Bill Maher on Marriage #1
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
- A compilation of Maher's thoughts and jokes on marriage.
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Other Bill Maher compilations: • Bill Maher Compilations
If you want more of these compilations, please consider showing some love on Patreon: patreon.com/mostlybillmaherclips - Komedie
"I'd rather go through life wanting something I didn't have instead of having something I didn't want." - Immortal words from my grandfather which kept me joyously single for 62 happy years of unbridled freedom.
I was married for 10 years, I'll never do it again, I love being single.
What went wrong?
@@Shankar-Bhaskar no communication on her part, of course it takes two to make it work or fail, I also think there was more going on I didn't know about. Oh well. Getting married a second time at 50 makes no sense to me.
@@zabu7912
As long as you're happy, then it was probably for the best.
@@Shankar-Bhaskar I like the saying, "Life happens when we're making other plans." I keep my head up, and try to find the positive in any situation.
@@zabu7912 sir, you have my respect!
One of my favorite Bill Maher quotes: "Married men live longer; but then again: so do indoor cats!"
T'est un idiot. Considere t'est propres "quotations." Idiot.
@@danielbell8679 …. Idiot? -> "I always hear women say: "you know, married men live longer!" Uhhhhh, yes …. an indoor cat also …. lives longer" czcams.com/video/r11Vl0zrrcM/video.html
…. et voilà! …. Idiot!
I heard a comedian, who's name I can't remember, say it even better. He said "Married men don't live longer, his life just seems longer with his wife always around and nagging him!" LOL
And I thought, that sounds correct!!!
@@itsmylife842 …. hehehehehe - I can also think of an episode of "Two and a Half Men". Mrs Pasternak tells Alan: "Eternal damnation is not al laughing matter", to which Alan responds: "I know: I've been married twice!"
@@vinnyfatstacks1644 I'm an indoor gazelle.
Men get married because we like the way things are going. Problem is that as soon as you get married everything goes in a totally different direction.
No men get married because they want mothered and can't be arsed to do anything for themselves ( personal experience influencing this I admit!)
Exactly.
Greg Spalding
Yes.
So true. A different direction
And that direction is straight into the shitter
"You got married to get laid. Boy, did you make a mistake." Spot on!!! Happily single for 38 years after two marriages. Never, ever again.
Gotta respect Maher for that. At least he's true to himself and honest about himself and doesn't make promises he can't keep.
Exactly!
32 and unmarried. There was one thing i was sure about during my early 20s was that i knew that getting married is not my thing...
Same age still single I can take or leave marriage. However, I ve known since my teens I didn't want kids.
I knew since i was 12
34 and single, saved myself alot of nagging hahaha
@Lachs geräuchert you only want the sex part with no commitment or whatsoever. To me that sounds like cheating and stds are within the sight. That sucks.
@@joshua50101 You are wrong. Marriage is an institution and is not equal to commitment because you can live alone while still being married. Also, by your logic, being lovers/partners is not commitment because they are not "stamped/authorised" in a paper. That's nonsensical.
What she wants is love. That's it. You don't need a paper to validate your love for someone. Also, having kids is not everyone's cup of tea. Some people genuinely don't like kids (it's not hate) and they know that they'll not be a good parent and it's better for them to not have kids.
Love is an illusion..marriage is a job..
SuperQdaddy don’t know why people do it
Well said !
Marriage is worse than a job. At a job you work ur shift and get paid and go home. In a marriage , You working 24/7 and you are paying and no breaks whatsoever.
@@richardparker1338 i know right u keep all ur assets when u quit a job but not marriage. With marriage u could loose all ur stuff and pay vagimony and child support
💯
28 and never married. I knew my destiny since experiencing my parent's toxic relationship. Don't do it folks. Living single is better. Control your own life. Life is too short. Don't waste it on continuous drama.
True.
I would never marry. I like being single. I love it.
Jayne Taylor cheers
Jayne Taylor oh, same here, especially living in Japan!
Me too!!!
I love ppl that can admit that
I’m sure no one is missing out with much
The people who want you to get married are usually married people. They envy you, and they will not rest until they make you as miserable as themselves.
