Never Talked About This Before...
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
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I just wanted to tell you that it took a lot of strength and courage to be able to talk about the event that shaped part of your life. Please don't call yourself a coward...
Dear Honorary Big Sister,
As someone who has been watching you since the very very beginning of your channel, this was a video I had thought would never come. Whenever I looked back on your old videos I often wondered about how you were doing since the breakup and all of the other horrible things that had come with it. You never spoke about it in your videos, but I had felt that something changed within you. Don't get me wrong, I loved (and still do love) you as much as I did from the first video I saw, but I could tell that something was off. When you posted your first video with Pete, it almost brought me to tears because I could see how genuinely happy you were, and I hadn't seen that in a long time. You are incredibly brave for sharing what you did in this video. You are such an inspiration to me and have shaped me so much, as I found your videos when I was about 11. I'm 16 now and some of your words of hope and positivity have stuck with me to this day, in everyday life. You remind me that life is dependent on my outlook. That you're allowed to recognize the bad, because it will be there, but you have to see all the goodness in your life as well. I love you to pieces, my dear Carrie. You may never see this, and that's okay. But thank you for being such a positive inspiration to me. Your vulnerability and true care for your hopefuls, friends, and family will never be overlooked by me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being you.
Love love love,
Your Honorary Little Sister
Stephie Rose this is exactly how I feel too! Carrie you are such an inspiration to all of us, to see that even tho you went thro such a crap experience that you can still put on a smile and share your love with not only your significant other but to all of us as well! We love you so much big sister!!
Stephie Rose you put it perfectly
I really hope Carrie sees this
With this comment, you put my thoughts into words in a better way than I would be able to :)!
This is everything I would have wanted to say and more. Beautiful
'living rent free in my brain for the rest of my life' is such an eye opening phrase, i'm holding on to that one thanks
I got chills when I heard this. I'm holding on to it too, and writing eviction notices to the people I've left stay in my mind that don't belong.
Megan Alice Rainey wow that hits, like you can feel it seriously.
It was a pretty good metaphor, mmhm.
What a great way to put it!
Megan Alice Rainey I was about to write this down before she said it. It's not a new phrase but it is a good one.
Saying that you shouldn't feel bad because someone has it worse is the same thing as not being allowed to be happy because someone has it better
I went and watched some old vlogs, and honestly, the girl I see now seems much more confident. Like she knows what she wants and is going after it, not settling for anything less than her dreams. You really inspire me Carrie, and I truly believe you will find that peak happiness again. You are so talented and have an amazing guy by your side.The world is truly your oyster. Love, Jess.
Jess94yrs That's exactly what I wanted to say, well said Jess 😊
Was just going to say the same thing too! She seems sooo much more confident in everything now and soo inspiring in even talking about this. :)
Yes I agree with this
I think that a lot of people tend to disregard how much of an impact negative relationships can have on you in the future, so thank you for this video, it was a very brave one to make.
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You are far from a coward, Carrie. You are the very definition of a Gryffindor. Me, as well as A LOT of your Hopefuls see you as a brave, strong and empowering person who inspires us to chase our dreams. Xx ❤❤
Miranda Miller if only there was a love button ...
Miranda Miller very much so ☺️
I'm a Hopefulpuff!
Miranda Miller I am literally a hufflepuff
pirateslife752 We NEED this on a T-Shirt!
"When a big negative event like that hits the timeline of your life, it wedges itself into your timeline and splits it into two and from that point onwards you think of your life as before it happened and after"
I don't know if I've got the quote right but in October 2015 my mental health went downhill and I began suffering form intrusive thoughts, this lead me to view my life as before it happened and after and I lived in the past, I guess it's nice to know I'm not alone
grace wilson I had a similar experience. You are definitely not alone :)
grace wilson same, in October 2015 too…horrible days
Totally relate to this. It's immediately what I thought of when she said that, cause it's one of those things that when you develop a mental illness it does just completely split your life in two.
In late 2008/early 2009, I began what became nearly 2 years of severe depression. Even though I've been on the other side of it for years now, there is definitely that wedge now. There is the before me and the after me. I used to wish I could have that before person back, but maybe there's a reason I never will.
grace wilson sending you love & positive thoughts ❤❤❤
I had a wedge in my timeline. A wedge I've still not forgotten, from around 10 years ago (i'm currently 26). BUT recently I got chatting to a psychologist friend of mine. Like you, my energy in physical and emotional terms had a lower tolerance level than before 'the event' and I was hitting rock bottom/depression/anxiety more regularly and more easily. Turns out there's actually science behind this. If your brain doesn't fully process a big event it will still treat it like a current event in your background processing, rather than filing the memory away. Then you get constant low level firing of the amygdala and higher cortisol (stress hormone) levels, which can drop your tolerance for everything else. Turns out, this is classed as mild PTSD. 'A spot of PTSD' as my dear friend called it, is massively treatable once you notice it's there. 3 sessions of EMDR later and my timeline is knitting back together. The wedge and the lessons it taught me is still there, but it's not a major daily feature and I've re-found my tolerances. I'm back to running at 80% instead of 50%. I didn't think the event was worthy of counselling at the time because I dealt with it well and moved on, or so I thought. Turns out my brain had other ideas. This may not be for you Carrie but hopefully someone will read this and find a way to unwedge their timeline too. Stay hopeful x
Yeah this is so true! Trauma takes up a lot of energy of your current situation, because even though physically times has passed, emotionally & mentally it's still stuck in the now. Many many people have PTSD to some extent, because everybody has at least some trauma, might not be a classic PTSD thing like a war, but it can feel that way, first world problem or not. If you release this trauma by finally processing it, feeling all the things you haven't felt yet, you release a lot of creative energy as well, that you can use freely again...
Thank you for your comment. I think i'm going to seek some counselling because o wedge that happened in my timeline 6months ago.
santosbecks I'm so glad counselling has helped
I'm so happy for you ~ therapy is wonderful!
I just want to let you know that your comment is the first time I heard of EMDR, and I promised myself I'd try to find access to it, because I want to regain function too. It took 5 years to find a licensed professional that specialises in EMDR (very low access where I live), and I'm starting treatments soon. I hope I'll have good results the way you had. Thank you 🧡
well this makes that burn cover alot more meaningful
Exactly. That's kind of why I was so upset when so many people told me I couldn't sing it. Because the beautiful thing about that song is that it doesn't matter what race you are, if you have been screwed over by a man, that song is relevant to you.
