The Horror of Having a Body
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- čas přidán 28. 05. 2024
- Bloodborne & Akira spoilers | Head to www.brilliant.org/ClarkElieso... get a 30-day free trial + 20% off your annual subscription.
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CHAPTERS:
0:00 The Horror of Having a Body
10:19 Akira (Spoilers)
14:31 Bloodborne (Spoilers)
19:17 Courbet’s Origin of the World
20:42 Bloodborne (Spoilers)
24:00 The Magic Mountain (Spoilers)
29:31 Bloodborne (Spoilers)
31:27 Brilliant Sponsorship
32:27 Cowboy Bebop: Brain Scratch (Spoilers)
35:35 “Will Love Someday Rise Out of This, Too?”
SOURCES:
- Ecrits by Jacques Lacan
- Being and Nothingness by Jean-Paul Sartre
- Zizek's Ontology by Adrian Johnston
- The Phenomenology of Perception by Maurice Merleau-Ponty
- Being and Time by Martin Heidegger
@HoneyBat's video 'Visceral femininity: A Bloodborne Video Essay”
- www.pariscityvision.com/en/pa...
- Volatile Bodies by Elizabeth Grosz
- The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
- The Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann
- Naked To The Bone by Brettyan Kevles
Most Bloodborne footage supplied to me by @SmoughTown
Mixed and mastered by Guy Pirelli: / iloveguypirelli
MUSIC:
Bonita Camisa (Windows 96); Pipes (Kane Pixels); Falling (BABBDI); Deeper Than The Walls (Kane Pixels); Ghostpocalypse - Apotheosis (Fear & Hunger); The Massacre Downtown (Perfect Vermin); Dowsing (Signalis); The Seeds of Time (Monster); Once, There Was an Explosion (Death Stranding); Custom cover of 'Tetsuo' (@HOHENHEIMSTUDIOS); Mynah, Die Totenisel - Emptiness (Signalis); Tetsuo (Akira); Bloodborne (Bloodborne); Teeth & Leaves (Little Nightmares II); Police Station Theme (Resident Evil 2); Surgery of Hope (Baldur's Gate 3); The Periphery (Dredge); Lacrimosa (Dead Space 2); Queen of Vilebloods (Bloodborne); Title (Darkwood); Part, Xenia (Monster); Danse Macabre (Camille Saint-Saens); Togetherness I (Little Nightmares II); Titan (Hyper Light Drifter); The Ascension (Fear & Hunger); Final Hours (Majora's Mask); Dusk Stars (Night in the Woods); Tank! (@TimeKingOfficial); Maternal Heart (Silent Hill 3); Safe Room (Signalis); Hail the Nightmare, Hunter's Dream (Bloodbonre) Nightsong (Baldur's Gate 3)
#bloodborne #akira #bodyhorror
My type one diabetes was a big inspiration for this video. From the basic imagery of bloodborne and the constant finger pricks and injections of my childhood to the way my blood sugar levels can drastically alter my mental states, all of its there. Every year I have to get my blood drawn to monitor any complications I might have. Watching the tubes fill up with my blood has always been such an odd experience. I know I didn’t bring it up even once but my lifelong condition has always affected my philosophical views on disease and the body.
Head to www.brilliant.org/ClarkElieson/ to get a 30-day free trial + 20% off your annual subscription.
"Love is our symapthy with organic life, the touchingly lustful embrace of what is destined to decay."
-Support me: www.patreon.com/ClarkElieson
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Your videos are amazing. Thank you for going through the effort to make all of these amazing thought-provoking content
Great video however I don't think your brilliant link is working!
thank you bbg
this vid really resonated with me and my way of thinking and day to day experience and thoughts and the use of signalis and fear and hunger osts (which i love and also live rent free in my life)is a testament to the similar experience and and how this games in particular tie to this video themes in there own way and i what to ask what ost was at the end plz enlightened me .and thank you
I took so many philosophy classes, I accidentally turned into a cog sci major, instead of my intended psych major. I went to college after the war and am an injured veteran. It was revealed after the war that we had been mercenaries for oil. My chronic pain is entangled with so many intellectual/cultural issues. My moral injury complicates and can retrigger my pain and physical identity crisis. This video was an outstanding, more entertaining retread of those philosphers and shrinks you featured. --- Does anyone think it's possible that the extreme imagery of our violent games/sports might be a form of self therapy or self triggering? (I know so many combat veterans who love harsh sport and gaming.) I subbed for sure. TYVM.
I am unfortunately, not going to sugarcoat anything, a fat young woman. Ever since I was a preteen I’ve dreamed of picking apart my skin and pulling all the fat from my body and stick it back together until I’m bone thin.
This video was such a delight to go through, very well put together and the section of the horror of a woman’s body is very relatable.
I hope as time goes on these feelings will leave you, you are beautiful and alive and you deserve to know that.
haha fatty
Yes, it’s heartbreaking the extremity of your suffering
As a person who grew up bone thin, I don’t recommend it.
Hope you are working on it! Have a nice one
Finally something I can relate to that has to do with my brain not wanting skin
Rel
I am right there with you
me too
Do you not like the way your skin feels on your body?
You dont.
Why dont you pull it off?
I love my body, but I don't want it. I don't want skin, blood, lungs, ext.
When you realize that your friends are just organs and nerves making sounds at each other to interact with each other and you're the exact same thing 😳
Damn. This is the best one yet. It helps put things into perspective and strangely helps me get out of my head.
All my conversations was just me and my friends releasing air at consistent rates - that air eventually reaching a hole in my skull - sending electrons to the endless field of pink cells and organelles.
If you choose to dumb down the self and experience to that , well that’s sad. We are much more. Very intricate beings. With spiritual layers out of this world.
We're not that
I thought I was the only one who freaked out about stuff like this, I sometimes get hung up on the idea of my heart, the fact that I have to just trust this lump of muscle to not stop doing its job
this is why we need to engineer ourselves to make sure our bodies are in top shape.
Bro I think of this all the time I had to get counseling to get these thoughts out of my head and help with the anxiety LOl
same, i get paranoid all the time
Ugh me too I never realized how intense my heart anxiety was until I started meditating. Focusing on my heartbeat still freaks me out sometimes
I am constantly wishing that lump of muscle will stop. Free me from this flesh prison.
I definitely remember when I was younger and getting more self aware of my body, I would sometimes stay still and stare at my hands for several minutes. My full attention would be on studying how my hands looked, my fingers, and how I was able to manipulate and move them in any way I willed them to. It felt so surreal to me that this was ME and I'm studying MYSELF.
I do this too!!
I still do that ksks
i did that too
It sometimes happens when I go to the gym, like all my body parts just don't feel they're part of me
same
I can relate to the horror of having a tummy ache and wanting it gone
I'd GLADLY gave up any bowel movement and start photosynthesizing instead
my tummy hurts
How about pain in general huh?
@@taylorvenne3093 yes, especially of those with genetic severity.
When you are healthy, vomiting sounds horrendous. When you are naseous, you almost beg for it to happen. The duality of man.
Being 12 or whatever and getting your period for the first time is far more emotionally painful than physically. I couldn't find the words to describe it to my mom so I just burst into tears and exclaimed that I didn't want to be a woman. My mom immediately understood what I really meant, looked like she wanted to cry too (perhaps she suddenly felt 13 years old again, telling her mom she's begun menstruating) and just hugged me.
On the other side of things, I've been dealing with mental and physical illness since around the same time. You learn really quickly how your body works in the latter. At least the part that doesn't work right. I think people who've never had health problems of any kind before are lucky, yes, but only for the time being. Assuming you don't die a premmature death, everybody becomes ill and disabled eventually.
And it will be a rude awakening to anybody whose body and mind have been kind enough not to betray them yet.
I was afraid to get mine. Knowing I’d suffer every month. I told my mom I didn’t want it. I told her when it came and asked for any way to stop it. The permanence that settles in is horrifying.
I know more girls scared of not getting their period and really happy once it finally happens
when i got my period the pain didn't come from the actual thing happening, but the fact that i was going to be treated like a woman. that i would look like one, and become pregnant, which is my worst fear. I dont know what i am, gender wise but i know for sure it's not a girl, and while i am comfortable being in feminine clothes and attire, the feeling of being treated and seen as a woman hurt. that was my first time feeling really bad gender dysmorphia
Yeah, that was my experience with it too. I tried to put my feelings into words but no one seemed to understand what I meant, which made me feel even more alien. Took me 4 years after that to come out to my parents as trans. 7 years after that and I still haven't received treatment but I have come to a sort of understanding with my brain and body. "You are the way you are and while I may not like it, it will not last forever. Let's just live in harmony until that happens, okay?"@@imaniiatdemonhead
I remember doing the same thing when I got mine. I cried so hard and my mom understood. I tried explaining it to my husband recently and I couldn’t put these feelings into words. You worded this so well
Describing childbirth as "You insides falling out" is MWAH chefs' kiss. Incredible love it. Took me completely off guard
“I see myself because others see me” hit me like a truck. Without the input of others we would never be self aware. It’s super interesting to think about.
We'd probably have some awareness of ourselves. We just wouldn't be very socially conscious. Since that's taught partly through interaction.
In a sense but in reality we become aware of ourselves regardless.
We would be "self aware" in a way, but, if our actions don't have an intrinsic response in the world around us, we lose the ability to argue that our existance is real. Social interactions go a long way to make us feel "alive" in an existencial sense.
You are not self aware. 95% of people believe that they are self aware, but only 10-15% of people actually are self aware. 80-85% of people believe that they are self aware and yet aren't. 80-85% of people are oblivious to *themselves.* If claim to be self aware, then you are not self aware. Those around you are the ones who define whether or not you actually are self aware, if the majority of people say your self aware then you probably are, but if *you* say that your self aware then almost certainly are not.
EDIT: i overused second person pronouns whilst writing this, so it seems as if im targeting you specifically but i meant it more generally.
@@INeedToSeeYourBalls1945 What are you going on about?
I'll never forget the absolute rage I felt when I got my first period. I was outraged. Disgusted. Ashamed. Frustrated. I had only recently been blindsided by introduction of the concept not long before, and was so angry that it wasn't something we were told about long before it became an iminent reality for me. That this truth about my own body was hidden my entire life due to the discomfort and shame it brought the adults around me.
And now I would be stuck with this grotesque and exceptionally painful curse every single month for the rest of my life until just before the end.
I resented the idea of not being 100% in control of my body 100% of the time. It felt invasive, ugly, shameful, and completely isolating. Lord knows my own mother never spoke a word about it to me and just assumed school would take care of it. She found it so disgusting and uncomfortable she never spoke a word about it unprovoked. Ironically enough my father was the one that asked his girlfriend to make sure I knew what to do. But still that was after the fact, because he didn't know when it started.
Needless to say I hated my body. And I resented those around me that invalidated the debilitating pain it caused me, every school nurse that wouldn't let me lay down or call my parents because I was so exhausted I could barely stand and I got dizzy.
I resented the social minefield i had to navigate to advocate for my own health. I had to ask to go to the nurse, but I i couldn't say it was cramps, that would be social suicide, and viscerally mortifying and humiliating. No, it had to be a headache, or nausea, or I had to go to the bathroom.
