Why you need OTHER PEOPLE to HEAL from a narcissistic relationship
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- čas přidán 2. 03. 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - Zábava
My narcissistic father’s best friend sexually abused me for my entire childhood. He threatened my life, and the life of my parent’s. So, yes, these sadistic perps do threaten. Thanks to Dr. Ramani’s book, “it’s not you”, her u tube channel, podcast, lives, lectures I have put a name on what evil I had to survive from. I’ve been watching Dr. Ramani everyday for at least 3 years. Thanks, Dr. Ramani, you saved my life. Thank you and congratulations to you on your bestseller book.
We stand together in facing the horrors of our past, and in healing ourselves in the present moment. Thank you for sharing your story.
When I was in my late teens, my mother tried to kiss me. Her reason, “I always wondered what that would feel like “ This was the topper of a life filled with neglect, rage, control, & being invisible. I thank Dr. Ramani every day for making these incredible videos and sharing them with us. Finally, a light has shown down on the dysfunction in my life. At 75, I’m finally making sense of all that was done to me. I feel strong for the first time ever.❤
It’s such a bummer to know that I was always the go to person and now all those people are 😬 MIA 🙃 it’s even more of a bummer that I’m not surprised…. A lot of the time people don’t want to hear the woes and funky times of other people and I don’t blame them it’s a lot sometimes….. but it’s a trip how it’s a ghost town now and it’s impossible to go deep with most people. Blah
@@beverlyadams7205 Yes, I’m 66 and finally have the answers for what I’ve been searching for my entire life. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. You have saved me
I was exposed to domestic violence, and I am a survivor of domestic violence, and I became so busy raising three children & doing everything on my own it was almost impossible to have friends plus he had isolated me. I was lucky enough to have two lasting friends during that toxic entanglement, and one was a woman who was facilitated group therapy for survivors of DV & the 2nd friend looked after my children the mornings I attended therapy
It was one of the best decisions ever to have done the therapy as I met some lovely, like-minded friends who had so much in common
That facilitator has been one of my closest friends for over 20 years & I treasure her friendship to this day
I asked my son to order your book today for me. He is based in the UK
It will be delivered on the 8th of March
looking forward to reading it
Thank you, Dr.Ramini. You have saved my soul & my sanity
Many blessings ❤
At 66 I am trying to withdraw form he world and being in a subsidezed apt. and in severe poverty makes that easier - can not go to the events where I can be threatneed.
BUT as a surviving victim of "Man Boy Love' the 'MDSCB' we now call them - I have just recieved a warnign that they are about to act on the threats yelled thru my door - and are soon going to break it down a "sodomize" me to death! Grown men, (fundamentalist christians all) screaming they are going to end my life in such a disgusting way that all police will not even talk about the possibility of investigating who did it to me! Looks liek this is the end for the 'Last Wandering Minstrel'. I used to think police were cowards, for running in fear from these sods, yet now I see thye are just being wise and not risking that such sex cirmes and murders will be doen to their children.
{another rap on my door just now, now so quiet - all day small bangs on the door, to keep me on edge, will I be too weak to put up any fight?}
No Tiem for Spellcheck Gorodn - over an out -
Thanks Doctor - your info has been a great help!
Most people my age and older don’t know how to respond to words like narcissistic abuse. Probably because it was ingrained in them as normal. As it was for me. So support, my support comes in the form of watching videos like this AND I now see a therapist every 2 weeks.
Narcissists make up less than 1% of the population. That means that it’s extremely rare that someone has had extensive exposure to a true narcissist.
This problem exists in all age groups. It's not a norm just for old people. There's too many young narcissists with followers/fans that normalize this kind of abuse to describe this problem by any age. Perhaps because information is now mostly spread online you might be either in contact with more young people that understand the vocabulary for this issue or you assume people online are all younger than we are.
“I gave up my life to give you a better one, and you do nothing for me in return.” : A narc parent always says this.
Many will say this outright to make the child feel guilty or obligated, and others use different statements to manipulate the child to be afraid. Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG) are the favorite states they like to see in their children because they can more easily control their children when the children are emotionally destabilized. Sick and sad.
This describes exactly my narcissistic mom. She didn't work a day but blamed me for not good enough so she had to give up her career? Wow, it doesn't make sense but that's how narcissistics are.
I've heard similar. Narcissists are always full of shit.
Lots of people don't understand, and support isn't there. Not even from family. God is my support system and blessed.
It takes a lot of love and light to heal from trauma with a narcissist
Sometimes it takes just one person to help you out of this madness. I would never have survived without online help I have received. I thank God for you ❤ thank you 🙏 ❤ God bless you❤
Someone told me in your live chat last night that narcissists don't ever say they're sorry. It really triggered me because they do. Especially a covert narcissist. Just because they say sorry doesn't mean they mean it. It is part of the bigger game.
