Cutting People Off vs Setting Boundaries | Fridays with Tab and Chance
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- čas přidán 14. 12. 2023
- How do you know when it's time to set a boundary with someone or if it's time to cut them off? What does a boundary look like? What does a cutoff look like? Do the boundaries or rules change if the person is related to you? On today's episode, we answer these questions for ourselves and open up to our struggles and successes when it comes to protecting ourselves and our well-being. Let's get into it!
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This Chapter of My Life is called "Limited Access."
No time or energy for jealousy, envy, or for people who truly don't want to see You Shine!!
Chance: don't let your mood affect the people that need this video..that was a lovely 💜
It was lovely. 😌
That’s when you have someone in your corner who is rooting for you.
So lovely
"You can't let your mood affect all the people who need this video." This part right here is up for an Oscar. I love it! I love how you just spoke to your wife Chance and the way she looks at you
Same “anybody can get it” cut off game so serious, idc who you call yourself to be… “ I never knew you, depart from me [you are banished from my presence]”Matthew 7:23
Anybody can get it! I agree 💯
A word right there 🙏🏾
Yesss🎉
In Jesus name Amen!
Amen
Thank you for touching on this because I had to cut off my Mom and Dad. I’ve set boundaries and they chose to walk over them, so I said enough is ENOUGH! I blocked their phone numbers and now I have peace! Was it easy, no. But was it WORTH it, yes! You don’t deserve to be abused, gaslighted, manipulated by ANYONE including your Mom, Dad, Husband, Wife, etc!
Same with my mom. No matter how many times I’ve given the benefit of the doubt after setting boundaries, she still remained a line stepper. Just totally disregarding the respectful asks.
Same with me and my mom, brother, former bff's and relatives. You're right, it hasn't been easy, but it was worth this peace that I have. It took me almost 50 years to get to this season in my life. This peace that I have will be protected, no matter who you are.
I felt this 💯 good for you ❤
Do you tell the person you are cutting them off, or do you just do so quietly?
That’s a bit much, if they’re abusive, mean to your kids or put you in a dangerous situation I agree but if they have strong opinions or saying things to make you upset then there are alternatives to getting y’all relationship to a healthy place. Speaking from a person who has lost a parent and not spoken to my mother for years, it’s one of my biggest regrets because time is something you cannot get back.
The enemy can be those in your household. Relatives are connected by blood, and family is connected by love. Therefore, I am with Chance, I can forgive and forget you at the same time. 😅 Tfs
Amen
I set boundaries for those that don't know boundaries exist. I cut them off when they continue to disrespect the boundaries!! Applies to everyone..family(with limits), friends, coworkers and SUPERVISORS!! I am not disrespectful, so you will not disrespect me!!
"Set a boundary for my self so I can work on me" Wow this is so good.
This episode is so good. Just last year I had to look at my “so called friends” and do an evaluation. I had many friends attached to me bc they loved my energy, what I can poor into them, what I can do for them. But I didn’t enter the relationship asking “myself is this fruitful or a relationship I want to be in!” Now I ask myself with every person who wants to be my friend.. what category should I place them in. I’m so much at peace now, and I love it. 🥰
JESUS!!!!!!!!!! Thank you woman of God for that confirmation. I appreciate you taking time to share. I'm so happy you found your peace. To God be the GLORY for creating a positive platform to connect with other believers. May God con't to bless and keep you in His divine care. 😊
Just from the headline: I set the boundaries and let them decide to get cut off! 🤷🏽♀️
Family is usually the one or ones that need to be cut off or boundaries set. And it’s definitely hard and painful but to protect your peace and mental well being it MUST be done
I agree with Chance on this one. Anybody can get it. When people don't respect your boundaries, they get cut off. No one is allowed to continually hurt me.
Chance is so real and thought-provoking! 'Agreed - anybody can get it!'
