A new way to think about the transition to motherhood | Alexandra Sacks
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- čas přidán 19. 09. 2018
- When a baby is born, so is a mother -- but the natural (and sometimes unsteady) process of transition to motherhood is often silenced by shame or misdiagnosed as postpartum depression. In this quick, informative talk, reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks breaks down the emotional tug-of-war of becoming a new mother -- and shares a term that could help describe it: matrescence.
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Woman need to be talking to each other! YES!
Our family has a tradition that during the baby shower when the new mother opens a gift the giver, if she’s a mother, gives real advice. If the giver isn’t a mother she asks a question. I’ve been attending these showers and listening to the conversations since I was a young girl. They are places where women speak honestly about becoming a mother and the struggles of that transition.
My sister and sisters-in-law and I have made a conscious effort to make sure we create opportunities to have real conversations with women in our lives about to become mothers because of how helpful those conversations were for us.
In our modern society motherhood can be a very isolating experience and that needs to change.
i have friends most of them cant relate with me having a kid
This sounds so amazing!
i went with the term "quarter life crisis". See, I gave birth 5 months ago and NOTHING happened as it was planed. I was taken away from home "for the safety of my baby" (because I suffer from depression) but there was no postpartum depression. I am so forced into this "mother" role, everything else began to explode. arousal, appetite, my style, sexual preferences, it all changed and I was so overwhelmed by it and I had no one to ask if thats normal. Not even my psychiatrist understood this. thank god my husband accepted all this mess in my head and said "we gonna mke this work" So this vid was truly life changing. Thank you!
Dear Parents,
You hear the word "quarantine" and automatically hear the long list of things
we're not allowed to do these days. But perhaps you should think of all the
opportunities this slower lifestyle offers. As parents, instead of sitting
around worrying about coronavirus or feeling lonely, use your downtime to learn
new skills to teach your KIDS to speak and read in an early age, come on!!!
For more information, visit the links below, Good Luck!!!
czcams.com/video/w9Lj1KQtvPU/video.html
czcams.com/video/RR3reaJHV_8/video.html
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In the beginning of motherhood I always have those unrealistic expectation from my self. As time goes by I felt tired of it, and I just say to my self it is ok to do this and that as long as you don’t hurt your baby & hurt your self physically & mentally. It is okay... thanks for my baby for teaching me what’s life about, thank you for my mother for being you.
I can have this on repeat all day and not get tired of this speech. this needs to be spread far and wide❤
Matrescence: makes sense. I felt like I was failing motherhood; my ideals met reality. Plus breastfeeding was so hard and all those parenting web sites are so judgmental or more accurately the comment section is.
Finally a professional who is addressing the elephant in the room!!! I am 30 weeks pregnant and having many of these feelings ,especially being my first child... thank you doctor and please do more videos on this topic!! June 2020
I hope you and baby are doing well
There are books on the subject and courses that are amazing. I'm happy to suggest some if you'd like
Such a powerful message that every mother needs to hear. The transition into motherhood is such a journey of transformation for a woman and these shifts need to be acknowledged more by society so that women feel supported during that transition 💕
yessss im a new mom my daughter is now 21 months and year old shell be 2 in april
I agree. As a mother myself, I had to learn alot on my own. The partner has a big role to play once the baby comes into this world. Some women do feel overwhelmed when they have no help.
Dear Parents,
You hear the word "quarantine" and automatically hear the long list of things
we're not allowed to do these days. But perhaps you should think of all the
opportunities this slower lifestyle offers. As parents, instead of sitting
around worrying about coronavirus or feeling lonely, use your downtime to learn
new skills to teach your KIDS to speak and read in an early age, come on!!!
For more information, visit the links below, Good Luck!!!
czcams.com/video/w9Lj1KQtvPU/video.html
czcams.com/video/RR3reaJHV_8/video.html
czcams.com/video/YN8lUKyBLBQ/video.html
That is me right now. I have no help and I am soo overwhelmed 😓
@@Lupita-my6mm same here, I’m with you and sending you love. My baby is just turning 2 months and it’s getting easier but definitely still exhausting.
When I was pregnant my mom told me "there is no such thing as Postpartum Depression in the old days (her days), mothers just sucked it up, and milennial mothers aren't supposed to have PPD also, we need to be tough".
I didn't make any comment and just left the room. I feel bad because in her generation, feelings weren't valid. You must be tough and must not make any complains.
Wow thats so wrong. Mental illness still existed, but people were too afraid to seek help and suffered in silence. Maybe she thinks nobody had depression because nobody told her when they had it.
I would’ve corrected her right then and there. I would’ve educated her.
It is sad and true. As I study matrescence I have galked about it with a few older mothers and the feelings were denied. They are real but not allowed to be expressed.
