Why Does TikTok Hate This Trans Influencer?
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- čas přidán 4. 02. 2024
- Why Does TikTok Hate This Trans Influencer?
Trans Woman Reacts to Lilly Tino
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I am good with all the transwoman and transman. But Kurt Cobain Was never a transperson. What a bullshiet is she talking about. She only use
him because he was one of the best and he showed us what he felt and what he was felt.
No sir. I will not be. No thank you.
You forgot to wear the white hair band!!!
@@RobStewart-jp8pz no one asked
hi sir samantha nice delusional fairy tale gender
As someone who actually lived through the Kurt Cobain era loads of alternative men used to wear dressess to be "edgy".
I can't believe that we have regressed so far that people have gone back to thinking dress = woman.
Well we haven't have we, as the person in the video proves by wearing dresses and still being addressed as "sir"
@@beakerfaceso if he’s wearing dresses and wants to be referred to as a man (Sir) he’s not a trans woman…but I assume a transvestite? Transvestites are like what Eddie Izzard used to be..a man who liked to dress up as women without thinking he actually was one
@Slim_45 Who are you meaning, Kurt?
I'd definitely not describe him as a crossdresser/transvestite!
The whole point of the '90s Seattle grunge movement was to shake things up and live free, not being constrained by societal expectations.
He was a free spirit
@@beakerface yes…but I was merely suggesting that if he was labelled trans (which he wasn’t at the time and I don’t believe he was) he would be a transvestite, as opposed to a transexual.
is total misogyny
nobody deserves to be purposefully misgendered, ofc. my issue is that she does this even with servers who immediately apologize; it also feels very privileged to be sitting up in an expensive restaurant asking to see the manager because someone who lives on tips accidentally misgendered you. leslie feinberg said "I care which pronoun is used, but people have been respectful to me with the wrong pronoun and disrespectful with the right one. It matters whether someone is using the pronoun as a bigot, or if they are trying to demonstrate respect.” In some of these situations, these people are not being a bigot, but lily is treating them all as if they are.
Yes AND --
I know hundreds of people this entitled, shitty, privileged, and cuntish to proletarians. In fact, dare I say it, living in America, probably 80% of the people around us at any given point act like this on a consistent basis towards service workers. Which begs the question -- hey guys, why the tr*nny SPECIFICALLY?
The thing is most people aren't purposely misgendenring her, she looks like a dude with long hair, people go by what they see... it's automatic, even if these people were her family, they would still mess up once in a while... and she's trying to paint waitstaff she just met as transphobic,
They misgender themselves
LMFAO
For Real? If guys want to razz their buddies for something it's not uncommon to call them a girl. Also if someone feels so self important they need everyone to validate their experience f them. Simply put no one is important enough to determine what precise language I use to talk that's someone trying to make what I do abt them. I'd rather not have to deal with that
"I'm so sorry for misgendering you I apologize"
*Proceeds to ask for the manager and tell said manager about the misgendering experience*... like why? The server clearly said that he was sorry and literally said the words "I apologize"
Because she wants to outrage people for views because she is worthless
Not to mention she implied that gender dysphoria is partially the reason for his self unaliving and as a survivor of that um no that was crossing the line.
Yeah, especially if you know his story it's so crazy to say that would be why he'd commit
I’m too shy to correct people
It’s okay everyone starts from somewhere I guess in the moment you get to decide when enough is enough
I get that with work I, I work food service sometimes I get misgendered when they do say “thank you sir” I say “ you’re welcome sir” and the look they get is FUNNY 😂😂😂
@@keigarland lol
same 😭
@@aylinilya. we will become confident one day!
My stance: don't use gendered terms like "sir" or "ma'am" when speaking to strangers and you dodge all bullets. You can't misgender and you don't have to think about it!
I agree,, as a non binary person I get called both ma'am and sir and neither one feels comfortable
There's a danger of bleeding into degendering here.
I wish there was a gender neutral term
Exactly my thought. But I am afraid, the sir/mam could be a restaurant policy and the waiter has to use one of them
I once almost didn't get a job because I refused to call the interviewer 'sir'. I just told him it was against my culture to use those words and he told me he would make an exception lol
man, as a trans person who doesn't pass it makes me upset when passing trans people act like other trans people can just "suck it up" because they personally don't remember how painful it is to be misgendered. someone could correct someone in the calmest way ever, or talk about it in a sad way while making sure to say a trillion times that they don't blame anyone, and people will still use it as proof to show how trans people are "crazy" or "this is why cis people hate us".
i don't agree with everything this lady has said, but people act like the times she politely corrected people were these huge meltdowns.
Suck it up 💀 stop questioning a dead persons gender identity. That’s literally wrong. Be mad at the psycho recording people at the restaurants and making them look like a bad person
@@monotypical_dude. just because i think it's weird to tell trans people to "suck it up" when they get misgendered doesn't mean i agree with this lady's kurt cobain video, i did not mention that video even once.
i agree with this so much. being misgendered can be insanely upsetting and can ruin an entire day sometimes. while i dont agree with what she said in that video, some of the people upset at her for correcting people about her pronouns are a bit much
Ikr?
I mean do people think it's easy to pass? Get all these surgeries and yet insurance wouldn't cover most of them? Not even counting the mental/emotional aspect of it all?
I don't think Kurt was trans but if he was here today he would definitely be a big ally
that i think is one thing that we can take as a fact at least. :)
Same. Like its a possibility but honestly he seemed more gender nonconforming to me. Hopefully he'd be happy seeing how far the movement has been coming💚
Yes definitely
That's kind of what annoys me about Lilly's theory, Kurt was a huge advocate for the queer community, and he gave zero fucks about what anyone thought about him.
If Kurt was trans, the idea that he would stay closeted doesn't match anything about how he lived, and implying that he would have feels disrespectful.
@@MorgenPeschke you forget that Courtney Love bullied him for doing that specific thing, she hated it.
a trend in her videos i noticed is that a lot of the servers seem to not have english as their first language, not speaking english well isn’t always an excuse but i feel like if you are still trying to learn english its hard to also learn how to use pronouns in the current state of the world
This person comes off as a total karen so they can get buzz on their tiktok. and for someone who gets upset about being misgendered, it seems deeply hypocritical to then go about trying to claim they know a deceased persons gender.
She also has a video regarding cis and how it is not offensive. If you want people to not call you sir and it is "a knife to the heart every time" why are you trying to force a label on other people, they do not want?
@@rebeccaspellmeyer5761yup!! Incredibly hypocritical!
Kurt was NOT trans. Yes, he used his platform to support the LGBTQIA+ community, and identified more as feminine than masculine, and wore women's clothes, but that's not solid proof that he was trans. We don't know, and we will never know because he isn't here to confirm or deny it. Plus, Courtney Love and Francis Bean (his daughter) are still alive, and I don't think they would appreciate a stranger on the internet speculate on their late husband/father's gender identity.
I just had to say that as someone who hyperfixated on Nirvana during middle school/high school.
Totally agree. It really irritates me - living through that era and loving grunge - that she'd say "probably trans". Absolutely not. He'd wear dresses to be transgressive (as rock stars do) and supported the LGBT community but it ends there. It really risks misgendering him by wildly speculating. Contino does not deserve any kind of hate but history should be kept honest.
like we can't say that he was trans FOR SURE, you can't say that he wasn't either. Is not like take a random death vip and claim it was trans without anything that point in that direction: in this case there is some evidence wich explanation could be that. We will never know for sure. (and btw, I don't see how contemplate the possibility could upset his family as soon as being trans is not a bad thing...)
