How To Create The Perfect Relationship & Heal Your Trauma Together - Inner Work Library [69/500]
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- čas přidán 21. 07. 2024
- How To Heal While In A Relationship? This episode of Inner Work Q&A explores the psychology of shared trauma in healing and relationship healing or how to heal your trauma while dating.
An especially useful video for individuals who want to learn how to encourage their partner to heal without being manipulative.
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⏱️ TIMESTAMPS ⏱️
00:00 You Want To Heal Together?
02:02 How To Awaken Together
03:51 Do You Need Alone Time?
07:47 You Can't Make Them Heal
09:38 How To Say The Hard Things
14:24 It's Not A Threat
15:31 False Selves & Inner Children
17:48 How To Be The Leader
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Topics explored: inner work; trauma bonding; conscious relationships; toxic relationships; healthy boundaries; toxic relationships healing; relationship boundaries; love addiction; love addict; love addict psychology; how to heal while in a relationship; how to heal codependency while in a relationship; how to heal with your partner; how to create the perfect relationship; perfect relationship; best relationship; jordan thornton; how to heal yourself; trauma healing; relationship advice;
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📸 - Follow me on Instagram: / thorntontheory
DM me for 1:1 consultations & private mentoring.
#couplestherapy #traumahealing #consciousrelationships
*1-1 Mentorship Information: Price & Structure (Maximum Capacity = 20 Clients Per Year)*
It's an absolute pleasure to film these CZcams videos, and I feel fortunate to receive an abundance of meaningful messages every week, but I am unfortunately faced with the disappointing reality of turning away the vast majority of people who want to work together.
I have significantly limited availability and can only support twenty people per year because I do not offer one-off calls or drop-in consulting sessions.
Twenty individuals might not sound like maximum capacity, but the last few years of teaching have taught me the importance of maintaining tight energetic boundaries if I want to keep uploading these free videos in addition to serving my current clients to the best of my ability in 2024.
To minimise confusion and enhance transparency, I've spent several hours writing this ridiculously long comment to help you decide if my Inner Work Mentorship is the right choice for your development & what you could reasonably expect from working closely together.
Please take the time to read this service description before contacting me on Instagram… or feel free to stop reading right now if you’re not interested in my fees, session structure, client expectations, etc.
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*READ BEFORE SCROLLING FURTHER:*
I'm interested in long-term change and structural transformation, which is why I've never offered one-off sessions.
Complex issues cannot be resolved in a few hours, but we likewise need to define an upper limit for containment and collaboration.
I've learned that deep and enduring self-integration requires at least four months of immersive effort. Why four months? It's enough weekly contact for us to work through multiple complex issues and developmental possibilities, but short enough to mitigate against unconscious co-dependency and motivational stagnation.
I'm currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month - message me after reading the following section to check my availability.
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*HOW I WORK & WHO I WORK WITH*
Unlike other coaches and teachers who take an understandably more relaxed approach to healing and integration, my mentorships are characteristically intense.
This is a highly-demanding, high-investment process which requires our consistent combined effort over a period of four months.
If we were to start working together, I would reasonably expect you to be excited to show up for a minimum of 10+ hours of self-motivated transformative practice per week (daily reading, fitness routine, creative exercises, spiritual reflection, etc.) while also maintaining full-sobriety (no drink, no drugs, no cigarettes, no vapes).
These strict standards of discipline and sobriety are plainly unsuitable for most people in most situations - even genuinely motivated individuals who resonate with my CZcams videos may not be the right match for four months of structured mentorship.
If you want to get deeper, I've noticed that there's a certain type of ‘temperament' & 'timing’ to get the most out of me.
I'm interested in alert, creative and purpose-driven individuals who aspire to exceptional standards of self-maturation and would enjoy the feeling of going through week-on-week of progressively stacked transformative experiences for a third of a year: my ideal client is somebody who is willing to bring forward their internal complexity with a sense of courage and transparency with the intention of nothing less than full-spectrum transformation & rapid acceleration on their personal path.
I am yet to discover another supportive figure who offers something comparable to this mentorship: a four-month, structured yet flexible 1-1 container which is simultaneously therapeutic, academic and action-oriented; with primary focus placed on tangible improvements in your felt sense of self-knowledge and self-integration; in addition to making consistent and meaningful progress towards your unique goals and mentorship aspirations.
I prioritise contact, compassion and accountability, which means that your work never really 'ends' at the end of your session. You can reasonably expect to be fed dozens of customised reading suggestions and follow-on perspectives outside of the formal sessions via friendly and informal messenger contact, where I am active and available four days per week to cultivate an intimate personal connection while likewise enhancing your positive momentum via accountability check-ins and additional support as required.
