The anatomy of the narcissistic BOSS
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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People don’t quit jobs… they quit bosses !
Bosses kiss ass,and everyone not down with kissing ass is replaced,
Unless you clean dog poop at city parks for a living.
I'm literally in my car taking deep breaths . I'm preparing for what might be an ambush meetings. I have secured an attorney. I have documentation. HR and the boss are both gaslighters. I'm preparing my exit plan. Please send me some positive vibes and prayers for a good resolution (if you believe in prayer). Thanks Dr. Romani . I feel seen. I going to take a power walk before the meeting.
I see you. Sending positive vibes your way. Hope it gets sorted out with good resolution
Stay strong! 🙏
🌺🙏
I’m thinking of you. Sending prayers and support from Minnesota. I’ve been in that situation before and am I it once again. I’m so sorry. You’re a badass for taking them on.
@@allisonnovak500 Thank you
Some workplaces are simply just like dysfunctional family systems. There are golden children, scapegoats, enablers, narcissists, flying monkeys, etc. Watch out if you are doing your job well. You are a threat to many.
You have described mine.
Narcissistic boss destroyed my 28 yr nursing career with lies when I stood up to her( I wrote to her boss about an incident that she was blaming me for, but she never spoke to the person who admitted she actually did it, not me- it wasn't even a complaint, just " this is what actually happened , just so you know"- her boss did not even acknowledge my letter),after years of her bullying me.
So sorry! You put in too much work and dedication for that type of treatment.
i'm so sorry.
I can totally relate!!!! My last job of 20+ years…so happy to be out from under that toxicity! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I have heard so much about bullying within the nursing profession, and it is on top of how abusive patients can be. I'm sorry you went through this. I hope your next chapter is way better.
Unbelievable how toxic and narcissistic healthcare staff, leadership and environment, staff, providers can be if I hadn’t experienced it myself. I’m getting out after 4.5 months, and stayed 4 months too long. I’m no novice. 😆
The WORST boss I ever had in my 40 yr career showed up on Day 1, slammed the glass door behind her, walked into her office and kicked her metal trashcan across the room. I KNEW I WAS GOING TO HAVE TROUBLE. I was her secretary. I pulled out my notebook and pen on Day 1. I knew I had to document everything.
🤣
What happened?
Scary 😮
I’m sorry you had to deal with her! But I’m glad she didn’t do that thing where they act super awesome for a few weeks, allow everyone to let their guard down, then show their true crazy. And I’m glad you started documentation from Day 1! Hope they got what they deserved.
Sounds like Beth Dutton.
Seriously though I'm sorry you had to deal with that, good idea documenting.
Last night I had a work nightmare. I retired 10 years ago.
I'm currently working for a narcissistic boss and the entire atmosphere feels like a heavy weight on me when I'm at work. Prayer and daily Bible reading is the only thing getting me through it. I don't know what I'd do if Jesus wasn't in my corner.
❤
Jesus was hounded by narcissistic people his entire adult life, or longer, and then betrayed by one.
@@LGP210yes, no hope there. They will step on you with no mercy just to be in power. But jesus showed us not to be afraid of punishment or threats. He stood up and told the thruth, he hurt many egos but did not back down.
Find new job with god's help ❤
I've definitely had a narcissistic boss or two. It's awful. I ended up quitting a job because of how badly I was treated. There was lying, gaslighting, and gossiping going on by the head boss, who was a principal!!! I documented everything! Documentation is a MUST!!!
The only problem is it doesn’t help to document some of the behavior because it’s just micro-aggressions that are considered normal for a “boss” in our society. That, and they have an astounding ability to relentlessly suck up to their superiors, so the people at the top love them and can’t believe they’d ever do anything wrong. The best thing to do is just find a new job.
@@lionelgrisbane-ud87 💯% facts!
@@lionelgrisbane-ud87those are flying monkeys. The ones they keep around for constant validation
So the only solution is to quit? What are solutions?
My office manager was the daughter of the town principle ...she would sell the family dog to get what she wanted .Her sister warned me
This describes my university perfectly. If the harm of toxic workplaces is so well known, public institutions allowed to operate this way must be held to account.
And unfortunately the Title IX process does nothing to them.
One boss made sure to make “friends” with the heads of competing corporations. So if his victims attempted to leave/apply he would be alerted and punish their bravery
Devious and sadistic.
WOW! That is an all time high in lows...what a snake!
Oh yes, they make sure that they have the 'powers' well within their influence so that it would be hard - and futile - for someone to complain. They are champions at taking credit for other people's ideas and work - especially in front of the bosses, meanwhile they will have pooh-poohed those creative ideas when the originator raised them. They are great at delegating jobs that are really their responsibility, and blaming everyone else for when things go wrong.
Omg that is evil.
This is quite common in the city where I'm from no matter what field you work in.