This awareness is really soo important.... this talk really helped me... thank you so much for sharing this wonderful information👍
A clear and systematic explanation. Well done!
This should have many more views. It could help many many new mothers.
Yes we need more awareness! Every woman's experience is very different, but there are so many similarities too. I was not at all prepared for the enormity of the shift- for me it was like an immense crossing over. Also rapid hormone change combined with lack of sleep and an incredible demand on the body from breastfeeding around the clock. I also wasnt prepared for the reality that it takes just as long to recover from birth as the pregnacy itself!
I agree! And even my first child was completely different than my second.
When a baby is born, so is a mother. Wonderful!!!!
My mom was born 4 times than. (:
Michael O haha! Yes! I became a mother of two last month. A mother of one was born with my first and a mother of two was born when I had my second. Both very different experiences because a new mom the second, third, fourth time around is adding to the dynamic.
Three times
Thank you
You’re a mother at conception*
Really infromative talk, thanks for it.
Very well-explained! Thanks a lot!
Ohh we need this topic
Matrescence is certainly a new word for me! I wish I knew of this meaning 20 years ago! Thanks for this message... something to pass on our our daughters for sure!
Very valuable, thank you!
this term has been around for decades, but I am glad she is talking about it
Wonderful video, love this! 🥰
Hearing about this was so helpful, awareness is much needed!
Dear Parents,
You hear the word "quarantine" and automatically hear the long list of things
we're not allowed to do these days. But perhaps you should think of all the
opportunities this slower lifestyle offers. As parents, instead of sitting
around worrying about coronavirus or feeling lonely, use your downtime to learn
new skills to teach your KIDS to speak and read in an early age, come on!!!
For more information, visit the links below, Good Luck!!!
czcams.com/video/w9Lj1KQtvPU/video.html
czcams.com/video/RR3reaJHV_8/video.html
czcams.com/video/YN8lUKyBLBQ/video.html
Needed to hear this ❤️
Thank you
36 weeks pregnant and so thankful for my baby. Thank you for this 😍♥️
Thank you for that
I feel understood!
I needed to hear this ted talk so much.
Appreciating your work. The. video should circulate to create an awareness.
OMG, this was absolutely wonderful and so well said! Yes, we need to have this become a normalized word!
Why does this only have 180000 views?… this is so important!
The focus is often on the baby when in fact the mother deserves much-needed attention as well..
Love it!!
Perfeito! Perfeito! Perfeito!
Love the 'matrescence' phrase! when will this be incorporated into the medical vocabulary?
If this understanding could be brought to light much sooner, it would definitely reduce rates of post natal depression! Really appreciate her research and honest insights!! 😊🌻
It deserves millions views really
I’m a stay at home Dad. I woke up in the middle of the night to feed our babies. I changed the diapers. Both of my daughters spent the first 30 minutes of their life on my bare chest. I potty trained them. I dropped them off on their first day of school. I still drop them off and pick them up everyday. I make their breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have raised them almost alone save for a few hours between dinner and bath time. Sometimes I wonder where I fit in to these romanticized discussions of Motherhood. Maybe we should be discussing parenthood more and motherhood can be a part of it, rather than the end all be all. These issues discussed affect me way more than they do my wife. Food for thought...
well said
That's the right word:
PARENTHOOD.
TED is propaganda that you do not fit in.
stefanos2691 hahaha! Being a parent is a choice, slavery is not.
Great job dad! You brought up some good points. I think women have been on the outskirts of society historically that we need to advocate for motherhood alone a little longer until we have a solid foot in society before we include fathers into the mix. Our society has always taken men's needs into account and it's time for women's needs to be heard. That being said when our society has come to a point where it can take both sides seriously then maybe we can truly start to discuss the difficulties of parenhood.
Another important factor is their partner. They need someone who is ready and willing to be a dad. Someone who already completes them psychologically. ... Otherwise a whole bunch of complications are just bound to ensue.
I know someone who took off and made threats, lied in court and then took the kids too! The courts gave the kids to the LIER All when he didn’t want to be a dad so soon it was like he got pissed off and had to get revenge because he was mad about her getting pregnant in the first place. Some people have to forgive at some point and I feel if this person can forgive that person for doing that to her she is a amazing human being ..
patrescence lol
Tbh it would be better to have no partner than one who is harmful
Thank you so much for bringing attention to this. You see this so much with mommy vloggers where if they get a little upset the entire comment section turns into psychologists diagnosing them with a mental illness. While its very important to know about postnatal depression and know it's ok. Its also important to know it's ok to struggle without having a mental illness.