Yeah totally agree. First, a man wearing a dress or anything remotely feminine doesn't make them trans. Second, you really shouldn't claim that a dead person is anything they never said they were in life because they are not alive to confirm or deny the statement! So yeah, kind of messed up.
you can’t say he was cis.
Honestly I think they both care a lot less about this than the piles of people and media *still* claiming Courtney intentionally caused his death.
If you are going to take the "what about his family" approach, one is certainly far more damaging and offensive.
purposely misgendering someone is awful, and anyone who does that deserves to be called out. that said, the service industry sucks, and sometimes servers make mistakes despite being given information because there’s just a lot going on. the lack of grace and empathy towards the servers who seemed genuinely apologetic rubs me the wrong way, and trying to get them fired for it disgusts me. lots of folks here are talking about pretty privilege, but let’s note financial privilege at play here, too.
Exactly this. It is their attitude not the fact they are trans only that is why ppl don't like them. And valid to call out that bs.
People who make genuine mistakes should never be punished. Especially with they/them pronouns. Simply because its anyone can use them. My ex is genderfluid and uses they them pronuns, but 90% of the time they present as male. Or at most wears leggings. They do wear more female underwear sometimes but you wouldnt see that. Basically unless they tell you you'd automatically assume male. If after being told you misgender over an over thats a problem but a slip up here and there, even more if you knew them prior to the change '
I am Agender (AFAB) and use she/her and they/them. I really wouldnt even care if someone used he/him but I'd be confused because my body type alone is feminine (very short and small) I have zero emotional connection to being a woman besides they understanding sexism. But to me my gender is just another feature like my brown hair, my height, my birth month, ect
The thing that upsets me with the Kurt Cobain thing is that she said he probably killed himself because he was trans. I just feel it’s very disrespectful to act like you know of things like that, especially since there’s already a lot of “conspiracy theories” about his death.
I don’t think she deserves to be attacked for being a trans person saying this, but she definitely deserves criticism for saying that regardless of her identity.
the thing that actually bothers me about Lily is the way she BEGS for money on TikTok Live. she goes to these fancy restaurants, demanding her audience send her money to fund the bill! not only that, but is asking her followers to fund her Disney Trip! she has a list of demands such as a fancy hotel, nice restaurants, multiple days, etc. it is absolutely INSANE for us “common” people to fund these types of things for any influencer, regardless of them being trans or LGBTQ. unless they are struggling and asking for help (which she clearly is NOT) there is no excuse to expect people to fund YOUR privileged lifestyle. anyone donating money to her must be extremely young and/or naive. it’s delusional to pay these influencers to live their best life when most people are struggling with bills in their day to day life. so i have no respect for Lily!
Oh that nakes it OBVIOUS she does it to get videos of people using sir
Yeahhhh 😬
@@zuglymonsteryeah I don’t like that every time she always has the video preset up to “catch” someone misgendering her. Like, to me, that just screams STAGED. I don’t even think the servers are real. Maybe they just know a lot of people who work in restaurants and that’s how she does it. I’d honestly believe that more than there are this many people actively using the words “sir” in reference to her, but idk I’m kinda bias because I have a lot of trans friends.
@b0ngbreath (great name btw) Okay, I hear what you’re saying, but the problem is that people actually DO send her the money tho… otherwise she wouldn’t be asking, and technically she is creating content and asking for compensation for that work (you may not consider it work, but none of us here would be here talking about it if she didn’t make the content). Content creation is work and it does deserve compensation. Is it a little distasteful to “beg” for donations? Sure, but in my own personal experience, it’s the only way content creators ever get paid, and if you don’t ask (like I never asked) then people just don’t voluntarily donate. Most people need prompting to donate to content creators, even if they watch them all the time. If you don’t ask, you don’t get anything (sadly my experience with content creation). It’s part of the game. You have to ask in order to receive. Now, I don’t even follow this creator, Lily, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t even particularly like her (I don’t hate or disrespect her either, but I just don’t personally like her, unlike how I like Samantha as a creator and person), but I do support content creation as a real job and the fact that she has so many followers and everyone under this video is discussing her, she must be doing something right when it comes to content creation. Sadly, we can’t help that people would rather discuss this woman and whether or not what she is doing is right than support a content creator who isn’t trying to make waves to get attention. It’s sadly just human nature to care more about the people doing stupid shit than nice “boring” people!
my dad is generally very supportive of the community but was getting a lot of those “lor/lorax pronoun” or “you’re a transphobe if you have a gender reveal” tik toks.
i reminded him that trans people can be grifters and trolls like anyone else- or they need to touch grass. i was like dad you know real LGBT people, we’re pretty sensible average people right? what you’re seeing is RAGE BAIT
ok but "lor/lorax" kinda slays 💅
@@prageruwu69agreed I will now be only addressed by those pronouns
@@prageruwu69 i very much agree with you, unfortunately my 47 year old father in kentucky thought it was a serious thing lmao
Neopronouns are almost exclusively used online lol
@@ArAsDeCoskeyword "almost", ze/hir has been around since the 90s at least
If you listen to a lot of these servers you can clearly hear that English isn’t their first language. There are very likely also language and cultural barriers. If this is your experience with trans people… setting up your camera, calling a manager to try to make someone lose their job or be reprimanded while you enjoy your nice meal, is that a good approach to fostering acceptance? Some people don’t even know a trans person closely like that, but will be very accepting and open even if they don’t get it immediately. I’ve seen it as a Latinx in not always the most understanding environments but they don’t hate trans people, they just didn’t know and once they do will not be intentionally disrespectful. As someone who spends most of my time in lgbtq spaces, even they make mistakes when they are trying, yet we expect everyone to get it right. You’re also right in that all it does is make people who haven’t been given the chance to learn afraid to try.
I wonder if ‘I’m not sir’ could be interpreted as ‘don’t call me sir’ if there’s a language barrier. With a barrier, and especially being in the service industry, I think people often apologise without actually understanding the problem.
Yep
People are either accepting or they're not. Would you say that if a Mexican or Latin man stole something from you, then you would think of ALL Mexicans or Latinos that way, or just that specific Mexican man? Their rudeness and character flaws are not a result of race, gender, or whether they're trans or cis, and normal people understand that
I first saw the "Kurt Cobain was trans" thing on Twitter a few years back, it's not new to Lilly. I'm similarly not into ascribing identities to dead people, but I can sorta see the value in noting overlaps in experience.
IIRC, it was something some trans people speculated about online in the 90’s too.
It's perfectly fair to speculate on. I don't get people's hang ups on speculating about dead people. That's pretty much what all of historical analysis is based on. There's what can be said as fact, and what can be said as speculation, and we can speculate that Cobain may very well have come out as trans in a more open environment.
We do this speculation all the time for dead notable figures for a variety of reasons, and gays have no pushback for when they do it. So now that some trans people do it, it's suddenly a great evil?
I saw a video from a cis creator about two weeks before Lilly posted hers. No blowup against her. I just feel like people have had issues with Lilly for a long time and this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Honestly I have a whole zine artistically expressing the feelings and thoughts behind viewing Cobain as trans, and its really meaningful to me. Nobody is trying to like, definiively ascribe a label to Kurt as a real person so much as express that the legacy of Kurt is one that trans people see ourselves in and recognize in their lyrics and interviews. Its not actually that wild at all.
