Why Your Family Hates You (8 Steps to Coping with ScapeGoating/Mobbing/Narcissism/Projection))
Vložit
- čas přidán 14. 04. 2013
- Sam Vaknin Richard Grannon Seminar Liverpool March 2019 "How to Manipulate the Narcissist or Psychopath"
www.eventbrite.ie/e/how-to-ma...
Watch our documentary on the hidden toxicity of social media now
bit.ly/pluggedindocumentary
The family does not love you because you are not allowing those control freaks to control you. Do what I did, move a thousand miles away and praise the Lord. Peace.
Gabrielle Stargel that’s what I did too! God bless! ✝️🛐💝💃🏻
I moved two thousand!!!! It didn't solve everything, but heck that internal condemnation as certainly piped down. Now that I am not triggered and conflicted at their indifference and meanness.
Gabrielle Stargel my plan...
This is my plan but it's hard as right now I struggle with PTSD panick attacks and am Agoraphobic yay.. I struggle everyday even to simply get up
Gabrielle Stargel I lived far away but i got sick so i live in the same building now. It makes it impossible too because I have a son and they want to control my sharing rights with my ex.
Families often tend to gang up on the most reasonable person.
isambo400 ...thats me!!!
U right
That helped me out
Very true.
to The point to Make the Target of their "affections" ,..commit Suicide, or commit A crime
"The weakest link" is the person with highest emotional intelligence and the most sensitive one and what is perceived as crazy is the pain and suffering they go through.
Well said...
On point
I've a hunch you might be right. Thanks for that thought.
Holy shit. Pardon my French but that’s exactly how I am treated...Have always been treated for years! I finally caught on to this years ago and set limits. They’re never wrong and they’re all so negative. Anything I did was wrong in their eyes all the time. It was like I was a junkie. I did what I wanted and was a free spirit have always been. But they treated me like complete shit.
That me all the way
These kind of families are evil to the core. Instead of loving their own, they are envious of them. They are sick.
Narcissist
Facts
Not necessarily. My parents are wonderful and kind, but I recently figured out that my brother is a malignant narcissist and he has been messing up our family system for years, secretly slandering me, which has slowly caused all my relatives to think badly about me. It has been very confusing and torturous for my beloved parents because they blame themselves (or me) because he is very convincing with his lies, a great actor, often playing the victim. I’ve had to get a lawyer, but evil brother constantly writes letters to him trying to gaslight him and turn him against me!
True. And at times they just want to control you and how you think because you are a mirror to their dysfunction
yup! my family to a T
Still reading comments with tears spilling out on my face. My God I had no idea there were so many of us out here. God bless us all. We will be fine without toxic parents and siblings!!
I lost my fiancee, three children, her daughter of which is where they all live. Four doors down on the same road. Always wondered why she never helped me in our new three bedroom house. Or why she didn't visit our grandkids or have them down to play. Well I was able to take one to a pizza place to play all the games. She didn't even want a drink, she was so enthused about me helping her by pushing the petals while she steered. Miss them. Me empath, they are all narcissistic abusers
Kari Short I trying not to do.this too my kids but I do smh
Am eldest son with three more siblings. I was emotional and most talented , an obvious reason to be escape goat.
At 55 , I see the things crystal clear and separated from narcissistic parents and siblings.
@Osito Kintsugi I so wish we could all do this
@Osito Kintsugi Brilliant response!👏👏🙌😹 Should have said, "if you believe in God and his promise, then you have comfort in knowing that....dot..dot..dot..will come to pass".
I got no support from my family. I was treated like a neglected pet: feed it, shelter it, give it an occasional toy but don't talk to it- unless it did something wrong, then smack it.
The day I moved out for good was the happiest day of my life and I never went back.
Wow this sounds like me ... I’m trying to make this Change my life is being ruined
Hugs to you sweetheart 💓
what good is it to have a family if they give zero about you. .better off having lifelong solid friendships
I felt the same way growing up. A million toys but no one teaching me how to read
It was the happiest day of my life as well when I moved out, my family didn't hate me but they didn't love me either, for like 2 weeks I was just eating rice but I felt like it was the most glorious food I ever had because nobody was telling me what to do.
I've always been the family scapegoat. After years of trying to win their love and exceptance I realize it's never going to happen. At 45 years old I think the only solution is to completely cut them out of my life.
Exact same here. I'm 46, so mid 40s must be the time we finally wake up
I'm right with you! I swear!
54. I’d gotten out, got sucked back in, being rejected now, planning to mutually part ways.
I am 41 and my parents are cool, I have forgiven them and they finally admitted that they didn't understand me and thought I was a weirdo, etc. BUT, my younger sister(I am the middle of 3), has made my life hell and then makes ME look crazy. I even apologized to her and said, can we get past this...she wouldn't even look at me. She says hi and is coldly fake distant friendly at family gatherings and NOW she hosts most of them. This year, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Been lockdown by my family and now by the govt bc of this pandemic, and I AM DONE being the weird sister that worked her butt off thinking I needed to make more money to fit in, etc...NOPE! So now, I have more damn money than them and plenty to help my neighbors right now, to donate to food banks, and to MOVE the hell out of WEST VIRGINIA! I love my parents and the door swings both ways. My mother said, don't let her attitude keep ya away from birthdays and holidays, etc.....I said, they are NOW AT HER HOUSE! Can't we have them at your house like we always have. Her response, "I don't wanna upset your sister, you know how she gets." 🙄🙄🙈🙉🙊👋👋👋 WOW!
@@Ms.GreenJeans this is incredible! Am also the middle child of 5 and abused also by my dangerous narcistic youngest sister. I went no contact but am extremely lonely. Often bullied everywhere bcos i feel not ok in my skin. Very insecure, but indeed high sensitive and university level. Not many seem to understand me and i suffer a lot of that. Thank you.
I’m the scapegoat and truth teller. The family mobbing was so awful that even EXTENDED family members would try to shame me. I have always received the backlash and any negative feelings gets projected on to me. Once I react they resort to gaslighting & name calling. Saying I’m dramatic and sensitive. It’s exhausting and I don’t wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemy.
Ironically, my worst enemy has never physically or psychologically harmed me to the same degree that my family has & it took my psychologist to insist that I sever all ties with my mother, otherwise I would have been loyal to my family & a glutton for punishment for the duration.
Get out and get some distance they are horrible people, I don't go near. I never went to my estranged "mothers" funeral, she was a horrible woman. I felt no grief just relief.
I'm going through the same thing. All of my life.
It’s ok to love yourself enough to walk away....
Felicia Garcia yea you really have to come to a point sooner than later where you face the reality of who these so called family members are and you must have your own back- you need to make it your singular goal and drive to protect yourself and make it your singular mission to focus on what you need to do to hold firm boundaries protect yourself, take care of yourself and and take steps to better yourself to get away from these life draining leeches to reclaim your life - your life is your own- it’s not on loan to them or anyone
Bye
True! 😉🕯️💯
If only walking away was that easy for some 😔
SOUNDS GREAT NEED MONEY
You can't win with these types. Even if you change for better. They 'll always find something wrong.
B. Trey Nasty you nailed it, it really is that sad unfortunately. Stay strong 💪
That is a sad reality that you have stated. 😧🕯️💯
Ain't it the truth? I know 'em too. and have recently freed myself of the loony tunes in my life.
Yep I had two Bosses who where like this.
Agreed!! I was always damned if I did... damned if I didn’t. Too much of this or too little of that. God has lovingly revealed to me the only way I will ever truly heal fully, is to go no contact. I get really angry at times and want to tell them all to f#%* off but of course that will only make me just as sick as All of them. I’m letting go and letting God. It’s a good feeling to know I’m not alone. God bless and heal us all please!🤗❤️🙏🏼
I refused to be treated as "lesser than" anymore and went no contact.
Is it working? Have you been back?
Same
🔥🔥🔥
I swear ill be free someday
To have a family that really loves you and really wants the best for you is actually very, very rare. Sadly.
