r/AmITheA--Hole My Son Got KIDNAPPED!
Vložit
- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
Patreon: / rslash
Discord: / discord
0:00 Intro
0:05 My mom kidnapped my son
3:08 Kidnapping by definition
3:44 I told my husband to stay with his family while he is unemployed
7:56 My husband doesn't want me to come on vacation so I stayed home
11:59 Not invited to my moms wedding
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
MIL: "STOP SAYING I KIDNAPPED YOUR CHILD!!"
OP: "No, I don't think I will."
Last story: she posted again with an update about how mom tried to talk to her brothers and they stood firm, and then tried to talk to her and it just solidified her resolve to never speak to her again. Chef's kiss.
It gets even worse. Apparently OP's mother was lying about her experiences to the husband/boyfriend and that was why the boyfriend hated her and was only caught when he went through OP's journal (horrible move but still) and discovered everything she did to OP. Now the mother is shunned from seeing ANY of her children out of fear that she'd do it to the husband/boyfriend's kids. she even had the audacity to text op "wHy CaN't YoU jUsT fOrGiVe Me AlReAdY?"
OP's brothers are rockstars.
Last story : NTA. That boyfriend is toxic and the mom is just a gene donor at that point. You tried, she doesn't like you for a stupid reason. She gets 4.5/5 for me on that one.
Aye that's the same score I was thinking
That isn't a mom, that is an egg donor. The same way a "dad" who wants nothing to do with his kid(s) would be a sperm donor.
Same score for me as well for the last story. My mother is kinda the same way because I look more like a mix between her sister that she hates and my Dad. I also act more like my dad's side of the family than hers, so double whammy to her narcissistic pride.
@@Nightdominia well someone slept with your dad & it wasn't you so not your fault
OP's mum is incredibly self absorbed to not love her daughter just because she doesn't look like her.
Also, her mum must have known from the beginning OP wasn't invited to the wedding, or having a birthday party the day after, but she pretended the entire time, for what? To get a kick out of destroying her daughter's feelings?
There's no proof just speculation, but I can bet the mum and her boyfriend would've talked about it together, and agreed OP wouldn't be going. Such horrible people.
I hope OP has an amazing birthday with her dad instead. She doesn't need her mum.
The mother must of had planned to kidnap the child but changed her mind. There’s no excuse for not responding to phone calls.
Nah, I have a feeling that if the cops didn't show up, OP's mom would've been out of the country with OP's son by now.
If it was something innocent, she would have no problem answering the phone.
Yeah, these types of moms or gmas are just the type to kidnap and take the baby just to show her daughter that she is the better at taking care of the child. They have a fd up way of thinking ..
The not responding to calls was definitely deliberate. It was her *punishing* the OP, and her plan was a victorious return with a super happy kid loaded with toys so that OP "couldn't" complain. Doubt she knew the cops were there.
@@MyDirtyHobo Exactly what happened! She wanted to teach the mom a lesson, have the mom worry, and win the child over - to spite the mom, not for pure reasons.
Story 4: The audacity of that shitty "man" to date and marry someone who literally has a child from a previous marriage and instead of sucking it up, he straight up tries to hide her and erase her existence. And the "mother" is just as shameful for _letting him._
I have a strong suspicion that the mother orchestrated the entire thing then laid the blame at the boyfriend's feet. (likely the boyfriend was only too happy to go along).
The mother sounds like a total narcissist. Narcs excel at twisting people and situations to their own benefit. And, we only have OP's mother's word that it was the boyfriend's decision (rather than the mother's). Narcs lie for fun and recreation as well as to manipulate people and situations so it is likely mother is lying here too.
Either way the mother and the boyfriend (at best he's an enabler) are toxic and OP is well rid of them - even if OP doesn't currently believe it. I hope OP gets some therapy that helps her to move on and find loving, supportive relationships in her life.
err no, this is on the mom first and foremost. the fact that he is a factor, is just a testament to how garbage She must be.
I’d say she’s worse for letting him. it’s her job as a parent to protect her children and she’s all but encouraging her boyfriend to hurt OP.
I don't think she was just "letting" him. She was actively encouraging him to treat her own daughter like that and even contributed to that behavior too.
You date someone with kids you take responsibility for raising said kids aswell. Weather you like it or not they are part of the family. As someone who has numerous step siblings from multiple marriages of both my mother and father I have never seen a situation where the other half has pulled anything like this.
Story 3: Calling someone an inconvenience, especially when they're being a helpful person, is just wrong in most situations. Here, it's even worse since OP is the only spouse that wasn't invited. I bet they would've badmouthed OP anyway.
My Dad always told me never stay somewhere you're not wanted, that's what OP did. And I'm 100% certain the only reason they were upset was because they didn't have a maid anymore.
Also the bs the husband made about his family "not being comfortable around her" um they're clearly comfortable around her enough to insult her
Sadly, the most inconvenience she was, was when they found out, that the free maid/ cook/ babysitter left, now they had to do it all by them self.
OP are clearly not the AH, but her husbond and inlaws certainly are.
Hope that she divorce him, and live a happy life, whithout them.
Divorce time
To be honest, I think it's fully grounds for divorce. It's one thing if just the family's talking about her badly, it's another when her husband is straight up badmouthing her to his relatives. The worst things said in the quotes OP wrote came from *him.* He was openly trash talking her instead of defending her, and if he really cared and thought his family just hadn't warmed up to her yet he wouldn't be doing that. He should be defending her, but instead he just sat their reinforcing every bad thing they thought about her and pretty openly stating he didn't want to spend time with his own wife.
He showed his true colours in that moment, he doesn't respect her at all and I'd be willing to bet that him talking about her that way is at least part of the reason his family doesn't like her. I mean, that "you know how pushy she can be" comment pretty heavily implies he's talked to his family about her like this more than just this once. If they already don't really give her much of a chance to get to know each other, how else would they know about her so-called "pushiness" if it wasn't from him.
That Banshee in story one I think deserves the full 5/5. Not only did she kidnap OP's child, but lied to the cops and literally gaslit OP by saying "Oh it must be pregnancy brain because you said I could." When clearly that was not the case considering you had to run to the store because your husband had a flair-up.
