"He STILL Won't Commit . . . Should I Walk Away?" | Matthew Hussey
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- čas přidán 14. 05. 2022
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STOP being an option for people. If they don’t prioritize you, walk away. That’s the ONLY thing that will make them value you.
Yeah, the fact that more and more guys behave like that makes me think majority of women have low standards
💯🔥👏🏽
So true. 100%
They still won’t value you even when you leave.
@@Makeupbykimberlypthey may or may not . Not your problem either way! You gotta do what’s best for YOU❤
I remember I used to watch all these videos because I was in a relationship where I was always asking myself questions such as "Does he really love me?" or "Where is this going?" Now that I'm free, I've realized that love and relationships are no science, they're so simple. If someone loves you he/she will want to make you know and be with you (if he or she is in another relationship and you're thinking it's not that simple: he/she will never leave that person for you bcs he/she is a player). If you're asking yourself too many questions about the relationship you're in ... That's not your person. Free yourself and make room to your happiness and someone who will let you know how he/she feels about you. Someone "real"
@@lukes9684 free from a dead-end relationship
Relationships are hard when only one person is working on it
@@DTraiN5795 if only one is working on it... Is no relationship
@@the_specialista6319 there’s millions of relationships like that going on today
Amen. When something as simple as agreeing you have a relationship is a problem, that’s not a sign to wait. It’s a sign he’s playing you.
_"Why can't he let me go..."_
*that's the wrong question..the right question is: **_"Why won't I let him go..."_*
Dick game too good.
That’s right, we actually give all the power in the relationship to the one who is not committing. Some weird dynamic comes into play
I feel it
Agree, you said it best.🙌
I feel this so much
"If he comes back to you and says 'I miss you...' BORING! If he comes back to you and says 'I'm thinking of you...' BORING!" Matt, you are brilliant. Thank you for teaching us what we deserve, and for reminding us what proper love and standards are.
It’s so easy to say all those things. Doing something about it if he really wants, you take action, if not, just let them talk, just remember to let his words go out The other ear.
you deserve nothing
This line was so strong...He doesn't feel the true consequences of letting you go because you are not going...that was so damn true..and even that train on platform..perfect example. Great advice 👍👍👍👍👍👍
Loved that train analogy. Makes so much sense. We want to be the scenic route someone cannot afford to miss the train to, not something they can rebook, never go on and forget about it.
Always walk away if you want to commit, but he is not ready. Wasted 3 years on a man that told me to be patient, that he needed time. He crushed me. I was just a option for him if something else did not work out. I have ran into him now recently and it’s funny how a crush on someone makes you blind. I learned my lesson and is now extremely happy and content. That one man is not all there is.
Update: He still reaches out to me. I told him i am not a back up option. Commit to me 100% or i am not intrested. Not accepting that for myself anymore.
@@Malin0908 you can do it! What i learned from walking away any no contact from someone I have loved for 15yrs. We dated, broke up, and found each other over 1.5 yrs ago and have been tied ever since. I know now from therapy that he has very avoidant traits which exposed my wounds I didn't know I had. He held a mirror for me and I began to work on myself. He chose not to and kept feeding me crumbs. I was starving for reciprocity. I began accepting less than that. We can cry ALONE and repair and eventually heal vs crying for them and staying in broken and not fulfilling crap. You can do it!!
@@brownsuga929 absolutely, i am not accepting anything less than i deserve. 100% commitment or i am not intrested.
@@Malin0908 Shout out to us for knowing we deserve the love we give! I pray you nothing but a peaceful love on this journey 🙏🏾💜
@@brownsuga929 yes shoutout to us 💫💅🏽🌸 we deserve Only The best. Claim it, be it 🥰
As a gay man whos treated the exact same way by fickle wish washy gay men- I truly sympathize with women. Its brutal enough for me- I can't imagine what goes through a woman's mind when these games are played. In the end I'm just done being an ego boost. The best thing you can do is corner them and get them to act - either way its going to feel great because you don't have to fill the blanks anymore.
