3 Reasons Narcissists Develop Authoritarian Patterns
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- čas přidán 5. 08. 2024
- Narcissists have a strongly controlling nature, so it is common for them to adopt authoritarian attitudes. Dr. Les Carter pulls the veil back to reveal three significant issues narcissists cannot come to terms with, prompting them to set aside civility, becoming stubbornly dogmatic instead.
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It is so sad that so many people can relate to being in a narcissist relationship.
I was. shocked when I found out my wife was a Sociopath! I was like, what is that? Then to come to all the CZcams sites and online recovery sites I was like OMG!
So iffy!!!
I'm glad the Power of The Lord set me Free of this🙏
And it's really sad when there is more than one narcissist in your life. I'm surrounded by them. Family, ex-friends, coworkers. It's crazy making!
@@ToyotaGuy1971 Feminist propaganda? So women having equal rights equals entitlement in your mind?
Narcissists are so afraid of being abandon & having the need to be in control, but what they fail to realize is that emotionally and psychologically beating someone over the head makes a person run from them. Everyone has their breaking point!
Thank you, Dr. C and Gus.🐶
So true 🎯 My ex-coworker has a huge fear of abandonment. He made everything chaotic. Finally, all team members except him left the company 🏃♂🏃💨💨🏢 As a result, he was abandoned completely. He made it happen 😁
Isn't Putin like this?
@@yukio_saito It's so weird how they create the very situations they are so afraid of.
@juliechurch1799 No. Putin is setting Ukraine free from Ashkanazi, CIA and Mossad control and users. They have lied to all of us for years about everything.
@@llhannah9297 What you fear is what you create.
Authority demands fear, respect, and obedience. Three things a narcissist craves.
The early bird 🦅 catches the worm as your English saying stipulates 🎉
From France just a line to tell you how impressed I feel whenever I come acrosse your remarks which become quotes about narc abuse . Thumb up 🆙 ❤
@@laurence.MusicAndSights Aww, bless you, Laurence. I keep hoping I’m of help to some.
Exactly that Aaron. 😬😪
@@annking8633Aaron like Roxie and others are Dr Carter ' s " deputies " as it were, guardian angels of TH...Reading you all always brings water to the windmill of my heart 😍 .GBY all...
True authority demands competence, empathy and respect. This has nothing to do with false authority based on fear, duplicity and hypocrisy
“Authoritarianism will end poorly…Always.”
The truth can be liberating. Thanks, Dr. C
Why are people clamoring for the WEF to control every aspect of our lives while they proclaim to be against such authoritarianism?
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🙌🏽
Because inwardly they feel completely powerless and that frightens them to death!
Everything they do is an overcompensation of an extreme avoidance of their own inner conflict narrative.
We are all just props in regulating their false reality sadly.
Very well explained 👏
You make sense.
So well expressed and logical in the long run Sandra ❤..but we mustn t pity them though. From time to time, they feel they impersonate God Almighty . A paradoxical frame of dense mind. Yuk 😢 greetings from France at the bottom of the Lion of Belfort. Bartholdi is our secret link 😊
@@laurence.MusicAndSights I don't pity them. We all have the same exact measure of inherent free will. They know exactly what they're doing! If they didn't they wouldn't be able to shut it off like a light switch when it serves them.
Blessings 🙏
Well said 👏
They're natural bullies with entitlement issues. They feel so superior, so, best to comply or reap the whirlwind of revenge. Dealt with a former supervisor ( director of our dept) and a mother who was extremely authoritarian ... behind closed doors, of course.
My daughter the narc is called “the General.” Controlling. Demanding respect. Authoritarian in her manner.
Or they feel so little & insecure they are threatened to survive thus scramble to compensate 😢
no its never best to comply , its best to keep healthy boundaries, disengage, and be in relationships where we can be and share our true self, take up our space in the world and keep healing, and sharing our true self in ehalthy relationships we are worth it :)
Spot on.
@@franciscoguevara9727absolutely 💯 I agree ☝️
This kind of hits the nail on the head. You do what you're told or they make your life miserable.
They make your life miserable regardless. That's why I'm still single. Tired of their crap and ppl who refuse to get therapy.
