Why I Ended The Relationship With My Mother - The Backstory (Life With Stage 4 Cancer)
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- čas přidán 29. 05. 2024
- 🎦 About This Video:
In one of my last videos I mentioned how I ended the relationship with my mother, but there seemed to be some confusion as to exactly who ended the relationship and why it happened, so I decided to share the backstory of how we got to the point where eliminating her from my life was the only viable option for me and my wellbeing as I battle stage 4 cancer.
▶️ About This Channel:
I've always been a storyteller. I've written hundreds of short stories and multiple books, but I always sensed I was meant to share a different story.
MY story.
I wasn't sure what that was until I was diagnosed with STAGE 4 Alveolar Soft Part Sarcoma (a SUPER rare type of cancer for which there is NO CURE).
I decided to embrace my motto of Living Out Loud and started sharing my journey in vlog format.
This is my story. Real. Raw. Unfiltered.
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#cancer #cancervlog #stage4cancer #cancerjourney #cancerstories #cancerrecovery #incurablecancer #sarcoma #tumor
That is heartbreaking! Being a mom myself, I cannot imagine not having a relationship with my kids. I cannot understand your mom. Especially given that you are sick.
Neither can I as a Mum myself too. She has problems obviously. Maybe undiagnosed.
I stopped trying to understand her a long time ago 🤣. I did what I had to and that's all that matters. Hopefully one day she can find the same peace I have regarding this situation.
Sometimes family really isn't family brother. That was a rough story to listen to. You have done right in my opinion. You forgave her and you can love and honor your mother from a distance. Bad feelings about anything will cause interference in your healing and can't under any circumstances be chanced.
Yeah. We can't control what others do. All we can do is decide how we react to it. And in this case, my health definitely comes first.
I believe 100 % you made the right decision for your health & wellbeing. The fact that you have let go of any anger or resentment towards her is not only remarkable but will also aid your journey to healing & recovery. Sadly sometimes the toxic people in our lives are close relatives. We can hate their behaviour but still love them on some level. Your attitude & strength of mind is what will get you through. Wishing you a long & healthy life ☺️👏🏻💜
Thanks. It wasn't easy, but it was definitely the right thing to do. I just home she can one day find the same peace I have regarding this whole situation.
I think you did the right thing. Your health is more important than anything. ❤️🙏🏻🇺🇸
Thanks 🙏. That's kind of you to say.
Wow. My mother did the same things to me. My mother is a very selfish person. Now she lives with me and my husband as she has dementia and can’t take care of herself. We are her caregivers.
Honor your mother and father.
I'm sorry you had to go through something similar. And I must say you are a better person than me for taking care of your mother after what she did. I just hope it's not impacting your health negatively. Your wellbeing (physical and mental) should always come first. Please take care of yourself.
Stay strong she doesn’t deserve you and your siblings 💙🩵🩷
Thanks 🙏. I don't think it's about deserving or not deserving us, but I understand what you mean, and I appreciate it.
You made a good decision not only for your mental health, but also for your physical health as you say. She definitely sounds toxic, and I hope your siblings monitor her being around their children. I hope I didn't over step my boundaries.. Prayers and Peace Out to You and Your Wife ❤💙✌️🙏🙏
Don't worry, you didn't overstep. My sister has chosen to keep her in her life, and she is well aware of both the upsides and downsides of this. My sister is a very smart, strong woman and I completely trust her to always make the right decisions for her and her family.
I agree with you about your Mother, she feels guilt that’s why she is blaming you for your own disease, I too would totally stay away, she is toxic.
Thanks 🙏. It was definitely the right decision to make. It's a little sad, though. I hope she one day finds peace.
Morning . Rainy day here in Massachusetts. Coffee in hand and looking forward to this topic...moms and estrangement...if thats the right word...
Thank you for sharing. Be well.
The rain doesn't sound great, but the coffee seems like it would make up for it. I hope you enjoyed it (and the estrangement too 🤣).
@@LivingOutLoud-LWS4C I wouldn't say enjoyed it...ha....but I can relate. Moms....goodness.
Jesus!She is dangereous!🤯🤯
Hahaha. Only to those who let her get to them.
