THERAPIST EXPLAINS: This Is Keeping You Stuck in Life
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- čas přidán 21. 08. 2023
- Are you stuck in life? Is fear dominating your life and you're afraid to make change or necessary changes in your life? Or are you not getting dopamine rewards from everyday activities to help motivate you? Let's talk about motivation and how we motivate ourselves to enjoy life more or to get more fulfillment from life. The truth is that self motivation and staying motivated in our life, or making life changes can be really hard. But there are little tips and tricks you can do to make positive change in your life and to motivate you to change your life, or to just find more joy and happiness in your daily life. We often may feel very stuck in life and not sure how to make changes to make be more happy and more positive and more motivated - but there are everyday practices we can do to find more joy and fulfillment in life, so let's jump into them.
More videos that may be helpful:
3 tips for motivation & productivity: • 3 tips for self motiva...
Willpower & depression & how to stay motivated: • WILLPOWER & Depression...
How I dealt with going through major life changes: • Going through some lif...
This inner child workshop may also be helpful in tapping into your inner child and healing that person: katimorton.com/the-shop/p/liv...
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I’ve posted more videos that you may find helpful in the description! ❤
“fear doesn’t show us what to avoid, it tells us where we need to grow” 💯👏🏼
that statement socked me right in the gut.
I've had to deal with a lot of major life changes alone, which has both helped and hindered when it comes to change. It's caused trauma, so I have a heightened fight/flight/freeze response, which can be really distressing. But I also know that I've negotiated every problem and change so far, so I have the strength to do it again. It's this realisation that gets me through each time.
Congrats 🎊
Really wish I was like you during this time of life
You are so strong for sticking up for yourself and doing the hard things!
For what it might add to or help your process, I just wanted to say that this channel stands out because you do not. You don't have signature glasses or videos where you are the focus of attention or feel like a brand... each video feels more like a friend or therapist who just put down their laundry basket and came over from next door and sits down beside me to explain exactly why something is wrong or bad, and exactly how it can get fixed or what I should work on. Most therapists seem to like hearing themselves talk or enjoy being the one with the knowledge more than they have an interest in the way things work, or are more focused on their wardrobe and the fun of presenting themselves or some info, especially on social media... in a way that makes me think they couldn't even function in their field if the patient came in and sat in their chair and they had to sit on a folding chair and wear jeans and a Tshirt. For anyone else to whom this feels familiar, Denise Shull is the only other person that I know of so far (but she doesn't do much regularly on CZcams) who seems to share publicly because they enjoy the field and the knowledge more than they do being seen, and if anyone can add to the list, I'd appreciate discovering more helpful people. Mel Robbins (for instance) has a few fantastic life changing points, but tries to spin hours of discussion out of it and a ton of filler, and it often feels like each video is an obligatory 2x per week (or whatever it is) post, to maintain the momentum of a brand more than helping a follower. Sometimes I think about something while on a walk and I don't know where I got the info, and then I see a video of yours again that reminds me it was on your channel. I follow a few self-help and thoughtful channels for whatever good I might find along the way, but it's very rare that one is so much more about the problems and solutions like yours is, everybody seems to be more about gaining followers and giving pep talks and making people feel entitled or optimistic (whichever soothes them the most) and probably 90% of all the helpful and useful info I get (and understand in a way I can use) from CZcams comes from this channel. Thank you for focusing on the stuff that matters. ❤
For me, tracking my goals keeps me motivated. I may get a little dopamine hit from checking it off. But I think it is mostly because tracking provides a constant reminder of what I want to do. That works more for routine goals. For less frequent or one-off things I want to do, I keep a monthly "bingo" board where I put 9 things I want to do that month. I try to do them all, but I "win" if I got 3 in a line.
I love that bingo board idea!
Life keeps me stuck in life
Hi! Those of us with adhd and autism may not experience this dopamine reward cycle as our system is triggered by interest and novelty and not the importance of and completion of tasks.
Just for my fellow ADHDers who are looking for specific advice on this topic - it’s okay if this doesn’t work for you 😊
That makes so much sense, I have autism and I struggled to get satisfaction out of completing tasks sometimes I wondered what what was wrong with me
I was coming here to say this too! Requiring not only rewards, but also novelty AND intense interest makes change even harder 😮💨
@@coolsi04 yeah! The only reward I get for having done the dishes is not having to do them or be yelled at for not doing them… but only on the off chance that I don’t make a bigger mess, miss something, break something, or completely overstimulate myself into shutdown. A cool motivation hack is to reward yourself WHILE DOING THE TASK instead of after. Candy with dishes. Sexy new pens for your taxes. Etc.
well said @@bethanykibler525
this explains so much and helps me understand someone that i love deeply so very much. thank you!!