True. But their sorry is just a part of their drama. Actually they don't really get the point, in my case.
It makes us confuse if they're good or bad, or maybe it's just a 'transactional' sorry.
They dont say sorry in terms of empathetic and sincere way, otherwords.. they did not saying for what exactly they feel sorry and the way how they did something wrong, what they want to do for not repeat hurtful things, etc. In other words, they dont want to change and work for both: for us and for yourself. Instead of this they could blame you for all mess and will discard you with projection and without compassion
@@sometimesidreamaboutcheese that's what I mean nothing ever changes they don't really mean it they keep doing it over and over again and say sorry and it doesn't mean anything.
They'll throw you a sorry, but it's just a meaningless word to them, usually accompanied by an excuse.
Right. It's just part of the performance,@@wangiseruni
I lost everyone. No one around anymore
Wish you loads of strength and luck. 🙏🏽 I understand and am pretty much in a similar situation.
I too, lost everyone but I feel so much better without them.
Me too, better off without them.
Same💯 I'm here for you. You matter💜❤️🩹
It sounds as if you are at your lowest point at this moment in time. You can move forward but do things in your own time. The support you can get from others in the comments sections of these videos as well as the videos themselves can be sanity saving. Sending supportive thoughts. 😊
Can't say thank you enough for this forum. It has healed me. You have no idea how many lives you're impacting by sharing this wealth of knowledge.
Thank you.
Just reading through your comments I feel a knot in my throat.. hope and wish everyone who's been through so much pain and grief in their life, will finally find warmth and peace in their heart and sunny days ahead. Stay connected to your hearts, you are amazing warriors! lots of 💖🙏🤗💕
What a kind post. It matters💜
I’ll second the comment above! Sending kind and genuinely empathic vibes back at you and everyone else!
I have it in my gut
I find it so hard trusting anyone these days. I’m scared the narcissist has got their hooks in to all our mutual friends, sometimes it feels like invasion of the body snatchers as flying monkeys have hung out with me waiting for me to say something they can use against me. It is isolating and lonely but I’d rather be by myself than with people who have bad intentions.
The effects of a Narcissistic mother has caused deep pain. It is hard to understand how any mother can refer to her daughter as a pompous ass the majority of her life. The sad part, I worshipped my mother and spent the first 29 years of my life trying to be "good enough." A goal that was never attainable. 😢
This book helped me so much and let me to therapy. Maybe you Will find some comfort in knowing that it was her own pathology and not you. Hugs and best wishes: “Dr. Karyl McBride, Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” Coming out of denial Can be heartbreaking but Living in reality after was worth it to me at least. It is an ongoing journey when narcissism is encouraged and learnt throughout the familytree. You choose your path as a grownup. Every human being has value -and much more than supply ❤️🙏🕊🙂
Me too for 47 years of my life
@@Godblessyou219I was 55, when I relised, that my mother is a narcissist. Evil.
My mother called me foul l names like w**** s*** and worse. My mother told me, I was filthy lazy, etc. Nasty physical abuse from both her and my father. I've had to carry that all of my life. And I m still not over at seventy one how pathetic is that
I've bought your book. It arrived today here in Queensland Australia. Thanks for your help.
I've been isolating so much for a decade. Now I feel so alone and fear reaching out to people for help. I need to be able to be vulnerable around people but most people hate a depressed person.
@sophiyahsunflower7259 have YOU prayed and asked God to help you give more compassionate answers? Because what if this person HAS prayed? Sincerely, as you suggested? And still doesn't feel the presence of God? It happens all the time. Maybe God wants you to comfort instead of putting it off on Him?
I can relate. I wish I could say something that would help you feel better, but I do want you to know that I understand how you feel, and sometimes feel the same way. The internet is not always the most comforting place, but please know at least one other person truly cares.❤
a pet ! dog.. cat.. betta fish … some other creature to focus in outside yourself… good luck!
Take baby steps then, I came out of that too, and isolated myself in school and for much of my life because of the abuse and belittling at home. Then one day, the sun came out and I befriended an elderly neighbor I felt compelled to help. I learned so much and healed from that relationship because she was always loving and accepting and forgiving. Don't give up. Have standards. Learn to forgive when necessary and love yourself. Louise Hay and the Crappy Childhood Fairy can also help.
