Basically I passed my driving test, my hairline is receding and now I'm 60 years old. LINKS: / alex_bertie / therealalexbertie (main blog) LGBTalex?ref=hl
I'm 6 months shy of my 18th and my brother is 14. He is cis, I am trans. I get called young man and my brother gets called sir. It's not a fun situation
I think dysphoria affects our confidence to be able to tackle adult things which in consequence makes us feel younger. I related to everything you said here.
I'm 17 and am SO insecure about how I look. All the guys around me already have big muscles and facial hair and look like men and I'm stuck here looking like a 12 year old lesbian😑. Thanks for the video it's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this way 😊
People often think I'm as young as 15... when in reality I'll be 28 in a couple of months... I would say I probably feel about 22 and do act younger than my years... my excuse is it helps with creativity and I work in the creative fields. Age is just a number, and it doesn't really matter at all... the older you get the more you realise this. Everyone is on their own journey and it's not a race... I think a lot of people rush into adulthood too fast, there is no harm in taking a more steady and stable approach :)
I feel massively behind my age, and having depression makes it even worse. I took two cracks at university, and have had health issues for the past two years, so I've never had a proper 100% full time job, I've only just graduated, and I'm going to be 25 in two months. Depression sends me into suicide spirals over it all the time. The worst thing is it feels like I'm never going to catch up. I've missed the building-job-experience phase (no employer in their right mind is going to give a graduate job/internship to a 25 year old), and everyone I was at school with has proper career jobs, have moved away from home, are getting married, have kids, and here I am lagging at the back. It feels like I have to choose a career path right now and speed through to the end as fast as possible just to feel like an adult anymore. I don't have the "I'm figuring out what to do" time even though I don't know what to do anymore and suffer from cripplingly low self esteem which constantly gets in the way while trying to work out what to do. No matter what I do, there's someone right behind me who's younger, has more experience, and better social skills. Honestly, it feels like there's just no point in trying anymore. I know this is very cry-me-a-river, and I've not had it bad by any stretch. I just don't have anyone else I can talk to, and I need to get this off my chest somehow.
I don't feel my age. I've got my driving permit now and I'm 16 and most other people my age already have their license go to parties go lots of places on their own. And I don't
I'm 72 years old and I definitely feel it! LOL! But I do think I know how you feel. Keep on being awesome, Alex and know that sharing your journey has helped so many others. 💝
I can relate to this so much... I'm a 23 year old transguy who isn't on T nor has had any surgeries done. I hate the fact that I have to look like a 15 year old boy. I want to look like a 23 year old man.
echo1094 I'm a trans guy too but I'm pretty happy that I look younger ,there will come a time when I will look old ,so I'm not rushing to look older ,I'm 19 and I look 16 and I work at the hospital so I'm always asked about my age ,don't rush things man you will grow old sooner or later
Same...I'm happy that people at least assume I'm a fat gay 15 yr old off the bat. I'm 23 (24 tomorrow!!) and pre everything. I agree with being behind though. I got my license late, got my first job at 20-21, it gets to you, and hurts.
I feel like there's such a societal pressure to do everything as early as possible. But once you've had a job, can drive, drunk alcohol, had sex, had a serious relationship, had kids, .. what's there to look forward to? I'm glad I have a few of these things to look forward to, and that I didn't do it all at 16 just to fit in with the crowd.
It is a societal and generation "issue" that we don't leave home as early as our parents did. For one, at least in America they say your four years in University is just as acquivalent to getting your highschool diploma in terms of career jobs wanting you. That means more schooling is mandatory for some people. Costs of living are at sky high especially closer to cities. I think everyone needs to just realize we all gotta do things at our own pace. And try not to compare ourselves to where others may be in their life. I use to do the same. To be cliche, it's not about reaching the goals you set out, it's the journey getting there that's beautiful.
Okay so i might seem a little bit weird but while i was watching your videos I was thinking "wow he's so further in life than I am, he wrote a book, he managed to get a job while keeping his youtube channel" so i assure you, seeing this video made me feel weird because I thought you were feeling alright with your age and what you looked like! You're doing great, even though you still live at your parents' place! (Sorry for my english i am french) Je t'aime Alex, you're an inspiration
I'm a 21 years old transman. I feel my age, but I don't look my age. I've had a job since I was 17. I've been living on my own since I was 19. I even had top surgery recently. I feel my age. But I don't look my age. Because of it, I don't go out as much as I used to. I avoid the bar as much as possibly. I haven't gone on hormones yet because it's hard to get my parents to understand why I'm doing all of this. But your video just reaffirms that HRT will help me bridge this gap.
Omg Alex, I just wanna say I used to be an avid watcher of your videos but just because of life getting busy I stopped watching a lot of CZcams all together, last time I watched your videos you were about 20 and getting ready for T and the quest for Alex's beard was looking rough so coming back to see you now I just felt an overwhelming surge of pride and happiness for you with your transition. I know I've never met you but I just wanted to say how happy I am for you and how awesome and inspirational you are dude
!!!!!!ahhh congrats on passing your driving test! i've been watching your channel for years and it's actually so cool to see that your videos sorta documenting your change throughout the years. tbh i've been living vicariously through all your videos (wowwww that sounds weird) but like idk. i was 13 or 14 when i started watching your videos and i think at that point i was like 'hollllyyyy boyyyyyyy i wish i could be out and about like that' . it was sorta around the time i was questioning too. fast track now. i'm 17, lmao still ain't out and about but i gained a lot more confidence in myself. i think i can attribute some of it to you so yeah thank youu for your videos!!! this was so sentimental oml ignore me
I've had a similar but diffrent experience only much more clinical I think. My brother likes to joke I was born 40. From a young age I had a lot of undiagnosed symptoms of mental illness most of which I tried to self medicate making things worst. As a result I grew up very fast. I never behaved in any childish ways. Never watched cartoonz or played games. Never threw fits. I made it until I was a little over 20 before I crashed. At this time I was diagnosed with OCD, sever social anxiety, and clinical depression. In a span of weeks I went from functioning time bomb to someone who was being medicated and taken care of. Weirdly enough I assumed I would be the same old man I always was if not worst. Instead I seemed to de-age. I felt about 12 emotionally. I wanted my mother's hugs and to throw fits and to play games and other nonsense. Lucky as time goes on and I work threw therapy the two bits of me (the old man and young child) seem to be merging at the middle.
Abasi Shadid It almost seems like your mind was trying to take back the childhood that was stolen from you. I kinda feel the same way, I always felt like I was a little less childish than most people my age, and I didn't fit right in with them although I didn't have a big issue with it. Now I'm an adult, but have only recently started being treated for a slew of mental disorders everyone around me denied I had. And I feel like I'm being treated like a child, being guided in learning social and emotional skills that I should have learned in adolescence. I didn't mean to make it about myself. I'm glad you're doing better.
Being kind of in the same situation as you I feel ya my dude. I'm f2m as well but I've been trying to get hormones for 7 years, I'm now almost done with my 2nd month of being on T. I turn 21 in December. I've always hung out with older people and felt like I was older then I looked. But being +18 and I feel not even remotely feeling like a I look like a boy kills me. Specially working in retail, I get Ma'm and Girl all day and it's just so crushing. But hey, I've been getting my ass kicked and jumping threw hoops for 7 years just to start my transition. I'm not gonna let people who don't know anything about me ruin my day now. Love you vids! They helped me threw a lot going threw the same transition. I'm jealous your so far ahead of me at basically the same age but I also couldn't be happier for you! Also congratz on the drivers test!
I remember just having realized I'm trans and my friend telling me to sub to you because I had no ftm role models. Been here since 2014 and watching you grow up into the eloquent and talented young man that you are has been incredible.
