I'm thinking of leaving my GF of 3 years, who was r*ped, after I was excluded from her recovery
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- čas přidán 4. 10. 2023
- I'm thinking of leaving my GF of 3 years, who was r*ped, after I was excluded from her
recovery
#reddit #redditupdate #redditrelationship
Author: unknown
Story: / bf_is_thinking_of_leav...
![[Full Story] I want to leave my girlfriend that was r*ped...](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/UNq6A-Cw6TU/mqdefault.jpg)
THIS IS THE FULL STORY
Honestly the OP should've broke up with this bitch
Where do i get the background song??
@@maxwells7212Fallen Down By Toby Fox from the game Undertale
Thank you for doing this. There were four other videos that I know about covering this story and they all left out important updates despite this story being from 2015.
NGL… what an ultimate simp.
I was sort of in this situation.
I was dating a girl who got raped and I tried to be an emotional support.
One day, she flew off the handle and asked me why I didn't love her or be intimate. I tried one time, and she broke down crying, saying she couldn't cause it was traumatizing. I didn't know what to do, and no one would help me figure something out. She didn't even want therapy.
Another day, she cheated on me with three men all at the same time and blamed me for it.
I left. I left and never looked back. I knew then I could not survive if I stayed. Call me a bad guy or not, but for my survival, I had to leave.
NOPE YOU ARE NOT THE BAD GUY AT ALL... i am a girl and i would have donme the same thing too if I were you
Bro what kind of brain disease is this where you think you are the bad guy in this situation? Being assaulted is never an excuse to cheat or act manipulative, period. That woman has serious issues and its sad but you’re better off without her.
😂
thats f-ed up, you dodged a bullet there
Using rape and you as an excuse to cheat is crazy in itself.
Edit: you’re not the bad guy or selfish, you were just prioritizing your mental health which nothing is wrong with that. You know what they say tho, hurt people hurt people. (If that makes sense)
OP was mentally ab*sed and alienated for a over a year by his gf, her family, all the professionals, and his sister. OP is a victim in this as well. He was left alone. This whole story broke my heart.
SHE FUCKED A NUTHER GUY to feel power WHAT POWER
Don't worry it's probably fake
@@geovaniraffaelli4508 yeah but even as a fake story, it still tells alot of truth and relates very well to actual trauma from rape cases.
I know two people in particular that went through a rape incident and the trauma is very real.
One incident happened when calling an Uber and the driver raped her.
The other incident, a dangerous overly possessive and obsessive guy who doesn’t accept rejection took what he wanted by force on multiple occasions (not just a one time deal). These two girls I know were never the same even after therapy. Therapy can only heal so much. It just teaches you how to hopefully cope with it a little better, but it isn’t a full blown fix.
@@geovaniraffaelli4508 dawg u really think that? aint no way💀
@@Ryomen_Sukuna6 Reality sometimes is unrealistic.
never have i ever seen a therapist failed so bad.
Well the catalyst was bc some man hating women “grape advocate” (not therapist) gave false advice, and also t the therapist wasn’t told that the man from work didn’t have sex but molested her somewhat against her will so some of it the therapist fault for not figuring out more. I think some parts therapist didn’t do well but they did the best they could with limited information
@@ajpayj1116The molestation part is probably a lie. She communicated very clearly that she cheated on op. She only changed her story when she was facing consequences, and it still took her quite a while to make the change. It took that long because she had to fabricate an entire diary. Otherwise, she could have clarified immediately.
Any therapist that doesn't inquire details about a rope victims sex life has failed at her job, so she is either a failure, or the cheating part was real and the molestation part was a ruse concocted by her and the sister for this selfish victim b1tch.
This dude is either gonna off himself one day or turn into a great villain upon humanity cus of women like this.
She's going to absolutely destroy this man in the long run.
I hope not bro
@@user-pp1qk7zq6z if she does shes already got her side and his own sister down for hiding and enabling infidelity. this ship sunk,
totally
Never have relationships with an assault survivor- you don't owe her anything. Move on, get next mentally stable girl.
@@ZoldicsDiaries lol, I wonder if you apply the same logic to men who have suffered trauma.
"Never have a relationship with a man who has PTSD"
"Never have a relationship with a man who comes from a poor background and was abused"
Etc., etc., you're dumb.
OP was being emotionally starved out of his relationship and the sisters response was "Are you really going to leave my sister?" I feel like this was an inappropriate as the behaviour of everyone in this story.
Meh, that particular line doesn't seem like a problem to me. The sister asked a simple question that didn't come close to acknowledging the complexity of the situation. That's easily explained by the sister just not being involved enough to really know what was going on.
@@Tzizenorecits gaslighting
@@Tzizenorecif you don’t know if that’s gaslighting your stupid
@@darkshadowsaverSure, it is, but I don’t think it was intentional. It’s clear that the OP’s gf’s sister is close to the OP. I can imagine that she knew it would break the gf and the OP. Do I think the OP broke down too quick and was too fast to bury the past, yes I do. However, I think the SA advocate in the ER is much to blame. I think the gf being molested and telling everyone she had been with another man was bad on her part. The gf was under the impression that the OP hated her, and the OP was under the impression that the gf cheated on him and wanted nothing to do with him. The OP let himself be abused, but the gf didn’t try to talk to him at all. This is failure on everyone’s behalf, and a proper lack of communication. It sucks, but, humans are still animals, sometimes we forget to just use our brains and just resort to emotional responses like wild animals.
@@darkshadowsaver No it isn't. Its just blunt. Gaslighting is lying to others in an attempt to make them think that their own feelings or memories are wrong. This was just an emotionally charged question in an emotionally charged situation.
Hearing Sarah say "you wanting to break up with me was a wakeup call" is so sad. It kinda shows how people really take your kindness and devotion to them for granted. They'll do things that hurt you because in their eyes, you'll never leave. Kinda heartbreaking.
dude, who asked you for your kindness? kindness is literally respecting boundaries and getting a hint. op was just being so hella creepy and sus with the storytelling. the details are clearly off and factual reaction from the gf would make sense only if he kicked out some details. it was clear since the way he victimizes himself since, like the 5th minute of the video. i know its valid for him to feel that way, but what he did was just... how to put this...
@@regbyboyswell….,
@@regbyboys Did you not hear the part about her telling him in the therapists office that she slept with another guy to "retake her sexuality"? Meanwhile not willing to spend time with the dude who she is in an actual relationship with who was actually trying to support her and wasn't the one who assaulted her or anything?
@@Mishkobt i cant explain a basic thing to a redditor, jesus! whats the point?
The "who asked you for X" attitude is what's so wrong with these last couple generations. They PRECISELY take your kindness for granted. "I didn't asked for your kindness/understanding. You did it on your own volition. I owe you nothing!!" Oftentimes they say this AFTER you've helped them.
Wolves raised you, bro, and you're going have a lot of work before you become a decent human being.
listening to this felt like slowly watching someone get sucked deeper and deeper into a black hole while helpless to do anything except watch in horror as they pass the event horizon, knowing there's no turning back anymore. poor op, this isn't going to end well for him
90% of these reddit stories are fake
@@LiquidSnakeSSJ4 ofc they are i know but that doesn't change anything about the listening experience of feeling bad for the character. its like reading a book imo, even if the story isnt real you can still feel for the people in them
@@LiquidSnakeSSJ4 This isn't fake
@@LiquidSnakeSSJ4 90% of all information is. I mean, time does not even exist
@@zcxhcrjvkbnpnmI think time does exist, it’s just the fact that humans can’t fully comprehend it
What was revealed at the 7 minute mark of this video I saw coming from a fucking MILE AWAY. How the fuck can anyone be so unbelievably naive to think rape recovery is an excuse to fully withdraw from their romantic partner for 6 months and still think there’s any likelihood of things eventually return to normal? She was repulsed for months by the sight of you and only you. Family was fine, therapist was fine, she could even go to work, seeing everyone is fine but you are a demon in her eyes? My brain hurts so bad from this…I will not continue listening for the sake of my own wellbeing.
He was a source of sex for her, not her family, not her work, and sex was turned into horror
I bet she wasnt even raped and just used it as an excuse to be a slag
I guess she was bitter with him cuz when they first made contact after the rp he didn't comfort her and thought maybe her bf was repulsed by her
So she wanted her bf to feel bad and desperate bla bla by doing all ignoring him
@@yokiyokai4845or more likely, was an affair gone wrong. Not uncommon for cheaters to back out last second when doing it for attention, and the ap not taking no after so many getting yes so many times
OP really out here being treated like a doormat. The one time that he was gonna decide for himself, he was gaslit into retracting it. What a sad situation he was in.
