Are They A NARCISSIST or A JERK? (Know the Difference in under 7 Minutes!)
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- čas přidán 4. 09. 2023
- It's easy to throw around the word narcissist or to say someone struggles with narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. The reality is that the word narcissist is used a little too often when it's not something that everyone struggles with. Many people may just be a jerk or a rude and selfish person or maybe a psychopath or sociopath type, not necessarily a narcissist. Have you ever asked yourself is my partner or my parent or my colleague or my boss a narcissist or are they just a selfish jerk? Let me talk through the difference, because there is a big difference between the two. And a narcissism is something you unfortunately cannot change - there is no cure for narcissism. But if someone is a selfish jerk or a rude person or maybe even what you may think or call a psychopath or sociopath you can actually change that, and they can get through perhaps the trauma that makes them selfish or filled with fear. Or perhaps they are emotionally immature or emotionally stunted and need to gain emotional IQ to be better equipped in their relationships - relationships are hard and complicated for many people and not everyone who is bad in relationships is a narcissist. Let's talk through whether the person in your life is a narcissist or a jerk or selfish and rude or a sociopath or emotionally immature or psychopath or whatever else you may think they may be.
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Normal people will take accountability for their rude behavior and apologize for it while narcissists will blame others for causing their rude behavior.
I've seen people doing both; apologizing first then blaming things or other people.
What about making a conscious choice to only entertain healthy, joyful, constructive connections with others.
Narcissists or whoever we deem unable to take accountability can only play with whoever is willing to throw the bone back.
Bingo!
HI. Im sorry, but that is just not true. People are much more complex than that. My experience: it depends alot on culture and the specific group of people involved..... real narcissism shows up cross-culturally but what constitues rude or offensive behavior is very cultural. Often people call rude, what they just dont like. In Europe many American behaviors are considered rude. In the US that same behavior may be considered social. Many Americans consider eating with a fork in the left hand like a European rude. Why? If it does not harm anyone, why is it rude? Apologiziing - may be very common in the USA, but eg. in central europe no, it doesnt happen. Whats funny in central europe, is that actually the selfcentered narcissists here will apologize if caught doing something in public but the normal peron who just made a normal human mistake (bumped into someone) does not and will not apologize - because they do not apologize for normal human mistakes (I personally think lack of christian teaching that we are all imperfect and that we need to be sorry for it and try to do better - communism destroyed this), because they are normal mistakes. My experience. -- Learning about narcissism is just not enough... it really is necessary to learn about human personality types (Jung, big 5 - OCEAN) and about being assertive and that boundries and limits are good and ok, but covert behavior (eg. passive aggressive punishemnt) is not ok. Jesus taught us to love all people, so why do so many people harshly judge those who are just culturally different .... ? While the narcissist who blends in gets praises for his superficial behavior.....
Covert narcisists can fake being sorry , hoping to not bein exposed , specially in social media
YES! People: STOP calling any problematic person a narcissist! Overuse of this term has been HARMFUL and disempowers those struggling to communicate about an already VERY confusing, SERIOUS and misunderstood reality. THANK YOU KATY!!!
This could be said of several terms, e.g., depression, mania, sociopath, etc., etc. But the truth is that people struggle to describe mental states and behaviour. Therapists have borrowed many terms from everyday speech to make themselves understood, but the traffic flows both ways.
Maybe they should be made to only use Greek and Latin terms - but who would understand then?
It's been tried. Everyone will agree and tell you that THEIR person is a real narcissist
Yes, icu3869! In total agreement! 👏🏽
@@Drawingtheplanetactually disagree with this. For those who are in psychology or therapy communities the term may come up a lot. But on the whole most people don’t know it’s an actual disorder. I also think it is actually everywhere so we might hear it i a lot but that’s because it’s prevalent. Lastly, the term preexists the field of psychology so it wouldn’t be right for therapists to claim it now. People say it to mean self-centered or egotistical and that is a real problem all over society. Good video from Kati I think people will be better off being educated about it. Don’t think it’s helpful to tell people to stop saying it though.
@@Mufasa535 yeah maybe in some circles it's an overused term. Probably in most circles people either know little or nothing about narcissism in the psychological sense, or they think narcs are few and far between, and certainly not among any of their friends and family.
Narcs already like to take advantage of plausible deniability and the benefit of the doubt and so on, so yeah I'm more concerned about the under-reporting of narcissists rather than the over-reporting of them. But perhaps in some circles things are different.
I notice fights with a real narcisist are taken to a whole new level. They won't give one inch, ever. They will refuse to correct behavior, ever. They will turn it all around on you and try to gain concessions for you even bringing it up. They see it as a figurative fight to the death. I gain, you lose. Even after you both have cooled off. Days, weeks, months later they still will not give an inch.
Also days or even hours later they can act like the fight never happened. Because they don't really care about what you were fighting about. It was always just about making you feel bad. It is really eerie to be in a big fight with them and then 2 hours later it is as if nothing happened.