He was a huge ally. People get upset about it when I point it out, but if you read his interviews on the topic, he despised bigotry towards the LGBTQ community (and yes, that included trans people). In fact, Kurt inspired me to become an ally in the early 2000s when literally nobody else in the conservative community I grew up in was. I went from being scared and ignorant when I was 12 to being an ally when I was 13 because Nirvana and Kurt Cobain had such a big influence on me in my formative years.
While I don't think he was necessarily trans, he was an ally, so I'm really surprised people are really that angry about this. I agree it's probably poor form to speculate about a deceased person, but I think most people are offended because they don't want to believe Kurt would hate their bigotry. And he would be WAY more disgusted with how people are responding to Lily than he would be with Lily. That I can say with confidence.
the way that blonde woman called lily a “goblin” was genuinely disgusting
Her attitude towards the waiters was disgusting. And coming after a dead person.
She ate
@@SeinIshamiado you're disgusting
Eden has issues. She used to be best friends with blaire white
Yeah, that was gross, and sad :(
I personally think my problem with her is the fact that it seems that she sells her trauma of being misgendered which is bad thing ofc but I feel she's selling it as a gimmick
Right like she literally pulls her phone out and waits for it to happen, she also says that it's not a big deal but then will literally be like "I just wanna let your know that my server misgendered me" to staff. It's just soo odd. Like if it's soo uncomfortable for her then why does she feel comfortable enough to constantly post it happening? Like you said she's using it like a gimmick.
@@Kenny-zv2wk i mean, she's a food critic and does her reviews at restaurant while recording, of course she's going to have her phone out to record because she does it for her reviews? She gets permission to record in the establishments as well. She's not pulling out her phone to wait to be misgendered, she's recording reviews of restaurants.
It's that special brand of victim complex that is unique to Karens.
And she has the major Karen energy.
I don't think she's "trying to sell her trauma" or that "she's trying to capture the misgenders in video", I think that is something that happens so often that even when she's trying to film her everyday life captures the moment when is misgendered and I think that sucks, is very important that she shows this videos to make people conscious about this problem because maybe some waiters were doing it on purpose, we didn't see their faces or expressions but she did, maybe that's why she called the manager I mean if I see a person like her and I'm not sure how they identify I wouldn't use pronouns just in case, but to me she looks very feminine and looks kind of obvious that doesn't identify with "he" and even less with "sir"
@@lizlefay3262 I agree and I get what you mean but she is capitalizing off of it
the only actual thing I'd say is wrong with this person is when they go to the manager over accidents. The server might not have even been the person she told about the gender thing to begin with and depending on the situation that info might not have been passed on to the server. That being said that one guy who missgendered her three times....fuck them.
The food surgery stuff is a little cringe sure but being cringe is not a crime. As for the Kurt Cobain thing is in poor taste but I think the extreme hateful response they got is waaaaaaaay to much.
She's clearly a woman, so it wasn't a "mistake".
The only comment under this vid that matters, tbh 😪
I think it's the fact that Lily just says to the managers, "Excuse me, i was called 'sir'" and then the blank stare and the refusal to elbaorate, expecting the manager to understand within six words that she had asked not to be called a term thats typically used as an honorific. It's like if a man named Robert said to a manger "Excuse me, i was called Bobby" without explaining he hates that nickname. Like, come on, context is important. Also dont be a rat to people living off tips
If we were this shitty to everyone who was bad to service workers, 30% of the population would've committed suicide by now. This is America, I don't know what to tell you besides people here are bad, and it's bad to live and work here. MY problem is this: how many cis people act exactly like this, day-in, day-out, and are left completely untouched by the whims of the internet? My guess is 200 million in the NA continent, most of which are in the US.
I think a lot of people dislike her bc a mix of transmedicalism and pretty privilege (though they won't admit PP is real) even when it comes to her kurt cobain vid. I've seen a lot of ppl say she "deserves to be misgendered" because she "doesn't put effort into looking like a woman" both equating transness to hrt/surgery and womanhood to society's shallow idea of feminity. I'm willing to bet if she was born with slimmer features people would take the KC a lot less at face value as well.
I see this a lot with both transphobia from people who say they aren’t as well as so called “girl’s girls.” “Girls supporting girls” unless they’re noncomforming, non feminine, or neurodivergent. Pro lgbtq, anti racism, etc etc, unless the people shown in question aren’t conventional to the public eye.
Honestly I don’t even know how people can say she doesn’t put any effort into her appearance. I mean, they’re gonna call her a man after she put on makeup, a whole ass outfit, and heels? As a trans man who lived as a woman for almost 2 decades before coming out, I know for a fact that sh!t takes time. She’s trying at least, they ought to give her credit for that even if she isn’t their cup of tea.
@@kyleinthejar6829absolutely this point
@bird3938 💯 She doesn't have to "change" anything. Sure, if she were traditionally beautiful she'd "pass" but that's not the point. If she's a woman, she's a woman, whether or not she changes her voice or appearance. And yeah, wearing girly half-shirts and makeup and doing her hair? Yeah, maybe before you turn around and see her you'd think she was a cis male. But she's not. And she's not required to meet the expectations of cis people when it comes to her appearance. I noticed that at least in the videos I've seen, the only trans women who get called out in bathrooms are ones who don't look stereotypically female. It's like what they used to say (some still do) about gays and lesbians:
LGBTQIA+ people: Existing
Transphobes/Homophobes/Anybody DIfferent Phobes: "Why to you have to shove it in our faces! Go back in the closet!"
@@kyleinthejar6829her voice is what mainly hurts people
Honestly the only really glaring issue I see in the last TikTok is the flippancy over Cobain’s death. I really don’t think it’s on to speculate about that when you do not know the person
yeah the part that i most disliked was where she was like "maybe that's why he's dead." no. don't go there. I disagreed with some of her reasonings and how sure she was of the theory, but it was fine, until she was speculating on his death. that's not okay.
@@SapphireSeahorse494 Alright. It's fair to assume that you also dedicate time to keyboard-warrioring people who say courtney's the reason he killed himself then?? Because if you aren't........... seems like it aint really about kurt.
Also using they pronouns for him is sort of misgendering, cause as far as we actually know he identified as a man
@@candyh4284 I assume you were talking to me. No, of course I don’t, for the same reason I wouldn’t go to this woman’s social media and blast her there either.
Because unlike Miss Samantha, they’re not creators I like who I want to give engagement to.
And in this woman’s case I also wouldn’t do it because I don’t think she’s a bad person. I just think she got lost in the sauce in front of the entire internet. Hence I commented on it in a place that will not ping her phone and that she would actively have to dig to find.
But YES obviously I think it’s disgusting to speculate about Courtney Love too. I. Said. What. I. Said. If you do not know someone, do not speculate on why they ended their lives.
@@candyh4284we're not really talking about that theory, but, yes! the idea that kurt's wife was the reason he killed himself, given that we have to solid evidence to that idea, is bad. it is in my opinion bad to speculate on the cause of someone's suicide.
It's incredibly valid to dislike, call out and even ridicule toxic people doing cringe and contrived conflict "on purpose". People like Lilly are predatory and thrive on being shielded by a vulnerable community who will rush to defend them because "everyone must belong" somehow
I am a trans guy in a very red state (MO), and I've personally had to just become so use to getting purposefully misgendered I rarely correct anyone at all. Yes it's still the same very familiar pain each time, and I am a minor so there's nothing I can do about it. But within my small friend group of people I can trust I get misgendered by the cis people. The trans friends I have and the close friends I have are really nice to me and use my pronouns and name whenever they can, even with disapproving eyes or comments, but I can't stand up for myself very well yet. I'm almost 17 and going to be free soon, but I have to live in this state for undergrad, I wish I had the metaphorical (or physical) balls to defend myself like this one day. I'm really grateful for your platform Samatha and helping me throughout my phases of an egg to coming out. Thank you!