Because they want to be in control. They want to dictate how to behave, think, feel and act. And they want to feel in power, although they know they actually aren't due to their lack of feeling self-worthy
They are only if we let them.
My thought is not so much is it a "want" but an internal "need" that they have to be the one in control.
So true! ❤️ It's a lot about power, superiority and control..
@@chrisd9759yes. They want to be in power because they need to feel, they are, because deep down they know it isn't possible for them to exist next to people that are full without the need to out others down. So they try to elevate themselves
Your so right on that . Husband's mom didn't like me from the beginning because I spoke up and disagreed with her ways and voiced it. While I was dating my husband she told him I have an answer for everything
Narcisists simply do not get relationships at all. They would rather be feared than liked which leads nowhere good. Thank you dr Carter.
Gift the narcissist with your silence; 👌 for that is what they truly deserve! 💐
So true!
“High control breeds and perpetuates contempt” 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 brilliantly said Doc 🙌🏽 🏴
Emotional incompetence. What an amazing phrase. And of course they choose not to be aware, to learn, to change. Thanks, Dr. C!
I call it emotional constipation
It is always their way or no way. They love to make you suffer if you don't conform to how they want you to be. I say do not let them steal your life but get them out of your life as soon as you can. Don't play the games. Thank you Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy. Good video.
Your absolutely right about this
Very true
This describes my father (sperm donor) perfectly. Anything other than instant obedience to orders resulted in rage and violence. Failure to intuit his wishes also resulted in violence, even when his wishes contradicted his previous orders. Obedience wasn't even always enough to avoid punishment, because you should have known what he wanted without having to be told. It was like living in a combat zone.
💯… a minefield
Nuclear war zone!
My mother was always authoritarian, to the EXTREME, but I never made the connection between her authoritarianism and her narcissism, wow. My mother was loud and overbearing, domineering; she was always right and everyone else was always wrong; she was hateful, she was extremely angry, and she fought with EVERYONE. Out of 4 kids, I was the one who refused to allow her to get away with it, even as a kid. I defied her at every turn, particularly once I reached adulthood; as a kid, I had to be more passive-aggressive in my approach, although many times, when I thought the way she treated someone, like my brother or a neighbor, was out of line, I got right into her hateful face and told her as much. This always got my face slapped over and over, and then when my dad got home, of course I also got my ass beat with a large, wide, thick black leather belt, but I always knew beforehand that this would be the price I was going to pay before I would put her in her place, but I DIDN'T CARE; her physical and verbal abuse was horrific, but her abject cruelty knew no boundaries. She beat on my half-brother even worse than she did me, for even the slightest infraction of her insane house rules, and again, I would step in and scream that she was "sick and insane," often having to dodge her slaps after saying that one, but I wasn't ever done until I put the cherry on top...and I called her what she was, every time: a "Bitch." We all learned those words, and many more, even worse words, like the 4-letter "C-word," at a very young age, because she took name-calling to an art form, so....I just reflected that right back into her cruel face as well. She made us hate her, hate her guts.
The old battle ax finally died 6 mos. ago; I didn't attend the service. I hadn't spoken to her in well over 17 years; if I didn't go see her in life, I sure as Hell wasn't going to be a hypocrite and go see her in death....although I was tempted to pop in just to make sure she was really dead.
and her stupid rules were fluid and changed according to her mood. what she said OK to yesterday we got beat for today. Yes - I was raised by the same kind. and I got it worse because I was a hardhead just like you. and my father loved me (for a little while anyway) so she was really beating me for that. yep. I know all about that thick black leather belt and the lies that got you beat. How sad is it that a supposedly grown woman would argue with her small children? it has taken me way longer than you to learn the name for it or how to deal with it - but I got there. Its no longer a gut punch, but still maddening. ❤🔥💛 everyone knows the circle dance with the belt and the crazy woman...
@@skinnyway "How sad is it that a supposedly grown woman would argue with her small children?"
Bro, I felt that deep. Arguing instead of taking even a second to shut the f*ck up and LISTEN.
I'm so sorry you went through that with your mother. My mother was not nearly that evil, but she had her own ways of destruction. Your last paragraph hit me really hard because that's where I am too with my family. When they die, I'm not attending their funerals. They couldn't get over themselves even for a moment to consider what damage they did to me and continue to try to do. Why would I honor someone who didn't give a damn about me? The appearances were kept up regardless of how miserable the enforcement of the illusion made us.