OMG!!! I haven't seen this channel in forever and I am so incredibly happy for you. You were always this wonderful beacon of hope, and seeing you again after about 2 years maybe, you fill me with love, joy, hope, freedom, and just plain happiness. You are the kind of person who should never have to feel anything negative, but of course life is bullshit. BTW you were always cute but now GOD DAMN MAN you are finer than wine. UGH!!! Love you sir. =D
Thank you so much for sharing this. Being 18 I feel the same way in feeling behind, all my friends have been off to college starting their new lives while I still haven't got my license yet. While I'm trying to work on things and start school in the spring I constantly feel I am behind everyone else. It's great to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Hey Alex, Thanks for the brilliant topic and I'm glad to see that you're feeling more comfortable as time has progressed. I must admit that this is a topic that I find myself ruminating on. I just turned 23 and I'm currently pre-t. Due to my appearance and other aspects of life, I would completely agree that I do not feel my age. While I've just graduated from university with a good degree, I feel lacking in other areas; I'm currently close to obtaining my full driving license, I'm currently faced with trying to get a job and watching my people in life find partners that they're happy with a could potentially settle down with. Additionally, I feel that I have no clue about things that independent individuals, should know such as politics and self sufficient living stuff. It's for these reasons, that I feel younger than my age and constantly being ID'd with your buddies doesn't help haha. I hope you're keeping well dude.
Wow, just... WOW I'd dropped this channel over a year ago bcs of all the college work and now that I'm back... maaaan i gotta tell You've changed a lot!! (in a positive way) I'm really happy for You feeling good in Your own skin, keep it up! :D
I'm 23, only had a job since feb, live with my mom still and cant drive. Adulting is hard lol but you do what you can, take it little by little & take care not to burn out. I've enjoyed watching your videos and seeing your transitioning journey as is happens, it's been useful and helps me have some kind of idea on what to expect for myself. As for your mental health, I hope you feel better soon dude!
I am 18, and I feel you. I felt exactly like that, beyond my years, up until a point, recently, where everyone else seems so adult. And here I am, looking like a 10 year old boy. Literally got called that today, with a couple "YOU ARE SO ADORABLE", all from my classmate's mum, from uni. But great things have happened. I was able to have top surgery recently (3 and a half weeks post op!) and might start T in the next few weeks! So I feel like I will catch up! Thanks for being there this whole time, seeing you through your journey, has been a huge inspiration.
I've never watched your videos and I have a very short attention span (5mins of talking is a lot for me) but yet I watched the whole video. It's so easy listening to you cause you have such a pleasant voice
Hope you feel better soon Alex! I'm 23, been living away from home since 19 when I went to uni, always felt older than my peers. However now, I'm still living away from home, renting by myself, I've just got a new job. But I don't feel 23, I feel younger. It's weird! I'm having a year out after uni before I go and do teacher training so all my friends are getting into their "career" whilst I've got a part-time job for 12 months, waiting to go back to uni. But I learnt how to drive at 17 and got my first job then. Basically, everyone's lives take different paths and you move past and then behind one another throughout your life. I'm really glad that you're feeling more confident in yourself in the last 6 months :)
I absolutely love your channel and I have been following you for a while. At the age of 40 I started watching several transgender CZcamsrs in an attempt to learn more on the topic. I was raised in a very religious household and I honestly knew nothing about being transgender. Or really much about the LGBT community period. I think you were the second channel I stumbled across and while you may feel as though you were "behind" in life how many 19-22 year olds can say they have a hand in educating people around the world? Don't sell yourself short. You have had a huge impact on people in ways you probably will never fully know. I am forever thankful for you and others here on CZcams that have been willing to share your journey to help educate others. It is an incredibly private thing that you have allowed us to see and learn from. Also I do think you are correct that young adults in your generation are staying at home longer than people in my generation. My daughter is 19 and still at home. I still pay for almost everything and do her laundry (and am happy to do so) you guys have many hard years of "adulting" ahead of you. No reason to rush into it.
I relate to this so much Alex. Being shorter, looking younger, not having top surgery, not having my licence as 20yrs is really taking its toll. I feel like I am so behind from my peers. When I'm at home I don't want to bind so I slouch and stay in baggy old shirts for the day and it makes me not want to go out bc I'll have to bind, it just makes me feel like a lazy bum. I felt like my experiences as a teenage boy started when I began hormones at 18, and so I still feel like I'm playing catch up almost. Thanks for the insightful video and congrats on getting your licence!
I've been weirdly synced up with your transition throughout your whole youtube "career". Your first videos were some of the things that helped me build the confidence to coming out. I started hormones shortly before you and got my surgery shortly after yours. From an MTF perspective I think all trans people have the phase at the start of their transition where you try and make up for lost time, or feel like your childhood was missing something crucial. It's been awesome to follow along with you on my transition and see what some of the differences have been between our experiences. Also congrats on passing your driving test. Mine is next week so hopefully the similarities continue!
I remember when years ago, I stumbled onto one of your videos which was the first transgender video I ever saw and I mainly just clicked on it because I thought you looked awesome. I was so confused because I saw a boy, but then you started going on about how you were born a girl and something clicked within me. I started to look into it more and here I am right now, age 19, almost a year on T and despite finding it very hard to socially change things around, I feel like I owe you a lot man, which is probably why it makes me so happy to see you grow and become a happy person (I do remember the videos about a really depressed Alex not really seeing the point in life no more and who is that person compared to who's on my screen right now?!). I finally have the guts to leave this here. You've come sooo far and this subscriber is proud of you! : )
It's really interesting to hear you talk about this, because as I think a few other people have said, it feels like you've done a lot and are much further on than I was at your age! (I'm 26, and still live with my parents, as do a few of my friends. It's definitely a generational thing - my parents didn't go back to live with parents after university, and nobody really did, apparently, while I can only think of maybe two or three people that didn't do that at some point with either their own parents or their partner's parents out of people I know.)
Alex, I have loved seeing you grow the past five years. I'm the youngest of three and we are all 6 and 7 years apart. I've felt that mentally I've always considered more and wondered more about mature topics. I've worked in education as a paraprofessional for the past four years since I was 22. But since 18 have worked with disabled children at summer camps, have taught piano and art, and have been invited to speak at various summits and conventions to speak. We all accomplish things in our own time. Never compare to other people. We all have our own paths. Much love friend. And I am continually grateful for your help in creating my logo!
I relate to this vid so much. I definitely do not feel my age either. I'm 23, I'm pre everything, in half a year I'm gonna graduate uni and then I'll have to look for a job. While still being pre everything. And I am shitscared. It's not that I'm immature, I'm just your regular 23 year old, but the fact that everybody else thinks I'm a 15 year old boy just puts a serious dent in my self image and my perception of what I am capable of. And I just can't get away from it cause all my peers look like 10 years older than me. And I feel like no one takes me serious either. I'm trying to work on being more confident. I mean, ever since coming out my confidence has improved astronomically, but I still have a lot of insecurities to work through. I hope I can one day look back and say that I feel my age too. Thanks for sharing, Alex!
you're a good person, alex. theres a saying here in brazil "give time its time" which basically is eventually things will happen as theyre supposed to, u just have to give it time. dont be too hard on yourself and smile when u feel like you can ❤
My biggest problem and thing that spikes my depression is feeling like I'm letting my life pass by me and I'm not getting anything done that I'm supposed to be, so I totally understand this video. I am only 17, but I absolutely hated the fact that I didn't get a job yet and I wasn't driving at all and I wasn't doing as much school as I was supposed to (I'm homeschooled.) But now I'm about to turn 17, I've had a job since July, I'm taking my drivers test this month and even though I should still probably be doing a little more school I think I'm doing really well. It makes me really happy to see someone who has that same problem overcoming it as well. You're awesome, dude :)
I've always felt a lot older than I really am - probably because I'm pretty keen to things going on around me, so seeing money issues and failing relationships when I was growing up contributed to that, I'm sure. I've been working since I was 13, got my driver's permit when I was 14, moved out when I was 15, and I'm graduating next year (16). People knowing my age and treating me accordingly because they don't know just how old I am in terms of accomplishments and responsibility takes its toll in strange ways. Even if slightly different when TRANSlated (XD) into the transgender side of age issues, I've never seen somebody else have that same problem, much less articulate it so well, so watching this video made me feel a lot better, just to know I wasn't alone in that. ^_^ I'm glad that things are starting to pull together for you and I wish you all the best. Thank you for being you, Alex!
