The Body Keeps the Score
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- čas přidán 11. 05. 2021
- A growing body of research suggests that mental unwellness doesn’t just take a toll on our minds; it affects our physical selves as well. We need to listen to what our bodies are telling us - and care for them as diligently as we care for our thoughts.
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Were my arms just long enough, I'd hug you all, until you believed, absolutely, in your individual beauty, worth, and potential.
love this
Thank you
😖❤
Making me emotional isn't going to help me believe in myself.
........but it's a start. Thank you
Thank you. The message from the video is quite tough.
I get the need for this. My body has grown so tight and rigid that everything is painful. I haven’t had a real hug in a long long time. Don’t even got my cat to hug anymore. Loneliness is a slow-acting but fatal poison.
I'm sorry
You can reverse this by being conscious
Get a dog
@@balwc147 Sucks in this environment if someone needs affection and love that the suggestion is "get a dog"
Ask a stranger for a hug they probably need one too
When I read this book, it was profound to learn how trauma is as physical as it is psychological. Worth reading!
I've read it and it stays on my nightstand with other books that speak about emotional trauma, how it is directly related to our physical body and how it can 'eat away' at us if we don't get a hand on it properly. Have a beautiful weekend.
@Goth Vaush - Jedi Master Engineer so basically if we could cut this neuron we could overcome our trauma?
@@ferry6700 no
The body does not distinguish. Science does. And yet there is a science behind this...this is where spiritual being ams Circe meet. Through vibration resonation and altering the molecular structure a at the most basic level
Tottaly agree
This made me tear up. I see myself, sitting straight, slumped over into myself - never being able to fully relax around others, always making myself small, scared of trying new or big things, scared of drawing attention to myself, wearing gray and black to not be noticed, because I fear being seen because it brings on judging eyes and my fear of criticism. That woke a lot in me.
I can relate somewhat. I hate attention too. I think I care about others judging me too much because maybe I am actually getting judged a lot by own family members.
Relatable . Even eye contacting with other makes me scared.
I slouch too but learning to love myself is helping me to feel a lot better. You got this! 🤗
OMG, I do the same thing. Your words resonated deeply in me. I’m 😢😢😢😢😢. Thank you. Now I understand why I too prefers grays, blacks, beige hues in all my clothing and everything else in my house.
so true... any tipps?
Can I just say thank you for putting the therapist in a wheelchair. As a therapist, and as a therapist in a wheelchair it is nice to be seen represented. Even more so in this video since this has been such an amazing book in my own healing.
Wow that's amazing Erica. So much respect for you. ❣️
Respect
I think therapists with "disabilities" have an insight that other therapists don't have. They have certain perspectives and awareness and are better able to resonate with those who have "disabilities" (for lack of a better word) as well as have the knowledge and background to help all sorts of individuals. I think it's awesome.
❤️
500th like!
As someone with Cptsd who moves from super alert to detached from their body this sounds amazing. I realize that my recent motivations to learn skating, self-defense and make something with my hands may be driven by a desire to reinhabit my body and break free from mental cage.
I started roller skating a year ago at the recommendation from my therapist. This book is on audiobook too, it was extremely illuminating. I highly recommend seeking connection in this way. I've also made a lot of really cool and kind friends through the roller skate comm.
Definitely check out somatic experiencing and somatic therapy if you haven't, Peter Levine.
They talk in the book about how learning self defence may help! So great for you!
would someone explain what cpstd is?
I do this all the time. I actually made a list of my motivations which shift month to month. It’s exhausting
Am I the only one in love with the therapist on a wheel chair? Well done!!! 💙
The seamless inclusivity is amazing
it's cool, yet she seems really concerned 😲 1:12
@BlackJack haha wat?
I caught that and was very pleased 😊
We need so much more inclusivity
@BlackJack what does that have to do with a therapist is a wheelchair?
Wow, this makes a lot of sense. I got used to repressing my emotions as a child thinking if I were obedient and meek, I would be wanted by my parents. I grew up to be a very uptight adult and that definitely manifested physically. Recently started yoga as a self-compassion movement exercise and my relationship with myself has greatly improved. Can't wait to read this book!
Great move, yoga literally means the union of the body, mind & soul. Ancient Indians knew that all the 3 elements need to be treated together for complete healing.
My therapist has suggested for me to do more yoga. Glad to hear it helps you and that it works. Thank you for sharing.
Same with my childhood. I want to try yoga
@@MrChloe-fv7he absolutely true. Alone intellectual processing is not enough or an easy way to heal. Through healing we end up totally Integrated with ourselves. And the concept of yoga speaks of this very union. As Within so without is also a hermetic concept
Spiritual truth extends beyond time space constructions and constrictions. Wishing you a wonderful day 💙🙏
yess
I think what he did was genius. It’s like reverse therapy. He’s helping the body act more confident so the mind eventually feels it too. Using the cognitive dissonance arising from acting in a confident manner(while your mind isn’t confident) to fix your unconfindent mind as opposed to fixing your unconfident mind so that your body acts more confident
A key point is not behaving as you are confident (denial of whatever is showing up in the body/mind at the moment) but actually tuning in and experiencing the score that the body/mind is keeping. The score being trapped traumas = emotions, thoughts, beliefs that were too overwhelming for the child to process. Body based approaches allow one to tolerate the intolerable at long last. You can use the body as entry point to feel what is stored there.
