Misottovoce, keep up the good work! Live your truth and your peace always. Stick to your boundaries and have no expectations of your narc partner - next to leaving his tail behind, these are the most solid ways to keep your sanity with a narc. Much love to you!
My breaking point was when it (the Narc) invited me over and when I got there ,he had another woman over. When I questioned him about who is she and why is she here ? He laughed and said "I don't know what it is that you want from me ." Mind you , I thought we were in a monogamous relationship for 3 years. I was honestly tore up on the inside but showed him nothing. I said "ok , I'm out of here ." Left and didn't return. He has been stalking me , I find him in my neighborhood all the time , at the gas stations and grocery stores that I frequent. I walk by him WITHOUT any emotion. He no longer exists to me.
Yes...he is a horrible person.
My heart is not ready for that but I realize he has a whole other life that I'm excluded from knowing. Hmmmmm.
@@nunyoubusyness6345 It's not your heart that won't let you.
It's your fear.
Be careful
I would move to another location for sure. It must be emotionally draining to behave this way.
This person literally made me feel like I was crazy thank you for letting me know
KILLUMINATI s Yeah. I was starting to question if I was a good person or not or if things really were my fault
Same
Yep I literally would explode with rage and have mental breakdowns because I couldn’t take the cold callousness and discarding me when I didn’t do anything wrong. I remember one time I was studying for school and he came home and started screaming at me about some dishes in the sink. I calmly told him he was being disrespectful and he didn’t have to yell/curse at me and he kept antagonizing me until I snapped. Told me if I did the dishes that he wouldn’t yell at me and that I should do what he says. He made me feel crazy and out of control all the time.
Then when I snapped and started screaming like a maniac I was the “psycho” and “crazy” one while he took no accountability for actions
I pulled an excellent “gotcha “ on my Narc.
After being enlightened as to who this man really was, I tried (and failed) going no contact because he would wait a couple weeks then call with his apologetic bait... and I fell for it more than once.
Then: I pushed all of his buttons.
All of them. Made up lies about myself regarding things that I knew would upset him. Told him I had cheated, stolen money, laughed at his sexual performance...
He showed ME, all right. Said he’d NEVER talk to me again.
I haven’t had contact from him in over a year.😝😝😝
It feels shitty when youre doing it but its the only way to get them to leave you alone. Repulse them as much as they've repulsed you
Good Move Tina...Kudo's!! damn ding dang good move!!! Brilliant!! a true gotcha experience!! Totally agree. Claim your own sovereignty . own it,keep it,practice it...over and over again. also ground rules for living and healthy boundaries.
YOUROWN spiritual authority is REAL !! own it,Utilize it ,get to know it.its there its real its yours just like your intention,that is if ya dont aleady so do,know so!!
For everyone who reads this, I wish for YOU to feel the full power of the incredible waterfall of abundance, an endless stream flying into the deep and clear lake of your well-being! All our sublime emotions and knowledge for you,may all that you need/want/desire unfold for you in the most loving,peaceful and profound ways,tailored made just for you. The Universe know you in detail and love you infinitely!!May your blessings be infinitely so.
Blessings,Love,Peace and Prosperity Rain down upon you, constantly. karma,drama,trauma free!
here are some tools/info/additions to help ease the pain and suffering: .here are some additional tools you can gather and utlize in your spiritual,energetic tool box if you do choose. no selling,no bull, just authentic extenion of goodwill.... check out the book "You Can Heal Your Life by louise l. hay Free on PDF format or Amazon,eBay ,abesbooks all have a physical copy.
eduardolbm.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/you-can-heal-your-life-louise-l-hay.pdf dr.phyllis light's book 'love now here how" its really part II of her first book
lighthealing.com is the site.
more additional game changers, IMHO!!
lighthealing.com the personal rejuvenizer's,clearings and more...
Game changers for shure !!
Subliminal-talk.com
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/ultra-success-luck-maximizer-4-2/ Very,Very Advanced Technology! Understatement!
intrasound.org/products DIVINE intervention in a bottle- au-natural.Bone/Muscle regen'/healing & more. imho.
remedies.net/ Essiac Tea
supergoodstuff.com (MSM/TGM-emotional balancer/bone/muslce regen/more
IMHO! all the best. all of this stuff is more to be expereinces than webistes can replay.... some it may look like fru fru bullshit, trust me they are not. any who good luck us both in the rest of 2020 and into 2021. peace. Keith
lighthealing.com Keith
Game changers for shure !!
Subliminal-talk.com
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/ultra-success-luck-maximizer-4-2/ Very,Very Advanced Technology! Understatement!
intrasound.org/products DIVINE intervention in a bottle- au-natural.Bone/Muscle regen'/healing & more. imho.
remedies.net/ Essiac Tea
www.healthfreedom.info/Cancer%20Essiac.htm
supergoodstuff.com (MSM/TGM-emotional balancer/bone/muslce regen/more
IMHO!
lighthealing.us/Cameron-Steele-CR_728v01.mp3
All this in a Humble Opnion only. CYA!!
Great idea UNLESS there’s a risk of violence. That method won’t work for everyone so be careful when deciding to use it. Glad it worked for you.
Be sure not become a monster when you’re fighting them , I hope you still feel good about yourself and it all worked out it is a method I hope it worked blessings to you upon your journey and it said yeah you have to play their game and get a sick as them please don’t try that again it can be soul stealing i’m pretty sure that’s how they got that way having to stand up to somebody or protect themselves they had behind this horrible thing that they created anyway enjoy your freedom yay
@@maggie6 we were literally a continent apart by then. Him in CA, me in SC.
