The 4 Types Of Guys That Will LOVE BOMB You! | Matthew Hussey
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- čas přidán 11. 06. 2024
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When we meet someone we feel excited about, “love bombing” can feel like everything we’ve ever wanted. Someone we’re attracted to showering us with intensity and attention who is also happy to introduce us to their close friends and family . . . let’s be honest, it feels really good.
Life suddenly transforms into our very own romantic movie. Sure, the pace of it might feel a little rushed and intense . . . but isn’t that what happens when you meet “the One”?
But then, like clockwork, it happens. The texts stop coming in fast like they used to and we feel them pulling away until eventually, as quickly as they came, they’re gone.
The harsh contrast between the avalanche of attention they gave us in the beginning and the cold one-line texts we’re now receiving can leave us in a state of withdrawal, wondering whether any of it was even real.
This might sound familiar to you . . . it’s certainly a story I’ve heard over and over. But why do people do this?
Be sure to watch right through to the end and write down the three keys I share with you that will help you navigate early dating traps. These will help you automatically sift out the love bombers so you can just focus on enjoying the process of dating people who share a healthy mindset and an open mind to finding a real relationship.
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The biggest coward of a man is one who opens a woman's heart to love without any intention of giving it... Bob Marley
After dating a narcissist, any signs of love bombing have me running for the hills!
Yup same.
Relate!
Yup that’s what they do.
Same! So horrible...
Couldn’t you argue love bombing is on both people in the relationship maybe don’t fall for people so fast
We have to STOP getting attached unless they commit and want an exclusive relationship and claim us. Treat them like a friend until they man up and express they want a real relationship. Words mean NOTHING... watch their actions.
Nah also take it slow , do not rush that’s the biggest red flag
The love bombers promise & demand exclusivity early on
Exactly! Very well said👍
Love your point of view
Great advice !!!
Exactly
Men on the rebound love bomb hard too. That’s how I learned to stay away from guys right out of a relationship NO MATTER what they say. They lie to themselves then lie to you about what they’re looking for. Just a warm feeling to validate them. But they know in order to get that feeling from you they have to give it to you. Be safe y’all
i think ur on to something...but I wuld consider them a narcissist for using a girl just to make them feel good and then discard her.
Yes, not all have bad intentions, but people just out of a relationship (or not even out yet - just separated) do this to soothe their bruised egos. Some are probably decent people when they are healed, but often right away after a marriage or long committed relationship, they are just so desperate and needy. They are looking for an "emotional tampon" 🤣 NOT a reciprocal relationship... not at that point anyway. The key is being able to determine if it's for a nefarious reason, or are they just lonely and needy.
Guard your heart. Take your time. Get to know someone as friends first. Trust in Gods timing.
This!
yes true be friend first
I do but made me feel bad everytime I would take my time he’ll be mad and tell me I’m not putting enough effort and felt bad and stressed myself out wondering why I can’t let him in
God has nothing to do with it, in my opinion.
Allow God to provide you with confirmation of a man’s true intent and, yes, it should be slow, mutual without expectation, and openly honest. It’s okay to experience a rush of emotions as long as they are grounded and not forced.
The love bombing can also be part of the “pursue and panic” pattern that a man with an intimacy conflict has. They really want intimacy and they come on strong initially until they panic when their wounds get triggered, which is inevitable in intimate relationships. These can be some of the saddest missed connections because the person often has a good heart but no awareness of their unresolved traumas so nothing can change. The relationship becomes agonizing and impossible due to the paralyzing ambivalence. These are often the guys that women can’t let go of, painfully, for years. There’s a fantastic book on this topic called “He’s Scared She’s Scared”. When we discover we are holding on to men who pursue and panic, it usually means we need to look inside and notice our own intimacy conflicts. It’s humbling to realize I chose that because it felt safe at a subconscious level. It was an impossible relationship and the fantasy of a relationship instead of real intimacy because in the unresolved past, intimacy was associated with feeling unsafe. So when we keep choosing men like that (or holding on to an impossible connection like that) it means we need to examine the parts of ourselves that are avoiding intimacy due to unresolved relational trauma.
Those cases are extremely rare. Men with ambivalent attachment due to trauma.
But rule of thumb is that if the man is inconsistent he simply doesn't like the woman that much, still some will use excuses as trauma, depression, etc to keep them hooked on their limbo.
I'm female and I feel like i do this pursue and panic. Id never heard of this term before but I do know you are right in what you say it is because of past trauma. I'd spent 8years In an abusive relationship and this is why I now pursue and panic which I'm working on not doing. Thankyou for the book recommendation.
@@captainfrosty31 i do this too.. at 23 I have never been in a relationship.
Perfectly stated. Thank you.
Funny to see your comment, I thought about you today!
Omg this is literally what just happened to me.
Tons of compliments, intense, pouring feelings out to me, it felt like such a deep immense connection.
And that just like that, done.
It’s hurt me so deeply, even though it didn’t last very long.
One things for sure, he lost an amazing woman
Same here it’s killing me been 2 days 🥺
This just happened to me! Same exact scenario. Felt like it was what you are supposed to be treated and how you should feel with a great guy then poof....gone. I sensed him pull away, asked him about it and he said he thinks things are going too fast for him. He drove the speed, not me! He didn't want to talk about it, I gave him space for more than a week and he still won't connect.
So incredibly hateful, selfish, cruel to do to someone. I am moving on, enjoying my life, just like I was doing before I met him. I have no choice and will never know what happened.
@@Jenny44552 This love bombing must be an epidemic! Happened to me too just in 1 day~ text bombed me, sent tons of photos of his kids, even sent a photo of him & his mommy when he was a toddler... from a guy I met online and hadn't even talked to yet! Then 2 days later he's on to someone else. Good riddance. So odd! What is happening to people?
Happened to me too he was a pathological narcissist … I discovered this after
Oh yeah the same happened to me. Met this guy was feeling a strong connection. He talked about me falling in love with me and marrying lol he disappeared as quickly as he came in my life
It's not just about validation, it's about control. Once you've fallen in love with them, they know they have you hooked. And when you're hooked, you're easier to control. Once you're hooked, you're more likely to ignore all their other red flags and let them get away with awful behaviour and awful treatment of you. It's bait and switch.
This! I 100% agree. My ex did exactly this and became emotionally abusive overtime. Wish I never ignored those red flags - could have saved myself so much time, pain and heartache 😔
And this is what happened to me. He called it off for valid reasons but wanted to still see me wanted to engage in a way . No labels let’s take it slow yet when push came to shove he didn’t deliver then tried to turn it on me
@mahonny24
Exactly right: they groom you with the love hormones and then they begin to control you. I just ended an intense, sky-rocket 75 day relationship because out of nowhere, with zero bad behavior on my part, he turned on me. It was 180 degrees. That was all I needed to see. He wanted a 2nd chance with me and guilted me for not "being forgiving" (he never owned or apologized for his relationship crime) and was seriously broad-sided when this woman took her dignity and went on home. It was like he had given me ambrosia to drink and then a glass of poison. It's taken months to process this.