I have been thinking about this lately. What a blessing it must be to be born into a loving generally healthy family. I have a good friend who has the most incredible tight knit family. It is so beautiful to be around them when they are together to see how they treat one another. Nothing but kindness and respect
The parents do want the best for the preferred kid or kids not for the one that's no preferred
It took me 54 years to realize that I was scapegoated I walked away from my entire family I can't say that I'm happier but I am more peaceful
Welcome to the 50 year club.
@@danieljackson1742 why did it take so long for me to realize ?
@@socalnativeinazitsadryheat903 Hope springs eternal
@@socalnativeinazitsadryheat903 Dont be hard on yourself. I'm 51 and only realised this year that my family dont care/respect me. I've walked away from my narcissistic sisters.
@@danieljackson1742 because they are your family. And you prolly were taught its best to be with family.
"Most families are sick, its normal"
Humanity is literally insane. Insanity has been normalized.
You spoke truth are! So much so that we have clothes virtually if not all State Mental Hospitals and every of the 50 states in America. Yet mental illness is at an all-time high due to the continued disintegration of the family structure, opioid use, teen pregnancy etc etc etc!
It has been designed that way by the elite that run this world it's called order out of Chaos
@@laurabarber6697 Do you think all mentally ill people should be in mental hospitals? If everyone is thrown into mental hospitals, which were often not good places to be and many of the people there were tortured or just left to die and not treated, who will work and do all the other things? That is why insanity has been normalized; the world needs workers, so they either demonize mental illness, so people deny having it and don't get treatment, or they get thrown some medicine and rarely have their issues actually worked through, often because the issues are caused by people outside of that person's control. Not saying medicine and therapy don't work, but it is common advice to get away from your family, partner, or whomever is causing problems in your life because you fixing yourself still can't fix the people around you. It really has very little to do with family structure (since that's what we have had all this time and mental illness is at an all-time high; I wouldn't rule out the horrible economy and how the cost of living is higher than what normal wages can afford), opioid use is often to self medicate these mental illnesses (watch the show Intervention and you will see what I mean), and teen pregnancy is actually often caused by older men seeking out young girls and knocking them up, then walking away with little to no consequences, while the girl's life is messed up and she raises a child that won't be mentally or emotionally stable and the recent anti-abortion laws will just make this problem even worse. You guys have to actually look at the root cause of these problems; they didn't just suddenly spring out of nowhere like 10 years ago. They've been in the works for hundreds of years and right now in time is just the result.
@@calebproductions5970 🔑🔑 amen
@@calebproductions5970
Truth!
Family will steal from u and stab u in the back while hugging u telling u the whole time I love u so much.
leeroy excavator EXACTLY
TRUE
Very true dude, r u sure you are not jesus christ lol
Very true
If they don't want to talk to you , they don't love you .They have a disdain for you.
My sister launched into a tirade against me this morning , saying all kinds of nasty things . Then she said she and my brothers love me because they had helped me out before .
Love is not verbally abusive and shunning of a family member
"Your family doesn't want what is best for you" in MOST cases true.
Vivian Smith 💫💫
NM was jealous because I bought a used car.....
That horrible your family be the bigger haters
Cindy Long same here. It hurts my mom heart ❤️ when I bought an used car without my family help. Sad Cindy.
They want what is best for them with you in the picture as their extension to benefit them and the unit. This is why most humans are taught conditional love and lack of self love.
Teal Swan- “Cut the invisible strings” good video about this mess
'Truly, I tell you, ‘No prophet is accepted in his own hometown.''
Whom are you quoting? Love this.
barbara collins it’s a quote from the Bible. Spiritually speaking the black sheep/scapegoat is the chosen and anointed one by God. The name scapegoat comes from the Bible. Hope that helps
Also the black sheep’s/scapegoats are the prophetic people. The prophets
So true . 😊
@@barbaracollins5605 Jesus! Have you ever wondered why he did not do healings and miracles in his home town!!
Shoutout to all my peeps having a breakdown because of their fams and looked for a video like this to guide them through proper coping mechanisms and help to preserve sanity. If this is the case, and you’re reading this, know that I care about you and so do a lot of others. People can just be mean sometimes.
that first sentence was spot on mate
Thank you. You too.
Oct 2021
Thank you.
Thank you, you too, once I can work through my sadness
I read once something that was so true. You'll see parents who give their kids a million rules, stop them from watching tv, listening to certain types of music, having certain friends because they are doing "what is best" for the child. But the fact is, you'll spend the majority of your life undoing damage done by your parents.
Parents usually can't see past their own opinions, mindset and ego to truly see their child for who he/she is. So when a parent is doing what they claim is best for the child, they are really doing what is best for themselves. Parent "worship" , especially mother worship needs to stop. Not all parents love their kids. Some kids would have been better off raised by wolves.
"Parent "worship" , especially mother worship needs to stop."
Why especially mother worship? There are millions more who worship
"God the Father". Which reminds me of a book by Mary Daly.
I'm talking about human mothers and fathers, not God. C'mon now. There is far more drivel about mothers putting their children first and only wanting what is best for kids. The whole "mother knows best" bullshit.
I think so too.
Summerafternoon its my birthday and they’re having a party for me. That’s what’s best for them
@@goodnessofg-d1315 What nice compliments. Thank you! :)
Mobbing is the most cruel form of abuse ever. Who wants to be around people who enjoy hurting someone in that manner. It's very sick. Get away and stay away. No contact.
You got that right! My brother tries to torment me with his lies, throwing rocks when I'm doing the yard work and runs to his mommy and says all kinds of lies about how I was the one throwing rocks at him and telling him to get his a** back in his room and stay there. He'll go to her and run that mouth for hours with the same ol' BS, over and over, and then she tells him to just shut up! And he just goes on with the lies. The National Enquirer won't even take his stories! But when she sees me, knowing we'll cross paths, she'll tell me not to say anything. Right in front of him. I told her she's giving him leverage to keep playing his games and he tells me to shut up as well. I won't give him - or her - control over me. Ever! So, when I move out, then they can do their own thing. I don't care.
People who mob are like people who kick dogs, they are cowardly and weak.
Here here.
bullying is endemic among humans.....nothing has changed since the bible's god made excuses for genociding his own kids for doing the same crap humans do today....worse actually....and then there's the witch burning mobs, stoning rape victims, attacking slandered targets for money and sport, crowds in roman stadiums cheering for horrific deaths, bullrings.....cockfights, dog fights, screaming mobs hacking people to pieces, putting a burning tire over someone's head, throwing widows on their husbands funeral pyre, abusing kids too stunned and afraid to speak up, molesting your own children (FFS), abusing animals, abusing anyone or anything they think can't get them back or won't be believed over them.....and destroying mother nature casually
I do not believe humans have evolved at all....Quite the opposite...and with a few exceptions, most, if they are not very firmly led to be too afraid to be evil little fkrs.and at best, delinquent cowardly bystanders... are triffids, venus fly traps, poison ivy, and deadly nightshade in the garden and, it needs a good weeding
today, mobbing is as it was during the witch hunts...a political lever.....a form of terrorism designed to send a message that anyone who does not comply with a corrupt system, will be smeared and citizens will turn on them on the merest whiff of irrational gossip.....it's as if humans learned nothing from centuries of mob inciting slander used as terrorism that drove starving people to cough up sunday taxes, in order to avoid hell; that THEY engineered in the here and now, with a promise of heaven later for the most submissive obedient and self sacrificing to their agenda
nothing has changed, few have learned....here we go again
I was severely abused by a cold, violent, hateful pathetic joke of a family. I taught myself to master playing several instruments all on my own. Now I'm a World-class musician. So who was once the " kickball " is now the " STAR!".
I'm proud of you !
Andy Okus I’m so glad your a rock star. I wish I knew who you were I bet your super famous. Good for you!