Here is my problem: When I accomplish my goal or face/overcome the fear, it NEVER feels good. It NEVER feels motivating; it doesn't feel like I accomplished anything. It leaves me resentful, instead. Like, I did it, but I'm mad that it took too much effort and/or time. Advice?
This makes a lot of sense and it does seem obvious from an outside view, but when you’re in it, it’s a big realization. I’m an expert at self sabotage and didn’t even know it until my therapist told me.
I always keep coming back to this line from Tony Kushner's Angels in America: "Martin: It's the fear of what comes after the doing that makes the doing hard to do. / Roy: Amen. / Martin: But you can almost always live with the consequences." I read this play for my PhD exams and I was in the middle of needing to make a terrifying decision in my personal life; this line hit me very hard and helped push me to where I needed to be.
I am a 18 year old girl with no relationship or friends. I was going on my classmates social media that was a girl that used to be in my private school in the middle school and she has a boyfriend now in a public high school and I never talked to her but she was in my class in middle school. I’m jealous that the students that I knew from my school are now in 12th grade or graduated and they now are dating boys, moving out with their relationships and drinking and vaping
I fear not being able to pay rent and food during my studies this fall, but this is the second last step to my BA so I’m doing it anyway. The alternative is worse than maybe have to ask family for money, and being 46 years old, that’s really embarrassing. 😢
Embarrasment is not a real thing. It only happens in your head. Hunger, unpaid bills and, worst case, homelessness, are very real and can seriously get in the way of achieving your goal. If you have family members that you know are capable of helping, don't hesitate to ask them if that is the only way. It's not like you are asking because you're a drug addict or something. You are trying to improve yourself. That's nothing to be embarrased about.
If you’re school has a campus, see if they have a campus pantry or something! My community college has one and all you have to do is sign up and you can get whatever you need for free once a week!
@@sekinafi29That’s great, but I’m taking a course online so that’s not an option in my case.
@@VolkbrechtWell, I don’t have a supportive family so begging for help is really, really painful. 😢😢😢
I got sick and lost everything on top of living with a deep depression. I had to learn how to ask for help. Find Food pantries or churches to see what they offer. Not sure how much you make or where you live but ask about EBT, help from utility companies. Also go ask your financial aid department about scholarships or women's organizations that offer students scholarships. You would be the perfect age for organizations that wish to help. Organization are looking for people to help. Learn to ask. You can do it 🙂
Fear is energy, it can stall you or supercharge you. I'm going blind. It's my worst fear in the history of existence. Suddenly stepping up to teach tai chi.. it's not less scary but the fear feels like it matters less. I'm agoraphobic. I'm going on holiday five hours away in October. I wanna see a genuine zen garden while I can.
I realised, though didn't put it into action because like all fools I thought I had more time, that you only have two fears to deal with at a time: the thing you're afraid of in the moment, and something you're afraid of more that makes you feel like the current thing isn't so bad :P Play them against each other, take the less scary thing, and you'll build confidence in doing scary things. That's what Im trying to embrace now.
Someone I have a complicated relationship with (part friend, part bully, part success story, part warning) ironically helped once when he pointed ou that fear and excitement bring the same anticipation, the same bodily processes, so you only have to reframe things to make it more excitement. I haven't mastered that one yet. But yeah. Fear is a git.
You speak my Core. My Brain was Like: Do I fear those Situations now or is IT excitement? Body Shakes, sweat, heartraching, mind running ... If I Had given IT more Tries, than maybe my Body Had the ability to understand the difference between fear and excitement. My Brain thought: I fear those Situations and People, coz I did Not know how Excitement of Soul actually feels within the Body. So I missjudged and misstreated many Situations. But Awareness Always helped me. Now I know better. Thanks 4 Sharing your experiences. 😊🫂
I stay motivated by knowing if I dont put in effort to be ascending im probably going to head to a depressive episode and that ugly, volatile s* aint even worth it.
For me getting rid of the words: should, need, ought, have to, got to, must. And putting in the words: could, can, want to, and going to. I don’t like words of obligation, and like words of choice and encouragement. I also like to focus on the results of what I want to accomplish as a motivator.
I had a fear of driving for quite some time. This was from from previous car accidents. I was diagnosed with severe PTSD and underwent months of therapy for it...
