How to make him bond to you by increasing vasopressin | Adam Lane Smith
Vložit
- čas přidán 7. 06. 2022
- Want to learn how to make him bond to you by increasing vasopressin? Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith has taught hundreds of thousands of people about vasopressin and what it means in human bonding. Especially how vasopressin changes dating and marriage by helping men bond more closely with their partners. Now Adam is back to show you the best way to make him bond to you. By following these easy steps and using Adam's best methods, you can bond through vasopressin and build the ultimate relationship.
You've heard about vasopressin. And you've got a man in your life you want to bond with. How can you use it to make him bond to you? To boost your intimacy and closeness on both sides? Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith makes it easy to increase vasopressin and build the bonds that will keep you both bonded for a lifetime.
This video is part of an ongoing series about attachment.
Vasopressin is the magic ingredient you've been missing in your relationship bonding. It turns a fun time into a team experience, and a casual fling into a committed partner. Want to learn to harness vasopressin for the ultimate bonding? Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith shows you how to work these secret steps into every part of your relationship. When you boost the vasopressin, the bonds will heat up. Get ready for commitment through the power of vasopressin.
#Subscribe #FollowForMore #ShareThis
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe to get all of Adam's latest content: bit.ly/3yyJ4Zs
To stay up to date and learn more about what I have been working on, sign up for my newsletter here → eepurl.com/dur-jb
//Work 1 on 1 with Adam//
► adamlanesmith.com/single-sess...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
//Attachment book by Adam//
►Slaying Your Fear: A guide for people who grapple with insecurity.
►www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
▼ Get My Latest Attachment Tips and Connect With Me▼
► linktr.ee/AdamLaneSmith
► TikTok → / attachmentbro
► Twitter → / thebrometheus
► Instagram → attachmenta...
The HOW TO LOVE AN AVOIDANT MAN video course is now available!
If you want to learn to build a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the man you love, and help him understand and cherish you in return, pick up your copy right now and write a happy ending to your love story! adamlanesmith.com/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/
Dr Tara said if a woman has sex on the first date with a guy he will never fall in love with her and I had to do with vasopressin. After listening to your videos, it’s hard to understand why she says that and if it’s true.
This explains why my boyfriend and I bond so well, among other things.
I'll go to him and cry over an issue. He'll listen, empathize and comfort me. It'll relieve my stress and build that oxytocin.
Then he'll offer me solutions and he's actually very level headed so his solutions are reasonable and obtainable. So I'll thank him for the great advice and I'll give it a shot. Which increases his vasopressin bond.
At the end of the day, we both feel appreciated and it's very easy to make love.
Beautiful stuff.
This sounds like such a wholesome relationship ❤️
@@AttachmentAdam It is :) We've both had troublesome pasts with relationships. It taught us how not to be. Our only hurdle is fear and suspicion due to past scars. But our honesty, care for each other and good communication is healing that over time. Building trust. It's really nice to be able to be vulnerable. I'm just really thankful.
YES! I love going on adventures with my bf and solving problems with him. He also seems to enjoy when I get a bit too drunk and he has to make sure I’m fed and warm and tucked in safe in bed after a night out 😂 it’s like a fun stress for him and it makes me feel really nurtured and cared for. Like he gets to feel manly but I get that gentle side of him that I’m super attracted to at the same time.
… he’s actually big on the oxytocin though he can’t get enough cuddles!
Must be nice to be with an empathic man. They are real gems in this society. It sounds like you show great appreciation for him. What a win situation
@@fnffnchfhc154 It is a win situation ❤️ I never want to take him for granted. I had a horrible relationship before this one so I understand the dark side :( Where you give and give and the person just takes and takes. Even worse, they blame all the problems on you.
My man is so level headed, I can come to him with any problems and he guides me so well. For the first time in my life I feel like I can actually trust someone. He's my treasure because I haven't met a man who I'm compatible with and who's also empathetic. There's a lot of good men out there but our personalities don't match. Some men don't like tomboys or outspoken women. Some men don't want to lead an outspoken woman lol Since I'm Christian, what I desired in a man and my natural personality...well I thought it was a good possibility for me to be single. But nope. God answered my prayers and sent me a man who's compatible with my personality, spirituality, and humor.
He's my treasure.
