A Little Life || Rant Review [CC]
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 11. 07. 2021
- These are my thoughts on this book. Don't come for me đđ
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âĄïž Content Warnings: ableism, chronic pain, homophobia, fatphobia, grief, death, self-harm, car injury, intense self loathing, paedophilia, sexual + physical + emotional child abuse, anxiety, drug addiction, physically and emotionally abusive relationship, rape, divorce, seizures, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempt, PTSD, surgery, car crash, eating disorder, depression
âïž Author Interviews: www.theguardian.com/books/201...
electricliterature.com/a-stub...
--- #booktube #rantreview #bookreview
As always, closed captions (subtitles) available x
Thank you to Mariana Quesada for the amazing intro. Check out her channel: / @marianaquesada
Contact me for business enquiries: olivia-savannah@oliviascatastrophe.com
Wishlist: www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/...
Blog: oliviascatastrophe.com/
Twitter: / oliviascatastro
Bookstagram (Instagram): / oliviascatastrophe
Goodreads: / olivia-savannah
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Hi! Iâm Olivia-Savannah. Iâm a British student studying English Literature and Creative Writing in the UK. I also spend a lot of time in the Netherlands where some of my family live. I love reading, writing, yoga, cooking and baking. I love reading all genres and age audiences. Nice to meet you x
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When I say Jude needs an 'ace relationship' I mean and should have said Jude needs a sexless relationship! Thank you to Daniela for correcting me (if you want an explanation as to why saying 'ace relationship' is wrong her explanation is in the comment from the user Only If For A Page.) I apologise if I made anyone uncomfortable with what I said and always appreciate corrections of any of my language and/or actions.
Iâm not sure if I have right to speak on this since I USED to identify with a label ace, but while your wording for it would be incorrect I donât see it as hurtful. When I identified as ace I considered myself a romantic ace (ace person who still has romantic attraction) and I was told that was selfish of me and that I wouldnât be fulfilling the needs of my partner and that I should only date other ace people. That right there is hurtful. I could tell that you meant sexless and by how you are approaching this book you seem like someone who is very kind and respectful to any community. I wouldnât feel super bad about it or feel a strong need to apologize because most people donât educate themselves on the ace community because they arenât ace (which btw is very wild to me with other people in lgbt because I researched the good majority of the communities within lgbt when I found out I was bi) but yes, most people who are ace have dealt with erasure by people who are in the same community as them. I can tell you know and acknowledge ace peopleâs existence. I donât think anyone is or will be angry with what you said in short.
@@LevRiv Thank you for understanding, and for sharing as well. Sorry to hear that your partner (ex-partner?) at some point said such horrible things! And thanks for stopping by my video as well x
@@OliviasCatastrophe oh no no this was just one of my friends đ also yes I love getting peopleâs opinions on books Iâm glad I got to learn something!
@@LevRiv Okay I'm glad it wasn't your partner đźâđš and if that friend is still around I hope you managed to have a conversation about it / they have learned better now ^.^
@@OliviasCatastrophe I told them after a while how I felt ab it and they didnât even remember saying that and they were shocked. Itâs all good now
Oh thank God I'm not the only one feeling this way. I hated it so much because Jude doesn't seem to have a personality except the trauma and disability which is like: you do realize disabled and traumatized people have more to them than solely being disabled and traumatized, do you? Jude just seemed like a vessel for whatever Yanagihara was trying to say. â
e x a c t l y. So much more to people than their disabilities and trauma FOR SURE. And we are tired of this narrative đȘ
Iâm a hundred sixty pages into the book and this is exactly what I was thinking. Like Iâm wondering whether Jude will get a personality at some point that will make me feel something for him, but it seems like thatâs not gonna happen so I donât see the point of just reading something that seems to enjoy putting all kinds of trauma into a shell for some twisted worrying idea of pleasure.
I think that Jude's apparent lack of personality was a useful choice for immersing readers into his distorted view of himself. Jude hates himself too much to attribute any value, depth, or significance to himself, so as long as we view the story through his eyes, we will never see him as anything other than a troubled individual, haunted by his past, who constantly repeats "I'm sorry" to everyone. It's only when we approach the story through Harold's eyes (written in first person, in the final pages of the book) that we get a small glimpse of Jude's personality. In fact, that's where we manage to catch Jude's attitude by hints at his mannerism, at his shy smiles, at his small habits as he speaks. We need the external perspective of those around Jude to finally have a depiction of him that does him justice, and that's what Harold does, in small bits, and at the very end.
I disagree, there were many moments in the book where the author describes what makes him happy, what makes him feel triggered. Moments where heâs joking around and being silly with his friends, but the whole POINT of the story is directly related to Judeâs unfortunate childhood trauma, so of course we are going to hear about it more. Everything in life is not always rainbows and sunshine, and this book perfectly represents that. Yet, there is still so much beauty in it. :)
The notion that they are a sad traumatic case people should be sensitive to, some people think they are special for having and they bask in the special treatment they believethey deserve. People who have real crippling trauma don't want to have it.
feels like she made a list of triggers and just built a story around it... great review
There are so many trigger warnings!!
After I finished the book, I saw an interview with the author and she stated that she wanted to create a story where the main character never gets better. That really rubbed me the wrong way because Jude does get better. He was learning to open up to people, to be intimate, to take better care of himself. He stilled battled with his demons, still harmed himself, but for him he was getting better. It was like Hanya Yanagihara thinks someone can only be better if they are 100% healthy and thatâs not the case. I believe he would have kept getting better had she not sabotaged the story by taking the one person he cared about the most away.
Also by the end of the book I felt so sympathetic for people who deal with trauma and self harming. Like I wanted to protect them and make sure they always felt safe if they were in my presence. I got the feeling that the author doesnât seem to feel the same way. Like she should have put a warning page at the beginning of this book for the Judeâs of the world. Idk I just feel like sheâs extremely problematic, will write anything for shock value without regarding the people who actually share these traumas sheâs writing about.
I see exactly what you mean about that feeling at the end, and that this book should've come with a list of trigger warnings to protect those who this book is supposedly for/about. I also think you're right that Jude was getting better and the story could be different if it didn't /have/ to be trauma on trauma on trauma...
Oh gosh that makes me think of Me Before You where the author railroaded her character into the tragic ending she had predetermined for him even though it didn't match the journey he was actually on.
@@RuthMadisonAuthor Don't even get me started on my thoughts on me before you... absolutely agree with that and I do not like that book at all either
As a bisexual man with cerebral palsy that has had some traumatic experiences in the past (way less severe than Judeâs of course) I started this book thinking Iâd find some relatable representation. Then I went on and the story kept feeling more and more insincere, , exploitative. Like it wasnât at all interested in showing the actual process of overcoming trauma and reconnecting with oneself.
So: I got curious and searched for author interviews to understand what her goal was and when she answered all questions with answers like: âI didnât do any research on mental health, the idea was to create a character that never gets betterâ and I instantly thought: wow! She seems so reckless it scares me a bit.
Yeah, stumbling across the interviews myself and seeing what she said about the research process really did it in for me completely đȘ
Sounds a lot like the kind of disability representation that people with no connection to the disability community love to see, as just a metaphor. So now I'm not surprised it got awards because abled people eat that up. They don't want to see disability represented in a way that challenges their ableism at all.
I felt the same way.. like I left feeling so uncomfortable and upset and so I thought hearing some interviews from the author would help. But it just made it worse!
Then why in the hell did you go into it thinking it's gonna be a self-help book then?
Also "Like it wasnât at all interested in showing the actual process of overcoming trauma and reconnecting with oneself. "
there were like 200 pages of that.
also news flash: most trauma victims never recover, only 30-40% of trauma victims ever recover and maybe 45-50% ever show any improvement at all and those are statiscits of those who've paid thousands of dollars to have undergone psychotherapy for months, there are trauma victims (as the book shows) who simply *can not* speak about their trauma to some strangers who are extorting 3 dollars per minute for even daring to speak to them, and I don't think there's anything wrong with *not* sugar coating a story that's dealing with these heavy subjects. It's the infinite supply of shitty blockbuster media where the protagonist *does* recover from trauma that *are* insincere and exploitative.
@@user-ly2ll5od1r 1 Wasn't expecting a self help book just a more accurate representation of trauma. Even in my darkest days I felt my trauma was at most 30% and my disability feels like 5% of who I am The rest is an amalgamation of hopes dreams quirks values, fears etc. That's why I hated this book. Jude is mostly reduced to his trauma and disability He's like 90 percent his trauma and 10 percent everything else and that is not realistic and frankly kind of insulting.
2 jude's circumstances change, but his mindset stays relatively the same throughout his entire life: the self loathing, the emotional pain etc. In reality life after trauma is more Rollercoastery than that: sometimes you're strong and confident and at other times you're insecure and confused Some days you freeze and can't do much and other days all you want is to take big steps and challenge yourself to try new things and break old patterns. The book focuses very closely on the very awful down in the dumps moments and way too little in all these other more mild or joyful moments That's what I meant when I said it felt incencere and exploitative
3. Yes. It is harder for some people to open up in therapy or even go to treatment and we lose so many lives because of that đ but to anyone reading this that is afraid of opening up to a therapist: take your time if you need it, but I beg you: do dare to take the leap. Most studies I read while studying psychology show that 75% of people experience an improvement within 6 weeks to 3 months and I can assure you from personal experience they are not lying. And: if your therapist sucks: leave that one and search for a new one. If cost is a problem remember many oyher countries offer mental health services for FREE or much cheaper than the US For example a few years ago I didnt have much money so I found a Norwegian psychologist who would charge me only 25 dollars per online session.
There is always a way out of the pain, life will always have challenges, , but I promise you that wounds from the past can become old scars and rebuilding a free and authentic life after trauma is possible .
I feel so relieved to have found this video because I feel lots of readers really praise this book, but I felt so icky and unsettled after reading it. The last five minutes of this video are incredibly important. This review made me tear up way more than a Little Life ever did.
I am sorry you had such a bad reading experience and didn't like it either :( Thank you for watching! It helps to know I'm not alone with this take
Why do people who dislike widely divisive media pretend like it's not divisive?
"wow I thought I was the only one who disliked The last jedi, we are so unique and cool"
As someone who suffered from abuse at a very young age and has self harm and other body image problems I don't think the representation of how characters react those topics is necessarily what makes the book wrong (of course, these are very touchy topics so everyone is entitled to their own opinion), I didn't find any problems with the amount of pain Jude went through in his past life, sure, it's a lot, but for my experience sometimes life can be a series of unlucky events BUT everything stopped being a legit representation of a shitty life and delved into trauma porn as soon as Willem died, that moment flipped the whole book narrative to me and made me realise that the author just wanted to fetishise pain itself and was not interested in representing actual characters and their stories anymore. Reading interviews to the author, yeah, she just wanted to write a sad story to voyeuristicly entratain herself appropriating the sometimes true experiences of people just to fuel her eroticism for trauma, and that's disgusting.