Stay strong, my fellow MO trans brother. 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
all i can say is that as long as you believe you are who you are. that's all that should really matter. if people misgender you? it's fine, you know who you are. validation should always come first and foremost from within. putting you validation in the hands of other people is alot of times not going to go your way. and this is true for any person, not only non binary or trans people. would it be nice to get the validation of other people? sure. but it should never be to the point that it disrupts your mind.
i am a chinese mixed person who grew up in a south east asian 3rd world country. there were only 4 poeple in my school including me of chinese ethnicity. the other 3 were my bro and 2 cousins lol. as a kid when people would call me chinese instead of by my name, yea it bothered me. why not just call me by my name? i'm an individual person not just an ethnicity. but as i grew older, it stopped bothering me less and less to the point it didn't even matter anymore what they called me. infact i was actually kinda proud of it to the point i was like "damn straight, there's only one chinese around these parts and that's me mother fucker" :D
you're stil 17. you have a whole lot of life ahead of you left to live. when i was 21, i thought i was the king shit. in my 30s now i look back and think about how much of an absolute moron i was when i was 21 and surprised i made it this far without accidentally walking off a cliff lol. you still have many years of transitioning ahead of you and by the time you hit 25, you might even be the most passable person. and i think it is generally easier for trans men to pass than it is for trans women because testosterone is one hell of a hormone. even if you started transitioning at the age of 25 for example, you still have most of your life left to live as the gender you want to be. god forbid your life doesn't end at like 35 or some thing and you grow to a ripe old age of say 75. that's still 50 years you would be living as the gender you want to be. if you live longer? you would look back and think about the first 25 years of your life as just a drop in the bucket.
so don't worry, as long as you know who you are, that is all that really matters in the end. not what other people think about u.
Hey there. First off, glad to hear that you have a plan! It's going to take time but it sounds like you are in a good place internally.
Second, about misgendering. Correcting people isn't an all or nothing thing. I'm a non-passing 48 year old trans guy. Meeting someone socially or in a circumstance where I'll be interacting with them again, yeah, I correct.
Grocery store clerk or even a server at a restaurant, usually not. If it was as easy as, "Excuse me, I use he/him." "My apologies Sir, would you like fries or salad with your burger?" Then I would. But it rarely is. More often than not it turns into a production and I just don't have the spoons for it.
And in _any_ medical context, including pharmacy, dentist, lab techs, etc I absolutely correct. And if they keep messing it up, I will walk. These are people who have my actual life in their hands. If they don't respect me enough to use appropriate pronouns then I do _not_ trust them with my physical well being.
And lastly, safety concerns. There are situations where if you can't pass, better to be cis passing as the wrong gender. There have been a few times when I didn't correct because I didn't feel safe enough to basically be coming out in public as trans. That one particularly sucks, but better safe than sorry.
End of wall! Just wanted to let you know that you don't pass some magically age line and suddenly have the balls, spoons, and comfort to constantly correct. It be complicated and messy and it all gets very nuanced. Lol
@@youngbloodedarts it's rough out here 😂, glad I have support ❤
@@xyr3s Thank you for your support, I'm really excited to see and feel myself in the near future and forget the feeling of not passing. Hopefully I live long enough for this time to not matter too much, and maybe I can make a difference and help others. Thank you again.
i just want to point out that the “kurt cobain may have been trans” story has been out since the 2000s. lily was just retelling the story
Right? I'm kinda baffled this blew up so much.
And she even said "probably"
yeah, i didn't realise people thought she made it up
@@NikaHollywood frustrating to see trans people get so mad at the idea too. he talked like an egg, idk why it’s wrong to point it out
@@babs_babs i think the only odd thing is speculating about his identity when he has still family that knew him better than any of us alive, but i bet a lot of people dont give a fuck about that and just don't like trans people
I know some people who get INCREDIBLY triggered by being misgendered. I’m lucky in that I’m not triggered by it, so it’s hard for me to fully understand. What I DO understand is that something is causing them extreme pain and if I can help, I’d like to. I think it’s important that, if we’re able to, consider our expectations in various contexts, that may help (but maybe not, idk, I’m new in my discovery after all). I know some cultures require people to address everyone as sir or M’am and the same cultures may not have adapted to Trans yet. So sometimes I have to think yes, that’s where we want to get, and I think we’re getting there. 💖💖💖💖 Lots of love and virtual hugs to anyone who needs it 💖
I don't think anyone, cis, trans, or otherwise, likes being called "sir" or "ma'am" LOL
As a trans guy, this is such a sweet comment! Personally, I’d say I get moderately triggered by misgendering (lol), but I try my best to keep it inside and only speak up about it if it’s happening repeatedly or if it’s being done disrespectfully. Most of the time when you see those videos of trans people getting super upset over misgendering, it’s a trans person who had an off day and just so happened to be caught on camera. I’ve had days like that myself and did some things I’m not proud of, so I know how it can feel. Though to be honest, who hasn’t had days like that? We’ve all had our moments, it’s best to try to understand each other and lead with empathy
@@kyleinthejar6829Even cis people get upset when they get misgendered. I don't understand why there are cis people who pretend to not understand when I guarantee if you called some old Boomer dude ma'am he would flip his shit as much if not more than Lily. I wish she wouldn't harass service workers, but people seem to forget that MOST people don't like being misgendered. That INCLUDES cis people.
Btw your comment was very sweet and supportive. I just thought I would add that it's not just trans people who get triggered at being misgendered. Like 95 percent of people get at least a little bothered if they are incorrectly gendered whether they admit to it or not.
When strangers do it, its annoying. Even when my badge is right there. The only time it feels like a "stab to the heart" is when family does it who I've told repeatedly.
yeah, that's just you though, not everyone's experience with misgendering is the same as yours. i totally understand that it could hurt a lot in both instances.
@@prageruwu69 If you are that offended to the point of comparing it to a physical attack, that is very much a YOU issue. Strangers just want to get about their day, do their own thing. There's a difference between reacting appropriately, and being melodramatic. I'm Agender, and will never be seen that way. People 99% of the time clock me as a chick, even when binding and with an undercut. Strangers will not care, they will call you as they see you. At least she gets recognised as a binary gender like she is. Boo fucking hoo that she gets called a man accidentally and when not filming, likely gendered correctly. Some of us don't even get that.
OK. I wasn't gonna do this but you brought up stab to the heart. Every time she mimes the oh-so-painful stab to the heart, Lilly stabs herself in her right lung 🫁. Best case she nicks her superior vena cava. The lion's share of the human heart ❤️ lies on the left side of the chest cavity.
@@ArAsDeCos damn, zero points in empathy, huh?
@@oiytd5wugho Comparing strangers misgendering you - people who don't even know you and likely won't know you again after the couple minutes at best interactions you're going to have with them - to a physical attack is not only stupid, but you also make yourself look like a joke. If you're that fragile that you need validation from strangers, you need therapy.