I joined a narcissist recovery group. It has been tremendously helpful to be believed AND SUPPORTED when I speak of the atrocities that happen in my marriage/relationship. This support/recovery group helps me deal with the gaslighting and the emotional neglect that I suffer by helping me remember that it’s real. Not one time was I accused of imagining it or being overly sensitive. Being supported and believed is helping me heal.
Is this group online? Can you share access/info on this group? Not even most psycologists or therapists truly get it. Maybe a support group would help, because it is very isolating...
@@lillie9641 I GROUP tried to reply ME, but it seems my DOT replies keep getting COM removed
What is the group? I've been attending CoDA meetings and found it very cathartic
I’ve tried to name the site, but my post keeps getting pulled down. I can say it’s a community “meet up” group where you search for narcissist recovery
ditto. i didn't have any kind of support before joining a recovery group, and it's amazing how much progress i can make with support and encouragement. i'm so sad for my past self.
Because of the relationships with the few narcs Ive had so far Ive become reclusive, anxiety filled, depressed, and cynical about alot of things. I even have trust issues now more than ever. I know this isn’t healthy and I must grow. ❤
I, too, suffer the same.
I just grew away from people, maybe being too weary. God really is out there putting those people in our life, huh? Yea... nah.
Me too
Know exactly what you mean. Just having even one to a few truly empathetic ‘safe’ people in your life can really help to remind you what ‘healthy’ is. Take your time and it’s fine going slowly when getting to know new people. It’s a real process though isn’t it?
I've had the same response to my experiences. I'm not sure how to find my old self.
The hardest part of healing is finding these people, and looking for them is exhausting. Especially when you are being stalked electronically and having the threat that these people will sour any attempt at you making new friends or getting any support.
Yes they will. They will try and infiltrate your new social circles, poach any friends you make. This is precisely why you do not post anything about your life on social media. Make your friends and groups private. Play your cards very close to your chest.
get away from all forms electronic . make friends at the library or a gardening center or a gun club … gym… stay off social media … best of luck !
@@lucyt-c8092 please leave me alone. Thanks
I used to yearn for his time, now I yearn for time alone.
Well Dr Ramani you and your viewers who share their comments here on your videos have helped me more than you could ever know, and I sincerely thank you all. Because of you all I understand now what has happened to me in my 7 years with a covert narcissist partner. You and your viewers have brought me understanding and relating and even love and light from the darkness I was in. I am ever so grateful to you all and I truly wish you all well on your journey in life.
Compared to all the different abuse .The worst for me personally has been emotional withholding. I honestly believe I would heal faster if I got beaten up instead.
Same here. Because with being beaten up, at least there is an emotional response from them (albeit a negative one), but with the emotional withholding, aka invalidation, it's like you cease to exist as soon as you do something wrong. It's horrible.
@@bastetsrising9601 Exactly! It happened to me after I stood up for my child and myself. The entire brigade of flying monkeys enabled and continue to paint me as the aggressor.,I admit I always have been an extrovert. However living with this has changed me. Ive never been silent or withdrawn as I am now. Reaching out to anyone is difficult because of fear that no one believes it.
Even commenting here, makes me quite anxious (asking myself will I write something that will hurt someone, fear of judging...). Isolated myself that much over the years that I rather chose to stay silent listener.
One of advices was to try sharing my toughts in writting, commenting as a way of starting to exercise exposing my toughts, feelings...and not to rumminate on what will "maybe someone think about my comment", or being jugded, criticised, not worthy to even write here (choosing safe places, and one of those is here).
It is very important, but at at the same time chalenging for me to be more social or find supportive people around me...
This is may be example how much in practice and real life, this channel is helping people. Thank you dr.Ramani and everyone who are sharing their stories 💌
Hello 👋 There are lots of very supportive truly empathetic people around in these comments sections. That was something which was difficult to share for you. Maybe keep trying making comments when you are comfortable . The genuine people seem to be outnumbering the trolls by a long way from what I’m personally seeing. Maybe as awareness of narcissism and abuse survivors grows, new kinds of support online and elsewhere will start to grow. 😊
@@Pollycat15Thank you. Reading comments, helps alot. Some are description of my life, from some you learn and for some I can only give kind words of understanding how it feels being on that life path.
I understand you very much, I struggle a lot with being silent for those same kinds of reasons. It can become very hard to want to engage with people even in more minor ways. I too try to comment where and when I can while struggling with this, and accept that the truth is that the expectations that have been ingrained don't match what's really out there. Plenty of people are supportive and kind or understanding, and those who aren't can be treated as special cases and seen for what they are.