I think there is an unspoken solidarity between those who menstruate, or at least those I grew up around, of discretely pulling a girl aside and very delicately informing her that she's bled through her clothes. Because we've all known the shame and humiliation of the times thats happened to us, or how we would feel if that was us.
I've made peace enough now. But its never spoken about enough at all, such an obvious and common truth. Im sure I'm not the only one who faced it with a wrathful and vitriolic reaction. No wonder I took interest in horror that presents an unsanitized look into the visceral nature of the human condition.
so, so well-stated.
I've always hated being told that I've bled through my pants. It's much more humiliating than if everyone were to simply ignore it.
Crazy good writing
This is so well said. Sometimes when I see that I've gotten blood on my clothes or sheets, I just feel this anger towards my uterus like it's a sentient thing and not just an organ doing its job. The fear over not being in control of your body is so fucking real. I've had mornings where I've woken up to my sheet being covered in blood, I didn't have a clean one at the time and it was like 3am so I couldn't do laundry and had school the next day, so I just slept on the couch. I felt so fucking mad that this is what I have to put up with and I have no say in it.
You pulled the words right out of my mouth. Especially with me being a trans guy, I just wanted to rip my skin off every time of the month. Fortunately I've been on the depo shot for a year and haven't had a single period since.
I had cancer at 17 years old. I will never forget the horror of the surgery and the chemo. The thought people actually had their hands inside of my guts cutting things out and manually moving organs around still gives me the chills at times.
Edit: hey let’s be a Zoomer! Oh my god I got barely under 500 likes! Everyone love me now! Hahahah.
That’s pretty much what Dahmer described… he also hat a Hernia operation and that somehow always stayed with him. Hope you’re not planing on too many human made shrines.
Glad you got through it man - I had a few small surgeries myself, probably not nearly as invasive, but that thought comes up a lot.
@@Baalenciaga666 not TOO many. I don’t want to go crazy with it, make me seem like I’m bragging! Maybe just one or two small, tastefully arranged ones. Three if I feel like treating myself.
@@jacobmckibben2753 yeah it was invasive but it wasn’t painful. It was the chemotherapy that was truly awful about having cancer. The surgery wasn’t actually all that bad. It is a strange thought though and it does give me chills that people had their hands on and in my internal organs. Not that I’m bothered by it, I’d be dead if they didn’t do that. I’m grateful if anything. I’m 33 now and I had cancer at 17, so if I died tomorrow they still managed to double my lifespan.
@@Baalenciaga666 wait do you mean made OF humans or made BY humans? Because I guess it’s both.
All body is body horror because having a body is horror
That's deep💯
The line "women are more of a body than men" realy hit home for me. I remmember when I was younger and my body just started developing, I hated it. I was furious that my body was transforming in such an uncomforable way just so I could bear children I dont even want. when I got my period it was all the more terrifying.
There's a figure of a womb in our labs at school. I remmember us looking at it and one of the boys going "so women are just corpses for (bearing) children?" he probably said it impolsively without thinking about it, but it still terrifies me that this is the way some people view my body, and by extention, me.
I'm sorry you have to feel that way.
No bcs thats the only comment i understand and relate to, my period wasnt bad since it didnt hurt but i had a hate relationship with it the way it happens every month and its NORMAL for me too
I just find it really brothering me i dont know why and how people view it made me hate it more but am now starting to not care ab it and live my life yet am sorry this dumb boy had to say that i hope he feels the same pain women feel during every month in their life
@@iloveskz495 I guess because corpses aren't good for and can't do anything. Except making babies in this case.
I’m a trans man myself (pre-everything) and I hate how I have to see myself everyday. It all feels wrong and gross and like I’m stuck in another person. Like nobody will see me how I want to see myself. I’m sorry you had to feel in such a way.
it's horrifying, living everyday knowing they only see you as a piece of meat, and they'd happily treat you worse than farm animals if they can, almost no one except the niche of zoophiles derives pleasure from sexually torturing a farm animal but most sure do derive pleasure from sexually torturing and humiliating an afab person.
farm animals are already treated like shit and horridly abused, but they're not abused to get pleasure from the process of torture itself, they're usually abused for a product. btw that does NOT justify it in any form., it is still unacceptable.
when i was a child (aged 8 to 9) i went through a very intense phobia of the human body. it wouldn't let me sleep. i would close my eyes and think, there's organs inside me, cells, blood, all that grossness, and you can't escape. That was probably the harshest part for me, you can't escape. It's your own body.
Huh. so fun fact, sounds pretty similar to being trans.
@@GhostGlitch.I don’t really think so it just sounds like body dysmorphia, sure it’s a part of being trans but they aren’t the same thing
@steamedpootatoes204 I'm not saying that it is a 1-1 to the trans experience, and obviously there's a whole bunch of other shit going on.
I'm just saying that things like the lines "that was the hardest part for me, you can't escape, it's your own body." Are incredibly relatable
trans people have to insert themselves into everything no pun intended lol
@@227bdiddy sorry I wanted to tell someone that despite it being for wildly different reasons I deeply connected with their experience.
As someone with a disability, thank you so much for this video. You put into words things that I've been thinking about for ages. I have a connective tissue disorder. Dislocations and sprains are routine, dizziness and pain are constant, and the exhaustion is indescribable. Trying to function in a world that's not built for people like me is so extremely frustrating. I've struggled for a long time with my relationship with my body, through trauma and injury, with an illness that has no cure but doesn't affect life expectancy. This video really spoke to me on many levels, and made me love bloodborne even more than I already did
I have a similar issue I believe. I have hEDS and yeah, I know exactly how you feel.
@@billciphergirl6049 that's actually what I have too, along with POTS and some mental health issues
@@caffeinated_lady5535 Oh dang! Nice to run into a fellow Zebra! I'm going to get tested for POTS, and the mental stuff is real. This video help describe things amazingly.
Same man, I got diagnosed with heds and pots this last year
I’m 14, and I have gotten my period about a year ago. From the first time I got it, I wasn’t as scared and afraid as I thought I would be. But I’ve been starting to wonder, imagining the process in detail going on in my body and feeling disgusted of how my body now works.
But I have had this irrational fear of pregnancy, the fact that I can get pregnant is a terrifying thought for me, the fact that anybody can just use me and make me go into this grotesque state for 9 months in order to birth some human being makes me terrified. It almost feels like body horror…your uterus expanding to an ungodly amount, the sickness that comes from it, the fact that a human life is growing inside of you, the fact that it looks so disgusting and terrifying, the fact that you will have to push out this human life from your uterus makes me sick and terrified. Everytime I look at a pregnant person I get sick and feel disgusted that the body can just do that. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this fear.
You jus like me fr like what psychopath ever started going around and saying that “childbearing is life’s greatest gift” hell nah 💀
I think that's what true horror is for being born female is the ability to grow another life form inside you like there's this thing that actually lives and breathes but it's INSIDE my body and what if it hurts me and for me parasitic body horror is what gets to me the most because there's these vermin parasitic insects inbeded beneath your skin crawling around and laying eggs inside you using your body as a vessel to do whatever they want with it. Using your body for obscene, vile, grotesque reasons that you have no way of controlling without treatment. Parasitic infections are just so Erie to think about. And in a way childbearing is like having a parasite. That's why I hate the thought of childbirth.
@@cherridwan because it single handedly has the possibility to save man kind, being fertile is a gift. even if you don’t think so, it is a valuable “skill”. the only problem is its so easy to take place, impregnating a woman is probably one of the simplest tasks one can do. theres a unique simplicity about it. it can be dangerous.
As someone who suffers from a very severe behavioural addiction, there's not a single second in my life in which I am not confronted with the grotesque reality of being encaged in my body... this video was very much needed... thank you.
You are going to be alright.
Whatever you’re going through, I’m sure there is help available. Wishing you all the best!!
I wonder what makes my mind judge over my body, undermining my ability to accept every part of my body as a (needed) part of my self. Lately I'm struggling with a behavior that was beautifully included in this video: I eat more than is pleasurable or healthy for my body, then look at it and think "I should really start to take care of my eating habits". But if I did that, what else would give me that pleasure that pains me? It's a sign of escapism I think. There are things we don't want to tackle, so we create things that occupy our minds.
But maybe I'm just projecting.
What is it and what is it like, if you don't mind sharing?
We wish you the best regardless.
@@ClarkPotter TW/ I have mild dermatillomania, compulsive skin picking. For me it’s that I’ll be focusing on a lecture and realize my cheek is bleeding due to me picking without noticing. Other times I’ll scratch and bother bumps or pimples or scabs obsessively. For me it’s a symptom of anxiety and a coping mechanism that I need to work on. For others, it’s more akin to OCD (by definition, both dermatillomania and trichotillamania are forms of OCD), an overwhelming urge to groom your face and rip yourself apart.
As someone with a physical disability i really enjoyed this video. my body cant operate the way it's meant to, i have very limited mobility. i use a wheelchair to get around and rely on the kindness of others to survive; which in itself is terrifying (i could go on and on). For years ive struggled with internalized ableism but recently ive come to accept my body as is. I wouldnt be me without it. my mind and body are connected, what happens to my body will shape my mind- myself, and id never want to reverse that.
We all rely on the kindness of others to survive so dont stress over that fact to much at least … also im very happy for you for your selfacceptance
@@Luuniixo that's true. control and independence are largely illusions.
you can always rely on the kindness of strangers
to lift up your spirits and shield you from danger
now, here's a tip from blanche you won't regret
a stranger's just a friend you haven't met
you haven't met --- streetcar!
@@Luuniixo Yea, cooperation is the backbone of humanity, if humans never worked together we would've gone extinct a long time ago
Who cares? Collectivism is based
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved. For the Machine is Immortal.
Wrong. When you have a failure, if the customer supporthas ended, that is the end of it.
The human body lasts 80 years, but a typical computer will fail in storage in 4 years.
I’m Hindu, and the concept of the body being separate from the atma, or soul/life/divine, was introduced to me pretty early. It’s considered complicated, and scares many to accept, but it has always comforted me and made sense to me. I guess that’s why I’ve always been fascinated by body horror, and comfortable with being just flesh sometimes.
The worm baby chirping for its mother whilst she’s too terrified and disgusted to even look at it broke me. The baby is not at fault for what it is, or why it was born, but its mother can’t stand it all the same. She was forced to grow it, give birth to it in life-threatening agony, and now it is hers.
I’ve never played Bloodborne, but now I want to give it a try.
oh bloodborne is sooooo good. one of my absolute favorite games for sure
Reminded me of women that had to give birth to their rapists' children, that's how I personally interpreted it.
omfg i am sad for little Chirpy baby
It's not a worm. It's an infant eldritch being placed in her womb without her knowing.
Hope you like Bloodborne, it's an awesome game all-around!
@@corpse1244same bro I’ve played and beat it at least 6 times now
I always felt horrified yet fascinated by the human body. Just thinking about all the internal organs, bones, blood that is inside our skinsuit, controlled by our minds. All the things couldgo wrong inside and yet it works perfectly. And not to talk about its durability too, the human body can tolerate so much stress in the inside, and from the outside too, constantly working to preserve itself as long as possible. It makes me feel respectful to my own body. The body is amazing.