Last story: don't worry about your brothers and mom relationship, they're doing this because they love you and don't like seeing you be mistreated your mom.
theres actually an update
OP decided no contact on her mom
mom is very pathethic goes to her to apologize but still blaming her
like cellphone is a two way street
she's wrong but telling op it's immature to post it online
you get the gist
@@leomatomulto8766 it's really sad when people refuse to take responsibilities for their actions. It's even sadder when they pretend to take responsibility to avoid consequences, but then find reasons to blame the victim, in the pathetic way to make them look less guilty.
@@leomatomulto8766 the mom is a narcisist.
@@leomatomulto8766 it’s the parents job to reach out and communicate with their child. The cellphone is a BS excuse. She’s deflecting her poor communication on a child. Hope she got the wedding she wanted and she’s miserable about it. What snippets we got about her Dad makes him sound like a saint. He had several children with this women. Marriage probably already on a termination course and the daughter increased it. That the mother despises a child that looks like their father and still has a relationship with her older brothers because they favor her in appearance. Tells me she never had much love for the man. The only positive thing to say here is that she didn’t commit paternity fraud by cheating. Back to point, he took over full custody of his daughter and then assuages his daughter’s sorrow by saying it was Mom’s PPD as the cause of the lack of connection. Not that she’s an insufferable witch imho a sign of maturity in coparenting. Also, I agree the older brothers see this and love their sister. That’s why they cut Mom off. They’re real brothers. I’m glad OP has this kind of support.
@@d.phantomfan1216 it's like " it's you're fault I kept punching you in the face everyday for 3 years you should've stopped me"..
Kudos to OP's brothers for realizing how unfairly their mother was treating OP and refusing to go to the marriage. I would've done the same.
Any parent who treats their children differently for something that's completely out of their control is toxic, disgusting and unforgivable. OP is better off cutting contact with her mother and anyone who sides with her and never looking back.
Agreed.
Especially kudos to the brothers. Too often the favoured children side with the toxic parent against the scapegoat. That the brothers sided with OP says very good things about the brothers.
This shows that op brothers aren't entitled a holes ..
based nkg pfp
When you tell people "I heard what you said" and they respond with "Well you're wrong to eavesdrop", that's because what they REALLY think of you, and what they say to your face are two very different things. This isn't just a red flag, this is Defcon 2, how marriages end in homicide. I'm with Rslash in, I'll almost never tell someone to divorce, but this is ABSOLUTELY divorce grounds!
I’m actually curious if the family-in-law actually thinks that, because we only hear it via the husband what the family’s response was. I think maybe he’s gaslighting both sides of the equation.
Agree, this people just don't like op and they don't want her and that makes me wonder 🤔, why in the world they got married if op's family doesn't want her, when you do a family vacation you take the whole family, what is wrong with these people
@@Lucky-Nick123 probably some of those insular freaks who see spouses and/or grandchildren as outsiders
"I ain't been droppin' no eaves." - Samwise Gamgee.
I hate that. If you walk out of a room and people start talking about you, loud enough for you to hear as well, but you're considered an AH for hearing it. No, how about don't talk about people behind their back, you AH!
This whole thing about eves dropping is kinda stressing me out because of something I went through recently. I hope no one minds if I tell the story here. About a month or so ago, I was in therapy over Zoom talking about some very sensitive matters...I didn't realize my dad was in the other room, and he didn't realize I was in therapy (he thought I was talking with a friend.) He overheard everything I said, and eventually came out and was very angry at me for it. We've since talked about it and I asked him why did he evesdrop on me and he claimed he wasn't. And, I guess according to you guys he's right? Either way I've forgiven him but...who was in the wrong here?
Man, today's stories were all justifiable reasons to end the relationship with the spouse, parent, etc. So many garbage people.
IKR? Makes me glad that most of my family is boring and normal! The part that isn't I rarely see anymore.
Story 3 is a deal breaker for me, he didnt stand up for his wife. He also said she was an inconvenience. He chose his family's side without even trying to help her fit in with them. I'd leave so fast.
Did it ever get updated
I’m sure he also saw her as an inconvenience
"...made his family disappointed and gave them a really bad impression about me,"
Answer: well then it's even. Their behavior disappointed me and I have a very bad impression of them...and you. I think I have a lot to consider about whether I want to be in a family that treats spouses in such a shameful manner or married to a man who treats their wife as you do."
Story 1 I've heard this one. I hate it when police say its a "family dispute". Their cop out not doing anything. Do what you gotta do to protect your kid.
And people wonder why modern generations trust cops less and less? Stuff like this, not only does it make the decent number of good cops' jobs harder, but its harder BECAUSE so many are lazy, stupid, lacking morals, are generally the REAL thugs in a given situation, and at their worst even deliver more unjust brutal punishments depending on how non-white you are.
The cops have long fallen from any semblance of earned public respect, and this is just one more reason why.
Especially since most dangerous kidnappings are done by a family member
And the family trying to justify her behavior is honestly disgusting. I am willing to bet they would act like how OP did if their child gets taken from them.
Cops: BUT WE DONT WANNA DO OUT JOBS
Tell your family when they don't know where their child is for 6 hours they can have an opinion. Also file a report with those cops, because children being kidnapped by family members is not a family dispute.
So by her Mothers logic, I can just go grab any kid off the street as long as I just want to show them a good time and return them eventually. Yeah, that makes total sense.
I mean that's what I do
@Jayden
Lololol😂😭
The thing I don't get is that if it's "pregnancy brain" then there should be no problems with her being so hormonal and wanting to protect her family. I'm being sarcastic, op has every right to try and protect her child. Had grandma somehow gotten tickets in that time for a plane what then.
In story 3, I'll never understand people who let their spouses be treated differently than other spouses. In my family, you'd potentially be shamed for leaving your significant other at home while going on a vacation or really any other family outing you were invited to. It's one thing if they can't make it due to prior commitments, but if it's "bah they're awful" then you're going to get quite the talking to.
