finally making progress on my dad's estate
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
- so my dad died without a will so here's everything I've done so far in the process of dealing with his estate...
watch part 1 | • so my dad didn't leave...
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you really are helping so many people by documenting your experience! happy to see you’ve pushed forward so far since your first update- putting out some good thoughts& energy for the house sale
My mom died two years ago and had no will or any preparations, and my dad passed away over a decade ago. Dealing with all this mess with my siblings was a nightmare, doing it on your own...I hope you are treating yourself with so much kindness!
i watched my parents go through a similar (no exact) situation and it’s just so ridiculous how much government stuff they make grieving families go through. it’s just so much stuff. paperwork stuff. physical stuff. my grandparents were hoarders and the days we had to go out and clear the house were some of the hardest days we’ve ever had. it’s just so much stuff and it sucks so much
My mom passed last December with no will, and I'm STILL waiting on probate court shenanigans. I appreciate seeing these videos from you!
This series is super interesting to me. I had no idea how much you had to do after someone dies. And I can't imagine dealing with all that on top of grief. And having people be rude to you in the process. Thank you for sharing this and I'm hopeful that you can find some peace at the end of this process and that soon you'll just be able to let yourself grieve without having all this extra stress on top of it.
A quick PSA: Many employers have will & estate prep if they sponsor a 401k or 403b retirement account, 100% FOR FREE. Many EAPs (employer assistance programs) also may offer free legal services to help you draft a will. You are never too young to have a will. Just ask your employer, and encourage your friends & loved ones to do so.
love you so much sarah, i’m sorry you’re having to go through this but i’m glad you’re getting thru.
In the past 2 weeks I've hired a lawyer and am in the process of making a will and trust. Your first video really helped spur me to do it, even though it's been on my to-do list for years, I am finally actually doing it now. I recommend a trust because the assets in the trust do not have to go through probate. I was executor of my mom's will 6 years ago when she passed so now it's my turn to get all my ducks in a row. A lot of the steps you're describing I went through. I still have my notebook with so many to do checklists and sub-lists. All the copies and notarized documents etc etc.
I work for a CPA. Yes, they do the taxes too. They really just help you make sure that you’re paying everything where it needs to go and help you get that estate tax return filed on time.
These videos would have changed my life when I was going through probate 2 years ago. I know it's not easy to share because it's very personal but the information you provided in both could be really helpful to other people. ❤ you definitely have your hands full! We lived in the house where our family member died and it was the same in some ways but very different in others (the financial side was different too bc she was poor, so we only had to do a small estate affidavit & hire a paralegal) Assuming a mortgage is a whole other thing. The lack of empathy from companies is so REAL and frustrating!
My mom has stage 4 cancer, and we are making sure we are prepared as possible. This video is helpful. Thank you Sarah.
So sorry you had to deal with this Sarah, I hope you are ok. I encourage homeowners to put their house in a living trust to avoid probate taxes after they pass. It is hard to plan for life after death but it’s so important!
Its seriously borderline cruel how much you have to deal with after someone's death, you've seriously put it in perspective how much goes on after someone passes and its stuff that I never knew about. I can't believe how much of it has to also come out of your own pocket, too... I can't imagine what its like for others who could struggle to get that money together. I know you didn't ask for sympathy or pity, so I just want to tell you how absolutely amazing you are, how strong you are and for being so diligent in handling everything on your own, while also juggling your own interpersonal relationships, being a new mum and everything.
Thank you for sharing all of this with us, I think this is going to help so many people who are going through the same thing and might also encourage the more difficult but necessary conversations around wills with the ones who are still alive to make them.
This'll be over in no time Sarah, you've got this
This is very interesting and informative! My question is: what would happen if you just didn't do any of it? Is there a legal requirement for you to do all this stuff, or is it just that you'd give up any possibility of inheriting from him?
We went through this 2 years ago with My father. Luckily he had everything set with a estate Lawyer. It made it easier but still a lot with the house etc. You should be able to pay for that storage unit with the estate checking account!