My father was the first person that made me create boundaries. His unreliability had become too much for me. So I had to set boundaries for him for my own wellbeing. I also saw my mom be emotionally abused by family and it bothered me to see her pain. So I’m like Chance… anybody can get it. 😂
This!❤
Amen!
I’m with Chance; ANYBODY can get it! LOL! Real talk. Tab, you had so many quotable statements in this episode.
I recently had an experience with a family member. My mom died at the top of this year, and my extremely dysfunctional family members have started trying to communicate with me more often. I guess they feel like I need their support when they don’t realize that my mom wanted me to move beyond the family dysfunction. She encouraged me to not be close to them.
One person in particular, my younger female cousin, decided that it was a good idea to call me early on a Saturday morning back in July. I was on the West Coast that weekend, and she called me at 5 AM on a Saturday! There is NO ONE that I need to speak to at that time on any day. EVER! I answered the phone because I assumed that it must have been an emergency. Nope! She was calling for the heck of it. I told her that I was in Los Angeles, and she hurried up and hung the phone up.
When I got back to my current residence, I explained that, as a daily practice, I do not take early morning calls. She knew that my mom was the same way, and we literally had a conversation about it. I made sure that she thoroughly understood my boundary. We even had an additional text conversation about it.
However, last month, she decided to call me not once but twice at early times during the work week. The last time she did it, I confronted her via text and said that she either completely forgot about our previous conversations or it was a blatant disregard of my boundaries, but I reminded her that I do not take early morning calls. Additionally, I work for an organization founded by a high profile person (a former member of the White House) who had just died. My cousin is aware of that fact, and I told her that I was focused on getting my staff through the grieving process. I told her that when the dust settled, I would be back in touch with her.
Her response was exceptionally rude. “It was 9.15 am- business hours - but my apologies. I thought that was an appropriate time for working women/family. But again, my apologies.” First of all, her flighty tail forgot that I’m one hour behind her, so it was 8:15 AM my time. However, my boundary has *nothing* to do with whether I’m awake and *everything* to do with conserving my morning energy for me and God alone. It sets the trajectory for the rest of my day, and I’m not changing that boundary to accommodate her. I quite literally had to call on Jesus AND my therapist after I read her response! I opted not to send her a message back because it wasn’t worth my energy. I had to protect my peace and redirect it to help my organization grieve WHILE still balancing my own grief with my mom‘s death in February.
So, my decision was to cut my cousin off completely. I blocked her from my phone altogether. She demonstrated that she had no respect for the boundary I had already set. I had a clear conversation with her, on multiple occasions, and she still disregarded it. It was the sense of entitlement that she exhibited which upset me the most. Just because I’m single with no kids doesn’t mean I have to be available anytime she wants to talk. The mornings are my time to center myself and to talk to God. I don’t owe an explanation about that to anyone.
The plot twist?
SHE IS A LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR!
if anyone knows about boundaries, it should be her! I don’t know who in the world goes to her for help, but I pray the Lord redirects them to someone who actually lives by healthy principles.
Bottom line: your boundaries don’t require an explanation. If they aren’t respected, it’s time to move accordingly. Family or not. 💯
I agree 💯 with Chance…being the only child taught me how to cut people off quick and know how to set healthy boundaries.
When boundaries get crossed it's time to cut!
When we cut ties with people, we will undoubtedly find ourselves feeling as if we have to explain ourselves to those who ask us why we felt we had to make this decision; especially those people who mutually connect us to the person of people we’ve cut ties with. Most of these middle people have good intentions, but we will find that most of them also have the agenda of convincing us to reconnect with those we’ve chosen to disconnect from. It’s exhausting having to tell our story and explain ourselves over and over. The best strategy is to let these people know that the decision you’ve made to cut ties wasn’t made to hurt those whom you’ve cut ties with. The decision was made to protect yourself. Let them know the decision you’ve made is not negotiable and nor do you feel you owe anyone an explanation for rightfully and strongly protecting your mental and emotional health and well-being. ( LEAVE, MOVE ON WITH YOU'RE LIFE....