Narcissists are often one-dimensional in the games they play. They use the same tricks that worked for them in the past. So, if you deal with them regularly, you can learn their tricks and layer your defenses. It sounds elaborate but narcissists aren't fully aware that other people can read them so it's simpler than it seems. Just be prepared when they up the ante.
i hate the sinet treatment . my did this to me for ten months one year. ugh his mom was a pip...a creton. she hated all of us till the end. im laughing. its sad but true.
Yes, they are rather simple-minded and predictable, yet full of themselves.
Jaf Photo
Exactly what I’ve learned too.
It will backfire unto them..karma creates karma
I disagree, they are aware, they just don't give a shit, evil at it's finest. Ugh!!!
empaths don't have a game plan . that's the whole point .
Major good point. LC
So true...
*Sigh* that's the conclusion I've come to myself. Got one! We all need a Personal Strategic Plan.
Don't bank on it sweetie !!!! I've realised what I have to do.
Yes, this makes sense. To me planning creates unhealthy stress and unhealthy vibes.
Every discussion always turns into me being the one with issues, argumentative, angry, resentment. I get lost in his quick responses and verbal attacks and crumble. Nothing ever is resolved I just make it go away. I just am told to work on my attitude. Clean his bathroom cook a meal and move on. I feel like I’m Drowning.
Please get out its worth it
Why don’t they stop? Do they plan on doing this to everyone ? Sooner or later they have to stop wtf
Exactly
Always used my reactions to his outrageous behavior as the reason he has to keep me at a distance.
Last week I thanked him and said he was right to keep me away. First week of no contact and holding after seven years! Whew.
At the beginning of the relationship I was not an angry person, but watch me NOW explode! Just so fed up.
Time for some new scenery. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism I did some more of your videos. ...and in between a few hours they made a difference in me. I don't know what to think about this. ..I feel so calm inside like never before. Where is my anger?
My anxiety?
My restless despair?
My life feels like it could be smooth and fun again. Hope this is going to last. Thanks a lot, Sir.
The last few years were pretty nasty and hard. I am ready for a chance.
Me too. Sad reality
I used to think I was going to write a book titled, You're giving me cancer. Turns out he did. It's all good now, healed and monitored.
Wtf lol
Huh? Musta missed that comment from 'That's Terrorists,Bro!' Yeah, cervical cancer introduced from your one and only partner via HPV, hilarious. Good luck growing up.
Sue Mick I'm sorry you went through all of that I'm glad you're doing better
Sue Mick: So did you get rid of the bastard? Please say yes.
Sue Mick me too! My husband was cheating for years and made me think I was crazy until I caught him. I was diagnosed with cancer and he left me. I read that if you have breast cancer on the left side it’s related to trauma in the home. It can cause cancer that way too.
I tried everything. At the beginning of the relationship I fought back as angrily as he did. As time went on I tried reasoning, then ignoring the insults. Absolutely NOTHING worked.
They know exactly what to say to wind you up. When you react, they have a smug look on their face as if they think they're so clever for provoking you.
I have supressed my anger for the abuse for far too long though. Counselling has helped.
So true, they start criticising and accusing, and making you feel like crap. Then I get agitated and they have a wry smile on their face, as if I’m a joke. I’ve been criticised for the way I eat. The way I walk, the way I laugh, the way I run my life.
Oh my God we're you married to my current husband? Sadly I feel your pain. I am going through that same stuff currently. He is never wrong, he seems to be never happy, and has a million reasons why his way of doing g something is better. Sound familiar. Stay strong and send so e prayers my way to.
Exactly
Yes, criticism for the basic life functions. I'm glad you mentioned this because I still get to feeling like I do this wrong. Mealtimes were such a humiliation, but lucky for me that changed. I found out from getting together with normal people that I am just fine like I am. Once I saw the narc coalition again, they seemed to figure out that I wouldnt buy this and it didnt start. I got the "You are invisible" treatment, which was weird, but fine by me! Its close enough to getting some respect!
Yes! I walked like a Clydesdale, loaded the dishwasher wrong, used too much shampoo, didn't fold towels correctly... the list went on forever. Now I'm in a happy, healthy relationship and wishing desperately I could turn the clock back 30 years!
Marshmallow Toasted me too i have been critised so much that i dont feel anything anymore i have become numb n i have realised their game finally after being drained emotionally for years! My older narc evil sister has always said critised n bullied me then has this stupid smirk on her face after she has managed to hurt me i decided i will never be angry or offended by her childish bullshit but worse part is she still having a smear campaign maliciously spreading lies and gossip i hate her so much i wish we were never related
nothing works,get the hell out
Haha. To the point. 👍
Sometimes you can't
Lubra K. Shin She’s right.
Sometimes you can’t esscape a narcissist due to being
A work issue or threats against you not fun stuff.
My life as been destroyed, Coz things coz past the point of your coping skills
@@MsTammi125 that's a lie. I don't care if you've been threatened, held hostage, etc. There's always a way out. Just like you're able to comment on this thread, you can comment saying "this narc is threatening my life if I leave. Please call the police, I live 123 Abuse ave in Getmeoutofhere, Massachusetts 12345. Please help me!!!" I'm pretty sure someone will pass the info on to the police. No excuses!!!
My bottom line is this. I don't want them in my life. I don't want to talk to them, I don't want to hear them . I will not recognize them or acknowledge their exsistance.