Yes! Burn is about that universal heartbreak, nothing to do with race or ethnicity. We all hurt the same!
ItsWayPastMyBedTime I do thing I notice a slight change through The Big Event. But one of the times it hit me the hardest was during the Burn cover 'cause it was visible how much of what you were singing you felt.
I've been around since The Big Terrible Event, and Carrie I think you should give yourself more credit. You've never owed us an explanation, and the fact that you've carrie-d (haha) on and let another person into your life is really powerful and brave. You have a right to feel how you feel about it, and I don't think anyone would deny that it was a shitty thing you dealt with. And the what-ifs are something we totally understand, but look at all the wonderful things that have come since then- Chitty and On the Other Side and Pete and probably a million other fantastic things we don't know about! That event might shape you, but it doesn't have to define your future. So thank you for your bravery, I hope this hasn't sounded patronizing in any way as it wasn't meant to, and I hope you know we all stand behind our favourite big sister
I agree! Carrie does not owe us anything about this thing. The event may have been public, but how it affected her is private. She shows so much strength all the time and she should give herself some more credit. She's had so many amazing things happen in her life since that may or may not have to do with it. I'm sure Chitty had nothing to do with it haha.
This is pretty much exactly what I wanted to say. Thanks for putting it so well.
@AloraWogsland Thank YOU for the compliment and the agreement! :)
Hannah Reinhardt beautiful comment xx
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"there's not a day that I don't think about it" this hit me hard because I relate to this story so so so much. love you carrie & thank you for talking about your experience even if you really didn't feel like it
Olivia Davis Q
The idea of something always being there underneath the surface is so true xx
There is something about people opening up that makes them so much more beautiful
This video from 6 years ago is so much more genuine and helpful than anything you can find talking about these kind of traumatic events today, with CZcams full of therapy speak and gimmicks.
She describes the feeling of it so well, and as someone who still finds themselves thinking of that big disaster in my own life, and asking ‘what if’, it’s very helpful to hear and recognise what to avoid and what can be helpful.
The before and after thing IS SO TRUE
elena it reminds me of Looking for Alaska by John Green
"After a hurricane comes a rainbow" Pete is your rainbow and even though that doesn't change the fucking hurricane, it's a blessing.
cute
Honestly, I think Carrie is her own Rainbow 😊
Carrie is her own sun :)
María Florencia She's the sun and he can go suck it!!! Cheeky Meredith Grey quote for you there!
Okay I know this was directed at carrie but that just helped me a whole lot this is a really nice way of thinking omg
I remember this :/
But this just shows that this relationship made you a better person. You have learned from it!!
(I'm in the same situation with friends now looking back to high school before I went to university)
I’ve just found this video again, 4 months after leaving an emotionally abusive & toxic relationship of 4 years & i really needed someone to describe this for me. I’m a changed person now to who i was, i can sense it in my own brain, how i process my thoughts & how i think of others. I will overcome this, i can learn to live with it rather than letting it define me. Thank you Carrie. X
❤️
I'm a 35 year old guy. I perhaps shouldn't be here. You were in my recommendations. But that moment you described in regards to that clear demarcation between the you prior to the trauma, and the you after whatever it is that changed you forever, is something I can attest to 100%. Nearly 15 years after my own particular event, it's still as fresh as if it occurred yesterday. Although our ground zero moments are as different as day and night, it's somewhat comforting to hear that the thought processes and readjustments taken to continue with living life are virtually identical. Thanks.
I signed out of my "adult" gmail account (waiting for my Realtor to email me back) to sign in to my old CZcams account to comment.
I remember the whole thing so well. Only because of how betrayed I felt. I didn't even KNOW the people involved, so I can't imagine how you felt. I remember very clearly getting in my best friend's car and telling her (she is not a CZcams watcher) about it, and she couldn't relate, but understood how awful the whole situation was. After the whole thing I ended up watching a lot less CZcams. I was working at a job where I had my laptop and could do whatever I wanted. So I essentially spent 8 hours a day, plus home time watching CZcams, I felt like I knew these people. And then to have all of the allegations come out was overwhelming. Obviously I've grown up since then, I'm now in my mid-twenties. I have a job where I can't spent my whole time on CZcams and I've realized that people edit themselves very well. But it was disappointing to realize it that way.
Just the amount of music I had to delete from my iTunes was insane.
Brittany Hudson I feel like I experienced the event in much the same way you did - it was so awful just to hear of these events, I struggled to even imagine what it was like for those involved. The relationship I felt to the youtubers I watched often was not like those I had with my friends and family. With youtubers you (usually) just see the good parts and that meant that to me he (and many of the others outed) were just good, funny, weird guys who made me laugh each week. To discover that someone you not idolise so much as just thought wasn't going away anytime soon is suddenly being thrown out of the community (for good reason) and everyone including yourself is telling you to forget they ever existed comes as a deep shock. With regards to what you said about not really watching youtubers anymore in the same way, I feel this may be because we have become so much more weary of those we watch - not to say they're all bad people but just that they might not be around forever and so we keep our distance with fear that another one might leave. I find it interesting that since the incident I have become more attracted towards the content from youtubers who don't act like they're here forever - people like Hazel Hayes and her group of friends who all make it very clear that they wish to use youtube as a stepping stone to greater things. I guess it's harder to be disappointed when you're not expecting much.
Additionally with the iTunes thing yeah I only ever bought music if I wanted to directly support the artist, the rest of the time I would just download/stream it, but this meant that my iTunes account was mostly occupied by three youtubers allow whom turned out to be shitty people.
Oh well, we live and we learn and we move on with our lives. my heart goes out to Carrie and all the others who suffered at the hands of these few dickheads as well as all the victims of these sorts of people everywhere.
Its honestly odd how this was such an event. Its like a generation of og youtube "squads" had died. Such a significantly devastating moment for everyone personally involved in some way and such an enormous change in a now older generation of viewer. I understand Carrie's admission to a saddening lose in ignorance both on a personal level and pertaining to the situation. The subject in question was the first person I had subscribed to, along with a fellow blue haired piece of garbage musician. You become so aware from that point of that acting involved in vlogs and realistically become better off in the end but at what cost? I hope younger viewers who werent around for that change never have to go through anything similar but do remain aware of the humanity and its flaws within their favourite vloggers.