Yeah, I wasn't having fun with the book earlier than you, but after the whole car crash bit I absolutely checked out and that's when it was overkill on the overkill for me :/ I was hoping the interviews would offer redemption, and not the opposite for me...
Thank you so much. I was discharged from the military as to being disabled from PTSD. Time over time I was called broken and at times I was thinking it but the author wrote this book as if this characters destiney was to commit suicide. He was disabled mentally as well and that's something that disabled people can thrive off of. I was sexually assaulted too many times to count and forced by serious relationships that I was in that I got numb to it. I guess like the book. The difference is, where is the light at the end of the tunnel? There is one. I am not living anymore...I'm thriving and could'nt imagine being in a happier mental stateđ„° I've learned to accept and appreciate my emotions and triggers and to call my brain down. It took time but I WANTED help and I feel like many people struggling want help too. I wish the author painted us in a better picture because this makes us sound "weak and broken" but we may be the strongest.
I completely got that feeling that the destiny was suicide and predicted it would happen from the start of the story, unfortunately. I am so glad to hear you're thriving and doing well now in a brilliant mental state, and got the help you wanted!! The strongest for sure ^.^
Thank you for sharing this! Iâve been a psychotherapist for decades and no matter what trauma is experienced, human beings still have a fire, light, grit, something inside! Jude was one dimensional character with all these traumas happening that happened to him. This story was a one sided trauma porn. She didnât capture a realistic inner life of both humanity AND suffering.
something I donât like abt this book is that Malcolm and JB are given excruciatingly long and intense backstories in the intro to the characters - theyâre meant to be the MAIN characters but then 1/3 of the way through theyâre even less important to judeâs life (aka the plot) than other side characters like Richard or Harold - who are not given big ass backstories so it adds to my frustration especially considering how long the book is.
I was so surprised as well. From the synopsis I really thought the main focus was going to be on the friendship element but that all became secondary ...
I know I'm 2 years late to this but I'm just so happy seeing this comment. We spent so much time on them in the beginning and then they were completely sidelined. Malcom was just killed off too.
@@polkadotss ahahaha this just came up in my notifs đ€Ł i havenât thought much about this book since i read it years ago i barely remember the plot anymore other than major points here and there. iâve seen it resurface on tiktok a few times and everyone seems to have such intense reactions to this book as if itâs the greatest peace of literature written. i personally didnât have this reaction because the whole time i was reading i was waiting for the major traumatic experience that was being foreshadowing throughout the entire book. and when it came i was like yeah⊠that sounds about right (relating to why jude then acts the way he does) - the overall message of the book feels quite flat and it doesnât serve the reader any sort of message other than people are pricks and some people comit self-deletion. this could have easily been written in a book 1/4 the size of this one. it really disappointed me in terms of plot, character building and writing style.
@@polkadotss malcolm being killed off was soooo annoying i remember like whyyy??!?!! i mean i guess he was being sidelined anyway but still he couldâve happily lived his life with sofia(sophie? idk) but he just had to get killed off too đđđ
I'm late too but this was by far the most frustrating thing about the book for me. It drives me nuts that malcolm gets like one tiny paragraph to say that he "isn't sure" whether to marry Sophie or not and then we get literally zero information about the marriage. Did it work out? Does he have regrets? Do they want children? Nothing lol. JB has one chapter about a debilitating drug addiction and then it is literally never mentioned again. It really felt like a first draft where the author started out thinking she wanted to write about a friend group, lost interest once the Jude/Willem relationship got going, and then no one was ever like, "Um, you can't just drop story threads like this, why do these people only appear in the novel when Jude needs something?"
[spoilers] I donât even think I needed a happy ending, just some HAPPINESS. Jeez Louise I knew as soon as it was proposed that Willem felt feelings for Jude, that yanagihara was going to ruin it and thatâs when I mentally checked out of the book. Had he and willem actually found true happiness together, had he healed enough to enjoy willems company, or start to believe that willem really loved him and he was worthy of it, or had willem ACTUALLY been patient with Jude and gone all in like Andy said, and then something tragic happened at the end, it wouldâve broken my heart ten times more. By the time their relationship started to develop I knew the book would end the way it did with some lazy excuses as to why it would never really be a good relationship and Jude would end his life. If I had finally gotten to not a state of perfection with Jude, but to a place of contentment, and then she wanted to break our hearts with his death or willems death, Iâd say okay fair. But like you said, the way she drug his trauma and pain along so statically, just made me feel nothing. Iâve struggled with trauma, self harm and suicidal behavior/actions. I see why people relate to Jude. But in my opinion, if I wanted to use my experience to break peoples hearts the way the author used Judeâs to try and break ours, you have to include the moments of contentment. The times I have felt most brutally sad were not when I was at my lowest, but when I had finally reached contentment and realized how much there was to lose. Jude never gets there truly. You never get to a point where you feel that contentment with him and think âoh god, if the author rips this away from us, itâs going to hurt so bad.â You only ever know despair, Jude believes he will never know happiness and Hanya yanagihara makes it so, instead of actually trying to challenge that. He doesnât have to become a neurotypical person by the end of the book, or become magically healed of all his issues. But the fact that there is no growth, NO healing from the time heâs a teenager to the time he dies is such a cop out to me. If youâre gonna write about the complexities of mental illness, write it in a complex way. I think the book was lazy at best and exploitative at worst.
You perfectly articulated what I meant by a happy ending. Just some joy somewhere would have made such a difference and would have made the overall book get in our feelings much much more than the alternative we were given. I just finished Young Mungo by Douglas Stewart the other day and it was everything a little life wanted to be but so much better. It handles similar themes, but does balance with having contentment in there from moment to moment. Which makes things all the more heart wrenching...
there was so much happiness in this novel i just canât believe anyone would say this
Interesting slant on Willem, he is 'impatient' with Jude. Willem, although he declares himself to be 'a simple person' dealing with 'a complex one'- Jude, is himself complex. Willem is 'kind' but that is always measured by Jude against extreme unkindness, cruelty and abuse. I find Willem to be far from an altruistic 'saviour', his behaviour is questionable. Yet having said that, for me Willem is the most realistic and compelling character, in that he is so flawed himself without the extremis of Judeâs awful life. Willem seeks joy/happiness/gladness but he knows much of sorrow too.
As a disabled woman, thank you for making this video. I'm totally subscribing
The very least I could do. Thank you for subscribing đ
I already didnât want to read this book because it sounded like âpain pornâ and just straight up emotional manipulation, but to know that is about a disabled person and the author thinks itâs okay to not have done any research on it actually made me angry.
Wtf book tube?
Haven't read this book but it sounds f***n awful from the descriptions I know... it's all about a perfect attractive guy that's good at everything has no problem keeping a job even with ptsd, and then it's sprinkled with pity and more pity
The lack of research was the worst discovery I made while researching for this review -.- đ
The research thing makes me so fucking angry. I think it's so arrogant to believe you could write a book about a character who has traumas that complex and is disabled without researching anything. And on top of that she just says that some people are too broken to be fixed. Actually: Fuck her. This is a) lazy writing because she just doesn't know anything about therapy and it fucking shows b) he also never tries and his friends never really try that he can heal. I can accept therapy failing, that he doesn't find the right one but for so long he doesn't even fucking try. And I think it is so incredibly selfish. He thinks he can just put it all on Willem and Jude never thinks about how that's so toxic. I found their whole relationship to be incredibly toxic. Jude never emotionally supports Willem. Never. It is never shown. And I can't understand how people idealize a relationship that is that one-sided. His trauma is completely ignored and although it is not as severe as Jude's it's still valid. I just hate that this hero-complex that he has is made this big romantic thing although it's so unhealthy.
Another thing I hated is that I cannot imagine in the world that a person who has been through the same abuse can read this book. Of course I cannot speak for all people but I found the book to be incredibly triggering and I do think it's possible to write a book about mental health that is not romantizing and can still make the reader feel the horror but not trigger people (just read "Blonde" by Oates, it's so much better). I felt that the book took me back to a time that I really wanted to forget and it really wasn't a good, satisfying feeling. I hate how desensitized I felt by the violence and how she seems to forger that leaving things out is way more horrifying than trying to describe everything. That's also better writing. Again: read "Blonde". Such an amazing book. God, I hated everything about the concept of this book and everything it stands for. I am *so* sure that it 10 years everyone will look at it and find it to be incredibly problematic (which it is) and just doesn't see it today. I felt like she uses the trauma and story of someone else for her gain, for her own voyeurism and in the end for the cash without showing the respect, interest and empathy she should have to the people who have been through similar experiences. I really feel that this book is not for people with mental issues it is for people who don't know anything about being mentally ill and think after reading this book they understand better or have done a good deed. Which they haven't. It's actually sad because she has a feel for the inside of people and is empathetic but just tossed it aside because she just thought she could create a character like Jude without reading into it one bit.
I read the book, and it totally is. I enjoyed the first half. Jude's story made me sad, emotional, and angry at the people in his early life. But... It got to the point where i was like, "yeah i get it he's traumatized, move on". The book was unnecessarily long and repetitive.
What level of research would satisfy you? A well-researched topic could still be poorly written, and a non-researched topic could be well written based on information gleaned over a lifetime of reading, watching, and consuming various forms of media.
Why are you focussing on the method rather than the outcome?
i finished this book about 30 mins ago after pushing through for 2 months. TERRIBLE. and as someone who is chronically disabled i felt just floored. what was the message? my life has no meaning, i should be sad all the time and to end it?
I agree, it was absolutely terrible and I hated that message. I am sorry you read it and hated it too :(
It has no real message because there is no real story, it's just a vessel of emotional despair
I don't think the point of this book was to 'give a lesson'. This is why they say that you need to know what you'll be getting into before reading the book. You shouldn't have read it if you thought it will disturb you too much. Even I don't like this book but still.
Anyone who's had a personal intimate relationship with an narcissist has actually lived a horror
I can't even finish the book itself. It's too long for me to see where it's going that's why I'm here watching this video
A better books about how childhood sexual trauma can follow a man while giving that man AGENCY and having a bitter sweet but hopeful ending is the Kite Runner.
Hard agree! I absolutely loved the kite runner and it does everything so much better đ
Ahhh the joys of following smaller CZcamsrs is you get to talk to them more. Iâm glad you agree cos honestly Iâm not a bookworm anymore so probably donât have many opinions to give on books so Iâm glad you liked it ok I stop now
@@dodgyyoutuber9560 If you're reading books at any point, you're a bookworm in my opinion! You're always welcome around my little corner of the internet if you want some book chats :)
The kid who experienced sexual abuse in Kite Runner didn't have that great of an ending imo
ok im sorry just one more thing: this book + the curious incident seem to point toward a trend where writing disabled characters without doing research is highly rewarded, which i HATE! its not only bad in content but its also bad writing, bad work, they did a bad job and i have a feeling - as usual, could be wrong - that writing without research on any other topic does not win the book any awards
Oh my, I'd almost forgotten about my reading experience with the curious incident of the dog in the night time and how it has some similarities to this situation as well. Hard agree! Writing without research on anything else would be condemned! We need to step up for the disabled community as well.
