How to Deal With Betrayal | Eckhart Tolle Teachings
Vložit
- čas přidán 8. 12. 2021
- When asked about the subject of dealing with betrayal, Eckhart shares that we should be careful with the stories our mind creates.
Subscribe to find greater fulfillment in life:
bit.ly/EckhartYT
Want to watch and hear more of Eckhart's Teachings? Become a member today and join our growing CZcams community! bit.ly/ETmembership
Did you find this short preview video helpful? Do you want more peace of mind? Or to bring more Presence into your days, your work, and other areas of your life? Join Eckhart Tolle Now, Eckhart’s online community, and get access to his new in-depth teachings every month, practical Q&A sessions with Eckhart, and member-only discounts on Eckhart’s online programs.
Enjoy a FREE 10-DAY TRIAL to Eckhart Tolle Now: members.eckharttolle.com/10-d...
Why are people laughing?
Betrayal is the most painful thing a human can experience.
Nothing funny about other people’s evil!
Because higher levels of consciousness allow you to dissolve the “painful” narrative around the experience. And instead, you may now laugh or smile (or whatever else) since you’ve transcended the old “painful” way of thinking and being.
I laugh when I’m uncomfortable, and betrayal is quite uncomfortable indeed.
A lax attitude toward infidelity is a sign of a degenerating culture. If he’s going to quote Jesus, he should also include this but it doesn’t vibe with his new age hustle:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Being betrayed is a normal part of the human condition, especially when you live in a narcissistic society. Never place expectations upon human beings & just get yourself a dog
I’ve thought about doing this, but I don’t want to commit animal abuse by confining a dog to a tiny apartment or house with a postage-stamp-sized fenced-in area of anything less than a few acres.
Good idea!!
Or.... learn to transcend it. Don't cut yourself off from people or life, simply allow others to be as they are and see that they are part of the one.
Yes
@@mariekedobber6074 ikr 😁😁👍👍👍👍💯💯💯💯💯
I read once holding a grudge against someone is like keeping them hostage in your mind.
When you keep someone hostage you have feed them, water them, exercise them and worst of all constantly remind ourselves what terrible things they did to us to deserve to be in our mental prison.
When we consciously decide to forgive and release our prisoners, the person we are really freeing is ourselves.
It makes sense when you think about it, because the person we are sitting there feeling bitterness and anger towards years later has absolutely no idea we are even thinking about them at that moment and are probably enjoying a, really good movie, meal or holiday blissfully unaware they are even a prisoner at all.
Releasing our hostages really is the only rational and compassionate thing to do for ourselves
Yes! Therefore keeping YOU hostage.
Wow 😊
How do you release them?
This was such a helpful illustration. Thank you.
@@nataliem5744 your very welcome Natalie 🙏🙏🙏🙏
"for the pain subsides when you stop telling the story of how much it hurt."
❤
It’s hard to do. Been 16 months for me.
@@CedroneTravels I’d been doing so well… Someone recently suggested “Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender” to me, audio free on YT, I’ve started to listen
Agreed ❤
Betrayal is not to be minimized. It hurts! It's a stab in the back.
Yes, but this opens up a big can of worms. Sometimes people are not seeing reality because they think they are much more important and valuable than they really are and never see the wrong that they do to others which might cause them to be betrayed. Many people do not want to betray but sometimes do so because they are being manipulated. Depends on the situation.
The intention isn't to minimize the act of betrayal but to set the person that feels betrayed free. I've felt betrayed, and I sometimes fear future betrayal, but I'm here because I want to be free of that limitation.
“Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.” -ECKHART TOLLE 💜🧡⭐️🙏🏽☀️
@@Puuws and after a first reaction , which is understandable, then maybe a clearer view, which may help
@@Puuws sounds like when your boundaries are being squashed there will be a considerable amount of pain
Pleasure is exactly the same!
@@miracleshappen4483 That's true.
You don’t say
- I just want to let anyone who’s reading this, and going through a tough time know that it’s going to be okay. You’ll get through it! ✨
Thanks 🙂
Thank you. Take care.
I don't care why I'm convinced this is a bot. Bots have never been wrong and therefore are not familiar w the feeling of a human hand gripping their throat.
I really hope so.I suffer for too long and my life is a mess...