OMG, thank you so much for addressing narcissism in the workplace. I have been subjected to this for years at different companies. I am excited to view this video! ❤
I have a covert narc boss. They're the worst because their superiors think they're just a hard working nice guy. I started taking screen shots of our chat for WHEN he throws me under the bus or sets me up. They triangulate and monkey-branch with overt narc coworkers that are not direct reports. They're also very friendly for long periods of time while you're in their full control. They act like they're a "company guy" trying to "save money" while manipulating and dumping an unrealistic amount of work on fewer and fewer people.
I do, too. It’s really hard.
This is depressing. I’ve left toxic jobs with gaslighting narcissists and had to fight hard to get my career back, only to find I may be in another work situation with a narcissist. It seems pretty hard to get away from. Hoping and praying for a better different job. Doing what I can for now as I have to work and don’t know what else to do. It’s exhausting. 😢
Working in a toxic environment is like walking on broken glass with bare feet. There is absolutely no amount of bonus or severance that is worth the mental gymnastics that you have to endure in these situations. If you're in one, I would highly recommend that you get out as soon as you can. Make the plan, update your skills and exploit whatever you can from the toxic work place until you can get out. Continue to document, document, document especially if you are under contract.
Nurture yourselves with good self care at home. Do your best to stop a toxic workplace environment from affecting every aspect of your life.
Yep, exploit everything you can from the toxic workplace! I took on a project that no one wanted knowing it’s a big asset for other companies. I got my dream job now because I took on that project and gained those skills hahaha. Suckers.
I worked for a manager for years who checked every box that Dr. R mentioned. It took me a long time to realize how toxic this person is, and I now see how working for a narc boss has limited my career growth. They don't train you to move into the next position. They coach you on how to be their best puppet. I see that pattern with a person that I am working with now, so it's time to go.
Please talk about narcissistic PhD advisors.
My PhD advisor blamed me, criticized me, belittled me for not being good enough, not bringing new ideas, etc. and I worked very hard for her, later at nights, weekends, holidays. She was never satisfied. She never thanked or appreciated me. She took all the credits about what was going right with the project and blamed me for everything she thought was not as good as she expected.
She created a smear campaign against me among other professors. They dismissed me from the program for not having enough progress even if I had published papers. She prevented me from necessary resources that I needed to be successful. I recently found out that she has stolen my research idea and is using extensively in her research. She dismissed and belittled before my dismissal.
These narcissistic bosses put themselves in a position where there’s very little accountability. They know how much they can get away with, stay protected and who they can use. She knew how to feed coworkers just enough information to get them on her side - faux friendly. Future faking…an expert at it. I loved my job and I was hired because of my expertise but nothing was ever followed up on and she would gladly throw you under the bus to protect herself through official sounding emails contradicting what she had said earlier. Getting nowhere! Like you say, Dr Ramani, get everything in writing including what is offered during the hiring process. Thank you!
It's awful when the narc boss is also the owner of the business, so you have no recourse. I lived a nightmare like this for five years. Loved the job, but eventually the abuse became too much. He delighted in destroying his employees. It's been almost 30 years since I quit, and I am still scarred from what I experienced and saw in this toxic workplace. Unbelievably, he is still in business, and continually needs to find new victims to work for him because a normal person can't survive it.
Taken from my own life. I am in the hell now😢
me 15 years. miserable experience
Same. Living it now
True. I didnt realise at that time about narcistic owner as my boss. He controls every little, every single details. Too often sudden meetings like half an hour ahead, no mentioning the content, and blaming previous employees for their works during the meeting.
Being called in by another colleague after a meeting had started, asked to leave in the middle of a meeting many times. It was too confusing for me.
I didnt realize that he is a narcist boss and my colleague is also a narcist. I had the worst experience.
I sensed something was not right after I joined when I heard that the previous person was let go after 7 months of working.
In the middle of that, I realized another person lasted only 3 months.
@dr.ramani
Can narcist boss and narcist employee get along?
Hi Dr Ramani. Where I worked my final job, before retirement, EVERY boss was a narcissist! I kid you not! I completely IGNORED them, did my job, obeyed them, of course, and down deep inside, I felt like kicking them in the ass with a POINTED shoe...
I had one who got so enraged when I'd ignore her. Her rage escalated into her getting in my face as a "look at me" type of moment with a threat of bodily harm. Filed charges on her and she got suspended.
@@daynapeterson9033 Wow! She is a NUT !!!
@@daynapeterson9033 Good for you,!👍💕
Here's a tip about narcissistic bosses and coworkers for everyone: they do warn you, but in a very subtle way.
A narcissistic boss will tell you that they had difficulty with a previous employee, and that the employee refused to work with them, or tried to avoid them, or some such thing. But that narcissistic boss will still be be polite, cooperative and agreeable while they're telling you this, so you won't notice the flashing red light.
I think this warning behavior is the workplace equivalent of the romantic partner who tells you at the very beginning of a relationship that he/she is a bad person, breaks hearts, is a scumbag, etc., but because that partner is being so nice, you don't believe him. The boss is also on his/her best behavior, so when they talk about this previous employee, you'll think the employee was at fault. The fact is, that boss has just told you that she's an abuser.
