When Genetic Testing Tells You Your Dad Isn't Dad | Cheri Felix | TEDxBoulder
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- čas přidán 2. 07. 2018
- If you have taken 23 and Me, have you opened yourself up to what that can mean? What happens when your Dad... well... isn't your Dad? It happened to Cheri, and she set out to discover her real Father with almost no information. Cheri Felix moved to Boulder 28 years ago with no plans to do more than get her college degree, spend a lot of time at the gym and to drink a lot of coffee. In 1994, planning to leave Boulder forever, she sold everything she owned and bought a one-way ticket to Egypt. She spent two years daring to cross the streets with millions of people and cars and learning Arabic. Fortunately, she returned to Boulder to learn how to set up a camp stove, ride a mountain bike, move crash pads at climbing crags and to start a family. She’s a life coach, a high school mountain bike coach and mother to three children. Her ideal life includes long road trips with family, podcasts, bikes, coffee, trail running and planning adventures with her husband. And although she loves to leave Boulder for vacation, she always comes back for good. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I just found out that my dad is not my biological father through Ancestry DNA. I am still in complete shock, and don't know whether to be pissed, or cry.
Your not alone I’m 46 and I just found out my dad is not my biological dad smdh
Moi aussi! I found out at age 62 and found some clues regarding the biodad through a genetic genealogist. I blame no one, b/c however we got here, no one ASKS to be here. No judgement against my mom b/c we are all corrupt. What I miss is the story of 'how' it happened and that's disappointing and boring. We will each have to determine how much value to place on this event, but we will never as long as we live in this earth, get over it. That is just pathetic and unfair, but that is the human condition. BUT...we do die. HOORAY!!!!
Same, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ancestry dna changed my life
Mmm, does your father know
@@drewwagner4802 no
I just found out my dad is not my dad. This is the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life.
what a horrible mother
Just found out my 10 year old daughter is not mine I did a home dna test my heart is broken because my wife of 20 years cheated
Damn, guy... What now?
Found out my dad was not my father. Oh but he was the best dad ever!
Did you guy's divorce?
Hey how are you doing now buddy?
She's still yours. You have raised her and are the only dad she's ever known. As far as the marriage, I really hope if there is love there and there can be trust rebuilt you can get through it. If not I hope you can keep the relationship with your daughter. Best wishes
Holding people accountable is vital. My poor dad spent years of working and effort to raise kids who weren't his. I don't like the fact that women don't seek out the real fathers of their children.
But you had a great dad who loves you and you love him. He was responsible and took care of you and your siblings. He was a REAL father and you are his child in every way that counts. You are his. And perhaps your mother was protecting you from a bad person.
@@eedwards4603 by lying to another person and coerce him in to rasing not his kids? you are an I-----T
@eedwards4603 bro what does anything you said matter? So we just disregard this Great man entire life. Who knows the stress and pain he endured raising these children that arent his. Women talk about consent but yet dont allow men too consent to raising children that aren't theirs. She made a mistake with a bad guy so in order to protect her childbits ok for the woman to rob an innocent man of his livelihood? Its sounds treacherous and Vile asf
@@eedwards4603 dude, you're so pathetic.
Momma's baby. Daddy's maybe...
can you say bling bling
No es cierto. Muchas compran óvulos.
Certainly a shock when this happens but worse when everyone with knowledge of what happened has passed away. Just keep checking for “new relatives” and hope there’s someone close enough who may have answers.
My sister and I took a DNA test. I learned my mother is not my birth mother. It was the happiest day of my life! (Long story). I am now searching for my birth mother. My adopted mother knows all about her but refuses to share anything. Now I know what my dad was trying to share with me before he died.
Ojalá que encuentres pronto a tu madre y familia.
Although shows like the 'Jerry Springer Show' never detail this information: I would like for all of you commentators & fans out there to understand that (as can be easily seen by simply reviewing your closest relatives bodily hands) It is no coincidence that we are all genetically fingerprinted - coded differently. Although within four children (of the same biological mother and father), one child may be somewhat different by the leg - muscle structure, the hair texture, coloration of eyes & etc....; nevertheless, The hands represent the only body structure whereas 1/2 of the hands appearance is taken directly from the mother whereas the other half is taking directly from the father; thus, in general, if you as the biological children all have the same exact biological mother and father then your hands will be basically identical. Corruption can appear when one or more of the children have hands that are totally different from the hands of the other siblings. It's sort of like a DNA checklist.
If he's in his 60's at the time this video is made, and you have a desire to meet him, don't wait too long. The opportunity may be taken from you forever.
This is why I told my girl I straight up will not put my name on the birth certificate until I get a paternity test. I also will never get married without a prenup.
I plan on doing the same thing.
Wise man
Smart man
Hay muchas mujeres que no son las madres: compran óvulos.
lol good luck then hhhh
The DAMAGE that women do to BOTH the MAN & the CHILD! Women that do this should be forced to GO TO JAIL!