This reminds me of Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, as well. It never states whether the main character has a developmental disability or not, or what it might be, but it perpetuates a lot of harmful stereotypes and felt very poorly researched and thought through - but was enormously successful regardless of this.
My English Lit teacher always told us to read a courious incident because it was sooo good. I made the mistake of taking his advice lol
Abled people love stories where disability is a metaphor and they do not want to confront accurate disability representation. Praising authors not doing any research on disability is a way to keep disability "safe" and othered
I am so relieved to see that someone else is angry about the trauma po*n content of this book. It's honestly disgusting to me.
Making him attractive and good at everything and basically perfect and successful makes it even worse.. feels like taking a s**t on people that are actually traumatized and can't cope with life and may not be conventionally attractive etc.
It's really comforting to me to realise I wasn't the only one who felt this way too :/
@@majlordag1889 Yeah, the book is not written for people who have been disabled, who have been through trauma. It is written for people that *think* oder want to understand what it would be like but chose to read something that just underlines everything they seemed to know. That trauma breaks you to pieces, that you can never heal. That message is so damaging (and wrong!) I cannot even put it into words.
How privileged and coddled by life do you have to be to call this work of art âtrauma pornâ I mean take a second to contemplate the fact that there are people who live this reality and youâre essentially denouncing them w this comment, shame on you truly shame on your lack of empathy
@@crunkxbella How privileged and coddled by life do you have to be to think that this is in any way a realistic or positive representation of trauma?
As someone with an invisible disability whose pain was passed over time and time and time again until I physically could not go on and to be three years later without the barest of accommodations or financial stability I grieved the life I thought I would have, but I have long stopped feeling any frustration outside of the hoops that I can't jump to prove I am worthy of respect, value and accomodation.
Having a disability is hard but the way people treat and ignore the needs of disabled people is far harder (in many cases). And that is not the story we are told.
I remember when my younger sister went through the grieving process after she lost her walking ability. It must have been such a difficult time to go through and I am sorry you struggled through it. I agree that the way people treat and ignore disabled people really needs to change!
@@OliviasCatastrophe it was most scary not knowing, my body failing and not knowing why..the day I was told you aren't going to get better. You are ill and will live with these symptoms every day of your life. There was a grief but it was also gave me closure. A way forward.
I have the belief that writing a book like this only makes it harder for disabled people. The majority of people don't read a sad story and think "I'm going to help", instead they cope by completely ignoring that problem that exists irl. The way I view it, you had a hard time as a disabled person because people like this author exist who believe that disabled people are better off dead (sorry if this came as harsh, but that's just what I got from the book), and they'd rather not help and accommodate disabled people into an easier life. This book does nothing but add to the stigma disability has. You can have an absolutely fulfilling and wonderful life, but people as a society suck at helping out
That's so interesting, I actually really loved this book. If I had read this book prior to beginning my career in nursing, I may have thought that it was over the top, however within Jude I see some of my patients. Sometimes life doesn't seem to give people a break. Sometimes it's just not fair. That's why I never considered this book as being "trauma p*rn"- I've seen so much trauma just going to work. I also liked how all of the characters had their unlikeable moments. I thought it was a very real perception of friendship, and I never was under the impression that the book was trying to label any characters as good or bad. The book also made me feel seen, in a way, with past traumas that I am still resolving. Seeing my thoughts written on paper by someone I've never met made me wonder if Hanya has went through something similar to me and many others. I love how the book could be interpreted in so many different ways. It's a great conversational topic because no interpretation is correct or incorrect. All interpretations of the book are valid because we all have our own unique past which influences how we interpret it. I'm sure Hanya has her own interpretation of the book too which we may or may not agree with. Love a good book like this that makes you think :)
Thanks for sharing your opinion.
I agree with you wholeheartedly, it did feel like an overkill at times, but I feel like most people are just expecting all books and stories to have any, or some sort of happy ending or redeeming quality that leaves you with a good taste and the end, and life just doesn't work that way. Trauma isn't ever "healed", and I think Jude did actually get better, but then got worse, and then better again... And that is life.
I saw myself and friends and family in all of the characters. There were times I would feel impatient with Jude, I just wanted him to let his friend in so badly which is what a large part of the book hinges on. Then something that could be described as some type of p"rn would would be depicted and I would soften and see his side again. Not to knock the people that didn't like it but the criticisms (not all) strike me as the book just not falling into their particular taste or what they were looking for. Yanagihara said that the book was like a small lion cub that grew up and became something hard if not impossible to control. Not the words she used exactly. That's what it felt like to. Not perfect but brilliant.
I'm so glad to see somebody talk about the unfavorable parts of this book. The fact that the book's premise is that some people are too broken to be fixed while the book is also about a disabled man is so disheartening, I hate that a book this stereotyped and harmful has gained as much traction among non-disabled audiences as it has. The bit where you talked about JB being fixable because he is able-bodied whereas Jude is too far gone because he is disabled was a comparison I haven't seen other people make, but I'm glad you said it. I had a similar realization where I was unable to really resonate with Jude's trauma or to feel sad or upset for him because I had found that his childhood and backstory were so unbelievable it felt almost like a mockery, or a show- and after finishing the book and thinking about it for a few days, I can only come up with more and more things I found unsatisfactory or problematic. Thank you for the CC on this video, I enjoyed listening to your thoughts :]
I am so tired of seeing the same narratives pushed and forced into popularity when it comes to disabled narratives - especially as most of the popular ones are also by able-bodied authors. It's so disappointing ;.; The mockery feeling was so strong by the end of the book that I couldn't ignore it. I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt this way :/ And of course, every video on this channel will always have CC âš
Ma'am you are completely right! The last 3 years I constantly read reviews about this book and I agree with everyone either way, because I loved it but totally see its flaws. But you are the first who made me realize that this book it's like a manipulating partner with whom you are so in love that you can't realize their harm.â
I think it is entirely possible and valid to love something and also be able to see its flaws! I do love Twilight after all đ But I am glad I could help you see some of the other flaws you may have missed.
Whew I never planned on reading this because it seemed like trauma p*rn to me, but that little feeling of FOMO was definitely creeping up because everyone seems to love it so much. So this swiftly kicked the fomo away
Ahaha glad to have helped rid you of that FOMO!
It's definitely trauma porn and it's very graphic in some scenes, even when he's a child. The fact that it's written by a straight, able-bodied woman in the most kill-your-gays, torture abuse survivors and disabled people way is disturbing to me. It's almost ridiculous how awful life is for this guy, it's like he's cursed or something
â@@ghostypunpunIt's definitely trauma porn but you also have to consider that for some people life never gets better.
YES YES, a millions times yes. I agree with everything you said. This book is problematic in the extreme and gives me "15 year old edgelord trying to write the worst possible scenarios they can think up" vibes. I tried with this book multiple times and my brain just kept asking "Why are you doing this to me?".
Hahaha I definitely get those vibes too! Glad I'm not the only one...
"edglelord" đ
I was just about to read this. Thanks for saving me. I don't need trauma porm
This is such a powerful review! My heart broke for you at the end. I hope it was cathartic for you in some way, so you can shake it off sooner rather than later.
Also, Im so tired of this glorification of everything dark and miserable. As if it is somehow more true to the human experience just because it leaves you hopeless - as if that is not just as overly simplified and predictable as everything being all sunshine and rainbows - and much more depressing. I cant fathom ever writing something with the sole intention of making people unhappy or wanting to communicate that some people are beyond hope. No one is beyond hope, ever. Thats what hope is.
It was definitely cathartic to get it all out and since then I have moved on to better and more enjoyable books! I agree, the glorification of everything dark and miserable is a bit exhausting. I like sad books like the next reader, but I also find so much comfort in happy books (romance & Black joy books in particular). I wish they got just as much recognition and appreciation đ
@@OliviasCatastrophe I'm happy to hear it! And I totally agree, I can really enjoy sad books too, but when it's all misery all the time it gets so... pointless. Like you said, you just stop caring, and for me, that's bad writing. Also the ableism and non-existent research... And then it's heaped in awards? Ugh. I'm glad you've moved on to better books!
One thing i would like to say if how you mentioned you felt desensitised - this is how people who go though a lot of abuse feel, when it just keeps happening you donât feel anything
That's true! Maybe it was all intentional on the author's part after all...
I've been avoiding this book for YEARS despite all the hype because of the mile long trigger warnings list, and based on your grievances expressed here it looks like the right decision. I felt so angry just listening to this đ
I'm especially surprised to hear that Yanagihara didn't do any research before writing Jude's character despite how prominent his disability is
I think you made the right choice! Couldn't believe the lack of research either đ
thank you for such a thorough review! i already wasnât going to read the book since i felt that it was leaning too far into tragedy p-n but to hear how genuinely over exaggerated the scenes regarding trauma, mental illness, and disability are have sealed the fact that this book is only for shock factor. thank you! youâve found a new subscriber :)
Thank you for subscribing
I think the point of the book is to show how all people are unlikable at some points of their lives. They could love someone deeply and at the same time not find words to confront them, not say the right things, be naive etc etc. Seems like your main problem with the book besides fair points about research is that the characters are unlikable because they donât do what is considered âthe right thingâ to do. But thatâs the point. People donât always do the right thing, or find the right words and it doesnât mean theyâre inherently bad people. It sounded like âI would have done this and that and this for Jude and they didnâtâ. But again thatâs the point. Everyone is different.
I agree, it does show people can be unlikeable at different points of their lives. I think characters like JB show this perfectly well. I mostly have an issue with the tone of the book painting characters to be good ones when I still think they weren't -- at more than one point of their life.
i definitely agree with your point!! realistically, it can be a challenge to confront a loved one when you know they are suffering; you sometimes don't know how to approach them or how to help and, ultimately, there is regret. i sadly say that with experience. however, that doesn't mean that you don't love them. i truly believe willem, jb, macolm, harold, andy, richard, and jude's other friends really did love jude, yet they made mistakes (jb most of all obviously) but other times, they did attempt to help him.
Totally agree. THATS what makes the characters likeable and real for me, because they are humans and they really fuck up
@@OliviasCatastrophe I donât necessarily think the book does this though; I think it takes a nuanced look at âgood/badâ in a person. In terms of willem, when he does those physical things, willem knows thatâs heâs wrong. Heâs lying to himself. As the reader Iâm uncomfortable too because I agree with willem that heâs being disgusting, that heâs lying to himself. But does that mean willem is a terrible person? Not necessarily. People do good things and bad things all the time, and this is just my opinion, but I donât think that any particular action can define a person (with exceptions of course). The book explored willems character throughout his âgoodâ and his âbadâ actions
the problem absolutely isn't that the characters are unlikeable - literally a lot of other famous booktube books have worst characters (apart from his trauma, jude's character is written to be absolutely perfect, which... unrealistic). the problem she is expressing here is a 800 pages book about how trauma is bigger than yourself, your friends, your support network, therapy, etc. an absurd message for the 2010s, really.