I'll go to their graves only to spit on them.
Bless your heart. Please take care of yourself. You deserve it.
As a funeral director, i can say that "making sure they are really dead" can be mighty therapeutic.
Ohhh I feel every bit of this but she knew I was tougher than her so she'd manipulate dad to do the beating and he used his fists. He never asked me what I had done, he just beat me with no clue. Sadly I will have to go to her funeral because my sibling who is the golden child is a drunken bum and he'll be rendered useless.
I told him No, last night. He has a new supply, " just a friend" and they're not intimate. He wanted to see me, get his " needs" 🙄 met.
I said No.
He tried to triangulate me by saying that he'd have to go "elsewhere" then, trying to make me jealous,and I still said No.
I told him that until he's no longer spending time with, texting with another female... nothing physical would ever happen again between us.
He couldn't believe I was saying No, to him.
I refuse to give in to his demands and I'm NOT one of two options. And I told him I i dont care, anymore. That his thrwats of other women dont bother me anymore, after 9 years.
I'm not under his thumb anymore and I have no problem walking away.... He didn't like that, at all. He no longer uas control of me.
🥳🥳🥳🥳❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥 no honey, we are not their back burner option and freedom never tasted so sweet.
Good for you! You deserve so much better ❤️
You need to walk away anyway. My ex narc was like that. At the end of our relationship there was nothing going on with him. He'd say "I'd rather do it with you, but if not I'm calling a hook up". I replied that if he thought I'd ever be with him again after his hook up rendezvous he was nuts.
My late narcissistic mother-in-law taught her youngest daughter how to be an even bigger narcissistic bully than she was: her clone on steroids!
Very thankful my mother-in-law is no longer an issue, but now we have to deal with my husband's insane sister who's probably an alcoholic too. So on Saturday hubby wrote his sister a note and informed her that we need to go no contact with her, due to her toxic behavior of triangulation by involving our son and making false allegations against me to him. Very inappropriate. And when my husband called his sister to confront her about involving our son and sewing seeds of doubt about me she said she wasn't sorry, so that was the last straw for hubby & I. When you behave like that then there are consequences. And my husband wants to protect me from her toxic behavior.
I left a 20 yr successful career once the company was lead by a narcissist. It created an untenable environment. The narcissist infected so many people and the “group think” took over. Still healing. Thanks, Dr C!
So relatable. I left an amazing position with excellent benefits and pension after 13 years due to a newly hired toxic director. I lasted three years-- it was ENOUGH. This toxic beast ran every decent person off. I've heard the once prestigious and prominent dept. Is now an afterthought, and the beast lost all the prestige and status, and power. It took five years, but eventually, the mask dropped and the real evil AND INCOMPETENT beast was exposed for who she is.
keep healing we can have selfcompassion healthy boundaries and choose safe enough relationships where i can share my true self, and get my needs for connection met, were worth it :)!!
How can a church survive with a Narcissist religion.
The covert ones don't appear overbearing or authoritarian, but everyone ends up doing what they want, like it or not!
They can be tricky like that!
The covert Narc I was married to for two years would always say “capitulate”
My ex had this down pat. Just bulldozed over others' wishes and rights in order to get control and do whatever he wanted.
Language has given narcissism a dismissive free pass by substituting the word 'overbearing' to imply one simply possesses a harmless trait rather than a personality disorder.
Heard a long time ago a preacher on the radio talking about this sort of thing. He said to remember the three R's = Rules without Relationships lead to Rebellion. I implemented that while raising my kids. Tried telling my narc husband about it but it went over his head. Of course I didn't know about narcissism back then and of course our relationship got canceled. 43 years of it got canceled. On my own now, sad but peaceful. ❤
Don’t be sad…be free…the ball and chain is no longer weighing you down lov
@@ckl5801 Thank you♡
Narcissists need to realize that "individuality" is what makes a person. The world would be a boring place if everyone was the same. People can accomplish the same goal, and go a different way about it.
They have brain damage. So no they really are incapable of caring about that.