Sigh - we all deserve So Much Better
Sending you love and peace. Take care of yourself. Love from India ❤️
I feel for you too! You shouldn’t have to experience that either. No one should. Hope you’re well.
It doesn't matter your gender preference. It happens regardless. People taking advantage of our heart and love. Don't ever settle. You deserve better. A lot if times people are emotionally unavailable. Not your problem. Find someone that respects you and you are a priority.
“Your confusion is not my problem” best thing to tell them
😂
" it's your business to protect yourself" - Amen.
This is a classic case of 'situationship'. I was in a similar situation about 1 year ago and I stuck around for 6 months till it started getting toxic in the end.
From my experience, the longer we stay in the situation, the less likely that the other person would actually commit.
In almost the same situation right now. He isn't married but got out of a relationship about 3 weeks before we met. I put my foot down. Told him to go heal and when he is ready to contact me. Maybe I'll be single. He came back 2 days later asking to be "friends". Then he said he wasn't available "at all the whole weekend."
SERIOUSLY!! No. I responded with: I'm open to date you, you are open to seeing each other here and there. I want consistency and communication. I want someone who is 100% in with me. I want someone who really know what he wants and who respects n values me.
Deleted his contact. I'm on day 3.
They are called chancers 😅. U did what u should. Well done. Be proud of yourself.
Well done Jackie, stay firm! Im finalizing things this week, i keep telling him no point in continuing if he isnt properly invested
Y’all need to realize that called game and most likely he is doing with someone else and chatting with couple more. This is what men are going through with women nowadays. The modern women bc they chosen these men for so long they think all men do this instead of choosing better men. There’s tons of men out here that would give y’all a relationship in a month but for some reason it’s frowned upon or women don’t like these men. Old school it was never like this. People got together quickly and it was working out a lot better then things are today
Honestly, that would make me mad, too. You are a strong woman. How can you go backwards to being friends? It’s not like you guys share a history with joint properties and children. I don’t understand how people can do just friends like in strictly dating (especially after intimacy) and the nerve of him coming back and rhetorically you with that fwb nonsense. Glad you know your worth. He is wild. I’m so glad you put him in his place.
He doesn’t care about your answer. He is not affected by it at all. He had already went to over you without you realising it at the right time. He said he wanted to befriend you in order to avoid saying straightforwardly that he was not interested in you any more, even if his manners are not top notch. Some advice: don’t date guys who would have freshly split.
This is such great advice, especially the part where he says 'it doesn't matter what his reasons are', fact is he doesn't want to be with you. That hit home.
Absolutely
If he tells you he's not ready, believe him the 1st time. He's not going to marry you sweetheart. Your a beautiful girl, find someone who will.
This game doesn’t just happen at the dating stage either… this “cold feet” or “hesitation” phase can happen at any time. Especially if not married, it can happen at the buying a house phase, having kids phase, moving in together phase, etc. anytime the relationship is moving forward.
This is a good observation
Rather than asking how to get a commitment to a relationship, it's probably better to understand what makes people hesitant to commit in general
I imagine the best way is to find out what they need to feel comfortable, or what their concerns/fears are, and think how you can address those. If you address those and there is still no willingness on their part, then that raises some questions
One sentence: actions are decisions and actions speak louder than words
- if he’s ignoring you for weeks - that’s a decision he doesn’t want you
- if he won’t commit verbally that’s a decision
Actions (disappearing acts, left on read for weeks or unread, coming round for sex then disappearing, saying I’m cryptic) are decisions they are your answers walk away
Indeed so. Love is a commitment to protecting another person's heart with the same passion you use to guard your own.
@Barbara thank you 😊
True❤
that's such a beautiful way to put it 💕
8:54 My husband (boyfriend of 6 months at the time) started feeling scared that he was in love with me. We worked for the same company and one day, with no explanation as to why, he pulled me into a conference room and said he had asked for a transfer to another state and received it.
Without thinking about it, I told him I hoped the job would work out well for him, that I deeply cared for him, but I didn’t do long distance relationships…so, good luck.
His mouth literally fell open and he said, “What?” I reiterated my feelings, again wished him luck, and left the conference room. I was devastated!