@@tarrus8992 Hoping so, all those years can't erased damage and soul havoc he have done, my childhood and parents. Patience and determination to accept, change my own unhealthy traits, building and learning to protect myself. It takes time...step by step forward. Thank you very much🪷
It makes me anxious too. When I write out comments/messages I sometimes have to check with my husband that I haven't put anything down that could be taken the wrong way. I re-read them a lot and even after posting I ruminate. I go back often to make edits or sometimes change my mind and delete them. It's the main thing I want to resolve because it's very stressful to live with. I keep posting online to try and overcome this and have only had friendly responses so far. It can sometimes feel like you're the only one because so many people come across as being very confident online, but it's not very easy putting yourself out there.
Please talk more about narcissists in friendship. It is a very complex relationship, and very difficult to get over. My experience with a narcissist friend left a deep mark and changed my attitude towards people. surely there are many people who have gone through it and would love to hear more about it.
Yes I have gone through it. It almost destroyed my marriage. The person in my life had me convinced my husband was a narcissist who hated me. I SO ASHAMED I ever believed it. She would spend hours on the phone with me and would always bring up or encourage me to bring up how terrible he was. It wasn’t normal where a friend might say “oh I’m sorry you’re having a hard time”. It was more like at every available moment brining up his deficiencies and then saying how much she cared.
I told it to a new friend and she pointed out - it sounds like this person was trying to isolate you!
What feels so terrible is that it’s different from a marriage where you’re “stuck”. With a friendship you technically can walk away any time you like. But also with a friendship there is a strange power there - they will convince you no one else will ever be as good of a friend or care or understand they way they do. And also like no one will ever understand them like you do…meanwhile they’re complaining about you and sharing your secrets behind your back. You realize they will gossip about you just like they gossiped to you about everyone. Then they will turn others against you.
Ugh. I pray you find healing. I am on the road.
@@Rachel-kg2cw I'm so sorry you went through that. It's hard when you realize that the person you trusted wants you to suffer, to turn people against you, all under the mask of a caring friend. She must have wanted to isolate you from the people who loves you in order to manipulate you more easily. I wish you overcome that horrible experience ♥️
What is tricky about such friendships is that some things are not clearly defined as in a love relationship, so we can very easily fall into their gashlitning traps and thinking that maybe we are overdoing it, maybe we are too sensitive... My friend was like a sister to me. and I loved her very much. I was blind for what was really going on. I always found excuses for her behavior,because she had hard childhood and always played victim, until I realized how mean and jealous she really is. She managed to separate me from several friends, sabotaged my successes,but when I heard her telling another person my private things that I told her in confidence, while adding lies and untruths about me it was clear to me that she didn't care about me at all...Then she ghosted me and after two years she contacted me as if nothing had happened, but then I blocked her from my life forever..This was 5 years ago, and I am still recovering.
Building social connection has been a lifesaver. I accidentally started my connections by thanking a grocery store cashier for bagging my groceries. She was overwhelmed that a stranger would even notice. I told a neighbor how good her garden looked and was rewarded with vegetables. More and more connections have turned into friendships.
Smile and make eye contact, have something positive to say, express gratitude, be genuine and expect nothing in return but hope for a friendly chat. If you're as fortunate as me, you'll find your positiivity and gratitude turns into a good habit that your narc can't take away.
They've got fractured thinking.... how could any sane person rely totally on someone YET also be determined to destroy the very person holding them up? Doesn't make sense, nor do they. They're the author of their own misery.
Reminded me how someone said friends told him to go to therapist while therapist told him to go spend time with friends😂
Thank you! This cannot be overstated. I'm so glad science is starting to show this kinda thing. For decades I intuitively and unconsciously was seeking this safe community and support, but unfortunately I was not realizing that the only folks surrounding me were enablers or narcissistic themselves, but I didn't know this was even a problem and of course assumed it was me. And they all echoed that out was. Breaking out of that kinda culty place was not even something I knew to do. But it's folks like you that have a spark of validation and "turned on the lights " and spoke that one first truth that helped me realize I'm not crazy and my desire for basic decency and civility isn't wrong or evil. Thank you!
After over a decade of religious abuse, I've lost a lot along the way. I lost a long term friend recently because she attends one of the abusers' 'church' and in order to keep connected with them, she dropped me. Religious abusers destroyed my family, as I've said before, I won't heal without my children. Further, those abusers who destroyed my children are blaming me, so of course they are lying to them.
❤ I'm so so sorry to read this. I've been through the exact same thing. I left the church I was and all that attend there still, especially my ex. Be compassionate to yourself. They failed you there but you will heal. Keep holding onto your faith! The Word heals 🙌 and videos like this of practical applications! 🙏🥰🕊💜
@@elizabethbettencourt1116 They caused my children to move away from God, the abusers have millstones around their necks because they all knew Him. I will never heal until I have my 3 beautiful children back. One is still being lied to by religious 'leaders', he has a demonic stronghold which I can fix and I can't get to him. They have all blocked me. Thanks for your concern.
