Cinderella’s sisters cut up their feet to try and trick the prince into thinking that the glass slipper belonged to them. One cut off a Ching of their heel and another one cut off a chunk of their toe and when both of them tried it on they bloodied up the slipper. Nasty stuff.
The emphasis of God’s nature in the Old Testament was on his Justice so that in the New Testament his Mercy could be seen for how great it is. All sin must be punished, but God wanted to save us so He sent Jesus to take our punishment instead so we could be saved from it. God bless.
"who you talking about? who love me?" "the guy in here, and the guy in here, the bible" "it says the bibble" "YOU QUESTION THE WORD OF THE MIGHTY JIMMY!?"
“I didn't go to religion to make me happy. ... If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don't recommend Christianity.” ~ C.S. Lewis
@@lemmingtonofficial Firstly: other religions CLAIM to offer access to something beyond death. Secondly: most other religions believe that it’s something that has to be earned, rather than being “easy access”. It’s actually Christianity which offers it easily. It’s a gift, one that is free for us but was bought with the blood of Jesus. It’s choosing to live your earthly life to the fullest, in a way that pleases God, that’s the hard part.
FYI, this isn't making fun of religion. It's a joke about how people think violence should be censored, even though they don't censor it when teaching religion or history. So don't be offended. I'm Christian and I thought it was funny. †
L0K1 The MMO Mage Believe what you want to believe. I’m just explaining something to you. And besides, while God did take human lives, he hasn’t since the flood. Which was before Moses even got the Ten Commandments, so this was before it was a “written” rule.
My favorite Bible story was the one where the lady nailed the guys head in to the floor with a stake. Or the one where they stabbed a fat king, and the fat closed around the dagger
80% of the comments: "im a christian and this is funny" 19% of the comments: "everyone in the comments: 'im a christian and this is funny'" 1% of the comments: "BROBLE"
Funny thing is, is that the "Christian" part of the Bible doesn't start till half way through when it's all about love, and turning the other cheek. The old testament is full of "God's fury" killing everyone and commanding others to kill men, women, and children in his name.
My dad could have used this a few years ago back when he was in North Carolina. Christians there were like "Harry Potter is satanic! Kids should be reading the bible instead!"
Yeah, Satan doesn't appear in that book at all! .....wait...okay, well, he at least doesn't do anything to hurt any of God's followers! Ain't that right, Job?
@@CygnusTheSilly It's a great way to develope vocabulary, though they should probably wait until they're mature enough to handle it. Early teens, perhaps?
How come the son of God is so different from God himself? Jesus was all about love and turning the other cheek, while God commanded others to kill men, women and children in in his name
Seth Atkinson if someone has actually called you a jihadist, baby eating, Satan-worshipping, gaytheist and it wasn't B8... Good lord that would be funny.
No book that's based on real life starts with "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth". Just because the bible includes references to real places and historical figures doesn't mean the batshit crazy stuff is true.
"The most historically grounded" is taking it way too far. Regardless of whether or not you believe the core conceit of the book, you've got to admit that basically any reputable encyclopedia or history book is better researched and less self-contradictory than the Bible could ever claim to be.
I tried explaining to someone once how you can explain almost literally everything "mystical/magical/holy" in the bible but they'd rather it all be miracles
@@pewpewgothlazerl7067 Of course there’s a scientific component. God created the laws of physics in the first place and He can tweak them when He wants to. But your argument is like saying “Ant-Man shrinks by reducing the space between atoms”. It’s a solid hypothesis for what’s going on, but it doesn’t answer HOW it happens in the first place.
@@mildlymarvelous lol I mean almost literally everything Jesus did that was a "miracle" was him being highly intelligent and born into a village of idiots like the water to wine that's a magic trick lots of things he's said to have done could be explained by him being a genius compared to the village he lived in he may have seen magic tricks or started them the virgin birth is just people being extremely dumb and gullible and highly religious and blindly believing the lie Jesus curing the man's blindness in the river could be he just had his eyes crusted over like you get when sick sometimes and Jesus washed it off and everyone saw it as him curing blindness I coild go on and on
The Bible is perfect in the sense that it is all true. However, no human beings (with the exception of Jesus, who wasn’t just human) are perfect, and therefore the actions of the people portrayed in the Bible are often seen to be less than savory.
I was raised Christian, and I always found it funny how my parents would forbid video games, movies, and stories with even a speck of blood, yet I got to read anything Biblical about r*pe, mass murder, mutilation, etc etc...