4:30+sometimes they do this *while intentionally not listening to you & not paying attention or even working to make you feel ignored or neglected* but somehow *converting all their interests & habits into yours as if they came up with it themselves* when *they had no previous history of any of these things only until after knowing you* they do totally insane stuff like this too
it can actually be proven too!!
And yes ladies and gentlemen.. Gus is awake today and cleaning his beautiful self ❤
Narcissus & his Echo… she was the first enabler of narcissism & it perfectly describes codependency too!
I've actually witnessed the growth of a narcissist ---- the traits grow and grow and grow - as they manifest into this powerful persona filled with arrogance and controlling behaviors. If you hang around long enough you witness the rage and frailty beneath (but few get to see this and in fact most are fooled by the narcissist, particularly the one that gathers many friends and joins many groups for supply). Even when you know them well their attacks will take you by surprise and leave you off balance. I can't stand being around them anymore as my life has been filled with them and I know the drill inside and out.
This explains exactly what life is like within the organisation of Jehovah’s Witnesses! This organisation fought for freedom of worship but when you become one you are no longer free in regard to how you worship or live, we become a very highly controlled group of people. We are dumbed down and made to believe we are not capable of making our own decisions. We are made to look to a group of 9 men called the governing body who believe themselves to be the mouth piece of God! When you leave it you realise what has been done to you and it takes some time to recover as often we are effected mentally and emotionally as it’s a form of abuse. We as a people need to be educated as to how these organisations work so as not to be taken in by them. Loved this discussion it’s spot on thank you.
Yes. I became friendly with a couple witnesses several years ago whom I liked, but then I came to really understand the cult structure of that organization, and their conviction that all non-members are headed to hell. It's a shame, in a sense because I admire the emphasis on biblical scholarship and study. The bible they use is very different from KJ edition, with many explanatory footnotes and comparison notes regarding translation and interpretation. I've always been interested in such things. The movie, Apostasy, about the way this cult impacts a family is excellent. Recently I came to see that Scientology is even worse.
One of the absolute most crazy making part of dealing with my narcissistic mother was she was completely unreasonable and stubborn. The truth meant nothing to her. I try to avoid stubborn people, such an ugly personality trait. Its basically eff you.
8:51 yes & as you know they want that, they think if they can abuse you & make you 'upset ' & 'violated' & 'abused' that they can control you & it is extremely gross & it is abuse & it is really easy to record & surveil just like cop body cams
& you just want to disappear & never talk to them again
Eristic Disputation! My father would argue for the sake of arguing. His worst enemy was someone who might know more about something them him.
My mom is 💯 authoritarian. If she doesn’t get her way it’s ugly.
My family is this way. It is crossing the line to be that way. It was very difficult to harmonize during conversations I had with my dad because the authoritarian mind was extreme to the point where I became scared of it. It was a shock to me and I realized there would be no understanding or meetings of the minds together...ever. They only see what they want and you just aren't there! They don't have the ability to comprehend other sides and if they do...well, that is their secret to square out with themselves.
They can't see you. They can't hear you. And they will never be able to comprehend you.
It is indeed a shock when you realize this because all you wanted is genuine sharing.
All the best for you 💟🙏
I finally understand the man I was married to. WAS. This is EXACTLY what he was like. I could write a book of his cruelty, but I’m at peace now, able to have my own mind. Hold my head up high. Thank you
My brother to a tee. I and my family broke off and walked away from him (one by one) two years back. His rigid thinking indicated to me that he failed to evolve into adulthood, never accepting that wiser counsel than himself existed.
It is amazing how you describe my family and even the in-law-children often in your videos, who mesh perfectly with our narcissistic children who care only about their own stuff and disdain anyone who might interrupt that. It's best to stay away from them, they refuse to discuss anything, and an attempt to discuss something is met with rage and demeaning. They snark easily over the silliest things and think they have a good reason. They're like bratty six-year-olds without filters. They cannot understand that we all have different gifts given by God and use them in ways differently from others.
My ex stepfather is a retired police officer. He used to be afraid of nobody being afraid of him😳
Probably why he became a cop. They generally beat their wives and children from my personal experience.