They know they fucked up and if you do it too, they can take comfort that maybe they didn't fuck up, that they're not alone. That's why alcohol-drinkers/drug-users/religious-servants all want you to do it too, so they are not alone and feel they can take less responsibility for the stupid shit they do.
Misery loves company
💀💀💀😂😂😂
Thank God Thank God I don’t have people pressuring me to do that.
Thank God.
It’ll be on my own terms.
It’ll happen but not right now. I don’t want to get tied down yet.
Clooney got married at an older age.
As did Jay Leno and even Letterman.
Again Thank God I don’t have anyone pressuring me. It was usually me that was pressuring me because of the University culture I found myself in.
That's the absolute truth
My own father told me to never get married.
My mom and father told me to not get married.
My mother told me to marry an only child - haha
My uncle told me the same
I followed through
THERE IS NNNOTHING WORSE then being in a relationship or marriage where you feel really really alone. The person sitting on the couch watching TV and you're looking at him thinking what am I doing here? NOW THAT'S LONELINESS!!!
@shushishane YOU GO IT!!! That's how my marriage was....boo hoo. Glad I am out....yahoo!
I know so many who feel this way and they want me to join the club.
@@lifeisbeautiful9455 Oh yes, misery loves company. Hypocrites!!! I made a video on What marriage really is and what you're really signing up for On my channel under this same name. I just made one yesterday about "What IS a good marriage?" Check me out it's free.
Omg this is so accurate
@@monimarti7588 Yep, I live that for 26 years. I'm 20 years divorced now and I live by myself. My daughters Our grown and thriving. I've never been happier And felt more centered. I value myself today. Have a great holiday!!!!🥰
"Marrying for sex is like buying a 747 jet plane to get a bag of peanuts " Jeff Foxworthy
We evolve as a society and I honestly think this is where we are headed. We will realize that marriage is kinda pointless.
Nana Gyambibi as soon as humans start to use their brains a bit more
Marriage is at home vagina.
@@chiz9071 but not when you want it and only when you’ve done everything asked of you and then some and even then it’s a maybe
@@chiz9071 and not at home vagina
its ironic for you to say that we evolve as a society and then immediately say that marriage is pointless.
We have become so self centred that we think marriage is a restriction to our "freedom".
It's our duty to get married bcos millions of lives depend on it. What if your child would be the person to cure cancer? Or eradicated female genital mutilation? Or be a doctor, and engineer, an accountant, a teacher, etc.. to serve the society. We are in a society, where our individual choices, and decisions affect the society. Even in marriage, Both genders need to be examined before marriage, bcos selecting the proper partner is not for your pleasure, it's for the society that we are a part of. If you shoose the wrong partner who is I'll mannered, pessimistic, etc…then it will affect not only your marriage but also your children, who may not become productive, and may even feel the adverse effects of any possible arguments between you and your partner. And since your children are the next generation of our society, the society will feel the adverse effects of your child. Many clinicians have studied and proved that most serial killers, rapists, or even street thugs, are caused due to poor parenting and childhood abuse, and even divorces.
A marriage is a huge thing, cos it decides how our society is gonna be. Its like a root of a tree, as time goes on, your marriage will grow deeper into the society, and the choices you make will make the roots go the right way to uplift the society, or they may go the wrong way which will crumble the society. Which is why marriage is considered SACRED, which is why it's a public ceremony where people gather around to see the occasion, it's a reminder that you are not alone, you are in a society and your marriage is being witnessed by the society, and your married life will affect the society. It's not a celebration, is an oath, that you must take to fulfill the duties as a wife/husband, to contribute to a healthy society. it's not a religious taboo. It's scientifically proven to have a huge effect on the society.
if this hurts your feelings, then im not sorry. cos this is the truth. im not married yet. im 19. and nobody taught me this truth, i realized it myself.
Bill Maher is one honest dude. Time and hassle are enough for one life time he don't want to share.
The only guy I know in my entire life that supported the concept of marriage turned out to be someone I caught flirting with another woman who tried to excuse himself by saying that he is "only human" and that he "couldn't help himself."