Yeah, trying to wrap my head around this story like why marry someone if you're just going to be awful to them? In terms of the family only thing I can think of is OP's husband is spineless, his family are stuck up snobs [potentially for marrying someone beneath their tax bracket if they're loaded, elitism be real, yo.] and he badmouths her to appease and fit in/get good with them. Regardless, badmouthing your spouse and making them feel unwelcome/treating them like a pox especially during a vacation that welcomes the other spouses is not okay. Again like, what the crap dude?! Why marry someone like poor OP if you don't even love her?! I hope OP leaves his sorry butt and either finds somebody better and/or enjoys a happy life, the dude's a complete douchebag and will sooner or later regret taking his marriage for granted.
@@WyntheRogue For in-laws to dislike certain spouses of their kids is perfectly normal. What is not normal is to side with your spouse and rock the boat with your family. Especially since you've just proved the point by calling for divorce over something this minor. If marriage is so fragile that it can shatter over some disagreement, then why would you choose your spouse over your family? Nah.
It might also be that the other spouses have been in the family longer and that the parents usually take a while to warm up to someone and that is why OP's husband didn't want to take her there. She pushed, in-laws hated it, OP is mad that her husband by being hesitant was right.
@@CidVeldoril Wife/Husband exclusion shouldn't be justified by "we haven't warmed up to them yet." you're married. That's your life partner you're talking about. You build that connection (warming up to them) by including them for experiences. Not excluding them for experiences.
@@MyDirtyHobo Thing is, the in-laws don't have to justify anything. If they dislike the spouse of one of their kids, that is their right and they can exclude them all they want. They did not marry that spouse and had no say in it either.
I do get why anyone would stick with family over a spouse though. Just look at divorce rates for why choosing your spouse over your family is a bad idea.
How can a child be expected to "bond" with a total stranger when they don't even have a language in common? A total stranger who shouts at the child for doing something wrong? When the only way to "bond" is to bribe the child with gifts?
And she ignored all phone calls for six hours. That really sounds like she had nothing suspicious planned.
I wonder if the mother had plane tickets booked, or a hotel room.
The plan was "only" emotionally traumatizing her daughter, not kidnapping the child.
She only wanted to make her daughter suffer, brribe the child with gifts, and when she returns, use the happy child to blackmail her daughter into not complaining about it.
The grandmother is an abuser, she doesn''t give a shit about her grandson, she only uses him to abuse her daughter.
@@Robin93k - sadly, that sounds absolutely spot on.
In the last story my heart broke for that poor girl. No child should have to be punished just because they look like one parent over the other. That girl's life will be better without her mother in it.
She's gonna need therapy and she also need to NOT TALK to her mother for the rest of her natural life.
@@Rylosalex I hope her “mother” and the POS boyfriend live very miserable lives.
Is it bad I feel op should get a white dress and crash the wedding creating a ruckus, and have the brother do the same but for the reception should they still have one? I'm feel like the phrase all's fair in love and war is fitting since this is about op finding out her mom doesn't love her.
The last story: There are times when you want that "I'll go no contact, and then you'll be sorry and you'll regret messing things up so bad that I left" feeling. But that is so rarely how it happens. I'm so sorry for OP and I hope that she reaches a point where she stops taking any blame on her shoulders and just accepts that he mom isn't worth knowing. It's a journey and she will want to keep looking for that sign that Mom is changing for the better. I do hope her dad gets her a counselor or a therapist so she can get to the place where she realizes that Mom is 100% responsible for any of her failed relationships with her kids and that if OP's brothers cut ties, that's entirely on Mom's shoulders. OP will feel so much lighter once she shakes the burden of giving a damn what her Mom thinks from her shoulders.
Very well said!
I was one of the lucky ones who got to tell her family “I’ve absolutely had enough of decades of abuse, you are the very reason for my cPTSD & PTSD, I’m cutting all contact. Any attempts made to contact me can be made through my lawyer, or can be done through the police, choice is yours.”
They only ever tried to “contact” me to send abuse, and I kept my promise, they had to deal with the police, my mother has been charged with hate crimes against a disabled person, my brother has also been charged with the same charge, because apparently they “couldn’t help themselves” and had to send extremely ableist and toxic abuse.
When they realised I wasn’t playing they left alone, but have attempted (badly) to convince people I’m the bad guy. I made a public post to Facebook years ago, with full receipts and documentation of abuse (it was a whole album), with a TLDR to explain “I’m a child abuse survivor, for anyone coming to my page because of my brother and/or mother, take the time to read this album of evidence that has come directly from them, these crimes against me includes theft, bank fraud, wire fraud, harassment, hate crimes (ableism, homophobia), psychological abuse which is covered under domestic abuse crimes, physical abuse which is covered under domestic abuse and assault crimes. These are not good people and they’re spinning a lie. You know this man and woman are shady yet you’re somehow believing her daughter, who’s only ever asked to be left alone, is the bad guy? I haven’t spoken to my mother and brother in years, on purpose, all I ask is to be left alone, I don’t want anything to do with my abusers, thank you.”
I’ve had random strangers sending me messages apologising, like I don’t know these people at all but it’s always
“Your mother fed me some lies and I believed you were a bad woman, so I checked out your Facebook and saw your post, I’m really sorry I judged you, I didn’t realise your mother was like this”. I never respond to the messages, because honestly there’s nothing to be said, they feel bad for judging when the proof is right there, and I don’t wanna talk to strangers online.
Not many people get the satisfaction of saying “I’m cutting contact”, because understandably a lot have to just slowly cut contact without saying anything, essentially ghosting the abusive parent. I got to do that and it gave me immense closure to say “goodbye”. The abuse after was totally expected and I’d already been in touch with friends who are cops (police Scotland, very friendly dudes), they also already knew my mother and her behaviour so we’re ready to fight my battle and tell her where to go. It did take me a long time to stop blaming myself for my mothers behaviour, a long time, it stayed with me for a very long time even after cutting contact and I got mental health help (thank GOD we have the NHS), my therapist helped me understand I was a literal child abuse survivor and none of it was my fault.
I can only hope OP reaches that point in her life, that she was never to blame, that she is innocent here.
