Can We Love Too Much & Why Do We Lose Ourselves In Relationships? by Helen Mia Harris
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- čas přidán 25. 06. 2015
- Heal Your Heartbreak, Abandonment, Relationship Pains, Addictive Loving NOW - Get Instant Access, CLICK HERE www.lovingtoomuch.com / www.helenmiaharris.com - email: enquiries@helenmiaharris.com - I KNOW with certainty and passion I can help you through this devastating time of lost love and abandonment through or after a painful breakup. I can fully relate to what you are feeling as I have been there and I know how hard it is to break free from the damaging grip of:
- addictive love
- co-dependency
- heartbreak
- love withdrawal
- love addiction
- and the overwhelming fear of being rejected, abandoned, unwanted and discarded.
For this reason I have created with passion and sincerity this 27 step recovery programme inclusive of the Love Addiction Workbook that is woven around my own personal story from my journals at that time.
This sensitive programme can be done from the comfort of your own home and I know it will really help restore your confidence, emotional recovery and self worth and regain your enthusiasm for life. It has helped 1000's of people all around the world & I am certain it will help you to move through this challenging & painful time.
Break free of an addictive relationship that is making you feel sorrowful, anxious and unhappy.
Get instant access to get over a relationship breakup, heartbreak, abandonment & many other relationship challenges at:
www.lovingtoomuch.com
www.HelenMiaHarris.com
For enquiries & to book a phone or Skype appointment please call +44 (0)1732 617 344 (Monday to Friday 09:00 to 17:00 GMT London Time)
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/ loveaddictionexpert
/ helenmiaharris
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Description of Love Addiction - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_ad...
I look forward to sharing with you & helping you overcome this challenging time.
With warm wishes
Helen x
Get instant access & rediscover your happiness right now at www.lovingtoomuch.com
Thank you so much for your time & interest, I appreciate you. Please click on the subscribe button so that you will receive my new videos first & also PLEASE VISIT www.LovingTooMuch.com so that I can give you tools which will help you Heal Your Heartbreak, Abandonment, Relationship Pains & Addictive Loving. I share this information with you because I KNOW with certainty & passion that I can help you through this devastating time of lost love and abandonment through or after a painful breakup. I can fully relate to what you are feeling as I have been there and I know how hard it is to break free from the damaging grip of addictive love, co-dependency, heartbreak, love withdrawal, love addiction & the overwhelming fear of being rejected, abandoned, unwanted and discarded. With love & warmest wishes, Helen.
I started off as a very strong, independent woman and ended up a pathetic needy mess with the avoidant guy who only pushed my buttons more and more over time. I realised I had been trough this in my childhood with my avoidant mother who never showed any feeling or vulnerability and was reliving my childhood!
Sounds like you were involved with a Narcissist....
I am now aware that I am a love addict. I either get into toxic
relationship with men who use me or I push good men away with my needy
behavior. I stay away from relationships and I feel in control, but when I fall for someone I totally loose myself and drive them crazy.
Mystic Siren same sis 💆
Mystic Siren I don't go into relationships ...but found that when I do...I'm sunk. ugh
I'm learning this about myself now, and what's helped me is learning to just DATE. DATE more than one person, give yourself options, don't settle down too fast. Be cautious with your heart, its full but its fragile. That doesn't mean im cold with my emotions now, but i dont give myself away. I keep my cup full, and don't pour into another unless they ask and show me that its safe to start pouring into them. But ill never empty my cup for another.
Me aswell!!
This is exactly my problem. I fall too hard. I treat them like a queen and then they leave. It's a terrible cycle to live with.
Wow! very touching and revealing. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge
I personally can relate to this philosophically of love addiction and I want to thank you for this advice and the confidence that you had given me personally to experience in my own life
this "falling in love to the point of losing oneself"...if that is unhealthy what does a healthy falling in love look like? is the attraction as addicting? do people lose themselves in the same way but manage to come back from that first stage of falling in love or does it feel completely different?
I can relate to everything you said I do psychology and this makes so much sense. you're brilliant!!
Hello, thank you for your post and I'm happy to hear this video made so much sense to you. With warmest wishes Helen
You are my hero!! Thanks!
Brilliant...Thanks for making this video! xo
Wow 😮
This video was really helpful. So glad I searched and found it. I find that I’m the needy person. It’s crazy as usually I’m introvert and happy to do things alone but when it comes to relationships I end up being anxious and needy and it’s horrible because the one I’m perusing gets annoyed with me. I can also see how someone who is confident can be boring because I was in a relationship where this was the case.
There is nothing in this video that I didn’t understand or disagreed with.
Brilliant, Thank You 😊
Glenn Whitehouse same here 💯💯
Finally I've found the diagnosis for a relationship I thought was over, but that has stirred up all the old emotions on recent contact I had with him quite out of the blue. I've been barking up the wrong tree for the last five years ( but I have learnt a lot about my father in the meantime.) Anyway, it was quite constructive and I could actually acknowledge he was now married with my heart, lungs and stomach sinking into my bowels. It still stirred up a lot of why am I feeling all this stuff again that is based in the pain of his deeply truly tragic life. Anyway quite out of the blue I got a nice message instead of the yoyo avoidance strategies and I guess I'm in a better place to deal with it. I've never met anyone who has had such a huge impact on my emotional being and I would've thought that after three years I'd be well and truly distanced from it but there it is again. I think in many ways we're too similar.