I feel for OP but hes about as smart as a doormat too. I hate that he went through all that but I 100% believe this will not end well for him.
@@HawkBrelandhe did everything the best he could. I guarantee you wouldn't have made decisions any better
@@mgaus I guarantee that your emotional response comes from the terminology "a hit dog will holler".
Taking offense because of a critical comment when that said comment has nothing to do with you specifically definitely means you'll be the type to have the brain power of a doormat.
@@mgaus any better, I would be off in an instant. Dating a rape survivor is stupid, no one gets to be happy, just move on and try to forget that something happened
@@mgaushow about the line from his sister "whats one more week, after all youve been through"
Love how the sister prioritizes her friend over her family.
If a woman asks for advice about a guy who is mentally unstable, people will tell her to run and that she is not responsible for being his therapist. If a guy does the same, he is told he must be her rock.
Gynocentrism. The modern culture is structured in a way that men need to just take it for the convenience of women.
Guess it depends on which part of the internet your on
@@Watcher-hh4mu Depends on the situation. Their our some double standards for both men and women.
In my country it was the other way around. Moreover if it was fertility issues.
@@Yuuuui4 s.korea?
i don't trust her
going no contact on her boyfriend
cheating on him with a coworker
and then writing in a journal it was sexual assault?
how does that make sense?
Girl wanted to play a victim card n wanted sympathy from the internet. Naah the girl doesn't deserve it.
It's not about contact or sex you can do it without but not informing him updates and all that I think he needs to let her go,in the right way until she gets well.
@@kikotv9333 nah, he should leave. He did wait, and they did get back together. The problem is he shouldn’t have went back in the first place.
OP fumbled so hard. I wonder how he's doing now
This is why so many people don't seek therapy in modern times. It's been flooded with bad actors out to further ruin the lives of already vulnerable people.
Ya man talk to your homies or family if you got stuff bothering you. They’re the real ones
@@kyleleverence4061I’d say I partially agree with you. Certain friends of mine certainly are the ones I can share the deepest shit I feel with, but my family has been actively fuelling the said shit.
@@mydpRu my cousin told me blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. In other words your friends can be your family. Everyone always said blood is thicker than water but that’s the whole phrase. True friends will bolster you when you are struggling no matter how you are feeling or what you are feeling. If your family is bothering you, take refuge in your friends. I know what you mean tho.
@@kyleleverence4061 absolutely! The friends I confide in are my “chosen family”, as one of them referred to me on a few very sentimental and emotionally charged occasions.
It's a mafia
Anyone notice this.. She didn't go to see him for lunch because she was being intimate with another guy. But when OP updates us that she was being assaulted at work, they were in the lunch room eating. But in her 'journal' never mentioned that she was supposed to meet up with OP for lunch. She just went back to work.
She was spending lunch with that guy, when she was supposed to be with OP. Seems like history revision to me.
great observaition skills, wish someone would point that out to him
Tell me you didn't listen to the whole story without saying you didn't listen to the whole story.
@@richardnoggin1526 tell me you didn't do your homework. I listened to the story and also found the reddit archive of it to confirm.
@@markdsm-5157 "The journal was hand written in several different colors of ink and if she did just write this before we went there she would have had to hand write in excess of 100 pages"
I mean... If he means that little to her why would she bother
@@mksmike when i said history revision, i was talking about the story teller.
props to op for trying to be as honest and objective as possible, and calling out his own bias in the edits. it shows that he truly cares about the situation and isnt trying to victimize himself.
Amen to that. Praying for him
You can’t victimize yourself by being bias! That’s an oxymoron. Only way you can victimize yourself is by hurting yourself!
@@ChristianGibbons777 If you search up victimizing yourself it usually just means that you are making yourself out to be the victim and blaming external factors entirely. For example, if you got a D in math you say something like the universe is punishing me for no reason. If you search up victimize it means to single out someone for the cruel and unjust treatment they have received. For example, the comment-or is saying that the redditor is not making himself out to be some guy that has cruel and unjust actions towards him, but is being objective. Although this is not an oxymoron, most oxymorons still have meaning so I do not understand what that has to do with anything. Deafening silence is an oxymoron but it is still a word so I’m confused.
Empathiseing so harsh you forget yourself is not commendable
Op is a simp. She cheated on him a year ago he doesn't owe her anything.
All of the girlfriends “supporters” and “advocates” are not helping the gf with her recovery!! Enabling her. Being SA is absolutely terrifying - trust me, I know; however, you can’t enable the victim by allowing her to become immobilized. Don’t treat her like a broken dove.
OP now needs therapy from dealing with the gf’s horrible therapy.
If I was him, I would have walked as soon as she said she cheated and when the therapist defended it. I can’t even
Honestly she broke up with him first, without even saying the words. Just the way she treated him, and abandoned him. He feels guilt for abandoning her but in truth she abandoned him first. It's always so funny how people will use and abuse you but as soon as you say "enough's enough, I'm leaving," they love you more than anything and all the love and affection they withdrew from you comes out in spades.
Reason why the phrase exists women are master manipulators.
@@darkshadowsaver not all women, not tryna to be one of those ppl that say "not all men r@pe women are always right" yada yada but its not only women that manupilate.
That’s facts af
Never have relationships with an assault survivor- you don't owe her anything. Move on, get next mentally stable girl.
Bro op is such a emasculated dude. Why tf is he still with her after she fucked another dude. This is hella annoying people are so pathetic
Call me a shit person but I would have left her in a few months of going through that. And hearing about another guy I'd leave immediately.
It's selfish, but sometimes you have to be selfish to protect yourself.
Not a selfish person for cutting of unhealthy relationships
No I would get revenge compared to me your a saint
@@Wizard_money edge
Same
I'd do the same and I don't believe for a second that the guy from her new job molested her either, I think it's an obvious cope. Clearly trying to manipulate him further and take advantage of his good nature. My heart just goes out for him.
I mean come on. OP was emotionally and mentally abused and when he FINALLY thinks about leaving, he gets gaslighted into staying.
Also, when he asked “How have you been?” And she literally snapped. Bro what? “Personal questions” TF YOU MEAN PERSONAL QUESTIONS? It’s a basic conversation starter.
I feel like the whole molested part was a lie. She was a r*pe survivor, the first thing she would probably do is report that guy but she didn't even though they're co-worker. She was hesitant to leave her job as well which is very odd for a woman who got molested by her co-worker and a as r*pe survivor.
You are definitely on to something
tell me youve never experienced life altering trauma without telling me. she froze. she thought it was her fault for not saying no. she was scared and in her eyes because she didnt say no that meant she cheated and so she hated herself even more. obviously if she was thinking she was a cheater for what happened she wouldnt tell in great detail to the person she thought she betrayed.
@@0Pardofelisshe knows how it feels and just copy pasted the past experience into this one. She should be scared and not wanting to work there. This is fishy
@@0Pardofelis my mother has been raped by her husband. This isn't it chief.
@@HlLl-fk1vsshes clearly going through a time where she just feels guilty because she thought that not saying no meant she cheated, although its a pretty common trauma response to freeze when you're afraid, sort of like a deer in headlights kind of situation
What about that awful therapist? Of course if you drug someone up and have them isolate from their significant other, they are going to have a hard time trusting the one they 'aren't supposed to talk to', and lose connection with them.
Edit: Apparently the initial advice to not say anything heartfelt and not to let him near her was from a rape victim advocate at the hospital. Still doesn't explain why through a full year the therapist didn't do anything to remedy that awful advice.
Because the majority of "therapists" are literal trash at their job. As a guy that came from a pretty f'd up home/childhood (albeit pretty common too) I had about 8 or 9 different therapists growing up with most being court ordered for me and my family. Only 1 made any meaningful progress or gave advice that wasn't straight copied from a Freud/Nietzsche book or made to be an echo chamber of the parent that was paying
@@danielsterling4918 well they aren't payed for succeeding after all, they are paid for appearing like they know what they are talking about.
The therapist didn't know what the "advocate" told the mother.
Therapists are no clairvoyant, they only know what the patient says.
@@SierraSierraFoxtrot It's the therapist's job to know what the client is doing right, or wrong. Their whole job is asking them what they are doing, and correcting poor behavior. They should be able to figure out something like that when talking about her relationship with her boyfriend, especially over the course of a YEAR
@@BronzeOrwin I don't disagree it's the therapist's job, but they're still not clairvoyant.
If a patient says "my BF didn't call or visit" and the reason is that *a third party* told the BF to stay away for the patient's sake, how can the therapist find out what the patient themselves do not know?