The whole concept of loving one child over an other based solely on how they look or their gender is completely lost on me. I love my children boys and girls alike, blue eyes and hazel eyes, even when my daughter looks a lot like my mother-in-law.
Story 4: This is basically resentment. The mom resents her ex-husband and is taking it out on OP just because she has some resemblance to him. It's supported by the other sibling being treated a lot better just for resembling the mother.
I've seen other CZcamsrs like Ailurus cover stories that have resentment issue parents.
The fact the mother chose her boyfriends family over her daughter because of resentment issues proves that she doesn't want to be a mother to OP but instead her other children who do look like her, actual P.O.S, I hope OP and her brother cut her out of their lives
Yeah, OP can't ruin the relationship because it's already ruined. Her mom was never going to love her for factors outside her control. Family means squat when it's toxic.
@@DarcOne13 "Family means squat when it's toxic."
^^^^^THIS^^^^^
We need to say it louder for the people in the back.
Too many say 'BuT THeY'rE FamILy!!' when they learn I am no contact with the toxic morass that makes up most of my family of origin.
This sounds ro narcisistic to me tbh
It's narcissism. Mom only truly likes the children that look like her, so girl triplets, then the boys and finally OP rates not at all because she looks like her father. Then when the unfavored child has the audacity to call her out on it, Mom uses that as another means to make it all about her and woe is me! There is no living with narcissists and I hope the brothers continue to have OP's back and that she reaches the point where she understands that any failed relationships Mom has are entirely Mom's fault.
Family members are more often the perpetrators of kidnappings... the grandma is totally a kidnapper
There was an update for the first story I think where the cops got a little more serious about it and basically told the grandmother to gtfo of the country and the ops family was angry at her (op)
Thank you for the update.
I am glad the cops finally took the matter seriously.
I have relatives that work in schools that occasionally get notices 'watch out for (adult) person xyz. If you see xyz call 911 immediately and protect child abc.'
XYZ is usually the non-custodial parent but sometimes grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc. who is a danger to kidnap the child and, often, to take the child to a different country where bringing the child back becomes HUGELY more difficult.
I hope OP takes similar measures for any daycares, sitters, schools, etc. that her child goes to. Her child seems to be in this type of danger.
Honestly if I was OP, I'd not only cut the grandma out of my life but anyone who agreed with her in that situation.
Good!
Thank you
Ok, I'm sorry but 3.5/5 for story one? What the actual hell? This is at minimum 4/5 because they kidnapped a bloody child. Also, he's done a story about a kidnapped child before and that was a 5/5 score for that story, why should this be any different? Granted different people different events happened but even so, kidnapping a child, a three year old for god sake, it's insanely butthole behavior
I completely agree
Yeah that’s 5/5
Yeah idk what’s up with R/slash he’s not been very ‘judicious’ with the scoring recently and been interjecting his political views onto certain situations is very cringe and makes me click off so fast. Not the case with this video but yeah again I’ve noticed his scoring seeming to be lighter on people than it should. Also I believe he gave her 3.5 because she didn’t cause any bodily harm or intentional or unintentional harm besides removing him from the home against their will. Which myself as a parent would give them 5/5 but I’d recognize my own biases’
Because a woman did it this time
@@PonyCraft that's probably it. Even if he doesn't mean it. It was probably just subconscious
Oh my god, the 2nd story hits way too close to home. My father is practically the same way, but there are like 2 main differences, mostly with my dad really did get fired but never left to go get another job, and his family keeps mentioning to get a job.
My father now has been unemployed for 20 years. He lost my relationship with him for being just really terrible in the sense of gaslighting and manipulation, and my mom divorced because of my dad. OP needs to run away from this guy, he will never look for another job, he will never get another job, OP needs to RUN.
My parents are very similar. For reasons I will never understand, my mom just kept putting up with the BS. Married 51 years now. My dad maybe worked 20 of those. She dropped out of college and put him through so he could be the breadwinner. She ended up doing that plus all the household stuff. They had eight children. And he thought watching TV was his priority.
The funny thing is my folks split for the exact opposite reason. They bought bought a bowling alley, and that immediately became my stepdad's whole life. He'd spend sometimes 24 hours a day there working on this that or the other thing, taking small naps when he could in the office, freshening up in the bathroom. His logic was, as long as he was there, he didn't have to pay someone else to be there. So when things got slow he'd go grab a quick nap in the office, and would come out when called if things picked up. By the time he got the place ship shape he started to spend more time at home, but would still be at the bowling alley 12+ hours a day, every day, Monday through Friday. Family gatherings like Christmas or Thanksgiving would be held at the bowling alley so he didn't have to take time off. During league season rather than hire extra help, he'd beg family to come and help out for the weekend WITHOUT PAY. (Tips yes, but actual pay no.) I know they talked about it some, but in the end he just chose his bowling alley over his own marriage, and they split.
20 YEARS?! How old is he?! Is he just waiting it out til a so-called retirement?
@@pascaleelliott63 yes I know it’s shocking to me too. Hes in his 60’s
That last story actually made me feel really fucking sad. Like I’m not crying but fuck I feel depressed as hell for OP. Like what on earth has she done in her short life to be treated this way? Absolutely nothing! Fucking horrible people they really deserve the worst. Hope OP is doing as best she can
Hopefully op goes no contact with the abuser forever even if op gets married and if op ever has kids..
Go to the 4th OP's profile. She posted an update to this story, as well as a rather heartwarming story about her dad.
The postpartum excuse pissed me off. I was in the hospital for a good while after being born, being bottle fed as a result. After being released, I wouldn’t take to breastfeeding. This made my mother’s clinical depression worse causing her to think things like: “my baby hates me.” I’m twenty years old and my mom is one of my best friends. Poor mental health is an excuse to struggle, not to just refuse to try.
3rd Story: Anyone stopping to wonder wtf OP's husband has been telling his family about his wife? It sounds like he's pretty much kept her away from the family and I get the feeling it's less of them warming up to her and more of he's been talking about her behind her back and doesn't want OP to find out. She's better off divorcing him and finding someone better.