This is such a well thought out and intelligently conveyed review. A lot of things that seemed to unconsciously bother me and I couldn't put it into perspective, you hit the nail on them.
Thank you so much đž
I had to watch this immediately! I watched a few interviews since we finished in which she said she didn't do research about those things too. It seems that she did a lot of research on the jobs the characters do and maybe thatâs why you enjoyed that part but nothing about disability etc. Adulthood can be lonely but yes I didn't like that message at all!! Great review I agree with everything you said đđ
I am amazed that more value was found in researching the professions rather than the representation! I can see why I liked those parts so much now. Thank you for watching (and dealing with me complaining all through the buddy read) đ đ§Ą
Wow. Honestly, I didn't have any interest in this book before, based on the synopsis and some other reviews I'd seen, but this just confirmed that x1000. I appreciate you calling out some elements that other reviewers ignored, too.
I wish I'd had the same insight as you before starting in on this book đ Thank you for watching the review!
As you know I really liked this book, but I think all the points made in this review are valid and well put. I had a feeling I would like this book - Iâm yet to post my wrap up - but I was sort of hoping I wouldnât because Iâm so bad at explaining all the nuances and little threads that it pulled that made it a âgoodâ book for me. I had read all the negative reviews before going in and after I finished it I was like âoh crap I loved it will I be able to explain how that could be?â I can see how this could easily be a triggering book and not only for disabled people, but people that experience abuse, mental health problems and self loathing /harm for any given reason. This is not an uplifting narrative and I think itâs important people know this going in, donât get me wrong, I love positive books and uplifting narratives and stories but I do find the value in a negative and hopeless one that doesnât go as we wish it would, that doesnât condone, doesnât save, doesnât get better. This book made me think a lot, about people that donât wanna be saved, about forced treatment, about willingness to live and how much of ourselves we should put aside to make other people happy. I know this comment will be very reductive and canât convey all my thoughts and feelings but this book really moved me and made my brain work so much. Having said that, I can understand, even agree with the rage you have towards it and I especially agree on the lack of research the author did on all the topics discussed (I watched her interviews after reading as well) although I do think she got lots of things right I think she did it a bit too light heartedly and without the grace and respect it deserved. I do believe disability was used as a prop to add to all Judeâs misfortunes and this can be wrong in so many ways *spoilers* but I donât think he killed himself because he was disabled, I think he killed himself because he was beyond broken on every level and I donât think he was right, but he did have the right to do so (and I know we could disagree as it is a very sensitive topic). Iâm not trying to convince you at all of course, but just wanted to explain how I felt and what I think⊠Iâm so sorry this book made you feel this way (not for the book cuz who cares, but for you, as you seemed very emotional and hurt) so I hope I donât sound disrespectful or like Iâm trying to justify the author or the story. I hope you still like me after this đ
I did mention in the video that while I think it would have been effective if it had a happy ending, I also think it could have been effective if it ended on a low sad note. But it would've needed to end sooner for that, because it just kept on going and going and then it became desensitising rather than sad. So I ended feeling nothing about the book, rather than despair or something like that. I like my sad books just as much as happy ones! And they can be effective. But I sadly think this was not either of those things.
I think you misunderstand me a little as well! I don't think Jude killed himself *just* because he was disabled. I do believe there are other reasons too. But I find it harmful because of the long history of able-bodied authors writing narratives where disabled characters commit suicide, and the subliminal message it sends to the disabled community. Until these are no longer the only, and no longer the normalised outcome for disabled books written by able-bodied authors, I don't think we should be writing this kind of conclusion. I find it too harmful, and have seen people personally hurt from those narratives because they internalise suicide being their only option as what those who aren't disabled think about them. (And then when those books win awards and are commended it seems like many people agree and relate to those ideas about them).
Also stating quickly (for clarity purposes) that I am not commenting on whether or not Jude had the right to commit suicide because it's not really something I feel comfortable discussing on an online platform đ
thank you so much for this review! this book seems more like something that's only popular for its shock factor. but it doesn't bring anything meaningful or fulfilling to the table. also, i really REALLY appreciate you captioning your videos! what an eloquent review
I'm glad you appreciated the review and of course! Least I can do for making my videos more accessible đ
thank you for making this video. as someone who did enjoy the book when I first read it a few years ago, I never really thought about it from this perspective at all so it was really eye-opening to hear you speak about it from your point of view.
Nothing wrong with having enjoyed it at all! But thank you for listening to my opinion with grace as well đđ„°
I really appreciated your review, it was so well put-together. I disliked this book for the unhealthy relationships, the off-hand dismissal of therapy and the lack of discussion of Judeâs quality of life, especially based on the interview of the author which I also watched to try and understand what was meant by this book⊠Thank you for posting this đ
I can understand why you didn't like it for those reasons! I didn't go into detail about the dismissal of therapy in my review but that was a disappointing aspect of the book too. Especially as so many already disregard therapy and its uses. :(
I read this book like...2 years ago and really liked it, because as someone with my own share of trauma, i could just relate a lot to Jude in some ways. He felt like my own worst thoughts and moments written into a character, and in a way that just made me feel seen, on a very personal level. But watching your video and thinking back with now a bit more knowledge and sensibility on disability issues...yea i can totally see why you didn't like it, why the depiction of disability is so problematic - and i don't know if i would like the book now either if i were to read it again.
Also, the book should have had a HUGE trigger warning. Right at the cover, or before each chapter, and i mean it seriously. That's one thing i was actually really mad about when i read it first, because i mainly picked it up as the description sounded like a really nice ...well, found family and friendship trope, maybe a little sad, but you know, nothing too big - at least i just didn't expect anything major. So i went into it without having ANY clue and it subsequently did really trigger me at certain parts. It's just majorly fucked up to write such an explicit book about someone with trauma but then not take any precautions to shield the actual, living people with trauma who end up reading it. But i guess that's an overall theme - from the interviews i watched it has also dawned me that whilst this is a book about a person with disability and trauma + posttraumatic disorders, it is also...just not been written with these people in mind, at all. Which is both ironic and really sad.
I am glad you were able to read the book in a moment when you could enjoy it though! It's nice when we enjoy the things we read above all else. But yes, I do think this book could definitely do with a trigger warnings list at the front which people could either flick past or read - just so it is there. But then again... a lot of book could do with this đ (I agree, this book isn't written for that audience whatsoever, and it shows, which is unfortunate).
Hanya is against trigger warnings, don't remember which interview she said that in, but she basically said that "tws are not needed, especially for people with trauma bc they need to face their fears and the real world" and I was flabbergasted. Like, WHAT are you saying?
You put it into words perfectly! I had finished this book a few months ago and I felt so unsatisfied. I also really love the found family trope and its just so disappointing how much she isolated Jude in his thoughts and didnât allow him to rely on his family and friends to work through and learn to cope with his insecurities but instead made him basically spiral into worse and worse suffering.
It truly wasn't found family at all when the synopsis really hinted that it would be included đ the isolation was immense...
The adult adoption actually made him feel even more depleted because it caused trauma related recollections from his childhood - the rejection by the Learys, Brother Luke as a faux father figure, thinking of his abandonment as a baby etc. Jude never really trusted Harold, perhaps fleetingly and by way of his trust of Willem. Jude had to observe Willem, JB and Malcolmâs behaviour and integration around Harold (at the house in Truro) to be able to glean even a sense of how to be at ease in the company of adult men in domestic settings, who he still fears. I think the author creates a detailed and insightful portrayal of Judeâs alienation and trauma related insecurities.
Absolutely loved and agreed with your comments, and I appreciate how you separated out spoiler warnings for the video too, though I had already seen the play. I appreciate the way you did it anyway. And I completely agree with you on many fronts.
Thank you for watching, and I'm glad we could agree đ
Olivia saying âla-de-daâ while angry is the most intimidating thing Iâve ever seen.
NO research!? How...oh my-the research YOU did and the info you gleaned is... alarming.
R word. Wow I canât even continue this comment because Iâll just end up repeating it all back at you. Iâm astounded.
Intimidating Olivia-S coming out to play lol. The way I had to do research for this review but she didn't have to do any for writing this book will always get me ;.;
Wow I didnât know there was a disabled main character either! The way I am so happy I unhauled this book awhile ago! Iâve noticed a lot of problematic elements of the plot (from reviews) but also with the author. This was a great review, thank you for discussing the book!
I think that is the thing that shocks me the most! How many reviews I heard and consumed and yet still never knew Jude was a disabled main character. I think you made the right choice đ
Thank you so much for articulating better than I could why this wasn't a book I could read. I appreciate your analysis!
Sometimes books just aren't for us! I am glad you could recognise it before giving it a go đ
Before you started talking about this book on instagram, I'd been already almost decided I wasn't going to read it because I don't like tragedy P books but your comments solidified my decision that this book wasn't worth my time so I was able to watch the entirety of this video. It was super interesting to hear your thoughts, thanks for sharing! Now I'm even more sure I wouldn't have liked it and wouldn't have agreed with the messages as well... I've barely heard anyone mentioning that the main character is disabled and I'm not here for able-bodied authors (who don't even do any research - that's just baffling) using disabled characters to manipulate the emotions of the readers...
One comment that made me pause, though, was when you mentioned that Jude was s-repulsed (not sure if YT would censor me) and needed an ace relationship - I don't know if you meant it that way but it kind of sounded like generally equating being s-repulsed with being ace, and being ace with s-less relationships. I find the phrase "ace relationship" weird on its own - it might make sense if we're talking about a relationship where at least one person is ace but I don't think it's saying anything about their intimate life at all :- ) Basically, I don't think we should be using "ace" to automatically mean s-less because not all ace people are s-repulsed and they have all kinds of relationships that aren't necessarily defined by their orientation (and the same kind of applies for using it in a context when it's more about behavior than identity). I felt hesitant about bringing this up and maybe some other people on the ace spectrum would disagree with me but I thought you might like to know that hearing that part was quite jarring for me.
đ
Not doing any research was definitely the most shocking thing to me as well. I feel like it was just not well done or handled at all :/ Thank you for the correction about saying ace relationship! As you stated, what I meant and should've said is s-less because otherwise it is invalidating a lot of the ace community by substituting s-less with ace. And in the book they do continue their relationship and keep it s-less as they reach an agreement with Willem being open to seeing other people. Again, I truly appreciate the correction and please don't ever feel you have to hesitate before correcting me. I apologise for making you uncomfortable with what I said. đ§Ą
I've pinned a comment where I correct myself and also reference this comment if people need a further explanation as well! I hope that is okay but let me know if you'd rather I didn't reference this comment x
@@OliviasCatastrophe Thank you for your thoughtful reaction!