She cheated. Way too convient for this mystery journal to pop up once her name got dragged through the mud on reddit. Thats why she also told you to include the reading on your reddit update. She is just trying to save her image. The thousands of people judging her on the internet is what brought her back to you. Not her love for op.
oh shit... good take right there. very very possible
finally someone smart in the comments!!
What? They were doxd?
literally I was saying the same like first no contact. Then sex when he's abou to leave her! No she knew she was losing the only person to care about her like op@@KimchiYeo
@@rhetoric5173 In a way she was since they found op's post.
bro is a door mat tbh..... and scared of change
How convenient that the girlfriend is suddenly absolved of all guilt and is suddenly a saint. I guess we're also not supposed to pay attention to the inconsistencies in the story. Either the whole story is fake or OP got duped into staying with a cheater and believing she hadn't cheated.
He got duped, shit like this happens in therapy all the time
homie was basically gaslit into getting back together with her.....
Did you watch the whole video?
yes@@bagman234
@@bagman234yes, I did, and OP's point is correct
@@southerncyan4098 You’re not Sonicxxx100 but hello. Which point do you agree with?
@@bagman234 Hi back, (this may be long)
I think his choice in his resolution may not have been the right one, but it was his own. However, when his resolution was compromised, his autonomy was not respected.
It is a subtle difference that I think created a conflict between what he thought and what he felt.
When in knowledge of his thoughts and feelings, GF asks, "Are you breaking up with me?" was a moment that uniquely made me feel coldness. Because, in understanding MC's thoughts, that question actually has multiple meanings, surface and innuendo.
It questions the resolve of MC, which is one thing, but it casts the innuendo of the effect of the answer on the GF's mental stability and health.
In terms of MC's resolution this is already answered, but in an emotional manner, this questions whether the MC is going to hurt her "again." And "again" and its implications of harm are not stated.
Now, I do not mean to suggest that GF was intentionally trying to make a manipulative pull on MC, but it's effect certainly has. MC addresses the audience talking about how some will "hate" him over his new decision, but I think it is an unconscious decision that MC makes to ignore the original intention as "hate." This effect can be described as GF gaslighting MC because he questions his perception of his own reality.
Well that's at least what I was thinking, what are your thoughts, and I hope you have a wonderful rest you your day.
You aren't married so do what's best for YOU.
You cannot fix other people.
You cannot fix other people.
You cannot fix other people.
May be true you can’t fix other people, but they can fix themselves if you give them enough time.
Sometimes time is what is needed.
OP did a great job with all the patience he had. And he was doing what was best for him in the long run. He got his life back. He got to stay with the person he loved. That’s a win any day when it’s real.
@@Mathemaniac187he gave her a damn year of his life with nothing to show for it, was lied to, verbally abused, etc. that's WAY above and beyond what I would expect anyone to go through for someone they're not even married to.
@@cygnusprime6728 fr my guy got fucking robbed his mental peace to everything, he don't deserve them.
@@cygnusprime6728 If you love somebody you'll do it. Love is blind as they say no matter the bullshit. It's sad tho that most of the time the other side is the only one suffering.
@@cygnusprime6728When someone is truly in love, their judgement is easily swayed regardless of how illogical. Luckily, the year of isolation wasn't the girlfriend's fault, but a random outsider. They're both happy now, similar if not the same as they were before, so them splitting up would have been a terrible choice in their situation. She had already felt guilty enough to try and OD after being SA'd, something that wasn't even her fault, AGAIN. Imagine them splitting up and her reading all those posts, that guilt would have been like 10x worse.
Okay, but is it just me, or does it feel like the girlfriend was both feeling coerced and coercing OP? Like, immediately after reading thebpost she changes her behavior.....it doesn't seem right.
Also, OP was emotionally abused for over a year. Yes, GF was sexually assaulted and whatnot, but she, her family, and her therapist all emotionally abused him.
The threat of someone leaving isn't enough to save a relationship. Eventually your relationship will crumble.
There’s this pervasive, disturbing ambience of OP and his situation being despairingly doomed. It’s a horrendous fate.
Its so sad, but its poetic even, if he never made the post with his name, we probably wouldn't have this tragic fate for this man happen. Glad he sacrificed for us, cant complain for such a great read.
@@deivisnxwhile it was an entertaining dramatic story, i much rather he didn't write this and went through with the break up, or that he manned up and broke up. He is clearly not a very strong man and gullible for believing the molestation story
@@moemeneldukany4191kind of hard to dismiss an old journal, however.
mans got a thesaurus
Right.. but what if her side is true. Then you "manning up" even after you know the truth just shows that you didn't love that person.@@moemeneldukany4191
OPs sister wasn't right to call the man a disgusting pig. The man hasn't recieved any physical affection from anyone for over a year. It upsets me seeing how many people are ready to defend OP's girlfriend but the only one on his side is the negligent girlfriend. Why do they expect him to wait forever for someone who cannot give him an ounce of love and care? Everyone is always there ASAP to protect and care for women but it is really never the same case for men. We truly live in a society of double standards and toxic masculinity.
thank you.
I feel like people dont understand time. A year is a long time. A day is 24 hours, hours are long. Most men cant live for a while without attention. I feel like having sex with another man is cheating, even if she is a rape victim. Why not with him? You feel shame for something you couldn't control? If you have sex with him it would help. Sure he was cruel sometimes, but she had sex with another man.
@@ubermorph7661 In another update it was clarified she didn't have sex with another guy, she was SA'd AGAIN and blamed herself for it and said she had cheated cuz it was easier to deal with that what happened.
@@hatsunedkaname yeah i call bullshit, she did it willingly
seems like she really loved him, doubt it was BS.
wait nobody even ASKED HER who she wanted there after the attack? Seems like a pretty fucking important question
She will cheat on you when get bored, its not a worthwhile relationship, just the rollercoaster and lack of peace... singlehood is much better in this case.
I promise you she will cheat again.
Listened to the entire thing. OP should have left her early in that first year, and I would still tell him to leave her even now.
While i certainly was in favour of leaving her for the majority of the story, at the end with her perspective on the information and journal i suport his decision to stay.
As if the journal is to be beleived she had trauma with intimate post assult, so with her cheating being a seondary assult shes even more triggered by intimacy.
@@XenithShadow Yea after hearing the journal part (assuming it's all true, and OP seems to think so) it seems like a communication issue between both the girl and OP as well as the girl's family/therapist.
She only wanted to get back with him after internet strangers rightfully put her on blast and she found out he was going to dump her. Then this journal magically appears and it turns out she never cheated but also never explained the full situation to anyone, including her therapist. What happened to her initially is awful but everyone in this story is a cunt except for the OP, who's just a moron.
@@XenithShadow I think the story of the journal doesn't add up with her actions of not wanting any contact with her boyfriend even just chatting, when you are hurt usually you want your closest person next to you not away from you forever, I think she used the journal to change the cheating part of the story just to get him back cause her sister let her know what's going to happen.
@Exknight2 it's sad what she went through but she in the end is a dirty cheater. And op is weak willed into being gaslit into staying because of his sister and hers.. personally I would have no tolerance for cheating sisters be damned and tell them so.
As someone who has faced sexual trauma it’s extremely weird to me that she was able to switch up so fast after him threatening to leave her. At least in my experience the difficulties with intimacy don’t go away that fast no matter the circumstances. There have been times where I have wanted to be intimate so bad but I just can’t bring myself to do so in a healthy way and it’s just odd to see it switch so suddenly in someone.
The important thing to note is that at the time she thought he secretly blamed her and thought she was ruined by the rape due to her parents never telling her he wasn’t allowed to see her at the hospital or hug her when they finally let him visit. She was afraid to ask and have that fear confirmed. Reading his feelings on the matter in the original post helped her trust him again.
@@bagman234 i still disagree with this because through the entire story he has been trying to talk to her, invited her to lunch, went so far to make sure she was okay after she didn’t show up one time for lunch, and also was visibly hurt when he found out she was with another man. Except for that one isolated experience for the year and a half he has been showing how much he wants to be involved, I think either he made up the ending about the journal or she made up the journal and he actually read it. Because none of it makes sense.
You can deal with trauma how ever you seem fit, but it absolutely does not give you an excuse to be terrible and she was terrible, it may be an explanation as to why you are acting a certain way but not an excuse and if it starts to get over into the territory where you are hurting other people, example being abusive physically, mentally or cheating, a person absolutely has the right to leave because their health matters too.
My thoughts on it are, in addition to the story later informing us that she thought he wanted distance, it seems likely that a person in her situation would not have any perspective on what's happening inside other people's heads. Combined with being messed up inside your own head, you can get very lost in your own, hellish world. Reading his post is like looking through a window into his head, allowing her to actually feel what someone else is feeling for perhaps the first time in over a year. This kind of experience seems like it could be grounding and pull her eyes back to reality a bit about the people around her.