Yes I am. That line "you know how pushy she can be." If she's so bad why did you marry her. I'd never trust him again after that.
First story - OP is NTA. She had no idea when or even if her mother was going to return with her child. Whatever professional fallout comes her way was brought upon herself.
Second story - OP is NTA. Sadly she married a deadbeat. If he wants to build a life with his wife, he needs to step up and contribute.
Third story - OP is NTA. Why wouldn't her husband want her with him during a family vacation? Clearly he doesn't value her as much as his own flesh and blood.
Fourth story - OP is NTA. Her mom doesn't seem to love her at all, and isn't even being subtle about it.
That last story was rough. That mom doesn't deserve OP or her brothers, good on the brothers for having her back.
Honestly, someone that hateful and cruel doesn't deserve children in general..
Yeah 😊
I'm 100% disabled and thus stay home all day. Not only does my disability pay for nearly every bill, but I also do the majority of the house work. R Slash is right. Even though I financially contribute, if I was to sit around all day not doing anything my wife would be very hurt. Treat marriage as what you would want your spouse to do for you.
What do you have, if you don't mind answering?
If your technically paying for the bills and she's not working why are you the one doing the majority of the housework? Also if both of you are contributing financially then shouldn't the physical work be 50/50 since your impaired?
I want to know where you live so I can live there too and have enough to live in disability cuz disability won't even cover my apartment. So I have to work even though I shouldn't.
@@sheikhali8547 My wife works. That was my point. Even though I contribute the majority financially, I still do house work because it makes her happy. She's a full time student and has a part time job.
@@ryderthesinful Moral Injury that results in PTSD and misanthropic thoughts.
First story : Rslash, I respect that you don’t want to give out 5 / 5 but holes too often so you can save it for the worst of the worst, but 3 . 5 / 5 is too low for OP’s mom in this story… she NEEDS 5 / 5 for everything she put OP and her family through!!
EDIT : last story : OP’s brothers who refused to go to the wedding because of what happened to OP, also deserve 0 / 5 but holes
Last Story; Having a teenage daughter who is younger and prettier than her makes Mom feel threatened and old, because of how grown her daughter is. She doesn't want other people (Grooms' Family) to see her that way, Mom is super toxic.
Actions have consequences. It constantly amazes me how the AH in these stories either don't want to deal with the consequences of their actions or they don't expect to have any consequences at all.
Respect to the brothers in the last story for sticking with their sister despite having a better relationship with their mom. I'd understand cutting off your kid from something if they were a toxic adult that takes advantage of you, but definitely not a 15 year old that didn't do anything "wrong" besides look like the other parent.
That’s not a husband, that’s a moocher 🤦🏽♂️😂
Right, that's a roommate who steals your shut and doesn't pull their weight. Who needs that!?
@@fdm2155
I call them a PARASITE.
Op needs to leave her husband. His family clearly has no respect for her and the line "they'll warm up to you on their terms" is a Tell-Tale phrase that they'll never accept her as part of the family. So here's what she should have done as soon as she got back home packed her stuff getting a car and just go wherever leave your wedding ring on the nightstand.
The in-laws don't have to like you... but the fact that your own husband shares their sentiment makes me question why he even chose the marry you
He's with her because 1) he thinks she's getting an inheritance or is currently a financially solvent partner, or 2) he knew he'd never get the kind of woman he really wanted, so he "settled". Men will do this for multiple reasons; needing a beard (gay/bisexual and still in the closet), parental/familial pressure to 'hurry up and marry' or have children, and financial (a lot of companies pay married men more, because they're expected to support a family). It's all bullcrap reasons to marry, but it happens.
I agree; she needs to chat up a few divorce lawyers and get her ducks in a row. Especially the financial duckies; it happens all too often that one spouse drains the joint bank account and leaves the other with nothing. Judges hate it, and will rake them over the coals for it, but they still do it; she needs to move her half to an account he has zero control or access to, preferably in a completely different bank brand.
@@alexisgrunden1556 in the comments one woman was in a similar ish position. She wanted to go and her husband said family only. She divorced him as soon as he came home from the trip
@@madambutterfly1997 Good on her!
Story 1: *Literally kidnaps a child* "Yeah thats a 3.5/5"
Story 2: Wow, that's not a husband, that's a child.
Story 3: "wrong for eavesdropping" you're talking when she's nearby, if you want to gossip, at least wait till she's off the property. You were made to feel like an outcast, so you opted out of their garbage vacation to take care of yourself.
Story 4: Listen if you don't want your kid there, at least be f*cking honest about it. The fact she used excuses just made it worse. Looking like her dad just means that op can remind the mum of the same spark of love that she had with her past partner, and how she's lucky to experience that spark a second time.
RSlash: I reserve 5/5 buttholes for literal child abusers.
Also RSlash: Give a someone who verbally abused and literally kidnapped a kid only 3.5 buttholes.
What I've realised with most of these stories is that Americans get married Way to early.
That they're married before knowing their spouse, before having any big monumental things happen in their relationship, before meeting their spouses family.
Theres nothing wrong with being in a relationship without marriage for years, to really get to know someone.
No wonder the divorce rate is so high
Im an American but i can agree. My husband and I dated for nearly 6 years before we finally got married.
@@nitequeen17 me and my bf have been together 7, and I doubt we will ever get married. In the UK it's just not that big of a deal. Or atleast hasn't been since the 70s.
I don't understand the husband in story 3. He wasn't happy that his wife came along but got angry when she left? NTA
It sounds like he’s goading her into a breakup.
Well he's simply an emotional abuser, everything his wife does that he didn't tell her to do will make him upset, and if she doesn't do something he expected of her he'll also be upset.
He'll try to cut her off from any social interactions, make her question her own decisions and blackmail her into becoming his maiden.
He doesn't want a wife, he wants an inferior~
And if OP doesn't leave soon, she'll become his slave maiden...
Protecting his... image, I'd guess.