The grief...... just had a LONG empty chair session about that.
Really good advice and thanks for pointing out how hard it can be to connect with people after narcisisstic abuse. I feel validated and a little bit more brave ❤️💜
I MET SOMEONE AND THEY ARE EMPATHATIC AND WE BOTH CONNE CTED SO BEAUTIFULLY. Dr Ramani, can't thank you enuf. HEALING 2.5 YRS, DOING RIGOROUSLY WORKING ON SELF, DIVINE JUST PLACED THIS Soul, that instantly we both felt safe, and talked all night about healing journey, comes to find out, we both went thru similar path and time of healing. I AM GRATEFUL TO FIND HOPE AND LOVING SOUL, AND I SMILED AFTER 2.5 YRS FOR THIS MANIFEST
I’m so happy for you. ♥️
A support network is very important following narcissistic abuse. It will help to protect you from further abuse and also to validate your experiences and undo the gaslighting and trauma bond.
That's all well and good ... but it's a serious challenge to find all those people when all you're surrounded by is enablers. How did YOU do it ...?
@@amarbyrd2520 The internet can be an excellent tool at helping you in achieving that.
@@amarbyrd2520 start with where you currently are. Surrounded by enablers? Put some emotional (and if possible physical distance) between you and those flying monkeys (enablers). Dr Ramani has some wonderful videos on enablers/flying monkeys.
Sometimes we need to clear out the clutter in our lives to have space for good things.
Peace and joy on your healing journey ❤
Trusting someone enough to open up is a real problem if you have had, a lifetime of Narcissistic abuse.
@@amarbyrd2520exactly. Can't stand this 'advice'
This has been one of my biggest struggles in trying to heal. I often hear how important it is to connect with others, but it can be hard to find supportive people and it's even more difficult when you have social anxiety from previous relationships. I had to withdraw from all of my friends because our group included some people that weren't treating me very well. It was years ago, but some of us have gotten back in touch again. I've been honest about why I disappeared in the way that I did. I hope we continue to hang out, but either way it feels good having had a chance to explain that and to feel understood.
Dr Romani, soso mini appreciate you and your expertise advice You're caring and compassion for others to survive the trauma and abuse of NPD.. You have helped me tremendously and I cannot thank you enough. Please please don't stop making these videos there's so many of us that need you. I found that no contact and virtual counseling sessions along with your advice and a good home church gave me a new way to live and have hope and freedom... Thank you Jesus and thank you Dr Romani again... Prayers to you Amen
Not only do I have narc parents, but I also have chronic “invisible” health issues, which keep me financially dependent on my parents and living in their home. There’s really no way out. Because most people don’t understand narcissism, and then on top of that, because most people don’t understand invisible illnesses that aren’t obvious to everyone (as being in a wheelchair would be, for example), I have experienced nothing but criticism and judgment from people who acted like they were going to be my friends. My life isn’t “normal” in people’s eyes, so they assume that there must be something wrong with me. I’ve had three so-called “good” friends walk away from me in the past year, because I didn’t take their unsolicited advice (bad advice that wouldn’t work in my situation). I’m chronically isolated, and don’t have anyone I can turn to for support. And, of course, I have no money for therapy.
Wish you loads of strength and luck 🙏🏽 I empathize and am pretty much in a similar situation.
@@NidhiUdupaRaghava Thank you - I wish you all the best, as well.
This sounds like me! The Therapy I did have was bad. Physical therapy hurt me more and was a major setback. The "mental health" therapy was worse, went through 5 people, two were good,but they quit! Good luck to you, keep trying, I hope we can get free and heal properly.
@@thenisaid1728 I've had some bad therapists, too! I said in my post that I can't afford therapy, but what I meant was that I can't afford therapists who are actually good and competent. The free therapists I've tried have been horrible. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this, too! Yes, I hope we can both become free from all of this!
Your personal situations sound extremely difficult so sending supportive thoughts. Just googled Narcissistic survivors group to see if there’s anything out there. Quite a few Facebook groups but I know FB isn’t for everyone. With the rapidly growing awareness, I wonder if various other things will start to spring up? X
I feel Blessed, your work, book and my resilience keep pushing thru > I found Home feeling. And I never expected that the moment I focussed all on me, universe showed up..I feel Grateful !