I went on a few dates with a guy and I suggested we do activities, eg bowling, playing pool together as I wasn't sure if we were a good match and didn't want awkward conversation dates. During these games we would try and solve how to get the best shot etc. After a few dates I didn't feel he was the one for me but he was really keen and wanted to be my boyfriend. Now I understand. I get it.
Sounds like you hit on a perfect approach here that can drive great results!
But she felt differently.
My husband is crazy in love with him and just follows me around all day trying to teach me stuff. How to tie a shoe, how to cross a street, constantly telling me to do every stupid little thing. It drives me crazy and it annoys me but now I see why he likes me so much. I'll use this to plan family date nights.
😂😂😂😂
Becoming Allies is the best martial advice I’ve ever heard
LOL the ikea shelf reference! I broke up with someone because he didn’t help me assemble something 😬
The main point is when HE solving your problems it’s makes him more attached. Not opposite.
When you're both solving problems together as a team!
@@AttachmentAdam but what if I can't do a team work? Making him solve my problem, won't that be enough?
When I make suggestions to support and help him, he totally misunderstands and blows up accusing me of making his life more difficult. He doesn t listen to what I say and hears something completely different. I don t know why he does this and I don t know what is the solution.
@@handerson-vl7df 🥺
@handerson-vl7df oh sweetie, I've read somewhere that if they can't solve something and you come with the solution, it is the worst for a man, the worst. Like when he's driving and can't find an address and you easily point to where to go, he will feel horrible, like you took his medal, his purpose and occasion to be reliable is taken away from him and he will see you as the one who beat him at what he was supposed to be good at.
I think I just realized why my husband married me. I played videos games with him.
This is a pretty cool way to get some vasopressin bonding in, for sure. What games do you play together?
What games do you play together?
My friend and I bonded over coaching me through preparation for my first bodybuilding competition. Now 6 shows later we are closer however im frustrated bc im I person who wants more touching and I need to learn how to get those needs met.
“We know you’re not a video game. We’re just trying to bond with ya.” 🤣🤣🤣
Right 🤣
I feel like he is doing Gods work.
We have misunderstood each gender for too long.
It’s funny how men bond by solving problems while women don’t want their partner to solve their problems; women just want them to listen. It’s interesting. Should I try to be more receptive to my boyfriend's advice when I’m venting, even if that's not what I'm looking for at that moment?
A better method is to let him know right up front what you’re looking for in that conversation so he can meet your need the right way.
I most definitely want a man to help me solve problems. I have my gf’s to just listen to me.
I want him to solve my problems too lol HAHAHA 😂
@@AttachmentAdam I always do that. I always let them know I just need someone to listen right now but I get told they can't because they want to solve a problem and it frustrates them and they don't want to listen if they can't give advice 😔
Learn to appreciate solving problems or marry girlfriend (to be listened) 😂
Btw. Lesbian marriages have four times higher rate of divorce comparing to gay marriages. Same ratio as in failing for divorce.
Women are problem.
I stopped solving problems for my wife and rejected all her "contributions".
After some time she found reasons for appreciation.
I don't need women for getting something.
Wish this to all men.
Read Laura Doyle. Her understanding of mens needs in relationships are tremendous.
Even as a man i learned something about me.
My avoidant ex and I were on a sales team together and he was my manager. The second he saw my face twist during a sale, he would immediately rush over and give me tremendous support. Those were my favorite work days since it felt so good to make a sale together!
Action and problem solving together is the way men bond that is the short version of what he is saying
I’ve just realised why customers loved me and wanted to stay in contact with me when I worked for an airline and went out of my way to fix their big flight and travel issues
Your content has easily applicable ideas. I’m going to take a listen to your podcast every day.
Been watching your videos and doing what has benn recommended. So far so good. My husband and i are so much more connected.
