OP Excluded Her Stepdad from Giving a Speech and Having Photos at Her Wedding, Which He Paid for,...
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
- 00:00 1st story:
I made my step-father an outsider at my wedding that he paid for. I need to make it up to him but I dont know how. (u/ThrowRA999333 in r/TrueOffMyChest)
13:48 2nd story:
AITA for changing the door locks back after my wife changed them?(r/amitheasshole by u/sockno7319)
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Imagine raising a child for over 2 decades just for them to choose a stranger over you at their own wedding.
OP #1 is one of those people who will fake a change just to get their way. Rob deserves better and I hope her fiancee got himself a good prenup
Exactly. And also robs good nature plays against him. He should've bolted from the wedding and go NC with this selfish pos op
You're possibly correct, I could see a scenario that pans out that way. But I'm not as confident as you in that outcome here. She may reform. It won't be flawless, and it won't happen over night, but I think there is some hope for her yet.
She wasn't malicious, just inconsiderate. Being inconsiderate is not something people do deliberately. For example: Don't think about a naked grandma crawling out of an elephant's ass. Seriously, do not think about it.
... Yeah, you thought about it. Probably even pictured it in your mind. Sorry.
The point is you can't think your way into not thinking about something. That's not how the brain works.
She was very inconsiderate, but it was not a deliberate slight against her stepfather. She didn't choose to disregard him, even if that was the ultimate result. If that had been her intent, why invite him at all? The issue would have been raised long ago, there would be a more contentious relationship between them long before the wedding and nobody would have been shocked. She just screwed up. It happens.
Reddit was a little harsh with her, but in their own way, they (and you) have hit the nail on the head... she lacks accountability. She knows she was wrong and just didn't know how to face him or make it right. But the key here is that she knows she was wrong, she feels guilty, and taking accountability is the only thing that will make that guilt subside. She may be spoiled, but she's not a narcissist.
I do share your concerns for her husband though. If she can take the man who raised her for granted, he hardly stands a chance, lol. But it's not game over for them yet, there's time to turn things around and the will seems to be there, not just from OP, but her whole family as well.
My advice to her moving forward:
Prayer. Don't roll your eyes, I'm actually an Atheist, lol. But even I have to admit the religious folks got some things right. I'm not talking about prattling empty words into the void, looking for the blessing of an imaginary, magic, invisible sky-daddy, that's asinine. But there is wisdom in taking a moment every now and then to actually think about the things and the people for which you are thankful. It does help keep one's priorities in focus. It doesn't need to be a formalized ritual, just a routine moment of introspection. Whether you sing those praises in a cathedral or just quietly reflect on them while sitting on the crapper, doesn't make any real difference.
I think that could actually help her. If she chooses to wrap that practice in spiritual faith... well, I can't convert them all, lol. I don't begrudge anyone their beliefs. But as long as she can do something like that, for any reason, I think she'll improve dramatically.
Same here. It'll be a matter of time, before King Karma reigns.⚠️
Because no one could possibly just be oblivious cause of their issues and feel genuine remorse. Jesus christ.
@@RequiemPoete people in the internet usually see the worst in everyone
Story 1: Why would Bio Dad even need a speech? What would he even be able to say about her and her fiance when he wasn't in her life for so long and barely knows them?
People who get abandoned by a parent often cli g to them for various, silly reasons.
Uk he will prolly make some inside jokes and references to things in their therapy sessions.
Common thing i have noticed when people are in therapy together they kinda intrude into boundaries and emotions faster than normal and hence feel 'closeness'.
Shoutout to the commenters who said the apple didn't fall far the tree. They were right
You know that shit hurt her goddamn soul 😂
yeah i was thinking that the moment she spoke about the night of her high school break up.... she doesn't deserve a dad like Rob... i hope she feels like crap during her sister's father-daughter dance, and father of the bride's speech where Rob's gonna pour his heart out and say how proud he is of HIS BIO DAUGHTER and he never felt happier in his life. i know she might try to weasel her way and try to get ROB to dance with her there as compensation or to "make it up for her mistake".... but I hope Rob just tells her, "sorry kiddo the father-daughter dance is reserved for the bride only and today is my daughter's day... not yours"
This is one of those things that make dudes completely reject the notion of being with women with kids.