Muchas no son las madres: compran óvulos.
The pain is awful. I did 2 DNA test a year apart as the first one didnt find anything. So I did a second and the family link I was looking for ended up being totally different to what I expected. I found out my Dad is not my biological father. I'm in my late 40's....I have met him. I found a cousin that told me he was still alive and was only living a 50 minute bus ride from where I grew up. At first I was really shocked and disturbed for 2 weeks. Then I calmed down and my aim was just to meet him. Now I have and he;s ok...but as Im remembering more and more from my past that now have a different meaning I am so so so hurt...I feel so messed up..:(
Love it. Beautiful speech and true words of advice. Thank you for the courage.
This turned my life upside down.
I just found out yesterday at 53 years old. I am in so much pain. I can't look at myself. Who am I
I think I am illegitimate, and I told my parents I wanted to see who my ancestors are, and they did everything they could to quickly convince me on how "bad of an idea that would be." I'm so depressed, with the way they love my brother, (younger) compared to the way they legitimately hate me. I'm truly alone in this world, and I will never experience true love. It's sickening, and I am about to go hard af.
How are you? I hope you got some answers
I feel what you feel.
Busca la verdad.
Yet another wife screwing around. Why marry, its a loose-loose situation.
"lose"
@@nutcracker2916 Also "loose". That's why he quoted it
@@danicemarielobrin I'm glad you agree.
Loose Loose Loose???🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This just happened to me at 49. My dad passed away nearly 2 years ago. He knew and never told me. It was a long kept secret. I was conceived on a summer break, and he never knew I existed. I have since found him and am working on how to move forward and process this all. It is definitely an emotional ride. I am a year into this.
This happened to me yesterday. Ten years seems too long.
Happened to me yesterday and I can't stop crying
@@joleata1you doing better bud?
Reading these comments reminds me of the pain I went through years ago. It never really leaves but it does get better.
Paternity abuse as far as the children go ought to be a crime sane with Paternity fraud with jail time
El fraude de maternidad también: compra de óvulos.
The pain is real, my Mom had me with the father that raised me brother in law. Yes my cousin are now my siblings. My other cousins from my father that raised me no longer accept me in their family. Thank God my father that raised me is here any longer. I am so hurt.
🙏
i totally needed to hear this just got my ancestry dna test and am not all the way happy with my results. so sorry you had to go through that, I too went through something similar.
Everything you’ve shared here is what I’ve just begun to go thru,,,I’ve found him and now I just do t know how to move forward. He’s 83, I do t have any photos of him yet.
My cousin wants me to move forward with contact - but I haven’t processed. I’m “cleansing with a great blender”. ❤
This video resonates with me. I'm adopted and I've always known that there were multiple guys who may have been responsible for my conception. For the past 31 years, we've assumed that it was one guy, but recently I found out through Ancestry DNA that he probably isn't. I ended up finding out that the List has expanded from 4 to 7 possible birthfathers. After a lot of thought and prayer, I decided not to go through with the paternity test and I've felt free ever since. Still, just because I feel free from this burden doesn't mean that I don't think about this often. I think about my new reality every day. It's only been almost 2 months.
Busca a tu padre y familia. Podrás descansar tranquilo.
Wow! Seven guys?!!? That's terrible.
It’s weird that CZcams put this on my list. I just sent my 23andme sample in, and I’m expecting to find out my dad is not my biological father. I’ve thought this for some time now so I don’t think it would shake me up like it did this speaker. I guess it’s hard for me to understand why she’s so upset. I’d be anxious to meet my biological dad and certainly wouldn’t wait 10 years! That’s so crazy!
I am 13 when I was 9 I found out my dad might not me my dna I have been trying to deal with it but it is so hard I’m trying to find anyone who can understand exactly what I’m going through
Busca a tu padre y familia.
Found out dad wasn't dad at the age of 55. Bio dad was 100 % Italian...so, I learned to speak Italian.
To be quite honest this happend to me . However, it’s no laughing matter to me . I take it very seriously .
I’m going through those exactly feelings. 3 months ago I found out my father isn’t my biological father. I’m still on the hunt, Fingers crosses I can find him.
Are you pissed at your mom?
Have you? I am in the same boat?
I just found out this too.
This just happened to me
1-3% of men. Not sure where that figure came from but seems way low.
It's wrong. Livescience published that it ranged between 1-30% and it averaged down to 1 in 25 kids.
A lot of European countries have banned DNA testing because their infidelity rate is around 30% across the board.
@@rabidspiders01 Madre y padre: muchas compran óvulos.
@@rabidspiders01 En Europa, muchas no son las madres. Repito: compran óvulos.
It tells you what your mom is though
Any man can make a baby, only a real man can be a father! You should be happy that this man excepted you and raised you.