Your channel has saved my self respect and many, many tears. I Knew deep inside that I wouldn't fall so deeply in love with someone who wasn't worthwhile, yet I also knew that my partner had something going on, but could not put my finger on it. He's kept me at a distance for so long that I've questioned my sanity many times, but your channel has helped me to see the truth. He fits in just about every single box you lay out there. So much so, that it feels as though you could seriously be talking directly to me. He has gone from making wildly inaccurate accusations and pushing me away- which is devastating to me, to then pulling me back in and telling me that he's never been able to be himself or be so open with anyone before, her days that im a good woman and he knows that he needs to step it up- which is heaven on earth. He's just done this so many, many, many times, that I've almost become complacent about it, just to get to enjoy him when he pulls me in.. Nevertheless, I am true to him, honest, fair, loving, I listen to him, I try to make his life as easy and as comfortable as possible when we are together, and I try to be my best self for him always. I love him with all of me, for who he is and despite his faults. I think he is just starting to realize that I meant it. After binging on your videos, and thanking God profusely, for even a little more insight into this incredible man, I can see his patterns and see that what you describe is EXACTLY what he is demonstrating. That said, he Rarely lets me be there for him, inevitably blocking just about any opportunity for us to build vesopressin together. How can i help get us there? I know you said puzzles, but he doesn't have the interest in that. We mainly spend time at the river, fishing, rock hounding, hiking, and having mind blowing sex. Is there anything in any of those settings that can be done to create/strengthen our vesopressin bond? Please help.
Do you have anything to do in terms of a life mission, or is the relationship the center of your lives? (It should not be). If all he does is grind 8-6 then that's why there's nowhere for you to fit in
This guy is good i always get frustrated with my husband when he has no goals and no motivation to work an easy job that is every other day telawork. Its gotten to the point its super hard to get in the mood to do the intimate thing he wants to. Now this makes more since.
What you're reporting here is unfortunately too common in modern marriages. How does your husband feel about watching videos with you? It may be that he needs to learn about attachment from a specialist who can explain it in ways men receive and accept. Especially with specific solutions that appeal to them. Take a look at my Attachment Bootcamp course, you could watch it together as a couple and discuss what you learn. He just might accept the solutions coming from me instead: adamlanesmith.com/courses/
This explains a lot. I find a lot of men don’t make the discernment between good and bad stress well,
When I tell you this is exactly how I date and by the end of every relationship it ends with “you deserve better than me” and not “I’ll do anything to keep you” and I never understand lol.
Are you dating men with anxious attachment style? Because that's what it sounds like, insecure men who don't know how to be in love.
@@AttachmentAdam the first two I have in mind yes for sure- my most recent I spent a lot of time cultivating a healthy relationship with and he had a secure attachment style/healthy upbringing. But he is going through lots of transitions in life/some mental health issues he’s never dealt with before because of it and decided he needed to be alone to heal bc he had used my dependability/support to fill too many gaps in his life. So I guess he is a bit more complex and the one I least expected to end that way
Essentially it’s like he broke up with me because I was too helpful and loved him too unconditionally lol
Men choose who they want. And if they say that, it means they will look for somebody else. It is better that these men were frank than stringing you along
So it not about doing things for them it's about doing it together
This was exactly what I was looking for after reading about vasopressin. I was so confused at what "increasing" it meant, and your examples were so so helpful. I can't wait to watch more of your videos!
Glad it was helpful!
Great video. Explains a lot about the problems I had in my marriage. For a long time I felt unsupported by my wife and she kept complaining that we "weren't on the same page". Often when we came across stress and problems we would fight against each other rather than solve the problems together. I guess we didn't put in enough work to vasopressin bond earlier in the marriage before the stress of kids and finances came along.
Thank you so much! Now I understand what we are doing well and why we fight and get frustrated. I'm encouraged!
Sooo…THIS WORKS! Adam, you have the keys to relationships!
I’ve been married once (abusive and terrible so there was no fix)…my second was in a 4 year relationship with someone who was an avoidant attachment, not meant to be in the long run…but with your help, I realized THIS newer marriage is me being anxious attachment which I’ve always been, and he’s avoidant HOWEVER; we have always oxytocin bonded. I’ve never known about vasopressin bonding and after watching this video along with some of your others, I feel like I’ve unlocked the secret door to my man!
I’ve been consciously tapping into vasopressin bonding and taking advantage of every opportunity when I see it (there’s a lot of opportunities by the way)…we’ve had the BEST sex & connection this week 😩🥰
I’m the opposite of what you describe most females. I’m the high sex drive, basically begging to have sex. He’s tired and stressed with work. I’ve tried some of your tips and sex isn’t something I feel that I have to beg for or hint around towards. Any other advice for someone like me?? Thanks again for your videos. I discovered you on Mind Pump!!❤️ you’re awesome!
Hey, thank you for the kind words! I'm so glad this way helpful. Sounds like you're doing amazing! My advice is to keep talking and comparing notes and finding solutions together to daily and relationship problems. Always be refining! If you need help let me know, I run a coaching community with group calls to keep learning new skills.