It’s linked to coercive control, which is domestic abuse.
So true! thanks for the reminder.
This makes so much sense. People who love bomb want something out of you quicker than those who want healthy, sustainable relationships. The love bombing is like a hook with a shiny bait to reel you in as quickly as possible. Someone looking for something real and sustainable won't go rushing in (hopefully). Sometimes we fall in love with how the person makes us feel. So we could actually be in love with the experience they gave us, not the essence of the person. Always good to stay grounded by knowing who you are and what you want (your values) and being aware. And time always REVEAL people and their true intentions.
louder for the people at the back
Sometimes I feel like I am that kind of person - that fall in love with the experience and not the essence of te other, sometimes I fall in love with "the new beginning", the new beginning high.., what me and him are creating toghter, the language only we use, so on. ... Thinking about this - I am not sure Ive really been in love for real, ever. I long for a real relationship, but I think I need to work on my friendship first.
Omg yess. This literally happened to me yesterday and I feel so stupid now lol
Wow, this was free therapy
L
A friend of the family who is a licensed clinical social worker, a psychotherapist, once told me that relationships that start off explosive, majority of them do not last. She said almost exactly what Matthew said. She said healthy long lasting relationships take time to build. I've held onto that bit of info for a long time.
Just like my most recent relationship. On the first date, he told me, he felt like he met me before. It was a magical night. I couldn’t sleep thinking about him the whole week and thought, “wow, it must be fate”. He kept telling me, I was perfect and it was fate blah blah blah, even though it was early on and he didn’t know me that well yet. Because the initial chemistry was so strong, I gave it a go, even though on the third or fourth date, I already realized we weren’t compatible and didn’t share the same lifestyle and I also didn’t appreciate him as a man. Eventually, it ended after over a year because of the compatibility issue. My lesson is don’t prioritize your unsubstantiated feeling over compatibility.
I wonder what will turn good with sth explosive?! It's not even sth we need a clinical psychologist to tell us. It applies to any kinds of relationships, just women always ignore red flags.
For example, if a colleague being rude and irresponsible at work, will you tolerate that? Period.
@@chuckie826 Majority of relationships don't last because people are not honestly into eachother, they date for fun, for the thrill, for filling a void, etc.
They don't date with the goal of building something together but just for the sake of "the here and the now". The chemical high of the honeymoon period eventually fades and here they go looking for another high.
How true
@@Sarablueunicorn true, many people look for easy and quick ways to meet people, for example online dating, many times the guy doesn't ask things about me but to ask me out, I'll pass those people as mostly waste of time
What I find very difficult is that after being love bombed, there is a certain period of time after that where it's difficult, while meeting new people, trying new relationships, because the "high" of love bombing make seem the normal pace tasteless. It takes time to see that while it's less intense, it's also probably more stable, persistent and sane.
A while back, I lived something similar. I met this guy, we decided to be FWBs. After a while, he started to tell me he was in love, wanted me to meet his daughter, be part of his life. Slowly but surely, I came to agree, thinking, why not. As soon as I said that, he disappeared. After 5 weeks of silence (am busy and patient), I reached out to see if we could meet. He responded we were just FWBs, and that he did not have time. I responded, OK, I will not bother you in the future. I moved on and 2 months later, he got back in touch, saying he regretted, missed me and was really keen to see me again. He still is waiting for my answer. Once they take advantage once, never let them do it again.
Amen, 100%
Do not agree with "fwb" situationships if that's what you don't want.
You start as a fwb you will always be a fwb.
Why not block him?
Let him wait for forever! You deserve much better trust me.
It sounds like he has an avoidant attachment style. If you had gone back, he likely would have done it again.
*9 things to quit for all Strong Women:*
1. Caring about what others think
2. Not believing in yourself
3. Not experimenting different ideas / solutions for problems (life&business)
4. Not prioritizing your health
5. Wasting your precious time
6. Wanting something (instead write a plan and work towards it)
7. Chasing meaningless relationships
8. Wasting time by scrolling social media
9. Quitting addictions for good (if you have any - consider stopping it as it makes you mentally weak + affects your confidence and all other areas of your life!) 🚀
Take it easy and I hope you found one thing helpful in this list.
Thanks for this M, it really helps ❤️🌟
10. Not prioritizing your long-term financial security and independence
Thank you especially 1 because I care too much of what ppl think of what I choose and I don’t wanna do what I wanna do bc they make me feel bad everytime
I think that you saying that a woman specifically who's addicted to a substance makes them weaker is an opinion based on a lack of experience. Everybody lives different lives that many were born into. Addiction is a tricky issue because it's a matter of will power for most. For many tho it's a physical dependency. Their addiction allows them to be functional. That's what I observed growing up. I had two parents who were born very different. One lives a more difficult day to day life than the other. Although her substance of choice is what was prescribed to her so I wouldn't automatically call it addiction but it's a necessity for her to work. When you look into the drug itself, it has the potential to be as strong as heroin. Life is physical pain for some people is all I'm saying. I try not to judge a person based solely on their addiction but why they're still addicted.
Thank you. I appreciate the advice. I found social media and addictions on the list of what I’m guilty for. I’m trying my best but life is hard
Points to be noted:
📝1. Measure consistency over intensity
📝2. Love is something that grows
📝3. Stuff that is big deal to you doesn't mean the same thing to other person
✨MEASURE CONSISTENCY OVER INTENSITY✨Wow, absolutely wow, that just hit my spirit.!
Stay away from 🎇'fireworks'🎆 they explode with great light & sound that eventually quickly draws your attention, and then they vanish quickly!
Thanks Mr. Matthew for sharing your knowledge.💙💫✨
Thanks for the notes, appreciate you 🤗
@@Peaceonearth2024 You're welcome, sis. Have an amazing day. 🌄💟
Point 3, this really hit me, well, we just broke up, and he was the one who make that decisions...anyway, i think i feel better without him, and i choose to stay single and make my self grow up to be the best version of me rather than find a new love...i just let God to give the best man for me...
@@gustianawidjaja3195 Good for you! I want to do the same, giving myself time to learn and enjoy myself. But I can't get rid of the feeling that I'm getting old and that all good men will be taken as I wait longer...I'm 30, btw.
@@Sophie-iu6zv you can do it ! Be happy and enjoy with yourself....let God arrange and give the right man for you...sometimes when we don't search for love, then the right love will find us...😇❤
1. Narcissist
2. Dismissive Avoidant Relationship Style
-fear of intimacy but wants it
3. Anxious Attachment Style
-more codependent and feels they need another person to fill the painful void
Indeed. So spot-on.
4. Borderline
Some people are more likely to be taken advantage of by love bombing types because of the lack of love/affection in their childhood. When a child grows up in the cold (abuse or neglect) love bombers feel so warm. It’ll take work to unravel the damage done from these types of childhood experiences.