The trauma memories stored in the amygdala literally hijacks your body until the memory is processed and saved in the hippocampus like ordinary memories without a heightened charge.
Wait what....
@@Thisisarandomacc yeah i know it sounds kinda trippy when you read it but basically I’m just saying he makes your body act more confident and that causes your brain to stress out a bit because you’re acting in a way opposite to how you feel. This is cognitive dissonance. Then your brain/you can resolve the stress by either stopping the confident posturing/behavior or changing your belief about how confident you are to match how you act. Hopefully the therapist can encourage you to keep acting more confident than you feel until your brain has no choice but to change how you feel about yourself to match how you act. You’re fixing your mind by fixing your body instead of the opposite which is what therapy usually does. So it’s kinda like reverse therapy
I don’t think it’s cognitive dissonance, but rather that there are communication and feedback mechanisms between the brain and the body, which make it possible for the body to affect the mind and vice versa.
@@chrisray1567 well yes I suppose that is true. I’m not explaining everything he does with the body with cognitive dissonance. But I think some of the things like fixing your posture to an upright position one or playing around in a ball pit are beneficial because of cognitive dissonance. From my understanding from AP Psychology and the internet. Cognitive dissonance just happens when there’s inconsistencies between thoughts, beliefs and actions. When he makes someone who is timid stand upright or someone who is afraid to express themselves frolics in a ball pit like a child, it creates an inconstancy in their beliefs about themselves and their actions which could result in a change in their beliefs. The timid person starts believing they’re more confident and the non expressive person starts to believe expressing emotion is okay. Maybe the expression thing isn’t the best example but hopefully you see my point.
It makes sense why I’ve become addicted to running. I feel more powerful than ever!
Its addictive and empowering,done it 3yrs straight everyday
Good job! This reminds me to go on a run tommorrow
It makes sense why I am also addicted to running I love it! Best exercise out there
Is being addicted a good thing though? Running is great but being addicted to it means you'll end up running too much which can have it's own problems!
I do the same. I feel more able to focus and on my body, but once you finish the bad feelings come.
I think this is so amazing because it means for those of us who struggle to get to the root of our problems mentally, we can actually release those issues physically instead.
That's why I understand my father everytime he beats me up.
yes! it gives me hope that the destructive effects of trauma can be 'canceled' by experiencing something that feels the opposite in a proportional way... an experience that would be as empowering and satisfying as the trauma was harmful.
Your letting emotional bias get in the way🏳️🌈
@@brb9516 it doenst work like that
@@vv7299 and how does it work? It's not something the book says (not so far in chapter 6), but I read something like that somewhere else and it kinda makes sense
In my opinion many psychologists or doctors treats humans not as a whole body but wrongly focus only one part. It make sense ( at least to me) that body and mind have impact on each other, either good or bad.
Search up the % of wrong diagnosis in emergency rooms and you will start viewing doctors at a different level
Nice profile Lena ...
100%!! I agree with you!!
Dr. Gabor Mate's book "when the body says no" he shares the same ideia that you said
This is the result of specialization in medicine. Everything is connected. No one thing is completely isolated. Life is like a physical web and we are all connected in ways we can't begin to understand the implications of.
I feel the sudden need to be a little more compassionate toward those i automatically pigeon hole as lazy, unmotivated and lacking enthusiasm for life. Maybe slightly broken is a better term than lazy.
The Buddha said that ''compassion is clarity''. When we realize that we are all caught in the same round of Samsara (basically the same rat race- which none of us asked for), then the differences between us disappear Metta!
@@westsidesmitty1 Therefore clarity is the purpose.
@@kingbee1971 Mindfulness just seems to slow down the ''knee jerk'' reactions'', and words spoken in anger I sometimes hear pouring out of my mouth! Mindfulness gives that extra second (which soon becomes a habit), to react with greater skill (and better karma)! When I meditate I often feel the artificial boundaries between myself and even ''things'' dissolve and then I revel in the clarity of realizing we are are all just the dust that was hurled out wards when some star exploded billions of years ago (Or so Carl Sagan told me when I was a little boy!!). Metta!
One thing I like to remind myself of when I see traits and behaviours in others that I dislike is, while I can see the behaviour, I know nothing of the story behind it. It may be an entirely logical coping strategy for a situation they experienced in the past. If we all knew each other's stories, we would be far less judgmental of each other.
I can only speak for myself by saying that I am not lazy, it just feels safe
I've always been in fear and shame of showing my sensitive and emotional side. I fear that if they see it, they'll think less of me. So I isolated myself from others, running away, shutting the doors to finally be abled to express my feelings without being judged. I finally managed to trust someone for the first time and truely emerged into their embrace. I fought back at my intuition of telling them to leave me alone, knowing that pushing myself out of the comfort zone is the only way for me to learn and connect with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And it worked, my vulnerability has connected and made our relationship into something much deeper than mere coupling. Even If we couldn't be together forever, but now I know that I can be vulnerable and I can trust others and I'm not alone
Your vulnerability in writing this post is appreciated. I've read the book and keep it close to me. It is a fantastic read and I hope you get some healing from exploring the pages.
As a sensitive myself, I pray that you are able to see how beautiful that gift is. In the past I struggled a bit more with me bit I've learned to lean into it and embrace it.
Have a beautiful weekend.