I'm glad you're feeling more confident in yourself now! I'm not trans and I don't really experience people thinking I *look* younger than I am, but I do feel younger than I am in a lot of ways and looking my age doesn't help with that. I have a job but I work for my dad and work very VERY few hours so it still doesn't feel like a proper job and because of that I'm still financially dependant on my parents, still live at home as well with my parents making me dinner and doing my laundry and all that, have no real relationship experience unlike most of my friends, etc. I also passed my driving test a few months ago just before I turned 20 so that helped, but I think I'll still feel young and silly at least until I can start making more of my own money.
Thank you for this video, I'm currently 21 going on 22 and I feel like everyone still sees me as a 14 year old. It's kept me from getting a job and moving forward in life. T is in my future though and I'm hoping I'll be able to grow into my actual age and feel like I can move on in my life. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this.
Oh...my.....duck, I've been watching you since you were giving away your art of Benedict Cumberbatch and no one would by it because your face was all up in it. I took some time off electronics to deal with my personal life and I clicked on your videos after a long time and i was so happy that your voice and you finally feel more your age and you finally feel like you. You've been through sooo much. Proud of you and subscriber ♥️♥️
I'm 19. I never feel my age. I've lived with anxiety and depression for so long now, and it really damages the way I feel about age. When I was really young I always wanted to grow up so I could feel more in control over my life, but as I got older I found myself struggling to let go of my childhood. That second part has stunted my growth as an "adult" greatly, which sucks since both my parents and my brother are all people who got things done the second they reached the age they could/should do it. I don't have a license, I've rode public transportation rarely, I live with my parents, and my room is full of toys and junk I can't let go of. I'm also now dealing with dysphoria, meaning I'm probably going to have go through your problems too.
you are an inspiration for me. watching you transition gives me hope. i will do a coming out next year and try to convince my parents to let me go on t if they will turn out not transphobic.
Congratulations! I can relate totally, more than anyone can think. I just turned 29 a couple of months ago. I'm a teacher, I've had three boyfriends, I've lived on my own ... But I look like a 15-year-old boy, and few people take me seriously. I am asked my age almost everyday. I recently left the closet as a trans man (pre-t) and lately I've been thinking that this is my second adolescence. It pains me not to have made the transition before, but realistically, in my country there was nothing, even remotely similar, when I was a teenager. It is very rare to know that "this is the time that counts", but that my real age does not accompany the situation. "I lost" the life I lived so far. That's something people like my father still has to understand. He wants me to continue to live as a woman, but I've extended that fake life too long. Somewhere I read that someone asked "trans people think they are immortal?" And I did not come up with a reason why anyone would come up with something like that. But perhaps it is in reference to this. Although I understand the pain they may feel, let us not let this stop us from finally accommodating our bodies to reality in our minds. The years can pass, but it is our only life.
I think you're growing into a wonderful beautiful young man. We all have our growth spurts in one form or another but keep doing what you're doing keep being you and it is all gonna work out just fine! Hugs to you buddy!
Everyone goes through life at their own pace. It's not the destination, it's the journey. And seeing you go through this change is one of the most magical things in the world. Keep doing what you do, hun. And try your best to be happy doing it
I also feel like one of the reasons we might feel so behind our age and stuff when we don't drive/have a job is because of other people's behavior towards you when they find out you're not working/still live at home etc. like maybe not everyone but I've had a lot of people in my life not taking me seriously basically cause in their eyes I was still this like kid almost who didnt know much about life etc. so frustrating. great video tho alex.
you look great!! have been following your journey for years, now and i'm always excited to watch your videos xxxx i met you at sitc 2016 (or 15??) and you were lovely x good luck in life :)))
my social anxiety makes me feel younger than I am because I don't have experience with socializing so I'm like an awkward, 13 year old in social situations. I'm not very confident with my appearance either but there isn't much I can do about that. Also, I have never had a job due to my social anxiety and that makes me feel younger than everyone else my age too. I have also never really drank alcohol or slept w anyone lol. I am nearly 22.
Hey Alex, I've been following for years and I appreciate you sharing your journey with us. One thing I would like to note on is please don't feel ashamed or embarrassed for living with your parents at your age. Honestly, it is the best thing that a young adult can do in order to save money, especially if your parents are more than alright with you staying there and at most ask you to pay a little rent. You can get so ahead in life and start a savings account with all the money you save from not having to pay monthly bills. It doesn't make you less of an adult, and if given the opportunity it is the best choice. When you feel ready to move out, you'll obviously have more money saved the longer you can stay. It wouldn't make much sense to move out because our society puts pressure on adults behaving and doing adult things. So it's okay to move out when you genuinely feel ready or if it conflicts with your mental health. TL;DR Don't move out until you have to, you will save loads of money essentially wasted on monthly bills.
Unfortunately, I recognize what you're saying 🤔 i am almost 23 and just recently started hormones so people are really shocked when I tell them my age.. and the thing that 18 year old guys look way older then me is really frustrating... but it's good to see that when the changes do come, it can go quick! Really digging your videos! Thanks
Don't pressure yourself! You're doing great Alex! I do feel my age (29) but I'm still behind in some things. I don't let those things pressure me. Everybody has their own pace and that's how life is! Big hug and don't stress 😘😊
1) you look hella good and it makes me so happy to see you live your life the way you were meant to live it and be happy with it 2) i feel you on the childhood bit. no one's gonna read this, but i'm just gonna vent just to get it out of my system when I was a kid I played my brother's video games whenever I got the chance, I was on the boys' football team (and realized I had anxiety but didn't want to quit lmao), I asked my dad if I could help him out with fixing the car and stuff, but since I wasn't allowed I simply settled for cleaning it now and then and stealing some nails and a hammer to go build shit. despite this, I never got any of the cool stuff that my brother got for christmas/birthdays. he got all the games, the cars, the action figures, while I got the dolls and the pink clothes. I always distanced myself from pink and certain activities, because I viewed it as 'feminine' and didn't want to be associated with it (I've been riding horses since 4th grade but all my life up until 4th grade I swore up and down that I didn't like horses because horses were "for girls"). I mean, I had like two cars to play with and I'm pretty sure I stole one of them, while my brother had a whole shoe box filled with them (also used to steal these lmao don't judge me). don't get me wrong; while I did try to stay away from 'feminine' stuff, I did play with dolls and barbie and shit, but what made me so upset about it was that my brother would play with my dolls too - yet he never got dolls for his birthday. i'd play with his cars, yet i never got cars for my birthday. i was probably around 15/16 when I realized I was transgender, too, and when I looked back to my childhood it just hit me so hard that I never got to live the life I wanted to live as a kid, because I wasn't given the opportunity. I obviously had the chance to borrow my brother's stuff, but I didn't own any games on my own until I was 6 or 7, and eventually when I bought my own DS. I owned those two cars that I was so proud of, but I longed for that race circuit thing that my brother got for christmas one year. i had to settle with the toys I was given, and although I may have enjoyed them, I look back to a childhood where I never understood why my brother got everything *I* wanted. right, vent over, im sorry xD
I have an experience similar to yours. I grew up and was "beyond my years" till 19 or so. Realized I really was trans at 20 (grew up in a conservative Christian family so had no exposure to LGBT till I was in college). Suddenly I felt very "young" because I hadn't been through male puberty. Since starting T in June (turned 22 in March), I feel like I'm catching up but still feel like I look younger than I feel. My voice dropped quickly...just waiting for the facial hair now. I don't live with my parents but still feel out of my element financially because at my age my parents were married and trying to have kids. It's a journey, but I'm getting there. lol Glad you're finding your footing and hope to continue to watch you grow.
I grew up with you as I watched your videos and I've come far too. I'm 22 and have been moved out four years. I'm married and trying for children. Safe to say I feel old! I have drove for 3 years and have worked since 16 so yeah pretty good. Love you Alex!