My father always told me how much money I was costing him when I was a child sick with mental health problems, he would belittle me when helping me with homework, he was never protective of me and even told me I could be a stripper, he clearly never wanted kids and enjoys talking about his possessions and vacations, rarely ever talking about his adult children to others, and when I bring up and of his bad behavior he says "maybe I'll be a better father in my next life"
Does he sound like a narcissist?
@@ME-cd3bs Prolly. I think with a narcissist you know something is very wrong. Likely try to google diagnose what the hell is wrong with them. A good way to know is were they dependable to pick you up when you needed a ride. A true narc would religiously be a couple of hours late, if they show up at all. And if you complain they lose it and make it all about poor them.
One time my narc mother left me in the hospital while I was about to have surgery. Which was really bad because the surgeon needed special instuctions about a health problem I had. She came back many hours later complaining like crazy. Actually pissed off the nurse because I was supposed to have a ride waiting.
@@ME-cd3bsHe does...
@@brett6239 he never left me stranded or yelled and caused arguments that way. Rather, it was passive aggressive tactics to make me feel stupid and make him feel smarter.
I had a friend that labeled her boyfriend a selfish narcissist after his 9-year-old son died. He was devastated and grieving. She watched all these CZcams channels labeling people narcissist. Everything he did or did not do or said or did not say, she would label as a narcissistic trait. With the help of friends, he moved out. After two years he is doing so much better without her and he was able to grieve the loss of his son. Blanket labeling people is toxic and when you think about it manipulative to the point that people become flying monkeys and spread that toxin.
Amen
One has to wonder if she was projecting? 🤔
Yeah, there's like a whole CZcams channel where some psychologist (I think?) exposes narcissists 24/7 like she was on a personal crusade. Already in the comment section you can see how people use those bits of knowledge to accuse whomever of malignant narcissism. That lack of nuance on the part of the channel owner seems to be enabling that rampant labelling (and is probably causing problems similar to what you told us about). Very unethical, if you ask me...
see, a trait can be narcisistic, but that doesn't mean they have narcicism as a pathology, but she wasn't necesarily wrong in using it as "shorcut" to point out issues that weren't worked on after 9+ years. let her cope geez lol. and we don't truly know her side of the story, you said it yourself: you are HIS friend, you are making a mockery of her seeking support online, etc. and you, as a friend, will never know your friend as a partner, it's hard to accept because we think we know everyone we care about and is close to us.
Nobody wants to be a "villain". but you don't truly know how he behaved behind closed doors. i'm happy that he is doing better; that still doesn't mean he wasn't the issue for example lol. some people aren't ready to be in a relationship, of course they'll do better outside of one or with a person who can handle them. i'm just using general examples here, but i think i get my point across.
@@magical571 What part of my first sentence did you not understand "I had a friend that labeled her boyfriend". She was my friend and what she did was disgusting and really opened my eyes to her true character.
And it is completely valid to cut off contact with them whether theyre an a.hole or a narcissist!
People who are self regulated cut/ highly lessen contact naturally. Most people involved with narcissists can't seem able to do so but instead of gently and consistently bring focus back on themselves, they obsess over everything the narcissist does, feeding the toxic dynamic, apparently unable to detach. Not blaming but isn't that where one should wonder " why am I acting that way, what does it say about me right now" I have tried asking those questions a couple of times because I believe self introspection is key and helpful but was met with defensiveness. It's ok to stop and say " which part do I play in this?" that's empowering not shaming imo
Very true, if they are treating you like trash it doesn’t really matter what you call it.
Fun fact:
All narcissists are a$$holes. But not all a$$holes are narcissists.
Please make a note of it.
I’ve read endless comments that go something like this- “he/she didn’t call me back what a narcissist”. Um no honey. Or the people who’s kids don’t want anything to do with them - they call the adult children narcissist 🙄
Just because someone doesn’t want to take your abuse does not make them the narcissist
I won't take anyone's word for it, that someone else is a narcissist, unless the person in question has actually been seen by a licensed psychologist and been given an official diagnosis of NPD that's in their medical record. I feel like in 30 years all these videos and online articles and stuff about it, are going to go away and some famous doctor is going to write a book about how ridiculous and harmful this self diagnosing witch hunt was.
Covert narcissism (aka vulnerable narcissist) is so tricky to identify.
My naive self bonded with one for 14 years (until 3 weeks ago). I was raised by two of them. I know them well, I just thought it was normal.. :P
Whole new world in front of me!
Narcissists don't love. They use. They play a game. They discard. I know a lot about what my dark triad mother did, (narcissist, antisocial, and Machiavellianism,) but didn't know until last night that she abandoned me when I was 3 weeks old. She did the same at 11, but she literally went to the store and didn't come back when I was 3 weeks old. I was given back to her when I was 6 months old. It was hell growing up. She never loved my sibling and I and I knew it. All people can display narcissistic qualities, but NPD? It's a whole different ball of wax. Thank you for doing these videos Katie. This is SO important.