@Goth Vaush - Jedi Master Engineer I cannot recall knowing in the moment that I've 'exited' because of stress but, I have experienced other symptoms that greatly affected me. For me, meditation, epsom salt w lavender baths and grounding have been life savers for me. The older I get, the sensitivity seems to expand/increase. As an empath and HSP , I had to learn how my body responds to external stimuli, stress and energy in general. Dr. Judith Orloff 'The Empaths Survival Guide' and Dr. Elaine Aron's books have helped me out tremendously as they speak about it in great detail. The books are on my IG page if you are interested.
@Goth Vaush - Jedi Master Engineer I also add baking soda to the water. Although I cannot swim, I am drawn to water and can take a bath or shower 4 times a day just to be in it. Its SO energetically cleansing. The beach is also a favorite of mine. Weirdly enough, its easier and quicker for me to meditate in water vs sitting up or laying down. The smell of lavender is intoxicating.
Yes, purple and the 'violet flame'.
You understand. 💛
this is so beautiful and honest, thank you for sharing
That must be so great. Imagine being able to trust somebody else so much you'd let them touch you. I wish it was possible for me
Wow this is me. People say I seem so calm but I'm actually just frozen...
Me too! I used to think I was just a dull, boring person but in reality I have actually withdrawn from the world. Glad the video could point that out.
Omg, Yes!
Im reading this book as recommended by my therapist. Thanks
Same !!!
Currently reading it. It's overwhelming
Me too, my therapist recommended it to me and I did not hesitate to look into it.
Here's the Yogic perspective behind body's ability to remember, we call it RUNANUBANDHA: czcams.com/video/fmYMd92PqUk/video.html
And heres how to handle it well, its a culmination of powerful yogic practices: czcams.com/video/S2uINxm_wbc/video.html
Hope this helps someone...
Same here, hope to get to reading it soon
"There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy" - Friedrich Nietzsche.
@@westsidesmitty1 he was just a stupid men
@@evelinaxxo9593 please, read more.
@@colinlee1237 Trust me, I read, but I prefer women philosophers and Nitche was just a sexually frustrated dude.
@@evelinaxxo9593 Feminazi detected.
@@PK-xu7gu yes, you can call me that.
I am from South Africa. My parents got divorced at age 3. I suffer from mental illusions and isolation. I did not do sports at school. This information is accurate. I play blues harmonica...it has saved my life...like my soul has a voice. I play quite proficiently. The harmonica does things to me words can't. I hope you find an instrument out there somewhere that speaks to you and opens your chest. Sending you love...wherever you are.
This book conviced me to go on to therapy and completed my Emdr treatment! Not to mention got me into yoga and established a new relationship with myself. Indeed. A very transformative one!
I'd like to get some EMDR it sounds really helpful
How did you find EMDR? I am finding it hard to find a practitioner in the UK
@@suzannax it is indeed really helpful. But I guess there's nothing that works like magic 😄 I still need some other complimentary treatments to go along with it (or afterwards). Still, i'd say really worth trying!
@@ladiezadie hello. Ugh I am really sorry to hear that it's quite hard to find in the UK! (I am Netherlands-based). I find EMDR is very intense treatment yet so helpful. It does sound scary but so worthed. Also, I did EMDR half offline and half online (due to lockdown situation) and for me, i don't find any significant different, both worked effectively. The only thing that needs to be considered is our own 'safe place' (because if you do the emdr treatment at home or from your room it might feel like you have no other place to be safe) which I am sure your therapist will teach and guide you to build it. I hope you find the help that you absolutely deserve and need!
I'm thinking of trying it too. Although it sounds scary.
I just finished this book. As someone that is in love with a person working through a lot of childhood trauma, this book has been extremely helpful with understanding.
this is so cute omg
This video itself felt like a hug. Amazing.
I once was under therapy, a long time ago, as I was awakening to the fact that maybe, just maybe, the problem wasn't me but my family and my childhood environment, and wanted to work my way through that. The first comments and questions I got from my humanistic (Gestalt) therapist were about my posture, body language and breathing. She knew nothing about me yet through words but she seemed to already see my past and present pain, and she was already gently pushing me to learn to breathe, before we even got down to talking. She knew things about me just from looking at my body.
I later did a short course of drama therapy (where we use our bodies to communicate). I got to catch a glimpse of myself from without, and I could see in the appearance of my body what experiences I had been through, and all the meaning in my deeply rooted manners. I used to (and still do) put my hand in front of my mouth when talking about what happened to me. Turns out I was trying to silence myself, because when those things were happening, no one wanted to hear what I had to say. I was never taught to put my hand in front of my mouth-it was my body trying to say what was hidden in my mind, that I was afraid to talk. So when someone in my drama therapy group asked if she could touch me, and upon me saying yes gently moved my hand away from my mouth, that was everything.
Drama therapy can also be helpful in using the body to heal.
Read. This. Book.
Wow, thank you for sharing. I wish you all the very best x
How eye opening! Thank you for sharing!
Wow! Thanks for sharing x do you think laughter is good as well?
Like all psychos - is their own fault but they seek therapy to get told to blame others
thank you for sharing ❤
Not going to lie, just the idea of a long hug made my skin crawl
I understand. I stay away from physical contact with other people because in my childhood, most of the time, others would touch me to hurt me rather than to express love.
@@isabelsaavedra7947 I’m so sorry 😞
:(((((
SAME
Me too...
Taking ecstasy in the late 90's while sitting between the legs of my first love on a chill-out couch in the club, with her arms wrapped around me, remains to this day as some of the most pleasant memories of my life.