Narcissistic bosses also want to get chummy really quickly, like wanting to go out to eat. It'll happen within a month of meeting you, or less than a month. This also is the workplace equivalent of the romantic partner who wants to marry you within a month of meeting you. Narcissists like to rush all their relationships because they have a goal in mind. Other than that, they are incapable of relationships.
You don't actually have any friends in the workplace anyway. A workplace isn't the right place to make friends.
In 40 years time I had 35 bosses and none really ever went to lunch one-on-one with the workers. That was way below them.
I've been at interviews where there were blaring red sirens. Some were more subtle. I remember a hiring manager cursing out the former employee whose position I was being interviewed for.
Yes! My narc manager told me she had a bit of a temper in our first 1 to 1. She was sweet as pie the whole time. Then she gave me the whole moving the goalposts trick for a few weeks until I had a breakdown. Then I saw the temper. She was a covert narc so she was subtle about it, but basically she immediately had me transferred to another team because she didn't want to deal with me. She pretended to be concerned about my wellbeing. Whenever others would ask she'd put on a big show of caring. I could tell because this is what they told me, "oh she's so worried about you." But at the same time she was giving me the silent treatment and ignoring me all around the office. What person who cares doesn't immediately come find you for a check in? We had a return to work meeting and she barely looked at me lol. I knew I'd dodged a bullet. The official reason for my move was that she didn't have time to support me, but I knew after she got angry at me for HER shitty management, that she was messed up.
my narcissistic boss invited me to sit at the managers´ table in the company lunchroom and invited me to her birthday party thrown by a coworker. When she turned on me, the whole department did too. Fortunately I was able to transfer into a different department without her recommendation.
Doctor, like always, YOU ROCK. This can be applied to any narcissist who think they’re a boss. THANK YOU. 😊😊
Agreed. Eg a family member or partner, especially if you also work with them 😝
They don't have any rules, laws or filters. My ex boss expected me to read her mind and do my work according to it. She also liked and spoke to only good looking employees
My boss is something else. A coworker was diagnosed with breast cancer on Halloween. And when we told her she said her Halloween plans have been ruined cause the employee with breast cancer had to leave early. And the boss cried "she ruined my plans, and that's how I feel 😪
This honestly sounds like my aunt/ex boss oh my gosh im so sorry that has happened to y’all
Disgusting & childish behavior. Why does it so often come from someone with power in the organization?? 🤮
Always self centered, zero empathy
Ewwwww, disgusting of her to say that
@@rubberbiscuit99 It's really terrible and the companies do nothing about these people.
If they would not reward these horrible people, the entire world would be a better place.
This really hit home about a previous job i had. I wondered why some coworkers would not speak up ... always thought the boss had something on them to hold them in their place. They will be in that job until the day they die because they couldn't trust the boss to give them a good reference. On my exit interview with an HR employee, I said I would never be alone in a room with the boss to limit conversations - even lunch. Very happy to have left.
I think the solution is to have everyone give references to each other so that everyone can get the hell out of there. 😆
I am also happy to have escaped my toxic boss AND corporation
I've got a boss who's a bit of a bully, I'm not sure he's 100% a narcissist. When he and I are driving in his vehicle he talks to me like a normal person, but when we're in front of the others on the team, he talks down to me or talks to me like I'm stupid, if I make even the most minor mistake or misstep, he amplifies it as if it were the dumbest thing in the world and tries to use it as a joke. I don't react to it, cause I know if I did that would make things escalate and I could lose my job, so it's very much a DEEP technique situation. Still waiting to hear about a great job I interviewed for in NYC, if I get it I could make enough to get out of my narcissistic family situation.
My good wishes and prayers for your success in this new job. :)
Mysterious policies that I was never given a copy of or told where I could find them!
Such a boss once ended up pushing me to the point where I ended up on an anti-anxiety/depressant combo for years… a zombie-like state with few highs and few lows that really ended up with long term consequences that I’m still dealing with today. I can’t say this prick caused all my problems, but he certainly exacerbated them and pushed them to extremes they didn’t need to go.
I empathize. 💙
Thanks@@lizzymartinez6916 . He was transferred into another department in the same office, so I have to play nice, but man, the gaslighting I get from this guy. And all this "I'm telling you this as a friend", "I'm the only one backing you up here" and all this other stuff. If I didn't have to deal with him and I didn't want the tension that would result if I really said was on my mind... yeah. It's hard though, because this is one of those guys that's always "sure" of himself, even when he's dead wrong, and if you're the type of person with any sort of doubt or openness to acknowledging you're wrong, it puts you at a severe disadvantage dealing with them, because they know the buttons to push to get you second guessing yourself.
@@lizzymartinez6916 I've seen your other response about multiple workplaces. I hope you're in a healthier place now.
Lies, more lies, character assassination, lies,lies. I wish I knew this sooner. Vile, malicious but put on a face of care to reel folks in b4 they strike. Thanks for addressing this. Your content is always so helpful and informative.