I Love How His Energy And Words Brought Your Energy Back Up 🥰
Dealing with this CURRENTLY during this holiday season I understand and stand with Chance 1000% if they need to be cut off you must step back a bit for the sake of your peace ❤
I’m with Chance‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
Y'ALL ARE PREACHING HERE!!! I had tried to explain to my 22 yr old son about me having and setting boundaries with my sister. He doesn't understand that I have to protect my well-being. Like u said Tab, my peace, my mental health, that comes first because there's only one me and I am the one who has to take care of me. So when it comes to my peace, mental and emotional health, certain ppl cannot have access to me and unfortunately my sister is one of them.
This video is so ENLIGHTENING to me because I myself am in a period of getting the help I need so that I can heal...I am learning things about myself that I don't like and seeing things that I already know about myself that I need to change. I know we all have flaws and i definitely have them, but I also feel like I need to be the change in the world that I wish to see!!! I have to do that for myself and cutting ppl off vs setting boundaries....in some ways has already happened. I couldn't be more happy that Tab & Chance put out this video in a time where in my life I feel like Its very much needed. Thank you for sharing❤❤
I'm the Queen of cut off, honestly saying from this Aquarian. I dig what both of you Chance and Tabitha said. All of it. Thank you.
Doing my inner work, I realized my trauma has left me intoxicated with toxic behaviors. Some behaviors that I’ve repeated and have caused me to lose friends but also I learned from and set boundaries to protect my peace as I’ve changed. Everything isn’t someone’s fault especially if you notice a pattern.
I'm in the position right now, and I currently feel like they deserve a Chance shutdown. They don't deserve my energy. Peace & Luv ❤️🔥
WOWWWWW! Small world! Kooks like a LOT of us are going through this!
Thank you so much for speaking on this. I had a stroke on October 1 and I'm recovering. I've been praying a lot for revelation and God has opened up my heart and revealed the hearts of the people closest to me and it doesn't feel good and every time I pray it seems like God will reveal someone to me and these are people very close to me and so I'm having to deal with some things and I know that once I come out of my recovery because I know that God is sending me up for my purpose and once I go into my new purpose there's gonna be some people that are gonna be left behind because I'm making some changes. I know I have to from my piece so I thank you very much for helping me to understand this and myself.
Praying for your speedy recovery and strength
Wow thanks for being so real about this subject. I can relate because I was at a point where I was blaming others for my unhappiness when I really needed to make my own changes. It actually came to me when I was walking around in my favorite garden center and enjoying a peaceful moment just walking around enjoying all the plants. They all looked so fresh and alive in their little pots. While enjoying this experinence in natures beauty it began to dawn on me that I was the one that needed to be repotted. I had become root bound and needed to take the steps to expand my own horizons, learn new things, set my feet/roots in new soil. It was so liberating to realize that I could make a decision to set myself free and those who I had placed in judgement because I was unhappy with myself. Listening to you guys speak on this and share your experiences has brought this full circle for me. Thank you 🤗
I try not to go through my life expecting anything from anybody.. then If they don't come through for me, I won't be disappointed. I don't want to sound as if I'm bitter about it, because I'm not. I've just simply lived and learned, and I protect my heart, and govern myself accordingly. Good topic.
Team Chance
Tab I agree from 16:00to 17:30
Aunt Tab I cut and removed myself because I was people's walking 🏧, resource and person that had no problem taking advantage of me.
Many of those individuals have and still doing the unthinkable.
Tab when you’re a beacon of light it will attract the broken, thankfully you have a king like Chance that can help with the boundaries in your life. Such a dynamic couple. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💜💜💜💜💜😇😇😇😇😇
The nonverbals and eye contact at the beginning😂
I also loved how she pulled on his inviting & encouraging strength ❤
Tab, you a mess. 😂😂 a “valid” mess! 🙌🏾😂😂 thank y’all for being real
I loved this. If we’re honest, we all are a little damaged and we need to be careful how we go about interactions with others. Friends can sometimes become too friendly when your intention is less often contact than they might like. So boundaries become necessary. They then start feeling some type of way.