You are right
Those who are carried out by love ❤️ of thy lips 💋 makes such mistake
For me, coming from a broken family with no sence of expressing love, it works the other way. Love bombing seems highly unnatural and scares me away . I instinctively feel that something is really wrong with these kind of people. 😊
Cyndi Johnson That's exactly right and the feeling of being "seen" by someone was very powerful, even though it wasn't genuine, then I'd become aware by the person's behaviour that I was just one of many, which was a pattern.
I'm in my 60s now and don't know if I'll ever get to experience geniune love, but I'm not even thinking about dating anyway. 😊
@@cyndigooch1162 why you thinking such... You dont wanna have a child or what?
Or kids who grew up with love bombing from their parents. You grow up thinking that’s how it’s supposed to be…
The bomber will ultimately "ghost" you which leaves you without any means of getting closure. No confrontation, no face-to-face, no apology. Nothing. The bomber's victim can suffer for years afterward. Bombers should be quarantined.
I call guys like this "Fireworks" because fireworks are all splendour and amazement in the beginning, you give them all your attention - then in no time at all, they disappear without a trace (or breadcrumb you out of existence: eventually non-committal, daily morning calls and video chats stop, and it takes over a day to respond to a Whatsapp, despite them appearing "online" and still "liking" your social media posts)
Excellent comment, absolutely like it! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
The moment I sense a guy behaving like this I'm saving his name as "fireworks x" 😂
samething happened to me..
Last year I got love bombed by a guy and I fell for his manipulation. He got what he wanted and quickly ghosted me and moved onto the next girl. The worst part was he not only love bombed me, but didn’t disclose that he has herpes and he transmitted the disease to me. Learned my lesson the hard way.
Honestly, love bombing is a huge red flag. It often accompanies insecurity and neediness. I can’t deal with men like that. It makes me want to run as fast as I can, bc I can feel how unhealthy and self serving it is.
Lovebombing, pushing my boundaries...while the start was exhilarating my antennae were wiggling.
Then less than 3 months in, I came down with a debilitating infection that took several weeks to diagnose and treat.
His reaction? I wasn't meeting his needs (his words).
I'd been school-of-hard-knocks-educated enough to recognize the type of temperament I was dealing with. After a handful of his petulant, accusatory texts I simply stopped responding. Bad enough being sick without having a needy 72-yo complaining how it was interfering with my providing him the attention he deserved!
The psychology is easy to understand: These men are still seeking for the love and validation from their moms. This is never true love but just projection.
I've been a guy who used to do this. I had never noticed it until I realized my relationships were never going anywhere and getting some cold-hard feedback (which I am so thankful for), reading a lot about it, watching these types of videos and finally starting therapy. I'm not a narcissist, but I was a very clingy needy type. I wouldn't say I would love-bomb because of my ego and I certainly didn't "enjoy" the process, I just didn't know how to cope with my insecurities about potentially losing the other person that seemed so amazing to me. It was TOTALLY immature from me and it's so embarrasing to know I was that type of guy.
I automatically withdraw from love bombing. I fell for it once and ended up being stalked. Never again.
Omg 😳
Moral compass. A lot of people really don’t have this which is disappointing.
Guy #5: A guy that lovebombs you because he genuinely likes you. Was only playing the field to have fun when he found you. Then realizes he doesn't have enough self confidence in where he is in life to take the next step with you because he thinks you're better then him.
Omg I so agree
Exactly. Just got out of a relationship with a person who was 13y older than me and lovebombed me in the beginning of our relationship then suddenly started getting colder. What you described was exactly the case + he was emotionally immature and didn't know how to build a relationship even though he was almost 40. ( he never had a very serious relationship before he met me or had been married)
Usually men with women way outside their league operate that way (and vice versa). She can be the women of his dreams, some guys have a strange reaction to the point of becoming colder and not knowing what to do with themselves cause now they have her, then what? They haven’t thought that far and don't know what they want from a woman outside of just physique.
This is....exactly what just happened to me.
If a man thinks you are better than him he would rather kill you than let you go, don't fool yourself.
The only thing that makes a man stay with his partner is the thinking he cannot do better, if he thinks you're that awesome he locks you with a ring or to a bed with chains.
Ghosting is the new favourite way of dating. It seems that there are only narcissists out there.
I agreeeeee
Just a note: Immaturity and lack of self-awareness are huge parts of narcissism. So is projection, especially projecting their fantasy. And when that person realizes that their 'idealization' isn't real, the narcissist devaluates and discards.
Lack of self-awareness IS essentially what narcissism is from a psycho-dynamic perspective.
I think there are three types of people who do this: predators (psychopaths), narcissists and borderlines.
A predator knows what they are doing and are consciously manipulating you.
A narcissist or borderline may be idealizing you, really projecting their fantasy onto you, but discards you when they realize you're just 'you.'
Love-bombing is exclusively a Cluster-B thing. If you are being love-bombed, the person is 99% likely to be pathological, unless they are super, super young, like a teenager.
Meeting the family does not mean as much as it used to. A lot of the time some people introduce you to their family as ploy to get your guard down.
True. But not meeting family/friends is an immediate disqualifier.
Or many first dates could be a wedding of a family member (where obviously family will be) and the person wants a date. It means nothing and no one should take that to mean someone wants something serious.
In a few years of dating that I've experienced the Love bombing is huge with very insecure people who need that validation for their ego. And generally it's attached to some sort of narcissistic behavior pattern period problem is the men I've experienced that do that don't like it when you call them on that behavior and you see it right away and you question it and that starts the second part of gaslighting. What I've noticed is there's a lot of really broken people and they feel the need to control and they will do whatever it takes to control the narrative but it's very short-lived because they need a constant supply of different people to stroke your ego and I just think that's so heartbreaking that there are so many broken people that have no values or standards or Consciousness for hurting another person intentionally and premeditated. And the kicker is they don't like it when it's done to them but it's okay to do it to someone else?! God bless dating expert like you Matthew who have made me extremely conscious of negative behavior patterns pretty quickly. Because I have value and standards and I would rather be alone than be with someone who is going to play games with me
So much truth, here.
Some are not narc, but it’s still hurt ppl by doing that out of their fear.
Bottom line is if a guy is way too interested early on (two weeks into it or before even meeting) then he’s love bombing intentionally or unintentionally. More often than not it’s unintentional and he’s painfully insecure or he’s insecure and a narcissist (most narcissists are). Get out of there now!
I'm always scared the creeps out of guys who are "love-bombing"... sending heart and weird flower emojis, showing strong intense feelings, and calling you by pet names from the extreme get-go (like uhhh... I hardly know you dude?), all of that is just an instant turn off, no matter their intentions. I made the mistake of giving this random dude a chance, but realized later he was a dud... then had to block him for my own sake. Too many of them these days unfortunately, especially in online dating, sigh....