Exactly If the bible has violence, and whooo boy does it have a lot of that, why is it that bad to show or talk about violence in other forms of media. -a Christian
2 things. 1) YOU DARE QUESTION THE WORD OF THE HOLY BIBBLE. 2) dark dungeons (the clip this is from) is going to autoplay next. Thank you CZcams. You actually did something good for once
One of my personal favorites: And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her. And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel. And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife. And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come. And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him. And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter: which thing ought not to be done. And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife. And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you. And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein. And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give. Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife. And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister: And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us: But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised; Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people. But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone. And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son. And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father. And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying, These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters. Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised. Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of their's be our's? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us. And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city. And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males. And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out. The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister. They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field, And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house. And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I being few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house. And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?
@Cole Taylor Wow, thanks for responding so quickly :) The way I see it, the two verses refer to someone being held personally responsible. For instance, these rules negate futile tribal feuds in which hostility is still held about this that happened long ago. David’s son was not being punished, David himself was being punished BY losing his son. What’s more: this was a temporary punishment. David’s son, being an innocent child, got a free ride to heaven (although this is admittedly a matter of my personal belief). God did not hold him responsible for his father’s sins in that sin is deserving of eternal punishment.
this has to be one of Jon's funniest reactions ever
"I'lL tAkE yOuR eNtIrE sToCk!"
Is THE best.
Nah "i ain't having that shit"
There’s too many
Me either...
I find it very humours
better read the broble
better shoulda checked the broble*
gotta see if das ok
Better should check the broble, make sure it's alright to do that...
Make sure that's okay.
What about the bibble?
That's the most genuine "oh no" Jon's ever one.
The Bible is like reading the source material of Disney movies...it gets dark REALLY FAST
42 kids vs two she-bears.
Yes it does, THOU SAID AS HE SMITED THE TOWN
Ah yes my favorite movie The little Mermaid where Ariel sows her legs together to become a mermaid again and dies while become the sea foam
Cinderella’s sisters cut up their feet to try and trick the prince into thinking that the glass slipper belonged to them. One cut off a Ching of their heel and another one cut off a chunk of their toe and when both of them tried it on they bloodied up the slipper.
Nasty stuff.
Wasn't snow white's mother forced to wear searing hot shoes and dance until she died of exhaustion?
...das how he talks...
Das how the dog talks
He talks like a human
Just like he smokes like a human
ʸᵒᵘ ˢʰᵃˡˡ ˢᵉʳᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ˡᵃⁿᵈ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵉᵃᵈ
that's how he ta...
*almost eats bird*
hey @@ComradeCowboy3141 can you speak up a bit?
@@ComradeCowboy3141 I JUST READ THIS IN THE WHISPERY VILLAIN VOICE HAHAHAHA
The SEAMLESS emotional transition at 0:05 kills me every time
The switch from confidence to panic is hilarious. XD
You know what doesn't have killing? The dictionary.
*gets to the letter k*
Shit.
Murder, slaughter, kill, decapitate, execute, suicide, homicide, etc. There's a lot of death in the dictionary it seems 0 . 0
The thesaurus isn't any better sadly.
@@zenbmonk1016 The Thesaurus is just the dictionary's DLC
@@lolstalgic9602 Very true.
Jontron: *makes a joke about the Bible*
Everyone in the comments: "I'm a Christian and I find this Funny."
I’m funny, and I find this Christian.
I'm Barrack Obama, and I endorse this message.
"ynuuf siht dnif I dna naistirhc a m'I"
Blujay 777 I don’t know what the fuck you are saying, but I approve of it
I think.
Regretfilled Exsistance he said “I’m a Christian and I find this funny” backwards
Old Testament, New Testament, kill-happy God or merciful one, all you have to know is that you can't eat Mormons.
Oh wait, that's the Broble.
Thou shalt not consume Mormons, unless they have first been grilled.
that says the bibble
God is like the T-800. In the first one, he was bad. In the second one, he was good.
@@carolfromhr9900
What a interesting comparison.
I like it.
*insert obligatory "I'm christian and I find it funny" disclaimer*
The emphasis of God’s nature in the Old Testament was on his Justice so that in the New Testament his Mercy could be seen for how great it is. All sin must be punished, but God wanted to save us so He sent Jesus to take our punishment instead so we could be saved from it. God bless.
Wait I thought it was the Broble? Has my life been a lie?
Totally different book. You're fine.
No, my man. That what he has in his hands is the holy bibble, no doubts about it.
The Broble is for grilled mormons only.
It's the bibble
YoDog JC you QUESTION THE WORDS OF THE MIGHTY JEEZ!?
at least the Broble has none of that
AgitatedChicken Lemme go check to see if das ok...
that says the bibble
YOU QUESTION THE WORDS OF THE MIGHTY JIMMY?!?!?!
