A Guy's Advice for your First Relationship 1. Think of your first relationship as a learning experience that's helping you become a better version of yourself 1A. Be yourself - don't just be the person you think the other person wants to date 1B. Be flexible on preferences, not on life goals and morality - In your first relationship you can get too invested too quickly 2. Appreciate that you're probably not going to be together forever - Don't feel like you have to stay with your first boyfriend because you think that he's the one you're going to marry - Protect you from being too emotionally invested
@@justgween7573 I feel you dont have to and it won't ruin the relationship God wants you to be in. I know people who have married their first boyfriend/girlfriend and enjoyed it that way. I've also seen people who had multiple relationships and then met the one. Some of these people regret the other relationships they had, some have learned from their past relationships. But you never know how it will be with you. For me I've never been in a relationship and I'm 23. I would like for my first boyfriend to be my husband. I still have guy friends but I am cautious about getting close to a guy because I dont want to led them on and I want to guard my heart. And honestly I spend time with God and pray about different guys I would have crushes on and the Lord gives me confirmation and discernment about them. But know if you end up dating a bad guy and hes not for you, you can definitely break up and God will heal you and led you to the right relationship. If you end up meeting the person God has for you right away it doesnt mean that it will be harder or your relationship will be ruined because you've never been in a relationship. It could be challenging because all relationships are challenging but I dont believe you have to date a bunch of people to have knowledge and experience about relationships. There are alot of good sermons and books on relationships. I love listening to Michael Todd (transformation church), Jamie Grace's wait it out series, Allyson Rowe, Vous church. And there a book I love called "Crushed why guys dont have to make or break you" by Jessica Minassian.
I get what you mean with the second advice but at the same time, I feel you should go into any relationship with the intention of making it go somewhere. At times for people it can go as planned or it may not. So you should honestly look at it both ways
Feel like God wanted me to see this. Feeling very discouraged lately. 11 yrs and counting is a long waiting period. I just need to trust in the Lord with all my heart and keep reminding myself of this.
Here's a tip: always make sure their actions match their words. You can learn so much about a person by paying close attention to their behavior. If they say they love you, for example, but they hit you, then there is a clear disconnect between their words and behavior. This is a huge red flag. Words can deceive you, but the truth is always in their actions.
I totally agree! I was dating this guy who always was late and cancelling plans and he'd always tell me how much he appreciated me 🤦 actions always speak louder!
Good thing. Because my guy has all the actions (very respectful, kind, true-to-his-word, on-time, etc.) but has trouble expressing much through words (though I’ve watched him start turning a corner there…)
@@TiffanyDawn Dear Tiffany, could you please share with us, in a separate video maybe, some useful and effective tips to overcome an ex??... Since you guys were both involved in some relationships before you got married, which some of them were serius, as you shared with us.. I really need that and it would be so helpful if you made a video on this topic!.. Thank you so much for all the advice!!.. Great video once again!!.. God bless you!!.. ❤️❤️❤️
I LOVE the freedom coming from James saying that you don’t get to control if the only person you date is your spouse! I was so sad when the man I was going on dates with didn’t pursue a relationship with me. I was hoping that I’d only have to date one person-I thought that’d be so romantic! But it’s nice to hear James say that that’s not within my control because that helps me not to blame myself and overanalyze what I did wrong. Like you guys are saying, it was a learning experience! Thank you so much for sharing! ❤️
I’m so glad that could bring some freedom!! Yes!! 🙌🙌 it’s soo easy to overanalyze and try to figure out what we did “wrong” - I did that all the time, and there’s so much freedom in looking back and realizing it wasn’t about me after all - it wasn’t because I did something wrong - and I’m SO GLAD those past relationships didn’t work out!!
I started reading your book "boy-crazy” today. Your experiences with your first boyfriend left me speechless. I’m so glad you found somebody as sweet and caring as James. 💗 Nobody deserves to be treated like crap by a man!
This is awesome 🤗... Thanks... I'm almost 21 and I haven't dated before.. I'm just waiting on God to send me the right one and in the process He's really building me up in spirit and in character. And that's awesome.. I'm not in a hurry to date... I'm in a hurry to be the best person I can be with God and mature emotionally and Spiritually.. All the best to anyone waiting and anyone in Singleness and anyone in a relationship❤️.
That is a great way to look at it, I'm 28 and have never dated. I got to admit that I have a hard time waiting because the desire is strong. If you ever struggle, don't rush to Mr. Right Now, but run to God! This could be prayers filled with tears (I've had many), talking to family and friends, and your pastor. Seek wise elders too, I have one that brings a lot of wisdom during dark times, not just about dating either, I currently lost my job. But, remember this: God has a plan and let Him teach you to trust and have patience in Him!
Valerie Jepsen I just felt the need to encourage you through a random comment in the internet so keep on trusting the Lord sis! I hope you find your awesome husband pretty soon, take heart and keep praying because God will provide you soon with a husband and a new job, just have faith, everything will turn out perfect in His time ❤️
@@_the_little_mermaid_ Sorry to pour cold water on. But how do you know "soon"? If you don't know but hope, you could end up making someone feel pretty bad about themselves or about God...remember the Deuteronomy solution for inaccurate prophesy. Its serious!
@@gidiasdzaa4794 Thank you very much. May God give you strenght on your journey as well... It's not easy, but we'll nothing is ever easy anyways. With God, we'll make it. All the best💫
As someone who is yet to enter any serious relationship, I appreciate this! Often times it's the simplest things that we overlook. And hearing James ask us to keep Tiffany in our prayers is really heartwarming.
Thanks, guys! I am now engaged to my first boyfriend, so it worked well for me but I know I'm a rare case. One other big thing I've found is how fun/relaxed it is. I've had other guys ask me out and I've declined and the friendship, ask out, flirting and rejection have been really uncomfortable and stressful and damaging to my mental health - all of which are indicators to me that it's not going to work, regardless of my feelings. I've also had friends date someone and be really really unsure or just completely not into it but feel they owe the guy a chance (of course you don't need to be 100% sold on date one), and it's fallen apart. Being generally happy and excited is an awesome sign that you're potentially compatible, and they're overall a safe and fun person to be around. Having a healthy friendship is a great start to that.
That’s awesome you are engaged to your first boyfriend, congratulations!! 😊 I agree it’s definitely possible for things to work out in your first relationship. Two of my closest friends have both gotten married to their first loves. I’m currently in my first relationship, we’ve been dating about a year, and it’s long distance. We’ve talked a lot about our future and closing the distance, and I really believe he is the one God has for me and my boyfriend feels the same way! 😊
Thank you James for this talk! I'm 27 now and still lack the experience of being in a relationship. I always aimed to only get into a relationship when we are both sure that we will marry. I first want to be good friends with the person. I don't know how realistic that is but I've changed a lot during the last years without being in a relationship and I hope I'm mature enough to handle it well when I meet the right person.
I thought this was worth reposting: I'm 28 and have never dated. I got to admit that I have a hard time waiting because the desire is strong. If you ever struggle, don't rush to Mr. Right Now, but run to God! This could be prayers filled with tears (I've had many), talking to family and friends, and your pastor. Seek wise elders too, I have one that brings a lot of wisdom during dark times, not just about dating either, I currently lost my job. But, remember this: God has a plan and let Him teach you to trust and have patience in Him! Continue the great work!
Hi that's my story. First boyfriend just shy of 27 now we're engaged. Being friends first helps because you get to iron out your issues before it gets more emotionally fraught. Four years of therapy prior to meeting him definitely helped though. Without working on my flaws the relationship wouldn't have lasted a month. Keep growing, keep up your self esteem, keep knowing God. You'll never regret it regardless of when you meet your man.
About to turn 27, no serious relationships thus far, but trusting God for it one day. 💕 In the mean time, seeking to be focused, growing and thriving. Always good to see others my age in the same boat. ⛵
Hope you feel better soon Tiffany! James, thank you for filming this video, but I think you two started a bad thing, because now we want James to film more videos or start a CZcams channel...lol
I do agree that it’s rare to marry the first person you date, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to have the mindset that it will probably end. I feel like that’s not dating intentionally which I think is important. I could be wrong just sharing a thought 😊
I guess the key point is to consider that it might end. That way you can more easily keep your eyes open for red flags. But if it is your focus then it is bad. I agree.
I actually disagree, respectfully. I once heard a girl talk about viewing relationships with the breakup in mind with the goal of changing expectations of what is a successful relationship. It translated to two things in my mind: Is this relationship drawing me closer to God? And am I/the other person becoming better versions of ourselves? With this view it's not about being flippant with someones heart but learning about what healthy relationships look like, what you need and how to honor another person. Then if it ends or if you do get married you can still be better prepared for marriage and leave the other person better off for the right relationship. A relationship can be successful even if you break up. That's my two cents on the topic ❤.