Basically, I think the fact he threatened to leave her really had nothing to do with it at all; instead, I think it was the fact that he poured his raw emotions out onto Reddit, where she could then read them, is what switched her up. Again, learning later into the story that they mutually thought the other wanted nothing to do with them means that she probably never actually felt so cold toward him in the first place but was rather respecting or feeling hurt by his apparent wishes. To phrase it differently: my pretense is not that she easily overcame difficulties with intimacy, rather that her apparent difficulties were not as bad as they seemed.
@@thomasburnett8926 Idc, that woman had sex with another man, that is cheating, even if she did get raped, she was tormenting OP to hell and fucking him up, I would have left.
@@cosmicionicc5134then you probably didn’t finish the story because op explained that it was a hospital rape advocate who told her parents to keep him away until she wants him back they both wanted to be with each other after the incident happened
I watched the full video, I still believe OP was manipulated and this relationship is gonna ruin him in the long run. The Problems are:
1) The whole family, even his own sister were against him for the longest, even calling him a disgusting pig. Yet now all of a sudden some journal conveniently explains it was not her fault.
2) Nobody in OP's life was truly there for him aside from his sister for a single moment where she stood up for him. The girlfriend literally agreed and consented to being away from him for a year without a single giving a shit about him. Then she and the other girls have the audacity to shame him or gaslight him into thinking it's "love" on why he should stay. Clearly this is a lie, none of them showed love to him. Else, they would've seen right through the bullshit given by the r*pe advocate.
3) Self-defense classes or not. This man has a ELITE level of communication, Empathy and patience that the girlfriend is not even close to. Nor do the people in his life appreciate properly. Nobody gave a shit about him despite him clearly being an incredible man. Her family, her and even his own sister are all wrong regardless of the r*pe advocate kickstarting this shitshow. Him going through with the relationship is signing himself up for more misery because life will have downs again where he finds himself in the same limbo state. The 4 days of happiness is just a honeymoon phase where he is yet again blinded by the short-sighted love of his girlfriend, making him forget about the root problems of how she and all of the other involved parties handled this issue.
TL: dr this guy is a incredible man. These people have no good excuse and he is now trapped in a short-sighted honeymoon phase until he is abused more by all of the parties involved when life brings another calamity. He really needs to stand up for himself regardless of the names or how people deem him. It's okay to be selfish when the alternative is mental suicide.
He got called a pig cause he popped a boner hugging the sister
You're absolutely right in everything you mentioned. This guy is getting himself stuck in a dark pit. He's going to have his life and any innocence he has left sucked out of him. He'll become a shell of who was and probably become bitter and resentful, as this will never give him a moment of rest.
He should have broken up as soon as he learned about the cheating, and she will absolutely cheat again.
If I was a friend of his I would absolutely not let him get back into that relationship again. Poor guy.
It would be best for both if they broke up, because at least both could move on.
Now, for as long as they are together, their life and relationship will be defined by that single event. They're together because of pain, not because of love.
It pissed me off how much of a doormat OP is.
He is just a good kid. In the end he took control. This is what he wants.
Boy has single handedly ruined his life by deciding to stay with her. Yes, he loves her and yes, it would hurt to break up but the pain is temporary compared to the amount of years he's gonna waste with her.
Wdym
@@rydersjshe cheated. Idc what caused her to do it, once your partner cheats they don’t love you anymore. I hope the op leaves her
@@runningoutofnames6956 Not trying to blame you for missing this or anything, it is quite a long video after all, and the original framing of the situation does make it seem different to what actually happened, but no.
She didn't actually cheat. She was molested by a co-worker (who fingered her without her consent), and she felt guilty over it because she didn't make more of an effort to attempt to stop them. Only exiting from the situation when some people walked past the room they were in which caused her molester to stop and she took it as an opportunity to leave.
She did not give the therapist the full story, which led to even greater misunderstanding with the OP, hence why it sounds that way when initially framed. The true course of events are revealed later on.
@@rydersj yeah I finished the video but honestly I think that she’s either lying and just said she’s been SA’d to save face or the op is lying on the last bit to either save himself and the rest now that everyone knows about it or he’s been threatened by his gf and sister to write it off like a happy ending because it’s way to perfect of an ending to be real.
And besides even if this is all real that relationship is not healthy and the op should still leave. Both have too much baggage for it to last and would only be possible if both parties were picture perfect, which they obviously aren’t, so nah man I still think she cheated and made something up and forced him to end the posting on a happy conclusion so everyone would butt out and he’s being manipulated into staying with her because now all of a sudden she wants him after a whole year when she knows the internet and even people they know irl are reading about it.
I would’ve left her after a year if this happened to me because I’m not buying all that. And besides she already has all her family supporting her, why does she needs me after disappearing after a whole year? Nah he’s a better man than me that’s for sure (or just stupid and is being toyed with emotionally by her and her family)
@@runningoutofnames6956 Yes, her lying is a possibility. I doubt it, however, since its inclusion in her diary presumably having been written before her disclosing it to her therapist would lend credence to her account of events. That is, unless we assume that she fabricated that entry and presumably many other entries to make it look more believable _after_ finding out that he might leave her because of it, in some elaborate scheme to manipulate him. It just seems unlikely. Possible, sure, but what is the most reasonable/likely assumption to make? I generally prefer to give someone the benefit of the doubt rather than assume there's some underhanded manipulative scheme at play. There isn't more often than not.
As for being distant from him for a year, that too has what at least to me seems like a reasonable explanation. I've encountered similar behaviour in a relationship before, women are very sensitive to even subtle changes in behaviour, and their conclusions can often be that the change in behaviour is the result of their partner not loving them, hence they themselves become more distant. They then don't communicate this, and it becomes a huge relationship problem. As was explained, the advice given to him by her mother wasn't informed by her or her therapist. This is what led to his change in behaviour of acting more distant with her, which led her to think he didn't love her, etc. etc.
As for the relationship working, I see no reason to be pessimistic about it. We know very, very little about either of them aside from as it relates to this series of events. Baggage? Sure, baggage especially of this severity can have devastating effects on a relationship. But I also know from experience that different people have vastly different ability to resolve or at the least deal with baggage, not to mention they are going through therapy. It seems a bit hasty to assume that they would have to be absolutely perfect for the relationship to work out.
This man made a mistake.
He let the loneliness get to him. She and her family disrespected him in more ways than one FOR OVER A YEAR. This guy is a tool. She'll cheat again most likely.
what could he have done to prevent this? have boundaries and not be a typical “nice guy”?
leave her or make her stop listening to dumb ppl suggestions @@julienfutbol5780
@@julienfutbol5780 He should've walked away sooner. There was nothing to fix her. This guy got played hard for being a nice guy. Being neglected for over a year is enough to drive anyone away. A month is like an eternity in a relationship. He should've taken the hint when she was being cold towards him. He should've already left when she cheated on him. But he gave her time to manipulate him. There is a layer to this story which can be picked from her behavior, not the words, because most of them are lies. This story has been compomised. He happens to be with a bad girlfriend who clearly didn't respect him & he kept coming back for more.
I am fairly certain that the couples counseling would go nowhere. The OP's account is inactive for more that 7 years so we have no updates on this, but if he had any hred of self respect, he should have realized that this was not worth salvaging. It's an all to common story of a partner being treated like dirt by their other half's family. The circumstances are important, but honestly don't change too much about facts, and it feels like his GF used the traumatic event as a carte blanche to do whatever she wanted.
Did you even listen to the story, turns out she was molested by the guy.
Once a cheater.... So much of this could have been avoided with COMPETENT therapy.
Naw she abandoned you leaving you out to dry for a whole year while she could have been with you from the start. She chose to cheat on you while supposed to be in a relationship. She deserves the worst when it comes to this break up, she id only crying now when she's about to lose you. This right here is a manipulation tactic to get you to submit to her. Its was better to walk away from the relationship when she left you out to dry without giving you any semblance of care for you.
Major trauma changes people permanently. You were no longer dating the same person. Even without the cheating, it’s completely reasonable for you to leave a person in this situation.
Also the medications and awful therapist advice to isolate herself, it's really no surprise considering that.
lol, being raped by some dude after work doesn't cause this wacky bullshit to happen, it's some fuckin fake ass story
nah only YOU are responsible for the choices you make nobody else.@@BronzeOrwin
still no excuse for cheating,cheating is ALWAYS a choice and she pretty much negkected the boyfriend while getting railed by some other guy...no ffing way it was ''only once'' and herparents an sister lknowingbut not telling shows what a ffed up peopel they all are, F them.
