4 classic SAFETY BEHAVIORS of people in narcissistic relationships
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - ZĂĄbava
Narcissists force you to take a test youâll never pass. Itâs a game where youâre setup to fail because the goal posts are always moving.
Even if you please them and do everything to make them happy they don't care about you. They use you and throw you away.
And they never remember all the things you did for them. Every day, they press the reset button - you can never please them - they always want more and more.
The more you please them, the more use you. They dispose of you if you are depleted.
Was. Mine won't throw me away...ugh
When I did leave- I got pulled back by đ€Ź hopism...
What I've learned is that you can be as careful with your words as humanly possible, and it still won't make a difference; they'll still find a reason to get annoyed, mad, whatever. They're looking for a reason to be mad, they're searching for a reason to belittle you, etc. You can't win. This is a game where you're destined to lose if you continue to play. The only way you can "win" with these people is to leave.
Walking on eggshells is a nightmare. I never realized that dealing with one person could be so exhausting.
They're little Napoleons and Hitlers, who dictate what others get, are, and screw us thru insisting on foisting their realities on us. I had my life STOLEN. LITERALLY.
They Like to Fight...đ©đ©đ©
They WANT to get an emotional reaction out of you...đ©đ©đ©
So they'll prod and provoke until they do...đ©đ©đ©
Then they'll play the "victim"đą ... when you react...đł
They go from victimizer to victim...đ©đ©đ©
That's Their Cycle...đ©đ©đ©
Because it "works for them"...đ©đ©đ©
đš That's the manipulation & control they feed on đ©đ©đ©
So true~ I once said to my sister " You should eat Lara bars, there pretty healthy " just said it to make conversation- Her response - " I don't care about your Lara bars, I wont be getting one" Tone of voice is everything. She said it in a snappy aggressive resentful way. They are all such damaged jealous punk bastards.
This has been my experience, too. It was never about us, it was about regulating their own emotions through raging.
@@montanabirdmommy If you had been literally hunted, stalked, and violated more than Erin Andrews was, when with her CREDIBILITY, she was able to sue and peruse the justice system AS IT WAS INTENDED TO BE PERUSED and this was INTENDED TO REWIRE YOUR BRAIN, SO THAT OTHERS WOULD BELIEVE EVERY NASTY THING PUT OUT ABOUT YOU, THEN YOU, TOO WOULD KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE LITERALLY CONDEMNED BY PSYCHOPATHS AND BULLIES WHO ENGAGE IN THE VERY CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR THEY SUCCESSFULLY ACCUSE YOU OF OUT IN YOUR TURNED HOSTILE "COMMUNITY." MINE WANT ME TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR SEX WITH STRANGERS. EVIL DOESN'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO DESCRIBING IT.
Once youâve been involved with a narcissist, it may make you paranoid and distrustful. You may feel like you canât depend on anyone. Or as though the next person will betray you as well. You almost anticipate it. Because youâve experienced it so many times with the narcissist.
Actually, this is on the kyriarchic system we live in.
I would find myself being very judgemental of any nan whi comes up to me and starts talking, looking for signs of a first Red Flag so I could walk away without feeling guilty.
Trust issues for sure đŻđŻđŻ
Yep. It's međ«
Yes, this is so true, also you see narc trades in people..... I run and stay away! I have been in the mud with these people! Run ! Run for your life
"Do they like it when we walk on eggshells" - I think it depends on their mood. Sometimes it makes them feel powerful, but sometimes it triggers them because it suggests that they aren't a nice person and have to be "handled".
†that oscillation.
Hoover discard rage. Hoover from mr nice guy floor sweep humiliate.
Then rage. Its like they expect forgiveness.
Why arent you smiling be better let go of the past grow up... it happened yesterday.
Mine actually tried to hoover me with a photo that highlighted the day after i got thrown around.
I miss you i want this back. I wish i had taken more pictures. True effing story theyre merciless. So why should i have had as much mercy and hope even after with coparenting with a sadist
Exactly. The very first time (after 23 years) I suggested that he might have done something unethical, he soothed me by swearing that if he HAD lied out of shame, he would tell me. He was sweet-voiced and seemed sincere. He used every bit of my trust to make me believe him.
