Traumatized parents are so out of touch with their emotions, they won't detect signs of events that shook the child to be there for them, eventually repeating the cycle. Surviving the survivors is a real thing.
Yes, this is true. I was traumatized as a child and therefore I was not there for my children when they were growing up and I ended up repeating the cycle in causing trauma. It breaks my heart. I am just starting my journey to finding healing from all the trauma that I suffered through childhood and an abusive marriage. 🙏🏻
I can relate! My hypothesis about this type of trauma is this: people who is supposed to love you (parents, siblings, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend) but are abusers, will seek a trauma response in you as a way to shape up your personality according with their standard of appropriate. They don't know they are doing it to you, probably, but yes they are doing it. A little trauma here, and a not so little trauma there, and a big trauma once in a while will be necessary to keep you in check in the long run. You learn to deal, or you go away, or you'll suffer. It's a lot like taming a wild animal.
@@artifundio1 but they don’t call it “taming” a wild animal…the term is to “break” it. You break a horse. You “break in” a new item by using it and being rough with it to make it easier to use.
I so appreciate this explanation. Way too many people toss around the term trauma to refer to anything that upset them that it has lost real meaning when it has specific implications that attention seekers cannot begin to truly grasp.
"The foundation of your safety has not been destroyed." Well put. Explains perfectly why parental abuse and neglect can be so painful and traumatic: The foundation for your safety, which is supposed to be your parents, are the very ones responsible for your safety. If your first foundation is destroyed or questionable, it's truly a miracle to be a productive person later in life. I guess that I am a miracle then: Only college graduate and the only one with a professional job.
When you've got so much trauma compartmentalized In your brain that pulling the wrong box out could crush you, you've already realized parental neglect was thw foundation of all that pain
This is intriguing because I’ve run across people who sound like they’d blow off the fact their kid was traumatized because their perception is showing concern for someone’s trauma is actually crippling them to become needy. Very very intriguing. I guess those who lack empathy are extremely traumatized individuals who count their strength as camouflage to actually being wounded
I think the crucial point here is “childhood trauma”. If they didn’t feel safe and protected as a child, their development into adulthood is compromised. They develop defence mechanism to keep themselves feeling safe which continues into their adult relationships
...and when it turns out nobody's really there for you, not even your family, you might sink so low into your trauma that you find in there your Self; the Self that was lost long time ago. And then, Thank God, you have someone to overcome that trauma with.
We have this book and utilize its deep wisdom in our trauma work. Me as an Animist Minister trainee and my husband as a mental health councilor. Thank you good Sir!
As a child i cleaned up the blood, then told her where the bruises were (mum was blind) I hated me for not being able to stop it. I hated me for not being 'good enough' to make family life peaceful. It was my fault then and it is still my fault.
Oh man then I've been broken for life. Cancer at age 8 till 18 then suffer with side effects till late 20s then widowmaker at 31 plus 3 stents then a heart transplant just 9 months ago
@@TheOriginalCameron that just means the life long trauma/PTSD is forever burnt into my brain, kinda what the brain does to protect itself; very much a double edged sword
Well it's relatively much better than "died of cancer" at 8. It's reading more like, "never give up". Make sure you're live for something great then it's all worth the problems
I come from a very unstable life, Abortion Survivor, life on the street, and lots of prison ! In 2018, i was alone and was mauled and left disable, this 6 years ago, and I cant get my life to work, no one was there for me, and still, I am alone and really struggling !
My childhood comfort always came from the animals even though I had severe allergic reactions. I remember being in a bathtub of cool water submerged except my nose and mouth out trying to control the hives, sneezing, itching, difficulty breathing and my mom came in nonchalantly said “did you pet a cat?” I gasped “uh huh” she said “was it worth it?” I gasped again “uh huh” and she left. I didn’t know for many years how life threatening my allergic reactions had been. Still worth it and actually I’m glad because somehow my immune system finally adjusted and I live happily with my cats and no reactions to them!
I’ve been traumatized ever since I was born and the trauma included what was being done to me so I’m not sure I agree with trauma not being the event. I believe it’s a combination of both action and response.
Yes, trauma is something overwhelming that happens to you that you can't make sense of. But unlike this dude's explanation, it is still a trauma if you figure out how to make sense of it or someone helps you make sense of it. In that case, it's just not something that turns into PTSD. The trauma is not "how you respond to it," it IS THE EVENT. That's where this guy goes off the rails. Trauma is the thing that happened. End of story. How you respond is someting else all together. His narrative is bunk.
Take stance and stand firm. The flesh stores tension and stress which can lead to temptation and so exercise and dating can help. Exercises such as stretching and cardio. Read the Bible and meditate on it.