Agreed!😊
I think there is a third option, especially when it comes to family. You don't have to cut them completely off, but you can choose to love them from a distance. I love all my family, but sometimes I don't always like some of them or trust some of them. And sometimes with non-family members, I am in complete agreement with Chance. I tend to break ties with a person who the Spirit has shown me that I can't trust or who don't have my best interest at heart, or those who have an obvious jealous or begrudging Spirit toward me. But just because you don't spend time with or socialize with some people doesn't mean you shouldn't still continue to pray for them. While the Bible teaches us that God wants us to love each other, it is possible to have a godly love toward others, but you don't have to hang out with them or allow them into your inner circle.
Amen ❤ Best comment yet
That old demon called jealousy will cause to set boundaries or cut them off completely.You just stay being you you have encouraged so many stay strong ❤🙏🏾
I believe you can set boundaries and if those boundaries are crossed they cut themselves off. Family, friends, associates etc! Don’t keep trying to tell people how to treat you without changed behavior.
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Boundaries are NEEDED! for sure, but cutting people off comes when they have crossed the Boundaries 😠
I just had to cut someone from my streaming community, today. They had a lot to say about it even though I tried to end it amicably and maturely. So, with that in mind, I came to CZcams to decompress, then ran across this video. Talk about God's timing. This gave me such peace of mind. Ty.
Ya'll remind me so much of me and my husband! My husband is just like chance so I crack up at how real he is...my husband is the same way. 😂😂And I'm more like Tab and have a huge heart so I struggle with discernment sometimes. ❤❤
I'm Chance and my husband is Tab
Same here. My husband has helped me UN-learn a lot of things. He’s taught me such much about boundaries & cutting folks off. It’s hard but I can’t do the hard things. 💛
I enjoyed this episode! Self awareness, self examination, setting boundaries, being open and honest are of paramount importance! Love y’all ❤️🥰
Facts. Uncle Chance is a fire sign - Sagittarius, I’m not surprised with his responses. I completely agree with everything that he said. I don’t play that either. Disrespect does not trump history or (blood).
You ain’t lying! Them Sagittarius will cut off so quick 😂
In our faith we don't cut no one off and so we are True Holiness One Lord One Faith One Baptism!
Forgiveness means letting go of your right to hurt the one who hurt you. It doesn't include letting that person back into your life. But, yes ma'am, some times you gotta let go and continue moving forward with love.
The people who do not respect the boundaries are the ones who need them the most !!!!
Both blood and water can be cut off if they are against any form of wellness to you. Peace over EVERYTHING.
26:41-26:43 😂😂😂 chance looked like he was ready to hold tab back ROFL... Stay in the spirit tab stay in the spirit 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
You have to respect everyone.
This was good & necessary!!!
This is awesome! I’ve been having the same conversation with my wife and we’ve been praying about situations like where to draw the line when it comes to us being believers and having friends that think differently. Whole lotta confirmation in this thang!
Wow! God is so amazing, and your prayers will be answered, I've silently asked God what to do, and then I saw this video. Thank you for talking on this subject. I'm currently in a tug of war with myself on cutting off a couple of people in my life. One being my mother, and another a friend I've known since (3-4) years old. With my mother it's so hard, but I know when I'm in her presence, I feel hurt, anger, annoyance, abandonment, and just no connection. We have never had a mother/daughter relationship. And that all stims from my childhood. And the friend, I feel I'm just the shoulder to cry on. I agree with Chance. My mental and physical health is very important to me. This video is just what I needed to help me make this decision. God works in mysterious ways. God bless you both❤🙏
I’m like Chance any one any time after I given grace . Not going to live unhappy.
As Aquarius‼️’s Mrs Tabitha.. it’s natural.