Damn I think I’ve been playing the role of a love bomber in my relationships. I used to think why my partners take the relationships much more seriously than I do and have a harder time getting over it. And I think I’ve been doing it without realizing it, I was just trying to shower someone with love to prove that I’m a perfect partner and I’m the best thing that has ever happened to them. But now I’m starting to see that it was never about them. It was about me being seen as this amazing girl.
Same for me! Let the healing begin....
Wow!
Same here!
Damn...I might be the same. Its hard to know how to stop cuz I wanna love someone.i guess it's just like- save ur love for those who truly earn and r worth ur time
I treat people the way I want to be treated and when i meet someone i like I do go all out but this video explains that maybe having that feeling of liking someone is not enough to go all out. They should earn it. I am confused why my ex boyfriend still reaches out. We fought every single day for 5 years straight. Not an exageration. Every single day from day 1. Even though we fought I still showed effection, I paid for ALL our dates,, helped with his projects. When people passes away i was there for him. I did this and more dispite being beraited every single day by him from what I thought, to my past, to what i was wearing, to what I ate, to how i did anything. He was so unhappy all the time i was trying to make up for it . Now i see he should have earned my time and maybe treating him nice was not the answer to his disrespect. Stop love bombing people by stop being afraid people wont love you otherwise?
This is why I panic when they instantly start with good morning, good night, good morning. Good night. And we continue to tell people this is the bare min. Because in my experience for me these are the men that actually won't set time on my calendar either and want me to be available for their "hi" how are you?" What are you doing? all day long but not dinner. It triggers all of my codependent behaviors, that I'm trying to heal from instead and fails to provide the one thing I need; safety and intimacy. It leaves me chasing for something that's not there. And I genuinely can't tell the difference anymore. I just feel like I can't trust me enough to date because of it anymore, cutting me off from relationships with men entirely. Especially because these are the same men that keep calling for weeks or months but won't give me time on day X to go out for a drink or dinner.
There's also the person, who's so afraid of rejection and has so little self-worth that they would do anything (most likely unconsciously) to speed up the initial stage of getting to know each other. "You're my soulmate, I've never met anyone so special, I didn't know what love was before I met you", saying I love you after two dates, etc. all serve to make the other person develop feelings faster, so that they are more likely to overlook red flags that may pop up later. They don't trust that the other person would grow to love them if they showed up just "as their real selves" and that if the other person sees how flawed they are they would walk away. Once someone invested in a relationship, they won't walk away so easily.
At the risk of being harsh, I think FOR THE MAJORITY of situations like this, your description of the first person is sadly correct. They get their validation from the person they are manipulating and simply disappear. Due to the fact that they have no conscience or moral compass, there is no polite extrication from the ‘relationship’ they have falsely created. They simply move on, leaving emotional destruction behind them. Remember, however, if this HAS been your experience-it doesn’t say a whole lot about you (in a negative sense). Perhaps you’re too nice, but the negative aspects of this behavior belongs to them. It says very much about THEM. Learn to protect yourself.
I’ve just been ghosted by a man who is all of these.
At first I was heartbroken but now I feel like I dodged a bullet 😳
As a therapist that leans into Jungian psychology heavily, I tend to think all “in love” experiences are some form of projection. I am prone to infatuation occasionally but I don’t make decisions based on that and know that reality will settle in. I have been on the receiving end and it’s miserable to me. It’s very frustrating to have someone falling all over themselves when you know the person doesn’t see you or know you at all. I’ve tried to slow men down but in most cases if they don’t cool their jets no matter what I say, I end up cutting off completely, because it’s too overwhelming. It’s too bad too because sometimes I see the potential but the person is out of their mind and I am way too uncomfortable with the pace.
100% agree, I’ve had to deal with this the last 4 guys, pace is important to me my mentor said trust but always verify 💯🙌🏾❤️🔥 I set my own pace and only seek to harmonize it
@@abundanthealthservices I love your mentor's statement! Thank you! 💕
I just went through this. He love bombed me big time. I liked him so I slowed it down…but after 5 months he started not making time for me, made me feel undervalued.
I ended things and he never once fought for us. I knew then my gut was right. He never truly loved me.
Follow your gut ladies!!! 💕
Definitely. I stopped trusting my gut instincts a long time ago, and have paid the price in a lot of situations! Now instead of being all logical and making lists of pros and cons I am trying to trust myself again. The answers were right there under my nose if Id just believed in myself more.
Man, I'm a magnet for love bombers for some reason (three times in a row, and counting!), but the joke's on them, because I'm also avoidant as frick, so the first sign of excessive compliments and declaring a deep connection on the first or second date, and I'm outta there at the speed of light.
I lived that, almost got married after a few months because I didn’t follow my gut FROM WEEK 1. Fortunately I read an amazing book called “Why does he do that?” And I let go of that bad man.
Another cause. Fearful avoidant attachment causes this in both sexes. It’s because the fearful avoidant person craves attention and love but also fears getting too close to be hurt. So when they get too close they start to detach as new insecurities are pushing them away, rather than bringing them closer (which was the case in the beginning).
Fearful avoidant cosigning 👍
Thank you! That very clearly describes someone I met recently. I didn't think he was "wilfully" love bombing for the validation. He was seeking desperately attention and affection after a relatively recent divorce and was "unconsciously" (or not) manipulating me to get them but then got scared and cut off everything just as quickly.
These types of people do well/better in a more shallow family dynamics setting
This is so me
He said he wanted more than sex.
He said he'd take me to dinner.
He said he'd bring me lunch at work. He took down my order.
He said he'd take me to his cabin.
He said he'd take me to florida.
He said he'd help me w my house im building.
He said he'd intro to his kid.
All in one week, non happened.
He ghosted me after 2weeks of this love bombing.
I literally just went through this and I didn't see it until it was over. He was so interested, attentive, nice etc...the minute I expressed my affection he was gone. Stopped calling and texting and when I reached out, he became mean. So I understood and backed off. Such a hurtful experience.
Sometimes we confuse love with attraction and chemistry. Love is loving the person past the attraction, the person with their perfect imperfections ❤️.
These people are very insecure. It happened to me and the person overwhelmed me with gifts, promises of marriage within the span of two months. The person wants something from the woman or man and will then discard that person. Once the love bomber realizes the other person has autonomy and self awareness they will bail.
The gospel according to Matthew Hussey! I got love bombed by a narc last year. He threw the whole kitchen sink at it, calling me baby/sweetie/gorgeous from the jump...showering me with compliments about amazing I am and then started distancing once he'd got his narc supply before pulling the rug away. I have learned since then to see that level of attention as a red flag.
Just got out of a relationship like this. Totally blindsided with no hints and signs of disinterest. The future faking was insane, all up until the day he discarded me was he showering me with love. Then out of no where he said he had no feelings for me at all, and left. It was gut wrenching, I don’t wish that pain on anyone.