This kept me from driving for several years. I had a fear of getting into another car accident, getting injured again, or dying. I also had really intense flashbacks. I recently started driving again 4 months ago! I was so scared getting behind the wheel again. All I could think about was my last car car accident and I had terrible flashbacks. After driving consistently, I really had to push myself and remind myself what I learned in therapy. I remembered the good times I had while driving! The freedom it gave me to experience life again! While it was scary at first, I'm no longer afraid of driving anymore!
While I still do get anxious at times, I remind myself it's okay. what matters is that i freaking did it after so many years of telling myself I couldint. I now drive every day and I've never been so proud of myself ❤
With ADHD the problem I face is more that I feel like I need to change it up all the time, more so than other people. And in that way I don’t make as much progress because I’m always starting over
Bingo.
What interesting thing you are doing
This is me exactly.
I want to call you bro.
The fear to be more precise is anxiety I think, anxious about things are not going to work or even believe that change is not possible. But eventually, to tame the anxiety, we can only face the fear, get things done bit by bit, and small changes together become a game changer
Crazy Glue is the only thing that keeps me glued in life??? Every time I need it ,it is always there !!! Comforting Me!,!!🇨🇦💔
Often there's an emotion underlying the fear. Like if you're afraid of social situations - why? Anxiety? Shame? Those things can be more comfortably expressed as fear in someone who either isn't aware of the underlying emotional cause, or is masking it to avoid admitting the source to themselves.
As someone autistic, I find that what keeps me on track is breaking a large task down into multiple small tasks to accomplish the bigger goal. What gives me dopamine is finishing the smaller tasks. And finally the bigger goal is the dopamine that helps me create a positive habit knowing that If I use this structure It’s a much lesser chance of me losing motivation. But that’s just me.
My biggest challenge of all is change. When something works why change it? Is what I normally think and what causes resistance. I have trouble with adaptation. So when someone tells me to do the same thing a different way it takes me a very long time to accept it adapt to it and make it my new way of getting things done until I have to change it again. It’s exhausting.
Learning about backlash in schema therapy was very useful to me in this - every time we try a change we may get backlash - our system saying, no, stay safe, keep things as they are because we know what to do here
The past two weeks have been a struggle for me and this morning I received a notification on this video. It was much needed. Thank you for sharing!
I really enjoyed the video you help. Understand my cerabal palsy and general anxiety
Literally nothing motivates me. I can be swarming with dopamine and serotonin (have taken heavy drugs for both) and still just don't care. I'm not scared, I just have no hopes or dreams or even interests. I used to like video games, but I get very little from them now. I read a lot because it passes the time. I don't want to accomplish anything specific, travel, etc, but I'm also not content. I'm not physically tired or sick feeling in any way. Most days I have good energy but nothing seems worth doing. The world just feels pointless and horrible to me. I have a job that makes me enough money to live without worrying about money, and that seems to be the only thing I can bring myself to care about because I know from experience not having money is far more difficult than the daily responsibilities of my job.
I understand
You need to get laid homie fyi
One reason most competent doctors will not have patients on SSRI, SNRI's long term or the high doses like they prescribed in the 1990-2000's is they learned the medicines literally burn out the serotonin receptors in the brain that do not recuperate leaving people with severe anhedonia. Or as I call it the "I just feel nothing" thanks to irresponsible drug companies and doctors who love the kickbacks they receive from the drug representatives. As long as the patients keep quiet, and they get their huge paychecks and privileged class kick backs the shrinks do not care. Research this yourself because the medical class KNEW about this but keep prescribing in large numbers and long term. Nothing wrong with short term or long term low dose use when needed but the meds kill the bad feelings but also kill the ability to feel the good long term.
@@dylanmaxey2531that isnt true
This is very informative! As your posts often are! Thank you! ❤
I personally haven't been happy with how this year has gone - and i don't really believe its because of a 'lack of motivation' but rather 'mental enslavement' i've been feeling in terms of having concern for family and other personal issues, plus wondering where my career path is headed, and concerns I've had on with trending topics - such as the corrupt political spectrum, climate change, and economic stability.
This, right here. It feels scary to try to keep living in these times. You are not alone in the fear.
just used this video in a counseling session. I LOVE YOU. thanks!
Such a good video. I've been on a deep dive into motivation for several months now, both learning about it and putting these lessons into practice, and this video both supports and reinforces what I've learned and experienced firsthand. It has truly been life changing and I am grateful for it.