Whoooo, I think you are amazing how you have processed the hurt your mum has caused you over the years. Thank you for such an honest video. I think though you have now found your peaceful place with a partner you love deeply. Time to move forward and protect your own wellbeing. Sending you love x🙏🤗❤️
Thanks 🙏. It was definitely quite a ride to get here, but I am indeed at peace with all that happened. Like you said time to look to the future.
You don't owe ANYone an explanation of why you do what you do. I am so sorry things have been this way for you and I greatly admire you for forgiving her. Forgiveness isn't for her- it's for you... whether or not anyone thinks that you should or shouldn't forgive her is none of their business either. I feel very sad for people who walk around with hate and bitterness in their hearts because- as the old saying goes- "anger does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than the one in which it is poured". You are making the right decisions to help your health in every way possible and that is the first and foremost priority. I don't pretend to understand why she thinks as she does- everyone is different and who knows what trauma/stress in her younger life made her the way she is. I am NOT in any way making excuses for anything she did- ever! I know at my age (prob around your mother's age or even older) that I still carry baggage around from things- especially with my dad- that were over a half century ago... not any hate and I forgave him a few years ago for my own sanity. We are a product of our experiences however that never gives us the right to be mean to anyone as she has been to you and I truly am sorry. You are such a blessing to me and I'm still praying for you everyday. 🤗🙏
Thanks for being so kind. I really love your attitude and how you look at life. I completely agree with you when it comes to hate and bitterness, which is why I ended the relationship. It's also why I forgave her. Why hold on to the past when the only one getting hurt is me?
I'm glad you have managed to let go of the things that happened in your past. It's not easy to do, and the fact that you have is very admirable.
You're 100% right about the stress can lead to many deseas such as cancer. Only good Drs will say this. Stress is killing many of us. Bad food, stress, chemicals...are killing us. Young adults will have colon cancer in their early 20s. Lifestyle nowadays is bad.
Yeah. It's sad how everything seems to give us cancer nowadays. Yet the solution is so simple. But our lifestyle and societal habits made or very difficult. It seems like it's only when we're faced with the possibility of death that we finally find the strength to change.
@@LivingOutLoud-LWS4C Exactly. I hope it's never late to change our habits 😉
Very strange behavior from a mother to abandon her kids. Does she not maybe have a psychiatric problem? Anyway you have forgiven her which is very admiral. Stay well ❤
Anything is possible. But at this point it's irrelevant. I did what I felt was necessary, and o believe it was the right decision.
You, absolutely, made the right decision for yourself, Gui. I think a lot of teachers have control issues due to their profession. What a shock to have that sh*t to deal with at 15 when you are trying to figure out who you are etc. I feel for you and your siblings who were abandoned by the one who is supposed to be there through thick and thin. Sounds like she is really messed up. Your attitude is quite amazing and admirable as another commenter stated. Love from Ontario ❤️🇨🇦🙏
Thanks 🙏. It definitely feels like I made the right decision, but as I have stated many times before, I don't regret anything that has happened. All this has helped make me into the man I am today and for that I am grateful. I just hope she can find the same peace I have regarding this situation.
Tragic because as a mother I hold it to be the biggest blessing in my life, and my daughter who is 44 and I truly are best friends. Road wasn't always easy but it's not supposed to be.
And I said to her recently that that's how it is with moms and their daughters and she says no mom, and know so many who aren't close like we are.
It takes work at times but that's for the parent to do, not the child.
I so support you on your journey♥️
Unfortunately, your daughter is right. Parent-child relationships are rarely without issues. Most are surmontable, but some aren't. I'm glad you and your daughter are so close.
I totally agree with you! People should end toxic relationships.
Thanks. It definitely felt like the right thing to do.
Wow you are an amazing human being. I wish you well on your journey. Nothing but good vibes my dear. ❤
Thanks for your kind words 🙏. I really appreciate them.
You are brave and courageous to share your journey so authentically-Respect for each person is so important , as is forgiveness for those that have wronged us . We move past judgement to acceptance, removing those burdens from our life. I pray God’s peace over you and over this situation . 💕🕊🙏
Thanks for being so kind. I really appreciate it 🙏.
Wow. I'm speechless. Your mother clearly has issues.
Hahaha. Yeah, definitely.
Thankyou for sharing your story resonates with alot of us. I wish you good health and a cure. Watching from cold UK 😩
You're most welcome. I'm glad it resonates with people.