I appreciate so much that you guys covered this topic! To give you a little of my story/current frustrations, I'm 25 and have never had a boyfriend. Over the past 2 years I've especially tried SO hard to meet new people and put myself out there, and I still keep being met with nothing. Problem is I unfortunately currently live in a small city in Alaska, where it's just SO hard to find more than 5 single Christian men (seriously, where are they!) I've tried a lot of online dating, and none of that has ever progressed anywhere. Especially with covid, it feels even more impossible to meet new people. I've left feeling discouraged, frustrated, and feeling trapped. The desperate cry of my soul is to be a wife and mother, and I don't even know what it's like to be a girlfriend. All I can figure is this is just a period of waiting, which has been just so so difficult.
As I’ve had only one relationship that I “cut loose” as Tiffany said, I can see number one for sure! I also got invested very quickly and wish I had heard these things! Now I know more for a future relationship 😊
Tiffany Dawn it was hard being my first relationship and it really hurt him and he proceeded to leave notes on my door and later avoid me. I didn’t handle it the best as I didn’t communicate the problems until the end, but I’m learning
My biggest thing I wish I did differently was setting boundaries before situations come up in your first relationship. For me I didn't know where boundaries should have been so I decided to sorta make them up as I go and it leaded me to going much further physically than I would have liked. With this point, not only having the boundaries, but being held accountable by someone, for me the most helpful people to be accountable to honestly is my parents because it is so terrifying for me to cross them I have been really careful about the commitments that I specifically made to them when talking about boundaries. The biggest I have been grateful was with my first boyfriend he really wanted to kiss, and I really didn't want to, so I told him he had to get my father's permission. Since than, I have decided that I want to same my first kiss for when I get married (that took years to get to that conclusion). I am so grateful that I had that rule and am now able to save that cherished moment for God willing the day I get married.
Getting physical can be a real danger: both get in too deep emotionally too quickly. Each can have different thresholds: my first GF though kissing, while fun, was 'routine'. For me it indicated commitment and serious interest. She lost interest in a couple of weeks. I did not. It was crushing.
I am absolutely dying at the example of "don't comprise on life goals" 😂😂😂 my boyfriend's life goal is to go back to Africa as a missionary, and I'll be honest....I'm compromising on my life goals and investing in his. However, my initial passion and his passion both came from hearts of service, and I'll be able to serve in similar ways to what I'd imagined
Good advice! Among the people I grew up with most of the ones who are married got married to the first person they had a relationship with and that made me feel a lot of pressure in the first relationship I had (I've only had one so far). He was not a very good guy so I'm glad I broke up with him, but it was not easy at the time. And a number of people still think we're together even though we were only together for three weeks and the relationship ended half a year ago. Something I've learned though and that I would give as advice to others is: If the other person is changing a lot of things in their life in order to be the kind of person they think you would like, that's not a very good sign. You might feel like it's a good thing and like you're helping them to become a better person, but chances are that the changes won't last very long. And if someone changes some big things in their life just to get you to like them it's a sign that they're not very mature in themselves.
@@TiffanyDawn way to go, James!! Such a blessing he is to help you and to give us such great advice! Thank you so much for this helpful video and for being an awesome role model of a God-honoring and fun couple 💕💕
For what it's worth (and I'm not sure this counts as advice), when I was dating I always took the view that 1. risking a broken heart was the price of entry and 2. if a breakup was coming I'd rather be hurt now than hurt more later (because I've invested more of my life by the time 'later' arrives, making it automatically more hurtful)... 'Thus' for my money it's better to end a relationship as soon as you know it's not right for you. How you know is anyone's guess (sorry, I have no clue). So I hope that's food for thought, but I'm not claiming any expertise in this at all.
I feel ya Tiff! I had hyperemesis gravidarum 5 years ago and I thought I was dying. I distinctly remember drinking some water, and then throwing it up 5 seconds later. Nothing worked for me (except sniffing peppermint essential oil occasionally stopped me from puking) but thankfully it only lasted the first 6 months of pregnancy. Hope you feel better :)
3 out of my 4 married siblings married the first person they dated, and it made me feel bad my first serious relationship didn't work out. I knew I should have broken up with him earlier, but I didn't because I was seeing our relationship through rose colored glasses. It still hurts a little looking back, but I'm thankful for how I grew that year.
Concerning the 2nd point, I think it depends on how we approach it. If we approach our first relationship with the determination that "I'm going to marry this person" even though that might not be God's will for us, that poses an issue. Because we're putting our own will above God's. Cause quite frankly, it very will could be God's will for us to marry the first person we date. It's about putting it in God's hands. I've known people where they left the mate-selection choice up to God and surrendered the entire thing to Him - and He showed that person in a dream, or a vision, or the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit that such-and-such person is meant to be their spouse. Of course, we need to be careful with that and test the spirits to be sure it's actually the Holy Spirit and not just our personal desires - but God can certainly tell someone supernaturally that someone is meant to be their spouse. And sometimes, if it really is God's will for those two people to be together, and the couple has tested the spirits, asked God for confirmation, and diligently seeking wise, biblical counsel - and it is confirmed that it actually IS God's will, the couple might skip dating altogether and go straight to engagement. Now, I'm not going to suggest this happens for everyone. I only mean to point out that this scenario is not impossible. It can and does happen. However, for those who choose to let God choose their mate for them, I must warn that this path is not an easy path. Choosing to let God choose your mate for you is both an incredible blessing, and an incredible challenge. Because even if God does reveal to you that so-and-so is meant to be your spouse, it doesn't mean it will happen tomorrow. It might take many years to come to fruition. This tests your patience. It tests your faith, trust, and devotion to God. Through that process you become refined as your faith and trust in God grows in time - but there are definitely growing pains. It is HARD. It is worth it though because I see the blessings of those couples in my life who chose to go through that route. When I say it's hard, I'm not trying to discourage anyone from going that route. After all, God loves you. He knows you better than anyone because He created you. He is your Father and knows what is best for you. Who better to select a mate for you? But, I give the warning so that if you do choose this route, you can remember to lean on and trust in God in the more challenging seasons of the process - because the temptation can sometimes be in challenging seasons to turn our back on God when we get impatient. At least this way, knowing there are challenges ahead, you can be like, "okay, this is REALLY hard. And I don't know when things will come to fruition - BUT, I'm going to choose to lean on God and trust in Him, His timing and His way cause I know He's go this." It's hard, but it's worth it.
This is awesome 🤗... Thanks... I'm almost 21 and I haven't dated before.. I'm just waiting on God to send me the right one and in the rocess He's really building me up in spirit and in character. And that's awesome.. I'm not in a hurry to date... I'm in a hurry to be the best person I can be with God and mature emotionally and Spiritually.. All the best to anyone waiting and anyone in Singleness and anyone in a relationship❤️.
@@abigailadu6183 That's great! Praise God. But, I just want to give you a little bit of a heads up that if God does reveal your spouse to you and you know who he is, the wait becomes more challenging because on the one hand, you know who it is you're supposed to marry, but on the other, it's not time yet. It's especially difficult if you know him personally and you actually have feelings for him, BUT it still isn't time yet. By the way, I'd like to encourage you that just in case God does reveal to you who it is He wants you to marry, don't tell the guy. If it really is God's will, He will reveal it to him in His timing I don't say these things to try and scare you or discourage you - rather, I say these things to encourage you to continue steadfast in trusting in God even if He does reveal your future husband to you. Because it might be years that pass between the day God reveals him, and the day you actually marry him - and that season can get really difficult. Please just remember to lean on the Lord and trust in Him, especially when it gets hard.
Can I just say how awesome it is that James did this video? Something about it makes me all the more love the idea behind becoming one flesh with someone who aligns with God's calling(s) over your life. Praying for you Tiffany! So sorry you haven't been feeling well. Just remember how awesome it is your body is home to your baby right now! ❤
Awww Tiff, I am so sorry that you’re still feeling sick girly. I loved the video since I am still waiting for that first relationship. I liked how you said that the first guy you date may not be your husband. Hopefully, God’s timing comes shortly. I am working and going to graduate school and I feel ready, haha. I am not allergic to lobster and I don’t have any advice since I have been single all 22 years of my life. Thanks again guys, love you!
In my town, it is very common to marry your first boyfriend or girlfriend. I think it’s because, dating couples were usually very good friends before they started dating, and made the decision to be committed 100% before they were even official. So they usually do end up marrying each other. The friend zone is a great place to start looking for love!
I think it'll be super interesting to have your insight on how long Christian couples tend to date before engagement and marriage. I remember you guys dated around 11 months before marrying, is that usual?