@@spacekat8249 My wish for you is to find peace...My wish for me is to find peace, too 💖
"He is a human being who manifested behavior that corresponded to his level of consciousness." Brilliant and very funny, oddly so. Thank you. "Yes of course you suffered. we all encounter humans that make us suffer..many humans are unconscious and not at the same level." I love the part about being aware of the narrative in our mind about betrayal.... I understand now. Thank you.
It is very interesting how our level of consciousness and behavior varies from time to time, from situations….!!!
I sometimes look back at the things that i have said and done and feel why would i ever say or do that….
😌
@@rajagopal3432 Exactly! Things you wish you never did. It's called regrets. The best way to deal with them is to promise yourself to never ever do it again!
@Alex Adk The Last Set to overcome is to control. We aren’t higher beings this isn’t fate but acceptance. The world is multifaceted and the exponential amount of variables that can happen in one’s life can’t be tied to one specific sequence. Anything can happen. But to control and suggest we can overcome is the opposite of letting go and is even more painful. It’s like holding onto a rope that’s moving. It would hurt less if you just let go.
@Alex Adk The Last Set Thank you for the kind words and I hope your doing great a year later haha😂. In Sigmund Freuds analysis of the ego he mentions we have the Id, superego and the ego. The Id is the “evil” ratio of our all encompassing ego and the superego is the “good”. When your able to “watch” the thoughts of the “ego” you begin to see that you are not the ego but you are merely a watcher of a more grand performance. In many spiritual teachings you may often hear the statement “You are not your thoughts.” And if you take it from a literal standpoint if you aren’t your thoughts this means you can’t control something which you are not. And you know yes maybee you may observe the ego and “stop” negative thoughts but many aren’t able to do this and when they have don’t have “control” but have learnt to perceive this “inner” as its own subconscious individual with a voice that wants to be heard. Remember your never meant to suppress negative emotions as they will eventually manifest physically. But you listen to the negative thoughts (Ego, Id) and like earlier - accept them. This principle of acceptance is overarching in many themes in science and spiritually for example stoicism, Cognitive behavioral therapy and even in religion. :)
I've been betrayed by so many people in my life who should never have done so, beginning with my mother. It's been freeing for me to recognize that those people are broken and I cannot fix them nor expect them to behave differently. Also, I don't trust them with any part of myself anymore.
Change your story; change your life. Suffering is in the mind, in what you tell yourself. I became a watcher of my thoughts to change my perception of all things. Since how we think creates how we feel, I always stop a bad-feeling thought and reach for a better-feeling one. This is everything and after 60 years of self-created suffering, has completely changed my life and led me to peace.
It's all about finding the true nature of things. When you see the truth you free yourself from suffering
I understand †his. What I trip over is the abuse visited upon my son whom I should've been able to protect.
Suzanne: I had a similar experience. I accept that I did not know better at that time or I certainly would have prevented it. I forgive myself for I knew not, and daily (even 4 yrs. later) appreciate the expansion of my life it has afforded me to only recognize and milk all the good in life. I can't afford to dwell on the past any longer, at all, or risk living in misery. I STOP those thoughts as soon as I'm aware of them. It gets easier!
@@elizabethkinnison7180 Embarrassing to say years for me, but the man continues to smear me & is surrounded by supportive flying monkeys while I'm alone. Almost humorous.
Betrayal is the most hurtful thing any human can experience. Wether that’s from family, co workers, loved one or even your own country. Betrayal is the most inhumane thing to do on any level.
Totally agree. This was one of Eckhart's poorest videos, in my opinion, as it seemed so lacksadaisical and emotionally unempathetic. On an intellectual and philosophical level it makes sense, but it seems fairly cold and callous, compared to other stuff of his that I've watched.
He means well. You are doing it for yourself. Forgiveness does not mean approving of bad behavior. Don’t identify your sense of self with someone else’s unconscious actions. You are absolutely innocent and free from it! Love yourself to know that you have nothing to do with others bad behavior towards you.
I'm going through this, who I considered a close friend has "betrayed" me. And her close work friends are "betraying" me.