While sitting at home recovering from a non-critical (yet still bothersome) viral illness, this comment has helped me appreciate the ability we as organisms have to face adversities and prevail against them, despite our delicate complexity.
Thank you. Wishing you health.
Also the simple fact it happoened at all is nice,i could have just stayed à pile of rocks for billions of year more,abd yet here i am,shaped as a human being communicating with other humans from a dfferent country
Sometimes people say they didn't ask to be born which is true, but certainly they do not ask but will to live. From birth we assembled ourselves cell by cell, day by day. Year by year. We preserved through any and all trials- billions and trillions of cells determined to die for our continued existence. Just like every other human on the planet. More cells than could be reasonably be counted all in the harmony of life demanding and continuing to live in harmony.
It's not even just our own bodies that desire for us to live, when given compatible blood from another human even those cells will not stop working to keep us alive. Those cells from other people will adapt to and work for out bodies to the death.
So you could say we all have an innate desire on the cellular level to preserve and continue human life at any and all costs.
The body is truly amazing and scary. millions of years of evolution to make this complex thing. But one thing is one simple back injury and the body is done, one small snap in the spinal cord and everything under that brake is not moving. The body is truly beautiful and terrifying
This body is nothing but a tool to contain your soul. Its a vessel that was designed specifically to enslave you inside of it. All these internal organs are part of the limitation. Body is a fking mess.
when you started talking about the "paradox of existentialism" and how realizing it can lead to genuine happy thoughts. I smiled, its true.
having been to a cadaver lab brings a whole new level to this video for me. whats worse was seeing the cadaver of a woman who didnt win her fight against cancer, or seeing gold teeth and tattoos on their skin. It reminded me that what I was seeing wasnt just a cadaver but it was once somebody and that eventually death claims us all. To see this in person was a wonderful learning experience but also something that eats at me whenever I think of death. the university had eclairs and ice cream n shit for us after though! shit was good. especially after an experience like that hahah, wonderful video also!
Huh that's odd. I remember dissection labs and being struck by the opposite sensation. That the person was long gone and had only left behind a body to be properly taken apart for meat or study. It made me realize that humans and animals are the same once you skip past the living part.
I wouldn't be able to eat after that.
I can relate to that feeling. I have never been to a cadaver lab in my life but I feel some kind of dissociation whenever I think about death. It's very strange that as a woman, even if my body used to gross me out at a young age, I relate the most with the feeling of not having control over what my consciousness labels as my own, that is death. The thought of the involuntary destruction of one's ego and conscience is something terrifying.
@@knollF They're the same during the living part as well. Life is life. The only thing that's unique about us is our level of awareness.
I think teeth and jaws are one of the most horrifying parts of the body. Not only for what it does, but also for what we can't do without them. It's no wonder why people have nightmares over our teeth as they are so easily lost or infected.
Speaking of the content of your comment, this reminds me of a dream thing I had one night. To oversimplify, I was wiggling a tooth in a room in my school that weirdly changed for some reason before half my lower jaw came out of my mouth for no reason, I was like ‘oh ok that’s fine’ before I pull the loose tooth out of its spot, which was for some reason fused to the tooth on its left, I barely try to put my bottom half-jaw back while I separate the two teeth and then leave the classroom after the bell rung. I know you probably don’t care but I’m just saying :P
@@Dr.Bright17 It's interesting to me that while we associate the face mostly with the mind (passively seeing through your eyes, passively hearing through your ears, passively tasting through your mouth and tongue) the jaw is the only true exception to that - it's mechanical, moving, active, in a way that makes it feel separate from our senses. The idea of the jaw falling off is sort of akin to your arm falling off. Compare that to imaging what you would see if your eyes fell out.
And yet, there it is. Part of the face, right next to your tongue.
@@thewrens_ Yeah, fair point. Sometimes I forget it’s even there until I start thinking about the fact that it’s just kinda hanging open in my mouth, and then it takes me a while to stop thinking about it for some reason
The actually most horrifying thing is that the body cannot survive unless it gets it's most inner parts, it's mouth and intestines, infested by foreign life, by bacteria, that not only help in keeping even worse pathogens out by occupying space, but also will try to turn their host (more like their very life environment) into succor without a thought if the immune system fails to keep them in check...
Imagine having a mandatory group of people living among your society that will try to kill every single one of you once they are notproperly kept in check.
Now that is scary
Some of my most loathed dreams are nightmares where my upper and lower rows of teeth are jammed shut and I have to use force to pry the rows apart from eachother, usually resulting either in a lot of stress on the teeth or straightup their breaking. It's always unnerving waking up after a dream like that, expecting your teeth to be ruined but realising that they're still there.
To quote Terry Davis: 'I think teeth are the first reminder of mortality. I think that's where it begins to hit ya. Cus they don't come back and that's it.'
I'm 32 and it's wild how much I've been experiencing this sensation of body-horror now that I am starting to really see signs of aging on myself. I like to look young and pretty as much as the next person but I'm not necessarily tripping about my aesthetic value, I just look into the mirror and see these fine lines and wrinkles in the sagging of my skin in the subtle ways that it's beginning to happen and realize that I am in a body that is dying. This is the early stages of degradation of a body that is no longer in a growth phase but is now in a phase of long descent into eventual death. It's just fing wild
It's the body in order for us to envelope like butter lifes there is death. The body is our extension to our will
@@kiemagen False the body gives rose to your mind. If there is no body then there is no mind.
proof that this reality is hell
I'm around the same age, maybe its the "dysphoria" but i hope to be as handsome as the men (and women) i admired in their 60s-70s. IMHO i think we been sold on a lie to keep ourselves as attractive and abled to capital as possible & its a losing battle
@@hainleysimpson1507 False, your statement is in unfalsifiable opinion based in your own logic, experience and stuff you've heard and agreed with.
That doesn't make what the other person said true necessarily, what to tell someone that their idea of how things work is false and then follow it up with how things actually work implies that there is any way for either one of you to definitively be able to determine that. Wild. You obviously keep believing whatever you decide to believe, just wanted to point that all out because it's a big peeve of mine that people dismiss things that sound like they're not "scientific" with a fundamental misunderstanding of the limitations of science.
Tried to took my life with 17 through falling from height and entered coma. I vividly remember the horrors of having a body, as all the pain and confusion I faced were the result of my shattered body. My mind was warped into a mess, I could not produce any coherent logical thought and the world I perceived was an reflected indescrible horror of my own inside mind and body. Even when returning from coma and having a second chance of life, I felt the simultaneous connection and disconnection to my own body as well the reality I perceived. My body did not die, it was alive. My mind did not dissappear, it was present.
A Warhammer quote comes to mind: "From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither and you will beg my kind to save you." _-Magos Dominus Reditus_
I never knew someone else had the experience of looking at myself and thinking "wow thats me" and then FEELING your body. its such a weird feeling
When I was a sophomore in high school, I took biology, and in the biology lab, there was a real human skeleton, and I hated the thing but also loved it. It was fascinating that it was a real skeleton, but one day I just went “oh my god the skeleton in here used to be a living human person.” And like, in death, that person became an object. We dressed it up. Ran Christmas lights around and through it. How horrifying to think that long after consciousness ends, you have now lost your personhood. You become an object. And after that, you have no agency in what happens to your body. It all sort of hit me one day and it was scary. I think that sort of agency, and the loss of it, is another deep aspect of body horror.
We are objects even in life. We have always been and always will be objects. That's why we have never had and will never have free will, only a weird and inconsistent illusion of it. We're just very complex objects following the "will" of the universe. We are freaking fascinating :o
@@MetalBansheeX not completely wrong
@@xgoom1234 I'd love to read what you have to say:)
I get fidgety knowing that there is a skeleton deep beneath my skin. We see our bodies every day but never our skeletons.
@@xgoom1234Consciousness is an illusion, we don't have free will, our actions are determined by the laws of the universe. Everything that we do is just a result of chain reactions.
Something you hinted at in the first and second Bloodborne section as well as the Courbet section (and that I haven't seen other commenters discuss) that I want to bring up is that women are not just "more of a body than men", they are *forced* back into their bodies more than men. Men (especially historically) can go 'beyond' their bodies in the sense that they 'become' their accomplishments, whether those accomplishments were great or evil. We know that historically famous men like MLK, Hitler, Watson and Crick, and Alexander the Great had gross, meaty bodies just as much as you and I do, and those bodies stopped functioning when they died (naturally or otherwise), but it's not something we really think of when discussing them. We think of what they *did*.
On the other hand, women (especially historically) are rarely allowed to go 'beyond' their bodies in that way. They are wives and mothers, either an accessory to a man or a vessel for one to be created. One of the most internationally famous women in history (whether or not you believe in Christianity, you probably still know of her) is the Virgin Mary. Even in her title, she's forced back into her body because it's the body that gave birth to Jesus. Nothing else about her matters. Other historically famous women regularly have their stories shackled to the men around them as well (Sacagawea, anyone?), keeping them teetering on the edge of going 'beyond' their bodies like the men or forced back to their bodies as accessories of male accomplishment, regardless of their actual contributions.
you're absolutely right that this happens way more than it should, but it's not always!! there are quite a few historical women (though not as much as there should be) whose fame has nothing to do with being wives or mothers. a few off the top of my head: Marie Curie, Frida Kahlo, Joan of Arc, Rosa Parks, Emily Dickenson, Marie Antionette, and Zheng Yi Sao/Ching Shih (shes lesser known but *incredibly* badass, I encourage you to look her up) There are tons of others but these ones came to mind. most of these women had husbands at some point (not joan of arc or emily dickenson!) but they're men that I've never heard of. if any, their fame was far surpassed by that of their wife's.
so yeah i promise I'm not trying to prove you wrong; i just really like women from history and am a major feminist and wanted to put a spotlight on some cool people :D
And it is never going to change. The latest generation is WAAAAAAAAY more sexist than their parents or even grandparents.
It’s so sick that „something normal” is literally waking up soaked in blood, dirty with metallic smell and dried blood around thighs and people saying it’s normal, it’s just a part of life, which I get… it is a bodily function, but sounds like utter horror when it happens to you when you’re just a kid unaware of what pretty much anything
As said by I believe AJJ in the Body Terror Song: "I'm so sorry that you have to have a body. One that will hurt you, and be the subject of so much of your fear. It will betray you, be used against you, then it'll fail on you my dear."
I am so in love with that song. It makes me feel seen in the most devastating yet comforting way.
But before that , you'll be a doormat for every vicious narcissist in the world . Oh how they'll screw you , all up and over , and feed you silence for dessert ^_^
This is the first thing that came to mind when I saw the title of this video! And now the song is stuck in my head lol
actually, i clicked on the video 'cause it reminded me of this and I'm so glad i did
I turned it on right after i finished the video😭
As a guy, it’s hard to imagine what it would be like to uncontrollably bleed every month from your genitals and the pain associated with it. Even the humiliation of discovering a red stain on your pants in a public setting is surely mortifying and yet I will never have to experience it. At least with urine you can hold your pee before making it to a stall, but periods don’t work like that. They just go, and if you’re not wearing the right pad or tampon for the job you’re essentially fucked. My girlfriend takes birth control because her cramps are so bad, and it’s even caused her to faint. I cannot for the life of me imagine how horrible it would be to experience that weeks at a time, every month, every year of every decade till menopause.