A few days later, he called me and said he had canceled the transfer, explained why he asked to transfer, and said asked to continue dating.
That was 32 years ago, so I do not remember how much time passed, but he later told me my self-respect (my refusal to wait around for him) made him wake up and realize he didn’t want to run away from his feelings. ❤
I was just like this girl hoping for more. He would not commit. He came up with excuses after 7 months! I am so pleased I valued myself enough to walk away. I do deserve so much more. We all do 💜❤ life is precious.
wow she is justifying what he is doing. he doesn't want you...he is not emotionally connected to you..He is a married man. she needs to move on...he is using her. she deserves better.
I really think this dude is just playing this poor girl. He might not even be going through a divorce at all and he's playing you and his wife. He gets the best of both worlds and just feeds the girls what they want to hear. He's probably still living with her and sleeping in the same bed. Run for the hills girl. When the wife calls you, it's a very uncomfortable situation.
I experienced the same situation and was so unhappy that I had to end it. It made me feel horrible to lose him but months after I got over the heartbreak, I asked myself: why did I want to be with someone that doesn't say yes to me? I tried so long to win his love. At one point I realized that I have anxiety of being left by a loved one because this is what I experienced as a child from my mother. I am still working through it, but maybe it helps other people: Try to understand yourself, why are you pursuing someone that is emotional unavailable and gives you unsecure love? I hope to notice my patterns in future relationships so I can react differently to it. Great video and advices, Matthew!
KNOW YOUR WORTH. IT CHANGES EVERYTHING
This woman goes round and round. She wants the guy to change but doesn't understand that he is not going to commit. Just leave.
She sounded really stupid. Repeating herself a million times and wouldn't just accept the truth.
@@veeoby3364😂😂😂😂
I used "no contact rule" to someone who I really love we being in contact for 5years distance wasn't helping at all but after he came back home where I live he pulls away again he hurts my feeling a lot doing it after 30 days no being in contact with him I realized I don't want him anymore I moved on with my life. Works perfectly thank you so much Matthew ☺️
Most individuals that are going through a divorce really is not ready to get into a "committed" relationship. They have too much unfinished business to resolve and are involved in a very stressful situation. After a divorce there really needs to a time out in order to just breathe, reorganize, redirect, recuperate and rebuild. He has her in the layaway and she does not realize that. Great advice Matthew!
Go Sabina! Don’t let him waste your time and wear you out. #TeamSabina
Matthew - I’m staggered. I’m in tears watching this not so much for the obvious reason that Im sad for her. But the compassion and empathy in your advice companied by your firmness in how to handle this and how protect our ourself is just so brilliantly expressed. My situation is exact to hers right now and I cannot Thankyou enough for the advice given but also in the way that you make it so easy to understand and the compassion that you show.
Very well said
How are you doing now?🤗
Be strong. It's hard. But you have to be strong. And remember you are important. You are the protagonist of your life.
Gosh! I really feel for her , been in a similar situation myself. You have to choose yourself , happiness and peace overall ❤️👸
Chose myself 3 mothns ago. Hit The rock bottom anyway. Hurted as f...k. But It gets easier with Time. I promise. I nearly forgot about him. He isnt in my head as much as he used to.
These are the exact words I used yesterday: I cannot give you what you want and ignore what is good for me.
Man, it was very hard. But I am feeling relieved today, & I will be ok
May I use this!!!! Wow that’s powerful
@@safiyapate Absolutely!!!
Hey YOU, incredible person reading this...The truth is you are confident and good enough already with who you are, where you are at and what you have right now to have the success you want in life. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn that skill and go after it! I believe in you so much! Have an awesome day! - Love, Nat ❤️
Stephen. Bro. You’re wiggin me out with that dead silent dead stare glare at the camera...
👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀😂
😆
My first thought as well. …………….👁👁
Wow mind blown never knew the No-contact rule could work like that tooo..
Now I know what not to do when someone I’m interested in says I miss you but isn’t stepping up his game
She is denial, hard. Poor dear deserves better and she doesn’t realize.