I was thinking about it last night and I felt inside this anger start to rise up. I'm thinking about it now and again anger is rising. I realised LAST NIGHT it was because I was telling myself the story of what they have done to me. I'm usually ok, dont care and know that it is there level of consciousness I can not control but sometimes it does hurt. How humans can and will hurt you without a care on how you feel about it. Of course it hurts but through this and my every day experience of them, I learn another level of awareness I guess.
This video helps me a lot, although the (several) betrayals are some time ago, it seems a proces. Yet reading your reaction makes me more carefull in sharing this video, one of my mistakes is often that I expect understanding in similar (when do I really know?) Situations. So thank you, & bless you. 🤍
Yes it is !!!!!
Loyalty and betrayal are no laughing matter. The fact our society makes it so flippant is why it continues to happen often. Forgiveness does not mean tolerating others bad behaviors...
Exactly 👏🏼
Totally agree. Eckhart warns people to be careful of the stories they tell themselves, perhaps he too should be careful . Being funny can also be a kind of story one tells oneself.
Forgiveness mean forgive humans being human. If not, you carrying burden of all humanity. Some day you will need forgiveness.
@@kristi1189 and when that day comes, you will need compassion and connection from those who have received that from you.. and will not have access to it.. and you will experience the isolation and pain of betrayal.
@@kristi1189 Well said. I forgive because I am not perfect either, and humans are only human. We all act out of hurt and have a great weekend.👍
Sometimes it's difficult to forgive someone once. We have to do it over and over and over. No matter how many times we forgive, we forgive because it's the kindest thing we can do for ourselves ❤️
This "they dont know what they do" does NOT always apply. People often know they're hurting you & do it anyway.
That would make them unconscious, right?
I see a hole in this logic. To want to hurt someone and then doing it is not knowing what they do. How so? You might ask. It is still not a truly conscious behaviour. Truly conscious behaviour does not cause harm. Hurting others intentionally means that you have cut yourself off from the greater consiousness.
@@omegapointsingularity6504 Who wants to hurt someone? An ego. Presence or the observer doesn't need anything from this world. They know not what they do because they are caught up in egoic stories and believe the world is real.
@@metricmoo right, I know because I see this mechanism in myself.
@@metricmoo wanting things is not harmful if you are present, right? like one could want things, have preferences and all that but it is not a requirement for ones peace of mind. I think thats the difference between neediness, wants, must haves and just preferences in awareness. Like good food. Who wouldn't prefer good food? :D
Hurt people HURT people...simple and releases attachment, judgements and resentments. Salvation is forgiveness 🙏
Yes, I've learnt that from Gnarls Barkley :-D
Just be present...and accept what is as it is. To say "betrayal" means that you first had future expectations...and second, those expectations were not met and now the past "betrayal" is being held onto. This is very much not living in the present, but instead future and past. There is too much clinging to past and future...let it go.
Start by acknowledging that they haven't let it go [yet]⁉️
Nonduality...thank you. It is so easy to understand intellectually, rational, and Truth. It is putting into practice living from Presence that is hard because of the emotions involved, especially in close family relationships. 🙏💫
Yes, I love this!
Beautiful 🥰
bravo 👏🏼 you get it
It's completely understandable to carry the hurt of betrayal, but the ego just wants to keep identifying with the pain and continually renew it. Practicing mindfulness EVERY DAY is the way through it and the ego starts to lose its grip as the pain starts to dissolve. Attention/presence/mindfulness and commitment is the key.
Well said
such a great response and so true. understanding this is what will set you free.
Sometimes, wondering how and why a person can do you wrong is unfathomable and unanswerable and all we can do is to accept that everything happens for a reason. That maybe we are just wrong on how we perceived them as a person...
I think you’re onto something. My original golden perception of that person was flawed.
For everyone that is reading this. May god and the angels give you peace and fullfill you with love. Love is so powerfull and we must spread it all over the world to protect us from all evil. ❤🙏
I think emotions take over. When you have or think you have a genuine connection with someone. It can be painful if they hurt you.
We all learn the hard way. Some quicker than others. I am sure Eckhart has been hurt too. Peace and precense to all. 💜🕉💜
peace and presence!
Eckhart was hurt severely by his father. His father divorced when he was at teen age. No love from parents. But, at the end his suffering led him to enlightenment. He is grateful for his hurt.
"Forgiving is rediscovering the shining path of peace that at first you thought others took away when they betrayed you."