A kid asked me what it was like to be married. So I deleted every song off of his iphone except for one.
😂😂😂😂😂 which song
That's so funny!
@@salomekabinga3282 baby shark
@@0715yt I laughed so hard
That's brutal yet very true!
Relationships are overrated. Focus on yourself instead. Build your health, build your mind, acquire education, build your wealth. You will be way better off in the end. #Mgtow
Amen. Been alone n happy. Can do whatever i want. No A hole to wait on.
Teach!
Mgtow Jitow
Men
Groping
Their
Own
Wieners
🙂
THIS psychology professor in college used to join us for coffee sometimes. He said, and I love this quote: "Don't marry the the person with whom you have the best sex of your life...you're bound for great disappointment down the road if you do!"
If men want a happy life just do yourself a favor and never get married!
Less Attachment = Less Suffering
Never get married, don't get a pet with a woman or get attached to a woman's pet, no single moms, never lend money to women, don't ever co-sign on any kind of a loan with a woman, don't buy a house together, avoid long distance women & go for local women, never let a woman know how much money you have, remain a mystery around women, never put a woman on a pedestal, always have other options, consider a vasectomy to avoid child support payments, ignore women & let them chase you, know that the longer you are with the same woman the worst her attitude will become, always use a condom & never leave a used condom around a woman, chase success & wealth not gold digging women, always put you #1, avoid hyper women that run off at the mouth, pump & dump, learn how to protect yourself from sexual harassment, study Leykis101, always seem busy around women, never spend money on her friends or family, avoid restaurants & bars with chicks, spend the least amount on women, women come & go, share Mgtow with other men, the pussy is never your pussy just your turn, don't get involved with co workers, never bail a chick out of jail, don't marry a illegal immigrant that needs a green card, don't let her move in with you, don't show strange women attention, don't ever buy strange women drinks, don't mix anything legal with a woman.
Marriage is for LONELY people, who don't want to be alone.😢
Very true
Marriage is for.... people who are married so not lonely at all unless you're in a bad marriage.
All marriages have challenges. Some Great, some not so great. Even after people meet & date, we have a need to be with the person. Why because we don't want to be alone. If we were comfortable being by ourselves, we wouldn't feel a need to marry. Marriage is great for companionship👍
Many married people feel lonely, with the rest of the world assuming they don’t.
Marriage is for lonely people who lack the skills to socialize.
The real problem for men when they get married is most women want to be the boss all the time. A very high percentage are like that. However, bad women will usually always give out clues. Besides it's virtually impossible to find a decent woman nowadays.
Charles M Rinehart
Oh, just another man afraid of losing control- or sharing it.
@@Celisar1 who wants to fight someone in their own house for control everyday😂😭
mentlinc
The point was that men want to control others. Huge mistake.
And it's the men who accept that. I see it all the time. Thank god I will never accept that and be much rather alone
drunkensailor112
? I say that many or most men want to control others and are afraid of loosing their control- and you write “it is the men who accept that”.
What do you mean?
Bill Maher has dissected this Marriage issue from so many angles..
I am 55 and Happily Living As a Full MGTOW Monk since 1993..#MGTOW4Life
Hi Man!
Marriage is overrated. So are children.
Warren Hertfelder is your life overrated?
Marriage and children aren’t for everyone. I’ve worked with children for 9 years and decided I didn’t want any after that
Warren Hertfelder thats okay i believe. And thats phrased alot better than ‘overrated’ cause SOMEBODY has to bring about new children and families. The birth rate at present is below replacement. Which is sad
@@no_prisoners6474Actually nobody has to reproduce, it's no law forcing you to
I think it all depends on the compatibility of the couple. Regarding spouses and children, it's all a huge gamble. At least we have many lifestyle choices now and the stigma of not being married or having kids is pretty much gone.
Can't afford to marry man, can barely afford to be single.
Yup
So true.
That's the main reason marriage is in decline. Women don't want to marry men that don't make a shitload of money and the vast majority don't. And the men who do make good money are afraid of getting divorce raped.