A couple of them really stand out. I wish I could say they were at least particularly competent at their work, rather than seeking to compensate for inadequacies they couldn't cop to at any level. 🙄
I can't say that I've outlasted any such person, but I once did file a report that flagged an investigation. It wasn't enough to keep me at that job any longer, but I do know my supervisor was also gone soon, and good riddance to her on behalf of everyone who stayed.
They lack integrity and if someone compliments you, they get vindictive. It is crazy - they will do things to attack you that hurt the business - as long as it harms you. You are also punished for succeeding - if they feel threatened by. your success. When you figure out that they future fake, then they start using threats instead.
After 11 years, my supervisor arranged a meeting on the second-to-last hour of my last day and yelled at me for an hour. I apologized sincerely, despite being unsure of the reason. The meeting concluded with them wishing me good luck in my new job.
Some people can't help who they actually are. Because this person has no real control outside of the job, they have to manipulate what they can. It's quite sad that instead of making things functional, they want chaos.
So true!!
I find these types usually stay well beyond retirement because at work they were a somebody; outside work, a nobody.
@@daynapeterson9033 precisely
If you ever have the courage to confront your narcissistic boss about the mistreatment that they are subjecting you to, he or she will likely say something like “I’m doing this to you because I want you to be good/succeed.” Do not buy into it. A caring and compassionate supervisor would never mistreat an employee, even the worst ones. They will give ample opportunities for improvement and search for ways to address deficiencies effectively before resorting to extreme disciplinary actions. Narcissists will just gaslight you into thinking everything is okay. They will mistreat you one day and be friendly and supportive the next. Eventually, they will blindside you with a harsh disciplinary action like termination.
Promises made by a narcissist, are like making babies. Easy to make but hell to deliver.
They have a lack of empathy.
Oh my Gosh. 8 years I worked for a narcissistic boss. And he was the owner. Terrible. I felt like a failure for not being able to handle it. When I finally quit, I thought it was because I was weak. In fact, I was finally educated and strong enough to leave.
My cognitive dissonance- I kept projecting on him kindness. “He really can’t be that mean, that hurtful, that manipulative. No one can behave that badly. I must be misunderstanding.”
Nope, he was that mean. Took me a LONG time to realize that.
I like to give myself credit, if I couldn’t believe he was that bad, that’s because the good in me couldn’t fathom it.
The push to “give the benefit of a doubt” mentality will cause a lot of regrets.
Story of my life...and it took dr Ramani to open my eyes
In my 40 year career I probably had 7 or 8 female bosses. ALL NARCISSISTS! High strung, high anxiety, pushy, indecisive bullies. None of the males were like that.
All my female bosses were massive bullies to me and usually the female staff, also inappropriate flirts to the male employees. Arrogant, entitled often spoilt by their parents.. whether they came from poor or rich backgrounds.. they had been brought up to believe they were ‘special’ - invariably they were never very good at what they did, but were great at photo opportunities and self promotion.
I’ve decided tho that it’s less to do with gender and more to do with entitlement.
@@annastone5624 I noticed that every one of mine all had an older male "mentor". Hmmm. Once the female boss got settled into her new office, here came this older male to see if she was all settled in. You could easily tell WHO their mentor was. Since I was the secretary, I saw it all.
@@daynapeterson9033 There are plenty of male narc bosses out there!
@daynapeterson9033 unfortunately the world is full of devious people.. but I like to think they end up meeting their own kind and get a piece of their own medicine.. true or not.. but when I hear about ‘strong empowered women’ and ‘empowering women’ all I can think of is my own string of female bosses who were ruthless and in no way in need of empowering.
Only when we take gender out of it, can unfairness be properly dealt with. Then these women can’t hide behind the narrative of oppression that doesn’t belong to them.
The worst bosses I’ve ever had were all female, too.
My horrible female narc boss got up in front of an awards assembly and presented me with an award for employee of the quarter and MISPRONOUNCED my name on purpose. I was her secretary, she KNEW my name! They are EVIL!
She was probably acting out, as you received an honor and this triggered her- you got celebrated and she didnt. It's simple pettiness on her part. Do not take it personally, it simply means she is jealous of you, and now the people in the assembly that have met narcisissm before will have and additional ? on her image. She is (vaguely) outing herself, without any bad reflections on you. So let her ! Simply think : You silly bugger, you really are a childish one. Internally do an eyeroll, let it go, and enjoy your award.
I find myself making excuses for my boss (in my head) just to get through the work day. To some degree I'm an enabler in a toxic environment. If I stood up for myself, I would need to quit my job that day!!
Thank you! Workplace narcissists can cause so much anxiety too. I would love for you to do a video on narcissist co-workers. Especially in the care sectors. They're not the boss, but they think they are. They are more sophisticated than gossips because they will gossip to someone they know will spread the gossip for them, things they say aren't consistent, they make mistakes too, they twist things people say, act differently in front of the management, be more emotional, create a tense atmosphere, moan to alter the happy atmosphere, dominate conversations, rarely say anything positive. Document document document to deal with them.