Honestly this is a very very interesting thing to touch on, within the trans community. I've had top surgery almost exactly 5 months ago, and in this time I've felt more free with myself and with my life than ever. But with that realisation came the feeling that I've pretty much lost my teenage years, not just because I didn't grow up socialised as a guy, but because dysphoria, confidence and not passing stopped me from living my life and doing things that every teenager at ages 16-20 DOES. It was only accompanied by the constant feeling that I still don't feel like I'm 21 for some reason, despite always feeling like I was more mature for my age before that. I think when you're trans at a certain point your life is put on a stand still. It's a fucking terrible realisation for me, to realise you've been kinda dead inside for 4 years, then being thrown into life where you have to build your future and make some sort of decisions, while still feeling like you're 16 and not having time to adjust. I know I want to spend some time making up for that, but it's WILD. And recently having realised this I've seen other trans people talk about it (hivemind? lmao). Comparing ages of when you've done things compared to your parents is definitely a different generational thing but I think what you're talking about is something a lot of Trans people struggle with.
I've been subscribed to you for a while so I'm glad that you're happier with yourself!! Personally, I'm 17 & I feel older. But I kinda identified with when you were talking about being a "fucking nerd" lol.
Thanks Alex, it's very comforting to hear about this problem from another transguy. I'm 31 and will hopefully start testosterone later this month. Even though I've been working full time for almost 10 years now and hold a senior position, I look 15 and feel like a child among all these adults, some of whom are younger than me. It really stops me from socialising and interacting with people the way I would like. Had top surgery two years ago, which has improved my confidence so much but also made me look even more pre-pubescent. One question though, is it weird to see yourself "age" this quickly? As for whether or not our generation is generally behind? I think so but that's not really our fault. Education takes longer because almost all jobs require a degree of some kind and we've had one of the worst economic downturns in recent history to deal with, which has affected job prospects. Not to mention rent and house prices are vastly outstripping wages, which wasn't the case even a generation ago. Don't worry, you're doing fine.
I relate to this so much!!!!!. I was always a old soul but then something happened and I just feel like I've been stuck at 12 years old all the way through my twenties. now I'm 31 but never really lived just hid under a rock. living at, too depressed to work. coming out helped a lot but I need more! I crave being a big strong manly man because I am an adult inside but all they see is a silly little kid a "sweet innocent person" people patronize and I'm sick of it!!! I guess it's my mannerisms or mainly because my voice doesn't pass. I feel like physically and mentally I'll grow up a little bit making life easier to face once I'm finally able to experience the male puberty I've always needed! I'll be starting t in a couple weeks and I'm so excited!
I'm 18 and I'm 3 days away from by first testosterone shot. I do really feel like I am not 18, or that I look younger, like around 16. I also feel younger because most of my friends have jobs and can drive but I do neither. I'm also starting uni a bit late; instead of starting in autumn like everyone else, I'm going to start in January. I kinda think that it is half being trans and half our generation staying with our parents longer. One of my brothers is 22 and he is still living with us. He has been able to drive for a few years now but doesn't have a job. What you said about feeling like you missed out on being a little boy really, I suppose, resonates with me. I feel like I never got to be a normal boy and that part of me will forever be looked at as me as a little girl who did boyish things. It really helps when I talk about my childhood with my therapist and he calls me in the past a little boy. Also, on a side note, you remind me a lot of my oldest brother. Your mannerisms are similar.
Thanks for talking about this! I'm almost 18 and still getting id'd at the cinema. This came at a good time for me cus god I'm gonna hate everyone turning 18 and going out for drinks when I can't because people will assume my real id is a fake
I went to college at 18 for media production but then slipped into a major depression and dropped out. I then spent the next few years jumping from shitty job to shitty job until I eventually decided to go to school for massage therapy. I'm now 26 and am working full time as well as going to school full time... and I still live with my parents. Everyone has their different speeds. As long as you keep moving forward, it's all good.
I'm 23 and I definitely don't "look" my age. It makes me quite insecure actually especially with applying for jobs and just meeting new people in general. Luckily I started T a few weeks ago and my voice is breaking and I feel SO MUCH BETTER
This is pretty old but you really read my mind. I've been feeling like this ever since I realized I was trans and although I'm still not that old it feels paralyzing sometimes. I've never seen anyone mention this at all before so it's really nice to know other people have felt like this too.
Great to hear someone else talk about this, I thought I was the only one feeling so much younger, especially compared to cis men. I never connected it to being trans and pre-t though, I actually thought it could mean I'm not trans, since it makes cis guys seem so different sometimes, so it's nice knowing it's a thing that other trans guys go through
I'm 17 and I relate. Feels really good to hear someone felt that at my age. I look very young compared to the guys in my year and most of them have jobs and are learning to drive and I'm not. I feel very young and lost compared to my age group but it's good to know that I'm not alone in that.
There us literally nothing wrong with living at home. For 21 you seem so mature. I love your content (maybe even more than Miles not to compare or anything). We have loved seeing you grow as a person. The future is even brighter!
I'm 31 and often have moments where I'm talking to people in their teens/early 20s and it suddenly dawns on me that I'm the 'adult' in the conversation with more life experience and whatever worldly knowledge and crap I've picked up on my way. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it...
I've just started university this week at 18 years old, and of course because I'm a transguy people keep asking me if I'm like 12, and everyone looks so much older than me, it really is quite intimidating to actually feel younger just because I look it beside everyone else. I know that, though I don't drive or have a job yet either, I have roughly the same level of life experience as plenty of the people around me, and yet I find myself feeling out of place anyway. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the topic! It as reassuring to hear your prspective.
I'm 19 and people always think I'm younger than 16. I had my university orientation yesterday and every single other guy was a lot taller and looked a lot older than me, despite being around the same age. It definitely makes me feel very small and young, and the fact that I also don't have a job (even though I've been looking for over a year), can't drive, never had alcohol - I have definitely fallen behind. I can relate to what you've said in this video a lot, and it gives me confidence to see you talking about how you have "caught up" (idk a better way to phrase it). It gives me confidence to know that there is still time to feel my age and catch up with the others
I'm 6 months shy of my 18th and my brother is 14. He is cis, I am trans. I get called young man and my brother gets called sir. It's not a fun situation
Got called buddy the other day. I am 22
Abby Rogers same here
yes this just happened to me, Im 21 and this rando called me 'bud'. I was like 'who, me?'
Abby Rogers technically you are still a young man, at least you're not being called a her or ma'am.
I think dysphoria affects our confidence to be able to tackle adult things which in consequence makes us feel younger. I related to everything you said here.
Never thought of it that way but it's actually rather true
That is so true
Wow it all makes sense now
that cheeky promo in the background tho
dodiecutforth I'm glad I'm not the only one that noticed that lol. It actually reminded me to buy it!
lol... I read that as "porno". I was like WHAAAA?!
I need to sleep.
I'm 17 and am SO insecure about how I look. All the guys around me already have big muscles and facial hair and look like men and I'm stuck here looking like a 12 year old lesbian😑. Thanks for the video it's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this way 😊
I feel this! Everyone thinks I'm a lesbian and it's not their fault, but it sucks ass :(
Alex Creed totally :(
I feel exactly the same, except I'm 16, not 17 yet
I feel the same way. I'm 19 pre t, no job, no driver license, and i feel like I'm 15....it sucks
Blue Ninja Duck I'm 17 and with nothing
I'm 20 and the same.
Blue Ninja Duck I'm 20, pre t, no license, no college, but I have a job. So far behind...
Ow I'm sorry
People often think I'm as young as 15... when in reality I'll be 28 in a couple of months... I would say I probably feel about 22 and do act younger than my years... my excuse is it helps with creativity and I work in the creative fields. Age is just a number, and it doesn't really matter at all... the older you get the more you realise this. Everyone is on their own journey and it's not a race... I think a lot of people rush into adulthood too fast, there is no harm in taking a more steady and stable approach :)
I feel massively behind my age, and having depression makes it even worse. I took two cracks at university, and have had health issues for the past two years, so I've never had a proper 100% full time job, I've only just graduated, and I'm going to be 25 in two months. Depression sends me into suicide spirals over it all the time.