She didn't cheat, she was assaulted again.
I blame the parents for excusing her infidelity as part of her recovery.
What, she couldn't take back control of her sexuality with her own boyfriend?
Shame on all of them.
Did you watch till end because that wasn't even true in the end. She was molested.
Did you listen to the end?
@@NobodySpecsh most people here probably never even finished the video and only just listened to the first post.
They didn't endorse it or excuse her
Therapist claiming she was taking back her sexuality with a Stranger instead of her own bf is nothing short of making excuses on behalf of a wh0r3.
Therapist just made everything worse.
This is outright abuse. That girl has severe mental issues, and the family has known for a very long time. As long as she believes she is in control there is no need for intimacy. And she used her entire family, doctors etc to gain control. OP should have run right away. Hope he gets good help.
Did you fully watch the video, doesn’t sound like it
@@caldeo2 Yes, his gf is lying to him. She has spun a narrative on him that is 100% a web of lies.
@@ParleLeVu who hurt you man? i think this is what we call in the business a loose loose situation
This guy is too good for this world.
those that are too good people are the ones that suffers the most. It's sad but people use them and deceive them.
He’s a better man than me. I would’ve left a long while ago.
He's a better man than I, but gents take a good look at him, he's doing what is making him happy, he's taking some control! For that he has my respect
@@RichObiQuan That guy is very communicate, understanding and empathic. even than me by far.
@@halleffect5439 he was but there were many times where he should’ve walked away respectfully but chose not to.
Oof, this is a hard watch. Some people just take and take and take when you try to give them everything. And all he needs is someone to say “she thought you were being cold and distant that one time, that’s why she shut you out for a year and cheated” to make it all make sense, because that’s how much he loves her. He doesn’t realize that he could just bite the bullet, deal with the pain of separation, and find someone better. And as soon as his patience wears thin, she’s apologetic and can have sex again all of a sudden. What the fuck
I’m amazed at how many people fell it. The OP toward the end even expressed how terrified he was of triggering her or making a mistake. She’ll always be able to manipulate him.
Yeah, she was being extremely manipulative but also you can tell shes fucked up in the head. though that does not justify what she did, OP should break up with her. I can understand his anger, i got so furious, when i heard how she uses being a victim to manipulates him. i could feel OP's anger and it was totally justified on the post just after hearing about the cheating. Her family should realise shes fucked up and she should realise her family is being horrible to OP, but instead it feels like she weaponises that fact.
Sorry to say, but OP is one weak ass boy. It's ridiculous how he ended up staying with her after all that. Some people are just built different lol...
You people are psychopaths. Or just one psychopath with multiple accounts. Actual bots...
Tons of red flags from everyone involved in this. This is something no one wants to hear, but it's well known in psychology that people find each other. Somehow, all within the same period of time, she was SA'd twice? It's extremely easy for her to have forged the whole journal and to have misrepresented events (she's been known to do it before). It doesn't really matter what happened. There are certain events and actions that mean you need to move on.
I've been with such a person for 18 months, even though the ominous event happened 6 years prior to me even getting to know her (and I've got to know about the ominous event a year into our relationship). The red flags were all there from the beginning, I was just too blind to see it, but after I've got the necessary frame of reference with my knowledge about the event everything just started to make sense. She was a complete mess. Such a victim will never find peace in a long-term monogamous relationship, ever.
In those 18 months she messed me up so bad, I haven't had another relationship in 17 years. The experience derailed my life completely. I dropped out of uni, now I'm 38 with a plethora of knowledge but without a shiny degree for employment. This is not a pity-party, I'm just trying to drive the point home that such an event never has just one victim. Everyone around that person will suffer one way or the other, IN PERPETUITY.
Feel for you my dude.
Dudes gf was raped and he didn't see her for a week!? Wtf is this shit? He should've been the first person she wanted to see, not the family. I feel so sorry for this man. What happened to him is traumatic 😢 him leaving her is absolutely justified.
Apparently that only happened because she took bad advice from a rape advocate that hates men.
Thats the RA nurse fault, screw her
While I agree that he should be a safe haven for her, it is possible that as a sexually demanding being, he was not someone she felt safe being around after sex was demanded from her non-consensually. It's not about him.
What stated he was sexually demanding? He stated that he didn’t have sex with her, but she cheated on him. He was upset at not getting hand holding. You need to stop listening to woke bs
@@updog179yeah but at the end of the day, r4pe boils down to extreme physical and mental assult. you dont need months to recover enough to talk to someone you spent years with. If i was rped, my friends would be one of the first i talked to, after my family.
When he told about the advice to act distant in the beginning i knew instantly something was off. What a horrible person that was whoever gave that advice. The rapist really almost ruined their life but that woman who gave the advice really almost sealed the deal. She really should go to prison too.
Never ever sign out of your SO's recovery. You are their most important person. You are the one they chose to share their life with, not their "family". YOU are their family. The rest are just parents and siblings. Cutting contact with their safest person after such a trauma is the worst advice I've ever heard.
Alas, we do not have laws for crimes against words of mass destruction in this context.
The "man-hating" woman doesn't exist. It's the therapist. Notice how at the beginning even the OP figured out that it's the therapist? She did the same "do's and don'ts" thing when he was visiting her office. The later part is a complete fabrication to save Sarah's face after the whole thing went public and to manipulate OP into coming back to the plantation.
Yes. Her trauma is affecting you and you are being neglected. Break up. She may be a victim, but she's making you a victim of the relationship. The relationship is between you and her. Everyone can give their input, but you are making sacrifices without even respect to your own being.
me when i don't watch the full video:
@@Dracon350na bro go a point
@@vavadadeur150 that point is snuffed out when OP has established that they're back together and healing, and that the ONLY reason things turned out this way was cause someone thought they knew better than the parties actually affected.
if things had continued as they were, i would've been one of the folks telling him to dip. but they didn't, and he's moving on and i wish the best for them now that they know what's really going on.
@@Dracon350 i still don't buy " is not cheating part"
just curious did you see the part about her representing SA as cheating and if you did do you think she was lying about it. I mean she very well could be but the person telling the story says it was between 100+ pages of notes she had been writing to the therapist. but Idk @@vavadadeur150
Her Journal sounds like BS, gaslight to Hell. Hook line and sinker, sounds like a whole lot of mental gymnastics going on to justify her terrible actions.
NTA. GF had my sympathy until she cheated. If you wanted to reclaim your sexuality, why not use the loving, supportive BF you already have? Surely you can trust him not to harm you more than some guy you work with, right? It doesn't sound like he's given her any reason otherwise. After all this, he'd be well within his rights to break up.
She was definitely lying about the not cheating thing to save face. Even if she did not cheat OP should leave for the way she and her family treated him for OVER A YEAR basically treating him like a total stranger. Poor OP spent all his energy looking after her mental health but never stopped to take care of his own, in fact no one cared about his mental health.
Exactly. That whole molesting thing is too crazy too he true.
They essentially punished HIM for the crime the grapist did.
This is a common thing. Women lose respect for their men, when they cannot prevent them from being 'taken'. Even if this was with her being elsewhere and with no possible way to intervene. Human brains are fucked like that
@@Mayhzon u are so right at this point man
That seems sus. She has been r*pd so she know what s3x without consent is, so I doubt she wouldnt tell him that...
She is probably trickle truthing him, once he is comfortable again she will drop the bomb on him
Cause he is such a nice and acomodating guy
Funny how for the past year she was so unstable that big things had to be done with a therapist but once they found out he wanted to break up with her they staight up told her and they went to damage control
@@MayhzonHonestly, I find this reaction to be a reaction from someone who has not been through significant trauma. Assuming this story actually took place, going through a traumatic event really does change a person to the point where even if the victim wants to improve, they can't.
One more reason to never see a therapist.
Edit after watching the whole thing:
His GF failed to mention that the guy "didn't have sex with her" the second time she was "assaulted" because "she thought that OP would consider it cheating anyway"? What? That's not how humans work. Anybody would tell the whole truth if it makes them look better.
She also said that "the other guy didn't use a condom" but failed to mention he didn't even need one since "they didn't ahve sex"? What? That's definitely a lie.
IMO OP is still in for a world of hurt.
Listen to how that conversation went again. OP admitted he blew up when she answered “no” to “did you use a condom” and she went into hysterics. If he had remained calm and if the idiot therapist didn’t try to justify cheating they could have cleared things up the first time.
u r forgetting how men are because thats completely logical , there was parts that made no sense and u chose a guy blaming her for it? like that doesnt happen?
I would feel so awkward and ashamed if my trauma induced SO was suddenly physical after I threatened to leave them. Like, I would feel like I coerced them.