"Being cringe is not a crime" this is my new favorite quote
Being sheety to servers and underpaid workers and trying to make everyone lose their job if they slip up isn't illegal either especially when considering with most of them english isn't their first language and when people get are scared and anxious they tend to struggle That Much More, yet look at that, legality isn't the same as ethics.
Cringe culture is dead, draw Ninja Turtles
❤️🧡💜💙
Sorry for the weird audio 😩 it’ll be better next time!
I'm here for all your videos ❤
Hi Samantha just love your videos. You are the best and I feel you represent the transgender women the best that I've seen. I'm a newbie to your channel and also am a transgender who will be going on estrogen this October. I must have watched your videos for over 8 hours. You are my favorite trans spokesgirl . Keep up the great work
Michaela
Please we don’t watch for good audio we watch cause of you ❤️
I didn't even notice, great vid as always.
How can we get our girl Samantha to be a household name instead of the ones the "right" choose to shine a light on. Congresswoman lux. First Lady
I think the banana analogy is really creative. And omg Buck, her eating the cherries was a joke and he's acting like she's actually eating testicles.
I literally laughed out loud when she ate the cherries.
Right??? His response drove me nuts like hello, Buck??? Have you ever had a health class where they put the condom on the banana, it’s literally the same thing 🤦🤦he just wanted to act all offended to get brownie points from bigots 🙄
Also, testicles are delicious
He was damn well implying she was trying to appeal to kids "i know what youre doing" thats what he meant
@@zuglymonstersuch a weird thing for him to imply. Would he have rather had her use a medical diagram? We all know how that would’ve went over 🙄Damned if you do damned if you don’t
I agree. Correct the person who is misgenderering, but don't go to management just to get someone fired or in trouble for a mistake. The exception, of course, is if they were going out of their way to misgender someone, then I would say talk to management because after once or twice it can turn into harassment but don't do it if they make the mistake, apologies, and then correct their mistake. Also I think the food analogies Lily use are perfect. Some people are squimish around gory stuff or may just not be in the right mindset to watch a detailed animation of the actual procedure. Not to mention but sometimes those animation are very medical terminology driven so a person may want to understand the procedure without having to pause a bunch of times to google the definitions of medical terms
I saw that white screen heard your voice and thought the lord had finally come to collect 😂👏 love your videos
Pretty annoyed with a lot of trans creators lately like eden the doll and grace hyland. Invalidating non binary people and hating on people who don’t pass easily saying that pronouns and our identities need to be earned. Eden and grace have lots of $$, pass easily and are therefore very privileged. They don’t recognise they’re own privilege and act hella entitled
Does grace hyland actually says this? I never thought she had that opinion
It’s always rich white women of any group to put down those who can’t look conventional, trans or not. I see a common denominator. There’s a class dynamic here.
I mean even TS Madison took a dig at a non passing trans woman who didn’t pass and got kicked out of the women’s bathroom and Leyna Bloom keeps whining about non binary people on social media…so it’s not just the white ladies doing it
It’s not just white trans women doing this…
But if I say more, YT will delete my comment
Neither did I! But I saw a video of her titled I'M Done Withe The Pronouns," in my feed, haven't watched it yet though.@@lee-kl6qr
Personally I don't think its alright to speculate on ANY real persons gender identity. It just comes off as a bit rude and weird to me. Alive or otherwise. But thats just my feelings on the subject of her Kurt vid. Plus...it kind of feels like misgendering as well. Assuming someones gender identity...Idk I may be wrong, and if I am I'm sorry, but thats just how it kind of feels to me. I don't really see the food/surgery ones problem?? Lol shes just explaining things in a more light way that helps others understand the actual seriousness of the surgery and what trans women go through to live in a body they are happy in.
smells like narcissism!
Kurt also wrote about being sexually abused. Sexual abuse often presents itself as loathing someone's own body.
as a former server if I had a trans customer or someone who's gender I wasn't sure of I wouldn't use gendered terms
I’m not technically a server, I work in a fast food restaurant that delivers to tables when people dine in, so maybe it’s a little different, but I don’t use gendered terms at all. Just a “Is this for (name on receipt?) awesome, is there anything else you need this evening? Have a great day/night”
Like, unless the restaurant has some weird honorific policy, it really isn’t difficult to just not use them lmao, it’s weird seeing so many people who do 😂
Edit: This isn’t against you or your comment lmao, reading it over did make it seem that way. I’m agreeing with you :)
I've been called sir thousands of times since my transition started but I've learned over the years to just brush it off and remind myself I know who I am and accept even though it's been hard that nobody's gonna understand or accept who I am. I won't tolerate it at all but still I just brush it off.
Honestly, it's more the Karen behavior than anything else that gets her flak. Wanting to report the poor waiter that obviously had no ill intentions and apologized immediately is kind of gauche, ngl. And the weird Kurt Kobain "transvestigation"...not great either.
i'm ftm and i've seen quite a few of lilly's videos posted on different corners of the internet since i dont use tiktok. in regards to the compilation of her getting misgendered in restaurants, only the last clip was one that i feel made sense to reach out to management in that situation and keep the clip for posterity. the rest however, when i watched the video for the first time i thought "oh goodness she's a karen" and my feelings haven't changed. when she points out that she's been misgendered, the waiters are apologetic, but she tends to keep harping on it anyway. just like when a friend misgenders you and harps on how apologetic they are, the reversed situation is still very uncomfortable. with the kurt cobain video, i just wish people wouldn't label people with identities that they don't explicitly claim, especially people who can't confirm it or say otherwise. even if someone's talking about people who come from a time where the language around being transgender was still undefined or very vague, you dont know if they would identify with the available terminology being used to describe them. this isn't to say i dislike lilly or think everything she posts deserves scrutiny; i'm pretty sure her bottom surgery video was posted to that one notorious transphobic twitter account dedicated to reposting tiktoks and captioned with "SHE'S TEACHING KIDS ABOUT CUTTING UP YOUR JUNK" when tiktok is very obviously strict about self censorship requirements? she's very obviously not teaching kids nor intending to teach kids? as usual, that twitter account was fighting ghosts over a tiktok that any person with even a singular functioning brain cell would just ignore if they didn't like it
20:03 Unrelated to the video, but Its so snnoying when people refer to nonbinary people as "They them," its such a huge pet peeve for me. First of all, the way that the person used it felt so othering, and not all nonbinary people use they/them pronouns. It just feels like nonbianry people are being defined as their stereotypical pronouns and not their actual identity.
this! like i could hear the contempt in her voice, that just sucks. like what did we do?
@@lonk2026 Right? Like some people are so ready to throw their own people under the bus
Apologies for the rant: As a cis woman who is more comfortable wearing more masculine clothing & have some hobbies that are more male dominated, I don't see a problem with speculating on the gender or sexuality of people in history. However, I don't like when someone uses the way someone dresses or things they like as proof of what they think someone's gender is. I grew up constantly being told I needed to dress more feminine, people trying to force or shame me into more feminine hobbies & clothing, people trying to bully and shame me out of the hobbies I have simply because of my gender, and constantly having people tell me I must want to be a boy because of the way I dressed & my hobbies. Even once during a school trip, I had two classmates who tried to force mascara on me after I had agreed to allowing them to put some makeup on me but I had specifically told them I didn't want mascara and was only okay with the eye liner, eye shadow, and nail polish. They had actually started on one of my eyes because I had them closed for the eye liner and eye shadow before I realized it and got upset at them for it especially when they tried to pressure me to letting them do the other eye. Like one of the girl's mom literally had to intervene to stop them and let me wash the mascara off. Then she stood there & made sure they only re-applied the eye liner & eye shadow. That was the second worst experience I've had with mascara outside when I was little & had a bad allergic reaction to it. To this day I can still only tolerate eye liner or eye shadow to be near my eyes & don't even like looking at tube of mascara let allow want it anywhere near my eyes
mate the reason people are saying he was probably trans is deeper than clothes or him liking feminine shit. he talked like an egg that has no vocabulary or knowledge about trans shit. if it was just the dresses, no one would speculate a thing.