How that downer felt though?
aw how romantic yet poignant 💚❤
It's therapeutic benefits helped many
That sounds incredible
@@rajatchandra3209 personally my experience coming down off of E wasn't much of a downer back when I did it the few times. Mushrooms on the other hand was non existent w a come down. Next day, my body felt normal yet more loving and the mind open and clearer.
The whole description of not being held or loved enough as a child hit me so hard and reminded me of all the work I did in my own therapy sessions. You really do need so much love. And if the people bringing you up don't know how to provide it, you will grow into an empty soul, occupying a hollow body. Any kind of touch will incite fear or discomfort - I hated hugs as a child, because I never really got them. The years of work it took (and is still taking!) to feel comfortable and confident in my own body is astonishing. But in the end, you finally get to feel like your own person, as if you've woken up from a 20 year long sleep and you can finally begin to function without panicking.
This book changed my life. Be warned however, it can be very triggering!
Oh man I'm half way through and it had validated my pain and opened my eyes like no other psychiatrist or Therapist ever done but I agree to take it slow with this book it's extremely triggering indeed.
which book?
Wouldn't that be the point of the book, is to trigger a response enough for self enlightenment and learning, otherwise nothing effective would elicit positive change for your furthered emotional development? 🤔😏
Heads up for everyone.....life is usually a trigger 😉. The book will help you ballance out how heavy the triggers hit yah.
I do recognize that your trigger warning is actively helping some people. I appreciate how trigger warnings has evolved in our society, yet on the flip side a trigger warning is also a trigger for some others as well.
Double edged sword on societies ever changing acceptance to evolving norms. Lol
I hope all is well or soon to be for everyone.☺️
@@IndustrialDoomHippy guich buc
triggering.. cringe
The more I learn from your channel the more I realize why I've been avoiding dating and making friends for over a decade, I am not emotionally stunted in the slightest but was raised by some, and no longer am able to let people into my world to attempt healing it from all the damage I've received through naive blind trust. But hey in the absence I've learned to communicate with wild rabbits and they visit me and we all stand around with equal space between one another.
"I've been avoiding dating and making friends for over a decade. I'm not emotionally stunted in the slightest."
That is very considered lockdown behaviour on Your and the rabbit´s part -You know - keeping the social distance- but maybe SOME ppl might be worth meeting too, consider giving it a try :-).
I like Rabbits too!
I'm glad the rabbits can keep you in good company
I am doing the same-trying to heal by sitting with my feelings instead of stuffing them. Still can’t trust others due to multiple traumas but I am happy alone. Happiest I have ever been-I am the captain of my own ship now.
This is exactly why I started skateboarding. I was sad, I got very low self esteem and a hell of pent up anger. I knew I need some type of physical outlet. Two years later I'm a completely different person, I got my confidence back plus A LOT of friends, and I feel way more relaxed in public spaces now. Skateboarding really do save lives.
this video is a sign from the universe that i need to finally pick up this book.
i am reading it online for free
@excuse me? Hi, search the name of book on website called pdfdrive from there you can download books for free and this book is available there.
Anyone here who is in need of more on this topic should seek out Alice Miller’s books. She is the pioneer of this, not the author cited in this video. Her book “The body never lies” is the one you’ll want to read. She wrote a number of ground breaking books before and after. Truly amazing ideas in her book.
Thank you! I'll look her up
Agreed, I’ve been reading it and I’m enjoy the book so much. I hate that it seems like he invented this concept
In a psych ward. All my emotions are in my belly. Aside from IBSC. I know WHY ( CHILDHOOD TRAUMA & TRAUMA FROM A THERAPIST who sexually abused me and abused his power). Psychiatry is pills. HE IS FORCING ME but my insides recoil.
I have cptsd. This book was transformative for me.
Thanks for the recommendation, I have CPTSD & a TBI so I'm always looking for easy to read help. Right now the Four Agreements is my mental health bible
@@angeladoll9785 Angela. I'm sorry to hear about your compounded issues and admire your strength, both as a survivor and for exposing your battle wounds. I hope this book helps you along your journey. I too found the Four Agreements to be influential in my life and my relationships with others. I wish you well in this life! After all that you've been through, you deserve to know how happiness can feel. I send you my love, internet stranger.
@@angeladoll9785 wow I am reading that too! How has it helped you so far?
@@mayam2479 Hi May, how did the four agreements help you? I am interested to know
I have CPTSD TOO and it is really tough especially when you don't know what exactly happened during your childhood.
This is true. Whenever I feel emotional pain, my immune system takes a blow and I get sick
This video helped me to understand why I'm so sensitive to touch and almost repulsed by it, and how I'm characterized as being flinchy or jumpy. My husband has noticed it and has made comments about it having to do with my childhood and never realized it really made an impact until now. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful video that helped to clarify why I am the way I am regarding living in my own skin. I have definitely become more settled but this will help me strive to be even better. Now I see why I love my new hobby of snow skiing so much! It allows me to feel free and like a kid again.
The idea of even a massage gives me goosebumps.
My therapist was trained by the psychiatrist who wrote this book 🥺 my therapy has been working SO WELL as someone with chronic ptsd
Therapists are fictional. Psychiatrists are fictional. PTSD is fictional.
Are you being kept as a slave until youre killed?