This is exactly what I experienced recently. It's devastating.
Me too girl 😔
Same, 3 months out now. Sending you love on your healing journey. These soulless devils need to be deserted on an island, then they can entertain each other with their selfishness and egos
This just happened to me 2 weeks ago, my bestie and call him the future faker too! Still struggling! 😫
Me too. The day before I was discarded he wanted to sign up for tennis lessons. I knew I was being love bombed but he introduced me to his family including his ex wife after dating intensely for only 2 weeks That’s what hooked me. Once we slept together his intensity lessened and he broke up via a text message saying he can’t handle a girlfriend now and I lived to far away. Both excuses are lies. I learned a lot and at least he didn’t ghost me. He was back on the dating app immediately after the breakup text.
I feel so manipulated and angry with him and myself for ignoring the red flag 🚩 s
I think sometimes people can easily get caught up in the moment especially when you have suffered from loneliness for so long. This video is so informative guys. I used to think my ex bf was evil but I see some of these tendencies on both our parts. The bottom line is we should have not let our emotions take over before we really got to know each other. Thank you.
I agree with you on loneliness - this love bombing happened to me right exactly at the end of lockdown and he was just using this as a tool to make him better (type 2 in this video). Unfortunately, at the time it broke my heart. So wish Matthew posted this video a few months back
🙏🏻
This is very very relevant in my case Vicki. I recently got dumped by a Love-Bomber. After 7 weeks i realised what happened and now I am in that very painful Post-dumped stage. So well said by you!
I think this is so unfair as these kinds of men are only concerned about themselves and they have little or no care about the other person's feelings. They are not seeking for a genuine connection with another person but instead they want instant gratification .
Just realizing how immature I am emotionally and relationship wise. Got a lot to work on, I feel bad for those around me too.
Narcissistic people do that. Happened with me. It’s all about control and getting narcissistic supply. Once you are under their control, they start to devalue and eventually discard you. It’s very traumatic and emotionally damaging to go through it. 😕😢
You experience “love at first sight” when you meet someone for e.g who reminds you of someone you used to know, someone who speaks, behave, look in a certain way etc. you are drawn to them because your brain remembers and makes connection of this persons and someone you know who made/makes you feel loved, safe, comfortable, protected, special etc. People can be more vulnerable to love at first sign especially if they are lacking something (love, safety, comfort, special etc) they want in life. Hope you are reading this Matt :)
Honestly, ignore men. You'll live happily ever after. They all are the same - just on different level. Period.
I’m a man and I agree! But I’m also gay!
Love bombing is all about control and you validating how awesome they are. It’s all about them not you. Then, they move on to the next person (a supply to validate them). Love bomber do not have empathy for others.
100% dead on. I have encountered two individuals like this and it never ends well. The most important thing that sticks out from this experience is that TRUE LOVE takes time to develop. It is not instantaneous and THE RIGHT PERSON, a healthy person would be ok taking their time to get to know you properly and not rush you. If you see LOVE BOMBS run. A normal person takes their time. This is different than being affectionate and sweet, but you will get this sense that something is "off" and you cannot figure out why you feel this way. I see this now and it's a RED FLAG. And a man that leaves you multiple times and comes back is also not showing you LOVE.
I got love bombed when I was younger and it took me years to get over the rejection. Thanks for this video.. It has cleared up some unfinished business in my mind.
Same here!!
this happened to me very recently. he lovebombed me, bought me expensive stuff, showered me with praise, introuced me to parents on the second date, made plans for christmas which is months away, and summer and whatnot. Then quickly left as soon as i told him i was getting attached. Barely any texts, the breadcrumb stage was starting. and simply cut me off. Doesn't want to see me anymore. These people can leave as quickly as they started.
I had a lovebomber which was a 9 month serious relationship and after our breakup I experienced another lovebomber where it lasted 2 weeks. After these two incidents I’m trying to become super aware of how it begins and not to get in too deep
Greatest advice here is hearing that love grows overtime. It’s not immediate. You can have the most amazing person in front of you and that person can check off literally almost every box or every single box but there is danger in thinking that true love is suppose to happen immediately. True love is not only a feeling. It is a choice and when it’s realized it means you have made the choice to love that person after having known all of them with all their flaws as well. This takes time because nobody shows all their flaws at first. It’s like an onion. You have to peel back the layers, but even more the onion adds great flavor to a dish but the flaw is the bad breath it causes and the love is the choice to eat it anyways and appreciate it for all that the onion brings.
So accurate! I think i fell for a 3rd/4th type of person who just projected his expectations and image on me.
the second person also shows that they are after highs, they like hormones of excitement being realised so in my mind they'd also be the people who get easily adicted to substances or certain activities.
This one is so spot on. I quickly got into a relationship with my last boyfriend only after two days we met. I remember the experience I had with him was so thrilling but also extremely uncomfortable at the same time. Ever since we met we saw each other every single day. And basically at the fourth or fifth date, he started explaining to me about what kinda wedding he wanted to have, and I was like seriously? Lol. He could appear to be he cares about me a lot but I quickly figure out that he’s just craving for my attention to fill up his insecurities. From the outside everything looks so perfect, a guy who drives a luxurious car got an attractive girl under his arm. I knew he liked me because he entertained the idea that he imagined what people were thinking when they saw us together. Hes pretty much just a narcissist who’s using me as his narcissistic supply. The unfortunate part is that since I was in a pretty vulnerable state myself, having someone like that who showered me so much attention and love even though they’re fake, it still made me feel like I was lovable, that I was not completely useless. So I stayed around for a while, until the pandemic hit, I got back to home, also got in contact with some of my friends, those connections pulled me out of the isolation that he was trying to lock me in. I wouldn’t say he’s a bad person, just kinda sad, or maybe pathetic. Cause I know he’ll never ever admit to himself that he needs help.
I met a guy who invited me and my 9 friends up to his place for a "champagne" after party. His bestfriend stopped by and asked who I was and all these people in his place... he introduced me to him as his "fiance".
His friend was a little confused and looked at him.like he was crazy. I definitely felt shocked and not sure what to say but i liked him so I was thrilled. He was so nice. So much energy. Well,
I never really left and moved in a week later.. 3 year almost to the day., his affection completely stopped and he became a completely different person.
Started ignoring m, neglecting me and started to act like a classic narcissist, even cheated on me but didn't want to let me go and i just kept wanting to try to make it work.
It has taken me another 5 years to leave and i finally walked out in the middle of the night when he wasn't home, . It's been two weeks without any contact. He either always does these gran gestures or is cruel and turns the tables and make me feel like i don't exist. 8 years to leave but I had to. This love bombing should be taught in schools. You just dont have any defense against it and the damage is really bad.
Self-validation, reciprocity, self control, self sufficiency, presence, respect and compassion are things to look for in a keeper. If they're missing in part or whole forget it.