Story 4: NTA. OP is part of the family. She deserves to be there. The way OP's mom and boyfriend are acting is awful and I'm glad to hear the brothers are taking OP's side in this. The reason doesn't like OP is (like rSlash said) disgusting. OP gets a 0 out 5. OP's boyfriend gets a 3 out of 5. OP's mom get's a 4.5 out of 5.
The OP from the last story has an update in her profile.
Sounds like the reason she cancelled the birthday party was because she felt her boyfriend was making her choose between OP and him, and she chose him. Because of that, OP and her brothers are not currently talking to the mom, with one threatening to call the police on the mom unless she left after she tried talking to them.
"We don't want to have you with us on that vacation."
"Okay, I go home."
"HOW DARE YOU!"
About that vacation story: It absolutely should be a deal breaker for one small but pretty important detail. It's not like husband's family doesn't like OP and the husband isn't helping enough. _He is a vital part of the problem._ During the overheard conversation not only did he agree with his family, he was actively shit-talking OP and called her pushy. And the way he said it makes it abundantly clear that it wasn't the first incident of that kind. At that point it doesn't matter if he is just playing nice with his family at OP's cost or if he really means it. That marriage is dead in the water.
The last story breaks my heart for many reasons:
1. A child deserves and needs a mother's love. That child came to be because of both parents. The fact that OP isn't loved by her mom, makes me feel like the mom doesn't deserve her children at all.
2. My mom died in 2019, two years before I got married. She was a former drug addict. She did her best to make amends and loss of time. In our final conversation, she made it clear that no matter what decisions she made in life, having me and my brother were the best decisions in her life. That she loved us. She wanted us to succeed, do right by God and be happy. I also have a step dad as well. We had a very rocky relationship at first, but it got better with time. He considers me and my brother more as his kids than his actual ones. I would give years off my life if it meant my mom could live longer. Unfortunately the world doesn't work that way.
3. One of my best friends has been fighting against the courts to get full custody of her two youngest against her ex husband. Her ex husband is really dangerous and a master manipulator. She's scared for her kids daily. She loves her children and would do anything for them.
The fact that OP's mom chooses to be so vain and hateful towards OP, tells me that her mom needs a serious reality check.
There's gonna be a day that the mom is gonna regret the actions she took and try to reach out and have a relationship with OP. But as a result of her actions, OP and possibly her older siblings are NOT gonna want a relationship with their mom solely because of how the mom treated OP.
In my opinion, the mom and the bf get 5/5 a**holes. This is abuse and child neglect.
I can relate to the wedding story. I'm a male and I have a strong resemblance to my mother, no question of our relation. My father has had an issue with that since at least the divorce probably even sooner, and has always been closer to my brother who resembles him more, even though for a time my brother hated him more than I do. I once called out my father on this, saying he looks at me and sees my mother instead of himself and holds that against me.
I am often astounded by how much BS some people will accept from their spouse. Dang
I feel like that last story is one of those story's where a 5/5 B-hole score was absolutely appropriate. I mean sure it wasn't physical abuse but it was emotional abuse which is just as bad, so from me they would get the full 5/5 B-hole score.
Story 2; my bf works and I stay home, I have disability so my situation is a little different since I can finally help pay for things, but I felt terrible not really being able to contribute much while I was fighting to get disability payments. My bf didn’t have a problem with me taking it easy (he saw me almost die so he worries a lot about me), but I still felt bad for how hard he worked for us. I couldn’t imagine taking advantage of that love and kindness by lying and manipulating him. Regardless of ability, a relationship is a partnership, treat your partner with the love and respect you want to be treated with
Hats off to OP's brothers, that is what family do
The last story hit a nerve in me. I'm the youngest of three. By the time I was born my father had already convinced my mom to not divorce him due to cheating. It's always been vocally known that I'm not the favorite. Or even second. My parents dubed us as the trouble maker(my brother), the princess (my sister) and me the weirdo. I look dead like my dad. Green eyes dirty blonde straight hair. The treatment of me vs my siblings have been going on for a long time. Now I'm wondering if the situation is the same due to me looking dead like my dad while my siblings look like twin children of my mom.
Maybe You need to see if your mother is a narcisit or just an awful person.
@@rene280195 it's probably both with a mix of autism bc it's her side that gave me that lol
First story : Yep, that's kidnapping.
Second Story : NTA. He didn't hold up his end of the bargain and just wanted a free ride.
From story 2, if a grown man or woman are living with their parents, don’t dump him or her on the spot, but be wary that they might have problems that prevent them from moving out and you might have to deal with them. Overall be careful who you date and marry!
The last story, I've been there. I look a lot like my mom. Almost identical. Well, my mom and dad got divorced when I was very young. The early years were okay. My 3 siblings and I lived with my dad for most of my early childhood. At about age 9 we moved in with my mom. I don't know what happened between my mom and dad. I was too young when they were together to remember anything. But something happened. And my dad ended up hating my mom. As I got older I looked more and more like my mom. And whatever relationship I had with my dad disappeared. No matter how hard I tired he was always distant toward me. I even tired to learn how to play golf. He had normal relationships with my other siblings and my step siblings, but not with me. He would never say anything about it, but I kinda figured out why. I feel really bad for OP. She is definitely not the ahole.
Third story : NTA, yeah I would've left too. If you're seen as an inconvenience, you may as well leave.
1st story: Ruin her Op, do it.
Kidnapping also included when anyone holds you agaisnt your will
So, for example, any time a bus driver doesnt let kids off to go to parents cuz power trip
So lets say Gma had permission, if the child wanted to go back home to his parents and she refused, it would then still be kidnapping
...
This is also why police dont illegally detain you, its also a form of kidnapping
There's only one thing to do for story 4, tell the mother's side of the family of what the mother did & thought of OP and hopefully for payback that side won't go to the wedding.
The last story explains why OP lives with the dad full-time.
2nd story: Im so tired of people acting like making sure a house is clean and cooking dinner is a full time job. both people can have a job and cook dinner on a routine basis. in my eyes there's only one excuse to not be employed and that's being responsible for a newborn child, that's it
"op's child gets kidnapped"
*calls swat team*
Im a stay at home mom. My husband goes off to work at night and during the day I: take care of our 2 donkeys, 8 goats, 4 dogs, and 2 kids. This includes making sure everyone is fed, has water, is given bonding time, clean, etc. Theres hardly time for me except a few spare minutes here and there i use to take my medicine.