Also utilise the tight rules in this sector for their own agendas
They have minions too, flying monkeys, enablers, ppl blinded by the false personality and unable to discern the real.
Like a narc friend advised me: you have to turn things into your advantage.
@@user-ij1nv8be3i …said the god of self, the beast worshipped and adored
You'va just described an ex coworker of mine perfectly.
The majority of people I have been working for are narcissists. And I can confidently say, it's never worth it. Usually, you are underpaid, undervalued, there is no advancement and you won't even get a good reference out of them. They do however in the beginning might give you chances nobody else would have given you. Like narcissistic directors who like to hire unknown actors, to make and break them.
The "Boss" can also be an athletic coach. Many dismiss how many kids and young adults are exposed to narcs that are flying under the radar for literally decades before they are exposed if ever.
Narcissistic bosses & employees in my younger years hindered both me & my wife & we could never get a place of our home, start a family just like young couples want!! ITNEVER HAPPENED IN OUR YOUNG LIVES & IAM 68 YEARS OLD NOW!! Narcissists love to see failure in people's lives!!
Mr. Potter in the "It's a Wonderful Life" is a good example.
Yup! The rules were vague, there was no formal orientation. She tried to enforce rules that were not written and then wrote the rule after the fact.
It could not have been said better...they don't want the responsibility, just the power. My late husband always told me what I wanted to hear and reneged. Honorable and ethical too....not... Once I realized he was an inherently unhappy person who would never be content I quit trying and focused on as many things as possible to distract me from my reality and his perceived reality. He always said no one could fire him because he knew too much and he was an attorney so....
Some years ago I had to go on extended sick leave for back surgery; my surgeon recommended a 6 month leave and gave me a letter to submit to HR and my boss. But since she was a super narcissist, she called me and stated she needed “more information “ about my surgery. My surgeon then gave me a second letter which included much more detail about my surgery. She THEN called his office and hounded this very busy, nationally renowned doctor even more. He screamed at her on the phone and informed her that he has admitting rights not only at the hospital where she (and I worked, as a pharmacist), but other hospitals around the city as well. He said he also knew the Chief Medical Officer well. Only then- she backed off and approved my sick leave.
This is the story of my life. The irony is that people are willing to take very dirt poor pay to be a "boss". So many narc people I have worked with were not really rich, but rich enough to psychologically damage me
OMG Yes, I totally believe every boss I have had was a narcissist. Including currently. I have to be very careful to stay out of target mode.
Impeccable timing. Excellent content. I've preordered your new book. Its definitely not me!
Ditto!!
Reason why I left early and relied o. GOD TO SUPPLY my needs. It was difficult financially at first bit today, I can look back and say it was perfect timing...
I’m going to do that too. Rely on God.
Thank you so much for this insightful video. Listening to this has made me feel better today and realize it wasn't my fault. An Amazon manager fired me a few days ago. The write ups and gaslighting started happening after I wrote a complaint to someone over HR. HR would not transfer me to another warehouse. Yet my coworkers were getting transfers. My last day at Amazon was my one year anniversary. Another manager that is close to my manager came over to me and said " Congratulations, you're getting your yearly raise today." knowing that I was going to be fired at 3:00 p.m.. ( that sounds psychopathic to me) My manager told me last week they were going to transfer me. which was a lie. They had been gaslighting me for weeks. I felt so bullied when they took me to HR to tell me I had four writeups ( which I never saw) I was fired because of productivity. . . which is a LIE. I acted like I did'nt care. Guess what, I'm allowed to work at another Amazon in 90 days. I will lose my pay increases and start from the bottom if I do. In order to work for Amazon as a manager, etc., you definitely have to have little to no empathy. The company is viciously vindictive. It's one big circus. They are hiring new people everyday. The employees get angry about that. Amazon has a 126% turnover. I read on google that all this gaslighting is done by design. The idea started with Jeff Bezos's old HR employee.
😮
Ha. Healthcare is FULL of these folks.
They call the employees of wherever they work for “their” employees. 🙄
Most workplaces in this country😢
Lack of integrity - got it in one Dr Ramani!
I made the mistake of being the truth teller.
Not a mistake. At least you have a conscience and stayed true to yourself. Narcissists’ consciences are SEARED. They will punish you for exposing them.
I ended up getting duped into working for my narc parents. They treated everyone better than me to mess with my head but they treated most other employees badly as well.
One interesting thing about narcissistic bosses is, that they usually attract a bunch of other narcissist who thrive in that environment. Sometimes undetected, because, if the boss is bad, their mimic the roles of victims or helpers.
That is super true 👍 ❤love you and you are always in my prayers and blessings ❤
Working 10 years in the public sector I used to face every morning a very arrogant, selfish, cocky, superficial boss. He used to intimidate all of his employees with evil ways. He was so uncultured and sneaky and he used openly to confess in front of us that he had won this position by bribery ! ! ! … So nasty and despicable was he … Apparently he was the reason for me to abandon this toxic workplace, once and for all, to regain my health and dignity away from this sucker and miserable crook for ever.