Here's some stuff I wish I knew before dating: 1. Don't settle for any disrespect of you or your time. It doesn't matter how charming he is. For example, I was seeing this guy who always was late or changed and cancelled plans and he always had a different excuse even after I confronted him about it. Remember, you can't fix someone! Find someone who already knows how to respect others. 2. Trust actions over words. If your date tells you sorry but keep repeating a behavior that bothers you, their words mean nothing. 3. Check to make sure the relationship feels balanced. If it's always you putting in the effort, or you sharing about yourself, but your date has barely shared anything, then something's not right. 4. You deserve to feel secure. If someone makes you doubt how much they care about you one minute, then acts like they adore you the next, then they're a toxic person. And just remember, it's your life and you have a right to choose who you do and don't let into it! Don't let someone tell you to accept disrespect or compromise your standards. Don't take any BS! People will treat you as poorly as you allow them to.
Great advice James. I needed that. Just got out of my first relationship , I think. 🤷♀️ It’s one of those ‘complicated’ things that I’m still trying to maybe hang on to that I probably shouldn’t be . But anyway exactly what I needed to hear to lift my spirits if it is for sure over. Feel better soon ,Tiffany . Thanks so much for taking over for Tiffany for now ,James ! You are such a great guy and very wise !!!
It is amazing, how the advice he gives is so relatable! And to me, it is relatable because this is exactly the advice, that I put in my book's chapter, which I wrote just yesterday. It is exactly the same advice! Especially the part about enjoying your summer regardless of the relationship win or fail situation. I feel like, we've entered into the same matrix with this advice. Flexibility is indeed a very good way to go about relationships.
Praying for you, Tiffany! Also, this was super helpful. I've dated before but it's been 6 years and the last time I was only 19. I have a first date Friday and was starting to freak out but this helped calm me down. Thanks, James!
I don't eat lobster, I'm allergic to a few foods, and things like that are common for people to be allergic to. So I've been told I should stay away from shellfish and stuff like that.
I really love the candour of your channel. I'm sure it is encouraging for many people. I can't pretend to be an expert on dating, as I feel I made a mess of the whole process. I had three memorable girl friends (and only one, the last, was my 'girlfriend'). I stayed with her for about 7 years, which was foolish as marriage was not in the offing; but I couldn't stand to be 'single' and the relationship suited us well...even tho ' we didn't quite 'click' together and had profound religious differences: she was a Latin Mass lass, and I was a 're-forming' evangelical protestant. Before I met her I had two previous relationships with women I met at youth/young adult houseparties. The first: my age, had just graduated from the same university as the one I was in my final year in. I was thrilled to meet a woman in the same intellectual league as myself (compared to the one or two young women at my small village church, both far too young for me). We often had lunch together during the work week (we both worked for large corporations), then started seeing each other on weekends from time to time. Then suddenly she had no time for me. I wrote to her (no email or text back then) to suggest we let it drop. She rang me to controvert that...but kept behaving the very same way. It sort of petered out as she became quite harsh towards me. The second, also a uni grad. in history and classics: not my fields but fields I enjoyed reading in. I thought we really connected. It got 'cuddly' really fast. Too fast I think, and this mislead me as to the symmetry of affection. It signaled to me a genuine desire and commitment from her, which I felt towards her. But it didn't, It signaled 'this is what you do with a date' I think. Then she U-turned and dropped me. That was shattering. Then Miss 3. We almost connected very well and had a great time for years. As that relationship started tiring (she wouldn't marry me, but I loved her so couldn't easily break it off), I met a few other women at my church: two short lived but nice enough relationships ensued...I made sure I bailed before they pushed, tho. Miss 4, after a few brief encounters ended up as wife at late 30s...while I have a great family now, I still think it was a 'near enough' engagement, all too fast as we were both wanting kids but knew the clock was ticking...the first many years were very difficult. I still wouldn't change it tho'.
A verse that helped give me some relationship clarity is Song of Solomon 8:4. "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, /Do not stir up nor awaken love /Until it pleases." Most take it specifically as a warning against sexual intimacy too early, but I think there's a larger point about going further into relationships that feel wrong. That's not to say that every small problem should cause you to leave, but if you have a feeling that something is wrong listen to that voice. Pray about it and really think hard about why you feel that way. There's a good chance that there's something deeper that needs to be resolved or you might need to leave if that's the best choice. Ignoring the fact that a relationship doesn't "please" can cause bigger problems down the road.
Honesty is important so that way you’re not wasting each other’s time. Idk they seem like a waste of time now for someone like me unless I meet a specific type of guy.🤷🏾♀️
Love your guys' videos! Also James just wanted to say it's so nice seeing how kind and sweet you are with Tiffany. (And vice versa) It's so encouraging seeing how you both love one another so much!❤
I too thought I had to stay in my first relationship because I only wanted to date my spouse. Where did we pick up these toxic ideas anyway? Even my mom at the time thought that was nuts. Great guy and I’m so glad we had that experience but just not for me.
I believe this video is beneficial for everyone especially those of us who haven't had the first serious relationship. Thank you for sharing. Appreciating this channel from South Africa
Point #2...so my first relationship! It’s not like he was a terrible person and we had a lot of good stuff in common, but together we just didn’t work.
Great video guys! Hope you feel better soon Tiffany. My Mum had really bad morning sickness like this for her first trimester. Not so easy, but I'm really glad she endured it because I love my four siblings! ♥️
I know of people who are allergic to lobster. It is a thing. I think it's rare, but thete are definitely people who ae allergic to lobster. They are usually allergic to crabs, too.
Hello Tiffany and James! I just wanted to thank you for making these amazing videos. 😊 I recently found your channel and immediately subscribed. You have such healthy and fresh insights. Thank you so much, God bless your wonderful family. 💛
Thanks for the advice. Your consistent advice that we need to put less pressure on dating relationships is slowly sinking in for me. What what if my church community is putting on the pressure? I'm scared to get into a relationship and have it become official because many people will immediately start assuming we'll get married.
Girl I hear you 🙈🙈🙈 literally the week I started dating my first boyfriend, people from my church started asking if I thought I’d marry him 😩😩 is there a way you can surround yourself with some likeminded people who won’t put pressure on you but will encourage you to take it slow? There will always be some people pressuring us, but if we can find some good friends who don’t, that can be a safe space to really talk about the important parts of your relationship. Does that make sense?
@@TiffanyDawn Oh no!!!! This is why I've never been public about any dating relationships. I do have some friends I can trust to be wise and encouraging, but I know that I will feel the pressure from my parents
Excellent advice, you nailed it again. If I think about it, and along with your last piece of advice, I would add that if you constantly feel that annoying feeling that he’s not the one that God is planning for you, I recommend that they take it trully into consideration... the reason why I say this, is because I experienced it myself: I’ve been four months in a relationship, when I knew from the start that he was not THE one... I know now that I should have taken that feeling seriously (because it pestered me ALL the time I’ve dated him).
Can I get some advice, so I just got into my 1st relationship and one thing I'm struggling with is the fact that we won't last forever. It totally understand the likely hood of us being out final partner or whatever like I totally get that and to assume we will is really immature, but because I get that, in the subconscious of my mind then I'm just waiting to an inevitable break up and I can't get over this fear and anxiety, and it just stresses me out
Yesss, I have a LOT of questions! How do you know if you even like a guy? Should you know for sure that you like him before going out with him, or is this something that develops over time? Thanks for the video!!
I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidium in my first pregnancy. It is the worst. I was hospitalized twice. Please get IV of you are really struggling to get your fluids in. I would take a sip of water and throw it up so I was really dehydrated. I still get sick at 7 months but the worst of it sort of slanted off at 5 months. I was on 3 medications. That helped a bit. I wish you the best of luck. It’s so hard. 💗💗💗💗
Oh my goodness, that sounds way more awful than what I'm experiencing! That must have been so hard - and it lasted so long! I'm glad it's started slanting off, and I hope you continue to feel better!
Tiffany Dawn aww thanks me too now I have heart burn. Never had it before thought I was dying the first time my husband had to explain it to me hahaah:
Awesome advice! Anyone who has this same problem, please like the comment so they can see it 😁👍🏾 I tend to not give relationships a try when I see something that I don’t like beforehand (could be not so serious stuff) or goes against my morals and beliefs. I’ve talked to a few guys in my life, but none have ever turned out to be relationships. Is that weird or unhealthy? Do I need to dive into relationships to try it out and see? I just feel that I can’t get into one knowing that we are going to break up eventually (as in “I might regret the relationship in short term”). I met a guy that was really nice and we clicked pretty well, but he wasn’t Christian and had an issue with me wanting to save sex for marriage, so we ended up not being together.
I don’t think that’s weird at all! I’ve talked with a lot of guys and went on several first dates, but haven’t been in a relationship. It’s mostly been me because there was some things that would go against my morals and beliefs(or I just didn’t feel attracted to them). Over a year ago, I downloaded a newer Christian dating app I saw advertised on Facebook and about a month later I matched with someone who is now my first boyfriend! We’ve visited each other a lot over the past year and have been dating for 10 months now. We both talk about our future together often and are so excited to close to the gap within the next year! It’s really a God thing, he’s so perfect for me and he feels the same way about me! My advice is to keep talking to others and go on dates, and if there is something that’s an obvious no against your morals or beliefs then don’t go for it! Don’t settle, there is a perfect person out there for you! :) wish you the best!