You’re so beautiful. Yet still tolerating an avoidant and spending your energy on trying to fix him & focusing on him only
@@user-jz7us9zv6q hii, what are the oportunities you find to let him problem solve? I’m kind of struggling cause I can’t think of things that he’d help me with since we don’t live together
I have watched two of your videos and you have altered my brain chemistry completely. thank you
Thank you for taking the time to comment, and I am so glad this information is resonating with you. Keep watching, and let me know if I can help you in your journey.
Thank you, excellent and very helpful!
You have articulated and explained something I have noticed and believed in for a long time.
I have been thinking for a while now, that men need stress to bond while women need comfort to bond.
I just never understood how to apply it to relationships until now.
Thank you!
Glad to hear this resonated with you! It really is true.
I know!! It's genius! This should be taught in high school. I think this is why in generations before, people married young and did well because you tackle the world together when you marry young and have to learn and problem solve together as you grow up together
Glad to know I did everything right. I always thought it was slightly manipulative of me, since I have this strong need to be irreplaceable. But my goal has always been building unshakable relationships I could feel secure in, and as long as it keeps my partner happy there's nothing wrong with it I guess.
Funnily enough, my ex (male) wasn't driven by vasopressin at all. He was unwilling to do stuff together and we failed to bond.
So love this!
This was so enlightening , had not heard of this before !
Glad to hear this resonated! Is this something you can implement in your relationship?
Wow, this made me realize that I have issues with oxytocin bonding. I can’t handle cuddling, but the best I’ve felt in a few years has been hunting with some friends that I only see a couple times a year.
It's amazing how different forms of bonding resonate with each individual. Hunting with friends sounds like a special way for you to connect. What other activities bring you that sense of fulfillment?
@@AttachmentAdam For a few years now it’s only been hunting. My husband works a lot, and we have small kids. I stay home and garden and raise them. Our four year old is reading, and our one year old speaks in full (but short) sentences. I only say that to illustrate the amount of intentional work we do to raise them with care. We do a great job functioning but we have a major problem connecting on an emotional level due to a lot of severe issues that have happened. We’re pretty disciplined and have mutual respect. I think that’s what’s saved us so far, we’re absolutely committed to the life we have built and the standards we have. We just have more emotional work to do.
The only time I’m comfortable is a span of a couple weeks every September for moose season. If I’m lucky, a week or so hunting black bear. That’s the only time I feel peaceful and happy. Unfortunately my husband can’t even point out a week or two where he knows he will feel well. It’s a battle every day, but we do it. Both of us had some severe trauma before we met. We read the Body Keeps the Score together and thought we were “fixed”- nope.
But we are dedicated to working.
I really enjoy your work and am trying to get my husband to listen too. I share as much info as I can with him. Thank you for all you do
Great video. Very helpful and breaks it into digestible information.
Thank you. Glad it was helpful!
Very clear explanation with also a visual aid to help
Glad to hear that!
Am thankful I found this . I guess that's why you are called Adam.❤ Thank you for teaching us this. It's gold.
Absolutely happy to help! What has stood out the most to you?
This is a really brilliant video. I've watched so many (and read books) on these topics, but I've never heard about vasopressin. So interesting 🙏
Very few people talk about vasopressin at all, it's surprising how unknown it is. I love teaching couples how to do this together so they increase their chances of staying together in the long term!
Wow, found this at the perfect moment. Thank you so much!!! This is exactly what I needed. 😊
So glad it was helpful! 😊
I love your content and passion in all of your videos. The information is GOLD! It’s so true. I have been dealing with chronic back pain and he’s been so supportive of my progress. We talk every day about everything. We are both entrepreneurs. We are so connected and bond. He has been talking about marriage too. Thank you!
Thank you for your kind words! It's wonderful to hear about the strong connection and support you have with your partner, especially through challenging times. How do you both plan to continue nurturing and growing this connection as you move towards marriage?
You said something very important: your wife ASKED you what can she do, not just did what she thought is right for you. And you appreciated that! Before you live together long and know each other, better just ask.
Asking is the BEST way to communicate and to build the relationship. When in doubt, ask!
I LOVE all your videos. Thank you thank you!!!
Thank you so much for the love and support! It means the world to me. I'm thrilled that you enjoy the videos.