I'm getting the feeling from watching this that her mother's husband may have been unware he wasn't the bio dad. There are a lot of fathers out there walking around blissfully unaware of the little woman's activities when he's not around.
@@danielhartin7680 Very True!
Any woman can make a baby. Only a real woman doesn't lie about the father or murder it in the womb
Just found out my Dad isn’t my biological father through Ancestry DNA… I always kind of suspected it but I don’t think I was prepared for the sadness of being demoted to a half sibling.
So the message is I couldn't deal with it so I never did? She found him but doesn't say how or what if anything followed. Bizarre.
Here I am watching this after finding out who my biological father is, through a 1/2 sister that popped up.
I'm glad you're able to deal with it so well. Where is your relationship with your father now? Over a year and a half ago at the age of 33 I met my biological father for the first time. Without giving it much time soon as he learned about me he pushed his way into my life. So only knowing of him for a month he wanted to come for a visit. After one visit before I knew it he's in my area looking for homes to buy. He's right down the road from me now and I hate it. Unlike you I do regret spitting in that too everyday of my life. Seeking help or counseling has not worked out for me. Hard to find someone who understands to counsel me. I believe I'm dealing with a lot of resentment an anger and he's around. Cannot enjoy our new relationship at all.
Can I ask what your relationship with the dad who raised you is like now? Do you hold hard feelings towards him or do you maybe love him that much more because he didn't leave you? I'm curious because idk what to do about telling my daughter I'm not biologically her father and scared to death of what it could possibly do to our relationship. She's a daddy's girl and I couldn't live with her not being my baby girl anymore. That would be to much for me to handle after all that's happened.
@@justinjackson4073 Descubrirá la verdad. Díselo. Tiene derecho a conocer a su padre y familia.
@Rosario Sánchez I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish and the translate option isn't available.
@@justinjackson4073 Tell her.
@@justinjackson4073 you live in Arkansas?
Just found out something along these lines...I thought..this has to be wrong.
It's not.
I just found out yesterday, I’m in shock 😣.
Wow lm so Scared right now I took a DNA test and I have a 1-2nd cousin with names I don’t recognize.
get siblings or other family tested on you dads side and see what your familial connection if any there is
Remember some of those cousins could be a 1st cousin once removed. So the counsin could be one of your parent's 1st cousins, not yours. Ancestry DNA testing doesn't really know the relashion, its just guessing based on high % of genetic number markers. In my results I had people pop up as 1st-2nd cousin and at first I didn't recognize their names. I knew they weren't my 1st cousin because I only have one 1st cousin in my ameadet family. So I figured it must be one of my parents 1st cousins. Turns out it was my Mom's 1st cousin which makes her my 1st cousin once removed.
Wow I like
I think my father is not my father but we are alike in so many ways and this is when he left mom and I when I was 7. He is light skin with hazel eyes and I have dark skin with darl eyes but we do have the same birthmark on the back of our backs. I am doing a DNA test.
Currently dealing with this. My mom had an affair while married to who I thought was my biodad. I still haven't told my dad that he's not my bio father. What should I do?
Is your mother still alive? Does she know that you know? If I were in your shoes, I'd have a very long, serious conversation with your mother and force her to confess if that's what you want.
Tell him!!
I know its been a long time… but, talk to your mom if possible. Maybe he already knows.
Mom died in 2021. My father died in 2011. My dad knew about my father. He loved me my whole life and never really treated me differently. We still talk and check in. He even sent me and my family money for the holiday.
I just wish I could talk to my mom about it.
You never truly know unless you face the fear and talk it out how easy it could be. Take the chance if you're presented with this scenario or a wildly unique other one. You never know what could be behind that scary mysterious door.
@@ThePauseMenuVlog thank you for that. I needed to hear this today more than you would imagine. 🙏 Im so sorry about your mom. And Im glad to hear that it turned out ok under the circumstances. ❤️
Culpa da Mulher. O pai Manda 💪🏻
That didn’t help me.
My mother ruined my life...I am 44 years old and I have no idea who my father is....my "father" has no idea....I don't know if I should tell him as he will probably off my mom if he finds out....any suggestions would be appreciated
People can try 2 ruin your life but u arein charge of it.Take control n do what u want 2 do.
Busca la verdad.
Me Three😷
mendatory testing at birth! Married or not!
Is a lie really worse than the truth sometimes...?
That has made me 🤔. Hmmm, no someone’s it’s not.
Siempre.
Guess I can join the crowd because my supposed great grandparents are from Germany. My supposed father was German and Irish. My DNA is not 50% from my supposed father as it came out as 0 German.
Busca mejor. No confundas línea paterna y materna.
My husband was raised thinking he was all Irish. The reason for this is because my husband's mother was *raised by* her father's 2nd wife who was Irish. Turns out my husband is Scottish after all.