Story 2: YTA. What a dumb dumpster of a man. "My wife who loves to serve people" is just a nice way of saying "I like to treat my wife like trash because she's nice and non confrontational". Seriously, his sister constantly comes over uninvited, trashes their home, eats their food, invites people over, and steals from her and he didn't see the problem??
Story 1: Oh she will write him a letter! Pay him back for the wedding and all the money he gave you if you are truly sorry.
Wow. These OPs are just... the absolute worst.
In the second OPs defense, he was just oblivious as compared to the first one, who was just a pos imo
@@jotheshdagrate3673 he stopped his sister from becoming entitle
@@jotheshdagrate3673both of them were oblivious and selfish POS.
I found the first one devastating and the second one infuriating.
But at least they both realise they’re a problem and seem to have become self aware and are trying to fix it.
Whether or not they can change is another question.
#1. New hubby just saw op's true self. He needs to run.
OP 1 doesn’t realize it, but most likely her step dads opinion on their relationship has permanently changed. She might have to start paying her own car insurance from now on
Story #1
OP is a bad person. She turned out like her bio-father after all. She deserves far worse than to feel shitty about this.
Given that OP said that two of the three comments that “helped” her were ones that downplayed how badly she messed up, I don’t think OP will change. I think she’ll choose bio-deadbeat again, and I hope then that Rob doesn’t give her a third chance.
Story #2
YTA. OP was a bad husband. He’s considerably lucky to not face a divorce.
It's not that they downplayed. They spoke to her critically versus with hostility. And, who cares? So long as she realizes how she fucked up and wants to make it up?
For bio dad to go along with the wedding plans and not even acknowledge Rob's role during his absence was a 🍆move on his part.
notice that she only reaches out when she needs things from him, and only when that is threatened does she try to mend bridges.
Story 1 I'm surprised the husband chose to go through with the marriage.
Yeah that would be a huge red flag for me.
How is either OP still married?
S1 - bro should've ran for hills when basically kicked Rob to the side. If she can do that to the man that raised her and did so much for her what is going to do to him?
S2 - hope his wife cleans him out
Oh I remember story 2. He got rightfully ripped into! Lol.
Story 1: everyone who said "The apple doesnt fall far from the tree" were not wrong.
Story 2: i hope his wife cleans him out in the divorce.
I love how everyone in the second story was like 'thats horrible' but op never had that thought. Like the kids parents were mad but no it's fine to steal and ruin ppls baked good that take HOURS to make. What an a**hole.
Op 2 wife deserves better.
i think she got it good because at least op in the second story saw the error in his ways and stopped being an spineless dipshit and made up for it
Okay, either OP is the most oblivious ditz that ever came down the pike, or is a genuine sociopath.
Normally I would say OP is a jerk but I think she really wasn’t getting it. I feel awful about Rob. I really hope OP will grow up & grovel to make amends.
Story 2 - OP needs to be alone & how dare he take his sisters side over his wife? How awful can he be? I would be devastated over my spouse dismissing me & my feelings especially after hubby KNEW what happened.
Wife deserves so much better. I don’t blame her for leaving- I hope she divorce him. He keeps choosing his sister!!
I love how OP in story 1 didnt have a problem with Rob's check book
Also I'd like to know what she did in college that she wouldnt take responsibility for.
Op would probably take comfort knowing she's not the only one that treated the stepparent that stepped up like an after thought but op is really out here trying to convince people she feels bad for what she did to Rob. I'm skeptical. Op's bio dad barely had to give any effort while stepdad Rob tried for years to be the dad op deserved. Op's husband even tried to give op a fat hint and she didn't take it. Op sucks. I hope op enjoye being guilt tripped at her younger sister's wedding.