Yeah I'm just going to say this on the Second Story Op needs to just end her relationship with this deadbeat the fact that his parents are defending him is the problem here he's never going to learn as long as they start to think well our son he's trying his best we've seen him he literally tells us every day that he's trying to look for a job but there's nothing that makes him feel comfortable on wanting to work even though this dude is probably just out there spending mom and dad's money or getting money somehow to spend or he can do whatever he wants because this guy is like you know what I just want to be a man child that's just going to stay home and do nothing why my poor wife has to work or my poor parents have to support me like yeah I'm sorry to see if I was in a relationship with anybody like this they be out the door the very moment they told me they quit their job on purpose the very moment they told me that they couldn't find anything that suits them and they tell me that they feel that they don't have to job hunt and their life is comfortable the way that it is I'm like nah get the fuck out of here with that that'd be it for me and I think this should show Opie that she shouldn't you know look back at this relationship even sadly even though she's married to this person but she should pursue this as a way of seeing that she should get with somebody or marry somebody hopefully after she left this dude to find somebody better
Thanks for reading all these reddit stories. it is so nice to listen to them while im doing other things, and i dont want to stick my eyes on reddit for 30 minutes.
Story 3: " ...You know how pushy she can be"
At this point, I'm surprised she's not pushy about divorce.
Story 1. I absolutely hate it when people say "if you tell what someone did it will negatively affect them" I agree with rslash....if it is something that would make someone look bad, then they shouldn't have done it, they knew what their job would and wouldn't find acceptable before they decided to do what they did. And not answering the phone is terrible because what if they had gotten in an accident and that's why they weren't answering
It shows terrible judgement and shows that she will not do what is right when it makes her uncomfortable, she is the type to hide medical mistakes
One thing I never got with people who have deadbeat partners: ... Why? Do they feel obligated to baby grown donkey adults?
Like "He stopped cooking and cleaning, so I had to." like... no? Only cook for yourself then. Heck, you can even go full petty and put a lock on the clean silverware. Forcing him to wash if he wants something to eat off. Cleaning wise? Leave his areas a mess. Ofc he is gonna be "okay how it is" if you pick up ALL the slack.
Like, jebus. I never get people that do this. We have good proof from malicious compliance that it works VERY well to call their bluff.
I'm just going to say this on the first story Op definitely needs to pursue charges against her mother no matter what and she needs to block and cut off any family members and any friends that are against her and saying she shouldn't do this because that shows that they don't give a damn about her and her kids and they would rather listen to this person cool they know is probably known for being a problem in the family but they just choose to ignore her as a problem because that whole entire but were family bull crap and on top of that those family members and friends will never learn until it happens to them and then they start to realize oh this is how that person felt that I used to be friends with or that used to be a part of the family on top of that there is no justification for the mother's kidnapping her own grandson and just trying to say oh I just took your son without your permission and even then that's not cool because she can't just have it her way just because she wants things to always be her way but good thing that op decided that she never wants her mother a part of her life and she needs to stick by that
The mother getting married deserves to lose everything.
Hope the brothers leave and stay with her and dad.
Third story: So, OP gives the family a "bad impression" of her, when she leaves after finding out they didn't want her there in the first place? Unhappy if she's there, unhappy if she leaves, can't win, huh. Like rSlash said, does her husband even like her?
Story 1: OP should probably have noticed her true colours from the start. She didn't just kidnap OP's son for any old reason, she had already been heavily critical of everything in regards to OP's living situation and her parenting. This difference in behaviour leads me to suspect that she premeditated this over time to take OP's son away from her. She used her connection with OP to manipulate her way out of the initial retrieval, and is actively trying to turn the whole family on OP by playing the victim. She gets 5/5 buttholes. Her behaviour is criminal.
Story 2: SO gets 4/5 buttholes. He has been consistently lying to OP and extorting money out of her for his luxuries. When he's supposedly going out for job hunting reasons, he is probably at the bar with his mates. If he's going to public places like that with his pals on his own partner's dime behind her back, it's safe to say there is a possibility there is going to be much more than just "hanging out."
Story 3: OP's husband gets 4/5 buttholes, the rest of the family get 3/5 buttholes. All of them have taken OP's kindness for granted and there is a good chance they will let this be a hill to die on, given they were already willing to gaslight OP and make her the villain for even wanting to go to begin with. Husband gets a higher score because he is honestly just a shitty husband, he had the stronger responsibility by supporting his spouse when needed. The ultimate conclusion here is that hubby is trying to save face for mommy dearest, or he is just a two-faced asshole.
Story 4: Mom gets 4.5/5 buttholes. Her husband gets 3.5/5 buttholes. OP's brothers get 0/5 buttholes. Honestly, I'm so happy that OP still has some people out there who love her from her mother's side of the family, even if her own mother refuses to. This poor girl is 15 and is being ostracized for something that was out of her control, just because her mom's spineless fiancé is insecure. The dude radiates with a profound toxicity.
This woman failed as a mother because she chose to refuse the idea of expressing any love towards her own child due to her appearance conflicting with her subtle narcissism.
I love your channel r/ and will continue to listen everyday. That being said I feel like I've heard these ones before.
And isn't it that the large % of kidnappings are done by family of the one kidnapped? That GM is crazy and OP should pursue this.
Last story: NTA. It doesn't matter that she suffered from post partum depression, she chose to not get help with that for 15 years.
Story 4: My heart BREAKS for OP. She shouldn't have to apologize to her brothers, they finally saw their mother's true colors and chose OP over her ... OP reminds me of my sister, only difference is she cut contact with my father and I because she was desperate for her toxic mother's approval. Haven't seen her in over 10 years. Keep your father and brother's close OP. They're looking out for you.
The last story made me cry. My older kids live with their dad but I try to make them feel loved and always welcome at my house. I really hope they never feel the way OP does, and if they ever came to me and said my partner makes them feel that way, I’d kick his ass to the curb.