If you embrace the principles and suggestions Kati discusses here, especially the parts about progress being incremental and learning to channel your fear, you will likely be amazed at the profound impact it can have in your life when put into practice.
In the simplest terms, life is about the journey, not the destination. Truer words were never spoken. Thank you, Katie, for this video.
Face your fears... very scary but very much motivating and makes you feel better ❤
Hey, Kati, just finished your book, Traumatised. Big congratulations on a brilliant, insightful work. I learned so much and it was really helpful ❤
"IM BABY STEPPIN!!"
-- What About Bob
@@sandymckelvey8664 nice, like that one!
@@sandymckelvey8664 Benny and Joon? Added to watchlist, thanks!
Really good point about fear as a motivator! I'll steal this point for my next presentation about attachment styles ;-)
I can’t seem to find a therapist I can connect with and open up to (yet 🤞🏼) and your videos are keeping me above water! Thanks for all you do, Kati! 💛 ps your shirt is everything 🐞
@katimorton is this thing scamming me? 😅
I love this!
This your best video so far
Thanks Kati, this video came into my feed exactly when I've needed it. Thanks for the motivation🙂
hello also here's some heart's 💓💓💓for you I hope your doing well? 😘💓
Where your fear is there's your task (Carl Jung)
Hello Mrs Morton I 've been watching your videos for years and they have helped me a lot in difficult times ....can i ask a parenting tip....for a mom that raises her only child mostly all by her self , together with a chronic illness that is quite demanding and she sees that this situation has made her kid to become on the limit of rude , over confident especially with adults and especially with mom being disrespectful in front of others ....in general the child is overall kind but exhibits often too these types of behaviours also ....maybe give me some info and advice ....?i am doing a small research ....it would help a lot ,once again ....thanks in advance and keep up the spirit high !!!
What gets me stuck? Repetitive tasks like housework. The struggle is real. 😂
For me, and in my opinion (what my mind/mentis thinks and perceives), CHANGE'S manifestation is based on my true desire and convictions (sounds obvious and elementary, RIGHT?)... now, what triggers my desire and convictions is a vast, complex and intricate universe of the soul - intellect, reasoning, emotion, etcetera. There is an internal struggle in us ALL; a Cain and Abel, darkness and light type of ordeal. Much of the time, our higher will and self is only painfully evidenced by our uncompromising persistence and determination. In our duality, whatever side we nurture MOST will be the strongest. 🤗🤣😎 Sounds fairly easy, cut-and-dried, RIGHT?!? No, WRONG! When emotions are attached within our cognition, and what we truly seek, it is invariably messy. 🤣
Thanks!
You're welcome :)
I get busy living or get busy dying for me. It’s not easy I’ve seen both you gotta want it more than you want the food more than you want the drugs more than you want the sex the clothes, whatever pleasure chasing it’s just medication either you want to fix yourself or you don’t no excuses do you put in the work or you don’t once again no excuses stay broken look in the mirror it’s your fault not that you got broken but that you choose to stay. That way you can live with it but it’s not who you are. #broken
I live in bend Oregon!!
What’s the difference between fear that’s telling you to grow and fear that’s warning you not to do something dangerous?
Kati, do you dive into the generational curses or spiritual causes of emotional issues & behaviors?
Problem with me is I easily get overwhelmed and get paralyzed from any hint of fear, pain and even minor inconveniences... :(
Sensory overload and cognitive overload
Fear you choose the time and place or fear that is dumped on you? And it helps to have a sucess rather than the fear realized.
Hypomania is where I can achieve most change but that's a thin line to walk as just a few steps more towards mania can be highly damaging.
But when I face my fears I feel worse afterwards not better so it’s like my fears are validated which makes me more scared to do it the next time. This is my experience with social anxiety.
Hi Kati.
Are most of therapiss ultra sensitive poeple who pull back their own emotions, because they are so afraid of what's inside could tear them apart, so they prefer to fix on other poeple problem to forget their own suffering. All tharapist seem to be so exhausted and sad after years... Eyes can't hide te truth, ever since smile tries to tell the opposite.
First
Nobody cares your first.
It's so unfortunate (and nothing personal @ dear Kati Morton) that THERAPIST in caps reads as two words - you think they'd find a better word?
Such hollow words. I'm afriad because I've been shamed and humiliated and abused before many times, and it will happen again.
Hey Pepperdine Grad, I met and am with been haveing therapy thru TalkSpace bc of BetterHelp that u suggested a while ago. I tried both but I joked Maladaptively DayDreaming about Ya (next uploads... Thanks!
alright fine fine im inspired