That is not an easy one. On one hand, what kind of person wouldn’t be outraged at child sexual abuse? On the other, how much better does it make your life to not feel that? Without being too graphic, some of the worst events in my life don’t really upset me at all and I’m a little ashamed of that but I’ll take it because I have so much trauma that does bother me to deal with.
@@1AlexanderCole Exactly. I couldn't have said it better. And are we ashamed of it not bothering us because "society says it should"...it's so confusing to me.
If comment on the human condition can fit into one CZcams short, then they are assuming everyone is the same. Everyone is effected in different degrees by impactful events. In this video it's assumed everyone deals with the shock of trauma by seeking a way to be nurtured. Top extreme sports athletes use the experience of a bad fall immediately afterwards to increase their focus and not let pain become a bad experience by trying to do what caused them the shock while still in somewhat of a state of shock.
He doesn't mean it to be your response to the event. He means the response of the so called support system you have(your parents, siblings,friends etc) If that response is compassionate and accurate, you will learn to respond to such situations better without it causing any lasting damage on your psyche. Your fall back mechanism has to be fool proof.
Traumatized parents are so out of touch with their emotions, they won't detect signs of events that shook the child to be there for them, eventually repeating the cycle. Surviving the survivors is a real thing.
Yes, this is true. I was traumatized as a child and therefore I was not there for my children when they were growing up and I ended up repeating the cycle in causing trauma. It breaks my heart. I am just starting my journey to finding healing from all the trauma that I suffered through childhood and an abusive marriage. 🙏🏻
That is a problem when your parents cause the trauma.
Genital mutilation is a tradition!
@@funincluded That is one type of trauma.
I can relate! My hypothesis about this type of trauma is this: people who is supposed to love you (parents, siblings, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend) but are abusers, will seek a trauma response in you as a way to shape up your personality according with their standard of appropriate.
They don't know they are doing it to you, probably, but yes they are doing it. A little trauma here, and a not so little trauma there, and a big trauma once in a while will be necessary to keep you in check in the long run.
You learn to deal, or you go away, or you'll suffer.
It's a lot like taming a wild animal.
@@artifundio1 but they don’t call it “taming” a wild animal…the term is to “break” it. You break a horse. You “break in” a new item by using it and being rough with it to make it easier to use.
@@johnnymac6178 I don't care about your corrections, write your own post. Have some self control.
I so appreciate this explanation. Way too many people toss around the term trauma to refer to anything that upset them that it has lost real meaning when it has specific implications that attention seekers cannot begin to truly grasp.
"The foundation of your safety has not been destroyed." Well put. Explains perfectly why parental abuse and neglect can be so painful and traumatic: The foundation for your safety, which is supposed to be your parents, are the very ones responsible for your safety. If your first foundation is destroyed or questionable, it's truly a miracle to be a productive person later in life. I guess that I am a miracle then: Only college graduate and the only one with a professional job.
When you've got so much trauma compartmentalized In your brain that pulling the wrong box out could crush you, you've already realized parental neglect was thw foundation of all that pain
This book goes great with the mindfulness book "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels. Both have helped me develop a good routine.
Thank you!
This is intriguing because I’ve run across people who sound like they’d blow off the fact their kid was traumatized because their perception is showing concern for someone’s trauma is actually crippling them to become needy. Very very intriguing. I guess those who lack empathy are extremely traumatized individuals who count their strength as camouflage to actually being wounded
And these so-called "strong" individuals further hurt and traumatize others. The neverending cycle, often generational.
It's definitely a complex one
I think the crucial point here is “childhood trauma”. If they didn’t feel safe and protected as a child, their development into adulthood is compromised. They develop defence mechanism to keep themselves feeling safe which continues into their adult relationships
...and when it turns out nobody's really there for you, not even your family, you might sink so low into your trauma that you find in there your Self; the Self that was lost long time ago. And then, Thank God, you have someone to overcome that trauma with.
That is a great perspective.
We have this book and utilize its deep wisdom in our trauma work. Me as an Animist Minister trainee and my husband as a mental health councilor. Thank you good Sir!
As a child i cleaned up the blood, then told her where the bruises were (mum was blind)
I hated me for not being able to stop it. I hated me for not being 'good enough' to make family life peaceful.
It was my fault then and it is still my fault.
It was never your fault! Love yourself now for surviving someone else’s malice and for not resorting to the same behaviour 💗
Ouch.
@@MicahScottPnD yeah, sorry, i don't usually reveal so much via social media.
@@Blissfulnessence Sometimes there's real value in semi-anonymity. No call for sorrow, at all. I can relate, is what I mean actually.
@@MicahScottPnD Bless you
"That is bc your foundation of safety is not destroyed". ...