In my experience, it's narcissists who are quick to call others narcissists🤦♀🤦♀
Very true! They don't see themselves!!!
Growing up (neurodiverse) in a severely sadistic narcissistic family dynamic was pure hell and that's (putting it mildly). I was a scapegoat in every sense of the word (among other roles). When I moved out NO ONE FROM THAT FAMILY spoke to me for two years! NOW, I know now NOT HAVING THEM IN MY LIFE IS THE BEST THING FOR MY SANITY. I can think clearly, which is something I was NEVER able to do. I attribute that to the in-utero therapy, and I also journal daily which helps me process and it's also my meditation.
What is neurodiverse?
@@jonnuanez7183 Cerebral Palsy, I voice everything
One distinction worth mentioning is that the term Narcissist predates the term NPD by thousands of years. So it’s not incorrect to use the term whenever the traits are present. This is a potential problem with the DSM using existing words to describe disorders. In other words the term “Narcissism ” doesn’t belong to the field of psychology so we don’t need to consider the DSM criteria when we use it. It has an ancient definition. That being said I’m glad it is classified as a personality disorder and more people are aware of it.
Thank you! Its a descriptive term!
Thousands of years?
@@MsKindaSorta Yes. From Ovid’s Metamorphosis written in the year 8 AD.
I know right? Who thought it was a good idea to use that word specifically? "Let me call this one Big Jerk Disease"
I think Freud was the one that started using it in psychology. It wasn’t a diagnosis, if I remember correctly it’s something all of us have as a defense of our ego, since childhood. the problem is when we don’t learn other ways to feel secure and rely only on our narcissism. so I think for him there were degrees of narcissism. but the DSM really turned it into a PD, either you have it our you don’t.
there are many ways to be a jerk, being narcissistic is one of them, even if it’s not a full blown PD. and I agree the name of the disorder should change.
Thanks for this. Narcissist is a totally different animal
We're all assholes sometimes
Another interesting video would be to differentiate between Dark Triad (just narcissistic, Machiavellian and psychopathic/sociopathic traits not a disorder per se), NPD and ASPD because there's so much overlap.
Yes! That’d be über helpful! 🙏🏽 🥹
My mom had a lot of narcissistic behaviors when I was living with her. Ever since I moved out, things have been fine, but it was bad for a while. I noticed that she was always talking about how she felt and how I "made her feel," but she couldn't see anything from my point of view. First she would yell. Something would tick her off (always something small, like needing to wake her for a dentist appointment), and she would yell, throw things, and verbally insult me. I was expected to stand still and listen to every word, and I wasn't allowed to speak or walk away. I never talked back. She made threats to hurt me. After this, she would break down crying, and tell me that I've made her feel this way. She would say, "I'm such a terrible mother right? It's not like I beat you." Things like that. She would say I've upset her and ruined her day. Meanwhile, I'm just standing completely still, with tears running down my face, watching her behave this way time and time again. She used me as a verbal punching bag. Once she completely calmed down and got it out of her system, she apologized and treated me better, giving me compliments and saying how well behaved and quiet I am. Until the next time something set her off, then it would repeat again.
Long story short, a person with narcissism doesn't see how their behavior affects someone else, and they don't consider that person's feelings. Any situation is made to be completely about them. I don't know if she still has narcissistic behaviors, but I avoid upsetting her at all costs and I'm always careful of what I say to her. People like this can be very emotional and express this is an extreme way, which I saw in her interactions with other people throughout my life. My older sister and her ex's would always fight back, and it never ended well. That's why I stayed silent and let her rant. To this day, she's never acknowledged how she treated me and has no idea how difficult those years were for me. She only remembers how hard it was for her. With that said, she is the only person I know that I would consider to be a narcissist. Nobody else fits the brackets that she occupied. I've written this here to help others understand it a bit more. There are jerks, and there are people with deeply rooted psychological problems that see everyone else as the problem.
If she never acknowledge your feelings or how bad she treated you, then tell her. Tell her what did hurt you. And why. And If she don't want to change and go to therapy, then that's a clear sign that you should cut her off. But before that Talk. Or write a letter. Cause as you said views are different. Maybe she sees it from a different perspektive. Or maybe she would had loved to act different around you. Borderliner have also a lot of narcisstic traits. And they are also very emotional. So please be carefull labeling anyone like that. Your not a professional.
I did the same mistake with my mother. Still don't know what she is.
Just know she was and probably still is toxic. I labeled her as a narcisst and know I'm the narcisst for everyone, or whatever. Can't really know cause nobody talks to me.
Everyone says I should change. But I had to do that since I was small.
Always careful not to be burden, carefull not to upset anyone, always consider everyones feelings but mine. And now I just say stop. I don't want to change for others anymore. I'm good as I am. I have my flaws, that's right. But I want to work on them in my own time and in my own way. I'm different than others and I need different methods. Methods that work for me. And not anyone else.