Or they are manipulating you
It doesn't even matter if it's fake or not.
This story is enough to bring anyone to tears.
Tears? Why you so soft 😂😂😂
@@okene you obviously did not watch the video.
So this whole time the dude thought she wouldn't hold his hand because she was that traumatised from the rape, meanwhile she was just cheating on him.
are you autistic? did you even watch the FULL video?
Even if she was just raped that relationship would most likely be over. It ended mine and even when I was as back to normal as I could be i couldn’t go back to that relationship.
But yeah, I knew something was up here with the way she behaved as if she was afraid of him, that’s guilt more then shame
@@Catherine.Dorian. I commented that before I watched the whole video. Apparently, there's a twist in the end. A massive misunderstanding that if people spoke to each other for longer than half a second, wouldn't be there.
@@jackwalters3928 Yeah when I got to the end same deal but it still doesn’t change much. For a couple rape and cheating (both or either/or) forever changes the relationship dynamic. Some couples can find a new way to work through it but it never goes back to how it was before, ever.
I was with the loveliest guy and he was so patient cause he knew I’d been sexually assaulted since I was 7 that ended at 20. I couldn’t stand being touched cause I felt something he’d feel how dirty and unclean I was and the thing that took me forever to realize? I didn’t feel safe enough with him to lower my guard down. But I didn’t make him hang on for over a year, once it became a lightbulb moment I let him go and he now has the wonderful life he deserved.
I do fear this girlfriend is afraid that no other man would want her (trust me, I’ve had that fear) so she’s clinging to him. But I truly hope that she is able to move forward enough that she can have a great life with him.
For me it was months of fear once everyone knew that grew to years of rage and wanting him harmed beyond you can harm a human… and eventually I took responsibility for my part in it, for not speaking up, for not fighting harder etc. And now I’m basically at peace with myself and he’s just somebody I once knew that I’d never want to again
I've heard a few people mentioning that apparently what happened was that the person we thought she cheated with actually assaulted her too. Though idk why she didn't tell him. He knew of the first assault and was VERY supportive so idk what reason there is not to tell him. Though tbf I never had to deal with assault, so I can't see it from the view of the victim to make a guess.
That is some manipulation right there as someone who has been molested at most I was angry at the person who did it not at others and I still am to this day and that is wrong on the gf part for being manipulative and making op feel like crap.
Bruh, manipulation is intentionally making someone think or act the way you want them to gain some kind of advantage. She was not acting like that to gain something, and she ended up suffering as well. Her behavior was inappropriate but she is a victim, too
@@gauss_gunyou don’t really understand what manipulation is huh
@@gauss_gunrespectfully know the definition you just spelled out is “manipulation with intent to gain” also known as a exploiting someone or deception.
Manipulation is altering how you tell information in order to illicit response, this can be intentional (this being deception), for personal gain (this being to exploit), collectively known as playing upon information for a purpose, or unintentional via subconscious body language (an unconscious bias) or by the belief in that you are doing something else less harmful or wrong (known as a delusion, where you even manipulate yourself).
What is happening here is partially delusion, partially fumbling (antonym of manipulate because what’s happened from the manipulation has spiralled beyond the manipulators control and is therefore now an uncontrolled series of mistakes rather than controlled manipulation).
This happens sometimes after people become victims because the manipulation is a method of control & the fumbling is because it’s not done with much excess foresight as to the consequences because it’s more of an instinctual response.
In this case the manipulation is one of two things, either she’s lying about cheating, which does happen before & after they become a victim and is probably unrelated to the victim’s trauma, or she’s telling the truth and the gain of manipulation is either a need to spin the story as she was in control this time (a delusion because she was in fact not in control) or as a perceived punishment which again happens when people are victims.
Either way OP is still the offended party & has been a victim of the gf & her family since the trauma happened. He did not deserve it, and regardless of the fact she was also a victim, it does not excuse her or her family for making him a victim of what is essentially emotional & psychological abuse for over a year for a situation he had no part in.
@@RyanBright-wg1yk "some kind of advantage" does not necessarily mean anything materialistic. Making someone feel bad when they shouldn't is also gaining an advantage over the person
It all happened because of a manhating rape activist actively sabotaging their relationship
Just listening for 3 minutes was enough to see he needs to dump her, if you cant talk to your boyfriend for more than a few weeks something is very wrong, also her family is a bunch of assholes
She was never his gf. It was just his turn with her.
OP needs to bounce, She may be truamatized enough to limit her contact with you but her family is the one who kept you outside and in dark. She needs to heal but that doesn't mean OP needs to get hurt in that process.
actually its her who kept everyone in the dark. she didnt tell anyone about the man hating rape advocate, and she falsely told everyone that she cheated, even though she was just feeling victim's guilt. so really, its nobody's fault except from the 2 people in the beginning of the story. the rapist and the rape advocate
@@TheProxy2 bro her family was the one who followed the advocates man hating instructions, she as mentioned in her general which op read later wrote than OP seemed distance on first meeting after SA but he was told to act brief by her family she had no idea.
@@eddieguerrero6603well her parents regretted it. after reading OP's reddit posts they finally get how hurt he felt and they felt terrible. the whole situation is just because the parents just wanted to protect their child and i really cant see that its their fault. at the end, she really didnt have malicious intentions or manipalative ones, its just a misfortune things happened the way it did because of a single woman. hell it might not even be the woman''s fault because shes just so disensitized by the amount of rape victims by men. everythng's understandable and after spending 38 mins in this video, i really do think they can mend their relationship if they just communicate with each other and be involved with each other way more than before, which is exactly what OP does at the end
@@TheProxy2 I don't know if the video has last update but they are working on mending the relationship. Yes the family regrets their decision Op has forgiven but it doesn't make any less of their fault, and the advocate can't get away with being disentisized she is a professional and has to act like one, it's like police calling every black kid gang member cause they come across many(don't mean to be political just an example regarding people dealing with law like lawyers).
OP described their last meeting with his gf and how they are trying to mend things , so all is well if the end is well.
@@eddieguerrero6603 true. no thing justifies the advocate being unprofessional and the parents made the wrong decision trusting the wrong person. at least in their defense theyre protecting their child and were in a state of shock too, and they did feel terrible. hopefully nothing else bad happens between them and op. i think op and his gf can have a good life together regardless of their parents
I was raped when I was 7, and from that experience I can tell you that the fear of intimacy won't be overcome just by a wake up call, she is very clearly lying to keep him around and I do believe she faked the notebook as well as the assault; I've done 100 handwritten pag essay in less than a day to get out failing a class and the counting assault as cheating makes no sense.
What the therapist said though really got me, that victims of rape will "get it on" on their own terms to feel like they have the power, so as a coping mechanism, for many years afterwards during my teenage years despite disliking all forms of physical contact I was very flirtatious, I thought it was fun to fluster other people at the time
💯👌🏆
Typical e-thot backstory
@@_Not_Retarded didn't know men could be thots XD
@@MrShadic999oh they can
It's 2023 bro
The next time she cheat the author will be holding her hand ...that's the dynamic he is looking for
*prints out posts*
*knocks on door*
"Is this you?"
Oh no 😰
"taking back their sexuality" just feels like an excuse for cheating behind ones back. 3 years down the drain man. 3 years and when this traumatic thing happens he isnt invlved and her family hides the truth, back to the streets with her see you in 10 years.
feels like she is using tears as weapons and chains.
tik tok attention span, listen to the entire story
also the story is clearly made up for karma, i hate reddit with all my heart
@@klaus6091 2. yes 1. you mean the part where she lies about the second SA?
@@qq84 yes she is lying clearly if it is real
It's a well-documented phenomenon that sometimes happens to victims of SA, both male and female, both in a relationship and single. Because the loss of control over their own sexuality is a key part of the trauma, many do cope by reasserting their own sexuality via promiscuity.
@@meko98743 Doesn't make it okay.
I could not imagine going through this and I really do feel for op's gf & op, BUT...this is too much. He is going to always be under the gun. Her emotions, her cheating, her family's clear zero fuckedness about ops feelings/boundaries...this will not end well for op.
Read the full story including the conclusion where she reads from her diary to OP after they find his posts, and why she didn't actually cheat. She was sexually assaulted AGAIN and was so freaked out and traumatized she started blaming herself.
She didn't cheat, she was pretty much raped a 2nd time, watch until the end.
@@impishrebel5969Jesus Christ…. but still thats on OP’s gf for not communicating
@@SSFighter1701 And on OP for not talking sooner, anyways its a lot of different factors building up to a dummy scenario.