Yo thank you Rslash for the daily videos
The fact that I thought for a moment that I'd heard the first story before because I *have* heard more stories where the grandparent kidnapped the grandkid is terrifying.
rSlash's story telling voice is always the thing that relaxes me in the day.
He could read the encyclopedia and it would be soothing.
Wait... So OP asks her husband to go on a trip with him... Than when she's there, they treat her like trash and talk behind her back, and they still expected her to stay on the vacation after that... Something is wrong with that picture. When someone gets married, they're generally supposed to treat each other like equals. Not as strangers.
My mother does what she wants, but even she would never take my kids without letting me know. The mother could've even left a note. That's just crazy.
3rd story: I mean sure op’s husband’s family may need to “warm up” to her but dude (husband), you’re MARRIED! Warm up time for you is long over lmao. If your family needs space give it to them but you already chose who you want to be with, supposedly permanently.
Story 1 - I always love how people complain reporting their action would have negative consequences. That is the point of reporting them so the actions are punished.
Oh my god. Listening to that first story just got worse and worse and worse. First her MIL is verbally attacking her, then she kidnaps her son, then the cops brush it off, then the entire family verbally attacks her and minimizes it all!!!
That story 7 minutes in really hit me because my bf and I have been together for five years and I see similar issues.
As someone who also got mistreated for looking exactly like a parent (I was my late mom's double, we looked that much alike, except for our eye colors), I felt for OP in that last story. No one should be hated because they look like their parent(s), because it only breeds anger and resentment on both halves.
I went NC/LC with those who made me feel like crap for looking like my mom years ago, and I hope OP does the same, because that toxicity isn't worth keeping around.
My sister is going through the same thing that the second OP is going through. My sister's husband recently lost his job, refuses to get a new one, and when is offered a job will quickly get fired because, and I quote, "how am I supposed to watch my wife if I can't watch the tracking app on my phone?" So he either sits at home watching her on his phone, sits in his car in the parking lot of her work and watches her from there, and has her do all the work while 8 months pregnant and pays for all of his things. His car, his insurance, his phone, and his drügs.
So OP should definitely leave him before she gets too deep into this.
Last story: wait, if the mother says that OP isn’t invited to the wedding because she’s from her previous relationship, shouldn’t the mother also have that same rule for her sons? Shouldn’t she be glad that they’re not coming if that’s the real reason (we all know it’s not but she should at least keep her lie straight).
Story 2 hits a little close to home. I'm in a relationship where I'm paying most of the house bills. I was told that, as the "man" in the relationship, I should be okay with footing the bill for all of the expenses. Yet I should also reach out when I need help with paying stuff, yet one of my partners throws it back in my face when I do need help. It's a financially abusive relationship but what gets me is they're just leaving me next year to go across the country to live with another guy. It's going to be where they don't have to pay for rent (which they don't REALLY do now anyway), and just need to worry about their own bills. Then here I am feeling guilty thinking about putting a laptop payment plan on my credit card so I could get my credit better. If people aren't paying equal shares they don't get to live in the same house, end of story.
Loaning money for job hunting immediately sounded like gas, toll, parking, and/or public transit money to me.
It can be super expensive to make a single trip into the city just to job hunt on foot. I've done it.
Edit: That being said, I know he admitted to not job hunting. I'm just saying I didn't bat an eye at the concept. If you've been unemployed for a bit, then it's basically impossible to do anything other than search the web for jobs.
Story 3: OP how are they supposed to warm up to you when your HUSBAND bad mouths you to them?! “You know how pushy she can get” what a jerk.
I had a grandmother who would pull the "You were wrong to eavesdrop" card after loudly and purposefully talking crap about you.
My solution: go on a family-only vacation with your side of the family and refuse to bring your husband along for the same reasons. OR if you do bring him along, tell your family about what he and his family did in that "I-want-you-to-eavesdrop" way and then be like, "You're wrong for eavesdropping" right back at him.
Edit: and then divorce him.
Ye thanks for the new vid rslash, perfect timing coz im about to do some house work lol
husbands family: UGH I CAN'T BELIEVE SHES HERE HOW RUDE
also husband's family: UGH I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE LEFT HOW RUDE
Story 1: OP, persue this to the cops. NTA
Story 2: If the husband is not willing to contribute, he needs to leave. He’s not doing anything to make things better, divorce him. NTA
Story 3: That family is toxic and so hypocritical. I would be angry too, and this is a red flag. If he’s not willing to respect OP, she should leave him. NTA
Story 4: OP’s mother is horrible. Her behaviour is awful. That’s no way to treat her child from day one. I’m glad she called her mom out and her brothers are supporting her. No wonder why OP doesn’t like her mother. OP is NTA, her mother and boyfriend are major AH.
Wow, not inviting your own 15y old daughter to your wedding is just despicable. What's worse is that it sounds like her boyfriend is making all these calls, not her. Either way, she's a POS for not caring about her own daughter and treating her like an outcast.
6:49 one thing my grandpa said when granny was still around was "it's take 2 to tango, and own up to your 10%"
9:58 "OP leaving really disappointed his family!" Yea...no shit. OP was doing all the cooking, cleaning, babysitting all their gremlins and her leaving means THEY had to do all that. Dump the husband and that whole family.
I looked up the post for the second story, and it's so bleak. OP wants to do everything she can to make things work out because "I’m estranged from my family and spend most of my time working so I don’t really have anybody else aside from him." It's sad because she doesn't realize that she doesn't really 'have' him, either. Quite frankly, he's not worth having. She even says she spends most of her time working. So I'm imagining that in addition to working and taking care of the household, she doesn't even have the time or the funds to go out herself (because remember, she's paying for all his trips out, too!). I'd personally rather be completely alone and taking care of myself than be essentially alone and struggling like this.
Also, in happy relationships with a stay-at-home partner, the arrangement is always discussed by the couple before it takes place. That's how it should be. And, in plain good relationship advice: Every relationship should be 60/40, with each partner trying to be the one that gives 60.
I can relate to that last story. My mum often told me I look like my dad and I often wonder if that's why she didn't like me