Baby this was necessary! 🙌🏾
Happy Friday Chance and Tab!!! You both look great in your matching white hoodies with the butterfly! I wore my butterfly necklace today, therefore, I got the memo!! 🤣🤣. Ms. Tab, your hair look Fab my dear!!❤️❤️😘❤️😘❤️😘❤️😘❤️❤️💯💯🌹🌹🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I had to cut off LOTS of folks when my daddy died. I decided that I was not going to engage in one-sided relationships. I finally learned I had to cut myself off from others. No turning back
This helped me so much . I too am a person that spreads Hop, Joy and Love and it’s hard for me to let people see the other side. But I’m human and sometimes “ I’m just not feeling it and that’s OKAY!” So thank you ! To both of you !
I absolutely LOOOVEEE how he helped her get through her mood to sing the introduction song. Oh my that says so much about their union ❤❤❤
I get it Chance, when you have given more than your best, enough is enough my friend and all is well! Tab we are givers, probably many times, go too far, give too much, nothing personal, it is personal, that goes for EVERYONE and let's go! 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
Love that Chance “when they can be harmful to me.”
5 seconds in and I'm with Chance. Errrybody can and WILL get it! Already know I will enjoy this. "Perfect separation had to be sliced ...but takes time."
Love this conversation. I like how Chance stated it, anybody can get it. But with context for me, I will try to understand, I will give grace, I will set boundaries. If I see you don't respect any of those things, I see you as harmful to my well-being and you have to go. And that is for anyone.
And what Tab said, if that harmful person still hanging around the group, count me out of the group everything, even the chat. No hard feelings, but my peace has become my priority for sure, aside from loving my husband.
Chance giving a whole sermon.
I’m so grateful to receive this today, having a challenging time bc I’m like Tab, healing journey, encouraging others, people don’t think I have as challenging a time as I do just bc I try to keep being in a positive mindset. God Bless you and your family ❤
Great convo, I don’t set boundaries anymore because they won’t respect it 9x outta 10 and they will do the same stuff over and over again & then gaslight you into making everything YOUR fault . I just cut it I don’t have time. Family included.
Congratulations Tab!
This was so good 😊 I needed to hear this. But when Tab did that little out burst and Chance busted out laughing 🤣 it made laugh just as hard as he did. I kept rewatching that part.
But on a serious note 🎶 this what I'm going through with my family etc.
Will be cutting off some folks and setting boundaries.
Great topic, Tab! My husband's cut-off game is like Chance's. I'm like Tab, cutting off people has been challenging but I did it anyhow. I am a recovering people pleaser and I always feared speaking up for myself. I was conditioned to be nice, kind and overly giving. That caused many to take me for granted. But once I learned to set boundaries and the cut-off game from my husband, folks don't know how to take me. My relatives (one of them is a parent and now my adult son is thinking the same as his grandparent) 'think' my husband is controlling me, suggesting that I'm not in my right mind. SMH. I'm 50+ y/o! It has been an eye opening experience.
Chance, I have the exact same stance you have. No matter who you are, you can get it. Adult children can get some strict boundaries that seem like a cut-off until they can get themselves together. Period, no questions asked. My Guy thinks differently, he believes family always gets a pass and you move on. I totally disagree, once people cross a certain line with me it's a wrap!!! With friends, if an argument becomes hostile or verbal nastiness, it's a wrap. I can never recover from that incident, the respect for one another has been lost. I've never been that friend that we fight and makeup with the season. That's insane to me.
C’mon Sister Tab tell the truth truth!!! ❤
Yes maam! I have to look at myself and how I am affecting others with my own toxicity and should absolutely remove myself from their lives because I’m not adding anything good. I needed to hear that, yall. Thank you.