Wow, that’s what Active listening looks like, providing articulate response. Never thought of it as separating (my) reality from (his) reason and looking at the facts of a situation. Thank you!
At 36 you can’t afford anybody to waste your time if you want children.
Just wanted to say this lovely lady is really brave to share her experience with us 🙏
I love the idea of “my reality “. Unless you offer me something different, it doesn’t change reality. That’s boring! Absolutely brilliant.
Matt is really special. The level of wisdom he has is another level
I'm in a terrible situationship. I feel very used and like his absolute last choice. He's even become mean toward me. I think hes doing it to push me away because he doesnt want to tell me he doesnt like me like that) I feel so stupid letting him walk all over me for so long, and your videos are helping me get the courage to put a stop to this.
I'm in the same situation as you are. I've wasted over a year on him doing this hot and cold then breadcrumbing. 😢
@@loricapp1144 I'm sorry ♡
Girls, forgive yourself, we've all wasted time to a certain extent, as long as you learn from it and dont repeat the same thing
Take control of ur own life.. i have been thru this.. just let them go.. u r not a toy
Trust God .. he will only do things which is good for you..
Take care
@@minimalcat1987 I'm so sorry for you too.
It’s not wise to expect a serious commitment from a newly divorced person. They need time to heal and grow.
100%
I'm in a similar situation n looks like the girl I'm dating has watched this video...shes clearly following his advise...she only wants to talk if my decision has changed🤷
I love your approach: "ignore the comments, it is your life, your time, your energy", great video, thank you!
The girl looks so sad and depressed …she seems to have lost herself in the relationship …hope Shez happy soon !♥️much love to you !♥️
You guys give SUCH great advice. I am always SO impressed. One thing that's clearly displayed here by her responses to your advice is how much logic goes out the window after you've already bonded with someone intimately. I've seen so many people know what's best for them and know what strategies to take in order to create the kind of relationship they want in their lives, but cannot bring themselves to take action or sometimes even admit the truth to themselves because they've already intimately bonded with someone. They just can't let go or put enough distance between themselves in order to take healthy steps towards greater happiness. That's why it's SO important to get as much as possible straightened out before intimately bonding with someone.
Very true that’s why it’s important to not over invest without assessing if it’s mutual. That’s where it gets too dangerous!!
@@raginisharma9302 EXACTLY!
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I hope she gains and maintains the strength. I kinda disagree about one thing, regarding aggression. Ofc you don't have to be and probably shouldn't be aggressive outwardly to the person, but internally, I think a bit of aggression helps. You are standing up for yourself. You are psychologically protecting yourself with all your power from dangers from the outside. Don't express it but feel the aggression. You are a warrior for your own self.
I gave 6 years to an emotionally unavailable person that kept me hanging on with empty promises.
Sounds so familiar lol.
Way too long
I'm in a 5year, he moved to Fla from His hometown in Ohio, he has been here for almost 7years and long story short he decided things haven't been able to work out "FINANCIALLY" and he wants to go home where he has more family support to "Get his career started and figure it out" but he doesn't want to "Lose" me, but he also keeps asking me what I want and whether I want to do long distance and stay together and not date others I told him we could date others and see if we feel like we want to continue our relationship,he told me he wants me to eventually move there and have a life with him THERE. He says he wants me doesn't want to let me go,and doesn't want to sleep with anyone.He leaves tomorrow.Help!!!!???
I can just feel her pain through the video. The most important walkway for me in Matthew’s advice is that we try to assess the other people’s reasons. However, we have our own reality. I think that divide is crucial in making sense out of a non sensical situation. I also loved the train analogy.
I feel so much for her❤ Hope it works out, either with him or some other great man that have no single doubt in his mind, about what he wants, and would never take The chance of losing you, maybe forever.
She doesn’t want to believe what Matt is saying.
You get what you settle for.
Stop asking people to give you what they don’t want to give you. Stop asking for time, for commitment, for love. Just walk away and they will chase you after some time. No contact rule.
Omg, you are STUNNING!!! A million men would love to give you everything you want. Leave this guy. He has told you he can't give you what you want. Stick to what you say. Don't go back unless everything changes. Tell him not to contact you. And don't answer him if he contacts you. He is getting his cake and eating it to you. Go! You'll be amazed at all the incredible opportunities out there for you.