I've really struggled with toxic workplaces. It has led to a lot of job turnover, and it's not easy to explain to potential employers.
Some places have been so bad I had to question why I was even hired in the first place. Now that I understand narcissism better I realize that these workplaces look for employees they can control, exploit and abuse. Speaking up or even asking for HELP is stifled and frowned upon. It can have serious effects on you physically and mentally.
It's terrible to have to endure abuse just to earn a paycheck.
I'm so sorry. Racism and intersectional discrimination is very real too
@@shabnumali6347 Absolutely. Narcissism and racism really do go hand in hand.
They don't give a shit about the quality of the work they could hire literally anyone as long as they can serve as the pushing bag.. sadistic asshole
Me: *actually raised my hand*
Dr. R: "that's a lot of hands"
😂😂😂
I had a narcissistic office manager once and boy did she lose her s**t one time when I refused to go in on a celebration of her on Boss's Day. I explained to her that the person who signed my paycheck was my boss and she got flowers with the rest of the staff on Secretary's Day. She threw such a fit over it that the bosses sent her flowers to shut her up.
😮 O M G !!!
Those bosses needed to have fired that "beeech" on the spot instead of pampering her with flowers!!
I have dealt with this for 12 years currently however I work for a great company that is actually standing beside me to fight this. The stats prove I have been under rewarded compared to the others that get the high performance rating I get all the time. I also spent ALOT of time in prayer to Jesus Christ asking for direction and protection. He has covered me. I refuse to let this boss continue. They are finally watching the boss and I praise God my Heavenly Father above. I also retire in the next 5-7 years so the boss will have to “behave” now! Prayer always works as long as your willing to do what you need to do also. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤❤
Not sure if my boss was a narcissist but definitely narcissistic. She hired her kids and praised how well they did in front of everyone else, which I admit, they did work hard, but they were only seasonal and worked less than 3 months.
"My kids go to college full time in the fall" she bragged, while to us regular employees she'd say "I want to see you working harder!"
I then once saw her walk out of the back room and into the store. She then started dancing to the music like she was at a club. I thought it was completely inappropriate for work, but she seemed to not even notice the awkward/weird stares.
If I did that, she would probably say "We don't have time for dancing, we need to sell, sell, sell!"
Then a few months later I got laid off because the Christmas season was over. Her excuse was "we just have too many employees", even though I was the one that had been there the longest (except for her of course).
I burst into tears because I had been there a long time and worked hard. Really hard.
It just didn't seem like anything I did was ever good enough for her.
She just watched me while I cried.
Then she said in a smug tone, "Maybe you shouldn't work in retail. It's not your thing."
She knew I couldn't say a thing to that, so, humiliated, I just got up and left.
OMG! Wish I would have seen this years ago. My narcissistic boss love-bombed me from the beginning but no matter how many times she told me she loved me (and yes, in those words) I never repeated them back to her. And yes, she did give me signs but I didn't recognize them. She would tell me how horrible previous employees were and made me feel I was different. I'm sure she's talking about me now. I didn't document anything because I was unaware I should but when I resigned my coordinator told me to "destroy her Thanksgiving holiday" and that I should "give it to her" in an email, which I did. Her responses were all the documentation I needed. She countered my resignation and basically offered me the keys to the kingdom. Like a fool, I decided to give her a second chance and accepted her terms. The highest-ranking account manager worked with me for over 4 hours on my response. Two days later she fired me. It took her a week to even tell anyone I was gone but the senior people were already on to her.
I knew it! I knew that a former boss was trying to turn me against other co-workers. People have thought I was talking out of my ass when I told them that she was dragging me into the drama, but I was right. I always came into work then, kept to myself, for the most part, and focused on doing my job until she embellished what people had said about me, which made me feel extremely uncomfortable while at work because I was worried that people hated me for no good reason, trying to get me fired. Thank you for validating that for me. I'm so glad I'm out of that hellhole now!
Sounds exactly like my old boss. I asked him a few times for a written contract for my job but there was never any sign of it. Also it turned out he was recording all conversations in the office using the CCTV which my colleagues said were illegal, and explained his strange behaviour. I don't think my colleagues were too happy with him either after that. Other stuff happened too. The more I learn about narcissism the more it validates what I experienced in the past. I'm focusing on healing now. Thanks, DoctorRamini!
The last thing I ever asked that boss was, "What does integrity mean to you?" I never received an answer. I don't think I need one. I'm pretty sure integrity means something very specific to herself that leaves her forever absolved of responsibility for her fuck ups.
Then again this is a person that conflated respect with absolute submission to authority.