Not only a will, but also a trust to avoid probate. Thank you for sharing, such great insight. Sending you love...I am sorry you had to go through all of this. Much love. 💜
1. It is so complicated in the US, I’m still taken aback
2. Grief and everything around it is messy, there is no right or wrong way to go around it, pretty much
I find these videos incredibly insightful!!! I’m a daughter of a single divorced dad who tends to isolate (aka no family except me.) knowing what I may be facing in the future is eye opening! I will most definitely ask him about his will, if he has one. keep doing what makes you happy slash what feels therapeutic!! milk it, girl!
Your transparency and honesty is so appreciated. ❤ this will definitely help people!
I really feel for people who don’t have the money to hire a lawyer and get all this crap figured out. 😢 honestly it’s one of my worst fears having to deal with my mom’s house and everything once she dies. I have a lot of anxiety about it since I’m an only child, and it’s just my mom and I. I wish I had siblings!
My dad passed in May of this year and one of my biggest problems was having to deal with all the paperwork and bureaucracy while facing with the mortality of a loved one. Having to go through all the pleasantries of calling the different offices when you were literally just ugly crying is a special kind of torture. Here's to a better year next year friends.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your transparency in sharing your experience is much appreciated. You’ve inspired me to create a will, and we’re currently wrapping it up with an attorney. I really hope you are able to wrap up this process soon! Really rooting for you ❤
I dealt with this for my mom, its tough.
Even if this didn't help someone else in the same situation (which obviously it will), i think this helps people consider what tasks and burdens they're leaving behind for their children.
I know its making me consider it for my kid, and I'm pregnant.
I can’t say it enough these types of videos are so helpful! Don’t get me wrong your regular content is amazing but this is also so so helpful.
Keep pushing through it, Sarah. You are halfway there.
I can't imagine how hard this has been on you. You are a trooper ❤️
Being someone in which saw both (different times) parents die. Both had wills..my dads was a mess..anyways..you have done him proud…an exceptional daughter…very very cool to see. Thanks for sharing..that could not of been easy! Stay the course. Best wishes to you!
A lot of people have often been confused as to why I’m so open and blunt about my dad’s death but it really can be therapeutic to just talk about it. Obviously my situation isn’t the same as yours but just speaking can sometimes help more than anything else
That's sounds like a lot of work, especially for a person who just lost a parent. In my country, if a person who passed away has not arranged the sharing of their inheritance with a will, there are rules stated in the law that says who gets how much share of stuff. So you don't have to go to a court or hire a lawyer, or do anything really. Only if the inheritors cannot agree on something or not okay with the sharing for any reason, then they can go to court.
a CPA’s whole job basically is taxes, so they will absolutely be the one to help you with that! from, someone whose mom is a CPA
I am really glad that you are talking about this. More people need to know this information and prepare their estates when they are YOUNG and HEALTHY. Let your loved ones grieve you instead of navigating with bureaucratic bullshit. Sarah, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this - no one who is grieving should deal with this. Thanks for sharing.
This is exactly why I am a minimalist... I have worked in end of life healthcare and have dealt with this with my own family. It is truly a kindness to have everything organized and manageable for your loved ones when you die.
This is such an important topic that doesn’t get discussed much. Seeing family argue after my grandparents passed prompted my husband and I to make sure we had estate planning in place. We also plan to update it every few years - could never leave my family with the burden.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and the fallout for you. I feel your pain intensely. My mom passed away in 2019 and my dad died in February 2020. They left wills, but because I live overseas it was very tough to get things done. I am eternally grateful for a close family friend, who was able to help. My dad and I should've taken care of things when we could, but we were both grieving deeply and just wanted to enjoy our time together. I almost got stuck in the U.S. when I went back a 2nd time after his funeral to clear out the house. I made it back to Japan one day before they closed the borders for Covid. Dealing with closing down accounts, selling the house, etc. half way around the world was not fun (I couldn't even get things notarized until the U.S. Consulate in my city started allowing people back in that summer). My estate checklist was my best friend until I finally checked the last thing off. I hope that you continue to make good progress and that your nerves settle.