Two days later, he verbally attacked me in a way I had never, ever experienced before in my 50+ years. He shouted at me that he clearly couldn't trust me any longer because I had entertained the thought that perhaps he had lied to me (he had, and about far, far more than this single case). I had betrayed him by thinking he could be capable of unethical behavior. He claimed that I thought he was a terrible person no matter what "kind spin" I placed on it. I felt so shocked and ashamed and guilty, despite also knowing I wasn't just concocting my suspicion from anger or jealousy. I assured him that I believed he was a good person who told a fib out of shame that then escalated. I apologized again and again.
Things were never entirely okay after that, and eventually became *overtly* emotionally abusive.
THIS
I like to wake up early morning, when I have the house to myself. I make a cup of coffee, I go sit outside on the patio, I watch the birds and wait for your (daily) video to drop.
Thank you thank you thank you!đđ»
Thats what I do too.
Oh yes! Coffee and my dogs... an amazing morning start! 6 yrs free after 50!
â€â€â€
So beautiful â€
He was always suspicious (Projection) and moody with me whenever I did that as if I was sneaking off to meet someone (another Projection). I dud it anyway and enjoyed the Sunshine and if he discarded me because of that I left quietly and calmly, not reacting. Then blocked the Mother F....r because I'd had enough.
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didnât hear you. Depending on how long youâve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If itâs been long enough, youâre likely to drop the request right then and there.
They will promise to do it, but never follow through.
If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you donât buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction.
An argument will ensue
The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character.
The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved.
At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you donât really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction
They give you what you asked for, BUT
There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but itâs the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time youâre getting ready because youâre going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. âI did x for you, so you should do y for me.â No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the âspecialâ things they were doing for you werenât so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. Youâve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com
Option 5 - they are the HERO for doing whatever it is, even if it's something most people would do without even thinking about it, and you must recognize how amazing they are or they then become the unappreciated victim.
My ex never really said I was wrong about anything. He didnât have to. That idea that narcissists say âmy way or the highway.â My ex never did that. My ex just said âmy wayâ and left me to figure out the rest- namely, that my only choices were to concede or leave. But I didnât want to leave. I didnât think I was supposed to leave. I didnât think I needed to leave. But I was wrong. I DID need to leave and it took me 20 years to figure that out.
They always find reasons to rage. It makes them feel better about the awful things they do behind your back. " I wouldn't have to do 'blank', if you hadn't done 'blank'. " đ€Ź
Radical acceptance that they will always blame you for their actionsâŠ. The mental gymnastics, they must have to play to rationalize how nothing they ever do is their faultâŠ..
It makes me wonder how sucky and exhausting it must be to be them
The absolute powerlessness to feel like you have no control over your actions because other people always caused them âŠ
It seriously does suck to be them
But I think it sucks for us more â€ïžâđ©čđą
We lose so much to shutting ourselves down. Too much.
The covert narc man I married both likes and hates me walking on eggshells. He likes it to feel he has power over me when he's intimidating me into compliance and then hates it because it makes him feel like a bad person because he's being feared by me when he doesn't want to be, which bruises his ego of wanting to feel like a VIP that everyone should love and look up to. đ€Ąđ€Ąđ
Yes! Answering the question from the beginning of the video was so difficult for me because my XH seemed to both love and hate me walking on eggshells, depending on the day
â@@clericoflight476exactly
Yes! Iâm glad you said this! So spot on⊠they know you need to tip toe around them but it makes them feel ashamed. But instead of apologizing and changing the behavior, they just pout more and get mad at you!
Spot on - this is the dynamic with everything with them. There is no winning or doing anything right.
Pout. Mine doesn't yell or rage. He pouts then continually throw back a truth he didn't like that I said..
It doesn't matter what you do or how much you do, narcs love chaos and confusion so one day they love you're walking on egg shells other days they rage because you're walking on egg shells. One thing is for sure, once you realize what type of person you are dealing with, you will never be able to unsee it. Thank you Dr. Ramani, these videos are massive help navigating these relationships.
exactly! once you know, you canât see it or on it. Itâs power. Do you know whatâs going on now.
Iâm serving my silent treatment literally. My husband told me that heâll shut me down until I learn to be quiet. Week has passed and I do not miss his contact at all đ. Treatment may continue.