I would be so angry and humiliated and never understood until watching this video
My helpful strategies with a narc.
1. It's you versus you. Not you versus them. Try to not fight with a Narc.
2. Get up earlier, then they do. Be ready and be alert. Narcs can come at you when you are tired. Adopt the US Coast Guard motto, "Semper Partus" - Always Ready.
Also on the flip side, in the evening stay up later and get something done, or go to bed early.
3. Figure out their patterns. What time do they leave for work, what time do they usually get home? What do they do on weekends? Knowledge helps. For example, if you know they need work wear on a certain day make sure it's available. Know their calendar like you would for a child or pet. Most fights occurred " to" me because Narcs are not good responsible adults. It's simple stuff that trips Narcs up, clothes, lunches. Coffee, and water. I know some of you are reading this and thinking I make it too easy for him. I am trying to have one less argument, one less critque. I view it as one more thing I get correct.
save your energy for
bigger problems and better solutions.
4. Give them less opportunity to irritate you. I enjoy duck hunting. In duck hunting a moving Target is a challenging target. Be a better and smarter duck.
For example, he never talks to me when I have the vacuum cleaner on, I am also harder to talk to with my ear buds on. If I am working or boxing up something in the attic or garage, I am left alone. Gain more Narc free moments any way you can. This will give you time to breathe, think and plan.
5. Watch or Read " The Color Purple". There is a horrible abusive Narc in that movie. The husband's father is also a Narc. It's a inspiring movie of someone who survives after abuse. Be your biggest supporter.
6. Patterns-patterns. I can't emphasize that enough. As a boat captain, and seafood harvester, had a captains log. You need to journal and figure out if there is a low tide or high tide in their emotions and when their employment is busy or when then are not as busy. There are seasons. Know the triggers. Journaling help me figure out most of "his" fights with me occurred on Thursdays. Both of us tired after long weeks of work. After being told I don't stack pots and pans correctly, I decided to order carryout every Thursday. No pots and pans to pull out. Boom! problem solved. Theyncan Find something else to complain about. Don't have a stressful night because someone is tired. All of us are tired! Deflect a opportunity for a stressful battle. Give the Narc less ammo to use against you. Again, be a smarter duck. I have a photo of sea birds at my desk. Birds of any kind can inspire you. I also have a loyal and loving Chesapeake Bay retriever, dogs can be a women's best friend too.
7. Lastly, please pray and read as much as you can on Narc behavior. Educate yourself. If you can see the drama storm brewing , you won't be surprised or side swiped as often. It's good to see the storm coming so you can prepare. I feel worst and hurt more deeply when I am ambushed or surprised when i can't predict the drama storm. Remember rule #1 " semper Partus"- always ready.
I hoped some of this helps. Let me know if it does. We are in this together, fellow narc survivors.
Sherri M i live with my covert narc big sister and i realised her drama shit storms are usually calculated when my parents have come to visit she starts scapegoating,bullying,attacking and just being very bitchy for no reason at all even when am silent she will stll bully me or has this nagging behaviour of telling me what to do treating me like a slave or this little things like i havent washed the dishes correctly its been one of the worst experiences of my life they bully u then blame you for it so annoying!!
But still she always catches me by surprise by her evil manipulative twisted mind games also something else you should never tell them your deepest secrets they are our biggest enemies
@@tfkdandsvkc hey, I am so sorry you have a narc sister in your life. Since her parents set her off, maybe she is jealous of your ease with the parents. Maybe visit your parents with out her? And sometimes limited contact with her. It's going to be hard if the big sister is living with you, and I hope she isn't living you.
Try to claim a day of your own, maybe Sunday go to church with a friends family and then do lunch. Chances are your sister won't even be up, or will fooling with her hair. It's stinks that your sister doesn't get it. Remember to say " I'm not responsible for your anger". Some times if I remind a narc " something is wrong with what you just said, and that's not what my family and other friends say." I have also have said to a narc, " that's on you, I don't feel that way, and it's sound like it YOUR problem."
Again, Dodge and deflect, walk away. Plan what could set them off, and remember you are winning. You aren't like her and you can out smart her by knowing her patterns. I am just a old smart lady, I'm not a doctor. I just don't want to get side swiped by their " crazy. " Semper partus- be ready my motto. I will keep you in my prayers. Make your parents proud and that is the best thing for you and your parents both.
Sherri M thank you for your words.
Good advice. Thanks. It does help if I'm not surprised by his anger and see it coming. 💠
Heres one for you all .I tried this i gaslighted the narcissist when he puts something down like keys .jacket. glasses etc. I would moved them to somewhere else when he wasn't looking and made him look as if he was losing his mind
It works.
Be very careful with that.
But that's you being a bad person. Just get out.
Not my style at all. I really don't feel that is helpful to anyone.
My son would do that with my narc husband. It definitely worked & always for a short day or two would distract the narc from us. He was in his 60's at the time, so he started worrying about his memory. A few days of peace was worth it to my son. I suppose it was revenge for my son- not just sitting & taking the garbage narc was putting us through, but for the rest of us it was a needed break.
Antoinette Gorman that’s hilarious!
I’ve lived as the person that all my life trusted the wrong people.