Exactly! From that moment on, I know I personally, started looking at other CZcamsrs I watched at the time thinking, "Who else is a piece of crap and is just really good at hiding it?" You can never really know anymore. I know I felt heart broken that day and I felt so bad for Carrie because I knew the pain I was feeling had to have been 10 times worse for her.
I know many of us will feel the same way because I, like many Hopefuls, watched you long before that incident and watched as you changed. Seeing this video was like one of your friends finally opening up about something you know had happen to them, but you gave them their space to come to you. It was really admirable and touching. But what I'm trying to say is Carrie, I thought you were wonderful and lovely and generous and kind then. Now I know your strength too. You're inspiring. Everyday. And even when you don't feel like you're all that, we got you.
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Carrie, thank you for this. I got somewhat assaulted by what was a friend when I was about 18 and I still have to work with him. At times it gets tough and I still find it is affecting any relationships now. You've described things so well and it's so refreshing to know there is someone else who feels the same. Thank you
Oof, that's tough, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Not to poke my nose in, and obviously feel free to utterly ignore this comment if I'm overstepping my boundaries, but if you haven't tried therapy for it I highly recommend it. I myself was sexually assaulted by someone I considered a friend. My therapist helped me 'update my memories' and it has greatly helped me to put the event behind me. :)
I've done the updating memories too!! :D Repainting the picture in a more positive light can be so so helpful. my ex cheated on me for 6 months with my best friend - and I had to attend 2 more years of education with him. Seeing him every single day - within a large friendship group. Having to act with him for A-Level drama every day.
It was terrible - but you know what? Its made me stronger as a person. Keep being so so brave - both of you!! ^ xxx
LiveAndLetLive same happened to me, bad relationships affect you in so many ways, therapy is great, and I'm so happy that we can have this tiny corner of the Internet to be supportive and talk about it to each other ❤
Like a lot of other hopefuls I found your videos through your ex. I had watched him from the very beginning and even had met him randomly at a Harry Potter concert with his ex girlfriend. When everything came out I deleted all of his music, and unsubscribe from his channel. It's insane to think about it now but before that day I probably would have said he was one of my favorite people on CZcams. I think that was one of the moments I saw the potential strength in the CZcams community, but I also remember the gap in time between your videos and being sickened by how much pain you must have been in. You have grown so much since him and although I do not know what exactly what happened between the two of you (and I have no reason to) I have always stuck by you and all of the other wonderful women who he hurt.
oh goodness :"(
doddleoddle ILY! X
You are an incredible person, Carrie. I'm so glad you had this conversation because honestly, there are a lot of us out here that feel much more empowered to tell our story and process things like this because you are strong and have taken your time. Thank you for not making us feel ashamed of what's happened to us.
I've often found myself avoiding your videos - not because they're bad in anyway whatsoever just to clarify! In fact they're fantastic! But, sometimes, because we're round about the same age, it can be intimidating to see how successful you are (rightly so) and it can be difficult not to compare myself to you. I'm really glad I popped in to see this one. I lived through something sort of horrific and the way you're describing your feelings are thoughts I've had a thousand times but never quite been able to assemble into words. Thanks for sharing your story and reminding me that I'm not broken or alone. I'll be sure to not let any silly jealousy keep me away so long next time.
I think I've felt similarly before, like, as I got older and was watching Carrie & other CZcamsr's videos I started realising 'oh shit I need to get my life together', but it's okay to feel that I think. So long as it's not like, jealous in the 'I hate you you don't deserve this, I do' sort of way. Carrie deserves all the happiness and success in the world and I'm sure we both agree but yeah sometimes seeing that then suddenly being crippled by how many goals you haven't attained yet can be so daunting, but it's the sort of feeling you need to have and be like 'that's not how I should view this' because I'm probably right in assuming that Carrie's had an entirely different life to you, with her own personality and aspirations, and she went down a set of paths and has achieved things because of that. I guess I'm just trying to say her success doesn't reflect on you at all! :) You're not the only one who feels that but I think if you enjoy her videos you should let yourself be vulnerable to that feeling and deal with it because it's a lot more motivating than avoiding it :) Sorry if that's presumptuous of me I was just trying to express that I think I understand what you mean and I don't think you're silly :)
Jessica, I know exactly what you mean. I've always had an issue with jealousy and I avoided Carrie's videos as well for some years. But I finally learned now that avoiding amazing and inspirational people won't help me grow. It's letting those inspirational people into my life that will change my outlook on things. I either could get isolated by my jealousy or I could get inspired and be part of the fun. I recommend Anna Akana's video about her 16-year old self. Take care, have fun and try your best :)
As someone who also hardly has her life together - I think we just need more time. Some people only start doing what they really want when they are in their 40s, 50s or later, because everyone is different. Just make sure you are happy with were you are right now, even though it might only be a path to what you ultimately will do... walking that path can also be fun :) xx
Jessica Litchmore oh. my god. i thought i was the only one who felt like this. i avoid her videos sometimes because shes so much farther in life than i am and were like the same age :(
yeah i can relate, and i am so glad for the person who said that about some of us only doing our life's work at 40 or 50. i am 34 now and feel like i should already have done something great. i feel that i am capable of something great but i have not yet beeen able to realize it. my partner, albeit loving, does not believe in my ability, and that is very hard for me, but i do know truly that i am able to be something great, so it is very reassuring to hear that some people only realize their life dream at 40 or 50. let me be one of those people and let all of you hoping and reading this be one of those. time doesn't really matter, great things happen any time.
I'm obsessed with the rose in her hair
Obsessedwithmusicals it's from h&m xD
This video, when I’m pissed about my “big event” is so nice to come back to. It just makes me feel like I’m not alone and that even in the shittiest of shit, life goes on.
Carrie, I've been alone for 16 years. My breakup was so bad I realized I simply could not survive exposing myself ever again. It was a was not a decision that I arrived at lightly nor was it immediate. It was 5-6 years before the pain lessened enough that I could make a coherent decision. Do I get lonely? Absolutely. Do I regret my decision? No. In the end it was a matter of survival.