This really helped me I need to listen to this twice
Andy Okus congratulations,😇
SCORE!!!! Great job!!! 😄
My whole family have left me feel so lost and alone i wish anyone in this situation love pease and a brite future x
No one deserves this
Try to find your 'tribe' Ali.I'm almost in the same boat.There are people out there on your wave length who will not play games.Fjnd support groups.
It’s really really really hard to find your own tribe
I hear you Ali. My family is leaving me feeling the same and on top of it my girlfriend of 2 years and I broke up because I called her out on this bullshit. I confided to feeling totally alone and she just slowly stopped talking to me. My heart has never hurt more than it does currently. I'm waking up sweating almost every night. I've cut everyone out now and am starting to wonder the point of everything I'm trying to do when I have no one to share it with.
To you as well
I announced that I was changing career, not one of my family had a positive response. Pure jealousy.
What assholes
I go thru the same thing im so lost and devastated
I had a 38 years 'career' and was made fun of by the family for never leaving the state and working same place for so long. My father was the only one to tell me that I did good by staying put at the job and standing tall through it all. Screw then all, after parents died we all died and haven't spoken in 5 years. I've been mobbed by everyone ... everyone - for standing up for myself with home and work issues. I'm quite content alone in life with my few tribe of forever friends. I had to retire due to illness not one congrats from work or family. I have a saying, mean people suck, I agree, pure jealousy.
Me too. They're jealous and they think it's the most ridiculous decision that I made.
Fuck them Im proud of you and Im your mom now
They do hate us and they definitely don't love us. You don't try and destroy people you love.
Natalie rice yes. Terrific point. Clear-
I am always curious that this obviety that families are so hard and put you down is never seriously studied by science.
It’s a taboo talking about it because people are told by their families to never talk anything much less bad about their families.
So people grow up being not sincere and never having the chance to get another angle.
Later on, only the strong ones leave that snakes nest - and normally by the initiative of the family. They are scapegoated and never left alone in the abuse if they visit.
Families follow the most primitive os the Laws: Tribalism and territoriality.
Yes that’s true
20 thumbs up
Yes, they are more in love with their own ego's.
I was the one to be scapegoated in my family, made fun of for being sensitive and kind. I walked away.
Yes, Heather ...... 💝
Birds of a feather. Walk away now or later, but a natural divide will happen. One only harms the self by prolonging the abuse.
Heather Whittaker same
Charla - I tried and the pain and suffering wasn't worth trying to get anything. If your mother doesn't love you, it doesn't matter how much you do for her, she's going to leave her estate to her darlings.
I feel for you Charla.I've been through this all my life.
Looking back, I'd have been better off leaving them all behind when I was still young enough to make life without 3 people poisoning every thing I ever tried to do.
I was definitely the scapegoat. I won't go to family functions, either. Not weddings, nothing.
Cynthia Allen SAME IF I HAD MONEY I WOULD NEVER LOOK BACK AT ALL
Lol when im at a wedding/birthday i just really dont want to talk because i dont WANT to, im still trying come out because im homosexual and i feel like if i become what i want they wouldnt like me.... Im going through alot of existential crisis because i try my best to act like a man but i really regret anything i do because i am different inside and i want to become free..... I know people are disgusted but thats the challenge us people go through and its soooo DIFFICULT to do ok thats all......
@@poppyisyourmommy6956 Hang in there.
Am thinking of not attending forthcoming wedding.3 months away and really not looking forward to it.
Funerals neither shit
Family who never loved, gets happy and amused seeing me in pain or difficult situation. They hate seeing my happiness if it doesn't profit them. I swear people like me are strong, strongest. We can go beyond the hate and actually get people who loves us for who we are ❤
Your recovery is their worst nightmare because if you become empowered they have to look at themselves more and not the scapegoated member. Bless anyone that suffers from this awful affliction ♥
Sure u right!
Omg I wish I had known this like 10 months ago. I quit pain pills and drew a boundary at being in charge of my own recovery. I can’t wait to be free of them. I put my foot down & lost literally everything in one day at the exact point in my recovery where I needed stability
@@Reality.juiced Get as far awaits as you can as soon as you can because your soul will thank you.
@@Reality.juiced so sorry. I hope that your life has separated from them now and that you have found your own power. Because you have power, you just forgot for a while xx
Wow that was a real gem right there. So at this point it ain’t really about me
I swear this guy knows my family personally.
It's pretty spooky.
Same I came here as I am crying I feel like a baby crying everyday
My mom always hated me my mom and my dad abused me as a kid my mom got away with it as blaming him for all the abuse and he went to jail as she gets to take us in
My doctor wanted to take us but she didn't no are mom abused us
I live with my mom everyone of us don't like her
She mostly goes after me for all my mental illnesses I'm the one with all the mental illnesses goes to a special school so she picks on me
And if we ever go court or anything she will use my mental illnesses for it all
I am sorry your not suppose to wish death on people
But me and my sister want to only be us two
My other 3 siblings die my mom and st dad and my dad all in car crash and we live life happy
ditto - lol
Many family like mine
Leo Jolly omg this is my family! Fuckers
Regarding projection: I think I was twelve when I had the blinding revelation that literally EVERYTHING my mother accused me of (having no friends, lying etc) were her own faults.
Yikes; that's actually a thing
Our indigenous ancestors wouldn't have been like that
Incredible isn't it. That's when things go downhill. When the cult sees the infallible leader may not be so infallible after all
Accused of not having friends was my parents go to.
My family has always hated me, all of me, I can’t like what i want to like, I can’t say what i feel, I can’t do what i want, And all I’ve ever done is love them..
I feel you a 100%
Get away from ANYONE who mistreats you. "Biological family" isn't a right to hurt you, regardless of bloodlines.
Lived through the hardships of an abusive family of origin. Survived!
Me too!!!! TRUTH 💖
My counselor tells me that if I wouldn’t choose my evil siblings as friends, then why spend time with them when all they do is spill their hateful venomous vitriol on me!
My whole family loves to point out my flaws. My younger brother is seen as the perfect one and I get compared alot to him. I asure y'all that he is no perfect kid. Just a fucking manipulator.
Yes. Family members have no right to mistreat kin, either.
Funny thing is the person, my family scapegoats, me, is the same person whose actions got them the blessings they ungratefully have access to now. They were not the catalyst for the deal that changed their lives, I was.
God loves the scapegoat/people who are just hated for no reason...The world or some people hate us and thats because we are so different,we have a light shining around us.We are so blessed...children of a 👑.Lets not worry too much or have hate towards them...God sees everything bad that is done to us.God bless you all my fellow ones♥️
AMEN
Amen, it is spiritual as well. Jezebel attack.
petra WM AMEN
Charla Ville You are His anointed child and no one will ever succeed in harming you.He will always protect you and keep you alive♥️bc He loves you too much💯
Your light is hindering their darkness!
My brothers hate me. I gave up talking to them. Everything is wrong whatever I do or say.
😔
Sorry:(
@Broadsword Calling sorry:(
D S Maybe their jealous of you head up and say f&ck em. Is what I want say but truly walk away and pray for them I’m getting closer with Jesus Christ ❤️ these days. He heals. Sometimes we gotta let that little unbreakable bond inside we always had for our siblings die ‘ 😑in order to heal to see the bigger picture of them be a bigger person and move on. yea I’m speaking bout myself as well. It is what it is. Best of luck
That’s exactly how my sisters are and my mom. No matter what I say or do. I’m always wrong.
I've been going through this for a very long time, and I'm in my early 50's. I've just removed myself from the siblings. Thank you for sharing this. No more tears.
I'm in my late 60's now. It gets worse.
Daniel Jackson choose YOU.
Im in my 50s.I wont lie and say i dont cry sometimes about it.But its a lot better than being treated like garbage by my siblings.
I'm in my early 30s and just realized that I'm my siblings favorite scapegoat. I guess I should feel lucky that I realized it kinda early. It still feels like I "should" have known better but they really do a great job of making me feel like everything is my fault so maybe that's why I always simply blames myself.