By way of conclusion for what feels like an extraordinarily long comment and service description, I feel compelled to once more emphasise that working directly with me is unrealistic for most people in most situations.
I often support people who are accustomed to wrestling with the emotional challenges associated with working through complex wounds in previous therapeutic relationships before we begin our coaching work together. Even individuals without 'hard trauma' can expect moments of pressurised darkness and heaviness during periods of shadow contact as you begin to restructure your personal unconscious. We will be exploring your psyche and soma at scale and depth, and it will be your responsibility to keep me informed about the emotional texture of your internal reality, especially if you encounter negatively charged experiences, and I will of course do everything in my power to support you through the hard times as we integrate the darkness and move forwards together.
CZcams is a wonderful place for me to share free research resources and offer accessible inner work invitations; my private mentorships, however, are the place for collaborative partnership and emotional security as we identify, navigate and restructure oftentimes confronting and challenging conscious and unconscious physical, emotional and mental material.
Ultimately, this is a highly-demanding but highly-rewarding process which requires the best of our shared intentions.
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*SESSION STRUCTURE & FEES:*
The total fee for an Inner Work Mentorship (including 12 x 2 hr sessions) is £7,400 GBP or approximately $9,400 USD. This is my only coaching programme, and my mentorship pricing is liable to adjustment over time.
Each private session lasts two hours, and is facilitated via Telegram video call at an ideal time for both of us. Your mentorship extends over a linear four-month period, with a total of twenty-four hours of structured session time, in addition to four days per week of unlimited messenger availability for accountability updates, voice note exchanges and informal calls upon occasion. I do not work on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays, but I am fully-available across all timezones for regular calls and messenger contact on Thursday - Sunday.
If you’ve scrolled this far, and resonate with what I’m offering, I invite you to message me on Instagram. It would be my pleasure to start exploring your goals and intentions in real-time.
IMPORTANT: I am an intentionally independent coach, and not a licensed therapist or associated with any professional bodies or coaching institutions, and therefore enjoy the freedom to collaborate with my clients across all areas of life in an intimate, direct and highly involved coaching style. I work with no more than twenty people per year, and am currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month. I also manage my own inbox and do not use automated systems or employ people to pretend to be me on Instagram, which means that it usually takes four to six weeks for me to respond to new messages and begin the interview process. Although my approach takes time, I hope you ultimately appreciate my personal emphasis on authentic and confidential communication from the very beginning of our relationship. I once again encourage you to message me immediately if you want to start working together within the next two months - bump yourself to the top of my inbox, and I’ll send you some voice notes to get our conversation started.
I began my inner journey in relationship, which ultimately ended after 6 years because "I was not the same person he'd met'; (a compliment and sign of growth for me, but viewed as a deep betrayal by him). I resonate with the example of unlayering conversations, and have experienced how difficult it can be to navigate that space with someone who is incredibly disconnected from their emotional experience and unwilling/not ready to engage with it. The clarification and embodiment of my values has fundementally changed how I view and choose to enter all relationships in my life. The conversations you are igniting are courageous, powerful and needed. Sending much love and gratitude to you.
Wishing you the absolute best in your continued path, thank you for sharing some of your story so far 🌲
I think it’s safe to say… most women are experiencing this as we shed the limited conditioning of the patriarchy. We aren’t perfect but we are discovering we deserve more than what we previously accepted as the norm based on our parents and grandparents relationship models. These models were programmed into us before we had a chance to choose based on our authentic self. The rate of single women reflects this transition into nu relationship dynamics where our love attracts a partner now out subconscious need to heal unhealed wounds. I like to call this kind of relationship Trauma Reenactments where hollow graphic love ( surface level love ) is being shed to make room for the depths of love we are here to experience. Thanks for this channel! U are appreciated immensely ❤🪬
Really nicely said, thanks for being here in spreading your message too. Appreciated greatly, these topics go deep.
Beautifully said of ultimate perspective on how to encourage a conscious relationship at 17:50 and 20:05 time forward on the video.
1. You lead the way to create a better life via action, example and embodiment. You need to show them you read every day. You are looking after your body (gym,diet, hanging around with healthy friends and having generally positive energy.
2. Ability to communicate consciously when you are struggling with something heavy.
3. Extra communication around the edges.
4. Set boundaries and timelines for your inner work activities.
5. Be patient until you notice it is not working anymore and when uncoupling is needed.
6 Goal is to build healthy relationship being healthy rolemodel within the relationship. 7. Communicate with courage, passion and assertion.