The "Ecce Homo" painting you have in the background -- definitely my favorite.
How are you not more popular on CZcams?! Your content is incredible. I just finished watching a year old interview with Chris Williamson. So, so good.
Questions for you, if you see this:
(Background) My husband has a million reasons to have attachment issues, yet he doesn't, at least, not in our marriage or with the kids. His issues are entirely work related (he hates his job, his parents actively stopped him from achieving any professional goals, he doesn't have credentials, etc.).
Question 1: How is it possible for a neglected and abused person (like my husband) to skate by and not have extreme attachment issues manifesting in a relationship?
Question 2: If a man is struggling with his career, what are some ways he can heal so that he can fulfill these duties without so much suffering?
Thank you!
Hi there! I just started out about 1 year ago, so we're growing super fast for that narrow amount of time! BUT I'm definitely looking forward to what things will be like 5 years from now, and every supporter like yourself brings those days closer! Together we can spread the word about better attachment.
As for your husband, there CAN be a number of mitigating factors that can help shield someone from some of the worst effects of attachment flags in childhood. Particularly if they marry a spouse who's considerate, loving, and self-aware. I am glad he's able to be secure and stable for you and the kids, but if it's still affecting him at work, it needs to be fixed. In that case managing the attachment with more of his male friends could be one avenue to fixing the issue so he's balanced out in life. How is he when it comes to friendships?
And if you want to talk more about this, send me an email at Support@AdamLaneSmith.com, that's easier for conversations and troubleshooting like this.
Thank you for the information
Thanks for watching, glad this was helpful!
Great video
I was so anxious and overthinking and this video made me feel
so good 😊 thanks for sharing your personal story it made feel I'm on the right path ❤
I'm so happy to hear that it helped!
It just completely blows my mind because the Lord Jesus made men as to be the head of the home and problem solvers and he made the woman to be a help meet to come alongside the man and his mission and to help him to accomplish the goals in missions together. It's amazing to me because that's exactly how you explained your marriage with your wife. And I love it that her mission and love to serve and help to assist and nourish helps you to bond more to her with a vasopressin bonding. It is so amazing to me that this is not coming from a church or Christian spiritual channel but yet everything you're saying is lining exactly up with the word of God and the way he created men and women. Remarkable
If that’s true and men were first created, that would line up with the point of vasopressin existing before oxytocin.
This is fabulous. It's going to be so much fun to see how well it works.
How did it go?
Can approve Its working !
Excellent, glad to hear it!
Great content. Very informative. Thank you, Adam!!!
Glad you liked it and thank you for watching!
Very very intresting this and much helpful thank you! ♥
You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful! ♥
This makes perfect sense. I feel like I was doing that, but it didn’t spark because my partner was a narc. There was no team, just is working together for him. 🤷🏽♀️
Yes this can happen BIG TIME. Sometimes you’re doing the right things but the other person is avoidant. So the right things get bad reactions and you get punished for trying to get too close. Was that your experience? What sorts of things did they do when you tried to bond?
Possible he's on the spectrum (ASD).
Thats my relationship with someone diagnosed with bpd. The focus is around him and no matter how many birdhouses we build I don't get my sex drive or needs met without what he does for me being thrown up in my face. I think personally with some people it's just not going to work.
Love this! My new boyfriend and I work like this and are developing a great friendship and share kind of an “ inside joke” type of connection as well- very much the same sense of humor, can talk with our eyes, he beams when he feels he has helped me. It’s sooo cute. First thing we asked eachother on our first date was what three things would you like to accomplish in the next five years.
This is so refreshing and wholesome to read, thank you so much for sharing
@@AttachmentAdam since he works so far away on a three week on three week off rotation we don’t see each other for weeks at a time. We send sarcastic or sexy messages to eachother throughout the day. Or send dorky photos. Then every night while he’s away we FaceTime and I trace each feature of his face and kiss each( he puts up with me booping his nose at random times.) I trace each and talk softly to him until he falls asleep. We are both in our 50s and want to do things right this time. We call eachother our partner in crime and are taking things slow. We want this to be our last love. We are enjoying all the firsts for us as a couple and it warms my heart to get him giggling as he’s a big strong stoic man that works long hard days. We haven’t had sex yet but definitely have the chemistry and it’s reallllly hard not to, but it’s so fun taking our time the way we do. I know it sounds so corny but I’m telling you, I wish I’d taken this kind of time when I was younger, but maybe we both needed the maturity of our later years to appreciate the details of this dance. I appreciate your channel and advice. I have used some of it and it has worked very well. He really responds to the vasopressin activities and it delights me to see him this way. This is the “ richest” for lack of a better word, the richest most delicious relationship I’ve ever had. Thank you.