Omg, thank you thank you, i agree so much, this book made me feel so enraged. I couldnt get why people like it. You took all the words right out of my mouth, and i almost wanted to cry watching this. Your so right. I hope more people watch this before picking up this book.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt this way! I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it and felt angered by it all too :(
@@OliviasCatastrophe oh dont be sorry at all! It was theraputic watching this hahađ€Ł
wow, iâm so happy i decided to not pick up this book time and time again. how are you writing a disabled character and doing ZERO research?! that level of arrogance is shocking and i canât believe itâs the first time me hearing about that in relation to this book. it sounds like such an exhaustive read, i donât know how you made it through 800 pages.
The worst thing is the fact that she didn't do any research whatsoever. The level of disrespect is atrocious đ
If I could review this book in one word it would be: disrespectful. I agree with your entire review and thank you for going against the grain on this one, because for every one negative review there are so many more that are glowing and I cannot understand why anyone would like a nihilistic book like this.
Disrespectful makes sense to me. Yeah, I see everyone loving it too and I am honestly so surprised...
olivia you SNAPPED WITH THIS ONEđđŒđđŒ
Ahaha thank you I had to speak my mind đ
This was so cathartic for me cause I just finished it and I fully agree w/ everything you said.
- The book was 250+ pages too long.
- You could replace every word on a chapter to âIâm sorryâ and it wouldnât even be that different from the original chapter lol.
- Representation is cool but doesnât shield a work of fiction from criticism, like it doesnât make it perfect. Specially when most (if not all) of the groups represented arenât depicted in the best of ways or with nuance.
- Trauma and mental illness are explanations not excuses for your behavior. This whole book felt like one big excuse for Judeâs actions.
- 40+ year old men talking like that? Idk how to explain it but it felt like they were written like if they were still 18-20.
Ugh, I could continue but Iâm literally exhausted of talking about the bookâŠ.. and I JUST finished it lol.
I agree with everything you said here! I'm sorry you didn't like it either though :( It's such a long book to read for one that disappoints...
So true abt the 40+ year old men
YESSSSS all of them being im sorry and i love you all the time ew
I know I'm late here but as a csa & disabled person I just can say I agree and I'm so thankful that you're speaking out about it â€
Thanks for dropping by đ€ and always, it's the least I can do!
I already had no intention of reading this book because of the subject matter. But you review would have made me trash it even if it was on my list. I could feel the intense anger and sadness and disappointment that you were experiencing just talking about this book. I'm sorry you had to read it, but I also appreciate you reviewing it.
Thank you for watching and for understanding âš
I do agree with the fact how the trauma was too overwhelming to the point it was unrealistic and the lack of female characters bothered me too. However i feel like a lot of your critic is because you want your characters to be perfect, but their flaws are what made me love the book. He knows what he should do but he is too scared. The characters were realistic, they felt like real people.
I definitely don't need characters to be perfect! But when characters are being portrayed as perfect and good when they really aren't, I tend to have more of an issue. I like when characters are flawed and they accept that and show that. Whereas Willem and some of the others had a hero complex about them...
This was a powerful video, Olivia. It was "hard" to watch because I really liked this book and its view on how trauma can affect you so much (I read it almost 3 years ago, I think). But now that I am more aware of some issues around ableism (partly thanks to you and your content!), I am thinking about it again. I was maybe mostly touched by Jude's mental health problems and I did not see the blatant ableist narrative around his physical disability being what he thought to be the "worst" thing about him. I now see how it is harmful and how I need to read more books by disabled authors. Your video definitely brought up so much important points and it will certainly keep me thinking about this! Thank you for your work
I'm glad you could like this book, at the time! I understand why some people really like the book and reading about Jude. It is an emotional story, especially at the moments where he is working towards happiness and contentment despite all of the abuse he has faced. I just... struggled with so much more about the book. I hope reading more books by disabled authors goes well - there are so many great ones out there. ^.^
@@OliviasCatastrophe if you have any recommendations, I will be happy to see them :)
Iâm actually thinking of putting together a video for next month with disabled book recs by disabled authors! How does that sound?
@@OliviasCatastrophe sounds so great! Thanks :)
Great review! I had just finished this book and loved it but your review gave me huge insight into other perspectives which I had never considered. Although I loved the book, I hated the fact that Jude refused to talk about his issues with his closest friends and that they also accepted his refusal despite knowing Jude clearly needed help. Definitely not a good message, and your review hits the nail on the head!đ€
Thank you for watching! I'm glad you could still enjoy the book, and that I could help you consider some different things too :)
i agree completely. i haaaated this book so much. it was basically trauma porn for people living without disabilities (or at the very least, the author). it's so awful and just...the opposite of entertaining đ like this fit every descriptor for "shock value" and it's disgusting honestly.
The opposite of entertaining summarises this book very well. And I agree with everything you said :/
This is unrelated to the comment but I love your avatar! Kelly đ
@@Bibliofilth thank you! haha, she's the best
Thank you for doing this. I do own a copy of this book (which I have not read), but so far I have seen only a few reviews and so far they have all been positive. Partly why I grabbed it is because I like the trope where there is this group of friends and something just implodes in them. And also I like books that punch me emotionally and I was told that that will be done here. I did not know about ableism or the message that you are alone when you are an adult. I'm sorry, that is bull. So thank you for doing this and actually explaining the problems in this book.
I pretty much saw only positive reviews before reading as well! I love books about groups of friends which is why I was interested in this one too. Unfortunately I was a bit disappointed in that aspect of the book. I agree, the message about being alone as an adult is rubbish :/ If you do give the book a go as you already own it, I hope you can enjoy it more than I did!
just came back and watched the spoiler part of this video, i definitely agree with most everything you said and understand your point of view on how things played out and the message it sends. i still think (imo) that the book is very well written and i never got to a point of feeling desensitised but can totally see how that could happen
Thanks for coming back and watching the rest! I've enjoyed hearing your take on it too in your videos đž
as a disabled person who struggles with daily suicidal thoughts thank you for your passion in defending us, especially in the end of the video. i was really moved, thanks for sticking up for us so eloquently. â€
I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope you're able to get the help and support you need
Fascinating review Olivia. I haven't and wasn't really intending to read it. This video gives a new perspective on it and you make total sense. The message of the book being that you're on your own isnt particularly enlightening. It can be powerful in a poem, but for a whole novel to have that one message in 800 pages is superficial.
You're so right. In a poem it could work better than in a huge book...
This was so interesting! I read about half of the book and dnf'd it as it was a bit too much traumafor me - and the stuff you say that the author said in interviews is so interesting - esp around just piling stuff on. SiĂąn x
I can see how it would be a bit too much trauma đ
I always felt a bit iffy about this book, and I never even read it. Whenever people talked about it, it always struck me as t*rture p*rn-esque. Now watching your video I'm just honestly... disgusted? Rubs me the wrong way that this is so freaking popular, ngl... but who am I to judge, right? Great review!
I wish I had the smarts to release that it sounded like trauma porn before I picked it up as well. I am also trying so hard to not judge about how popular it is! I can see why people like it... I just can't see past the issues :/
âïž
Thank you so much for this review!
I've heard people left and right practically rave about this book and how it made them so emotional etc but the huge amount of content warnings has always put me off (it rang the trauma p bell there).
Listening to your thoughts made it clear that it isn't "simply" a book that's hard to read due to ist themes that my own mental illness keeps me away from, but a horribly problematic take on disability, trauma, abuse and the countless other topics it shoves into the reader's face.
And the fact that the author *didn't* do any research? How dare they and how dare they be celebrated for thisâŠ
You were smart to suss it out from the content warnings ahead of time! I think the fact that no research was done was the most shocking and disappointing thing that I discovered đ
i totally agree with so many of your points, especially about the desensitisation. i didn't hate this book, but i didn't love it either, and reading the critics' reviews inside the book made me wonder if i missed something
A shame we both ended up feeling that way by the end of it đ
I agree one million percent with everything you said. Very well thought out points, and Iâm so happy to finally find someone who feels the way I do.
Glad you felt less alone! It's been nice to know there were more people who didn't like the book either too đž
@@OliviasCatastrophe Itâs always reassuring when someone shares the same opinions and thoughts âșïž
I really appreciate you stating that you disagree with the notion that there is a level of trauma nobody can pull you back from. Too many people use their "trauma" as a weapon to bully people. People who really have trauma don't want to have it. They don't bask in it to obtain special treatment. Even the worst trauma is recoverable. Whoever reads this, know there is help for you if you have trauma you desperately want help from. There are solutions.
People who have trauma don't want to have it is so true and I think sometimes people really forget that!
YES! â
I'm so glad you've done this! I actually had no idea that she did no research.... that's madness!
I love the word trauma-p*rn!(don't what to get my comment banned). Because that is exactly the experience I had with this. It was SO heavy that I just did not care.
Thank you for explaining how so many parts of it were problematic!
I couldn't believe it when I saw no research had been done either! I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt that way by the end of the book :/
I just wanted to come back to this video and tell you how incredibly powerful it is. I like how you express your concerns and your feelings. I like that you point out disgusting stuff, stand up for the community and how this book was ableist and how some characters were not consistent and how problematic this book is
Thank you for your support
I just finished the book and I agree that it is way too long, a lot of parts deliver basically the same message that makes them redundant. However, I do really like it in general. I guess age and life experiences have a lot to do with it. I find its portrayal of friendship and human nature very realistic, that there is a limit to how much we can help people that suffer so much, no matter how close we are to them. Humans are complex and trauma cuts deep, so deep that your body keeps the score. The novel delivers that message very well. Characters like Harold and Willem sometimes are even too good to be true, too selfless to Jude to be true. Life is unfair and Jude is born a victim. There is pain that cannot be erased or diluted... the more I grow older the more I realize that.
This novel to me, in contrary, is very very hopeful and positive. The mere fact that Jude did not turn out to be a monster himself and cause others' pain, which is the case to a lot of victims of child sexual abuses....
Not to mention he became a very successful lawyer... with friends and family that love him so much, is a miracle to say the least. I can say this story is actually unrealistic! haha
I think we can agree it on it being unrealistic at least! Lol đž
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I loved this review. I could feel the emotions you were going through as you spoke, which is more than I can say about the characters in the novel when I read it.
My favourite thing in a book is when I can feel the characters emotions and I never expected to get that same feeling in a book review.
I hope somebody was there to give you a hug and maybe some baked goods or a new puppy to cheer you up after you finished filming. đ°đ
That is definitely one of my favourite things when reading too! Honoured to know my review could bring about the same effect ^.^ A filming break definitely happened afterward, and after some time I came back and filmed my fangirl review which put me in a good mood again :)
Thanks for making this review! I had been planning to read this book. This made me realize that I am not in the emotional position to read something like this. I as a disabled person with trauma, reading a book written by an abled bodied person about how I'm doomed and beyond salvation isn't exactly what I need right now.