This was a great episode, I’m sixty one the youngest daughter of thirteen and the darkest one, I had to cut off two sisters that almost destroyed me as a child and nothing has changed, couldn’t do boundaries had to cut them completely off, since then my life has changed but it’s a hard thing because I’ve tried my whole life to get these women to love me and even as a older woman was trying until I talk to my pastor and realized I’m not here to serve them I’m here to be of service and not to be used any longer ❤❤❤❤❤❤Yall Oh my GOD Chance hit the nail on the head I was the butt of all jokes growing up and now especially since I lost the only sister that treated me like a sister, she made me feel good about myself but this sister that living is just as mean now .❤❤❤❤❤
This is probably my favorite video you two have made together! I have been SO HURT from having cut 2 very close family members off without saying anything, just stopped answering the phone until they stopped calling, and I have been trying to convince myself that I'm the problem but this video helped me so much! For one, it was your honest energy at first Tab! As your soul started to feel better, so did mine! Tab, I was literally finishing your sentences for you! I feel like I talked this out wit yall and now I know I'm not crazy and my energy is valid. I also know how I'm gonna address it, try to set the boundary, and see if they get mad or not but one thing I know, even though I've been hurt by it, I also feel better not having to have these stressful boundary-less interactions with them anymore. I really really appreciate this video!
Chance like girrrl if you don’t cut them people off 😂😂
So, so, so good! Im way too good at goodbyes when needed! Glad to know its ok to do this for our health! Chance is too funny! Tab put her heart in this advice as usual!
Totally agree! This goes for long term friendships. Some people just do not want to be apart ones life. Everybody can’t come.
Very sound reasoning and logic, Chance. Thanks, Tab for letting him share this with us.
I agree with Chance. I can be friends with non-believers but it can't always be the subject. I will remove myself from that type of relationship.
PEOPLE: Stop asking people why they ain’t invite you somewhere. Save your face. 😊
Good job Chance,
When your partner is in a bad mood, you have an opportunity to bring her back to center. I have recently cut off a close family member and I did it because peace of mind is invaluable to me. If a relationship, family or friends, becomes toxic, I will take my leave for my mental and physical health. Period!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 this was enrichment..thanku!
Congrats on your!! Book I would love to attend as a part of my new journey. Both can be cut especially if the are cause your life discomfort. I fully agree with Chance!!! Anybody can get it❤
Great conversation Tab and Chance! Sometimes you have to cut people out of your life. I don't want to be around gossiping people, and negative energy for sure and I definitely set boundaries! Peace and Blessings to you both. 👍❤️❤️
Yeah sometimes there just comes a time ..🤷🏽♀️
Wow..... this was definitely confirmation for me. This spoke to me on many different levels and it has really helped me to see things from a right perspective concerning protecting myself and my peace. I must protect my peace at all cost. Its non negotiable. I too am an only child and I agree w/ Chance 100%. Thank you Tab and Chance for sharing this content. It has really helped me alot.
Famous words of Ms. Maya Angelou, paraphrasing- Believe them when they show you who they are. Protect yourself!
Each case is individualized but anybody can get it.
They can use Tab's hair and face for the Black history shirts, lol
Congratulations Tabitha ❤ 🔥
SOCIAL MEDIA! SHUT IT DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN! START IMMEDIATELY IF YOU HAVE SELF ISSUES 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
1:34 Uncle said get it right now 😂😂
I like that Tab “valid mood”
This was a healing episode Thank you Lord Jesus
I'm a female version of Chance. ANYBODY CAN GET IT!!! "If I cut you off, chance are, you gave me the scissors."
Awesome topic.. ❤ Me and my daughter talked about this topic yesterday. My mom told her it wasn't right to cut people off because their family. She had to let my mom know, whether they are family or not if it's toxic and disturb her peace. It is definitely okay to cut them off. I gave her the same example about what if a person molest you. I absolutely agree with Chance, anybody can get it. 😂
👏🏽👏🏽 Good for you & your daughter. You’re breaking the generational cycle. Anybody can get it, family included. 🙏🏽
20:40 oooooouuuuuwwweee that's the one right there! Gotta do that self reflection.
THISSSSSS!!!! A timeless recording!!
Bless y'all
All I could do is laugh 😂 yall are too cute!! I thank God for you both!! ❤