Sexy 50 year old making me hard.
I'm the scape goat. They get mad when I don't help them mess up my life.
SAVE TRUMP: This says it all.
Kathryn J. Hernandez certainly does TDS
Yep
Perfectly stated
I hear you. In my family If you were drowning they'd throw you a brick not a life jacket and watch you sink. Sometimes when it hurts and I ask why, I inmagine I'm a mighty mountain goat. It's lonley up here but at least we can connect to others that go through the same 🐐 😂 🗻
Thank you! Took me a long time to realize that family has nothing to do with blood.
Thyalwaysseek my family has mentally abused me as long as I can remember all I want is to die
Son of Kek dont , survival is the key, move out and pursue your passion
It took me 52 years to learn that blood does not mean family!
Son of Kek don't die. Tell an to fuck off. Say hi only every now and then and live YOUR life.
Son of Kek, please don't do them the favour to die! The best punishment against them is to become happy and successful!!!! Love yourself, I got out of that horrible circle of insecurity, fear and self-hate with therapy, these videos and self-love meditation! I send you all my love and compassion! 💮🐝
"It's not you, it's not your fault..." - I've known from a very early age that I was the black sheep of my huge tight-knit "Christian" family, always the scapegoat for everything. I know this video is old, but today has been very dark for me, I needed to hear this. Thank you ♡
I was just like u i felt like this touches home.
same here was happy to get out of that religion and home. I'm a much better person now.
They aren't Christians they're "Churchians" practising "Churchianity"
I get you, but don't let their lies (to themselves) their "virtue signaling" steer you away from true Christianity.... or they win ..again!
God bless you.
I've known it since an early age too. It's how I managed to keep my sanity intact amongst all the FOG and gaslighting. You point out the same problems again and again and even if those problems stare the rest family members in the eyes, they still deny and project. I was in survival mode for years, trying to navigate a goddamn twilight zone!
@@boatybear1013 this is totally true for me. My narc father and mother always saw church as a place they can show off. No real love was shown to me. I went to a church where god’s love is central.
I cut ties with all my family almost five years ago, our parents had already died years before , or I would have cut ties with them also. I took so much emotional abuse from them for so long, just trying to be part of the family, letting so many things slide until I had almost no respect for myself. I was always so angry with them ever time we got together, always having to be on my guard, until I realized that my anger was at myself for taking it. At first I was depressed about not having them in my life, but I realized that what I missed was what I wanted our relationship to be like, not what it was. It took some time, but I am so much happier now, I hardly ever ever think about them, or what’s going on in their lives. I can finally be who I really am without all their criticisms and backstabbing. They are not a part of my life anymore, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much happier I am. So if you have this problem with your so called loved ones, don’t be afraid to walk away. I don’t know who they have chosen to take my place, to pick apart, and have their fun with, but it isn’t me and never will be again.
Wow throat punch 🔥
The best revenge is living good, prosperous and keep improving. I don’t care who’s jealous of me, it just proves to me that I’m doing well. The bible say “if God is for you who can be against you” I moved from golden child to scapegoat as soon as I started standing up for myself and decided to not tolerate abuse. I’m so much happier now.
Bringing God into the equation is not good, Good does not always answer. Didnt God know what was going to happen in our lives, still put us in toxic destructive parents.What a way to show people his love
@@tommiller753 Not God's choice. It was THEIR choice. That's why I detest mean people.
@velveteyes79 I respectable dissagree.sometimes a person needs help or an answer from a God who supposedly loves them not another trial or test.i steep most of my life serving.then I woke up.if bad is going to happen I don't need fake hope of help that never happens.
As far as family why would God put a tender life in a drug house,molesters house or a child's life ending from abuse or neglect.were was the meaning for that life
@@tommiller753 God don't put evil on us,evil is the work of Satan.
Scapegoat right here.. I always wondered why it felt like my family literally hated me but now it makes sense!
Barry AsILayDying McHugh Be a wolf is a good choice. You have to stop being the sheep. the first step to start don't give a fuck what your family think of you.
Same here
Marette Savill .....No, they’re gaslighting you.....they’re trying to make you think you’re unloveable. I’m going through the same crap. My entire family has drug and alcohol problems.....but not me. I believe that they allow demons to enter them by their use of substances. I have nothing to do with them anymore. I’m in the process of reinventing my self.
I still don't get why they do this
If your family hates you respect yourself and cut them loose. Don't hate in return keep them in your prayers. Soar without hindrances. Thanks for sharing.
family’s are terrible to each other.
Check out Iyanla fix my life on You Tube & OWN networks.
The major problem is that not all the people should have kids. There's no tests to pass to become parents. Most of us have been made by accident. We were never wanted or expected. You can tell it wheter you are loved, wanted and cherished and when you are not. Do not stick for people who never loved you because they never will.
Izabela Maria - I 100% agree
My mother outright told me she wanted me to be a boy or my sister. My father said he would give me to social workers because I knocked my my damn younger sisters door since she came in my damn room and closed the light to start a fight.
Real fuckin smart.
I feel like neither of my parents should have had children even if they had had them with someone who was a great parent. Instead they had them with each other, meaning they were each a horrible parent who had a child with someone who was also a horrible parent. Bizarre.
Habbn
When you EXPOSE the truth, it will anger them especially if it was severely dysfunctional ! Keep posting ! Thank you !!
Danny my mum will deny it if I confront them about anything and say no that never happened, is it the time of the month.
True they don’t want to be set free and would rather be lying asses.
After years of abuse, when I exposed my narcissistic mother's dysfunctional rejecting behaviours, she got soooooo angry, she blocked me. I got a reaction lol. What a result!
Check out Iyanla fix my life on the Oprah network.
@@Phoenix-kf4xo Check out Iyanla fix my life on you tube.
Tribalism and mobbing can happen in friend groups too. I know someone who was in a group and they got rather popular into an influencer status and a couple years of that and they were attacked verbally and emotionally by a few in their own friend group. It was a mobbing/smear campaign with so many bs lies spread. I never knew friends would turn on someone just because they were successful and 'made it,' but they did and I chalked it up to massive jealousy and envy.
I had the same thing happen to myself. Just know that you got what it takes to be successful as well if other with more resources are envious for whatever reason 💯
And, it does just as much (or more) damage compared to physical abuse! Uses all the same circuitry in the brain, but is so much easier to keep invisible which is how evil people get away with shoving it into one family or friend member... so yuck. So awful.
My sisters always treated me like an outsider. I never did a damn thing to them but want them to be my sisters. Im so hurt cause it will never change. Im moving away. I cant deal with them anymore.
I want to runway to it feel like nothing not good enough
Same story moving out in 2 months and Im so so happy
It is not your duty or responsibility to deal with them anymore. It is not your fault! I repeat: "It is not you're fault!" Randomly unlucky as far as the crap shoot of family members goes but, that's not on you. We don't choose these goons! haha. They are not your children, you are not responsible for them in any way.
Parents who openly have favourites are just mean and cruel, I don't even let my cats think I have a favourite and for our parents to do that to us, not caring about our feelings is just insidious.
I agree, you have to be toxic to not treat the kids the same. Naturally humans have "favorites" ,its like the old adage 'teachers pet' BUT they shouldn't be mean to the ones that aren't. Everyone should be treated fairly!😇
I wholeheartedly agree with you 😘 And I have several cats, all with different personalities, and I do my best to let them all know they're all deeply loved. Wish all families did the same.
Natalie rice God bless you your comments destroyd my depression 🙏🏻😍✌🏻
Agree 100%
@TheDestroyer hahaha i was so tired i read "other gives me Chili" lol
Sometimes families are like crabs in a pot. Rather than let one escape they pull a lone crab back down so they can suffer and die together. Don't be pulled back down.
Shannon
Wow... such wise words.
Shannon
No different than been drowned by the very person or people
We break our bollox trying to Save .