First the society should stop telling young mothers that motherhood is all butterflies and unicorns. Then they might not feel like a failure when they feel miserable. And no, it's not ok to struggle, just because it is natural. Young mothers need a lot of support. It takes a village and in the modern society they are often times left on their own. They should know it's ok to say they are miserable, it's ok to ask for help (which they shouldn't have to do to begin with).
@@jayalexander6798 Yes!!!! Yes!!!! Half the problem is that mothers are left alone!! So if they feel bad and the baby is overwhelming, they are alone!! Thank you for saying this!!
„And with your friends, if you have any”
What happened to the podcast on Spotify why isn’t it happening this year ?
Who beats themselves up? I was more tired (two continents. ..time zones. ..c-sections) than anything. .both kids were sweet natured ...#lucky
Your children are sweet natured because you are a good parent.
The best thing for a baby, is a mother AND a father.
Michael O a supporting father, or a supportive couple regardless of gender mix these days
A village. It takes a village.
I'm Tired of hurting 😑 and I was told that I should bounce back going on 3 months .. I had a c sections and the stitches is making it hard to walk long distances and I get hip problems and sore lower abdomen.. my husband never says it but the pain is a burden.. I was always never taken seriously by family so if I was judged on breast feeding i wouldn't know - I Preety much blocked most of it out .. I present the movies hes like and I get the no he isn't and judgement behind it .. often wondering isn't the only thing that matters is I'm spending time with him and seeing what he likes and dislikes.. I'm not big with rap but he loves it and I saw him dancing to Taylor swift I believe which is not my thing but il listen to it and the metal version of Eiffel blue .. wierd but hes not into kids music
Wow
♥️❤️
"I HAVE A DAUGHTER AND I STAND FOR WHAT IS RIGHT!!!"
So if you've survived depression you can survive motherhood 😁😁
3:23
4:39
im a new mom and i didnt had any contractions or pain contractions my birth with my daughter ryleigh was smooth you think my birth and pregency with my other kids will be smooth someone told me yes itll be like my first birth with my daughter ryleigh thank you for this
I’m 16. I think I really want to be a mom one day. But I also want to work. So I planned out a bit, figured I’ll have all my kids in my 20s after I’m done uni and then start working when I’m 30. But then I started thinking. To be a mother? Another person? How will my life change? Will I even be the same person? What will I be giving up? Do I want to grow up? Should I stay in neverland as a child? I’m not sure. What does it mean to become a mother?
I think there is no need to plan this much ahead. Many things will change. I was also thinking this way, when I was 16. Hoping to have two kids until 30 and loving husband. But then first relationships came, they were emotionally abusive, and college and first job. It took few years for me to realize I also need to grow first as a person to be a partner and then finally I found my husband, at 28. We are growing together and now I am 30 and 10 weeks pregnant. When I look back, it didn't really go as I planned but it went perfectly for me to be at the place where I am now.
@@JaneMagdalena 17 now, yes! I couldn't agree more. I have decided to go with the flow, and let the good things to come to me. When the time comes, it will come. I don't know when I will meet the man of my dreams, or if I ever will, but I know that whatever happens is always going to be for the better. Thankyou for your wisdom
Hope you're doing well, so you'll be getting a degree at uni, be a mother for 18 years then start working? You'll most likely forget everything you learnt at university before you start working. I suggest working from your 20s to your 30s then being a mother, like my mom did, but just a suggestion.
@@TheAverageGenius Hello, I'm 18 now and currently in Law School! I'm not going to be unemployed for 18 years tf?? I was thinking 4-5 yrs, just until they're old enough to go to school. Because from ages 0-4, children require 24/7 attention. My mom was able to have 3 kids from ages 23-34 but she never stopped working, except when she was on maternity leave. I'm definitely gonna work till age 26 though, because that's when I'd ideally like to have kids. I'm going to finish law school when I'm 21. Lawyers also don't actually have to leave home very often either, so I'll likely be a stay-at-home working mom.
It's so cool how I made that comment when I was 16, replied when I was 17, and now I'm making another reply while I'm 18!
@@mehakverma7043 Oh alright, congrats on getting to law school at 18 years, not sure how that's possible but nice.
"I dont know what to do with my hands"
It’s called life changes when you have child darling. Life’s a roller coaster hang on for the ride!!!
Is there such a thing as "patrescence"?
👍
Keep it up struggling whatever happens.
welcome for goood
Today being a woman means you will (or are) a mother and that this is something that all women are designed to do and that means you are naturally maternal and know exactly what to do since you get pregnant on. It is so reassuring to know that it is a process and that just because you don't adjust to motherhood in a second, it doesn't mean you are a bad mother.
Is a woman that chooses not to have children some kind of freak? What do you think this is, the 1950s?