I donât know you, but I know you donât deserve that treatment. Your voice is as valid. But stay safe however you can đ€
@@tinadixon8186 whatâs weird about this is that I know I donât deserve any of this shit neither I would âallow this relationship happenâ to any of my loved ones and still⊠Thereâs so much staff that I could write a book or a play about it. Iâm on my way out so itâs easier to joke about it. It wasnât funny a bit during the last 4 years. Thanks Tina for your kind words â€ïž
Use his silent treatment as a (painful ) reminder to conquer your own fears around rejection, abandonment by diving deep into your traumas and then you will find yourself firewalling him with his own weapons (silent treatments) without feeling sick or overwhelmed - until you finally make The decision of your life dear.
That's what I did.
Much â€
My husband does the 3 dayâs silent treatment that can go on for weeks. Iâm so used to it now that before the silent treatment starts I ask if heâs not talking to me for 3 or more days. Then I go on my happy way. No talking means no meal prep, no contact in any way and I enjoy the quiet time as if it were a mini vacation. đ
Yes, enjoy your peace!!
It's not like the narcissist suddenly turned on me and became a narcissist - they were always that way, always doing horrible things. It took me decades to understand and see the situation clearly. That's the gaslighting and indoctrinating. Realizing it wasn't what I thought shattered my trust. When you don't know what's in front of you because you've been played so well, trusting can feel dangerous because, really, it might have come to be that way. Even when you didn't know it was. This isn't simple stuff to understand. Especially when those who hurt us were close to us and hurt us a lot, over a long period of time. It's a process, I think.
I am in the stage of planning my way out with my kids after 15 years of this hell. I love to listen to your videos over and over for support and to give me the push to keep going, thank you, God bless Dr. Ramani
â€..gather your legal papers birth cert..house. marriage cert bank record. Get a spare set of car house keys.......enough. grab a bag clothes. ....only you. You.only well know when to leave..do not tell anyone....
Janetâs right. Keep it secret. Pack go bags for the kids, too. Take precious things. Get out first and then tell him. That way you are all safe. He canât use the kids to control you. Sending you hugs and strength from a sister. đâ€â€
Prepaid visa, cash, and copies of ID in the Go bag. Medications.
same here! I hope you are able to get out safely! im luckily not married to mine, we are just living together and not together but they threaten you with the kids. Did yours threaten custody or joint custody?
One of the most healing things is no longer needing to communicate with him. A short text on occasion from him and a short response. The more he's out of my life the stronger I get. Thank God â€
'Psychological Hostage'
I would not recommend the course that I took. Reflecting on the abuses I endured, I realised that there wan't much left that they could do short of killing me, so I stopped walking on eggshells, lauighed at attempts of intimidation or threats and drew a hard line in the sand at any gaslighting or manipulation. After many conversations trying to get to the bottom of their reasoning for my abuse, I discovered that they just don't see themselves in that way, they rewrite their memories to fit their narrative, they find weird and wonderful ways to justify their behavour and rationalise their lies and deceptions.
My experience is that they DONT like it because they like to think they are easygoing and chill when they are not. In the past when I told him I tiptoe around him he got upset about it and didnât want to believe he was difficult to live with, then said I was of course!
Put up or shut up.
Grin and bear it.
Leave well enough alone.
Loose lips sink ships.
Don't rock the boat.
These are the things I've heard a lot in my narcissistic relationships and toxic work environments.
Yep. I got " keep your head down"
I got âGo along to get alongâ and âDonât sweat the small stuffâ.
no it is very annoying for them. when I was scared my ex husband used to become a monster. ironically, asking me "why are you looking at me like I am a monster!!!!!!" he would yell.
Possibly not annoyance but more of a predatory behavior as he âsmells bloodâ your vulnerability just might ignite his desire to destroy you and toy with you. He might be a psychopath/narcissist.
They are diabolical. Mine might as well have killed me.
We walk on eggshells because we need a moment of peace. If you never have empathy shown to you, the only way to have comfort is to avoid their tantrums ,their sulking and silent treatment at all costs. Sad, but they don't change.
When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narc; send a request to: Metaspyhub@gmail. com
I discovered that the longer I walked on eggshells and only did small talk or discussed the weather (even the subject of weather would become a disagreement), I internalized my anger and became depressed and anxious, to the point of wanting to unalive myself. He encouraged me to do so, or even threatened heâd do it himself. I became exhausted being a chameleon to appease him. I knew at that point I had to get out once and for all. Up until then I thought I could just cope if things stayed the same. It only got worse, just like experts in the subject proclaim.