Thans you zo much. So clear and helpfull🙏🏾
Thank you so much,you are smart and lovely
Bless you. This is what I have been going through and I never knew!!
Hello Trina, so sorry so late in replying to your post. I am very happy to hear you resonated with the video and send warm wishes Helen Mia www.lovingtoomuch.com
Your teachings are so very powerful.
Hello Rosemary, thank you for your post and take very good care in these times...warm wishes Helen www.lovingtoomuch.com
So true. Been with a love avoidant person for 4 years on and off and believe me, things don’t change, they don’t get better! For me as an anxious style lover, it was a disaster from day 1, always hoping for more intimacy and more emotional attachment and only getting more and more dismissive attitude , up to a point of him criticising me nearly daily and putting me down...I wish I had followed by intuition from the start, it was the most disastrous thing I’ve ever had to go through! Never again.
great job.
Thank you for your video, I am in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend and what your saying is making sense. Inever can understand why I am unable to leave my boyfriend although he is physically REALLY lhurting me and emotionally draining me and hurting me. I am in therapy for CPTSD. I want to understand what is going on with me.Ialso want to understand what is wrong with him and why he treats me this way. We been together 5years and I fell in love right away and have felt insecure the whole relationship 😔💔
This video is very very helpful.Thank you for aplauding this video.
Dear Nadezhda, thank you for your post and I am very happpy to hear it was helpful for you. With warm wishes Helen www.lovingtoomuch.com
Thank you more and more times
thank you so much this is so helpful
Hello Shagorilka, I am happy to hear you found this video helpful...with warmest wishes Helen
This video is very helpful and educational.Love your voice and specially this video.Happy weekend to you.
Dear Anderson, thank you for your post, I'm glad it resonated with you and was helpful. Take care with warm wishes Helen www.lovingtoomuch.com
Helen Mia Harris Thanks pretty lady.I hope you're having a wonderful day.
I must never love any man more than myself,
It will only lead to heartaches and unsatisfiable conditions.
You've helped me so much
Hello Nina, thank you for your post and I am happy to hear this video helped you. With warmest wishes Helen www.lovingtoomuch.com
You hit it on the head. This is me to a tea and my fiance is the avoidant. Just looking for the right way to deal with my attachment. Thank you for the help
Thank you for your post and happy to hear this video resonated with you. With warm wishes Helen www.lovingtoomuch.com
Thank you for your post. I very good book to order that deals with attachment issue is: Hold me tight by Sue Johnson. Take care with warm wishes Helen www.lovingtoomuch.com
My question with this is, if your mate has cheated or if you've had a history of men cheating on you.... even being abusive to you would this cause a type of insecurity? Because I do seem to lose myself when I get into a relationship. I want a healthy relationship. How do we do this then?
Helen, I love you! Do you have any other retreats coming up? I really need you!!!
Hello Dani, thank you for your post. Yes at some stage this year I will be running retreats and when I do it will be advertised on my website dear one. With warmest wishes Helen
I love this person and they love me back but we have a love hate relationship. My hearts very heavy for this person but I'm tired of arguing I'm tired of getting hurt so I just washed my hands and we took a break. We go on spring break soon and the person is not here but I feel lonely and I don't want to loose them but I got to do me and be happy. This person makes me happy and is such a good human being but I don't want to get hurt again so yea this helped bc I loved this person hard and right now I'm just trying to loose feelings
Savagegal Jo How's everything going? Update pls
I had no identity so this "love" consumed me, even after I discovered he was NPD or BPD. ..still don't know which. But I have found my identity after I dumped him. It took 3-4 years, however...and it hurt like hell.
Hello Bella, thank you for you post. Yes, there is something truly liberating about "understanding" the other person and we can lose ourselves in all this, it can be very painful as you say here... Take care with warm wishes Helen
also, once both in the relationship are balanced, if they become aware of this pattern, does the relationship lose the intensity, that magnetic force?
Hello Rivakah, thank you for both your posts and sorry for this late reply. Yes, as you have said here, if the love equilibrium is balanced, the love two people share is entirely mutual and reciprocated which can be a lovely experience - on the other hand as you mention in your first post, if we love with such an intensity and the beloved is pulling away or withdrawing, it can feel as if we are losing ourselves and this can carry an addictive like quality. If two people become aware of this pattern I believe things calm a little, I know none of us want to lose that "intensity" that "magnetic force you speak about but on some level it does begin to calm down as we begin to feel a mutual emotional responsiveness and shared happiness. I do hope I have answered your question. With warmest wishes Helen
Helen Mia Harris thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions. Your videos have been so helpful. You actually show how it all works and it makes sense which has been a relief at least for me. I look forward to more videos. Thanks again. take care
I’m dealing with that right now 😢.