@@CelestialWoodway sad world
I would be a terrible father. That is my excuse😅 they say that marriage and family take a lot of work. I don't want to work at home🤣😂
Would be a terrible wife not submissive 😂😂😂
Great job putting these clips together!
At 40 I asked a vicar if marriage was a good idea. She said 'Oh! You mean Yak Yak, had a nice day dear?' I felt so deflated I asked lots of long married people if they thought marriage a good idea? The answers I got were.
'Well, it's a bit of company.' 'Well its a bit of familiarity.' 'It's someone to talk to.' 'Well it's someone to make a cup of tea.' 'If I had my time again I'd stay single.' 'It's a bit of security.' 'It's a bit of protection.' 'Marriage can be hell you know.' 'Some men still just want a woman to wash their socks and put a meal on the table.' A bachelor said, 'At 68 I still have people urging me to get married. I've come to the conclusion they want me to be as miserable as they are.'
I’m with Bill
Marriage is grand, however divorce is 100 grand.
I feel like you have to flip a quarter when you get married. Nowadays, because there's a 50% chance it will end in a divorce and you will lose half of everything you worked for. It makes no damn sense for a guy to sign his life away. Getting married = ignoring common sense and logic.
Divorced guys flip nickels.
you think marriage is a coin? its worse odds then that. buddy marriage is like roulette at the casino. even if it goes good you still can’t leave because there gonna rob you in the parking lot for there money back. if the chips are down i like my odds with a coin flip. marriage is worse then that
Marriage is an option. Not overly wise but something to do until you grow up.
nugley Uh, for a lot of families and cultures it really isn’t an option.... especially for women.....
bishes be mad yeah I don’t mind either lol
"Wait til you get married...." what ive heard throughout my years. i stopped hearing it as i entered my 30s.
@@pyramidhead138 bruh I’m currently 19 years now and my parents are planning to get me married at 25 . I disagreed with them but they just ignore me
I feel like a genius for always knowing marriage is a horrible idea. So many people I know had miserable marriages that ended in divorce. Just be single. Spend time with someone and live with them if you want. No need for marriage.
For never being married...he’s right on about a lot of it
In 2019 it's amazing to me that people are still getting married. What's next? Trading your car in for a horse?
When they have kids is what baffles me.
@@TheLonePantheist Do you advocate for everyone on the planet to stop having kids?
@@vgcc9723 Not just humans. 😏
Too much free single pussy out here. Most of them dont want marriage either, they got their own money.
@@vgcc9723 Well we are seriously overpopulated and the planet would love it!
Marriage is the single most expensive personal choice in a person's life. We're talking mentally, emotionally, financially! When one ends...it can gut you viciously and leave you scarred for years, even decades. THINK long and hard before you decide to get married. The world has 7.38 billion people on it, we don't really need MORE right now. Kids maybe the ONLY reason marriage makes sense and honestly two grown up, mature, sensible adults cannot raise kids without marriage. I know this because I worked for a divorce attorney for nearly 4 years.
That's true. After 2 kids sex is down 50% lol
‘Love’ is befuddlement by our hormones. Friendship is much more real.
You say monogamy I say monotony let's call the whole thing off.
With the rise of sdts nowadays, I guess hypergamy is to blame for that. Let's call the whole thing out, hypergamy means stds on the loose.
So Great! Love it!Bill. I've been single all my life and live a great life. No regrets.
My son points out that no one, no one, can really promise to be there "till death do you part". Some people, like me, did stay married till death did us part. But I couldn't have known that, hence I couldn't have promised that.
It’s funny cause Matthew Perry just got engaged
Love comes and goes...marriage is staying with someone you're no longer in love with...
Bill Maher needs to stay single, because that is half his stand-up material lol. KIDDING BILL!!
Although not kidding at all.
Hahahaha
Maybe 1/3, what about religion and politics
Rodney needed to stay married for the same reason.
Sam Kinesson needed to be divorced for the same reason.
Andrew Dice Clay.....
Upload more, you make the best compilations
He evolves from awkward cringey humorless stand up to a fucking hilarious tear inducing comedian with standing ovation and his own political talk show who's comfortable with his own audience. Weird how life changes over time.