It's dreadful when it's a family member you have to disconnect as your sanity comes first
Yup it shure is and I Have a whole slew of them ,that IM going to cut off and have to fo complete Noooooo contact with by Late Spring!! I have a plan ,its already in motion since the autumn of 2020, better late than never at all...somethings take time to work out,especially with the whole covid/quarantine thing going on as well,oh but its on like dawn!! Totally agree. Claim your own sovereignty . own it,keep it,practice it...over and over again. also ground rules for living and healthy boundaries.
YOUR OWN spiritual authority is REAL !! own it,Utilize it ,get to know it.its there its real its yours just like your intention,that is if ya dont aleady so do,know so!!
For everyone who reads this, I wish for YOU to feel the full power of the incredible waterfall of abundance, an endless stream flying into the deep and clear lake of your well-being! All our sublime emotions and knowledge for you,may all that you need/want/desire unfold for you in the most loving,peaceful and profound ways,tailored made just for you. The Universe know you in detail and love you infinitely!!May your blessings be infinitely so.
Blessings,Love,Peace and Prosperity Rain down upon you, constantly. karma,drama,trauma free!
here are some tools/info/additions to help ease the pain and suffering: .here are some additional tools you can gather and utlize in your spiritual,energetic tool box if you do choose. no selling,no bull, just authentic extenion of goodwill.... check out the book "You Can Heal Your Life by louise l. hay Free on PDF format or Amazon,eBay ,abesbooks all have a physical copy.
eduardolbm.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/you-can-heal-your-life-louise-l-hay.pdf dr.phyllis light's book 'love now here how" its really part II of her first book
lighthealing.com is the site.
more additional game changers, IMHO!!
lighthealing.com the personal rejuvenizer's,clearings and more...
Game changers for shure !!
Subliminal-talk.com
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/ultra-success-luck-maximizer-4-2/ Very,Very Advanced Technology! Understatement!
also the Direct Refelction Shield,sends the bullshit ,right back to them,thats also on this website and works like a muther,I have it. makes'um back off but quick!!
intrasound.org/products DIVINE intervention in a bottle- au-natural.Bone/Muscle regen'/healing & more. imho.
remedies.net/ Essiac Tea
supergoodstuff.com (MSM/TGM-emotional balancer/bone/muslce regen/more
IMHO! all the best. all of this stuff is more to be expereinces than webistes can replay.... some it may look like fru fru bullshit, trust me they are not. any who good luck us both in the rest of 2020 and into 2021. peace. Keith
lighthealing.com Keith
Game changers for shure !!
Subliminal-talk.com
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/ultra-success-luck-maximizer-4-2/ Very,Very Advanced Technology! Understatement!
intrasound.org/products DIVINE intervention in a bottle- au-natural.Bone/Muscle regen'/healing & more. imho.
remedies.net/ Essiac Tea
www.healthfreedom.info/Cancer%20Essiac.htm
supergoodstuff.com (MSM/TGM-emotional balancer/bone/muslce regen/more
IMHO!
lighthealing.us/Cameron-Steele-CR_728v01.mp3
All this in a Humble Opnion only. CYA!!
I mean this person has taught me the meaning of what it's like to hate someone😞
I get it. I'm hoping you can get the separation you need so you can put an end to the hate. You deserve better. Dr. C
Sunshine you win in the situation because you don't have anything to prove to anyone once your able to identify the game that's being played your angry at them (for what they're doing to you) will dimenish. They will still be a angry old troll!😈
Sunshine S me too i have never hated someone more like my narc big sister!! truly hate n despise her such a fn bitch
Sunshine S ~ I know and feel the exact same thing. It’s insane.
This person taught me how to hate the person I love and it tears me apart. I get better day by day as we separate. She is still in my social media life. Now I just have to work up the nerve to block her suicidal ass. It's one year since your comment and I hope you're feeling better now.
Finally got the fatherly advice I always wanted my whole life. Thank you so much. Now on to self respect...
Self respect indeed. On the day you were born you had dignity bestowed. If someone (or several someones) could not treat you with dignity, it does not mean the dignity dissolved. It was covered up. Your task it to bring it back to the surface where it belongs. So glad you are on board with our Surviving Narcissism community. Dr. C
Surviving Narcissism thank you. I cling to your videos now like daily exercise or prayer.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I can't even express how wonderfully you said that! I think I'll screenshot that. It's something to repeat in your mind. Thank you for your genuineness in warmth.
I have been married for 13 years straight out of highschool. I'm just now realizing that I am an empath and my hubby is somewhat narcissist....i always have to be on board with his decisions and if not I would be told I am disrespectful and not being a Christian wife bc God says to respect your husband. I started feeling anger and resentful. He just noticed this and now claims I am cheating on him which I M not and says he is tired of being blamed for all our issues and doesn't want to be with me. If course my empathetic self is feeling awful but I am trying to stand firm. I am being kind even when he is being rude, and just trying to show him I am and always have been there for him. He unfortunately suffers from self hate and believes he is an awful human being and therefore makes me want to save him sort of speak. I'm still trying to figure out all this. He always tells me he is better off alone and that I need to find a man who can make me happy bc my expectations are too high and he is not what I want. All so confusing to me.....
my sincere condolences to all that lived with a narcissist, your real self actually dies in the process
That's so true!! God help us
I’m dying right now they create chaos out of nowhere
@@Xenlacasa45 Stay strong God bless
My mom riles me up and when I call her on it she tells me to drop the issue, that she’s done 🤨
This is exactly what they do and they absolutely hate it when you don't let them play the game.
Gary Weston game over...I’ve got the remote control now...
I wish I had a dad like you Dr Carter.