The worst thing is it feels like I'm never going to catch up. I've missed the building-job-experience phase (no employer in their right mind is going to give a graduate job/internship to a 25 year old), and everyone I was at school with has proper career jobs, have moved away from home, are getting married, have kids, and here I am lagging at the back. It feels like I have to choose a career path right now and speed through to the end as fast as possible just to feel like an adult anymore. I don't have the "I'm figuring out what to do" time even though I don't know what to do anymore and suffer from cripplingly low self esteem which constantly gets in the way while trying to work out what to do. No matter what I do, there's someone right behind me who's younger, has more experience, and better social skills. Honestly, it feels like there's just no point in trying anymore.
I know this is very cry-me-a-river, and I've not had it bad by any stretch. I just don't have anyone else I can talk to, and I need to get this off my chest somehow.
I been subscribed for a while, it's like I got to see you grow up, I love your channel and story. Thank you Alex
Te'Omarie Doty yeh same
yah meh too😊
Same, it's been such an amazing experience as well as all the great advice he always gives out
I don't feel my age. I've got my driving permit now and I'm 16 and most other people my age already have their license go to parties go lots of places on their own. And I don't
I'm 72 years old and I definitely feel it! LOL! But I do think I know how you feel. Keep on being awesome, Alex and know that sharing your journey has helped so many others. 💝
Norman Cross I love you Norman!!!
Norman Cross u do u
I can relate to this so much... I'm a 23 year old transguy who isn't on T nor has had any surgeries done. I hate the fact that I have to look like a 15 year old boy. I want to look like a 23 year old man.
echo1094 I'm a trans guy too but I'm pretty happy that I look younger ,there will come a time when I will look old ,so I'm not rushing to look older ,I'm 19 and I look 16 and I work at the hospital so I'm always asked about my age ,don't rush things man you will grow old sooner or later
Same...I'm happy that people at least assume I'm a fat gay 15 yr old off the bat. I'm 23 (24 tomorrow!!) and pre everything.
I agree with being behind though. I got my license late, got my first job at 20-21, it gets to you, and hurts.
I feel like there's such a societal pressure to do everything as early as possible. But once you've had a job, can drive, drunk alcohol, had sex, had a serious relationship, had kids, .. what's there to look forward to? I'm glad I have a few of these things to look forward to, and that I didn't do it all at 16 just to fit in with the crowd.
exclusive boi Those are some wise words you spoke
or wrote, you get it
exclusive boi damn, that's a really good way to look at it. Thanks!
It is a societal and generation "issue" that we don't leave home as early as our parents did. For one, at least in America they say your four years in University is just as acquivalent to getting your highschool diploma in terms of career jobs wanting you. That means more schooling is mandatory for some people. Costs of living are at sky high especially closer to cities. I think everyone needs to just realize we all gotta do things at our own pace. And try not to compare ourselves to where others may be in their life. I use to do the same. To be cliche, it's not about reaching the goals you set out, it's the journey getting there that's beautiful.
Been here since 2014, the change is amazing, oh and I preordered your book
Rin Okumura Рин мой вайфу, i love anime too
Okay so i might seem a little bit weird but while i was watching your videos I was thinking "wow he's so further in life than I am, he wrote a book, he managed to get a job while keeping his youtube channel" so i assure you, seeing this video made me feel weird because I thought you were feeling alright with your age and what you looked like! You're doing great, even though you still live at your parents' place!
(Sorry for my english i am french) Je t'aime Alex, you're an inspiration
I'm a 21 years old transman. I feel my age, but I don't look my age. I've had a job since I was 17. I've been living on my own since I was 19. I even had top surgery recently. I feel my age. But I don't look my age. Because of it, I don't go out as much as I used to. I avoid the bar as much as possibly. I haven't gone on hormones yet because it's hard to get my parents to understand why I'm doing all of this. But your video just reaffirms that HRT will help me bridge this gap.
This is my favourite video on CZcams. Thank you Alex. This helped me a lot over the years.
Thank you Alex, I needed this video from someone I love like you. I've been feeling so behind, and it helps to know someone else felt that way.
Omg Alex, I just wanna say I used to be an avid watcher of your videos but just because of life getting busy I stopped watching a lot of CZcams all together, last time I watched your videos you were about 20 and getting ready for T and the quest for Alex's beard was looking rough so coming back to see you now I just felt an overwhelming surge of pride and happiness for you with your transition. I know I've never met you but I just wanted to say how happy I am for you and how awesome and inspirational you are dude
!!!!!!ahhh congrats on passing your driving test! i've been watching your channel for years and it's actually so cool to see that your videos sorta documenting your change throughout the years.
tbh i've been living vicariously through all your videos (wowwww that sounds weird) but like idk. i was 13 or 14 when i started watching your videos and i think at that point i was like 'hollllyyyy boyyyyyyy i wish i could be out and about like that' . it was sorta around the time i was questioning too. fast track now. i'm 17, lmao still ain't out and about but i gained a lot more confidence in myself. i think i can attribute some of it to you so yeah thank youu for your videos!!! this was so sentimental oml ignore me
I've had a similar but diffrent experience only much more clinical I think. My brother likes to joke I was born 40. From a young age I had a lot of undiagnosed symptoms of mental illness most of which I tried to self medicate making things worst. As a result I grew up very fast. I never behaved in any childish ways. Never watched cartoonz or played games. Never threw fits. I made it until I was a little over 20 before I crashed. At this time I was diagnosed with OCD, sever social anxiety, and clinical depression. In a span of weeks I went from functioning time bomb to someone who was being medicated and taken care of. Weirdly enough I assumed I would be the same old man I always was if not worst. Instead I seemed to de-age. I felt about 12 emotionally. I wanted my mother's hugs and to throw fits and to play games and other nonsense. Lucky as time goes on and I work threw therapy the two bits of me (the old man and young child) seem to be merging at the middle.
Abasi Shadid It almost seems like your mind was trying to take back the childhood that was stolen from you. I kinda feel the same way, I always felt like I was a little less childish than most people my age, and I didn't fit right in with them although I didn't have a big issue with it. Now I'm an adult, but have only recently started being treated for a slew of mental disorders everyone around me denied I had. And I feel like I'm being treated like a child, being guided in learning social and emotional skills that I should have learned in adolescence. I didn't mean to make it about myself. I'm glad you're doing better.
I've been subbed for about 4 years, long before you did regular videos and it's amazing to see you grow up. You're killing it.
Being kind of in the same situation as you I feel ya my dude. I'm f2m as well but I've been trying to get hormones for 7 years, I'm now almost done with my 2nd month of being on T. I turn 21 in December. I've always hung out with older people and felt like I was older then I looked. But being +18 and I feel not even remotely feeling like a I look like a boy kills me. Specially working in retail, I get Ma'm and Girl all day and it's just so crushing. But hey, I've been getting my ass kicked and jumping threw hoops for 7 years just to start my transition. I'm not gonna let people who don't know anything about me ruin my day now. Love you vids! They helped me threw a lot going threw the same transition. I'm jealous your so far ahead of me at basically the same age but I also couldn't be happier for you! Also congratz on the drivers test!
I remember just having realized I'm trans and my friend telling me to sub to you because I had no ftm role models. Been here since 2014 and watching you grow up into the eloquent and talented young man that you are has been incredible.
I love listening to you talk and I miss seeing your face! Good vibes coming your way💗
OMG!!! I haven't seen this channel in forever and I am so incredibly happy for you. You were always this wonderful beacon of hope, and seeing you again after about 2 years maybe, you fill me with love, joy, hope, freedom, and just plain happiness. You are the kind of person who should never have to feel anything negative, but of course life is bullshit. BTW you were always cute but now GOD DAMN MAN you are finer than wine. UGH!!! Love you sir. =D
Thank you so much for sharing this. Being 18 I feel the same way in feeling behind, all my friends have been off to college starting their new lives while I still haven't got my license yet. While I'm trying to work on things and start school in the spring I constantly feel I am behind everyone else. It's great to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Dude! I haven't seen your videos for a while and holy hell you've grown! It's so great to see you looking healthy and happy!