Hey Louise from Richard's channel. Lol I see you everywhere.
@@emp9413 I rarely comment here but just felt it needed saying 😅👋
@@louisegarner8888 it was a great msg. I took a screenshot :) see ya around 👋
Damn that's a good list of qualities - thank you for sharing 😊 🙏
Great!!
I think before we enter any kinds of relationship, it's very important to practice self-love, which is the relationship you have with yourself. After all, yourself will be with you from beginning to end, so make it a great one! Once you establish that, you'll know what is good for you and whats not. You'll have less tendency to fall for the wrong person cuz you know what real love is, and that love is coming from deep within yourself, nothing can beat that
I literally am crying watching this, it hurts so bad
Rain Rain I'm sorry you are hurting and tears are for healing, hence why it helps to cry for as long as you need to. ❤
@@cyndigooch1162 Thank you very much, I do need to heal.
a guy love bombed me for a month, calls that lasted all night, calls during his lunch breaks,constant texting and most importantly the quality was there, things like he's falling for me, I like you and so on until he suddenly ghosts me and comes back a month later does the same thing, bombs me and ghosts and for his finale he comes back detached stops love bombing and shows me he's now tlking to other girls and is now love bombing them. I feel stolen from? my time my love and energy that could've gone to a nice genuine guy. Thses people are evil they sell you false dreams and you lose your footing
You got this. Sending you good vibes
Just went through a relationship like this. Started fast, was great and ended just as fast and horrible! Hurt remains, feelings of being used and betrayed!
100% correct-
Real Love is something that grows over time.
Not hits you over the head with a LOVE stick 😆
Just ended a 7 year friendship, with a guy who does this. I got to watch it first-hand a couple of weekends ago, and it turned my stomach. I warned the woman who is fresh out of a relationship with a man she says cheated on her. So, she is the perfect victim. My ex-friend is a predator and, I believe, very insecure.
I spent some time reading all the below comments from men and women. What is really interesting is, those love bombers end up the ghost and disconnect completely. This just happened to me recently and I was shocked by his immature behavior. Integrity and character are very important to me and it literally turned me off instantly. Apparently, his affection wasn't real and wasn't about me, and he seemed to love himself by doing it. As soon as he ghosted me, I deleted all of his messages and contact. I am moving on. Life is too short and precious to waste for a coward, immature, selfish human beings.
I met a man online in November 2021 who works for an embassy in Whasington and wanted to marry me in one week and even buy a house together. He said that he loved my values..... I told him that they were red flags. After one month he just dissapeared and to make the history short he is a tremendous perverse narc for what he did. I have a master on it not generalizing I really study about covered, perverse narcs, psociopaths, psycopaths.... Thank you
My dad is the text book definition of a Narcissist and my mom text book empath. Growing up watching their relationship has given me such an unhealthy perspective on what a relationship should look like. It’s been no surprise that I ended up marrying a covert narcissist. Once I was viciously discarded and completely devastated by him I then fell for another man who was a narcissist. That relationship also ended in total devastation for me. I spent the last 10 years single out of fear of falling into another unhealthy relationship. Just recently (4-5 months ago)I met someone online who lives in another state. We have been talking and we both fell relatively fast for each other. He does tend to express his feelings in a very grandiose way. Such as “I never felt this way” or “You’re the love of my life” and I also find myself saying that back to him. I know we both love each other but, I’m scared that maybe I am heading down this inevitable road once again. He and I have both endured tremendous traumas in our lives and I don’t want either of us to end up hurt. It’s just so hard because, I really don’t trust myself anymore in the partners I choose. I question myself all the time. I’ve been in therapy forever and still can’t seem to figure out what a healthy relationship looks like and feels like.
I think it's going to be hard to figure out until the initial honeymoon period is over. I think most relationships feel the same at first. Is what happens after and how you deal with things together that you should pay attention to, that's what's going to be eye opening.
@@almalexiel I think you are absolutely right. Time should reveal everything to me. It’s always difficult to tell in the early stages. Everyone puts their best foot forward in the beginning. I just hope and pray this time it’s different because, I just can’t handle anymore heartbreak and disappointment in my life. Thanks for the reply and hope you are well. 🙏🏼❤️
I just cut off contact after 5 days of getting to know someone who was doing this. Ewww! It is exactly as you described and it was scary how possessive he was making me feel. Barely even knew him! It is so important to listen to your intuition and just cut your losses which is not much after a week. Thankfully!
What you are talking about with the fantasy relationship is called “limerence.” It’s a problem with people who have Childhood PTSD, which makes it very difficult to ascertain or defend appropriate boundaries. Look it up…it’s very eye-opening.
my last relationship was like this. He came in, swept me off my feet with amazing words and interest, telling me how perfect I was for him and how I was exactly what he wanted and then 2 years later he lleft me when things got a difficult and his projected image of me was crumbling. He found a new relationship and got engaged within a few months. It destroyed me and I never recovered from it.
Just had this exact thing done to me and it’s the most devastating loss I’ve ever felt, completely broken!
Take care. The best thing to do (at least happened in my case) is to listen to others calling them on it although as attachment there might take a little longer to re-analyse and see that other person in true colours
Same here. My partner was person number 2 and I was the 4 person they described 😞
For serious help check out You Tube vids by Rebecca Zung!
No 3 is the serial monogamist. They never just date because they fall in love with anyone they feel a chemistry with
4 types of guys who have lovebombed me.
1. Narcissist
2. Aspie
3. Aquarius
4. Caucasian
Please can you give me more info on the Aspergers type.
I just had that happen to me and it hurt like hell.
He even declared wanting to make a baby, that he loved me, that he is so lucky to have found me and asked me to be his girlfriend and now he has not spoken or text me in two days
@@rachelconradie8480 hi just saw your comment now, honestly pain from the Aspie was worse than the narcissist because they forget you like you never existed after coming on so strong. They act like you’re their everything because it’s part of their hyper focus and obsession also known as a “special interest”. Then they get bored and move onto the next thing and cannot maintain their initial romantic feelings towards you. They grow cold and indifferent overtime. The difference between Aspies and Narcs is that Aspies usually not intentionally trying to hurt you, but narcs it’s very deliberate and manipulative. Narcs want control, Apies are aloof and in their own world. Feels similar at times though. Hope this helps!
Aquarius over here as well
😂
Caucasian 😂😂
Thank you so much for making this video! I dealt with someone like this last year and it caused a lot of harm. This is very validating! Ever since that experience I have become super careful in dealing with men who put you on a pedestal and put a lot of effort in the beginning to create something that has not developed naturally. After this individual, I actually cut a few men off who I felt were pressuring me to rush into things. I really had to question why they were doing that when they didn't even know me. I learned to trust my gut even more and not all the nice things they say. Men will use words to manipulate and it's really sad.