@@jasminschmalzl9734narcissists don’t have realizations or empathy for their victims. They will just start up the same old abuse. Pointing the finger at them or backing them into a corner is never a good idea.
Mine never did the apology part.
mine never apologized either. She would beat me and my siblings senseless but now tells everyone who cares to listen that she never laid hand on her kids. I ended up in hospital with broken bones, had to lie and say I fell. She won't ever admit to any of this ofc. She gave me the silent treatment for over 5 years when I left home, it felt blissful actually. She never did anything wrong ever according to her, makes me laugh now tbh, she has an almost child like view of the world in many ways. Very black ans white, she's the hero, others are the villains. She lives in her own reality I guess and I let her do so because I don't care anymore, I just never give into her attempts to drag me in it. I have forgiven her, and am actually at peace with her being my mother, I used to dream of having another, I wouldn't wish any other mum today, she's part of my evolution and I love who I am, I love her also. And accept exactly who she is. She cannot trigger me anymore.
yeah every time I've try to point out my feelings on how something that was done to me hurts or makes me anxious ect. I get crucified with "what abouts" and get zero validation. its a waste of time @@MsKindaSorta
I’ve known only 2 people that demonstrated Narcissistic behaviour. The trail of carnage they left continuously was truly horrific.
Same
You're awesome, Kati! Thank you for what you do!
As someone who has experienced narcissistic abuse and has gone through therapy I believe there can be a lot of overlap. People aren't black and white either but I think it's amazing that our society is becoming more educated on narcissistic traits, calling people out and removing that toxicity from their lives. I also think it's more rampant than we ever knew because so many of us were blinded by our people pleasing. I've gotten rid of people in my life who have been "jerks" because usually, in my experience, behind the jerk was a consistently unempathetic entitled abusive person. I get it, there's people who have bad days, don't go around calling them a narcissist. However, I think it's a good thing people are becoming aware of narcissistic traits in others.
Couldn't agree more! Don't torture yourself pleasing an a-hole. And there's absolutely more unempathetic people out there than we would like to admit. In a way, it's also how we are encouraged to act at work for example (hence why psycopathic behaviour and a salesman can overlap so much lol; i'm joking but it is partially true).
Thank you, this was very helpful and exactly what I needed to hear today ❤
Great video, thank you for highlighting this topic.
This pink top looks so good on you, chica! (Then again, you look great in everything)
Hi Kati, I always look forward to watching your videos.
Thank you Kati interesting 😊
You should do a show on this with examples like clips of different people displaying different behaviors then give your audience a few seconds to figure out whether it's a narcissist or someone normal. Sometimes narcissism is so subtle it's hard to catch and showing examples might help others identify it.
Good information thank you. Also like the new edit style.
As someone still trying to put their life back together after a covert malignant narcissist partner destroyed it, I want to thank you for explaining the difference, and why not everyone has a choice to "just get over it." I feel this in much the same way as OCD. When someone says they have OCD because they only like one kind of pencil, I tell them I have OCD because I will stare into a mirror for HOURS while digging into my face with tweezers.
It immediately ends that conversation and could begin a new one, but it always brings extreme discomfort for Mr. Picky Pencil Pants. By the way, if his favorite pencil is anything but the Black Dixon Ticonderoga #2, he is a savage, and probably shouldn't be allowed to have anything sharper than a crayon.
I used to do the tweezers thingy with my face. Think I spent a good 10 years mutilating it .
Gosh I feel that about your OCD. I do not have OCD but I have chronic, severe/extreme AN-R (anorexia). It's bad, and it's ugly, and it's scary. Also, I spent some time on an acute psych ward, where I met people with BPD. I'd met so many people before who loved to wear the borderline label because they think it's quirky, or cute even. It is not "Girl, Interrupted"; it is neither quirky nor cute. It's chilling and terrifying to watch. I see the same with ADHD, it's not staying up all night typing out elaborate CZcams comments 😏 nor is it frequently forgetting your phone and finding it in the fridge (lol oddly specific, I know! But yeah I'm a bit salty because ADHD was one of the wrong labels being fired at me during my time on the psych ward. Another one was Bipolar, because I can blow a few hundred euros or, stay up late typing out lots of CZcams comments... 😏
It could be very useful to get examples from films or tv to show the difference to understand also. Thanks for great video.
Firstly, I did not know there was a difference.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Yes, it was helpful.
I learned a lot.
Oh can’t believe this is a brand new video, it’s exactly what I’ve needed after getting back into the dating market after dating a narcissist. Would you believe I got out of a relationship with one, healed, got back into dating, and my first date after was a narcissist in therapy? 😅
Thanks Kati, for helping me understand the difference. Now I can confidently say, my non narcissistic but inconsiderate ahole jerk of a neighbor finally moved out! Yay!