Hey Alex,
Thanks for the brilliant topic and I'm glad to see that you're feeling more comfortable as time has progressed. I must admit that this is a topic that I find myself ruminating on. I just turned 23 and I'm currently pre-t. Due to my appearance and other aspects of life, I would completely agree that I do not feel my age. While I've just graduated from university with a good degree, I feel lacking in other areas; I'm currently close to obtaining my full driving license, I'm currently faced with trying to get a job and watching my people in life find partners that they're happy with a could potentially settle down with. Additionally, I feel that I have no clue about things that independent individuals, should know such as politics and self sufficient living stuff. It's for these reasons, that I feel younger than my age and constantly being ID'd with your buddies doesn't help haha.
I hope you're keeping well dude.
Wow, just... WOW
I'd dropped this channel over a year ago bcs of all the college work and now that I'm back... maaaan i gotta tell You've changed a lot!! (in a positive way) I'm really happy for You feeling good in Your own skin, keep it up! :D
I'm 23, only had a job since feb, live with my mom still and cant drive. Adulting is hard lol but you do what you can, take it little by little & take care not to burn out. I've enjoyed watching your videos and seeing your transitioning journey as is happens, it's been useful and helps me have some kind of idea on what to expect for myself. As for your mental health, I hope you feel better soon dude!
Alex, i am beyond proud of the man you have become. I've watched you through all of this process, and i'm speeches. Keep it up, I love ya.
I have subscribed your channel since 2014 and so long I haven't watch your channel.the time flies so fast.you grow up.Congrats on the license.👍🏻🇹🇭
Been here since you were at 7000 subs. It's been wonderful watching you xx
This is everything I needed, ugh yes such a relief, validation at its finest
I am 18, and I feel you. I felt exactly like that, beyond my years, up until a point, recently, where everyone else seems so adult. And here I am, looking like a 10 year old boy. Literally got called that today, with a couple "YOU ARE SO ADORABLE", all from my classmate's mum, from uni. But great things have happened. I was able to have top surgery recently (3 and a half weeks post op!) and might start T in the next few weeks! So I feel like I will catch up! Thanks for being there this whole time, seeing you through your journey, has been a huge inspiration.
I've never watched your videos and I have a very short attention span (5mins of talking is a lot for me) but yet I watched the whole video. It's so easy listening to you cause you have such a pleasant voice
Hope you feel better soon Alex! I'm 23, been living away from home since 19 when I went to uni, always felt older than my peers. However now, I'm still living away from home, renting by myself, I've just got a new job. But I don't feel 23, I feel younger. It's weird! I'm having a year out after uni before I go and do teacher training so all my friends are getting into their "career" whilst I've got a part-time job for 12 months, waiting to go back to uni. But I learnt how to drive at 17 and got my first job then. Basically, everyone's lives take different paths and you move past and then behind one another throughout your life. I'm really glad that you're feeling more confident in yourself in the last 6 months :)
I absolutely love your channel and I have been following you for a while. At the age of 40 I started watching several transgender CZcamsrs in an attempt to learn more on the topic. I was raised in a very religious household and I honestly knew nothing about being transgender. Or really much about the LGBT community period. I think you were the second channel I stumbled across and while you may feel as though you were "behind" in life how many 19-22 year olds can say they have a hand in educating people around the world? Don't sell yourself short. You have had a huge impact on people in ways you probably will never fully know. I am forever thankful for you and others here on CZcams that have been willing to share your journey to help educate others. It is an incredibly private thing that you have allowed us to see and learn from. Also I do think you are correct that young adults in your generation are staying at home longer than people in my generation. My daughter is 19 and still at home. I still pay for almost everything and do her laundry (and am happy to do so) you guys have many hard years of "adulting" ahead of you. No reason to rush into it.
Really happy for you
I relate to this so much Alex. Being shorter, looking younger, not having top surgery, not having my licence as 20yrs is really taking its toll. I feel like I am so behind from my peers. When I'm at home I don't want to bind so I slouch and stay in baggy old shirts for the day and it makes me not want to go out bc I'll have to bind, it just makes me feel like a lazy bum. I felt like my experiences as a teenage boy started when I began hormones at 18, and so I still feel like I'm playing catch up almost. Thanks for the insightful video and congrats on getting your licence!
Danggg! Been subbed for years and just saw your sub count now, congrats!! You've taught me so much!
I've been weirdly synced up with your transition throughout your whole youtube "career". Your first videos were some of the things that helped me build the confidence to coming out. I started hormones shortly before you and got my surgery shortly after yours. From an MTF perspective I think all trans people have the phase at the start of their transition where you try and make up for lost time, or feel like your childhood was missing something crucial. It's been awesome to follow along with you on my transition and see what some of the differences have been between our experiences. Also congrats on passing your driving test. Mine is next week so hopefully the similarities continue!
I remember when years ago, I stumbled onto one of your videos which was the first transgender video I ever saw and I mainly just clicked on it because I thought you looked awesome. I was so confused because I saw a boy, but then you started going on about how you were born a girl and something clicked within me. I started to look into it more and here I am right now, age 19, almost a year on T and despite finding it very hard to socially change things around, I feel like I owe you a lot man, which is probably why it makes me so happy to see you grow and become a happy person (I do remember the videos about a really depressed Alex not really seeing the point in life no more and who is that person compared to who's on my screen right now?!).
I finally have the guts to leave this here. You've come sooo far and this subscriber is proud of you! : )
I'm so happy for you Alex. I can't wait to get to where you are right now. I'll probably feel the same when I get there 💙
It's really interesting to hear you talk about this, because as I think a few other people have said, it feels like you've done a lot and are much further on than I was at your age! (I'm 26, and still live with my parents, as do a few of my friends. It's definitely a generational thing - my parents didn't go back to live with parents after university, and nobody really did, apparently, while I can only think of maybe two or three people that didn't do that at some point with either their own parents or their partner's parents out of people I know.)
Omg your voice! I was so shocked! I haven't watched your videos for a while and I'm so happy idk!!
i love your voice so much, i could listen to you for ever.
Alex, I have loved seeing you grow the past five years. I'm the youngest of three and we are all 6 and 7 years apart. I've felt that mentally I've always considered more and wondered more about mature topics. I've worked in education as a paraprofessional for the past four years since I was 22. But since 18 have worked with disabled children at summer camps, have taught piano and art, and have been invited to speak at various summits and conventions to speak. We all accomplish things in our own time. Never compare to other people. We all have our own paths. Much love friend. And I am continually grateful for your help in creating my logo!
I relate to this vid so much. I definitely do not feel my age either. I'm 23, I'm pre everything, in half a year I'm gonna graduate uni and then I'll have to look for a job. While still being pre everything. And I am shitscared. It's not that I'm immature, I'm just your regular 23 year old, but the fact that everybody else thinks I'm a 15 year old boy just puts a serious dent in my self image and my perception of what I am capable of. And I just can't get away from it cause all my peers look like 10 years older than me. And I feel like no one takes me serious either.
I'm trying to work on being more confident. I mean, ever since coming out my confidence has improved astronomically, but I still have a lot of insecurities to work through.
I hope I can one day look back and say that I feel my age too. Thanks for sharing, Alex!
you're a good person, alex. theres a saying here in brazil "give time its time" which basically is eventually things will happen as theyre supposed to, u just have to give it time. dont be too hard on yourself and smile when u feel like you can ❤
My biggest problem and thing that spikes my depression is feeling like I'm letting my life pass by me and I'm not getting anything done that I'm supposed to be, so I totally understand this video. I am only 17, but I absolutely hated the fact that I didn't get a job yet and I wasn't driving at all and I wasn't doing as much school as I was supposed to (I'm homeschooled.) But now I'm about to turn 17, I've had a job since July, I'm taking my drivers test this month and even though I should still probably be doing a little more school I think I'm doing really well. It makes me really happy to see someone who has that same problem overcoming it as well. You're awesome, dude :)
Holy hell, I haven't watched your videos for about 2-3 years, you look amazing!! :D
It's been awhile since I could really relate to your recent trans videos but this one is something that hits me straight on.