Thank you for sharing your experience - something that happened to me as well a few months back that hurt me so much (particularly layered with more fragile mental state coming out of lockdown) that took me quite a while to be able to trust men again. There is someone absolutely wonderful loving and caring who recently stepped into my life, but as Matthew said if they are coming with the right intentions, they would adjust to the pace you are comfortable with. Take care and hope you meet that right love interest soon
Yeeep it’s freaking sad how insecure they are. Also really sad that most guys now seem to not know how to handle rejection. It’s actually quite disgusting. Just because you’re moving and you’re trying to flatter me doesn’t mean I need to say yes to you, eww
I recently experienced this :(
Met him online, we chatted for about 6 weeks and he flew from his country to meet me
We spent a week together
Felt so good, great chemistry and we had amazing time together
Till it wasn’t
And he disappeared and didn’t texted me for a week now
I just cleared our chat, deleted his number and move on
Felt sad but he’s not worth it
The Love Bomber that can't be alone and wants ANYONE to commit. If you listen hard enough you can see the pattern.
Another person is someone who is having trouble with his / her hypomanic episode who suffers from Bipolar Disorder. He/she don't realise their brain chemistry has changed but then enter a mixed affective state realise that they aren't in love and then when he/she hit a depresed state, he / she dumps the other person and moves on to someone to try to reclaim that high. It really imitates narcissistic behaviour but the truth is the rest of their personality doesn't fit someone who has NPD. What I didn't understand is that hypomanic states can last for weeks not just for a few days.
I really think if people took their time with relationships not jumping in the bed with one another so quickly and dating for a while, they would truly know what that person‘s intentions are.
I dated a guy for about a month and we went out about six times and he was ready to jump in the bed with me and I wasn’t quite ready. I told him that and he left. So taking your time does work. I wasn’t extremely hurt I also knew that there was an emotional connection that was not there and it served me well taking my time.
Yes
That is when you know your worth and your Distinct...
You really don't need 6 dates to figure out a man if you really know what to fish for. Majority of them will throw the truth between the lines if you can only pay attention.
It's a pity coaches like Matthew have so many followers, there should be more redpill content for women, a man will never expose their true nature and a woman will sell you a book on how to keep a man pleased.
Men don't need time to "grow feelings", they set the eyes on a woman and decide if she's a smash&dump, fuckbuddy, placeholder or marriage material.
@@Sarablueunicorn how do ya know
@@mlbm13 You should read a book called "men don't love women like you". The language is trashy and I wouldn't follow his "dating" style advice but the author pours the truth about how men think.
The third date rule isn't really for sex, the third date rule is for him to make a move, if he suggests sex he's out, if he asks for you to be his girlfriend proceed carefully.
You shouldn't qualify for a man (tell him how you bring to the table) he should qualify for you, so ears open and mouth shut.
1:The first date suggestion is a good indicator. If he suggests netflix&chill, a location near his place (not considering your distance), walk...anything free/cheap or for his convenience, he's vetted out. I tried to redirect the guys to another date according to my "rules" and those who accepted did it so they could turn the 2nd date into "Netflix&chill" (which doesn't happen). A coffee is ok for a first date if you don't know the guy yet (dating app/social media), dress casually.
2: If he pays the bill. If he suggests sharing something, he's vetted out. You are the one who can suggest share something but not the bill, like "the dose of french fries looks big..maybe we can share".
3: Listen carefully to all he says. If he sounds too secretive it's a bad sign. Try to figure out when and how did his relationship end. If he calls his ex crazy/psycho/depressed/psychotic run for the hills. Try to know if he was the one breaking up (better) and guarantee you are not the rebound.
4: He should be slightly nervous when interacting with you. Check for dilated pupils and a stupid smile. The dilated pupils alone might simply mean he's sexually/physically attracted (which is good) but the stupid smile adds a good give away. Eyes should be glittery.
5: Body language: The glittery eyes and stupid smile are really what matters the most but I've tested everything else: see if he has his legs open (even under the table), if he walks matching your pace.
6: Narcissists love bomb but men who are very into you also "lovebomb".
7: Listen to your gut. If something sounds or feels wrong, probably is wrong. You shouldn't feel anxious in the presence of the guy.
@@Sarablueunicorn thank you so much for taking the time to actually give me a very detailed answer . I will screen shoot it and read it more than once . Read it once already and you’re right . My mom says men haven’t changed since the beginning of time and it’s just we believe this generation is different . In reality we aren’t . Commitment isn’t a new concept , cheap men don’t want to commit or have families but want all the benefits. All women should make men suffer and wait .
I can't agree more with everything said here. Met a guy who did the same thing and it's frustrating I fell for it even though I am aware from the beginning that something feels odd with him. When your instincts are telling you "no!", listen to it! Now, I've been ghosted. A tiny part of me is hoping he'll send me a message. But I'm trying to pull away from him and remind myself that I deserve better. I'll get there eventually. If he ever comes back and messages me, I'll make it clear that it's over. Not going to fall for his drama and manipulations all over again.
Don’t message him if he messages you back. He will feed you a great excuse or sob story to reel you back in-and he will reel you back in. Consider the breakup final now and block his contact info so that you can start the process of grieving and moving on.
Your instincts are telling you ‘no’ for a reason. Don’t let the soft spot in your heart for him lie to you that you just want him to contact you again so you can officially cut him off. Your heart will let him weasel his way back in. Don’t let him. End it now by giving yourself closure ♥️
@@lifeoutsidecomfortzone Thanks a lot for that. I'm pretty sure he will have a sob story to tell like he always does when he forgets our plans or doesn't reply for a long time. I feel like I'm the one chasing him now and he is just sitting there enjoying how much I praise and like him. Honestly, a part of me still misses him and that's so frustrating. However, I think I'm getting better.now and I'll be back to my usual self.
Did he ever contact you?
@@gretalas9092 I blocked him so even if he wanted to, we won't be able to. Also, luckily I met an awesome guy a few months after posting this. And we've been dating for almost a year now. It's really different when you find someone who really want you in their life.
@@mauroranw aww that sounds so good! Happy for you! Im also going to chose that path for me. Why choose someone who makes you feel unwanted, when you could go for someone who is crazy about you. I also just moved to Berlin, so im gonna start living my life haha. Thanks!
Guys who do this, do it because they are primarily insecure & also avoidant / fearful attachment style & also possibly narcissistic / NPD. They want the attention, the love & the adoration, but from a safe distance, without the actual attachment. They want to be loved, but from afar, so therefore they will drop the love bomb, then disappear. Then they will wait for you to run after them, then they will get you to do what they want from you when they need you, then disappear again behind whatever smokescreen or barrier they put up or maintained, while watching you serving their needs from afar. Then when you start crying, saying hey, what happened you were just telling you loved me, & wanted to be committed until the end of time, now I feel traumatised by emotional neglect, they will then start to come out with all the abuse, calling you all kinds of names from behind their smoke screen, possibly even including comparing you to Amber Hurd for 12 hours at a time, even though you never actually met her, let alone know her.