~Dodinsky
Thank you Rubin for bringing this man to my awareness I just ordered his book.. xoxo
@@nancystephens3515 hey my pleasure glad it spoke to you!
Wow! I love this 👏🏼
That quote was eerily precise.
Sincerely, and with gratitude, thank you Rubin and Dodinsky
So true, we carry the burden of another’s betrayal when we need to forgive and move on
Eckhart, thank you for solving an ongoing mystery. I have been working hard to understand what has happened to my daughter who, quite suddenly (it seemed) turned against me. Her behaviour is quite extraordinary and I just couldn't understand it. You have brought clarity for me in this. Her behaviour changed once she met and became married to a 'difficult' man much like her father. I now realise that because of the situation she is in she is coming from her sub-conscious and all the repressed emotions(from childhood) - no wonder I kept saying that she wasn't the girl I know - a completely different character, but one coming from a very unhealed place. This understanding has helped me to somehow let go of trying to get to the bottom of the situation and blaming myself, not knowing what I had done. It isn't anything to do with me, but somewhere she has gone for a while. thank you for your amazing insights!
His wisdom combined with humor is such a lovely combo!
I enjoy too.
This saves me so much because i am in the same situation with the questioner. Yes it is very hard to be kind with someone who is not kind to me, but in the end their action do not defines me. I will practice this way of thinking to be free, and to forgive.
Suffering is our greatest teacher
I never blamed him, forgave him within a week, but it still hurt as heck because it was so sudden. Myselfesteem dropped from 0 to -100 but luckily I got friends and a therapist to support me and didn't let me blame myself.
I definitely learned smt from it and am not going to let it bring me down (this message is more for myself tbh 👀)
Keep strong people! You're beautiful and dont let some sucker spitting in your soul bring you down 💚
Something like a sudden betrayal happened to me as well. It just shook my self esteem sooo bad but again thankfully I had friends and a therapist. It has been 5/6 weeks ...I just want to forget about it
His explanation or story line does “FEEL” better!!! Feeling is believing!! 💙💙💙💙
A simplistic and pat answer,,,
'Forgive us father, for we sometimes know not what we do.'
I meditate, dream, and imagine my most ideal life..
For me, this quote from The New Message from God speaks so profoundly about the nature of betrayal and relationships overall.
“It is what you do together that determines the nature and purpose of relationship. That is why human romance is such an empty promise, for if you cannot do anything together, you have no basis for being together. The initial attraction turns cold and dark, and the desire and the embellished feelings turn ashen and become bitter and resentful."
This one comes from the Living the Way of Knowledge book - Chapter 3: The Pillar of Relationships.
And it has such wisdom, so simple and so powerful, something that the world needs so much at this time.
& in A Course of Miracles there are nobody else outside of us...
Thank you, Ivan.
Hi Ivan , that’s an interesting quote.
I’m wondering what book it’s from?
Is it by Eckhart?
Thanks soooo much for bringing the New Message wisdom here. So needed!
@@trudycampbell4962 it's by Marshall Vian Summers.
I've just experienced the kind of dynamic Eckhard talked about.
What I can say is that it is difficult to react kindly and understandingly when you feel so hurt . I have already understood what Eckhard is taking about but it is a process...
I'm coming out of the difficult part.
If I haven't learnt all I'm meant to learn life will offer me another difficult situation.
I had quite recently experienced betrayal. As I am not permanently present, of course I initially feel the pain. But as one who has 'seen' the mind as well as the'seer', pain is quickly welcomed as the harbinger of peace. And that's the beauty of Truth: the problem IS the solution.
Incredible Clarity.
Thank You❤
i was betrayed by someone i loved a lot last year. exactly one year ago today. my sense of self shattered so much in that moment that oddly enough all i could respond to that person with was compassion. compassion for being so unconscious that he could be that way. it was only because i had read the Power of Now that i felt a sense of peace in that moment (i was devastated for weeks to come) and after the following weeks, which were so painful i didn’t know how to get out of the pain, i realised all i had to do was accept and surrender the situation to the past. and suddenly i knew how to forgive. Tolle really changed my mindset, i’m 23 and ‘awakening to consciousness’ has really opened my eyes to a new way of living
Thank you Echeart…. My mother betrayed me but she had just been diagnosed with cancer. I already looked at it that way.