I wish more dudes said stuff like this instead of ignoring it or acting disgusted. Appreciate it man
I mean it's not hard to imagine, it's just that we'll never know either way. Maybe i just have a specific personal analogue to a period though. For like 5 years, from ages 21-26 I've had massive ulcers in my stomach that were so painful I would pass out several times a day and I'd have cramps because of my abdominal muscles constantly straining from the pain, to the point all I could do is lay in bed in pain, and the worst part is they'd get better and then come back after a few weeks. I assume, periods are something similar to that.
I'm glad to be a man we have it much simpler in this world.
Btw cramps that bad could be endometriosis, we have a lot of awareness campaigns about it in my country because it's been a taboo for decades idk if it's the same everywhere
I mean, it's the flip side to having the superpower of birthing a developed child. Sure, guys get off easy in that regard. However, most women will not be expected to fight on front lines in a war, work in physically demanding fields with high risk of illness/injury/death, or actually build and maintain the infrastructure we all base our lives around.
Both sexes are meant to complement each other and be compatible, not this one-sided "you'll never get how hard it is to be a woman" trope. It's tiring
Im a girl and I can't count the times my mom said she hoped i turned out to be a boy so I wouldn't have to go through this. Probably the worst bit is that you're expected to act just as normal... Trapped in your suffering but not able to verbalize it or show it because "It's gross".
i fell chronically ill at 16 (im 22 now) my body went from just being a tool and something aesthetic to look at to a prison a faulty machine that kept me from living
it took very long time for me to realise i am my body and reconcile with myself and i relate a lot to the protagonist in the book you mentioned definitly gonna read it thank you.
This video resonated so much with me it reminded me of realisations i have had as a cause of my chronic illness the diffrent outlook and has also given me more perspectives on the relationship we have with our body and the reality of having it.
It made me almost feel fortunate about being in this position because how you say it has brought me so close to life itself because of the constant reminder my body gives me that i am in a painful way alive.
super well done video i loved it thank you
This video hits very close to home for me.
Living with a chronic illness has always made me feel at odds with my own body. It often feels like an adversary, hindering my ability to eat what I crave, go where I want, and do the things I enjoy. Because of that, I feel like I'm constantly contemplating about how my life could be like if I was able-bodied -what experiences I might have had, how much joy I could have known, and how people might have appreciated me for my contributions instead of dismissing me because of my situation.
I've been trying to come to terms with my reality for a while now but the notion that I've been deprived of a "normal" life due to factors beyond anyone's control is still a bitter pill to swallow. My body feels like a cruel joke, a constant reminder of my feelings of alienation and limitation.
As someone with ADHD who almost always views himself as a mind living in a body, it's really easy to excuse my problems as the result of a separate malfunction in a brain that houses me, but isn't truly me. I've got to wonder what kind of change it would be to see myself as my mind, brain, and body, and seeing those limitations in that perspective.
Damn, that’s actually a good way to think about it. I have spent so much of my life beating myself up over my inability to just _do_ things, but maybe thinking of it not as _my_ inability but my _brain’s_ inability would help.
i dont have adhd but for me, i had to come to terms with my gender identity to finally see myself as mind and body, and not just a soul in it's vessel.
Fuck that hit too close to home
Never had an original experience
I sort of relate to you. I know I’m me, but I feel like im.. not me i guess
The much-memed intro to Mechanicus speaks this to me. "From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. ... Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you." Everything about my body has always felt inconvenient, unfair, and badly designed. The older I get the worse it feels; strength leaves, joints ache perpetually, senses dull... And that's not even talking about how disgusting basically every body process is. As Michael puts it in The Good Place, "Birth is a curse and existence is a prison."
At least right now I love existence, it’s pretty cool ngl even considering the absolute horror
I'm a big wh40k fan, the way I kinda compromise is the best of both fantasy an my reality. I'm a 30 year old walking machine capable of great violence yet would rather avoid conflict if possible and I'm limited edition without replacement parts. Mortality affects us all to some degree but when you've seen so much death you distill emotions like the chaos gods to the bare wire
Robot brain except then i worry about if that's even me. Really no hope
Scrolled down looking for another person blessed by the knowledge of that intro.
The Mechanicus has a special place in my heart for a few reasons.
1. Since childhood I've struggled with eating issues where eating things too quickly makes me vomit, seeing large amounts of food makes me lose my appetite, and rice just feels indescribably *wrong* in my mouth, which my rice-loving asian family mocks me for, saying I'm not a real asian. I feel betrayed by my body, having difficulty getting the sustenance my body needs to live, and having asian genes but not an asian diet puts strain on how connected my immigrant ass can be to my origins.
2. My earliest memory is of me as a baby, feeling primal fear upon seeing a new clock on the wall, because I sensed *presences* within. My Muslim upbringing explained it as jinn, basically spirits. Clocks are machines. If spirits really were possessing this clock, then *machine spirits are real*
Came to this video looking for this exact comment lmat
An album that reminds me a lot of "visceral femininity" is shrines by Purity Ring. As someone who has struggled with my gender identity I have experienced viewing my own body and femininity as a grotesque disease, so media that reflects this is always very captivating to me.
A lot to be said here about self harm and understanding why someone would choose to hurt themselves. Ive always told people its not about hating myself/wanting to die/etc its about control. But moreso it's like....seeking control THROUGH the body while also trying to supercede it. Like proving to myself that my body isn't the end all be all, that I HAVE to be more than just a body (because if im just a body, and so many horrible things have happened to my body, what does that mean for me?) Man. Lots to unpack here and a lot of great inspo for my next therapy session 😅
As a person who picks and peels at my skin. Its second nature and its hard to beat. And its frustrating people look down on me. Remind me that I'm destroying myself. And this video captures that frustration i want out of this frustrating cycle and to have a body that doesn't have the ability to peel away and be shaped like a candle. I want something better and more and these issues are captured perfectly. Thanks for making such thoughtful videos
🧘🏼♂
I too have dermatillomania and you worded it perfectly. This video really does capture these issues perfectly
@@scraps4728 I'm glad I'm not the only one it's comforting I hope it can get better for you
I do it too. It's a Body Focused Repetitive Behavior. I pull out my eyelashes too. Every time I hold off and my skin starts to heal and then marks start to fade and my eyelashes start growing back, I eventually am set back and once again my eyelashes and eyebrows are gone and my entire body is covered in marks.
You aren't alone in the frustration of it. It's not something we do to self harm, we do it as a self soothing behavior. But it is a behavior that has physical effects we don't want and feel Shame for.
I know for me, I pick when I'm tired or anxious, and I begin absentmindedly or I zone out and suddenly my entire leg is marked up. Then I feel Shame and insecure for having done it, which makes me more anxious, which makes me need to do it more to calm down.
Or when people call me out or tell me I need to stop its so incredibly frustrating and makes me angry to be told to stop despite my wanting to stop, it feels like I'm fighting myself every step of the way and it makes me want to just ascend out of my corporial form.
@@scraps4728same here. I pull out my eyelashes too. BFRBs are such an accurate allegory for Joinuance and the counterintuitive nature of the human body. We do it to self sooth. But having done it causes us distress. Personally it feels like I can't win one way or another and I'm constantly fighting myself.
It always surprises me how shameful periods have been seen historically. It's probably because I went to an all girls school that was involved in a local campaing to educate people regarding menstruation, but growing up I never had any negative associations with it. I remember being in primary school and if anything me and my classmates would be all curious and low key excited about getting it someday, the way boys get excited about growing facial hair.
I have a very similar experience with those thoughts as an AFAB kid of a loving, lesbian couple. Menstruation was an inevitability that wasn't feared -- just accepted and adapted to -- and so the opportunity to learn about the process was something I looked forward to as a part of realizing my bodily autonomy.
The projected disgust around periods never hit me, and it never bothered me when my (usually male) peers expressed discomfort around the subject. Like... I'm trying to warn you that the accomadations I'll need will have to be worked around. Cooperate pls!
I don't think I've ever been excited about getting facial hair 😅
@@brinnc-o9065I don't think male friends are disgusted by it, more uncomfortable that they're potentially stepping into something that is a female issue, most likely think they have no right to speak about it as a result. Some communication may actually be helpful there, at least from what I observe
I think that periods being seen negatively have partially something to do with the fact that they sucks. Don’t get me wrong, it’s defenetly not the only reason, but I think than even if periods weren’t taboo, many people wouldn’t be excited at all to have them
i was horrified and miserable when i got my period. i felt like my body had betrayed me. i tried to hide it and i cried for days. i think it's to do with the simultaneously sex-positive and sex-negative way i grew up. my dad died of auto-erotic asphyxiation which obviously traumatized my mum, and by extension me. sex was a tremendous source of guilt, even though there were no overtly sex negative themes in my upbringing. but the shame was pervasive. maybe that's partly why i didn't want to identify fully with either gender.
edit: i was not quite 11 when i got it, and just wasn't ready, even though i was informed on all the details. honestly i'm soooooo glad i have a Mirena IUD that stops my periods.
having a body is so terrifying yet so beautiful to me.
ive struggled a lot with self-harm and body dysmorphia, but i think the innate functions and work of the body is so beautifully grotesque. like no matter what ive done to my body, what ive thought about my body, it still works as my body. it pumps blood the same way, it takes extreme amounts of effort and precision just so i can move my eyes or feel my hands. it can put me in excruciating pain when my ezcema flares up. i cant crawl out of my flesh. i can hate my body and skin and hair and features as much as i want, but i can still appreciate the simple beauty of the human body. (i love anatomy)
"From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me"
I think that part of this body/mind disconnect also comes from the fact that most of our body seems to still be in a “beta testing” stage. We humans have always regarded our ability to walk upright as proof that we are superior to the average animal. However, a lot of lower back / foot pain cases in older adults can be attributed to our ancestor’s first bipedal steps. Despite our best efforts of living a healthy life, around 66% of cancer cases are up to a random genetic mutation that happened one day. One cell with a certain replication mutation is all it takes for the most part. Even looking at a chart of which genes are associated with which mutations adds to this dread. Most major genetic disorders are quite rare, but it’s a humbling experience to realize that you were only one genetic change / wrong amino base away from a condition that would make your life 10 times harder to live through. It seems like a lot of the marvels we credit the human body for, were successful, but not necessarily polished. I guess you could take this further, and talk about the mind / brain separation. Again, we applaud the human brain for its intelligence and flexibility. But I don’t think that enough people talk about how one misfolded protein can send the nervous system down a neurodegenerative chain reaction, where your mind is swiftly taken apart. I guess what this really teaches us is that we should be grateful of the fact that we are mostly healthy in this present moment, and empathetic to those who don’t have that privilege.
it's both awesome and terrifying. Learning about the way human body works scares me much more than graphic body horror. Like, who cares about plastic guts spilling out, this unit has no regards for its vessel either way! Moreover, stories about transformation, morphing into something else or abandoning any permanent shape entirely seem to fascinate me instead of scaring. but being reminded in tiny detail how real our bodies are and how fragile is this series of sparks in the bowl of meat jelly we call our conscience (i.e. the only real me, as i feel)... that's what feels like real body horror.