Interesting. Explains a lot. I didn't know why I liked a martial art so much. It gave me the sense of control over my body, making me more comfortable in it. I spent much of quarantine bettering mind-body control and proper breathing - the latter being the most game changing as I finally learned what people meant when they said they feel anxiety in their chest. I learned that I never felt that because I was always using my chest for breathing, so when I switched to diaphragmatic breathing, my chest almost felt sore and I had never felt so relaxed in my life.
It also explains why I like to be in the buff and just hang out (heh) in my room. It gives me the feeling of just being able to exist for once. Like validating my existence.
Crazy, I hadn't realized just how uncomfortable in my body I have been living. Most of my life, relaxing (even by myself) has felt like an endless struggle, something I always had to try to do because it couldn't come naturally. I feel like it's changing, but I've got a ways to go.
I have read it . Very insightful in understanding manifestations of child sexual abuse(CSA) in adult survivors. I wish more therapists were specially trained in this area. I find that resources are scarce.
I see a trauma therapist through my local YWCA. This is exactly one of the things we focus on.
It sounds like, from this video, the work in the book relates heavily to touch related therapy (stimuli or human interaction) which appears to clash with societal norms of platonic intimacy. I agree with you, it would be lovely if there was a more positive approach to rehabilitating people emotionally through touch, along with the things we've been doing thus far (like talk therapy and cautiously with medications)
Check out alexander lowen
@@jennaeisel9072 Thank you so much!
@@evnnns the book goes through 8 or more different treatments including some really interesting ones like positioning objects around you representing your father, mother, significant care giver and telling them what you couldn’t do as a child. And one where someone moves a single finger back and forth close to your face (so you move your eyes left and right) with the therapist asking you to recall your trauma and prompting you with a “what else?” questions repeatedly and letting you respond in your head. This takes about an hour. This surprising works as trauma is unprocessed, so by forcing REM you’re able to process the experience. The book goes through all of this and more. It’s a long read but worth it. I also found the TV show The Flight Attendant helped me with extreme touch sensitivity due to CSA as she saw herself as a child and told herself it wasn’t her fault as a adult revising the event (in her case a car crash and death of her father). Good luck with your recovery.
This book was so good. And also very difficult to get through, emotionally speaking. I recommend taking breaks if you feel overwhelmed and coming back when you feel ready.
“Emotional inheritance” What a new thought for me! One can only give what they know and have themselves. Our parents/caregivers had childhoods, too. The more we know, if we can, but forgive them regardless of what we know or learn, the better we can be for ourselves, our spouses, and our own children. End the cycle of mimicry of what what was modeled to us. Stop the excuses and change! Plasticity of mind and emotions, willingness to change by use of such lovely discoveries and offerings revealed in this video. I am so thankful.
Being a stay at home mom, o can't affair to pay for classes/activities, massages that often. One thing that has helped my body be more confident with touch has been volunteering at my children's elementary school! Being around children under the age when I was abused, and seeing their innocence, their love, having them play with my hair, smell my clothes and give me unconditional compliments has been extremely healing! Not to even mention being around emotionally safe adults! If you get opportunity to volunteer in your community do it! I stared doing it because I was isolating and my doctor suggested to go to the gym, I said no way I'm exposing myself to adults 🤭 so I went to children! I'm so proud of my accomplishments while volunteering both in the community and in my personal emotional life ❤ go for it! You are more than capable! One step at a time! I'm still not ready to go to the gym, but I'm went back to the dentist and obgyn after 5 years 😢 just 9 months of being around God's littlest angels and my inner child happiness is coming little by little ❤️
For me i was 120kg (263lbs) and was like this, started mma and it really helped, gave me a goal, lost 50kg now at 68kg and in constant fighting shape
I don’t even know what human touch and connection feels like anymore
It's been years since I've been physically touched in anything more than a handshake
Take up dancing
yea, i even felt really happy after hugging my friend once
Sending out empathetic vibrations to all sentient life throughout all of existence & a giant hug full of love. May we all someday break the chains that bind us to the pain that binds us to suffering. Best wishes to you all ❤⚖🧠
i would have been disappointed if you didnt try but at least you tried
i appreciate it
Sanada. 🧡
IS THIS NORMAL PARENT BEHAVIOUR?
hello, guys, i was sleeeping in another room and guess wht happened when i wokeupppmy parents freaking went thru MY ROOM and REAGGARANGED EVERYTHING AND THREW AWAY stuff without tellling me cuz i was sleeping idk wht to do anymore they literally destroyed my WHOLE ROOMi wanna runaway now tbh no privacy anymore...
they threw away my clothes i fucking hate them idk wht to do ...
they did a deep cleaning and threw away stuff i cant even rememberrr wht was where anymoree ughh
i m so irritated rn
but we r supposed to move in AUGUST but these dumbasses r already after my room ugh
my mom even STOLE some of my fucking clothes wtfffffffstuff i got as gifts :/
the locks of my doors are broken by them,they even took away the AC remote from my room annd being a pakistani female makes it whole lot worse i feel sucidal might throw myself off the terrace someday ngl ....
Aight Jesus Christ
OmG the sports & physical activity thing is so true for me! I don’t feel like going for walks or running & I have a parent that always yelled at me & scared me at times. I became quieter & avoided confrontations .
This book was very difficult to read, it goes into detail about many kinds of childhood abuse and the horrors of war his patients suffered. I often felt very uncomfortable, even crying and having trouble sleeping because of the content in this book, hard truths on how terrible the world can be for human beings. But it was also a very important book to read, not only to open my eyes to my own trauma, but have more empathy and understanding to others who are really truly struggling, through no fault of their own.