A few months back, my dad sat my sister and I down to walk us through his final wishes and will. We really didn’t want to go through that but now i’m so grateful for it. Thank you so much for spreading awareness and it’s incredible how much you’re getting done, especially considering everything you have to juggle with. Sending love ❤️
I can't even imagine the weight you feel on you right now. Probate is the area of law I am planning to practice, and I have so much sympathy for what you're going through. Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤
Congratulations on the progress! I’m sure it’s hard but you’re doing amazing!
Thanks so much for sharing, this was so insightful! I'm sorry that all of this is so much and takes so long. I'd love to see a storage clear out video though (if you feel comfortable sharing it).
my grandparents more or less raised me. they also didnt leave a will or planned who would get what if something happened. know exactly what your talking about. really feel like funeral homes try to take advantage of greiving people offering "their best casket/services"....
I'm in the UK my mum died in march 2021 with a will, we are still waiting for probate!!!! It's HMRC (tax) that are holding it up because they are so behind because of COVID. We have a solicitor (lawyer) do our probate as it's complex even with the will. I will contact the solicitor in Jan she said that was the time they have, so it will have taken 3 years to get probate on my mum's estate!!! Crazy.
Even if there is a will, if they own property (here in Canada) you still have to go to probate court. Honestly the process was a huge stress on my family. Hugs to you. It felt like there was no space for grieving as we wanted to make sure his wishes were taken care of properly and it’s so complicated and hard.
I'm in the UK and someone I know is going through a similar thing but he had a will. It's terrible how much paperwork and processes you have to go through whilst you're grieving!
This is making me stressed just hearing it all. Sorry for your loss. I'll have to go through that some day.
at least I can say I was "blessed" my dad didn't have any estate when he passed, only his car and debit cards. even so, I have also dealt with extremely rude people, like a collections company that got the wrong info that I was a joint owner of an account he owed money to. it got so bad I had a panic attack and the company later had to call me and personally write me an apology letter. It sucks so much being the closest surviving family member, I had to deal with basically nothing compared to you. I can't even imagine the stress you're going through💔
The CPA should be able to help with ur fathers taxes!
Appreciate hearing your experiences with this! I hear you that 2023 needs to end already! 😮💨 Not here to compare, but I've had several losses this year (3 directly and 2 additionally in my family). The most I've had in my entire life. The only good thing that happened really is my husband and I bought a house (now we have a huge mortgage payment though 😅). Cheers to a brighter 2024 for everyone!
I'm so sorry you've been going through this. Thank you for sharing, though. We're all learning through you. I'm getting close to 50 and still don't have official documents drawn up, I know that's bad.
I dread the day we have to deal with my fiances parents stuff after they die. They have a will but they both have houses filled with crap that is going to take so long to go through.
My uncle passed suddenly a couple years ago and he had a house and a rental property. No will or trust. It’s been difficult to see my mom deal with the mess since his son is no help.
There is a book called The Swedish art of Death Cleaning that I recommend everyone read but especially people that are a little bit older or in poor health. There's also one call Nobody wants your S!#% that's good too. Def makes you reflect on what you have.
Thank you for sharing this as someone who may be in a similar situation.
I really appreciate these videos. My parents are getting up there in years, they are so bad with money and keeping track of important documents, and as of right now, I don't even live in the same country as them and I have no idea what I am going to do as their only child when the time comes. It actually causes me a lot of anxiety thinking about it and it's something I've thought about for 20 years because they're alcoholics who don't take care of themselves. I've tried to bring it up in the past and my mom especially gets really upset and tells me to "be more patient, she'll be dead one day" and won't let me explain why I want to have this conversation with them. Both of them have lost their parents, but they were not not involved with the handling of any of this because they had older siblings to handle it. I don't have that. It's just me. So thank you for this. I hope it's all over soon and you can properly grieve without all of the paperwork and red tape.