And one more thing it's just a well known fact that some of us are never getting married....
Unfortunately parents will force us to marry
@A Man Who Wants To Watch The World Burn what an excellent example . You are absolutely right
OMG,that jacket,he brought that Jacket on in Real Time during a New Rule segment.
Bill is absolutely correct especially, living in NYC. It’s not worth it with the women today.
Philly's the same. Even the ugly gruesome ones think they are runway models.
Its all the large cities.
jim boukis Can you elaborate more on what makes them so fked? Ive never been to America
Same everywhere not many worth more than fucking and moving on from. Thot city USA
@@dlxinfinite7098 🤣🤣
I agree 😂😂😂women hate that my views are like Bill. Oh well 😐 the state of California will come after you. I never desired marriage or long term relationships. People change. I like my freedom. I plan to date again but I’m not signing my life away and having children caving into societal pressures. All my friends that are married, they looked stressed, out of shape, can’t focus on themselves or careers. There’s no sex or passion. Mental health declining. They expected this happy ending but the Disney ,lives left out that hard part lol. Im not joining that club. Im good 👍 😉
what annoys me is how men are depicted as idiots in television commercials while women are always smart and intuitive.
Don’t forget depictions on sitcoms.
@@jasonlefler3456 men are womanizers and women are victims but they're also strong and independent.
@@starscream8936 everybody loves Raymond, the King of queens, etc
I was born MGTOW. I grew up watching Toonami in the 1990s. I never plan to get married or have children. Waste of time, money, and sanity.
Lol same!
I'm confused what the relevance of the toonami fact was ?
Try abstinence or some sort of monk state, because you guys are the reason why there are new cases of STIs.
A man chases a woman until she catches him
I think you meant to say "a woman chases a man until she catches him"
Once hes caught the attraction dies, hence sexless marriages...
@@floki5605 Hell is other people
Married and bored.... single and lonely
You all know who said that....🤔
Single "without personality and money and lonely
Chris Rock
Same guy that had a philosophy about old pussy and new pussy?
Ba A Chris Rock
Richard Jeni
So true. Got married once and cancelled that within one year. Stupidest construct ever. Stay single, live how you want, have sex when you want, keep all your stuff
Everything is all right except the sex part.
I agree with this man’s stance on marriage. I’m stayin single
39 years old and never married and it's awesome, I can go anywhere I want without telling someone where I'm going.
I’ve been in a relationship for 9 years now and we just had a son together but we aren’t married. I just don’t see any point at this stage, I’m obviously committed, I’m loyal and work hard to support my family. I don’t need to get married to “prove” anything to her or to anyone else. I feel like the meaning to marriage is just lost nowadays, it really is a pointless thing to do. I’m happy the way things are right now, don’t see any need to do it. And I think if you’re with someone who insists on getting married otherwise they’ll leave you, well… that says a lot on its own.
I love Bill Maher as long as he's NOT talking about politics.
Some people like to deal with problems it drives them, some people don't like problems it drives them.
I’m 52 yrs old man and I have never married or had kids ,I have gotten shamed for it ,which it does happen to men over 40
This man is very smart.
If you are married ok that's great but I really really hate those people who are constantly pressuring you to get married. 😒😒😒
These fucking relatives will constantly talk to my parents about me getting married . When I disagree with my parents and relatives they think i am joking .
A lot of people marry because they are afraid of getting old and dying alone. Sadly, we all die alone.
Yep, nobody will walk through the final door holding your hand. You’ve always been alone.
Last i checked they weren't making dual coffins.
Not always
It's not being "set in our ways" that keeps us sjngle. It's being aware of the real screwing the man gets by the future divorce.
I'm 25 and I'm now no more interested in being married forever! I dated 10 times and got broken out of all of them.
So this is the jacket he brought out on the New Rules segment. Nice
My parents loved me so much, they told me to never get married.
I had alot of people tell me I would get married when I was younger. I'm glad at 33 I basically proved them wrong at this point. It feels good proving people wrong :D
My favorite comedian Bill Maher is the best!!
smart men don't get married.