Seriously do crabs do that? That really is Cray Cray.😉
Heidi - I went crabbing over 20 years ago & scooped up a bunch of blue crabs. There was one crab who could have gotten away but chose instead to angrily chastise me. This crab ran toward me with its claws out, I believe, trying to protect the others. I scooped it up too & took them all & boiled them alive. I was the monster. What I did to those poor crabs caused trauma in me too. Over the last 30 or so years I have made many changes to what I consume but it is a shame all the suffering I've caused while I was becoming aware. Not William but wife Elaine
To get to the point - It's an erroneous perception to think the crabs are pulling each other down to be mean. Pots used to boil crabs are steep sided & slick. The crabs are reacting to pain & fear desperately grabbing at whatever is there. Maybe to try & keep others down is just a human trait?? Elaine - not William
I ended up crying as I watched this video. This has so been my life the last few years.
He is excellent. Also check out Iyanla fix my life on You Tube.
wschraml18 don’t cry, the good Lord knows. I will pray for you.
I feel forsaken
I am sorry about that but don’t worry about it because blood may be thicker than water but there is no use of thick poisonous blood which will give you disease compared to healthy water which will give you life. In other words you will meet soul family and make your own family.
This has been my life for as long as I can remember
I'm 31 now and the emotional neglect is still unbearable. I have multiple trauma's; from them, but also from bad relationships. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was around 16 y/o. A few years ago I had a severe panic attack and I was seriously afraid I'd do something to myself. I didn't have contact with my parents already, but I called them because of the panic and my dad drove to my city to get me. The next day we sat outside in the backyard. I explained why I was so depressed. I told them that I had suicidal thoughts and that I was afraid of said thoughts. My mom didn't say a word and walked off and my dad started shouting at me, cursing at me, telling me to get the hell out of there and to f*ck off.
I texted my big brother, asking if he wanted to come over to my place, because I felt so unbelievably bad and I needed him. He ignored me and he never spoke to me again. I didn't know why, because he never told me, until I found out that my dad got unwell a few weeks after our backyard 'conversation' and that he was hospitalised because of this. They all blamed me for it. They blame me for him getting unwell. They blame me for something that happened inside of his body while I was miles away from them. They say it's my fault that he got unwell, because I only bring them stress and negativity. I can't comprehend the fact that they didn't even care to respond to me in a decent way when I told them about my suicidality, but that they did get mad at me for even telling them that. They are absolutely f*cked in the head, I believe. I haven't seen them since that day. My brothers haven't spoken to me since that day either. My little brother already hated me, but my big brother was my only safe person in our fucked up family and I can't believe he just left me like that.
I don't know why I'm writing all of this down in some comment section on CZcams. Probably because I finally feel like people here understand me. Reading the comments here makes me feel safe, even though there are so many sad stories. It's so recognisable, sadly. I wish everyone the absolute best in their lifes and I hope you'll all break free from the neglect and abuse. You don't deserve it, no one does! Please get out whenever you're able to. You deserve a better life, better people and a better you.
Lots of love,
Mailo
Im so sorry. :'(
So sorry to hear this. Its devastating. I hope that you are in a better place now. I relate so much with this.. Years ago I had a major panic attack. My mother did the EXACT SAME THING! Showed zero empathy. Just walked away like a cold hearted demon. I confronted my Dad about his abuse and how it has impacted my life. He denied it and ended up blaming me for the one time I fought back when I was 15.
❤
I am so sorry. I wish you continued strength. God bless you.
I found peace out side my family
Same here. No more cunty friends either. I will kick them to the curb so fast their heads will spin lol
Same. They are all frustrated that they did not achieve their dreams or at least leaving the life that allow them to become who they are. Its so good to distant myself from them
My mom's a pacifist with a black belt. You know the type: Lets people take her for granted, disrespect her, be rude to her, then comes home and take it out on the only sensible one of her kids. I tell her she needs to stand up for herself; don't tolerate that crap! She thinks I don't know what I'm talking about. I can't get through to her and she cannot get me to stop. I wouldn't be pushing it if I didn't care. My older brother sees how she cowers to people and surrenders to him, so he thinks I should be the same way. Nnnnnot gonna happen! Then, when I move out, it's all on her. There are some branches on our family tree I want to cut off! Too bad I can't get a DNA transfusion. If I could, I'd lose my race, nationality, (probably) my accent and look totally different. Oh, what the hell... I'm willing to chance it.
I know their there. I'm happy they're doing well. I want to have a happy, peaceful home so I am here.
@@VanDowall I totally get it. Watching a parent get disrespected is awful.
I resonated with the " mobbing" concept. I really don't think the other family members even like each other, but ganging up on me is the one thing that brings them together and it's something they can enjoy doing together. At various times each member has been angry at another member and has talked about it to me. So, I know that they do recognize the toxicity in one another but it's just more comfortable for them to stay within the mob, the inner circle, I call it. The clique. I moved 1200 miles away but I still hear about them gossiping about me! I blocked them on social media, I don't talk to them or about them! Yet, they STILL are actively trash talking me! It's an activity for them.
ditto
Same!
We must me sisters
@@xrc7445 We probably would've been better off if we were! 😊
They are the weakest. Coz they cant stand on their own unlike you. They aren't stupid they are just weak and afraid at the same time (more like paranoid)
I’m sorry that I didn’t hear it earlier in my life...
Same here Sara, once I get away from my horrible family I'll never look back, and do the best I can to forget the past...
I agree
Sara Croft yes it seems so regretful for any child of a narc there wasnt online education and support years ago
Lol Sara Croft, I once knew a Sara Croft, her dad literally had 16 cameras with 16 TVs monitoring not even kidding, that’d be funny if it was your situation too
NathanielByron'sVlog It’s only my fake CZcams name
My problem is that I self-sabotage. I pick up where the abusers leave off. I feel defeated after this never-ending mental strain.
This following quote from Albert Einstein followed me all throughout my own experience; and it is what helped me to understand, to be encouraged, and to sustain myself until I achieved my full and prosperous independence. And now I would like to pass it on to someone else who may need it. Here it is: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -Albert Einstein
Phantom Stealth true 💫💫
Love it thankyou 👍💞
Love that quote. Thank You
Good shit Einstein.
Phantom Stealth. Wow, great quote! So appropo!
The weakest link black sheep often has the best chance to recover.
+Jake Miller I believe this to be true out of the 3 children, me being the middle child and scapegoat always growing up, older brother is a pedophile, younger brother committed suicide at age 20 . I am happily married for 26 years now something my parents could never say because they were never happy. :)
any chance your younger brother was the scapegoat. by what magic did you recover?
+Jake Miller True, in a way we are the lucky ones.
I certainly hope
You are very right with this opinion.
The sensitive ones are easier to attack and have greater potential than the others.
Sensitivity make you more hurtful and more perceptive, thanks to that you are the first one to realize that you are imprisoned in a cave and also the first one that escape this prison.
Those sick family members are prisoners of their own lifes, but they still believe they are the jail guards.
To all those who have gone through this, you're great. Please stay strong and claim back love and respect for yourself
This is kind of honesty I respect.
I got tears my eyes i value honesty to
Sometimes I would like to get a gun I just show them all how I feel once and for all.
That is my honest feelings this Christmas night
Your friends are Gods way of apologizing for your family.
God is not without a sense of humour lol
Thank you J.L Herington you made my day
Damn he forgot me!
@@TheEnigma-cc6ib I get that, he gave me frenemies who turned out to be just as bad or worse!
dude.thank you.
This explains years of my families mental abuse on me....mind blown!
My constant mistake is still feeling the hurt- I have fully accepted that my family has never cared, and literally starting from zero when I was kicked out into the streets at 18 (I'm almost 30 now) with zero contact from family other than to ask me for things.. I accept it all and fully realize that they do not hurt at all and that it is just me hurting. I just wish there was a way to make it stop hurting so badly.