8. Not feeling guilty you need your time alone.
Yes I would love to see more videos of how to build a conscious relationships.
Thank you Jordan 🙏🌹
Marvellous summary comment, I appreciate your depth of engagement here and will absolutely be making more videos on relationships soon.
Thanks JT👍How any 2 stay together is a miracle to me. I had my chances, i was loved by loving beautiful folks. It was my pathologies that sabotaged, mea culpa maxima. The breakups occurred as lovingly as possible. I fired myself from dating. I loved this video to hear examples of healthy communication. In 12 step program, i have witnessed successful partnerships, the synchronicity of both partners sharing the language and recognizing the gravity of the work.
My relationship vastly improved when I quit expecting, when I quit sharing if there was any chance it would cause me pain or go no where. I stopped talking about what was too important and sacred to me. This is how I have come to honor my being and need for connection to healing heart and soul. I have a “partner” but the journey is my own
Oh, again, it's so refreshing to just peek at your reality. I had given up trying to find others dedicated to healing; spend decades on trying to fix people who don't wanna be fixed. I'm a classic case, I see. 😂
Hearing that what I'm yet to experience could be a STANDARD in someone's life sounds incredible to me. Now where do I find the others. 😅
Absolutely a rising tide of consciousness, keep putting yourself out there!
We were in an 11 year relationship with a man who really didn't want us to grow and change and it held our healing back so much 😅
Now we have a partner, who's also very independent and dedicated to growing and learning 😊 It's so good to hear "you've changed so much" as a compliment, not a complaint
I feel like im meant to do the same type of work with people youre doing, its the most intense pressure ive ever felt, but i know it in my soul. I feel like im starting to find the way, but its such a fine line. I'm struggling with when and how to approach certain things in the moment with certain people. Im starting to get it. Be like the tree. Slow and steady finishes the race.
It’s a beautiful profession, I highly recommend this work if you’re willing to put in the 1000’s of hours of self work & self study to be a truly secure container for others - hope this channel helps you in that process, Jonny 🌲
I've done a tremendous amount of work on myself and trauma all the way back to childhood, over the last year and a half solid. I was blessed to not have anything to worry about besides this journey. I feel whole, solid and confident again. I just met someone that seems to be as dedicated to his continued healing work as I am mine. This video was very helpful as this is a whole new journey for me.
Thanks for all you do here!
Much love from the Midwest US 💖
Wishing you both the best in your relationship & continued path ahead!
@@jordanthornton Thank you kindly.
In terms of them feeling unloved due to the amount of time I spend on inner work. I've found having a high awareness of what I'm trying to 'solve' and getting specific in my communication, really helps to soothe the other person. When your inner work feels abstract to them, it's easy to dismiss it like "I don't even know what he's doing".
I love the fairness you suggest in letting them know that you fear you'll grow distant if they keep doing certain things.
This is excellent guidance for anybody reading your comment - thank you for sharing, it’s quality and I appreciate the idea of specificity creating security.
After watching this I have to say it is embarrassing for me to admit that I've had many relationships that were so unconscious with unconscious partners who did not want to have the conversations or do the work while I basically did all of the work by myself. I realize of course now that this was due to my being raised with narcissistic abuse, learned codependency and enmeshment. Even if I was doing tons of inner work, I was consistently gaslighting myself out if my own knowledge and finding myself in worse and worse romantic relationships that either were emotionally abusive or at the very least neglectful. And of course I can now see how I played into these dynamics and take accountability but it is embarrassing nonetheless. I struggle with the shame surrounding that because I do know better. I only hope that because I now value myself more that it is possible for me to lead a more high value life and have relationships with those who will meet me halfway.
Thanks for catching the pattern, and likewise pausing to reflect on how to transition to a more balanced place. I've got more advice on the relationship shadows in my new playlist - some practical videos on shadow love if you're interested. Good luck, and thanks again for adding this injection of hope.
@@jordanthornton Absolutely - I'm working my way through those videos moving forward, though I do have to take a pause every now and then for integration of all the information. Thanks for putting them all together!
This is perfect timing in my life. Thank you so much. ❤
You're welcome, happy to be here in right timing, Jonny!
This work is hard enough when you both agreed to becoming the best version of yourselves from the start of the relationship. I'm so grateful we communicated this very clearly when we first started dating. Can't imagine entering a long term relationship without having the what do we want out of life conversation.
Nice observation - there is a standard which I would likewise expect, but I do have hope for two people who 'wake up together'. More turbulence, but surely possible?