Stoic and intimidating? Hugs 🌹
@teresanelson1587 He is a guilty till proven innocent sort of guy!
Amanda, you've mentioned your stepfather several times on this channel for he has harmed you and your mother with cruelty. Now you are telling he was a police officer and was afraid of nobody being afraid of him, really gives me the creeps in a bad way. And for another reason it also terrifies me, because he reminds me of a thriller I have once seen: a police officer that would be helpful at the surface but who was by true nature a psychopath. I have his face infront of me but I can't remember the title of this film. I am already searching in my mind for hours, hoping that I could remember the title, but I can't.
How is life going with you? Is your tooth repaired? Are your sons 'peaceful' around you? And what about your panda nannyship? That sounds very interesting and exiting!
Amanda, thank you for your lovely compliments 💞 that make me a bit shy 🤭 with red cheeks ☺.
Sending you lots of warmth in your direction 💓 🤗 🌞
@roxymovie3938 Hi roxy. Thankfully I'm 4yrs no contact with my stepfather. Mum passed almost 16yrs ago and I wasn't going to keep in touch. But, my mum had made her peace with him. He leant on me/used my good nature for some years until I thought we'd reached some sort of mutual respect. Not blooming likely. All I do about the past now is try and learn from it and move on.
The front tooth has it's new veneer and the back tooth...I'm still on a waiting list to have it removed. No infections due to the coconut oil 😉Ty.
I like to give credit were it's due. Your literary skills are amazing. You're very skillful with words.
I think everyone here on TH have something, no matter how small to offer and we help each other.
It's a privilege to be able to have theses conversations. Thank you ❣️
Sending positive vibes ✨️ 🙏 💖
I’m doing the best thing right now since I’m the one that’s being looked upon as the problem I’m moving out of his house and being the problem solver👍I have no problem with being and living with myself and who I am. So sorry for the narcissist and his flying monkeys and gang stalkers that I didn’t allow myself to buckle under their abuse and do away with myself. I’m still here so if you don’t like it too bad 🤭🤪
As Katy Perry, said about who she was married to, Narcissist Russell Brand, who is today questioned on sexual abuse ( he admitted to having sought professional help for his narcissism) "he was extremely controlling and hurtful." Authoritarianism is obviously part of their behavioral pattern.
This is the one ive needed dealing with a Destructive, Athoritian Narcissist Neighbor, and deliberate shared property damage
(Fencing) im thinking at this point a law suit.
Im a newly widowed woman, and ive had it with this Jerk. Never have a met such a Liar
His wife also left him a few years ago. So im sure he hates Women
This is so descriptive of my ex. Thank you for your constant work. You have supported me thoughout the past few years and I am reclaiming my life with your encouragement. Hugs to Gus xxx
It is breaking my heart into that my daughter is a narcissist. My husband is a high ranking military officer from an arrogant family. They were out to prove they were better than me at all cost including grooming my daughter to do same. The miltary background caused them al to be authoritarian on steroids.
Thank you, Dr. Carter! You just described my husband! Only he can have freedom, only he can think. If I have an opinion or want to discuss something, he takes it as a personal attack.
Narcs are good at a few things, and that's where all their energy goes. They can't do much else even if they're capable.
That's one of the best ways to sum up a narc. They don't have much ability and hate people with lots of energy and abilities.
Very well put and it reminds me when the Sociopath told me in a lightning moment, "I am good at very few things. At everything else I just suck." - Yeah, when you put all the energy into building up a facade and always keeping busy that this false self will not get any cracks, then there is no energy left for anything else.
They also have learned helplessness. They know how to do menial chores but play dumb because they see themselves as too good for those things
@@mightymouse1005 Dr Ramani did a video called the PB&J Approach. It's a form of abuse because it exhausts a person to have to explain or direct a narcissist how to do something as mundane as make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, over and over.
The more I learn about narcissism the more I see that I can drop in on the doctor Carter here mid sentence and not know wether we’re talking about psychology or political science because as an anarchist and empath (pardon the redundancy) myself I can clearly see there’s a lot of overlap between narcissists and authoritarians and even the concept of the “state” (government) as a narcissistic entity, it’s mind blowing but I continue to see myself nodding away everything the doc here shares 🙂🤩
You could get along fine with my Mom as long as things went exactly to plan. Her plan. When there was deviation - “will end poorly”. Truer words were never spoken Dr Carter.
pause" "lets just dumb down our relationships" oh my god. oh my god oh my god, exactly !!