@@tsunasawada6792How could he talk when he was being stonewalled at all times by her and her family?
It’s a shit situation for the gf but instead of including OP from the beginning they just kept him completely in the dark.
Yeah fuck that being a rape victim is no fucking excuse to cheat on your partner, definitely makes it harder to feel sorry for her even though she's a victim.
Edit: at that ending update idk man seems pretty Sus hopefully everything works out for them
This guy deserves the best, i hope that those two stay together like that, really heart warming
Idk seems pretty fishy especially how her story switches up after he threatens to leave and suddenly she didn’t actually cheat..
Watch it again. They were already back together at that point, and she just wanted to clear up a few misunderstandings now that they were both in a better headspace.
She did not know that she was not cheating, did you even listen? Do you know how common it is to take the blame for rape even though it's not your fault? She physically could not say no because she froze as a trauma response, so she never said no. In her head everything is her fault so no wonder she thought she was cheating. Victims of rape are likely to be taken advantage of again, read about it.
@@Lia-ws8wxI don't get this tbh. If it reminds you of past trauma that you know to be rape, why can't you identify that it's also rape?
@Blade.5786 cause the human brain is stupid, especially with trauma.
To give an exemple that more relatable then the girlfriends situation. I was in a really bad relationship (not what I would call abusive I was just used). One of the main reason I didint pick up it was a bad relationship was I thought she was being protective of me (I fell hard and made a lot of excuses for her bassed on that). I would latter come to find out the girl admitted to just using me as a @#* toy and it clicked for me. The stuff I saw as her being hyper protective sutch as cuddling me closer and "defending" me when a girl lightly joked about me wasint her being protective it was her being possessive.
For around a year after the relationship I was confused on how I mixed up her being possessive with her being protective. It took a year and direct blackmail to my face to realise that was due to my mother being possessive but hiding it saying she was protective. The sights were right in my face but I didint recognize it till a year of my friends calling her out and the direct blackmail that her acting like that wasint justified or right. As said the brain stupid sometimes hope my story makes it clearer to see that?
@@Blade.5786 Same reason why a person in an abusive relationship goes back to their abuser. They justify the abuse as THEiR fault instead of their abuser.
tbh, the whole "take back her sexuality" is uuuuuter bs. That's just excusing being a terrible person. Being raped doesn't excuse you from further infidelity idk why any therapist or anyone would see it that way.
therapists dont need to be sane or sensible, they only need a qualification.
my friend recently got "i have an eating disorder. i hate my body and want to die" "have you considered that you may be trans?"
to be asked that within a minute of their first meeting is insane.
i got told, after a police officer tried to get me sectioned for being suicidal, that there was nothing wrong with me and that i "need to harden up. life can be difficult"
Watch till the end
Watch the whole video then get back to us.
@@bagman234 I did and I choose to comment on one aspect. The rest is, as you already know, cleared up.
@@AECH_CH Fair enough, that therapist really did drop the ball.
The fact that we've been gaslighted into thinking this guy is an asshole as opposed to the one who is being abused says a lot about this society.
The end is bullshit, yes there are journals used for therapy but why use it now, also shouldn't she have just mentioned that she was molested earlier rather than bringing the book up? I call this lady a manipulator, I don't even care anymore. If it's all for her image, i say this is a petty way to try and fix yourself, I know to my heart OP knows and thinks about this to himself but just decides to subside it and keep the happy ending at a towering manner. Dumb luck or not, this is still pretty sad.
Yeah, I feel the same way because she should have reported that guy that SA her at her work and should have immediately changed the jobs, like if she was aped earlier, then how could she still feel safe in that environment where a dude SA her during lunch at work. And she didn't change the jobs until Op told her, and also, shouldn't the therapist listen to her first before telling Op. Seems like Op got Gaslit.
The biggest issue I have with the claim it was an assault, after everything that happened, is that earlier in the story, her sister said they had a multi hour talk about her cheating. How did it never come up that she didn't actually cheat and was, in fact, sexually assaulted AND not wanting to leave the job where it happened and cut contact with the guy until after her boyfriend pushed her into it. Hell, they even admit that the only reason this new story came out was because she was tired of being hated for it. I obviously can't say for certain, but I'm like 90% sure she cheated on him, and this assault story is a lie to make her look better. I feel really bad for op here. It's awful what happened to his gf, for sure, but op was completely disregarded until it was almost too late, and it took her learning he was going to leave her for her to do a complete 180. Also, that 180 makes it really hard to believe her because that was instant, and only after she learned he wouldn't put up with this anymore, and after she had made him put up with this for a full year and a half. There are a million red flags here, and I have to agree with the reddit on this. He seriously should have left her, and I don't believe this is going to end well for op.
Good point. That whole co-worker incident is shady af and it all rests on whether she cheated or was molested. The whole, "She needed to get her sexuality and power back" schtick is bs. If she willingly had sexual relations with the guy the trust is gone, shows over. Different story if she was molested of course but as you say, her story doesn't add up.
Yeah the story is fake
Women moment ☕
Why do I think it was the therapist's idea to omit the cheating part and replace it with a fingering" to cause minimum damage as the therapist would know of her client's desire to continue the RS and at the same time aware of the fact OP would/might call it off if that was the case.
and she say that after reading reddit. So she knows everything what he posted on reddit.
I'm only shocked and appalled at the blatant love-bombing he went through the moment he decided to stand up for himself.
Witholding affection and then showering victims in it is literally a textbook abuse scenario.
It's eerily simmilar to a job witholding bonuses and salary raises until you get an actual job-offer somewhere else at which point they of course valued you the entire way, except you had to coerce it out of them.
It all sounds so convenient at the end, and so yeah I'm one of those OP refers to with "some of you will be heartfelt dissappointed by the end of this", because he is a victim too here, except his abusers is the people he love, and the other people that supposedly loved him but kept him in the dark on purpose to cover up cheating that conveniently isn't cheating at all by the end supposedly, but its clear as day that OP isn't going to go out of his way to look for uncomfortable answers he no longer wants to find.
This sets a disgusting presedence where one victim (woman) gets to see the perpetrator behind bars for 10-20 years, while the other victim (man) gets to see their perpetrators live fulfilling lives and get everything they wanted at the end while recieving what is close to unconditional love, even from the victim.
And all it took was love-bombing an abuse victim at the very end when he was at his most affection-starved; in OP's words "Never had I gotten so many 'I love yous'.
This isn't heartwarming to me at all, this is reading the journal of a man sugarcoating the actions of the people he loves to himself so he can have an easier time accepting it, presenting it as an inconvenient mishap that was just a series of unfortunate events; which is a far-cry from how reality most often is.
Right? It's like most of the comments here don't even see that.
>femoid tries to get control over a male after she regrets sex
wild
God damn. Very well said, to the letter! I don't understand how people don't see this.
This "love bombing" is insincere at this point. It is to prevent loss of the ATM.
LITERALLY @@xXxMrRazorxXx
Love is truly blind, but being in pain is where you can see the reality.
As soon as i heard she was with someone else, i would have been gone.
As soon as she told me she saw someone else, that would have been a wrap for me. No talking with her, no contact, no nothing. Basically, dude bought this grief on himself.
Agreed. I don't feel bad for him at all. They took advantage of his kindness walked all over him like a doormat because he let it happened.
I agree with you 💯
Did ya even finish the story?
@darkriku12 no they didnt , like most people , they were both victims to the very end , they have to be together
Yeah, dude, you're such a chad, you're sure would leave a long lasting relationship like that, fr 😂😂
That therapist needs to be fired for gaslighting that’s disgusting
ANY therapist that justifies cheating should have their license revoked. That's like a doctor telling you to OD on sleeping pills.
They treated op like he was the one who's forced himself on her he didn't deserve that
Everyone around him were basically against him. Nobody took his side, not even his own sister. His GF clearly was manipulating him for over a year for attention, I am sure the cheating was a part of that too. Whenever he was going to leave her, she decided to be intimate whenever she didn't even try beforehand.
I wish that she genuinely changed, but I feel as if she hasn't. Hope the OP is right about her changing and she doesn't start ignoring him again.
Excuse me, but there's no way you get assaulted at work and dont take any action against them, she is the devil in disguise, the story being full of plotholes only goe's against all of her "correct" claims.
@@deivisnxOh shit you're right. This is very much possible, I could definitely see someone in her situation saying "oh shit, everyone hates me, I need to get out of this, I have to write a 100 page "diary" to make my boyfriend believe me and put it out there that I am not in the wrong."
Get obviously she caved only to keep him around and he fell for it. Dude deserves better. I've had a female that claimed rape when she willingly chose to have sex with the individual. Yeah I had my bags packed the next day.