But it’s still hard to live with your own mother hurting you so much.
It comes from her own pain, nothing to do with you. Your mother must be really hurting inside. Otherwise she wouldn't need to hurt others. Not an excuse but it always helps me knowing that it's their pain and not my behaviour that causes it❤
@@endriandri7914 How do you know that?
Eckhart is a genius. 🙏❤️
You truly are a great gift to the world. Thank you so much Eckhart.💕
May we all find peace within the noise of unconsciousness. May the mind be an instrument of thought but free from egoic narratives.
Hmm ... people who get betrayed several times ... Chances are that there IS a lesson to learn, namely that not all people have equally high moral standards, and that you have to be carefull who you confide in. That lesson can be as important as the lesson to 'stay in the now'. Your 'staying in the now' will certainly become less of an effort 😀
Thank you for going through the archives. What a gem
Wow, amazing. So much suffering can be alleviated by living in this way.
Thank you for taking out the sting. This was like anti itch medication for the self. And I actually could laugh about it now.
Many thanks, Eckhart, for that wonderful reminder. Just brilliant!
You can play word games with your self. But when you’ve been betrayed it’s very difficult to paint a positive picture with word replacements.😔
Feel the feelings - drop the story...
Its not about the other...
You are not your relationship with the betrayer.
You are not the betrayal
You are not the betrayed.
Its the meaning we make around it that causes suffering and resistance to the feelings inside of us it triggers
100%. Everybody is laughing and finding synonyms for betrayal but I’m here crying listening for better reassurance.
I would really enjoy 24 hours of the waterfall sound❤
Eckhart couldn't have hit on the content more than that!!!I have lived with the question of how to get rid of the anger caused by those who I was supposed to obey for a long time because of who they were. Now I get it in its fullest.Thanks a lot.
I am so thankful Eckhart Tolle❤️🙏 this video literally saved me, blessings to you. Stay safe. Love. Respect.
Beautifully addressed!
The paradigm makes all the difference.
Goodmorning from Greece!!! Wise words!!!
Gosh, he has surpassed the level of consciousness we are meant to achieve to the highest degree! 🙏 I believe when we reach this degree the cosmos gifts us especially. Thank you for the amazing wisdom and pointers. He is birthing consciousness in a way. Amazing 🌟
I'm seeing the value of this, thank you!
I love your humorous teaching style😂😂😂 I learn better🥰
Thank you!
I love that ET and his audience are so gleeful and lighthearted . Who would think that a painful thing like betrayal could become a source of so much laughter ?
This is a great and beautiful way of looking at this subject Eckhart thank you for sharing it so eloquently🙏💜
One surely cannot just forgive, being human means we are going to feel emotions, they are there for a reason. Feelings have to be processed in order to enable healing, this is not living in the past or future but in fact in the present. If you put your hand in a fire you get burned, that will take time to heal, emotional pain in my humble opinion is exactly the same. Be gentle with yourself, process your emotions, allow yourself whatever emotion you are feeling, a bit like a storm…open yourself up and allow those feelings to pass through put you at the centre of your thinking. Forgiveness I’m not ready yet to forgive, my anger is too fierce….one day it won’t be but at present it is. 💛
that what is not yet ready to forgive is not you, it is what you believe to be....
“Never take anything another says or does, personally.”
- Don Miguel Ruiz
Very comforting and freeing.
What we need and what we have can make a better person of us..
Thank you for your wisdom Eck♥️
Rephrase, that is a very good way to heal, thankyou.
This is very timely as we are all being betrayed by our governments, corporations, institutions. But the betrayal disappears as soon as we flat out tap into our own strength and forbid this abuse. We cannot participate in the abuse or we participate in our own destruction.
The situation that they find themselves in. When an individual lacks the ability to transcend that situation, they will do one of two things: revert to what they know or ask for help. For most, it's the former.
“Accept-then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” - *ECKHART TOLLE * 💜⭐️☀️🧡
Betrayal shows you where you have betrayed yourself in your relationships with others. This is a hard pill to swallow at times. Many of our relationships are not designed to be forever. They are designed to teach us about ourselves. When we refuse to learn, we get the same betrayal. It continues until we learn. At that point, our relationship with relationship and relationships transforms.