I have hEDS (hypermobile Ehler’s Danlos syndrome). My body feels like a prison to me. I’m in constant agony, my L5 has slipped 2mm posterior, I’ve had multiple stress fractures in my spine that were left untreated. I’m constantly aware of how my joints feel because more dislocations are inevitable.
It’s a genetic disorder that I’ve inherited from my father’s side.
On top of just simply being a woman.
Excruciating pain monthly, hormones that simply will not be stable, bleeding, feeling disgusted with myself, that lack of control.
I think it’s why a lot of body horror resonates with me, I simply do not have control. Physical therapy will help keep my body together longer and potentially reduce pain, but what happens when it betrays me? A wheelchair? What happens when my shoulders dislocate? When my spine inevitably collapses on itself? What will I do then?
Even my ribs come out of place. My hips. Knees. Fingers, toes wrists, elbows, collarbones.
My mind doesn’t reflect my body, at least not it’s condition. Mentally I’m doing okay. Not great, but I’m coping and getting around good enough. My body is tearing itself apart. I’ve been sick for two days and the coughing has put my ribs out of place so that merely lying down hurts. My back refuses to cooperate with me and won’t pop back in and it’s too painful to continue trying.
C’est la vie.
Mandalian genetics overlooks the bodies innate ability to protect itself, and that one genetic mutation has minimal effects in most cases. Genes are more complex than x does x. Lots of genetics factors control more than just one thing, in fact one gene can perform as many as 100 different roles (More to be discovered too.)
It's not impossible to be shot right through the skull, the bullet obliterating massive amounts of vital tissue and having almost zero effect on your actual conscience.
Because we are more than just one thing- the body- we are billions of different things combined together all working in harmony to maintain the balance needed for the super being known as a human to live. The genes themselves are alive, not mere machines.
Too study these genes we must kill them and dissect them, but left alone they vibrate and move- finding where they're needed the most in the body.
It's like a country, some things may be flawed and badly constructed. But so long as you have enough time and resources/tools they will be fixed, repaired, and upgraded.
@@tj2036 It's kind of amazing to be alive at all, imagine a country being nuked and then trying to rebuild from a corrupted malignant blueprint.
Every gene, every cell, every protein, and every neuron and muscle fiber are living workers trying their absolute best to sustain you. They're missing one of their best coworkers, but they're still fighting tooth and nail to keep you alive and in the best shape possible.
But those living things are not like the super being you are, they have no innate intelligence to solve problems as we do. So we must teach them properly.
I'm not going to compare yourself to me, but I was born with a abnormal curve in my spine which causes me a bit of pain. But instead of surgery I wear a back brace when I'm doing some things. Otherwise I allow the pain to exist and tell me about my condition.
And sure the biological reality of being a human woman is pretty gruesome and painful, but that's pretty much the fate of any living thing besides a bacteria (and even then bacteriophages are pretty evil.)
I find it fascinating how pain is innately, well painful. Sometimes when I think about this a little bit, even the most excruciating pain loses it's bite. I become self aware of the feeling and what it's communicating to me and it sort of numbs it out, but not really.
I think living instinctually can be rewarding, but sometimes when you become self aware of your body and mind it can really reap benefits you wouldn't expect.
This right here is something I kinda dislike about the human body. Sure, we're strong in our own ways and everything, but all of this... In a way, it feels like one little thing can lead to your body falling apart and you either dying or suffering in pain. The human body is strong yet fragile in many ways. Also, the fact you age. Other animals go through this and have lower lifespans then us, but still. Of course though, memento mori. (Remember, you are mortal)
I used to have this adversarial concept that my body constantly was in opposition to me. When I should be calm it would behave nervously, whenever I had hunger but wished not to eat, and the need to sleep when I wanted to stay awake and so on, it filled me with a bit of resentment, not being able to control my body, it was a frustrating master-slave relationship of sorts. Until recently I realized that we as entities experience the world whole, with mind and body as a singular element. If the body is hurt you will feel pain, and when you're sad you might lose your appetite and lack of energy.
I still feel like my flesh is in opposition to me, like how I was hungry but don't want to eat, however I tell myself than I need my body to survive
There is no mind. There is only the flesh and an illusory secretion we like to call consciousness. Being sad is physical just like having cancer is physical.
as a chronically ill person my flesh bag is 1000% in opposition to me lmao. it's tried to outgrow me because it's too stupid to understand it IS me
My body feels in oppostions to me. I think it is ugly and prevents people from seeing ME. I think it makes me isolated, and less valuable than others.
I hate my body on such a profound level, in the past I have self harmed because I wanted to punish "it", not myself.
My flesh, specifically my gag reflex and whatever neuroscience links the brain to the digestive system, is definitely in opposition to me.
I have this problem where:
1. My gag reflex is trigger-happy so there's a 69% chance I won't finish a meal
2. The sight of large amounts of food makes me lose my appetite
3. Rice feels indescribably wrong in my mouth
That third reason is a really big betrayal imo, since I have asian genes, but it stops me from having an asian diet so my family says I'm not a real asian.
Mfw my body betrays me so much it gets my family to join in and reject part of me.
The problem flares up when I'm stressed and/or on my period. Currently, I'm both! The latter should clear up soon enough, but stress is a chronic thing...
I’ve had Ankylosing Spondylitis for about 5 years now, my joints and vertebrae fusing together, loss of mobility, chronic pain. It’s made me appreciate and long for before. It feels like some nightmare world I’ll never get out of. This video made that feel a little less unbearable.
I think this video helped me understand why I always find parts of the concept of "love" as off-putting and disguising. Men’s interest in women, should they be attracted to women, is a reminder of the horror of being in a women's body. Those parts that aren't you, the period, the womb, the breasts. The attraction from men towards the body is a horrible reminder that I women are trapped in this flesh and can't get out.
This video reminds me of a very interesting difference between the way I and my father view ourselves.
My father imagines himself as his brain, to him, he is just a brain piloting a meat suit that is unattached to the real him.
One really interesting way this manifests is he is almost entirely immune to pain, because in his eyes and in his perspective *he* isnt hurting, the robot he is controlling is.
In his own words.
"When your playing a videogame and your character gets shot, technically you just got shot, but it doesn't actually hurt does it."
This is very, very different from the way I see myself.
I am my entire body, from my toes to my head this is ME, everything inside and outside is me, I'm not just a brain in a body I'm a body that has a brain.
And an interesting way I've seen this manifest for me is that my sense of self and my sense of me extends to include other things sometimes, like when driving.
When I got rear ended I didn't say "You hit my car." What naturally came out instead was "You hit *me*"
I've always been interested in our different ways of seeing ourselves, and how it effects how we go through the world.
gross, i hate your car. you're killing us too
i hope it gets melted down into a train
you've degraded yourself into homo-commercialis, a creature whose sole worth is determined by what it can buy
I would LOVE to hear more of your observations! Highly intressting!
Until the brain can survive outside the body i dont think separating them like that is a good idea. Pain means something is wrong and if something is wrong enough your brain will ALSO die.
I have been intimately familiar with this feeling since since my self awareness switched on.
Some of my earliest memories in life involve me staring intently at a mirror and studying every single detail of my image and the entire time wondering why it was lying to me.
Because I felt as though I could not possibly be this person in the mirror.
That's because it is not. The body is just a vessel for you, a being so alien it cannot even comprehend it's own form.
if i didn't comb my hair, i looked like the firestarter... but i ain't no scab
@@mihacimpric745
How do you know that?
@@FirstnameLastname-bn4gvuh they don’t
@@mihacimpric745thats not true, and the concept that the physical world is alien and your thoughts and personality are NOT alien is just..no. We like to disassociate ourselves from every part of our lives, but the truth is is that all of it stems from our very real and very present brains.
When I was younger my mother use to show me these videos of people who had bodies that were different than the average (she worked in heathcare.) She'd show me videos of conjoined twins and a girl who was born with her legs together. Because of this body horror doesn't really disgust or scare me as it does other people, and I'm much more respectful and opened mind to not so average bodies and body changes in fiction and irl.
I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease recently. I have ever felt more scared of my body before, knowing that it was destroying itself and I didn't knew or had the chance to do anything about it, because for me everything was right until my blood test said something else, I was at the hospital and my body was reacting in ways I couldn't control. It is a scary experience to have a body... Because you can't control many things even when it will stop working the way YOU want IT to work.
It’s a bit of sensitive subject for me, but I feel the need to address this because of how prevalent this subject is in my life.
I’ve had severe eczema my entire life, there’s not an hour that goes by that I’m not scratching my skin, and it’s a constant reminder of my consciousness’s connection to my body.
For me every negative emotion has an effect on my body, at this point in my life the perpetual itching is pretty much natural and only becomes frustrating when I think about it, but if I ever feel sadness, fear, embarrassment, etc, it’s going to cause an intense reaction that makes the itching too prominent to go unnoticed.
Even emotions like flattery, which is not supposed to be a negative emotion, but my body takes it as one for whatever reason.
It’s to the point that I can’t comprehend how some of these emotions are particularly negative to other people, the physical pain that comes with these emotions is far more prevalent than the emotions themselves, so what would it be like to feel say embarrassment all on it’s own?
There’s no explanation that could ever make me understand, I just accept that it’s unpleasant even without eczema, but I can’t help but to think that if I didn’t have it, none of this stuff would phase me.
I can heavily relate man, no need to feel ashamed.
I might be able to answer some of this. Extreme anxiety or fear gives you a cold spike in the center of the chest that then radiates out to the extremities, and then shaky hands take place as blood rushes away from the core and to the muscles to prepare you to fight. Your eyes dilate and there is a sense of extreme impending threat. Embarrassment heats up your body, particularly the face, and causes excessive sweating. You feel to be under the microscope and wish to escape.
i have eczema. mostly it's not very severe, but i get outbreaks from sweat or cold, and when they're bad, it's like pudding, and when it's like that hydrocortizone makes it worse
i have an illness which is much worse than eczema but can also be exacerbated by literally ANY strong emotion, seemingly even happiness, so i get it lmfao. my life is essentially a body horror movie anyway. i have no control even without the emotions because that's only a small part of it. my insides have become something which is beyond the understanding of myself or any doctor and seem to act in their own selfish interest and not mine, unable to understand that they ARE me and are in the end only harming themselves. something like cancer would be the ultimate form of this, but it's still there in my case and i'd imagine in yours. it is, indeed, a sick joke
Ayyy eczema gang!! I used to be unable to even bend my fingers much because of it,,, I definitely feel you and you’re not alone 💛💛💛
I am autistic and I had a lot of meltdowns growing up. It was like a state where I got so stressed I couldn’t speak, and all I could do was scream. I would bang my head against brick walls at school to try and deal with the anxiety I felt. The reason I was able to do this was because I felt like my mind was outside my body and the pain that came from my body was very weak.