I endured a narc supervisor for 3 years in a contracted position and it's been 4 yrs at this point that I've been out. I started documenting and ended up with 20 pages, single spaced and that was at 2.5 years into the job. It was a nightmare and because i needed the job so badly, i stayed. Never had a work situation like that. She ultimately was fired because of the chaos she created. At least two people in the 12 person department had been diagnosed with work stress related depression. The whistleblower was in a junior positioand knew her days there were numbered so she went to a higher level management committee and informed them of all the chaos in the department the regular management tried to cover up. The narc was fired and told she could have no contact with the others in the department. Work became a relatively peaceful place. I am still recovering.
I had a narcissistic boss made me go to the office during the pandemic and didn't follow the rules by HR . Did not give a bonus while the rest of the staff got their bonus and they got ti stay home
I wish I had known this 15 years ago. I worked for a large insurance company which ticked all these boxes. I ended up leaving after 13 years. I left without another job but just wanted to get out with my life. The problem with organizations like this is that the toxic leader surrounds himself with others like him. It becomes a very dangerous, scary and stressful environment. Looking back I can't believe how stupid I was to allow myself to be lied to for so many years. The broken promises and opportunities being withheld despite working yourself into the ground and being a top performer. The advancement of mediocre people who pander to them. And yes...my career was destroyed. I can't agree more - you can't outlast them. They end up destroying you.
Dr. RAMNI YOU ARE SO SMART AND CORRECT IN THIS VIDEO THANK YOU!
This is wonderful content. I just left a job where I was bullied day in and day out by my female narcissistic manager. I was so happy to leave, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. ❤️
I just quit my narcissistic boss today 😊
My narcissistic boss ruined my health more then my narc mother ever did. She literally drew me to the point of contemplating dying then going back to work and I needed a job in wake of my brother death. I have to endure mothers jab, but I can do it. She got me fired lying to the core and gas-lighting everyone in HR about my work. If there was justice and I had documents I could have sued her and company to kingdom come. Sadly, I had no idea the type of company I was walking into. She literally left me traumatized for work too. Ugh. I have PTSD from it.
Oh yes, been in that situation where the person's problem behaviours are known about and documented and the emphasis is all about helping them.
6 months. I could only stand this evil for about 6 months and I had to resign and I am STILL recovering and trying to find another job at the same time. Zero integrity, such a complete fraud, liar...... I witnessed it all and so did his poor clients. But he is such a smooth talker, that some just don't see this act being played out right in front of them. I witnessed him treat another manager so poorly for NO reason, and I made certain that manager knew that I had zero problems with him. He tried to set me up at the end and I saw it coming, plus had my documentation game ON POINT, in various formats all legally acceptable. The carnage these evil creeps create should have laws established against it, where they are held accountable instead of being allowed to terrorize others.
You are better then me, I survived only 2 months 😂 it was pure hell I felt like dying.. good luck with the job hunting
@@dandelion_. thank you! Good luck to you as well, it’s definitely not easy with the narcissist epidemic going on today! I had a pretty promising interview today, I have another one tomorrow. Keep the faith, as difficult as it is. I completely understand.
This is 💯 I just escaped my covert Narc boss-she was only established in November and already 6 people have resigned! Her new staff is young, with no experience (nurses) and as sweet as they are, believe ALL of her lies! I was the empath she focused all of her vitriol on…meanwhile, I’m now with an amazing University at a brand new pay level and ample room for advancement! Be inspired, my friends: get out and move up!!!
My past 3 bosses were narcissistic bullies. The 4th one might have been but I quit the FIRST TIME I saw the signs. The other 3, I didn't have that luxury (didn't have another job) and had to hang in til I got fired. I already had PTSD and it made it exponentially worse. We're talking lies, aggressive bullying, gaslighting, zero training, refusals on my most basic requests to FIX THEIR MESSES, and they just couldn't stand someone noticing the problems they were causing. "Problem solving" is just a catch phrase in the interview. I could go on and on. I just applied for disability and included my PTSD. I hope I can get accomodations to work from home at all future jobs. I've had it!
Triggered by this one.
So thankful I've been able to retire
I am a senior employee in a big corporation and I was just all of the sudden pushed out of a job where I dealt for 2,5 years with a narcissistic manager who up to a couple of weeks ago was promising me a promotion. She manipulated people and information without any shame. This is the 3rd narcissistic person I dealt with in my last 3 jobs. Regardless of whether you document or not, they will have their way with you and convince everyone that you are the one at fault. I had plenty of proof. No one in HR was interested in looking at it. And normally one does not have the time or resources or energy to start a law suit against the big corporation that manager represents. It is so disheartening, especially because no one stands up for you.
My work from hell which was real made every project an emergency priority. I worked as a Test Engineer in the R&D Laboratory so the customer wasn't domaining for these projects to be done all the same time. My supervisor wanted the lab to produce more output because he thought that metric was more important than quality of the testing. During his time as supervisor, there were so many test had to be redone because the testing was done incorrectly. I fought him on this this whole time, and I won because I never had to redo any of my tests. However, I had to redo other people's testing because the data didn't make sense.