That's horrifying he encouraged you to unalive yourself! I've seen that though. My last narc, something happened where it became apparent he was fantasizing about getting me to commit suicide. Of course not. But he was fantasizing about it, it would make him feel powerful. I had to explain to a cousin that she and other family members may feel like it's my moral duty to commit suicide, but NO, there's no way. I actually had to explain to my cousin that NO, I would not commit suicide to please her or the rest of the family.
GET. THE. HELL. OUT.! Thank you, Dr. Ramani and peace, safety and blessings to everyone heređ
Not easy
Not easy
đą
Yes, I think they love it when they make you walk on eggshells. It makes them feel in control. Then followed by silence.
I left my family behind due to a narcissistic mother, however, they have a whole network of flying monkeys who harass at work, out in the community, at church. I left the church. I work in a job where I have little contact with people and I no longer go to family gatherings or have any person to person contact with them. I CANT GET AWAY FROM THEM! My hatred for them grows daily and this is affect me in a deeply profound way. I need help.
Yes. I no longer pick up a phone from someone suspicious. I'm cautious about recruiter outreaches even while I'm unemployed. I also minimized my friend circle. âđđ
đ I left most my friends circle. Due to the stalking I had to abandon all social media and anyone who wouldn't switch to Signal for messaging. After years I'm trying to get back out into life. So far I've got like 5 FB friends. I'm comfortable with that for now.
It's Halloween every day for narcissists. We ask the wrong questions when we're dating. Instead of asking, "What's your favorite color?", we should be asking, "What temperature do you like it in the house?" and how do you like to sleep? Do you like to cuddle or do you like to sleep on a diagonal with your feet stuck up my butt?" đ đ
I asked those ,it didn't help a covert from the beginning.
exactlyyyy
@@youngblood8540 Ha ha ha!đđđ
Doesn't matter what you ask, or look for, or try to avoid - when mirroring is their strength.
Yes. Chaos is name of their game plan.
0:17 You walk on eggshells
7:53 You can't be yourself around them
15:57 You silence yourself
23:51 Trust gets lost
Geez Louise, once again, Dr Ramani hits the nail on the head! You do bring your actual self to the relationship at your own peril! When I first met my narc, I was excited to get to know her and have her know me; I wanted to share my interests and thoughts and fears and dreams.
But over time, I gradually learned that opening up was a recipe for disaster. If your interests or feelings aren't being openly derided or torn apart, they're being ignored or diminished. After a while, you learn to keep quiet bc you think that's what they want, but then they deride you for being "boring" or "closed-off." It's like they want you to talk about yourself so they can remind you of how little they care; to have an opportunity to put you in your place.
Narcs want it every way and aren't satisfied with anything.
Thank you for your work, dear Doctor Ramani! †Knowledge is a weapon! Rescuing weapon!đ
Yes, I think they do like it when we walk on eggs shells. It gives them more power and control.
âYou donât trust other people and you donât trust yourselfâŠâ
âŠa sign post appears, âWelcome to HermitudeââŠ
I don't know if you've talked about this in previous videos but I'd like to hear your thoughts on survivor's rage. Now that I know what is going on: narcissistic abuse, I feel so much rage! What do I do with it? How do I use it for my good and not let it destroy me?
YES, I think they like the control.
The problem is that after they tried to destroying the true self...nobody wants to showing it's true self again as it would be only a next destruction and rebuilding. Honestly I don't think the world nowdays deserves true selves.
But we do...
Stop judging & second-guessing yourself. U've been scarred, physically, mentally and psychologically. Becoming normal & serene in thought again, is a difficult path to reachđą
This empath has perfected my masksâ€
Another great video! Thank You, Dr.Ramani, You're always spot on â€ïž
Yes! I believe they love it when we walk on eggshells, it feeds their supply.
I lost ALL trust in ALL, Iâm alone forever
Yes me too
I am an anxious and depressed adult survivors or narcisistic abuse and neglect at the hands of my biological parents, best friend growing up and both my romantic partners. That does not define my life. We have unimaginable strength and God will carry you through any struggle. Believe it.