“Cut him loose if he’s not good for you!😂” omg the way you said this was hilarious. I’ve been considering online dating but idk where to start or even if it’s a good idea.........help?
After a bad ending to a relationship, for a couple of years I just got into relationships so I could cut loose the girl before she cut loose me. Bad, I know, but after my first contact, I was trigger happy to avoid the pain and feel some control over my life.
Black Worthy I’m sorry you went through that,it doesn’t sound bad that you did that for a few years it sounds human.i found her comment funny just because of the way she said it and the fact that I should have listened to the people around me telling me the same thing for a very long time.i was in a relationship that was very toxic for me and didn’t cut loose when I should have.i didn’t deserve being treated the way I was and he didn’t deserve being with someone who was miserable with him.i hope this makes sense
I definitely relate to that - wanting to end relationships before they broke up with me because of fear of rejection 🤗🤗 Also I think online dating is a great idea! James says it’s like a thrift store cause you gotta look through a lot of clothes to find the gems lol but we have lots of friends who met and married online! We have a video about online dating here - czcams.com/video/WcKx6jAhHc4/video.html ❤️
I tried online dating for like 4 days (Christian app), but it gave me massive anxiety because I'm the kind of person who feels obligated to others very easily. I deleted the app and stayed in contact with only one of the guys I met, not because I wanted to date him necessarily but because we seemed very similar and I wanted to become friends. Needless to say, I think I'll stick to in-person dating in the future, but that's just me. 🙃
I wonder what your advice would be for those who need to let go of the ones who get away... how to let go of them in a way that frees you from longing for the one who you wanted...but they got away...?? I am sure this is easy for some...but for those it can be a hard road. Disappointments.
🤗🤗Thanks and this is so true ..I would like to ask if there is like a checklist to dating possibly in choosing who to date if you have to choose amongst two or three?
Hahaha isn't it SO CUTE?! It was actually a gift for Natalie's baby shower and I sadly don't know where it's from! I would guess Target but I'm not sure?
I have a question: should i be concerned about a girl's sexual past? I realize everyone makes mistakes but I also realize it's a choice and i dont want to date anyone who dosent honor God. Its not about me because if she dosent fear God with respect she definitely wont consider her actions. Should I keep stay firm in being concerned about sexual past? I need advice
I want to say that she has a video on this but I honestly can’t find it... I’ve struggled with this a lot because I know that, given the pressure men have on them to have sex or watch porn, that I’ll probably date someone eventually who has a sexual past. I don’t like that, but it is what it is. So what I’ve decided is to look at that sexual past like I would any other sin: lying, rudeness, selfishness, etc. Because while I definitely don’t want to be with someone who is actively caught up in lying all the time or being super rude or selfish, if that’s part of their story and God has redeemed that part of their story and they have repented AND turned from that part of their story, then I don’t think I should hold it against them. Is it something to weigh? Yes, absolutely because that will affect the two of you deeply if you get married one day, but if they are pursuing God with their whole heart and you can look at their life over the course of a few years and see that they truly have left that in their past, then I believe it is ok to date and marry them. BUT, date/marry them with your eyes wide open to the fact that their sexual past will affect your intimacy with them in marriage and be prepared for that. Be prepared for awkward or hard conversations to come up, and be ready to walk through those with grace and sometimes with the help of a marriage counselor.
As a guy that masturbates and has already watched porn I can't really say that I'm pure in that aspect. I never had sex, or even a kiss before, but that doesn't really matter. But one thing is for sure. God can make us clean. From every sin. It's just that sexual sins can be more difficult to get past. Because it is way more intimate. And there is another thing. Even if a girl never had sex and never lusted after someone, she probably has/had some other issue in her live. Only one person was born perfect. You will both have problems and sins. That is unavoidable. In my opinion it is a good thing when both are on the same path with god and similarly far. Similarly far doesn't mean both are equally long a christian or both know the same amount of bible verses. There are some people who are closer to god after a month than others in their live time. By the way I just watched _"THE NEW RULES FOR LOVE, SEX & DATING"_ by _"northpoint"._ It is really good. I can recommend it. The short version is most marriages turn bad because the people don't solve their own problem before their marriage and because they never learned to do relationships in general.
You might like reading Kevin Harrington's post. It might be helpful. Mark Gungor is also a great pastor to watch (see Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage). It is also a concern of mine, and I think Tiffany and James have made a previous video on this subject. I want to marry a man that is pure and I am staying pure for him. But, I also believe that if this isn't what will happen, that my future husband isn't pure, that God will show me if this is the right relationship or not. If it is, there will be different problems through marriage that we would have to work through, but God is the major factor in this either way. I hope this might shed a little light on your concern.
@@benrex7775 yeah..id have to say sexual sin is different than any other sins its made clear in the bible. But i understand every sin can be forgiven. It's just different knowing possibly the girl youre dating that you want to marry one day has another man dna in her body...forever when his sperm enters her it never leaves her dna and I've heard women with emotional damage comes from a guy thats not even physically around but emotionally and spiritually and me personally would have a hard time with the fact there was another man who had sex with my wife and it usually dosent just happen once
@@livwalker4100 i agree with some of that statement but the thing is what happens if the past sexual partner messages that person online or connects back with them in a vulnerable point in their life and they could be in a unhappy marriage?
A Guy's Advice for your First Relationship
1. Think of your first relationship as a learning experience that's helping you become a better version of yourself
1A. Be yourself - don't just be the person you think the other person wants to date
1B. Be flexible on preferences, not on life goals and morality
- In your first relationship you can get too invested too quickly
2. Appreciate that you're probably not going to be together forever
- Don't feel like you have to stay with your first boyfriend because you think that he's the one you're going to marry
- Protect you from being too emotionally invested
Thank you for this!! So helpful!
Thanks so helpful 😊
Does this mean I have to date someone else before I date the person I'd like to be with so I don't ruin it?
@@justgween7573 I feel you dont have to and it won't ruin the relationship God wants you to be in. I know people who have married their first boyfriend/girlfriend and enjoyed it that way. I've also seen people who had multiple relationships and then met the one. Some of these people regret the other relationships they had, some have learned from their past relationships. But you never know how it will be with you. For me I've never been in a relationship and I'm 23. I would like for my first boyfriend to be my husband. I still have guy friends but I am cautious about getting close to a guy because I dont want to led them on and I want to guard my heart. And honestly I spend time with God and pray about different guys I would have crushes on and the Lord gives me confirmation and discernment about them. But know if you end up dating a bad guy and hes not for you, you can definitely break up and God will heal you and led you to the right relationship. If you end up meeting the person God has for you right away it doesnt mean that it will be harder or your relationship will be ruined because you've never been in a relationship. It could be challenging because all relationships are challenging but I dont believe you have to date a bunch of people to have knowledge and experience about relationships. There are alot of good sermons and books on relationships. I love listening to Michael Todd (transformation church), Jamie Grace's wait it out series, Allyson Rowe, Vous church. And there a book I love called "Crushed why guys dont have to make or break you" by Jessica Minassian.
I get what you mean with the second advice but at the same time, I feel you should go into any relationship with the intention of making it go somewhere. At times for people it can go as planned or it may not. So you should honestly look at it both ways
Nice advice. Whoever is reading this God sees and knows your struggles, pain and injustice He will vindicate and rescue you dont give up.
Feel like God wanted me to see this. Feeling very discouraged lately. 11 yrs and counting is a long waiting period. I just need to trust in the Lord with all my heart and keep reminding myself of this.
Amen!
This just brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for the reminder.
Thank you!! ❤️❤️❤️
Amen!❤️
Here's a tip: always make sure their actions match their words. You can learn so much about a person by paying close attention to their behavior. If they say they love you, for example, but they hit you, then there is a clear disconnect between their words and behavior. This is a huge red flag. Words can deceive you, but the truth is always in their actions.
GREAT advice!! 👏👏
I totally agree! I was dating this guy who always was late and cancelling plans and he'd always tell me how much he appreciated me 🤦 actions always speak louder!