Bless your heart ❤️ Iam so sorry to hear you have had to go through all this. You have definitely made the right decision. Carry on doing what’s best for you mentally and physically. I’m sending you so much love and positive healing prayers always 🙏♥️ xxx
Thanks for always being so kind and supportive. Love and prayers received and much appreciated 🙏.
Can you tell us again about your love story please 🙏🏿
I'm assuming you're referring to my wife and not my mother 🤣. If so, I already recorded a video explaining how we met. You can go back and watch it. I don't remember the exact name (I've recorded so many videos at this point 🤣), but it should be called something like "How I met my wife".
Take care of your health and move on… u still have a good relationship with your mom that wonderful…
Thanks 🙏. I definitely feel like I did what was best for everyone.
What she did was horrific on every level. She sounds so toxic. You’re better than me. After receiving a letter like that, she’d never hear from me again. She would have been non existent to me. You were right to end the relationship as stress will make things worse for you.
It was definitely a complex situation. I did what I thought was right and I have no regrets.
I'm not sure your age but us Gen Xers have been through so much and stay strong. Horrible about your brother . Be Well !
I'm a millenial (the generation everyone blames for everything 🤣). But you're right. We have all experienced difficult things, and that's why I don't blame my mother. We all have trauma in our past and we're all just doing the best we can. I just had to make a hard decision because it was what was best for me and I'm at peace with all that's happened.
Don't worry about my brother. The family he is with is amazing and he has no knowledge our mother ever abandoned us. In fact, I would say he is happier than a lot of "normal" people. And for that I am incredibly grateful.
Haha, I love your spirit and attitude. Keep pushing and I'm praying you will be cancer free by your next birthday 💯 Enjoy your weekend.
@@SoundgardenfanThanks. I really appreciate your kind words 🙏.
You need to do what's good for you 🙏❤
Thanks 🙏. It definitely feels like I made the right decision.
@@LivingOutLoud-LWS4C sounds like it
I wonder if your mother watches your videos. If she does , it might help her understand how you feel and where you are coming from. Your perspective. If she put in writing that you are no longer her son I am surprised you even spoke to her after that. You have been very forgiving I would say.
I have no idea if she watches. She did back when I was travelling, but I don't think she does anymore. I have already made my perspective very clear to her, so I don't know of seeing this would make a difference. Not that it matters. I did what I had to and I'm at peace. Hopefully she is too, in her own way.
Wow. I'm not even gonna honor that "mother's" behavior with a statement. It may be challenging to break with your closest relatives, but it's better to make a painful break than draw out the agony.
Surprisingly, this was an easy decision to make. It was a long time coming, and being faced with death makes what should be difficult decisions surprisingly easy.
❤❤
Sounds like she’s the one that had a plan. She conspired within herself to abandon her own children to escape the responsibilities of being a mother. She isn’t capable of loving anyone! My opinion.
No worries, we all have our opinions, and I completely respect yours. We have no way of knowing for sure what goes on inside other people's heads. All I know is she is reaping the rewards of what she sowed all those years ago (like we all do eventually).
Shame on her
Does she want you to not get treated for your cancer? That is a very strange response.😮
Honestly, I don't know what she wants. All I know is that she is incapable of respecting the choices I have made, so putting an end to the relationship was the only viable solution.
“You can’t spell FAMILY without FML” …. 😆
I'm sure it's a great joke, but I don't get it. Would you mind explaining it to me? 🤔
Thankfully you have your dad and sister. In your early years, was your mum the same, I mean like you describe her now? I just wonder because it sounded ( from an earlier video) that she and your dad went all out to try and help your brother.
Yes, did the stress of having a Special needs child in anyway contribute to her becoming like this? Did she reach a breaking point after trying hard to heal your brother and failing?
She has always been like this, bit it was less intense before. She definitely got more and more intense with time. She is the type to go all-out, so she went all-out on raising us and taking care of my brother until she decided she couldn't do it anymore and then she bailed and went all-out on the next thing.
@@nesadcruz7840 I can't speak for her, but I suspect the knowledge that she and my father would have to spend the rest of their lives taking care of my brother or having to make the impossible choice to place him in a home allowed her to justify what she did. But I know she still would have done it otherwise. I think just made the choice easier for her.