Thank you for sharing this with us. You didnt have to, but you did. Hope you're feeling alright today
I don't want to minimize your feelings, nor depress the heck out of you, but maybe this could help you put it into perspective. As someone in their late 50s, I can tell you that life will be full of those timeline markers, good and bad. From each cheating partner to landing the job of your dreams. From meeting your permanent soulmate and/or getting married to losing a parent or child. From the births of your children to the day your doctor gives you the bad news. From being assaulted to receiving awards, etc. With some luck, you will have a long timeline and I hope that there will be a lot more positive markers in it than negative ones. Only you, however, can decide which ones you allow to define you. When you truly make peace with him and what happened, you can finally make that marker a little smaller and harder to see. It's obvious that so many people adore you today, right here and now. Let that be your next, (bigger), marker.
CrankyPants this is a wonderful comment!! wise words well said!
I am in my early 30s and was thinking kind of the same, though in my own scale.. The childish happiness and naivety that is bound fade through life is replaced by wisdom through a lived life, more experiences - good and bad, and hopefully a bigger understanding of other people and life's ups and downs.. It's tough and kind of sucks but it's also wonderful.. :)
I'm internally sobbing, this is so beautiful.
I, in no way, intend to minimize how an event like the one that this video is about will affect and change a person. I've been cheated on by two partners. One after 7 years and the other after 2 years. It is devastating at the time. It can permanently change you. It doesn't have to permanently change you for the worse, though. I learned a few things about myself that I wasn't aware of. I learned what to look for in people that will make me run the other way immediately. After learning those things, I found the right one, the forever one. On the rare occurrence that I think of my personal timeline, those two bad periods are on there, along with the other pivotal things that have occurred, but those two bad periods have faded into an "oh yeah, whatever..." status. At the time, I'm not going to lie, it hurt and it hurt big. Eventually, though, I decided that they just didn't deserve to have any more power over me. To Carrie and anyone else who is still hurting and/or haunted: I hope that a happy event occurs that will push the negative one down to being a minor footnote, rather than a major paragraph.
CrankyPants YES 🙌🏻
thank you
As someone who has been around since before the whole thing with the guy and witnessed the whole situation through and through, you did change. Your whole demeanor adjusted, from the way you smiled to how you held your head. You were very much a kid, and while you still have the "I'm an adult but also a child" vibe, you put away the naivety that comes with being a kid. I say put away because you didn't lose it- to say he took anything like that from you would give him far too much power.You became less of a friend and more of a big sister on here, which isn't bad at all. You swapped from being one of us to being the experienced one who's been places and done things and seen stuff and the go-to person for advice because you've been there. And you grew, right in front of our eyes, and though I'm not at all responsible for the person you are I am so incredibly proud of everything you've become.
Julie Merlo +
While I was horrified at what happened to you way back when, I'm so grateful to have found you through your ex. You're my greatest role model and I don't think I would have ever seen your content otherwise. You probably don't remember this, but I came to see Les Mis in April 2014 and was privileged enough to meet you backstage. I brought my a copy of Unnaturally Green all the way from the US to give to you as some sort of escape from everything that you were experiencing. You were so kind and wonderful to me, and I'm so blessed to know that my role model is as lovely in real life as on the internet. You are so brave for talking about this, no matter how long after the fact. Thank you for creating and encouraging this gorgeous community. From one twenty-something to another, thank you for continually putting kindness out into the world.
BelleDanseur I love your beautiful comment so, so much. Xxx
This is perfect and that is how I found carrier's channel too all those years ago when she was in the Lady Godiva video. I unsubbed him and continued to love watching carrie's videos.
As someone who has been around since before the big bad event happened, I can say that you have changed but you should give yourself more credit. You are still a very positive and wonderful person who deserves to have the best in life. I couldn't help but tear up a bit because there have been a few moments like this in my life that just changed me in many negative ways and its interesting to think about the person I would be if those awful things hadn't happened. All in all I'm proud of the person I am now and I'm proud of my honorary big sister
I pretty recently left a very negative relationship and it has kind of left me with the before and after effect too. I just wanted to say since i've been here since 2011 (possibly 2010..), you opening up about this, gets nothing at all but respect from me because it was so brutally public, I fought for weeks after in your defence in comments etc but I always assumed you'd keep quiet about it but hearing you talk about how it has affected you has made me realise that I'm not alone in how I've been feeling about the whole thing (my relationship...not yours) and has kind of validated my own feelings, you were and are incredibly strong for dealing with it and more power to you for not letting him 'live rent free' he doesn't deserve it and I hope someday soon, I get to the point where she doesn't get that privilege either, so thank you 💜
I have this "before and after thing" concerning a nervous breakdown and a bad bad period of depression I went through some 5-6 years ago... I know that's not the same case as a relationship gone very wrong, but... Ultimately, it did make me stronger. When I go dark, I can go really really dark. But when it's the other way round, I can appreciate happiness so much more and be grateful for it! All thanks to the very negative thing that hapened to me...
Dance the Drizzle same ☹️ although the after bit hasn't really arrived yet lol
Using my little data because I'm still on the bus but if it's a video from Miss Fletcher I know it will be worth it 💗
Unlimited data with 3 for like £24. and you can hotspot up to 30 GB per month.