That's quite a compliment. Thank you! Dr. C
I agree! I was adopted and cut them off because ( brother and mother ) they treated me like the Narcs they are and I wished up after listening to him. He reminds me of my foster dad who I am still in contact with and love so much. Thank you Dr. For your good and true humanitarian work. Sorry to piggy back on your commen, it was exactly my thoughts.
Me too!
I was literally told to" shut my mouth I dont know what im talking about "
Maddeningly arrogant. Dr. C
My husband would just say, "shut the fuck up." And then 5 minutes later, "you wanna have sex?"
I was told to shut my big fat mouth. After I did Narc a favor and gave him a lift for an hour each way.
@@steppenwolf3252 classic Narc, text book behaviour
I am always on youtube, for the music, movies, instructions how to.... but never thought to seek out help on how to deal with a narcissist. I wish I had found your channel a while back.. It would have saved me a lot of heart ache.
Nonetheless, here you are! Glad you're on board with us. Dr. C
Ur my at home therapist ❤️
Very pleased. Dr. C
who needs that? Run!
Mine as well lol
Ironically, narcissist don't play "game" games, like spades, monopoly, nintendo, etc... If there is a possibility of losing, they won't play. They also don't have much a sense of humor, either.
That is so true and their sense of humor is actually warped ... they cannot laugh at themselves at all but they find others’ misfortunes really funny, they can’t get enough of it ( well in my experience anyways )
Juno Cat no they won't play if they could lose, but my narc sister who is 8 yrs older than me loved to ask me to play checkers when I was 7 and she was 15 just because she knew she could win with me being so young, now I know that look on her face when she beat me was the narc smirk, I used to wonder what it was, and she would reduce me to tears every time just to get her narc supply, then make out to everyone like I'm a bad loser with a temper. I never played actual gamerg with her after that even though she tried to rope me in again. But she played her other narc "games" all my life until I went no contact with her a year ago when I found out that she was a narc, I always wonderd what was wrong with her but I always gave her the benefit of the doubt, and loved and supported her my entire life even when she was never there for me when shtf ever, she always discarded me when I needed emotional support, I'm far happier without her and have more peace in my life thank God☺
My narc is very good at cards- eukre and poker.
Juno Cat Ive noticed that also no sense of humor unless its at the expense of someone they dont care about. They dont like comedy sitcoms either and I’m talking about clean non political comedy.
@@Booboonancy
Yes, you are right. They always laugh on other people.
Run, Run! As fast as you can! The sooner you distance yourself, your mind, tu our money, your family, your possessions, the better your life will be. There is no price for peace and freedom!
I had a friend like this for 20 years
I got to the point were I couldn't stand her.. I cut her off.
What is absolutely ridiculous is that usually the narcissist depends on you, you don't depend on them.
They're like blood sucking vampires, just drain the life out of good people. At this point, I'm beyond forgiving them, i want them to pay. Period!!!
Exactly...they are like velcro...can't get rid of them!
It was “GAME OVER” when I got divorced. Best closure I ever got from her!!!!!!!!!
Oh yes.. they like to make me really angry by their lying and twisting and gaslighting.. they are really good on twisting words.. very crazy.. and it's really exhausted to talk to Narcissists people.
It's really awful when you realize that being raised by a narcissist has made you act like one. I am working on myself trying not to act like my mother. I catch myself and stop it. I apologize to my husband and then try to think of happy positive things instead of the negativity. I've realized the things I try to argue about are just plain silly and stupid.
Mizvy Morgart my husband is also raised by Narcissistic Parents, so that’s where he got his narc tendencies.
What I am finding very challenging in dealing with a covert narcissist is how they push your buttons until you can't take it anymore, then say your the problem. I've tried to be level, compassionate, understanding and set healthy boundaries, but they find a way to sneak under my skin over and over. I was just set up by the covert passive agressive narcissist I am dealing with - he used the tactic of creating a situation he knew would upset me to make it appear I was the unstable person in front of his friends and it took me a few days to realize what he had done. Every interaction with these individuals feels like a trap. What bothers me the most is the inability to find a way to communicate in a way that respects us all. I find I end up devolving in my behavior to protect myself - dealing with a passive agressive covert narcissist will literally make you feel like a crazy person. Its very hard to maintain equliberium in the dynamic. Your videos are so helpful. Thank you.
Years ago I wrote an article in which the title said it all..."The Passive Aggressive Always Wins." The only way to not lose is to opt out. Dr. C
P.S. Just because he treated you poorly does not mean you're crazy. Not in the least.
Thank you for the advice. I have been learning so much from you and Vital Mind Psychology. I am able to step back and see the bigger picture. I do not feel like a victim anymore. It's challenging when you don't know what you are dealing with. Honestly, this situation is very sad because the narcissism was caused by childhood emotional trauma and neglect. It's not my husband. but a close family member. Because of what I have learned over the past few weeks I've been able to depersonalize the situation. It honestly just breaks my heart. I know under the reactions is a very sweet little boy. Thank goodness he is not violent or excessively vindictive as long as I don't react. Thank you again . CZcams is a incredible resource. I greatly appreciate the information.
@@daveg.9939 You are so right. They will do everything they can to drag it out, sometimes for many, many years.
I was lucky to find a lawyer who recognized what a control freak he really was & didn't give him a chance to drag it. I ended up losing most of what I had inherited as well as what I truly had & walked away with basically my clothes & income he could no longer touch. It was worth it to get away & immediately put a stop to his control.