Story 2 - Tell me this marriage is headed for divorce without telling me this marriage is headed for divorce. Op is a shit husband. I love how op thinks one dinner can make up for continuous disrespect and allowing his sister to steal from his wife. She should have had it spelled out for her that her life could have been permanently f*cked if anyone had gotten the police involved.
If Rob has a little sense of self respect he will go NC with op what she did is unforgivable and shows a lack of respect and love for him.I don't see her being remorseful, she is regretting and that's not the same. I wonder how will she feel when rob goes all out with his daughter on her wedding.
OP #2 is absolutely the AH. A big, fat one. Grandmother's ring is priceless because it means something to your wife. Dollar amount isn't always where an item's value lies. You have no respect for your wife and all that she does and I sincerely hope one day she shows you how just how big of an AH you are.
Story 1: OP make a very public apology that would be shown to your wedding guests.
S1: if Rob is important for her, she'll not 'untentionally' forget and exclude Rob in her big moment. She is just afraid of losing what Rob can give her and what people taught about her. Her post alone shows how entitled she is, despite admitting mistakes but keep giving excuses. Hope Rob won't be fooled.
This kind of “pick me!” bullsh-t really burns me to the core. I had the absentee drunken/druggie bio father who barely made contact for years and then when he did, all he did was hurt me without understanding that or if he did he simply didn’t care. I also had an amazing chosen father in my ex step dad who stayed in my life throughout whenever he could based on where he lived at the moment. If he was here-he was absolutely present in my life. He was the one who changed my diapers and walked the floors with me when I was sick as a baby. My mother left him (stupidly!) when I was six-but he continued to come get me to spend quality time. And when I ran away from home because my mom was dating a two time felon woman beater and home wasn’t safe for me anymore-he literally packed up and moved to my town to take me in so I could finish school in my district. He was my rock and my shelter in the storm. I married my high school sweetheart right out of high school the year after graduation and HE was the one who walked me down the aisle. I did not even tell my bio father that I was getting married-he did not EARN that right to walk me down the aisle because he was never there for me. He found out later through some rando and I couldn’t care less. I do not forgive him for what he put me through or the mess he left me in when he bailed out as soon as he heard the word “pregnant”. My mother is and always was a train wreck. There were times we were homeless and sleeping on a relatives couch or floor. Once we were in a cold basement full of old junk and spiders. A literal storage area. Sleeping on a million year old sofa that smelled musty and had a dusty old cover on it. Once we were in an unsafe junky old trailer home and the landlord wouldn’t fix the furnace and it burnt down killing our little kitty and burning up everything that we owned. We had nothing but the clothes on our backs which were pajamas. Mom’s family is trash so no one came. You think my bio dad did? Nope. A neighbor took me in for the night as she had kids too but I don’t know where my mom went for the night. (My mom hardly ever worked a job in her life even though she was gorgeous and able bodied. She just refused to and lived off men her whole life). My ex step father was living clear across the country after their divorce to go heal from what she did to him, so he wasn’t here to help me for a couple of years. I don’t blame him for that because my mom really did a number on him. She left him broke financially and broken hearted. Anyway back to my chosen father-his place of honor in our home has always been assured since he moved back here full time. Unfortunately he fell back into that b-tch’s trap and lives with my mother again and she abuses him in every way that she can. When it gets too bad he comes here and stays with us. He refuses to report her for anything she does to him. All I can do is support him as best as I can when he clearly needs it, give him a safe space to rest, and an ear that listens. Sometimes beauty hides the beast within some people. If you saw either of my parents in their prime, you’d fall for their bullsh-t just like everyone else does because they are so pretty. My mom never got a ticket in her life for anything because the police were over the moon for her. She literally hit a freakin’ public access bridge used for traffic while drunk driving and she cried and said she sneezed and they LET her off the hook for the trouble and babied her for it. She was almost falling down drunk but because she was so hot-they excused it! I could literally smell her from a distance when she came home because she smelled like alcohol. There’s no way they could have missed it. So yeah-anyway you don’t pick the ones who let you down if you have even an iota of self respect or love. No. You reward the ones who actually loved you and were there for you whenever possible! My god 😂. That girl is no genius. Nothing screams “desperation” like handing the honor to the guy who SHOULD have known better than to accept it after he didn’t even parent her! If he has changed “so much”, he sure doesn’t show it accepting an honor that never should have been his after abandoning his family. That guy literally paid to raise HIS DAUGHTER, and then paid to send HIM to rehab-and this is how he repays him??? Steals the moment that never should have been his when he dodged his responsibilities? What a bad guy. Just “no”. He deserved nothing in this. Just swooped in and stole the fatherly accolades after someone else footed the bill and raised his kid. Yuck man, yuck. What a pathetic excuse of a man. And his daughter must be just like him-yeah I said it. And I stand by it.