5:00 "I get to be free & you do not get to have that same privilege" yes it is just abuse probably what the slave masters were thinking
Yes this was my Mother growing up and still is today in her now Old Age
Thanks you and GOD Bless you Dr C for helping me understand that none off what I went through with her ways was my fault.
Yes ! He’s never satisfied until he hears his opinion coming out of everyone else’s mouth!
My whole narcissistic family hates me. Their hatred has brought me so much peace.
This hits home My ex had a martial arts business He was the boss there and tried to be with me He would tell me that I needed to get on my knees and apologize if I disagreed with him
In other words, a highly authoritarian person. Is it any wonder he chose martial arts? (even though it's supposed to be about stayed grounded)
My ex
"NO God would dare punish someone like me" 😮😢😮
“Challenge accepted.” - God
I think of my narcissistic sister as intellectually lazy. Her strongly held/voiced opinions are usually made based on her biases, not facts. She cannot be reaseoned with.
As for control, she informed me last year that she had found a buyer for my truck. The problem was, it wasn't for sale. She had decided I didn't need it. I actually hid the title because I was afraid she would try to sell it anyway.
Thank you, Dr. Carter, for shedding light on some of their inexplicable behavior. It also helps to know I am not alone in my struggle to maintain equilibrium in a narcissist's orbit.
They are quite comfortable telling you who you are and what your life is - as though they were living it. Even when you know the drill they will surprise you and take you off balance with their attacks. They are the most destructive entities and create chaos in families and the workplace.
My narcissistic collegue (my boss) was very proud on his 3 children who became police officer. Typical expansion of his control on others.
I would be proud if my sons had become police officers too. Maybe your the one with problems.
A world without local police but only federal police or military and the civilians have been disarmed. What an utopia that will be. Just like Chicago. Good things robbers, rapists, and murderers are not narcissists, only local police officers are. You can trust violent criminals to not be violent when there is no repercussions for their behavior. The sCiEnCe says so.
Obsessed about this in bed last night. His dad and grandad were b*stards. I even one time pointed out he was being abused. His dad called and said he had low testerone. I'm remembering now how often my ex ignored me and did whatever he pleased w no discussion. I'm feeling sucked dry. So glad he's gone. The will of a bull. I was definitely different. Thank goodness. This will take time. Perfect post to wake to.
The culture and family I grew up in. I had to leave it.
After I had in shutdown Corona been molested by a narcissist,I realized ,that people tried to convince me to tolerate that.
Only in the night I found peace in my flat.
Authority to some men means to have free hand over women.
I nearly lost my rental contract to declare,that I want my space and dont want the narcissist close or his homis.
As he heard me get outside the door,he followed me.He was not dangerous,but that behaviour shocked me.
Tolerance and crossing-the-line are for some people the same.
Its getting better.
Authoritarian narcissists are the dictators. Fascists. That's what I'm picking up on. And for the record.... dad used to call the malignant narc combo plate... The Warden. Amongst other choice things I will spare you of. Many blessings ya'll.
You must have met my mother for she is exactly as you describe an "authoritative narcissist." I chose to be the adult in the relationship & live my life with decency, patience, gentleness, etc. as found in Galatians 5.
I loved your “symphony” analogy. Yes!! We as humans can come together with various ideas and backgrounds AND be better together. In healthy relationships, this is how things work. ❤ Thank you for sharing, Dr. C!!
Thank you for talking about this. Narcissism and authoritarianism gets displayed - or inflicted on us - in our personal and professional lives as well as nationally. PS: I love Gus!
authoritarian narcissist who is highly intelligent is a HUGE challenge.
I’m stuck in it
Now that I see it's time to move on. This type of treatment is unacceptable.
Power to the kind people!!!❤
This describes our narc perfectly.