Oops, in my last comment it should read that O could actually acknowledge he was married withOUT my heart lungs and stomach sinking into my bowels. I actually accept he got the love he pursued for many years. I know he still feels for me but probably doesn't know what to do with it without feeling unsafe. I know he craves a nurturing type but fears it as well. That's fair enough because I haven't known what to do with these powerful feelings until more recently when I can be with them a bit better.
What about when we both have anxious attachment styles? Does it necessarily have to be that anxious is attached to avoidant?
Hello Rose, thank you for your post. Yes, it can be that both partners may have an anxious attachment to one another, I was just mentioning that often it is anxious vs avoidant. Take very good care. Warm wishes Helen www.lovingtoomuch.com
This is me. I completely lose myself. Not sure I'm drawn to avoidant people though.
Hello Sapphireia, thank you for your post, yes losing ourselves is why I created my programme, I do hope you are feeling stronger now. Warm wishes Helen Mia www.lovingtoomuch.com
When dating, it's possible to manage this "seesaw" by keeping a healthy distance, seeing and communicating with each other not too frequently, and allowing enough time and space to miss each other and to be awed by each other's independence. How can a couple continue to manage the "seesaw" after entering a traditional marriage, especially if they have moved in together?
Perhaps if one has a traveling job? Or they do not go on trips together ALL the time?
Hello Muttaqee, thank you for your post and I beleave that autonomy and independence can exist within a marriage as it's often about the dynamics within the relationship. Living a sense of solitude and interdependence whilst being together. And yes, if there is travel abroad perhaps sometimes going alone can deepen the connection and appreciation between you; either way many couples find their own relationship balance through these times. Take very good care and warm wishes Helen www.helenmiaharris.com
You mention why anxious style would be attracted to avoidant, but why would an avoidant want a relationship with an anxious? Is it because of that protective shell? So they need an anxious pursuer because if they encounter another avoidant, they would just, well to put it bluntly, avoid each other? But even if so, what makes the avoidant fall for the anxious in the first place (even if it doesn't last)
Thank you for your post. Your question is one that I come across a lot as on some level the avoidant withdrawer needs their "protective shell" to be challenged or seen in some way. When they are with someone that is highly sensitive and needs emotional responsiveness they experience a sense of connection within themselves, a kind of awakening and immediacy. The problem is, when the anxious pursuer longs for more and more emotional engagement, the avoidant very "easily" feels overwhelmed and pressured by these needs and recoils further in to their shell. Maybe the only way to avoid this interplay of pursuer/pursued from happening, is for both parties to be aware of this and somehow reach a balance of empathy and understanding so that a respectful loving "space" can occur. Something about getting this balance right which I speak about a lot in my eBooks and program. I do hope I have answered your question and again thanks for writing in with the question of all questions.... With warmest wishes Helen
I think one person can be both. Depends in what relationship
Secure attachment style would make me feel balanced. I wouldn't find that boring. I think it would be a more stable relationship would it not?
Hello Saba, I am sorry for this late reply and thank you for your post. Yes, a secure attachment style gives us a sense of certainty and security, yet sadly many are attracted to those who may be avoidant and unavailable. Hopefully when we really connect with someone mutually it gives us a sense of on-going security and calm so that we can enjoy the relationship. With warm wishes Helen
Im In a lesbian relationship for about e years now and I love my girlfriend so so much that If we would ever break up I think I will not take it and it scares me very very much . I need somebody to talk about it
Hello, Apologies for this late reply and sorry to hear you have fears about separation. I'm sure there would be a relationship therapist in your home town that will help you with these feelings. In the mean time take good care and enjoy your relationship together. With warm wishes Helen www.lovingtoomuch.com
Hey Helen the video was good but I am at a bit of a different situation. Ok I'm 15 years old and over a year ago I got into a relationship with a girl who I thought was attractive when we first met. After a short 5 months she left me for a 18 year old man when I was away on holidays. Ever since then I've been almost obsessed with her. It's worrying her but also myself. I wish I didn't love her... I try to avoid her but I am always going back to her. Help please
kieran findlay grow up
Anderson 1990 he is trying to grow up that’s why he’s asking for help! rude!
J a 15 year old in a relationship? Isn't it odd.He should be worrying about school work.
All of these comments are either rude or unhelpful. Some of the most beautiful loves occur to us at a young age, because at that age there isn't too much to worry about. Personally, I had a first relationship at 15. So your feelings and problems are VALID, even though you are young. But getting over someone isn't easy, not at 15 nor 50. It just takes time and working on yourself. So many of us have survived those people we thought we never would. So hang in there, and I wish you the best. You'll get over this & find someone who'll be just right for you. :)
It's like we are mirror opposite of each other....
Hello and thank you for your post....with warm wishes Helen www.lovingtoomuch.com
I see many books behind you. Any on how to date? Red flags for women who love too much? I'm a ♋
Hello Jessica, apologies not at the moment but I will do soon. One main thing is to only be with someone who returns your love, that is perhaps the most important issue - if love is mutually reciprocated there would be no emotional pain. Take care with warm wishes Helen www.lovingtoomuch.com
This liberates me