One interesting byproduct of this was that I viewed the part of my subconscious brain that kicked my conscious brain out as a friend. I called it “the brain”. “The brain” didn’t know how to talk. It just took on the pain and kicked my conscious mind out when in meltdown mode. Now I’m doing much better and “the brain” and I work more cohesively as one, opposed to two different entities.
I as a high funcional Asperger lived what you are referimg a a worse level. The concept of My body wasnt real from me, i was distacched from this construct that i hated whit mi hever self. I was trapped in the back seats watching a life that wasnt mine uncaring of what whill happen to "Me"
Until a day... I learned that this senzazion of outerbody whas my disforia screaming to be set free. The real Me bored of watching a life basicaly wrong in every aspect taking the reins for the first time. Whit a spin flaring a white skirt i was born 3 years ago. I am Me
I'm glad you and The Brain are on good terms these days.
@hydromind5438 🥺 Your school experience sounds very painful for sure. Hopefully you're doing good for yourself nowadays. Good thing that you've found some good coping tactics for yourself, that's awesome. 😁 I hope you and your bones are doing ok! The Kamehameha ☄️☄️☄️ levels of the mental stress when having autism is not worth to be released on the body itself, I can't even imagine, what you guys are going through, daily. 🫠
I'm adhd-pi, so I can kind of relate to anxiety levels being in all time high up when being outside of the own comfort zone. You guys have my respect, having autism sounds like playing on PS5 with the wii remote.🥹👏
Damn, I thought I was alone in separating my brain from myself like that. Me and my brain have a tumultuous relationship but we manage get along better nowadays.
I am happy to hear you are doing better and discovered your true self.@@SaraHeartlin
Alternate title, how to induce a panic attack in 30 short minutes
As a disabled person whose disability is such that I have little to no control over how my body may feel or behave from moment to moment, this was a wonderful watch.
my dad has chronic pain (fibromyalgia) and we've had conversations before about how we personally think and feel things (like for example, having an internal voice or not, how well we can picture things in our head, that kind of thing). apparently, when he feels emotions, he feels them physically manifested in his body. not just in the sense of your stomach dropping or something, but like... he feels dread as a physical ache. i've theorized that maybe, since he's so frequently made to feel consciousness of the presence of his body and its limitations, his mind is more integrated with it than it is for most able-bodied folks. personally, i often refer to my body as my "flesh prison" or "meat sack", and even though it's a joke it's also not untrue. but then again, i have disassociative tendencies and spend a large amount of my time in virtual spaces, so maybe i'm less moored to my physical existence than most people. who knows lmao
I can relate to your dad, I had a spinal injury as a child that healed improperly so since the age of 7 nerve pain has become a daily reality for me, especially as it progressed due to age.
I feel like people with chronic pain breakdown the barrier we talk about in this video, because it FORCES you to be aware at all times. To be aware your body is indeed a prison for your mind and by extension, your being. When that barrier is broken down I feel like there are two main ways people react to it afterwards.
Severe depression or denial of the reality it brings.
At some point, I think a few people in that situation manage to come out on the other side of those mindsets and just accept it for what it is. That’s where I felt the total breakdown of the body = self and now see body = body, the thing that has allowed my being to exist and interact with the world. It slows me down, it fails, it will continue to fail, all my choices and actions have consequences on that body, maybe not my mind though.
It’s interesting, and it has helped me become more comfortable with death in the end. But also more upset over it too.
I have fibro AND a dissociative disorder so I understand both perspectives lol. I feel my emotions mostly as pain but I also dissociate from my body enough that I can ignore my pain to some extent. it's as if I can't dissociate in the same way an able-bodied person could because I'm always tied to the body through pain but that doesn't mean I'm attached to it otherwise or that it feels real
Diabetic for most my life and I think you might have a point. This is a super interesting observation so thank you for sharing it!
I have fibro and never realized that others don't physically hurt from their emotions... Oh my god? Is this why my spouse seemed so concerned about my chest hurting while I was having a breakdown? Do other people *not* experience severe pain just from crying a little too hard? Fuck.
I was prematurely born and my body frame is rather fragile and small but physical labour made me feel alive but it also made me feel the limitations of my body. I was so sore and weak that I needed to find a career where I wasn't infront of a screen to feel any type of joy, despite my weak frame of my body I just enjoyed the process of using it against all my limitations. Like as if i was made flawed but enjoying the qualities on how flawed I am.
Im a 120lbs excuse of a man and i work as a diesel mechanic. I feel you man. An old head told me once "tough work makes you tough" and im starting to understand now. Your body will adapt to your life. Work hard and eat well you'll get stronger. I noticed a big difference in strength and endurance after three years. Do remember to rest from time to time tho
I highly recommend you read "Sun and Steel" by Yukio Mishima, he had a similar upbringing of being quite frail, but eventually found a feeling similar to what you described when he discovered working out.
“The groups of muscles that have become virtually unnecessary in modern life, though still a vital element of a man’s body, are obviously pointless from a practical point of view, and bulging muscles are as unnecessary as a classical education is to the majority of practical men. Muscles have gradually become something akin to classical Greek. To revive the dead language, the discipline of the steel was required; to change the silence of death into the eloquence of life, the aid of steel was essential.”
― Yukio Mishima, Sun & Steel
4 years ago I used to suffer from anorexia nervosa, a eating disorded most probably recognise from media. What still occasionally haunts me is how I couldn't identify with what I was seeing in the mirror. That thing, it wasn't me. I didn't see myself there, my body was an object, and not a person. It represented my entire being and yet simultaneously I wasn't even there.
I remember once seeing a gore video when I was a kid and becoming self aware of the body that we possess and how much we depend on all of our body to function properly together in order to live and how much pain we can really experience. And for a while I was really scared of one day being in that type of scenario
This video made me realize how much of a distaste I have for having a body and bodies in general. It also explains me as a person surprisingly much...
Same
The idea of my consciousness being kept in a vulnerable meat cage is a thought too much to bare sometimes:
"From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me."
Congratulations, you discovered by almost every religion ever has a concept of the afterlife, from Christian heaven, to buddhist reincarnation, to shintoist belief of spirits of the dead inhabiting objects or places they had too great of an attachment.
This is one of the core fundamental reasons religions exist to try and give us an answer even if there isn't one, became the truth is far far worse than a simple lie
@@AlfonsoNigeria what is that quote from? I’ve heard it so many times lmao
@@royalewithcheese621from a game called Warhammer
"I crave for the strength and certainty of steel"
This video means so much to me. It really put into words the almost extistential feelins ive had about the human body, my own body, for as long as i could remember. I really hope to see more videos form you soon, your commentary is inspiring
I struggle to sit through long form videos, but I was genuinely captivated by everything you spoke about here - thought provoking in every sense. Thank you for a brilliant watch!
I hate being stuck in a physical body, at the risk of all the horrible things that could happen to it and cause me pain. The worst thing I can imagine is to be paralyzed, or have all limbs amputated while my family and doctors force me to live, instead of helping me escape it peacefully. Great video!
Something I’ve always been interested is in decay and how it affects the body, and the process of decomposition after death.
When you die, your body completely stops functioning, leaving behind all experiences it had, all scars, all memories and simply surrender itself to nature.
I watch a lot of horror, but I can safely say that what a body looks like in the stages of decomposition is scarier than the most grotesque murders. But the thing is, it’s natural. A steady decomposition like that is how the natural cycle works but at the same time it’s so frightening knowing that that fate is coming.
And especially if you die, what’ll happen to your memories? Everything you’ve experienced, gone. We came from nature and will return back, it’s poetic but I can’t help be scared of it.
I forget where I heard this from, some modern day philosopher or something, but they said, "can you imagine eternity?" And the person they were talking to said no. So they replied "close your eyes and count one second." The other person did so.
"That's how long eternity is".
Whenever I get freaked out about my body dying and returning to earth, I think about this quote.
Idk why but your comment reminded me of this. Well spoken 👏
@@lostinthe2strokesmoke Could you elaborate on what that quote means? I dont rlly get it thx lol
''Its poetic but I cant help to be scared of it" omg this is actually so real
@@frodo3247 like if you close your eyes right now, count 1 second. That's how long eternity is.
Basically, when you're not here anymore, being dead for an eternity will feel like 1 second for you. You won't be experiencing time any longer, so the rest of time will be instantaneous. Kinda spooky kinda comforting idk lol
thx lol@@lostinthe2strokesmoke
I’ve seen this in my recommended for a few weeks now, little did I know this would be one of the best videos I’ve seen in a while commenting on some of my favourite ideas behind my favourite media. Thank you so much for this awesome video
"From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call the temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal… Even in death I serve the Omnissiah"
-some mechanical priest
For almost a decade I struggled with severe episodes of depersonalization and this feels like such a good representation of how I perceived my body. It was foreign and strange. Whatever "I" was, it was supposed to be linked up to this foreign object that moved with me and looked back at me in the mirror but did not feel like "me." I am mostly recovered now but bodily functions still feel absolutely foreign and disgusting to me. Like in bloodbourne there is no love or erotica attached to sex in my mind, it is just a disgusting bodily function going along with disgusting bodily urges that are totally foreign and uncanny but unavoidable for me as a man
Have you ever tried astral projection, you might like it the out of body experiences
I struggle with derealization and depersonalization too and it’s driving me mad. Every day, every hour, every minute and every second it’s just there, i don’t know who i am or what i’m doing anymore. There is no difference from sleeping and being awake cause it all just feel like a dream. I don’t have any feelings left but i have too many feeling at the same time, i’m not sure if those feelings are even real. My family is strangers to me but at the same time i know that they’re more than that. I don’t care if they live or die as long as it doesn’t affect me so idk if they’re my family anymore. Sometimes i look around me in public and try to grasp the concept of everyone being humans but i can’t, they’re all just soulless creatures with no value. Do i have any value? Can someone with a mind separate from their body really have any value? I don’t know
@@ZeldasMask How can you astral project without psychedelics? I've done it on them, but not sober throught a technique.
There are many tutorials with techniques on CZcams on how to do it
ahhh I feel this exact thing except as someone with a female body. sex is terrifying and i can’t wrap my head around a positive version of it, and i am absolutely mortified by pregnancy. it’s all very uncomfortable and completely lost on me.
I always struggled as a woman with my body, especially since growing up in a heavily conservative, southern Baptist background. I was taught from a young age that my body is wrong and disgusting and sinful. It's easy to feel claustrophobic in your own skin when you're taught that the act of existing itself is sin.
I was presented with new freedoms and struggles when I was approved for a hysterectomy after being diagnosed with endometriosis and adenomyosis. This presented new struggles for me with what it meant to be a woman, but so much more freedom to pursue what truly made me happy.
yeah, they tell you a woman is the lowest, most degrading thing a person can be, then they tell you you're not even doing it right. i f v cking quit!
I’m sorry but that aspect of Christianity and religion as a whole is fucking disgusting and you are a damn near victim of physical abuse and grooming for just that stupid ideology.
Yeah, always kind’ve struggled with the reality of being a man. Especially in a family which is heavy in religious views and toxic masculinity. I found my escape with femininity and embracing it, even if I’m still getting there.