My husband recently told me in one of our rare serious convos about our relationship that we are just two different people. That's why we don't get along. Asked him for the top 3 differences was. 1 was we loaded dishwasher differently. Me front to back him back to front. One was I didn't walk fast enough to keep up with him...and there was 1 more that was similar. Sooooo different😢
For the record- looking 👀 forward ( USA 🇺🇸)
I recognize many of these behaviors in many people I am acquainted with. Some to the extreme. Thanks for sharing this video.
Very clear and helpful - thank you. I was on the receiving end of everything you spoke about - was more than ten years ago now. I didn't know what was going on and I was lost in confusion for a very long time and had to use grit and resolve to move on - would have been much better to have the clarity and understanding that you communicate in your videos! Still, I feel I have learnt an awful lot of self respect and wisdom regarding toxic people.
I live in eastern nc wilmington area and just had my heart destroyed by a narc. My relationship only last 6mths and 2 days i proposed at month 4 because i was sure God had graced me with my soul mate. I still love her and cant seem to move on i have and am no contact but i need therapy everytime i here a noise that sounds like the text tone of her message i become like a kid on christmas morning and then i relize its just a bag of coal and get depressed for days. Anyone in my area may be able to reccomend somewhere
Thank you Dr. Les. This video defines my father, through and through. I am grateful - and more than a little amazed - that I made it through this style of parenting relatively unscathed and healthy. I only recently recognized that my father is a narcissist, and never understood the connection between that and his authoritarianism. Because of him though, I inadvertently learned to be an accepting, open-minded parent for my own kids, and they in turn, have learned tolerance, by witnessing that I could still love my dad because he's my dad, but not be affected by his overbearing, unreasonable and authoritative behaviour. I appreciate all your videos, but this one really hits home for me. Thank you again.
You are absolutely correct in every way. My stepbrother is going crazy: due to my distance and quiet retreat to heal from his constant abuse.
I have been spending as much time as possible on the water lately - I have been missing out (not really) on the neighbor's crazy antics. the parking lot is my front yard so I my only recourse is to stay inside or leave for hours because if I am outside then Crazy Angie finds a way to drag me in to her crazy. I took my hose in and gave up on my garden - I'm over it and want to move.
Don't change what you do to appease them, that's what they want.
This is an awful situation to be in.
I would ask myself if I really like where I live.
Have you explored other properties to see what your options are? ❣️
@@amandaliverpool3374 💙 I've been Looking. for awhile. I'm so over it here. After the tiny kitten (not so tiny anymore) squeezed thru the fence I immediately felt disconnected to this particular place. evidently thats why I was here - to be here for the kitten. I cleaned up and planted the entire front of this apt complex and have been loathe to leave my little bit of real dirt and ground - but I'm over it now. she has seen me manhandle my kayak and a few other things - she knows I still have some strength and she doesnt really want to tangle with me. But no - there isnt very much available with all the illegals pouring in. the rent has gone sky high - unless you're illegal or mexican then the rent is lower. thats no lie. or prejudice. its just facts. I keep looking for a mini RV.
@@mightymouse1005 coming outside so I can be dragged into her bs IS what she wants. changing up my 'doing nothing all day every day' schedule doesnt bother me. when dealing with crazy the best way to avoid it is to avoid it. how does that appease her? it doesnt. it uses my common sense and keeps the drama out of my life. she has learned that her childish crazy gets recorded on video and then posted online for the whole world to see. I still have the upper hand - exercising constraint on when to go out and when to stay in is just smart - not appeasing anyone.
@skinnyway Understood ❤️ Unfortunately, that is a common problem with illegals, etc, and the cost of living. I think it's marvellous what you do with the kayaking, though !!!
Don't give up hope, though 🙏 I'm a true believer that things happen when we least expect them. And also Karma 😉
Take care 🙏❤️🫂
OMG‼️Spot On Dr. Carter 🙏🏽❤️
I'm not convinced they even believe their own stated convictions. The great duplicity.
Or they have a different conviction than they portray and expect you to live by.
No, they don't. It's all bluff. The only thing they feel comfortable doing is domineering!
Big hug 🫂
@@amandaliverpool3374 I hope you are having a good day, friend. 🌻
@teresanelson1587 I am OK today thanks for asking 😊 How about you dear 💕
@@amandaliverpool3374 I'm alright. Prayers for you and your own. 🙏🏼🧡🌻
@@t_nels Received and reciprocated 🙏❤️🫂
These videos have given me so much knowledge and how to see the signs of a narcissist. Now, it seems that after leaving these relationships new narcissistic people show up, or long term friends have suddenly showed this side of themselves leaving me feeling devastated. How do I now find or have "normal" relationships???