Exactely..👍👏. We are projecting our self..
what do you mean betraying ourselves, can you explain to me please 💜
Thank you🙏🍀 this is so helping me in my relationship. Hé didn’t betrayed me, but hé is a lot of times angry and than I feel my painbody and also creat a story….
Now I know what I can do!
Amazing as always, thank you.
Couple example given here is of two unaware people who are afraid to ask each other what's temporary and permanent in life before going for a marriage. For example what is real love,attraction,partnership,friendship, etc. An aware soul has different perspective (close to real or real) in each parts of their life,not just one. Liked the discussion. Keep it up dude! 🙏👍
I do not know, I have searched in my mind why on earh Tolle has a profound emetic (see Wiki) effect on me. Always, invariably no matter the topic he is speaking about. But is not only his speech also his laughter, or even his face, produce the same effect in me. But I am very thankfull of this emetic effect, because I will use it after a too copious meal.
So true. Betrayal forgive move on 🙏 thank you xx
Piece of cake.. Not!
I love you, Eckhart ❤😄
1:44 heard at 14:41
6:19 THE ADVICE
6:29 making me realize
I don't particularly care bout the betrayal, its more... knowing those sorts of people are out there and won't learn or stop. Being hurt myself doesn't bother me much, injustice does.
OMG the timing of this video !!!
it was posted only one day ago 😯😯 Just when my Consciousness was trying to calibrate to the love level !
Thankyou, very helpful.
Thank you.
“If you don’t turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else’s story.” - Terry Pratchett
💜 Heart-Based Manifestation CZcamsr
This is such a hard lesson to learn.
Absolutely brilliant😁
We R.....Fearfully and WONDERFULLY made.
Excellent!
Thankyou🌸💜
Thank you...
Mine did.. he’s a serial cheat
And he will continue to be with the next women .. yes he is nit conscious. And now I am .
Took a long time to see the bigger picture
The only thing is that some people are aware of what they do, and simply lack remorse or empathy, or they do it on purpose and truly don't care of the consequences. I suppose either way, that person is unconscious, living at a lower vibration, and forgiving them (with healthy boundaries for ourselves) can still work. It's just more scary when we realize HOW low a level they were at, and how different it was than what we thought. Some people only pretend to be at a higher level of spiritual awakening, and manipulate our belief in that. There is a difference between at times slipping down a level, or someone actually being much further down that we first thought. However, it is still a good awakening experience for us when we see that we were subconsciously attuning ourselves to people at lower frequency, and approach with curiosity why we were dimming ourselves to attune with those levels of vibration, only to have it inevitably hurt us.
Amazing, 😊 gratitude
🌈Thank you, for this Video 🙏🧚🏾😊
Beautiful video 🤩
Loyalty is a trap for all involved. You don't need a person to be loyal if they are truly uncoerced. Free will!
Awesome!!!
The real tragedy is many people are fully conscious in the act of betrayal
Underrated comment
Extremely selfish
No they are not. No one conscious would betray someone
This really helped me. It was him not me....I hope I can be done with creating stories.
Thank you
I feel like I betray myself. Today I lied about my health to get out of work saying that I had a medication issue that caused a seizure. I "never" lie. Normally I would just tell them the truth which is that I forgot I worked and that I would be late. I really just wanted to stay at home with the dogs and catch up on cleaning. Now I'm drinking and feeling guilty. If I would just be careful and more honest with myself and others I would be a better person. I betray myself by not taking better care of my body. Idk I'm sorry Jesus please forgive me and help me to forgive myself.
It’s ok! You needed a day off
It as an amazing speech. Realistic Interpretation instead of letting our mind creating uncounsious thoughts is a key to live a lighter life.
Brilliant
Can't speak but knows everything.
Amazing 🤩
Amazing
Try and ACCEPT that you are hurt.
Do I really want to carry this burden of someone's betrayal and resulting anger towards them ? NO they have hurt me enough and I release the burden by completely feeling it
Betrayal is a huge word, just drop the label and FEEL it in your body
Also realise that's its not you, anger and pain body are different from you.
I would have wanted them to behave differently. That expectation was not met in the past. Do I continue to expect the same in future?? No I have a life, just RELEASE the expectation.
Do I really want to hold a grudge against this person ?? Would I rather not feel love instead ??