What do you help each other with? I’m kind of struggling with my new relationship because we don’t live together so he can’t “help around the house”
@@gabysales2001 he runs a big business so he comes to me and asks my opinion , we discuss our children. If one of us has a hard day the other knows how to listen and when to bring in the humor. We live over an hour apart so it’s not as easy as some but we try yo keep the other as our” home base” and the last person we talk to each day.
THANK YOU,adam!
Thank you for watching!!
Thank you! Very interesting! Adam is hilarious as well
Thanks for commenting. I give it my best shot to be entertaining. What part of this video stuck with you the most?
@@AttachmentAdam The fact that guys don't bond with sex as we women do
Yes! Different process. We’ve just got different needs. Hit ALL the buttons on both sides and the bonding can be intense for everyone.
This is why when i give ideas to my husband that solves a problem he says "this is why i married you." I used to think thats it?! Really?? This changed my whole perspective!
I'm happy to hear that this resonated with you and helped you gain clarity. When was your 'a-ha' moment while watching this video?
I believe that connection and bonding is a science. Sometimes, we don’t need to say a single word. It’s a feeling that our bodies, hearts and minds produce between the two said lovers.
That's a fascinating viewpoint! It speaks to the depth of nonverbal communication and the intricate ways in which we connect with our partners. How do you cultivate and nurture this unspoken connection in your own relationships?
@@AttachmentAdam Thanks! And I don’t believe I tried to do anything, honestly. It’s something that happens. And it’s happened in the past but I just wasn’t aware of it until later. Also, just because it happens doesn’t guarantee that the relationship will last. It’s really up to the other person too. It truly takes a team! You both have to have awareness. That’s key! We all slip up and let the ego take control sometimes. A good example of that would be, if let’s say, there’s an age gap that could potentially cause a rift in the relationship. In that case, both people would have to come to some amicable agreement and work through whatever is the hindrance.
So happy to have found your channel!!!
Thank you, I'm happy to have you here! What topics would you like to see more of?
I was unknowingly doing a lot vasopressin bonding with my ex. I guess I wasn't receiving my end of the oxytocin bonding though... I think that is why he loved me a lot more than I did him when I ended the relationship.
Oxytocin is also very important, yes.
when you say you were doing alot of vasopressin bonding what sorts of things were you doing? :)
@@jessstewart7827same question;)
Wow so interesting, thanks
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching!
You are brilliant
Thank you, I appreciate you!
Super interesting to watch the way couples perform on the show Amazing Race.
Ah yes, things like that can bring out the best and worst!
So what you're saying is, it's totally okay to ask this girl I went on a date with to help me move in to my new apartment. Thank you Adam, I needed the extra set of hands 😂
Hey, if THAT isn't a relationship test, I don't know what is!
That didn’t work for me at all! Lol I helped an ex move into his first home AND gave him my old microwave because he didn’t have one. I asked him to fix the door to my entertainment cabinet and he yelled at me and told me he wasn’t doing sh*t lol. Broke up with him on the spot 🤷🏾♀️😵💫
Yeahhh spot on when it comes to your partner getting in way
Yes, having to work against each other ends the bonding and creates powerful negative associations. That kills the romance fast.
Great, could you pls tell me whose painting it is at the back? Really nice
This makes a lot of sense in hindsight! I would often feel like my ex gf saw us as not being on the same team. Like she could never relax or trust me despite me trying constantly to remind her.
That feeling of not being on the same team is a common struggle in relationships with avoidant partners. Did you ever have conversations with your ex-girlfriend about how you both felt about trust and intimacy?
Hi Adam how about showing it in movies / shows, or share examples with details. Really walk us through the steps and stages of bonding with good stress.❤ good visuals. Thanks.
Band of Brothers. A Quiet Place. Avengers: Civil War. Knight and Day. Twister.
I will try this!!
Hope you like it! Let me know how it goes!
Awesome information! Thank you.
Happy to help! Were there any specific parts of this video that stood out?