I’m at a point where I don’t even wanna sleep at my own home. My friends are whats keeping me going😰😥
I’ve taken to telling people my parents are dead and I have no siblings (only one parent is dead and I have two useless brothers) when anyone asks about my family. Unless someone has lived through the kind of family where lack of support, shaming, ostracism, and abuse were the norm, they will never understand why you don’t speak to your family. More often than not, telling the truth about your family, will only lead most people to believe that *you* must be the problem. Surely no family would treat someone like that for no reason. Only those who have lived through it first hand will ever fully understand and empathize.
I’ve noticed that those who come from the most toxic families but are deeply in denial of its toxicity are those most inclined to judge you for leaving yours behind.
Ditto
We speak the same language. It's easier not to bring it up.
E.M. Medrano well said. I understand.completely.
Definitely not the family I would have picked but I will say my parents were better once they stopped drinking but it was too late. My sibling suck .... I’m glad I’m the black sheep, no way I want to be like them!
E.M. Medrano i feel you, i got angry when i opened up to one of my ex friend.... she belittle me and minimize my pain only to realize that she's also toxic... cut anyone out on your life who's trying to make you feel guilty for cutting off your toxic family❤❤😊
I fought back and left and distanced myself. The crazy thing is the more I distance myself the more they try to get a hold of me. However, I am most concerned with not repeating the same garbage with the family I now have.
I came from a toxic family...I left a long time ago and never returned..I felt alone in this condition all my life
Karen Hargis I hope you’re doing ok. I’m finding it difficult as well.
Choose your family, people who care for you the others are just relatives.
The assumption of love within a family is as dangerous as the assumption of human decency in The State.
Orlean Turner Family has been destablized by design. It's not family itself. Go out in nature, many animals care for their young a million times better than we do.
I live in nature & watch the deer kick away the fawns in hard times & one of my hens pecked out the eyes of a rival hens chick so I had to kill it - sad - life ain't sweet except when it is.
"Mamas love Bambinos!"
Glenda McGee wow that statement packs a whallop.
A great way to slice through the subtifuge I imagine both entities kid themselves that everything they do is for the greater good.Both dysfunctional systems are over reliant on an external locus of control because when there are problems or complaints others must always be responsible I mean to say - it couldn't be us lol
Wow. I'm using this as my status
Thank you for your insight. I too have felt this way. I have discovered that the bullying is the result of extreme jealousy and dysfunction. The bully's won't admit it, but you possess something they lack.They can see it, that spark of specialness, but the don't have it within themselves, so they can not reflect from you to show you that you have it.Instead they hate you for it. People like this steal the light from your eyes. We are healers, writers, empaths, actors, comedians artists. You must nurture yourself and find people like yourself. I grew up in this type of family too. Remember, the majority is usually wrong. Be strong and be smart. Separate yourself and feed your soul.Their time will come and they will have to relive every cruel action they created and they will feel it as though it was done unto them. Peace.
Kathleen Vance
I like your thinking and agree.
In real life I don't seem to come across deep thinking, smart or knowledgable people on this subject. I'm so grateful to be able to read posts on here and know there are others out there like me.
Kathleen Vance “be strong and be smart” how? You’ve been beaten down treated like the weakest link by the people you trusted to love and protect you. Why do I feel dumb all the time. I know I’m not but the feeling is there.
Kathleen Vance yess!
When family gives you too many Pains & Worry distance yourself to regain freedom & decide if you want to go back to all that.
I am NEVER going back. I feel much better with them in my rear view mirror.
Unfortunately, that's what you have to do. You need to clear your head.
Some parents will be jealous of you being more successful than them, be it materially or finding a good relationship, they want to keep looking down on you, belittling you even through the energy of their thoughts. The whole family gets involved, and whether you receive money from the parents at their passing in their will, their true legacy is the belittlement of your whole life and contiues through the efforts of your siblings.
Agreed!
I can't believe I found you. I'v been having a really difficult time trying to figure out what I did to these people.
You were better than them. That was your crime. Healthy frontal lobe formation. How dare you expose their stunted development.
My parents were absolutely brutal. I was suicidal for a long time. Felt like everything was always my fault & i was the problem. I knew better once i got older but i was in such a deep depression i couldnt get out of it. This was an excellent video! I feel vindicated.
Holy shit, this is exactly me. Thanks for sharing ❤
My family attacks me everyday. I still remember the negative shit my mother has said to me as a child, I'm 18 and I'm so depressed to the point where I feel empty and I don't even feel motivated to apply to college. I feel like they don't even love me, especially my mom. She treats everyone else different, but she treats me in a way to provoke me. I just want to get therapy asap because my family has destroyed me to the core.
Apply to a college AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE. Trust me, YOU WON'T BELIEVE how much better you'll frel
Man oh man. Does your mom also never own up to her actions and never ever admits to having done anything wrong? She’s basically always right even when being completely unreasonable and cruel. I relate with you and everything you said so I’m sorry! I don’t even want any ‘love’ or ‘attention’ anymore lol I literally just want respect and privacy and fairness but you know how that goes lol. And people to take responsibility for shit they’ve said or done but I’m just dreaming lol. Hang in there
im so sorry to hear that you are going through this. No child should ever be treated this way. I feel your pain. The good news for you is that you have clearly come to grips with the fact that you have been abused and you are wanting to get help! Im 50 years old now.I grew up as the scapegoat under two vicious sociopaths. It took me decades to admit that I was abused. I always gave my parents the benefit of the doubt. So I didnt start until much later in life. I would highly recommend watching this video and getting the book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma" by Pete Walker. There is so much you can do on your own before you get a therapist. I have progressed so much since reading the book and practicing what the author teaches. I am feeling hopeful and seeing major changes in my life and you will too! Best of luck. God bless!
YOUR CORE IS SECURE! Congratulations on recognizing your family members are not emotionally healthy or mature. Now get out there and start your life, get your degree and meet people who are healthy, happy and supportive of you. ❤ good stuff in life awaits you😊
The wolf pack has a scapegoat who the others pick on when it goes the pack collapses and cannot hold together
This is, quite often, true! Until they manage another victim to target for the abusive pleasure. My ex husband abused me on every level, he recently died, and now my 2 grown children relay his proverbial torch. I have SLE, rheumatoid, fibromyalgia, so I'm a prime candidate for that one reason alone. My feelings are lent zero credence, I'm the sole culprit responsible for any and all familial contention. It's lonely, but better than subjecting myself to their crazy making. We were once very close, prior to their deadbeat dad coming back into their lives once they were all grown up and required no child support. How do they not see it?! Blows my mind!!!
Judy Nabakowski You have those diseases because of them.Yes you heard it right.
Once you recover with good died and away from such people watch how all of them will disappear
True. They are jealous. I had to cut off family just to live my life. You send them love and greatness of all. Just move on. Just free yourself to live your life as the Lord wanted you to. Be just you! Nothing ELSE.
it’s fine, I’m alone, ive been alone my entire life. it’s hard but ill live. i can only hope to thrive as an individual adult
Cat I understand this
@@TheAmandad123 Myself as well And Never Give Up.
Exactly how I feel. I am alone. But been alone my whole life. Just go with it. Not perfect but I cope just fine. Better than having my heart broken again.
Me too.
It's beyond me how evil these people can be
You said it, they are evil!
Speaking as the "scapegoat" of my family....every single word you soeak is truth! And because of my experience my children don't know my family! We live thousands of miles away from everyone in our families. My wife and her brother are the scapegoats in their family too. Fate put us together. We have been healing eachother for decades.
That’s so lovely! What a blessing to have someone that understands it. It’s one of those experiences, I truly believe you have to go through to really get it. It’s so sneaky and unbelievable. Especially if your family looks “perfect “ (which mine did) on the outside. We lived in a nice neighborhood, with cute clothes, plenty of food . As a child is confusing bc you know you’re not being treated fairly , then you react and they shame ; which we take in and do to ourselves as we develop . I didn’t even know what a scapegoat was until 6 yrs old. And then your pissed , all the angry comes to the surface.