Good thing. Because my guy has all the actions (very respectful, kind, true-to-his-word, on-time, etc.) but has trouble expressing much through words (though I’ve watched him start turning a corner there…)
This is the sweetest video. Tiffany was looking at James with such love and pride. Truly beautiful. Love you guys. 💕
Awwwww!! ❤️❤️❤️
@@TiffanyDawn Dear Tiffany, could you please share with us, in a separate video maybe, some useful and effective tips to overcome an ex??... Since you guys were both involved in some relationships before you got married, which some of them were serius, as you shared with us.. I really need that and it would be so helpful if you made a video on this topic!.. Thank you so much for all the advice!!.. Great video once again!!.. God bless you!!.. ❤️❤️❤️
I LOVE the freedom coming from James saying that you don’t get to control if the only person you date is your spouse! I was so sad when the man I was going on dates with didn’t pursue a relationship with me. I was hoping that I’d only have to date one person-I thought that’d be so romantic! But it’s nice to hear James say that that’s not within my control because that helps me not to blame myself and overanalyze what I did wrong. Like you guys are saying, it was a learning experience! Thank you so much for sharing! ❤️
I’m so glad that could bring some freedom!! Yes!! 🙌🙌 it’s soo easy to overanalyze and try to figure out what we did “wrong” - I did that all the time, and there’s so much freedom in looking back and realizing it wasn’t about me after all - it wasn’t because I did something wrong - and I’m SO GLAD those past relationships didn’t work out!!
Amen thanks for sharing
I'm allergic to lobster!! 🖐️🖐️🖐️
Yeah fish and crabs are pretty common things to be allergic too. I'm sorry Tiff😄 God bless you and your family! 🙏
😂😂😂
I like your enthousiasm
I started reading your book "boy-crazy” today. Your experiences with your first boyfriend left me speechless.
I’m so glad you found somebody as sweet and caring as James. 💗
Nobody deserves to be treated like crap by a man!
Awwww thank you Sophia!! I'm so glad too. You're absolutely right - no one deserves to be treated that way!!
So sad seeing Tiffany like this! Hope you feel better soon🙏💖. Can't wait for the next little one!!
Awwww thank you!!
This is awesome 🤗...
Thanks... I'm almost 21 and I haven't dated before.. I'm just waiting on God to send me the right one and in the process He's really building me up in spirit and in character. And that's awesome.. I'm not in a hurry to date... I'm in a hurry to be the best person I can be with God and mature emotionally and Spiritually..
All the best to anyone waiting and anyone in Singleness and anyone in a relationship❤️.
32 haven’t dated either just can’t find the right person not to mention I’m introvert
That is a great way to look at it, I'm 28 and have never dated. I got to admit that I have a hard time waiting because the desire is strong. If you ever struggle, don't rush to Mr. Right Now, but run to God! This could be prayers filled with tears (I've had many), talking to family and friends, and your pastor. Seek wise elders too, I have one that brings a lot of wisdom during dark times, not just about dating either, I currently lost my job. But, remember this: God has a plan and let Him teach you to trust and have patience in Him!
Valerie Jepsen I just felt the need to encourage you through a random comment in the internet so keep on trusting the Lord sis! I hope you find your awesome husband pretty soon, take heart and keep praying because God will provide you soon with a husband and a new job, just have faith, everything will turn out perfect in His time ❤️
@@_the_little_mermaid_ Sorry to pour cold water on. But how do you know "soon"? If you don't know but hope, you could end up making someone feel pretty bad about themselves or about God...remember the Deuteronomy solution for inaccurate prophesy. Its serious!
@@gidiasdzaa4794
Thank you very much.
May God give you strenght on your journey as well... It's not easy, but we'll nothing is ever easy anyways. With God, we'll make it.
All the best💫
The first guy I dated I thought I was gonna marry...goodness I am so glad I didn't! I have since then, gone on other dates with my eyes wide open.
I love that idea of keeping your eyes wide open on dates! Soo important!!
My mother and a brother are allergic to lobster and seafood. If you’re allergic, it’s often a very serious and life threatening reaction.
As someone who is yet to enter any serious relationship, I appreciate this!
Often times it's the simplest things that we overlook.
And hearing James ask us to keep Tiffany in our prayers is really heartwarming.
Thanks, guys! I am now engaged to my first boyfriend, so it worked well for me but I know I'm a rare case. One other big thing I've found is how fun/relaxed it is. I've had other guys ask me out and I've declined and the friendship, ask out, flirting and rejection have been really uncomfortable and stressful and damaging to my mental health - all of which are indicators to me that it's not going to work, regardless of my feelings. I've also had friends date someone and be really really unsure or just completely not into it but feel they owe the guy a chance (of course you don't need to be 100% sold on date one), and it's fallen apart. Being generally happy and excited is an awesome sign that you're potentially compatible, and they're overall a safe and fun person to be around. Having a healthy friendship is a great start to that.
That’s awesome you are engaged to your first boyfriend, congratulations!! 😊 I agree it’s definitely possible for things to work out in your first relationship. Two of my closest friends have both gotten married to their first loves. I’m currently in my first relationship, we’ve been dating about a year, and it’s long distance. We’ve talked a lot about our future and closing the distance, and I really believe he is the one God has for me and my boyfriend feels the same way! 😊
@@Haleyangelo Ah exciting! That's super cool
Thank you James for this talk! I'm 27 now and still lack the experience of being in a relationship. I always aimed to only get into a relationship when we are both sure that we will marry. I first want to be good friends with the person. I don't know how realistic that is but I've changed a lot during the last years without being in a relationship and I hope I'm mature enough to handle it well when I meet the right person.
I thought this was worth reposting:
I'm 28 and have never dated. I got to admit that I have a hard time waiting because the desire is strong. If you ever struggle, don't rush to Mr. Right Now, but run to God! This could be prayers filled with tears (I've had many), talking to family and friends, and your pastor. Seek wise elders too, I have one that brings a lot of wisdom during dark times, not just about dating either, I currently lost my job. But, remember this: God has a plan and let Him teach you to trust and have patience in Him! Continue the great work!
Hi that's my story. First boyfriend just shy of 27 now we're engaged. Being friends first helps because you get to iron out your issues before it gets more emotionally fraught. Four years of therapy prior to meeting him definitely helped though. Without working on my flaws the relationship wouldn't have lasted a month. Keep growing, keep up your self esteem, keep knowing God. You'll never regret it regardless of when you meet your man.
About to turn 27, no serious relationships thus far, but trusting God for it one day. 💕 In the mean time, seeking to be focused, growing and thriving. Always good to see others my age in the same boat. ⛵
Hope you feel better soon Tiffany! James, thank you for filming this video, but I think you two started a bad thing, because now we want James to film more videos or start a CZcams channel...lol
Haha oh I agree!!!!
😂😂😂 YES!!!
I do agree that it’s rare to marry the first person you date, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to have the mindset that it will probably end. I feel like that’s not dating intentionally which I think is important. I could be wrong just sharing a thought 😊
I guess the key point is to consider that it might end. That way you can more easily keep your eyes open for red flags. But if it is your focus then it is bad. I agree.
I actually disagree, respectfully. I once heard a girl talk about viewing relationships with the breakup in mind with the goal of changing expectations of what is a successful relationship. It translated to two things in my mind: Is this relationship drawing me closer to God? And am I/the other person becoming better versions of ourselves? With this view it's not about being flippant with someones heart but learning about what healthy relationships look like, what you need and how to honor another person. Then if it ends or if you do get married you can still be better prepared for marriage and leave the other person better off for the right relationship. A relationship can be successful even if you break up. That's my two cents on the topic ❤.
@@Amrold thanks for the insight! I have not seen it from that perspective before and think it’s a valuable way to consider relationships.
I appreciate so much that you guys covered this topic! To give you a little of my story/current frustrations, I'm 25 and have never had a boyfriend. Over the past 2 years I've especially tried SO hard to meet new people and put myself out there, and I still keep being met with nothing. Problem is I unfortunately currently live in a small city in Alaska, where it's just SO hard to find more than 5 single Christian men (seriously, where are they!) I've tried a lot of online dating, and none of that has ever progressed anywhere. Especially with covid, it feels even more impossible to meet new people. I've left feeling discouraged, frustrated, and feeling trapped. The desperate cry of my soul is to be a wife and mother, and I don't even know what it's like to be a girlfriend. All I can figure is this is just a period of waiting, which has been just so so difficult.
AlaskanMolly 25 and never dated. You arenr alone ma girl
As I’ve had only one relationship that I “cut loose” as Tiffany said, I can see number one for sure! I also got invested very quickly and wish I had heard these things! Now I know more for a future relationship 😊
I'm glad you had the courage to end the relationship when you realized it wasn't a good fit! That can be really hard to do!
Tiffany Dawn it was hard being my first relationship and it really hurt him and he proceeded to leave notes on my door and later avoid me. I didn’t handle it the best as I didn’t communicate the problems until the end, but I’m learning
My biggest thing I wish I did differently was setting boundaries before situations come up in your first relationship. For me I didn't know where boundaries should have been so I decided to sorta make them up as I go and it leaded me to going much further physically than I would have liked. With this point, not only having the boundaries, but being held accountable by someone, for me the most helpful people to be accountable to honestly is my parents because it is so terrifying for me to cross them I have been really careful about the commitments that I specifically made to them when talking about boundaries. The biggest I have been grateful was with my first boyfriend he really wanted to kiss, and I really didn't want to, so I told him he had to get my father's permission. Since than, I have decided that I want to same my first kiss for when I get married (that took years to get to that conclusion). I am so grateful that I had that rule and am now able to save that cherished moment for God willing the day I get married.