Oh, I'm glad you were able to know ahead of time! Definitely only read it if you're able to and in the right headspace. But otherwise, I'm sure there are other books with happier/better representation which would be better suited. âš
I read this book in translation and I agree with you 100%! I think I enjoyed the first 200 pages or so as the characters were introduced but then it kept rambling on and on about the same things, didn't really care about the characters, it felt like reading some kind of "pain soap opera" and the message it sends is just wrong
The beginning of the book was truly the best part and then it lost me completely :/ I am sorry you didn't like it either :(
Thank you!! I'm really curious why some people enjoyed this book. As someone who did go through a ton of trauma growing up, I have a negative perspective on a book that uses abuse this way. I also feel like if you plan to write a book about such a triggering topic...the author should've done as much research as possible.
Definitely need to do as much research as possible! I really didn't like the representation with trauma either :(
You expressed so well all the things that disturbed me when i was reading it .
Thank you for the video it was liberating to watch !
It's reassuring to know I wasn't the only one feeling this way while reading!
Thank you for the precise explanations! I stopped at page 200 because I sensed this story will go nowhere, and i was right when i got to your spoiler rants.
You were definitely right and I think the decision to dnf it was a good one đž
Thank you for this review! I think I might still read it at some point, but I feel much more prepared now.
Glad I could help with the preparations :)
Forgive me for not watching the whole video I was short on time so apologies if I'm missing crucial information but I just had to say that I'm not sure if Jude classifies as "disabled" per say? His unbearable pain and the eventual outcome are the result of a brutal attack that he believed he deserved it. He was completely shut down from an outside view which if you look at guys from Vietnam back is kind of the norm. Anyway I'm open ended on that.
Second I thought all the characters minus Jackson were great. Beautifully imperfect human beings. JB loved his friends that was covered time and time again. That's why he painted them. He was their biggest fan. He also failed them and it tore him apart. He failed himself.
Third the degree of detail allowed me to understand Jude more deeply and be more patient with him as a result. It allowed me to ebb and flow with his character. A lot, maybe too much? but to me it felt transparent and necessary to understand the severity of his reactions.
And last that story was about love and trust and how sometimes we can't love enough or let ourselves be loved despite every opportunity and justifiable reason. And that's just the reality of life. There was so much beauty, compassion, intimacy in this book. Harold is one of my all time favorite characters. It all hurt because they loved so deeply . The bad doesn't obliterate that, it exists with it.
People do die without being healed. Everyday. It hurts so bad and this books out that reality.
Some people are completely on there own, even if they're not. Those are stories worth telling.
A whole essay comment without watching the full video? Hmm... Jude is disabled, he fits the bill if you look up the definition of the term. Especially with him using aids and having a disability friendly living environment built for him, it's hard to miss. He's also mentally ill too, which falls under the disability umbrella, aside from his physical disabilities.
I agree, people do die without being healed and that is sad! But I disagree on people being completely on their own. I also think the statement 'some people are completely on their own, even if they're not' doesn't completely make sense...
@@OliviasCatastrophe
Jude was on his own even though he wasn't. He couldn't trust that he wasn't so he had the experience and ramifications of being alone regardless of his external reality. I do removals for funeral homes for a living and I frequently pick up people that have clearly been alone for a long long time. The loneliness is like physical presence that i want to run away from. I always sit there thinking. "Why didn't you just go to the door?" Very aware that's a senseless question for them.
My interpretation of what your are saying is that you want a message put out by the author that supports a world view you hold (one that I very much like) and what I read in a little life was realistic fiction.
I watched 10 minutes of your video and responded with a 10 seconds read. Would hardly call that an essay or an imbalance of any kind on my part.
Point taken on the disability portion. Appreciate that.
@@joshuagrahl5351 read your reply, acknowledged and agree for the most part!
Also an apology from me re the essay comment! Iâd been replying to some (fairly more so) vicious comments on this video all in one go and had my hackles up. So wanted to say sorry about that đđŸ
@@OliviasCatastrophe that's so sweet of you thank you. Sorry for the vicious comments you've dealt with. And thank you for the counterpoints.
Thank you for this comment! I am bad at expressing my thoughts in a good way, but your comment did just that for me. I also want to say that I believe Jude feels and calls himself disgusting, not directly because of his disability. His experience is more nuanced, and his disabilities are a direct consequence of his traumas, which, of course, can be true for many people with disabilities. However, where Jude differs is that he thinks himself responsible to a large extent for his pain. That is one of the tragic things about him is that he never manages (and nobody else managed to help him with that fully) to get away from the idea that he willingly did all those âdisgustingâ things. That, coupled with falling in the hands of people who consistently confirmed to him all the shame and guilt and bad thoughts he had toward himself, made him unable to see that he wasnât responsible for his suffering regardless of his decisions and he had no fault and he should not have blamed himself the way he did. Thatâs why, in my opinion, when he sees his disability in a physical or any other way manifesting, he feels he is disgusting; it is always a reminder of his trauma and consequently of his shame and guilt about it, for which he never stops hating himself. He does not have the freedom of mind to not feel like this about himself or to change his mind categorically on that matter.
Again, I am sorry for any grammar mistakes or lousy writing style. I hope you get my point.
Glad to see someone else felt exactly the same way as I did, while reading this book.
It's been so reassuring to know people agree in the comments for me too.
Thank you so much for this review, it was great! I need to say that even though I completely agree with most of your points, I still kind of enjoyed the book. I think itâs mainly because of its writing - I like Yanagiharaâs metaphors, I think theyâre unusual but clever and well-crafted, and I enjoyed all those vivid depictions of situations. When I wrote a review on this book, I said that I am ready to read literally anything this woman will write - even if she will write a 500 pages long book about a bread, I would still read that; thatâs how much I loved the writing style. And I think thatâs the main reason why I finished the book, otherwise I would abandon it much earlier because of the points you made in the video, but also because of some other points that I noticed and that I would like to write about:
âą Thereâs this scene in the book where (if I remember correctly) Willem asks Jude what his sexuality actually is and I absolutely HATED (like literally ABSOLUTELY HATED) Judeâs response - he said something about being only attracted to guys because thatâs the only thing he knew. Meaning: He was abused by men his whole life and he only had sex with men and heâs supposed to be gay because he knows nothing else than this. But thatâs not how it works and itâs very harmful to put it together like that. I absolutely hated this narrative about sexuality being determined by something like abuse. Really? Ugh, I almost wanted to choke myself when I read that.
âą I HATED that Yanagihara decided it would be a good idea to write Jude so profoundly attractive. This, alongside with a few other things like that anti climatic car accident, two best friends getting together after years of wanting each other or the trope with almost everybody being in love with the main character, is for me a sign of a fan fiction/telenovel style terrible writing decision that completely shattered otherwise very serious and masterfully written book. I wouldnât mind if she would write something like âhe can be kinda nice time to time when he takes care of himself - or at least when he takes a showerâ or something, but every other page someone reminded us how unbelievably beautiful Jude is and almost every character was attracted to him and after a while it was kind of disgusting to read. So - Jude was this magical beauty, how could he not be like that, right? I personally donât really like when someone is referring to someone else in the book as beautiful because beauty is very subjective but this book made me HATED it. And when I read the scene in the car where fucking Harold, Judeâs adoptive father, tells him heâs the most beautiful person he has ever encountered, I started fighting the urge to throw the book into a garbage disposal.
âą Another thing that really bothered me is the depiction of Jude. If you paid attention to the depiction of other characters, you can paint them in your mind very easily because they are depicted well enough to do it - with the color of their hair, eyes, features, etc. Jude is never depicted this way and that drove me crazy. In the beginning of the book thereâs said that Jude isnât white - from that point I was excited to find out about what race Jude actually is but itâs never really depicted, not even with one word. But like⊠you can describe a person even though he has some unspecified race, itâs not such a big deal. Does he has Asian features? Or Latina? Is he⊠I donât know⊠Hispanic? Jesus Christ. The only thing we know about Jude in terms of his looks is âbrownâ hair - but even when Yanagihara is trying to depict the color of Judeâs hair, she says something about them âlookingâ brown, but also that they have so many shades and forms that they have some magical indescribable color, and the color most close to it is a brown color. And the same goes for his eyes - she says that he has lizard eyes or something. So⊠excuse me, but what the actual fuck?! Donât take me wrong, I kinda understand why she wrote him that way - she wanted him to be this unimaginable character, this floating ghost of a person, and that this is her way to depersonalize him for us, but on the other hand, this is contradicting the fact that the whole book is only about uncovering Judeâs traumatic past, which automatically means bringing him closer to us. So yeah, I understand why she wrote him that way but I also donât understand why she wrote him that way. Lol.
âą I was fairly confused by the whole exaggeration vs. hyper realism in this book. I found most of Judeâs thoughts extremely relatable and a lot of scenes and situations very trustworthy - but overall, I think the over-the-top style of depicting themes has done more harm than good. And the scene where two 50 years old men are crying on their shoulders the whole night because one of them purposely self-harms and the other one is not quite happy about it literally made me laugh because of how unbelievable it was. And when something so serious makes you laugh, it means that itâs either stupid or that youâre a psychopath and I can definitely assure you that the second thing is not the reason.
âą I am not ashamed to say this: there was literally no character growth. Think about it - every character ends up in the exact place from where they started. But howâs that possible, you say? They came to New York completely broke and naive and now theyâre grown-ass persons with money and good jobs, right? Well, okay, now take the whole career element out of it because career growth isnât character development. Say it with me again: CAREER GROWTH ISNâT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. (But Yanagihara probably thinks it is.) When you forget about their jobs, you will see what I am talking about. For example: it would be so interesting to watch Judeâs way through therapy to became a happy person again but we never get to see such thing. We can only see him suffer and nothing else. And thatâs why he never changes, he never grows as a person. And the same goes for everyone else - I see no change in Willem or JB or Malcolm. You can literally take them as characters in their early 20s and transfer them to their late 50s - then you can add some wrinkles and probably a few gray hair and there you go. Same people, no change.
âą Iâm pretty sure Iâve already seen this point in other review but I will repeat it myself here because itâs true and because itâs also one of the things that bothered me the most: Yanagiharaâs whole world is BLACK or WHITE only. People canât be just people, they canât make mistakes because they are people - but they can make awful crimes because they are bad people. All of the villains in this book (Brother Luke, Caleb, etc.) are presented only in one light and their motivation comes only from the fact that âthey are just bad peopleâ. No, thatâs not how it works. Should I really believe that every guy who crossed Judeâs life path in his childhood and early teen years turned into a predator in the end? Well, good, but I donât believe in something like that. Should I believe that every fucking person in the monetary molested him and abused him? Okay, but NO. Such a difficult philosophical question as âthe good and the badâ is presented to us in such a plain and easy way that it was almost laughable - well, not almost, but pretty much laughable. It degrades the whole purpose of the book because all those bad people are just caricatures created for the main characterâs trauma. It would be much more interesting to create one or two three-dimensional characters with a lot of focus on and to explore a predatorâs mind much more in a believable ways.