Story 2 if i was op wife i wouldn't hesitate on walking papers i would probably encourage her too.they are definitely having more on their plate to deal with entitled spoiled people
op1 and op2 both deserve a divorce and to be left homeless ngl…
I have a feeling that OP will have to pay for her own wedding next time. I hope her marriage will last, but I have a feeling that she will do something that will end it. I just have a feeling, something about her screams 4 divorces and 6 different baby daddies
Op is a selfish ah.
S1 I don't get the husband. He sees what is happening and not only doesn't talk to OP but tells her parents not to... because OP was so caught up in it? That's the reason why you do speak to your partner... When they are busy making a massive mistake you tell them because you care about the consequences they will face for that mistake.
Phew op really sucks lmaoo
If i was rob, id keep things civil but politely refuse to help op ever again. It wasnt a 'mistake' at the wedding, it was a massive insult that she made everytime she inserted her bio father in robs place spanning several weeks (during the wedding planning).
Im not sure if rob is a better man, but hes certainly more forgiving than i am.
Despicable. And I don’t for a moment believe that OP was wholly unaware of just how much of an FU to Rob her wedding was. Very few people are that stupid, and at that level they can barely understand language. OP seems to be of at least average intelligence. There’s no possibility she didn’t know what she was doing.
Here’s my take… she’s doing therapy with her bio-dad every two weeks, and has unresolved issues with his abandonment. The positive emotions from (I assume) helpful therapy sessions made her want desperately want to return her bio-dad to what his position should have been, had he not abandoned her. She talked herself into believing crapping all over Rob at her wedding was acceptable. The fact that Rob paid for her wedding just makes me cringe after all she did. Rob might be a great man and forgive her eventually… or he might not. I wouldn’t. There’s stabbing someone in the back, and then there’s this steaming pile.
Two stories about two out-of-touch people.
Dang 1st story op let dad into her life like nothing. Someone who has never been in your life comes back so easy is grounds for dishonor.
My sister has a different dad than me but my dad raised us both even when he wasn’t with my mother. So much so he walked her down the aisle with her bio dad cause she felt bad for him since he actually showed for once. I would have lit hell on earth if he hadn’t walked her.
The mother & husband should have spoken up before the wedding, solution would have been gotten; OP is too blind but they should have collected her.
everyone makes up the second op as this very horrible man who deserves to ve taken to the divorce cleaners but tbh he handled everything pretty well after getting ripped a new one mind you
Story 3 Makeup palettes are eyeshadow sets, or Eyes , Lips and Blush sets. Depending on the brand, they can run up to almost $100 for one palette. No one trashes a palette accidentally. You can use makeup without leaving a mess. Your sister is targeting your wife. No one tears clothes just trying to them on. You have to make an effort intentionally. And your wife’s grandmother’s ring is valuable because it’s sentimental. The value just isn’t in dollars. Your wife can’t be safe in a home where nothing of hers is safe. Poor wife always felt attacked because she was . Please enforce strict boundaries with your sister.