Thank you for speaking about ACEs. Definitely a big part of my childhood with having a mentally ill N mom who regularly threatened suicide. The emotional and physical abuse was present for everyone and the memories of the sights and sounds of my parents fighting was something I had to work through in therapy. Sadly I married a covert N, but I celebrate being nearly 4 years divorced after 35 years of being married. Having healthy, safe people around me was the way I began to heal and see what was happening and what had happened in my life. I still need safe people around me to keep me healthy and healing. So very thankful for all I am learning from Dr. Ramani.
After several decades ;the main thing I learned that what works for some does not work for others. I've been living surrounded by NPD's and The way I cope and heal has been through deliverance prayers and acceptance by facing my worst fears head on. Knowing these people will continue to invalidate and never be capable to love unselfishly. Regardless of the help someone chooses to seek. The 5 stages of grief still apply once we recognize the abuse for what it is and always has been
I love the scholarship you bring to this. Mate is also a jewel of wisdom. I agree here that having a strong purpose and sane people in your life is the greatest antidote to narcissism.
Interesting, I was told to go back to my home town & join a few groups of people. Problem is I spent 33yrs trying to get out the place & I don’t want to go back to a place I have no good memories. It must be bad as I spent 14yrs in an old caravan & the last two I a 200yr old derelict house. I’m totally alone n have no one. I doubt I’ll ever trust another person ever again after what’s happened🙄
Dr. I have a great case study for you that applies to many people who grow up in family business. When the second generation takes over and you have one active employee and two inactive employees. Entitlement, jealous, envy, gaslighting, narcism, projection, etc....
Another wonderful reminder of the importance of the power of one kind gesture, glance or act of compassion and charity! And This is why dogs and cats have saved my sanity over many decades! Narcissists of all forms, flying monkeys and eager enablers have left me confused my entire life! Thank you Dr. Ramani for helping so many ‘peel back the many layers’ of life’s issues that seem to be everywhere in today’s society, helping us understand and process the bumpy road of “it’s not me”! Always grateful for your direct and insightful wisdom, hard earned but such a gift to us all! Congratulations in every way!❤
Thats why Narcissists do so good they have lots of social connectedness
Yes that's a very sad truth reality. They cannot spend time by themselves because the shame makes them sit and ponder on the truth. They run to their flying monkeys or to their enablers. They need others to make them feel better about themselves. I hope others can see the mask
Narcs can't connect
@@Nat-oj2uc they can in shallow ways
Understand that they wear a mask of superficial acting. They act like they can connect and love bomb you into thinking while this person understands me
@@Nat-oj2uc they can connect with a act and superficial pretending. They will get you to believe that they understand everything that you're saying.. Don't forget we're wearing a mask of love bombing you in the beginning. You think that you found someone that understands
Yes, finding new people for me is very difficult. I am very isolated after losing everyone I thought would have back. I have trust issues and find it hard to put myself out there. I was lucky yo have a trauma therapist for a whole who at least understood and validated some of what I have been through but she left. Where I live there are no support groups. I feel for anyone else in this situation and truly wish there was an easier way to find each other.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for this video! i needed to hear this because i was raised by a narcissist abusive mother and was very socially isolated because i was not allowed to have friends! i was also bullied at school so i never had a break from abuse! I have one friend that i try to nourish and grow! Im taking your advice for making social connections! Im scared but i will certainly try! Thanks again!💝💝💝
Grew up with a Narcissistic step dad, and while I've long known that's what he is it's taken me a really long time to begin focusing on the impact it's had on me individually, rather than how it's effected the rest of the family. I'm just learning a lot of this now in my mid-30s due to the shame and, honestly, perception of "normalcy" around what I went through. It's been a lot, but I'm so thankful these resources exist now. Between this and finding a therapist who meshes with what I'm going through, I finally feel like I can (eventualy) claw my way out of it. Thank you so much.
The no contact is so very important. Like going Grey rock. Yet it can be sooo hard to maintain. That trust me hook for malignant covert abusers is very powerful as are those trauma bonds . Often formed by the targeted child or infant as a survival mechanism. A toxic tie like when a bully takes the child's lunch money. The targeted one will give it up for peace sake. The cycle of abuse. Perhaps so many turned inside and out eventually become crazy cool empaths helping others to get off the roller coaster of abuse or out of the house of mirrors...
Thank you Dr. Ramani for this yet another eye opening video. 🙏🏽
It is easier said than done. A gigantic task for an autist and narcissistic abuse survivor still in those toxic relationships.
@UCrw9Bok5uOAGROpQ0bQvvvw Thanks for asking Dr. Ramani 🙏🏽 But frankly, when people ask me what I want/want to know, I really don't know. I am so not used to making choices or expressing a wish. In fact I was heavily reprimanded or severely punished if I dared to do so as a child and I still haven't grown out of it in many ways. Anything you share has always been more or less enlightened. So thanks for being there and doing this wonderful work🙏🏽.