This book and Complex CPTSD from Pete Walker is the beginning of the journey on how do I heal a confusing problem why I have nausea, sweaty palm, short breath, increased heart rate, and bladder when I wanted to talk to an attractive woman.
That's a good book, I've only read half cause it's pretty intense to face yourself for long
Normal we're just some nervous folks .
did you overcome it?
Is this same with unattractive?
@@meettheartist5506 prob not. it probably feels they are equal so no need to stress.
I almost cried, had to hold back tears because I’m on break at work. But this was beautiful thank you.
My brother was in a toxic relationship and was so much gaslighted and manipulated by his partner with guilt that couldn't trust what was true or not and what decision was right. He couldn't perform sexually and started believing he had a problem. When he asked me what to do I said listen to your body, your body always knows and always tells the truth and that somehow awakened him.
This book helped me so much. Even if you don't have trauma, I would still recommend it. It helped me understand trauma. It helped me validate my own traumatic childhood experiences. There are treatments and solutions out there, and there is hope. This book is a deep dive into how trauma affects our minds, bodies, relationships, jobs, and even society. Overall a very interesting and enlightening book, I could not recommend it more.
But does it really help to read? Are there any ideas to work with? It just seems to tell you what trauma is.
Are you being kept as a slave until youre killed? Thats what you lie about with help?
The part about the stiff posture from someone who dealt with an angry parent or partner made me tear up. My sisters always pointed out how straight I stand and sit. But really I am very uptight and uneasy around people. I try to accommodate everybody and make sure they're okay. I don't like people being angry so it's like I just try to hold everything in place so I'm not a problem in any type of way. They wonder how I'm so fit. Really at night time, I'm so uneasy and on guard, I tighten all my muscles. My body is very alert and prepared for the unexpected, sadly. I'm never relaxed. Never really felt safe enough to just.... be... and feel like it's okay to just be.
This book transformed my relationship with medication, also with forgiving myself for the effects trauma leaves behind. It's also a book I've asked my loved ones to read so that they understand where I'm coming from. Gem of a book.
I’ve recently started surfing and it’s helped me with this. I feel much more comfortable in my body, and able to assert my existence. I feel like I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to hide for some reason
Interesting. My mother in-law, is very still and quiet. She does what she feels is important, like cooking a meal, or laundry... then she can just sit and be in silence for hours. Now, I'm wondering if she was abused or has experienced some sort of abuse as a child.
If you are close to her, then perhaps you might be in a position to explore this and help her, potentially.
Being comfortable with yourself and sitting in silence is like meditation and can be very healthy
Probably she was left alone or told to sit alone for hours as a kid… apparently that was a way of parenting in the past. To separate the kids from the adults and tell them to sit and be quiet
As an infant I came down with rhuematoid arthritis because because I was not touched and held. Fast forward to 29 yrs old...another autoimmune disease from stress: intercystial cystitis. Anxiety and depression all of my life. 1 year of no contact...feeling much stronger and better!
Love that school of life seems to be honing in on trauma. This is vital!!
I cried watching and listening to this. I would like to thank this channel and everyone else behind it for all the good things you put out in the world - for us to learn, and understand. This is exactly me...and I have always been confused as to why I could not present myself well, why I could not maintain a good posture even if I wanted to. I've always had a gut feeling that it has something to do with my traumatic experiences. Thank you. This is very enlightening and it makes me understand myself more. I will find the help that I need, and when I have the resources to do so, I will buy Bessel's book. Thanks a lot to Bessel too!
This book has been the first step in a very healing journey for me. Highly recommended.
Even if you aren't in psychology or traumatized this book is absolutely worth a read, its tremendously accessible and Van der kolk's compassion is wonderful. 💙 I have to take breaks when reading it tho when it hits close to home.
I love swinging. Always have. Sometimes I go to a playground no one is at and swing. My nieces like me to swing with them, which is so much fun. I think adults stop doing fun things and that is also part of the problem.
I feel most things in my gut and only stopped have stomach issues when I stopped talking to my abusive mother. It completely cleared up my IBS. I believe so many people’s physical ailments are a result of trauma. The body most definitely keeps the score.
I love that the therapist is in a wheelchair! So inclusive.
"In their bodies they will have learnt to be very still almost frozen because a part of them associates the expression of anything exuberant or powerful with the risk of bringing about retaliation from others."
What an eloquent yet simple way to say, to let your children sing, laugh, and play to their hearts' content, for heaven's sakes, they are only young once!!!
There's a song called, "I Hope You Dance". It's a lovely song that always lifts me up when I hear it. Inside myself, I've always had this secret desire to express myself in front of others, or even to dance in public (something I've never done, though I've been to countless social events). It is crippling, this feeling that I should not, and cannot move, as I would like to, I am uncomfortable in my own skin, even as a grown woman. To this day, I have tried, and in the process embarrassed myself many times, I struggle terribly with sharing my truth with others. I suspect it is due to this idea that was placed in me as a small child, that I should not be here, that there is no place for me in this world, as there is for others.
Every child born into this world deserves to have the freedom to play and express themselves openly with laughing, singing, dancing, and whatever else they enjoy while they can do so as a young person!!! If ever there were a cause to support, this would be it...