If he can be with you when he still has a wife, he can do the same to you. He doesn't commit and then could find someone else to replace you too. He needs to work on his stuff before he commits. And he obviously isn't capable of it right now or maybe even ever.
This is super true and i know how hard it is to let go of someone we love, but we have to because they don't want what we want
She is so focused on him, him him, she keeps going back to his narrative. What he wants is irrelevant, it's about what she wants.
I'm in exactly the same position and just ended it a week ago. He contacts me all the time, is convinced I'm the right person yet he won't make our relationship official. I'm being polite but I'm not going to meet up with him. I'm actually annoyed by his behaviour and find it selfish. If you can't call me your girlfriend then accept that I understand my value is much more. Yep Matt is right all this talk is boring and if he comes back it might be to little to late.
Absolutely. Stay strong. No contact until he makes it official.
@@alexs6250 and he did. It took me a while to accept his offer as I didn't want to be with him due to an ultimatum. But in the time apart he realised he had to put his fears aside (both been through messy divorces). I'm so glad I stood my ground even if he didn't come back to me at least I could feel good about me because I decided to settle for no less than a meaningful committed relationship.
@@scc8728 cool!
If he is not completely legally divorced do not waste your time. If he is not divorced he is not available. Do not waste your time and heart on someone who is not emotionally available. Tell him I can understand you have a lot going on. 6 months is more then enough time to commit. Tell him you wish him well and stop all contact.
the train analogy is brilliant 👏
what it is?
One sentence in. Leave. He’s living in your head rent free.
I love the advice - his reasons versus your reality. This guy will always have an excuse. Let him go and give him the time to himself that he obviously needs to get through his divorce.
One of my main concerns or problems with saying they can come back if they change their mind is that, if we are apart for some time and they got with someone else (whether casually, intimately, seriously, etc), I don't think I'd be able to take them back.
I guess that's a "risk" on my part, so once it ends, it will probably have to stay that way.
If they've told me they've gotten with another while broken up with an ex and got back together but didn't tell her when she asked, it'd be hard for me to trust they wouldn't do the same to me.
I'm at a disadvantage cause I usually don't move on to someone else unless I'm over them and no longer emotionally compromised. I can't do that to a new person or myself, so I don't use people for rebounds.
You need to see results. 100% commitment. Not half way. Don't try to make excuses for him.
Oh my god this video resumed everything after taking one year of therapy and matt said it in minutes. That’s it. ❤ genius
Hey, do you have Instagram? Wondering if you’re still single lol
If it hurts disengage...
He wants benefits with no commitment. Basicly. Ive been there. F..k it. The Guy I was seeing told me he is commitment phobe and because I let him he was comming back. Its your in your hands girl. Let him go. U!!
This is less than my worth, staying in my box and letting you decide how this plays out.
That married man is a narcissist and is still in a full relationship with his wife and she's just the side-chick. I can't be the only one thinking that...
Gosh I feel for this girl. It’s just like talking to a girl friend who is drawn to a man who isn’t giving her enough. I say cut your losses and stop making excuses for him! But easier said than done I know
It’s our business to protect ourself! Thank you
This came at the perfect moment , such a big sign for me. Thank you Matthew 🙏
I love how Matt does the talking and Steve does the listening💚💜 lovely little group
Your confusion is not my problem ❤
He wasting her time. She has to count the time when she does end up walking away that will also have to be invested in. The healing and the pain. Rip the band aid off and let him go
Wow this actually made me almost emotional! Matthew your way of understanding and conveying matters of the heart are so strong and crystal clear. Along with being kind, you always centre the advice around choosing yourself first! I think this is something we often lose sight of - ourselves. When we like/love someone we want to accommodate them instead of remembering we have a say in how this ends up. Wow wow wow. Really wish Sabina all the best, it's hard to put emotions to the side when you're in it but we all deserve to be chosen, entirely. I find your videos and words so powerful and they really do help be stay strong and true to myself in my own life situations. ❤❤
Being able to view an actual coaching session is very informative, and I hope you continue to post more of these videos in the future. :)
"Your reasons don't change my reality..."