You aren't alone, look at all of us here, all saying and feeling the same ways. We may all be a long way from each other but we aren't alone. I used tk think I was the odd one out then I found dr ramini and dr carter, I was just surrounded by hyenas who don't give aren't damn aren't bout anyone but themselves. â
Thank you for posting these videos. This has helped me realized that I was in a domestically violent marriage. But also shed light on the demented behaviors of my ex. I was convinced that I was the problem that everything was my fault. It's hard to see when there is nonstop chaos but then moments of false calm. They are good in the short term at manipulating but that mask slips. Your videos helped me see and once you do you do not unsee and I am truly grateful. I am better equipped at dealing with the aftermath divorce with 50/50 custody with kids does not end. Thank you from a domestic abuse survivor!
Hostage I am. But at least, now, I know. I don't like it and spend as little time with the narcissist, as I absolutely have to. What a terrible affliction the covert narcissism is. Poison. Love to all brave seekers of healing. Thank you Dr. Ramani.đâ€
Basically until destruction continues and narcissistic people are that much supported I prefer to keeping my true self for myself.I don't have another decade to rebuilding myself in their destruction time.
I was always walking on eggshells however, I think it didn't stop there. Yes, she liked it when I was "in line" and doing whatever it was she wanted me to do. However... if she picked up on the fact that I wasn't HAPPY to be "in line", that upset her too. I needed to be happy to be "in my place"... by her side... always on her side... always backing her up even when her argument is stupid. She always seemed to be in an argument with somebody, and she is not a very smart person, besides the fact that she has like a grade 3 education. It was exhausting. I live by myself now in relative peace.
Finding your podcast and understanding narcissism was truly healing for me. I realize that my husband of 20 years is a full-blown narcissist and his constant raging, belittling me, emotional, and financial abuse makes complete sense now. itâs like Iâve been walking around in a dark closet and I finally found a the light switch. now that I know and feel validated I can move on with much more information and strength. Thank you, thank you thank you đ
One of your best videos. Thank you. The Silencing the self theory... I've seen this in my mom my whole life. Now it's me...
Really awesome video..
Thank you for your honesty about your trust issues.
I can't leave. No car NO money. And no support system at all. My life has been a sheer hell for 18 years. They made sure I'd be trapped
Don't give up. Make a plan and stick to it. If you go grey rock, sometimes they will discard you. Just be as prepared as you can. God bless. đ
Walk away when they're asleep
Fortune favours the brave
I understand. I should have walked away years ago but I had nowhere to go. Family lived in a different state and I had a child that was having developmental issues. Its not as easy as some people think. Its like being in a bird cage with the door open but you have no where to fly.
Contact your local women's shelter they will pick you up
Contact a shelter for the abused.
Wow. This compilation really spoke to me and, even though I've seen them all, had me hanging on every word. Thanks so much!
We read the room, otherwise "watch out"
Yes they enjoy seeing it & like to think theyâre in charge!
Absolutly !they love it because it makes them dell empowered and in control.
This one resonated with me in so many ways! Iâm thankful you share your wisdom with us. đâ€ïž
My CN just keeps taking more love away. They don't yell. They don't get angry on the usual. They just ice out and will not listen to anything I have to say. Even in a general conversation they will say, "What? What are you talking about?" Even after we began a conversation about , let's say what we are having for dinner. They won't respond, they won't be generally affectionate - hugs or just touching an arm or back. They will suffocate their attention to me. No yelling. Just isolation.
This. My son's Dad is this.
When I stopped walking on eggshells things got worst until I had to force the zero contact, he never hit me but he did hurt our pets and broke the stuff I worked so hard for us to have. It was scary but worth it. I am now okay and happy to let all that anxiety in the past đ
if a narc will always find foibles in others, the best thing to do is to say nothing. They wont win that way because you have not given them the thing they want most and that is an emotional punching bag/dumping ground. they are still going to react but the difference is you are not relinquishing your power to them. If they can play the silent treatment, so can you. I found some comfort in that when my parent tried to do that to me; I found comfort knowing they felt the way I did when they behaved this way towards me or in front of me. I am never on their side but two can play the game, and I enjoy making narcs as uncomfortable as they have made me and my own.
YES! YES! YES! to all you have shared in this excellent compilation...especially the all-around loss of trust, in every direction and level. Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani!! It helps me to feel that I'm not completely alone in all of this and that I'm not the only one with HUGE trust issues.