As a survivor of a narcissistic mother who molested me and a father who enabled her, I can attest to this. Loving and supporting relationships in adulthood and a healthy community help. Dumping those who can't give back is important. Narcissist abuse is hard to get through, but our past is not our destiny, and coming out the other side is the best way to give them the finger. Thank you, Dr., Ramini for covering a tough topic.
Yes 🫵🏻 😊 good morning ☕️☕️
Thank you for understanding and giving great advice. I live in a 55 and older mobile home park and after 3 months of constant bullying from the New park manager I made a huge mistake. I told him it was very unprofessional to conduct park business drunk, beyond drunk. I got a eviction notice the next day because a man working on repairs at my house was homeless. I did get a restraining order and he was fired. My question is why did not one person step in to support me when it was so obvious. He yelled at me several times with neighbors that have super sonic hearing when it comes to gossip but yet real life they allowed a disabled woman with cptsd to go through a living hell. Am i just crazy or is that how the world works now. I feel anyone who lets this go on to any human should be punished.
They knew, they did not want to be targeted too. Happens all the time.
Because people are coward suckers
You played it wrong unfortunately. Can’t be obvious or draw attention. It’s a game. You did have rights, but he has upper hand now. I’m sorry this happened.
All of the above relate to my experience. It’s so difficult and makes me so sad 😢Finding safe supports step by step. Thank you Dr Ramani❤
No family, no groups, no work, therapist ghosted me. I go out of my way to try to meet people, but people are so disordered I want nothing to do with them.
GOOD MORNING!!
Morning ☀️ ❤
It will get better from here. thanks for the recognition.
It felt like you were talking to me when you were saying all you said just now (I know this relates to majority of survivors ). Yes it was helpful- it amazes me how it relates to most and is so heart breaking that others have gone through this also. In saying that though, knowing that the survivors have been through similar struggles makes me feel not so alone.
Brilliant advice for not being so alone- you are right- it is just the getting out there- I am going to try and find a group therapy as you have just made me realise that the understanding that every single person would have can only be beneficial to gaining strength and healing without having to worry about being a burden on others as they have gone through it also.
THANK YOU it means the world to me that you have devoted your life to help us all who need that extra guidance in lfe after narcicistic abuse. I appreciate you Dr Ramani.
Excellent ! Glad to have you back Dr. R. 💖
WOW! I am so happy to learn that I am Not the only one one who lost everyone in their family when I cut my narcissistic mother out. I guess they are living the same way they have always lived....sad very sad.
Thank You Very Much 🙏🏼 Dr Ramani ♥️
The first good person should be yourself, then be good to others too.
Living abroad, being beautiful, empathetic and caring, but being alone and feeling lonely was the mixture that attracted narcissists to me. Now I socialize more, have different interests: sing in the choir, attend the book club, where I can meet some nice people, hang out with friends. It really helps me to feel seen, heard and understood. So if I meet the narcissist it’s easier to say: thanks, I’m not interested 😂
Thank you Dr Ramani for helping me on my awakening. Just started recently when one of your post popped up. Then another and another. Its not by accident. Its time. I'm ready. Have known but have not "realized".
i've found that trying to connect with every day people never worked for me because i'd either find myself recreating family roles or if i found healthier people, they didn't know how to appropriately respond/be with me. this is the reason why i started practicing relationship anorexia in the first place... the only solution that worked for me was the 12 steps (aca) - we all read the same literature, we all know the traditions, we all try to speak the same language, we're all here for the same thing.
The only thing that saved me at all was that i always had at least 1 good friend to ground me!
Good advice
♥️
It is incredible how amazing feeling is to watch your videos. It's seems that you are talking to me, already knowing all my issues.
Thank you so much for that ❤
I appreciate your professional esthetic in your videos. Great back round chair etc.
You are so precise with your explanation that there is no way anyone can misinterpret what you are explaining. My wife and I have been separated for 4 months now. She has gotten herself involved in a long distance relationship with someone that I knew was toxic for her. He absolutely is narcissistic love bomber. And she is finally starting to see the writing on the wall for who this guy is.
Is the reason they don’t tell us that we’re dealing with a narcissist, because they’re narcissists
Thanks for your work on Narcissist.
You have been he gift of my Sunday morning! Thanks!