(I have not yet read the book, but since it was recommended to me recently, I intend to. Thank you so much for this very helpful video.)
There are these invisible emotional bonds that get stuck in your body that freeze you at that point of time meaning you can't full become who you're supposed to be and move on into adult hood like other people. I'm writing this as someone who has just made it through an extremely difficult and terrifying self transformation process after a therapist punctured my reality back to my 10 year old inner child triggering a volcanic eruption of childhood trauma like you wouldn't believe. It was like a horror movie from behind my eyes. I'm 35 year's old and finally know who I am. For anyone going through difficultly or feeling like it will never end, please just keep going. On the other side of the pain is a world like you wouldn't believe 😁😉🥳❤️
This was an excellent video. It makes me want to buy that book. I can see so much of what has happened to me in this short six-minute video. My daughter-in-law is getting a masters in Psychology and graduating in August I'm going to get her this book as a graduation gift.
It's a lovely book. I've just finished reading it and has some great content on EMDR Therapy, the importance of Yoga in releasing emotions etc.. The only drawback in this book for me specifically is that it focuses a lot on the trauma in war veterans and survivors of sexual abuse, rape and incest. It doesn't talk much about the impact of "low level abuse" such as verbal bullying etc..and how to resolve the issues (low self esteem, lack of confidence, loss of personal power etc..) that arise as a result. No doubt it is an excellent book though.
@@vivekamar99 any more books like this?
@@JustHindiFootball You can check out the works of Dr Gabor Mate and Dr Peter Levine. I don't specifically know of any titles, but watch their videos on youtube.
for quite some time i've been feeling this numbness in my heart and my body. It's kind of eerie. Makes me feel like i am not alive anymore. Just existing.
This beautiful human being and his marvelous work confirmed that I am not just ‘crazy’. It is because of people like him I have hope in humans and healing.
Thanks.This does remind me of the Emotional Armoring theory by Wilhelm Reich, the famous Austrian psychoanalyst. That is basically the physical component of repression which occurs when an impulse is halted at the muscular level. Reich viewed the purpose of this armoring as protecting the child from perceived threats, but the cost is the diminished freedom that comes fighting against constant muscular contraction as well the energy that is required to maintain this state of contraction. You may be able to fight and win battles in a suit of armor, but when you're wearing one all of the time without knowing it, it becomes impossible to dance.
Fantastic comment!
The book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker is a great companion to The Body Keeps The Score. Those two books 📚 opened the floodgates, so to speak, in my healing process. Followed by a month with an RTT therapist.
Hey Ive ever heard RTT therapy before. Im currently going through a mental health crisis and and hae been to many people to no avail. What did RTT offer you that worked well? Kind of random, but your comment caught my attention haha. Any input would be appreciated!
Do you think that comment factually describes anything outside of the fiction its from?
@@theomniscientvoid9553youre reading fiction?
My body shows more symptoms of trauma than my mind ,it always confused people around me ,it's usually bodily chain reaction that I can not stop once it starts ,it comes in waves abruptly caused by any little trigger even lack of sleep ,I am deeply traumatized by some things that happened to me and now I know and understand what my body is going through for almost 15 years.....dancing and walking very fast helps a lot
I am both painfully detached from my body and hyper aware of it depending on the moment. I never know what’s happening to me, i have an impossible time reading my bodies own signals. I was neglected and emotionally abused, as well as abandoned, by both of my parents. My childhood was not happy. I don’t remember many happy moments at all, and definitely none with my parents being the cause. I remember a lot of loneliness, which has pervaded my adulthood even though I am not alone anymore - I cannot stand to be by myself for very long as it hurts so bad to be with just me. There’s not distractions then. I have to face my mind, my body, my trauma. I wish my psychiatrists would have told me about this idea, that the body truly does keep the score. I sit with my shoulders stiff and hunched forward, tense in every part of my body. I only stop doing that when i actually notice its happening, when it physically hurts me because im so tense. I am sad i didnt get a childhood. That i have to resort to some adult jungle gym in order to feel the physical parts of love i was missing as a kid, and teenager, and adult. I dont want a giant jungle gym to hold me. I want my mom to.
Listened to this book during the first lockdown while going out for my daily walk (a new thing for me). It changed how I saw myself and the world around me. Fantastic. And great summary here.
Only thing I would add is that sometimes people can have had good care in early years but have suffered trauma later on and that still cause issues.
This might seem odd, or concerning to some people, but when I had this problem of body stiffness and feeling restrained inside my own body, what helped me through it was actually alcohol. (I am not an alcoholic, just the normal university phase everyone goes trough). When I got to university I had my first drinking experiences with friends, and since alcohol makes people looser, I would sing, dance (which I had never done), be more interactive both vocally and physically with friends, and slowly my "problems" and inhibitions started fading away and the way I behaved when drunk, more touchy, more conversational, looser in general, started slowly becoming a normality in my sober life. Right now I am much more healed in that aspect. I am not by any means saying that you should drink or that is the solution, but strangely and unexpectedly, it was something that had a good effect on me, thought it would be interesting to share.
Her voice though… simply beautiful
If you’re somebody with untreated/unprocessed trauma, I don’t recommend reading this book until you have. I don’t believe it’s a book that’s written to specifically help ones trauma, it has quite detailed stories of other people’s trauma, which can be very triggering especially if you’re trying to understand your own.
Though I own this book and look forward
to reading it one day, the first few pages sent me in a down a spiral.