Right sir ! Foundation of safety is really needed !!
May I thank you for your insight. Never knew it was not the event it is the response.! ❤
Thank You for this wonderful explanation! It helps me understand me better! 😊❤
Oh man then I've been broken for life. Cancer at age 8 till 18 then suffer with side effects till late 20s then widowmaker at 31 plus 3 stents then a heart transplant just 9 months ago
On the bright side, brain plasticity never stops :)
So sorry for you. May you find happiness
Sending love and best wishes to you!
@@TheOriginalCameron that just means the life long trauma/PTSD is forever burnt into my brain, kinda what the brain does to protect itself; very much a double edged sword
Well it's relatively much better than "died of cancer" at 8. It's reading more like, "never give up". Make sure you're live for something great then it's all worth the problems
This guy is a genuis❤
That’s a very powerful statement: 👇
“The trauma is not the event, it’s how you respond to it”
Noted! ♥️
I was not even there for myself in the face of trauma 🙁. I’m fr tweaking.
It is really hard when (almost) nobody is there at that time so you are alone or when people cannot help you. So it gets big.
I come from a very unstable life, Abortion Survivor, life on the street, and lots of prison ! In 2018, i was alone and was mauled and left disable, this 6 years ago, and I cant get my life to work, no one was there for me, and still, I am alone and really struggling !
Fantastic book and great topic
Adoptees experience trauma when they are separated from their mothers, even at birth. They are not given a choice of how to react to the abandonment.
And when the trauma and unsafely is your parents.... then good luck and god speed in healing. It's time to put yourself first and prioritize YOU.
Too often the person occupying the space, “Who is there for you?” Takes the side of the dog.
Yes. The ultimate betrayal.
My childhood comfort always came from the animals even though I had severe allergic reactions. I remember being in a bathtub of cool water submerged except my nose and mouth out trying to control the hives, sneezing, itching, difficulty breathing and my mom came in nonchalantly said “did you pet a cat?” I gasped “uh huh” she said “was it worth it?” I gasped again “uh huh” and she left. I didn’t know for many years how life threatening my allergic reactions had been. Still worth it and actually I’m glad because somehow my immune system finally adjusted and I live happily with my cats and no reactions to them!
I wish it was just a dog bite...I had 16 yrs of parental abuse and neglect😢
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
🙏
I’ve been traumatized ever since I was born and the trauma included what was being done to me so I’m not sure I agree with trauma not being the event. I believe it’s a combination of both action and response.
Trauma.....
What's that ?
The experience of trauma is really unimaginable.
my parents never liked me.
Sadly I feel this 😔
Hugs.
@@The-Well 🫂
Yes, trauma is something overwhelming that happens to you that you can't make sense of. But unlike this dude's explanation, it is still a trauma if you figure out how to make sense of it or someone helps you make sense of it. In that case, it's just not something that turns into PTSD. The trauma is not "how you respond to it," it IS THE EVENT. That's where this guy goes off the rails. Trauma is the thing that happened. End of story. How you respond is someting else all together. His narrative is bunk.
No one was there for me
I respond horribly! Lol
That all?
You can watch the full video here! czcams.com/video/ZKa7V_mV8l8/video.html
Take stance and stand firm. The flesh stores tension and stress which can lead to temptation and so exercise and dating can help. Exercises such as stretching and cardio. Read the Bible and meditate on it.
What if your childhood sexual trauma doesn't upset you at all...? It should right?
That is not an easy one. On one hand, what kind of person wouldn’t be outraged at child sexual abuse? On the other, how much better does it make your life to not feel that? Without being too graphic, some of the worst events in my life don’t really upset me at all and I’m a little ashamed of that but I’ll take it because I have so much trauma that does bother me to deal with.
@@1AlexanderCole Exactly. I couldn't have said it better. And are we ashamed of it not bothering us because "society says it should"...it's so confusing to me.
I don't agree
If comment on the human condition can fit into one CZcams short, then they are assuming everyone is the same. Everyone is effected in different degrees by impactful events. In this video it's assumed everyone deals with the shock of trauma by seeking a way to be nurtured. Top extreme sports athletes use the experience of a bad fall immediately afterwards to increase their focus and not let pain become a bad experience by trying to do what caused them the shock while still in somewhat of a state of shock.
So trauma is the inability to cope with an event?
It's what happens after an event you were not ready for happens.
He doesn't mean it to be your response to the event. He means the response of the so called support system you have(your parents, siblings,friends etc) If that response is compassionate and accurate, you will learn to respond to such situations better without it causing any lasting damage on your psyche. Your fall back mechanism has to be fool proof.
Sometimes example is everything.
The Nazism Techniques