They have this need to control & win in every argument & situation. Believe me, it was a lesson learned. I know they have no empathy, but I also believe they have no conscious so it only brings satisfaction & pleasure to cause you trouble.
Sierra Nyokka I completely understand what you went through my ex is a covert narcissist it was bad and he became violent they are dangerous people to deal with
@@sierranyokka8435 i dealt with passive aggressive bullies as a child..i just cut off a relationship thinking it was him then i thought of it is me..nope its him.......we learn we grow. oh by the way he actually thinks im unhealthy because i dont yell. i spent all year yelling to myself in my car ended up in the er with afib...dont even worry they arent worth it, blessings dear. u are stronger, smarter and more loved that u know. it is him its not u.
I was shamed and punished for my anger as a child. There was no way to stand up for my rights and dignity.
Children have no options, rights or will in a narc family. I carry this till today.
Not too long after I stopped getting so angry with her, she discarded me. Yay! That was easier than I thought.
Every button got pushed, a feeling I never reached to that intense. I was extremely angry to the point I got physical and wanted to hurt him.
His ex beat the hell out of him. And he boohoo was the victim.
I now know why.
He deserved it. 🤣🤣
I can’t tell you how many times my husband has stood there and made fun of how mad I got. I figured out 20 years ago that arguing with him was futile. Your idea of maintaining a calm demeanor and standing up for myself is great.
No pleading or persuading. Just standing in your decency. Dr. C
Mountain Momma this is me as well. My N husb does NOT get angry he sits there calmly smugly like Satan himself enjoying toying w/ me he & his family are like orcas I’m the seal they bat back & forth
No offence but 20 years would have been too long for me. I do understand..,,
Kids involved, money involved, but i would find a way around it. I can't stand to
be trapped.
good point!
@@RAP-qb6cy leave
I am now 67 years old...& I have to say; "I am sooo tired, just plain warned out. I came across these talks 1 1/2 years ago. They have been so important in understanding all this crap. It's an uphill climb...from living my entire adult life...trying not to be swallowed up by my Narc. Been fighting for my existance. I always felt if I gave in to her....my personality/soul would totally disappear. Then I would become a second version of her. I have been just too stubborn to let this happen, but oh what a price I have paid.
My mom is now 92 & pretty deaf, so that just makes things more difficult.
If only I had known what my life would be like when I left home, I would have run, and kept running til I was in a country far far away from her.
Totally agree. Claim your own sovereignty . own it,keep it,practice it...over and over again. also ground rules for living and healthy boundaries.
YOUR OWN spiritual authority is REAL !! own it,Utilize it ,get to know it.its there its real its yours just like your intention,that is if ya dont aleady so do,know so!!
For everyone who reads this, I wish for YOU to feel the full power of the incredible waterfall of abundance, an endless stream flying into the deep and clear lake of your well-being! All our sublime emotions and knowledge for you,may all that you need/want/desire unfold for you in the most loving,peaceful and profound ways,tailored made just for you. The Universe know you in detail and love you infinitely!!May your blessings be infinitely so.
Blessings,Love,Peace and Prosperity Rain down upon you, constantly. karma,drama,trauma free!
here are some tools/info/additions to help ease the pain and suffering: .here are some additional tools you can gather and utlize in your spiritual,energetic tool box if you do choose. no selling,no bull, just authentic extenion of goodwill.... check out the book "You Can Heal Your Life by louise l. hay Free on PDF format or Amazon,eBay ,abesbooks all have a physical copy.
eduardolbm.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/you-can-heal-your-life-louise-l-hay.pdf dr.phyllis light's book 'love now here how" its really part II of her first book
lighthealing.com is the site.
more additional game changers, IMHO!!
lighthealing.com the personal rejuvenizer's,clearings and more...
Game changers for shure !!
Subliminal-talk.com
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/ultra-success-luck-maximizer-4-2/ Very,Very Advanced Technology! Understatement!
also the Direct Refelction Shield,sends the bullshit ,right back to them,thats also on this website and works like a muther,I have it. makes'um back off but quick!!
intrasound.org/products DIVINE intervention in a bottle- au-natural.Bone/Muscle regen'/healing & more. imho.
remedies.net/ Essiac Tea
supergoodstuff.com (MSM/TGM-emotional balancer/bone/muslce regen/more
IMHO! all the best. all of this stuff is more to be expereinces than webistes can replay.... some it may look like fru fru bullshit, trust me they are not. any who good luck us both in the rest of 2020 and into 2021. peace. Keith
lighthealing.com Keith
Game changers for shure !!
Subliminal-talk.com
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/
www.subliminal-shop.com/product/ultra-success-luck-maximizer-4-2/ Very,Very Advanced Technology! Understatement!
intrasound.org/products DIVINE intervention in a bottle- au-natural.Bone/Muscle regen'/healing & more. imho.
remedies.net/ Essiac Tea
www.healthfreedom.info/Cancer%20Essiac.htm
supergoodstuff.com (MSM/TGM-emotional balancer/bone/muslce regen/more
IMHO!
lighthealing.us/Cameron-Steele-CR_728v01.mp3
All this in a Humble Opnion only. CYA!!
For all of the people who have responded to my message: I have filed for a divorce, there is a protective order in place and I am going to counseling and i am asking God to release him from my mind body and soul. Please note: it is not always possible for people to leave and to keep telling people to GET OUT is very annoying to me... some cannot and some are not ready> Everyone has a unique set of circumstances so I would ask that others who Say GET OUT without knowing all of the details to be more compassionate and accept that people to make there decisions based on their personal situation.