She seems like she is great therapist who cares and educates her clients . Hope to find someone like her that is affordable .
unfortunately, my father fits into narcissistic disorder category. I would prefer him being a jerk, because there is more chances to change it, rather than full blown narcissistic personality disorder
this is off topic but you are so empathetic I wish you were my therapist. i’ve asked my therapist for help so many times and she doesn’t do anything. i’ve told her about my suicidal thoughts and how i’m really at the end of my rope. so i’m very close to acting on thoughts atm. i’ve been really hoping I get a glimpse of hope or something but I realize i’m waiting for nothing. I know i’m not getting through this alive. i’m just scared to attempt again and don’t really have the means because i’m only 14.
Please get another therapist
I love the bloopers 😂
I think it’s also important to point out - narcissists are very magnetic, easily make friends & charismatic at first or when they want something.
They also have all have a lot of similar tactics that they use like gaslighting, love bombing, triangulation, discard phases, smear campaigns etc.
People are much more complex than that. My experience: it depends alot on culture and the specific group of people involved..... real narcissism shows up cross-culturally but what constitues rude or offensive behavior is offten very cultural. Often people call rude, what they just dont like. In Europe many American behaviors are considered rude. In the US that same behavior may be considered social. Many Americans consider eating with a fork in the left hand like a European rude. Why? If it does not harm anyone, why is it rude? Apologiziing - may be very common in the USA, but eg. in central europe no, it doesnt happen. Whats funny in central europe, is that actually the selfcentered narcissists here will apologize if caught doing something in public but the normal peron who just made a normal human mistake (eg. bumped into someone) does not and will not apologize - because they do not apologize for normal human mistakes (I personally think lack of christian teaching that we are all imperfect and that we need to be sorry for it and try to do better - communism destroyed this), because they are normal mistakes. My experience. -- Learning about narcissism is just not enough... it really is necessary to learn about human personality types (Jung, big 5 - OCEAN) and about being assertive and that boundries and limits are good and ok, but covert behavior (eg. passive aggressive punishemnt) is not ok. Jesus taught us to love all people, so why do so many people harshly judge those who are just culturally different .... ? While the narcissist who blends in gets praises for his superficial behavior.....
I'm both! Yay
Thanks Katie! Would it be possible to do a video on “victim narcissism” specifically? My dad has some signs of NPD but definitely sounds more like a VICTIM NARCISSIST. I’d love to hear your opinions on this topic. I’m turning to you first since you’ve already been such a huge help already. Thanks for all your content! ❤❤❤ I appreciate you so much!
When handing out cash to the kids at Christmas, my sister loudly offered: "Give ME money! I want money!" Um...get a job..? Was my reply. She said You're giving THEM money! So i said , yes, they're children. You're an adult. Get a job. And she stated "I shouldn't have to. I'm better than that." 🙄
I have the traits of a narcissist. I've ruined a few family get togethers with my narcissistic behavior. But I can usually justify my behavior to myself, and I have quite a bit of self loathing. I think that is the flip side of narcissism.
It's like a high body temperature - there are many different reasons for said temperature, it's not necessarily a flu, or a cold.
Also if someone who’s a jerk thinks he or she’s a narcissist, they probably aren’t.
Just yet another example of a great video and then the comments (alot of them) that still just don’t get it.
Brilliant! As it turns out, I'm only an asshole! Phew!!!
Don't narcissists have a brittle ego (and a sort of missing authentic identity that never got to develop due to their trauma)?
yes, they have a weak ego and feel a lot of shame. their behaviors are compensating for that. inflate the ego so people won’t see how weak it is. never admitting their mistakes because it would bring up the shame, and this is unbearable for them.
@@AnitaB_1987Thanks. Btw, do you know what the current state of affairs is regarding the treatment of narcissism / whatever umbrella personality disorder it was put into along sociopathy and psychopathy? I used to hear it was untreatable, but recently I started seeing some videos in my feed from someone who claims to be able to treat it
@Limemill if I may chime in, I think they aren't treatable because most people with NPD won't go to therapy for long at all and don't think they're the problem. According to Dr. Ramani, another great youtube resource, says they have to do extensive work in therapy and many are not willing because again, they don't think they have a problem. Everyone else is the problem.
@@mendingmandy869I see. But in principle, is it treatable? Since the main reason is the missing authentic ego which they somehow need to build? Also, not a fan of Dr. Ramani, I think she takes NPD as a personal crusade of sorts and sometimes lacks nuance, which you can see when you go to the comment section and see tons of people shitting on someone they know because they think they are narcissists based on a few traits Dr. Ramani has mentioned. Not that it's her fault entirely, but she could be mindful of this and remind often to not self-diagnose and vilify people because there's a lot of people who may at times demonstrate some similar traits but are definitely not narcissists...