Not all mothers care about their children, and not all women want children in the first place. I get what you're saying, but not all women should have kids. The world is already so overpopulated
Women should be discouraged from having children and men should be discouraged from having a family. It's neither cute nor the apex of human existence.
I am Brazil
?? entirely ??
Hi Brazil, I’m Dad
I am Portugal. Surrender all your gold pls.
I nearly died two times at my birth, guess my mom too...
Second 😂
Although we don't have a word like Matrescence, Humans have always known the hormonal/psychological changes associated with pregnancy/motherhood.
Except they called it things like "hysteria."
Rebecca Gunther Some did, but in most native & indigenous cultures it was common knowledge. You know, Australian aboriginals that lived in the Daintree rainforest had to worry about snakes during "matrescence" as somehow when the largest snake in the vicinity smells/senses that there is a pregnant human they will hang around there to attempt to grab the child. and this is documented.
B
Second
She doesn't mention men much. Near the end she says, "When a baby is born, so is a mother." And so is a father.
Men matter; and talking to your partner "if you have one"
is of major importance and a priority.
@stefanos2691sad way to think. ..children need both parents
@stefanos2691 not every women is signed onto that. The danger is in thinking that
ALL women are represented
by the loudest "feminists".
It's a dangerous world. Lol
@stefanos2691 ...then what I am saying is: not all women are feminists.
Because she researched into a specific segment of parenting. There are other TED talks about fathers if you are interested. Sadly I can't remember who he was but it was fantastic.
stefanos2691 yes!!!!!!!!
Fourth
Either way...I still don't want kids, lol!
Live your life and don't let others get to you. The choice to not be a mother is just as valid as the choice to have kids.
lmao you are like what 18, you'll have them when you're older. and if you still dont, then something is off with you
@@anastasiarose1430what a stupid comment. Nothing wrong with a woman who doesn't want children. Comments like this are a huge problem with society!
Third
Sounds like the idea is something to avoid.
I'll stick with something that gives unconditional love:
*Pets*
And when you're tired of them...you can "find them a good home" through Craigslist. Lol
Pretty sure dogs are the only animals that may even be remotely capable of anything resembling actual love as they produce oxytocin.
yes seek unconditional love from an animal because you are incapable as a human being to raise a child and build a relationship that is unconditional lmfao sad
Ahaaa
I send it to the wife!!!
Everyone does talk about pregnant women as being moody, up and down, and out of balance. This woman is ignorant.
They do it in a derogatory way, which literally leads to mothers dying. Maternal deaths are inexcusably high because doctors don't listen to them because they're just being "hysterical" or "emotional" so, yes and no. THis word helps take the stigma out of it.
@@rebeccagunther4030 are you slow? Mothers who have pains or bleeding in any way at all get everyone around them panicking and urging them to get checked. Your response to my opinion is literally based on some fringe topic about negligent wife beaters that tell pregnant women to toughen up when they are experiencing some symptom. You dont help society by being beligerant and exacerbating nonsense hypotheticals.
I could ask you the same, but I suspect you've simply not kept up with the news - maternal mortality rates are not only inexcusably high, but they're actually on the rise. Ever read The Yellow Wallpaper? Women's medical complaints are consistently ignored over men's. There are tons of stats to prove it.
"Mothers who have pains or bleeding in any way at all get everyone around them panicking and urging them to get checked." I wish this was true, but it simply isn't. Take a look at how many women die each year from completely treatable preeclampsia. A telling anecdote among many is of a nurse who died in the very hospital she worked at because... no one took her complaints of chest pains seriously. THis happens A LOT. Black women have it even worse, as their likelihood of dying from delivery complications are three times higher. California is the only one out of FIFTY states that has reversed this trend. This isn't even close to fringe. This is a freaking national tragedy. So yes, this is being talked about, but in all the wrong ways -- to mock the woman for being "moody"-- when society should stop mocking and start listening. You have no justification for calling this woman ignorant.
Her focus is on new mothers after they've given birth .
@@rebeccagunther4030 what did women do before hospitals were the accepted location for pregnancies? Why are c sections so high? Is it because they cost ten times normal delivery...
It's hard being a dad too you know Lady
There are TED talks on that. Just because something isn't about you doesn't mean it doesn't matter and shouldn't be discussed.
I’m a dad, but that’s not what the talk is about so what’s your point?
You don't have to deal with body changes, hormonal changes and breast feeding though, do you?
You have no idea what it's like to grow a baby. It's incredibly strange and eventually painful. This isn't a convo for you
Matrescence. Or Pregnancy. Works too.
Pregnancy is only a portion of the birth of a mother. Postpartum is just as important.
One word: DON’T.
One word: *_CHOICE_*