@@jordanthornton Certainly possible. Highly dependent on their needs and what they both want out of life. Very case by case. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to let go. Not of course without trying and attempting some of the great communication methods you mentioned. Teal Swan's videos on compatibility come to mind when discussing this subject. As well as one video on unworkability.
Thank you for the video. Sadly, this video could've helped before my breakup. Things i could've said or done. I also saw your video about fixing relationships and who knows what may happen in the distant future. I also saw your video on how to repair your broken relationships. You have a new subscriber. Many blessings.
Welcome, happy to have you here and hope that my other videos continue to support you. Wishing you all the best.
This was brilliant. Thank you for sharing
Glad you enjoyed it!
This is mind blowing. I haven't met a single woman that would be supportive of me on my healing journey. I only got ultimatums, and these might make sense in some situations, but not at the first date...
But I do believe that there are people that understand and accept this. Thanks, Jordan, a very good episode.
I'm sorry to hear this - more conscious women are out there, keep going with your internal change and they'll naturally gravitate into awareness (ambiguous statement, but surely you get my idea lol)
@@jordanthornton your "ambiguous" statements are just right.😀 To me they prove exploration and not projection. So thank you 🙏
Same as single a female I find it hard but there are people out there !
@@ilwaadm8557 Here is a ❤️ from me, then. It's a CZcams comment, but I hope it's welcome 😊
DAYumm I really needed to hear this! Thank you!
Glad it was helpful - keep going!
Yes, I add to the request for a video on conscious separation !
I truly appreciate your wisdom on conscious relationships and would love to hear more from you. Your practical examples, just pure gold. ✨
Are you planning on doing more videos about conscious relationships? I would love some reading suggestions as well, that would be lovely!
As usual, thanks Jordan. I'm deeply grateful for your online presence. Your voice is so needed. I always learn something valuable (and always add at least one book to my reading list) from every video you create.
Cheers!
Screenshotted, and absolutely will make some more videos on relationships! Thank you again for all your support, Linda - hope your studies are golden.
Thanks for covering this topic- my partner and I watched together and it sparked some good conversations.
One of my favourite comments of the month - thank you! Wishing you both the best in your partnership.
Thank you, Jordan!
Always a pleasure!
Thank you. ❤
Any time!
Super duper! Thanks Jordan
Glad you liked it!
Thank you Jordan
No worries! Happy relating!
I’d love to hear more about conscious uncoupling. How to leave when the relationship is not longer working. We are so codependent and have been living like 2 people standing next to a 3rd (the relationship) that is on life support trying desperately to wish it to end or come back to life but I don’t think we can save it but neither wants to pull the plug so it all feels so stuck and hopeless. How to end it consciously and lovingly is my question.
I'm sorry to hear, this and will do what I can to make a video here. Apologies I can't say more to your specifics right now - wishing you both my very best nonetheless.
+1 for the conscious break up video
🙏🏽Thank you Jordan 😃
Thank you, again :)
Love your videos jordan! Do you have any book recommendation on learning to gain autonomy and trust oneself? As someone who was made to feel small and insignificant by my caregivers, I struggle deeply with this and having more courage in my convictions, rather than looking at external sources for reassurance
Excellent question, will make a video on this when I can. In the meantime, I recommend everything within the Transpersonal Psychology niche - the default message of trans psych is autonomy, empowerment and authenticity. There is really so much there - Abraham Maslow and Rollo May are also great psychologists to study for courage and conviction.
@@jordanthornton thank you so much for kindly replying and I cannot wait to dive into the books you recommended❤️
Don’t know if you made one - but would love a conscious decoupling video!
Sure, will see what I can do this year!
@@jordanthornton appreciate you!
I would appreciate a video on Conscious breakup .🙏
Excellent idea, I've got new relationship videos coming out roughly every 2/3 weeks so keep your eyes peeled.
🦾
Wishing you well!
How to break up
Will see what I can do - keep going, good luck.
Is it possible to make a complete change of personality ? Cant get out of bed , afraid of people , stuck in chronic pain cycle.. what does it take to change everything about my situation?
It's possible... but not all at once, and likely many years of focused + intentional work. I would say to focus on the largest leverage points, which is usually a process of cutting away. My previous video on 'life purpose' might be useful for you! Wishing you well.
This doesn't go without due research and individual considerations but psychedelic therapy, if you have access to it, can get the ball rolling in more extreme cases. What Jordan said still applies. It's not a magic pill. But I always see great initial relief of symptoms with a successful breakthrough experience. Best of luck in your journey!