I was able to go against him because I was by the R&D Director as an expert for a product. They really needed me for that product. I was involved from the production to the design of the product. I was the person that came to for help on the product. I'm pretty sure that they ended the production of the product not long after I left.
Years ago, I had a boss who displayed sociopathic tendencies and was also a meth addict. He tried to use the "we're family" excuse to guilt me into working overtime for free. I also worked for a manager who liked to micromanage but never provided adequate training or constructive feedback even though she claimed to be committed to employee professional development and growth. If she didn't outright say she was an honorable leader with integrity, she certainly carried herself as such and made everyone who wasn't in executive roles incompetent. Sadly, some people are hired or promoted to leadership positions when they shouldn't be. Being competent at your job and making sure things get done doesn't always mean you have the soft skills to manage a team. One of my friend's filed a sexual harassment complaint to HR against her supervisor. Despite his track record of aggressive behavior which the entire company knew about, she got fired instead. A lot of these workplaces felt like closed social cliques enmeshed in a cult of personality.
You excellently described my old work venue, which sadly, was the family business run by my mom, the 'boss'.
My narcissistic ex-boss handpicked folks to occupy leadership positions if and only if these folks were beneath her own. The process of selection: she had to "like" the person, a person that would never say "no" and still feel intimidated by her. This gave her more "credibility" as how "great" of a leader she is/was...
Ugh just coming out of a narcissistic manger and flying monkeys co workers and narcissistic company. Very insidious and manipulative lying on a whole nother level I have never seen in life before
Wow again you’re right on Dr Ramani! Listen to this woman she’s truthful! Thank you again Dr Ramani.
My HoD/Supervisor/Professor used to kick my office door instead of knocking and then burst in because he knew I had anxiety. He liked to wear rubber soled shoes and appear suddenly. Thank goodness he's retired.
And when he retired he left a complex web of an academic program that we still haven't unravelled. This video really is helpful.
you're the greatest at what you do Dr. Ramani. Much love!
Yes!
They want the power, not the responsibility. They want the pros, not the cons.
They want the maximum profit with as close to $0 cost as they possibly can.
"They will figure out who they can silence."
I think mine is a covert…she calls us contractors but treats us like employees! And of course the finances of this business that “we’re all a part of” are dictated by her and the odds are always on her favor! Massages are $108 and I get $50…bring our own oils…she also charges way more for her “special massage” $140 per hour! All her bs of course disguised with new age positivity mumbo jumbo! She even makes us take a hit on discounts!
I've been where you are.
It caused me to leave a profession I love. The massage franchises all operate with the same business models.
Clients wonder where their favorite LMTs have gone. 😒
I have this right now. I am home sick today from listening to this video. Everyone in my office can work from home when sick because we do not get sick pay. I got a message this morning that I either need to take PTO or unpaid leave. This changed even since last Nov when I got COVID-19, and I was allowed to work from home then. So, the policy literally changed today. I immediately went to the Dr to get a note stating that I was sick so I could cover myself legally should he choose to fire me upon my return.
I am pretty well versed in this personality disorder, so I knew what I was dealing with since my second day of work, and I have been trying to get another job since. My boss does EVERYTHING that you stated in this video as you were talking about the different characters I was putting names to them. It just sucks that I can't just leave, I want to quit so badly but unfortunately I have to wait until I get a new job. It's horrible that people like this get roles that control your lifeline and there is no legal recourse or help for workers so they continue to get away with it.
Wish me luck with that other job this week... I really hope this will be my escape!
Take care of yourself. Hope things turn around soon.
The story of my life :(
At time mark 9:41 it felt like you were explaining my work situation ON THE NOSE.🎯 She knew NOTHING of our organization or the work we did. I was her primary target because I wasn't giving her an iota of supply. Her evaluations of me were blatantly personal and extremely critical. HR and ER was of no help. She ended up decimating the division, including moving me out to a different division with a lesser role and making things so uncomfortable in the division that most of the staff found other employment. Now, I'm being asked to again do the work that I was previously doing under her, as those programs are LEGALLY REQUIRED to have someone to manage them and I'm the only one around now who has experience with them. Thankfully, I'm doing this work under a different supervisor.
“Can we put that in writing” turns into “you’re trouble and I can’t trust you” then they or the flying monkeys will finish you off.
This "they play favorites" is a veeery important sign.
I once got placed on a CAP for saying “the department looks messy”. I proceeded to clean for two hours. I was told these negative comments were not tolerated and as punishment I was told that cleaning was now part of my job. I quit soon after.
Something else I've noticed about narcissistic bosses is that they are eager to talk badly about their predecessors. This is a bright red flag for me.
I'm also the Lord of the Rings fan! :) And I love the comparison with Sauron. Upon reading Tolkien's supplementary writings, I found this particular character being a remarkably accurate depiction of a grandiose narcissist. In fact, all Tolkien's villains have a good deal of traits of this or that type of narcissism, but Sauron is pure classic)) As if Tolkien had a very good perception of narcissism and its effects, even though he preferred a more poetic language for describing it...