I have never heard of Vasopressin bonding before. The emotional bond that is created through problem solving and overcoming a challenge together is trust building and creates admiration. It makes a lot of sense.
Excellent. I just subscribed 😊
Awesome! Thank you! Subscribe and stay tuned for more!❤
Ok 2 questions:
I thought in another video you said- “I know you think you’re being kind by doing all these nice things for him, but that’s not going to make him fall in love with you.”- In this video you’re saying do nice things, but in the context of solving problems for him ?
2. How do I keep from feeling like a doormat? I DO, do nice things for him, to help make his life better, things he’s even asked for. He is grateful, but it doesn’t result in bonding. It’s a nice, “thank you” but that’s all. No door is opening.
Thank you so much. Your videos are so helpful.
Hi Adam. Greetings from Morocco.
I have a hard time buying point n•2. All women that built with their men end up betrayed by them. They all need a women that they can be men with. They wanna impress and feel they can’t impress a women who helped them build themselves. They go find a new partner.
Never build with a man. Meet him at the finish line :)
Hey there, that's an interesting perspective. Has this been your experience?
@@AttachmentAdam thanks god I didn’t go through this but many women (including family member and friends) experienced it. I never built with a man but I experienced being taking for granted when caring (such as cooking, offering massages and gifts, helping with some of his job tasks). I was only trying to be helpful and affectionate and it was enough to make him take me for granted and stop making effort, let alone help him build from scratch. I will never do that.
My favorite Ginger! I found you on YOutube! Hi from Tik tok!
Ha, hi there! Glad to see you over here as well. What topics are you interested in learning in long-form over here?
😂🫚
Hi, I accidentally found your CZcams after reading your twitter thread 😂 I wanted to learn more about vasopressin and... here I am!
This was extremely helpful! So, thank you so much!
Hey, thanks for coming over here, glad to have you with us. Feel free to drop me comments and questions on any video and I will get you back. 👍
We do the NYT spelling bee together every morning. He also taught me a video game i love. Unfortunately he's overseas in a country with major problems and US immigration laws are tough. Our connection is strong. I try to break up but miss him so much. We're not young. Been 6 years.
Thank you 🙏
You’re welcome 😊 Planning to use this with someone special?
As a biologist specializing in human evolution this is SOOOO interesting. Where do I find more? Other videos? Revue articles?
I'm glad you find this valuable! I offer similar videos on my channel here. Also, please feel free to find more articles on my blog adamlanesmith.com/blog/ or check out my book www.amazon.com/Slaying-Your-Fear-grapple-insecurity/dp/1099212413
Thanks for that tip
Glad you found it helpful!
You're good, bro.
Doing my best to educate folks. What lesson in this video made the most sense to you? Was vasopressin a new idea?
@@AttachmentAdam I heard it was the reason one feels detached after an orgasm. I never heard all the stuff you said about it and how to leverage it.
Thanks!
Thank you so much for watching!
So make men feel like we ladies really, really, really need him.
No, work together as a team and accomplish something as partners so he sees you're an ally in achievement.
@@AttachmentAdam Well and succinctly put!
Hi Adam! Just started watching your videos and purchased the course. I just heard your wife ask what you need because you’re working so much and you suggested premade meals.
If working those long hours, how are you contributing to your wife’s and children’s needs?
How do you ask your partner to give to your needs? It sounds like the avoidant man is a lot of work?
I am very laid back and don’t want any stress in my life so why would someone want to create it just to keep a man?!
Your amazing
Thank you, I just want to teach people how to get real love and repair their attachment issues.
Super helpful
Appreciate your feedback. Which part stood out the most to you?
Can you do a video creating a list of things to do to create that vasopressin bond.
I have, check out How to bond him to you.
Would love to know more about oxytocin as well, how to bond as female friends. Thanks for the info!
Great ideas. Stay tuned!
Our native languages are different. When he's translating things from his language for me or answering my questions about his language would that contribute to vasopressin bonding? Or when he's working through the language issue to tell me a story in my language even though it's not natural for him?
10:57 so can I stress him out?😂I won’t be so available so he will have a stress ;)
By the way love this video! Glad I’ve found you!
Hi there. Why do you feel the urge to make her miss you? Are you afraid she will lose interest in one week?