Getting physical can be a real danger: both get in too deep emotionally too quickly. Each can have different thresholds: my first GF though kissing, while fun, was 'routine'. For me it indicated commitment and serious interest. She lost interest in a couple of weeks. I did not. It was crushing.
I am absolutely dying at the example of "don't comprise on life goals" 😂😂😂 my boyfriend's life goal is to go back to Africa as a missionary, and I'll be honest....I'm compromising on my life goals and investing in his. However, my initial passion and his passion both came from hearts of service, and I'll be able to serve in similar ways to what I'd imagined
Good advice! Among the people I grew up with most of the ones who are married got married to the first person they had a relationship with and that made me feel a lot of pressure in the first relationship I had (I've only had one so far). He was not a very good guy so I'm glad I broke up with him, but it was not easy at the time. And a number of people still think we're together even though we were only together for three weeks and the relationship ended half a year ago. Something I've learned though and that I would give as advice to others is: If the other person is changing a lot of things in their life in order to be the kind of person they think you would like, that's not a very good sign. You might feel like it's a good thing and like you're helping them to become a better person, but chances are that the changes won't last very long. And if someone changes some big things in their life just to get you to like them it's a sign that they're not very mature in themselves.
James is sooo sweet for helping with your channel and filming this. Hope you feel better, Tiffany 💕💕
Isn’t he?? He came up with the idea on his own too!
@@TiffanyDawn way to go, James!! Such a blessing he is to help you and to give us such great advice! Thank you so much for this helpful video and for being an awesome role model of a God-honoring and fun couple 💕💕
For what it's worth (and I'm not sure this counts as advice), when I was dating I always took the view that
1. risking a broken heart was the price of entry and
2. if a breakup was coming I'd rather be hurt now than hurt more later (because I've invested more of my life by the time 'later' arrives, making it automatically more hurtful)... 'Thus' for my money it's better to end a relationship as soon as you know it's not right for you. How you know is anyone's guess (sorry, I have no clue).
So I hope that's food for thought, but I'm not claiming any expertise in this at all.
This is so true! I agree with you on this.
I feel ya Tiff! I had hyperemesis gravidarum 5 years ago and I thought I was dying. I distinctly remember drinking some water, and then throwing it up 5 seconds later. Nothing worked for me (except sniffing peppermint essential oil occasionally stopped me from puking) but thankfully it only lasted the first 6 months of pregnancy. Hope you feel better :)
3 out of my 4 married siblings married the first person they dated, and it made me feel bad my first serious relationship didn't work out. I knew I should have broken up with him earlier, but I didn't because I was seeing our relationship through rose colored glasses. It still hurts a little looking back, but I'm thankful for how I grew that year.
I'm allergic to lobster. Great vid, praying you feel better.
I knew a lobster allergy was a real thing!! James did not believe me LOL and thank you for your prayers!!!
Isn't lobster shellfish? That's a pretty common allergy
Concerning the 2nd point, I think it depends on how we approach it. If we approach our first relationship with the determination that "I'm going to marry this person" even though that might not be God's will for us, that poses an issue. Because we're putting our own will above God's. Cause quite frankly, it very will could be God's will for us to marry the first person we date. It's about putting it in God's hands. I've known people where they left the mate-selection choice up to God and surrendered the entire thing to Him - and He showed that person in a dream, or a vision, or the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit that such-and-such person is meant to be their spouse. Of course, we need to be careful with that and test the spirits to be sure it's actually the Holy Spirit and not just our personal desires - but God can certainly tell someone supernaturally that someone is meant to be their spouse. And sometimes, if it really is God's will for those two people to be together, and the couple has tested the spirits, asked God for confirmation, and diligently seeking wise, biblical counsel - and it is confirmed that it actually IS God's will, the couple might skip dating altogether and go straight to engagement. Now, I'm not going to suggest this happens for everyone. I only mean to point out that this scenario is not impossible. It can and does happen.
However, for those who choose to let God choose their mate for them, I must warn that this path is not an easy path. Choosing to let God choose your mate for you is both an incredible blessing, and an incredible challenge. Because even if God does reveal to you that so-and-so is meant to be your spouse, it doesn't mean it will happen tomorrow. It might take many years to come to fruition. This tests your patience. It tests your faith, trust, and devotion to God. Through that process you become refined as your faith and trust in God grows in time - but there are definitely growing pains. It is HARD. It is worth it though because I see the blessings of those couples in my life who chose to go through that route. When I say it's hard, I'm not trying to discourage anyone from going that route. After all, God loves you. He knows you better than anyone because He created you. He is your Father and knows what is best for you. Who better to select a mate for you? But, I give the warning so that if you do choose this route, you can remember to lean on and trust in God in the more challenging seasons of the process - because the temptation can sometimes be in challenging seasons to turn our back on God when we get impatient. At least this way, knowing there are challenges ahead, you can be like, "okay, this is REALLY hard. And I don't know when things will come to fruition - BUT, I'm going to choose to lean on God and trust in Him, His timing and His way cause I know He's go this." It's hard, but it's worth it.
This is awesome 🤗...
Thanks... I'm almost 21 and I haven't dated before.. I'm just waiting on God to send me the right one and in the rocess He's really building me up in spirit and in character. And that's awesome.. I'm not in a hurry to date... I'm in a hurry to be the best person I can be with God and mature emotionally and Spiritually..
All the best to anyone waiting and anyone in Singleness and anyone in a relationship❤️.
@@abigailadu6183 That's great! Praise God. But, I just want to give you a little bit of a heads up that if God does reveal your spouse to you and you know who he is, the wait becomes more challenging because on the one hand, you know who it is you're supposed to marry, but on the other, it's not time yet. It's especially difficult if you know him personally and you actually have feelings for him, BUT it still isn't time yet. By the way, I'd like to encourage you that just in case God does reveal to you who it is He wants you to marry, don't tell the guy. If it really is God's will, He will reveal it to him in His timing
I don't say these things to try and scare you or discourage you - rather, I say these things to encourage you to continue steadfast in trusting in God even if He does reveal your future husband to you. Because it might be years that pass between the day God reveals him, and the day you actually marry him - and that season can get really difficult. Please just remember to lean on the Lord and trust in Him, especially when it gets hard.
Neither of my parents dated anyone before each other... met and started dating in high school
Can I just say how awesome it is that James did this video? Something about it makes me all the more love the idea behind becoming one flesh with someone who aligns with God's calling(s) over your life. Praying for you Tiffany! So sorry you haven't been feeling well. Just remember how awesome it is your body is home to your baby right now! ❤
Awww Tiff, I am so sorry that you’re still feeling sick girly. I loved the video since I am still waiting for that first relationship. I liked how you said that the first guy you date may not be your husband.
Hopefully, God’s timing comes shortly. I am working and going to graduate school and I feel ready, haha.
I am not allergic to lobster and I don’t have any advice since I have been single all 22 years of my life. Thanks again guys, love you!
In my town, it is very common to marry your first boyfriend or girlfriend. I think it’s because, dating couples were usually very good friends before they started dating, and made the decision to be committed 100% before they were even official. So they usually do end up marrying each other. The friend zone is a great place to start looking for love!
I’m allergic to shrimp but I can eat lobster!😂
Oh wow!! I never knew you could be allergic to one and not the other! I learn something new every day :):)
I think it'll be super interesting to have your insight on how long Christian couples tend to date before engagement and marriage. I remember you guys dated around 11 months before marrying, is that usual?
Here's some stuff I wish I knew before dating:
1. Don't settle for any disrespect of you or your time. It doesn't matter how charming he is. For example, I was seeing this guy who always was late or changed and cancelled plans and he always had a different excuse even after I confronted him about it. Remember, you can't fix someone! Find someone who already knows how to respect others.
2. Trust actions over words. If your date tells you sorry but keep repeating a behavior that bothers you, their words mean nothing.
3. Check to make sure the relationship feels balanced. If it's always you putting in the effort, or you sharing about yourself, but your date has barely shared anything, then something's not right.
4. You deserve to feel secure. If someone makes you doubt how much they care about you one minute, then acts like they adore you the next, then they're a toxic person.
And just remember, it's your life and you have a right to choose who you do and don't let into it! Don't let someone tell you to accept disrespect or compromise your standards. Don't take any BS! People will treat you as poorly as you allow them to.