No one battling cancer needs to hear that the treatment that they are undergoing is all for nothing . I can see why you chose to end the relationship. It probably hurts but it is better for your mental health to not have her around if she is going to attempt to force her beliefs on you.
Actually, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. It felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.
Some family relationships are disappointing but we cant dictate how everyone behaves. It is quite unusual though, your situation with your mum. Your family life must have been quite stressful growing up due to your brother being Autistic. Perhaps you could do a video on how this affected you as a sibling. I have a friend in similar situation who resents that his parents spent most of their time and attention on the child with special needs. He feels he was neglected and his emotional needs were ignored. The situation at home wasnt stable due to his brother's aggressive behavior. But he has an Aunt who became a source of refuge for him. I hope you have a mother figure in your life like an Aunt or grandmother instead. Do you?
My way of coping with the situation was to try being the perfect child. Definitely not the best solution as it caused me to become a people pleaser and a perfectionist, but I eventually got over it.
I'm actually planning on making a video sharing the lessons I learned from my brother and his condition. I just haven't gotten around to it yet (the list keeps getting longer and longer 🤣).
I'm happy you forgave your mother but in my opinion it's good you have forgiven her
@@user-wr3mj7tu5u Thanks 🙏.
Sounds like your mother may have had trauma during her own upbringing. Unfortunately hurt people hurt people. It’s usually a learned pattern.
Her opinions are hers to have. One persons conspiracy is another’s truth. That’s the way it is. Just don’t let them affect you and agree to disagree . However you sound like you’ve probably made the right decision for you. I’d guess you’re both quite strong willed people 😅.
I agree with you. We all have trauma in our past. I believe all parents do the best they can and that no matter what they do they will always somehow mess up their kids. It's human nature to overcompensate for what we went through as kids.
Wow - sounds like you’ve made the only choice for you.
Yeah. Or definitely feels like I did the right thing.
Hi my dear friend,
I was just wondering: what will your mother do in case she develops a cancer or any other illness?
Wouldn’t she trust doctors?
Wouldn’t she have chemotherapy or immunotherapy or any other kind of treatment?
Will she let things just go ???
Honestly I don’t think she will do.
I think she is only an obstinate opposer.
Did she behave the same with your sister too when she abandoned you?
This is absolute nonsense; you can leave your husband but you cannot leave your children, especially when they have health problems as your brother had.
I’m so sorry for you because the bond you should have with your mother is something unique and precious and should help you instead of making things more difficult.
Try to forgive her, if you can.
Show her a person can be empathetic. Don’t let the wall between you become insurmountable.
Hugs from Italy my dear friend ❤️🤗
I honestly have no idea what she would do if faced with cancer. I assume nothing because she would not know she had cancer since she wouldn't go to the hospital to get it diagnosed. But you can never know for sure.
The situation was different for my sister because she had already moved out to go to college, so my mother's departure was less intense for her. But it obviously still impacted her a lot (we have spoken about it in the years since it happened).
Don't worry, I have fully forgiven my mother for everything that has happened in the past. But I can't allow her present behaviour to impact me, which is why I ended the relationship. I did what was best for me, and I have no regrets.
How do your sister and dad feel about your decision? Are they supportive?
Btw it is odd that a teacher has such extreme anti establishment views like conspiracy theories.
They completely understand and respect my decision. My dad barely has a relationship with my mother. And my sister still does, but that's because my mother helps her and my brother-in-law around the farm (they grow and sell vegetables and flowers) and with my niece, so the benefits outweigh the downsides. But o suspect sometimes she envies me and what I did 🤣.
@@LivingOutLoud-LWS4C it seems that your mum still wants to be in your lives but on her terms. At least in your sister's case she seems involved and is playing her part as a grandmother too. But still you are right to do what gives you peace.
@@lindc1070She definitely regrets what she did back then (or at least is trying to make up for it), but she remains incapable of respecting my choices, so I don't regret my choice to end things between us. I'm glad she can be there for my sister and my niece, even if not in the way they deserve.
@@LivingOutLoud-LWS4C Yet she didn't come to your niece's birthday party??
@@Izzy-cu9do Can't explain that one. Not sure if she could either, to be honest 🤣.
You wanna know what i think you need to do? Work on your self confidence and clarify your personal values.
UR2funny❤
I partially agree with you. That is what I NEEDED to do. And it's exactly what I've done and continue to do on a daily basis (life is a journey).