💥 BAM! 👏🏽
This video offers so much clarity in an otherwise complicated situation. Thank you for sharing the advice!!!
Thank you Matthew, this is exactly how I've been feeling. I needed to hear this 🙋🏼♂️
Ladies, if you can't get your man to commit to marrying you it is because he doesn't want to marry you. Stop complicating this or analyzing it.
True
I feel sorry for the first caller. She’s in a relationship with a man who is still married. He may be separated and going through a divorce, but that is a time of hell. I’ve been there. I’ve been divorced. I don’t think it’s even possible to really start up something new and truly present. That is a time of immense pain and upheaval he needs to go through.
Sadly, she’s more of a transitional girlfriend. They are fighting because it is a time of great emotional appeal for him and she wants more and I don’t think he can give it right now.
It's so helpful to have someone with high social intelligence and healthy boundary sense giving advice. These videos are so insightful and spot on. Thanks!
Omg my life !!! It’s exactly the same with me. The difference is that my guy is sooo close to his kids and his is not willing to change that. I also have two kids but I am giving him more time ..omg again!!!!! and we are together for 9 months . Jesus !!🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Never date a married man or any man that’s not been single for at least 8 months . Even 8 months is not long enough if they been in long term relationship.
Dude, same. But I lost all emotional control due to anger(because of push and pull) And now we haven't contacted since month. I feel relieved to let that shit go
Love the way the guy in the back is just quietly listening and almost not blinking😊😅 very calming and asuring message, thank you🙏
I absolutely needed to hear this! Reason vs Reality! Thank you for sharing this!!!
Matthew is so nice about it all. Actually she should never put herself in a relationship with a married man. Is up to us women's what we put ourselves inn like Matthew said is up to us
An amazing counseling, Mat. Just great! Thanks you!!!!
Matthew I appreciate u saying ignore the comments! People are quick to judge. Everyone has a different situation
I just went through this ...u took up a new Hobbie and met a wonderful friend painting lessons ! Amazing
Let it be a lesson to all those ladies who engage with men who are not entirely available because of whatever reason but mainly not being divorced. Then you add to that that you have marriage benefits before being married so he loses the interest of a commitment. A man who is in the transition of a divorce is not completely emotionally available and more likely than not you're just to fill his time while the divorce is in process and he is hoping that he will go back to his wife. Never ever get involved with anybody who's not completely available because the only person who will suffer the consequences whether you like it or not is you. How do I know that? That's exactly what is happening to the woman that my soon-to-be ex is going through and she is devastated. Just 5 days ago he asked me to stop the divorce proceedings and definitely I will not. Forgave enough times than he deserved and I'm moving on.
Oh he will not let u go because u allowed it. U know he's not ready but every time he comes back u let him inn and situation is not changing. Is like with raising children. What u allowed them they will try more to break boundaries see how far they can go. Is up to you what u allowing
I have known about your videos recently. I resonate SO MUCH with everything you say. Omg, your wisdom is huge, accurate and clear as water. Thank you so so much for your videos
Thank you Matthew for this really needed it.
last I checked, divorces don't take SIX MONTHS to process. It might take some time to get finalized, but the paperwork is filed.
If there is a lot of shared assets and one person does not want the divorce it does. I met my ex 6 months after he filed for divorce (I checked public records), it took another 6 months for it to be finalized.
Oh Matthew ♥️ thank you so much for this amazing advice.
normally i only run this on the background while i work. now i'm looking at the visual, steve is so cute staying quiet in the background. XD
This is so helpful! Thank you!
Best video you’ve ever made. And I’ve watched a lot of them! Very timely. Thank you ❤️
Jen Kuhn. Ur saying absolutely right. So beautiful viedo as like you.
Wow yes!!! This probably applies to all woman at some point and so helpful ❤️ Thanks guys you are the best
This is so heartbreaking. Story of my life. Learning how to break free. Thank you for the content
Great advice on this video. Gratitude and Appreciation ❤️