Good luck moving forward! Dr. C
Yup. ' just leave' is insulting. Like the op doesn't have the wit to know that! . Abused people usually walk an elongated path to freedom. These people who make those comments have never been in that position so don't understand.
@@bladerubber amen!! That gets on my nerves as well.
Godspeed to you and yes not easy and importantly understanding how complicated they are and how subtle the shift in us becomes co dependent which is the root of issue in leaving Good for you # LOVE YOURSELF MORE
God speed to you and best wishes for a quality of life you are deserving of. Your points are well made and valid. Each person and circumstance unique, professional help in managing best possible outcomes is paramount. Stay well. All my best to you.
Been in a tormenting cycle of leaving, going back, treat like crap, left, back and so the cycle starts again. Now I learnt, he is stonewalling me, I can do this forever, just remain calm and emotional distancing myself.
Sarah Theunissen,You deserves better
This happens a lot because I am defensive.... he'll start yelling at me and I'll raise my voice back then he'll be like stop yelling at me.
He uses the same old excuses. He'll ask me a question and I'll answer it. Then he'll say why are you talking about that because you asked me and I am giving an answer. All crazy making behavior and distracting from the topic.
Timing is everything to them.
it's called gaslighting. It'll drive you crazy if you keep rationalizing. Dr. C
Dr Carter, you are a Genius. No - it's more like a gift I think.
NO....you are the Narcissist Whisperer. You are blessed.
- Have no idea how much you've helped me.
Thank you. BTW, I like the dog whisperer. Much wisdom there in how to motivate. Dr. C
Oh how the blood boils up when the narcissist says shut up This one was for me I react angrily The narcissist has different rules Thanks Doctor Carter for sharing your tools!
Don't let someone elses anger rub off on you. Don't give them that kind of power over you. Deny them the reaction they are trying to get from you.
Resentment, depression, bitterness! Hopelessness! Bingo!! Oh, and you better not have kids for the Narc to use his criticism tool against your heart.
Been there, done that. The gotcha game is REAL
She's turned my sisters against me and my nieces are much too young to understand anything going on. My mother even prompted me to leave my job to work at hers even though I've recently just heard her on the phone with my sister basically she sh*t talks me to her co-workers . I'm thankful I trusted my gut and continued at my job no matter how 'inconvenient' the commute .
A slow go for me to learn not to react to snarky comments. I have to keep telling myself that it's not about me, it's about them, projection. I will keep on with my education about learning about them and how to not letting this junk enter my mind and soul.
"If I could just get him to understand my point of view. Or have a rational discussion. Or open up a little..."
Don’t try or you will fail. A Narc will never open up or admit he is wrong. Waste of time
They never stop their stealth attacks, they really want to destroy you completely. They make sure they’re humiliating you each second.
Their goal is to make you look as bad as them
so their ridiculous behavior is justified in their
own warped minds. My ex is a covert narcissist
and he has emotophobia.
He didn't think expressing anger was ever okay. He didn't
see the silent treatment he used on me was him raging
and showing his anger that way. He would never admit he was
angry. He said he didn't have anger and that the
silent treatment was giving me space. It would have
been easier if he had blown up at me, at least I would have
known he was angry instead of being gaslighted into
believing it was okay for him to not speak to me for
no logical reason I could ascertain at the time (because
it was mostly based on rage that wasn't really about me).
I would just wait for him to get over it and talk again because
you can't force anyone to admit they're angry. You have good ideas
in this video on how to handle angry properly. It takes emotional
maturity to put this information into practice but it's the only way
to not get caught up in behaving the same way they do. My take
on it now is if I'm that much of a problem to ANYONE that they think
have to play head games with me to get me to think I'm the problem,
I'm the one with all the issues then go to town with it! Blame it all on me
then but don't expect me to stick around for the show! Thank you
for the excellent video.
Your words ring true. Even when they are at their worst, one off-beat comment from you is all they need to blame it all on you! Thanks for your good comments. LC
And before you know it you've got a runaway train on your hands...
They love it when they can make you behave the way they do, when it is not even in your nature.
Why is it that the sister of a Narcissistic Sister "Can Not " see herself in her sister?
I know because I'm married to her.I can't reason with her,the same as her sister!
If I suggest something she says the same word thing with different words "meaning the same things "She says it's not the Same ",I came to realize it's because"She" says it!
Terra ~ Truly accurate.
God yes!!! Everyday! I finally looked at him the other day and calmly said to him: aren't you tired? Aren't you tired a caring that negativeness around day in and day out? for the first time he looked at me with this day's look I guess he didn't expect me to say that.
You caught him at a moment of vulnerability. LC
Tina Odell totally this fake persona all this evil must be exhausting and releases cortisol in THEIR brain
Lol one day the Narc in my life started a argument about a childhood movie and at the time I wasn't aware of his games so I said well you have your opion and I left it alone he started yelling and screaming I was in shock that this almost 40 yr old was acting this way. Then when I started to see he was playing a game we got into a disagreement he started yelling and I started praying out loud he looked at me and left the room then a situation came up with someone else I asked the Narc what should I do he said pray about them like u did me!🙏😁
In my own experience, they have moments of clarity. I've seen it probably 3 or 4 times in 20 years.
He may have given you a dazed look but I bet it didn't change anything. You can't change anything with a narcissist.
...and in this stressful time of being quarantined with a Narc!!.... it has pushed me to my frail limits!