Alternatively these kinds of guys are known as narcissistic cowards who are a pain in the arse who need therapy summarised in one sentence for lay people. Alternatively they are also known as suffering from the rock star complex. They want every woman that crosses their path to adore them, without any strings, while they show off pretending to strut their stuff waving their imaginary guitar around in front of every woman they meet, causing you to be embarrassed at their behaviour every second that you actually spend with them in real life, when they are not actually on stage, including in front of elderly Indian women with husbands with Alzheimers, who are too old & suggestible to be aware of how they are being played in front of their own husbands.
Then these same guys will then disappear without a trace behind their zero commitment style narcissistic smoke screen style cloud in the sky, Wizard of Oz style, David Bowie Starman disappearing into the sky to Mars, the next. Then you will wonder what happened to them. Then you might do some research about how all the rock-stars from the 60s & 70s abused their status to predate on 14 year olds & then you will get kind of sad & upset & wish you never met the guy who pretended to be a rock-star love-bombing you & messing up your life, while chatting up women who were nude models from the age of 14 sending him messages at 4am in the morning while you are asleep in bed with him, but unaware of why he just suddenly started arguing with you for no reason, the same time the nude model from the age of 14 messaged him. The whole experience might have upset you for the last year or however long it was, & all the rest, but then you will try & move on, however, it might take a while to get over. Maybe a few months. But then eventually you will, & you will have learnt from the experience. & hopefully know better next time.
I had a guy shower me with time and “love” what he really wanted was to not be lonely and have a partner in his addiction. He was reasonably successful had a large group of friends and family. But he was a narcissistic mess. He wasn’t diagnosed but he never thought he was wrong even when he said horrible things toward women or racist stuff. It was always a “joke”. He gaslit me it was a rollercoaster that I’m still healing from and it’s been three years.
omg guys 😭, I just started a new relationship & I thought that he was been so lovely & sweet, but you are describing him! 😞
Girl, same 🤣🤣 dude is textbook type 4
Trust your instinct and jump off the wagon
Love bombing is going strong in miami! I always call guys out on it, so transparent to me.
YES! They move extremely fast here!
and they dissappear just as fast
Facts frfr rampant in the 305 unfortunately 🤥 Fraud capital
Oh I believe it. I’ve dated a lot of Latinos and a lot of them came on strong like this
What's the point of it?
There are also dudes who are in the relationship and want a mistress
They lovebomb too
Thank you so much for this video - as a man who made some of the mistakes mentioned here. I love that you say that love should GROW, it doesn't just START. I've recently learned that and I am still processing it.
Omg, I just realized that's what happened to me. Dated for 3 months and throughout that time, he wanted me to meet his friends and family, and already talked about moving in together (basically everything Matthew described in the video: time, attention, gifts). The whole time I went with it because he kept assuring me that it's because we both know what we want in a partner and he saw a future with me. As soon as the first roadblock occurred, he tells me he realized we were moving too fast, he needs time to work on himself, and ends the relationship.
Exactly what just happened to me
They take from the same textbook. Mine said the same thing, that we were moving too fast when he was the one that initiated EVERYTHING, and I was just going with the flow. I can assure you that's the same dialog they will tell their next supply.
That happened to me. Very full on and almost rushing everything. He mentioned me to his parents/i met his friends etc. 3 months dating this guy and then around the 2 month mark started to withdraw in communication/affection. I broke up with him because I felt I didn't deserve this treatment and that he didn't care anymore. He was the "nice guy" who avoided difficult situations/feelings so I don't think he would have ended it with me. I have anxious attachment tendencies so i think I lowkey tried to push past the red flags for the sake of intimacy. Gonna work on myself for a bit...🥲
I got the “ I need to work on myself” he literally had someone new the next day and it’s now been over two months. I confronted him and he told me he wasn’t happy and didn’t have feelings for me anymore. Was infatuated with me and I was the best right up until the last day I saw him!
Just happened to me- insane!
Oo, I think I am in that space. Overwhelmed with everything that one guy I am seeing. Within short time, he confessed that he really into me, no matter how much I said take it easy and slow. Everyday, I am afraid I will lose my sanity if I fall for him
I think I got lovebombed before I even met the guy…and then when my hopes were up he abruptly ghosted me. I really need to stop getting so easily attached but it’s difficult..
Some do this to show you how “good, wonderful” they are or how good wonderful things can be with them and when they pull back their target is to make you chase them from then on to get that attention, affection again. Meanwhile they’ve moved on and are working on making the next person follow the same path.
One of the worst feelings ever!
@@zahraalaradi9165 yes. Sorry if you’re going through this. The first time I heard of this type of situation was on a CZcams short video a ex gf (who is a very famous and beautiful model)of a very famous singer described this exact situation, she was very sad and broken from all the chasing and gas lighting she went through.
Oh, person number 3 over here. I’m so glad I’m growing and seeing my unhelpful patterns. Thank you for your work, it’s so incredibly valuable.
Consistency over intensity - that's the best advice from this video. :)
I fall for this over and over. I'm so over it. I always feel so angry at myself stupid afterwards. This is the most messed up manipulation I have ever seen and felt. It's evil honestly if done on purpose but I think I end up with the 2nd kind and 3rd kind. Now I never want to be in a relationship ever again.
Freaking love this one. I really appreciate the way you guys broke this down into what it looks like in real life. I'm texting this to myself right meow: 1. Measure consistency over intensity 2. Love is something that *grows*
I can relate so much to the part about unsustainable intensity from my last experience. I decided to be honest with my feelings and go at my own pace, and that really made the difference. It's so easy to get caught up in all that honeymoon phase but the point is to ask yourself if that person is really into getting to know you, into having dates to have conversations with you, or just wants to go only straight to the physical context.
Here's a good one. Don' you love it when they just say hi "Baby" or "I love Baby" all in the first week of us conversating virtually without making any effort to meet up in person.
Yes it’s so ridiculous
That's an automatic deal breaker lol. It's so disingenuous
Love is so simple for two compatible people, and so complicated for those who arent . As we all are complicated, we need to be compatible for it to work out because being emotionaly intelligent and being ready for relationship isnt something that all have on same level, and sometimes the ones that have it most, dont value it enough. It takes time it for things as confidence, patience, selflessness, emotional intelligence etc.. We have to go trough so much work to be able to be that person or stay that way, and then its important that oneself is responsable to not maintain a relationship where you feel you dont have the same level od maturity. When you are a complete person, you just want to open up to a new person and love them, but for a person thats incomplete, they need you to heal things for them and reassure them and fill their needs for them, and that puts one in a dangerous place because they are being used for someones needs and wont be loved because the other person is too busy filling their own cup with all that you bring to the table while they dont give anything . Its better to be alone and settle when you find a whole complete person that just wants to give love without any expectations or any disrespect to your boundaries and your life.