Like you , I hope I find a partner or even friends that really get it. For now I’ll be here on CZcams 😂 take care !!!
As a middle-aged man I find tribes and gangs of people abhorrent. Rarely do I meet individuals that have autonomous thinking and conversation. It's all about joining a MOB for security.
Highlighted reply it’s called group evil!
...and the gangstallker is borne.
I've had to go "no contact" with my family. Scapegoating in a family is more common than many realize. My older sister started the whole thing & it broke my heart. But I will get through this and I will be happy and whole one day, just without them in my life.
It's sibling jealousy going on forever. No contact works best and loving it.
@@mariajmc6557 very true!
I’m not capable of doing so, no contact since few months but it’s killing me, just the whole situation, my heart is broken and feeling depressed, I don’t feel lonely, I am indeed very lonely and don’t know how to keep going in this life.
@@NYCStateofMind7 please send me a message here, would love to talk.
@@NYCStateofMind7 i feel the exact same. its like a slow death with no happy ending. Emotionally draining and very isolating.
I completely agree. A black sheep's success brings out the daggers. They look for the splinter in your eye when they have a log in their own eye.
So true. Sometimes removing yourself from negative circumstances is hard, but it's better to live in solitary peace alone, than in broken pieces next to barbarians.
I left my family behind over a decade ago, but now having a 3 year old of my own, I wanted her to know she had a family on my side too.
Today I got told to never come back (after 8 months of trying to make amends). I should've stayed gone.
@@BigTruckingDreams truly crazy to be rejected for being loving. I sometimes wonder if there are parasitical entities that follow some good natured souls around creating dysfunction so the person finally gives in to spiritual sickness. Stay strong, know who you are, walk in the light and forget the people that cannot handle it.
From the comments looks like it's a million of us dealing with craziness and drama back at home 👀 I hope we all make it through or out ♥️♥️
What you said about the "weakest link"...AMAZING! This explains so much about my early experiences. My family singled me out and treated me unimaginably cruelly. I guess i am blessed to have no further contact with those monsters and every year that goes by away from them i become more and more sane.
Well done! Stand firm throughout your life. Be unwavering as the years go by because they will never, ever change. God bless you.
I understand.
I’ve always been different than anyone else in my family. I can’t help but feel it’s in part due to my greater intuition, intelligence, and creativity . I am the whistleblower, rebel rouser. Whereas my sisters do everything they can to “stay positive” by suppressing, minimizing. I make the mistake of trying to speak to them as equals about the abuses of our family and how it effects our relationships today and I just get accused of being negative and dwelling on the past. My entire family lives in deep denial except for me. Whenever we do speak i rarely take their advise because frankly I feel their goal is only to have me to put my head in the sand like them. I think they see me as arrogant and toxic but I see them as cowardly and weak. And you are right, they don’t want what’s best for you. They only want the image of a lovely cohesive family and you are wrecking that by thinking and having boundaries around abuse and minimizations.
This is exactly what happens to me. They'll have a field day talking about my mental illness and any shortcomings I have, but the moment I mention anything about theirs or how it's affecting me or the family, suddenly "everyone has some type of issue" or "you're stuck in the past" or "that's weird/crazy thinking", they degrade me, only really talk to me when they need something, ignore my feelings and needs, and me just minding my own business and living my life upsets them. Then, they wonder how I got mixed up with a guy who literally did the same stuff to me... they see THAT as abusive, but not what they do, which is the same stuff. And the bad thing is, my nephew is getting mixed up with a girl who is doing the same things as my ex and all of my family can't understand why he's gotten mixed up with her, but since I've started researching this stuff, I know exactly why... can't tell them that, though, because it places blame on them and they do not like that. They all want him to get away from her, but not for him to be okay and safe, but because he's been crying and upset... which doesn't make us look like a happy, perfect family.
Agreed.
Awoman Alone YES, EXACTLY ,SAME TOO
Awoman Alone story of my life...❤❤
woooow it's exactly the same as my problem with them. what have you done to coe with it, I'm wondering?
I have 5 other siblings and they are all nice to eachother except me. My parents act the same way too. Ive done nothing to hurt any of them. It still hurts inside.
I have 6. They exclude me from everything. I feel it
Rings so true. Just realised this scapegoating directly relates to what is known in Australia as ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’
If you seem to be doing well people just want to tear you down so they feel better about their own issues.
It is extremely prevalent here especially among family units.
MOST FAMILES ARE HIGHLY DYSFUNCTIONAL IF A PARENT IS INTERFERING. IN YOUR BUSINESS FOR THIER OWN PERSONAL GAIN I CONSIDER THAT ABUSE!.
Absolutely it's abuse!!!!!
My dad spy’s on my texts with his phone
Tappy Tibbons I’m also a person
He has a keylogger on your phone?
Curtistine Miller This is my personal vision for any family since each member gives sense of IDENTITY to the others. Here starts the mess.
Hi i am new. In UK.
My family hate me because i am an empath and they are all narcissists.
Empaths are caring nice helpful loving people. Narcissists are the opposite.
I am the scapegoat. My brother is the golden child.
LOVE should not be toxic or have conditions! This has made me mentally ill with depression, anxiety and panic attacks.
I have now gone No Contact with them all. I have also had to let go of 2 toxic lady friends.
Put my life into words 🔥👌
I'm a Earth Angel ,honey my family life is very very abusive ,I've always been the one who cared and was always ready to listen to their problems ,my father is a narcissistic man ,a cruel controlling one ,I brought up my brother for awhile ,until my father put him in care ,at 14 ,so I brought up my two sisters as well ,the youngest 11 weeks ,my mum died when I was 12 , when I did what he wanted ,he was nice ,when I made mistakes ,or went against him ,he was vile ,non caring and said ,nobody would like me, he told me I was mental ,everytime I had a opinion different to his ,he said they would put me away ,now I'm a adult ,he turned my sisters ,one of them is just like him , when I was having my bowel cut away and was left with a stoma, none of them were there for me , in fact the youngest ,I helped bring up ,by doing all the chores feeding her ,changing her etc before I went to school ,doing birthday parties ,making cakes with her and doing artwork, with all her little friends she text me before I had my surgery to say my late mother ,would be ashamed of me ,because I should have had the surgery earlier ,my weight had dropped to 6 stone ,and it was my daughters prom ,not one of sisters helped me ,with anything getting her dress ,and the bits and bobs that go with it ,I cancelled my earlier surgery ,so I could do this all for her ,my bowel ,had tore into my bladder ,I have fistulating crohns ,i was in absoloute agony ,I had abscesses, all over my small intestines !! It literally ate through my bladder ,and ate it's way to the outside of my stomach wall ,it made a hole ,and spouted feaces, from the hole , i was trying to get out and about to help my girl, as she has suspected aspergers and severe anxiety ,!! So I delayed the surgery ,I had so much abuse from my younger sister ,telling me I was disgusting, because our mother died and I should know better ,she said I was a bad mum ,unbelievable !!! Both my sisters never helped me with anything at all their both in their 40s, then the older sister ,I'm the oldest ,but she is the older of my two sisters ,rang me up totally drunk ,she is a alcoholic ,said she had problems and I should be there for her ,!! I was literally dying ,she never visited once when I was in hospital ,I've now cut them all off after years and years of abuse ,especially when my brother got in contact with me ,to say he had been diagnosed with a genetic lung disease ,which causes emphysema, of the lungs and liver disease ,he had the severe type ,and told me to go get tested ,I' did and was diagnosed ,with it I too had a severe form,we are now both on oxygen ,mines to supplement my worsening breathing and my brother is dependant on it ,!! My ownfather accused us of being liars about this devastating disease ,normal parents would be supportive , I'm glad they are all out of my life ,I hope they find what there looking for ,without me ,who they used as a dumping ground !!!