Narc sister gets furious when she tries to upset me and i dont react. And then she does her psycho stare 😂
Worst thing is having a child with one ,and only wants to bother if they have their own way
Tina Bragger You mean everything at their convenience!
Same here
That's the truth . I went to a solicitor early on to get contact sorted out , but my solicitor recommended supervised contact because of his abusive attitude towards the children. He disagreed, hasn't seen them for a month. His choice, he refuses to get legal advice. I was very upset and angry at first but now i see it as a blessing in disguise .
I'm pasting a comment I posted on another video 2 years ago, basically this is a common thing during my 7 years relationship with my Ex Narc:
exN: throwing a tantrum and starts yelling(for whatever STUPID reason)
me: respond calmly
exN: raise the voice
me: trying to argue (we all know it's pointless)
exN: more yelling and starts to put me down
me: Oh shut the * up!(I snapped)
exN: Why you yelling at me????!!!
me:................................
Nails it. LC
Oh yes. Once they start yelling they turn it around. I tell mine when he starts, 'Stop yelling at me. Talk to me' 'Why yell? I'm not deaf'. He usually yells even louder back 'I'M not yelling you are' even though I wasn't. I recorded him once and he was furious with me for wordlessly playing it back. They don't like being confronted with undeniable evidence.
misottovoce oh omg I know what you mean. They are nuts and they are trying to drive us crazy.
They love the drama, Sylvia. It feeds them. Only then do they feel somehow fulfilled and alive, albeit for a while. I'm going through a rather peaceful phase with mine just now. His last episode was last week. If I have a week without his pity party, it is unusual. I try not to attend them anymore but still get caught off guard. LOL!
You just perfectly described my grandmother's toxic manipulation of my grandfather.
What about when the narcissist has a dangerously violent leaning/tendency. When you assert they still dont accept and try violence to control your response.
Yep, same.
Yeah totally...so much anger, frustration, resentment, etc. Jesus has saved me and cuz of Him I am being made into a warrior after 32 years in the trenches with narc husband, narc parents, narc in laws! Thank you Jesus!
I appreciate your calm, measured, and reasonable approach very much. In this video there is a crucial piece missing, in my opinion. When one tries to use assertive anger with a narcissist, at least in my experience, it’s a deal breaker. The relationship is over. There is no setting boundaries, standing one’s own ground, or agreeing to disagree. The relationship will be over, even if you don’t know it yet. The narcissist will retaliate and one had better be prepared for that. I’m not speaking of violence. The two narcissists in my life did more harm to me than any physical abuse could’ve ever done and because emotional abuse is rarely a crime, got away with it. Please warn your viewers that they may need to be prepared for the relationship to end if these healthy tactics are deployed. Thank you.
DC B ~ Absolutely spot on.
100% correct. I was discarded in Oct. after daring to stand up to my exnarc bf of 6 years. He chose to humiliate me in front of about 200 people at a show his band was performing at. He halfway apologized then 2 days later said I completely overreacted and discarded me. He had already started talking to a new supply and 2 weeks later they were a couple. It wasn't the only time he disrespected me in public, but it was damn sure the last time.
Thank you Dr. C. So true. I am going through this at the moment. They love to watch us squirm, then, pretend to make up...in order to come back and do it again.
Until they fo d a better , source and discard you like yesterday,s sale flyer
OMG the only real option is to leave but you gave great tips they stick to the same patterns they love to argue... im like what the hell just happen ...Narcissist have mental issues for real they like to steal your energy
I needed to hear this today. Thank you for validating my justifiable anger.
Megan Basile - yes, this is why it feels terrible; because the anger comes from injustices. 😿
Nothing works with the narc in my life. He doesn't care...what I say, state, feel, want and need. I learned to shut off. Nothing worked.
You'll have to be the one to care for yourself.
Difficult if you're a tenant in their house. They do what they like & can walk over you.
When you have to shut off or feel guilty for trying, that's bad for you-
You have to be yourself no matter what - You have to let them go when it
causes you to hide who you are. If you hide for too long, you will never find
yourself. I am going to write down all of what i know that i am >>> My character
traits, the things i like to do, the sort of people that make me happy to be around them, the things i am grateful for. Studying the Narc is needed, but you have to
study and want who you are.
You know something, i read that, skipped over it, and came back, because this is something >>> here it is, did you ever wonder if people or family were actually put in our lives for our soul to evolve into what ever the case may be - for dsmusicbird and myself, it could be that we needed these sort of cold, uncaring and abusive people to ignite an awareness inside of us to move us into owning who we really are ? But, then one wonders, if they were loving, caring, and non abusive, we would not have become broke in the first place - for me i am speaking of parental upbringing.
@@conniethecactus5148 definately the time to make alternative arrangements and set yourself free. 💗
Right before I got free from the narcissist, I was so stuck in grief and sadness that it paralyzed me. My wise daughter took my hand one night and said, “Mom, you have to get mad! Where is the limit of what you will put up with. You have to get pissed!”
You put it a little more eloquently with anger being the emotion of self-preservation. It’s so true. But to put it in laymen’s terms like my daughter, “you have to get mad!” It’s your true self fighting for your own goodness to survive.
So wise. Thank you.
Their game is to exhausting for me
Another red flag: a total inability to handle other people's anger, while giving oneself permission to get angry anywhere and anytime.
As I see it, this is symptomatic for narcissists. They don't handle anger as adults should. It's very obvious.