I grew up in the 60s and old men (well they seemed old to me) were constantly telling me that I wanted to be a boy, had penis envy, was really a boy, etc. So when people say "if I grew up now, I'd be 'transed' for being a tomboy" I want to hit them because either they are deliberately lying or they have no idea how horrible it was in the past for people who were non-conforming. And the crazy part is that I wasn't particularly masculine presenting. I was just a feminist and a Star Trek nerd.
Sorry that happened to you. With Kurt, most speculation comes from his words not his appearance.
This! How small-minded does your conception of gender have to be to see wearing a dress as a sure indication that one is a woman. "You're not wearing a suit and tie, you must be a woman" -- when trans advocates join the most misogynistic conservatives in their restrictive views of gender.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m really glad the adult could see you were clearly upset and made sure their daughter did not go against your consent again, because I think that was a valuable lesson on consent for the child. I’m not assuming anything in this situation beyond what you said, but I am curious if you explained to the girls *why* you didn’t want mascara was due to your severe allergic reaction caused by mascara when you were little? Not excusing what the girls did, but I think getting that explanation (because allergic reactions to mascara are really rare almost unheard of) it would have helped me, personally, understand *why* you don’t want mascara in the first place (especially since mascara is what brings a whole makeup look together). Again, I’m not making excuses for the girls who went against your consent, because that is always bad, but I think they probably just didn’t understand *why* you were so against using mascara in the first place.
This is why respectability politics gets us nowhere. We haven’t learned from any of our social justice movements. Every marginalized group has people who think that if you act the right way, you’ll get a seat at the table. It’s hard to get seat at a table where no one wants you there and is not looking to be convinced to offer you a chair. And you’re not being truly accepted or gaining true equality or justice if you essentially have to shuck and jive to be allowed at the table.
I don't think Kurt was a transwoman, but i think there's a much better case for Kurt being NB or gender nonconforming
Edit: grammar
It's a piece of fabric, it doesn't make you anything damn
maybe don''t speculate on a dead persons gender identity
@@ellaellaehehehhe was by definition gender nonconforming, at least somewhat
@ellaellaeheheh I've read Kurts journals and like three biographies on the dude and I probably have more knowledge on the guy than the average person. I didn't say Kurt was NB I'm just saying there's a better case for that than Kurt being MTF
@@kazooplayer3 I feel like the man who got arrested for spray painting God is Gay on buildings wouldn't care
I loved the "banana split" demonstration! Damn, people have no sense of humor. It was creative!😂
I love you defending her! I agree that yeah she is cringe, but that doesn’t mean she deserves this hate. Love your channel!!
Plus, I have a feeling that something did happen before she starts recording
A food critic making a tiktok about bottom surgery sounds pretty on brand and clever. And I've seen the animations showing the surgery and while it's definitely interesting, I think I'd rather the banana split version 😂😂
Honestly I’m surprised “surgeries explained using food” isn’t a common genre of videos. I’d watch them tbh
@@kyleinthejar6829 I'd also watch them
She’s hated because she knows she doesn’t pass, purposefully puts herself in situations where she will be misgendered and then tries to demonise the people who are just trying to do their jobs including calling their managers, all as a bit for social media clout.
I’m trans, I know how it felt to not pass. I know the pain of feeling like the world will never see you and seeing a stranger in the mirror everyday. I know how it felt to feel trapped in my own body. My transition was not easy. But not once did I make this other people’s problem in such a public spectacle for attention. I focused and worked on myself instead.
As someone who doesn't correct people after getting misgendered: I love it when trans people stand up for themselves after being misgendered. I think that going to management is a bit much (assuming the misgendering was accidental) but I hate the idea that all trans people just have to deal with being misgendered to make cis people more comfortable around us.
why are we assuming a dead person's gender... i wore dresses and hanged out with girls as a kid but im cis...
well, assuming he was 100% cisgender when there is some kind of evidence is exactly: "assuming a dead person's gender"...
there are a bunch of letters and things he wrote that are a lot like "egg" things trans people say before they realize they're trans, which is what most of the speculation is based on. It's not based in the way he dressed but in him outright saying he related to women and womanhood more than men/manhood (amongst other things in similar vein), which is the same sentiment a lot of transfems have expressed before realizing they're trans. There has been speculation since the 90s that he might have been trans, this is really nothing new tbh.
well, first, saying he was trans isn't even assuming gender because being trans isn't a gender. There was no mention of Kurt being a woman, only of Kurt being trans, which is different.
second, saying he was definitely absolutely 100% cis and also very much not trans is also assuming his gender
@@catStone92 he identified as a man, just a feminine one. how am i the one assuming his gender?
@@lluucasiscool did he ever say that? also, not addressing the other part.
Absolutely not. She is a professional victim.
That hat and angle and everything makes Buck Angel look like a leprechaun
Sitting on the fence here; she doesn't deserve the hate she's been getting at all but she does deserve some critique. I don't think she's ill-intentioned but she is kinda cringe and seems naive. While she is respectful, she also seems weirdly insistent, like when she calls the manager to report the accidental misgendering. I'm sure this is just a defense mechanism for her, but the people in the videos seem respectful of her identity. The Kurt Cobain thing is unnecessary because he's a deceased man who went through a lot in his life, and he was clearly okay with his gender identity and being feminine while still being a man. I don't mind people speculating but don't suddenly decide on a dead man's gender identity and go along with it. There's nothing to indicate he was a trans woman. This kind of thing can leave poor taste for young men exploring themselves, which will just lead to the right grooming them into more radical ideology and rejecting nonconformity as a whole. If women can be masculine and still be cis, then men can be feminine and still be cis, as well.
All in all, the only people who should have critiques on her are other trans and progressive people, because conservatives and those not aligned hate trans people existing as a whole and will never have a rational, respectful critique of anything outside of their own bigoted greviances.
you can’t say he was clearly fine with his gender identity. especially if you read some of the notes he wrote about himself, it seems disingenuous to assume he’s cis.
@@babs_babs the dude expressed his love for feminine things while still being a man. it seems disingenuous to assume he's trans and deny his own words. i'd rather refer to him by his own stated gender than the speculations of twitter users decades later who don't even listen to Nirvana.
@@rileysjonger4192 the dude lived in the 80s and 90s where he would not have known that being trans or nb was a possibility. back then your gender was your sex so of course he would call himself a man. that doesn’t take away from the fact that there’s real hints that his gender did not line up with his sex.
and this story broke like a decade ago? like in the 2010s before twitter was a thing.