@@josemanuelchavesbussi1098 That says Bibble...
"who you talking about? who love me?"
"the guy in here, and the guy in here, the bible"
"it says the bibble"
"YOU QUESTION THE WORD OF THE MIGHTY JIMMY!?"
“I didn't go to religion to make me happy. ... If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don't recommend Christianity.”
~ C.S. Lewis
@@lemmingtonofficial Firstly: other religions CLAIM to offer access to something beyond death. Secondly: most other religions believe that it’s something that has to be earned, rather than being “easy access”. It’s actually Christianity which offers it easily. It’s a gift, one that is free for us but was bought with the blood of Jesus. It’s choosing to live your earthly life to the fullest, in a way that pleases God, that’s the hard part.
@@mildlymarvelous Agreed.
The easy part is accepting it, the hard part is living it.
Shut up all of this video is a joke take your fucking shit out of here
@@mildlymarvelous Dude, Christianity makes claims. They all do
@@mildlymarvelous except lgbt people, because God has a blacklist for them apparently
If they made a text-accurate Bible show, you could seriously forget Game of Thrones, Berserk, ect. Here's the most brutal dark fantasy of all time.
To call the Bible a "fantasy" when it has some strong and traceable historical ties is a stretch and, dare I say, offensive.
Welp I’m saving my seat incase this comment blows up
You had me laughing right up until you called the Bible a fantasy
FYI, this isn't making fun of religion. It's a joke about how people think violence should be censored, even though they don't censor it when teaching religion or history.
So don't be offended. I'm Christian and I thought it was funny.
†
well said
...Actually, it is pointing out the hypocrisy of [fundamentalist] Christians.
@@JaftenLKA That's the exact same thing.
L0K1 The MMO Mage there is a difference between God and humans. And humans even have exceptions for killing too.
L0K1 The MMO Mage Believe what you want to believe. I’m just explaining something to you. And besides, while God did take human lives, he hasn’t since the flood. Which was before Moses even got the Ten Commandments, so this was before it was a “written” rule.
at this moment 0:06 you can see Jon slowly realize his mistake and contemplate life.
My favorite Bible story was the one where the lady nailed the guys head in to the floor with a stake. Or the one where they stabbed a fat king, and the fat closed around the dagger
Man, Judges is so metal.
What about the one involving Samson and a donkey jawbone?
Or where the prophet samuel takes a sword and dices up a king to show saul how its done.
My favorite is the one where a king recommends cutting an infant in half and deciding the the woman who didnt want that was the real mother
@@breeban3388 Or the one that centers around the systematic murder of male children
Remember the one time (in the Bible) when kids got mauled by bears because they called someone a baldhead? That's the vibe I'm getting from this.
80% of the comments: "im a christian and this is funny"
19% of the comments: "everyone in the comments: 'im a christian and this is funny'"
1% of the comments: "BROBLE"
This is... Surprisingly accurate...
0.5% (better be): *"You will never escape the violence (especially not in historical texts)"*
I know everyone loves the new JonTron the most but 2014-2016 JonTron will always be the golden years to me.
"That's hokey and old jontron was better"
~jontron
Every time I say I prefer older Jontron, all I can think of is that line@@leonfire99
Everyone in the comments: “I’m a Christian and I approve this message”
Funny thing is, is that the "Christian" part of the Bible doesn't start till half way through when it's all about love, and turning the other cheek.
The old testament is full of "God's fury" killing everyone and commanding others to kill men, women, and children in his name.
@@brillstrat1738 k
And my answer will always be didnt ask
Just copying the top voted comment is weak.
I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favourite Bible joke on the Citadel.
It's the *extremely* soft whispering that makes it so funny
that "oh no" makes it all worthwhile
My dad could have used this a few years ago back when he was in North Carolina. Christians there were like "Harry Potter is satanic! Kids should be reading the bible instead!"
At least HP was a series written for kids.
Yeah, Satan doesn't appear in that book at all!
.....wait...okay, well, he at least doesn't do anything to hurt any of God's followers! Ain't that right, Job?
@@BlackCover95 I don't think kids should read the works of HP Lovecraft
@@CygnusTheSilly xD
@@CygnusTheSilly It's a great way to develope vocabulary, though they should probably wait until they're mature enough to handle it. Early teens, perhaps?
This made me so angry I went to the Vatican and started tossing merchant tables over
"YOU DARE QUESTION THE LORD?!" -Master Shake, Aqua Teen Hunger Force
WE ARE NOT ESTABLISHING A DEMOCRACY IN THIS HOUSE! THIS IS A DICTATORSHIP! AND I RULE WITH AN IRON DICK!