Okay so this is unrelated to this video but I've been watching all your content for years and you were basically the voice that guided me back to sanity after recovering from narc abuse. I know you enjoy media that portrays narcissism really well (I also watched Succession based on your recommendation, incredible). Years ago there was a Jessica Jones series on Netflix and it is SO INCREDIBLY GOOD. David Tennant plays a narcissistic villain SO well it's actually triggering to watch. His power is mind control. You can fill in the blanks! I would love to hear your commentary on it, I still feel sick watching his scenes but they're so good.
When I said stop hanging up on me⊠finding my voice, he said. Live with it and hung up.
Iâve been in the loop so long. I cannot express how much Ketamine helped me. I cannot explain how - because it was almost mystic. It taught me self love and authenticity. I finally feel like I am not less of a person. I met myself In there. Once this occurred - Narc abuse had no chance. It may not work for everyone, but transformative for me. 6 treatments last Winter and it lasted. â€.
Thank you for these amazing building blocks to help us rebuild ourselves. You continue to amaze me. I can only imagine how many other lives you are saving on this healing journey. May God truly Bless you infinitely as you so bless us.đâźââźđ
Thank you Dr. Ramani! Your content has been SO helpful & healing for me over these many yrs. that Iâve been following you! â€ïž Please know EVERY time you share the âREALâ information about Narcissism it makes this WHOLE world much better! Keep up the wonderful work, YOU are definitely appreciated, seen & heard! Again Thank you from the bottom of my heart! đđâ€ïž
I don't feel like "I'll never trust anyone again", but I will always assume they are narcissistic FIRST, then they will have to prove to me they aren't... - (the opposite of Christianity) I think we should all do that... why don't we?
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Your views on trust spoke volumes to me. Keep talking Dr Ramani. Our lives depend on your words. â€ïž
This is what i needed to listen to today. After 7 months I've stopped therapy, and now a month later I feel I'm slipping. It's been almost 9 months since our split and my breakdown. I've lost trust in myself and every situation I encounter, at work I always second guess myself and my judgement.
I also can't stop thinking that my replacement is getting what he couldn't give me because I was too weak. Some days I'm fine but it comes in waves. This video especially reinforced what trauma I had gone through. đą
Iâm not sure he was a narcissist, but I felt exhausted 24/7.
I canât repeat it enough: youâve helped me so much on my healing journey from the abuse I suffered from both my mother and ex partner. Thank you so much. Youâre an actual life saviour.
This is an excellent discussion on the topic. Thanks so much for uploading.
The eggshell thing got me. I use to tell my narc ex I am always walking on eggshells around you. He never said anything or seemed bothered by it. I like Dr. Romneyâs videos and appreciate her shining a light on narcissistic people, but it hurts because when you love with your heart and you think this person really loves you just to find out youâve been being used and not sure to believe. If they really cared or loved you like you did them. Talk about a betrayal.
Mrs Ramani,you are a blessing for me!!!
Tons of love from Greece...
I self-silenced as a child, self-silenced in my marriage, and self-silenced in my last long-term relationship. Just learning this at the age of 66đźđą. I may not want another relationship at all at this point - I need time to heal.
I really love this Dr. Ramani thank you. You can never be your true self because they do not allow you to be. I have noticed this. I used to love to sit by my pool play my music, he used to say " again" now I have stopped and he says " no music today, come on babe, play your music." Nope, I will not, not then only when I want to or him, lol
Great video! You made so many great points for Me in this journey of where I'm at now. 30 years of an abusive marriage and divorce is final. Now the real healing process begins. I'm not in a hurry to date or have any relationship without a lot of caution. I don't trust Anyone, and I don't know if I ever will again. Its sad, but its true. I heard some advice about dating. IF I were to date someone, I would make sure I didn't have any physical contact. Like, holding hands, kissing, or even hugging for a minimum of 90 days. I don't know maybe longer. I don't want the hormone to take over and have Me do what I'm not comfortable doing at this point anyway. I've got to be strong and keep My boundaries up!!!
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for these informative videos on Narcissistic relationships.
Ma'am... My husband is scapegoat adult child, he is so much enmeshed with their mother and brother so I request you to make video on that how Can I make him understand about it and live my life peacefully with my husband.
Oh I get it- as long as you know that "you don't matter." I wish I had come to this consensus before. Thank you Dr Ramani â€
My sister used to love to show me how afraid her kids were of her. "Watch this," she's smirk. "Kids, go up to your rooms right now and get ready for bed," she'd yell. Both her kids would run up the stairs without looking back. My sister would smile like the little dictator she is and I wanted to take her kids away~
Holy crap, that's evil đ. Poor kids đą
Brilliant! Thank you Dr Ramani
We NEVER wanted him to notice we were walking on eggshells, because
1) one of my main goals throughout our relationship was to NOT hurt him or make him feel bad. Or even look bad.