As someone who has had to deal with a particular oxygen company (ahem Apria ahem) in both my personal and professional life I can cosign your pain. Oxygen companies are the worst because they basically have a monopoly on supplying all the oxygen in a given area via government contract so there's no competition to drive costumer service. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that
It’ll be over before you know it Sarah! You’re strong you got this!
Hey Sarah! I just want to say thank you so much for making this video and sharing your experience with us. This is relatable and very helpful because this is real life and it can help many of us educate ourselves on this matter. I had no idea about the intense process that it is involved in this type of situation and this is very eye opening. I am very sorry you had to deal with those rule employees and their disgusting behavior. Again thank you and I hope you are able to work out the remaining steps stress-free and you are able to mourn peacefully.
No advice - just hope everything with listing the house/sale goes smoothly 🤗 I’ve watched you since college and am now almost 30, and your channel(s) are comforting to me. Wishing you the best in this hard time and you’re in my thoughts Sarah 💙🥹
In case you need to hear this, you are doing a great job. You are dealing with too much for one person. I hope it continues to get easier for you.
Thanks for processing with us. I hope this goes by quicker than expected!
The amount of stuff we all have is over the top-that's why I don't collect anything-typically collections mean nothing to anyone but the collector and it just gathers dust! I can't stand knick knacks and crap all over even if it's organized crap, it's still crap! LOL
Once someone dies, their debts die with them. They can try and take money out of the estate, but you are not personally on the hook to pay any of it. However, if you make one payment, you are on the hook for all of it. They will try and make you believe you have to, but legally you don’t! Please be careful.
Super useful video, thank you for sharing! I've been told a trust is more useful than a will, it's easier to deal with than a will. Have your lawyers mentioned a trust? Also, look up Swedish death cleaning.
This is incredibly helpful information. I guessing this was also hard to make. Thank you for doing so
While the situation was very bad when she was still alive, thank God that we could just reject the inheritance of my MIL because it was negative. That already was a hassle in itself, it's really hard what one has to go through after losing a loved one.
Honestly it can still be a horrible and lengthy process WITH a will in place, especially when money and property is involved.
Im not in the US but thank you Sarah I have to press my parents to get their shit in order... My dad also does not have a will
When my father died his accounts were joint accounts with his children. So when he died, we moved his money from his account into a new account to avoid probate and any creditors he might have had. My mother passed a few years later, she had her children as beneficiaries. There was no probate. My parents sold their house before they passed. Avoiding any probate. We just needed a tax preparer to do their income taxes.
you do all the work and the government says I’ll take that !
Thank you for sharing ❤
I think sharing your grief and also your info on this process is very helpful! Does it take a toll on you to share or does it help your grieving process?
I’m curious… if someone’s parent dies and they do nothing does the state just take everything? Can they come after you? My dad lives on the other side of the country and we don’t really talk. This sounds like a complete nightmare. I’m so sorry you are going through this Sarah!
might be helpful for those watching most credit card balances will just "eat" the bill - you just have to talk to customer service. it's really draining, but it'll keep you from spending a crazy amount of money. I also urge anyone reading to get an advanced directive or will. it's not very expensive and your loved ones will be so much better protected ❤ thinking of you Sarah and anyone else grieving
My parents had to do this when theyre parents passed away - it is horrible thing to deal with
Im saving this videos.
Another video ❤ we love you!
CPA is just an accounting professional who has met state licensing requirements.
A CPA would be able to help with your taxes 😊
I swear every time I have to deal with anyone that works with oxygen equipment have been the worst. My mom and grandma use oxygen and I've never had a great experience talking with them. I don't get it!
Is there a reason why you guys didn’t want to keep the house?
She said in the beginning that she couldn’t afford to keep up with the mortgage payments
First?
My parents are wanting to get their will done but they keep pushing it back but I keep bugging them after watching your first video 🥲 they’re only in their 50s and 60s but you never know