If you listen really REALLY REALLY close, you can hear the exact moment jon's sound dude turned up the gain on his mic
0:07 when summer ends
I'm a Christian and... I'm not triggered because it's the truth.
Exactly
God is holding my family hostage. Please send help. He has my 7 children locked up
How come the son of God is so different from God himself?
Jesus was all about love and turning the other cheek, while God commanded others to kill men, women and children in in his name
@@brillstrat1738 There's some moral of the story about being raised right or something there, but I'm too lazy to write it.
@@RezidueWithaZ cool bro
Accurate translation: "Oh no. Well da, dat book gah- da book duh got dat init."
@Hot-blooded & Half-German I currently have my friend reading it in a chinese accent. Holy fuck this is amazing thank you sir.
I love when jontron starts to whisper because you know hes about to say something real fucking stupid
Me, an agnostic, very happy to see all the Christians approving this: Yes... YES!!
My name is Christian Bale, and I found this hilarious.
How’s Gotham City doing these days? 😋
The perfect video for when someone gives me sass about what I do and tells me to read the bible.
Edgy comment, atheist bro xDDD
All of the triggered theists in this thread. XD
Seth Atkinson all of the triggered Atheists in this thread who took the B8 XD.
AJ Robinson There are plenty of people who are actually like that, so you can never be sure.
Seth Atkinson if someone has actually called you a jihadist, baby eating, Satan-worshipping, gaytheist and it wasn't B8... Good lord that would be funny.
That bit was beautiful. I love this man.
He's not lying.
Thank god I found this... I love using this reaction
This would be a perfect weapon for a forum war that involves people getting ridiculously religious over something.
I'm Christian and I find this freaking hilarious! 😂
A joke people from all faiths and lack there of can enjoy
irony at its finest,i love it
Look, it's the Douay-Rheims. Classy.
To be honest, this is one of the least offensive jokes in the episode that deals with Christianity as a whole.
Brilliant satire, though.
Its not even offensive because it's true.
Gavin Dillon Something could be both truthful yet offensive to say.
@@BlackCover95 i say its not offensive because i'm christian and this is totally true
@@gavindillon1486 If i said I like pizza as much as Epstien liked kids, im stating something that is true and offensive.
To this day I still watch this on repeat
" The hero reads a most unsettling passage... "
I love jon. Probably one of the funniest guys on CZcams.
0:05 The realization was too gud
The minor grammatical errors like “and it called the holy Bible” really add to Jon’s reactions.
He always adds his little spark in it
Wonder why Jon has a pretty expensive Doauy-Rheims Bible for this gag
Perhaps it be Jon's personal Bible? 🤔🤔🤔
Or a prop. The man has a budget, and this is his career.
“The Bible” the most M rated book that tons of small children read
That camera movement is so slick
This is Jon's masterclass on how to make a tasteful joke.
That says "The Bibble"
Well, all those things besides the "not true". Its got the most historically grounded evidence of any book by a large margin.
Especially the killing.
No book that's based on real life starts with "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth". Just because the bible includes references to real places and historical figures doesn't mean the batshit crazy stuff is true.
@@Cyrenetes dude, it lists real events that were really fucking obscure
@@gavindillon1486 The fact that we have secondary sources implies that you don't need to have divine intelligence to know that those events happened.
"The most historically grounded" is taking it way too far. Regardless of whether or not you believe the core conceit of the book, you've got to admit that basically any reputable encyclopedia or history book is better researched and less self-contradictory than the Bible could ever claim to be.
@@dragonslibrary9207 No not necessarily
The "da-dat book does got tha" adds so much
[Moment of realization]
Me when my friends talk about reading hentai
Being a satanist, I find this horribly offensive.
I fucking died when I read this
Noice
This is extremely relevant in the US at the moment.
I miss JonTron Clips
Rip in pieces
Thank goodness for all these Christians telling me this is funny, I was almost scared to laugh
Yeah, the Bible gets pretty freaking dark at points.
I tried explaining to someone once how you can explain almost literally everything "mystical/magical/holy" in the bible but they'd rather it all be miracles
@@pewpewgothlazerl7067 Of course there’s a scientific component. God created the laws of physics in the first place and He can tweak them when He wants to. But your argument is like saying “Ant-Man shrinks by reducing the space between atoms”. It’s a solid hypothesis for what’s going on, but it doesn’t answer HOW it happens in the first place.