@@mendingmandy869 I watch Dr. Ramani's videos, they really are great. It's true that most NPD, or even people with many narcissistic traits, won't go to therapy for long. It's too hard for them to bear the pain of seeing they are the problem, their weak ego can't handle. But I do know some who have been in therapy for years, and are actually trying to improve. It's a lot of work, and not all therapists are prepared to treat them. But I don't think it's impossible, even if unlikely. They might still have NPD for the rest of their lives, but there's room for some improvement if they are truly willing.
I have since said that I think he has some covert narcissistic personality traits.
1. He expects to be praised for everything he does and can do. Always.
2. I myself am very empathetic and I would never have believed that there really are people who can empathize with other people at 0%.
3. He plays people against each other. He manipulates them. I got to know different personalities of him: the two of us alone; The two of us with a couple who were friends; the 2 of us with his clique, his family, his mother, my mother, his son, etc.
He knew my triggers and pushed my buttons until I was angry with him. He did that because a.) he could and because b.) he could regulate himself.
And believe me...he enjoyed every second (of his power).
4. He is always right. Always. And that's why he can never make mistakes. Only others do them.
5. He was really upset that I never said anything negative about my ex. After almost 25 years of separation, he still speaks of his ex with hatred and anger.
6. There are almost only negative emotions. Positive only when others give him what he needs at the moment.
7.He lives by his own rules, such as in traffic.
What about lack of accountability and gaslighting. Some of the primary things I encountered.
They do not learn to be better people...Its simple to be a Ok person...Its complex to be a Narc.
Katie-Thank you SO so much for drawing this distinction. I was deeply in love with someone who after much mutual therapy, ultimately was diagnosed with NPD among other things I won’t get into. She was extremely competent in her job, and outwardly appeared “meek”. She could not care for her children. She could not care for me. Her behavior became sinister, to the point I thought maybe I was losing my mind. A suggestion, (after much personal research and sincere prompting), I was asked if I thought things might get better as she entered menopause. A life was saved. Mine.
Please stop throwing this word around. It’s important that it maintain its significant meaning, and the public needs to understand the damage this may do in terms of partner awareness, authentic diagnosis, and the seeking of help.
i mean, the word narcicist predates it's use as a diagnosis, it's a descriptive word of a trait. people shouldn0t go around diagnosing people, but using the word to decsribe someone it absolutely fine.
Hello Dr. Morgan, a long time subscriber here. I think my only question is “if a person does not have all of these narcissistic features are they still considered narcissistic. I have been forced to read everything from covert to overt narcissism and somewhere in between also, I love your comparison, but I think if jerk and narcissistic behaviors as a compare and contrast could possibly be more comprehendible for layman people like myself. Ie “a jerk would do this, but a narcissistic person would not do this” Thank you so kindly for all that you do, and I will continue to enjoy your videos
I've always had an issue with therapists using the word narcissist as a diagnoses. That word is much, much older than therapy. By claiming to be the only ones who can correctly use the word, they steal the word from our vocabulary, and its a very useful word to the layman. I feel like they should come up with a new term for the diagnosis.
As a Senior Researcher of Personality Disorders, I intensionally use the phrases
Problematic Personality
Malignant Personality Type
Even PhDs/PsyDs/LCSWs/LMFTs
can not diagnose a person with a Cluster B Personality Disorder without evaluating them for at least five sessions. 😊
This is Kati's explicit session.
My moms a narcissist, you explained her to the T🥺
I'm in my 50s and recently acknowledged that mother is not simply passive/aggressive, but full-on covert narcissistic. As she ages, it's showing more and more as she pisses off more people than just me & dad.
I was, and still am, her "source" of satisfaction and validation that she's smarter, more important, and entitled to more than everyone else.
I made another comment below about how I think people need to stop self diagnosing narcissists. But I actually do have a question about people with bonified cases of NPD, who have actually been diagnosed by a doctor. Isn't one main difference or distinguishing factor between narcissist and other dark triad personality disorders, (or other people who just act like jerks, but don't have a disorder - ) the fact that narcissist are very image conscious and judgmental about superficial things? For example, they feel disgusted that other people would have the audacity to have a little bit of weight on them, or not wear makeup or not get a nose job if they have a big nose? Or they think everyone whose house is messy is a worthless loser. God forbid you have a few dishes in the sink if they drop by. In other words they can't love unconditionally, so they would totally reject any child of theirs who was overweight or not physically attractive. I always thought that trait was the hallmark of NPD, so I don't understand why so many people are self diagnosing their partners and family members with it when they don't really have that particular issue. But people need to stop diagnosing, anyway.
Narcissists incessently blame others. Working with them is hell because they never take accountability.
Also, narcissists won't get help because they don't believe that they have a problem.
I’m really worried about Rawsammi she had deleted her channel and didn’t look like she was doing well recently. Is there anything we could do to help her ?