Great advice James. I needed that. Just got out of my first relationship , I think. 🤷♀️ It’s one of those ‘complicated’ things that I’m still trying to maybe hang on to that I probably shouldn’t be . But anyway exactly what I needed to hear to lift my spirits if it is for sure over. Feel better soon ,Tiffany . Thanks so much for taking over for Tiffany for now ,James ! You are such a great guy and very wise !!!
That is so hard when you leave a relationship but there isn’t total closure! I’m so glad this could lift your spirits ❤️❤️
this is very sweet !! thank you so much i wrote it down !! God bless you both
Laying on my sofa trying not to vomit because of morning sickness too. Feel you Tiffany
It is amazing, how the advice he gives is so relatable! And to me, it is relatable because this is exactly the advice, that I put in my book's chapter, which I wrote just yesterday. It is exactly the same advice! Especially the part about enjoying your summer regardless of the relationship win or fail situation. I feel like, we've entered into the same matrix with this advice. Flexibility is indeed a very good way to go about relationships.
Oh wow!! That is so cool!! I love when there's confirmation like that!
Real warrior...! Praying for you Tiffany! ❤ and for all the family too!
Praying for you, Tiffany! Also, this was super helpful. I've dated before but it's been 6 years and the last time I was only 19. I have a first date Friday and was starting to freak out but this helped calm me down. Thanks, James!
I don't eat lobster, I'm allergic to a few foods, and things like that are common for people to be allergic to. So I've been told I should stay away from shellfish and stuff like that.
That totally makes sense that you'd need to be careful with shellfish if you have other food allergies!
Thank you guys!! I’ve never been in a relationship and this was so helpful. ☺️ Tiffany, I hope you feel better soon! You’re killing it, girl!
Awww thank you!!! This made my day!
I really love the candour of your channel. I'm sure it is encouraging for many people. I can't pretend to be an expert on dating, as I feel I made a mess of the whole process. I had three memorable girl friends (and only one, the last, was my 'girlfriend'). I stayed with her for about 7 years, which was foolish as marriage was not in the offing; but I couldn't stand to be 'single' and the relationship suited us well...even tho ' we didn't quite 'click' together and had profound religious differences: she was a Latin Mass lass, and I was a 're-forming' evangelical protestant. Before I met her I had two previous relationships with women I met at youth/young adult houseparties.
The first: my age, had just graduated from the same university as the one I was in my final year in. I was thrilled to meet a woman in the same intellectual league as myself (compared to the one or two young women at my small village church, both far too young for me). We often had lunch together during the work week (we both worked for large corporations), then started seeing each other on weekends from time to time. Then suddenly she had no time for me. I wrote to her (no email or text back then) to suggest we let it drop. She rang me to controvert that...but kept behaving the very same way. It sort of petered out as she became quite harsh towards me.
The second, also a uni grad. in history and classics: not my fields but fields I enjoyed reading in. I thought we really connected. It got 'cuddly' really fast. Too fast I think, and this mislead me as to the symmetry of affection. It signaled to me a genuine desire and commitment from her, which I felt towards her. But it didn't, It signaled 'this is what you do with a date' I think. Then she U-turned and dropped me. That was shattering.
Then Miss 3. We almost connected very well and had a great time for years. As that relationship started tiring (she wouldn't marry me, but I loved her so couldn't easily break it off), I met a few other women at my church: two short lived but nice enough relationships ensued...I made sure I bailed before they pushed, tho.
Miss 4, after a few brief encounters ended up as wife at late 30s...while I have a great family now, I still think it was a 'near enough' engagement, all too fast as we were both wanting kids but knew the clock was ticking...the first many years were very difficult. I still wouldn't change it tho'.
God bless James. What a blessing to Tiffany 😭❤️
He really is!!
Thanks for this video! Solid advice as always. Hope you feel better, Tiffany!
Praying for you Tiffany! I hope you start feeling better soon. Love your videos. Thanks for all the great advice and pointing us to Jesus! ♥️
lots of love from india tiffany... God bless you and your family❤️❤️🤗🤗❤️❤️
A verse that helped give me some relationship clarity is Song of Solomon 8:4.
"I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, /Do not stir up nor awaken love /Until it pleases."
Most take it specifically as a warning against sexual intimacy too early, but I think there's a larger point about going further into relationships that feel wrong. That's not to say that every small problem should cause you to leave, but if you have a feeling that something is wrong listen to that voice. Pray about it and really think hard about why you feel that way. There's a good chance that there's something deeper that needs to be resolved or you might need to leave if that's the best choice. Ignoring the fact that a relationship doesn't "please" can cause bigger problems down the road.
Honesty is important so that way you’re not wasting each other’s time. Idk they seem like a waste of time now for someone like me unless I meet a specific type of guy.🤷🏾♀️
Yes honesty is key! So true!
Love your guys' videos! Also James just wanted to say it's so nice seeing how kind and sweet you are with Tiffany. (And vice versa) It's so encouraging seeing how you both love one another so much!❤
Praying for you Tiffany! 💛 Great advice James!
Lol, my mom is allergic to lobster.🦞😅 This vídeo was really helpful for me, so thank you both so much! And I’m praying for you, Tiffany!🙏🏻
James are doing the video's for tiff! Very nice. Thanks for that advice.
God! I really needed this
I too thought I had to stay in my first relationship because I only wanted to date my spouse. Where did we pick up these toxic ideas anyway? Even my mom at the time thought that was nuts. Great guy and I’m so glad we had that experience but just not for me.
Yes yes yes. Such valuable advice here. I wish I'd had it when I was younger.
This is SO good!!! Thank you for bringing these great tips!!
I believe this video is beneficial for everyone especially those of us who haven't had the first serious relationship. Thank you for sharing. Appreciating this channel from South Africa
I'm so glad!! Thank you for the encouragement! 🤗
I hope you do feel better soon, Tiffany!! ❤ And while I am still single as a pringle, lol, this is great advice and I will keep it in mind! 😊
Can I just say James I LOVE THAT SHIRT
Right?! This man has style!! (Aside from his orange crocs 😂😂)
@@TiffanyDawn I'm sure he can pull those off too :D
Point #2...so my first relationship! It’s not like he was a terrible person and we had a lot of good stuff in common, but together we just didn’t work.
Great video guys! Hope you feel better soon Tiffany. My Mum had really bad morning sickness like this for her first trimester. Not so easy, but I'm really glad she endured it because I love my four siblings! ♥️
Awwww that's such a beautiful perspective! Thank you!
I know of people who are allergic to lobster. It is a thing. I think it's rare, but thete are definitely people who ae allergic to lobster. They are usually allergic to crabs, too.
34, and in my first time relationship. I need this video.
Hello Tiffany and James! I just wanted to thank you for making these amazing videos. 😊 I recently found your channel and immediately subscribed. You have such healthy and fresh insights. Thank you so much, God bless your wonderful family. 💛
Thanks for the advice. Your consistent advice that we need to put less pressure on dating relationships is slowly sinking in for me. What what if my church community is putting on the pressure? I'm scared to get into a relationship and have it become official because many people will immediately start assuming we'll get married.
Girl I hear you 🙈🙈🙈 literally the week I started dating my first boyfriend, people from my church started asking if I thought I’d marry him 😩😩 is there a way you can surround yourself with some likeminded people who won’t put pressure on you but will encourage you to take it slow? There will always be some people pressuring us, but if we can find some good friends who don’t, that can be a safe space to really talk about the important parts of your relationship. Does that make sense?
@@TiffanyDawn Oh no!!!! This is why I've never been public about any dating relationships. I do have some friends I can trust to be wise and encouraging, but I know that I will feel the pressure from my parents
Take care, you too! You are loved and appreciated 💕😇!
I am togheter with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now and it was the first relationship for both of us
Praying that you feel better ! ❤️ thank you both for the tips!
Excellent advice, you nailed it again. If I think about it, and along with your last piece of advice, I would add that if you constantly feel that annoying feeling that he’s not the one that God is planning for you, I recommend that they take it trully into consideration... the reason why I say this, is because I experienced it myself: I’ve been four months in a relationship, when I knew from the start that he was not THE one... I know now that I should have taken that feeling seriously (because it pestered me ALL the time I’ve dated him).
Oh that is REALLY good advice 👏👏
When needed I always say to my friends that you & your SO deserve the best but you aren’t each other’s best.
Exactly!! That can totally happen!
Can I get some advice, so I just got into my 1st relationship and one thing I'm struggling with is the fact that we won't last forever. It totally understand the likely hood of us being out final partner or whatever like I totally get that and to assume we will is really immature, but because I get that, in the subconscious of my mind then I'm just waiting to an inevitable break up and I can't get over this fear and anxiety, and it just stresses me out
Great advice, James!!👌
Feel better, Tiffany!!😘😘😘
Thank you for the advice! What do you think of posting on social media in your first relationship. Should you, should you not? Etc.
Yesss, I have a LOT of questions! How do you know if you even like a guy? Should you know for sure that you like him before going out with him, or is this something that develops over time?