Totally been there through all of it. You're doin great keep going. Much love x
I've always felt a lot older than I really am - probably because I'm pretty keen to things going on around me, so seeing money issues and failing relationships when I was growing up contributed to that, I'm sure. I've been working since I was 13, got my driver's permit when I was 14, moved out when I was 15, and I'm graduating next year (16).
People knowing my age and treating me accordingly because they don't know just how old I am in terms of accomplishments and responsibility takes its toll in strange ways. Even if slightly different when TRANSlated (XD) into the transgender side of age issues, I've never seen somebody else have that same problem, much less articulate it so well, so watching this video made me feel a lot better, just to know I wasn't alone in that. ^_^
I'm glad that things are starting to pull together for you and I wish you all the best.
Thank you for being you, Alex!
I'm glad you're feeling more confident in yourself now! I'm not trans and I don't really experience people thinking I *look* younger than I am, but I do feel younger than I am in a lot of ways and looking my age doesn't help with that. I have a job but I work for my dad and work very VERY few hours so it still doesn't feel like a proper job and because of that I'm still financially dependant on my parents, still live at home as well with my parents making me dinner and doing my laundry and all that, have no real relationship experience unlike most of my friends, etc. I also passed my driving test a few months ago just before I turned 20 so that helped, but I think I'll still feel young and silly at least until I can start making more of my own money.
this is precious, and i am very happy for u and proud
Thank you for this video, I'm currently 21 going on 22 and I feel like everyone still sees me as a 14 year old. It's kept me from getting a job and moving forward in life. T is in my future though and I'm hoping I'll be able to grow into my actual age and feel like I can move on in my life. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this.
Oh...my.....duck, I've been watching you since you were giving away your art of Benedict Cumberbatch and no one would by it because your face was all up in it. I took some time off electronics to deal with my personal life and I clicked on your videos after a long time and i was so happy that your voice and you finally feel more your age and you finally feel like you. You've been through sooo much. Proud of you and subscriber ♥️♥️
I'm 19. I never feel my age. I've lived with anxiety and depression for so long now, and it really damages the way I feel about age. When I was really young I always wanted to grow up so I could feel more in control over my life, but as I got older I found myself struggling to let go of my childhood. That second part has stunted my growth as an "adult" greatly, which sucks since both my parents and my brother are all people who got things done the second they reached the age they could/should do it. I don't have a license, I've rode public transportation rarely, I live with my parents, and my room is full of toys and junk I can't let go of. I'm also now dealing with dysphoria, meaning I'm probably going to have go through your problems too.
you are an inspiration for me. watching you transition gives me hope. i will do a coming out next year and try to convince my parents to let me go on t if they will turn out not transphobic.
Congratulations!
I can relate totally, more than anyone can think. I just turned 29 a couple of months ago. I'm a teacher, I've had three boyfriends, I've lived on my own ... But I look like a 15-year-old boy, and few people take me seriously. I am asked my age almost everyday.
I recently left the closet as a trans man (pre-t) and lately I've been thinking that this is my second adolescence. It pains me not to have made the transition before, but realistically, in my country there was nothing, even remotely similar, when I was a teenager. It is very rare to know that "this is the time that counts", but that my real age does not accompany the situation. "I lost" the life I lived so far. That's something people like my father still has to understand. He wants me to continue to live as a woman, but I've extended that fake life too long.
Somewhere I read that someone asked "trans people think they are immortal?"
And I did not come up with a reason why anyone would come up with something like that. But perhaps it is in reference to this.
Although I understand the pain they may feel, let us not let this stop us from finally accommodating our bodies to reality in our minds. The years can pass, but it is our only life.
Life is a journey and you're doing great! Everything will be okay! We all love you💗
alex you gave me the courage to come out and i cannot thank you enough
I'm 3 weeks on T tomorrow and you have been a big inspiration to me
I think you're growing into a wonderful beautiful young man. We all have our growth spurts in one form or another but keep doing what you're doing keep being you and it is all gonna work out just fine! Hugs to you buddy!
Everyone goes through life at their own pace. It's not the destination, it's the journey. And seeing you go through this change is one of the most magical things in the world. Keep doing what you do, hun. And try your best to be happy doing it
I also feel like one of the reasons we might feel so behind our age and stuff when we don't drive/have a job is because of other people's behavior towards you when they find out you're not working/still live at home etc. like maybe not everyone but I've had a lot of people in my life not taking me seriously basically cause in their eyes I was still this like kid almost who didnt know much about life etc. so frustrating. great video tho alex.
you look great!! have been following your journey for years, now and i'm always excited to watch your videos xxxx i met you at sitc 2016 (or 15??) and you were lovely x good luck in life :)))
my social anxiety makes me feel younger than I am because I don't have experience with socializing so I'm like an awkward, 13 year old in social situations. I'm not very confident with my appearance either but there isn't much I can do about that. Also, I have never had a job due to my social anxiety and that makes me feel younger than everyone else my age too. I have also never really drank alcohol or slept w anyone lol. I am nearly 22.
Same
Hey Alex, I've been following for years and I appreciate you sharing your journey with us. One thing I would like to note on is please don't feel ashamed or embarrassed for living with your parents at your age. Honestly, it is the best thing that a young adult can do in order to save money, especially if your parents are more than alright with you staying there and at most ask you to pay a little rent. You can get so ahead in life and start a savings account with all the money you save from not having to pay monthly bills. It doesn't make you less of an adult, and if given the opportunity it is the best choice. When you feel ready to move out, you'll obviously have more money saved the longer you can stay. It wouldn't make much sense to move out because our society puts pressure on adults behaving and doing adult things. So it's okay to move out when you genuinely feel ready or if it conflicts with your mental health. TL;DR Don't move out until you have to, you will save loads of money essentially wasted on monthly bills.
WHY ARE YOU SO HANDSOME AAAA
Unfortunately, I recognize what you're saying 🤔 i am almost 23 and just recently started hormones so people are really shocked when I tell them my age..
and the thing that 18 year old guys look way older then me is really frustrating... but it's good to see that when the changes do come, it can go quick! Really digging your videos! Thanks
Don't pressure yourself! You're doing great Alex! I do feel my age (29) but I'm still behind in some things. I don't let those things pressure me. Everybody has their own pace and that's how life is! Big hug and don't stress 😘😊
0:43 I burst into tears. I thought it was just me who felt this. Thank you for doing what you do and helping people feel less alone.