âą And now I can finally get to the last point which is Judeâs entire character. The thing is⊠I hate him. Yanagihara made me feel hate towards someone like Jude and I thought I am a horrible person because of that. How can I hate someone like Jude after all heâs been through? I felt truly awful but then I remembered that itâs not my fault - itâs the authorâs fault. I really really really HATED Jude in the end and I think thatâs mainly because he is not a good representation of a disabled person. His trauma is really complicating his life when itâs necessary to the plot, otherwise not - he is great in his job and has no troubles keeping it, he has no money struggles, he had no problems with his studies. Thatâs not believable at all to me. In comparison to Jude, I literally have really mild mental health problems and even that much of a psychological disorder is complicating my life in a pretty horrendous ways. I have a really hard time believing that a person with such a strongly depicted mental health problems could literally have⊠no actual problems at all. He has no problems with maintaining daily chores, with keeping a job, with studies and with relationships in his workplace or in personal relationships. My behavior coming from my anxiety issues is sometimes so hard for people around me to understand that itâs so difficult for me to believe that people around Jude would be so obsessed with him in such a weird way that he basically slowly became their biggest idol. I think it would look pretty different in a real world; people would be probably completely scared out by Judeâs behavior or they would think he is a total weirdo - and no, Iâm not saying that this is how you should act towards a disabled person, Iâm just saying that this is how people behave most of the time. The way people treated Jude just doesnât sit right with me. Jude is literally a splitted person - heâs an idealized Gary Stu with some randomly sprinkled emotional traumas all over him that are literally begging for your attention - and in the end, for your tears and pity. Yes, as you can guess, I really HATED him. Why? Because he wasnât a representation of a disabled person - he was purposely designed emotional wreck for people mindlessly devouring trauma porn to masturbate on. Nothing else.
I hope I covered everything I wanted. My comment is really long that I would be pretty surprised if someone would actually read all of this but I just wanted to write my thoughts about the book. Also - sorry for all the mistakes, Iâm not a native English speaker.
Thanks again for the video! :)
Amazing comment and your English is great! Yeah, I wasn't a fan of the LGBTQ+ representation but also didn't think I'd be the best one to comment on that myself. I did feel the same way though! Yes, I've seen some disabled reviewers really unhappy with how him being beautiful and literally not struggling with any other aspect of his life except for being beautiful and having mental health troubles... I can see how that layers onto the awful disability representation. There was no depiction whatsoever! For the longest time I thought he was white so when someone mentioned his ethnicity being ambiguous I was like... but he's white though? Until I read back. Incredibly little description to go on. 100% on how there was no character development in any of them and maybe that is another thing that made me dislike all of the characters. Especially Willem as his reactions to Jude are the same when they are and aren't in a relationship and I couldn't feel that relationship being real!! I also love character development so a book without it is another reason I could've struggled with it. Hard agree that the exaggeration likely did more harm than good. Everything was very flat and black and white. I might have not hated Willem so much if he wasn't presented as flawless but as someone who does make mistakes like he did. Rather than alleviating him of all responsibility of bad decisions because apparently he is an 'angel' for dating someone disabled. Anyway, I am glad there were elements of the book you could like too so it wasn't all bad for you!
This is such an eloquent review. Thank you for putting into words everything I disliked about this book - Iâd watched and read those interviews with Hanya that you mentioned, but I couldnât distill what exactly it was that didnât sit right with me.
Thank you for watching and I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt this way about the book!
I just finished this book a couple of days ago and I had the SAME EXACT FEELING at the end. At the end it became more of this pity party for Jude, and it was so drawn out and I was so desensitized to his tragedy, his trauma, his passive aggressiveness at not wanting help and I was OVER IT. I wanted it to end and when it did, done. I felt nothing. NOTHING. Bravo for this review because it explained exactly how I felt. Harold picking and choosing when to interfere and when to not interfere did not fit his character. Same with Willem, he could have freaking pushed those questions, CONFRONT YOUR FRIEND ABOUT IT! UGH. This rant is exactly my thoughts!
Ugh it was so awful. Completely understand that over it feeling. I am glad you understand and relate!! Even though I am sorry you didn't like the book either đž
Yes to all you said. You mentioned things I didn't even think of as reading, but now I see how right you are. I loved Willem until the romance, and then I thought, okay here is another abuser of Jude, which seemed out of character for Willem, but whatever. Around page 300, I totally checked out and didn't care about any of the characters any more. I felt more emotions during your review, then I did at any point in this book!
I understand checking out after a certain point and not caring anymore... Thanks for watching - it's reassuring to know I wasn't the only one who felt this way about the book.
I can't believe I found a review I actually agree with! I thought I was the only one who was angry, not sad like everyone said, just angry. The fact that no-one NO ONE (including a doctor!!!) helped him and just ley him keep on hurting himself
Also, something I would have like is the addition of a character who had gone through similar experiences ( a women preferably, like you said WHERE ARE THE WOMEN??) The author could have talked about whats the reactions when a man its sa.
There were so many things that made me so upset and I didn't feel any sadness at the end
It's kind of comforting to know I'm not the only one who was angry after reading instead of sad. It was incredible to think the doctor didn't do more really... I think having a female character foil would've worked so well too.
Really excited for this review. I havenât read the book because Iâm familiar with some of the interviews you discussed in the opening. Really love your voice, excited.
Glad to know the news is going out about the interviews!
I'm here after 2 years and great job for the review, totally passionate delivery... but honestly Great job to Hanya, I think she had you where she really wanted... Now I'm going to read the book...
I don't think so as she likely wants people to rate her books higher than 1 star!
This is a great review. I never had any desire to read this book, and every single concern I had about this book, you have proved to be founded. Thanks for sharing. I will never read this đ
You're making the smart decisions here đ
I think your comments would be completely valid if the characters in this book were openly communicative, fully evolved women. But they're not. They're imperfect, variously broken men, and one of the main things Yanigahara talks about in interviews is the way that male friendship is so much about avoidance of communication, of putting forward a certain image and never really exploring anything deeper. Part of the results of putting everything so far out of reach is occasional behavior which can only be described as deplorable and -- to many -- unforgivable. And that's not just doing things, it's also NOT doing things, because there is always this very well-defined sense of boundary among men. Specifically, I'm not sure Willem is inactive because he doesn't love Jude, I think it's because he knows if he goes one inch over the line, Jude would shut him out forever and probably move far, far away.
As far as Jude's self-loathing, I think you're focusing too much on the disability and not enough on the abuse. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the disability is not even central to the story, or to Jude's makeup. I saw it as a hand-holding tool Yanigahara gives to those readers who just can't comprehend the catastrophic psychological effects of repeated abuse by sadistic pedophiles in childhood. Fortunately, that's most of the audience. I think we'd have the same basic story if he wasn't physically disabled, but it's possible that some readers might have found it even more unbelievable than they did if Hanya hadn't used the Cronenbergian device of the inner turmoil made flesh.
Regarding Caleb and the evil doctor, there's a thing that a couple of abuse survivors have said to me about predators being able to sniff them out in a crowd even if they don't say anything. Perhaps it's something in their reactions or demeanor, I am not really sure what they meant, but apparently that's a real thing, and one of them said to me that they actually respond to that sort of thing because they think that's the kind of relationship they deserve. A lot of things Jude says and thinks remind me of those conversations.
Personally, I completely bought into the characters (except J.B., who I wrote off after a scene I'm sure you'll remember), and didn't find the rest of the novel to be too much of a stretch at all. I've known people who have suffered worse, and are still (in all but two cases) suffering. So, yeah, this wasn't a book about the evolved, the optimistic, or those willing to confront. It was about the way that some men are and how they interact (or don't). I stand by the story being believable and absorbing, and, yeah, I hated some of the things people did and failed to do in this book, but it caused me to blame the characters and not the book. Thanks, though, for a thoughtful and honest reaction.
I actually agree with a lot of what you said in this comment! I think it does manage to show that male friendship as you described. I think when they are friends it shows that quite a lot in the way you describe. I feel like I would've expected more or something different when they switch to their relationship, but you make a very true point there!
I also 100% agree with what you said about disability and abuse and self-loathing. Other commenters have mentioned that it does also come from his abuse and I think that is actually something I missed and would discuss differently if I ever redid this review (but I don't think I will).
Again, what you say about abusers being able to find and target them more than once in their life is accurate (I have heard of this before). I feel like the book could still have excluded the evil doctor though? I got that impression of this point already when it came to his abuse as a child and experiences at the foster home, and then with Callum again later in life. The evil doctor still felt excessive to that mesage.
I do believe and know there are people who have suffered a lot and suffered worse in real life as well. Personally, I feel like when you handle these subject matters in fiction you have to approach them differently than if you were writing a nonfiction memoir because as it is a fiction, you have to take into account what feels realistic - even if that means setting limits that don't necessarily exist in real life. If that makes sense? I find it a bit difficult to communicate that point in the video and I am not sure it comes across as I intend.
Thank you for this long and thoughtful comment! And for sharing the ways you disagree in an approachable manner. I actually agree with some of the points you mention đ
@@OliviasCatastrophe You make a great point here which I hadn't considered, about approaching what feels realistic in fiction differently than non-fiction. I've encountered some horrific situations in my life which made the book feel realistic to me, but I am sure that if I wrote about those situations as fiction that they might come off as excessive or implausible as well. And, yeah, if I look at it through that lens, the doctor was probably a bridge too far for most readers.
I picked up this book a couple of years ago and didn't realize what a phenomenon it was. I thought it was too depressing to get through and its nice to hear I'm not the only one who didn't love it. I liked the story of the friend group at the beginning that falls by the wayside 1/4 of the way into the book, I agree Dr Traylor seemed like overkill and that there aren't any strong women characters, and I think the idea that some people are beyond help is what makes the book so painful to read. As you said, it sends a terrible message to readers and I just don't think its true. I'm not disabled or a victim of abuse but I struggle with depression and that was enough to make the book difficult to get through.
It really did lay on the heavy vibes. And yeah, the friend group story doesn't last long at all which surprised me a lot because that is the main premise element in the synopsis. Content warnings at the start of the book would've been helpful for one like this which has so many difficult and trauma related subjects involved in it...
It's great to know that I'm not the only one who truly disliked this book, your input was well thought of and explained really well.
Thank you - and sorry you didn't like it either :(
Thank you ! I absolutely hated this book ! Why do people want to write traumatic untrue stories about situations they know nothing about . It felt like a long drawn out story of abuse written by someone who possibly has never experienced it and therefore shouldnât try to dramatize and just create new depths of pain . Truly would never recommend this book
To anyone
Can't think of a single person I'd recommend it to either đ
Damn, you put literally everything I was thinking into words. Especially the emptiness at the end because at some point you get full body dragged out of book when everything just ends up seeming like it's for plot, just to torture Jude that much more. Like, I'm not saying these things aren't possible but, it almost feels like a reverse deus ex machina? Where the plot BENDS around Jude to make him suffer..