Exactly!
no
@@a-grin6989 no
Logic has that tattoo "Happy wife, happy life"
PeteDork now he’s divorced 😂💀
Marriage certificate should’ve an expired date
Whoa Lately said she was 37? I’m not kidding I really thought she was a really good looking late 40’s / 50 year old! JHEEZ
Life is wife. Wife has knife. Knife kills life.
Marriage is the end of all romance.
I have 4 sons and i want them to experience love and grow from it for better or worse. They have lovely wives,children are coming into the picture and i don't want to ruin that for them. If it works its great, if not its devastating, and kids are neglected no matter how involved the government or current beligerents are in part time parenting, and pretend its going to be okay.
You can't base marriage on what these celebrities are saying. Marriage is a calling, along with raising children. It's ok to be single, if thats what you want.
I think a lot of men want a exclusive relationship with a women but don’t want marriage. Marriage is where the problem is. It’s not about being alone makes you happy.
miss you hitch, a lot
Every married guy never has nothing good to say about his marriage lol
Not true
Preach!
real clutch
Complete nonsense. I personally know men and women who enjoy their marriage, even after decades.
@@samahamara8543 can you elaborate?
Robert I disagree full heartedly.
Today no one needs to marry but people do it for love. If you don’t love someone don’t marry.
from Jay Leno: "They are not talking about same sex marriage. They mean same GENDER marriage. Same sex marriage is what the rest of us have. Same sex, day after day, year after year". And Dolly Parton on same gender marriage rights... "heck yes, they should suffer like the rest of us."
How is the species going to continue. That is a specious comment. And yeah, that's what the Earth needs, more people.
MGTOW forever FTW!
🇺🇸🗽🏡💲📈🏖️🎆☮️
Great video.
I got married twice ( I felt it was rude to say no!) and I suppose because it was culturally expected of me…and the next bit is not a reflection on my present husband at all BUT I def should have stayed single…I like my own company and doing my "own thing" plus to be honest both of my husbands were like having an extra child….If I get reincarnated…am staying single! :)
Two marriages in .. whats the common denominator?
@@JustMe-ws2pe she's unstable.
It felt like having an extra child bc you were too busy trying to be their mother
@@ryancomer5420 I think you are completely correct-but again a cultural thing-I thought that was caring and THEY wanted /expected that-it wasn't foisted on them-I think had I had the confidence NOT to be "mother" I'd have been far happier and either not married or married with; as you I guess are suggesting had a different type of marriage-same old story a life wasted-but I agree with you:)
@@joshua50101 Not in the slightest, (but amusing that you think you can diagnose so easily) just more honest than many & from a different generation and culture than yours; one with more manners it would seem. As for the common denominator-well sweets unless I marry a hamster or change preferences sexually the common denominator is likely to be that I marry a male-your assumption that, that the common D lies with me is partially true-I don't think I was denying it-but one could as easily argue that men marrying me sought a "mother figure" which is actually very common-( dependent on generation & culture) However level of animosity in your answer suggests that, that is maybe a wee bit too close to home for you?
Awesome truth bombs by Bill Maher.
have a wife, have no life...
he looks like patrick stewart with hair
Lol. I see it.
I always though he looked like Data from Star Trek without the silver skin.
Bill Maher is a MGTOW? Who knew?
Platonic Forms before MGTOW was a thing
I know happy married people but they're like two out of 8 couples. Is not impossible but is not for everyone, people stink at most things
Strongly agree.
He looks like Bono in the 1st skit, lol.
Tristan Burton From some angles, I also see Harrison Ford and Breckin Meyer in his face.
It's was from the 80s, when Maher was in his 30s
Happy wife happy life is the sort of positive comment you might get from Don Corleone.
I was married 20 years ago for 6 months ....and will never do it again!!!!!😳😳
I never wanted to be divorced with children and I succeeded.
It's always better to be miserable and alone then it is to be miserable and stuck with somebody
True.
Bill is a prophet. Women are acting like men and sociaty is coming to an end.
i learned from my parents, my uncles, my friends. all of them married and all of them hated being married.