Same older Brother who cant do any wrong. SICK
You did the right thing hunni xx
you are not an empath, I'm sick of society making this a thing. you are a survivor of abuse which on turn has tuned your emotions to a higher degree therefore making you more empathetic. it's a 50/50 chance- when too much cortisol in the brain, ones brain may shut off empathy completely or increase it dramatically
The sad part is that is also happening later in work environment and other places feels like a curse :(
I found this video 5 years ago. My family completely shut me out for getting out of a bad relationship. It didnt make sense to me. I looked up "why does my family hate me" on youtube and this was the first video I watched on NPD and family dynamics. Since then it has been a long journey of ups a downs, trying to set boundaries, going no contact, I "relapsed" in a sense 2 years ago and decided to go on a trip with my sisters and mom and it ended very very very badly.
It is a learning process coping with this. I set boundaries with my mom and the trip was risky but I said "if this goes well, maybe I can have a relationship with her" it ended with her screaming at me in hotel room telling me no one loved me, I had no friends, and "this is why I never liked you". I just sat there and said "ok mom". It still hurt but I knew what to do. Gray rock, not feed into it or fight back. I let her go off on me and finally my GC/codependent sister saw that mom was crazy. My sister is still GC/codependent but as I have gone basically no contact, my sister hasn't lashed out at me for not talking to her like she did in the past.
It was always hard to go no contact with mom because that would always mean I would lose that relationship with my sister but this time I still have that relationship.
Everyone dealing with this, just know it gets better. It takes a lot of time, knowledge, and switching from the sensitive mindset, to the idgaf mindset. Baby steps. It will get better.
Sometimes they would rather see you struggle then to help you out. Or when they do, they look down on you. Have plans for your career... they'll shoot that down too.
So true! If they helf they would make you feel guilty for it !
Similar: My family used, a used, and deliberately sabotaged my career aspirations, because the only career they ever wanted me to have was either at the bottom of the barrel, so they could always gain supply by looking down on me, or one where they got to gain shine from it. They were never interested in my intrinsic fulfillment.
Reading with Janae Marie going through this now :(
My mother is controlling and manipulative, and it infuriates me. Growing up she was terribly intrusive and overbearing, but emotionally distant and critical. I developed a severe destroying disorder that as a 29 year old I continue to struggle with. It wasn't until I began exploiting my own dysfunctional relational style/partner choices, that ultimately result in disastrous end, that I realized this dynamic was so familiar. I have been the identified patient since I was very young, despite being THE ONLY PERSON IN THE FAMILY TO ATTEND THERAPY. When I blow up because I can't take any more, they remind me of all of my mistakes, resulting from that shit upbringing, and then begin to smear me to the family. The triangulation/victim card. My mother calls ALL of her siblings, nieces, nephews, who are alcoholics/drug addicts, to "set me straight", another game she's played since I was very young. Fuck them!
I hear you, sister!
My mother to a tee
Wow same xx big hugs xx
My family hates me so much that no matter what i do is wrong for them! All they see is my mistakes way back then! Even when im so ill, they dont seem to care or worry about me! I just want to take my own life to end this unending pain they put me through!
Please don't give them that power. Its your life; YOU get to decide.
Sensitive, highly creative, kind, smart, funny...always tried to help...then, was mobbed by siblings- 4 at once; my mother validated the cruelty as being wrong. She said they were all screwed up.
my narc mother once apologized to me one day for attempting to abort me in the womb. Now I understand that underneath this "apology", she was actually telling me that I was an accident and that she didn't want me. A sly way at putting me down while making herself look like a saint. Sick!!!
***** sometimes they push us to our limits. It's survival of the fittest out here, a jungle, and unfortunately sometimes, people "eat" their young. Very animalistic. Nothing human about their behavior whatsoever!
Iams Daughter me too. I was told I was adopted and a mistake.
Same thing happened to George Carlin.
J Applic Sorry to read that. Sounds pretty familiar, my nmom too implied that she didn't want me, that I was an accident, but in the end of the day she choose to keep me. I was like 4 or 5 years old. And you know how narcissists speak/tell stories. They passive agressively imply some dark shit. Like: they never ever wanted you. But they try to present it as in a role of a victim or very good person, that they choose to keep you. Awww, mom, eternally grateful for your "choice".
Sorry you've been through that, hon. Sounds awful and so familiar. You're not alone 😢
Let me tell you another thing. Hope you feel better after you read that someone else has experienced similar stuff with their witch...ops, n mother.
She used to tell me her frightening nightmares. Like for example, how I was drowning and she tried to raise her hand but I didn't grab it and I drowned and died. She explained in great details the drowning voices I have made in her dream. I was 5/6 old maybe. Not even in school yet. I felt some hidden enjoyment, describing that nightmare, almost if it gives her pleasure. The possiblity about me dying... Also she narrated in such dramatic manner, as if I should feel very sorry for her and her bad dream. Nothing about how I felt, listening to that dream in such a young age. I felt scared and doomed, so unwanted, denied existence, and that I should die. So sick. And she always told me, pretending to care, but actually gleeful, that I'm so sensitive, so unstable and mentally crazy/reactive, that I'll maybe suffer for cancer later in life and die for my "high nervousness".
So..yeah. Sorry if it's TLDR. I don't compete with you in terms of sadness and shittines in childhood. You are not alone. It's not your fault that you was born with the sick luck to be in such abusive family, with witch instead of mother. Your mother is crazy and insane, and really broken human being, who thrive in making other people feel like shit. She's sadistic,she enjoys killing people in the inside. Fuck her. She doesn't deserve to have you in her life. I hope she burns in hell.
Stay strong.
J Applic, if you are still talking to your mother or participating in more of these sit downs with the family you; she is continuing to poison your mind. Set yourself free from her and he lies and crap and most of all her ridiculous guilt trip she is trying to put on you. Narcissist project how they feel about themselves on other people. They find just the right victim to exploit, because of age or lack of self confidence and they take that and run with it. My husband was married to a narcissist for 20 years before he left with barely the clothes on his back and a small amount of personal items. You can heal and continue to grow as a person but this toxic person is poisoning you and your life and as long as she is still in your life she will continue. My husband's ex couldn't accept it was over 3 years after he divorced her and she began stalking me on social media for months. I had to deactivate everything. The best thing to do with people like this is no contact. My parents were abusive and I finally had enough but some family members want to be enablers so I don't bother with any of them, I do not have the time or energy to do damage control. It is not my responsibility to convince other family members of how my parents are. If I would have put more energy into myself over the last two decades instead of being depressed, confused, and lonely I might have more accomplishments but what I have accomplished I am proud of. I compare narcissist to parasites. They never want to leave you alone, you have to be the one to cut them off. And lastly most narcissist don't want to change or get therapy, they live in denial, they live in their own fantasy.
No Contact! EVER! Even if there's a funeral...No Contact
Amen. True.
Margaret Cato yup that's been said to me too.
So painful but you're absolutely right no contact ever ...I am prepared for this myself because my offender is In his 70s and will not apologize and it is not that I am being harsh I gave many opportunities of discussing it and he would dig deeper in what he was saying ...he was my idol but he has said many wrong things and all I need is an apology for what he said about my wife .. people think if you are religious you are just supposed to forgive out of the blue but this cannot be done people have to ask for forgiveness you can do the miracle of forgiving something very big but if they think theyre right and say they will not apologize unfortunately you have to become an extremist and stand-up for yourself even in the most hardest situation which is what extremist do and what I mean is be an extremist in your beliefs if you are indeed right...in marriage
Wow thanks
I agree. I'm not even showing up to funerals. They act as if you're dead while alive; why should we give respect when they are dead?
True! A jealous, mean, scapegoating, mob/gang mentality family sucks. Oh and don't forget infantilization...You're not even allowed to grow up. Your siblings children get more respect in the family that you. SMDH Its very hurtful to hear these truths out loud, although, I've always suspected it. Your family does not want you to succeed. SMDH
Thank you for this video. I was slipping into psychosis trying to achieve my family's love and acceptance.