I'm glad you understood and it's good to know I'm not the only one who felt this way! And yes exactly -- I fully believe these things can happen to people but the story literally contorted and stretched to allow it to happen to jude đ©đȘ
I've thought about reading this for a while now because I've got fomo when I see people read it. But I always hesitate because I heard mixed things and I don't think it's for me. Just like with The Priory of the Orange Tree, you've managed to soothe my fomo haha
I am glad to help out with the fomo feels :P Honestly, you're not missing anything amazing!
a well-articulated review!! this book is by far one of my favorite books of all time. i will carry the memories , the emotions, and the characters with me probably forever. it was such a special book to me and i got so emotionally attached to it! while i must agree on some of your points, it unsettles me to constantly hear the arguments that it is "trauma porn" and a lot of jude's tragic experiences were deemed "unnecessary" and "exaggerated" or even "unrealistic." these things happen to people. people suffer in many ways and in varying degrees of pain to the point where it can get overwhelming (which is why the book itself is overwhelming). so how can it be "unrealistic"? the book highlights jude's pain, his life and what happened to him with absolutely no filters.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I am glad you enjoyed the book. I have counterarguments to your comments about exaggerated and unrealistic while it does also relate to some people's true experiences, but I don't want to repeat myself - you'll find my answer in responses to some of the similar comments đ„°
will definitely be remembering some of this stuff when i get round to reading it! (leaving at end of spoiler free)
Very eager to find out what you'll think of it!!
Commenting at the beginning of the video: Oh wow, you usually strike me as a person who has generally positive feelings on books, so hearing that you really hated this one is a surprise! I can't wait to find out why this one set you off. I've never read it so I'm going in with no attachment to it.
Me, halfway through this video: **angry screaming**
I also like to think I am someone who generally enjoys a good 75% or more of what I pick up and read! I don't usually dislike something so much, so this was a surprise to me too đȘ
I don't disagree with everything you said but one of the things I think you got completely wrong was Willem's character. He wasn't perfect but he also wasn't the monster you made him out to be. He wasn't good at confrontation but he still went out of his way to ask jude if he enjoyed sex which jude lied and said yes. Willem could sense something was off but couldn't be sure bc jude always put up an act and verbally assured him. It wasn't till he catches on that sex = more cutting that Willem confronts him again which leads to that big fight. Willem basically forces him to admit that he doesn't like sex bc jude wouldn't say it himself and respects his boundaries even when jude later tells him they can have sex but Willem continues to respect him by saying no.
The problem you have with jude, Malcolm, Willem and Harold is that you want them to be perfect, say and do all the right things, be the perfect friends and never make mistakes or have flaws. You expect a traumatized and disabled character to not be traumatized and indenial about the horrible things that happened to him, all of which is unrealistic.
If you wanted to read a story where all the characters are perfect, don't have short comings, don't deal with trauma, self-esteem issues, and has a happy ending, you were never going to find it here. And just bc you didn't it doesn't mean it's a bad written book, it's just not one for you
I don't expect the characters to be perfect, but I think they failed at convincing me of the friendships because these characters showed they barely cared about Jude at all. And if they were just acquaintances I would better believe the way they acted, but not as the BEST friends the author was trying to sell me on them being. That said, regardless of whether or not I liked it - I do think it was incredibly overwritten and that is what I disliked about it. The author could've trimmed down a lot of descriptions and I think the book would've been better for it. But this is all opinion anyway - no book is for everyone. Some people hate a book, some other people will love it ;) Don't take reviews too seriously.
thank you for this review! especially resonated with your thoughts on friendship and family and how the characters fail in that. i havent read this book and i didnt plan to, but tbh i enjoy watching content about it because it is so divisive. i watched drinking by my shelf do a spoiler video on it and i get why it appeals to some, but i know myself well enough to know that i would hate it too.
i have a lot of thoughts related to what you said i want to share, i will try to keep it brief lol. first: the message that as adults we are completely alone is straight up false. it is untrue. as humans we have depended on each other to survive and as weak ass animals will continue to do so. capitalism champions individualism but we depend on each other more than ever now that division of labor is global. i cant build a house, or make clothes, or harvest foods. but i contribute other things to other people. yanagihara couldnt have written or published this book without a village of people contributing their skills (one only wishes she would have contributed some research skills, which is the bread and butter of being an author, but i digress). so while feeling alone and alienated is highly relatable and valid feeling, it is not an insightful truth about life.
secondly i wanna speak about disability but i feel like i need to qualify my statement first. i am not "officially" disabled - meaning i have an invisible disability and am perceived as a woman, so naturally im just nagging and being negative when i try to make doctors understand my problems in everyday life. but in said everyday life, i dont know what word other than disabled i could use for my experience. i cant do the things i want to do because my body prevents me. and i do feel some of the things you relay from jude - shame, mainly, when i have to cancel plans or otherwise fail someone because my body had a bad day or several. mostly i feel frustrated and wish i was able bodied and functioned "normally" (my therapist hates when i say that but idk what better expresses it!). and that in turn makes me feel ashamed that im not defying the negative stereotype that all disabled people hate their life because theyre disabled. like, i do love my life, but i wish i could live more of it, if that makes sense. anyway, i am in complete agreement with your criticism of what she does with that - without any research! the audacity?? and because for me there is a kernel of truth in it, its even more frustrating to see what she did with it and how popular it is.
im not even gonna get into the sexual assault things because its just... too much. also i did not keep this brief rip. thanks for reading if youre still here!
I will always appreciate your long comments and of course read them through to the end
As far as I know by saying " you're on your own" Yanagihara meant that you are fundamentally alone, or the way you perceive the world, the way you interact with it, your thoughts and emotions can't really fully be understood, shared or experienced by others the way you do and they belong entirely to you. Not that you cannot connect with others, of course we see it in everyday life and ofc in the book Jude has rather deep connections with the other characters. The thing is that this is a hard pill to swallow for most people, cause we want to have this person or these people to which we connect fully and wholeheartedly that they take in everything we share to them, but the thought of that not being true scares people but I think we should accept that and that in a way you're lonely, but you're not alone.
Also about the lack of confrontations in the book, especially surrounding Jude's mental health I honestly couldn't believe by how many times characters just turned blind eye to it. I was angry about it, but then I started thinking, ok let's imagine you know hypothetically I have a friend who is doing all of those stuff tp themselves and they are very close off about it, and it brings them great pain to talk about their past. Now ofc that this is the right thing to do for the person, but I think the characters, or at least this is how I felt about it, just didn't want to add up to it, they didn't want to couse him even more pain by asking him again and again and even sending him at even a worst place than in the one he's already in. No that does not excuse it at all, but I could understand why so many of them did not bring it up more often.
I still struggled with the characters turning a blind eye. I know someone in my life who is disabled, and quite closed off about it sometimes. But my love for them and their reluctance to open up has never stopped me from trying! And I know other people who have also had the same - where they still approach their friend. Maybe there are people who wouldn't - I can definitely believe that - but then I think that would be harder to sell as a healthy and productive romance like they want me to believe with Willem.
@@OliviasCatastrophe Yes indeed, you should talk to your friends/ siblings etc about their past and or current state of mind and body, it just seem like the logical, healthy thing to do. And in a way, yes not opening up the topic might be ok for a while, but i do think that not speaking up, you know reassuring your friend or close one at the right time, at an early time then this is for sure going to have a long lasting effect. I feel bad that Jude started opening up to Willem, and at a later point even to a psychotherapist and I never really understood if he felt heard, or felt that sth has lifted off his shoulders.
I mean idk what Jude and Willem had was everything else but a romance, at least for me, and some might disagree and I understand that too, the whole thing of him pressuring Jude for sex and guilt-tripping him just didn't sit right with me.
Thank you for this review. You put so many of the issues i have with this book into words.
I listened to the audiobook version in my language and the narrator sounded very cynical or even amused. At first i felt like it maybe wasnât appropriate given the subject, but by the end I figured that thereâs no other way to read this. Itâs ridiculous. Itâs just shock value upon shock value that people seem to confuse for a well constructed story.
Shock value upon shock value is pretty much a great way to put it. Oh, I can't even imagine what it must have been like to narrate this audiobook đ
Finally, an actual good honest review of this book. I just finished reading this book today and I couldnât put words to my feelings because I feel like I felt nothing throughout the whole book and didnât shed a single tear reading it, just angst and anger like you do while I see every other reviews of people reading, crying, sobbing over this book and it got me questioning myself like Do I not have emotions anymore? Is there something wrong with me? Why am I not feeling anything? which is weird because Iâve cried over other sad books before and I was expecting this book to hit me the hardest, but it didnât And I couldnât put into words why but I think I get it now after watching your video. The points you made are so valid and well done and the way you explained it made so much sense, probably made even more sense than the whole book. Thank you for doing a review that gives a different perspective, an eye-opening one, compared to all the other reviews.
And donât let me start with the writing. I basically skimmed bunch of pages because I got bored of the authorâs writing style. Okay there are some beautiful phrases here in there but mostly it seems like sheâs just writing whatever comes to her mind. It reads like butter, but she uses the same words all the time, again and again, and it doesnât help that the vocabulary she uses was quite simple and basic (I think with a story with this much context and depth, the author couldâve taken advantage to use more complex words to explain such a clearly complex story). A lot of paragraphs were just about explaining, a lot of exposition, no dialogues at all, and when something happens, a big event, instead of spacing it out, or rather start a new paragraph, from the old paragraph to give a bigger impact, it just glides along the same paragraph as if it was just a big rant and that, to me, gave no impact at all. Maybe itâs just my preference, I donât know. I have read better writing style.
I was definitely questioning myself for a lot of it in terms of being confused about not feeling much of anything other than anger while reading! You're definitely not alone or wrong for that, and it's always comforting when you realise you're not alone in it đž I'm sorry this one didn't work out for you either :(
I haven't read this book and as a disabled woman with PTSD, thank you for the heads up, your outrage is contagious
I just couldn't believe it!! I am glad you haven't been subjected to reading it
Thank you so so much.. You are so amazing for decoding this tragic book and helping me to dnf this book ..
I'm glad I could make the dnfing choice easier!
Thank you Olivia for sharing your thoughts and for making me feel less "what the what" about this book. I wanted to like it more but simply didn't, despite all the public praise. I too felt deep sorrow and anger at Jude's situation but thought the continuously depressing layers both unbelievable/unnecessary and only served to numb me by the end. The wonderful thing about books (like most things in life) is that we don't have to agree with others ... but thank you for making me feel less alone on this one.
It can be lonely when you're the only one who didn't like a popular book! Just know you're definitely not alone this time around :3
Thank you for such a powerful and vulnerable review. đâ
Glad it was helpful đ