One negative relationship can fuck you up for years. I'm glad you decided to share how you're coping and the anger you're feeling because it is immensely valid. I'm sorry that the BS of your bad relationship was so public. I've been following you since probably 2011ish so I remember before you and I, as someone who has also had that one negative event wedged into her life, admire the adult you've become now. Please don't ever call yourself a coward your strength and your bravery to even speak about it online is admirable. 😊
It's so refreshing to hear someone talking about this. I was with someone for 8 years and he left me for someone else blah blah etc, I'm over him, but I'm not over the trauma of how it happened and how it made me feel. I've been with someone else for a few years since then, and he is amazing, I love him to pieces but I can't help but feel guilty when feelings of sadness and negativity bubble up from my past :(
**sending a big bear hug and all the love**
Thank you for sharing. I've had something simmilar happen to me when I was about 15 and it completly reshaped my world. Somehow you always think you're alone with those big moments. Like it just happens to you, and you're the only one dealing with such major repercussions which is silly because you're not but you cannot help but think you are. You sharing this just made me (personally) grab on to this and go to myself "See, I told you. You're not alone." It just... well, feels nice to see someone having the courage to bring it up this publicly. Thanks Carrie :)
Oh Miss Carrie Hope Fletcher, I just wanted to send you love, hugs and kisses. Life throws in the good and the bad, but as long as you show the crappy things that you are stronger than them! In my life I live by three phrases that could help, I suffer with anxiety and I lost my fiancé to cancer so some days are harder than others, those phrases are you are strong, you are brave, you let nothing negative get in your way! Cannot wait to see you in Addams family in Southend lots of love Becky xxxx
Carrie , instead of thinking "what if?" , imagine all the things that might not of happened if you didn't have that bad incident . Imagine all the incredible things you have done like ; les mis , chitty , the Addams family , meeting Pete and writing your book might not of happened if you didn't have to go through that shit relationship ❤️ events like those make us stronger and more aware of how incredible and important we are ❤️
Dear Carrie- you've made it through a very rough time and look at you now! You are still able to be in a loving relationship, you're successful in your career and you're an auntie. You are loved by people all over the world. Don't worry about being an insecure and messed up adult- I have never met someone who wasn't (myself included). You cannot change the past (believe me- I so often wished I could), however, you are now stronger and wiser than before. You've made it through that horrible time, so not a thing on earth can ever stop you now!
You are so brave Carrie. I aspire to be like you
OMG I LOVE YOUR USERNAME UNDERTALE IS GREAT
I remember Carrie, and I remember being so mad on your behalf. I don't know if it's right to say that I like broken people more, but it's sort of true: "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." xxx
*Raises pinky for Carrie*
I don’t know why I’m watching this today. But it was nice to come back and hear you explain it all.
I went through a bad breakup roughly 5 years ago and when I first watched this video, I knew about everything that you went through.
But now knowing, in a different way, how it feels to be pre and post relationship and this weird separation of self and all the mental anguish, made this video really speak to me.
Carrie, I’m glad to see you’ve made a better life for yourself. Well done :).
The fact that someone is suffering more than you doesn't make your suffering smaller. But you are so strong. Sending all my love, strength and prayers your way ❤️
It's admirable that you tell us, technically strangers, about such private and personal issues. It sucks that you had to go through that and I hope you don't feel required to appear 100% perfect in every video, because you don't. We're only humans after all (I guess I've listened to that song a lot recently) :o)
I STRONGLY agree with most of what you said. I always wonder if I'd be different if that or this didn't happen. I look at myself when I was a child and myself now with a gap. My timeline has gashes along it that drive me insane. But I'm very glad that you are doing well and happy with Pete! I've always admired how strong and kind you are. ^.^
Well said Carrie! Don't let anyone deny or make you feel you shouldn't feel the way you do, a bad relationship can really effect the person you turn into. I've had a bad relationship myself and even though now I'm currently the happiest I've been in a new relationship the scars my other relationship left me are still here, thankfully me and my bf are adult enough to talk about it and deal with it together, and I imagine you and Pete are the same! Regardless of the size of your problem it's still a problem and you should be able to discuss it as and when you want to! Don't let other people make sure feel like you can't or shouldn't, yes there are bigger problems in the world as you stated but still your allowed to tell us if you want to :), hope it gets easier for you Carrie xx
being someone who has seen your videos from before, during, and after, all i see from the after is the strength in you. that strength was always there, this horrible experience forced it out of you. and now here you are. your strength shining through. And sometimes strength isn't pretty. Sometimes strength involves a lot of bawling your eyes out but you are still strong. I respect you so much for the way you carry yourself, even if i only see a snippet of what you are feeling. Thank you for being you.
I'm a little bit older than you, and I've been where you have been. In fact, I'm still there and can't get myself out. I watched the man I love destroy me in ways I never thought possible. He not only ripped my heart out and crushed it in front of me, but he also went and married someone that wasn't me. And do you know the worst thing? I still let him into my heart! He's beaten me down and made me feel so tiny and insignificant. But I'm still standing. I don't even know how, but I am. You're extremely brave, Carrie. Not a coward. X
It takes a true Gryffindor heart to be able to talk about this crap.
Thank you.
I remember when this happen, and I also remember how much I admired you as a person then and how much more I admire you as a person now. Not many people could go through that and resurface, and even fewer could resurface a strong, confident adult with a fantastic stage career that looks like it will continue for a long time. Oh and to be such a good role model for people everywhere. I'm a 20 year old acting student and I look to you for advice all the time. I think you're one of the strongest people ever. Stay forever hopeful wonderful Carrie 💜☝🏻x
Yeah, the sorting hat did a great job putting you in Gryffindor!
That's bravery right there and a lot of it, too!
I come back to this video every few months, not because it makes me happier or helps me move past my own situation. But just because I've experienced this exact thing (except replace the video footage with photographs) and hearing Carrie put these thoughts into words really helps me to understand how I'm feeling, and even on the points that aren't quite relevant to myself, it gives me a starting point from which to change direction and talk about how I am actually feeling, because I need those words to help friends, family, and therapists to understand too. I can remember 2 years of my life when I was the happiest I've ever been, I'd just come out of an awful mental place and learnt how to cope with my own mental problems, but then my "big negative event" happened and set me back not even to square 1 but to square -5. This all happened almost 2 years ago and I feel like now I'm back at square 1 again and can start moving on but there are certain things that I'll always have to live with and that's a pretty difficult thing to accept.
Thank you Carrie for making this video. I remember the tears I had to hold back when it was first uploaded because I'd finally found the words I'd been trying to say for such a long time. Most of the work in moving forward will have to be done by me but this has undoubtedly helped me when I feel more lost, and for that I'm grateful, and I'm sure many other people have also found comfort in this video even though it must have been so hard for you to film, edit, and upload for us & yourself.
Big love x
*Sob story*
I was in an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationship for three years and I have never experienced such lows and six moths after leaving him for good I am still rebuilding and I will never be who I was before and I can completely understand where you're coming from. I used to have a lot of noise in my head and a sparkle, I remember breaking down to someone who barely knew me a (with a touch of melodrama) saying "I don't feel sparkly anymore!" My head was quiet, I didn't feel anything about anything, I was dull and hardened. I don't like who I've become and I know there were so many exit points I chose to ignore therefore avoiding being this mess. That's what I find hard.