2) if he noticed, we'd be punished for it in some passive aggressive way, or he'd swing the pendulum in some random unanticipateable direction in his grand efforts to fix it.
Thank you for this conversation. I thought I knew a lot about this. I am living this with my mother who is 80. I am 58 and the only one of her children that is still there to help. My older brother was the golden child, I am the second child truth teller and scapegoat daughter. My younger sister has no contact. It is so difficult. Fine myself in private that has to have a good cry in private at least once a week. Even though I know that I can't change her. It's like I am always trying to slow her down. She I vicious bad talking contest anger and invalidated, selfish. Just mean. But I do love her and help her. But I am always glad to go home. Thank you. I also need to wear a mask for protection. I am open and get hurt often .
My brother passed away from sickness, and my sister is in no contact. So I am the only adult daughter to help. It helps to watch videos and realize I am not alone. My personality is an empathetic, very sensitive person that she does hurt often. The problem I am working through is the codependency trauma bond. She can do something that would make most people leave at a run. And I always forgive her. I really believe that she isn't happy unless she is talking crap about someone including her children. A rough place to be
OMG! You just described what I do around my husband.
Yes it gives em that much more power and control
My experience is that they do LOVE having you walking on eggshells around them. They feel powerful, and enjoy it. It is sadistic. They truly believe everybody else is put on earth to serve them. Amazing. And arrogant beyond words.
Good video Ty Dr Ramani, at 68 I feel so odd with my trust issues being raised by a psychopathic father.. I know I was close to my mom and older brother both gone now. But I have a daughter and even a grandchild.i canât explain it. Being in therapy for many years. I am going to ask for a trauma therapist finally! Yes, back in the day when dad came home from work my brothers ran out of the house lol though would show back up for dinner. Mann these dern narcs!
They definitely do mind job on you. Who knew that love,Hope,trust, patience, caring, giving,being an empath. Could be your worse enemy. they will not only empty your cup,damage your cup,trying to fill their bucket with no bottom. I have ate so much brown grass in my relationship of 27 years. I donât even care for green grass.
Thank you for your help and assistance dr Ramani. The road to self trust is long but once you start trusting yourself again it gets a lot easier.
She has often times been annoyed with me if I look like Iâm creeping around, trying to stay out of the line of fire⊠Blames me for overreacting
It COULD annoy them
. but then again .. they know you're " in line " and i'm gonna say that gives em a " charge " .
Part 3.. silencing yourself !!! Omg yes i turned into a zombie/ cyborg when we had our son. That was over 11 years ago, now my son is dealing with a narcissistic Dad.
Why sharing with someone thatâs going to knock me down and make it all about themselves.
Iâd love to be a part of your research Dr. Ramani!
In my relationships walking on eggshells would frequently annoy them because it made it harder to pick fights which they seemed to love...
Thank you! and - you look great in purple - its a good color for you.
She does seem to secretly enjoy it, but she got super mad when I told her I had to be exceedingly careful and walk on eggshells around her.
I told my husband he was making everyone miserable- long time before I realized what was going on in my marriage. It always bothered me that he wasnât even hurt by that I said it out of frustration to hurt him. He was soooooo sensitive about everything else but it bother him at all. Now know he didnt mind the insult because he didnât care
I understand there are situations where you just cannot leave, but it is said that if you knowingly stay in an abusive relationship, you are not so much a victim but a willing participant. I left, and although I sometimes second-guess myself, I know I made the right decision! He moved on Fast and mutual friends feel the need to tell me how happy he is, but I keep reminding myself they aren't happy people so he's just telling them what he wants me to hear. It's just a matter of time before his rebound sees the mask come off enough times to feel the way i did. She let him move in far too quickly, as I didn't see the mask come off for what it was until about a year in. I'm sure he is even better at the game now with her.
You are amazing â€
How do we get trust back? Can we get some guidance elaborating on that? My trust is totally demolished. Even people who stood by me through these betrayals Iâm starting to mistrust deeply. Itâs a terrible place. 27:01
"I am Jack's complete lack of surprise"