As a Conservative Christian, it's a shame Christians don't embrace our bodies more. We complain when people don't feel comfortable in their bodies, and turn to transgenderism and false "genders", yet we turn around and look down upon those same exact people who simply haven't been able to accept themselves. We should be more active in being kind and welcoming to them, and yes, that's most Christians, but a large vocal minority would rather be filled with hate. When it comes down to it, we should be helping others accept their body, and embrace it. God created us as Men and Women, flaws and all, and we should not only embrace that, but overcome those flaws, not alone, but together.
@@zekehatcher2196 very good opinion, much appreciated
This is one of the best videos I’ve watched on youtube. I’m thoroughly impressed with your writing. It’s very powerful, and the synthesis of your topics is executed really effectively
I never thought I would find a video that would help make me understand how I feel towards my own body. As a young adult male who is very skinny and weak I was constantly bullied for my body when I was in elementary and middle school being told I had anorexia it made me hate me body for a long time. It lead to my obsessiveness to always try to be perfect in everything except my body as I saw it and still kinda do as a weakness that couldn’t be fix no matter what I would have to be stuck limited by this skinny weak form. Nowadays I’m getting better at accepting my body but still I still have this hatred for it
i was born disabled, and what comes to mind after watching this is in relation to surgery and medical procedures in general; the horror of it as it relates to the body. going under anesthesia in particular is a terrifying reminder that my mind can be shut down on purpose, and that i have to leave my vulnerable body in the hands of strangers while i'm essentially dead to the world. i was recently told i'll likely have two eye surgeries in my near future, when i haven't been under the knife in seven years. the horror of having such fragile parts of me, my windows to the world around me, be prodded and cut and stitched, is body horror like no other. you'd think growing up with so many appointments and procedures would make it easier, would make it less existentially horrifying. but no, not for me.
i could go on, but i won't trauma-dump in a youtube comment lol, that's for my therapist. as a brief aside i want to say that your handling of disability in this context was very tasteful, and i appreciate that immensely. there are so many ways for a topic like this to get very ableist, but you flipped it around in a great way. thank you!
The way you said "your windows to the world being tampered with"... What a perspective. Always take sight for granted until it's brought to attention. But you're very right. That would be horrifying to have your "windows" being worked on, praying whoever is doesn't mess anything up.
I wish you well in your coming surgeries and hope everything goes alright.
@@lostinthe2strokesmoke thank you! thankfully, i won't be getting the worse of the two, which is a weight off my chest. my eyes have a lot of issues, and could've been much worse if they weren't discovered when they were, so i certainly don't take it for granted! disability really puts things in perspective.
Thank you for making this video. For some reason "body horror" is a very intense sensation for me, despite the fact I don't have many physical ailments or self-image issues. Ironically, I can passively observe gore without much issue most of the time, but I have passed out multiple times at school when medical or biological topics are merely discussed. Somehow those situations trigger me to become "overly conscious" of my body's existence and its inherent frailties and it is very existentially overwhelming to me. I have tried explaining this phenomenon to others but no one has thus far come to understand what I mean.
I literally felt alone in this feeling, too! Nobody gets it, or thinks it's odd when you become uncomfortable in debating things like "what is the human consciousness" and I'm like dude you gotta feel the terror vibrating through your body of simply existing to understand... that stuff is RAW and messes with your head.
I hated biology class so much even though now i seek knowledge on psychology as a hobby or way to learn about myself but the sheer disgust i felt by being reminded that I am indeed a biological construct, a flesh machine with parts and functions always made me uneasy.
Interestingly, I'm the exact opposite. My biggest fear is existence without a form. I always think about the details. What would your perception be? What would you feel? If we divide the body, mind and body separately, it becomes scary because it becomes real. Our bodies are potentially just vessels for our minds to control. Without them we, theoretically, are just floating consciences. It terrifies me.
Dude same! Ive always been so confused about why i can watch something so depraved but then when i see someone in front of me getting a covid shot, i vasovagal. Its because when watching something on a screen, even when you know its real, theres still such a disconnect.
@@LoverofTragedyI actually think that being a floating consciousness would be pretty sweet. It’s just like a different mode of existence you probably can’t comprehend it but it would be an experience for sure.
I love videos like this, to be lost in the thought and emotion of a few centuries of media slammed into one video that puts it all into perspective. In a way it puts me at ease knowing i struggle within my life because it means im alive, to know struggle is to be alive
This video is great, thank you for making this. I was diagnosed with epilepsy in high school after having several seizures and you hit the head on the feeling of lack of control in the sense of mind vs body, it’s been a long time since I’ve actually had a seizure but it’s still been a long process of learning when you to let physical feelings just be instead of trying to mentally overpower them because I was afraid of what they meant or would produce , obviously there is a fine line when it comes to things like that and going to extremes to feel somewhat in control but it’s definitely important to try and have a balance between mind and body so that you can live peacefully to some extent, I also really loved Akira shortly after I started having seizures and you have definitely helped me put into words why lol
Ive always been deathly afraid of veins. I don’t care for blood or gore, but veins really get me. The thought that right now my insides are linked, connected, tied together by these meaty tubes which transport blood throughout my body makes me faint. It is a very specific type of disgust i feel whenever my ankle moves and i sense the vein sliding underneath. I’m completely covered by veins.
I think this way about some other aspects of the body, like the nervous system. Just looking at it isolated all mangled up and haphazardly stretching out makes me want to peel it away and separate it from all the meaty parts. It feels unclean, invigorating.
Ive struggled with body horror in part because of the way my body is limited; i am small and I am nearly blind. I feel so unshielded and open to the world, and it feels like my body is made to be taken and forced into places where i will remain inferior. Some of this had to do with abuse because i was taught to be subservient, so the idea of taking my body and separating its aspects from their given roles feels like a thrilling and chilling rebellion. Undoing myself and repurposing the body’s role as something other. It is such a unique feeling that you’re always remaining at odds with yourself, because the body is you. I am my body, my body is myself. And yet its not. Its so difficult thinking about this because i understand that my mind will always remain on an abstract plain separate from the physical extension of my limbs and torso, and yet they are still linked, like a passage way for me to extend into the world and affect it, like a crab’s claws reaching out to feel the ground. I feel like a hammer, like a scalpel, like a pain of tweezers. But still i am connected, i am me. My body is littered with experiences and marks left from stories created by my brain. Its so surreal and the more I think about this the less i feel connected with my body.
As many others touched upon the unique horror of the female body, I would also like to add on my absolute revulsion at the idea of something separate growing inside of me, moving and using my body as a shield. It is so soso so so osososososososoosossoos just ------ no. Although id want to have children someday, I dont know if ill ever get over that fear and that disgust of something foreign invading me so seamlessly. (hey fun trivia did you also know that the human pregnancy is especially bad for the person, as the fetus is connected straight with the blood highway tubes that rob the parent of the nutrients in a very unique way in the animal kingdom. other animals have the ability to control, pause and even reabsorb their pregnancies if they have a chance to benefit from doing so in any given situation. This invasion and defamation of the body seems something so human to me, so sickeningly understandable of our kind that i’m about to throw up.)
Veins make me gag, especially when they bulge upwards and push against your skin, its absolutely disgusting.
The whole thing and fear pregnancy is so relatable, it's just so purely revulting to think about..
Some of my veins can moved and they are squishy
looks like the exp***d nerve meme could scare you most (FOR GOD'S SAKE DO NOT SEARCH FOR THAT)
When I was getting my phlebotomy certification I would practice feeling for veins on my own arm without a tourniquet sometimes. Just for practice when I was bored. If I did it for too long I would start feeling this encroaching anxiety and discomfort that would morph into dread, poking and squishing my veins around so much. I love medicine and the human body and it still squicked me out if I thought about it too hard.
Words cannot describe how excellent this video is.
Sometimes i'm unsure of expressing how uneasy I feel inside my body. Of course I wish I could shape myself at will, become whoever I want the way I want; but most of the times, it feels deeper than that. It's like an inability to show how YOU, you can be. The body has the many limitations of flesh, that always, without any warning, projects an idea unto others about what kind of being we are.
For me, that's what's scarier about body horror, because not only does it reflect something inside of us that's impossible to separate away from our fleshy exteriors, but also, creates by sight, an image to others that may not represent who we actually are.
Think about the Beasts in Bloodborne. Savage, visceral but also, most of the time, sentient, without any control of how they look like or what they have become. 'The things you hunt, they're not beasts they're people.'
The absolute horror that we do NOT look like how we ARE is maddening. Some may say we reflect our fashion, our clothes or manners to match our inner selfs, but the fact is; some people are born in bodies that develop out of their control. That's what true body horror is to me, the innability to see yourself and express with total security: 'Yes, this person infront of the mirror, it represents me 100%'. Why we do this I have no idea, maybe we find pleasure in finding us unmatched my our selfs, but I find body horror the most chilling in nature because it's not something out there, something measured; it's inside our heads, almost as if we will never control the anxiety of looking at yourself in the mirror.
There is a bright side, at least in my opinion. By being aware that our bodies are not really who we are, but rather a basic start to our beings, we can dive deeper into someone else, understanding that you never ever know someone. I find that fascinating; to say that no matter what, you will always find something new about someone you care about it's mindblowing. The body may be imperfect, but it's limited and that's what wonderful. You may see some errors in it but what's inside it's as vast and infinite as the universe.
Thank you for such thoughtful video. It was so creepy at times and I love that! You should check out Francis Bacon, FOR ME, it's basically Body Horror illustrated
That's very insightful!
20:08 stop. I know you didn’t just put a nether portal in with renaissance paintings ✋😫
I cannot state how deeply I enjoyed this video, excellent work!
Sometimes when I think too hard about the body, especially when I think about it on a cellular level, I start to disassociate from it and become disgusted. The fact the body produces a bunch of fluids and liquids and slime and whatnot is gross and the fact microorganisms inhabit it as much as we do feels almost invasive. Veins especially freak me out at times as they seem so small and fragile and yet are what keep us alive. And then when I think of each individual cell in the body just living and doing its job, the body makes me feel like we're not much more than a sack of cells. I sometimes wish I could become a cyborg and live in a clean lifeless body rather than one teeming with too much of it in all its fleeting disgusting brilliant glory.
me too, i resonate with your words so deeply. i wish that i could be without a body, instead a cyborg of some kind would be much preferable.
Same here, it’s AWFUL
Nah you sound like a bot
Literally what goes through my head sometimes. While I am grateful to have a functioning body, it’s just so…freaky? Unsettling? That we’re a consciousness inside a pile of guts and shockingly fragile bodily systems that could literally just fail or fall apart at any time. We put so much emphasis on outward beauty when we’re all the same mess on the inside of fluids and bones and whatever else is going on in there
I find it fascinating instead. I see all that as just chemical reactions
As a woman I think this video is incredibly well made and I love the connections you made between womanhood and bloodborn. Such an amazing video, really good job! This should be way more popular. As a woman there’s an understanding that society often just sees you as just a body to use as either a jewel to adorn a man’s identity or a tool to create life or a object to use to sedate someone’s own desires. Even now it’s hard to just live your life as a woman without worrying about the pressures of people around you. I personally don’t want to have kids and I have expressed that to everyone around me and the one person who told me I should was my therapist. She was the one who said “oh you seem like you’re so independent and you like being on your own” but still followed it up with “I think you’d be a great mom”.