SharksInTheSinkAgain I am a few years on the other side (pun intended. sorry) of an abusive relationship. I definitely remember feeling that way, and I have never been able to be the same as I was before. that relationship shook me down to my core, but in the years since I have been able to build a new Me on that foundation. The pain isn't gone, but it is lessened, and I honestly like who I have become more than who I was before. I am wiser and more compassionate, to others and to myself. I had to fight through a lot of guilt and self-hate to build this new Me, and it's still a process. but I truly believe you can do the same and find a new sparkle. 💜 maybe you dont see it now, I know if I could say this to my past self 6 months after everything, I would not believe it, but it is true. also, this was not your fault. I know how easy it is to blame yourself, "how could I miss this sign?" things like that. but you didnt know. hindsight is 20/20 for a reason. it is not your fault that you trusted someone and they took advantage of and manipulated that trust. I think you are very brave for sharing this. I wish you happier times full of love and a new sparkle xxx 💕
Leah A And this is exactly why I love this little corner of the Internet
Thank you for trusting us enough to talk about this, Carrie.
all the love, Carrie. it takes guts to come out of something like that and if you've got anything, it's guts. may your current happiness (notwithstanding the pain that wedge will always have) last and last xx
Carrie, this is not a first world problem. This is a problem that can happen to anyone anywhere in the world because of all the fucked up societies and stupid people out there. So please don't think you are not allowed to feel bad about it because we cannot measure pain; it hurts regardless of privilege. What you have been through was not irrelevant and you deserve to talk about it if you want to (or not, if you don't want to!) and feel sad about it. I know most of the time you try to be positive to encourage people to be happy, but know you are allowed to feel how you feel because of your emotional background. And know that you have people to talk about it and that can relate to it, even if you don't know them, and even if you think they have bigger problems. Remember there is no way to compare suffering; we all go through different things in life that make some events less bearable than others according to our profiles; but it is suffering nonetheless. Please receive my hug, and I do hope you feel better and better!
Without going into details I had a very bad thing of my own about six years ago now, and hearing you talk about yours really hit home. The wedge part, the wondering "what if" part and most difficult of all the "third wheel" part about how the after effects weasel their way into the most random and seemingly safe and happy parts of your current life. I don't have any advice or sage wisdom to pass on, but I did want to say thank you for sharing how you feel about it and making me feel a little less alone and a little less stupid for still having to deal with the remnants of it in my brain. Please remember that it is a thing that happened to you but that it is not who you are, even if it sometimes feels like it defines you. Keep fighting the good fight xoxo
Don't you dare call yourself a coward! Sitting down and filming this video and telling us all about this is ANYTHING but cowardly!
You truly are one amazing inspirational human being, and you keep on proving that everyday with how you've carried on.
Lots of love and big hugs!
❤️xxxx❤️
I feel weird because I know Carrie, like about her channel and her existence because I used to watch her ex. And my favorite song she's sang is a cover of Poison, and its off of his album. I feel bad that its like his album but her song I like the most. And also that song is pretty ironic for the situation.
Madison Conway same! also found carrie through her ex. it feels weird
Madison Conway oh dude same. also with poison. i still listen to it!
Madison Conway I think a lot of hopefuls found her through him. I for one stopped watching immediately and denounced anything to do with him. Carrie deserves only the best.
I feel a similar way, I had a lot of their music like "This Kiss" that I loved. I always thought he had a bit of an ego, but I never thought he'd hurt her like that. I did not think it was humanly possible. I also did a major purge after it came out; he was and is still dead to me. I cried harder than I have cried in a long time seeing this video and knowing that terrible person is still affecting her. I watched a lot less youtube after that, and only pay attention to Carrie and Dan and Phil now. But I am so grateful I have found her channel and the love and joy I have experienced there. She is a beautiful person.
I'm the same - I found Carrie through a video her ex made. But, well, I've long since unsubscribed from the ex, and I still watch Carrie's videos regularly. I think most of us that came to her from the same place are like that.
yeah that was a dark period for youtube, I've got it stored somewhere in my brain as a time of distrust and insecurity and accusations, where you weren't sure if you could trust the image you had of the people you were subscribed to and fan of. It was kind of cleansing, though. Most of the people who were called out then aren't big on CZcams anymore.
foreverVanney who was she talking about?
+Ellie Brooks Alex day
she went through a very public break-up that grounded in her ex boyfriends alleged behaviour and accusations made against him.
It was awful on all parts.
maybe don't give that person the satisfaction of knowing he's still relevant on this channel? Maybe delete your comment with his name? I'm sure people can find out for themselves if they are so desperate to know.
nevereatshreddedwheat I'm not saying this in a mean way but maybe delete your comment as she didn't say his name because she didn't want to and you've now written it on here. Sorry!! xxx
I love this. Something similar happened to me but not so publicly and it is so nice hearing all the positive things that have come out of a horrible situation. It gives me hope. So thanks xxx
What ever happens in your life that makes you feel crappy and less of your happy lovely self then let it out! We are all here for you. You don't need to say any of details of the thingy, but let use know you feel crappy and we can help you in anyway possible. Also you are not coward, you are a brave Gryffindor!!! 😌❤️
I feel you completely. I had an trash relationship when I was 19 and it really is like splitting your life in half. Last year my dad died and it split again. These things, although horrible and I would love to have my dad back, have made me who I am. I love harder and have grown so much stronger. Thanks to you for being so strong and talking to us all.
Hi Carrie - I don't normally comment but I've actually been watching your channel since the first video - I just want you to know that I've watched you grow as a person these past years and with every video you upload I think of how proud I am of you and all you've become. Negative things will always happen (I've had some big negative nasty things too) but it always helps us grow as people and you especially have used your experience and channel to bring hope and joy and positivity to a whole community of people. Although I have never met you I want you to know I deeply care about you as a fan of your videos and I am so immensely proud of you and I wish you all the happiness in the world - I know you will continue to do amazing things and continue to grow as a human no matter what the circumstances - Annie
J M No, she really isn't...