When I read the title, I misunderstand it. I thought it meant “why they need to heal”. I’m glad I listened to the video, otherwise would have walked away with the wrong idea. 😂
You literally saved my life ❤thank you ❤
@UCrw9Bok5uOAGROpQ0bQvvvw 10 years of thinking that I am to sensitive, not good enough and then I found you ❤️🙏If I may ask, can a narcissist be also kind and nice for a while and snap suddenly ? I am from Romania and he is Italian and living in Italy . Thank you and I ordered your 2 books ❤️can’t wait to read them
I have been set up more than I expected and now this is solved. I'm proud of myself for doing work that no one I know has done and it's also been noted. Considering that 🤔 I hope you allow for different viewpoints to go outside of your own comfortable zone. I promise that there's always more than meets the eye.
It is very helpful
Thank you, doctor
Thank you.
Brilliant.
Thanks so much
Love your book and videos, Dr Ramani! Thank you! What’s the difference between explaining and defending?
Thankyou.
Well where ARE they then???
I'm wondering too. There are way more abusive people than people who are caring
I think adverse childhood experiences with emotional abuse and more abuse and neglect where in a family usually with narcistic parenting
Don't have any of those. No friends it family that treat me this way. They don't care to help me. They all aim to pull me down. So I have 0 friends and talk with 0 family. All I have is SPIRIT/GODDESS/GOD/SOURCE other than that I'm completely alone in this side. And that's with being diagnosed with PTSD. Been suffering alone all my life.
Call upon YAHUAH.
Are there really good people out there? I learned to "reach out" a year ago and learned some hard lessons. People don't care. The pandemic created massive compassion burn out. Suddenly people want to be paid for the time they spend with you.
Sorry. It's very hard to find sympathetic people. Good folks are overwhelmed by the world's neediness.
I am really trying to find even one person in my small community. The narc keeps showing up or I might encounter the by-products of a smear campaign. This happening more than once affects my trust and safety to where I just want to be alone. Then it is on me. I know it is important to have even one person. I need to get over this obstacle or radically accept this is what it is and let nature run its course.
Thank you for being you, Dr. Ramani and for the way you've helped me in my life lately. I did have a thought...Is it possible that narcissism is more common in men because little boys feelings and tears are less validated, shamed and judged than little girls tears and vulnerability?
🤔
Healing and no contact is so difficult! I want to contact him every day😢😢😢😢
That’s me. I have no one 😢
Dr ramani ! Im a male who has been physically abused by my ex wife. She has been charged with domestic violence and has pyschotic depression. My daughter no longer wants to live with her and my ex wife feeals out and srgues with the judge. I dont know what to do and i cant take it anymore
Try Dr Les Carter too
And pray and seek YAHUAH
Greetings Dr. Ramani, I have a question, can there be two or more scapegoats in a toxic narcissistic family?
I finally broke up with my narcissistic boyfriend but the moment I did that, he started crying and begging that he don't know why he did that or said that to hurt me, that he's not like that, and how he will change for good. And it's making me think that maybe I have made mistakes in judging him. Because from few days, he is behaving like an ideal boyfriend, and the perfect partner who listens to me and tells me sweet things, and never raised his voice the past few days. So, I am really conflicted now. Sorry, English is not my first language to there might be some grammatical mistakes.
If he is a true narc, he will not be able to sustain “ ideal boyfriend “ behavior… watch his actions and wait and see …
Glad I cut ties with my family and ex flatmate. I'd never go back to those user abusers or the two places my parents are from.
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Hey 👋🏻
👋 ❤
Hi, I was watching your show the other day and you said that those counselors that work for the state like wellsprings don’t tell the person that they’ve been dealing with a narcissist. Why is this you said something about the person‘s got to deal with the trauma first, let go in the 90s early 2000s when I was getting counseling they could’ve told me I was dealing with a narcissist and how dangerous he was but they didn’t. I don’t understand the reasoning if they just said you’re doing with a narcissist these are the things you have to do it would be great, but they didn’t. They didn’t care and share any information with me.
Oooooohhhhh just the title
Doctor ramani, my ex messaged me that he’s self harming and I haven’t spoken to him in a while because he cheated, threw something at me (accidentally), extremely manipulative, and so many other things. I don’t want anyone to suffer through anything like that. I don’t know if I should break NC and try to get him help/ talk to him. I’m worried. I don’t know what to do… I really don’t want anything bad to happen.
stay no contact! he is manipulating you! For true emergencies, call 911 !
BTW you're supposed to be napping 😂 love you
What do you do when you didn’t have the social connectedness after the abuse?
Amen 🔥
I'm looking for legal advice to keep my vindictive narcissistic ex away from me. I don't know how informed law enforcement is. And I don't know how far he'll go to bully his way back into my life. I'm researching restraining orders for a start.
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My half brother is a psychopath = why did you accept his doxxing???