I doubt she’s wrong but it is your choice, tbf
No socially adjusted man looks at women as genuine objects to be used and displayed, this societal pressure many women feel is an illusion held up by the loud, and outspoken minority of sociopathic or socially disturbed men that actually feel that way. Every individual is complex and every person you meet is completely separate from "society"
@@jarenbure1415 yes some men obviously don't act that way but the stuff I mentioned is definitely not an illusion. There have been times in my life where I have been seen as an object because of being a woman. Or that I was lesser than a man, and other men decided to sit still and watch instead of actually trying to acknowledge the sexism. Sometimes the first thing a man says to me when I meet them is a sexist comment which is super unfortunate. But just because some men aren't horrible, it doesn't mean that the mostly bad experiences with men that I've had are a "illusion"
@inkcruz4075 Well, you see, I was saying that society is an illusion (not your experiences). A person (an unlucky one) can go through their life with horrible experiences and relationships with men, be they fathers, brothers, lovers, or randoms, etc. The opposite, filled with great and fulfilling male relationships, is also true. This will give her the illusion of a highly sexist "society" where a woman has no escape, or a society where there isn't a problem at all. My point is that society is merely a window that masks the true complexity of reality. Under this idea is freedom from "societal" pressure. Understandably, if you have people in your life who bring these negative ideas to the forefront of your life, it is up to the individual to cope with their viewpoints, which, to reiterate, isn't a societal problem but an individual one.
@inkcruz4075 Furthering what I said, Bad people exist and so do very loud minorities or genuinely narcissistic people; who i'd wager are responsible for a majority of social harm and real everyday sexism, aren't representative of the majority of people, with that said, you should never allow that type of thing to skew your perception, as this leads down to the slippery slope of generalization which is honestly just fuel for hate and tribalism that permeates most of humans worst social problems, racism, misogyny, misandry, misanthropes, etc.
Your videos are always a tricky watch, Mr Elieson, what with the subject matters always being so heavy; Nostalgia, Trauma, the desire of non-existence and now body horror, but I always come out of each video with new knowledge, new insights that end up feeling... wonderful, in a sense. Like crawling through a sharp and spiny bush to find the most beautiful rose you've ever seen in your lifetime.
Thank you for giving me such a rose to behold. :)
The worst part of me growing up as trans was having to deal with these feelings daily. A feeling that my body was wrong and that I wanted to escape it. Everyone else had beards and were so much taller than me and had deep voices, and here I come, an impostor in a class of 30 men. I wanted to shed my skin, muscles, and organs and just grow a new body. I still struggle with these feelings sometimes but much less frequently now. What I mean to say is, thank you. I associate a lot of what you discuss with my experience with gender dysphoria.
Gross 🤢🤢🤢
@@xaxeric What?
Transformers mentioned ÆRH ÆRH ÆRH ÆH🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
You didn't "grow up" as trans, you were groomed into thinking something was wrong with you either by your family, your friends or the internet
Gender dysphoria is what it is called and it can be helped with therapy
@@nothingtoseehere9648 Stfu TERF You don't know me
Can we take a moment to appreciate how deeply researched, thought provoking and valuable this video is and it is free!? Wow
indeed
no
Idk why the the part about the xray of the lungs made me tear up. It made me think, what if an xray was all i had of my bf if he passed away. And honestly, it would be remarkably comforting i think. Its so intimate. Those lungs speak words to me every day. I can feel those lungs draw breath as i lay my head on his chest. Something so clinical can and should be humanized. He is his body. I should love his lungs as much as i love his heart beat and his face. I should love his legs as much as i love his hands. His hands that have been mangled and shattered since the first time i held them. At any moment, any part of him could be rendered indistinguishable from its prior form. But its him. All those pieces make up the vessel of the person i love. As terrifying as what reality can do to our fragile bodies, i should love all of him before i lose any of him.
I cant wait until he gets home so can appreciate all the things i take for granted. Our bodies are as magical as they are fragile. To have one is as much a blessing as it is a curse.
This is beautiful. My brother has some heart abnormalities and I was afraid to see his echocardiogram at first but then I realized how precious it is to get to see it.
I only ever confess this to those I’m very close to, but I feel like this is a good place to confess. Ever since I learned what really went into creating a child, (not just sex, I mean EVERYTHING ABOUT CREATION), I have been viscerally afraid of pregnancy. The idea of being pregnant makes me feel physically sick. Being around pregnant women makes me uncomfortable. Babies scare me. And I think this video has helped me understand more of why. As I grow and struggle with now my gender identity alongside my sense of self, this fear has worsened. As most people do, I have come to terms with my body’s craving for pleasure. But when I get my period and I am reminded of what those processes are really meant for, I become sick and ashamed of my very being. How can my body be mine, if it is forced to act in ways I never want it to. How can my mind belong to this body, if I can not want to create in the same way it seems to? Now it affects my relationships. I am told by my parents that I should have kids. I am told by my peers that my gender is determined by what is between my legs. I am reminded by my partner that they want kids, and I can only pretend I’m okay with that for so long. Having a body is a nightmare.
Tell him, ASAP. deal with the consiquences. If he leaves you for not wanting kids, your goals never aligned to begin with.
Hey, of you don't want to have kids please tell your partner before its too late, don't waste his time like that, don't torture yourself like that, leave! You can find someone who also doesn't want kids! Staying with him knowing you don't agree with his wishes is just selfish and if done for long enough, just downright evil. Please please please tell him. Some guys think its okay to just get their partners pregnant because "they both want kids" without consultation, please, for your sake and his.
This is how I feel 1000%. I have an IUD and am child free by choice.
My best advice is to seek out like-minded partners, men who also don’t want kids (and appreciate what it does to women). They exist, but are far less common as men don’t bear the burden :(
And I too empathize with “pretending”
To be ok with a partner wanting kids just not to lose them. It’s painful, but ultimately the only solution is to find someone who also does not want to reproduce.
I'm listening to this before my A levels exam. Weirdly grounding
Good luck if you see this
Im not trans but for ages now i have this weird feeling once in a while where i can feel "myself" inside of my body. I can feel the bones and nerves and its really pretty fucking terrifying.
Edit: to everyone that is about to comment: No , i dont do drugs , No , im not trans or queer at all , i just sayed that to clarify because a lot of folks here are. No , i didnt know this was called DPDR now i know.
If you are homophobic you can just go to another comment lol
Am trans, have had the same experience. I always just assumed that's how bodies are for most folks
What does this have anything to do with transgenderism ?
@@parth7300 quite a lot of things, a mass majority of trans folks have these experiences all the time, it's even talked about in the video.
Edit: typo
@@parth7300 the whole concept of body horror is very transgender
@@jamwrightiam ...kind of. I would disagree but you do you
I'm floored by this video essay. I feel, as a disabled woman, that body horror is a constant in my existence. That it's easier to just keep going and act like I don't care that my body hurts more, that it will deteriorate faster than my loved ones' bodies, that it betrays me more. The last call for hope in your essay was a needed one.
dont care
@Vorcupine clearly u do since u deleted ur first comment where u said "don't care" and when I didn't respond you said it again. Yknow. Like a toddler.
crazy
@@Vorcupine yes u are honey, get help
no@@sydney9011
The intro thesis was amazingly well worded
This is such a good video with different topics tastefully mixed together and a interesting exploration of philosophy, books, games and movies and ideas
This video really resonated with me. I’ve come to terms with the idea of not being in control of my own body as someone with an anxiety disorder. When I experience an anxiety attack, I lose the ability to speak because my throat tightens, and I lose the ability to write as my hands get weak. I can’t move, I can’t communicate, I can’t think straight, and I can’t breath. It feels like how I’d imagine dying would feel like. My own body betrays me even though it’s trying to help me. Experiencing overwhelming anxiety over and over again throughout my life, I have to remind myself that I’m more than a walking disorder. I’ve gotten therapy and worked on helping myself, so I’m hopeful that one day I’ll have that control that other people do.
keep up the grind bro. . . I wish you well
I've noticed since I've become ill that a lot of what I spend my time thinking about is pain and mortality. I've noticed people who were once present in my life are no longer, it is as if my state of being reminds them of how disgustingly human and finite our bodies are. This video really resonates with me and made me feel seen, thank you.
Hmm... that is interesting, albeit sad. Most people don't like to think about mortality or the limitations of the body, not because it is in any way unnatural, but because it is hypernatural. It forces one to think about their life, their place in the world, their weaknesses, their humanity, at the very mention of such a topic.
Many people are afraid of approaching conversation at that level of depth.
I can relate in a way... Often when I think about this my mind wants to say, "Well pain is just a warning meant to make you aware of dangerous external stimuli, so you can modulate your behavior to avoid injury or death." This is immediately followed by me wondering why this is the way things are. What is this experience we were thrust into with no conception, why are things the way they are? You should look into the condition CIP if you haven't already , it is interesting to hear these people's perspectives on pain considering their inability to feel any. Here's a quote from someone with that condition, “People assume that feeling no pain is this incredible thing and it almost makes you superhuman,” Betz says. “For people with CIP it’s the exact opposite. We would love to know what pain means and what it feels like to be in pain. Without it, your life is full of challenges.” So it seems there is no winning, even without pain we would still suffer. I wonder why suffering seems to be fundamental to the tapestry of existence... Most of all I wonder why I must experience anything at all...
This kinda describes what being an alter in a system is like. It genuinely is horrific to front in a body that looks nothing like your's and doesn't have the paint tolerance or skills your's does. That disconnect between mind and body causes so much discomfort and suffering.
what a great and well made video, its a delight for the eyes to watch each chapter of it
I was recently diagnosed with a minor yet lifelong disease that does effect my daily life and has changed the way I view things. This video is a good insight on these kinds of things and it's good to not feel like it's all hopeless
I'm in a similar situation, 2 years into my diagnosis and I'm still doing my best to acclimated to how my body behaves now. It has completely shifted my perception of self and was/is a challenge to come to terms with.
It's so hard not only dealing with the physical issues but the self worth of not being able to do things like you could before and feeling like a burden needing help. I guess remembering you wouldn't be hard on someone if they had that same diagnosis helps remind myself not to be so harsh to myself@@CeltMcCeltson
I'm officially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and one of the symptoms is the lack of self-identity and distorted self-image (similar to body dysphoria).
And just the first few minutes of this video made me realize how much it actually affects me - I've been struggling with myself and my mirror image for years.
I can look into the mirror and I see a person… but I don't always see myself. My brain does not connect most of the time that this image I'm looking at is me. It feels surreal. It feels like someone else.
On the other hand, when my brain does connect the dots, that I am looking at myself, I feel nothing but disgust and rage. I see every single thing "wrong" about my body. Not human-like.
I have BPD too and whenever I look in the mirror I'm like "That could be anybody."
I didn't understand what you were saying at first because I've never felt i was "inside" my body because it feels like all sensation begins on the outside of my skin so my whole body and brain felt like 1 system. It's interesting to hear these other perspectives 😮