@@babs_babs the dude also lived a life of non-comformity where he advocated for lgbtq+ rights. acting as though he was devoid of the topic of transgenderism is ignorant. there's no "real hints" outside of people speculating his gender from the way he presented himself in a feminine way. "of course he would call himself a man" because he publicly identified as one and thus we should respect the information he GAVE US when he was ALIVE. it's actually disgusting that you're trying to force the idea of him being transgender as if he didn't embrace being a feminine man and as if there aren't bigger issues plaguing this world. your minor speculations aren't rule.
also, you realize twitter existed back then, right? it was founded in 2006. it's more of a recent blow-up. i don't understand why you're so persistent on deciding Kurt's life for him. notice how you also refer to him as he/him; point proven.
ya idk it makes sense to b like o maybe he was trans but speculating sm feels weird . the part when she says maybe thats the reason y he killed himself....... that was out of pocket i think and inappropriate
I'm gonna need you to do more makeup tutorials because you’re literal a fricking model and your makeup is top notch!!! That red lip is iconic on you!!
i dont think beard dude has ever heard of an analogy in his life. also, i had to fast forward through the part where she was calling out waiters when they misgendered her bc i was getting so much second hand embarrassment. it is completely fine to go "hey, im not a sir, this is what i go by" not my cup of tea but completely fine. it becomes an issue when you get mad and raise your voice then call in management when they made a mistake and apologized. if they are obviously doing it on purpose, then sure, but most of the waiters seemed to have done it on accident and even apologized. not only is it a douche move but it also gives trans people a bad rap and perpetuates the stereotype that all trans people will get mad and aggressive if you "assume their gender" even though most will just get sad and wont say anything if you misgender them.
Of course one trans idiot, or drama queen = "all trans women are unhinged and unreasonable". Respectability politics doesn't really work in the case of trans women, many already despise trans women and consider most are like this person by default.
There is nothing much a trans woman can do will ever be good enough for them other than not exist in public anywhere unless 99-100% hot and cis-passing, de-transitioned or dead.
Hate has been active on TikTok since 2020
2017* the app literally got popular bc of people stitching & bullying nerdy creators
@@bird3938 oh
Probably since it’s creation
True words at the end. We all are humans. Just let each other live.
I am cis, but one of my friends is nonbinary and I have known them for about about four/five years now. Whenever my parents misgender them I correct them, enough that my parents have kind of learned to correct themselves immediately. It’s not great, but it certainly feels like progress. Anyway I just think correcting people is not that big of a deal
Samantha, I really admire your grace and compassion. I have genuinely learned a lot from you and this time I have been reminded again. You are right, people are tearing her apart in the same way they pick apart all trans women. I wish that everyone can feel what I felt, which is: "uh, yeah. There are real issues. Extremely good point, was I really just being nitpicky about an incorrect headcanon"? Thanks for the reminder. We have to be less inclined to internet drama and more inclined to how we can be more inclusive and helpful to our communities. Much love to you always and thank you ❤️
Now she went and did the whole surgery disussion with candy in DISNEY LAND like wtf what a creep
I love Buck. He actually makes sense to me. He is honest intelligent and a decent human being
I've seen that Kurt Cobain video. I saw people be mad at her because they seem to hate the word trans being mentioned at all.
Other people were reasonable and others were like, "No he's not trans! She's spreading an agenda!" or something like that.
I saw a trans person misgendering her because of the video and basically blaming her for the transphobia.
Kurt Cobain is rude and entitled and that's why people don't like him. Not because he's trans.
A lot of people that stitched her made reasonable arguments, but people in the comments just seemed offended at the implication
@@PigeonStealer Yep. And I also pointed that out. Like I asked something like, "If you're offended by this, is it because of the speculation or because the word trans was mentioned?"
the banana split thing was actually so nice and educational bc i love health but hate gore and that made so much sense
I’ve had bottom surgery and I thought her demonstration was fantastic!
Just because a trans person doesnt agree with another doesnt mean that they have internalized transphobia 💀 like people cant just disagree
no one said that? is that all you got from this video.
look I can understand if somebody does it accidently and they apologies for it, calling the manager is another level ma'am
The way I’ve been holding in my words about Lily and you perfectly summed it up and I couldn’t agree with it anymore like… icon award
To answer the question on the video's title, because tiktok is kind of a cesspool and people sucks.
I would have addressed them as Mx (gender neutral suffix coined by second wavers in the 70s) if I didn't know their preferred pronouns. Or, I would ask them first, like a decent human being.
from what ik a lot of people dont know mx and i personally dont really like it so i probably would have done "ma'am???" and then let her correct me if i was wrong.
@lluucasiscool You don't have to say ma'am or sir at all, though. If there is room for confusion then maybe just...don't address them by gender.
@@kaetispannbauer9082 also a good idea
@@kaetispannbauer9082 I think there are many places where waiters are obligated to adress the clients with a title for respect, though
@smoky7451 You can say "excuse me" when addressing someone, but there's definitely not a need to always say sir or ma'am after simple answers lile yes or no. You can politely say yes or no or whatever the answer is without having to say those things. I highly doubt a business is going to FORCE you to use that language, that's silly.
I don’t want to be called cis, period. I am not okay with the word, can you respect that?
I'm always impressed by my daughter's restraint when she calmly corrects people who misgender her. She's nicer than I would be
Kurt wasn't trans...he just didn't care. He was just Kurt. That's it. Nothing more. And sometimes women's clothing are made softer than men's.
but he wore a dress..that means hes a woman.. please keep up.
@@bepitanNo
@@ShiningStar396 ...anyone can change sex ..they just need to wear clothes of the opposite gender and die their hair ..everyone knows this.
no it doesn't.He was every bit a man as any other man......@@bepitan
@@aporue5893 ..yep, i was being sarcastic as the notion kurt was trans is the most ridiculous brain fart that i have ever come across.
He is a hissy-fit throwing clown.
service worker here!! honestly what i always have been doing is calling everyone gender neutral words like "love","lovely","sweetheart". not only is it not offending anyone but its just more friendly and makes costumers comfortable. you never know how someone identifies as, and theres no reason to ,even accidentaly, hurt anyones feelings!
Your back drop is giving school picture day 😂
This is the soonest I've ever been on any video
Same
Oh wow respect that is EARLY
Samantha is the perfect example of being so open minded your brain falls out.
so open minded until she can't listen to opposing views...
Truly! I work at a restaurant and it’s so easy to not say sir or ma’am.
Lily Tino literally has a consulting company to "help" businesses know how to deal with trans people. She 100% does it on purpose to promote that business.
Kurt just wrote silly lyrics and wore dresses, that doesnt mean he was trans and if he was and didnt decide to say or do anything thats none of our business
the reason why people might have an issue with her misgendering vids is BECAUSE she records this happening. it gives off the impression that she IS going to these restaurants to get that kind of interaction for content. when asking right off the bat to be referred to by feminine terms and she her pronouns that is perfectly justifiable but making a compilation video just doesn’t rly help her case unless her original plan was to do a mukbang/review. i don’t watch her content so please correct me if i’m wrong but it doesn’t seem like mukbangs or restaurant reviews would be part of her content so idk why she is recording in restaurants in the first place if that’s the case
I think one thing with regards to Nirvana is that the lyrics in All Apologies seem to have mostly been about just finiding words that rhyme together. I can't find the demo Lily mentions but honestly I wouldn't be surprised that that was the situation.
I chuckled when she ate the cherries. I thought it was a cheeky throwaway. 😅
Thank you though, for acknowledging that liking feminine/masculine things does not make you trans.
You are awesome samantha always love your videos you are a genuine sweet woman we need more open minded sweethearts like you i always look up to you
I’m a cis gendered man. There have been many instances throughout my life where I was wearing women’s clothing comfortably for fun and a lot of my friends in my highschool were girls, and I was raised around 3 sisters and I know for a fact that I am not a trans woman. Clothes and who you surround yourself with do not always have to dictate your gender identity.