@@mildlymarvelous lol I mean almost literally everything Jesus did that was a "miracle" was him being highly intelligent and born into a village of idiots like the water to wine that's a magic trick lots of things he's said to have done could be explained by him being a genius compared to the village he lived in he may have seen magic tricks or started them the virgin birth is just people being extremely dumb and gullible and highly religious and blindly believing the lie Jesus curing the man's blindness in the river could be he just had his eyes crusted over like you get when sick sometimes and Jesus washed it off and everyone saw it as him curing blindness I coild go on and on
@@pewpewgothlazerl7067 You have the right to believe that. Neither of us were actually there, so we do the best we can with the information we have :)
Book of Judges: *Shuffles awkwardly*
Yeesh. One of the most brutal books, for sure.
*Book of Judges Intensifies*
I love this episode cause it shows how faniticism is bad and how the bible isn't the perfect book they say it is
The Bible is perfect in the sense that it is all true. However, no human beings (with the exception of Jesus, who wasn’t just human) are perfect, and therefore the actions of the people portrayed in the Bible are often seen to be less than savory.
"A 2,000 year old fairytale book with a bit too much murder in it." - random person on Facebook
Sounds like a classic troll.
having a historical depiction of those actions does not prescribe those actions.
Bro aged 25 years in one sentence
As a funny, I find this Christain
I was raised Christian, and I always found it funny how my parents would forbid video games, movies, and stories with even a speck of blood, yet I got to read anything Biblical about r*pe, mass murder, mutilation, etc etc...
I nearly died laughing when I first saw that part!
never question the words of the mighty jimmy
Why does he sound Italian when he said holy bible
That just means the plot's good. I'm pretty sure when the bible first came out, Centuries old Barnes and Noble needed a #1 Best Seller.
Pretty sure there’s a bit about eating Mormons in there too, high-priest Jon.
Remember that time you read a “children’s” book and decide to read it to your kid? Yeah that’s this video.
No I don’t have kids
4Kids when they got the dubbing rights to One Piece
As someone transitioning into atheism, I laughed so hard at this joke I almost started believing in God again.
I need to read the Broble
that's a good translation too
Oh crap...
That's not the right book.
You dare question the words of the mighty Bibble!
History was bloody.
OT: Poisoning, maiming, and killing check.
NT: Maybe not the poisoning but the other two yes.
Exactly
If the bible has violence, and whooo boy does it have a lot of that, why is it that bad to show or talk about violence in other forms of media.
-a Christian
Literally every history book has violence in it without condoning it. I dont see why atheists make such a big deal out of it when the bible does it.
@@OmegaChase1002 im saying it doesn't make sense to find any of it bad unless it's being condoned.
@@alexrecrem9094 thats what im saying too.
i don't get what you mean by that
@@Tulip_bip what i mean is the bible doesnt condone killing. its actually a rule that christians are not allowed to kill.
The Bible has SO much worse than that
0:07 oh no
2 things.
1) YOU DARE QUESTION THE WORD OF THE HOLY BIBBLE.
2) dark dungeons (the clip this is from) is going to autoplay next. Thank you CZcams. You actually did something good for once
I am Christian and I'm offended
The Bible is Fucking Darkest Dungeon Compared to Dnd
One of my personal favorites:
And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.
And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.
And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.
And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife.
And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come.
And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him.
And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter: which thing ought not to be done.
And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife.
And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.
And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein.
And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give.
Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife.
And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:
But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised;
Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people.
But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone.
And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son.
And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father.
And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying,
These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters.
Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised.
Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of their's be our's? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us.
And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city.
And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.
And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out.
The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.
They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field,
And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house.
And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I being few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house.
And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?
@Cole Taylor Genesis 34
@Cole Taylor Wow, thanks for responding so quickly :) The way I see it, the two verses refer to someone being held personally responsible. For instance, these rules negate futile tribal feuds in which hostility is still held about this that happened long ago. David’s son was not being punished, David himself was being punished BY losing his son. What’s more: this was a temporary punishment. David’s son, being an innocent child, got a free ride to heaven (although this is admittedly a matter of my personal belief). God did not hold him responsible for his father’s sins in that sin is deserving of eternal punishment.
That's the best part
Well yes, the Bible doesn't shy away from the truth of sin.
Of course the book does got that! If you're looking for a bible that don't got that, that's what children's bibles are for!
Just read the Broble. It's perfect
Children Bibles still have that.
I remember church schools talking about the dark stuff
I showed this to my college Christian group and I was promptly kicked
mood
Dat asmr
The funny part is that the joke isn't offensive.
*_Organized religion is._*
True, the Bible is not G-rated. There are many sequences of war and violence and even sexual stuff.
YOU QUESTION THE WORD OF THE MIGHTY JIMMY
I always read my bibble before bed
The Bible is basically Berserk but hilariously mistranslated from eachother for centuries