1. Cut them OFF. / 2. Forget about them. / 3. Let CARMA to do the rest ...
Karma
So true! Thank you. 😊
You are so welcome!
This is great, explained much about dear old dad. Going to listen a few more times so it sinks deep in.lot my brain. Thanks Dr C.
They feel they know better than everyone else in the world so why wouldn't you thank them for making every decision in your life for you.
This is also why so many also love religion as well. They get to also pretend that god backs up every decision they make.
Religion is a handy triangulation ally.
@@lynnebucher6537Absolutely!
So true!
Thank you Dr. Carter and Gus....another great video and I do appreciate you. Narcissist are forever exasperating. Thoughts about them are exasperating as well.
You are so, so right!
dr. carter Thanks so much for helping me see my own authoritarian extremism and separate it from my awareness of being baited into an argument , As Well as fact check my priorities. You're awesome.
Because they feel like if they control you then they are out of control
3:14 yes everything always involves neurosis & violence I know you know violence can just be irrational unexplained & constant anger you don't have to hit someone to be violent
being extremely neurotic and alienating someone by insisting they exist how you want them to be while not even listening to them is violent or clearly a mental health issue
everything as you know has an explanation
🤑🧐& then, they WILL blame you for exactly what they ARE?🤪😇
Projection.
All what you said in this video sounds too familiar and unfortunately is so true!
Ok, this makes me worry... I am ADAMANT about not being told what to do, about making my own choices and about doing things my way, at least when I know from experience that my way works, or when it only impacts me and my life. I will fight to the DEATH to not conform to someone when I feel like I'm being forced into something or that the other person doesn't seem to have enough experience in whatever the situation is to make the decisions. That might be something on which I need to do more reflection!
Totally my life over the last several years!! Thank you for the info!!
As always so enlightening listening to you Dr.C, thank you and Gus!🙏
If you could do a video about the damaged to a daughter by a narcissistic father, I would appreciate it. I have watched the one about parents but I would be interested to see how specifically a father/daughter relationship is effective and how it would apply to me and my sisters. Thanks!
11:00 "love peace decency" & your chivalry & chivalry
yes & a lot of that is our mutual gratefulness as you already know
I saw & encountered someone yesterday she totally altered my head space & reminded me who I am as you remind us who we are here in team healthy yes thank you Dr. for this I will pay it forward to all of us to the best of my ability
gb :}*
Learning to say 'f off' after 30 years of hell.
I love your orchestra analogy.
Thanks!
An example of the delusional mindset of a narcissist through a recent conversation between my Mom and I…
Mom: Does God talk to you?
Me: Yes, but not directly
Mom: And you obey Him?
Me: Yes
Mom: Then how do you know I’m not God?
Me: No Ma’am. Absolutely not!
Mom: How do you know?
Me: Because God wouldn’t ask me a crazy question like this. He has an authority that you immediately recognize.
I told her only the devil would ask such a crazy question.
(Disclaimer…these are just my beliefs which everyone has the free will to choose).
Great response.
My mom used to say it's fine for people to talk to the dog but maybe want to get checked out if the dog starts talking back...
Satan fell because he wants to be God!
Sound familiar?
My mom actually used to say, do as I say not as I do! 😳
And..."because it's my house and I make the rules that's why!"
I'd always follow up with, "well, where's my house"?? 😕
@@sandrathomas2893: You forgot: “Children should be seen and not heard.” I got that one all the time from my older sister.
She’s crazy for believing she’s a god with no proof whatsoever?
But you’re not crazy for believing in a god that there’s also no proof of their existence?
With respect to our host, this wasn’t the best example to make your intended point.
wow your timing is amazing very excited to listen to this now !!
Wonderful!
@@SurvivingNarcissism :)
Thank you for your help.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. BECOME A PEACEMAKER IN THE PROCESS.
Well said Dr C. Spot on. 😊.
NARCISSISM DESTROYS LIVES