It is more so informative about trauma and I believe it’s written more so for helping people to understand trauma. It is not a self help book, just in case anyone- like me, had the wrong idea of this book.
Thank you for writing this! I was thinking on buying it, even though I've been 4 years in therapy, I guess is more for specialists, therapists and researchers so they can help us better 💛
This video summarized important info from that invaluable book. It is absolutely true and for someone who has experienced so much of what the author describes, I understand how difficult it is to step outside of the pain but it is soooo worth it.
I'm in my 60's, and I cried when I watched this....
Guess this is the sign to finally pick this book up that’s sitting on my desk for a couple weeks 😓
I wish you well in your journey. After reading it (three times!) I bought it for all the people I know in helping professions.
Its a pretty good book.. You should definitely pick it up.
I pray you get the clarity you are looking for 🙏🏽
@@sobrevida157 thank you! ❤️
@@gremlin4606 I appreciate it Aisha 💖😌
me too! we can do this
Oh my... I am reading that book right now, half way through. It is a MASTERPIECE! Absolutely recommended!!
4:00 spoke to me directly 🥺🥺🥺
I’ve never liked touch. It’s always made me uncomfortable. I never knew why 😞
WOW, breakthroughs.
Yes, me too
As a training psychotherapist, this book was absolutely a must for me, and opened my eyes to so much more outside of the traditional training of doing a degree.
Pure gold! We need to listen to our bodies. Thank you 💓
I have a feeling some cultures have known this for 10's of thousands of years!
Yes, I have heard it years ago from Mayas, Chinese and Indians.
Thanks for using an angry parent and what treatment one needs as an example. I’ve had the feeling for a long time that I need karate or wrestling or boxing to release my own anger.
The brain and body and heart and soul all think collectively and Unanimously this is true ..❤
If anyone is struggling with ptsd or chronic pain, I highly recommend EMDR therapy which is mentioned in this book. It's been an absolute game changer for me
Her voice is so angelic and soothing 😍🥺
It's Belle Delphine
See, my mom held me and cared for me, but she didn’t leave my verbally abusive alcoholic father. She just let him be abusive. He died when I was 13 and I’m 23 now. 10 years later I have realized how much I hate my dad and that my inner child needs help. Books have been my escape the past couple years. I’m not so sure if I believe in therapy as I’ve been in it on and off but I’ll definitely read this book.
MY THERAPIST RECOMMENDED THIS BOOK, I ALMOST CRIED. THANSK FOR THIS VIDEO
Wishing you peace and healing. So many amazing ideas in this book.
I’ve been through some trauma, ended up smoking weed due to physical pain and ultimately accidentally killed my dad. Shit was fucked, I tried explaining to everyone who’d listen it was my body that was manifesting these problems the most, even since in was 7 and started displaying adhd symptoms, which coincided with both a bad neck injury and finding my mom after a suicide attempt. Now I play drums and bass, and it’s literally saved me. Not just the expression, but the multitasking focus, having to remember a couple thousand unique parts, the rush of performance (in the hospital) the repetition. It’s beyond beautiful. I’m trying to figure out how to marry the two, I know music therapy is a thing but at least in the hospital it isn’t what it could be, and apply that to the community in Robeson county nc where I’m going to live when I get out
I cried watching this video! It's hard and I find no words to describe my sense (or lack of) in body.
I wonder how this idea of "fearing the bodies' vitality" also play a factor in some of the activities that were considered appropriate for women like running or playing drums.
My two favourite books in one video - The Body Keeps the Score AND The School of Life. Perfection.
"Someone we love purposes to hold us"
If you're alone then your shit out of luck like me, I fantasize that Im hugged this way on a daily basis. 😞
It’s my favorite book I have been suggesting people to read for years!! Thank you for sharing it and explaining how important it is.
I had the rigid/frozen body type style. I joined a program that trained you for a marathon, it gave me a lot of time to think, helped me release a lot of pent up emotions and it really changed my life. We had a dinner theatre event, and watched a documentary about how the program rehabilitated those who were incarcerated for murder, gang violence, etc. Love this video 💛
This clinic you speak of sounds splendid. I was recently considering how wonderful having a place for asmr type gentle touching or holding or simply hugging. Having someone to brush your hair, especially when you don’t have someone to touch or hold you, or simply not having enough of it. That is a place I would pay to go to. 😊
I bought this book in New York three years ago, I'm a psychologist and I found it's perspective very useful. It was a little difficult for me to understand some things because I'm not an English native, but it was worth the effort.
Do you have a pdf copy from this book . if u have maybe you can send something by any way . it will be great . i couldn't find this book . I'm in far place i can't get it or upload it i don't have a card or money or . i don't know
@@essamalmrysy7775 I'm sorry. I don't have a PDF copy. 😔
@@caroly1993 u still can help 😐
Whatever thanks 😗
It's amazing how I subconsciously did all these things already. I like martial arts, swimming, running, singing and dancing. When I'm sick and can't do these things I feel like losing the connection to my body and become numb emotionally.
My mom was emotionally neglected by my grandmother as a child and my grandfather abandoned his family.
Thankfully my dad has given her what she never had as a child, love and understanding, but she’s extremely cold towards warm displays of affection. She’s not affectionate person and this video confirmed the source.
This was so relatable. And I realise it’s indicative of how emotionally unwell I am.
Thank you the School of Life for introducing me to this wonderful book and insight! It opened up a lot of doors!