One guy may have been a seed donor, but the other guy was her father. Like they say in guardians of the galaxy “he may have been your father but he wasn’t your daddy”
i see why men refuse to be step-parents
It’s a thankless job where you are never put first by anyone and are constantly forced to compete with the ex/baby daddy. Definitely not ideal.
Op what you did is evil. Right out of a devils plan! No matter if robb "forgives" you. He will never bc something inside of him broke!
I wonder what was the purpose of her mentioning how jealous her step dad was in story 1.
#2 Op has a saint for a wife.
I think the bio dad should have said no, I am not doing this, Rob should do it. OP was wrong and inconsiderate.
I feel zero sympathy for her, of course don’t need to, no one can feel a sorrier for her than she does for herself
Story 1: OP is terrible, but equally terrible is OP's bio dad. He is back in her live, but instead amend for his mistakes, he is destroying her live. Everybody make mistakes and deserve a chance to redeem (some people never get a chance). The actions which OP's bio dad needed to take were - he should exclude himself from the wedding and take only small part. He should be happy to be a guest and nothing more. Also needed to encourage OP to make her step dad the father figure and explain to her why. Instead he do the opposite and destroy the memory of this important day for OP and probably destroy the relation between her and her family. In my opinion first thing OP need to do to cut her bio dad out of her live and tell him that she wants nothing to do with him. That is my opinion.
story 1: if i was the groom i would of said no
No, one guy was a sperm donor the other guy was your father. Like they said in guardians of the Galaxy “ he may have been your father but he wasn’t your daddy”
DNA means more than we wish to admit. The amount of kids who abandoned their adopted parents for the bio-father is frightening but it is a reality. I think it stems from people viewing the stepfather as a weak man and so they aren't respected. You know the toxic idea that if he was stronger he would get a woman without kids... Sign.
Just another reason to not be a step Father.
Story 1: OP learned nothing. She doesn't get it. I thought maybe she learned her lesson, but one line ruined it, when she said to Rob that she truly wished he was her dad. Like, is she stupid? HE IS HER DAD, he sees her as his daughter, but she does not see him as her dad, and probably never will. This is not fixable. That line wasn't comforting, it just cemented the truth that to her, he isn't her father and that he probably never will, she drew a solid line between them. She needs serious therapy, how come after all this time she still can't call him dad after everything?
What happened at the party is just a symptom of the underlaying issue. That he isn't her dad in her mind and that she was his daughter in his mind, but now he knows he was wrong, they aren't father and daughter, and I don't think that can be fixed. What can she even do? Maybe get closer to him, stop being foolish and start calling him dad? I don't know, I just know Rob will never look at her the same. He knows his place now and it will be extremely difficult to convince him that she actually changed and now thinks of him as her father.
Man op should be happy it wasnt the twin story, she ungrateful
Story 1: if you have a kid, name him after rob if it’s a boy, or have rob be one of the first to interact with the child.
S1: why does the guy who has been gone for most of OP's life deserve more compared to the guy who was there for every important moment? Rob didn't have to be a parental figure but chose to help anyway. seriously, wtf is wrong with OP?
OP is a perfect example of why being a step parent is a stupid choice and never will be worth it. As for reddit blaming the mom and husband for not talking to her sooner ofc reddit would try and remove any accountability from a woman. I guess she is a child that has to have her hand held and shit explained slowly to her or at least that seems to be what they think.
To be honest, i get where she comes from, but rob should have said something ealier, same with the mom and husband, its obviously her fault, but i honestly do the same. I get where shes coming from, shes not like her father, she was confused, imagine your dad just come back into your life like youve always wanted, even if you have a dad, its something about not ever knowing your bio parents that can cause SOME not all to just... want OUR parents, but better than what we got. Theapry and talking to your loved one can always help to give perspective who truly loves you and who doesnt, but that doesnt mean your feeling dont matter, your wants dont matter, everything about you matters. Even the toxic shitty parts.
Op1 is what you get being a stepfather.
My step dad was a meth head and beat me and my mom, piss off.
I feel like everyone was a bit tough on Story 1 OP, I personally have no stance on this