Do you feel the same way now that she's been to disney to talk more about her cake pops? You could literally hear children right beside her.
I wasn’t prepared for the flashbang from the sponsor
The misgendering videos really show how often people will perceive their own truth about others without trying. Gender neutral dialogue is always safe and easy, I don’t know why people don’t even try.
What gender neautral pronoun are you supposed to use instead of sir/maam
@@rosettekalombo3072 Just say hello. Conversations don’t require either of those words.
@@ThatFont I'm your waitress and I'm trying to get your attention I have 10 other tables spread all over the restaurant what should I call you.
@@rosettekalombo3072 Say hello.
@@rosettekalombo3072I think you need to re-read their first reply.
Sam, I really appreciate that you're taking the time to be thoughtful about Lily. Her presentation says "woman" even if she's not attractive/pretty she deserves to not be misgendered. From what I understand in full context of those Karen-esque videos where she talks to the manager it' was after repeated misgenderings and corrections that she asked for the manager. Also, from a customer service perspective I'd say the managers should know for coaching purposes (not for getting them in trouble) but I too wouldn't ask for a manager either.
As for the Kurt Cobain was a trans woman thing, that's an old idea. There's a lot of "egg" like behavior and writing from Kurt, but we obviously can't know.
I love that you made a video on this; gave me so much life. I also love love love your jewelry combo, girl ☺️
very important message(s)! i really like your commentary in general; with this one in particular i'm so happy you took the time and used your platform to point out people's ignorance/bigotry.
Many immigrants who speak English as a second language work in the food industry. Some other cultures don’t really differentiate between genders. I have worked with many people who consistently get male/female mixed up due to the culture they came from and the second language. The fact that they keep posting these videos makes me think they just want the attention and like a child any attention is good attention.
Facts
i was fully expecting it to be ppl just being transmisogynistic but they're actually really reasonable. like she's specifically FILMING all this to post it on TIKTOK, choosing how to frame everything in her favour and still looks so obviously unreasonable and in the wrong. and i'm trans myself btw, not that i'd need to be to notice this
needless to say the food analogy is pretty cool and creative. there's no problem there lol
lastly with the kurt cobain thing, baffling that i'm in the minority but i always have more of a problems with the people who absolutely refuse and deny it than the person who considers it. there is no proof that historical figures / real people are queer and in the exact same way there is no proof that they're allocishet!!! and it's perfectly fine and normal to speculate based on evidence?? ppl are really acting like trans people didn't exist "back then" and the default is allocishet. the default is "we don't know" and we can make educated assumptions based on evidence, while still recognizing we can't say for sure. when the evidence points to allocishet noone bats an eye and yet when the evidence points to "queer" people have a problem with it? curious. and saying it's 'disrespectful' to consider it as if it's an insult to say someone might be queer. yet when there's no evidence they're straight or cis or allo it's not seen as disrespectful to assume. as long as you don't claim it as the Truth it's fucking fine and normal. The evidence she presented is substantial enough for it to be a possibility worth considering. not substantial enough for me to feel it's safer assuming he was over assuming he wasn't, and as you can notice i'm using he/him. the only problem in this tiktok is that she presented it too much like it's the Truth at times. but all i think is "yeah maybe he was; maybe he wasn't". it's not that hard...
Exactly
if the person hadnt directly stated that they felt more comfortable being the opposite gender or used terms like "transexual" i find it best not to speculate, but thats just my take. it just rubs me the wrong way to speculate on behalf of the deceased on their gender identity just because they wore dresses or were slightly effeminate. i just feel like it plays into the idea that if men are effeminate it makes them either gay or trans, but thats just how i see it, everyone has their own opinions 💙
@@woahhhmannn oh you're totally right about that! 💯% wearing dresses or actng "effeminate" (whatever that means. completely made up concept) do not inherently have anything to do with gender identity, those are gender stereotypes.
at the same time it's also true that trans people will often feel more drawn to and at ease with expressing themselves with stuff socially gendered as the gender they identify with. like trans women feeling gender euphoria wearing a dress not because dresses are inherently a woman thing but because socially they are.
(this itself has its own small place in reinforcing those gender stereotypes but with some understanding and empathy i'm sure we both agree it's worth it and really not that consequential in the grand scheme of sexism.)
so yeah it's fundamentally not black and white bc you can have little pieces that individually are not inherently proof of being trans but when there's a lot of those little pieces of evidence present it becomes increasingly likely. like "symptoms" of being trans but that could also have a cis explanation. since there's no objective line that decides at what point the pieces of evidence are enough / strong enough, how convinced someone is by a certain arrangement of evidence depends on the person, like you said.
as a general rule i agree that we shouldn't assume unless the person has directly alluded to gender _identity_. there's a difference between considering the possibility, and deciding it's the most likely bet and referring to them with essentially headcanon pronouns. i find THAT disrespectful. in this case i personally think it's totally possible that kurt cobain was trans, but i'm still using he/him because i'm not _convinced_ he was.
@@buchelaruzit Its blatantly obvious that she does this to get this reaction. Who else flims every time they get served food? And I just read she begs followers for money to go out to these places. So it sounds like she goes around and flims until she shes someone who makes a mistake. And evenif she did tell ONE person in the restaurant say the host, alot of servers and host don't communicate before the server is getting people. Or maybe he told a different server and they didn't tell that one. The ONLY person who was in th wrong was the guy who did it 3 times (unless he has hearing problems because I thought I heard him say something like "excuse me") if he was being transphobic he deserves to be fired. Everyone else immediately were sorry and corrected themselves. I am Agender/NB but I use she and they pronouns because I have no emotional connection to gender but I fully support my trans community members. And your're both right just because a man dresses "feminine" doesn't make them trans or mean they go by she/her. Look at femboys. They usually use they them/or he/him
i think the problem with the kurt cobain thing is more bc of the reasons she has for saying he was most likely trans, when that "evidence" doesn't necesarilly mean someone is a trans woman, so many are i guess mad about the stereotypes and generalization. but i agree that it's not such a big deal, she doesn't deserve to be harrassed for it
You have so much patience and empathy! I try hard as a trans woman to be inclusive to all expressions, but even then, I do feel myself seeing "cringe" trans content and having a visceral reaction. I'm self aware enough to pull myself back and recognise the layered internalised issues that causes those feelings, but I can understand the mentality that leads people to that othering thought process. THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT OKAY! But the need to be "one of the good ones" and to "fit in" is something that I've seen drive a lot of trans people. It's definitely a complicated cocktail of interal and external pressures that I'd like to understand more. At the end of the day I always come back to reflection, I am and have been capable of cringe. Everyone should have the right to be annoying and cringy (not that you should be), but it certainly doesn't represent anything more than that individual being cringe. It's not an attack on the trans movement or a "bad look" because no trans person is the same, and we shouldn't be held to that standard.
I love your input, and how you covered this so beautifully. and how you said if someone’s in the trans community, the part of the trans community and they’re also part of the LGBTQ two spirit community so I stand with them as well
I love watching your videos! I love u girl! ❤️
Off subject, but figured you would know. What if anything would you suggest to eliminate pain to make it through electrolysis sessions on facial hair. Was told to have my dentist give a . shot to numb me like they were doing dental work . Any suggestions
Love your content! Thanks for making it
I've worked in retail for over twenty years and could count the amount of times I've called a customer sir or madam probably on one hand.