I'm going through a pretty traumatic break up right now. And already it feels like a pretty big wedge in the timeline of my life. Finding this video right now is oddly comforting. So thank you.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship three years ago and it still affects my day to day life. My anxiety is always on the edge these days even after three years. .
This absolutely breaks my heart. I know this video is like a year old now, but I'm praying for healing for you, that you'll be able to move on even more and let this truly awful thing stay in the past despite how hard it is to not let it shape you. You are still so strong and bright and inspirational, and it sucks that you carry this pain in your heart. XOXO
I actually liked that you "didn't say much". By leaving out the details of your thing that happened you left a lot of room for my mind to wonder of my negative events that have happened and how I see myself before and after. And also about the fact that we all have this one (or even several for some) events that have left that gap that will be forever there, always right behind your back. Thank you for sharing what's been in your brain case!
Carrie, you were one of the first ever people that I watched on CZcams, I was 11-I'm now 16. I'm SO proud of you for everything that you've accomplished, and so incredibily grateful for how you've helped me grow as a person. You've been such an inspiration to me whilst growing up, thank you for that. 💕
Carrie i am so glad you have been so honest. I have personally been through something similar its hard. 4 years down the line people don't let me forget but others let those involved live on happily.
I have became so much stronger as a person now and i believe it has made me a stronger person even though others can't understand why it took me so long to get over but it was damaging. I am hoping i find my happiness like you.
I relate to this so much but with mental illness. The way you describe splitting your life in two is something I do on a daily basis and it makes me so sad. I'm always trying to get back to the before it happened part. Thank you for this video! You will get back to the happiness. It will come. Time heals. 💛
I related SO MUCH with this! My unfortunate event was entirely my fault and sometimes it's difficult to forgive myself... everyone says I should let it go, that I didn't know it could go wrong at the time but I should've known! Now I'm stuck with medication for the rest of my life. I also see the difference in the way that I am with my friends... I used to be so light, you know? Now I'm always worried. I don't go out anymore and I lie saying that I don't want to, when actually I'm way too scared... Anyway. You're not alone in this, Carrie ❤
I have been watching your videos for about 2 years and a half now which roughly coincides with a super crappy time in my teenage life. A boy who I met when I was 14 and I think I fell in love with (I suppose I`ll only know if it was love when I grow up some more) turned out to be mentally abusive, guilt tripping me, threatening to leave me, preying on my insecurities. He was also a sadist so enjoyed hurting me a great deal. I cant help feeling like if it hadn't happened I`d be so much better off. Everyone around me tells me to get over it, I`m juts a teenager, what could I possibly know about love? But your channel has been a gigantic help over the past year and a half for me. I`ve watched most of your videos and always love watching them because regardless of the topic you always seem to make it positive. You are an incredibly inspiration to me and so many others and seeing you finally talk about something so big in your life gives me hope that maybe one day this whole thing will have made me stronger than I am today xxxx
This video created the wedge in the timelines for me to be able to explain to ppl how bad shit feels... even all these years later now at 36yrs old I still remember your reference at 2.00 which taught me how to explain bad shit better.
I'm fairly new here, but I just wanted to say that it took a lot of courage to say that to all of us and not just to family/friends, whether you felt awkward and rambly you still did it and it's just another step from moving on. Sometimes I look back at the shitty things that have happened in my life and if I start getting down about them I think, well if that hadn't happened I wouldn't have gone to/met with/done.... whatever step that was and then the next thing in my life wouldn't have happened I have had depression since I was 15 as well as an eating disorder and a few really not good relationships. I do believe everything happens for a reason, even the bad stuff. Some people don't, but I think they tend to be big points that can go either way, like a cross roads, but there's always more cross roads further down the line even if we don't know when or where. You're an amazing person, nearly all of us have our "squiffy bits" but it's how you deal with them and move along your life that makes you you, and who's to say what's the right or wrong way. I may have gone off on a rambly tangent. my bad. :D
100% agree with this! PREACH CARRIE PREACH 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Carrie, I'm literally in floods of tears because I relate 100% to what you're talking about. I had a very negative relationship that ended just over a year ago and I'm still suffering because of it.
I remember when all this kicked off. It was like part of the CZcams community died but also brought to the forefront that what we (the subscribers) saw onscreen wasn't all the fairytale it seemed. I recall it happening to similar time as the CTFXC divorce which i used to enjoy as well. Myself as a fan of you and that 'group' you had it was a real hard hit. I'm glad to see that you have grown and learnt from these experiences. life can be really fucking rough sometimes. While i don't watch your videos as much a i used too it's great to see you finally speak about it and offer some closure. All the best x
I appreciate you making this video and I know it must have been so difficult for you to make. But people love and support you and you're bigger and shine brighter than said vlogger ever will.
i think everyones gotta have at least one before/after incident in their life. i mean its sucks. it sucks so bad and i felt this video so hard. but its gotta happen.
Daniella9658 thats a beautiful quote. i love that.
Your hair has grown so much!!
As a person who recently got out of a terrible relationship (yes I'm 16 but trust me when I say it was toxic) this speaks to me on so many levels. It's like everything is before or after and in a way, it effects everything you do thereafter because it's such a big part of your headspace. And as someone who understands that just a little bit even though I'm young, I want to say how proud I am of you Carrie. You've come so far and coped with so much, it's unbelievable and you should be proud of yourself for growing as a woman into who you are today and overcoming struggle. You're incredibly brave for finally speaking about it, I know how hard it can be to finally spit the words out, so now that you've done it, be proud of yourself and focus on you. You mean the world to every single person who's apart of the hopefuls Carrie, you deserve all the happiness in the world and no matter what happens, you will find that. Xx
Sometimes you need to go through a horrendous, sucky thing to move onto the path you were always meant to be on.
And as a 36 year old mum of three amazing kids, I can tell you that if my own sucky event hasn't happened I wouldn't have my kids or life now. It still hurts. 10 years on it still hurts and I still think about it.
But then it makes me appreciate my life now so much more because I know that for a chance of fate, it wouldn't have happened.