@@deivisnxDid you forget there's video from two sources proving her claim? You guys suck mega azz.
@@deivisnxThat is the first thing that popped up in my head when OP read that part.
If she throws you away during her most vulnerable time then guess what she didn't think about you being precious
Crazy how a therapist thought this was the right course of action towards her boyfriend , therapy is so suspect now.
due to some conditions it is extremly hard for me to feel empathy, this post almost brought me to tears like nothing else. This is a rolercoaster and i honestly hope the best for OP and his GF, the last quarter is just filled with shear love and heartaching moments, i hope nothing but the best.
That last update with the journal is a load of bs. NOTHING about it adds up. She 100% cheated and she's lying to get him back.
She got raped at knife point and her parents and therapist screwed the pooch on her recovery. I think she gets some slack for not thinking rationally and expecting OP to blame her for the second SA. If he had any reason to doubt her he could have asked to see her medical records for the suicide attempt seven months earlier.
THANK YOU
@@bagman234she said she cheated and didn't use a condom.. then finds out reddit post and family and friends read it too and changed to 'i was fingered'.. it makes no sense you'd never say you didn't use a condom if it was fingering you'd say 'it wasn't sex' it doesn't add up and clearly back tracked to save face.
@@stedunn563 They were already back together regardless at that point. OP discussed how he asked if she used a condom then she broke down into hysterics when he blew up during the first conversation about it. She attempted suicide earlier because she was expecting a reaction like that. It makes sense that she couldn't form a coherent sentence about what happened at that moment since OP didn't follow instructions about how to act in the office, but I don't blame him for that because the therapist should have just asked if she wanted to discuss what happened instead of trying to justify cheating.
@@stedunn563 You didn't pay attention. It was the therapist that told OP that information ("cheated and didn't use a condom" I mean), which the therapist had come to that conclusion from the way they were told about it. Which would accurately correspond with her guilty conscience explanation story. I don't know if it was to save face because his posts got found and therefore all posts after that cannot be trusted with the same validity, but you gotta get the narrative straight before you argue against it.
OP wasn't nearly brash and rude enough. The entire family seemingly dropped him like a hot potato as he tried to accommodate everyone's feelings in something that broke him as much as his girlfriend. On top of that, his patience was of a level rarely ever seen in people. A year. A complete year cut off from the person you love most. And cheating? Cheating is a hard limit. There is no rhyme or reason for a person to do it just like that. Her crawling back like that as soon as it was clear that she was going to be the hot potato "to be dropped" is incredibly weird and uncommon for someone in that situation.
She was affected profundly but also did an inexcusable thing to her boyfriend. He wasn't the perpetrator and was treated as if he was nearly a criminal. She had something good with him but he should leave her. She will do nothing but break his heart and make him feel alienated for the rest of his life or until she discards him.
Dudes time was wasted and he was abused for over a year
Bullcr@p, her therapist didn't know? But somehow made her write a journal? That is bull
That therapist cannot be fucking real. "It isn't real cheating given her situation."
Extreme red flag. Her therapist is advising her to cheat on him and justifying it for crazy ideological reasons. Or she is just playing damage control for her client who pays her.
She used her trauma to justify cheating, then ganged up on the dude with the therapist...
I'd have been completely gone before that therapy session was over. He should have been too.
Remember what they say - you're not responsible for what someone does to you, but you _are_ responsible for what YOU do afterwards.
Hearing this, it baffles me that OP stay that long.
Asking for advice: Omg thanks for the support, such a loving community! 🥰
After not doing what redditors wanted him to do: I got blasted by hate messages 💀 lmao
Asking for advice is nothing more than that, it doesn't mean he NEEDS to do whatever they ask, fuck's wrong w/ u
@@rekto3471 Yeah that was the point of my comment 😂 how quickly people turned on him just because he did what he wanted and not what they told him to do
Honestly, the most Reddit thing ever.
@@SusieBlup oh shit my bad homie i misinterpreted your comment
@@rekto3471 It's okay
One red flag after the other. She basically lied about being 'molested' a second time (it's obvious she just cheated on OP) and also the sister calling him a "disgusting pig" because all he could think about was... things going back to normal after 13 months of waiting? I'd run as fast as I could and never look back. OP was 29 at the time, you still have your whole life in front of you. Don't waste your best years to someone like that.
It happened 8 years ago my blud
@@arhia6106any update on them?
i don’t think you’re getting the “disgusting pig” part. Guy got a boner when his sister’s gf hugged him.
It’s not “obvious” she cheated. Obviously you haven’t dealt with sexual assault victims. Her story was akin to many I’ve heard, and even checks out with the reactions she had to being assaulted. Just because she had made some mistakes doesn’t mean that everything she did was bad, and I personally don’t think she cheated. Being molested is not considered cheating, and there was so much reasoning to not tell anybody else about it until it became a big deal.
@Mathemaniac187 she told him in the presence of the therapist she hooked up with another guy. That's clearly cheating.
I was dating a girl and in our 5th month of our relationship. She was gRaped by a co-worker (that the other co-workers set up) after doing a double shift. During the first week. She stayed with her mother and didn't want to see me at all, no matter how hard I tried. When we finally got to see each other, she was very different. I understood that she went through something horrible and traumatizing, but to treat me as if I was the gRapist hurts. Especially when your able to be close with everyone else. It was at this point that I had a feeling I should break up with her, so I did. I told her I can't be with someone who doesn't want to hold my hand due to being afraid of touch, but is willing to hug all her friends(some are guys) all the time. I then told her. If I was being abused by my parents and decided to treat her differently, how would she feel. She said and I quote "it's unfair to treat me differently because of what other people did to you." I gave her the look. You know, the look that says "Exactly! So why are you being a hypocrite?!" She didn't catch on.
Only two days after we broke up. She hangs out with the very same people who set her up to get gRaped (including the guy who did the gRape) and sleeps with the gRapist friend. When asked from a mutual friend of ours why she did it. She said "I want to feel something."
Apparently she's been planning it for a few days (including the time that we were dating.) She actually had plans to cheat😂
I was so happy when I found out, because during those two days. I couldn't help but feel bad. I felt like shit for leaving her. But now that I know that she planned to cheat, by purposely hanging out with the very same people who set her up. I can't help but feel happy.
A few weeks ago. I saw her again. She was pregnant by the gRapist. She also wanted to keep the baby because she wanted child support (because apparently the gRapist has lots of money.) She had the nerve to ask me out on a date so we can rebuild "what we had" 😂
I told her I can't date a dirty b1tch and left. I haven't seen or heard from her since but our mutual friend told me that she's depressed because she thought we would get back together. Luckily my mutual friend told her and I quote "you can't expect him to want you back, especially after everything you did."
I didn't even know that she was sleeping with pretty much everyone. I though the gRapist friend was the only one she slept with. Turns out, she added over 25 guys to her list, and she really doesn't know who the father is.
I truly feel like I dodged a bullet. This is why I stay away from women who's been gRaped, abused, etc. They always put their problems on those they want to help. Most gRaped victims (from my experiences, which is 7 cases) become highly sexual to other men afterwards while pushing the man there're with away. I have no intention of being with someone who doesn't want to sleep with me but wants to sleep with everyone else. I'm not a cuck. 😂
Too long didn't watch. This guy knows exactly what you do.
Not your wife, not your problem
ngl OP at this point seems to have some humilitation fetish, he took too much just lying down.
Theres really not much difference betwen those with your attitude and the "rape advocate" who started the snowball.
@@NobodySpecshStanding up for yourself and having self respect isn't hating women.
The fact that people get mad at you for asking advice, just cause it’s his relationship he wants to save doesnt make it okay for others to bash him. People are idiots
yeah, people who harass and send hate comments to someone for doing their best to save a relationship are so weird. it’s fine to disagree, but it’s not your relationship and it’s not your life
It's their opinion tho, if some say he's a Fool who has no Self-Respect well then so be it, that's how they see him...
@@TheKnightofAwesomenessyeah that might be true, but he is showing more strength by trying to fix something. Not all people have to do this but the fact people are getting butthurt and bashing him is immature asf, and that shows how their relationship life is going. They're allowed to disagree, but to call them names and be an asshole? Nah, that's 12 year old shit.
@@burriibizcuits9681 And that's the beauty of the internet, you say that he's showing strength by trying to fix something he didn't break, while the other side of the coin says he has a fool with no Self-Respect by getting back with a cheater... I just look at it as It is what it is lol
@@TheKnightofAwesomeness I think you're a fool and have no self-respect for thinking others have a problem when they ask for help.
How's it feel?
OP really did walk out of the red flag only to fall back in the pit of it. Lmao.