We're not narcissists, we're the children of narcissists (we're abused so unfort more likely to be jerks) ! Some lady said I was "rude" last week at Publix after sprinting past my elderly mother when another checkout line opened up. Incidentally my dad was a narcissist, my mother is the spouse of a narcissist. Can't help but notice that the narcissist influences and changes the whole family. It was all competition, fear and ignorance in my family. In hindsight my lovely cowardly family members should have found someone outside the house to compete with instead of picking on me. Mom believed that keeping a quiet house and making dinner were like divine duties to perform for her husband and nothing else mattered. Surely nothing in my sad little life, being Flying Monkey #2. I couldn't even dominate the dinner talk like Flying Monkey #1.
I like to say we ALL exhibit narcissistic traits from time to time, but very few of us are actually narcissists.
Problematic behaviour doesn’t always need a personality disorder label, and sometimes it’s a spectrum..although with 7 billion people in the world, there would likely be many people who have one or comorbid cluster B personality disorders. PLUS unfortunately, people with actual NPD rarely go to therapy to get diagnosed as they do not see how it’s affecting their lives or think that they have a problem!
My mother was a manipulative narcissist. My father was an asshole.
❤
I have a question. How to live with a family that takes away your human right to sleep for already a year?
I immediately reacted to the click-bait title of this video.
It's sad to hear so much simplifications and trivialization of issues like these.
I'm glad I managed to see the whole video, because you clearly point to this problem...
... but still, I wish this topic was viewed in a wider scope.
I have seen friends stop caring because of successful manipulation, surrounded by a controlled narrative...
... and then fall apart, and even worse. I have also had my own struggle, being a-typical.
Leaving that dimension out, I fear it may be impossible to avoid causing damage with even partial simplifications.
Just, saying. It's still not that simple. Not in real life, living with consequences of manipulation .
Popularizing this topic does not always make it easier. Even worse sometimes.
Would a narcissist manipulate without noticing? My therapist labelled my mom narcissist based on my childhood. But she is a paramedic chief and has empathy like no other, but did manipulate me and she has alot alot of childhood trauma plus trauma from 30 years as a paramedic. I don't think she even relized what I went through mentally at her hands(words).
Sorry to tell but if someone exibits Gasslighting, 0 empathy, and need for constant validation - he/she is atleast narcisist. My ex gf has all of them + bonuses - guilttripping, manipulation of others, 0 boundaries, if things do not go her way she goes incane, she uses people takes what they give her and give nothing in return - I saw this with strangers, friends and even family...just consumes and wants more - thats it. I even am starting to wonder if she has some sociopath traits. Once I got ill and she told me she is happy that happened and I deserve it because she wanted to vom before and somehow she decided it is my fault and I didn`t relate to her...which wasn`t true. And so on and so on...
I know only two narcissists in life (family and ex) and I have tried to tell others about it though people of my cohort are now dampened from using the term bc of the excessive use of it. It's underwhelming to not be heard.
What about vulnerable narcissists? I find they manipulate sympathy rather than with flattery or other means. When I started working out regularly, had a roommate lament we weren't spending as much time together. Almost felt like a guilt trip.
That's not narcissism. The roommate like you more than you like them. A vulnerable narc act like they are the biggest victim in the world.
Nice distinction to be made between several members of your, and our governments.
I think you left out that narcissists can fake empathy.
My step mother had to be a narcissist the more I think about it.
Narcissistic personality disorder is an official diagnosis that is given by a doctor after a person has been evaluated by them. What I don't get is why there are all these psychologist all over the internet encouraging people to self diagnose this disorder, when no medical doctor in their right mind would ever make videos or write articles that encourage people to self diagnose physical diseases. Medical doctors always tell you that their information is for educational purposes only and is not meant to be substituted for advice from your own doctor. Why do medical doctors have to do that, but psychologist don't? No one should be saying that someone is a narcissist or has NPD, unless that person has been officially diagnosed by a licensed professional. There really needs to be a crackdown on this whole self diagnosis thing in the mental health scene, not only for NPD, but for high functioning autism and all the other disorders that people either believe they themselves have, or accuse others of having. Unless you're an actual qualified doctor, you're not qualified to say what disorder anyone has, if they have one at all.
As Jonathan Richman sang: "Some guys try to pick up girls and they get called an a$$hole, but that never happened to Pablo Picasso!" But a case could be made that Picasso had many traits of a narcissist.
It reminds me when people say “he or she is so bipolar”
There is a very small percentage of people that are true narcissists
I still don't understand the difference. Also, may a narcissist have moments of clarity when they see how their actions impact others and feel bad, but then revert back to their old ways once the moment passes?
Check your own covertness as you assign blame to the evil “narcissist “
Blaming is weird. Someone is showing you how they are. You don't like it. And blame them for being how they are. What is blame actually necessary for? 🤔
Can a narcissist or A##hole make a person mad enough to exhibit these awful behaviors him/herself when provoked time and time again?
I am quite confused... My stepmom abused the hell out of me, seldom showed empathy to me (doubt it was real), gaslighted me, and other stuff. She seemed to exhibit narcissistic behavior but showed empathy to those in need, like homeless folks (she is a Christian, believe it or not. As one myself, I scoff at her conflicting behavior)... What even is she?