The puzzle became a competition and a task to complete as fast as possible.🙂↕️
I brought some math and some medical courses questions I was trying to answer. He turned into a competition. Math he gave the shortcut answer and walked away
Thank you for your insight! So the answer to my question might be a little too obvious maybe not sure, but what if my guy likes to solve things himself? As in he feels good when he shoulders everything and comes out as the one who carried the problem or task.
Sounds like he believes he has great control over his life. That’s awesome. But if he’s incapable of asking for help, or if he avoids asking for help because he doesn’t trust other people to help, or if he’s afraid of looking weak and being abandoned, those present their own problems. So the question is, why does he focus like that?
@@AttachmentAdam as far as I understand, he likes to be in control of the outcome. He'd rather have himself fail for example, than someone else. He is a great analyzer but has difficulties verbalising his thought process. There is a little more to it ofc, but this made me think about how I could bond better with him as there were only a few instances where I could contribute a small idea that he found logical/useful. Thanks again Mr. Smith :)
Sounds like volunteering explicitly to be his advisor and second set of eyes is a great plan.
ty!
:D!
Partnership!
Here's a twister that could use some input. Got a man and woman (both divorced) that love each other and have for decades. They have reconnected after many years. The woman's adult children do not want their mother to have anything to do with the man. She understandably doesn't want to lose her bond with her children, but mom (the woman) does love this man. Torn, confused and needing some help. Thanks
Thanks for sharing. I wonder if this is the case wouldn't more people are work fall in love and marry? Also, wouldn't less men cheat since they have been through a lot with their wives, like life challenges they fixed together.
You'd be surprised how many people fall in love at work OR have affairs at work.
Seeing how you are answering each comment made me comment too, like your video and subscribe. Huge respect for you sir.
Here is my question: Right now mt boyfriend is going through financial probablems and we have begun spending less time together. I believe he is in his cave, trying to solve problems on his own. And he is also studying trading at the moment which is obviously takint most of his time. To top it all up, we are in a long distance relationship with a 5 hour time zone. Sir, can you please tell, me how can i bond with him? To make him love and soend time with me more
Hi there, thanks for the support, and I'm glad this material is helping. It sounds like the two of you need to setup a regular time to discuss challenges, and you can also ask him directly how you can support him as a partner. That could start a great conversation!
Very interesting video!
Is it possible to fix a broken relationship which had a complete lack of vasopressin? Or is it too late? (IF possible, how can one do this to win back the relationship? )
Thanks
Yes it is possible! I’ve helped a ton of coaching clients do this. As long as the couple wants it to work, it can work, just need the right steps. Check out my 4 other long vasopressin guides for more ideas and shoot me an email if you’d like help: Support@AdamLaneSmith.com
I will use this knowledge to my advantage 😈
Oh my 🤣 How do you anticipate using this?
I did everything for my ex so that he could work all day: took care of the house, helped raise HIS two kids for 8 years…both with addiction and mental health issues, cooked for him and family…literally did everything so he could work 12+ hour days and he thanked me by robbing me blind lmaooo sadly this isn’t a joke but at least I’m free😅
OH, and he stole my 2 dogs and sold them so I don’t know where they are
This sounds like you did a lot FOR him but he never fully accepted that you two were a team. Did he have avoidant attachment style red flags? That's usually what happened in these cases. Do you know the red flags to stay safe next time?
Ty adam. You help me all the time. I dont know how to deal with love. Ty ty
I’m glad to hear I’m helping, but when you say you don’t know how to deal with love, are you saying that you don’t know how to receive it from others? Or that it’s too overwhelming for you to feel it yourself?
when you say small activities like a jigsaw puzzle help vasopressin bonding, how much/how frequently should we be doing such activities to see a difference in the vasopressin bond? my partner and I hardly ever fight/argue, I just feel as though we need to bond a bit more to strengthen our relationship! So if we do more of these small vasopressin bonding activities, how long would that take to actually make a difference? Thanks Adam!
You can do them as often as you like, and the more you do them, the deeper that bond goes. The military might have units bonding daily for years, while the average romantic relationship may not need that level of connection. What feels right to you?
Hi could you give more ideas or activities for this?
I've got 5 videos on this channel on vasopressin, check them all out and you'll hear tons of ideas!
I will always ask my future man to help me open things and be overly grateful for him 😂
Sounds like a loving plan!
So that scene in Friends when Monica and Chandler were doing a crossword puzzle together, that was vasopressin bonding?
Ha! Good call!