Alex I'm so glad you posted something I love you ❤️💛💚
1) you look hella good and it makes me so happy to see you live your life the way you were meant to live it and be happy with it
2) i feel you on the childhood bit. no one's gonna read this, but i'm just gonna vent just to get it out of my system
when I was a kid I played my brother's video games whenever I got the chance, I was on the boys' football team (and realized I had anxiety but didn't want to quit lmao), I asked my dad if I could help him out with fixing the car and stuff, but since I wasn't allowed I simply settled for cleaning it now and then and stealing some nails and a hammer to go build shit. despite this, I never got any of the cool stuff that my brother got for christmas/birthdays. he got all the games, the cars, the action figures, while I got the dolls and the pink clothes. I always distanced myself from pink and certain activities, because I viewed it as 'feminine' and didn't want to be associated with it (I've been riding horses since 4th grade but all my life up until 4th grade I swore up and down that I didn't like horses because horses were "for girls"). I mean, I had like two cars to play with and I'm pretty sure I stole one of them, while my brother had a whole shoe box filled with them (also used to steal these lmao don't judge me). don't get me wrong; while I did try to stay away from 'feminine' stuff, I did play with dolls and barbie and shit, but what made me so upset about it was that my brother would play with my dolls too - yet he never got dolls for his birthday. i'd play with his cars, yet i never got cars for my birthday.
i was probably around 15/16 when I realized I was transgender, too, and when I looked back to my childhood it just hit me so hard that I never got to live the life I wanted to live as a kid, because I wasn't given the opportunity. I obviously had the chance to borrow my brother's stuff, but I didn't own any games on my own until I was 6 or 7, and eventually when I bought my own DS. I owned those two cars that I was so proud of, but I longed for that race circuit thing that my brother got for christmas one year. i had to settle with the toys I was given, and although I may have enjoyed them, I look back to a childhood where I never understood why my brother got everything *I* wanted.
right, vent over, im sorry xD
Jeffy Jay that's true ^^
I have an experience similar to yours. I grew up and was "beyond my years" till 19 or so. Realized I really was trans at 20 (grew up in a conservative Christian family so had no exposure to LGBT till I was in college). Suddenly I felt very "young" because I hadn't been through male puberty. Since starting T in June (turned 22 in March), I feel like I'm catching up but still feel like I look younger than I feel. My voice dropped quickly...just waiting for the facial hair now. I don't live with my parents but still feel out of my element financially because at my age my parents were married and trying to have kids. It's a journey, but I'm getting there. lol Glad you're finding your footing and hope to continue to watch you grow.
You are amazing Alex! Sending love ❤
Your an absolute legend Alex!!!
I grew up with you as I watched your videos and I've come far too. I'm 22 and have been moved out four years. I'm married and trying for children. Safe to say I feel old! I have drove for 3 years and have worked since 16 so yeah pretty good. Love you Alex!
I'm 19 and every single one of my friends have a job, a car, and are in a relationship. I feel so behind
Honestly this is a very very interesting thing to touch on, within the trans community. I've had top surgery almost exactly 5 months ago, and in this time I've felt more free with myself and with my life than ever. But with that realisation came the feeling that I've pretty much lost my teenage years, not just because I didn't grow up socialised as a guy, but because dysphoria, confidence and not passing stopped me from living my life and doing things that every teenager at ages 16-20 DOES. It was only accompanied by the constant feeling that I still don't feel like I'm 21 for some reason, despite always feeling like I was more mature for my age before that.
I think when you're trans at a certain point your life is put on a stand still. It's a fucking terrible realisation for me, to realise you've been kinda dead inside for 4 years, then being thrown into life where you have to build your future and make some sort of decisions, while still feeling like you're 16 and not having time to adjust.
I know I want to spend some time making up for that, but it's WILD. And recently having realised this I've seen other trans people talk about it (hivemind? lmao). Comparing ages of when you've done things compared to your parents is definitely a different generational thing but I think what you're talking about is something a lot of Trans people struggle with.
I've been subscribed to you for a while so I'm glad that you're happier with yourself!!
Personally, I'm 17 & I feel older. But I kinda identified with when you were talking about being a "fucking nerd" lol.
Thanks Alex, it's very comforting to hear about this problem from another transguy. I'm 31 and will hopefully start testosterone later this month. Even though I've been working full time for almost 10 years now and hold a senior position, I look 15 and feel like a child among all these adults, some of whom are younger than me. It really stops me from socialising and interacting with people the way I would like. Had top surgery two years ago, which has improved my confidence so much but also made me look even more pre-pubescent. One question though, is it weird to see yourself "age" this quickly?
As for whether or not our generation is generally behind? I think so but that's not really our fault. Education takes longer because almost all jobs require a degree of some kind and we've had one of the worst economic downturns in recent history to deal with, which has affected job prospects. Not to mention rent and house prices are vastly outstripping wages, which wasn't the case even a generation ago. Don't worry, you're doing fine.
I relate to this so much!!!!!. I was always a old soul but then something happened and I just feel like I've been stuck at 12 years old all the way through my twenties. now I'm 31 but never really lived just hid under a rock. living at, too depressed to work. coming out helped a lot but I need more! I crave being a big strong manly man because I am an adult inside but all they see is a silly little kid a "sweet innocent person" people patronize and I'm sick of it!!! I guess it's my mannerisms or mainly because my voice doesn't pass. I feel like physically and mentally I'll grow up a little bit making life easier to face once I'm finally able to experience the male puberty I've always needed! I'll be starting t in a couple weeks and I'm so excited!
I'm 18 and I'm 3 days away from by first testosterone shot. I do really feel like I am not 18, or that I look younger, like around 16. I also feel younger because most of my friends have jobs and can drive but I do neither. I'm also starting uni a bit late; instead of starting in autumn like everyone else, I'm going to start in January. I kinda think that it is half being trans and half our generation staying with our parents longer. One of my brothers is 22 and he is still living with us. He has been able to drive for a few years now but doesn't have a job. What you said about feeling like you missed out on being a little boy really, I suppose, resonates with me. I feel like I never got to be a normal boy and that part of me will forever be looked at as me as a little girl who did boyish things. It really helps when I talk about my childhood with my therapist and he calls me in the past a little boy. Also, on a side note, you remind me a lot of my oldest brother. Your mannerisms are similar.
Thanks for talking about this! I'm almost 18 and still getting id'd at the cinema. This came at a good time for me cus god I'm gonna hate everyone turning 18 and going out for drinks when I can't because people will assume my real id is a fake
I went to college at 18 for media production but then slipped into a major depression and dropped out. I then spent the next few years jumping from shitty job to shitty job until I eventually decided to go to school for massage therapy. I'm now 26 and am working full time as well as going to school full time... and I still live with my parents.
Everyone has their different speeds. As long as you keep moving forward, it's all good.
I'm 23 and I definitely don't "look" my age. It makes me quite insecure actually especially with applying for jobs and just meeting new people in general. Luckily I started T a few weeks ago and my voice is breaking and I feel SO MUCH BETTER
This is pretty old but you really read my mind. I've been feeling like this ever since I realized I was trans and although I'm still not that old it feels paralyzing sometimes. I've never seen anyone mention this at all before so it's really nice to know other people have felt like this too.
Hope your mental health gets better soon!! We can go through this together!!
Great to hear someone else talk about this, I thought I was the only one feeling so much younger, especially compared to cis men. I never connected it to being trans and pre-t though, I actually thought it could mean I'm not trans, since it makes cis guys seem so different sometimes, so it's nice knowing it's a thing that other trans guys go through
Since I've first started watching your videos you've become such a handsome young man.
I'm 17 and I relate. Feels really good to hear someone felt that at my age. I look very young compared to the guys in my year and most of them have jobs and are learning to drive and I'm not. I feel very young and lost compared to my age group but it's good to know that I'm not alone in that.
There us literally nothing wrong with living at home. For 21 you seem so mature. I love your content (maybe even more than Miles not to compare or anything). We have loved seeing you grow as a person. The future is even brighter!
I'm 31 and often have moments where I'm talking to people in their teens/early 20s and it suddenly dawns on me that I'm the 'adult' in the conversation with more life experience and whatever worldly knowledge and crap I've picked up on my way. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it...
I've just started university this week at 18 years old, and of course because I'm a transguy people keep asking me if I'm like 12, and everyone looks so much older than me, it really is quite intimidating to actually feel younger just because I look it beside everyone else. I know that, though I don't drive or have a job yet either, I have roughly the same level of life experience as plenty of the people around me, and yet I find myself feeling out of place anyway. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the topic! It as reassuring to hear your prspective.
I'm 19 and people always think I'm younger than 16. I had my university orientation yesterday and every single other guy was a lot taller and looked a lot older than me, despite being around the same age. It definitely makes me feel very small and young, and the fact that I also don't have a job (even though I've been looking for over a year), can't drive, never had alcohol - I have definitely fallen behind. I can relate to what you've said in this video a lot, and it gives me confidence to see you talking about how you have "caught up" (idk a better way to phrase it). It gives me confidence to know that there is still time to feel my age and catch up with the others
Holy shit I've been here for almost three years 😂
I still love your videos btw ❤