Edit: lol, minutes later, my bf sends me a link to a "communal narcissist".... wow
I thought they were the same
My father always told me how much money I was costing him when I was a child sick with mental health problems, he would belittle me when helping me with homework, he was never protective of me and even told me I could be a stripper, he clearly never wanted kids and enjoys talking about his possessions and vacations, rarely ever talking about his adult children to others, and when I bring up and of his bad behavior he says "maybe I'll be a better father in my next life". He was emotionally absent throughout my childhood because he had to spend money on me for basic necessities like food, shelter, bed, etc.
Does he sound like a narcissist?
I don't know but you sound like you could do with reparenting healing work, as most of us do.
I don’t know if anybody has asked this question, but is there a physiological way to tell that someone is a narcissist, i.e. brain scans or something to that effect? I find it hard to believe if somebody can be diagnosed with a “disorder, if it cannot be shown, that some kind of physiological representation in their brain. Otherwise, how do you really know someone is narcissistic I’m not an asshole if there’s literally no way to make a distinction between the two empire both have the same characteristics.
No need. The key is the person's motivation behind the bad behavior. An astute observer can figure it out quite easily simply by interacting with the narc over time. These people tend to self destruct as more an more people know them. To know them, is to hate them.
@@propheteyebert7063 ok but what causes it? There has to be a root cause. Everything that you can diagnose has a physiological marker.
Trauma usually causes it. It's possible that it is detectable on brain scans as many things are - a depressed brain or one with PTSD tend to light up in similar patterns. But I agree that they are detectable as they all have similar tactics and behaviours
I did read on some articles online that the narcissist has a shrunken anterior insula which is the center for empathy. A Google search will bring it up. It was a scientific study I read.
It is angering to call people names..”narcissist”
It's mostly hard to tell the difference. Does'nt all narcs act like assholes if the dont gain from pretending not to?
The sad part is the people who really need to watch this video don’t want to be corrected. But this was a very good explanation of the difference.👍
Can someone be both 😅
"You think this is _slicked_ back? This is _pushed_ back."
People can change.
Doesn't it just boil down to someone being insecure so they project that on to others? Narcissist just need to fill a void with something healthy. I'm not a professional but that's my opinion
IDK, I'm thinking you could just add the description for "asshole" in under the description for "narcissist" and call it a day. I mean, where does everyone think that assholes get the idea that it's ok to be an asshole? In my book, it's a symptom of a much larger problem, and even if they haven't shown the other signs of narcissism in front of a single observer, that doesn't mean they don't show them to others when that observer doesn't happen to be present. It does mean, however, that they are insecure and didn't receive the proper training in early childhood to not act in any of these ways. Whether anyone tried to teach them is another story, but either way, they didn't receive that training. Also, in both cases, I'm thinking a good, swift, kick in the mental, emotional, or legal pants is *exactly* what's in order. They're all bullies, one way or another, and we all have to stop coddling them. At the very least, jerk or narcissist, walking away and going no-contact should be the default and automatic response to these people. Pay them no mind and no attention, and just go on and live your best life instead!
harry potter sitting on that chair, having the sorting hat on his head, saying: "NOT NPD! NOT NPD!!!"
and the hat: "not NPD, hmm? then i guess you're a massive...JERK!!!"
jerks: "we have potter, we have potter!"
ps: do narcissists truly lack empathy? i heard they do have empathy, but they "turn it on" to get what they need and the main difference is how they act on what their ermpathy tells them, compared to non-narcissists.
And the difference is..?
How is consistently being an asshole not a mental disorder? Asking for a friend.
ELLO KATI BABE X
I don’t think there is much of a distinction. Not having the full diagnosis still means the person has narcissistic traits. Not calling out an asshole as having narcissistic traits is enabling abuse, just as much as minimizing the abuse suffered by narc victims. Normal people aren’t comfortable being assholes. Assholes have narcissistic traits, sorry. And it needs to be identified, not as a full blown diagnosis, but as a toxic person nevertheless.
Also narcissism is not characterized by absence of empathy, but a LACK of empathy, meaning less empathy. They still can manage empathy sometimes. Don’t assume because a person can manage empathy at times that they are not a narcissist.
I liked the video but quitting it because of the foul language used as if it's the right word for misbehaviour.
Pinky pink so beautiful on you 💕
How can psychopath or sociopath change? Isn't psychopath even worse than narcissist.
@@khan_zero Is it a fact that she is not evil or in her mind? The psychopath in my life thinks he is not bad at all - oh yes he is.
@@khan_zerothat's the definition of a bad person.. she's definitely a bad person, her partner seems very unhappy, I feel for the guy 😢
@@khan_zero yeah exactly, I sometimes watch content by people like her but I don't subscribe and feel gross about her getting views
I'm a narcissistic arsehole but it wasn't inherent it was learned