Keep walking your excellent path, evict the event from your brain space and pop it in the recycle bin of your brain. You are doing amazing xxx
In response to the "What if?" science has theorized that changing any little thing in your life creates an even bigger change. There is no way that you could be at this particular position in life without all of the decisions you made. It is best to look at all of your hardships as steps to a better future. You cannot change the past, but you can control your future. If you look at all of the good things now, the bad things in the past seem worth it.
Carrie, I agree with those in comments saying that you should give yourself more credit. As someone who is a decade out from a really toxic friendship, there are some things I'd like to say:
The arc of recovery is a long one--it requires facing insecurities and talking back to those what ifs and, largely, telling them to shove off. Sometimes recovery comes in waves like a tide coming in--I often have to square off with the trauma and recovery of things in my life two or three times before it sticks.
In the arc of recovery, there will come a time where you will gain distance from the third wheel. Hopefully, that distance will grow until those thoughts and feelings and experience fade into the background enough that they're no more noticeable than any of the other things.
If it helps, there's a therapy technique talked about in regards to anxiety/depression where you personify those feelings as an other (a third wheel, if you will). The idea is that if it's an other, it's easier to tell that other to shove off. Some people do this by pretending a really awful person is the one saying those things (like perhaps an uptight soccer mom who doesn't believe in vaccines) because it's easier to say "Shove off, Brenda, you don't believe in vaccines--you don't get a vote"
I've found that sometimes this technique helps with recovery from bad things too.
But above all else, you have grown so much since then--your words on relationships and mental health and self compassion carry all of the best parts of the things you've learned and the person you were in the before. That person still exists within you, and while that relationship and its fallout may be a defining moment in your life: it does not define you.
You have accomplished great things and you have worked your ass off to find happy, healthy, and safe relationships and friendships again. You have a beautiful theatre community and the hopefuls and your publishing community and Pete all because of the work you've done for that. You have achieved amazing things and met so many of the goals of the young hopeful girl within you. Two (going on three) books!! Eponine, Wednesday, and Truly Scrumptious!! You still shine just as bright.
Best wishes and DFTBA.
I totally understand the feeling of timeline being rocked and split and I feel like that is how you grow up. There is things that happen that come onto your line and your like why it weighs it down so much. But then you appreciate the nicer bits or the things that changed the timeline for the better.
I've been a follower of you on this journey and its just gives me hope that all the negativities will equal out to happiness by being a kind person and making the best with what you have. But you have matured and become good version of yourself and Pete is a great addition as well as Buzz and Buddy, and all your friends on youtube and your jobs.
I completely understand how this has irrevocably changed you but as you said , try and just appreciate the lessons you have learnt and not dwell on the what ifs. I've experienced similar monumental event in my family and whilst no-one will forget , we're doing our best to move on and live as happily as possible now :)
You lost some of your innocence when that happened. I remember it well and I remember the one of my first thoughts after the shock wore off was, "Wow, Carrie has a hard road ahead if her. I hope she finds a way to cope."
It seems to me that you've done an incredible job. Way better than I would have. I'm just about your age and I've noticed that time is moving faster and it's taking longer and longer to heal from the Big Stuff. You've just gotta continue to give yourself time to heal.
You're wonderful and we all love you. Take care.
You should go check out The Museum of Broken Relationship website and (if you can/care) the actual place both in Zagreb or LA. Its te perfect place to drop off that third wheel! And it's beautiful, creative and honest. I never comment, but I really really think you would like it, even if it is just looking at the website. Basically its' a place where people donate an oject that has been somewhat significant in a past relationship alongside a little description. Some are very long and reveal everything, some are just a little poem, one sentence, it is really just the way you want it to be! One I really liked included a toaster as the object and the caption said something like "That's the only thing I took. How you are going to make your toasts without a toaster".
Like I said it is an emotioanal roller coaster and it's beautiful.
Another one was a sport Jersey "He was a player". I only picked out the shorter ones because my post is already to long haha
xxx
that's such an interesting concept! i'm constantly amazed by the different methods of art and expression the world comes up with. thanks so much for sharing it
You are welcome :D!
i was a part of that when it came to Copenhagen in Denmark, it was truly the most relieving. i let go of so much baggage being a part of it. a truly amazing project that i can honestly recommend to anyone who has ever found themselves in a bad/abusive relationship- < 3
Simone S What did you donate? If you don't mind me asking :)
Now I'm debating going back to figure out what she's talking about
Stephanie B Alex Day.
There was a big scandal involving a lot of youtubers and her boyfriend at the time was implicated in some of the accusations. If you go back to about 5 years you will see him in her videos, on his channel he made a few videos talking about the scandal and also on his new channel he talks a little about the events that she is referring to. (sorry for talking in a round about and non-specific way but I don't want to write out everything in detail in Carrie's comment section) :(
Stephanie B there was some drama a few years back. Just search Alex Day. It's easy to find out what happened.
Stephanie B I'm curious about things like this too and it's pretty easy to find out who the guy is and what he's done, but as someone who has seen a lot of this as it's happened, I would say if you don't absolutely need to know, don't go giving him attention he doesn't deserve. He feeds of off negative attention and he's really not worth knowing his name.
It wasn't until this video that I realized I'm not as old a subscriber of Carrie as I thought I was.. even tho I've been around for a couple of years now lol
I'm so proud of you Carrie. Not for this video, but for everything you have endured and overcome in your life. You're a fantastic human and a true Gryffindor Head Girl.
you are a really strong woman Carrie, I remember when all of that happened (even though we knew only very little about what was actually going on) , how I, as a viewer of both of you, felt kinda betrayed by him, and thinking about how hard it must have been for you . but you've grown so much and became such an inspiration. I'm so happy that you're happy now!! love you
that rose is well cute
Belinda Pearce on my shelf? It's great isn't it? It's from NoOrdinaryGift ! Xxx
+ItsWayPastMyBedTime i wish I hadn't read this comment before watching the video cos I spent the whole time searching your shelf for a rose and could not find one??? But there's a really obvious rose in your hair so then I was confused about why you would assume the question was about the rose (which I cannot find!!!) on the shelf rather than the obvious rose in the hair. (I am about to rewatch though)
+Mary Joy On the shelf above her head and strung under it is loads of roses (or tulips) but it clearly means the on in her hair.
Joseph Hill tbh now she's pointed them out i mean both 😂
I know she's like sooooo pretty, and her wall r fab!