Thanks for the video!!
I pray you get better Mrs Dawn, and great advice.
When I started watching I just noticed the dolls😍😍😍😍 I love the stuffed animals 💕💕💕💕💕
Really great advice. I wish someone would have told me that relationships are learning experiences about ourselves.
I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidium in my first pregnancy. It is the worst. I was hospitalized twice. Please get IV of you are really struggling to get your fluids in. I would take a sip of water and throw it up so I was really dehydrated. I still get sick at 7 months but the worst of it sort of slanted off at 5 months. I was on 3 medications. That helped a bit. I wish you the best of luck. It’s so hard. 💗💗💗💗
Oh my goodness, that sounds way more awful than what I'm experiencing! That must have been so hard - and it lasted so long! I'm glad it's started slanting off, and I hope you continue to feel better!
Tiffany Dawn aww thanks me too now I have heart burn. Never had it before thought I was dying the first time my husband had to explain it to me hahaah:
Awesome advice! Anyone who has this same problem, please like the comment so they can see it 😁👍🏾
I tend to not give relationships a try when I see something that I don’t like beforehand (could be not so serious stuff) or goes against my morals and beliefs. I’ve talked to a few guys in my life, but none have ever turned out to be relationships. Is that weird or unhealthy? Do I need to dive into relationships to try it out and see? I just feel that I can’t get into one knowing that we are going to break up eventually (as in “I might regret the relationship in short term”). I met a guy that was really nice and we clicked pretty well, but he wasn’t Christian and had an issue with me wanting to save sex for marriage, so we ended up not being together.
I don’t think that’s weird at all! I’ve talked with a lot of guys and went on several first dates, but haven’t been in a relationship. It’s mostly been me because there was some things that would go against my morals and beliefs(or I just didn’t feel attracted to them). Over a year ago, I downloaded a newer Christian dating app I saw advertised on Facebook and about a month later I matched with someone who is now my first boyfriend! We’ve visited each other a lot over the past year and have been dating for 10 months now. We both talk about our future together often and are so excited to close to the gap within the next year! It’s really a God thing, he’s so perfect for me and he feels the same way about me! My advice is to keep talking to others and go on dates, and if there is something that’s an obvious no against your morals or beliefs then don’t go for it! Don’t settle, there is a perfect person out there for you! :) wish you the best!
GIRL i am JUST like you!! I need the advice if anyone can also help
Get well soon Tiffany... praying for you though
This is SO helpful. Love you guys
I just adore you guys 🤗🤗🤗🤗 you are the AWESOME 🥰 couple in my life 😊😊😊😊😊
It's cute how James calls Tiffany Sweetie 🤗🤗🤗
This was real good, wish I knew this before my first relationship
“Cut him loose if he’s not good for you!😂” omg the way you said this was hilarious. I’ve been considering online dating but idk where to start or even if it’s a good idea.........help?
After a bad ending to a relationship, for a couple of years I just got into relationships so I could cut loose the girl before she cut loose me. Bad, I know, but after my first contact, I was trigger happy to avoid the pain and feel some control over my life.
Black Worthy I’m sorry you went through that,it doesn’t sound bad that you did that for a few years it sounds human.i found her comment funny just because of the way she said it and the fact that I should have listened to the people around me telling me the same thing for a very long time.i was in a relationship that was very toxic for me and didn’t cut loose when I should have.i didn’t deserve being treated the way I was and he didn’t deserve being with someone who was miserable with him.i hope this makes sense
I definitely relate to that - wanting to end relationships before they broke up with me because of fear of rejection 🤗🤗 Also I think online dating is a great idea! James says it’s like a thrift store cause you gotta look through a lot of clothes to find the gems lol but we have lots of friends who met and married online! We have a video about online dating here - czcams.com/video/WcKx6jAhHc4/video.html ❤️
Tiffany Dawn thank you so much🤗🤗🤗
I tried online dating for like 4 days (Christian app), but it gave me massive anxiety because I'm the kind of person who feels obligated to others very easily. I deleted the app and stayed in contact with only one of the guys I met, not because I wanted to date him necessarily but because we seemed very similar and I wanted to become friends. Needless to say, I think I'll stick to in-person dating in the future, but that's just me. 🙃
Hey, do u have any thoughts on personality types and relationships (Myers Briggs)? And what are your two types of you've taken the test?
I wonder what your advice would be for those who need to let go of the ones who get away... how to let go of them in a way that frees you from longing for the one who you wanted...but they got away...?? I am sure this is easy for some...but for those it can be a hard road. Disappointments.
🤗🤗Thanks and this is so true ..I would like to ask if there is like a checklist to dating possibly in choosing who to date if you have to choose amongst two or three?
Random question: that little elephant on the shelf.. where did you get it? 💕🐘
Hahaha isn't it SO CUTE?! It was actually a gift for Natalie's baby shower and I sadly don't know where it's from! I would guess Target but I'm not sure?
Great video!
🙌🏻 I’m allergic to lobster!! 😂
I knew that allergy was a real thing!! James totally did not believe me LOL
Tiffany Dawn yep! 😂 Been allergic to shelfish since a young age, I remember my first time having lobster, it wasn’t a great thing! 😂😂😂
Nice day 🤗
Im allergic to lobster 😅. Great video! ❤
Feel better, Tiffany!:)
*raises hand* ☹️🖐🏽🦞
My boyfriend is allergic to lobster XD we’re also each other’s first relationship
I have a question: should i be concerned about a girl's sexual past? I realize everyone makes mistakes but I also realize it's a choice and i dont want to date anyone who dosent honor God. Its not about me because if she dosent fear God with respect she definitely wont consider her actions. Should I keep stay firm in being concerned about sexual past? I need advice
I want to say that she has a video on this but I honestly can’t find it...
I’ve struggled with this a lot because I know that, given the pressure men have on them to have sex or watch porn, that I’ll probably date someone eventually who has a sexual past. I don’t like that, but it is what it is. So what I’ve decided is to look at that sexual past like I would any other sin: lying, rudeness, selfishness, etc. Because while I definitely don’t want to be with someone who is actively caught up in lying all the time or being super rude or selfish, if that’s part of their story and God has redeemed that part of their story and they have repented AND turned from that part of their story, then I don’t think I should hold it against them. Is it something to weigh? Yes, absolutely because that will affect the two of you deeply if you get married one day, but if they are pursuing God with their whole heart and you can look at their life over the course of a few years and see that they truly have left that in their past, then I believe it is ok to date and marry them.
BUT, date/marry them with your eyes wide open to the fact that their sexual past will affect your intimacy with them in marriage and be prepared for that. Be prepared for awkward or hard conversations to come up, and be ready to walk through those with grace and sometimes with the help of a marriage counselor.
As a guy that masturbates and has already watched porn I can't really say that I'm pure in that aspect. I never had sex, or even a kiss before, but that doesn't really matter.
But one thing is for sure. God can make us clean. From every sin. It's just that sexual sins can be more difficult to get past. Because it is way more intimate.
And there is another thing. Even if a girl never had sex and never lusted after someone, she probably has/had some other issue in her live. Only one person was born perfect. You will both have problems and sins. That is unavoidable.
In my opinion it is a good thing when both are on the same path with god and similarly far. Similarly far doesn't mean both are equally long a christian or both know the same amount of bible verses. There are some people who are closer to god after a month than others in their live time.
By the way I just watched _"THE NEW RULES FOR LOVE, SEX & DATING"_ by _"northpoint"._ It is really good. I can recommend it. The short version is most marriages turn bad because the people don't solve their own problem before their marriage and because they never learned to do relationships in general.
You might like reading Kevin Harrington's post. It might be helpful. Mark Gungor is also a great pastor to watch (see Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage).
It is also a concern of mine, and I think Tiffany and James have made a previous video on this subject. I want to marry a man that is pure and I am staying pure for him. But, I also believe that if this isn't what will happen, that my future husband isn't pure, that God will show me if this is the right relationship or not. If it is, there will be different problems through marriage that we would have to work through, but God is the major factor in this either way. I hope this might shed a little light on your concern.
@@benrex7775 yeah..id have to say sexual sin is different than any other sins its made clear in the bible. But i understand every sin can be forgiven. It's just different knowing possibly the girl youre dating that you want to marry one day has another man dna in her body...forever when his sperm enters her it never leaves her dna and I've heard women with emotional damage comes from a guy thats not even physically around but emotionally and spiritually and me personally would have a hard time with the fact there was another man who had sex with my wife and it usually dosent just happen once
@@livwalker4100 i agree with some of that statement but the thing is what happens if the past sexual partner messages that person online or connects back with them in a vulnerable point in their life and they could be in a unhappy marriage?
Lobster allergy here! XD XD
My sisters allergic to lobster!!!😂
How is Tiffany still so pretty even when she's sick and puking???